0 comments/ 36077 views/ 0 favorites Just Lovers By: SexyJennaInk [sequel to "Just Friends"] It only took the span of one weekend to become lovers, and, considering it had taken us years to admit to any sexual attraction, I considered that fairly impressive. It is, right? It was like there he was, sitting on the sofa, just a friend. And then, within hours, he was naked in my shower and I had his essence deep inside of me for the very first time. Ever. It was an amazing feeling of physical desire and sexual fulfillment, mixed with deep, victoriousness. I wanted to cheer, to clap, to jump up and down. Instead, I simply wrapped my legs around his waist and thanked the Goddess that he was naked, in my shower, deep inside me. Seemed easier that way. As I write this, Amberly is standing behind me laughing her ass off. Apparently, it's funny that Paul and I are now lovers. At least, Amberly seems to think so. I find it just as amusing that she and Chris nearly knocked the walls of our apartment straight to the ground with their grinding, gyrating, mad monkey love, and yet, she's barely spoken a word to him since the boys left for home after that weekend. I don't mean it harsh, because, let's face it, Chris has called her no less than a dozen times in the past month. He's called, sent flowers, sent cards, even sent messages to Amberly via Paul when he comes to visit me. She's ignored it all. I don't really understand this, or her, for that matter. When you meet someone in this crazy world, and you find your soul relating to their soul- no matter the level- why toss that away? Why toss it all out the door over useless, pathetic, petty ffpolkgf;klfl,dff Amberly grabbed the keyboard away from her friend, and unplugged the device from the small computer. She smirked as Jennifer glared at her, sitting on the guest bed behind the computer and crossing her legs slowly. "I don't think it's appropriate to judge my situation, thank you very much. In fact, since when did I become the hot topic of interest in your online journal, Jen?" Jennifer bit one of her jagged fingernails and sighed. "You're not, Am, I'm just updating the story of that weekend." Her friend raised her eyebrows and continued her harsh stare. "The story of that weekend? Does that mean that anyone who reads that stupid journal of yours knows about...." "No," Jennifer corrected. "It's set to Private. Only I can read the entry, only I know what I wrote and what happened." Amberly nodded slowly. "So, none of our friends know about that weekend?" "Not unless you or I, or Paul or Chris, told them," Jennifer winced. "Can I have my keyboard back, please?" Amberly sighed and handed Jennifer back the black keyboard. She uncrossed her legs and placed her elbows onto her knees, exhaling slowly as she watched Jennifer reattach the instrument. "What does Paul say?" she inquired softly. "About?" Jennifer raised an eyebrow and tested the keys to make sure she had plugged the equipment in properly. "That weekend. Chris and I. Does he...feel the way you do?" Amberly tried to formulate her thoughts, slowly. Jennifer inhaled, bit her lip and swiveled her chair around to face her best friend. "Amberly, I think it's safe to say that Paul and I feel exactly the same on the matter. You and Chris got along famously that weekend. I know you're attracted to Chris, I know he's attracted to you. He has done everything in his power to get in contact with you, but you've effectively avoided him for just over a month now. I do my best to stay out of it, Paul does his best, but the two of you are driving me- and Paul- nuts. Why is it that you suddenly don't want to talk to Christopher? What did he do?" "It's silly, okay?" Amberly sighed, sitting up and crossing her legs again. She leaned back onto the bed and laughed nervously, focusing her gaze to the ceiling. "He asked me to marry him." "What?" Jennifer stammered, her breath catching in her throat. "He asked me to marry him," Amberly repeated softly. "We were laying in bed, Sunday morning. He got up and was collecting his stuff from around the room, standing there naked, playing with his duffel bag. He gazed up from that bag of stuff, and he just...asked me. Like that." Jennifer felt her eyes grow wide. "Amberly, that's wonderful!" Amberly shook her head. "Jen, I can't. I told him no. I adore Chris, I think he's wonderful. He will make some girl exceptionally happy one day. He's smart, he's hysterical, and he's handsome. He has a beautiful body..." her voice trailed off. "He knows how to use it, too, and that's a great thing." Jennifer did not laugh, and so Amberly sighed and continued. "I'm happy when I'm with Chris, but I'm not happy enough when I'm with him to want to marry him. Does that make sense?" "No," Jennifer frowned. "It makes no sense whatsoever. You have the perfect man, you know he's the perfect man, and you're going to toss him away? Just like that?" "He's not perfect for me," Amberly corrected, a tear forming in her right eye. "I want you to understand me, Jennifer. I want you to understand how I feel. I hurt Chris by saying no, and I didn't want to hurt him. I do love Chris, I do. But I'm not in love with him, and I don't know that I'll ever be in love with him. Don't you understand that?" Jennifer shook her head slowly, reaching her hand out and placing it comfortingly atop Amberly's thigh. "Amber, I love you, please don't cry. I want to understand how you feel, too, but I just don't. Most women wait their entire lives for what you have with Chris, for someone as wonderful as Chris. And you're telling me that you're going to throw that away- without even trying, without even dating him- and you're not even fully sure why?" Amberly nodded, pushing Jennifer's hand off her thigh and standing. "I'm sorry, Jen. I don't want this to come between you and Paul, and what you two have. I'll...try to talk to Chris, okay? Try to explain something to him so he's not always calling, or sending stuff here. Okay?" "I'm not worried about any of that, Amber," Jennifer sighed and followed her friend out into their kitchen. "I don't care if Chris calls every day, I don't care. I want to know what's....wrong? Something's wrong, Amberly, and I know you too well for you to hide it from me." Amberly nodded, reached into the refrigerator and extracted the bottle of Diet Coke. "I'm sorry, Jen, but there's nothing wrong. I know you're worried, but I'm fine. I really am." She sniffled, wiped her face with the back of her hand, and poured herself a large glass of the liquid. Jennifer nodded her head and turned to exit the room. "If you change your mind, I'll be inside writing, okay?" "Jen?" Amberly called, her voice soft and pleading. "Yeah?" Jennifer tried to smile reassuringly, as she turned to face her friend. "Please don't, like....Please don't write about me in your thing, okay? It makes me uncomfortable," Amberly frowned and turned her gaze to the wooden panels of their kitchen flooring. Jennifer nodded, offering a slow smile. "I won't, Amber, I won't." She exited the kitchen and returned to her office space, saving her document and shutting the monitor of the computer off before reaching for her cell phone and dialing the familiar number. The phone gave three rings before the individual on the other end picked up, and Jennifer could hear a menagerie of voices before she heard the familiar, comforting sound of her lover's deep greeting. His voice conveyed his smile, and she heard the background noise dissipate as he spoke a simple, "What's up, babe?" "Something's wrong with Amberly," Jennifer offered, opting not to beat around the bush and instead be blunt. She heard him swallow back his anxiety, and a calming wave came over his voice. "Something's wrong with Chris, too. He's been staring at the floor a lot. In practice, he's not hitting as hard as he used to. He's not into it the way he used to be, I dunno, Jen, I dunno," he trailed off. "The other guys are getting fed up with him, I think. I mean, I know, but....They're trying to be understanding." Jennifer nodded and clutched her cell phone