0 comments/ 19495 views/ 0 favorites Love in Disguise Ch. 1 By: Suesse Michael was sitting at the kitchen table staring at an unbreakable Winnie the Pooh dinner plate when I walked in the door, and I knew right then that I was in trouble. 'You are five hours late,' he said before I had even locked the door behind me, and all I wanted was to walk out again. 'I should have been at the hospital three hours ago. I made a dozen phone calls to get someone to fill in for me while I did not get a single call from you.' I took off my shoes and got myself a drink of water. Michael was sitting with his back to the sink and I tried to conveniently hide in the space between him and the faucet, but he did not make it easy on me. 'Meanwhile, your son expected you to be home for dinner and refused to go to bed without a good night story read by you,' he continued, standing up before he started pacing the floor. The first cascade of words was over as Michael restricted himself to walking around restlessly, obviously searching for words that would make it more than clear to me that I had put him in a bad position today. Putting my empty glass in the sink, I looked at him. Michael was the most responsible and qualified babysitter I had ever had. More than that, he was a great housemate and friend. Years ago, when I first had met him after answering his ad in the paper, his daughter Briana was eight years old and my son Daniel only four. I had driven across town to look at the big house he owned and to make up my mind whether I could share a house with other people. But I had fallen in love with that old Victorian house right away, and Briana was so good with Danny, and Michael seemed really nice, and so we set up that really complicated contract, found two more single parents plus their kids to move in, and we had lived more or less happily for three years. With the help from everybody involved, I had been able to finish my graduate studies of criminal justice and the training for the police department in the city. With so much help, I was able to get a full time job as a detective two years ago. Likewise, we all helped Michael out when it came to his crazy schedule. He had been working in the ER of a local hospital at first but then changed jobs to a more prestigious hospital across the river. For about two years now, he worked crazier hours than me. Looking at him now, I could tell that the job had an effect on him. He had lost weight. And he constantly had this frown on his face that told me he was really stressed. I sat down on the chair where he had just sat a few minutes ago. I rubbed my eyes from a long day and ignored the pain in my shoulder. 'What is going on, Mike?' I asked quietly as to not trigger the anger he still had inside of him. He shook his head as to sort out his thoughts, raising his hands in an effort to describe everything he felt in a single sentence. 'I cannot go on like this, Liz,' he finally burst out, and he folded his hands behind his head, leaning against the fridge with the back of his head. 'Three years ago I had to find roommates because I could not afford this house otherwise. Now I can, and I did not think that Pat and David's move would affect me so much. But they were the only normal people in this house.' He turned around, looking at me while shaking his head. 'I mean, look at us. While we were all over the place every day, they stayed home and were ready for our kids when they came home from school. I never had to worry about making breakfast, packing lunch, arranging after-care, or just finding qualified people to watch over the kids. Now, I don't only have to do that but I also have to swap kids with you whose schedule is totally unreliable. All of the sudden I have so many things to worry about. Damn it, Liz, I don't even know if I can go to work tomorrow.' I looked at him as he lifted his arms, sat back down in his chair and brushed through his brown hair with all ten fingers at once. I had seen him upset, stressed out, angry, and sad numerous times, but never before had he lost control over a missed night at work, especially since he himself was known for calling to say that he would not make it home for another six hours or so. 'What else is going on?' I asked, watching him open his eyes again to stare at the wall next to the sink. 'Yesterday, my boss Paul told me that he would make me senior physician if I was interested, beginning in two months, and Melissa has set an ultimatum recently. She wants to have a more serious relationship, meaning she wants to move in, get married, and have some kids of her own.' Stunned, I sat for a moment, not knowing what to say. Images of laughing little children, running up and down the stairs flashed before my eyes. I saw a beautiful woman, perfect in every aspect even though I thought she was a bitch. And her gorgeous husband, the physician who just got promoted which catapulted him into a record high of yearly salary, prestige, and good luck. There it was, his dream, flashing before my eyes. And I could only wonder why it made me depressed to even think about it. 'But that's great, Michael. This is all you ever wanted,' I said, trying very hard to shoo away the clouds that started to darken my mood rather rapidly. As for him, he looked at me as if he was in pain, and suddenly I could not stand being in the same room with him any longer. I wanted to take a look at my sleeping kid and then go to bed. Suddenly, I could feel again how tired I was. 'I don't know what I want, Liz. Right now I feel like I have no clue about anything any more.' I stood up, too tired to take it any longer. It wasn't envy that I felt. I did not know what the hell it was but I knew I was too tired to figure it out right there and then. I placed my right hand on his shoulder as to let him know I was still there and listening. 'It will be okay, Baby,' I said. 'It's just a lot of changes.' I wanted to walk on as he suddenly put his hand on mine and held it there on his shoulder. Intending to just say good night, I started to open my mouth but out came a low cry of pain as my shoulder was moved backwards. Michael was up on his feet before I even comprehended what had just happened. Before I could even open my mouth again he had unbuttoned my shirt and pushed it over my shoulders until it fell to the ground behind me. The cool air hit my skin suddenly and my nipples hardened and became visible underneath my white bra. The pain was still there, however, and Michael had taken off the bandage to look at my shoulder. Without hesitation he took a hold of my arm and moved it back and forth in different ways until I cried out again and pushed him away with the other arm. 'That hurts, damn it.' I said. As he reached for my shoulder again, I made a step back. 'Listen, I know you cannot help it, but I spent four hours in the ER down in the city. Believe me, I had a doctor look at this and I will be fine. Now please put this stuff back on so that I can go to bed.' He touched me again but this time his fingers were gentler. He didn't let go of my shoulder as he moved close behind me so that his body supported mine as he carefully moved my shoulder again. 'What happened, babe?' he asked, and since he did not hurt me anymore, I relaxed a little and leaned against him. 'It doesn't matter. Just tell me I will be okay,' I murmured as I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth coming from his body. 'You'll be okay,' he said, 'it's only a minor cut, hurtful but not too deep.' As his fingers stopped touching me, he wrapped his arms around my waist and hooked his thumbs in my pants. 'You are just a very lucky lady,' he whispered into my ear. 'And I will kill you if I ever have to get you from the city because you got seriously hurt.' I smiled at this. 'Don't worry, by that time I will have moved out and you will have three more kids to think about.' What was being said in a matter-of-fact fashion had the effect that Michael abruptly stepped back and away from me. 'I do not want you to move out!' he said, and he started to pace the floor again. 'But Michael,' I said like I was talking to a little child, 'there is no way Melissa and I would live here together.' Just the thought of it made me sick. The way she was with Michael made me sick. The way she touched and kissed him in front of everybody made me sick. Her sweet talk and her pouting lips whenever she did not get what she wanted made me sick. There was no way I would watch her move in here and decorate my room with Mickey Mouse borders. 'There is no way I stay here if she moves in,' I said very matter of factly, and we stared into each other's eyes for a moment until I shrugged my shoulders. 'When she moves in, you will have a babysitter for all your kids, and a more reliable one as well. I will no longer be needed and you will get to work on time – every day.' With that, I picked up my shirt and walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs into the bathroom. The last thing I heard before closing the door behind me was him yelling 'You will not move out!' * * * * * Since Pat and David had fallen in love with each other and moved out half a year ago, Michael and I had worked out a schedule that was convenient for both of us. The only drawback was that it only worked if there weren't any last minute schedule changes as far as work was concerned. Needless to say, there were so many changes every week that we needed to find someone else to watch our kids in an emergency situation where neither of us was home. After a few weeks of searching, we found a woman our age who was happily married, had three kids of her own, and provided daycare in her home. Her name was Debra, and she was very nice and not at all upset about last minute calls. So today I was on my way to her house with Briana and Danny in the back of my car. I had to leave for work at 5pm to make it to the city by 7pm, and Michael had called to let me know that he would not be home until 6pm. 