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Down by the River Ch. 02

By: silver_firefly



When I was thirteen, Grandmother told me that there were two kinds of love: one that nurtures and one that consumes. 

The first kind was the kind she shared with Grandfather. Through thick and thin, they stuck together, forever each other's half. When Grandfather died, Grandmother was left alone to take care of their seven-year-old daughter, my mother, but never did Grandmother look back to those days with bitterness. The only reason she gave me was that Grandfather's love gave her all the strength she needed to fight through life and raise their child.

"He might not have spent as many years with me as I had hoped, but your grandfather had always shown me so much love – enough love to last a lifetime, even if it meant living without him," Grandmother would always say.

The second kind – the one that consumes – was the kind that my mother felt for my father. Mother died a few days after she gave birth to me: heartbroken, alone. Grandmother told me that the only crime my mother has done was to fall in love with the wrong man, at the wrong time, in the wrong place. She loved deeply and with all her heart, leaving nothing for herself.

"Your father might have loved your mother," Grandmother said to me once, "or he might have not. We will never know for sure. But your mother loved him without restraint, giving him everything -- heart, body, mind and soul. He took all of her away when he left, never to come back."

I was too young at thirteen to understand everything that Grandmother was telling me. All I knew was that she was warning me against the all-consuming love that became my mother's downfall. Even without understanding all of it, I knew that Grandmother was right. I promised myself that I would not follow in my mother's footsteps. I would love a man, but I would always leave something for myself.

I thought I learned my lesson. I thought I would be able to stand by that conviction. But I was wrong. Nothing prepared me for what I was about to face.

Ah, yes. Fate could be cruel sometimes.

*****

Grandmother pushed a cup of tea towards me. "Drink it while it's hot."

I did not heave out the sigh threatening to escape my throat. I did not particularly like the taste of that tea. It was made from roots of plants that Grandmother said grew in the middle of the forest, where trees grew the thickest. Grandmother had been making me drink that every single day for almost two years now.

"Selene."

Her tone told me that she could read the hesitation in my eyes. Finally, I thought it was time to beg my way out of this.

"It does not taste good," I complained, pushing it away. "I don't like it, Grandmother."

She sighed and leaned on the chair. "Whether you like it or not, Selene Kier, you are going to drink that."

"You are never this insistent before," I said, frowning a little.

She smiled wistfully and took my hand, gently squeezing it. "This is the only thing that made sure you do not suffer the same fate as your mother's."

I tensed. Grandmother talked about Mother as rarely as she could. When I was younger, she would only talk of Mother because I was asking questions. In time, I realized just how painful it was for her to talk of her daughter; I stopped asking questions. She would only talk of Mother once in a while, and never about the disgrace she suffered.

My grandparents used to live very near Mary's place, which was about two-hour walk away from the place where we now lived. They had a little brick house back then, much like Mary's (although I would not consider Mary's house small now), and they were living well enough. Even after the death of my grandfather, Grandmother's life was fairly easy, since Mary's mother, who was still alive back then, would always help her. Mary and my mother were the best of friends, hence the closeness of our families. If only father had not entered the picture, perhaps I would not be living inside the forest with my Grandmother right now.

Father got my mother pregnant when she was twenty, promised to marry her, but never did. Instead, when mother was on her third month of pregnancy, he left, telling her that he would come back for her. My mother's condition was still concealable that time, but after two months, it was already apparent to everyone who saw her. She became the talk of everyone she knew, but Mother still held on to Father's promise. 

A month before she was due, when the pain caused by the rumours spread about her had already become unbearable, Mother begged Grandmother to leave that place. She had always loved the forest nearby, and decided that she wanted to live there. Grandmother did as her daughter wished. Acting on Mary's mother's orders, Mary's father, brother, and husband (she was already married to George then) built a hut for Grandmother and Mother. It became Grandmother's home ever since.

It was in that hut that I was born. It was also in there that Mother died. Father never came back, as Grandmother feared. Not wanting me to grow up being the focus of everybody's scorn, Grandmother decided to raise me inside the forest. Sheltered and well-loved, I found this kind of life beautiful, magical, incomparable. That was the reason why I could not leave this forest even if it meant I had to part from the man I love, Marcus: I belonged to this forest as much as all the trees, shrubs, and rocks in the vicinity belonged to it.

"Do you understand me, Selene? I make this tea so that you won't get pregnant."

Grandmother's gentle voice brought me back to the present. I could not look at her. It just dawned on me that my behaviour last year could have very well reopened the wounds my Grandmother suffered from a long time ago. Marcus and I became lovers, and if Grandmother did not always coax me to drink her special tea, what happened to my mother could have happened to me, too.

Not that I thought Marcus would not have married me. He asked me to live with him, did he not? He would have done the honourable thing. Still, it would have reminded Grandmother of what happened to my mother.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

Grandmother rose from her seat to put her arms around me. "There now, Selene. There is nothing to be sorry about." I felt her lips on my head. "I was merely concerned about you. You remind me so much of my Catherine. Both of you are headstrong, passionate women, if a bit reckless."

I looked up at her and saw the tears in her eyes, although she was smiling. "Grandmother, Marcus is not like my father. He would have done the right thing had he gotten me with child."

She said nothing, just smiled and kissed my forehead. I knew what she had in mind: I could not be sure that Marcus would have acted differently from the way my father did. But I knew Marcus. I believed in him. I loved him. The kind of love we shared nurtured; it would not destroy. I knew, because he chose to leave me when he realized that I would never leave this place. His eyes led right into his soul, and when he realized that we could not be together, I saw sadness and pain there that mirrored my own. And so I knew: he would drag me out of the forest and into a church if he had gotten me pregnant. He would not be the coward that my father was.

I reached for the cup of tea and brought it to my lips. It did not matter now. Marcus was gone, and even though I did not have any lover at all, it would not hurt to reassure my grandmother. I would not be the fool that my mother was.

*****

It was a beautiful morning when I walked to Mary's house, carrying -- as usual -- a basket of fruits and vegetables that Grandmother and I picked just before sunrise. It would take me two hours to reach my destination, but it did not matter: being with Mary and her family was worth the long, hard walk from our hut in the forest.

I passed the dried old well where Mary's children and I used to play as kids. Once, I brought Marcus there, when I thought that we could talk to Lucas, Mary's eldest son and my best friend. That recollection put a sad smile on my face, for I remembered the heartbreak I felt when I found out that Lucas had gone to his Aunt Susanna's place.

As soon as I passed the well, I had to take a curve on the road that led to Mary's house. The front yard of the two-story brick house was clearly visible from there. I stopped in my tracks when I saw who was leaning against the balustrade of the front porch.

Lucas.

Drinking from a cup, his eyes trained on the path that led to the village, he did not notice me. He was half-naked from the waist up. I could tell that he had just finished taking a bath, for his dark hair was still wet, unruly. The sight made me smile. He never wanted to comb his hair while it was still wet. And why ever would he, anyway? He looked so handsome when his hair was looking as unruly as that.

It had been over a year since I last saw him. I could tell that he had changed – physically, at least. He already had a beautiful physic when he left, but it seemed that the time he spent with his aunt and uncle made it even more beautiful. His muscles looked bigger, harder. His complexion had also deepened slightly, and it suited him.

God. How I missed this man!

However, I did not forget the last time we spoke. Lucas and I had an argument in our vegetable garden, and he was angry and hurt when he left. It was my fault, I knew, so I went to their house to talk to him the next day, only to find out that he was already gone.

As I approached the house, I could not help but feel nervous. Would he still be mad at me? He was so cold to me when he left, and he even indicated in one of his letters to his family that he did not want to know about anything that concerned me. Was it possible that he had not yet forgiven me? Could he forgive me now?

I was already in the front yard when Lucas turned. There was a slight hint of surprise in his eyes when he saw me, but aside from that, I could not tell what he was feeling. I could not guess what he was thinking. We stood looking at each other for a while before Jim came out to the porch and noticed me.

"Finally!" Jim said, grinning as he jumped over the balustrade and walked towards me. "I have been itching to see you again, fair lady!"

I tore my gaze off Lucas to regard his younger brother. I smiled at him. "Hello, James."

Jim winked and took the basket from me, saying, "My god. How I missed you, Selene."

I was just about to ask him what kind of game he was playing when he stepped closer to me, lifted my chin, and kissed me full in the mouth. Shocked, I could only stare at Jim with wide eyes when he finally pulled away. He did not look ashamed at all. In fact, he was grinning.

My eyes fell immediately on Lucas, who was still standing on the porch. His slightly narrowed eyes were sending daggers at me. A distasteful feeling settled on the pit of my stomach as pain stabbed through my heart. Surprised by my reaction to Lucas' glare, I could only follow Jim when he started dragging me to the porch and into their house. I could not look Lucas in the eye as I passed him.

Mary embraced me as soon as she saw me, while Danny, Lucas' youngest brother, welcomed me, too. It was so hard to smile at them, but I managed to, even if the smile had to be forced from my lips. Lucas mumbled something about putting on some clothes before he was off to the stairs, heading for his room. Jim was taking the foods I brought to the kitchen, so I could not confront him about what he did. When he returned, he sat beside me on the couch, grinning. His mother was still there, telling Danny something about going to town, so I had to talk to Jim in whispers.

"What was that about, James?" I hissed at him, glaring.

He looked so amused that I wanted to slap him, especially when he whispered back, "Relax, lady. I just wanted to know how your lips taste like. I'm telling you, they're sweet."

I frowned at him as blood rushed up my face. "James!"

But he only winked at me and took my hand as his eyes left my face. I followed his gaze and found Lucas watching us from the stairs. Lucas' gaze was cold – just like the way it was when we last spoke. I knew how it must look to Lucas – what with Jim and I conversing in whispers, me blushing, and Jim taking my hand. I wanted to groan aloud and hit Jim's head with something huge and heavy, but Mary and Danny's presence was keeping me from acting rashly. 

"Do you need anything from town, Selene?" Mary asked me.

I shook my head and looked at her. "No, thank you."

"How about your grandmother?" she asked.

Grandmother told me that we needed some chopped woods, but I figured that I only had to tell Jim about that once he was already walking me home. After all, it was Jim who chopped woods for us for the last several months. He surely would not mind.

"She's got all she needs," I told Mary, smiling. "Thank you."

Lucas joined us, and Mary smiled as she linked her arms with her son's. "Lucas just came home from his Aunt Susanna's last night. It was a surprise to all of us."

I smiled tentatively at Lucas. "Welcome home."

At least, he tried to be civil and smiled back. "Thank you."

I could tell that Mary was watching us closely, but not openly. When she realized that Lucas and I would not be exchanging more words with one another, she led all of us to the dining room, where George was busily setting the table. George smiled warmly when he saw me, and declared that he was his wife's kitchen assistant for the whole day. I managed a chuckle at that.

It was so hard trying to act and look normal when your insides were turning upside down with nervousness. I was positive that Mary, George, and even Danny could tell that I was feeling uneasy, although they were too nice to actually say something about it. Jim was the only one who looked like he was enjoying the moment. In fact, he seemed to be very intent on giving me hell, as he insisted on serving me food every time he got the chance. Not that I had some appetite left, anyway: Lucas' coldness took it away.

As soon as lunch was finished, I gave Mary a lame excuse as to why I would like to go home early. It was futile to lie, I knew, but it was better than telling them outright that Lucas' presence was making me uncomfortable. So George and Mary started preparing the food they wanted me to bring home. Danny excused himself by saying that he needed to get ready for going to town, which left me alone with Jim and Lucas in the front porch.

"I'll walk you home," Jim offered, smiling as he took my hand.

That was the best thing he had said all day. I've wanted nothing more than to be alone with him so that I could beat him up for what he was doing.

"I'll walk her home," Lucas said grimly. "You go to town with Daniel."

I looked at Lucas then and saw that he was still furious. At least, he was glaring at Jim right now, not at me. That he called Danny 'Daniel' was indication enough that he was seething with anger. I was suddenly afraid. I did not want to be alone with this man. I had never seen Lucas that furious before. Almost without realizing it, I was already gripping Jim's hand tightly. I looked at him imploringly.

"James," I said in a desperate whisper, trying to convey the message without having to voice it out loud.

The very devil found that extremely amusing. Grinning from ear to ear, he put his arms around me right in front of his brother, kissing my head as he did so. I wanted to die – or to kill, at the very least. By that time, however, Lucas was already in control of his emotions. He looked almost calm, although the way his narrowed eyes bore on mine told me that he was condemning me to the pits of hell. Jim gently led me away so that we could talk without Lucas overhearing us.

I did not know what to feel anymore. I could not keep my eyes off Lucas', even though the accusations behind his eyes were tearing me apart.

"He's so mad," I complained to Jim when I finally looked away from his brother.

Jim chuckled softly and held me at arm's length. "Yes, he is. I am very glad that I do not have to be alone with him."

I frowned at him. "This is all your fault, and now I need to walk home with a furious man."

"Lucas will never hurt you," Jim said, smiling as he pulled me close. "However, nothing will keep him from hurting me. In fact, if I were to be left alone with him right now, I think he would kill me without even considering the fact that I am his brother, flesh and blood."

"If you think that consoles me..." I started.

Jim placed my face between his palms and smiled gently. Often, when I looked at him, I would see a boy. He might be two months older than me, but Jim's playful personality made him look much younger, much less mature. However, as I looked at him right now, I could see that he was not as immature as I thought he was.

"Trust me," he said. "You will be okay with my brother."

I nodded, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. If only I had a choice, I would not walk home with Lucas. I would rather return home alone. But if I refused his company, Mary and George would be offended, I knew.

"And..." Jim suddenly looked a bit uneasy, although he grinned. "Don't you get any ideas, all right? I am not secretly in love with you. You will always be a little sister to me. I'm just trying to see how far I can push Lucas before he pushes back."

"What's that got to do with me?" I asked him, punching his arm lightly as I moved away.

He whispered the answer to my ears. "I'm not secretly in love with you the way that my brother is."

That made my face colour up. I looked at Lucas, who was frowning as he looked without blinking at the tree to the left of the porch. When he felt my eyes on him, he turned his gaze on me, and I had to look away when I felt my face burning hotter.

"You dream things up," I told Jim. "He can't be – "

Jim laughed as he started walking away from me. "You're just blind."

Before I could think of something to say, Mary went out of their house holding the basket of food for Grandmother. She bid me goodbye and gave the basket to Lucas. I was probably trembling in fear when Mary embraced me, and if she noticed, she gave out no clue.

*****

When I was just a little child, Grandmother tried to prevent me from strolling to the river by telling me the made-up story of a little girl who went there and saw a huge crocodile waiting to swallow her up. The little girl ran away from the river as fast as she could, terrified. I giggled at that story back then, telling Grandmother that there was never a crocodile in the river. 

That story popped into my head as I began walking home with Lucas, and I thought that, had there been a little girl and a crocodile in reality, the little girl would have felt the terror I was feeling right then.

I was walking ahead of him, not wanting to walk side by side. I could feel his gaze on my back, and I was afraid of looking back. I knew what I was going to see: that furious, accusing look from the man who had always been my best friend.

I tried to swallow back my tears for as long as I could, but halfway to our house, I lost the fight. I found myself desperately trying to wipe my tears away. It was not like me to cry like this. As if fate was teasing me, I remembered that, from the moment I turned thirteen, the first batch of tears I cried was also caused by Lucas: that day when I wanted to apologize to him and I ended up crying in Mary's arms.

Jim said that Lucas would never hurt me. Yeah, right. Physically, maybe not, but that was not the only way for you to hurt a person.

"Is the prospect of being alone with me really that despicable that you have to cry right now?"

