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Forbidden Feelings Ch. 07

By: leahsgirl84



Author's Note: Thank you to Lit member and friend GracieBuckingham for helping with this part. 

VII

I woke up Sunday morning and looked at the clock: seven minutes to nine. I laid back down and thought about the party from yesterday. I'd love to say that my favorite part was Leah pulling me aside to take me upstairs, so that we had a few minutes by ourselves, but then I'd be lying. Actually, what I had liked best was sitting on the patio, watching her talk to her friends and guests; and then every so often, catching her watching me back. When our eyes met, it was like sharing a secret -- our passion for each other. Our forbidden passion. I couldn't help but smile to myself.

I got out of the bed to go and take a shower, being careful not to wake up Gabriel. I headed into the bathroom connected to our bedroom, to the shower that was very rarely used. For some reason, Gabe and I both preferred the shower in the bathroom down the hall, mainly because it was a shower/bathtub combo, where as the one next to our bedroom was just a shower stall.

I undressed and got the water to my liking before getting in. I shut the shower door behind me. I stood in the shower letting the hot water run down my face and body as I thought about Leah, and wondered what the day would bring.

After of few minutes of just standing in the water, letting my mind wander, I washed my hair and rinsed it with conditioner. As I started to pour some soap on my washcloth, I heard the shower door open behind me.

"Need help washing your back, My Love?" Gabriel asked me as he stepped into the shower behind me.

After he shut the door behind him, his left arm wrapped around my chest and teased my nipple. His other hand moved my wet hair from my neck and then slowly wandered down my stomach to rest on my left hip as he pulled me tight against his muscular body. His lips came to rest on my neck, directly below my ear. It was one of my weak points, and I was melting with his every touch. "If you keep this up, we aren't going to get clean," I replied breathlessly.

Without answering me, he took the washcloth out of my hand, and tossed it on the towel bar inside the shower. His tongue traced a path down my neck as his hands stroked my stomach. Then he brought one hand up to cup my right breast. When he began kneading my breast and twirling my nipple, my knees nearly buckled. I pushed back into him to keep upright, my head resting against his hard chest. A low, throaty moan escaped my lips. I could feel him grow with excitement. While Gabriel didn't have the tongue or silk-like hands that Leah did, I was still enjoying this...almost as much. 

"I don't hear you complaining," he said just before he turned me to face him and laid his lips on mine.

His tongue pushed its way into my mouth, and I slipped mine into his; they began dancing. In and out, rubbing against each other, an imitation of the love-making that was sure to follow. At the same time one of his hands traced a path down my front and between my legs, two of his fingers slipped into me. I groaned into his mouth. I hadn't realized how wet I'd become. It was hard to distinguish between the water and my own moisture. His fingers inside me felt wonderful. Being obviously thicker than Leah's, it was a different feeling entirely, but just as erotic; almost more so. Almost.

As he went faster, my moans got louder. A combination of my coming orgasm and the hot steam from the water was making it nearly impossible to breathe. When he added a third finger, I knew I was losing control of my body. I placed my hands against the slick, tiled wall and leaned back to brace myself as the climax over took my body.

As soon as I came down from my orgasm, my legs still shaky, Gabriel turned the shower water off and opened the door. He led me out and turned to face me. He placed his hand under my chin and brought my lips up to meet his. His tongue entered me so slowly, so passionately. In one swift motion, he lifted me up and I wrapped my arms around my husband's neck as my legs circled his waist. His erection was still throbbing. I could feel it pressing against me. I instinctively shifted slightly in his arms, rubbing against him while simultaneously giving myself a small thrill. His right hand went behind my head and his left went under my behind to hold me close, and secure.

Gabriel carried me to the bedroom and gently laid me on the bed. His hand never left the back of my head until I was lying down. He then slowly traced down my body, first his fingers, followed by his tongue, licking the drops of water from my hot skin. He spread my legs so he could gain access and then his fingers entered me again. 

Without realizing it I lifted my hips to let him go deeper. His tongue replaced his fingers and I nearly came apart right then. His tongue was wider, flatter, and longer than Leah's. The feel of it licking my lower lips and pressing into me, sliding up and down, was almost too much. And then he began to suck. I lost every thought. I grabbed the pillow and buried my face in it to keep from screaming aloud. The second orgasm came on me before I realized it and I was shrieking into the pillow. 

Before I came down he had shifted positions. As he thrust himself deep in me I felt bolts of electricity shoot through me, like white hot lightning. I could feel another orgasm building already. We moved in sync with each other. It felt so good. I knew neither one of us was going to last long. 

Our eyes met. I saw a passion in his that I hadn't seen in months. It sent me over the edge. I felt my muscles contracting around Gabriel as my climax hit. It was as if I'd exploded. I heard myself cry out in ecstasy. Shortly after, I felt his body tense up as he came. As he released he shouted my name.

Gabriel collapsed next to me so both of us could regain our breath. He wrapped his arms around me to cuddle and we both fell back asleep.

Forbidden Feelings Ch. 08-09



VIII

Around noon on Sunday, I received a text message from Leah. "Travis left for band practice. Come over if you want. Kids home though." While I really did want to be alone with Leah, I wasn't going to let her know that, so I responded back, "Be over in a few."

Shortly after, I told Gabriel, who was about to turn on the Formula 1 race, that I was going next door for a little while, but I should be home for dinner. 

I knocked on Leah's door, and I heard the kids running to the door. I was surprised to see that Samuel reached the door first, but Madison wasn't far behind.

"Hi Samuel. Hi Madison," I said when the door was opened. "How are you?"

"Good," Madison replied while Samuel was now trying to hide behind the door.

"Is your Mommy here?" Just as I got the question out, Leah came around the corner.

"Hey there," she said as she gave me a sexy smile, unbeknownst to the kids. "Let me just get the kids set up with a movie, and then we can go upstairs to talk."

I caught Leah wink at me as she followed her children into the downstairs play room. I heard Madison ask to watch Aladdin. I stayed in the hallway because I didn't want to intrude.

When the kids got settled and the movie started, Leah left the playroom. She found me sitting on the steps.

"You do know that television isn't a babysitter, right?" I asked her with a grin on my face.

"Of course, that is why I put on a movie. Gives us eighty-four minutes, instead of however long it takes to get to get to a commercial break." She gave me the same grin back.

I opened my arms and legs to let her in between so I could hold her. 

"We can't do this here," she told me. "Let's go upstairs."

As Leah walked past me, she lightly touched my hand, and ran her fingers up my arm. When her hands left my body, I got up and followed her upstairs. 

Leah sat down on her bed as I shut the door, careful to leave it open slightly, in case one of the kids called for her. As I knelt down on the bed, on either side of her legs, she moved back just enough to give me more room. My left hand went behind her head and pulled her in for a kiss. My right hand was helping to hold me up, but it was weakening with every thrust of her tongue in my mouth. I helped her lay down without breaking the kiss. 

As I leaned down on top of her, my left hand went under her shirt. I could feel her erect nipples though her bra, and almost immediately I'd pushed her bra out of the way. I rubbed her nipples, and then pinched them at random intervals. I could feel her moan into the kiss. I felt my right hand about to give out on me, so I laid myself down on the bed next to her, while I pulled my lips off of hers for a quick second.

Once I laid down, and wrapped my right arm around her, her lips found mine again. Her right hand headed up my shirt, as I let my left hand start slowly down her pants. Almost instantly, I felt her tense up and push me off of her.

"I can't do this anymore," Leah said as she moved out of my arms.

"What? Why?" I asked, confused as all hell.

"I just can't," she whispered not looking at me as she put her bra back in place.

"Leah, talk to me. What's wrong?" I asked softly.

She didn't answer me or look at me. I tried to place my hand on her face but she backed away.

"Did Travis find out?" I questioned.

"No," Leah responded in a barely audible whisper. She still couldn't meet my eyes.

"Did your conscience finally get to you?"

Again, there was no answer 

"Is that it? Are you feeling guilty?"

Leah shrugged.

"Please, tell me what's wrong?"

She didn't answer me. 

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No. You did...everything right, Calie," she said but still couldn't look at me.

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know."

"Come on Leah. Please talk to me." There was a plea in my voice More silence.

"Was I just some experiment? You don't get it from Travis, and you knew I'd give it to you?" I was getting loud because I was getting annoyed at her. However, I caught myself when I remembered that her kids were downstairs. "Tell me Leah, did you really ever have feelings for me? Or did you have this planned all along?"

"I just...can't do this...anymore, Calie...I'm...sorry." Leah cried. Tears poured out of her eyes and ran down her cheek. I felt so bad that I had raised my voice to her.

I moved to console her, and she moved away from me again. 

"Well then," I said solemnly. I couldn't take this anymore. "I think it may be best if I leave." 

"Okay," Leah whispered so low that I could barely hear her.

My heart was breaking, and I didn't want her to see me cry. I got off the bed, and walked toward the door. I stopped in my tracks and took once last glance at Leah. She had her knees pulled up to her chest. Her arms, wrapped around. Her face, flooded with tears, was lying on her knees. I started crying just looking at her. I couldn't hold my tears back anymore. 

For the last week she had been my life. My reason to breathe...my reason to wake up each morning. I knew we had only been 'together' for a week, but it had been right out of a fairy tale. I left the bedroom and walked down the stairs. However, when I got to the front door and placed my hand on the knob, I stopped. It killed me leaving Leah like that. Whether she wanted me sexually or not right now, I still wanted to be her friend. I needed to make sure she was okay. I had to forget about my own desires and needs, and help her through this; find out what was bothering her. I just wanted her pain to go away.

I wiped my tears on the sleeve of my shirt, and turned around to walk back up the stairs. I had left the door ajar, and I was able to see that Leah hadn't moved. Tears were still streaming down her face. 

I opened the door so I could walk in, and I sat down on the bed next to her. I tried again to wrap my arms around her with only the intention of consoling her. This time she slid easily into my arms. I held her tight against me, rubbing her back, and running my hand though her blonde hair. We embraced in silence as I let her calm down. If I couldn't have her in the way my body craved, then I would have to settle for this. She felt so good in my arms, but my heart was broken. Something had gone wrong. I wanted to fix it...make the world perfect again for her, but I didn't know how and it killed me. 

Leah calmed down as I held her, and I heard her start to mumble something.

"I can't hear a word you're saying," I whispered in her ear as I continued to rub her back.

Leah moved away from me slightly so she could look at me.

"I am so sorry," she said as her eyes filled again. 

I put my hands on her face, and I wiped her tears away with my thumbs. Then I held on to her chin as I gazed down into her eyes.

"Leah, I told you, you don't have to apologize for anything. I just want to know what's wrong. I need to make sure that you are okay. Remember, we have to be completely open and honest with each other," I told her as I continued to hold her chin between my thumb and forefinger.

"I saw you this morning in the shower with Gabriel," she said coldly.

I let her chin go. I had forgotten that the bathroom faced her house, but at least the window in the shower was high enough to only show my head and shoulders. Since Gabe was taller than me, his chest could probably be seen too. That was with the best angle of view for an outside person, otherwise, only the ceiling could be seen. We had just forgotten to close the curtain...that's what happens when we rarely use that shower.

"So, were you watching us?" I asked her. As much as it was creepy, I could actually feel my body get excited at the thought. 

"No...I mean, I didn't mean to see you," she replied. "I was walking past my window, and glanced up because I saw the light on. I'll be honest, Calie, I felt jealous. But, I walked away to give you some privacy."

"Gabriel is my husband," I whispered as I softly moved hair out of her face that had fallen out of place.

