0 comments/ 29909 views/ 1 favorites Firkin & Merkin Detective Agency By: dass4450 My apologies for the time taken to put in a new submission. * * * * * 'Firkin and Merkin Detective Agency, Peter Firkin speaking.' 'Are you Irish?' The voice was feminine, low pitched and sexy. 'No, certainly not.' 'Just checking. My name is Patsy Thimble and I'd like to make an appointment to discuss something I want you to do for me.' 'OK. Let me check my diary.' 'What was that noise?' 'Noise?' 'Sounded like a plopping, slurping sort of noise.' She'd heard the sound of Clara's full succulent lips losing their grip on my turgid saliva covered prong. 'Some sort of window cleaning machine outside the window.' Yeah, cleaning alright – cleaning my knob preparatory to cleaning my pipes. 'How about 10am tomorrow.' 'How about in an hour.' An hour. A quick table ender for Clara; should make it easily. 'Well, OK but I'll have to reschedule my 2.15.' 'I'll be there.' I put the receiver down as Clara straightened up after giving the oozing helmet one last kiss. She slipped her cardigan off and undid the front clasp of her huge milking bra, the only type she could find to fit her massive blue veined tits with their tiny but sensitive nipples. Almost before they could flop down she had them wrapped around my iron hard prick while she returned to sucking, deep throating and licking. This was getting just too nice. I grabbed her by her head and eased her off my glistening dong and lifted her to her feet. 'Get your knickers off, girl.' Tits wobbling and elongating, Clara bent a little to raise her mini skirt up over her fat thighs. There was plenty to like about Clara Cowslip and I had liked her the minute her huge breasts had preceded her into the office when she had been sent by the employment agency. She had dressed to cover her big voluptuous body and her big brown eyes had been indirect while I'd talked to her. Sensing sexual submissiveness, I had hired her on the spot and then proceeded to gently dress her as I envisioned her. Plenty of cleavage showing plus little black mini skirts. Bright coloured underwear just like the silky midnight blue ones she was peeling down her splendidly bulky thighs. I reached forward and sucked one of her sweet nipples while checking her dark forested mons and sliding a finger between her fat moist cunt lips. Yep, she was ready. Like a well trained pet. Seems sucking a prick in anticipation always got her going. Mind you, sometimes she was just too good and I often finished before the fucking. I pushed her back onto the desk, and, dropping my tweeds and used two fingers to guide my knob between her velvety vaginal lips. 'Lean back and hold those babies up, baby,' I muttered and slid my cock all the way in to her cervix. Her head back, Clara held her two wobbling blanc manges up for me to suck as my hands went beneath her big thighs to hold them apart. I fucked her hard and barely registered her soft sigh and change from pleasantly moist to slimy as she orgasmed seconds before I deposited a huge load in her always welcoming cunt. Panting, I waited until her cuntal canal stopped milking me before I eased my defeated soldier out. Didn't do to drip spunk onto the trousers or the carpet. A gentle slap on the tit. 'OK girl, clean up and some coffee. Got a real client coming in shortly.' Obediently, Clara fell to her knees and cleaned my cock relishing the spooge still oozing from it. She scraped her tongue across my slit and secretly enjoyed the way my knees involuntarily buckled with exquisite agony that such an act produced. Satisfied there wasn't a trace of me or her left on my semi hard prick, she stood and walked out the door to her office, her breasts still out and swaying, her black mini still up about her waist and snail trails of juice sliding slowly down the insides of her thighs. Her blue panties were in one hand to be replaced after she had cleaned herself up. Half an hour later, Clara showed Patsy Thimble into the office. Good grief – talk about stacked and packed. Despite the four inch heels she strode gracefully forward and accepted my hand, lingering a little. She sat opposite and placed one shapely leg over the other and placed her handbag next to her on the floor. She was blonde but suspiciously so. The smart suit she was wearing was buttoned below a hard packed cleavage. If she had a bra on, it did a good job of hiding. The face was attractive without being beautiful and with suspiciously few lines. Unless I missed my guess, mutton dressed as lamb. 'Mr. Firkin, I have a job for you. I believe somebody in our house is removing items – stealing if you wish. I've lost several pieces of jewellery, at least one painting and book of erotic sketches. The bastard has even taken one of my very best vibrators.' My raised eyebrow was the only thing on my face that moved. She crossed her legs again and I almost caught a Sharon Stone. 