Lucas' question startled me. I stopped walking to turn and look at him. He, too, stopped, and the coldness in his eyes tear through my heart, breaking it the way that nothing – not even Marcus' departure – ever did. He shook his head and grinned with bitterness.


Down by the River Ch. 02



The conclusion of 'Down by the River'

The cool breeze and the warm sun are a stimulating combination, but not as stimulating as the woman beside me.

I kiss your forehead, then smile as you turn your head so your ear is pressed against my chest. My heart is still beating a bit faster than normal. You acknowledge your discovery with a soft moan, pleased by the reaction you have on me. I feel your fingers on me, gently squeezing to the rhythm of my pulse. I moan as I feel my manhood swell... the skin stretched taught... every nerve alive...

I pull your face to me and kiss you deeply. Your tongue dances with mine as we explore each other. I am able to tear myself away from your lips to kiss your closed eyes. You smile, keeping your eyes shut as I kiss your face. I kiss your forehead again, noticing the few beads of perspiration and it makes me smile. Your lovely eyebrows are next as I travel slowly down your face. Your eyelashes flutter against my lips, and I feel the warmth in your cheeks... a warm blush from your arousal.

Your eyes open and you gaze at me as our lips meet again.. still exploring. Your hand has abandoned me for a moment as you run your fingers through my hair.. more exploration.. and some direction. Your hands guide my head downward, but I am already sure of my destination. A trail of kissed along your cheek.. neck.. returning to nibble on your ear lobe.. then to the top of your breast, rising and falling with each breath.

Clothing becomes an obstacle. We laugh softly as our hands get in each others way hurrying to remove any barriers between us.

I gaze at your exposed breasts, your nipples reacting to the cool air and perhaps reacting also to my touch. I tease them lightly with my fingertips then kiss circles around them as I feel your hands return to my head in a effort to steer my lips. I resist, but only for a moment. My desire is driving me now as I take first one nipple, then the other between my lips and encircle them with my tongue. I suck gently at first, then with some urgency as my body is driving me. The different textures that your body presents to me give me a thrill. The smooth skin of your breasts like the wall in an art gallery where your nipples are on exhibit.. standing tall and proud, framed by your aureoles. Back and forth.. left then right.. again and again, as if I am trying to decide which is better. How is it possible to compare them? Is it even possible to think at a time like this? Your body is driving me in a direction where soft passion and intense erotic desires collide. 

I am finally able to decide, but I have forgotten the question. Ah, I remember now.. your nipples. I am convinced that both are equally delightful, I move downward.. downward.. until I approach the heat that awaits me. My journey takes me across the tender skin of your stomach. Delicate and smooth skin delight my lips. Then my mouth discovers those delicious hairs that point the way downward. So carefully trimmed to direct my exploration, as if any direction is needed. The scent of you fills my nostrils and clouds my thinking. Do you realize the wild thoughts racing through my mind? My tongue delights in the textures that you present to me. Soft skin so smooth.. delicate hairs.. and then that delicious wet treasure. I have arrived at the final destination, but my exploration is nowhere near complete.

My tongue probes to your core as you spread yourself for me. I inhale your fragrance and drink in your beauty with my mouth and my eyes. Excited by the subtle changes in the color of your skin as your body responds. Hot wet folds provide so many places for my tongue to travel. Up and down through that delicious valley.. finding the places that please you most. Sucking in that bundle of nerves that sends shock waves coursing through your body.

"Ahhh!!" A moan more than a word escapes your lips.

My mouth attempts to devour you. My tongue thrusting into you then finding your clit and dancing around it again. My lips holding it hostage as your body quakes.

"Please!"

So much is contained in a single word, spoken urgently. I respond, sensing that your desire is to be probed more deeply. My body moves up quickly and my notrils are filled with the fragrance of your hair. Your legs spread for me in a silent invitation. I feel your stiff nipples against my chest. My rigid, throbbing cock knocks at the door, but does not wait for your answer. I am inside you, more deeply that either of us could have imagined. I see that in your eyes. Our bodies as fused for a moment into one.

"Yes!" The word escapes from our lips simultaneously. We smile as we are engulfed in that moment. 

Then I withdraw, only to thrust into you more deeply if that is possible. Slow deep thrusts.. long and smooth.. becoming more forceful almost frantic as I am lost in the pleasure that washes over me. Waves crashing against a rocky shore during a violent storm pale in comparison to what I feel.

Your body tenses and squeezes me, driving me over the edge, as we share one powerful climax.

My cock erupts, pulsing inside you. Your body stiffens and shakes. Your arms clutching me tightly. I stop thrusting, but our bodies are not finished. Our hearts are pounding as one.. every nerve alive and sharing one last long shudder, then the world stops moving. 

Slowly we drift back down to earth. We become aware of the late afternoon sun filtering through the leaves on the trees. Birds are singing in the distance. Our bodies are cooled by the gentle breeze. Once again we find ourselves lying peacefully beside the river.



Down by the River Ch. 02



"There was a time when I thought you considered me your best friend," he said softly, his eyes – so cold, so accusatory – never leaving my face. "I thought you did not mind spending time alone with me. I walked you home believing that you enjoyed my company. Was I wrong all those times?"

I shook my head, wiping away the last of my tears. "No. You're my best friend. You know that I love being with you. Nothing changed that."

The look on his face told me that he did not believe anything I said. He nodded to the path in front of him – the path that led to our hut. "We're halfway there, Selene. Neither of us wants the other's company, fine, but I wanted to see how your grandmother was doing, so I thought I should walk you home. If I had known that this is how you'd react, I would have dragged James with us."

I turned my back to him just as fresh tears started rolling down my face again. It was one thing to feel that he did not want to be with me; it was another to hear a confirmation of it. 

Why did it have to hurt so much?

*****

Grandmother was more than delighted when she saw Lucas with me. She immediately gave him a hug, telling him how she had missed him. If I were not in such low spirits, I would have smiled when I saw tears of joy in my grandmother's eyes. I have always known that she liked Lucas far more than she liked either Jim or Danny.

"You have a lot to tell me, young man," she said as she led Lucas into the hut. 

She looked at me then, and I knew what she saw: her granddaughter desperately trying not to cry in front of her. But she did not say anything – as I knew she would not. Grandmother would never ask me questions that she thought were too personal; she would wait until I told her about what was bothering me. Not that I had any intention of telling her; I did not even know why it bothered me so much.

I excused myself by telling Grandmother that I would fetch some water from the river. As I was passing by them, I made the mistake of glancing at Lucas. He looked somewhat thoughtful, and I knew what was running through his mind: the scene that he witnessed more than a year ago – Marcus and I in each other's arms, making love.

Almost running, I went out of the hut and grabbed the bucket outside. I only started weeping loudly when I knew that nobody would hear me.

I would never regret having made love to Marcus, but I wished Lucas never saw us. Whenever I saw the accusation behind Lucas' stares, I could only imagine what he was thinking about me. A strumpet, a whore. It was not a crime to love, was it? Why did things like this have to happen, then? Why could I not love Marcus and keep my best friend? What Lucas saw in their house earlier would not make anything better: Jim acting as if there was something going on between us.

Not for the first time that day, I wanted Jim to be with me so that I could yell at him and blame him some more. He could not imagine how much it hurt me to know that Lucas would never look at me with respect ever again.

As soon as I arrived at the river, I went inside the shed Marcus built for me. The blanket we used to always use was folded on the bench. I lay down on that bench, using the blanket as a pillow, and cried, wishing as I held it close that it was Marcus instead. I wanted him here so that he could hold me, comfort me. I wanted him to listen, wanted him to tell me what I was supposed to do.

I might have fallen asleep, for when I opened my eyes again, it was definitely sunset. I also knew that I was not alone in the river anymore, for the blanket was already covering me, instead of lying under my head. Slowly, I sat up, looking at the river. I saw the figure of a man half-emerged on the water. I did not need any light to know that it was Lucas.

With a sigh, I folded the blanket and placed it back on the bench before walking outside. I noticed all of Lucas' clothes lying on the grass, so I knew that he was completely naked there in the water. Curiously, it did not bother me. He looked at me as I watched him.

"Your grandmother asked me to follow you when it took you so long to fetch water," he said, breaking the silence between us. "She invited me to stay the night, so when I saw you sleeping in the shed, I decided not to wake you up."

I only sighed as I sat on a nearby rock. I did not know what to say. All the while, I could feel Lucas' eyes on me. When I met his eyes, I could not look away.

"Would you like to join me?" he asked quietly.

With a small smile, I shook my head. "It's late."

He sighed and started heading for the bank. Alarmed, I turned away. I knew that he was completely naked; I did not want to see.

We walked in silence through the woods, and for the first time that day, I was comfortable being with him.

"Do you remember when we were children?" I found myself saying. "When you and Jim and Danny would sleep over at our hut? Grandmother would always scold the two of us for going for a swim in the river. She always knew that, if we were not home by sunset, she would find us down there."

Lucas did not speak for a while. When he did, he hurt me – again. "Those times are long gone now, Selene. I cannot go to that river without..."

He did not finish his statement, but I knew what he wanted to say. He could not go to that river without remembering what he saw.

"And now you hate me," I said softly, biting my lower lip in order not to start crying again. "I only loved, Lucas. Is that a crime?"

His silence made everything more painful.

"Can't we stay as friends, Lucas?" I asked, almost desperate, as I looked at him.

He was not looking at me, but straight ahead. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes, but in the dark, I could not know for sure. "No, Selene. I'm sorry."

There was nothing in the world that could have hurt me more.

*****

That night, I dreamt. I was bathing in the river, letting the coolness of its water caress my naked body. From behind, strong arms wound themselves around my waist. A masculine body pressed itself close. I closed my eyes and leaned against him, moaning softly when I felt his lips on my neck, my shoulder.

His hands started caressing my breasts, making my knees turn to jelly. My whole body was on fire. Nothing existed in the world anymore – not the river, not the forest: only the two of us. I felt his hard member pressing against my back, and I reached for it, squeezed it.

He groaned, and a small smile touched my lips when I heard his voice. Slowly, he turned me around to face him. My eyes were still closed, but I knew who he was. I was familiar with the lips that captured mine in a kiss of pure passion. I was familiar with his masculine scent, familiar with the way he held me close.

The kiss ended, but his face was still close. I wound my arms around his neck, pressing my body closer to his. When I opened my eyes to look at his face, I knew exactly whose face it would be: Lucas's.

My whole body was still on fire when I woke up with a gasp. Sweat coated my skin; my throat was dry. A deep ache has developed between my thighs. Biting my lips, I threw my blanket off my body; its presence was not helping. I reached between my legs to find that I was wet. I started to stroke myself when I realized what I was doing. With a groan of frustration, I sat up.

I closed my eyes. Images from the dream played inside my head. The dream was so vivid that I could have believed it to be real – if only I did not know better than to assume that Lucas would hold me like that, kiss me like that. But, for certain, the passion it evoked in me was real; the ache between my thighs was proof of that.

Not knowing what else to do, I went out of the room, heading for the kitchen. I could at least remedy my thirst with a glass of water, if I could not remedy anything else.

Almost reaching the corner where our glasses were kept, I felt the soft blow of the wind on my skin. Immediately, my eyes were drawn to the door leading out of the kitchen to the place where Grandmother loved to spend most of her days. There was a bamboo bench there, together with a bamboo table, both of which were made by George about twelve years ago. As I suspected, the door was open, letting the air in. I was certain that I closed it before I went to sleep.

Frowning, I walked back to the living room to check on Lucas. Grandmother told him that he could use my room if he wished, and I would be sleeping with Grandmother, but Lucas declined, saying that he would rather sleep in the living room. His pillows and blanket were on the couch, but he was not there.

I walked back to the kitchen and headed to the open door to peek outside. Sure enough, Lucas was there, half-naked, leaning against the pole that held the roof over the bench and table George built for Grandmother. For a while, I debated against approaching him, but, deep in my heart, he was still my best friend. If he had a problem and he wanted to share it with me, I would gladly listen.

He turned when I was only a few steps away from him. I tentatively smiled. It seemed that he was in no mood to be cruel to me right then; his eyes did not show even the slightest hint of the coldness that had been there ever since he first saw me. He even managed to smile back, even if the smile had to be forced out of him.

I stopped when I saw the way his eyes appraised me. I always slept with a nightgown on, but I knew how thin its fabric is. In my confused state, I forgot to slip on a robe before going out of my room. Lucas stared at my chest, and I did not have to look down to know that my nipples were proudly standing erect beneath my nightgown.

Had I been thinking clearly, I would have turned away and ran back into the hut as soon as I could. But I was not thinking clearly at all. Somehow, I wanted to know how Lucas would react at the sight of me wearing next to nothing. The bulge that grew in his pants was answer enough. I should have left when I saw it, but I did not. Instead, I met his eyes when he looked back at my face.

"It's the cold night air, isn't it?"

His question was laced with a hint of amusement, of teasing. There was a twinkle in his eyes that reminded me of the Lucas I knew: the sweet, caring Lucas who, when we were younger, would carry me home on piggyback when I was too tired to walk, who would fight with Jim every time the younger boy would play cruel pranks on me, who would deliberately break rules set by my grandmother or his parents in order to give me what I wanted. It served to remind me that, beneath his cold front, my best friend still existed somewhere deep inside Lucas.

I smiled shyly, blushing a little, as I shook my head. "No."

He smiled then – he smiled the smile that was so my best friend's. A careless smile that revealed everything I loved about Lucas. "No? Not even going to attempt making excuses, are you?" "I thought I owe you the truth," I said.

With a sigh, he held out his hand for me. I took it without hesitation, seeing in his eyes every bit of the man I grew up with. He kissed the back of my hand as his other hand reached for my waist, pulling me towards him. As soon as his lips brushed against my skin, a frown appeared on his face. I was about to ask him what the matter was when he sniffed. With wide eyes, I remembered that it was the hand I used to check myself earlier. My face burned.

Lucas raised an eyebrow and looked at me. "What were you doing, Selene?"

"Nothing," I stammered, blushing some more when he grinned. He looked so sexy that I just wanted to melt in his arms. "I was sleeping."

I felt his tongue lightly touching the tip of my fingers. "Uh-huh." He winked at me. "Sleeping, are you?"

Feeling embarrassed and aroused at the same time, I stepped closer and rested my forehead on his shoulder. When his arms encircled me and pulled me closer as a chuckle shook him, I smiled, knowing that I had my best friend back. If only I could not feel a yearning for him deep inside my soul – and if only I could not feel his arousal pressing against my stomach, I would have concluded that we were having our reconciliation hug.

It might be strange, but I did not mind knowing that he wanted me sexually. I was even perfectly comfortable with the fact that I wanted him. What had me pulling away was the realization that, Lucas was right: we could not be friends anymore. When you finally realized just how much you wanted your friend (the way that I realized how much I was aching for Lucas), you would not be able to view your friendship the way you did before.

He let go of me as soon as he realized I was struggling to pull away, saying quietly, "I scared you, didn't I?"

I shook my head at that and made him look me in the eyes through placing his face between my palms and forcing him to look. "No, you don't scare me. I am afraid, however, that, as soon as this night is over, you are going to turn back to the cold, cruel Lucas that I hardly know. Promise me that you won't turn back to him."

A soft smile touched his lips. "I'm sorry if he scares you."

"Why does he have to exist, anyway?" I asked, running my hand through his hair. "This Lucas is perfect..."

"Not when it comes to shielding himself against pain," he answered, caressing my face with his gaze.

I took his hands and kissed them, leading him to the bench. "We have to talk, then."

He flinched slightly as he sat down. "Right now?"