"I know," she responded. "I don't know why I got jealous. I just did. I wanted to be the one in the shower with you. I really thought I'd be okay with what we had, but now I'm not so sure."

"I'm sorry you feel this way, but Gabriel and I are still going to be with each other," I said. "I didn't mean for you to see us, but I'm not going to apologize for doing it. I'm not going to stop making love to him."

"I know. I understand. I don't know why it bothered me so much this morning. I mean, I thought about it...about us. I'm fine now. I really am. I just am beginning to really feel like I'm in too deep," she responded as she looked me straight in the eyes. Then her eyes shifted so she was no longer looking at me. "And then, when you asked if this was just an experiment...that hurt Calie. That tore me apart worse that seeing you and Gabriel together."

"Oh God, Leah. I'm so sorry I lost my temper," I took her back in my arms again. I knew my words had stung her, but I'd not known how much. "I just never thought I'd lose you, and in an instant it seemed like whatever we had, was over. My fears overcame me."

I pulled Leah tighter in my arms and she wrapped hers around me.

"Calie, you were never an experiment," she said without leaving the embrace. "It was so much better than I could have dreamed. I've loved everything about this past week. I've loved the time we've spent together. I've loved how you made me feel. But my problem runs deeper."

"Listen Leah," I rubbed her back as I spoke, "we will work through this. I promise. Just please let me know what the problem is."

Leah was silent for a few minutes while she seemed to gather her thoughts.

"Calie, I think I've fallen in love with you."

Her words hit me like a freight train; it had never even crossed my mind that she was ready to use the "L" word. Sure, I had tossed it around in my head, but I couldn't believe that she was saying it out loud. It seemed too soon. We had only spent a week together, and it was more like one full day and three evenings. Even with everything that we talked about in the last few minutes, I hadn't seen that coming. How could she really think she loved me?

I felt constricted in her arms so I pulled away. 

"I'm sorry," Leah said as she turned away from me. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, Leah. It's okay," I responded as I placed my right hand on her upper arm. "I needed you to be honest with me, and you were. Thank you."

"Yeah, but now you are upset," she replied.

Just as I was about to respond, Madison yelled up the stairs that the movie was over.

"I'll be right there, Honey," Leah yelled back before turning her attention back to me. "I'll be right back. Will you still be here?"

"Of course," I answered her solemnly. "Where else would I be?"

I glanced up at her and she nodded her head before getting up from the bed to change the movie for her kids. I pulled my knees up to my chest, and wrapped my arms around them, like Leah had done a little while ago.

----------

I didn't know how I should feel. I did know that I didn't want what Leah and I had to end; but at the same time I didn't share the same feelings that Leah had. Sure, I loved her, but only as a friend. I wasn't in love with her, and I couldn't understand how she thought that she was in love with me. It was too soon...and too wrong. We were both married. I knew that she was no longer happily married, but I was.

I felt like all of this was my fault, like I had led her on. Sure, she had kissed me first, but I could've pulled back. I could've lied to her, and told her that I didn't want to go further than that one, amazing kiss. I shouldn't have given her the option to go further. I didn't know where to go from here.

I heard Leah come back up the stairs and enter the bedroom. She sat down in front of me on the bed and used her left hand to hold herself up. She placed her right hand on my cheek. Her thumb grazed my lips and my wanton body wanted to betray my head. 

"Listen Calie," Leah said as she looked me in the eyes, "I realize that was hard to hear, but it was the truth. I'm not asking you to feel the same way, nor do I expect you to. I just needed you to know. I needed it to be in the open."

"Where do we go from here?" I asked her.

"That is a question that only you can answer," Leah responded. "We both know that I don't want it to end, but if this is something that you can't handle right now, or just need time to take it all in, I understand completely."

"Leah, I don't want this to end either," I replied. "I do love you, but only as a friend. I don't know if I will ever be in love with you."

"Listen, I have no intention of ever ruining anything that you and Gabriel have. Like I said before, when I saw you two together, I was jealous. I'm not going to lie. But I got over it. I understand that you two have a very strong relationship. And, it's not like I can just up and leave Travis either. Granted, we don't have a great sex life, but I do care for him deeply. I really do love him. I just couldn't do that to him or the kids." 

"So, if we were to continue, it would stay between us, just like it was before?" I questioned hesitantly.

"Of course. Exactly as it was before," Leah answered as she brought her lips to my forehead. "I can't imagine it any other way. I don't want to."

She brushed my cheek with the back of her hand; her eyes asking an unspoken question. I looked deep into her baby blues and slowly nodded my head. Leah closed her eyes, and leaned toward me. I opened my knees and wrapped my legs around her, as our lips converged. 

While I still felt like nothing was solved, at least we were back on the same page, and understood where each other stood. The guilt was killing me though; guilt of leading her on and because of that, she fell in love with me. There was also a difference in her kiss. It seems as if it was more out of habit now than want or need like before. Maybe she was scared of losing me; now that she admitted she loved me. I also knew that I was not in "the mood" anymore either.

I slowly moved my lips off of Leah's, but continued to embrace her with my arms and legs. We just sat there, holding each other. I would have given anything to know what she was thinking. After what seemed like five minutes, I slid out of her embrace. 

"Maybe we should go downstairs and finish the movie with your kids," I said as I got up off of the bed. 

"Yea," Leah replied. "You are probably right."

She stood up with reluctance. I brought her into a hug.

"We are okay," I whispered in her ear to calm her fears. "I am still here." 

I felt her nod into my shoulder. I wanted to ease her mind that I wouldn't leave, but my mind was racing. I really didn't know what I should be doing. I kissed her forehead and moved away from her. 

I opened the door and followed Leah out of the bedroom and downstairs. Madison and Samuel were laying on opposite ends of the couch. Leah sat down in between them and they rested their legs on her lap. I walked toward the empty recliner, and sat down. I pretended to watch the animated movie that the kids had on, but I couldn't concentrate. I watched Leah out of the corner of my eye. 

We sat in silence as the last thirty minutes of The Lion King played. When the movie was over, Leah asked her kids if they wanted to watch another movie. Madison said that she wanted to watch Spongebob, and Samuel said that he was hungry.

Leah turned on the favorite cartoon and told the kids that she was going to start dinner. We both stood up from where we were seated, and I followed her up the stairs and into the kitchen. I figured I'd help her cook for the kids, and then make my way home to eat with Gabe.

----------

What the hell did I do? I can't believe I actually told Calie that I was in love with her. I mean I am, but that isn't something that I should go around admitting, Besides, we are both married -- and even if we weren't, two women aren't supposed to be in this type of relationship. It's wrong...

...but it feels so right when I'm with her. The way she makes me feel; the way she looks at me. Hell, Travis never looks at me like that anymore. I can't even remember if he ever did.

And then, I almost ruined it. The perfect thing that Calie and I had going. Maybe it is ruined. Maybe it can still be fixed, or maybe it will never again be like it was. I guess only time will tell.

She says it's fine; that we can still have 'last week'. She says she doesn't want it to end either -- but now she knows that I've fallen for her. I've made the biggest possible mistake. I fell in love with my lover, even though I'm married to someone else. Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, I came right out and told her. What was I hoping? That she would leave her husband and that we could run away together? Newsflash: it doesn't work like that. Not only does she have Gabriel to think about, but I have to think about Madison and Samuel, who I love more than life itself. I also have to think about Travis, and while our sex life has made a turn for the worse, I still love him...very deeply. I can't just up and leave either. 

Oh well, step one right? Admitting you have a problem? And, I do. A huge problem. And, I have no idea how to solve it.

IX

I was sitting in my office at work on Monday, thinking about the past day's events. Questions kept running through my head. What did I really want in this relationship with Leah? Did she really want more out of it than she was willing to admit to me? If we ever did "break up", would we still be able to remain friends? I had so much work piling up on my desk, but I couldn't concentrate.

I stood up and walked over to the coffee pot I keep in my office for days like this. After pouring another cup and sitting back down, I gave myself a quick pep talk. This work wouldn't finish itself, and I had deadlines that had to be met; the magazine was due to be published tonight and I needed to finish the layouts I was working on.

As soon as I started to sort through the mess, I felt my phone vibrate. Just what I needed: another distraction. I waited for the next vibration to indicate a phone call, but it never came, so I took my phone out of my pocket and opened it to view the text message.

"What are your plans for tonight?" Leah had written.

"Nothing yet. Why?" I responded.

"I'm going to dinner with a friend. Hoping you would come with," she wrote back.

"I don't know," I said.

I had always hated being the third wheel. Plus, I was not exactly sure where Leah and I stood after our conversation yesterday. Everything seemed fine between us, outside of the bedroom that is, last night when were hanging out with Madison and Samuel, but things always can change. I did not want dinner to be awkward, especially with another person around.

"Oh come on," Leah replied.

I wondered what I would be getting myself into. However, looking at the bright side, I would be able to spend time with Leah, in a non-sexual situation. I would be able to read her body language; hopefully see what affect yesterday's conversation had on her.

"Oh alright. What time?" I wrote.

"Meet me outside at seven. I'll drive and we can pick up Kelly on the way," she replied.

"Okay, see you later," I said.

I put my phone back in my pocket and once again pushed my thoughts out of my head. Now I really had to get back to work. I'd been procrastinating all morning.

----------

At seven o'clock sharp, I met Leah outside her house. Her jeans and black long-sleeve shirt were accessorized by black-healed boots. Her blonde hair was tossed back into a short pony-tail. Although she looked sexier than ever, there was still a jab of pain in my heart as I saw her.

Without a word, I got into the passenger's side of Leah's four-door sedan. We small talked for a minute as we put our seatbelts on and Leah back out of the driveway. However, on the way to Kelly's house we were silent...and it was deafening.




Forbidden Feelings Ch. 08-09



Kelly was waiting outside when we pulled up. She jumped into the back seat behind me. After the informal introductions, we were back on the road again.

The whole way to the restaurant I didn't talk. I couldn't get a word in. Kelly and Leah went back and forth non-stop, not even acknowledging me. I was beginning to wish that I'd never come, and knew it would only get worse as the night went on.

We reached the pizza place and I followed the two of them in. The hostess led us to a booth, and as Kelly slid in to her side, Leah stepped back and motioned for me to enter the other side before taking a seat next to me. Any time last week, I would have loved sitting next to her; my hand on her knee, slowly sliding north, but not tonight. 

When the server came by to get our drinks, we all ordered water with a lemon. After much discussion, Leah and Kelly decided on a large pepperoni pizza.

"Is that cool with you?" Leah asked, finally acknowledging me, "or do you want something else?"

"Nope, that's cool." I responded. It wasn't like I was actually included in the decision anyway, so I'd just assumed that I'd eat whatever. Pepperoni is good though.

I sat there, while waiting for our server to take our order, listening to Leah and Kelly converse. I smiled and nodded at all the right places to show I was listening, but my mind was elsewhere. Something definitely changed between Leah and I, and I was trying to figure out why she invited me.

After the server took our order, Kelly got up to use the restroom. Leah stood up and switched sides of the table so she could face me. 

"What's wrong with you tonight?" Leah asked, voice full of concern.

"Nothing," I responded. "I'm just tired."

I really did not want to ruin her dinner, like mine was already. I know I needed to talk to her, but I wasn't ready to share my feelings, especially in public. 

When Leah noticed Kelly coming back from the restroom, she moved back over to my side of the table. I felt Leah's hand rest on my leg for a quick second before moving back above the table, then Leah and Kelly continued the conversation from before.

Once our pizza came, the two of them actually were able to keep the talking to a minimum since they were both so hungry.