'I employ a housekeeper, a cook, a driver and a female gardener but they have been with me for years. My daughter is home from college and my husband is on one of his overseas jaunts. Will you take the case?' We discussed terms and agreed that I would stay the weekend as an old friend of the family. I contemplated her lovely swaying rump as she exited. Just then, the door to the other office opened and my partner Melissa Merkin strolled in. As usual, she looked a right frump. Big and round, she was older than I by about 20 years and it showed. Her bright intelligent eyes were the most attractive thing about her well worn face and wisps of her grey hair straggled from the bun on the back of her head. Under that grey hair was a mind like a computer. She was the brains of the company and did all the work involving corporate crime. An accounting and computing wiz, she was too wrapped up in what she was doing to take good care of herself. She also didn't mince words. 'Fuck me, she was a stunner for an old tart. What's the go?' I told her. 'Sounds like a female to me, lad. No bloke would nick a vibrator. Not unless he's as queer as a three dollar bill. I've got a bit of a problem in my office and I need your help.' I followed her into her untidy office cluttered with paper, two computer terminals and a lap top. 'I'm not sure I can help. What's the problem?' 'The problem is that I can't concentrate on a particularly knotty problem. I need a good cum to clear my mind.' So saying she pulled her shapeless sweater off over her head revealing her big saggy tits, thick nipples pointing to the floor. They weren't in the class of Clara's but they had a peculiar attractiveness to me being blue veined with nipples like thimbles. 'Get your gear off. I fancy a really good shag. I'm sure you're up to it even if you've just given that fat cow her daily fuck.' I started divesting myself of clothes as she pulled her slacks down over her voluminous arse taking her bloomers with her. Her tits elongated as she bent down to slip her shoes off and when she straightened I could see them slap on her rounded belly that did little to hide the bushy grey cunt hair festooned over her pudenda. She sat herself down on the divan and pulled me to her by my semi hard prick. 'I can see a trace of Clara's lipstick on this, my boy. All the better for me because you'll last longer. Come here shagger while I get it hard.' As she swallowed my knob to the back of her throat, I reached down and hefted her pendulous tits, tweaking and rolling the nipples into greater prominence. Melissa was rubbing her hairy twat on my knee and I could feel the moisture dewing on her wiry cunt hairs. Grasping my now iron hard prick she fell back length ways on the divan and dragged me onto her cushiony body and lodged my knob in the clinging cleft of her slit. Letting go, she shifted her hands to my buttocks and with a combination of pulling me and pushing her mound up, she sheathed me to the balls with an almighty groan of lust. I started fucking her and she responded in kind. I gathered up her floppy tits and started kissing biting and sucking her enormous nipples. I felt her climax, a tightening and a flooding that soothed my aching prick but I was not even close to coming. She pushed me back and swung onto her knees presenting me with her wide hips and the underslung pulsing purse of her cunt lips. I lodged my steaming knob into the hilt and pulling on her love handles, ploughed her hard and fast, just how I knew she liked it. She went off again, and twiddling her clit, again. She tightened her cuntal muscles and milked a cloud of sperm out of me right up against the neck of her womb. She had always amazed me with her ability to energise herself after a thorough shagging. I had barely enough time to shrink a bit before she pushed me out and got to her feet pulling her clothes on as she went. 'Just what I needed. I feel a 100% now. Off you go, I've got work to do.' I slouched through the door after dressing. It had always been the same and we had been doing it from the first minute after I had showed up in answer to an ad for an ex-detective for private work. She was a first class and glorious fuck that didn't mince words when the letch was on her. My kind of gal. The next day I arrived at the Thimble mansion to be greeted by the lovely Patsy who pressed a warm welcoming kiss on me and led me in. Inside the door was the housekeeper, a stern looking but well upholstered woman who regarded me with the evil eye. I was introduced as an old friend of her husband Teddy, to Bettina Bucket, mid fifties with a firm hand grip and a voice that would attract iron filings. She showed me to a delightful room and then guided me downstairs to a sitting room where Patsy awaited me. With her was a sulky looking girl of about eighteen, pudgy and florid dressed in some sort of baggy dress. Patsy introduced her as her daughter, Tessa. While Patsy and I were embellishing the story we had cooked up, Tessa Thimble suddenly stood and I watched mesmerised as acres of flesh moved and swayed under her tent dress. 'He's no old friend of daddy's, he's too young. He's some stud for hire you brought here to fuck while daddy's away.' With that she flounced out of the room, enormous buttocks roiling and fighting each other for room in her dress. 'Is she always like that?' 