"Right now," I answered, sitting beside him. "We need to talk before daylight takes you away again and replace you with that stranger Lucas."

"Selene, I promise not to let him take over come morning," he said, looking at me as he squeezed my hand. "I will talk to you about this in the morning."

"No," I insisted, shaking my head stubbornly. I wanted to believe him, but I was scared. "We need to talk right now."

"Don't you trust me, Selene?" he asked quietly.

"It's not about whether I trust you or not," I answered. "I trust you. Even as I insist on talking with you right now, my heart aches, because it knows that it can trust you. But I dare not." I held his hand as tightly as I could, as if holding it would help me hold back the tears that were suddenly trying to force their way out of my eyes. "I am so scared that you'd change your mind. I am so scared of letting my chance go. The last time, I waited until morning to apologize to you, but, what happened? I never got the chance, because you were already gone."

"I'm not going anywhere," he promised, smiling. "I need to chop woods for you and your grandmother in the morning."

"Lucas, please!" I begged, futilely trying to wipe away the tears that were now freely flowing down my face. "Let's just talk right now. I know it's illogical, beyond understanding, but I am really scared. Just amuse me, won't you? Please?"

He sighed, gently wiping away my tears. "Anything for you, Selene."

I grabbed his hand and held it against my cheek. "I'm sorry for what I've done and said back then, Lucas. I did not mean to, but I ended up hurting you."

"I won't even say you did not," Lucas said, wincing. "That would be called lying if I do that. You hurt me, twice. First, when I saw you with him." Frowning, he swallowed. "Marcus. And then, when in your anger, you sarcastically asked if I thought I was the one who would never hurt you."

"What James told me," I said softly, leaning against him. "Is it true, then?"

"What did that bastard tell you?" he asked.

I smiled when I heard the stiffness in his voice. "That you secretly love me."

He surprised me by chuckling. "Why do you have to ask? Is it not perfectly clear? I thought everybody knows. Even your grandmother."

That did not surprise me. Grandmother seemed to know everything. Ever since Jim told me that Lucas might be secretly in love with me, I had been thinking hard about it, and I already concluded that it was very possible that he was. Still, hearing it admitted by Lucas himself made me blush a deep red.

"What I feel for you is not something a friend should feel," Lucas continued quietly. "I am perfectly aware of that. I should not have let it come to this, but who could ever resist you, Selene? There is something about you that draws a man in. As a man, I cannot help but fall for you. Your innocence, your vulnerability, your strong-headedness..." He sighed. "I have known you all my life, yet I cannot get enough of you. I have never wanted anybody that way."

"Is that the reason why you don't want to be friends anymore?" I asked.

He shifted in his seat so that he could look at me eye to eye. "When do you think I started falling for you? Yesterday? I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember."

"Then, why?"

"Because being with you is just not enough anymore," he explained. "Back then, I am perfectly satisfied just being with you. But now..."

"You want something more than my company," I finished the sentence for him. "You want me."

"Yes," he answered in a whisper, looking straight into my eyes. "I want you. Aren't you scared?"

"Should I be?" I asked, already knowing what the answer would be. This was Lucas. As a man wanting a woman, he could be dangerous, but I had no fear. This was my best friend; he would do nothing to hurt me, to scare me away.

"I will never force myself on you," he said.

We fell silent, just looking into each other's eyes. I thought I understood him now – I understood him better than how I have ever understood him before. And to know that this man loved me, wanted me... I wanted to cry out of joy. I wanted the whole world to know how happy I was to know that Lucas, my best friend, loved me.

My reaction made me pause. It was not even an exaggerated reaction; it was what I genuinely felt. Nothing had ever made me feel like this before. Not even Marcus' presence in my life. A realization dawned upon me. Its full impact almost left me breathless.

I loved Lucas. I loved him. It was not even the same kind of love I felt for Marcus. 

When I first met Marcus, I was immediately attracted to him. That attraction led us to some kind of friendship before developing into the need to be one with each other. We became lovers – in the physical sense of the word. I did not even think that I loved Marcus when I gave myself up to him. What I knew was that I fell in love with him in the course of our affair.

But it was not the same for Lucas. We started out as friends. Our friendship started when we were still both children. Before I even knew what love was, I loved him as a brother, as a friend. It was almost like instinct that I should love him thus. I knew I loved him, but not the way that a woman loves a man. It was all brotherly affection; it was the love between friends.

Until, one day, I was faced with the fear that our friendship would end. Before I could do anything about it, he was gone. His absence in my life did not go unnoticed. I felt it deeply even during those times when I was so in love with Marcus. When Marcus left, I was once again reminded of how much it hurt when it was Lucas who left. Maybe that was why I could not cry; I was mourning two losses all those times. It was too much.

And then Lucas came back a complete stranger. His coldness tore at my heart, reminding me of all that I had – all that I took for granted. His indifference cut more deeply than anything ever did, because I knew what I had; I knew who I missed. My best friend, my brother, my love. Yes: the first man I've ever, ever loved. The person I loved the most, for if I thought hard about it, however much I loved my grandmother, I loved Lucas even more. Even without my realization, I fell for him so deeply that there was no hope of me ever falling out of love with him. There was no letting him go the way that there had been with Marcus. Lucas was as indispensable a part of my life as my grandmother, as the forest I lived in, as my very own eyes, my very own heart. And among those indispensable parts of me, he was the one part that I could not give up – that I would never give up. I could lose them all, but not him. Not him.




Down by the River Ch. 02



Then and only then – when I finally realized what place Lucas held in my life – did I finally understand why my mother became the fool that she was. If she had loved my father the way that I loved Lucas, I perfectly understood why she gave him everything that she had.

Silently, I wept, wrapping my arms around Lucas. He held me close, asking me what was wrong. I could not even begin telling him how much I loved him; the realization was so overwhelming.

"Aren't you disgusted with me?" I managed to ask when I was calm enough to talk. "You know I have been with a man before. You even saw us."

We lived in a society that looked harshly upon women who had sexual affairs outside of marriage. My mother's life was proof of that. I knew the consequences of what I had done with Marcus, but I did not care. Life was too short for me to care about what other people would think about me. Perhaps it was foolish, but I'd rather die knowing that I did what I felt was right, than die regretting that I did not follow my heart when it was begging to be followed.

"Disgusted?" Lucas looked at me queerly. "Disgusted with the only woman I have ever loved? That's not me, Selene. It hurt me to see you with another man, I admit, but I cannot feel any disgust towards you. I have loved you all my life. As foolish as it may sound, I think I would love you even if I have to see you with a dozen men."

I laughed a little. "What? You are a fool, then."

He kissed my forehead and smiled. "Yes, perhaps. Spare me the pain, though. If you think of me as a friend, Selene, do not let me suffer the pain of seeing you with a dozen men."

Slightly blushing, I managed a small frown as I lightly touched his face. "I'm not a whore, Lucas."

"I'm not saying you are," he gently said. "My point is that you can have a dozen men if you ever feel like having them."

Feeling naughty, I moved my face closer to his, quickly sitting on his lap. "You think so?"

His reaction was immediate. His member jumped upright on attention. I giggled as I glanced at his lap. Groaning, Lucas rested his forehead against mine.

"Selene Kier, this is not funny," he complained, hissing when I put my arms around his neck. "This is no time to play. Go back into the house and go to sleep."

"Why?" I whispered, kissing his jaw.

"Why!" he hissed incredulously. "Why, you ask?"

"Yes," I said, smiling mischievously at him. "I want to know why you want me to leave."

His answer was laced with frustration. "Because I don't want to rape you, but if you keep on doing this, Selene – "

"What do you want to do, then?" I cut him.

Lucas was already frowning. "You really want me to say it aloud, don't you?"

"Yes, I do."

Finally, he gave up. He cupped my chin and made me look into his eyes, which were so dark with passion right then. "I want to make love to you, Selene. I want to have you so badly. Satisfied?"

"No." I stood up from his lap and grinned at him. "I want you to choose one of the following." I paused to make sure that he understood. He nodded, so I continued, "One: we go back into the hut and go to my room, and then you make love to me in there. Or, two: you take me right here. Now, choose."

His frown deepened. "I said this is no time to play."

"Who said I'm playing?" I asked, frowning back at him as I sat on his lap again. "You should be glad that I'm giving you a choice of the place where you want to take me. Either choose from those options, or from these: You're going to make love to me, or I am going to rape you. Now, choose!"

I wanted to laugh at his reaction. He seemed so confused, and I could not blame him. But I wanted him and I was determined to have him right then. Either he did it willingly or I would force him to do it. My poor Lucas was clearly debating whether he should take my proposition seriously or not.

"Choose," I murmured against his skin as I began kissing his shoulder. Gently, I wrapped my hand around his shaft through his pants. "Are you going to choose the place and make love to me, or do I have to start raping you right here?"

He moaned my name and made me look him in the eye. "Just one question, Selene: are you sure about this?"

I rolled my eyes at him and touched his lips with the fingers that he sniffed earlier that night. "Do you want to know why I was touching myself earlier?"

Finally, he decided that I was serious about this. He caught my hand and kissed it before standing up, easily carrying me. "Okay. Tell me all about it inside."

*****

It was dark and warm inside my room, so Lucas decided to open the window and let some air in. I would have wanted some light to brighten the room, for I wanted to see Lucas, but Grandmother, who was sleeping in the other room, was more likely to walk in if she saw that there was light inside my room.

"Are you a loud lover?" Lucas asked in a whisper as he placed me on the cot.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He grinned and kissed the tip of my nose. "Do you make a lot of noises when making love?"

I blushed, and the sight of my face made his grin wider. I believed that I was kind of loud.

"Yes?" he prompted. "Try not to be loud or we will wake Grandmother up."

"Are you not loud?" I asked him, curious.

"No," he answered, meeting my eyes as he knelt in front of me, taking my hands in his. "I couldn't afford to be."

His answer was meant to convey his message, and I picked up on it. It would not be his first time. Fair enough. But, in the back of my mind, I wondered how many women he had taken to bed, and the thought of him with somebody else hurt more than I cared to admit. I ran my fingers through his hair, consoling myself with the fact that I had not seen him with a woman, at least. If I had...

I did not let my mind dwell on that. Lucas was watching my reaction closely. When I smiled at him, he seemed to find some relief. He smiled back and gave me a kiss.

We undressed each other immediately afterwards, taking our time doing so. We did it very quietly, conversing only with our lips, our hands, our eyes. Through the light coming in from outside, I could see him – not as clearly as I would have liked, but still clear enough to savour the sight of his well-formed body. My eyes were instantly drawn to his cock, which was standing in full attention. Even there in darkness, I could say that it looked lovely. I walked closer to him, looking into his eyes, seeing the love and the passion that he felt for me.

I ran my palms over his chest, his arms. If I had thought of Marcus as a water god, I thought of this man as an earth god – solid, tangible, real. And just as I belonged to the forest and the earth, I belonged to Lucas. I was his to nurture or consume, to create or destroy.

Gently, I kissed his shoulder, his chest, always wanting more. Grabbing the back of his head, I pulled his face down so that I could kiss him with all the passion that was in me. I loved him, yet I could not bring myself to say the words. Words were too useless, too weak, for the feelings that I wanted to express. All I wanted was for him to feel what I felt, to understand what I knew.

Lucas placed his hands on my hips, something that served to remind me that he was just there, letting me do what I wanted to do with him. Even as I pressed my body close to his, even as I moaned into his mouth, his hands remained there as he gave me full control of the way I wanted that night to start. It was exhilarating. And yet, I could not get enough of him. I kissed every part of him that I could kiss while standing, caressed every part that my hands could reach, and still it was not enough – not nearly enough.

I led him to the cot, making him sit on it as I knelt on the floor between his legs. Gently, I wrapped my fingers around his member, kissing its head. Smiling, I looked up to meet his eyes. He let out a hiss – the loudest noise he was allowed to make in order not to wake the occupant of the adjacent bedroom. I almost felt sorry for him, if only I did not know that I could not be loud either.

With my hand still gently stroking the base, I licked at the head of his shaft before putting it inside my mouth, using my tongue to tease it. I wanted to swallow all of him – or at least, try, for I was not sure if I could take all of him in – but I could not. Not that night, when my own sex was aching to have him inside. Instead, I took him in my mouth until I felt it hit the back of my throat, and proceeded on giving him head, giving attention to the base through my hand. Moments later, I heard Lucas announce in a whisper that he was coming. I squeezed his shaft, moving so that only the head was in my mouth, before swallowing the seeds that erupted, sucking until the last droplets came out.

Finally, I stood up. Lucas reached for me and pulled me down so that I sat on his lap. His mouth captured mine in a kiss that left us both panting when it finally ended.

"Lucas, I want you now," I groaned, nuzzling at his neck.

He chuckled. "You should not have done that, then. My little friend needs a while to be back up."

Amused, I raised an eyebrow at him. "What little friend? It's huge!"

His eyes were dancing with merriment. "Ah. Is that a complaint I hear?"

"Of course not!" I answered, glaring at him.

He pulled me close to him, catching my lips with his, before starting to caress my body. His lips moved to my neck, my shoulders, to my breasts. He took a nipple in his mouth and played with it, while his hand sought my sex, stroking gently. Even then, he managed to chuckle and make a joke.

"There's a flood down here," he said, patting my crotch. "I wonder..."

I slapped his arm – hard – as my face started to burn. He just laughed at me and resumed what he was doing. His hand teased my folds, fingers rubbing against the nub. Slowly, he lay me down on the cot while he slipped one finger – and then two -- in and out of me. As pleasure built higher and higher inside me, I could not help but let out a groan. Immediately, Lucas' mouth was covering mine, muffling the sound. Moments later, with our lips still locked, I was convulsing in pleasure beneath him.

Lucas was chuckling as he kissed my forehead. I simply lay on the cot, panting, covered in sweat.

"You are going to get the two of us in trouble with your grandmother," he whispered, tongue playing with my ear.

"I was trying to hold it back," I complained, pinching him on the side and earning a chuckle from him again. "I failed, though."

He buried his face on the pillow under my head to muffle the sound of his laughter. Myself chuckling, I reached down to squeeze his butt and grab his cock, which was already semi-hard.

"Aha!" I cooed, kissing Lucas' neck and squeezing his member. "Your huge" – I emphasized the word – "friend is already up."

"He should be, because I want you now," he moaned, moving so that he was comfortably settled on top of me. "Try to be quiet, sweetheart, or else Grandmother might ban me from seeing you again."

I smiled as he began stroking my sex with his hand again, perhaps to check if I was ready for him. I was still wet down there; there should be no problem. Satisfied with the result of his subtle inspection, Lucas guided his shaft to the entrance, gently pushing the head in. I closed my eyes, wanting nothing but to feel him inside me as he slid himself deeper, sending sensations that held me trapped in the illusion that we were the only ones who existed in my world.

He began our dance slowly, moving in and out of me gently. As passion built up, his strokes got faster and faster, sending me closer and closer to the peak of pleasure. His mouth sought mine and our tongues engaged themselves in a battle all their own, just as he reached down between us to play with my swollen nub. I groaned into his mouth, lifting my hips up to meet his thrusts, wrapping my legs around him. His other hand was squeezing my breast, gently twisting the nipple between his thumb and forefinger. All of those sensations were enough to bring me to orgasm with a long and – dear God! – loud groan. It was no more than five seconds later that Lucas shot his seeds inside me, collapsing on top of me as soon as he reached the peak.

"Good lord," he chuckled, moving so that he lay beside me. "Selene, that was such a loud moan."

He pulled me close so that I could rest my head on his shoulder. There was barely enough room in the cot to fit the two of us, so I crawled on top of him.