tightly. "She told me that he proposed that morning, but she turned him down outright." She began to bite her pinkie nervously, waiting for his response. He thought on the matter, before offering, "Chris told me that, too." "And?" Jennifer sighed. "What did he say?" There was some rustling on the other end of the line, and then she heard Paul greet another male. "I have to get back to you on that," he offered, and Jennifer giggled. "Can't talk about it right now?" she smiled. "No," he laughed. "Maybe later." "Paul?" Jennifer pleaded softly, curling up against the headboard of the extra bed, sighing into her cell and closing her eyes for the moment. His response was equally soft, and she heard the unmistakable exhalation of cigarette smoke. He was smoking. "Yeah, babe?" She took the moment to berate him for his unhealthy habit, and then proceeded. "I miss you," she sighed. "I miss you a lot." "I miss you, too," he laughed, exhaling another large plume of smoke. "I miss you in the shower, I miss you in bed. I miss you when you wake me up at five in the morning with my cock already in your mouth." Jennifer laughed, but opened her eyes and shook her head disapprovingly. "Seriously," she sighed. "I miss you." He laughed and she heard more rustling sounds. "I miss you too, Jennifer. Seriously. I'm sorry I can't be there right now, but we have to rehearse these songs before we go into the studio. This shit is important." "I know," Jennifer sighed. "I know. I'm not questioning that, Paul. Your music is your-" "Life," he interrupted. "It's my life." Jennifer nodded into her phone. "Don't you ever miss being able to do what you want to do? Don't you miss being able to go out for the weekend, and not have to be back to work till Monday?" "No," Paul frowned. "I don't. I have the best job in the world, and any sacrifices I make for it...I make willingly and happily." "I know," Jennifer sighed, knowing that tears were slipping slowly down her pale pink cheeks. "I know." "Alright, look. I'm sorry to do this to you," he sighed, but she already heard him moving around, the background noise returning. "But I really have to get back in there. I'm rehearsing my pieces on this new track, and we're set to start recording tomorrow morning. I really have to get this down before I get in there, okay? I'm sorry, Jennifer." She felt her heart sink, and simply offered "I love you" before she pulled the cell phone from her ear and ended their conversation. She curled up into a tight ball atop the guest bed, and fell deep into a sleep permeated with thoughts of all the memories she and Paul had accrued here in this room. From her finding him reading her e-mail, to their trysts atop this bed, to their times when they would cuddle underneath a blanket and read poetry together. She missed him when he wasn't near, and felt equally confused when he was in her arms. She was damned, fully and totally. She felt someone shaking her back into the day, and opened her eyelids enough to make out Amberly's figure standing above her. She blinked and stared up at her friend. "Jen?" Amberly whispered softly. "Jennifer, you fell asleep in here and...were you crying?" Jennifer stretched slowly, wiping her hands slowly over her eyes and wincing at the overpowering sunlight leaking from the shades. She ran her hands through her hair, and moved her legs slowly over the top of the mattress. "No?" "You looked like you were upset," Amberly sighed, tugging down the shades and blocking out the offensive sunset. "I didn't know if I should wake you, but then you started....You were talking in your sleep, and it sounded kind of like a nightmare." Jennifer sat up and craned her neck slowly to each side, watching her friend with intrigue. "Oh?" Amberly shrugged as she switched on the computer and took the seat at its desk. "You were having a conversation with Paul, in your sleep." Jennifer smiled at the thought, and laughed softly. "Was I?" "Didn't sound like a nice one, either," Amberly frowned, then patted her friend's leg. "So I decided to end it for you, before it got nasty." Jennifer nodded and stood up to stretch. "Thankfully, I don't remember it." "I won't remind you," Amberly laughed, clicking on the small duck icon that denoted her computer settings. "So, while you were asleep, I called Chris. We talked, yadda yadda, I think things are alright." Jennifer sat back down on the bed, inching backward and tucking her legs underneath her small body. "What'd you say?" Amberly continued clicking keys, and staring at the computer. She was opening her e-mail as she spoke. "Well, I tried to explain to him that I want to be...just lovers. I think he understands, although, I will tell you he doesn't agree. He wants more." She paused, and Jennifer nodded. "He says that he feels like he's cheating on me whenever he looks at another girl, so he doesn't look. I told him that, firstly, what girls are there in that studio where they are? I mean, let's be serious. The only girls in that studio or anywhere near that studio are Angelina and Linzi, and do you think Angelina or Linz are looking at Christopher?" Jennifer snorted and scratched her right temple. "I doubt it, highly. In fact, if Linz ever looked at another man, I'd probably faint." "Right," Amberly nodded, and clicked open an e-mail from her sister. "So, I told him it's okay to look and that it won't bother me if he does. Then I told him that I do love him, but just as a friend. I wanted him to understand that, but he, umm, he doesn't." "Oh?" Jennifer raised an eyebrow. Amberly spoke casually as she skimmed the contents of the e-mail, sighing loudly as she continued. "Well, he cried some. Umm, yeah, he cried." "He did?" Jennifer raised her eyebrows further. "Yeah," Amberly sighed. "He, umm, he wants to be a family, he says." "A couple," Jennifer corrected, eyeing her friend curiously. "Right, a couple," Amberly sighed, beginning to slowly type a response to her sister. "So, he cried and I tried to explain where I was coming from. I think we agreed to be friends and to drop the idea of a relationship. He said he'd like to come visit once his drum tracks are done, and I told him I'd pick his scrawny ass up at the airport if he did. So, yeah. That's...what happened." "There's something you're not telling me," Jennifer stated flatly. Amberly sat up straight in her chair and turned to face her friend. "Why do you say that?" Jennifer shrugged. "Because you're very blasé about this, and you are never blasé, Amberly. Something is missing from this story." Amberly wrinkled her nose. "I told you the story, Jen. He wants to get married, I want to be friends. We talked, it's figured out, end of story." Jennifer sighed loudly and crossed her arms over her chest. "Then why do I feel like you just told me a very nice, very colorful tale that amounts to a large heap of-" "Jen?" Amberly interrupted, gazing cruelly at her friend. "Stop that sentence right there. Why would I lie to you?" "I have no idea," Jennifer sighed, standing up and walking toward the door. "But you just did. I'm sure of it." "Where are you going?" Amberly objected, watching her roommate's body slowly trail down the hallway. "To read," Jennifer called back. "It's more enlightening than watching you answer your e-mail." Amberly laughed at this, and clicked "Send" on her response. She felt bad that Jennifer didn't believe her; felt like a bad friend, in fact, for leaving out details. Everything about the Chris saga seemed to lend itself to a Lifetime Movie of the Week. In fact, she was starting to wonder if she, too, should open up a journal and start writing about her life. It might release some of the pent up tension she felt, some of the....pain. Carrying the burden of secrets had never been easy, and she wanted to cry on Jennifer's shoulder but had thought better of that idea many a night. Telling Jennifer would mean telling Paul. Which would, ultimately, mean telling Chris. "Am?" she heard Jennifer call, and she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. "Yeah?" she called back. "I'm thinking of flying to L.A. next