'Only in the last three months or so. Before that we were really close. Suddenly she put on weight and started staying in her room. Her grades have dropped off. I think it has to be a lost love. She won't confide in me.' Funny!! The last three months was when the jewellery and other items had started to disappear. One didn't have to be a Genius Detective to work out who the perp was but finding out the reason would prove to be interesting, I was sure. Patsy took me outside to meet the gardener who proved to be a strong muscular kind of lass about my age. She was tanned and built like a brick shit house. I cringed when she shook my hand with a grip that would shatter bowling balls. For a big dyke looking sheila, she had a feminine name – Rose Tweedie. She was dressed in a flannelette shirt knotted under a shelf-like bosom displaying a hard packed stomach. Her denim cut off shorts revealed muscular tanned legs that were not all that unattractive but far from the perfect Patsy's. She had little to say and grunted as I was led away to the kitchen to meet the cook. June Bugg was your actual grandmotherly type. Short, round, white haired with lovely blue eyes and a remarkably unlined face. Jovial and irrepressible she and I were soon old friends sharing a coffee. Patsy left for her daily shopping trip and June and I settled down to a good old chin wag. The driver wandered in while we were chatting on his way back from dropping Patsy off. Billy Truncheon was not overly tall or well built but he packed quite a bulge at the fork of his thighs. He gulped down a glass of water and sloped off after shaking hands. 'Let me guess – him and the gardener?' I asked. June laughed. 'Close but no cigar. Sweet Bettina is his bag, darling. His bag is to be dominated and slapped and whipped. She is a kinky bitch and he just loves it. Rose on the other hand is a real sweetie but she scares men off big time. I reckon she's still a virgin.' 'What's the go with the daughter, Tessa?' 'Something is certainly going on that's for sure. She used to come and help me in the kitchen but I've not seen hide nor hair of her for three months. Enough of that lot. I want to tell you my secret. Can you guess what it is, Mr. Firkin?' her eyes twinkling with merriment. 'You like to have your cunny licked out then fucked?' I replied dead pan. She looked at me absolutely shocked. Then she screeched. 'You darling boy, how did you guess. Are you game? Old Teddy isn't up to it any more and while Billy's got a big dick, I can't enjoy beating a man just to get him off. You are game, aren't you, or that really is a gun in your pocket.' She led me into a room several doors from the kitchen and quickly slipped out of her clothes revealing a handsome rounded body, creamy white with bustling bulging boobs and a nipped in waistline. 'Don't let the white hair fool you, young man, I'm not that old. Look at this.' She pulled her round belly up to show her white haired mons then pulled the thick gleaming cunt lips apart to show trickles of clear fluid running down the insides of her thighs. 'You've fair got me going. Not often I get a big handsome lad like you in my pants. Come on, lose the duds and I'll give you a nice suck and tit wank before you fuck me.' I obliged and so did she. She was a marvellous fuck in the traditional position and, after sucking me back up to hardness, bounced her soft rounded body up and down on my rigid prick letting me hold the big turgid nippled breasts like reins to keep her in place. Eventually she collapsed on me completely shagged out. I hadn't cum again so I laid her on her back and clasping her big soft tits together, tit fucked her until I erupted all over neck and mouth. She eagerly bent forward and sucked the residue. 'Don't be a stranger,' she smiled as I left. Totally rooted, I wandered up to my room. Passing a door, I heard strange noises and stopped to investigate. After all, that is what I'm supposed to do. I heard loud thwacks of something supple like a belt hitting flesh. As a genius investigator, it took no time to figure out that the belter was Bettina Bucket and the beltee was Billy Truncheon. This was confirmed when I heard her steely voice rasp out instructions. 'Stop your mewling, you pathetic creature. I've told you over and over that your filthy fluids are not to touch any part of me. Take that!' Thwack, thwack. 'I'm sorry, mistress Bet, I couldn't help it.' Long groan, two more thwacks. 'You crossed your long, gorgeous silken legs and it just spurted.' Thwack, thwack. 'I didn't realise I could spurt that far. It was over four feet.' 'Over my feet and my patent leather shoes, you inconsiderate slime. Fortunately you cleaned them and the carpet up in record time, or you wouldn't have sat for a month. Now be off with you, and put that hideous thing away before it goes off again.' I ducked behind a (convenient) parlour palm and watched as Billy slunk out attempting to force a monster half hard cock into his pants. Geez, the head had to be the size of a tennis ball. Poor bastard probably couldn't get it in a normal sized pussy. He had softly shut the door and after seeing him retreating down the stairs, I slithered over and put my ear to the door. The genius detective heard the hum and correctly surmised that he was hearing a vibrator. The bitch! She got herself worked up by belting Billy and then got herself off afterwards. I could hear her moaning and sighing. Of course rule number one in investigative techniques was to question people when they are at their most vulnerable. She was certainly vulnerable right now. I opened the door quietly and entered, entranced at the sight of bitchy Bettina lying back on a bed with her eyes screwed