0 comments/ 9110 views/ 0 favorites Fred's House Call By: Frogsoup We sleep late. I woke, looking around my now-familiar bedroom, at the dirty clothes from yesterday always strewn on the floor from last night. Emma sleeps next to me, her back to me. I draw my fingernails lightly down her back, and she lithely stretches her back to me. "Mm Fred..." she mumbles in her sleep and I scratch harder. She purrs, like a cat, and slides her naked ass against my lower belly. I feel myself rising against her and I slide gently along the cheeks of her ass. She arches her back to press against me and wiggles, I reach around to her cup her right breast, rubbing the nipple so gently and feeling her response. "Let's do it, Fred," she says dreamily. I reach to the bedside table for a condom. She complains in mutters when I pull away to slip the condom on, but purrs again when I press back up against her, sliding the head of my dick along her lips until she pulls her legs up and backs to me as I slide slowly into her, feeling her tense against the invasion and then relax in welcome. "Mrfr glph Fred," she says matter-of-factly and I pull out a little and push in deeper. It's a weird angle, and she rolls forward a little to press against me harder. I push into her in one slow smooth stroke and I hear her moan my name. I pull out in one frictive stroke and press back into her, slowly, and I feel her wet on me and getting wetter. I put my hand on her right hip and roll away, pulling out almost all the way, and roll forward into her. "Munh, go away, we're busy...harder, Fred." She pulls away as I pull from her, and then pushes to me as I push into her. "Yeah, like that, just like...ohh...ohh Fred...mmn huh?" She raises her head off the pillow and lets out a long moan. "Oh God Fred...you know how to wake a girl up don't you, Mr...Real Man...oh Gawd yes, yes--" I feel her clench me and she shifts her leg to press us together and I feel her shake and hear her cry out into the pillow, and she grips me with her pussy and I feel she is so wet. I wonder if it qualifies as lubricant-- I slide out of her, and she sighs. I move the tip of the condom up to her ass and she shudders but makes no move to stop me. I rip it off. I press slowly into her ass, her own juices easing my way and Em's panting loud in my ear as she arcs back to me. "Oh Fred..." She trembles and gasps, rolls slowly over onto her belly and I get my legs under me. "Hnh--Oh! Unh..." I slip all the way into her and pull back. I stroke once into her, twice, and she is crooning her pleasure. I pull all the way out and then press into her a very short way, pull out again, barely slip inside, and keep this up. She begins to moan and I'm starting to get close...I slide deep into her again and she cries "Fred...whoa--OH!"and shakes under me, her ass grasping me and her cheeks shaking and I feel my own climax rising in me, driving me on faster and harder, keeping Em's orgasm rising as I build and... I'm coming now, feeling each spurt echo throughout my body and shuddering as I fill Em. She yells in pleasure and clamps down upon me, stilling me, squeezing me over and over as I fell her gorgeous butt with my come and kiss the back of her neck. I pull free and she rolls over, grabs my dirty t-shirt off the floor, and places it strategically beneath her. "Fred," she says, "you broke the rule." "I know," I tell her, and I do; the Emma's butt rule is always lube, shower after. "But don't you count as lube?" "I did this time, which is why I let you get away with it. THAT part of it, anyway," she says, getting out of bed. "C'mon, shower with me. Oh, and...what an awesome thing to wake up to, getting fucked in the bottom. Thank you, Daddy," she tells me, and skips to the bathroom to shower. Shaking my head, I follow. "Fuck, I've been letting myself go." Emma looks dismayed, dripping water onto the bathroom scale. I sneak a peek; it says 128. She sees me looking and pushes me out of the bathroom. "Get out!" she yells, and she actually looks angry at me. "What's wrong, Em? You're perfect--" "I'm fucking FAT, Fred!" she yells. "I don't want you seeing just how far out of shape I am!" "I can't see it, baby." I make a point of looking her up and down. "You look incredible--" "Is that some new word for 'lardass'?" She slams the bathroom door in my face. "Em--" "Go away, Fred." She sounds really irritated. I go into the living room and sit naked on the couch. I stare into the empty corner where Emma's Christmas tree only recently stood. I'm pretty confused by Emma's reaction to the scale, and to me. I feel pretty glum about it and I'm wondering what I did wrong and what I could have done differently when Em opens the bathroom door and comes and sits next to me, still in the nude. I look at her for a moment, and she looks back at me; I slide