weekend. Surprising Paul, you know?" Jennifer offered, her voice growing closer and closer until she appeared in the small doorway. "What do you think?" Amberly forced a smile. "I'm sure he'd like that a lot. Have you run the idea past him?" "Well," Jennifer paused, biting her bottom lip in contemplation. "No, I haven't. But he says he misses me, and I miss him. So I thought it'd be fun, you know, go out there, see Paul, see Linz and the boys." Amberly shrugged with a playful smile. "That should be a blast, Jen. Go for it." Jennifer nodded happily. "Good, cause I already booked the flight." The two girls erupted into laughter, and Amberly sighed with great amusement. "When?" "It's been booked for a week," Jennifer smiled. "I planned ahead." Amberly erupted into more laughter, and, for the first time in weeks, she was genuinely happy. * * * How do I fairly depict what I witnessed? There is a blatant description to what my eyes saw, the physical conjoining of two bodies in a nondescript hotel bed. A penis entering slowly into a saturated vagina, legs wrapped around hips, hands placed on sweaty skin. Two bodies moving together as one. Then there is the obvious, emotional reaction to my viewing: and with that, comes a mix of emotions. I prefer to think of the physics of the situation, the interlocked anatomies. I wince at the thought, get hot at the thought. Is that wrong of me? Afterall, I cannot speak of what I saw or I will destroy my friend. If I utter an ounce, I will break one of my best friend's hearts. I will destroy his relationship, and crush the lives of four of the people I love most. What do I do? What do I do? "Are you done?" he grumbled, tapping an impatient finger on the back of his laptop. Jennifer increased the speed of her typing, and sighed at his lack of patience. "Almost. I just want to finish this." "You realize," he sighed, flopping onto the hotel bed beside her. "That if anyone ever reads that journal entry you're writing, that you will make a lot of people very unhappy?" Jennifer nodded slowly and saved the document. "Paul, do you realize what we just witnessed? Do you even understand the ramifications of what was going on in that room?" Paul nodded and grinned. "Joel was fucking one of the hottest chicks I ever did see." "She's your band mate's fiancée, Paul," Jennifer objected, snapping the laptop shut and placing it on their bedside table. "What we saw, if anyone ever found out, it would destroy Benji's life. It would crush everything Angelina has ever known for the past three years, and-" "She shouldn't have been fucking Joel then," Paul objected. "True," Jennifer agreed. "But the consequences of this infidelity are far reaching." "You talk like a college professor," Paul laughed, sliding down onto the bed and resting his head on her hip. "It's quite a turn on, you know?" "I'm serious," Jennifer laughed, swatting at his dark hair playfully. "Come on." "Oh, I intend to come," he snickered, wrinkling his nose and placing his hand on her abdomen. "I fully intend to come. The question is, on what? Your breasts, maybe? Maybe on your..." his voice trailed off and Jennifer sighed loudly. "Paul, stop!" Paul raised his head away from her body and frowned. "What's wrong, Jen? Why are you always so serious lately? Huh? I'm just trying to have fun with you, while you're here." Jennifer nodded. "I know, Paul, I know. Can we, maybe, have fun outside this room for a while?" Paul cocked an eyebrow and sat up. "Oh?" "I'm just...." Jennifer's voice trailed off. "I'd really like...." Just Lovers Paul stared at her, his eyes pleading for her to formulate her sentence. "I'd really like for us to go out and do something," Jennifer sighed. "Other than fuck." Paul sighed, and began to search through his pockets. Jennifer grabbed his arm and stopped him. "I thought you quit?" she pleaded softly. "You promised me." "I went back," he sighed and found his package of Marlboros, extracting one before tucking the package safely back inside his shorts. "I'm sorry, Jen. I have no willpower." Jennifer nodded. "Paul, I feel like maybe...." He lit his cigarette and turned to gaze directly into her eyes. "I feel like we really need to talk," she sighed. He raised an eyebrow at this, and she bit her lip softly. "Paul, I came here because I really...." "You want to be more than friends?" he questioned softly, patting her condescendingly on the thigh. "I know, Jen. It's pretty obvious." "No," Jennifer sighed and pushed his hand away. "We are more than friends, Paul. We are." "Lovers," he stated simply. "We fuck." "Right," Jennifer nodded. "We're lovers." "And?" Paul inquired softly, extracting the cigarette and placing it into an ashtray on the table. "What's wrong with that?" Jennifer took a large breath and let it out slowly. "There's nothing wrong with it, Paul, but I feel more for you than that. Do you....feel anything for me?" "No offense," Paul laughed, standing up and pacing about the room anxiously. "No offense, Jennifer, but this is not really a conversation I want to be having with you right now when I have important tracks to lay down tomorrow." "I'm sorry I brought it up," she sighed, standing up and heading toward the door. "I'm sorry, Paul. I misunderstood." He didn't chase after her, instead, he watched as she allowed the door to slowly close as she exited out into the hotel's hallway. She'd be back, and for now, he needed sleep. So he simply stood and approached the door, watching as her tiny figure disappeared down the hallway. "She'll come back," he sighed aloud, and shut the door. Jennifer heard the door shut softly, and knew that Paul would take a nap. She was frustrated, hurt, confused, and most of all, she needed to hear a friendly voice. So she pressed familiar keys and watched her phone slowly dial her home number. A gentle pause and she was greeted with the familiar, soothing voice of her best friend. "Am?" "Jen?" Amberly squealed. "How is sunny California?" Jennifer could hear her friend's elation, could taste the happiness that was dancing on Amberly's tongue. She wanted to report of happiness and sunshine, instead, she crumbled down to the tacky carpeting, curling herself into an upright ball. "I tried to tell him I loved him and he just didn't listen to me," she broke down and sobbed. "Amberly, I love him and he doesn't love me." Amberly took a deep breath and tried to make sense of her friend's confession. "Jennifer, slow down," she started. "What...are you talking about?" Jennifer sniffled into the phone, swallowing back her sorrow before she spoke. "I told Paul I wanted more than....this." Amberly nodded into her cell phone. "That you wanted a relationship?" "Right," Jennifer coughed. "Basically. I mean, I didn't directly say, 'Paul, be my boyfriend,' but I came damn close. He blew me off." "Maybe he's not....Ah, Jen," Amberly sighed, trying to formulate solid advice. "Maybe he didn't understand you?" "Well," Jennifer sobbed. "I wasn't speaking in Japanese. I was speaking in clear, concise English. Why didn't he understand me?" Amberly sighed, resting her cell phone on her shoulder. "I don't know, Jen. I don't know. Sometimes men just don't make any sense. As much as I love Paul, he's still a man and therefore, subject to being an asshole." Jennifer sobbed softly. "I know, I know." She had dismissed Amberly quickly, not wanting to explain much further the goings on at the hotel and inside the studio. Jennifer needed to vent, Amberly had allowed her to do that. Now she was lost in her thoughts, wandering the hotel and thinking. The truth was, she couldn't seem to focus on anything but him. Physical, sexual him. She was consumed with sadness, and yet, filled with lustful thoughts of what they had done earlier in the day. She hadn't been off the plane for ten minutes when she'd pushed him into the Ladies Room. Risky, but she'd enjoyed that level of risk. Enjoyed the stunned look on his face as she pushed him against the door, unbuttoned and unzipped his shorts, guiding them down over his bony hips. No words were spoken as she undressed him, reaching