'How long do we have to stay at Debra's?' asked Briana with her arms crossed in front of her chest and an evident attitude. She had just turned 12 years old and had transformed into a teen princess who was peculiar about everything. I looked at my watch while I turned into Debra's driveway. 'Michael said he would be home by 7, so I guess he will pick you up no later than 8.' I stopped the car, got out and opened the door to let Danny out. He grabbed his backpack and ran to the front door. Of course, he loved coming here since the TV was on all the time. And Debra's oldest son had a great collection of Pokemon cards on top of it. Briana, however, got out of the car slowly. She thought everyone in Debra's house was 'immature'. 'He always says he will be home soon but then he calls to say he's sorry to say it will be even later.' We stopped by the open door. 'I am sure it is hard for you with his schedule and all. But he said he will be home soon and I know he loves you very much.' Briana just shrugged her shoulders. 'Yeah, and soon he will ask me to call that girl-friend of his mommy.' 'Why do you say that?' I inquired, trying not to sound alarmed. 'I overheard him say to her on the phone that he thinks she should not move in for another while because he has too much on his mind right now.' I raised my hand and touched Briana's hair. 'Well, then you can stop worrying about it for a while. You don't have to call her Mom, I'm sure.' 'I won't! No way! I won't call anybody Mom!' And with that she turned around and disappeared inside. The drive back through town and towards the thruway was slow when I suddenly realized that I had forgotten some important papers at home. I took a side street and got to the house in two minutes. Parked behind Melissa's car, I jumped out and ran up the driveway. Passing Michael's truck right in front of the garage, I could tell he just had gotten home. In my mind I congratulated Melissa on her timing. Somehow she always knew when Michael got home, unless she had waited for him by the corner all afternoon. Opening the front door and leaving it open, they did not hear me come in. I, on the other hand, heard them just fine because they were arguing. Oh great, I thought, trying to avoid Michael's room and running upstairs to grab the report. Nevertheless, I heard her yell. 'We have been together for two years. How can you not be ready for a commitment?' I could not hear Michael's response. In my room, I looked through the papers on my bed. Apparently, they had come out into the living room because now I could hear Michael speak. 'I just have so much else to think about right now. It wouldn't be fair to have you do all that moving by yourself. Also, I am not sure if Briana is ready for such a change.' Listening involuntarily, I grabbed the report I needed and stood up, ready to run downstairs and out of the house. I heard Melissa's voice. 'It's Liz, isn't it?' I stopped abruptly, holding on to the banister. 'What do you mean?' Michael asked. 'What do I mean?' She was so theatrical that I could see the gesture of her arms in my mind. 'She hates me. I am sure she would do anything to not have me in this house. She is jealous, you know.' I heard Michael plopping down on the couch. 'Don't be ridiculous, Mel. We live in the same house, that's all.' She sat down next to him. 'Well, then it won't be hard to tell her to leave.' There was a silence. Then: 'I will not ask her to leave.' I knew that tone in his voice. He was getting annoyed, and if she had any brains and knew him at all, she would back off now. 'Look, all I am asking for is more time. I am stressed out to the max and I cannot make any big decisions right now. As far as Liz goes, I want her to stay. Don't ask me to choose between the two of you. She is my friend. We have a history together. And I will not kick her out of this house.' Apparently, he got up and walked into the kitchen. She must have followed him because their footsteps grew quiet. Thinking that this was my chance, I walked down the stairs slowly, ran through the living room quickly, and put my shoes back on in the hall. 'Maybe you should marry her then and forget about me,' Melissa said very loudly as she came back into the living room to get a bowl of crackers that she had left on the couch. Shaking my head, I ran out of the house and escaped the scene just in time. What a nut, I thought. 'Danny, don't scream please! Let your Mom sleep!' Too late, I thought as I got out of bed and looked at the alarm clock. It was 7 in the morning and Michael was getting the kids ready for school. Briana walked by my room and down the stairs. 'Hurry up, Briana, or you will miss your bus.' 'That would be just fine,' she replied. 'What are you wearing? Take this off! You will not go to school wearing this skirt!' Briana walked back upstairs, muttering all kinds of obscene words directed at her father and passing my room in a totally revealing outfit. While she changed in her room, Danny ran into my room to kiss me good-bye. 'Have a good day, sweetie! I love you!' When the school bus had left and I was sure I could not go back to sleep while Michael was home, I got up and walked downstairs in my nightshirt. Michael was standing in the kitchen doing the dishes, and I sat down at the table. 'Did you see the skirt Briana was wearing?' he asked without turning around to face me. Without waiting for an answer, he added 'I don't even know where and when she bought that…thing.' I did not say anything but grabbed Danny's used bowl, poured cereal into it and reached across the table for the milk. 'Good morning!' I said then, watching him turn around and force a smile. 'Morning, baby.' He looked at me for a second and then reached behind him to get a clean spoon which he then handed to me. Damn it, I thought, he looks so good. He wore his oldest blue jeans and nothing else. And the button fly wasn't buttoned all the way, either. He had left the top one unbuttoned and I couldn't help but look at him more closely. I had no idea when he found the time to work out or do any kind of sport, but he was very fit and his body was muscular. There was no gram of fat on his body as far as I could tell, and even though he appeared tall and lean I could see that he was also strong and used to physical work. The light brown hair on his chest became a small line as it traveled down his flat belly and finally disappeared under his pants. I started mixing the cereal and thus forced myself to focus my attention on the bowl rather than on him. 'She is just going through a phase,' I said, trying to pick up on what he had said last. 'What? Who? Oh, Briana…' he made, and it occurred to me then that he probably thought I was talking about Melissa. Michael sat down across from me and folded his hands on top of the table. 'Well, whatever it is she is going through drives me crazy! Why would she go to school dressed like a … whore?' I shook my head. 'That's not it – the make-up, the clothes, and her spending hours in the bathroom these days… I think it's all a way to impress boys at school. She is a beautiful young woman and she begins to try out what kind of effects she can have on boys.' 'Great! Now I can worry about boys. Hell, she is only 12. I thought I would have at least a couple more years!' He stood up and carried the empty cereal bowls to the sink. 'She does not listen to me anymore, but can't you tell her that she does not have to use make-up and other stuff to be pretty… I hate that shit!' I finished eating and drank the rest of the milk out of the bowl. 'And how am I supposed to do that? Just because she does not think you understand her right now does not mean she just does whatever I say,' I said, grabbing a napkin and wiping the milk out of the corners of my mouth. 'You could point out to her that you don't wear make-up because it's not good for your skin or something.' He paused, obviously thinking hard. I could hear the wheels turning. 'Or tell her that there is such a thing as natural beauty and that make-up is just a mask to hide behind.' He lifted his hands out of the warm dishwater and made a gesture that sent all the bubbles on his hands flying around. 'Damn it, just have her look at you. You are so beautiful, without any make-up, fancy clothes, or wonder bras, and you feel good about yourself. You are a strong and healthy woman who does not pretend to be something she is not. I want Briana to be that way.' Michael let the water out of the sink and dried his hands off before he watched me putting my bowl into the sink next to him. 'Look at you: you don't need a fancy short skirt or high heels. You are breathtaking in a blue nightshirt from JC Penney.' I looked down at myself. 'Victoria's Secret,' I said, after a long pause. Could it be that I had bought this shirt four years ago? No, it couldn't be, I decided, but made a mental note to go clothes shopping very soon. When I looked up and into his eyes again, he looked away quickly and dropped the towel he still had held onto. 