"Well," I whispered, nuzzling closer. "I'm sorry. I tried." I moved my head back so that I could stare into his eyes. "Do you think I woke her up?"

His smile was teasing. "Let's just hope you did not."

The two of us stayed quiet for a while, listening for any signs that Grandmother was awakened by the noise I made. Lucas was stroking my back tenderly, and I felt my heart swell with joy as I remembered that it was what he would always do to make me sleep when I was a child and I would sleep over at Mary's house. It was always hard for me to sleep in a house not our own, and Lucas found out that rubbing my back always did the trick of helping me sleep. 

I remembered the first night I actually slept at Mary's house – about fourteen years ago. I sneaked into Lucas' room in the middle of the night, slipped beside him on the bed, and shook him awake, silently weeping all the while. The only excuse I gave him when he asked me why I was there was that I could not sleep. Without ever complaining about how I woke him up, he wiped my tears, held me close, and stroked my back. In no time, I was deeply asleep.

Yes – it was to Lucas that I always turned to. Even though I knew that Grandmother was sleeping inside the room next to the one where Mary put me to bed, I chose to run to my best friend. I had not slept over at Mary's for more than ten years; the feel of Lucas' hand stroking my back once again reminded me of how much I loved him, how badly I needed him.

"Thank you, Lucas," I whispered, blinking away the tears that suddenly formed in my eyes as I looked at him. "For tonight and all the nights I slept beside you."

"You mean, when we were children?" he asked, a smile on his lips.

"Yes," I answered, settling back into his arms.

I felt him kiss my head. He was already pulling the blanket so that it covered the two of us. With a smile, I closed my eyes, hearing a whispered "I love you" as I drifted off to sleep.

*****

How Lucas managed to get up from under me without managing to wake me up was a big mystery. One movement was usually enough to wake me up, and he had to move all of me to get out of bed. He's got to have used some form of magic.

He was already out of the room when I woke up. Fair enough. We would not want Grandmother to actually see him inside. I had a feeling that I really woke Grandmother up the night before, but she did not get out of her room to check on us, for she already knew what was happening, anyway.

Getting out of bed, I saw my nightgown carefully folded and placed at the foot of the bed. Lucas must have picked it up from the floor. Since my underwear was not lying around, I supposed that he put it in the laundry basket near the door. 

With a smile, I reached for the nightgown, put it on, and took the robe that was hanging from a hook at the foot of the bed. My robes and all of Grandmother's were all gifts from Mary, who tried to help us make our forest life as comfortable as possible. 

I found Lucas in the kitchen, sitting by the table, looking thoughtful. I noticed that he had put on a shirt to cover his upper body. He smiled at me as soon as he saw me. Smiling back, I mouthed to him that I would take care of my personal hygiene first. As soon as I was back, I kissed him and asked in a whisper if Grandmother was already up, to which he answered in the negative.

"How come I did not wake up when you left?" I asked, sitting on his lap.

"You were snoring loudly, so maybe you were very, very sound asleep," he answered.

I chuckled. "I don't snore, you moron!"

He grinned. "Well, then. It is an ability I acquired to ensure my survival."

My eyebrows arched. "Survival?"

"From the hands of fathers who would end up killing me if they find me inside their daughters' rooms," he answered, winking.

It had me once again thinking of how many women he has had before me. A grain of jealousy was causing me pain. Sighing, I wound my arms around his neck and leaned against him. He wrapped his arms around me. We were still in that position when Grandmother entered the kitchen, clearing her throat as she did so.

With my face so pathetically red, I stood up, not meeting Grandmother's eyes even as I told her that I would be making her some tea. It was so unfair that she could be very quiet about moving around the hut. I did not even hear the sound of her bedroom door creak.

Which once again assured me that she did check on us last night – or at least, she checked if Lucas was sleeping where he was supposed to sleep.

As I made the tea, Grandmother started talking to Lucas as if she did not see anything at all. She was asking him about Mary's sister, who had been friend and playmate to my mother once. I served the tea and started frying some eggs for breakfast. Lucas stood up to grab our bottle of jam and the bread loaf that Mary made him bring the day before.

"I hope that Matthew is doing well?"

The way that Grandmother spoke the man's name made me curious about him. It seemed that she knew him, and was even fond of him. 

Lucas nodded. "Yes. He's doing very well."

Grandmother just nodded, and proceeded on asking more questions about Lucas' life in his aunt's estate. Uncle Matthew was not mentioned again, and as the three of us sat for breakfast, I completely forgot to ask about him.

*****

The morning dragged on slowly. I had to take care of the plants in the vegetable garden, although, thankfully, Lucas helped me do that. As soon as it was time for me to clean the hut, Lucas told Grandmother that he would be chopping woods for us. From time to time, I would discreetly look outside the window to watch him, and would feast my eyes on his body, covered in sweat due to his exertion. As a result, I finished my chores about an hour later than how I always used to finish them. At exactly the same time, Lucas finished his task.

Lucas asked Grandmother where she was keeping his spare clothes. As a rule, Mary's three boys had clothes in our hut, just in case any one of them ended up spending the night with us. Grandmother, who was busily knitting a new shawl for herself, told Lucas that I would know where the clothes were, so Lucas went inside the hut to ask.

As soon as he was inside, I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a quick kiss on the mouth.

"You look so sexy," I told him, running a palm on his chest. "I'm starting to ache for you."

He chuckled and pulled me closer. "Stop talking like that, Selene, or I'll end up making love to you right here."

I raised an eyebrow, grinning, as I ran my fingers through his hair. "Why don't you just do it? Grandmother's busy anyway. She won't come inside the hut until it is time for lunch."

"You're naughty," he said, squeezing my butt. "But your grandmother is still outside."

"And she won't come in, trust me," I said, running my hand over his erection through his pants. "You're already hard, anyway."

"Who won't be when you're talking like that and pressing this close?" he asked.

"Please, Lucas," I begged, planting a kiss on his shoulder. "Let's just do it quickly. We both need it. Besides, Grandmother won't appreciate seeing you with a bulge in your pants. She'll probably guess what we've been doing in here if you go out with your friend looking like that."

Finally, he groaned in resignation and kissed my forehead. He glanced at Grandmother, who was still busily knitting outside. Lucas lifted me off the floor and carried me to my bedroom. He closed the door just in case Grandmother decided she wanted to go inside the hut.




Down by the River Ch. 03



My dreams were always filled with images of the forest, of the river, of the sky. Sometimes, I was running through the forest floor, running as fast as I have never run before, laughing as I felt a kind of delight that only being inside the forest could give me. At other times, I was swimming on the river, loving the way the water caressed my body, smiling as strong arms wrapped themselves around me. And, sometimes, I was just lying on the grass, looking up at the sky, watching as clouds passed.

Those dreams never failed to give my heart a sense of peace, a sense of comfort. All I wanted was to remain in that dreamland, so that I could explore more of that world, so that I could enjoy another minute of that blissful contentment. Yet, as soon as I felt a pair of lips kissing every inch of my face, I would gladly leave that dream world and deal with reality.

That morning, just like every morning before, I was awakened by Lucas' light kisses. Smiling, I wound my arms around his neck and caught his mouth in mine.

"Good morning," he whispered, smiling at me when I finally opened my eyes.

"Good morning," I replied, kissing his lips again and wrapping my legs around his waist.

About a month ago, I asked Grandmother if she wanted to leave the forest and live near Mary's house. As expected, Grandmother told me that the only thing keeping her inside the forest was the knowledge that I loved it there. Lucas was the one who told her about the hut he planned on building with the help of his father and brothers, and Grandmother had agreed. Who would refuse such an offer anyway?

The house was almost finished now. Like our house in the forest, it was made of bamboo and woods, even though Mary, in her eagerness to have us living so close to her family, suggested that her husband and sons make a small brick house for us. Grandmother, of course, declined; the two of us would rather live in a hut.

Mary proposed that Grandmother and I lived in her house until our hut was ready. Grandmother accepted the offer readily, perhaps knowing that I would not object anyway.

Nobody asked me what prompted me to actually ask Grandmother to move. I was certain that all of them knew, anyway. Besides, it was not as if Lucas and I wanted to hide our relationship. As Jim, Lucas' younger brother, commented one day, anyone who would see us together would know for sure.

I was fine with that. Let the whole world know that I loved this man. I did not care. As long as he was mine, I would not care about anything at all. I only hoped that none of them knew how frequently Lucas and I were really together -- which amounted to every single night since Grandmother and I moved in to Mary's house.

We slept together a lot. Sometimes, it was me who would come to his room and sleep there, but it was mostly Lucas who would come to mine and share the bed with me. Sometimes, we would only sleep in each other's arms; oftentimes, however, we made love.

It already became routine for us that, in the morning, Lucas would wake me up with his kisses before leaving my room -- or before shooing me out of his on those nights when it was my turn to visit. Often, after the kissing session, both of us would only put on our clothes before one of us had to leave. There were exceptions to those mornings, though.

"Is it already late?" I asked Lucas, unwinding my legs from his waist. "Will they wake up soon?"

He smiled and rolled on the bed so that I was on top of him. "No, it is not. And no, they will not, unless you cry out and alert them all."

I guessed that he already knew where those questions were leading to. It was always the same questions I asked when I wanted him to make love to me before he left my room.

Lucas always teased me about my being so loud when we would make love. He would often kiss my mouth just so that the sounds I was making could be muffled. I would never understand how anybody could be so quiet while receiving and giving the kind of pleasure I experienced with Lucas, and I constantly admired this man for his ability to be quiet -- at least, compared to me.

I gave Lucas' lips a quick kiss before moving down so that I was face to face with his cock. It had not grown in size yet -- or, at least, it was not fully erect. Resting my head on Lucas' stomach, I began stroking it with my hand and watched how it hardened even more.

"Good morning, big guy," I crooned before kissing its tip. "Up for an early morning adventure?"

Lucas, who was stroking my hair, chuckled. "You are a minx, Selene Kier."

"Uh-huh," I moaned, moving my face closer to the member in my hand. "And you love me more for being one."

Without another word, I wrapped my mouth around his shaft, twirling my tongue around the tip. I released it again, still fascinated by the way it could continue to grow. Once, I tried taking all of him in while he was in his full erection, but he was too big. Even though the head was already in my throat, it was not enough. The frustration ate at me, but I was not one to give up easily. One of these days...

Clear fluid was already oozing out of his shaft. I was already so wet that an involuntary groan escaped my lips at the sight of that. I gave it a wet kiss at the base, exactly where cock and balls meet, before licking upwards.

"Lucas, I love your cock," I purred, pressing it against my cheek.

"So it seems," he said, chuckling as he moved so that he could lean against the headboard. "And it seems to love you, too."

Biting my lower lip, I winked at Lucas. "I agree. It has never disappointed me."

Before he could laugh, I took his cock into my mouth, teasing it with my tongue as I grabbed the base with my hand and started stroking it up and down. The gasps, hisses, and groans that came from Lucas as I proceeded on giving him head were enough to spur me on. I loved it when I knew that what I was doing was giving him pleasure. 

I would have continued my explorations so that I could swallow his seeds when he comes, but I was aware that he could not stay inside my room for much longer. The whole household would be up soon and both of us did not want them finding out that Lucas and I always slept with each other. 

With a sigh, I stopped what I was doing and started crawling over him, kissing him from the groin and upwards as I did so. With my hands planted on either side of his waist, I began teasing his nipples with my tongue. Right then, I realized that my sex was positioned above his left thigh. Feeling naughty, I started rubbing my wetness on that thigh, earning a groan of complaint from Lucas. I knew that he did not like it when I did that. His only explanation was that it made him ache the worse for me, but he knew that he could not -- would not -- make me stop.

Indeed, he even bent his knee, left foot firmly on the bed, so that I would not find it too hard to rub myself on his thigh even as I started licking and kissing his neck. Like myself, however, Lucas was not somebody who wanted to be tortured alone. Always when I teased him like that, he would reciprocate by teasing me, too.

He started stroking my breasts, then proceeded on to squeezing it. Gently, he pushed my head away so that he could bend down and start suckling on my nipple. Given that his back was against the headboard, it was not very hard to do. His other hand was pinching the other nipple, causing me to stop rubbing myself against his thigh and just purring like a cat.

I grabbed his chin and raised it so that I could kiss his mouth. I felt instead of saw the smile on his lips; he knew he won. Placing his hands on my hips, he unbent his knee and guided me so that I ended up planting my knees on either side of his hips. I needed no more instructions.

Reaching back, I grabbed his cock and brought it to my entrance, looking into Lucas' eyes all the while. Those dark eyes were deep mirrors of lust and yearning, and I revelled at the sight of them. Slowly, I sat back, driving his shaft inside me. I gave him a quick kiss on the mouth before leaning back, planting my hands beside his knees. I moved my hips against his, moving up and down his rigid cock, gasping as pure pleasure hit me. 

Lucas, too, gasped, and in a hoarse whisper, begged, "Faster, sweetheart. Don't tease me so."

I was past the point of teasing -- past the point of thinking twice. As he pleaded, I began thrusting my hips faster, driving him deeper inside me every time. His hands were firmly holding my hips, keeping the fast rhythm going until both of us reached our climax. A growl escaped my throat as I shuddered on top of him, leaning forward so that he could hold me in his arms.

"My little minx," he whispered, kissing my neck as he held me gently, stroking my back.

I kissed his jaw and moved off him so that I could sit beside him and put my head on his shoulder. "We need to wash these bedclothes."

He chuckled. "The way you wash our bedclothes every five days, Mary is bound to get suspicious."

"Better that than having her smell the evidence," I said, smiling. "Come to the river with me."

"Yes, madam," he whispered before slipping out of bed. "Now, I need to get going or else somebody's bound to walk in on us."

I watched him as he got dressed, smiling when he winked at me. When he was already back into his pyjamas, he walked to the vanity and grabbed the hairbrush, before going back to the bed and asking me to sit up. With gentleness, he combed my hair, braiding it for me. Mary told me that the 'proper' way of sleeping called for the hair to be in a single plait down the back, and to amuse her, I always braided my hair before going to bed. Of course, as soon as Lucas came, it would be combed out of the braid, since he rather liked running his fingers through my hair. Because of that, I taught him how to make braids so that he could plait my hair before leaving -- especially whenever I was too sleepy to actually do it again.

As soon as the braid was made, he handed me my nightgown to put on. I did not know what came over him, but as soon as I looked 'proper' once again, he pulled me close to him, my back touching with his chest, and started kissing the nape of my neck, my shoulders...

"Do me a favour, Selene," he whispered.

"Anything," I promised.

"Lie down," he groaned. "I want you again, right now."

He rarely ever made requests of making love to me again. It was always me who begged him for second rounds. With a smile, I climbed onto the bed again, moving to the centre. I was about to turn around so that I was lying on my back when Lucas stopped me.

"Just stay lying this way," he said as he climbed on top of me. 

"Okay," I said, closing my eyes as I felt his weight on my back, pressing me down on the bed.

Lucas lifted the hem of my nightgown so that I was exposed from the waist down. It was only moments later that I felt his hard member seeking entry into my sex. I spread my legs apart just wide enough to allow him to find his way more quickly. It was not long before Lucas found the entrance and pushed his cock into me. 

The sensation that his rear entry brought was different, but not unpleasant at all. I buried my face on the pillow to muffle the sound of my groans when he started pumping in and out of me. I enjoyed being made love to, but I also enjoyed just mating with him without the tender, passionate love. His hard thrusts told me that he would be getting off quickly, and I intended to reach the peak with him, so I clenched my muscles around his cock, biting the pillow as waves and waves of pleasure assailed me with his every thrust. Moments later, I was already nearing climax; Lucas' warm seeds exploding inside me pushed me there.