her small hand down into his boxers and running the length of him. She worked her hand slowly up, then slowly back down to the base of his manhood, each upstroke slowing as she paused to run her thumb over the head of his length. He'd gasped at her touch, causing her to grin lasciviously. The look on his face had pleaded with her not to tease, not to waste time. They could be caught, for one; and the punishment for such public indecency wasn't something either of them wanted to chance. After all, he had an album to record. Most of all, he was desperate for her to finish what she'd started. She'd sensed that easily, had removed her hand, gazed into his dark eyes, and kneeled forward to wrap her red lips around his cock. He groaned softly, using the door for leverage as he leaned back and clutched the doorknob. She had increased her pace almost immediately, bringing growls of lust from deep in his throat. She planted a hand firmly against his lower abdomen, trying to warn him to keep the noise low. Their excitement had rendered the situation hopeless, and he had released within minutes. She had helped him redress quickly, and they had snuck out of the bathroom before they were caught by a nosey businesswoman, or worse yet, Security. The memory was so vivid, she could still taste him in her mouth, coating the top of her tongue. She licked her lips and rounded the corner, a giddy smile forming as she crashed into a familiar, tall frame. She nearly fell to the ground, but Chris grabbed her, pulling her back to her feet as he laughed at her clumsiness. "You were off in la la land," he grinned. "Were you thinking of....Paul?" Jennifer bowed her head and sighed. "Let's go somewhere and talk." Chris nodded, grabbed her hand, and led her down the hallway. His room was only a few doors down, and they were inside and seated within minutes. Jen had talked the entire walk down, and she continued to ramble, hoping Chris would hold answers that she lacked. "I want a commitment," Jennifer frowned, crossing her hands in her lap and staring up at her friend. "I want to know that I'm more than just a friend." "Paul loves you, Jen," Chris smiled reassuringly. "I know he does. He's crazy about you." "I don't feel that lately, Chris," Jen sighed painfully. "I feel like we're friends with benefits, nothing more." Chris sat on the bed across from Jen. "Have you had this discussion with him?" "I've tried," Jen offered quickly. "He changes the subject." She watched him sigh and lay back slowly onto the bed. He ran his hands up his chest and over his face, exhaling loudly. Chris was Paul's best friend. They shared the band, similar interests, and an oddly telepathic personality link. If Chris did not understand this situation, she felt doomed to never grasp what was going through the men's minds. Surely, Chris had to have some insight into Paul that she had overlooked. "I think Paul's just very stressed out right now," Chris eventually offered, continuing to lie on the bed staring up at the ceiling. "We all are. There's a lot riding on this record, Jennifer. I mean, I don't feel it as much as the other four guys, but I feel it; and there's a definite cloud hanging over us everyday in that studio. I don't expect you to understand, but-" "I do," she interrupted. "I understand everything, Chris." Chris nodded slowly. "You're not there every day to fully grasp what's going on there, though. All of the guys are really beating themselves up this time around. They're doing take after take to try and make sure every note is-" "Perfect," she finished. "Trust me, Christopher, I understand. I know Paul- he's been a perfectionist since we were little kids in grade school. If he put one finger a little too far to the left in his finger paintings, he'd tear them up and start over." She laughed at the absurdity of her exaggerated statement. "Seriously. Paul has always been this way. I understand there's pressure for this record. I understand that they've never had to follow up such shocking success before, and I know that there's an added element because you're new as well." Chris nodded. "But what I don't understand is why Paul is evasive and distant with me," Jen continued, sighing loudly and tossing her hands up in the air in a dramatic gesture. "It's not like I'm asking him to marry me. I ask him if he's okay with the fact that I flew out to surprise him, and he skirts the topic. I ask him if he misses me, tell him I missed him. He turns beat red and says he's going out for a smoke. It's not like him, Chris. You and I both know that Paul's never avoidant about anything. He's open and honest, and he tackles the issue before it blossoms into a problem." Chris nodded slowly, agreeing with her every word. "I love Paul a lot. Not just as a potential..." her voice trailed off and she paused to ponder the correct term. "Mate? Is that what I want to deem him? I guess. I could easily spend the rest of my life with Paul," she stated softly. "I'd like to. But right now, I'd really like to know where he stands on that matter, because I just spent a hell of a fucking lot of money- that I do not have, mind you- to fly my ass out here to visit him and all he's done is go take a lot of cigarette breaks." Jen laughed out of frustration. "Oh, and fuck me. He's very good at that. He doesn't dismiss himself or leave the room when I'm naked." Chris laughed uncomfortably with this confession. Jen grinned. "If I ask to come up for some air, he nods okay and leaves. If I sprawl myself naked across the bed, he runs into the room and is more than happy to be there. I know that we both know Paul well enough to understand what I'm about to suggest is not true, but I feel very degraded, Chris. I feel very used. Does he simply want to be lovers and that's it? Because I want more than that." "I don't know," Chris shrugged. His eyes were clouded with his own confusion, and Jen sighed loudly as she stood and sat beside him on his bed. "What's wrong?" she offered softly. "I'm confused too," Chris stated just as softly, turning his head to stare into Jen's eyes. "I've done right by Amberly, Jen. I've called, I've sent flowers, I've done everything I could and she ignores me. She doesn't respond. It's like we slept together and then she fell off the face of the earth. A lot of guys would be ecstatic that she went away so easily, but not me. I'm the deranged looney that wants her in my life for much more than just a once a year fling." "That's commendable, Chris," Jen offered, rubbing his back for comfort and support. "That's what a girl wants: a guy who'll stick around." "Then how come Amberly won't even speak to me?" Chris pleaded, his brown eyes lightening with his sadness. "She won't answer my calls, she-" "She told me you two spoke?" Jen questioned, confused. Chris sighed. "We did, kind of. I asked her to marry me." Jen nodded. "She told me that." "Did she tell you she said no?" Chris inquired, his eyes filling with frustration. "She didn't even consider it, Jen. I barely had the words out and she'd already said no. If she considers that speaking, discussing the topic, then yeah, we discussed. I wasn't trying to freak her out and be weird. I mean, it wasn't like I had sex with her that weekend and then woke up and thought, 'gee, I should marry her?'