'Well, I have to go to work,' he said meekly and turned away from me. How convenient, I thought. Now, that he had told me that I am beautiful after three whole years of knowing him, he had to make his escape with such a lame excuse. I felt like tying him to the kitchen table to make him say more great things about me. For the next couple of weeks, work went well, Danny didn't get sick, and our schedules worked out without any complications. It was a great Spring day in May when I drove home on the thruway with the windows down and a smile on my face. I suddenly thought about the approaching summer vacation and its own special problems. Without asking Michael, I had put in for one week in early July. I wanted to take Danny camping up in Maine. The last couple of years, Michael and I had taken vacations on different weeks so that the other one could work and not worry about the kids. This year, however, they asked me about vacation early at the precinct, and I just needed a vacation as soon as possible. The hell with what Michael thinks, I thought while turning up the radio to sing to the song that was on. He will have a couple more kids and a housewife on top of that; I did not have to worry about him. Love in Disguise Ch. 1 Next to me on the passenger's seat lay the local paper. I had taken it to work with me to look through the 'for rent' ads on my lunch break. After thinking about the whole situation off and on for a while, I decided that it wasn't good for Danny and me to wait for Michael to make up his mind. To stay on top of it all, I wanted to take control and look for a place now. I loved his house, I loved the convenience of swapping kids, having a man around my son and a quasi sister for him on top of that, but even though I was reluctant to give that up, it seemed healthy to just accept the fact that sooner or later our lives would lead into different directions. Pat and David fell in love and wanted their own place, and sooner or later Michael had to get serious as well. Hell, sooner or later it would even hit me – maybe. The song was over and I slowed down as I reached the exit ramp. It seemed like forever since I last had a relationship or even a date. Being an impulsive, life embracing, and trusting person by nature, it had taken long but not forever to be more than careful and picky when it came to men and going out with them. It took a long time for the guys at the precinct to realize that I was not going to screw any one of them, but they finally left me alone after a year or so. Through my job, I had contact with some lawyers every so often, and with one I had had a sexual relationship for a while. Trying desperately to separate brain from heart, I thought I could manage to at least satisfy my sexual needs. But it became clear after a while that he had a very active sexual life and my fear got the better of me. I had ended that affair 9 months ago. I pulled into the driveway and went inside after getting the mail. 'Mommy!' Danny yelled and through himself into my open arms. 'I missed you!' How could something like that not make your day? 'Oh, bunny, I missed you, too!' And I gave him a big kiss. 'How was your day?' 'Oh, good!' he made, trying to wiggle himself out of my arms and run away from me. 'Come and get me!' he yelled, and off he went. On my way to find Daniel, I ran into Briana and Michael in the kitchen, obviously busy doing math homework. 'Hi, you guys! Have you seen Danny?' And since they were too involved, Michael just nodded and pointed the way into his bedroom. And there it was – the greatest chaos since, I don't know when. Oh what a mess in Michael's room. Wondering when I had been in this room the last time, I thought I had better leave. Clean clothes over the chair and the desk, dirty clothes on his bed and floor, closet doors open and the insides messy – how did he make room for Melissa to have a sexy get-together? But then I had not been home in 13 nights and had no way of telling if she still came over at all. Anyway, no Daniel, so I walked back into the kitchen after checking the bathroom. 'Danny is not in your room. Any other ideas?' I asked casually while grabbing a handful of washed and cut strawberries out of a bowl. 'I think he ran upstairs,' came the lame reply. Neither of them even looked at me. 'Ah, okay,' I made, starting to walk out of the kitchen. But then I stopped, looking at the watch. 'Don't you have to go to work?' I asked, looking at Michael as he bent over to point to a number on Briana's paper. 'Nope,' he said, 'I have the week-end off.' Briana, even more surprised than me, jumped out of her chair. 'You are home the whole weekend?' Michael stood up straight and raised his hands in a dumbfounded gesture. 'So, what's so exciting about that?' he asked. Briana and I just looked at each other. 'Oh, you're right. This is only the first free weekend in six weeks so this is absolutely nothing unusual, you're right' I finally said and could not help but grin. 'Well great then, let's do something fun together!' Michael said, and from the stairs Danny yelled: 'I want to go for a bike ride and go out to dinner afterwards.' Briana nodded her agreement, and Michael smiled. 'Well, then let's go!' and everybody got ready to get their things together. 'Wait a minute!' I said loudly before anybody could leave the room. 'Aren't you forgetting someone?' I started to say when the ringing of the phone interrupted me. Didn't I say that Melissa's timing was the greatest? She probably had called Michael at work only to find out that he was not there. That asked for trouble. Michael didn't move, so Briana ran to answer the phone. 'I am not here,' he shouted after her but after she had said 'hello' into the phone and listened to what the person on the other line wanted, she came back into the kitchen saying 'Yes, he is right here in the kitchen, getting ready for a bike ride. Just a sec.' And so Briana handed the phone to her dad with a big smile on her face. 'Hi Mel,' Michael said, making a gesture that left no doubt about what he would do to Briana afterwards. As for Briana, she ran upstairs to get ready for the fun outside. Danny, meanwhile, came down into the kitchen with his whole gear – water bottle, compass, backpack, raincoat, magnifying glass, and his jump rope. 'Mom, can we take carrots for the horses if we see any?' So I gave him a plastic bag to put the carrots in. 'I switched days with Sam last night. He was going to work next weekend but has a wedding to go to tomorrow.' I sent Danny out to get the water bottles from the bikes in the garage in order to fill them up. Michael stayed where he was, trying to talk himself out of the upcoming catastrophe, it seemed. 'I am going on a bike ride in a few minutes.' Pause. 'Mel, you don't even have a bike.' Pause. 'Mel, that's ridiculous.' Pause. 'Yes, Liz is going. So is Daniel.' Danny ran back into the kitchen and stood on his little stool to fill up the water bottles by himself while I packed some fruit and made a couple of sandwiches. 'Okay, Mel, here is what I want: I want to spend a weekend with my daughter, Liz, and Daniel. I want to go on a bike ride tonight, have dinner, go to the bar with some friends, and come home late and go to bed after watching TV until 2am. Then tomorrow I want to go play soccer and work out. I would like to call you tomorrow afternoon to see if you want to have dinner with me in the evening.' The following pause was a lot longer than the last ones, and as I put the food into my backpack and zipped it, Briana and Danny were ready to go. 'I have to hang up now, Mel. We are ready to go. I will call you tomorrow!' And he hung up the phone, ran into his room, miraculously found whatever clothes he needed and was out and ready five minutes later, wearing shorts, shirt, and sneakers. Two minutes later we were off. I turned around in my bed, and there he was, lying next to me, naked. His body felt so good under my hands as I let them roam over his chest and down to his thighs. The hard muscles under his skin excited me, his flat belly under my tongue tasted a little salty as I moved lower still and closed my lips around the tip of his cock. The smell was clean as my tongue swirled around the head, then I could taste the pre-cum, and I relished the taste. His moans increased my passion as he took my head into his hands to guide my lips further down his thick cock. The feeling was incredible. I was lost in pleasure as I sucked his cock faster now, only stopping to lick around his balls every so often. I could feel him tense, trying not to come just yet. He tried to pull me up on top of him but I resisted. Finally, he spoke 'Liz, baby, let me make love to you.' It was Michael's voice. I woke up with a start, sweating, and being incredibly turned on. My pussy ached, and as I touched the insides of my thighs I felt how wet I was. But I couldn't touch myself, couldn't finish myself off, couldn't have an orgasm. I would only think about Michael, the man in my dream while bringing myself to the edge. And I denied myself that thought in a conscious state of mind. Angry, I got out of bed and walked out of my room. Shaking my head while walking down the stairs, I tried to rid myself of the memory of that vivid and erotic dream. My pussy was still damp from excitement, and my nipples stood erect. I should have put on a bathrobe or something, I thought. 'Can't you sleep, baby?' came Michael's voice from the living room, and I decided to take the long way through the dining room to get to the kitchen. 'I am fine. Just getting something to drink.' I prayed that he would just go on watching TV and leave me alone. No way I wanted to look him in the eyes right now. I looked at the clock as I opened the fridge to get out some milk. It was 2am. 'I cannot sleep, either,' he said, standing by the door. 'I am still thinking about that conversation with Mel.' I ignored him, getting a glass and pouring milk into it. There were two things I did not want: Looking at him and talking about his damn girlfriend. I drank the milk and put the bottle back into the fridge. But he did not get the drift of my silence. 'Do you think I was too harsh?' Still not looking at him, I washed the glass clean in the sink. All I could think about was the dampness between my thighs and that it was the first time ever that I had had a sexual dream with Michael in it. I didn't like that at all. 