He rested on me for a while, panting, before speaking again.

"Thank you, sweetheart," he whispered, planting a kiss on my shoulder.

I turned my head so that I could smile at him when he moved off me. "Any time."

Lucas chuckled and kissed the top of my head as he put his sagged member back into his pyjamas. He arranged my dress before pulling the blanket over me.

"Try to rest for a while," he said.

He did not have to tell me that. My eyelids felt heavy; I suddenly felt so tired. Still lying face down on the bed, I closed my eyes. I was already asleep even before he could close the door behind him when he left.

*****

"Get up, sleepyhead! It's time for breakfast!"

I groaned when I heard Jim's voice. I still wanted some sleep. "Go away!"

He chuckled and shook my bed. "Come on, Selene! You only have twenty more minutes before Mother walks into this room and shake you awake herself!"

"I'm tired!" I groaned, still not opening my eyes. "Let me sleep in! Just tell Mary that I'm skipping breakfast."

Jim laughed. "That will not do. None of us ever gets to skip breakfast, lady. If you don't want feeling this tired in the mornings, maybe you should ban Lucas from going to your room from now on."

His comment made my eyes snap open. Abruptly, I sat on the bed, glaring at him. "What did you say?"

Jim grinned and crinkled his nose, pointing at my blanket. "Hey. I have been with women before, you know. I know when something reeks of sex." He laughed when he saw my reaction -- which was made worse by the blush that came to my cheeks. "And, believe me, Mother will know, too. So you better get up now before she decides to wake you up herself."

That was enough to send me scurrying out of bed. Jim's low whistle as he appraised me made my cheeks burn hotter. I grabbed a pillow and threw it at him.

"Get out!" I cried, grabbing the blanket and covering myself with it. I was wearing my nightgown, but without the robe that normally came with it, the fabric would reveal every curve of my body. "Now!"

Laughing, he walked out of my bedroom. I stood glaring at the door for a while before making my bed in a hurry. When everything looked normal again, I grabbed my robe and hurried to the bathroom in the first floor of the house. After taking care of my personal hygiene, I ran back to my designated room and changed into an everyday dress. I was just taking off my braid when Mary knocked on my door and announced that we would already be eating breakfast.

Grandmother, Jim, and Danny were already there when I arrived. Mary was still calling George and Lucas, who were fetching water from the well that stood in the front yard of the hut that the men were building for Grandmother and me.

"Had a good night sleep, Selene?" Jim decided to tease me when everyone was already seated around the table.

I smiled at him sweetly, sending him warning through my eyes. "Yes, thank you. In fact, it was so good that I was reluctant to get up this morning."

"You should be ashamed of yourself, Jim," Danny said, grinning at his brother. "Why did you wake Selene up earlier? You should have let Mother or Grandmother do it."

Mary gasped and slapped Jim's arm. "You! Selene is a woman! You should be thankful that she does not sleep naked, or I would have flogged you myself, you impudent young man!"

Trying to bite down my laughter, I glanced at Jim. Unfortunately, he caught me looking, and with a grin, announced, "Well, I knew that Selene was not sleeping naked. I heard her talking to Lucas inside her room an hour before I usually wake up, so she could not have been naked then, could she?"

My mouth fell open as my face burned brightly. 'What a...!'

"Lucas Sebastian Milner!" Mary cried, looking at Lucas with wide eyes. "How... Why...!"

I could not look at Mary. I could not even look at Lucas, who was sitting across the table from me. All I wanted to do was reach for Jim and strangle him. Thankfully, Grandmother spoke to break the tension.

"Calm down, Mary," she said. "Selene has a habit of crying out in her sleep. Perhaps she cried out and Lucas heard her."

I could not believe it. Grandmother was lying for me. She knew it was not true. She knew exactly the only reason why Lucas would be 'talking' to me in the middle of the night. 

I looked at Grandmother; she merely smiled at me. Mary breathed a sigh of relief and reached for a glass of water.

"If you ever sleep with Selene and get her pregnant before you two are even married, Lucas, I do not know what I am going to do to you," she said before drinking.

"Don't worry," Lucas said. "That will never happen."

"The part about getting her pregnant, you mean?" Jim interjected, grinning.

"James Frederick," George said in a tone that was sure to silence Jim better than any of Mary's shrill cries would ever do. "One more of those and you will get the flogging your mother was talking about earlier."

Jim made a low whistle before holding up his hands, shaking his head as he did so. "Okay, okay. I won't say a thing about it anymore." He looked at me. "But, once you get pregnant and you need a crib for the baby, I will gladly make it for you." Mary inhaled sharply, and before she could say anything, Jim quickly added, "Not right now, of course. I mean, after you two are married."

Danny reached for the plate of fried eggs and shoved three onto Jim's plate. "Stuff your mouth with this, Jim. Although I know you deserve it, I will hate to lose a brother to flogging."

Grandmother's chuckle seemed to put everybody at ease. I, for sure, was relieved. In my head, I was already thinking of a million ways of confronting Jim later.

We were already done eating breakfast when Mary said, "I almost forgot!" She looked at Lucas. "I received a letter from Matthew yesterday afternoon. He said that, in a week's time, a coach will arrive here to pick you up and bring you back to their estate."

I stopped gathering the plates from the table and looked at Lucas. He, too, was looking at me. He never said anything about leaving...

"Uncle Matthew has already recovered," he said, looking at his mother now. "Why do they need me back?"

"Matthew thinks that it will be a good thing for you to help him manage the estate," Mary explained, smiling. "Besides, his son has taken a liking to you. Your influence on Andrew might help on making him like the idea of managing their estate in the future."

Already, my heart was aching. Did I have to part with Lucas again? 

'No, please...'

"Mary, I -- " Lucas cleared his throat and shook his head. "Andrew is a smart boy, and he wants to please his father more than anything else. They don't need -- "

"I know exactly what's behind this objection," Mary said, smiling at me. "Selene."

I felt my face burning. Of course, Mary would know. What could I say, though? I could not tell Lucas that it was okay if he left. I could not lie. He would know exactly what I felt. On the other hand, I would not want Mary to hate me because I was the reason why Lucas would not go.

"Mother -- " Lucas began, sighing. He rarely ever used 'Mother' to refer to Mary.

"Lucas," Mary interrupted. "Think about it. Meanwhile, Eloisa and I need to talk to Selene."

"I already made up my mind," Lucas said through his teeth.

"Well, then," Mary said, smiling forcedly, "we'll talk again after we talk to Selene. Maybe you'll change your mind then."

Lucas was about to say something when George told him to listen to his mother. Calling to Jim, too, George led his eldest sons away. Danny volunteered to wash the dishes in order for Mary and Grandmother to be able to talk to me.

All three of us walked to the front porch of the house. I knew what this conversation would be all about. They would ask me to convince Lucas to go back to his aunt's and uncle's. But, would I do it for them? I did not want to be away from Lucas again...

We sat around the table in the porch. Instantly, Mary's hands were holding mine.

"Selene," she said, smiling at me. "I never asked you because I believe I already knew the answer, but, for the sake of certainty, I'm going to ask you now. Why did you suddenly ask your grandmother to leave the forest and move here?"




Down by the River Ch. 03



I did not speak. They already knew.

"Was it because of my son? Lucas?"

Slowly, I nodded. "I want to be close to him. Besides, he told me that he is worried for me and Grandmother. So, I thought that, to put his mind at ease, I would just ask Grandmother to move."

"And Lucas does not want to live away from you, either," Mary said. "My son loves you. He has loved you for so long, and I don't think that he would like to part from you now that he knows you reciprocate his feelings. Lucas has already earned enough money to marry you, buy a large farm for the two of you, and build you a house. He can already take care of you and make sure that you get everything that you need, everything that you want. When I told him that his uncle wants him back, I was already anticipating his answer. He won't leave you."

"I don't want him to leave me," I told her honestly, looking into her eyes. "I want to be where he is, Mary."

Her eyes were still kind as she smiled at me. "Are you sure about that?"

"I've never been surer in my life," I told her before looking at Grandmother. "You have always warned me about loving a man with everything that I have, with all that I am. I knew I promised to heed your advice, Grandmother, but I never really thought that I would love anybody the way that I love Lucas."

Grandmother smiled and sighed, taking my other hand that was not being held by Mary. "When I saw you crying over Lucas, I instantly knew that you have given him everything, Selene. I am not surprised that you should tell me these things. Now, we want you to listen to us."

I was confused. This was not how Grandmother asked me to do something for her. I looked at Mary, and there was no indication written on her face that she wanted me to convince Lucas to return to his uncle's.

"Matthew was a very close friend of Catherine," Grandmother was saying. "He had always been there for your mother when she was still alive. When she got pregnant, he even offered to marry her and call you his own daughter, but your mother refused."

I was stunned. I was not expecting this -- not at all.

"Your mother loved your father, you see," Grandmother continued. "She wanted to wait for him. But he never returned -- not even after you were born, not even after Catherine died. Matthew offered to adopt you, but I refused. You are the only family left to me. I did not want to lose you, Selene. So I did not give you to Matthew. But he continued supporting you in another way."

"Matthew owns the forest where you lived, Selene," Mary explained. "He bought it for Catherine when Catherine expressed her desire to live in the forest. After you were born and Eloisa refused to give you to him, Matthew left, but not without asking us to continue looking after you and your grandmother. Of course, he did not have to ask; we love you as family.

"Now, about my sister," she went on saying after a brief pause. "Susanna got married when you were two. I don't believe you remember her, but she was quite fond of you. She lived in town, and she was the one who would always bring fabric for me to sew for your clothes. I believe that it is their fondness for you that brought Susanna and Matthew close -- as friends. When Susanna's husband died, she was four months pregnant with Andrew. Her husband left her with a lot of debts to pay, so my sister was left with virtually nothing but her son. Matthew married her then and claimed Andrew as his."

"You were only six when Andrew was born," Grandmother said. "When you were out playing with Mary's sons one day, Susanna and Matthew came to our hut to talk to me about you again. They wanted to adopt you, but again, I refused. Over the course of years, whenever they would write to Mary, they would always ask her to tell me that they will always be willing to take care of you. Of course, I do not want to abuse their kindness, and I don't want to lose you, so I always refuse.

"But I'm old now, Selene." She stroked my cheek. "I cannot take care of you anymore. In fact, it is you who have been taking care of me these past few years. I have always wanted to talk to you about Matthew and Susanna, but I could not -- not when I could see how much you enjoy living in the forest. But when you finally asked me to move near Mary's house, I thought that, perhaps, you are ready to face the world beyond our place."

"Matthew and Susanna want you to go with Lucas to their estate," Mary said when I did not speak. "They want to meet you. Matthew, especially, wants to see Catherine's child." She paused, hesitating. She glanced at Grandmother, and when Grandmother nodded, she continued, "Matthew wants to see his niece."

Finally, I found something to say. Or ask. "Niece? Whose niece?"

"Your father is Matthew's older brother, Nathan," Grandmother said.

Oh god. 

I leaned back on my seat, speechless. My head was spinning with too much information. All my life, I thought that Grandmother was the only family I had, when in fact, there was a man out there -- an honourable, kind man at that -- who was my uncle. My father's brother. And he wanted me.

Tears started flowing down my cheeks. Mary and Grandmother did not try to say soothing words; they knew I had to cry.

There was a reason why Grandmother never allowed me to go to town. People would always remember the scandal that was my mother's life. They would talk about me and my mother as if we were whores -- as if loving a man with all her heart was the greatest crime a woman could commit. Grandmother protected me from those people. She did not want me to feel unloved, unwanted.

And, all along, there was somebody who loved me, wanted me, even though I was a love child -- somebody who did not hold me in contempt because I was born of a woman who had sex with a man before she was married. To know that somebody loved me precisely because I was my mother's daughter...

"I want to meet him," I said softly, still feeling overwhelmed by the idea.

Grandmother rose from her seat and embraced me. "I'm sorry if I did not tell you anything about your father before today. I was afraid that, once you learn who your father was, once you learn that you have an uncle ready to recognize you, I will lose you."

"You will never lose me," I told her.

"Ah." She smiled lovingly as she wiped my tears away. "But I already lost you to Lucas."

I was about to say something when she placed a finger on my lips.

"That is not a bad thing," Grandmother assured me. "You found a man to love -- a man who loves you as much as you love him. That cannot be bad. Besides, Selene, I did not raise you to own you. I did not raise you so that you will make me the centre of your world. I raised you because I love you and I want you to find who and what it is that that makes you happy. I have no problem about losing you to someone who can give you the happiness you deserve."

At that moment, I was so overwhelmed with joy. I hugged my grandmother tightly, not knowing what else to tell her. Words of gratitude were not enough. I just prayed that I had shown her enough love all these years, for her to know just how much she meant to me.

Mary asked Danny to call Lucas so that we could talk to him. When he saw me silently weeping while on Grandmother's arms, he frowned.

"I am not leaving," he said to his mother, emphasizing the negative word.

Mary shook her head and glared at her son. "If that is your final decision, then, so be it. But, I want you to accompany Selene to Susanna's so that she will not get lonely on her journey there."

Lucas' frown deepened. "I don't understand."

The confused look on his face made me chuckle. I walked towards him and gave him an embrace, not caring if Mary and Grandmother were there to see.

"They invited me to be their guest for as long as I wish," I told him as I looked up and smiled.

"This is not a trick to get me to return to the estate, is it?" he asked, even though I could tell from the way his eyes were twinkling that he believed me.

"No," I answered.

"Why were you crying, then?"

"These are tears of joy," I said, chuckling.

"Good," Lucas said, beaming before giving my mouth a quick kiss.

Grandmother cleared her throat just as Mary said, "Lucas, you remember saying that you do not want to return to the estate, don't you? You are only going to accompany Selene to her destination."

"Of course, of course," Lucas told his mother as he released me, although he kept me close by putting his arm around my waist. "But, if Uncle Matthew asks me to stay, well..."

"He probably just needs to ask you once before you accept," Mary said, raising an eyebrow as she crossed her hands over her chest.

"But of course," Lucas said, chuckling. "I am going to help him manage his estate for as long as he wants me to if he is going to keep Selene there."

Mary rolled her eyes and tapped Lucas' shoulder as she walked past us to go inside the house. "If you end up getting Selene pregnant before you marry her, mark my word, Lucas Sebastian: I am going to chop you into pieces and feed you to the cows."

Lucas burst out laughing. "I promise not to. And..." He winked at Grandmother when she followed Mary into the house. Grandmother was smiling as she shook her head at him. "Hey, Mary! Cows do not eat meat!" 

*****

Mary went to town with Grandmother, Danny, and George in order to order gowns for me. Mary said that I would need it when I stay at my uncle's estate. She would have liked to bring me with them, but Grandmother, still protective of me, refused. 

"When the time comes, Selene will go to town," Grandmother told Mary. "But I don't want her first experience with the world beyond the forest to be very frustrating."

So they left me behind. I told Mary that I needed to wash the bedclothes, anyway. Lucas volunteered to help me in the task, and then Mary decided that we needed a 'chaperone' in Jim. I did not think that Lucas' younger brother would be a very good chaperone, but did not tell Mary so; I'd rather have Jim than Danny with us, because I was certain that Lucas and I could fool around and Jim would not even care -- as long as he did not witness it, I mean.

Along the way to the river, I told both of them what Grandmother and Mary told me earlier.

"I've always thought that Andrew is not Matthew's son," Lucas commented. "There is no resemblance between them, but Matthew recognizes Andrew and seems to love him as a son, so I never really asked."