. I've always liked Amberly. Since the night I met you girls. Since the night I joined the band. She was fun and vibrant and..." his voice trailed off into the silence of the room. "Vivacious. There's a spunk about Amberly that you don't find everywhere. I've had my fill of girls on the road; I've met half the girls in this world. None of them leave me feeling the way Amberly does. I want to wake up everyday at her side." Jen wiped away a tear she didn't realize had glided down her soft cheek and smiled. "That's so beautiful, Chris." "Thanks," he blushed. "But it's not some concocted poetry: it's true. I love her, Jen. I don't understand why she doesn't love me." "I don't know that she doesn't," Jen offered, running a hand through her hair nervously. "I know she really likes you, Chris. I can tell you that. I know that the first night we all met you, she spoke of you endlessly all night long. I couldn't get her to shut up. And when you stripped down naked and ran around the parking lot? Fucking forget it! All I heard about for the rest of the week was naked Chris Wilson." Chris laughed. "She really likes you, Chris. You love her. Don't give up on her. The key to Amberly is that there is never a solid answer with her. She's just...." Jen laughed. "She's Amberly, take it or leave it. I've known her all my life and I'm still just as clueless as you are. She's a good person with a gigantic heart. If she hasn't spoken with you yet, she will. I'll make sure she does, don't worry." Chris smiled. "Thanks, Jen." "Chris?" Jen smiled with the irony of the situation. "How come we couldn't fall in love? It would be so much easier." "That's exactly why," Chris snorted. "It would be too easy." "Did you just call me easy?" a voice called, and Jen and Chris watched the tall male enter the room. "Because, despite the rumors, I am not easy and I resent you for suggesting I am." Jen laughed at this, standing up to greet their friend. "Billy, you are insane!" she smiled as she hugged the lanky man. "Was he talking about me behind my back?" Billy grinned, slapping Chris a playful high-five as a greeting. "I was busy recording my tracks for the record and I wasn't here to defend myself. That's not fair. Do you think that's fair, Jen? I mean, I was working hard to earn him a paycheck and he was badmouthing me?" "Cut it out," Chris laughed, shaking his head at his band mate. "You're a spaz." Billy raised an overly manicured eyebrow. "Did you just say spaz? Who the hell uses that term, Chris?" "You just answered yourself," Jen laughed as Billy threw himself down onto the bed nearest the door. "Chris does." "You're a smartass!" Billy waved a finger in the air. "You two shouldn't be allowed to play together anymore! I'm telling dad!" Jen laughed at this and sat on Chris' bed beside him. "You're in rare form today, William. What's up?" Billy exhaled loudly, ran his hands through his stringy black hair and sat up on the bed. He stared into Jen's eyes and grinned. "Not much. I was in the studio with Joel all day, trying to work out some guitar parts, you know? My nerves are shot. My brain is shot. I don't even think I can handle a video game right now, that's how truly worn out I am." "My god!" Chris gasped. "Someone call Guinness!" "I prefer Corona," Billy winked, making a playful clicking sound with his tongue. "Anyhow, Jen, I've been wanting to talk to you. You're in big trouble!" Jen smiled as he pointed at her and grinned. "What did I do?" "You!" Billy raised his voice, then began to chuckle. "Nothing, nothing. Actually, it's about that piece you e-mailed me a few months ago. When we were in Europe?" "The vampire story?" Jen questioned, nodding in understanding. Billy nodded. "Yeah, that was..." he paused and ran his hands through his hair. "That was fucking amazing, excuse my language. I've never read anything like that before. I thought you were more of a drama type girl." "That's what everyone thinks," Jen smirked. "Well, I bought into that archetype," Billy grinned. "How wrong I was! You really painted those creatures as being real. I had goose bumps the entire time I read it. I'm sorry, I don't remember the title of the story, but I know I was so engrossed in that piece that I barely slept that night. I just sat at the desk in whatever hotel we were in, and I read and read and read." "Thanks," Jen smiled with pride. "That means a lot." "Not to boast or anything," Billy smirked. "But I'd like to think that the lead character was patterned after myself. After all, you depicted him as a gothic stud muffin and I believe that describes me quite well." Chris snorted. "Stud muffin? Did you just use the word 'stud muffin' in a sentence, dude?" Billy nodded emphatically. "Indeed, I did." Jen laughed at the two men. "You guys are too much. Seriously, though, thank you, Billy. That really means a lot. Firstly, that you took the time to read 'Throne Unto Dust', but moreover, that you really liked it. It was my first vampire piece." She sighed. "Frankly, I had no idea what I was doing, and to me, it's not really the best piece I've ever written. I mean, it's only, what? Eighty pages." "Gee, only," Chris grinned. "Shut up you!" Jen taunted with a smile. "Anyhow, thank you. I was thinking of locking it up in a drawer and trying to forget I ever wrote it." "When you're a big-time famous author, I'm going to dig out my copy and show the world," Billy nodded sarcastically. "I'll say, 'This was before she was famous! Before she was giving Stephen King a run for his cashola.' " "Right," Jen snickered. "Like Stephen King will ever wince at the mention of Jennifer Anne Sterling." "Soon to be Jennifer Anne Sterling-Thomas," Chris corrected. Jen laughed. "I wish." Billy watched the two curiously. "So, you and Paul are..." he allowed the question to hang in the air without any threat of an immediate response. "Let's go get some dinner downstairs and I'll explain," Jen smiled, standing up and motioning toward the large door. "I'm starving." * * * Paul yells at me for writing about such personal items in this online journal. He waves his finger and cautions me against such entries, and I laugh. I say, 'They're protected; no one can ever read them but me.' I laugh at him for worrying, but now I cringe at the thought of anyone ever reading what I'm about to write. Most of all, Paul. I had dinner with Chris and Billy tonight, in the downstairs restaurant of this large hotel in Beverly Hills. I could barely afford the cost of one night's stay here, let alone, the bar tab that the three of us ran up only hours ago. Thank goodness for Amex and boys, right? If you could see me, I just laughed nervously at that statement. I laughed because I never thought I'd ever say anything like that, and I cringed because, in effect, I just used two people I consider to be close friends. Paul's friends. I told Billy the story of what's been going on lately. I explained that I scraped quarters from mine and Amberly's sofa to buy a ticket here. How I arrived, how I risked public indecency charges to maul Paul in an airport bathroom. The surprise on his face, the kisses and the hugs and the nights of endless sex. I didn't feel the need to censor myself to the boys, so I told the truth: we've been having insane amounts of wild, unabashed sex. What's lacking, however, is what I emphasized most. My need to understand where I stand with Paul, and why it is that every time I try to tackle this subject, he runs. Like a child avoiding punishment. I wanted someone to understand. Someone to tell me I wasn't wrong, that I was right for feeling this way. Chris had done his best, had promised me that Paul did, in fact, love me. Coming from Chris, it meant the world and so much more. Why can't I be infatuated with Christopher, God? I would have a beautiful, loving fiancé by now. Instead, I have a chain-smoking, blundering, sex maniac who won't give me a commitment. Just Lovers That's bad, I'm sorry. I do love this man, I do. I confessed my troubles to their eager ears over dinner. I stared into their friendly eyes and asked them all the questions I want to ask him, but can't. They had no answers. They are, after all, his friends. But they listened, and that was enough. So we toasted to relationships and we toasted to the irony of love. We toasted to any matter of the heart that we could dream up, slamming back more shots than I could count on the fingers that type this entry. Chris went to bed, slurring his speech and laughing at his faltering steps as he tried to walk, unaided, through the hotel. He collapsed once inside their room, and I have yet to see him since. Billy and I continued to drink. To talk. He told me this story about when he was younger, the day he realized he was in love with Linzi. They had lost their virginities to one another, and she was feeling regret at their actions. She was crying into his chest when