'I couldn't give you an answer to that, Michael. And, to tell you the truth, I am too tired to think about Melissa.' I tried to focus on something on the kitchen wall in order to keep my eyes of him. I was ready to walk out the door that led into the dining room when he said 'What's the matter, Liz? Did you have a bad dream?' I couldn't believe his observing eyes and his intuition. On my way out, dressed in a plain nightshirt with a damp spot near my crotch, I felt like he had just stripped me off of that and now I was standing in front of him naked. I knew the look he had on his face without even meeting his eyes. He was concerned and curious, and at this moment I could only think of telling him the truth. 'Yes,' I said, still heading for the door. 'And you were in it.' I regretted it as soon as I had spoken the words. Now he surely would not let me get out of it anymore. 'It was a bad dream? What did I do?' he asked, and I raised my head to look at him as he stood in the doorway with his hands deep inside the front pockets of his jeans, wearing a tight t-shirt. 'You wanted to make love to me.' I said quietly, finally looking into his eyes. We stared at each other for only a second. Then, I broke the stare by saying good night and walked back upstairs without hearing another word from him. All I knew was that he was still standing in the doorway of the kitchen when I walked into my bedroom and closed the door. Love in Disguise Ch. 3 I could have come home early that night – right after the fireworks - to kiss Danny good night and to catch Michael in front of the TV or somewhere else in the house – awake. I could have come home early to sit down on the sofa and snuggle up to him in order to relive that warm feeling I had experienced on the field earlier. I could have come home early to make love to this incredible sensible and attractive man who started to get under my skin. But I didn't go home early. Instead, I walked around town after the fireworks, looked into shop windows, got a drink at a bar on Main Street, talked to some casual friends I had not seen in a while, and finally drove home at 3am. I tried to be as quiet as can be. The house was dark except for the kitchen light, and there was a good chance that even Michael was asleep, but I did not want to risk it. I felt so vulnerable at this point that I was afraid I would give in to my emotions and seduce Michael right there and then if I saw the slightest chance. And the chance I had as I tiptoed up the front steps to get onto the dark porch. I saw the shadow in the dim light coming from the street lamp across the street, and yet it made me jump a little to see someone sitting on the steps just a few feet away. Even though I realized in a second that it was Michael, I instinctively reached down my left side to get a hold of my pistol - which wasn't there. I let out a deep breath as I relaxed and sat down next to him. Something was up; I could tell by the way he sat on the steps, a bottle of Heineken in one hand, looking straight ahead. I felt like reaching out to touch him on his shoulder, to push my face into his side so that he would put his arm around me once more. But I refrained. Instead, I leant back until the weight of my upper body rested on my arms and I could look up into the starry night. The crickets were singing, and the warm summer air felt so good. I closed my eyes. 'When were you going to tell me that you are moving out?' he asked suddenly, and I wondered how much it took him to make his voice sound so calm. I could sense the anger underneath. I kept my eyes closed and waited. 'You have a message on the answering machine. It's a guy who wants to show you his apartment tomorrow. And he is looking for you to move in on the 1st of August.' I did not say anything; but I opened my eyes. 'When were you gonna tell me? A day before you move?' Michael had turned around to face me now, his hands closed to fists. We stared at each other for what seemed an eternity. Then some of the tension disappeared from his face as he relaxed his hands and opened his mouth. 'I told you I don't want you to move,' he said, his voice shaking just a little. 'That decision is not up to you,' I said as calmly as I could but it did not have the desired effect. Michael's anger skyrocketed: 'Oh, but you can avoid telling me about your plans and leave me totally in the dark.' I was about to say something but he interrupted me. 'This is not just about you, you know. We have been living here together for so long. We are like a family. You cannot just go and tear us all apart.' He had gotten up to walk around as his voice grew louder. 'I agree, we get along great. But we are not family. You will have your own family soon.' And suddenly, out of the blue, I started to cry. Tears ran down my face silently as I watched Michael pace the ground in front of the porch. Yes, he would have a family, and there wasn't any room for me. 'I don't know what I want,' he said, coming to an abrupt halt in front of me, making his hands disappear in the front pockets of his shorts. 'I don't know if I want Melissa to move in with me; I cannot even imagine getting married to her or having more kids. But I do know that I don't want you to leave this house.' He looked at me directly now, and I prayed that he would not see my tears, but of course he did. 'What's the matter, baby?' he asked, making a step forward before he put a finger underneath my chin to lift my face up to where he could see it better. 'Sweetie, why are you crying?' he inquired as he kneeled down in front of me and brushed a few strings of hair out of my face. The question as the worried expression on his face right in front of mine made the tears run even more, and he reached out and wiped them away. And then, without any warning or any more words, his hand reached around my neck, and he pulled my face closer to his until his lips touched my face. He placed light kisses all over my face, my chin, cheeks, eyes, and forehead, until his lips finally met mine. The kiss, meant to calm me down and make me feel better, transformed slowly into passion. Neither him nor I had noticed, but suddenly he stood up and pulled me up with him. Standing in front of him, he pulled me closer, right into his body as he still had his hands wrapped around my head. He could not let go, and neither could I. I wrapped my arms around Michael's waist, pulling his hips against me where I could feel his hardening cock. I needed to feel him kissing me deep, exploring his mouth, feeling his tongue; but it was him who explored my lower lip with his tongue, teasing me, making me moan for his touch as I opened my mouth slightly to allow him to deepen our kiss. And then, as his tongue entered my mouth and started to play with mine, something inside me snapped. I was so turned on that I could not grasp what had happened right away, but I knew that I had to end this kiss right away. Out of breath, I made a step back, shaking my head as he tried to pull me back against his body. With the back of my hand I wiped over my lips, still feeling his kiss. My body wanted to make love, my mouth, skin, nipples, and pussy all ached for his touch. But I could not do it; could not do what I knew would only hurt me afterwards. I saw it all clearly now. 'I want you so much, Michael,' I said, 'but I can't do it.' I looked at him as he tried to regain his composure and obviously tried to say something calm and logical. But he gave up. 'I want you too, baby.' There was a slight pause. 'Hell, I wanted you ever since I first laid eyes on you. But there never was the right moment. And I was with Melissa…' His voice trailed off and he was lost in thought. There was lightening in the sky and I grabbed Michael by his right arm and pulled him up the porch and into the house. 'You know, a few years ago I had a friend who I trusted a lot. He was great; we could talk about almost everything; we gave each other massages, went out dancing or to the movies; and one night we ended up having sex. And what was to me a terrific night was a mistake to him that he wanted to forget as soon as possible – because he had a girlfriend.' I looked at Michael as I turned on the light in the hallway. 'I felt used, abandoned, and so hurt,' I continued, starting to walk up the stairs but then coming back down again to say one more thing. 'I will move out because I have to do the right thing – for me,' I said, standing on tiptoes in front of Michael and giving him a kiss on his mouth. And with that, I went upstairs and to bed. I dreaded moving but of whatever I anticipated, the actual moving process turned out to be the easiest. I had rented the moving truck on a weekend Michael was at work. A bunch of good friends had come over to help me move, but Danny had locked himself in his room, and Briana had gone off to a friend's house out of protest. I had to drag Danny outside and into the truck thinking he would cheer up being in a big truck like that, but he screamed and cried all the way over to our new place. We had worked out a new schedule that seemed to make things easier on the kids but in reality, Danny cried himself to sleep many times with me holding him; and I cried right along with him. Michael and I had agreed on helping each other out on the weekends and keeping the same babysitter. This way, the kids would still see each other. However, it was not enough. Several times a day I wondered why this whole situation felt like divorce and a messy breakup. I was totally stressed out over it, worrying about Danny and even considering sending him to therapy once a week. Don't you think this is hard on me, I felt like yelling at him whenever we sat at the dinner table and he started to tell me how great it was to be at the old house. I had just come home from work, picking up Danny on the way, and having spaghetti sauce on the stove, as the doorbell rang. Danny stopped reminding me of how much he missed Michael and Briana, jumped up and ran out into the hallway. 