shut, her legs spread while one hand bounced one of those small one inch diameter vibros slowly in and out of a baby smooth twat while the other hand mauled the huge nipple of a ridiculously big and firm breast. She was dressed in slinky black hold up stockings and a corset that nipped her waist in. I knelt down at the end of the bed and peered at the pussy she was sliding the vibro in and out of. It was the size of a mouse's ear! The smallest cunt I'd ever seen on a full grown woman. No wonder poor Billy didn't stand a chance. He'd split her wide open if he tried to prise his prize between the lips of her tiny treasure. Her name may have been Bucket but she should have been called Thimble. Hey, that was Patsy's name! I reached up and stilled her hand, removing and switching off the hummer. Her eyes flew open, at first hazy with lust, then shocked, then steely as she recognised me. 'What the hell??!!!' she shrieked and then gasped as my rock hard tongue lanced between the juicy lips of her tiny twat and then rasped up over the hardened pearl of her clit. She moaned and flopped back grabbing her breasts now with two hands. 'Oh, you bastard, Firkin. No man has ever put his mouth on my kitty.' I pulled back only to survey her prize close up. 'No, don't stop you bastard, I was almost there,' she groaned. I gently prised her thin lips apart and eyeballed the shocking pink interior gleaming with secretions and winking at me. Massaging her clit with a thumb, I drove as much of my tongue in to her tight twat and rhythmically fucked her with it. Slowly, very slowly her pouch widened enough for me to get my mouth over it, and using a combination of push, suck and slurp, suddenly found a stream of thickish viscous cunt juice bathing my tongue. She had cum and cum big time! I pulled back and watched a gentle stream of whitish fluid fall out her pussy and down between the cheeks of her arse. I looked up over her baby smooth mons and saw that she had fainted. As an inveterate cocksman, I had seen a few lovers swoon but never faint. Her monster breasts quivered as she breathed jerkily but retained their upright position after her hands had slipped off them. Despite a face that would send most men running for cover, she had a body second to none. I stood and got rid of my clothes. Grasping my rock hard prick, I knelt between her thighs and nudged the slimy end of my prick between the pulsing lips of her cunt. Gently, inch by inch, I entered a hole tighter than most arses I had fucked. God she was tight, but, imperceptibly her vagina yielded to my stalwart rammer until my balls rested on the cheeks of her arse. Solidly lodged and hoping I could get back out again, I decided to let her get used to the invader while I played with her enormous mounds. I leaned forward, caressing and moulding while sucking inch long nipples into my hot mouth. Giving her more than a gentle nibble, she woke from her faint, her eyes hazy with lust. She focussed and saw me leering at her as I worried one of her rigid nipples. 'You bastard, Firkin, you orgasmed me! What are you doing to my.....hold on, what's that in my.....you, bastard, you're fucking me!!!' Indeed I was, very slowly in and out using only a couple of inches and notching my throbber against her cervix on every inward push. Suddenly, she grabbed my head and looked into my eyes with tears glistening. 'No man has ever been there before. I'm 44, er alright, 54 and a cock virgin. Now fuck me, fuuuuucccckkkk mmeeeeeee!' She wrapped her arms around my waist and raised her stocking clad legs and wrapped them around my thighs, digging her heels in and pushing her cunt up at me. Keeping a firm grip on her marvellous tits, I did as ordered finding that as she loosened up, I was actually able to give her some long strokes, feeling her shuddering and crying as orgasm after orgasm over took her while she rained her juices bathing my cock and deluging my balls. Firkin & Merkin Detective Agency I couldn't keep it up much longer and held her still while I spunked up her tight but now juicy twat. She felt the hot sperm and cried aloud wrapping her arms around my neck and almost strangling me. Slowly my dick dwindled and fell out her followed by a river of our combined cum. Bettina stopped strangling me as her convulsions mellowed and she fell back in another dead faint mumbling one last 'you bastard' but in a friendlier tone before oblivion claimed her. I was eager for more but despite nearly chewing her nipples off, she remained comatose. Bugger!! I never was turned on by necrophilia. Resignedly, I got off her glorious body and went to take a shower. Dinner that night was a curious affair. Patsy and I shared a bottle of fabulous South African white wine while Tessa stirred her food around her plate and looked morose. June, the cook cum housekeeper bestowed glowing glances and touches to me while serving up the meal. Searching for a neutral topic I discovered that this was not Patsy's first marriage and that her background was carefully guarded. Eventually, Tessa lurched to her feet and once again I was mesmerised by the way everything inside her plain dress rolled and collided. 'She was a two dollar whore who married Daddy for his money. His money paid for the way she looks today. More tits, less arse and waist and collagen implants. Not a friggin' thing about her is normal!' She stormed out of the room. 