he simply stated, "I love you." Or so, that's how his story went. It reminded me of all the good times I'd had with Paul, all the moments in our youth when our eyes would meet across a room and I would just feel my heart do cartwheels inside my chest. That was the feeling I wanted to recapture tonight. That was what I hoped to achieve, I think, when I allowed the talking to turn to something else. Fucking. I'm not sure how it started and who initiated, if it was Billy or myself or Coors Light. Either way, I'm responsible for my actions and my actions were x-rated and all wrong. I remember the feel of him in my mouth, his taste, and his moans. How he reacted as I stroked him and swirled my tongue slowly, how he begged me to speed my movements so he might reach release faster. How he called my name. It should have stopped there. It should never have happened. We continued on, though. He drove into me slowly, passionately. There was a want in those ocean blue eyes of his; a tenderness in his touch that portrayed his lust without the animalistic hunger. It felt right to be there with him in those moments, my legs wrapped around his amazingly small hips. My hands traveling frantically around his back, his hips thrusting hungrily into me. He was so beautiful in those moments, and I hate myself for feeling that way. But he was beautiful. I loved him that hour. I did. Is that wrong? Is it wrong that, with his hard cock inside me, I called his name and wanted him to fill me with his sex? That I forgot the name of the man I have loved since grade school, and instead, could only scream one name. Billy. Amberly stared at the computer monitor, her jaw nearly about to unhinge. "Holy fucking shit." "What?" Jennifer called from in the kitchen. "What's wrong?" Amberly let out a slight chirp and began closing out windows on the screen. "Nothing, Jen. I slipped and almost fell out of my chair, that's all." She laughed nervously. "I'm a klutz." Jen laughed and Amberly heard the refrigerator door shut softly. "Be careful, dippy!" "I will," she called back nervously. "I'm fine." There was no response from the kitchen and Amberly let out a giant sigh. "Holy fucking shit," she mumbled. "Holy fucking shit. This is fucked up." "What is?" Jen questioned, raising an eyebrow as she raised a bottle of spring water to her lips. Amberly let out another great sigh and bit her bottom lip. "Can I ask you something?" Jen nodded. "Ever since you came back from L.A., you've been acting kind of strange. I mean, you've only been home for a day-" "Less than a day," Jen smiled. She stared at her watch. "Twenty hours, in fact." "Right," Amberly smirked. "But you're not acting right. And you did call me in the middle of the day crying while you were there. I'm just....worried, that's all." "You're right," Jen nodded, a solemn look on her face now. "We do need to talk. Let's go sit in the living room, okay? I think this might be a long conversation." Amberly nodded slowly, standing up and following her friend. She was worried about Jen, especially after having read what she was never supposed to see. Her best friend had had an affair with Paul's band mate; a man who was engaged to one of their best friends. "Can I start?" Amberly sighed as she flopped down onto the sofa and shut the television off. "Because I have to make a confession." "You read my journal," Jen smiled softly. "I figured that out already." Amberly blushed crimson. "I'm sorry, Jen, I didn't mean to-" "It's okay," Jen sighed, waving her hand as if to clear the tension in the air. "I was going to tell you, anyhow. I just didn't know how and I didn't want to you to think less of me." "As if I ever would?" Amberly smiled reassuringly. "I mean, I'm not exactly the Virgin Mary here." The two girls laughed. "Jen, I understand what happened between you and Billy. He's separated from Linz and confused, you're looking for answers that Paul can't seem to give you. You both needed solace and somehow, you found it in each other." "That's a nice way of putting it," Jen snorted. "I'd term it more like drunken debauchery, but alright. Finding solace in one another's arms is more poetic, right?" Amberly nodded. "Does Paul know?" "Of course not!" Jen nearly shrieked. "Are you crazy? He'd murder Billy's scrawny ass, chop my head off and nail it to his front door. And after all that was done, he'd fuck up every bass track on the next record and then blame the loss of his career on me." "That's putting it lightly," Amberly winked. "Right," Jen nodded. "He doesn't know and he can't know." "What about Linz?" Amberly questioned quietly. "Is Billy going to tell her?" Jen shot up straight in her seat. "I sure as fuck hope not! " Amberly tried not to laugh at the panic-stricken look on her friend's face. "Jen, hon, he may feel that she needs to know. He might tell her when they get back together. And not to be a bitch, but you did this. You consciously chose to sleep with your friend's fiancé. You need to be prepared to deal with the consequences of that, and those involve Paul finding out what happened. I may not tell him, you may not tell him, Billy sure as hell won't tell him; but you can bet that if Linzi finds out what happened that night, she's going to hightail it to Paul and cry on his sleeve." "You're right," Jen sighed, feeling the weight of her mistake tugging on her broken heart. "Just like I have to deal with the consequences of my actions," Amberly added in a near whisper. Jen raised her head, tears streaming down her cheeks, and stared at her friend. "What actions?" Amberly's eyes filled with identical tears. "I'm pregnant." "You're what?" Jen could barely speak. "What?" She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. She could not have heard Amberly right, it just was not possible. "Amberly, what did you just say?" she stammered. "That weekend," Amberly began to sob. "I fucked Chris. We fucked a lot that weekend, and I never once thought, you know, to use protection. He's Chris, you know? He would never give me something, he wouldn't hurt me. I just didn't think. I fucked him, stupidly, blindly. Like an animal, Jen. I was an animal. I didn't care. We were having a weekend with the guys, and it felt right, so I did it. I was a stupid, dumb fucking moron. Now I'm knocked up and I have no boyfriend, fuck, I barely have a job to pay the rent around here. I've got a kid inside me that's screwed because, well, his mom is a fucking numbskull and-" "You have Chris," Jen interrupted, sniffling as she stared at her friend in disbelief. "Amberly, Chris loves you. He would do anything for you. He wants to marry you!" "I don't want to marry him," Amberly screamed, stepping away from the sofa and slamming her fists down toward her hips. "Okay? I don't fucking want to marry him! I don't love him, Jennifer. You think that just because two people have sex, they love each other. In your little Molly Ringwald world, that's true. Well, in my world, which is called reality, it's not. I fucked Chris, yes. I wanted to fuck him and I love his body. I hope that's not too much honesty for you, miss prim and proper. But it's true. I love his cock, but I do not love him!" Amberly stormed out of the room, and disappeared. Jennifer couldn't move, she simply stared at the space that her friend had occupied moments before. "We are fucked," Jen stated aloud, staring around their small living room. "We are fucked." She stood and walked across the room toward the telephone. Before she understood what her body was doing, she had dialed the familiar number and greeted the familiar voice on the other end of the phone. "Jen, please," he offered with exasperation in his deep voice. "I can't understand anything you're saying." "I love you," she cried softly. "I love you, Paul, and you don't love me." He sighed. "I never said I didn't love you, Jen." "Then tell me you love me," she challenged. "Say it, Paul!" There was no response. "You can't even say it," she cried. "I've loved you since we were in grade school, you asshole. Since the day you stuck up for me at recess. Do you even