'It's Briana!' he yelled excitedly just a second later, and I wondered if I had the days of the week mixed up. Was it my evenings to have Briana over? But as soon as she entered the kitchen with a happy Daniel dancing around her, I realized that this was an out of line visit. She was so out of breath that she must have run the whole way from her house over to ours, and she had obviously cried a lot. Her makeup, usually applied with great care, was running down her cheeks now, and it was the first time in a long time that I saw her not caring about her looks. 'Sit down,' I simply said, realizing that it was not the time to ask questions just now. 'Have some spaghetti!' And so we ate, Danny happily talking about school and bombarding Briana with questions now and then. And as Danny got ready for bed afterwards and I read him a story on his bed, Briana went into the bathroom to take a shower before she joined us on Danny's bed, curling up like a kitten by my feet and hugging Danny's favorite teddy bear. As the story was finished, Danny curled up next to Briana, and even before I turned off the light, they were both fast asleep. The phone rang as soon as I stepped out of Danny's room. It took a while to locate the portable phone. At last, and 4 rings later, I found it in the bathroom. 'Hello?' I said, out of breath, sitting down on the closed toilet lid. 'It's me,' came Michael's voice and I could tell that he was worried. 'She's here,' I replied, hearing him let out a sigh of relief. I could just picture him leaning with his forehead against the doorframe in the kitchen. 'I'll be there in a minute,' he said and hung up before I could say another word. It had been a month now; a month of living alone with Daniel. After my husband had died just a little after Danny was born, I had lived like this for years, and now I found that it was a life hard going back to. I had half forgotten how hard it was to not having much support from the people around you. I had forgotten how stressful it was to carry all the responsibility and not having any time off. How much easier had it been to not live alone, to just get up and go to work without having to bring Danny to other people's houses. How great it had been just to trust and rely on roommates to fill in. Friends like that were rare, and even though I was convinced that moving out was the best thing to do considering my entanglement and the kiss in front of the house that promised to make matters even more difficult, I missed my old life in Michael's house so much. And most of all, I missed Michael. As I opened the door and let Michael in, I could not help but smile. He appeared to be in much the same state as Briana had been a few hours earlier. 'Did you run, too?' I asked, letting him catch his breath while pouring him a glass of water. 'I needed the exercise,' he replied, looking around. 'Where is she?' Pointing to the chair closest to him, I sat down across from him. 'She is sleeping. After crying and running here all the way, she fell asleep in Danny's bed when I read him a story.' For a second, he pondered what to do; then, he sat down, burying his face in his hands. It must be pretty bad, I suspected, and I almost reached over to touch his hair. 'I am an idiot,' he said finally, sitting up and looking straight at me. 'All these years I have been blind to all these things happening right in front of me.' I had no idea what he was talking about. 'Briana doesn't want Melissa to move in,' he said, trying to make some light of the situation. 'And most of all, I don't want her to move in!' He looked at me for a second longer, then he hit the top of the table with his right fist. 'Damn it, Melissa came over earlier, went right upstairs, stood in Danny's room and told us in a loud happy voice how she is going to throw all your stuff out to make two more kids rooms out of them.' He paused, obviously reliving the situation because he had a painful look on his face. 'And Briana went nuts. She pushed Melissa out of Danny's room, slammed the door shut and yelled at Melissa that she could not touch any of Danny's or your things.' 'And you yelled at Briana,' I tried to help, but the painful expression on Michael's face became more apparent now. 'Yes,' he nodded. 'I told her to apologize at once, and she started to cry, ran down the stairs, and out of the house.' I waited for him to continue. 'And then what happened?' I tried to prod him on, but he was lost in thought. 'Did you tell Melissa to move in and promised her that everything will be okay?' I inquired, but he shook his head. 'No, I didn't,' he said, 'this has been going on long enough. Because I am too much of a coward to figure out what I really want, you have moved out and Briana won't talk to me.' 'So what did you tell her, then?' I asked, not being able to keep my voice from sounding impatient. 'I told her that I could not be with her any longer.' He looked at me again when he said it, and I could not believe what I heard. 'I broke up with her right there and then.' I got a week just to myself when Michael took Danny on vacation to North Carolina to visit his parents on the way. I had to work most of that week but it was like a vacation not having to think about babysitters and other kid-related things. Apart from the pick-up and drop-off times, I got to see Michael at Danny's and then Briana's birthday party. Briana did not mind being the oldest girl in the birthday bunch at Danny's party, and Michael gave Danny the greatest present of them all – a skateboard. Danny was beside himself and could not wait to try it out. And so I got to see Michael on occasion when he and Danny went out to practice. Then, at Briana's party, I got to see why exactly Michael was so worried about his teenage daughter. Or should I say, I realized that he had reason to be worried? Briana and her friends were dressed in tank tops and shorts that revealed much of what was underneath, and the boys that were invited enjoyed the attention they were getting very much. Briana liked one boy especially. Michael signaled that he was not happy, and I pointed out to him that he should talk about contraception with her, soon. 'Are you kidding? She is only thirteen!' he said while getting the ice-cream cake out of the freezer. I made a face at him and handed him 14 candles. 'Come on, 13 is young but definitely not impossible. When was your first time anyway?' Michael was very indecisive when it came to positioning the candles, so he handed me half and watched me for a second. 'I was much older,' he said, getting the matches. 'I was 15.' I couldn't help but laugh out loud. 'Yeah, that sure is a hell of a lot older,' I said and received a gentle punch on the shoulder. We finished the cake in silence. Then, 'I don't know what to tell her about contraception.' I looked at him, honestly surprised. 'Mike, you are a doctor. Doesn't that take much of the weird feeling out of talking about stuff like that? It's a matter of fact thing: When you have sex you have to protect yourself and there are several options…' Michael raised his hands in an attempt to come up with as many options as possible. 'The pill,' he said. I shook my head. 'Easy for the boy and simple if she remembers to take them, but not good for her body at this age.' I looked at Michael from the side. 'What do you learn in medical school anyway?' We were interrupted by Briana and had the cake before Danny and I took off to meet some other friends of ours at a restaurant. And then I did not hear from Michael until a few weeks afterwards. When I got home from work one night, I found a card from the hospital he worked for in the mail box. It was an invitation. He had accepted the promotion and the hospital threw him a big party. After dinner and bringing Danny to bed, I sat down in the living room with that card in my hand. It was a fancy card with gold lettering and I had to smile when I thought about his good luck. From what I knew it was rare for a physician his age to be made senior physician. This was what he had always hoped for. The day of the big celebration was a Saturday. The hospital had rented a banquet hall at the Hilton on the other side of the river, and I was sure that over a hundred people were expected to come. On occasion, I had seen Michael dressed for a big event like this but as I looked in my bedroom closet I could not find anything fitting for me to wear. Five hours before the official beginning, I decided that I should spend the remaining time shopping for a new dress. So after dropping off Danny at Debra's place for the night, I went to the mall and walked into a fancy and elegant store I had not been in all my life. I felt awkward to say the least and half suspected to be thrown out after being spotted but I was welcomed instead and left the store almost broke but with a beautiful dress half an hour later. After spending more money on shoes, I drove to the Hilton, walked into the restrooms with two shopping bags, and changed there. When I stepped in front of that huge mirror by the door 10 minutes later, my blue jeans and shirt in hand, I was not sure what to make of it. I could not even remember when I had last worn a dress, and now I seemed completely transformed. I felt so strange that I almost laughed out loud. Then, I decided to not worry about my hair and face but to practice walking in those high heeled shoes instead. On the way back to the car to deposit my jeans and shirt, I almost broke my neck when I skidded off the curb fumbling for my keys. On the way back, I realized that I did not have a pocket to put my car keys in. The invitation in one hand and my keys in the other, I finally arrived on time. As I entered the hall, I marveled at the beautiful decorations and the pompous lights and flower arrangements, and I wondered if they would make Michael work over time to pay for all this. I made my way through the crowd over to the buffet and hesitated. I wanted to find Michael to congratulate him, first. So I walked around and took a glass of champagne from the tray