'Well,' said Patsy, 'very nearly true. I had a good time and it cost more than two dollars. Fuck her. I've been a good mother to her for the past 10 years and all I'm copping is shit from her at the moment. I'm going to bed.' She snatched up the just opened second bottle and she too stormed off. I was left to my own devices and considered my options. June would welcome me into her cosy bed and Bettina might protest but she would go another fuck. I knew Rose Tweedie, the gardener lived above the garage in a two bedroom apartment shared with the chauffeur, Billy he-of-the gigantic-dong Truncheon. I wondered if he was slipping her a length, or several lengths come to think of it. I made up my mind. The investigation must go on even though I hadn't actually asked any questions of June and Bettina specifically related to the thefts. I had asked questions like, 'how does that feel, darling?' – or, 'hold those tits together for me baby and tell me how my dick feels between them?' or, to Bettina, 'are you awake you randy bitch?' I grabbed a third chilling bottle of wine and two glasses and headed for the garage. I climbed the stairs and, being the genius investigator, figured that the door with the dirty gardening boots outside must be that of Rose Tweedie. I knocked and a bronzed amazon who towered over me by six inches opened the door wearing a neck to knees flannelette nightie. Sexy or what! 'What do you want, Firkin. I was just going to bed. Got to get up early and get those fuckin' aphids before they stir.' 'I'm here to find out what you know about the items that have been stolen from your employer. Now, do I come in and we talk about it or do I drag you out of the garden tomorrow and question you in front of your employer?' She eyed the bottle of wine, licked her succulent lips and opened the door. I sidled past brushing against the protuberant mounds that pushed at the front of her unappealing nightie. The flat was lived in and the walls adorned with posters of roses, and, surprise surprise, male body builders, all of whom had one thing in common, bulging pouches. As the door closed, I saw pasted to it a large posed photo of handsomer than handsome dude, bare chested and wearing a close fitting pair of dove grey shorts. It was obvious the guy was slung because a tube the size of an English beer can was graphically outlined in those shorts. Well, well, the lady is a cockhound, the genius investigator deduced. I sat at a small two seat table, uncorked the wine and poured two glasses. Rose sat in the other seat and drained half the glass, and watched while I topped it up. 'What thefts, Firkin?' 'Call me Peter.' 'I'll call you what I fucken well like, you ponce.' I remembered that June had told me that she was all front. I glanced at her bulging front and considered whether she meant tits or attitude. Bearing in mind her own considerable assets, I deduced she meant attitude. Time to take the wind out her sails, and, if I played my cards right, get a good look at those sails. 'I'm, Peter Firkin of the Firkin and Merkin Detective Agency.' One eyebrow rose and she swallowed another half glass. If this kept up, I wouldn't get any myself but rule two of interrogations said something like 'get 'em pissed and they sing like sparrows.' 'Mrs. Thimble hired my agency to investigate the theft of a number of items from the house during the past three months. Having investigated most of the people here and exonerated them, I'm left with you and the chauffeur.' 'You mean Billy, that poofter fucken ponce next door. Fuck me, that's a laugh. That little cunt is too scared to steal his own shadow. Follows that frigid bitch Bettina Bucket around the house like a love sick fucken puppy.' Rose gulped another two thirds of a glass and gestured for more. The more she drank, the worse her language was getting. Rule two was coming along fine. Her mountainous chest heaved as she gasped a big sigh and closed her eyes. A single tear escaped and trickled down her tanned cheek. 'The little cunt doesn't even know I exist! And the bastard is slung like a donkey, or a horse.' She opened her eyes and glared at me. "I've seen it you know. We share a bathroom through there,' she said nodding at a door connecting the two apartments. 'I used to perve at his equipment through that keyhole until he twigged one day and hung his dressing gown over it, the big-dicked little bastard!' She took another gulp of wine and I poured the last of it into her glass. Suddenly, she reached across the table and grabbed a fist full of shirt. 'Now hear me good, Firkin. I don't go in the house and I've been here ten years. I haven't a clue what's been stolen and I've no fucken interest either, got it?' I tried getting her super strong hand to release my shirt to no avail. Effortlessly, she lifted me off my seat and I feared for my personal safety. The genius detective strikes again. Still holding me, she grabbed my glass and down the remains. 'You're nothing but a prick and you've probably got a little pisser down there.' Still strangling me with my shirt, she reached down and grabbed hold of my todger. The disloyal bugger started to thicken up as soon as a female hand grabbed him. Of course the fact that her monumental tits were heaving up and down and her acorn sized nipples were punching out the cloth may have helped. She sighed, somewhat regretfully I thought. 