remember that? Do you remember how we met?" "Jennifer," he groaned. "Please, this is ridiculous." "To you!" she spat angrily. "It's ridiculous to you. It's important to me." "Jennifer Anne Sterling," he stated softly. "I know you don't believe that I love you, and I know I have a strange way of showing it. But I do love you. I have loved you since the day I saw you on the playground at Fuller Elementary. Since the moment I saw your little red beret fly off your head and land in that mud puddle. I love you very much, but I cannot promise you eternity right now. I know you want something solid and I feel like an asshole because I can't-" "Paul, don't," she groaned. "Don't." "I do love you, Jennifer. I wish you understood that," he sighed. "I understand, Paul," she frowned into the phone. "But I don't think you do." "Jen?" he frowned again, and she could hear the exhaustion in his voice. "Are we going to argue?" She sobbed softly, curling into a ball on the couch. "I don't want to, Paul. I don't want to." "Can I change the subject?" he laughed lightly. "I have a question." "I guess," she sighed. "It can't hurt." "Chris said the two of you talked about Amberly. What did you say to him?" Paul questioned, and she heard him exhale loudly. He was smoking. "I thought you were going to quit?" Jen laughed. "You promised me!" "Yeah, well," he laughed. "Seriously, what did you say to Chris cause he's been pounding the skins like a madman. Not that he's not normally insane, but yesterday, he bashed in five drumheads alone. It's nuts. He's going through that shit like Animal on a fucking Muppets holiday." Jennifer laughed at his analogy. "I told him nothing, really. I mean, this is Amberly we're talking about. The girl that surprised us all by dumping her boyfriend of three years two weeks before senior prom, and taking another girl to the dance. I can't gauge what she's thinking, Paul. I told him I know she cares about him. That's all I know." "That's all you know?" he repeated, and she heard him exhale a large plume of smoke. "You sure?" "Why?" Jen asked defensively. Paul laughed softly. "No biggie, kiddo. Calm down. Chris just seems to think that there's something up with Amberly. She actually returned his phone call the other day. Monday, when you were flying home. She called his cell and we were in the studio, so of course, he didn't answer it. Anyhow, apparently she left some deranged message, all crying and shit, saying that she was so very sorry that she had ruined their lives." "Huh," Jen thought out loud. "Strange, right? Amberly doesn't usually admit any wrongdoing," Paul snorted. He choked, and Jen wished she was there to rip the cancer stick from his fingers. "So, anyway, Chris has been destroying his drum kit, literally. I'm not sure what she said exactly, just that it upset him and he's not fully here, mentally. Fuck it, Jennifer, fucking Joel noticed it. When Joel Madden notices someone's emotional unraveling, you know it's pretty-" "Significant," Jen smiled. "Yeah." "So I was just thinking, you know, maybe she said something to you or-" "No," she interrupted. "She hasn't. I mean, I haven't been home very long, but we've barely spoken. She's been locked up in her room, painting like a madwoman since I got home." "Oh yeah?" Paul questioned with amusement. "What's she painting?" "No idea," Jen shrugged. "She's like us: darkness and emotional upheaval inspire her. So if there's some major going on between her and Chris, who knows. She'll paint herself out of it." "Right, right," he muttered and she heard him cough again. "Speaking of, I wrote some poetry today. I think your little visit inspired me." Jen felt her face blush. "Really?" He laughed. "Yeah. Want me to read you some?" "I'd love it!" she clapped excitedly. "Oh, grab your notebook and read me something good." "Alright, gimme a second," he laughed and she heard him searching through his duffel bag. "You have to promise not to be upset with me, okay?" "Why would I be upset with you?" she snorted. "You're my friend." She nearly cringed with the words. "I adore you and your writing." "Well," he laughed nervously. "What I wrote is kind of...." his voice trailed off. "Kind of what, Paul?" Jen grinned. "Half the poetry I write is kind of awful, but I still let you read it." He smirked. "Let's just say, it's poetry that comes from my heart and my nether regions. Shall I leave it at that?" Jen laughed self-consciously. "Oh." "Shall I read then?" he laughed. "Go right ahead, Shakespeare," Jen smiled with anticipation. "Sonnet me, baby." He laughed at this, and then cleared his throat. He began to read her his first poem, ending with a perfectly enunciated, "With you I feel the wind of opportunity stretching into the vast openness of my arms. Your breasts like a bastion of motivation, propelling my villainous, manly charms." Jen laughed. "Paulie, you're horrible!" Paul blushed. "I know. But that's not even the 'bad' one." "Oh dear," Jen giggled. "Hit me!" "Oh, I'd like to," he grinned. "Here goes," he sighed. "Fingers to hands, toes to legs. Between your thighs, the heat that begs- for my ignition, recognition," he read slowly and Jen could not help but laugh. "What's so funny?" he smirked. Jen continued giggling. "Paul, I'm sorry, I do love you, but those are just some of the worst rhymes I've ever-" "Alright," he barked with amusement, and she heard his notebook slap shut. "No more Shakespeare for you, Miss Jennifer." "Sorry, sorry," she laughed. "It was cute. I'm sorry," she took a deep breath and exhaled away her laughter. "It was sweet, Paulie. It was very sweet." "Mmyeah, well," he grinned, twisting his lips playfully. "I read it to Benji and I think he nearly wet himself." Jen erupted into a second fit of laughter. "Jennifer!" Paul whined. "You're not supposed to laugh at me like HE did!" "I always said," Jen nearly cried with mirth, "that Benji and I were meant to be twins." Paul groaned. "Not funny." "Speaking of, how is Mr. Roaming Gnome? Is Angelina still in town?" Jen laughed, referring to Paul's band mate by her favorite term of endearment. She had always said that Benji reminded her of the little character in the television commercials. "Actually, yeah, she is. Benji wrote her some love poetry the other night, and I heard him reading it to her," he quipped. "Apparently, it didn't go over so well, because I saw her running down the hallway of the hotel with a giant wet stain on the ass of her shorts." Jen giggled. "Paulie, I was teasing you!" "Yeah," Paul cracked. "Sure. I do a nice thing, I write you some beautiful material and you-" "Beautiful?" Jen shrieked. "Paul, you had a line about the sun gleaming off my 'Virgin white ass'!" Paul laughed. "Well, that rhymed with 'She's got sophistication and class'!" "Paul Anthony Thomas," she snorted. "You are too much! You make it so hard for me to hate you, you know?" "I know," Paul beamed. "I rock!" "That was such a Benjamin thing to say," Jen snorted. "I think you've been spending too much time with the Roaming Gnome." "I probably have," Paul yawned. "We've been stuck in the studio for long hours every day. It's insane. I think we're all losing our minds. Fuck, Joel and Benji got into a screaming match yesterday over what guitar Benj was going to play on the bridge of 'Another Day Past'. I thought they were going to gut each other alive over it, too. It was insane. We all had to take a step back and realize that, it's just another record, you know? Sure, we have pressure from the label and management, the media, the fans. But when it all comes down to it, we've done this before, right? It's just another record." "Right," Jen nodded. "Are they okay now?" Paul sighed. "Yeah, I mean, they're bickering here and there: I think it's a twin thing. They have their good days, they have their bad days. They seem to fight a lot outside the studio. Joel's been seeing this new girl and Benji really hates her. Fuck it, we all really despise the bitch. Anyhow, apparently the other night, Joel and the new chick, Benji and Angelina all went out to a movie, and somehow or