my arm around her shoulders. "What'd I do, Em?" She cuddles into me and lays her head on my shoulder. "You didn't do anything, I'm really sorry, big guy. I'm just...overweight, that's all." "You are not overweight. You're perfect," I tell her, and I feel her stiffen. "Are you trying to make me fat, Fred?" "I'm trying to make you see that I'd love you if you weighed three hundred pounds--" This is apparently the wrong thing to say. She lurches out of the couch. "Dammit, I know what I'm supposed to weigh, and I'm not gonna get fat for you, or anybody else." She stomps off to the bedroom in a way that reminds me of the Exit March Carol would always do when she was determined to fight with me. In hindsight I see that Carol was always determined to fight with me when she was sneaking off to another hookup with her lover Frank. Could it be that she could only get it up if I was mad at her? I sit for another moment and then get up and walk into the bedroom. Emma is dressing in a sweatsuit and looks at me only in passing. "Em, I've got to go to work--" "Okay, see you later," she says, and her voice is distant, cool. I walk in and kiss her, and she's passive. "I don't know what I said or did to make you mad, but I'm sorry," I tell her, and I dress in a hurry. While I'm putting on thermal undies, jeans, a sweatshirt, two pairs of socks, and boots, she walks stiffly out of the room and I hear the front door open and shut. Depressing. Now in uniform I call into work. "Unseen Security, Vic Torrance." "Hi Vic, Fred." "Fred! Got a residential for you, asked for you special." "Would that name be Fendle?" "No, Duncan." "Oh. Not Carol?" "Carol Duncan." "Shit. I don't want to go anywhere near her. Can anyone else do this one?" "She made it pretty clear that if someone else showed up the deal was off." "Vic, she doesn't want an alarm, she wants a reconciliation." "Fred, she might actually just want an alarm--" "Even if she did, she won't once she finds out that reconciliation isn't gonna happen." "Fred, it's business. You gotta go." "...Alright, Vic. But I'm gonna say 'I told you so' all over your dumb ass." "Whatever you need to do, buddy." Emma's car is already gone when I get into mine, and in the frigid sunshine I see her tire tracks in the snow heading off toward town. I miss her already and I wish I could make things right by her; I'd certainly tried. I consider calling her cell but I figure I'll give her some time to cool off. I stop by work and pick up the truck, then make the drive over to the apartment that Carol and I used to share. With a sense of dread I knock on the door. The door opens and Carol stands before me in a slinky negligee. "Oh, Fred," she says in a sighing kind of voice, and she falls into my arms. I push her back, but not before I feel her tits against my arm. "You wanted an alarm, Carol?" "Come in. Please," she adds, holding the door. I enter, wary. "I want an alarm installer." I sigh. "Carol...no. No. If you want an alarm put in, I can help you with that." "You know what I want put in, Fred--" Carol drops the top of the negligee, and I avert my eyes and back toward the door. "Alright, alright," she says and when I look back she's covered herself. "Yes, I want an alarm." "Only if you promise me you'll put some fucking clothes on." "Okay," she says, too quickly, and I don't trust her at all. I plan my fast escape. I set my briefcase on the table and turn to her. "Okay, what is it you're interested in?" "Fred, you can't leave me." Sigh. "Watch me." I pick up my briefcase and step toward the door. She grabs my sleeve. "No, please...I fucked up, I know I did, I don't want our marriage to end!" "Too late. Where's Frank?" I ask. "He's gone, he went home to his wife. She took him back, why won't you take me back?" "Uhh, maybe she took him back because he didn't lie to her. You lied over and over to me. I wouldn't take you back even if you weren't a whore," I throw in, out of spite, and I immediately regret it. When she speaks again her voice is rueful. "I AM a whore. I've been so stupid...Please let me make it up to you." "That's almost exactly what you said last time," I remind her. "And thinking of all the 'business trips' you took around then I don't believe it ended there." I shake my head. "Don't worry, Carol, you'll find another stupe." My phone rings, my personal ring for Emma. I answer. "Hi," I say, wary. "Hi Fred, I wanted to call and tell you I love you," she says. "I love you too, Emma," I say. Carol screams. "He loves you so much he's fucking me right now!" "Hey, Emma? Hello?" The phone is silent. I check the display and she has disconnected. "Oh that is IT!" I yell. "I will NEVER EVER get back with you, Carol, you're poisonous and evil and I hope you fucking ROT." I gather my briefcase. "Fred, wait--" She grabs my arm, and I fling her