'Get ya gear off, Firkin and we'll do some fuckin', you pitiful excuse for a real man.' She was looking at the poster on the door when she said that. A cockhound. Me, one of the great lovers, reduced to nothing more than a dildo. I would have deflated along with my ego, but my treacherous dick stood rigidly to attention when she flung the nightie over her head to reveal her astounding body. Amazonian no doubt, but beautifully, firmly voluptuous – very generous breasts, a nipped in hard muscled stomach and a protruding mons clustered with bushy pubes and mounted on gorgeously sculpted legs. Man oh man, Reubens would have had a heart attack had she sat for one of his paintings. Mind you, I always thought the tits in his paintings were a bit on the small side. Come to think of it, his models were plump and nothing like the toned goddess that was currently ripping my pants off. Rose pushed me back on the bed and straddled my thighs. I was about to be raped. I was about to be a human dildo. Was I fuck!! 'Rose, darling girl, before you jump my bones, let me tell you that my thing in life is to suck cunt, lick clits, tongue fuck twats. Please let me do that for you?' One hand clamped around my not so immodest cock, she thought for a couple of seconds. Muttering 'OK' she kneed her way up my body and planted her pudenda inches from my mouth. Keerist! Where Bettina had a mouse's ear, Rose had the Grand Canyon. The slit was framed by bulging outer lips and split for six inches at least. If I fucked this, I would need a broomstick across my arse to ensure I didn't fall in! I peeled those lips apart and a clitoris at least two inches long and conical nearly took my nose off when it suddenly exploded from the folds and erected. It even had a tiny helmet on it. Mesmerised, I eyed it while I laved the inner folds of her cunt with my randy tongue. Reaching up, I tried to grab as much of her huge breasts as my greedy hands could hold and commenced tweaking those outstanding teats. She was breathing fast with big sighs and moans that became a long groan as I latched onto her enormous clit like a starving baby. I sucked as much of the pulsing flesh into my mouth as I could, swirling by tongue around and around before finally flicking across the top of it while applying as much suction as I could. The bitch went ballistic!! She unloaded a stream of pure pussy juice straight down my gullet and I feared death by drowning. Swallowing convulsively, I barely managed to keep up with the flow while she clamped her strong thighs around my head, keeping me still while she came with an almighty shriek of ecstasy that even I could hear although my ears were covered by her flesh. I was being used as a repository for human waste – a human toilet, a human cum bucket. My eyes started to roll up and I felt distinctly faint. She just kept cumming because my swallowing convulsions also caused me to suck the giant clit that had invaded most of my mouth. This was ultimate mouth fuck but I was the fuckee not the fucker. Suddenly the bathroom connecting door flung open and there was Billy Truncheon wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and waving some sort of candle stick holder. The towel only reached mid thigh and from my (dis)advantage point, I could see the tennis ball-sized knob of his mighty dick protruding below. His slim body was surprisingly toned and muscular. 'What da fuck is goin' on Rose for chrissake. I nearly had a heart attack when you screamed. I thought you were being raped or killed or something.' The arm holding his weapon dropped and the war fury left his face to be replaced by bewilderment. 'You're not killing that guy, are you?' 'Shit! Almost forgot he was there.' Oh thank you very much! Me, the great cunt licker, clit sucker, forgotten in the act of providing her with the greatest orgasm of her life. If the act of nearly being drowned by her cuntal flood hadn't already wilted my warrior, her words surely would have. She got off me and I took the first deep breath of survival. She strode the two paces to Billy and grabbed his dick. She towered over him by at least a foot. Her football-sized tits rested on his skinny shoulders as she plastered herself to him. Her groping hand had the desired effect as the monster began to thicken and lengthen. 'Billy boy, that is some cock ya have there. And I'm going to have it. Don't even think of leaving or I'll break your scrawny neck. You've been holding out on me being stupid with that bitch Bettina. Now you'll do as I tell you and you can forget about her.' Rose dragged him over to the bed and nudged me aside with sufficient force for me to fall on the floor. She sat down and ripped the towel off to be confronted with Billy's enormous lance now at the horizontal. His torpedo must have been at least 14" long and thick as a wine bottle. She shoved it between her torpedoes and began moving them up and down his shaft as she plastered her lips over his massive glans. Billy's eyes rolled back as his mighty cock hardened still further. A few moments more and she laid back on the bed pulling him into the welcoming cradle of her thick thighs. I had a perfect view as she dragged his cock to her gaping maw, her giant clit erect and glistening. The Great Cannon meets the Great Canyon! Once he was notched within the folds, she grabbed his tiny buttocks and literally pulled him into her, inch by inch until her cavernous cunt had engulfed the lot. 