other- I don't know the details- the bitch punched Angie. Needless to say, that got the twins fighting and it did not get an approval rating for this girl from any of us, or Ang." "Yikes," Jen cringed. "She must be a winner, huh?" Paul snorted. "You could say that. I've only seen her once, but she's short. Short little thing, weighs about as much as my fucking thigh. She wore Prada heels and a Fendi jacket to a movie. Can you imagine?" "Well, at least she'll match Joel," Jen antagonized. "Whatever," Paul groaned. "It's just gross. All that money for a fucking jacket. I don't even spend that kind of cash on tires for my fucking car, you know?" "I know," Jen grinned. "That's why I love you!" "I'd like for you to love me right now," he sighed softly. "I'm...frustrated, as they say." "Oh?" Jen cocked an eyebrow and giggled softly. "What's that supposed to mean?" "Well," Paul grinned and readjusted his cell phone against his ear. "While you were here, I kind of got used to being taken care of, my needs, that is. And now you're not here," he groaned dramatically. "My right hand is tired, kid. So very tired." "Gross!" Jen laughed. "Maybe I can help you now?" "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" Paul smirked. "Oh you bad, bad, naughty girl!" "Just lay back," Jen blushed. "And exhale loudly. Relax." Paul did as she said, and she heard him breath deeply, then exhale. "Run your hand down your chest, and into your pants." "Shorts," he corrected with a wink. "Whatever," Jennifer laughed. "Work with me here. I've never done this before." Paul gasped playfully. "You've never had phone sex before?" "And you have?" Jennifer gasped back. "Paul, how the hell?" "I, we, she, I," Paul stammered. "I have, yeah. I was seeing this girl in Michigan once, you know, she was a 'road thing', and she'd call me every night and talk to me for hours. We'd talk dirty and stuff. It was fun." Jennifer sighed. "Really?" Paul nodded and smiled with the memory. "This one night, she told me to pretend she was there. And she walked me through all this stuff. She painted these vivid pictures, Jen. Like she'd say, 'Run your hand up your cock and pause, think of me staring up at you, my eyes wide and pleading for you to beg for more.' It was amazing. So I'd just lay here and stroke myself, and she'd tell me these stories. Make me imagine her riding me, or her biting my ear. She drove me nuts with the things she'd say on those nights." He paused and sighed. "But anyhow, that was short-lived. She flew out to a show in Chicago one night, met Tony, and that was the end of me. I haven't heard from her since." Just Lovers "Aww, Paulie," Jennifer sighed. "That's a horrible story! Who would dump you for Tony?" "She did!" Paul laughed. "Eh, no big deal. She wanted to do all this whacked out shit, wanted me to choke her. I wouldn't do it. I figured, with my luck, I'd kill her and end up in prison for murdering some little freak from Michigan. You know, I can see the headlines now, 'Bassist Kills Fan in Freak Sex Act.' So I refrained and she decided to find the next best thing. That was Tony. Oh well." "I'd pick you over Tony's skanky ass any day," Jennifer sighed. "So on that note, my little bumble bee," he yawned. "I have to be up at some ludicrous hour tomorrow to record. I've barely been sleeping, cause Chris snores. And when we switch rooms and I'm with Billy, he paces and that makes me anxious and I can't fall asleep. Needless to say, I'm fucked no matter which way I turn." Jen laughed. "They're good guys, Paul." "They are," he grinned. "I don't know what I'd do without them. They're the best friends a fat bassist could ask for." "Paul!" she shrieked. "You're not fat!" Paul laughed. "Would you agree with overly svelte?" "No," Jen laughed. "Not at all. You're perfect." "I'm perfect?" Paul gasped. "I'll have to chart that one down. Jennifer says I'm perfect," he repeated dramatically. "What's today's date?" "Why?" Jen laughed hysterically. "Because," he chuckled. "I'm putting this one on paper." "I love you, Paul," Jen sighed. "And I miss you." "I love you too, Jennifer," he smiled. "And I miss your pussy very much. Give it my regards." "Ugh," Jen grumbled playfully. "Goodbye, Paul." Paul laughed. "Night, hon." "Night Paul," she repeated as she removed the phone from her ear and placed it into the cradle. "I love you." "How's everything?" came a soft voice from over her shoulder. Jen turned and met Amberly's eyes, nodding her head slowly, then motioning for her friend to sit down. "They're all okay," Jen smiled reassuringly as she reached out to touch Amberly's shaking hand. "What's wrong?" She stared at her friend, who sat shaking softly. When Amberly didn't respond, Jen prodded softly. "Chris is fine." Amberly nodded. "Oh good." "They're all pretty stressed about the record," Jen continued, trying to lighten Amberly's mood. "Paul was saying that Joel and Benji have actually been fighting, physically." Amberly nodded slowly. "They got into it over what guitar Benj was going to use on one of the new songs, apparently. Can you fathom? Paul says it stems from this girl that Joel's dating. She's a real bitch, supposedly." "What about Chris?" Amberly inquired softly. Jennifer cocked her head and eyed her friend curiously. "What about Chris?" "How is he handling everything?" Amberly whispered, a tear streaming down her ghostly pale cheek. "Because I have to call him and tell him and I just need to know that he's not going to freak out on me." Jen nodded. "I think you should call him. Things will be alright." Amberly sat, tears streaming down her cheeks and she eyed her friend nervously. "And what if they're not? What if I call and he freaks out, and we never speak again? Where does that leave me? I'm fucked up, Jennifer. I don't know what to do, who to turn to." "Amberly," Jen sighed. "Just call him and talk. Things will work out how they're meant to work out." She dialed the number and handed her friend the phone. "I'll be inside if you need me, alright? I think you should have some privacy." Amberly nodded, and took the telephone. "Hello?" she questioned softly. "Amberly?" Chris questioned back, and she could hear him yawn. "Amberly, that you?" She sighed and nodded. "Yeah, Chris, I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" She could practically hear his smile as he stated softly, "No, no, it's cool. What's up? How are you?" She exhaled loudly and bit her lip. "I'm fine, Chris, but there's a lot I need to talk to you about." "Okay?" he offered, and she could still hear the delight in his voice. "Because before you say anything, I have to say this. I didn't mean to scare you away, Am. I really do love you. I hope you understand that. I don't want you to ever think that we spent that weekend together and I woke up the next morning, drunk off sex or whatever, and just up and proposed for no reason. I really do want to be with you. I love you. I think of you so much, and I've just been completely out of it these past two months. I've been destroying my drum kits in the studio and I just-" "I'm pregnant," she interrupted his ramble. There was silence. Amberly sniffled softly and repeated, "Christopher, I'm pregnant." "How?" he choked lightly. "How is that possible?" "It is," Amberly stated simply, tears coursing down her cheeks. "I got pregnant that weekend, Chris. We didn't use protection, remember? We were stupid. I care about you, I want you to be involved if you want to be involved but-" "Marry me," he interrupted. "Please? It's the right thing! We need to be a family, Amberly." "The right thing," Amberly sobbed. "I wish we had done the right thing. What is the right thing, Chris? I mean, seriously. What is right anymore? You seem to know the answers, but I sure as hell can barely formulate the questions. None of this is right, Chris. It's not right. It'll never be right." She sobbed openly as she removed the phone from her ear, and placed the receiver back down to the white base. "I'm sorry, Chris," she stated softly, staring at the disconnected phone. "But it's too soon, and I was wrong."