off. "You can't go! You're my hus--" I turn on her and walk toward her, my fists clenching. "I am not yours, Carol. If you had any respect or any decency, you'd have stayed faithful to me when I was, not...fucked whoever caught your eye over and over again, and made up lies about it to cover your ass." She looks frightened and backs up as I walk toward her "You poison and pollute everything around you. You're so fucking scared I'll be happy with someone else that you lie to HER over the phone!" She shakes her head. "I said that because I can't stand that you're with her--" "But you can stand to go fuck someone outside of our marriage again and again, and just smile and nod when I ask if you've really been where you say you were instead of where I know you were--at the Shady Rest Motel with Frank Caswell!" Carol has backed up against the wall and I am spitting my words into her face. "No. I love Emma, and if I can't have her I will be alone forever, so LEAVE ME BE!" I turn and gather everything and head for the door. Carol starts to cry. "Fred, wait...I'll do anything, please...please let me...suck your cock, Fred, I'll do anything--" "You'll never even SEE my cock again, Carol. You won't get me close enough to throw a rock at you again." I let myself out to the sound of her sobbing and take the stairs down. At my truck, I return Emma's call, but it goes directly to voicemail. "Emma, it's Fred, don't even believe what she said, she put in a call for an alarm and I had to answer it." I pause. "Please call me, I love you and I really need to hear your voice now." "Unseen Security, Vic Torrance--" "Vic, you motherfucker, I told you." "Hey, whoa Fred, don't--" "I get here, she's in a skimpy fucking nightie trying to get in my pants. I FUCKING TOLD YOU." "Okay, okay, you told me, Fred, calm down--" "Calm down my fucking ass, this mighta just ruined my relationship with Emma." "Hey, wait a minute." "No, man. You know what's going on with Carol, and you still sent me over there, to make a buck. Not cool." "Okay, okay," Vic tells me. "I'm sorry, okay? I'll send Ted out on it." "Send T-- Why didn't you just send him anyway?" "Look, it's fucked up, okay? I know I shoulda known." "No, Vic, you DID know. I TOLD you. You said there was no-one else, and now you say you'll give it to Ted? That's really fucked up. Then Emma calls right in the middle of her shit, Carol screams that I'm fucking her right now." "...Okay, Fred, drop in and talk to me about it." "I'm on my way there to drop off the truck." "I've got a service call for you--" "Give it to Ted." As I drive toward work to drop off the truck and pick up my last check, I see a familiar figure trudging along the sidewalk, hunched over from the cold. I look closer; sure enough. I pull over. "Hey Jan!" Janice turns to look at me, confused; she doesn't recognize the truck, but she finally recognizes me. "Oh, Fred! Hi!" "Need a ride?" My friend Janice nods and hops in. Janice isn't pretty--she's cute in a mousy kind of way--but when she smiles like that I can see guys hittin' on her. Not that she likes guys. "Sure, can you drop me at Jo's?" "Yep. Where's Jo's?" She points forward, and I pull onto the road. "How are you, Fred?" She smiles. "Kinda rotten," I tell her. "I'm on my way to quit my job." "Whoa. Why?" I smile. "You really don't wanna know." Janice waits a minute. "How's Emma?" I don't answer right away. "She's mad at me.." Janice looks at me. I feel embarrassed. "Why?" "I told you, you don't wanna know." "But you wanna tell me." "Why do you say that?" "'I'm on my way to quit my job, never mind. Emma's mad at me, never mind." I laugh. "Do you really wanna hear it?" "Pull over right here," Janice says, looking resigned. I do. "Okay, now spill." "I call into work, and they say they have an install job for Carol, she's--" "Wife, yeah," she fills in. "So, I go over there and she answers the door in this sexy negligee, and tries to get me into bed. I'm fighting her off every step, and then Emma calls, she's mad enough as it is, Carol screams I'm fucking her now, Em hangs up. So I call my work, tell em they're assholes, I'm bringing the truck back." Janice is quiet a minute. "Why was she mad before?" I look at her. "I don't know." She waits and I go on. "She freaked out on the bathroom scale, said she was fat, I said no you look perfect, she got mad. I told her I'd love her if she was three hundred pounds, she got really mad and took off." "What was she wearing?" Janice asks. "What? A...sweat suit. Blue." Janice laughs. "Dummy." "What?" "You shouldn't have said any of that, no wonder she's mad." "Well, what would you say?" And she tells me, and I slap my head. It's obvious...now. "I wish I'd thought of that," I tell her. "You're dumb, you're a boy," she responds. "Did you call her?" "I tried to, it went to voicemail. I