----------

Like the rest of the night, the drive home was less than thrilling. This time, Kelly rode shotgun, but after Leah dropped her off, I moved up front for the rest of the way.

We pulled into Leah's driveway, and she shut the car off. I unbuckled my seat belt and went to open the door, but found it still locked. I went to open it manually, but Leah put her hand on my arm to stop me. 

"Can we talk for a second?" she asked softly.

"Now you want to talk?" I responded sarcastically.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she replied as she moved her hand away from me.

"Let me ask you something Leah," I said, looking directly at her, "Do you regret last week?"

She looked away and didn't answer me. The ten seconds of silence was suffocating.

"Come on Leah, talk to me. Do you regret last week?" I repeated slightly louder than before.

"No," she whispered, still not looking at me. "Why? Do you?"

"No, of course not," I answered. "I just don't understand your mood swings. You're up, you're down. You want to hang out, and then you don't. It's like I need a manual everyday to keep up with you."

"When have I not wanted to hang out?" Leah asked me.

This time, I let the silence linger for a few extra seconds.

"Why did you invite me tonight?" I questioned.

"I figured that since we had so much fun last night, I mean while cooking dinner for the kids, that we could have fun again just the two of us," she said.

"But it wasn't just the two of us," I countered.

"I know," she stated. "I had plans with Kelly already, but I wanted you to come with us."

"Okay, then why did you ignore me the whole night?" I responded.

"I didn't," she answered.

"Oh that's right," I said with sarcasm, "you asked me what was wrong."

"Yeah, and you said that you were tired. So I let you be," she replied.

"Did it ever dawn on you that I only said I was tired because I didn't want to deal with you then?"

"What?" Leah asked shocked at my response.

"Because I did not want to ruin your dinner like you ruined mine." I said turning away from her. "Besides, this is not something that I wanted to discuss in public, or in front of Kelly."

"Well, let's discuss it now then," Leah retorted.

"I don't think so," I said, and opened the door.

"Come on Calie, we got to talk," Leah pleaded.

"Nope. Sorry." I replied as I got out of the car. Leah got out also and I turned to face her, "I'm not going to risk saying something that both of us will regret later. Let me go and leave me alone."

I wave of guilt rode over me as I slammed the door, but I didn't turn back again. I walked over to my house, and as soon as I put the key in the door to unlock it, I broke down in tears. I was glad that Gabe left earlier this afternoon for a three day business trip. He'd be coming home Wednesday night. I was able to make it up the stairs before collapsing on the bed, crying uncontrollably.

----------

Tuesday night, after not hearing from Leah all day, I went over to my best friend's house for dinner. Lexi and I had met our freshman year at college in our English Composition class, and eight years later, we were still as close as we used to be. We tried to get together at least once a month, but with our different schedules it sometimes got difficult.

Lexi had called me while I was at work to ask if Gabe and I would come over for dinner to hang out with her and her fiancé Austin. Austin and Lexi had been dating since freshman year; they too had met in our English class. The three of us used to hang out all of the time, and Lexi and Austin were one of my only sets of friends that never made me feel like the third wheel. So, I was not too upset when I told her that Gabe was on a business trip, so it would just be me joining them for dinner.

The three of us chatted in the kitchen like old times, as we all had a hand in making English muffin pizzas. Over dinner, I asked Lexi and Austin how the wedding plans were coming. They were not planning on getting married for another two years, after Austin finished medical school. Lexi asked me to be her matron-of-honor, and I told her that I would be honored. I also recommended the photographer that I used for my wedding, inexpensive but amazing.

After dinner was over, and the dishwasher loaded, the three of us went into the living room. The engaged couple cuddled on the couch, while I sat on the floor with my back against the leg of the love seat. Lexi turned on CSI, and I remembered the last time I watched the show; with Leah, in her living room, a week ago. We half-watched the show as we continued talking about everything, yet nothing.

We turned our attention to the show for a few minutes. When it went to a commercial break, I turned toward Lexi and Austin. They were in the middle of a very deep kiss. Just seeing them so happy together, made me yearn for Leah again.

Austin caught my glance and pulled away from Lexi.

"Sorry about that," he apologized.

"Nah, don't worry about it. It's no different than when we were all still in college," I teased, "besides, if I had a beautiful woman like Lexi, I'd do the same thing."

"What would you know about being with a beautiful woman?" Austin asked playfully.

They both laughed as I turned away. I wasn't hurt at Austin's joke, but my heart broke in more pieces every time I thought about Leah. I missed her so much.

"Calie, what's wrong?" Lexi asked. Her voice filled with worry.

"Nothing," I responded, and shook my head.

"Come on Cal, Both of us can tell that something is bothering you," Austin stated, "I'm sorry if I offended you."

"No, you didn't offend me," I replied.

"Look, we're all best friends," Lexi said, "what's going on?"

I took a breath to get up the courage to talk. I knew I needed to open up to someone and they were my two best friends. So, I opened up and told Lexi and Austin everything: from Leah's and my first kiss, to Leah telling me that she is in love with me, to the fight the night before. I felt like I was laying my life on the ground, I felt so vulnerable. I couldn't help but break down as I explained everything to them.

"Wow," was all Lexi could say when I finished, "does Gabe know about any of this?"

"No," I whispered. My eyes still filled with tears.

Austin got up off of the couch and went into the kitchen. When he returned, he handed me a tall glass of water. As he sat back down, Lexi tossed a box of tissues toward me.

"Thanks," I told them, "thanks for listening.

"Anytime Calie," Lexi replied, "I just wished I knew what to say to make it better for you."

"Do you love her?" Austin asked me. I had never seen him this serious before.

"I don't know. I have feelings for Leah, I can't deny that, and I want her. But, I don't know if it's her that my body craves, or a woman in general," I admitted.

"Does Gabe, um, lack in that area?" 

"Oh not at all. Gabe is amazing in bed but it's different with Leah. I feel like there is so much more passion and intimacy. With Gabe, it tends to be about the end result, but with Leah, its more about enjoying the journey," I confessed, "but like I said, I really don't know if its Leah I want, or just a woman's touch. She's married too, and it really feels wrong. I mean, I know I'm wrong cheating on Gabe, but it makes me feel worse knowing the woman I am with is cheating on someone for me. I freaked when she told me that she is in love with me; I never meant that to happen."

"Kiss me," Lexi declared looking at me.

"What?" Austin and I said shocked in unison.

"Kiss me," Lexi repeated as she put her hand on Austin's thigh.

"Why?" I asked, still shocked.

"Because, you need to know if you desire Leah or women. This way, you'll know," Lexi explained.

"No, I can't," I replied.

"Why not?" Leah questioned.

"Because we are friends. I don't want that ruined," I answered.

"It won't be ruined. The three of us know it's a test. I mean you and I have to give it all we got, but we both know that it won't mean anything," Lexi responded.

"Yeah, but still." I was still not convinced that that was a good idea.

I understood where Lexi was coming from, and I appreciated her trying to help me out, but after fighting with Leah, I didn't want to lose another friend.

"Listen, I'm not accepting any buts here. Either give in and kiss me, or Austin and I will take to you to the gay bar downtown and you can pick up a stranger there. Either way, you are going to kiss another female tonight, so you can answer your own questions," Lexi said matter-of-factly.

"I'd listen to Lexi if I were you," Austin informed me, smiling ear-to-ear, "you know how she gets."

I looked out the window as I thought about my two options. I knew Lexi was right, I did have to know. If I didn't, it would continue to bother me for who knows how long. However, I really didn't feel like picking up a stranger at a bar, and Lexi was willing to help me.

I turned back to her and gave her a half-smile as I used my index finger to beckon her over to me.

"Oh, this will be good!" Austin exclaimed as Lexi got off of the couch and, on her knees, came over to me. "Hang on, I got to get my camera!"

I gave him the middle finger and the three of us chuckled. At least that was a way to break the tension, for now.

When Lexi reached me, she sat down next to me, and rested her hand on my thigh. I turned to face her, and got cold feet.

"I can't do this," I said, "it feels so wrong. I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" Lexi asked as she put her hand under my chin and turned my head to face her, not unlike what I had done to Leah before.

"I know you are only trying to help," I replied, "but I can't do it."

"Why?" Lexi asked, not letting go of my chin.

"I don't know. I guess I'm not used to having someone else watch," I responded and looked toward Austin.

"Well, I can send him out of the room, but I think he'd rather he sit and enjoy this," she smiled. 

Lexi let go of my chin and moved to sit in front of me. She took both of my hands in her own.

"Just focus on me," she said.

I looked into her chocolate-colored eyes, and found myself inching closer to her. It actually seemed like a Hollywood kiss; both of us holding back, then inching closer, then pulling back slightly. We repeated this a few times before surrendering.

Lexi took charge of the kiss, and her tongue quickly swept into my mouth. The kiss was good, great even, but different. I could tell that Lexi and I didn't have the chemistry that Leah and I did.

In the middle of kissing Lexi, I realized that it was truly Leah that I wanted...needed...craved.

When Lexi and I finally pulled apart, I turned away from her.

"Not the same, huh?" she asked.

"I'm sorry Lexi," I whispered, "but, no, not the same."

"I could tell by your body language," she responded.

"Don't get me wrong, you are a great kisser," I said, "but, you're not Leah. I really need her back."

"I understand. And, no offense to you, but I think I'm going to keep Austin. I'm not sure if girls are really my thing," she replied.

"Oh come on!" Austin exclaimed, "that was so hot!!!"

This time, it was Lexi that shot Austin the middle finger.

"Lexi, none taken," I countered as Lexi and I both laughed.

We turned our attention back to CSI and watched the show for a little while.

"I have another idea though," Lexi said when commercials came back on.

"Do I really want to know?" I asked, "the last time you had an idea, we ended up kissing."

"No seriously," Lexi replied, "Katherine's band is doing a gig in Columbus next Saturday. I think you and Leah should come with Austin and me."

"Same crowd?" I questioned, already knowing the answer.

"Of course," Lexi responded, "but at least you two could be open there."

Katherine was Lexi's sister, who was lead singer in a soft rock band. She was an open lesbian, and so were most of her fans. I had been to one of her shows and the scene was definitely different if it wasn't already expected: girls holding hands, hands in each other's back pockets, kissing, making out, all while not being afraid of being chastised.

"I'll think about it," I said, although I was already beginning to form ideas on how to get Leah to come with me.

----------

After Tuesday night's events, I really wanted to talk to Leah, but I wasn't sure if she was still mad at me. 

Wednesday morning, while at work, I sent her a text message to test the waters.

"Hey! What's going on," I typed and sent to Leah.

It took awhile to get a response, but when my phone made the all too familiar beeps, I flipped it open.

"Not too much you?" the response said.

"Same old," I answered.

I waited to get something back from her, but no reply came. I knew that I answered the question that she asked, but I yearned for her to say something else, something to show me that she missed me as much as I missed her. I felt so guilty over everything that had happened these last few days, and it took me cheating on her to realized just how much I wanted her. Although was it really cheating? 

I knew that by being with Leah I was cheating on Gabriel, and I knew that wasn't right, but what exactly happened over at Lexi and Austin's? Was that cheating on Leah too, even though Lexi said it was just a test? Neither Lexi nor I wanted anything from it, but I still felt so guilty. I really needed to talk to Leah, but no response came the rest of the day...nor at all Thursday.