"Do you think Andrew knows?" Jim asked.

"I would think so," Lucas answered. "He's already fourteen or fifteen. He is old enough to know. Besides, that may also be the reason why he hero-worships his father."

"So, my uncle is a really good man?" I asked Lucas.

He smiled at me. "The most kind-hearted man I've ever met. The two of you are going to get along well."

That comforted me. After the initial reaction of overwhelming joy that my uncle wanted to recognize me, I suddenly felt a little nervous about meeting him. Mary and Grandmother talked about him with great fondness, but time could change a man, so I needed Lucas' opinion on the matter, since he had been with my uncle just a few months ago. What Lucas said about Uncle Matthew finally drove away the tiny butterflies that made their way into my stomach.

In the river, Jim's complaints were endless. He said that he never thought washing bedclothes could be so hard. Of course, it was not that hard for me, but maybe because I was already used to doing those things.

"You should stop seeing each other at night as frequently as you seem to do!" Jim declared when we finished hanging the bedclothes on the clothesline that Lucas made the first time we washed bedclothes here. "This is gruesome work!"

"Neither of us asked you for help," Lucas told him. "We could have gone here without you, and you would not have to endure the suffering" -- he emphasized the word -- "you endured while washing those."

"Ha!" Jim glared at Lucas. "I had this feeling that you are going to devour Selene as soon as you get here if I were not with you."

Face flushing, I pinched Jim's side. "James!"

"You are going to enjoy that, aren't you?" he teased me, winking.

I could not have blushed redder even if I wanted to. Lucas mock-punched Jim before holding me in his arms, letting me bury my flushed face on his chest.

"You embarrass her, you fool," he told his brother.

Jim stayed silent for a while before he cleared his throat. "Good lord. The two of you..."

"What?" I asked, frowning as I looked at him again.

He looked more than a little amused. "You do it every night, don't you?"

"What we do and how often we do it is none of your business," Lucas stated. "You are quite a vulgar young man, James Frederick."

"Now I am really impressed that Selene is not pregnant yet," James said, as if he did not hear Lucas.

His comment reminded me that Grandmother said that her supply of the roots she used for my special tea was almost out. Grandmother crushed and dried those roots before using them in my tea so that I would not get pregnant. It was proving to be very efficient, but the plants only grew in the heart of the forest.

"We need to get some of those roots now," I told Lucas.

"What roots?" Jim asked.

Lucas named the plant. "They abundantly grow in the northern part of this forest, where there are lots of trees. It is about half an hour from here."

"I'll go get them," Jim volunteered. "How much is it that you need?"

"As much as you can carry," I answered, smiling at him.

"Okay," Jim said. "You two go back to the house and I'll bring the bedclothes and the roots later."

Lucas made a low whistle. "Are you sure?"

"Of course," Jim answered. "Make the most of the time you have alone. I don't know how you can be so quiet when you have sex, but it is going to be a nice change to have a whole house to yourselves. Just try not to make the baby. Spare Mother the hysterics."

He turned to leave. Lucas and I exchanged amused glances before watching Jim again. He was about five metres from us when he turned around and called to Lucas.

"If you ever hurt my sister, I swear I'm going to kill you," he said, grinning.

Lucas chuckled as he pulled me close. "You've got it all wrong. I am your brother; she is the stranger."

Jim chuckled. "Blood ties are not important. Selene is my sister and I am going to protect her, even from you." He frowned at that. "Actually, especially from you, because I know how much you could hurt her."

With that, he turned around and jogged away from us, vanishing into the woods in no time. Lucas looked at me and grinned.

"Well, well," he said, lifting me up. "My brother seems to love you so much."

"And I love him, too," I told him with a smile. "Even though he can be a little frustrating sometimes."

"I wonder why I am not jealous," he said with a chuckle as he squeezed me closer. "Well, I think I've really got my princess to myself now."

He kissed me full in the mouth, quickly yet passionately. He whirled me around before putting me back on the ground.

"So," I told him, lifting an eyebrow. "What do you think? Should we do as James suggest?"

"For sure," he answered, taking my hand as we walked away from the river, heading back to their house. "I would like a proof of your loudness again, this time while on a bed."

I burst out laughing. I had always been loud when we were making love by the river.

We proceeded on walking hand-in-hand towards their house, either mocking each other or talking about our dreams. My dreams were simple: I just wanted to have a house of my own, to get married, and to have children. Perhaps, I would like to visit different places sometimes, but that was still something I needed to think about. 

Lucas' dreams included those things, but with many additions. He wanted so much for his wife and for his children, that I could not help smiling while he told me everything.

"You are not secretly laughing at my dreams, I hope?" he said as he scooped me up in his arms.

"No," I answered, giggling. "I just think that your wife will be one lucky woman."

"You are going to be one lucky woman, you mean," he said, kissing the tip of my nose before putting me back on the ground. "Just let me find a piece of land where I can build a house for you and you'll be married to me before you even know it."

I laughed at that. Lucas smiled and held me close. I closed my eyes as I hugged him back. This was everything I had ever wished for. He was everything I had ever asked for. A best friend, a lover, a brother moulded into one man.

While in his arms, I made a wish.

Let this feeling go on forever. Let me be with him until I breathe my last.

*****

We busied ourselves with covering our beds as soon as we arrived home. Lucas also decided that Mary would love to skip cooking dinner for the family, so we proceeded on preparing our meal. Mary has been teaching me how to cook meals with meat for the past few weeks, and although I could not yet cook a meal as delicious as hers, I was improving greatly.

Lucas, on the other hand, was very talented in the kitchen. He only started studying how to cook foods when Mary began teaching me, but the foods he cooked were always better-tasting than mine. It was kind of unfair, especially because I spent more hours in the kitchen than he did (he would only join me in my 'studies' when I was already about to cook meals for dinner, and yet he would perfect the food before I was even close to learning how to make it edible).

If there were foods that I could cook better than Lucas could, all of them were vegetable meals. Since I did not want anybody to eat barely-edible foods for dinner, I proposed to cook what I cooked best while Lucas proceeded on roasting a whole chicken.

Something came over the two of us while we were embracing in the woods earlier. All thoughts about having sex seemed to have vanished at the face of that simple expression of love. Even though the thought of having the whole house to ourselves was exciting, we refrained from satisfying our desire.

Perhaps, it was because of this that, when Lucas went into my room that night, neither of us wasted any second we had together. As soon as he closed the door behind him, I was already in front of him, snaking my arms around his neck and pulling him down for a kiss. 

Without speaking, we undressed each other slowly, lovingly. He took me to bed as soon as we were naked. I was already so wet, so ready for him, that he did not have to tease me anymore before he was inside me, stroking gently, so gently, then faster and faster, harder and harder, until both of us climaxed without making a single sound.

It was probably one of the quietest nights I had been while we made love. Nothing but soft moans and gasps escaped my lips, even though it was not a very gentle sexual intercourse that we were having. Over and over that night, we gave and received pleasure, only stopping to sleep when we heard the door of Jim's room open and close.

"I love you, Selene," Lucas whispered as he pulled the blanket over us.

His eyelids were already heavy with sleep, as I knew that mine were. Slowly, I smiled and snuggled closer to him. I only kissed his lips before closing my eyes. He did not need to hear the words to believe that I loved him.

He did not leave my room that morning. Nobody woke the two of us up. When we awakened, it was already two hours before noon, and only Jim was home with us. He whistled when he saw us coming down the stairs together, before saying that the others decided to make the most of the beautiful day by going to the river to have a picnic.

"How long have they been gone?" Lucas asked, reaching for the basket of fruits in the middle of their dining table.

"One and a half, two hours ago," Jim answered, shrugging. "I am going there, too. I just waited for the two of you to wake up, so that you'll know where we are."




Down by the River Ch. 03



"Are we invited to the picnic?" Lucas prompted, already peeling a banana for me.

"I do not remember hearing Mother say that you two can join us," Jim answered, chuckling.

My mouth fell open. "Do you mean to say that we are forbidden to join you?"

"Oh, well," he said, shrugging as he headed for the back door. "You can follow if you want. I know that they will love having you there. But, of course, everyone will also understand if you two decide to stay home alone..."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I asked, glaring at him while a blush rose up my cheeks.

Jim laughed as he waved to us, walking backwards away from the house. "It's not as if we don't know what you two were up to! In fact, Mary checked on Lucas this morning before breakfast, and found that his room was empty. That could only mean one thing."

Oh my god...

Lucas laughed. "Well, don't tell us that she checked on Selene's room, too?"

"Mother already knows that you two will be there, so, why would she even check on you?" Jim said, laughing, too. "She did not want to see the state in which you were in."

"Until what time are you going to be down there?" Lucas asked.

"We're possibly spending all day down by the river," answered Jim, grinning. "So, do follow if you want."

With that, he waved again and turned his back on us. Lucas handed me the banana he peeled, before grabbing one for himself.

"So, what's the plan?" he asked me when I started eating the banana.

"We follow them, of course," I said, sitting by the table as Lucas started placing some dishes there. "Oh, that was embarrassing."

"What is?"

"Mary finding out."

He chuckled. "She's bound to find out sooner or later, anyway. Just be glad that I was in your room when she decided to check on me. Imagine if it were you who were visiting me last night, or if she checked on you instead."

My face burned at that idea. Surely, I did not want Mary seeing Lucas and me sleeping on the bed together, especially when the two of us were naked. It was one thing for her to know, another for her to see.

The two of us proceeded on eating breakfast, barely talking to each other. We decided that we would follow as soon as we were done eating. After all, it would be selfish to stay at home when everybody was in the river together. We would be leaving in less than a week, and every moment spent with the others had to count. It was enough that Lucas and I spend the nights together; we would spent the days with them.

After grabbing towels and fresh change of clothes, the two of us headed for the river.

"Tell me about what I should expect in a week," I told him when we were on our way.

"Hmm." He looked amused. "The coach will come and fetch us. The coachman's name is Wilson, and he has a wife and two little boys living in Uncle Matthew's lands. He is a nice sort of man, and very good at taking care of the horses and the coaches owned by our uncle. He will be our only company during the day and a half journey to the estate."

I raised an eyebrow. "A day and a half?"

"We are going to stay the night in an inn along the way," he explained.

I merely nodded. Butterflies were starting to whirl around my stomach again. The prospect of travelling to another place was both exciting and frightening. I had seen many different kinds of people in my life, but those were only ones who visited Grandmother and me in the forest. Almost all of them were the nice kinds, since they were Grandmother's friends.

But, as soon as my uncle's coach comes to fetch me and Lucas, I would step into another world -- a world I only knew through the stories of the people closest to me -- of Mary's family, of Grandmother, and of Marcus.

Marcus.

I held my breath when I remembered him. I wondered where he was. He once told me that he only came to our town to take a vacation, since his mother was hailed from here, but that he lived with his father, who lived in a city far away. How far was it? I wondered

When I looked at him, I realized that Lucas was watching me closely.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I'm just wondering if I'd like life in my uncle's estate."

"Hmm." He took my hand and squeezed it. "Don't worry about it. I bet that Aunt Susanna, Uncle Matthew, Andrew, and all the rest of the household are going to do their best to make sure that you enjoy your stay there. But first, of course, your uncle will introduce you to his friends."

"Why would he do that?" I asked, frowning.

"Because you are his niece, silly," he answered, chuckling. "Uncle Matthew wants to recognize you as such, remember? Of course, he will introduce you to his friends and business associates."

Business.

For some reasons, I was having bad feelings about all these...

Marcus' father had a business. It was something that Marcus would inherit one day. I desperately hoped that he was not one of my uncle's friends. I did not particularly like the idea of seeing Marcus again. After the relationship we've had...

I would love to see Marcus, of course -- if only it was as simple as that. I would love to see my friend -- because he was both a friend and a lover to me. Not as close a friend as Lucas had been, but Marcus and I shared many similarities that were enough to make me love him as a friend.

But after what happened between us, I did not know how I would face him again.

No, I did not regret what I had shared with Marcus. He was my first lover, and the love we shared was amazing. It was something beautiful, something precious. Nobody could ever regret something like that. In a way, I was even thankful for the experience I've had with him -- because it showed me how deep a connection could run between a man and a woman. My time with him was something that I would treasure forever.

Still, we never said goodbye properly. There was never a closure to our relationship. He left and he never came back, and that was it. No tears, no goodbyes.

I never hated him for leaving. Even then, I knew that it was inevitable. We belonged to different worlds. I could not leave my life in the forest for him, even though I did love him. Maybe, it was partially because I did not love him enough to choose him over what my simple life offered. And I could not ask him to leave his life for me, because I did not want to be selfish.

And now, I wondered for the first time: would he have left everything behind if I asked him to just live with me?

Something told me that he would have. He loved me enough to turn his back on everything that he had treasured. Maybe that was partially the reason why he left without saying goodbye. He knew I would never ask him to stay, and he just could not bear to say goodbye to me. And, maybe, he knew that the love I felt for him was not as strong as what he felt for me.

I suddenly felt sick.

Dear god, let my speculations be wrong...

"Are you okay, Selene?"

Lucas was already looking at me with worry. He held me at arm's length, looking into my eyes.

"I just remembered..." I said softly. "I just remembered Marcus."

He was surprised at that, but he tried his best not to let his feelings show. "What about him?"

"Do you think he..." I had to clear my throat to be able to continue. "Do you think he loved me?"

Marcus had been a subject of our conversations more than once. The two of them had so many similarities, and it was so apparent that Lucas finally said he did not want to know everything I knew about Marcus. Still, he knew enough.

I could tell that this conversation was somewhat hard on Lucas. I could only imagine why. If I reached out, I could imagine myself being able to touch his very tangible fear.

"He did," Lucas answered softly. "He loved you. He would not have come to the river everyday if he did not. He would not have expressed his wish to introduce you to his family if he did not. He would not have built that shed for you, would not have asked you to come with him..."

He stopped, swallowing hard as he looked away. I did not need to have special powers to know what was going on in his head. What if I wanted to be with Marcus? What if I left him?

Somewhat feeling guilty, I touched his arm. "Lucas..."

Lucas looked at me and shook his head, placing my face between his palms before resting his forehead on mine. He closed his eyes and whispered, "If it is going to hurt, Selene, I'd rather not hear it."

I chuckled as tears raced down my cheeks. "It's not going to hurt you, silly. I just remembered him, and I wonder if I had hurt him very much. If he had loved me the way that I love you, Lucas, then, I must have hurt him so much. He's my friend; I wouldn't wish to hurt him so."

Feeling the tears that escaped my eyes, he wiped them away before kissing my forehead and pulling me close. "If he loves you this much, Selene, he is going to understand. Loving somebody does not always mean fighting for her. Sometimes, it means making sacrifices by giving her up once you know that there is someone else she loves more than how she loves you."

Still crying, I hugged Lucas tightly. "I only wish that he had not loved me that much. I do not want to cause him so much pain."

Lucas pulled away gently to look into my eyes. "Selene, because Marcus loves you, he must know you. He must know that you would never hurt anybody if you could help it. He will understand even if you hurt him that much. He will forgive you."

"But, why was it that you were so mad at me when you came back?" I asked him.

He smiled gently. "I was not mad at you; I was mad at myself. Besides, I did not want you to get too close, because I did not want you to hurt me more."

I leaned against him and closed my eyes again. "Then, I hope he will never cross paths with me again, so that I cannot hurt him more. I don't want to hurt him."

We stayed unmoving, with Lucas holding me as I cried the tears that only a friend could shed for someone who matters. I wished I had discovered my love for Lucas sooner, before Marcus and I ever met, so that I did not have to hurt Marcus at all. What happened between us was not something to regret, yet I regretted ever meeting with him. Could the pain he would suffer -- the pain he was suffering -- be worth it all?