left a message." Janice shook her head. "Yeah, she might be angry. You should go apologize in person." "I don't know where she is," I tell her. "You don't? Dummy. Think like a girl, Derf." Great, next Em'll have the neighbors calling me that. "If you just got told by your old man that he doesn't care that you're fat and that it doesn't matter how much you weigh as long as it's under three hundred pounds, you put on a sweat suit and leave, where do you go?" "I didn't say any of that!" "Not in so many words, no." I stare. "You really think she interpreted it that way?" She shrugs. "I dunno, I have no idea how girls think. If you find out, tell me." She opens the door. "Are we still on to bowl tonight?" "Wait, Jan, tell me where!" "You'll figure it out..." And I know. And it's obvious. "The gym. She went to the gym." "Maybe you aren't so dumb after all. For a boy," she adds. "Bowling? Tonight?" "Of course," I tell her. "Provided Emma's okay with it." "Fred...why do you guys roll with us? We really suck." I grin it at her. "'Cause you guys are fun. Jan..." "Yuh?" "Thanks," I tell her. She smiles. "Anytime. You're a great guy, Derf." She shuts the door. Jan waves and runs across Laurel Street and up the walk of a small white house. The front door opens, and Jo appears; Janice runs up and hugs her and speaks to her and Jo waves. I wave back. Jo can't bowl worth shit but she can pack away beer to keep with any man. I pull back onto the street and turn around, feeling like Janice and I had just had a beer together. "Very good, sir," the gym guy says to me when I show him my card. I go in. I walk around, taking in the nautilus machines, the racquetball court, the people. There. Emma runs on a treadmill, sweat on her forehead, eyes closed. I walk up next to her. "Hi, hot stuff," I say. "Fuck off, I'm taken," she replies, without opening her eyes. "Yeah, I think I know the guy," I tell her, and she turns and looks at me. She stops the treadmill. "Hi Fred, I need to talk to you." "I've come to apologize about a few things first," I tell her. She waits. "I'm sorry I said that stuff to you this morning, I didn't mean it that way at all. All I meant is, I love you however you are." Emma grins that fabulous Emma grin I fell in love with. "Yeah?" "I want to work out with you. I could stand to lose a few pounds." "You have to change clothes," she tells me, then drags me in close, kisses me. "What was Carol doing around you? I told her to stay away..." "My work," I said. "She called 'em and told 'em she needed an alarm, and she didn't want one unless I installed it. I show up there and she answers the door in a skimpy nightie and tries to crawl up my pantleg. I told Vic she would, he sent me anyway. So after this woman tries to fuck me and suck my dick, I keep telling her no, you call, and she yelled and Em, I never touched her." "I never thought you did, Fred." I look at her a moment. "You did hear her, right?" "I heard her." I cock my head at her. "Fred, I think I know Carol, and as soon as she said that I knew she wasn't getting anything from you." "Why didn't you answer my call? I've been worried to death about you!" "The battery in my phone went dead while I was waiting for you to tell me what you wanted done with her." I stare. "Em, I thought you were furious at me, I was worried that you thought there was any possibility I would put my dick in that." "Did hell freeze this morning?" I hug Emma, and I don't mind the sweat sticking her skin to mine, and I am once again astounded by how deeply I feel for this woman I have loved for so short a time. Our lips meet and we kiss for one sweet moment--and Em pulls away. "I really overreacted about my weight, Fred." "How much overweight are you?" She looks at her feet. "Six pounds." "Six. Six pounds." She nods. "You made me crazy over SIX POUNDS?" "I...I know. I'm sorry." I turn her around and spank her, six good loud swats that echo off the tall windows of the gym. Emma keeps her head down but I can see through her sweaty hair the she's smiling a little. "Thank you, Fred. You know I needed that." Her smile drops. "I'm gonna do something about Carol. She sexually assaulted you, Fred." "Don't you get into trouble, or worse," I tell her. She nods. "Don't worry, Fred. I won't do anything to her..." She trails off, and I catch her looking over my shoulder. "Hi Guy!" "Hi Emma! Fred, right?" Guy is a big, burly guy, probably six-five. I nod. "This lady here doesn't typically like to be bothered. Is he bugging you?" he asks Emma. "Oh, he bothers me all the time, I insist on it. Guy, personal trainer, Fred, fiancée." We shake. "You're Fred's trainer too?" "Yep." He faces me. "Get changed," Guy says to me, but Emma interrupts him. "I've gotta get going, Guy," she says. "Hate to tell you this, but I'm draggin' my man out with me." "I