----------

When I got home from work Thursday night, Gabe told me that Liam and Meghan invited us over for dinner, along with Travis and Leah. The six of us usually tried to get together every so often, and tomorrow seemed like a good night for pizza, beers, and a movie. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to go because I didn't know exactly what was going on between Leah and me. However, I also did not want to ruin it for anyone else. The last time we all had gotten together, about six months ago, we had a blast. We had ordered some Papa Johns, drank a few Coronas, and watched Clue with Tim Curry. But, last time, Leah and I were also on speaking terms. 

I figured, if nothing else, there would be four other people there that I could talk to. I just hoped that this time would be just as fun... and not be ruined for anyone involved.



Forbidden Feelings Ch. 10-11



Author's Note: Again, there is not much sex in these chapters as Calie and Leah are trying to figure out where their relationship is going. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me and continue to read Forbidden Feelings. 

X

Friday morning, I slept until my alarm went off. That is a rarity for me; usually my internal clock gets me up about ten minutes before the alarm goes off. As I turned off the annoying buzzing, I realized that I had a craving in my mouth...a craving for Leah. I rolled back onto my pillows and thought about the dream that I woke up to.

I was waiting by our front window for Leah to get home. When I saw her pass my house and pull into her driveway, I went outside and called her over. As soon as we were back behind closed doors, I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her. Without leaving her lips, I unbuttoned her blouse and slid it off. Then I went for her bra. As soon as that was on the ground, I helped her take off her pants and panties. I helped her to lay down on the floor, both of us too excited to go upstairs to the bedroom. As soon as she was on the floor, my lips moved south. Down her neck...down the valley between her breasts...down her stomach...searching for her core. As soon as my mouth touched her lower lips, and I got a taste of her sweet juice, my alarm went off...that annoying buzz that woke me from a wonderful dream. No wonder I had a taste for Leah in my mouth, but I knew that I was not going to be able to quench that thirst tonight...

----------

That night, after eating pizza and drinking some beers, Meghan, Liam, Leah, Travis, Gabriel, and myself all settled down to watch The Day After Tomorrow. We sat like we usually did: Gabriel in the reclining chair, I sat on the floor leaning against the chair; Liam laid down on the couch with Meghan laying between his legs, head on his chest; Travis sat on the love seat, with Leah sitting on the floor, head against his leg. I noticed that Travis was using one hand to rub Leah's neck. Now I knew what she meant when she said that she was jealous when she saw Gabe and me together. I felt the same thing watching Travis massage Leah. 

We turned on the movie, but I couldn't concentrate. I kept watching Leah out of the corner of my eye. Although Travis had moved his hand by now, I still couldn't help wishing I could get closer to her. The way the hood from her sweatshirt curled up around her made her look so innocent...so beautiful...so relaxed. I couldn't stop my thoughts as they wandered back to last week...yet again. 

----------

Travis, Leah, Gabriel, and I left Liam and Meghan's house together. Gabe and I held hands on the short walk back to our house, while Travis and Leah walked in front of us, side-by-side. As we reached our house, Travis and Leah stopped to say goodnight to us. 

"Will you take a walk with me?" Leah asked me as the guys started talking.

"Sure," I responded.

Because the guys were still talking, I let go of Gabriel's hand and followed Leah. Both of us walked in silence with our hands tucked into the front pockets of our hooded sweatshirts. 

"It's so nice out here, isn't it?" Leah said finally.

Although it was mid-September now, the temperature rarely went below seventy at night. Fall weather seemed like a long way off.

"Amazing for this time of year," I responded as I started chuckling.

"What's so funny?" Leah questioned while giving me a confused look.

"Are we back to small talk about the weather?" I replied.

"Yeah, I guess we are," Leah said laughing.

We walked quietly for another hundred yards or so. 

"So, what's new with you?" I asked.

"Same stuff, different day, you know?" Leah replied.

"Yeah, same here," I responded. "It seems like it is just work, work, and more work. You know?"

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean," she said.

"Oh, by the way, I'm in a charity softball game tomorrow for the city fire and police departments. My dad is the Fire Chief," Leah informed me, "You two interested in coming to watch?"

"Sounds fun." I replied, "Is Travis going with the kids?"

"Of course, and if he's lucky, he might get to play. Assuming we're short a person." Leah responded laughing, "Oh, and tickets are five dollars with all proceeds go to the fire company and police force, with a fifty/fifty split."

"Sweet. What time and where?" I asked.

"Game starts at one, and we play at the high school softball field," Leah answered. "Oh, and by the way, I'm the best damn third baseman ever. I could take on A'Rod any day.

"Well, at least you're hotter," I stated. 

"I won't deny that," Leah replied.

"Alright then," I said, "We'll be there." 

We walked in silence again, and even though it was dark, I could still tell that something was bothering Leah. Leah stayed silent, and I let her be, so that she could gather her thoughts. But, after a while, the silence got to be too much.

"What's up?" I questioned as we turned a corner.

"Can we talk about Monday night?" Leah whispered hesitantly.

"What about it?" I asked her, even though I really just wanted to forget all about it and pretend that it never happened.

"Listen, Calie, I'm really sorry," she started, "I thought about what happened, and I was really trying to make you jealous."

"Why?" I asked, surprised, although not shocked.

"I didn't want you to leave," Leah answered.

"I told you I wasn't going anywhere." I replied.

"I know," Leah said, "I was just afraid that you would after what I confessed to you on Sunday. I wanted you to realize what you were going to miss if you did."

"Leah, I'm not the jealous type," I admitted, "You and Kelly didn't make me jealous, just pissed off and pushed me further away."

"I know, I'm sorry," she replied sincerely, "I really wasn't thinking."

"Ya know," I said, changing the subject, "I dreamt about you last night.

"Oh really?" Leah responded, "Now I'm intrigued, go on.

"I woke up, craving you. It was as if I could still taste you," I replied.

"Wow!" Leah exclaimed laughing, "We could always get together sometime, and satisfy that craving of yours."

I couldn't tell if she was joking or not, but either way, I wasn't sure if I was ready to let my guard down again and chance getting hurt again. I had really missed being with Leah...and the feel of her in my arms...and under my tongue. But was it really worth it?

We reached my driveway and saw that the guys had already gone inside for the night. Leah and I stopped walking and just stood in the drive. Both of us not knowing what to say next, but neither one of us wanting to leave each other's company. The guilt from Tuesday night, my kiss with Lexi, washed over me. I knew it meant nothing, but it still felt so wrong. I wanted to confess everything to Leah.

"Can we keep walking?" I asked, "I'm not ready to go in yet."

"Of course," Leah answered.

We passed Leah's house and two others without saying a word. As we walked, the urge to tell Leah everything that happened on Tuesday night with Lexi and Austin grew, but I didn't know where to begin. 

"So what's new with you?" Leah asked breaking the silence.

"A lot actually, but honestly, I don't know where to begin," I said shaking my head.

"You have forced me to talk to you so many times," she responded, "am I going to have to make you open up to me now?"

"Yea, I guess you're right," I replied. "Just give me a few minutes to figure it all out."

I went to turn the corner, but Leah pointed straight ahead. About 100 yards past the T-intersection was a path that went through some woods before opening up into a field and a small beach near a lake. Even though it was dark outside, the path was fairly wide and our eyes would adjust to the darkness soon enough; the trees were just far enough apart to allow the slightest hint of moonlight through. 

I followed Leah into the woods, and I soon felt her reach for my hand.

"I'm really excited for you to come tomorrow," she stated, "maybe I'll even hit a homerun for you."

"Just for me? That'll be amazing," I replied.

"We shall see," Leah teased.

I wanted to ask her about Katherine's show next weekend, but I needed the time to be right. I wasn't sure if she would just be able to up and drive to Columbus with me, a two and a half hour drive, plus a stay overnight at a hotel so we didn't have to drive back that night.

We exited the woods and our eyes readjusted to the extra moonlight as we made our way down to the lake. I sat down on the beach without letting go of Leah's hand.

"Come here, My Dear," I said as I opened my arms so that Leah could sit in between my legs. She put her back to my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her.

"I missed that," she whispered.

"Missed what?" I inquired.

"You calling me My Dear or Babe," she answered.

"Yeah? Well, I missed you in my arms," I replied as I held her tight.

I felt her chuckle slightly as she moved in my arms to get more comfortable.

"Okay Sweetheart," Leah stated, "I've given you ample time to pull your thoughts together. Now spill."

I leaned down to kiss her temple, before beginning.

"So, after I walked out on you Monday night, I went home and cried. I was actually glad that Gabe wasn't home because I didn't want him asking any questions," I began, "now, to be honest with you, I'm not sure what upset me more: you hurting me or the fear of possibly never talking to you again."

I paused for a second as I let that sink in.

"When I woke up Tuesday morning, I was still a complete mess, but I went to work to try and get my mind off of you. About mid-day, I got a text from my best friend, inviting Gabe and me over for dinner with her and her fiancée. Well, since Gabe was still out-of-town, I went alone to dinner. Now, I have known Lexi and Austin since I was a freshman in college, and we can all read each other pretty well. Needless to say, they could tell something was bothering me, and although I wasn't ready to dish it out, I did. Leah, I told them everything: from how I felt about you before our first kiss to everything we have done together since."

"Oh wow," Leah responded hesitantly. "Um, okay. Is this what you were scared to tell me?"

I nodded before adding, "There's more too."

And so, I told Leah about the kiss Lexi and I shared, and she took it a lot better than I thought she would. She understood why Lexi had me kiss her, and wasn't angry at me like I thought she would be...like she should be. Once everything was off of my chest, we sat in silence. I could smell the scent of her shampoo lingering in her hair, and I knew that I would be the happiest woman in the world if I could only sit like this forever.

"Are you busy next weekend?" I asked Leah.

"I don't think so," she responded, "why?"

"Like Travis, Lexi's sister is in a band, and they have a show in Columbus next Saturday," I informed her."

"That's quite a long drive for a gig," Leah replied.

"Well, I figured, if Travis can watch the kids, we can spend the night in a hotel, so we don't have to drive back that night," I said, "that's what Lexi and Austin are doing."

"I don't know," she stated.

"Oh come on," I teased, "what's not to love about that idea?"

I could tell Leah was thinking about it.

"You know, my parents have been asking for the kids to spend a weekend with them. If they can do it next weekend, it might work," Leah said, "and Travis has practice on Sundays."

"So you're in?" I asked.

"Yeah," she complied, "I'm in. But, just so I know, what kind of music?"

"Soft rock," I answered as I kissed her temple, "is that cool?"

"A contradicting term, but yea that's cool," Leah laughed.

"Now, the bigger question," I inquired as I ran my hands up and down her sides, "one room or two?"

"One!" Leah squealed as I softly tickled her, and I knew she had a smile on her face.

I wrapped my arms around her again, hugging her as I started kissing her sensitive skin. My tongue tracing lines up and down the back of her neck. I could feel her wiggling in my arms, but I wasn't allowing her to move too much as I tortured her.

XI

I couldn't believe how fast the weekend flew by, I thought as I walked into my office building bright and early Monday morning. Leah and I were "together" again and happy. I had no clue where it was going to go, but I was still walking on cloud nine!

An hour and a half after I sat down at my desk and actually had begun to see a dent in the chaos I called my desk, my co-worker Alex stuck her head in my office.

"Hey, you up for a coffee run before our usual eleven o'clock meeting?" she asked as I looked up from the computer.

"Anything to get away from this disaster," I replied as I jumped up and grabbed my jacket from the hook on the wall.

We headed for the elevator in the hall and then made our way down to the ground level. As we exited the elevator, I noticed that U.S. Bank, who owned our building and who were located on the first floor, had set up a table to sign people up for checking accounts. As the woman working the table turned around, my eyes caught hers.

"Leah?" I called out as I walked away from Alex.