I did not know how long we stayed like that, but, finally, I calmed down. Let providence do what she will; I could only stand here and wait.

*****

Danny, Jim, and George were already swimming on the river when Lucas and I got there. Mary greeted me with a hug and a kiss as soon as she saw us. Nothing about what she had found out could be seen on her face, yet I knew by the way she smiled at me that she was finally certain of what Lucas and I were feeling for each other.

Grandmother was inside the shed Marcus built, sitting on the bench. The blanket that witnessed the love that developed between Marcus and me sat beside her, carefully folded. She, too, hugged and kissed me when I went inside to greet her.

Lucas immediately joined his brothers and father, while I joined Mary as she unpacked two of the baskets they brought. 

"This is a very beautiful day, isn't it?" Mary said, beaming down at me as I spread a blanket over the grass.

"Very beautiful, yes," I agreed, taking one basket and unpacking it.

She sighed. "I remember when I was still young. George and I were just about to get married, and your mother was even more excited than I was about the upcoming wedding."

We both sat on the blanket when the foods were already out of the baskets. She proceeded on telling me the story.

"Catherine was my best friend, as you know," Mary recalled. "She was a very beautiful woman, and there was a time when I was even jealous of her because George was always with her. As it turned out, my husband was just bugging her to help him get close to me." She laughed. "Poor Catherine got tired of ignoring George and finally helped him, to George's great delight. It was only a year later that the two of us got married.

"Your mother's greatest dream was to have her own family," she continued. "But she wanted the perfect husband for herself. There were many who came and asked for her hand in marriage, but she refused them all. Then, in the summer of her nineteenth birthday, Nathan and Matthew Riles came to town, both of whom became the object of every woman's fancy.

"Catherine and I were buying fabric for Mother's use when Nathan approached us. He was a very handsome man, very nice, very sweet, and Catherine instantly fell in love with him. He offered to help us carry our load home, and from that time onwards, he was always nearby, always looking for a chance to see your mother."

I did not know what I was feeling as I heard this story, but I knew that I wanted to hear all of it. Mary went on to say that, as time passed by, Mother and Father spent more and more time together. At first, Mary was always with them, but taking care of Lucas was her top priority, so sometimes, she could not come with Mother whenever she met with Nathan Riles. Sometimes, Matthew would visit Mother, too, but even though Mother enjoyed being with his company, she was never as happy as when she was with the older brother.

"Your mother got pregnant when she was twenty," Mary said, smiling as she took my hand. "She was as old as you are now. We were all shocked, but Catherine did not care. Nathan promised to marry her, and she loved him too much to doubt his words. I was also pregnant then, and she would always say that her child would grow up with my children, and that all of you would be friends the way that she was friends with Susanna and me." She looked at her family in the river. "She was not wrong. You grew up with my boys and only Lucas had the guts enough to not treat you as his sister."

Even though I knew that she was only teasing me, I blushed and stammered. "Uhmm.. Mary -- "

She laughed. "Don't worry about it. If Catherine were alive, she would be delighted to know that you and Lucas are in love with each other. Lucas was already in this world before Catherine had you, you know, and she was very fond of him. She was Lucas' godmother, and she was always taking care of my son whenever I was too busy to do so. Even when Catherine and Eloisa were already living in the forest, she would come to our house to see Lucas. Two months before she gave birth to you, Jim was born, and even though she loved him, she loved Lucas even more. 

"And even then, Lucas already loved you," Mary chuckled. "He would rather sit by Catherine and feel you kicking from the womb than play with his brother. And Catherine really loved my son as though he was hers." She sighed. "How I wished Catherine did not die with her heart broken by the only man she loved. She deserved to be happy."

I put my head on her shoulder, and Mary hugged me. "Do you know what happened to my father?"

"Nathan left when Catherine was three months pregnant," she answered. "He said that it was so that he could take care of things. Matthew remained here and continued to look after Catherine, partially for his brother, but mostly because he loved Catherine, too. For months, Matthew would not say anything about the business that took Nathan away, and as his resentment for his brother grew and grew, we realized that Nathan might never return. Even to this day, we do not know what happened to your father."

"Do you think Uncle Matthew knows?" I asked.

"Most likely," she said. "He never answered us whenever we asked him, even after Catherine died. Your mother never asked him, perhaps because she knew that Matthew loved her and she did not want to hurt him even more by constantly looking for Nathan. Maybe you should ask Matthew when you finally meet him. You have the right to know, since you are Nathan's child."

I nodded, not knowing what to say. I just watched George and his sons as they swam on the river. I did not even know what I was feeling. For most of my life, all I heard were fragments of the story of my mother's ill-fated love. This was just another fragment, telling me the story of how she met my father. I wondered, would my uncle tell me the whole story? Would it make me hate my father less?

I have always resented my father. Even though Grandmother warned me about hating him when I still did not know the whole story, I could not help but hate him for what he did. It did not help that nobody could tell me the whole story.

"Your mother has always loved this river," Mary broke my reverie. "I believe that this was where you were conceived."

I swallowed. Now, that was something nobody ever told me before.

Before I could think of anything to say, George and his sons started heading towards us, all of them dripping wet. It was already time to eat lunch. Perhaps, I would get to talk to Mary some other time.

*****

When lunch was over, George took Danny and Jim with him to look for fruits inside the forest. Mary started bathing in the river, and Grandmother asked Lucas and me for an audience inside the shed. It was one of those conversations that I would never ever forget for as long as I lived.

"Do you both remember when, as children, I would always scold you for going to this river?" Grandmother fondly remembered. "You two were very, very stubborn. Nothing I said about the dangers of going to the river ever got into your heads." She lightly tapped Lucas' shoulder. "Especially you, young man."

"It was always Selene's idea that we go to the river," Lucas defended himself.

"Why did you always have to come with her?" Grandmother asked. "She would have listened to you had you told her that you were not allowed. And you always took the blame for dragging her here."

I started to giggle. Lucas was my servant, bound to obey me, as ordered through the rules of our childhood games. He was my slave; I was his princess.

"I promised to give Selene whatever it was she asked for," Lucas answered, grinning. "It did not matter if I would get in trouble because of her."

Grandmother smiled. "It was because of that kind of devotion that you showed her even when you were still children that I came to the conclusion that everything would lead to this."

"To what?" I asked her.

"To this," Grandmother answered, taking both Lucas' and my hands and pressing them together. "To the two of you falling in love. I never doubted that."

"Not even when you knew that I was meeting a man by this river?" I asked her.

"Not even then," Grandmother told me. "I saw the two of you growing up together. I saw the love that existed between you even before either of you was old enough to actually recognize it. I never had any doubts regarding who would claim my grandchild's heart one day."

Lucas and I exchanged glances and smiles. I felt his hand squeezing mine, even though Grandmother was still holding both our hands.

"Lucas, will you promise to always take care of Selene?" Grandmother asked, looking at Lucas.

"I spent most of my life doing that, Grandmother," Lucas answered readily. "And I will spend the rest of my life doing just that."

"Love her for as long as you live," Grandmother told him.

"I will," Lucas promised, looking at me. "For as long as I live."

Grandmother smiled and turned to me. "And you, young lady..."

"I will always love Lucas, Grandmother," I told her, placing my other hand over hers and squeezing it. "I will never stop loving him."

Finally, she released our hands and sighed. "This river has always been yours. This river witnessed the progression of your relationship up to this moment." She looked at the shed protecting the three of us from the sun and smiled. "People have come and might come again to share this river with you, but it will never be theirs the way that it is yours right now and for all the years to come. When either of you doubts about the future, go back to this river, or at least think about it, and remember the promises you have just spoken to me. Remember those promises and believe in the love that prompted you to speak those. Do you understand?"




Down by the River Ch. 04



My heart began to beat faster as we neared our destination. A few minutes ago, Lucas told me that we already arrived at the edge of Uncle Matthew's estate, although it would be several more minutes before we reached his country house.

Already, my stomach was churning due to nervousness. During our day and a half journey, I have seen more of the world than I had in the twenty years that I lived. For the first time several hours ago, I spent the night in an establishment other than our house or Mary's. Everything was so new that I knew I would have been so overwhelmed if Lucas was not there with me.

"Do you see those small houses?" He pointed at about six or seven small brick houses, some of which had smoke rising from their chimneys. "Those are owned by the people who work on the lands of your uncle. They rent those houses and everything else that they need to use in order to provide for themselves. They are also required to give parts of their income and harvest to the landowner, and whenever Uncle Matthew needs their service to accomplish something within the estate, they are expected to heed his call."

"Isn't it hard to live their lives?" I asked, frowning as I watched the cloister of houses.

Lucas chuckled and put an arm around my shoulders. "What kind of life is not hard to live? Of course, it is hard to live their lives, but none of them has any complaint, mostly because our uncle is a fair landowner. He takes care of them and so they remain loyal to him. Uncle Matthew said that there were only those seven families here when he took over this land, but the number of his tenants has already doubled."

I was surprised. "You mean to say that there are seven more houses like that here?"

"Exactly," he answered. "The houses are at the other end of the estate."

Although I still did not understand anything about how the estate worked, I nodded. 

I parted the curtains again and stuck my head out of the window to see where we were heading. To the left was a sort of woods that was not as thick as the forest where I lived. We were already approaching the curve that would take us to the other side of that stretch of woods.

"Once we've rounded that curve," Lucas told me, "you will be able to see the country house. It's not very far from here."

I could only nod and bite my lips in anticipation. Lucas chuckled beside me.

"Sit back down," he said, pulling at me gently so that I pulled my head back into the coach and settled on my seat. "You are very much like a child."

Frowning, I looked at him. "Why? Were you not excited to see it the first time you came here?"

He just laughed and pinched the tip of my nose. "I was, but not so much that I would stick my head out to look around. Maybe it's because I was not deprived of these sights even then..."

"Deprived!" I gasped, glaring at him. "You, Lucas Milner, are such a -- "

"An honest man," he laughed, pulling me towards him. "You were raised inside the forest and your only link to civilization was our family, which is not much of a link anyway."

I could not help but laugh with him, because even though I wanted to appear incredulously offended by what he said, I knew that he only said the truth. Lucas pinched my chin and raised my face so that he could capture my lips in a kiss.

"How can you always make me laugh even when butterflies are already having a party inside my stomach?" I asked him, stroking his face.

"I know you so I know how to make you laugh even when you are already about to cry," he answered, catching my hands and kissing them. "Besides, what are you worrying about, anyway? I told you they're all going to like you, and you'll like them."

"Nerves," I answered, sighing as I looked out of the window again. "Too much nerves."

The coach rounded the curve. Lucas held the curtain apart for me and, for the first time, I saw the country house that he was talking about. 

I gasped at the sight of it. My first thought was, 'Is that really a house?' It was huge! And to think that only Uncle Matthew and his wife and son lived there...

Lucas explained to me that there were servants who also slept in the house, but how many of those were there? A dozen? Two? For I could easily imagine five duplicates of Mary's house fitting into Uncle Matthew's.

"It's so big," I told Lucas, looking at him with a frown.

He laughed at my expression. "You don't like it?"

I glanced at the house again. "Well, it is beautiful. All I am saying is that it is so big -- too big for the number of people living inside."

"And here I was planning on building something close to that size for you," he teased as he dropped the curtains and started playing with some loose strands of my hair.

"No!" I objected, widening my eyes. "There is no way we are going to find each other inside a house that big, so just don't bother!"

Again, he laughed. "How about half of that size, then?"

"No," I still answered, shaking my head as I parted the curtains and looked at the house. "If you really want to build a house for me, then, build something the size of your own house -- Mary's house."

"I plan to have many children, you know," he said. "Half a dozen will not fit inside a house the size of Mary's."

Giggling, I pinched his side, earning a bark of laughter from him. "As if I don't remember! You said that you only want two or three children!"

"Oh," he said, capturing my hand as he continued laughing. "I told you that, didn't I?"

"Yes, sir, you did!" I said, glaring at him.

Lucas kissed my forehead before pulling me close. "Well, then. We won't build a house as large as Uncle Matthew's. I cannot afford to build one so large, besides."

I smiled at him and stole a kiss on his lips. "We don't need a house that big, anyway, so why bother?"

"But, sweetheart," he said, eyes glinting with mischief as he whispered, "if we build a large house, then, we can have our room really far from those of the kids, so that they won't hear the noises you make when we are making love."

Blushing, I lightly slapped his arm. With a laugh, he pulled me close again, rocking me back and forth in his arms. I started to giggle: both of us knew just how loud I could be.

"Lucas," I whispered, nuzzling at his neck. "My love..."

He moaned and gently pushed me away. "Selene, don't do that. You're going to arouse me and you wouldn't want to punish either me or yourself."

Yet, the fact that I could not even snuggle close to him was punishment enough. 

I sighed and straightened on my seat, looking out of the window so that I could watch as the country house loomed nearer and nearer.

It was indeed huge -- and beautiful. I wondered how many rooms there were inside it? And how huge the rooms must be! I grew up inside a hut made of bamboo and woods, and this country house was built with stones and woods. How would it feel to live in there every single day? Of course, I have lived inside Mary's house for weeks, and her house was made of bricks, but, still, this one was different...

The bricks used for the house were cut beautifully, and the house itself was two stories high. It might be the first time I had seen such a grand house, but I was certain that it must be one of the loveliest around. The design was splendid, and the wrap-around porch of the ground floor and the balconies of the second floor particularly appealed to me. 

A lovely garden surrounded the house, and all the flowers on it were in full bloom. Behind the house was a mini-forest, or something akin to that. It was surely not as thick as our forest, but it was not as thin as the stretch of woods near the left curve earlier...

My eyes were once again drawn to the house. This beauty, this magnificence... It just felt as if I did not belong here. How would I survive my stay? 

"How many rooms are inside that house?" I asked Lucas, not taking my eyes off the structure.

"Ten bedrooms," he answered.

"How large is each one?" I asked again.

He chuckled. "Honestly? Four times the size of each bedroom in our house."

I took a deep breath to calm myself down again. Four times the size of each bedroom in Lucas' house! That's already more than half the size of the hut I grew up in!

Lucas' hand covered mine. "Selene..."

Tentatively, I smiled at him. "I just suddenly realized that I'm really stepping into another world. This is so much different from our place."

"Don't worry," he whispered, raising my hand to his lips and kissing it. "I'm here. I'm going to be here every step of the way."

I did not doubt that. With a sigh, I leaned against him, closing my eyes as his arms wrapped around me. How did I ever miss the signs that I loved this man? I needed him way too much. I didn't know what I would do if he ever leaves me...

The coach began to slow down, announcing that we have already arrived at our destination. I straightened on my seat, just in case Wilson looked inside the coach. Lucas and I already decided even before we left Mary's house that we would not let anybody at the estate know about our relationship so that we would not be bombarded with questions of when the wedding would take place, etc. Mary and Grandmother warned us that Aunt Susanna would want to know those things once she learned that Lucas and I were actually thinking about spending the rest of our lives together, and since the two of us wanted to wait a little bit longer before we actually enter into a formal engagement, we figured that we might as well avoid giving Aunt Susanna -- or anybody else -- any idea.

Wilson indeed looked inside the coach to announce that we have arrived. I looked at Lucas, not knowing what to do. Due to the unexpectedness of Grandmother's decision to let me stay in Uncle Matthew's house, we did not have time to actually inform him that I was coming with Lucas.

"Don't tell me you are nervous again?" he said, teasing.