gotta--" "He'll be back, Guy," she tells him. "We'll be here Saturday. Right?" she tells instead of asks. I look at Emma then back to Guy. "I'm here," I say, feeling wise. Fred's House Call Guy and I do some presses until she's done. She takes my hand and pulls me toward the racquetball courts. "Do you play, Derf?" she asks, eyeing the court. "Hells no." I grin. "You will. I need something else to whip you at now that you've proven yourself a decent bowler." "Challenge?" "Warning." "Saturday," I tell her, snarling in mock fury. "By the bike racks after school," she snarls back. "It's on." "Uh, guys?" Guy looks on like he's amazed. We both look over at him, then look back, and her blue-blue eyes met mine and our lips met and I felt shocks all through me as she kissed me, her tongue tasting of toothpaste and her hair in wet ringlets dripping on my face, my arms tightening around her--" "Ahem," Guy says loudly. "Personal contact?" Emma pulls away, smiling. I turn on him. "No personal contact? What kind of place are you runnin' here?" He smiles and offers a hand. "If only, Fred." I shake. "You know, today is the first time I ever saw Emma here not bite the head off anyone who tried to pick her up." He smiled. "I got a good man at home," she says, hanging from my arm. "You bet you do," I tell her and Guy. "Hon, I gotta go to my work and drop off the truck." "Okay, let's go." "Where are you going, Em?" I ask her. "Where do you think I'm going?" she tells me, her eyes wide. "I'm going to go have a word with Vic at the office. I'll go in the truck with you." "Fred got sexually assaulted over there, Vic," Emma told my boss, right in his face. "Well, there's no way I coulda known that, right? And it's his word against hers anyway--" "Vic, you know Carol's been trying to get Fred back all along. This wasn't any service call." "Sure it was--" "Carol put you up to this." He's silent a moment but his eyes get shifty and I know Em's right. "No way." "It's obvious, isn't it? She asked for Fred, no-one else could do it except him, and you don't question it, you don't think of giving it to someone else even when you know the history?" She gets close into his face. "Admit it." "Okay," he says finally. "She put me up to it." "I oughta quit." "Wait, Fred, don't quit, you can sue." Emma's voice is loud in the office. "Too late, he quit!" Vic sounds triumphant. "He did not. Don't be an ass." Emma's voice was hard. "You sent this poor guy into Carol's web? Why?" "Because she loves him," he said. "She told me so." "Welcome to Carol," I say. "She'll tell you anything to get you to do what she wants you to." "Why would I want to do this?" he asks, and Emma points at him. "Why did you do it, Vic?" He shrugged. "I owed her a favor, she collected." "You're in a lot of trouble now, Vic." Emma's voice is hard. "Fred's gonna own your company and you still won't be out of debt." "She said she just wanted to talk, I didn't know she was gonna hump your leg!" "That's supposed to make it better? You didn't know? Even though he TOLD you?" Emma's furious. "Did you know what you were doing wasn't ethical?" "I guess I did. So what?" he asks, drawing himself up. He puts his face in Emma's. "Who the fuck are you?" "Don't, Vic," I tell him, to warn him, but he interprets this as a threat. "What are YOU gonna do?" he asks me. He's a big guy, but short; five-eight, probably two fifty. I think I can take him. But Emma slaps him. "You're talking to me now, Mr Torrance." Vic looks floored to have just gotten bitch-slapped by a five-six girl weighing in at 128. He just stares at her. "Are you listening to me now?" she asks him, looking deep in his eyes. I watch her sweat suit moving in slow, easy breaths, she isn't even nervous. "Y-Yeah." "Good. Now, I don't want to hear your shit anymore, Victor. You did a bad thing by settin' this up knowing Fred doesn't want to see Carol, and you're makin' it worse by being evasive. You really fucked up Fred's day and you messed in his life and for that you owe him a decent explanation, not some crap about some favor you owed her. Carol doesn't deal in favors." "She paid me two hundred bucks to send Fred over there," he said, a little sullen. "Two hundred bucks? You tightwad mother fucker!" I yell. "Fred, she said she just wanted to talk to you, I didn't know." He swallowed. "Sounded like an easy two hundred, you'd show up and tell her to get lost and no harm done." "No harm done?" Emma chips in. "How do you figure that, Victor? I'm harmed." "How?" "That's my man you're fuckin' with. What if it'd worked? Could you say I'm not harmed then?" "Okay, look, I fucked up, okay?" Emma holds out a hand. "Gimme the two bills." Vic looks astounded, then smiles and laughs at her. "Fuck off, bitch." "Vic," I say, "you better hope she fucks you up as bad as I think she's gonna, 