'Jeezus, Rose, what a tight pussy you have.' 'All the better to fuck you with, you horny stud. Suck my tits and make me cum you little turd. And don't stop 'til I've come a dozen times. You owe me big time for hiding this dick from me all these years. We have to make up for lost time – now get fucking.' Billy obeyed, sucking on her amazing tits and sliding his huge prick in and out of her spasming cunt picking up speed in time with her moans of ecstasy. I had my now rigid dick in my hand but instinctively knew they didn't even know I was there. Pistoning even faster, Billy let out an almighty roar as years of unrequited lust burst from his prick in a torrent, bathing her insides with gout after gout of thick creamy sperm, until it gushed out past his tightly locked prick to pool between her jerking buttocks. 'Billy, lover!! You've done me. I'm fucked, well and truly fucked!!!!!!' Rose shrieked and hauled him tight against her heaving melons. 'You are mine, and mine alone. I'll kill that bitch if she even looks at you. Come here little big man. Let's go for round two." I crept out, my erection dwindling as I gathered up my clothes. * * * * * After getting dressed I made my way back to the house and to my room. Just before I got there, the door to Patsy's bedroom opened. I pressed back into a (convenient) shady nook and watched as a young slim man carefully crept out holding his clothes in his hand. A reasonable dong hung down dripping the remnants of an ejaculation. He quickly dressed, and furtively looking around, he grabbed a figurine from a nearby table and dashed down the stairs. Wondering, I crossed over and peered in the door. Patsy lay on her back comatose. Her knees were raised and spread allowing me a view of the crinkled frills of her hairless cunt which was oozing spunk. Her naked tits definitely owed more to the surgeon's knife than nature as they stood up like a couple of vertical towers from her chest. They had finger mark bruises on them and it was obvious she had been used rather roughly. In one hand was a mostly empty wine bottle that was slowly leaking onto the bed. Her mouth was open and she was snoring. Apart from that noise, she looked like a just fucked blow up doll. Yucky, yucky!! Pondering the identity of the youth, I wondered if Tessa Thimble would know who he was. My earlier assumption that she had been responsible for the thefts was now in doubt. I wandered downstairs to her room and knocked gently. A slightly muffled voice bade be to come in. Opening the door, I beheld a most amazing sight. Tessa was naked and on her knees with her broad arse facing the door. A thin white vibrator was half way in her anal orifice while a large purple dildo was plunged between the fat lips of her cunt. 'Bobby? Bobby? I'm ready for you this time. Just as you wanted. Please fuck me this time. Don't leave me waiting like you have before,' she whispered rotating her magnificent behind like a cow on heat. 'Front or back, I don't mind. Just do it!!' Being completely amoral, I had no hesitation in palming her big soft arse cheeks with one hand while stripping down with my other. In seconds, my prick was up and aimed at her like a heat seeking missile. I gently pulled the dildo out of her cunt with a wet sucking noise and just as gently slid my rampant dick in to the hilt. Despite the dildo, she was tight and hot. A few strokes and she went off like a fire cracker with a high pitched whining moan and bathed my prick with her hot love juices. May as well go the whole hog, I thought, and slowing removed the still humming vibrator from her slimy arsehole. I pushed the glans of my rigid cock into the still gaping rectum, and then, grabbing big handfuls of her fleshy hips, pulled myself in to the hilt. Glory be! Wonderful blissful sensation of hot, hot tightness. She reached under herself and commenced frigging her clit and in so doing caused her rectum to alternatively squeeze and relax on my slowly working penis. I was determined to enjoy the sensations I was feeling both physically and mentally as I fucked in and out of young Tessa's arse. Suddenly I pulled out of her clenching arse and shoved my cock back into her pulsating pussy – a few strokes there and back into her arse. Back and forth enjoying immensely the difference in texture and heat until I could stand it no more. I pulled out and fisted a rope of cum up her spine to her neck and back to her arse cheeks. Panting heavily I semi collapsed on her sending her flat on her front. 'Oh Bobby,' she moaned, 'that was truly awesome, babe. You've never done that before.' As I rolled sideways, she rolled too and caught sight of me and shrieked. 'You're not Bobby. You're that swine Firkin!' 'I may be a swine, darling, but I've just experienced probably the best fuck of my life. You are something, girl.' Her furious eyes softened and she cast her eyes down to my half hard slimy prick. 