"Calie!" Leah exclaimed, "what are you doing here?"

Once I reached Leah, I wrapped my arms around her. Of course, because of where we were, it was more of a professional hug, and although I really wanted to, I held back from kissing her. 

"This is where I work," I explained, "upstairs at Cleveland Sports Magazine. I do layout design before the magazine gets published, "what about you? I didn't know you worked at this bank."

"Not at this branch," Leah answered, "but, I work for the marketing department. When I'm not working out of the main office in Akron, I'm out at different branches running promotions."

"What promotions are you doing today?" I asked.

"Well, today, if you sign up for a checking account and enroll in overdraft protection, we are giving away a free mp3 player," Leah answered, moving her hand over the table to show me all of the color choices.

"Nice," I replied as I saw Alex moving next to me, "oh, I'm sorry. Leah, this is my co-worker Alex. Alex this is Leah, my-"

Oh shit! What was Leah to me? My girlfriend? The love of my life? How should I introduce her? We never discussed this.

"Neighbor," Leah cut in as if sensing my conflict, "I live next door to Calie and Gabriel. It's nice to meet you Alex."

"Likewise," Alex responded as she and Leah shook hands before Alex turned her attention back to me, "Hey Cal, why don't I go ahead to Starbucks and you stay here."

"No, it's okay," I replied, "I'll walk over with you."

"No really, we'll catch up later," Alex said as she winked at me as if she knew the truth about Leah and I, "Leah, can I grab you anything to drink?"

"Black coffee sounds great. Thanks!" Leah answered.

"Two venti black coffees then, and whatever you want," I smiled at Alex as I gave her the ten out of my pocket.

"Okay, I'll be right back," Alex responded as she turned to walk toward the revolving door.

I turned back toward Leah. It was like a dream-come-true that she was working in the same building as me...well, at least for the day.

"It sucks that I can't spend all day down here with you," I said to Leah as we both took a seat in the chairs behind the promotion table, "what time are you planning on going to lunch?"

"I don't know. I'm not even that familiar with this part of Cleveland, to be honest," she replied, "any suggestions?"

"Well if you can wait to eat until around twelve thirty, I can take you to my favorite restaurant downtown," I responded.

"And what's that?" Leah inquired.

"Hard Rock, of course," I answered.

"Do we really have time for that?" Leah questioned, "I'm only here until three."

"Well, Plan B becomes I work through lunch, so I can leave at four, and we have an early dinner," I suggested, "do you think Travis would mind you being late?"

The look on Leah's face told me that either she wasn't sure if it would be okay, or she just didn't want to find out, and I really didn't want to push the issue.

"Okay, Plan C; I run out and grab some pizza for lunch and then we sit here and eat. This way, you can keep working and promoting, and I can still get to spend some time with you," I said.

"Plan C works," Leah replied as she placed her hand on my upper arm, "we'll do Hard Rock another time okay?"

She must have seen the disappointed look on my face.

"Deal, but I'm holding you too that," I smiled, "however, now the more important question becomes, what do you want on your pizza?"

"What do you like?" Leah retorted.

"My favorites include extra cheese, pepperoni, or pineapple and ham," I said.

"I love pineapple and ham!" Leah exclaimed, "Travis can't stand it, so I rarely get it."

"Alright, Hawaiian pizza it is," I replied, "I will call it in at noon, and pick it up as soon as I go on lunch."

Leah turned away from me and stood up as a woman walked through the entrance and headed toward the elevators.

"Are you interested in signing up for a free checking account with overdraft protection?" Leah asked.

"No thanks," the woman replied, "I already have one with another bank."

"Alright," Leah nodded, "have a great day."

"I guess you get a lot of that, huh?" I asked Leah after the brunette got onto the elevator.

"Yeah, but at least she was nice about it. Some people pretend to ignore me, or just say no," Leah explained, "once in a while, I'll get someone who is interested."

"Are you on commission?" I inquired.

"Yeah, but I still get decent pay without it," Leah answered, "so, it's still nice, but the bonus helps."

"Oh, I'm sure. Every little bit helps," I affirmed, as Alex walked back in the building carrying a drink tray with three cups of coffee.

"Thanks Alex," Leah said as Alex handed off the cups.

"Not a problem," Alex replied, "but, Cal and I better get back upstairs."

"Yeah, we should," I agreed as I looked at my watch and looked over at my woman, "Leah, have a good morning. I'll be back down for lunch."

As I stood up, I let my hand 'accidently' graze Leah's.

"I'll see you in a little bit," Leah smiled at me, "enjoy."

"You too," I replied as I followed Alex into the open elevator.

"You want to fill me in," Alex teased after the doors shut.

"Nope," I smiled, "not at all."

Although Alex was my closest friend, outside of Lexi and now Leah, and I'm sure she already had her suspicions, I just didn't want to go into my love life right now. I had a pile of paperwork sitting on my desk, and a meeting to attend in fifty minutes. 

When I got back to my office, I made a conscience decision to leave my personal phone in my jacket pocket. This way I would not be tempted to text Leah when I had so much to do. Lunch just couldn't come soon enough. 

----------

After the meeting was over, I reluctantly returned to my office where I knew I'd have to put in another solid forty-five minutes before I could leave for lunch. Although no one actually told us when we could go, it was kind of a system that we had set up so that no one department was ever out of the office all at once -- unless on a business lunch. That was how Alex and I got to be friends. She was one of the photographers for the magazine, so being in different departments, we usually ate lunch at the same time, when she was in the office of course, and not out on assignment.

I tried to concentrate, I really did, but it just wasn't happening. At twelve fifteen I finally said 'screw it' as I admitted defeat, and put my computer to sleep. Leah was downstairs and I wanted to be with her.

I grabbed my jacket once again and walked toward Alex's office.

"Hey, I'm going to grab lunch with Leah," I explained as I stepped into the room, "we'll catch up tomorrow. Okay?"

"Of course," Alex replied, "besides, I already had a lunch date with Isaac."




Forbidden Feelings Ch. 10-11



Isaac was a relatively new hire to the Human Resources department and Alex and him had become fast friends. I was wondering if something was ever going to pan out, and I knew Alex was starting to wonder the same thing.

"Well, you two enjoy," I said sincerely and I turned to make my way to the stairs.

The five floors of steps I had to go down I knew would be faster than waiting for the elevator this time of day, and while I didn't exactly run down them, I also didn't take my time either. 

I walked over to Leah's table just as she was finishing up with a gentleman. I watched her shake his hand and then he picked up his new green mp3, thanking her once again before walking off.

"You're early," Leah pointed out.

"Yeah, I couldn't wait any longer," I admitted, "so, how's it going down here?"

"Second one I gave out today, so not too bad," Leah replied sitting down and motioning me to do the same.

"Nah, not at all. Hey, I got to go and grab the pizza. I'll be right back," I said to Leah and walked away before she had a chance to hand me the money that I assumed was the reason she went digging in her bag.

Although I won't swear to it, I thought I heard her mumble 'jerk' to me just as I was about to leave the building, I guess because I wouldn't let her pay.

I walked across the street to Papa Johns to pick up the pizza that I had called in earlier. Surprisingly, it was all ready to go, and as soon as I had paid, I walked back out.

In less than five minutes, I was back in my building. Just as I was walking over to Leah, it dawned on me that I forgot to grab plates, napkins, and drinks...all of the above I actually had upstairs.

"Hey, do you want to eat in my office? I asked Leah once I got back to her table, "or do you have to stay here?"

"Nope, I don't have to stay," Leah answered, "in fact, I was hoping we could go somewhere more private."

"Oh really?" I inquired, my eyes growing bigger.

"Just because I don't want to eat greasy pizza in front of potential customers," Leah laughed and winked at me.

Well that cleared up my confusion, while crushing my heart. Oh well, that's life I guess.

I helped Leah pack up the giveaways and she put them in her bag. Then we walked over to the elevators, and when the doors opened we stepped inside as I pushed the button for my floor. We got off on the fifth floor and I led Leah through the rat maze to my office.

"Wow!" Leah exclaimed, "I don't know how you don't get lost around here!"

"I did at first, but not now," I explained, "I've been working here for three years now, and it also helps that I did my internship here."

"Didn't you go to Akron?" Leah asked referring to my college.

"Yeah, but I commuted here for my internship," I replied as I opened the pizza box on my desk and grabbed some plates and napkins from the shelf behind my desk, "not only did they give me the best offer, but it seemed like the place I'd want a career at. And look where I am now; lead project coordinator."

"Nice! Although it must be a hell of a commute everyday," Leah responded as I handed her a plate with a slice of pizza on it.

I grabbed two water bottles out of the small fridge that I kept in my office.

"Yeah, mostly in the winter. Other times I don't mind it as much. It's nice to have some quiet time to myself in the mornings and afternoons."

"I bet," Leah agreed as we both began eating.

When we were done eating, I wrapped up the remaining three slices in aluminum foil and then tossed them in the fridge.

"Well, I should probably head back down now," Leah said after finishing her water.

"I'll walk you back down so you don't get lost," I replied, although I wasn't ready to get up.

"Actually, before we go, can I talk to you for a minute Calie?" Leah asked as her facial expression got serious.

"Of course," I replied, "what's up?"

"I want to show you something," Leah answered as she went into her bag and pulled out a large envelope.

She handed it over the desk to me and I looked at the return address. It was from a law firm in Akron. The envelope was addressed to Leah.

I looked at Leah with a questioning face; I wasn't sure what she wanted me to see. I wasn't sure what she wanted me to do with it.

"Open it," Leah responded to my unasked question. I slowly opened the unsealed flap and pulled out a stack of papers. As I skimmed the first page, certain words popped out at me.

"Divorce papers?" I asked, shocked.

"Yes," Leah nodded, "I received them Saturday morning.

"Wait, this past Saturday?" I questioned.

"Yes," Leah said as her eyes began to water.

"But what about Friday night at Liam and Meghan's?" I asked, "Travis was massaging your neck, and holding you while watching the movie."

"I asked him about that, and he said that he didn't want anyone getting suspicious before I received the papers, so he acted normal," Leah answered.

"Anyone including you, huh?" I was getting angry for Leah's sake. "What about the game then? You had already seen them before you guys played."

"That time I asked him not to say anything, especially since my family was there," Leah explained, "I wanted to tell them in private, which I did yesterday after church."

"Did he say why he filed?" I asked.

"He said he found someone else, who he's developed feelings for. He really loves her and sees a future with her, not me," Leah replied as her eyes filled up with tears again.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry Honey," I responded, my heart breaking for her, "I really am."

I got up from my chair and went over to hers. I laid my hand on her back, rubbing up and down.

"I'd ask you how you're holding up, but I have my answer," I said.

"Actually this is the worst of it. This is the first time I've cried," Leah replied, "I've walled it all up to be strong in front of him and the kids, who we still have to talk to. I didn't want to Travis to see me crying."

I just held on to Leah; one arm behind her back, the other on her head holding her body close to mine. I felt my shirt getting wet from her tears, but I didn't care. She needed me, and I was here for her.

"Want to know what the sad thing is?" Leah asked after she calmed down.

"What's that?" I asked back.

"I'm more upset that he didn't talk to me before filing the papers than I am that he cheated on me," Leah responded, "I feel like this is partly my fault too. I cheated on him as well, although I didn't tell him."

"Leah, don't blame yourself, none of this is your fault," I replied, "have you guys discussed anything yet, like the house or kids?"