'cause whatever's left is mine." "Relax, Fred," she tells me without looking at me. "Victor and I are just havin' a little talk here." She wiggles her fingers. "Two hundred. Now." He looks at her, and then looks at me, and I can see he's uncertain. "Or what?" Emma shrugs. "Or I introduce Fred to a nice young settlement lawyer I know, who lives off disgruntled employees." "You can't prove shit." "Wanna bet I can take it from you?" Emma smiles a little. He looks in Em's eyes, then looks at me, then back at her. His eyes drop, he reaches into his front pocket, and pulls out two hundred-dollar bills. He holds them out to her, and she puts them in her cleavage. "Thank you, Vic," she says sweetly, and kisses him on the cheek. "Now, what are you gonna do for Fred here, for possibly getting him in trouble with me?" She gives him the patented Emma grin. "It's really not good to be in trouble with me." He sits in his chair by the counter. "Fred, look, isn't the two hundred enough?" "That's mine, for you making a deal to let Carol fuck my man. Now what are you gonna give Fred for not knowing better than to put your friend and employee on that path?" He sighs. "Okay, okay, shit. I'll give you twenty percent over your labor." "Thirty." Vic looks at me like I'm crazy. "No way, Fred, I won't make a dime on that!" "Oh, right," I say skeptically. "How much will you lose in a settlement?" Emma asks him sweetly. He winces. "Okay. Thirty." "And I get my share of the contracts." "Right. But if Unseen goes under you'll be just as out of work as me..." "Chance I'll take," I tell him. "See ya tomorrow." "Bye, Vic," Emma says in a sweet voice. "I'm glad we could chat! Stop over sometime." As soon as we are out the door I'm holding her as tightly as I can. She's running her hand over my chest inside my coat, her lips reaching for mine...they come together with electric friction, her breath sweet and her tongue quick and darty. Emma pulls back. "Can I drive, Fred?" I hand her my keys, and we walk to the car, and we get in. Emma starts the car, turns on the stereo, starts messing with the presets, and The Ramones' 'Beat on the Brat' starts pounding in the car. Emma cranks the sound loud enough to rattle the windows sings along, peels out of the Unseen Security parking lot, slipping sideways on the icy driveway. "Baby, your car's the other way," I yell. "I know," she yells back. "That's why we're taking yours." "Where are we going?" But I know. This is my day for sudden revelations. "No, Em, don't--" Emma speeds up, pressing me back into the seat. "I told her, Fred." "Baby, don't get put in jail!" Emma ignores this. "Beat on the brat with a baseball bat, oh yeah..." "We have to roll with Jo and Jan tonight..." She laughs once. "Don't worry, Freddy, I wouldn't miss a date with you." She grins. "But I'm gonna put in an appearance." "This is the last time I give you my keys," I tell her as she speeds down Laurel toward my old apartment. "I'll have Jo get you drunk," she says. "Then you'll have to." "I'll call a cab, maniac," I tell her as the apartment building nears. She rips the car up the driveway and into two empty spots, shuts it down and leaves the keys in it. She walks over to my side. "Gimme your phone, sexy," she tells me, and I just do, like automatically. It doesn't occur to me that she'd go through my phone for Carol's number. Carol must have seen it was my number on her caller ID and answered the phone predictably. Emma's face turns red, her eyes widen, she frowns and the knuckles of her free hand turn white. "..." "No Carol, it's not Fred. It's Emma. Remember Emma?" "" "Right, that's me. Hey, I'm in your front yard right now." "..." "Never mind. I need to talk to you, Carol. Come outside." "" "That's right, it is. Remember, I talked to you about this before, I made a promise to you. Remember it?" "" "Well, you talk a big game anyway. I want you to come down and talk to me here." "" "I know, Carol, now's your chance. You'll have to kill me to get him. I'm right out front." "..." "You ask me to make that promise, after you tried to steal my man?" "" "You come on down here and ask him whose guy he is." "..." "Come down, Carol." Emma disconnects the call and hands the phone back to me. She leans against the car, dressed in nothing but her sweat suit, and her still-damp hair begins to freeze up. "Em, what are you doing, starting a fight with her?" "If I were starting a fight, Fred, she'd have come down already, through a window." Emma calmly inspects her nails. "I'll wait five minutes, then you and I are gonna go knock. Then you cut out and leave us alone, okay?" "If you promise you won't hurt her." "Why would you want me to promise that?" "Because I need you more than the penal system does," I reply. "I'm afraid you'll really hurt her, and get in trouble and we'll have