that was put right in front of my eyes by a very elegant looking waiter. After what must have been ten minutes, I finally got a glimpse of him. He was standing with a group of older people and chatted politely. I decided to just stand and watch him from a distance since I did not want to interrupt their conversation. Even though I felt strange in this crowd of obviously successful and rich people, I had to admit that Michael looked more attractive than ever in his black tuxedo. He looked so elegant, so charming, and so successful that I had trouble remembering him as a man who left his room a mess and would laugh himself silly watching a Naked Gun movie. Here, he had just reached a new height in his career, and it was all business-like. Holding my glass of champagne, I watched as Michael's boss Paul said a toast. In the crowd I could make out a few of Michael's friends from the hospital but none from the bar he played pool at with older buddies or any other person connected to his private life. I took a sip of the champagne when everybody did, and then the band started playing and the buffet was officially opened. I turned around and walked over to the huge glass windows and looked out onto the neatly trimmed lawn. I wondered why Michael had invited me and nobody else from the old days. It occurred to me that the reason might be the upper class pomp and the therefore required manners. But I felt out of place myself. Love in Disguise Ch. 3 'You are not thinking about leaving yet, are you?' I heard Michael's voice behind me and turned around to face him. His eyes, looking into mine at first, now traveled down to my shoulders, over the dress, and all the way down to my feet until they made their way up again. 'You should wear dresses more often, Liz, 'cause you look breathtaking in this one,' he finally said before his eyes reached mine again. 'I really don't feel like myself here…,' I started to say when Michael reached for my arm and led me to the dance floor. 'Dance with me,' he said and pulled me to him with his hand on my back. 'And let me see what you have been hiding in your hand all this time.' I gave him a surprised look before I laughed and showed him my keys. 'I was thoughtful enough to buy a nice dress and shoes, thinking that would make a real lady out of me. But I forgot about a perm, makeup, and a purse.' Laughing, Michael took the keys from me and let them slide into the pocket of his tux. 'You don't need a perm or makeup, and we just took care of the purse.' And with that he pulled me closer to him as the first song ended and a slower one started. 'Congratulations on your promotion,' I said finally after dancing in silence for a couple of minutes. I couldn't stand the pressure building inside me as I was able to blend out the surroundings and focus more on the gorgeous man I was dancing with. His hand on my back traveled from side to side, lightly stroking me through the thin material of the dress and that sent shivers down my spine. 'You know I wouldn't be here without you,' he answered and pulled me even closer still as I chuckled in his arms. 'What's so funny?' he inquired. 'You,' I replied. 'Your smarts and persistence got you here, nothing else.' My hand on his shoulder traveled over towards his neck until my fingers came in contact with his brown hair right above the collar of his shirt. Playing with his hair there and touching his skin every now and then, I lifted my head to look at him when he did not say anything. My face now was just inches from his and we stared at each other for what seemed forever, the pressure building in both of us. Finally, he spoke. 'You helped me get here by taking care of my house, my daughter, and me, but right now you are helping me to a massive hard-on.' He stopped just for a second, his eyes never leaving mine. 'And I promise that in just another minute from now I am going to care shit about this job and make love to you right here on the floor.' The song had ended and I made a step back, letting go of his neck and hand and letting my hands glide over my dress as to straighten it out while Michael followed every movement with his eyes. 'Well, you cannot lose your job now, so let's get something to eat.' I said but I could not help looking at his crotch to see if he was really excited. But Michael had slid both hands into the front pockets of his pants and it was impossible to know for sure. I smiled as I took him by the arm and led him to the huge buffet. As a bunch of people headed into our direction, I let go of Michael's arm. 'Enjoy your success. I'll grab something to eat,' I said and turned around to take a plate from the tray at the beginning of the buffet. There were hundreds of delicious things to eat and I filled my plate a couple of times, but I honestly cannot remember a single thing I ate. It was easy to avoid looking at Michael since there were about a hundred people gathered around the buffet, and I could also distract myself by chatting with several people around me, but I don't have the slightest idea how I could make conversation at this point. My mouth opened and out came words that I hadn't thought about, and everything seemed mechanical. In the meantime, my heart was racing, my body was heated, and my brain tried desperately to calm me down. Ever since the night he had come over to my place to tell me that he had broken up with Melissa, I had tried to tell myself that they might get back together, and that it was even worse to become involved with a man on the rebound than with a guy who was in a relationship already. Meanwhile, I couldn't stop thinking about him but got used to the feeling after a few weeks. Now, however, I found it impossible to ignore my feelings for Michael along with my body and its own special needs. And yet I did not want to make a mistake. Michael was my friend and it was out of the question that a night with him in bed wouldn't change things – at least for me. Was it worth it? I was debating back and forth with myself when I finished the last bite to eat and headed for the entrance of the banquet hall. It was pretty late. I had eaten, talked to people from the hospital who worked with Michael, heard all kinds of stories about Michael at work, danced to a few songs with fifty year old Adam, the paramedic, ate another few of those delicious spinach crackers, and then decided that I was crazy to think of Michael as a possible lover. Without trying to find him to say goodbye, I headed out of the building to my car in the back of the parking lot. Out of habit, I reached for the pocket in my jeans and found that there was none. 'Damn it,' I thought when I remembered that my keys were safe and sound in Michael's tux. I stood next to my car, pondering the situation and my options at this point. I was half an hour away from my house. I could get a cab and come back tomorrow to retrieve my car with the help of my spare key, or I could call AAA and have them open my car door. I was certain that I would not just go back in and ask Michael for the keys since I did not trust my body at this point at all. 'Are you going home already?' came Michael's voice from behind me, and I turned around quickly. 'Yes, it's late, you know, and I had to work until early this morning.' I expected him to doubt what I said but he surprised me by just handing me the keys without any further questioning. 'I'm glad you came, Liz,' he said, and he stepped forward and kissed me on the cheek. He was so close, I could just wrap my arms around him and give into my desires. But I did not do it. Instead, I took the keys from him, smiled, said goodbye, got into my car, and drove home. At home, I could not calm down. I turned the TV on to not think. I walked out onto the balcony and looked up into the sky. I walked into Danny's room and sat down on his little chair in front of the window. I drank some water. And all that time I could not take off my dress. I was walking around in my new shoes, thinking about that dance with Michael, and how much I wanted him. And then, around 3am, there was a knock on the door, and I knew it could only be one person. Michael's hair looked like he had brushed through it with his fingers several times on the way over. He had taken his tuxedo off and the expensive white shirt was unbuttoned at the top so that the golden hair on his chest was visible. I did not think. I just made one step forward, grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him towards me while he took my face into his hands and bent forward to kiss me. The moment his lips touched mine, I stopped thinking. There were no doubts, no questions, no affirmations. There was only the need to be as close as possible and to touch what wanted to be touched for so long. Our kiss was not gentle. His lips on mine and his tongue entering my mouth was like fire, and all I could do was kiss him back with the same intensity. The lust inside of me was so strong that it physically hurt. Breathing heavily, I made a step back, grabbed him by his shirt, and pulled Michael into my apartment. He closed the door by kicking it with the heel of his shoe, and then he embraced my face with his hands again as my back hit the kitchen wall behind me. 'Baby, I want you so badly,' he said before he kissed me again. Taking a hold of both sides of his shirt in the front, I pulled them outward with such force that it opened all the way after just one strong tug. I pulled the bottom of his shirt out of his pants and let my hands roam over his bare chest. I moaned against his lips. My body was trapped between the wall and his muscular body. He moved one leg between mine as his fingers moved down my spine, grabbed my ass, and pulled me closer to his body still. We both moaned loudly. I could feel his stiff cock clearly against my belly, and my pussy rode up and down his thigh. 