"We did," Leah nodded, "we agreed on joint custody. I'll stay in the house with the kids. He'll spend time with them every week and every other weekend. Plus we'll split holidays. We've also decided to go through one lawyer to make it easier, and we've agreed to agree on everything so it's not a long court battle. This way, its not only easier for the kids, but easier for us as well; less stressful."

"Well, I'm glad that it'll work out for you and the kids," I said.

"Yeah, me too," Leah replied standing up and looking at her watch, "I'm sorry, but I really should get back downstairs now."

"Yeah, I know," I responded, "I just want to make sure you're okay before you spend the rest of the afternoon downstairs."

"I'm good now," Leah answered, wiping the last of her tears away, "thank you for listening, I really needed it."

"Anytime Leah," I said putting my hand under her chin, "I'm here for you."

I gave her a quick kiss on the lips. I wish I could have spent more time kissing her, but I did have windows in my office that faced the hall. 

I put the divorce papers back in the envelope and handed it back to Leah. I offered her the rest of the pizza, but she declined. Then I lead her out of my office and back to the elevators. 

"Do you want me to walk you down?" I asked as I pushed the button to call the elevator up.

"Nah, its okay," Leah responded, crossing her arms, "I'll text you later though. Travis and I are going to sit down with the kids tonight, so I don't know what time. But I will text you, even if it is just a 'goodnight'."

"Okay. I look forward to it," I replied. I placed my hand on her right arm as a friendly gesture, "good luck this afternoon with the promotion, and good luck tonight with the kids."

"Thanks," Leah said as the doors opened, "bye Calie."

"See ya Leah," I replied as she stepped in and pressed the lobby button.

The doors shut and I was standing alone again. Life just wasn't easy, was it? I didn't want to go back to work, but I had to. I didn't want Leah to have to be downstairs alone, thinking about the pain that Travis caused, but she had to work too. I couldn't wait for her text later, but I knew she needed time alone with Travis and the kids.



Forbidden Feelings Ch. 12-13



XII

On Saturday, although we were not meeting Austin and Lexi until one o'clock, Leah came over around eleven. Gabriel was putting in a full day of work, as he often did this time of year, and Leah's parents had already picked up Madison and Samuel. To kill two hours, we ended up cuddling on the couch, watch re-runs of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.

I was running my fingers through Leah's hair as I started thinking about later that night; being in a hotel room, alone with my girl. I knew Leah's divorce lingered on both of our minds, but it went without saying that we wanted to enjoy this weekend together.

"Can I ask you something?" Leah questioned, breaking my thoughts as she muted the drama.

"Sure," I replied, "what's up?"

"Does it upset you to talk about your sister?" she asked, turning her head so she could look up at me.

"No, not anymore," I responded looking down at her, "Why?"

"Well, you only talked about her once, and that was only because I asked you to tell me something about you, so I wasn't sure," Leah answered, "and I wanted to know more about her, since she means so much to you.:

"Ask anything you want," I said as I combed my fingers through her hair.

"Let's start with her name?" Leah asked, "If you don't mind."

"Not at all, her name was Jaime. Jaime Rose," I replied.

"What was Jaime like?" Leah inquired.

"She was so young, so full of life," I started as I continued to play with Leah's hair, "Jaime and I were best friends. We shared everything, from a bedroom to secrets to clothes when need-be. However, where I was a total tomboy, she was a total girly-girl. While I had guy friends, Jaime had guys all over her. Sure she dated some, but no one at school was good enough for her. She knew what she wanted, and she stood for it. She was mature enough to see what the teenage guys wanted as well."

I paused to take a breath.

"Go on," Leah urged me.

"Jaime's long blonde hair was perfect, and I was jealous. I wore mine in a ponytail everyday but she always left it down, except when she played volleyball. 

"She was on the high school team, and made varsity her freshman year. She helped the team make it to states during her sophomore year, but they lost in the finals. While the rest of the team was bummed about the loss, Jaime kept saying there's always next year. That was the way she lived; if something went wrong today, there is always tomorrow. I wish you could have met her."

"I already have. She's in you. Calie, Jaime is such an integral part of you. I see her how you describe her. I see her in you."

I thought about what Leah said, and realized just how true her words really were.

----------

After lounging around for a while, just enjoying each other's company, I looked at the clock on the wall.

"I think we better get ready to go," I said to Leah. "Austin's driving, and he can get quite impatient while waiting on people to show up."

"What time is it?" she asked as she sat up.

"Twelve thirty," I answered, getting off the couch. 

I turned around and offered her my hand to help her get off of the couch. After standing up, she let go of my hand, and walked over to the bags that had been left by the door.

"Wait. Hang on," I said, as I stood where she left me.

"Everything okay?" Leah questioned, looking back at me with a worried look on her face.

"Yeah. Come upstairs with me for a second though," I responded as I started up the stairs.

"I don't think we have time for that," Leah said teasingly as she followed me.

"Not exactly what I had in mind, My Dear," I replied back over my shoulder.

I entered the bedroom that I shared with my husband, and sat down on the foot of my side of the bed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Leah leaning up against the door frame, as if not knowing whether she should come in. I leaned down, and pulled a tin box from under the bed; it resembled a child's lunch box. I ran my fingers over the letters that I had painted on it more than eight years ago, spelling out JAIME.

When Leah saw what I was holding, she came in and sat down on the bed next to me. She didn't say anything, respecting my silence. As I unhooked the small latch, Leah put her hand on the bed, around my body, to hold herself up while also leaning into me. I pulled out a folded, unstructured, light blue North Carolina Volleyball hat.

"Jaime dreamed of being a Tar Heel for as long as I could remember. She hoped to get a volleyball scholarship so that she could afford to go there," I explained to Leah, as I held the cap in my hands, "I bought her this hat for her sixteenth birthday, and she used to wear it everywhere."

I turned the hat over, and opened it up; inside of it was my braided hemp bracelet, identical to Jaime's that I now wore. Laying the cap on my lap, I gently took out the bracelet and reached for Leah's hand.

"I'd like you to have this," I whispered.

"No, I couldn't," Leah responded, shaking her head.

"Please?" I asked.

Leah didn't reply; she just looked up at me. There was a mix of confusion and fear in her eyes.

"Listen, this one is mine," I said, pointing to the one that Leah was now holding, "I'll always wear Jaime's now, and I'd like you to wear mine."

"Thank you," Leah replied solemnly as she wrapped her fingers around the treasure in her hand, "but, you don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do," I responded placing my hand around hers that was closed over the bracelet, "Jaime would want me to."

"Do you think she'd like me?" Leah asked so childlike.

"Without a doubt," I answered. I cupped her chin in my hand and kissed her forehead, "there will never be any doubt in my mind about that."

As Leah opened her hand, and slid her left wrist through the bracelet, I placed the hat back in the box.

"Can I see what else is in there?" Leah asked hesitantly as I locked it and placed it back under the bed.

"Someday," I replied, "but we really need to head out now."

"Yeah, good point," Leah responded as she stood up from the bed.

I reached for her hands, and held on to both of them as I pulled her down to my lips. 

"Thank you," she said again after we pulled away, and I knew it wasn't about the kiss.

"You're welcome," I replied.

I stood up and let Leah lead me, still holding hands, down the stairs to our bags at the door. We each grabbed our own bags and took them out to my car. I went back to the front door to lock up, and then we got into the car to head to Lexi and Austin's.

"Listen, Leah," I said as I reached for her hand after turning onto the main road, "there's something I should tell you about tonight."

"What's up?" Leah responded turning her attention to me.

"Katherine's band...um, is a big supporter of the LGBT community," I stated.

"Okay?" Leah replied, sounding confused.

"I'm just letting you know now, so that you don't feel blind-sided when you walk in and see a bunch of Lesbians," I explained as I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb, "I didn't ask you to come along to pressure you into anything, and I don't want you to think I had any ulterior motives."

"Okay," Leah said again, this time sounding more accepting of my word instead of confused. 

"If you changed your mind and don't want to go, I understand," I stated.

"No, its fine," she replied, "thank you though for pre-warning me."

"You're welcome," I responded, "I just know how you are, especially what you don't want to do in public places."

Leah smiled at me, the kind of smile that really meant thank you.

"But, don't you dare think that I'm not going to try anything tonight," I laughed as I brought her hand up to my lips so that I could softly kiss the back of it.

"We'll see about that," she countered as she smiled up at me.

The rest of the way we drove in silence, except for the radio playing the Top 40 country songs of the week. We pulled into Austin and Lexi's driveway just before 1:00. As soon as Leah and I loaded our bags into the trunk of Austin's blue Kia, the four of us got in and headed south. Because of its size, Lexi referred to her fiancée's car as the golf-cart. As we drove out of their neighborhood, Lexi reached for her purse. She pulled out a pen and a small notebook. 

"Okay, everyone, eyes peeled," she said.

Leah turned to me with a quizzical look.

"Whenever we take long car rides, we always play the license plate game," I explained.

Austin called out two states as we drove past some trucks.

"Oh cool," Leah replied, "What's the most you've ever found?"

"On a drive to Myrtle Beach and back, we saw forty-six states and three Canadian provinces," I responded.

"Never all fifty?" Leah inquired.

"Nope," Lexi answered, "but we did see Alaska on that trip."

We drove through another crowd of cars and trucks and found six more license plates.

"Have you ever seen Hawaii?" Leah asked.

"Once, but that was when we were just driving around town," I replied, "we weren't even playing the game that day."

"Oh, that sucks!" Leah exclaimed.

"You're telling us," Austin replied laughing.

I laid my hand on the seat between Leah and me. I opened my hand in a gesture to hold Leah's hand, but she shook her head.

"Why not?" I mouthed to her.

Leah used her eyes to point to my two friends in the front seats. 

"They don't care," I whispered.

Leah shrugged her shoulders and looked out her window. 

I slid my hand to her thigh, and let it graze to her knee. 

As if Austin and Lexi could tell how uncomfortable Leah was with all of this, they started asking her questions about her kids and Travis. The questions were not meant to put her on the spot, but more of a way to get to know her, and to let Leah know that they truly were interested.

We drove on, randomly interrupting conversations by calling out states. By the time we reached the outskirts of Columbus, Leah was joking around with the three of us and feeling very relaxed around Austin and Lexi. She even started holding my hand about halfway through the trip. As we pulled off the highway, I glanced over at Leah and knew that this was going to be one amazing weekend.

----------

We got to the hotel just before 3:30. Austin parked the car and soon the four of us were walking into the lobby to check in with what little bags we had. I let Lexi and Austin go first. After requesting a king room, Austin slid his credit card over the counter. Within a minute he was given the room keys and it was my turn.

Leah walked up to the counter with me and I requested two full beds. When the desk clerk asked for a credit card, I saw Leah reach for her wallet.

"Don't you even think about it," I said with a smile on my face.

I pulled my card out of my wallet and handed it over.

"There's no way I'm letting you pay for the whole room," Leah responded.

"Yes, you are," I replied chuckling, "I invited you. End of story."

From the look on Leah's face, I could tell that wasn't going to be the end of it. But as she put her wallet back in her purse, I knew she was going to drop it for now. As soon as I signed all the paperwork, we were given our room keys and Leah and I walked over to where Lexi and Austin were waiting for us.

The four of us got onto the elevator and we all got off on the forth floor. As we neared our rooms, we discovered that two rooms were only two doors down from each other. Before we headed into our rooms, we decided to meet in the lobby at 5:30. That way we would have enough time to grab a bite to eat at Austin's favorite local pizza joint before heading to the show.

----------

Leah and I entered our room and placed our bags in the alcove closet. I walked over to the closest bed and sat down on it to relax before heading out. Leah walked over to the window and sat down in the chair next to it. She moved the curtains so that she could look outside.