to make love by telephone." "Oh, Derf." She caresses my cheek. "Since you put it that way, I'll try." "Em--" "Okay, Fred. I'll make nice." "What are you gonna do, Em?" She shrugs. "Wing it." She begins doing stretches, touching her toes, pulling her legs up behind her and beside her, putting her hands on her hips and turning her body from side to side, grabbing her elbow and flexing her body sideways. It was beautiful to watch; she is graceful as a dancer. "'Kay, let's go," she says presently, and grabs my hand. We walk up a flight of stairs to the second floor of the building and knock on number 217, my old apartment. "Ca-rol," Emma calls out in a singsong. "Come out and pla-ay!" The door opens. Carol's face peers out through the crack. "Look, Emma, I don't want to talk to you, okay?" Emma pushes the door open, shoves Carol back, and steps in. She turns to me. "Give us a minute, please?" she asks, and then closes the door in my face. I stare at the closed door for about five minutes, I'm sure something really fuckin' bad is happening in there. I pace for a minute, then walk to the window at the end of the hall. I look out on the snowy field adjacent to the canal for a minute then walk back to 217. I do those for about five more minutes and I'm getting ready to knock when the door opens and Carol steps out, followed by Emma. Carol looks pale, she's wringing her hands and her eyes are crazy. "Fred, I apologize for what I did today, it was really fucked up of me." I stare at her for a minute. This isn't Carol. "What'd you do, Em? Lobotomize her?" "I just made an arrangement with her," Emma tells me, and I don't miss Carol opening her mouth to speak and Emma's sudden glare. "I just...wanted to say I'm sorry, to both of you." "I forgive you, Carol," Emma says brightly. Shit just keeps getting more and more unreal. "Uh, well...Carol... I'll accept your apology if you promise to never pursue me again." "Okay," she says immediately, and I realize she's scared to death. "See, Carol? Feel better?" Emma actually put her arms around Carol and hugged her. Carol didn't hug back. "Okay, Derf, let's go," she tells me, and I wave and walk down the hall. I turn to see Emma speaking to Carol behind me, too low to hear. I watch Carol put her hands up and shake her head, and Emma--four inches shorter, twenty pounds lighter, just grins at her and turns away. She joins me in time to catch the elevator with me. "Em, what the fuck did you do to her?" Emma looks kind of sad and shakes her head. "Don't ask me that, Derf, it'll never matter that you don't know." We walk out to the car and I hold out my hand for the keys. Em sets them in my hand. "Can I see your phone?" I ask her, and she hands it to me. The battery is dead. "Damn, what's Jo's number?" "It's in my phone," Em says sadly. "Remind me of something?" "Sure, baby," she replies. She's very relaxed after whatever it was I'd expected to end in bloodshed. "Remind me to do something extra nice for Janice." "For Janice? Why?" "Ask her," I reply. And we drive off, Foo Fighters' 'My Hero' playing way too loud. I don't turn it down; Em likes the music and it just seems appropriate. Back at home, I plop onto the couch while Emma plugs her cell phone in. I reach out and grab her hips as she walks by and pull her down onto me, tickling her into a giggling jelly. As often happens, Em shifts from tickled to aroused without warning. "Hey, that was sure something you did this morning, gettin' into me without waking me up," she whispers. "That was really hot, to wake up like that." "You were having a good dream," I tell her, and she chuckles and turns red. "Well, I hope it was your name I was screaming and not the guy at the pro shop," she answers. "Hey!" She fumbles with my belt buckle. "It's okay, I don't know that guy's name anyway," she tells me, and her lips are on me and I can't think of anything but that. She rubs my cock with her lips, sucking, and running her tongue over and across my tool while she subjugates herself to me with her oh-so-blue eyes and her golden-red hair. I feel myself stiffen even further on her tongue, and Em leaps to her feet. Don't you move," she tells me, and she runs into the bedroom for a condom. Returning, she drops to her knees again and slips the condom on with her teeth. Amazing. She straddles me on the couch, slipping onto me and holding the backrest while she rises and falls, slowly. I strain to reach inside her; I sink in the couch to let my hips thrust straight up into her. My arms lock around her lower back, pulling me onto her, and she runs her hips back and forth on me, and I hear a low throaty growl from her as her head falls back involuntarily. My hands find her breasts and knead, bringing first one nipple, then the other to my lips, sucking and licking and groaning against them. Em moves