'You're driving me insane,' he made before he took the bottom of my dress and pushed it upwards until his hands touched my thighs and then my panties. 'Take it off me,' I whispered, holding on to his shoulders once again. Hooking his thumbs under the thin waistband of the soft material, he pushed it over my hips, and my panties fell down onto the floor. With one swift movement, he turned me around before lifting me up and carrying me over to the kitchen table. He sat me down on the table as I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. Kissing down my neck, I could hear him draw in his breath when I reached into his pants and pulled out his thick cock. 'Oh God,' he made, pushing me down until I leaned back, supporting my weight with my elbows lying on the table. 'Fuck me, Michael!' I said, lifting my legs and setting my feet down on the table. 'I can't wait!' Feeling the tip of his rock hard cock at the entrance of my cunt made me lean on my hands to get a better look at his cock. He was so gorgeous, his body so beautiful, and his cock so thick. He pushed my dress up further for me to have a better view of my pussy when he entered my tight cunt. His moan excited me even more. 'You're so wet baby, so hot…'. His voice trailed off when he pushed in further until he filled me completely. When he pulled out half way I could see how wet I really was. His cock was shiny from my cream. And then he pushed in again, faster now, and I let my head fall back before I closed my eyes. I heard someone say 'fuck me, fuck me hard,' and it took a while to recognize my own voice. Sitting up and opening my eyes, I reached for his hips and locked my legs around him. We stared at each other, our eyes dazed with lust, and when he bent over to kiss me, I knew he was close. I came when his tongue entered my mouth. I was holding on to his arms as my body shook against his, and he held me close, thrusting his cock in a couple more times, and then he erupted inside of me, moaning into my mouth. Love in Disguise Chapter 2 Nothing else was being said, nothing else was going on – no other dreams, no talk, no gestures - and still everything seemed different. I struggled to forget that sexual dream. I tried very hard to get the image of his naked body out of my mind. I made deals with myself that I would not look at anything else but Michael’s head; I became ridiculous in trying to get him out of my head – and heart. What had happened? Did one single dream make me realize that Michael was a very attractive man after living with him for three whole years? I was at a loss, did not know what to do. All I knew was that ever since that dream I was nervous around him; that just the thought of his body excited me, and that I grew increasingly jealous whenever Melissa was around. My good friend Tracy, of course, did not think that I was on the road to madness. She repeatedly told me that it was just normal to be attracted to my house mate and that she had always thought there was something wrong with me all these years since I always seemed to treat him like an object and not a gorgeous guy. She reminded me of all those times when we had gone out together and all those women had stared at him, wanting to get his attention somehow. Only I, she said, would not acknowledge his attractiveness and charm. So here I was, still working towards that one week of vacation in July, and as I made my way home that mid June night, I realized all of the sudden that I had not told Michael about the one week at all – and it was only 12 days away now. Oh well, I thought, shrugging my shoulders as I stopped at the gas station to get a soda. If he had to work that week, I would just take Briana camping with us. After getting what I wanted and paying for the soda, I walked out and looked up into the starry night. The cars zoomed by but not as fast as in the city, and I felt my body relax a little after a busy day at work. And then, as I got back into the car to drive the last two minutes to my home, I thought of how nice it would be to have a man in my life. I was lonely and wanted someone to love - and be loved. My sudden attraction to Michael probably did not have anything to do with him – I was just lonely. In fact, I thought, Michael was just the wrong guy at the right time. Reassured, I stepped out of the car and walked into the house. Danny was in bed but Briana and Michael were sitting in front of the TV. We talked for a minute or two, and on my way into the kitchen I said ‘Oh hey, Mike, I forgot to tell you that I have a week of vacation coming up in a little less than two weeks.’ There was silence for a while but when I walked back into the living room with a sandwich in my hand, I had made up my mind. ‘I want to go camping up in Maine, and Briana is welcome to come with us if she wants.’ Briana was more excited than I had anticipated. I was pleasantly surprised. But then Michael took me aback. ‘It looks like we have the same week off, then,’ he said plainly, still looking at the TV. ‘Well, then I can still take Briana while you and Melissa go on a vacation,’ I offered. But he shook his head. ‘I have a better idea: Why don’t we all go camping together? – just the four of us.’ I did not know what to say. While Briana was very excited, I just felt like yelling at him. He had sat back on the sofa and he was so damn sure of himself. I wanted to wipe that smile off his face. ‘No, I do not want to spend a week with you,’ I wanted to say but I bit my tongue. Instead, I just walked up the stairs, saying ‘We’ll see.’ This time, he kissed me. First I felt only his lips on my mouth, then his tongue teasing my upper lip until I opened my lips slightly and let my tongue come in contact with his. I tried to wrap my arms around his neck to pull him on top of me, but he held on to my wrists and kept my arms raised over my head on the sheets. Except for his hands on my arms, I only felt his tongue exploring my mouth, and it took a while to realize that it was me moaning on his lips. I wanted to touch him, wanted to pull him to me, wanted to feel him on me, inside of me. I panted as he shifted on the bed and his bare chest came in contact with my naked skin. Placing one knee between my thighs, he laid down on top of me, still supporting most of his weight with one elbow. I moved underneath him, trying to get closer, trying to get a better feeling of his thigh rubbing against my pussy. ‘Don’t tease me, baby,’ I said, trying to free my hands. He actually let go of my wrists, then, but let the palms of his hands slide down the inside of my arms, still holding them down. He moved lower, his hands sliding down further, parting my thighs more as his tongue reached my belly button. It was impossible to lay still. I desperately tried to hold on to something but could not find anything. His tongue left long trails on my skin all the way down to my trimmed pussy. His moan came from deep inside as his fingers parted my pussy lips, and when he lapped at my pussy and closed his lips around my clit to suck on it gently, my fingers dove into his hair and pulled his face right into my pussy. The knock on the door startled me. ‘What?’ I asked loudly, still not sure where I was. ‘Did I wake you?’ came Michael’s voice from the door as he opened it a bit to peek into my room. ‘The light was on so I thought I step in for a little talk before I go to work.’ I looked at him as he came in and closed the door behind him. Why did he have to wear these old tight shirts and pants around the house? Didn’t he know it drove women crazy? I started to sit up and scooted over to the side of the bed as he attempted to sit down on the other when I noticed that my nipples were hard and clearly visible under the thin cotton shirt. I folded my arms in front of my breasts and looked into Michael’s eyes. ‘What’s the matter?’ I asked, trying not to think of how turned on I was. It’s not him, I told myself. I am just horny. It could be anybody. ‘I think we need to talk,’ Michael said, looking at me directly. ‘I feel like you are uncomfortable around me all of the sudden. I feel like you are trying to avoid me, and it hurts me.’ Good grief, I thought, how many therapy sessions did this man have behind him in order to talk like that? Aloud, I said ‘I am stressed out and confused. I will get over it. Never mind me.’ I couldn’t stand him looking at me, so I tried to focus on something else. But all I could think of was my dream, so I returned my eyes to his face. ‘I do mind!’ Michael said, a confused look on his face. ‘I miss coming home and watching TV with you. I miss having breakfast together. You know, I just miss being around you.’ He tried to find the right words. ‘I just want to know what is going on.’ I wanted him. I wanted him so badly right then that I could not stand it. I wanted to straddle him and fuck his brains out. My pussy was aching for his touch, and I knew I just had to reach over to get it. ‘I cannot go on vacation with you, Michael,’ I said, trying to keep my voice from trembling. ‘Why not?’ came the question, promptly. ‘We have been going on vacation together before. What is the big deal?’ I stood up and walked to the window even though I could not see a thing in the darkness outside. ‘The big deal is that I am confused right now. Something has changed and I don’t know why.’ I turned around and looked at him nervously, raising my hand as to show him that I was at my wits end. ‘All of the sudden you have become attractive – to me. I have dreams in which you make love to me…’ I was searching for words but he interrupted me. ‘I think it is very flattering that you find me attractive. I can live with that.’ ‘But I cannot live with it,’ I burst out and sat down on the chair by my desk. ‘You are my friend, my housemate, my babysitter… I don’t want to feel anything sexual for you. It scares me.’ There was a silence for a few seconds. ‘I don’t know what brought all this about. Maybe I just need to get laid. It has been a while.’ I tried to smile but couldn’t. I looked over at Michael, but he did not say anything. ‘Anyway,’ I said, standing up again. ‘It is true that I feel awkward and that I don’t know what to do. But I know that spending a whole week with you won’t make me relax. So please make other plans, okay?’ I headed for the door to open it, but before I could turn the handle, Michael had jumped up and come towards me. ‘I am not going to let this lie,’ he said as he put his hand on mine holding the door handle. He stood so close that I could smell his perfume, and I had trouble concentrating on his words. As I did not look up at him, he put a finger under my chin to lift it up until our eyes met. ‘You mean a lot to me and I don’t want to see you building walls around yourself to shut me out.’ I did not say anything, so he continued. ‘Do you think you are the only one having erotic dreams? I have dreamt about you being in my bed and riding me ever since I first saw you, and I learnt to live with it.’ He let go of my chin and opened the door, looking at me one last time before he walked out to go to work. ‘Don’t shut me out!’ he said. Ten minutes later I heard his car pulling out of the driveway. As for me, I was still standing by the door wondering what the hell had just happened. It was time that I needed; and that I got up in Maine. Michael had asked me one more time if we could not spend this week together but I did not want to. So he had changed his vacation to late July. Meanwhile, Briana, Daniel, and I had taken the tent to Acadia National Park and spent five days hiking, whale watching, shopping, and just being on the beach. I had planned on staying for six days but Michael had asked us to come back home for the fourth of July. So, in order to miss the traffic, we decided to leave Maine after only four days. The kids got along great, the weather was beautiful, and the ocean did wonders for me. Up here I could see how much my work schedule stressed me out. And it was up here that I could admit to myself that I liked Michael very much. I did not know when it had started to become an acute feeling but I knew I had avoided thinking about it for a long time. I did not want to jeopardize the great friendship with this man by sexual attraction. I had been down that road before only to watch how afterwards it was impossible to get back to the friendship-only deal. And yet, I could not deny myself the feeling of attraction. There was a reason for the fact that so many women looked at him wherever he was seen, and why would I be immune to his calm presence, attractiveness, and casual self-esteem if nobody else was? What threw me off was that he had told me he was attracted to me as well. Why the hell did he have to tell me that after all these years? It made matters just so much more complicated. I did not want to think of Michael as a possibility. He was involved with the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in person. And just because I thought of her as a bitch did not change the fact that he had been with her for two years now. I had no idea what he saw in her other than the obvious impressive appearance. He was involved with another woman. I did not need to know more than that. Some equations are as simple as that if you don’t have the ability to just screw someone for the fun of it. The drive back home was long and tiring. Most of all, I wondered how things would go on from now on. I decided to really start looking for an apartment as soon as possible. The fourth of July was a Saturday and Michael had that day off. He offered to spend the day with Danny and Briana and to take them to the fireworks at night. I was glad to have that day to myself. I went for a run early in the morning, went into town to buy food after taking a shower at home, and drove over to my friend Lori’s house to have a fourth of July barbeque. At least 20 people were having a good time in Lori’s backyard when I arrived with more hot dog buns and soda. There were people I had not seen in ages, like Bob from New Jersey who had been the best man at Lori’s wedding five years ago and who had helped me cheat on the final Psychology exam at college. There were John and Sam who had openly admitted that they were gay on our graduation day, Lisa who had brought her five kids and was pregnant with another from her third husband. There was Neil who owned the video store in town. And then there was Steve who had brought his brand new girlfriend. Oh Steve, I thought, sitting down on the swing on Lori’s porch. I put my full plate down on my thighs and the full soda cup on the wooden planks. Steve and I had been lovers for about five months before he all of the sudden decided not to call me or go on any more dates with me. He was good looking and very charming, and even though I had no intention of reliving old memories, I couldn’t help but look over at them from time to time and be jealous of their obvious romance. That’s what it is, I thought to myself while putting the fork down. I was not hungry anymore. I was lonely and sick of not having anyone special in my life. I felt like a little child who desperately needed somewhere to hide and cry, and I did not have anybody’s shoulder to cry on. That wasn’t true, I corrected myself, there were plenty of friends right here in town who would have listened to what I had to say. But it was another thing to go and ask for a hug and some comforting words. Michael came to mind. Yes, he had a big shoulder to cry on, and I knew it was a comfortable shoulder, too. In three years of living together we had told each other many things, and it happened more than once that he had given me a hug and a pat on the back to make me feel better. I could just go home and ask him for it, but it did not seem appropriate anymore. Even though I just needed a little comfort, I was afraid of what else might develop while my guard was down. I had not planned on going over to see the fireworks but everybody else wanted to go after the barbeque. It was 9pm when we finally had walked all the way across town, the campus, and the fields to get to where the fireworks were being held. The back field was crowded, kids ran around with fluorescent light chains, and the sky had grown so dark that it was hard to make out anybody’s face. I followed Lori and a group of our friends as they made their way through the crowds and sat down on the grass after finding a spot in the middle of the field. I was depressed. In the middle of friends I felt alone and miserable. And even though I tried really hard, I could not talk myself out of it. When Paul came over and put his arm around me to passionately pull me into his body, I had enough. I got myself out of his grip and walked over to the concession stands on the right side of the field. It was announced over the microphones that the fireworks would start in two minutes as I paid for my soda and walked back towards the center of the field. I found an empty spot and just sat down, sipping at my soda, as I sensed someone approaching me from behind. Just about to jump up and turn around, I suddenly knew who it was. ‘May I have some of your soda?’ Michael asked as he sat down behind me with his long legs to both sides of my hips. ‘Where are the kids?’ was my first response while I handed him the cup. ‘They are right over there,’ he answered and pointed past me to a group of people sitting about 6 feet in front of us. There they were, Danny and Briana, sitting close together and looking up into the sky, waiting for the show to start, surrounded by a bunch of Michael’s friends. ‘Your hospital friends?’ I asked. I could tell he was nodding as he moved his body closer to mine until his chest touched my back. ‘And you? Taking a break from your hippie friends?’ Before I could answer, the fireworks started, and I leaned my head back to look up into the sky. It was beautiful; and loud. While watching that colorful spectacle, Michael lifted his arm and pulled my head back gently until it rested against his shoulder and neck. Then, he put his arms around my sides and belly where he interlocked his fingers with mine and held me tight. I did not know what to do. I wanted to close my eyes to enjoy the feeling of his warm body behind me. But then I would not have seen the fireworks. Somehow, I found myself in a sea of unbearable noise, clapping hands, and people screaming around me. I stayed afloat in the arms of this man who could calm me down so easily, and while I felt safe and warm in his embrace, my surroundings became almost bizarre. Warmth is what I needed to survive in this insanity. And yet, the fireworks were beautiful. I watched in awe and felt like a little kid who was amazed at the beauty of light in the darkness. I looked over at Danny and Briana. They were mesmerized and had tilted their heads way back to take everything in. I smiled and then felt Michael’s hands on my bare arms. I only wore shorts and a sleeveless shirt. His hands rubbed my arms softly to keep them warm. I leaned back into him and was pleasantly surprised that he held me so easily, supporting me. His hands moved back onto my neck and then further up the back of my head until he started to lightly massage my scalp. The feeling was incredible and I did not want it to end. But it did end! The fireworks ended and so did his movements on my body. He slowed down and moved my hair away from my right ear before he bent forward and his lips almost touched my skin. ‘You are beautiful,’ he whispered, and we both laughed when we saw goose bumps appear on my arms. Again, he rubbed my arms until they were gone. When the fireworks were really over, Michael got up and took my hand to help me stand up as well. ‘I’ll see you later,’ he said, and I did not know if his voice had really sounded a little deeper than usual or if that was just my imagination.