"You okay?" I asked, "Or are you still mad that I didn't let you pay."

Leah turned toward me and chuckled as she shook her head.

"I'm not mad at you," she replied, "but I'm paying for tickets tonight."

"Um, okay. Good choice, considering they're free," I responded teasingly.

"Fine!" Leah laughed, "I get dinner for us then!"

"Okay, I think I can handle that, My Dear," I said.

I watched Leah as she looked back out the window. I could tell she was smiling, just for a moment, happy that she got her way about something. 

"What's with the two beds?" Leah questioned not turning towards me.

I should've known she was wondering about that.

"I need to make sure you feel a hundred percent comfortable with all of this, and not feel like you are being forced to do anything," I explained.

"You know, you could have just asked," Leah responded.

"I know," I said, "But it eases my mind with two beds just in case one of us changes our minds."

"I understand. Look, I know you are still worried about me, and you really need to stop it," she replied turning to face me with a grin on her face.

"Leah," I started, "I will never stop worrying about you. I want to make sure I treat you the way you deserve to be treated."

"Well, I really don't mind sharing a bed with you," she responded, "but, I think we're going to have a problem."

"What's that?" I asked.

Leah got up from the chair and walked between the two beds, sitting down opposite me.

"Well, whenever I'm in a hotel room, sharing it with someone, like on a business trip, I always take the bed closest to the window," she explained, "I don't think I'll be able to sleep on the bed you picked out."

"I see," I replied playing along, "that may very well be a problem. I am now very partial to this bed, but I guess I can make a sacrifice, and switch beds. But, I got to sleep closest to the door. That's just the way I am."

"To protect me from any intruders?" Leah questioned so innocently.

"But of course," I answered.

I got off of the bed I was sitting on and moved over toward her. She moved further onto the bed and I knelt around her legs.

"We have a little over an hour until we have to be downstairs, My Dear," I said.

My right hand went behind her head and helped her lay down without breaking the kiss. I stayed on top of her, although holding my own weight up so I wouldn't crush her. As I placed my lips over hers, Leah let out a moan. That was the only thing I needed to hear to know that we were on the same page. This was definitely the woman I wanted.

----------

After eating at Austin's favorite pizza joint in downtown Columbus, we headed to the club. We were pretty early, so parking wasn't an issue. The four of us got out of the Kia and Lexi led us to the entrance. We handed off our tickets to the bouncer, and although it was an hour and a half until show time, we were still allowed in.

Once we walked down to the main stage area, we followed Lexi over to the stage. One of the band members was setting up the drums and his back was to us. 

"Hey Johnny," Lexi said, as she walked up the stage steps.

"Hey Lex," Johnny replied as he turned. He nodded to the rest of us before turning his attention back to Lexi, "What's up?"

"Not to much, you?" she replied.

"Same shit, different day, ya know," he answered smiling. "Anyway, Katherine's in the back, relaxing before the show."

Johnny pointed off to stage left. Lexi thanked him and then led the way backstage. She seemed to know exactly where she was going. After turning a corner, she stopped in front of a door labeled "Green Room" and knocked on it. Within a few seconds Katherine opened the door.

Austin, Lexi, Katherine, and I went through the typical hi's, how are you's, and hugs before I introduced Katherine to Leah. Then they hugged as well. Lexi's sister invited us into the room to relax with her for a bit before she had to finish getting ready. Leah and I sat down on the small couch while Lexi and Austin grabbed the two director's chairs. Katherine sat down in one of the folding chairs that she moved from the side wall.

"So how was the trip down?" Katherine asked after we all got comfortable.

"It was great," Lexi answered, "we barely hit any traffic."

"That's great," Katherine responded, "states?"

"Twenty eight," Austin replied proudly before adding, "and three Canadian provinces."

"Sweet." Katherine exclaimed.

Leah reached for my fingers as Austin started naming off the more rare states that we had seen. Our fingers intertwined and it felt so good, so right, to have her hand in mine. It showed me that she was comfortable enough around my friends now to be okay holding my hand in front of them.

"So what are you guys playing tonight?" I asked Katherine, "anything new?"

"A little bit of everything," she answered, "we got some new stuff, some old stuff, and of course some covers."

"Sounds great," I said. "I can't wait."

So we sat there, just catching up, and shooting the shit. We all also made sure that Leah was included in the conversation so she wouldn't feel left out.

After a while there was a knock on the door, and Johnny stuck his head in.

"Hey, just wanted to let you know that it's seven thirty," he said, talking to Katherine, "equipment is all set up, and it's filling up pretty nicely out there."

"Good to hear," she replied standing up, "I'll be ready shortly."

Johnny nodded before slipping back out and shutting the door behind him.

"Well, we should get going then," Lexi stated standing up.

Austin, Leah and I followed suit.

"Yeah, you guys gotta get to your wall," Katherine joked, "or did you actually get seats this time?"

"Ha! Fat chance. Austin's too fond of his wall," Lexi said before turning to Leah to explain, "Austin always gets standing-room only seats because he loves standing against this specific wall. I mean, you really do get a great view, and we can move around easier, but he refuses to get actual seats."

"Can't beat the best," Austin defended himself.

"Wow, that's crazy," Leah replied shaking her head while laughing.

"Yea, tell me about it. And, I'm the one that has to live with him!" Lexi exclaimed before turning back to Katherine," Anyway Sweetie, break a leg out there tonight. I know you'll do great."

Lexi gave Katherine a hug before walking over to the door. The rest of us took a turn giving Katherine a hug goodbye and wishing her luck.

When it was my turn, Katherine whispered in my ear, "You and Leah look really good together."

"Thanks," I responded after breaking the embrace, "I like to think so too."

Austin, Leah, and I walked over to the door that Lexi had opened. 

"Enjoy yourselves tonight," Katherine said as we were walking out.

"Thanks. We always do." I replied as I turned around and winked at her. "You enjoy yourself as well."

"Of course," she responded before I walked out, shutting the door behind me. 

The four of us walked back out into the main stage area and staked out our usual position; against the wall of the ramp leading down to the seating area. Like Lexi had explained to Leah, this spot had a perfect view of the stage and we weren't in anyone's way.

"Alright, Lexi and I are going to get drinks," Austin stated after we claimed the wall, "what can we get you two?"

"Water for me," I replied.

"Of course, water for the square," Austin teased.

Lexi elbowed him as she gave him a mean look.

"What? I was only joking," Austin defended himself.

"It's cool," I responded to Lexi smiling, "I can take him."

"Uh-huh, sure you can," Austin continued to tease me.

"I'm sorry, you'll have to forgive these two," Lexi said to Leah, giving her a sympathetic look, "They both can get pretty immature at times."

"Just us two?" Austin replied, putting his arm around his fiancée, "really?"

"Alright! Enough!" Lexi said, before turning her attention back to Leah, "Now, what would you like to drink?"

"Water's fine with me as well," Leah answered.




Forbidden Feelings Ch. 12-13



"She'll have a Raspberry Smirnoff," I cut in.

"No, water's good," Leah repeated glancing at me, "that's what you're getting."

"Leah, I'm having water because I choose not to drink. That doesn't mean that you can't drink," I explained, "besides, you may feel more comfortable with some alcohol."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Leah nodded, giving in, and then turned back to Lexi, "any Smirnoff is good. Just not watermelon or pineapple."

"Got it," Lexi said as she winked at Leah, "be right back."

"You two better behave yourselves," Austin smiled at us as he used his pointer and middle finger to illustrate I've got my eyes on you, while Lexi pulled him up the ramp by his shirt sleeve.

"You really don't mind?" Leah questioned after Lexi and Austin were out of sight.

"Mind what?" I asked back, confused.

"If we drink in front of you," Leah responded.

"Oh hell no," I replied, "like I said, before, it's a choice I made for myself, not for other people. However, I just might take your keys away, if I feel I need to."

Leah smiled at me as she knew from my tone of voice that I was teasing her. God, I loved her smile.

"Okay," she responded laughing, "I'll try not to drink too much then."

As I stood there next to Leah, I crossed my arms. I really wanted to wrap my arms around her, but I wasn't sure if she was ready for that yet.

"Thank you for coming with us this weekend," I said due to not knowing what else to say.

"Well, thanks for the invite," Leah replied.

"Anytime Babe," I responded, winking at her, just as Lexi and Austin came back with the drinks.

"So, Leah, is it nice getting away from your kids every once in a while?" Lexi asked as the drinks were handed off.

"Well, I don't want to say, I enjoy it," Leah replied, trying to find the right words, "but, yeah, it's pretty nice."

"You don't get out much, do you?" Austin retorted raising his beer glass to her, as we all chuckled.

"Not at all!" Leah exclaimed as she tapped his bottle with hers before they both took a drink.

We turned out attention to the stage as the band walked out and started playing. Leah moved closer to me and I took a chance by wrapping my left arm around her shoulder. I felt her wince, so I started to move it off, but she shook her head implying that it was really okay. We stood like that for a few moments, just watching the band. 

After the first song ended and we applauded, Leah turned toward me.

"Those two girls in front of us," she whispered and used her chin to point, "are they lesbians?"

I turned my gaze to where Leah was looking and saw two females; the brunette had her arm around the redhead's body, resting in the back pocket of the redhead's jeans, while the redhead had her hand resting on the brunette's lower back.

"If I had to guess, I would say yes," I responded, wishing that by the end of the night, Leah and I would be that close.

"They look so happy together," Leah said.

"I know exactly how they feel," I replied as I brought my arm further down, reaching Leah's jeans.

"I bet you do," Leah teased me as my hand slipped into her back pocket.

She wrapped one of her arms around me, and turned towards me to rest her head on my chest, near my collar bone. As I placed my chin on Leah's head, I caught Lexi's glance. She smiled and nodded at me as if saying, see everything worked out. I pulled Leah closer to my body and stood there, watching the band as they continued to play.

When the song was finished, Leah raised her bottle of Smirnoff to her lips and drank what little was left. I lowered my mouth to her ear.

"Do you want another one?" I asked.

"No," she moaned as I nibbled on her ear lobe.

I had to tighten my arms around her because I felt her going limp from my torture.

"Hey, are we allowed to come back in if we go outside," Leah inquired, pulling away from me as the next song began.

"I think so," I answered, "I mean, we may need to get our hand stamped. Why?"

"Can we go outside then?" Leah asked as she looked up at me.

"Sure," I responded before turning toward Lexi and Austin, "we'll be right back."

Lexi nodded to me as I took Leah's hand and led her up the ramp, through the crowd. When we reached the front doors, the bouncer already had the stamp out. We both presented our left hand to him, and after we got stamped, we exited.

The air was cool and although there was a slight breeze, the temperature wasn't bad. I led Leah toward the nearest bench, and we sat down.

"So what's up?" I asked.

"I'm sorry," Leah replied, "I just needed to get out for a few. It's very overwhelming."

"You okay?" I questioned as I turned to face my date.

"Yeah, I am. Surprisingly. I just needed some fresh air."

Leah leaned her head against my shoulder, and I wrapped my arms around her.

"Leah, if you don't want to go back in that's fine. I know it's hard for you to be out of your comfort zone," I said.

"I thought I'd be okay. I tried, I really did," Leah answered, "I'm so sorry."

"You're fine. I'm the one that should be apologizing," I said, "I'm the one who asked you to come. I knew what this would be like for you."

"But, you did warn me," she reminded me.