faster now, she's moaning with almost every thrust and so am I, I can feel heat rising in my body, originating at my prostate and setting the area between my ass and the base of my cock on tingling, twitching fire. "Oh, Fred, I can feel you, come with me--" from Emma, and that is her last coherent sound; her scream starts low in her throat and builds, breaks and resumes, breaks and dissolves into whimpers as her orgasm rocks her. Her nipple turns to hard ridges between my lips and Emma's eyes meet mine, and there's abandon in her gaze, she's thrown herself into her climax, and I throw myself into it as well and give reign to that fire in my lower belly, let it take my balls and the rest of me and I feel the familiar traveling shocks begin as I swell and unload into her, groaning with pleasure at each spasm, and Em's cries match mine, she shakes with each throb and manages my name as she collapses on top of me. I hold her against me, holding myself inside her, realizing I love her more than anything, more than life. "Em?" "Yes, baby?" "What did you do to Carol?" I feel her stiffen. "Oh, Fred, I told you, you don't want to know." "You have to tell me, Em." "No, Fred. I don't." Emma sighs. "Fred, if I tell you what happened in there, you'll never look at me the same way again and I don't think I can handle that. Just remember that I would do anything, anything at all for you. I'd die, or kill." "Did you threaten her life?" Em sighs again. "Something like that." "Please tell me." "No way. You can find out if you want to ask her, but I'll never tell." "Well...at least you made two hundred bucks," I tell her. "I didn't make two hundred bucks," she replies. "What about Vic's cash?" I ask. "Oh, I gave that to Carol," she answers. "It was hers anyway." I hug her. "You're too nice." "No, too fair," she replies, and she kisses me. And realize there really isn't any such thing. I'm sitting in Em's--our--back yard, listening to the dripping of melting snow. The day is very warm for January, and I know it's going to freeze over tonight, so now is the time to shovel the walk and the driveway. I'd found Em's snow shovel leaning against the back of the house and sat down in a chair to rest before the work and found myself enjoying the sun. I feel a hard tugging on my pant leg and look down to see a big-ass raccoon climb up onto my lap. I don't move, and the coon turns a circle and lays down. I can feel his cold paws through my jeans and thermals. It sighs; it's eyes meet mine. "Shit, that feels good," the raccoon says in a male voice. "Seems like my feet are cold six months out of the damn year." I mentally shrug. Talking raccoon. "It's cold out six months out of the year," I tell it. "Buy some boots." "'Buy some boots,'" the raccoon mocks. "Oh yeah, that's easy. Except two of the feet I walk on are the hands I need to hold shit with. and they're really hard to find in my size." "Gloves?" "Okay, where can I get a pair taken way in? Listen, Fred," it--he? says. "You got yourself a good woman there. She'd do anything for you." "I really love her a lot," I tell the raccoon. "I know you do, and she's a much better woman than that trailer trash you married. And believe me, I know trash. I eat quite a bit." He rolls over, pressing his back against my lap. "Ohh yeah." He sighs. "Anyway, if she doesn't want to tell you what happened over there, it's because she thinks you might not love her if you found out. But she can't keep a secret from you, Fred, she'll tell you eventually, when she's sure you won't vanish." The raccoon gives a very human chuckle. "It's funny that a woman that beautiful would be so insecure. Just give her time, bud. She'll let you know. And when she does, remember that she did it for you, and don't ever let her go." I hear a lilting singing from somewhere over to my left. Somehow, the raccoon looks disgusted. "Oh, fuck me," he says. "Every time I get a minute to myself...I just know she wants something cleaned. I'm so goddamn sick of doing her dishes," he tells me. "How many years does it take before the bitch realizes I'm a woodland creature, not a fuckin' maid service?" He rolls back onto his paws and climbs down my leg. "See you soon, Fred, I gotta go..." "Hey," I say. "If you hate it so much, why do you go to her?" "Because I love her," the coon says in a resigned voice. "And that'll make you put up with a lot." And he's gone. And my eyes pop open, and I'm in Em's room, she's snoring softly beside me, and the light through the window is silvery grey. I get up and peek out into a white world, snow on the ground and on the back porch, dumping in bucketsful out of the sky. No work for Fred today. Emma can walk two doors down to the bar, but that's not for hours yet. I slip back into bed and drift away, but the raccoon does not return. He has much to do.