'Well, I might forgive you if you let me clean that enormous cock for you.' So saying, she rolled over onto her knees allowing me a sensational view of her huge melons rolling, swaying and elongating as she swooped on my hardening prick. Grabbing just under the helmet, she tongued all of our combined juices from my balls and below to my puckered anus. Using long slurps, she did the same for my erection until she took the top third into her mouth and sucked the remnants of my jism from me. 'Jeepers, Firkin, you taste nice. How about a tit wank and you give me a load of your spunk. I want it to shoot into my mouth. I just love that, but I can't get enough looking like I do.' 'Okay, you huge titted slut. Wrap those monsters around this and I'll do my best to give you what you want.' Tessa grabbed up big handfuls of titflesh and proceeded to wrap my salami to such an extent that my knob barely made it out the top to breathe. She applied some suction when it came within reach of her pouting lips. I decided to get her to answer some questions while we enjoyed ourselves. Having just cum all over her back, I was pretty sure I'd hold out for a while at least. 'Tell me about Bobby, Tessa.' Politely, she emptied her mouth of cock before responding with some vehemence. 'Oooh, he's such a bastard, that Bobby Dazzle. He rings me up and tells me to be ready for him just like you saw when you came in. Most times though, I wake up in the morning and the bloody batteries are dead. I've known him for just over three months and at first it was just great. If he does come, he just fucks me doggy style and then pisses off. I don't think he likes to look at my face, the bastard.' I thought her face was fairly attractive and while she was a very big girl, she had curves in all the right places and bloody sexy with it. I told her so and she blushed and dived on my dick again while moulding her tits to the shaft. 'Is Bobby a dark haired guy about my height?' Slurp, suck, slurp. 'Yep.' Taking my mind off an imminent eruption, the genius detective put two and two together. Young Bobby had inveigled his way into the household by pretending to be attracted to Tessa but with the full intent of stealing. Finding Patsy semi comatose and horny had been a bonus, I guess. Mind you, how anybody would pass up a chance to fuck silicon girl instead of Tessa was beyond me. He was probably into necrophilia. Of course, if Patsy was unavailable, he had a backup, or backside up, secondary plan. No wonder Tessa had been morose the last three months. No matter, I was about to unload big time. 'Open that gorgeous mouth sweetie, I'm about to cum big time.' I got to my knees while Tessa slid to her knees beside the bed, mouth open and tongue proffered like a sacrificial plate. Strangling my dick just below the glans and waiting for the build up of sperm, I aimed at her tonsils and let loose volley after volley, spunking to the back of her throat then laying my cock head on her tongue and wanking the final drops there. Convulsively she swallowed then slowly withdrew her tongue and swished it all around before swallowing the final result. Yummy, yummy – all the way to her tummy. Firkin & Merkin Detective Agency I pulled her up into the bed, gave her a kiss and laying her lusty body down in my arms, proceeded to tell her what I had seen and what I had deduced about her friend Bobby. She sobbed a bit but I could see she was a bit relieved. This affair had probably cost her a fortune in batteries. While she idly stroked my cock, I told her that she was looking in the wrong place for love and that there were heaps of guys out there that would go nuts over her attitude to sex, her attractive face and her fucking gorgeous horny body. She went all gooey and proceeded to thank me for most of the night. Next day she had a new attitude. After breakfast and a quick table ender for June Bugg, I went looking for young Bobby Dazzle and caught up with him in the nearest pawn shop. Not much later he was spilling the beans at the local coppery and that was that. Nasty things, drug habits. Mind you, he did tell me that he thought Patsy Thimble knew he was rooting her. Patsy came into the office next day, mini skirted and with a blouse that seemed to have lost most of its buttons. She flung the cheque on the desk, sat in the visitors chair and gave me the slow Sharon Stone, crinkled cunt lips and all. 'Well, I'm glad that's over. I got all my missing items back, even if it did cost me.' She leaned over enough for me to see all the way to her belly button. 'I know I've paid you, but I would like to give you a little something extra.' She stood and started to pull her blouse out of the waist band of the mini skirt. I held up my hand. 'Don't think so, Patsy. I'm a little tied up at the moment.' Light dawned. She strode around the desk to see Clara Cowslip on her knees under the desk sucking furiously like a day old calf, the nipples of her big, blowsy tits attempting to punch holes in my scrotum. 'Fuck you then, Firkin, you're nothing but an unscrupulous deviate!' 'Yep. No doubt about it. But, then again, I don't pretend to be pissed and let some youngster fuck me and then steal me blind. Sayonara, sweetheart and close the door after you. About now, Clara likes me to fuck her blind.' As the slamming door echo around the room, and Clara got to her feet hoisting her mini skirt over her fat thighs, I reflected that pleasure could mix with business. And in this business, the perks couldn't be better!!