"Yes, I did, and you still came. And, look at us now. You cuddled into me inside, surrounded by people, and here, outside, I still have my arms wrapped around you," I explained as I kissed the top of her head, "Two weeks ago, you wouldn't have allowed me to be this close to you in public. You have changed Leah, you really have."

"How do you think Lexi and Austin feel about this?" Leah asked, "I mean, they both know Gabe, and you're cheating on their friend."

"They were my friends first, and while I'm sure they are disappointed in my actions, they are very aware how happy you make me," I answered.

I couldn't tell if Leah was satisfied with my answer, so I added, "Besides, Lexi is going to really enjoy tonight with Austin. He loves the fact that two girls are kissing in front of him, but Lexi's the only one that he can take his excitement out on. Oh yes, she will definitely enjoy it later on."

I heard Leah laugh and I smiled along with her.

"I love you," Leah whispered just barely audible.

"Hey," I whispered back and placed my right hand under Leah's chin. I made her raise her eyes to meet mine. "I love you too."

I kissed her forehead, and then the tip of her nose, and finally her lips.

"Are you ready to go back inside?" Leah asked once my lips left hers, "I could go for another drink right about now."

"If you want to, or I can sit out here all night with you in my arms," I replied.

"Or we can go in, and finish watching Katherine's gig, which is the reason we came, and you can wrap your arms around me inside," Leah stated.

"It's a reason we came, but is it the true reason we came?" I teased.

"Let's go!" Leah said as she stood up and reached for my hand.

We headed back inside, this time Leah led me in. I followed her to the bar and she ordered another Smirnoff. I paid for Leah's, as well as another beer each for Lexi and Austin. Then we made our way back to our spot on the ramp and I handed off the two beers.

As I leaned back against the wall, Leah stood with her back against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on her head to watch the rest of the show.

XIII

When the show was over, the four of us took a slow walk to the car so that we would miss most of the traffic. We got into the car and made our way back to the hotel as Leah almost fell asleep on my shoulder.

After parking, we made our way up to the rooms and decided to meet downstairs at ten thirty the next morning to check out and grab some brunch before we headed home. Then we went into our rooms.

I used my key card to open the door, and let Leah enter first before locking the door behind me. Leah was still standing close to me, so I reached for her and brought my mouth to meet hers. I softly pushed her against the closed door as my hands went up and down her arms, caressing her. She moaned into my mouth and her arms wrapped around my body. 

The thought of Leah's body trapped against the wall made me hotter, so I decided to test her limits, but I wasn't sure how'd she react. I let my hands slowly trail her arms and when I reached her wrists behind me, I grabbed them and pinned them above her head. I held them up with only my left hand, while my right reached under Leah's shirt and assaulted her breasts through her bra. 

I felt her melting into me, so I tested her submissiveness further. I used my knee to roughly part her legs and I felt her grinding against my thigh, which made me even hotter.

"Oh God, Leah, I want to taste you so bad," I growled into her mouth.

"Well, what's stopping you?" she teased.

I couldn't dominate her anymore; I wanted her as an equal, not as a submissive. Maybe someday we could explore that, but not tonight. 

I let her hands go and guided her further into the room. As we made our way to the bed, we undressed each other, leaving a trail of clothes on the floor.

I laid her down and my tongue went back to exploring her mouth. My left hand helped hold some of my weight, while my right caressed a line from Leah's chin, slowly heading south. As soon as my fingers grazed her hot, wet core, Leah moaned and I knew she was very close. She moved her hands to my back and very sensually used her fingertips to rub my back. It was driving me insane, but I wanted to see her climax before I did.

My lips left her mouth and kissed a trail to her throat, as I let two of my slender fingers enter her. She was soaked and I knew it would not take much for her to orgasm. I moved my lips up her neck until I reached a sensitive spot just below her ear lobe. Leah's hands on my back tightened as her body was sent over the edge. As she climaxed, I placed my thumb on her clitoris, which made her orgasm more powerful. My fingers didn't let up as I moved my lips down her body. As soon as I kissed her core, and my tongue rubbed against her now extra-sensitive clitoris, Leah's body shook with another orgasm.

"Stop...please..." Leah said breathlessly as I licked her sweet nectar, "I can't...take...anymore."

I slowly removed my mouth and fingers from her body, and moved up on the bed so that I could hold my woman in my arms. I used my right hand to caress her ear like she had done to me that first week. She let out a sigh of approval as her body went into a relaxed state.

"You like this, huh?" I asked about rubbing her ear.

"Uh-huh. It was a calming method my mom used when I was younger," Leah replied.

"You do it to Madison and Samuel now, don't you?" I inquired.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" Leah questioned softly.

"I guessed when you did it to me," I answered, "it does really works."

"Uh-huh," she said as her body relaxed.

After a while of just lying there, Leah moved out of my arms and straddled my body. She leaned down on my lips to kiss me before she moved her lips to my neck.

"Oh God," I stuttered as a moan escaped my lips.

In the heat of the moment, I started grinding myself against Leah's body on top of mine.

"Don't worry about that, Babe, I'll be taking quite good care of you," Leah whispered as she kissed my neck.

Her lips moved down my body to my breasts. She brought my left nipple into her mouth before using her right hand on my other. The way she sucked on my nipple, teasing it with her tongue, I could feel my body building to a climax.

As if Leah could sense it too, she moved her body off mine and slowly kissed a trail to my heated core. This woman was amazing, and I knew it would only be seconds before I lost control of my body, and I was right...

As soon as Leah's tongue touched my clit, my whole body started trembling. Leah gently sucked on me and just as two of her fingers entered me, my muscles contracted around her and my body was brought to orgasm. I had no choice but to turn my head onto the pillow as I muffled a scream because of the earth shattering experience. And yet, Leah didn't let up the sweet torture of my body.

I barely hit the bottom of my first before another wave washed over me, and then a third.

I couldn't take anymore, my clitoris was becoming too sensitive. I couldn't even speak to stop Leah. With really weak arms, I pulled her up my body and she brought her lips to my mouth. As she kissed me, I tasted myself on her.

"A...maz..ing," I said breathlessly as I willed my body to calm down.

Leah smiled at me and then laid down next to me, placing her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. My fingers caressed my bracelet that Leah now wore. As our bodes started to relax, we both closed our eyes.

Just as I was about to fall asleep, my left arm did. Since it was wrapped around Leah, I didn't want to wake her, but it was going numb.

"Hey," I whispered as I kissed the top of Leah's head, "are you asleep?"

"Uh-huh," she replied sounding half awake.

"Can you roll over, and I'll hold you?" I asked, "my arm is falling asleep."

"Uh-huh," she responded again, but instead of turning over, she held on to me tighter.

"Well then, this'll have to do for now," I laughed to myself and kissed her head again, "good night sweetheart."

I tried to forget about my numbing arm as I too fell asleep.

----------

When I woke up Sunday morning, it was still dark in the hotel room. I rolled over and saw Leah still sleeping next to me. Her left wrist lat inches from her face, as she was lying on her side. I softly began caressing the bracelet I had given her and my thoughts drifted to my sister.

"Good morning," I heard Leah say and I was quickly brought back to the present.

I gazed up at her and I felt my eyes water.

"What's wrong?" Leah asked confused as she kissed my forehead.

"I was just thinking about Jaime and the day we bought these," I replied as I continued to trace along the bracelet, "it's kind of a funny story though, I guess. On the day we bought them, I had just been dumped by my boyfriend. We had been dating for two months and back then that was forever. He was the love of my life, or so I thought."

Leah and I shared a moment of laughter at my younger, immature self.

"Anyway, I was hurt and Jaime gave me some retail therapy and made me go shopping with her on the boardwalk instead of going to the beach that day. We found these bracelets and she bought them. When we put them on, we made a vow to each other that no matter what happens, what life throws at us, we will always be there for each other; always no further than a phone call away."

Tears started forming in my eyes again and Leah sat up to wipe them away.

"Thank you for sharing that," Leah whispered.

"Hang on, there's more," I responded as I took some deep breaths, "just give me a second."

"Take your time," Leah nodded and ran her hand through my hair.

I sat up next to her and held her wrist, turning the bracelet around and around.

"We got these specific ones because they slip on. The other ones we liked tied onto our wrists, but with these, there is no beginning; no end. Jaime wanted to use these bracelets as a symbol of our love for each other.

"Of course, after the accident, I had quite a few choice words for my sister for leaving me," I continued with tears pouring down my face. I had never been this open to anyone, Gabriel included. "It took me months to finally accept that she was gone."

"But she's with you, in you," Leah said as she placed her hand under my chin to make me look up at her. 

"I know. And, I've learned that although I can't pick up the phone and call her, she is still available twenty-four seven," I responded.

"And remember," Leah added, pointing to both treasures, "these are just objects. The love that you have for each other is inside."

Leah placed her hand, palm down, on my heart.

"I know," I nodded and smiled in agreement before giving my woman a quick kiss, "but I actually brought this all up to make a point. When I saw you sleeping next to me, wearing the gift I gave you, I thought about the vow that Jaime and I made to each other and how I feel the same way toward you. The wrists the bracelets lay on may have changed, but the vow is still the same. When I look at both of our wrists, I can't help but think of something else that we both wear that has no beginning, no end."

"Wedding rings," Leah said.

I nodded as she used her thumb to twirl her ring around on her finger; even though the divorce was being processed already, she still wore the band.

"Wait. What are you trying to say?" Leah asked sounding unsure of my answer.

"I think you know what I'm trying to say, Leah," I responded as I brushed her hair away from her face, "I love you Leah; there is nothing that will ever change that. I know we really have to sit down and talk about this, and now isn't the time, but I love you. If we can figure something out, I'd love you to be the one I come home to at night. I want to be the one to kiss you goodbye in the morning and before you go to sleep."

"It's not just me in this package you know," Leah stated.

"I love Madison and Samuel as well. I want to share every joy and happiness along with every tear and sadness. I don't want to be another parent in their life; they already have two that love them endlessly. But, I love them too."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, before I looked over at the clock.

"Listen, like I said this is not the time or place," I began, "plus we really need to start getting ready for breakfast."

"Yea, your right," Leah replied as she also looked at the clock and then stood up, "I'm going to grab a quick shower."

I nodded to her and she grabbed her toiletries bag from her suitcase and went to the bathroom to get ready. 

I figured that I was going to take a shower when I got home, so I wasn't worried about it now. I took my time getting ready and used the sink outside the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I heard the water in the shower stop just as I finished getting dressed. I sat down on the edge of the bed and turned on the TV while I waited for Leah to get done.

Leah came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, and as she passed me I reached for her hand and brought her closer to me. 

"I'm going to talk to Gabriel." I said to her.

"Wait. What?" Leah asked.

"Listen Leah, I'm thinking of the future, and I can't see Gabriel with me. All I want is to be with you and Samuel and Madison," I explained, standing up.

"But its wrong," Leah responded.

"It's not wrong. Taboo, probably, but how can something that feels so right be wrong?" I asked her.

"He's going to hate me," Leah said, ignoring my question.

"No he won't. If anything, I'll be the one he hates," I replied placing my hands on her face.

"I started all of this, it's my fault," Leah interjected.

"Leah, stop," I embraced her, "everything will be okay, I promise. I just have to talk to Gabriel. You and Travis are going through a divorce, and I want to be there one hundred percent for you, and in order to do that I have to commit myself one hundred percent to you. I'm not saying you and I are ready to take the next step, but I want to be ready for when we are."

I felt Leah nod into my shoulder as I rubbed her back.

"Now, on that note," I smiled trying to break the tension, "finish getting ready before Austin gets too many ideas about what's taking us so long."

"Oh guys..." Leah laughed before leaving my arms.