I smiled. "Who wouldn't be nervous, anyway? They don't know I'm with you."

"Let's announce your presence, then," he said, opening the door beside him and getting off.

A moment later, he had the door beside me open. Lucas offered his hand and helped me down the coach. I was wearing a travelling gown and it would be hard to jump off the coach without assistance. Wilson was already taking our luggage from the back of the coach.

Standing on the paved pathway to the front porch of the house, I took a deep breath. Lucas patted my hand as he placed it on the crook of his arm. We started heading for the porch. Suddenly, the huge double doors opened and out came a woman in an elegant gown.

She looked absolutely like Mary, although a bit thinner and taller. Her dark hair was expertly braided and then put in a bun at the back of her head. Her kind, light brown eyes danced with delight when she saw Lucas -- and then displayed shock when she saw that he had companion.

"Catherine," she said in a soft voice as she continued to look at me, her eyes betraying the surprise she felt.

I tentatively smiled at her. I could not speak. I could not even tell her that I was not Catherine.

Finally, she seemed to get out of her trance, and she shook her head. She flashed a smile at me -- a smile so like her sister's.

"What am I saying?" she said, chuckling as she approached us. "Not Catherine, but her daughter, aren't you?" She stopped a few feet away and took my hands. "Our dear little Selene?"

The way she talked and held my hands immediately put me at ease. "Yes. And you must be Susanna, Mary's sister?"

"Yes, I am, dear. Everybody who ever saw my sister would know for sure," she answered, pausing to shake her head in wonder as she looked me up and down. "Well, look at you! Not so very little anymore, are you? You are a full-grown woman now! Wait until Matthew sees you! He will be so thrilled!"

The mention of my uncle somewhat made me feel a bit nervous again. So, his Aunt Susanna was a charming woman, just as Lucas promised; would my uncle be the nice man Lucas told me about, too?

"Come in," Susanna said, ushering me and Lucas into the house. "Your journey was long and I bet you are both hungry!" She looked at me again and smiled. "I am so glad that Eloisa finally let you visit us, my dear. We have been praying that she would this time."

She started calling for somebody named Anne, and the woman came hurrying into the room. Susanna asked Anne to prepare a light meal for five in the dining hall so that Lucas and I could eat with her family. She then excused herself so that she could look for her husband and her son.

"We were not expecting you to arrive so early," she said, beaming nonetheless, "so the two of them went to the pond to catch some fish first. I will fetch them myself, and the two of you just feel at home as you wait for us, okay? You especially, Selene. I have no problem with Lucas feeling at home here, so you should just follow his example."

I nodded, smiling.

"Lucas," she said, glaring at Lucas before hurrying out, calling for somebody named Betsy to fetch her umbrella.

"What was that glare for?" I asked Lucas.

"That meant 'Lucas, behave'," Lucas answered, chuckling. "As if I could do something to you right here." His eyes twinkled as he winked at me. "I would like to, but it will be inappropriate. Either you or Uncle Matthew will end up killing me if I ever do."

I chuckled at that and looked around the room. 

It looked like nothing I had ever seen before. There were beautiful things everywhere -- paintings, sculptures, low tables, ceramics -- and the floor was carpeted. Beige curtains hang by the windows, framing it so beautifully. Even the chair I was occupying was like nothing I had ever sat upon. The seat and the back had cushions, and the arms and legs had intricate carvings.

"This room looks amazing," I told Lucas.

He smiled at me. "It surely does."

"But I personally think it can look less intimidating," I said, flinching.

Lucas laughed at that. "Intimidating? This room? Wait until you see the rest of the house. I will tour you around as soon as we finish our meal." He stood up and offered me his arm "In fact, let's begin exploring the house now. Aunt Susanna will take a while before she gets back with her husband and son, so we might as well walk around instead of just sit here."

I put my hand on his proffered arm and followed him out.

"That room we just left is the small lounge," he told me while we walked back to the entrance hall, where I could see the winding staircase that led both upstairs and downstairs.

"Small?" I repeated, lifting an eyebrow. "Can't wait to see the main one."

"It's just over there," Lucas said, pointing to the door just across the hall.

We were heading that way, and I could see through the doorway that the room looked more cheery than the small lounge. Surely, it looked more welcoming. Or at least, that was how I felt when Lucas and I were finally there. 

The curtains were white -- almost transparent in their thinness. The walls were painted dark-red, yet, instead of giving the room a heavy atmosphere, it seemed to have contributed to its cheeriness. There was a huge fireplace on the wall to my left, yet it did not seem to dominate the room. There were two sets of couches and armchairs surrounding low centre tables, some chaise lounge (that was what Lucas called them, anyway), some coffee tables, several paintings and sculptures, and a large chandelier that seemed to blend in the room to give it life.

"I like this room," I announced, beaming.

Lucas lifted an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Really," I said, "although, of course, I still prefer a smaller version."

He then asked me if I wanted to go to the gallery, where most of the house's most treasured pieces of arts were. I readily agreed, especially when he said that I might be interested in the family portraits there. When we got to the place, I was amazed by the huge marble sculptures that graced the floor. The walls were covered with portraits and paintings. And, just as Lucas predicted, I was particularly drawn to the wall that featured portraits of the Riles family -- from uncle's great-great grandparents, at least.

"Are you looking for a portrait of your father?" Lucas asked quietly.

I looked at him and just nodded.

He nodded to the fourth portrait from the right. "Here he is, then."

I stood before the portrait Lucas was indicating. It was a family portrait -- of Uncle Matthew, his parents, their cat, and my father. Both parents were sitting on the loveseat that I noticed inside the small lounge, with the cat resting on the woman's lap, while their sons were standing behind them. Lucas told me who Uncle Matthew was, so I knew that the man standing to his right was Nathan Riles, my father.

Immediately, I understood how Mother fell in love with him even at first sight. Dark hair, deep brown eyes, fair complexion, nice build... Ah, yes: my father was handsome. I saw the proof that it was from him that I got my hair and my eyes, since Grandmother said that Mother's hair and eyes have colours lighter. Also, my Mother's hair was naturally straight; my father's was wavy, like mine.

I did not know what I felt as I stared at his portrait. I was glad -- of course, I was glad -- because after more than twenty years, I finally saw a picture of the man who fathered me. But I was sad and angry at the same time -- because this was the man who left my mother, the man who never came back for me.

Before tears of frustration could run down my cheeks, I blinked them away and looked at the man who stood beside Nathan Riles. My uncle. Like his brother, he was also handsome, although they did not really look too much alike. His eyes did not twinkle with the quiet amusement that could be discerned in my father's; instead, it showed deep understanding and compassion. Had I been my mother, I would have chosen Uncle Matthew over my father in looks, but Mother and I were different people, and she was already in love with my father when she met my uncle, besides.

"We are looking for you, and I had a feeling I'd find you here."

The sound of that male voice made me jump. Lucas put a hand on my back, reminding me that he was there, as I turned around to look at our companion. It was Uncle Matthew -- the very man whose younger portrait I was just looking at. His features were basically the same, although his face looked more mature now than it did in the portrait.

But of course: he had seen and felt more heartbreaks and disappointment during the years that elapsed from the moment that portrait was made to this moment right here; he would certainly look more mature now.

He stopped a few feet away from us and held out his hand. His smile was kind -- as were his eyes. "Selene Katrina Kier? I'm delighted to see you again after all these years."

Perhaps those were the exact words that convention required of him to say to me, but they made my heart swell with joy anyway. Maybe because I could tell through his eyes that he meant every word of it.

"Uncle," I said, smiling at him as I gestured to the portrait behind me before giving him my hand. "I just thought that I'd like to see what my father looked like, so when Lucas mentioned this gallery, I was more than willing to see it."

He flashed a quick smile before kissing the back of my hand. Relief seemed to flood through him as he squeezed it after the kiss. "I am extremely glad that Eloisa told you about Nathan beforehand; I do not know how I would begin to tell you that if she did not."

I just nodded. We both froze, just looking at each other. In him, I saw a man who loved my mother truly, a man who was willing to sacrifice himself over and over if it meant helping the people he cared about. In a corner of my heart, I wished that Mother chose to marry this man.

"Susanna is right," Matthew said, chuckling, before tucking my hand in the crook of his arm and leading me towards the door while Lucas followed us. "You are indeed Catherine's replica -- although a replica who possesses the same hair and eyes as my brother's."




Down by the River Ch. 04



"I hope that's not a bad thing?" I asked him.

Uncle Matthew laughed. "Of course not. Nathan was a handsome man."

Was. So, my father was already dead, was he?

I glanced at Lucas just as Uncle Matthew called for his wife and his son. Lucas flashed me a smile before I looked away to meet his cousin.

"Oh, wow," said the young man who walked beside Susanna. He left his mother's side and approached me, kissing my hand the way that his father had done. He continued to hold my hand as he said, "I am Andrew James Riles, Lucas' cousin -- and ultimately your adopted cousin, too, since Papa is your uncle." He looked at Lucas. "Cousin, you should have told me that you have a lovely friend living near your place, so that I would have made good of Mary's invitation of a vacation with you."

I was amused. He reminded me so much of his Lucas's younger brother Jim -- or James, as I fondly called him. Andrew, like Jim, was named after Mary and Susanna's grandfather, but it was more than that name that they shared: they shared the same looks and the same flirtatiousness.

Susanna slapped Andrew's arm with the folded fan she was holding. "You should be glad, young man, that Lucas did not tell you about her, because if you had gone there just to seduce Selene, you would have suffered three deaths."

"Three deaths?" asked Andrew.

"You would have been killed by Selene's grandmother first," explained my uncle, chuckling, "and then by Lucas' family, and finally by Susanna and me."

"Hey!" Andrew chuckled, releasing my hand as he winked at me. "You're a much-loved beauty, aren't you? If I were a suitor, I would be trembling in fear every time I approach you." He chuckled before adding, "But I bet you already have a sweetheart, anyway."

To my horror, blood flooded to my cheeks. Both Susanna and my uncle were watching my reaction. Thankfully, Lucas saved me.

"You are embarrassing her," he told his cousin, grinning. "Selene grew up inside the forest and had minimal contact with men. How can you ever think that?"

I would skin him alive later for that comment, but for now, I would gladly hug him in gratitude -- if only we were alone.

"And now that makes me wonder if it's you who is her sweetheart," Andrew said, looking from Lucas to me and then back again. "You look good together."

Thankfully, Lucas was good at avoiding his cousin's traps. "I've heard that said before. It would be nice, wouldn't it, if Selene would agree to be mine?"

Lucas has already put his arms around my waist when Uncle Matthew, who was standing on my other side, cleared his throat. Lucas immediately grinned, which had the effect of making Andrew laugh. Susanna tapped Lucas' arm with her fan -- hard.

"Let's go to the dining hall now, shall we?" she proposed, taking her son's arm again. "These two young men are going to drive me crazy."

*****

I spent the rest of the morning and the whole afternoon with Lucas and Andrew. Uncle Matthew had to attend to some immediate business in town, and so left on horseback after lunch, taking three of his men with him. 

Susanna was with the three of us as we toured the rest of the house, but asked to be left alone when the cousins told me that it was time to tour the immediate grounds.

So I was left in the company of Lucas and Andrew. The more time I spent` with him, the more convinced I became that Andrew was indeed so much like Jim. Even the way he talked to Lucas reminded me of Lucas' younger brother.

"Are you sure the two of you are not in a relationship?" Andrew asked suddenly when we were already near the pond.

Lucas grinned at him. "What if we are?"

"Why are you hiding it?" asked the younger man.

"Do we need reasons?" Lucas asked.

"Obviously," Andrew answered, looking at Lucas weirdly. "I mean, if Selene loves me, I swear I won't hide it from the world."

His words made me smile. "I appreciate that."

"Now, tell me truly," Andrew insisted. "Are you two in some kind of relationship?"

"We're best friends," Lucas told him.

"Not that kind of relationship!" Andrew said, shaking his head. "Are you sweethearts?"

"What if we are?" Lucas asked, chuckling.

Andrew frowned. "We're back to the beginning again. I swear I won't tell a soul. Just tell me what's true and what's not, because it's really bothering me."

"Why should it bother you in the first place?" Lucas asked.

The young man shrugged. "I don't know. I watch the two of you and do not notice any particular physical intimacy that will tell me you two are in a relationship, but just a glance at the way you sometimes look at each other seems to tell the whole story."

It reminded me of how Jim commented that anybody only had to look at Lucas and me to know for certain that something was between us. Was it really that obvious?

By that time, we already reached the pond. It was roughly situated in the middle of the forest behind the house. I marvelled at the sight of it. The water was so clear, and I could see some fish swimming in the water. A stone bridge was build in the middle of the pond, and there was where the men took me.

"So, tell me," coaxed Andrew.

"What if I am just in love with Selene?" Lucas asked his cousin. "What if I never told her? Then your blatant expression of opinion -- "

" -- based on observation -- " Andrew added.

Lucas lifted an eyebrow. "Fine. Your blatant expression of opinion, based on observation, already revealed my secret, didn't it?"

Andrew laughed. "Well, then, you should also realize that Selene's secret was also revealed. She loves you, too."

"For a young man, you are terribly outspoken," I told him, blushing.

He just waved his hand, as if to ward off my words. "That's a trait I seemed to have gotten from my mother. So, what is it, really? Are you or are you not in a relationship? If you are, just tell me. If you are not, just admit your feelings to each other."

Lucas groaned. "Andrew James Riles, you are one hell of a young man."

Lucas and I exchanged glances, not knowing whether we should reveal the secret to his cousin. Could this young man hide the secret from his parents? What if he tells everybody?

"See?" Andrew said. "Just a glance and everyone's bound to know."

I looked at him and realized that he had been watching us. "Fine. Is it really that obvious?"

Andrew grinned and looked at the pond. "No, not really. Not everybody has the ability to figure out things like that the way that I can." He laughed and took Lucas' hand to shake. "So, you and Selene are actually in a relationship. I congratulate you, cousin."

"Remember your promise of secrecy," I reminded him.

"I promise," he said, nodding. Then, with a sigh, he gestured at the surroundings. "So, what do you say? Loving the Riles estate so far?"

I smiled at him. "I believe so."

*****

The room assigned to me was not one with a balcony. Susanna promised to move me in one in two or three days, but said that I should make do with one without because it was the only available room at the moment.

"We had a guest who occupied this room just a few days ago," she explained as she brought me there. "So, as you see, it is already clean. The ones overlooking the front garden -- those rooms with balconies, I mean -- are not usually offered to guests, so most of them are not available for use just yet. Only the one that serves as Lucas' permanent quarters whenever he is here is clean right now, but the servants are already preparing the room next to his for your use. Meanwhile, you have to use this room until it's ready."

I told her that it was not a problem at all. I would love to stay in one of those rooms with balconies, but this one was already splendid, and I did not mind spending the night there.

There was a large four-poster bed set against the wall farthest from the door, and it was a very welcome sight, especially since I was already exhausted. On either sides of the bed were side tables -- on one of which sat a huge bowl of wrapped sweet treats together with a tall vase with fresh flowers, while on the other were a candelabra and some books . At the foot of the bed was a chaise lounge, on which my baggage was resting now. 

I walked to the chaise lounge and sat there to observe. The wall with the windows were to my right. The windows were all tall and huge. Only the middle section of that wall had no window on it, for there was a coffee table surrounded by three huge cushioned armchairs and a loveseat. There were three wall lamps on that wall, the candles of which were all lit.

The wall opposite the bed was a huge walk-in closet, while against the wall to my left were the vanity, the writing desk, and a long cabinet above which hang a painting of the pond in the middle of the forest behind the house. On either sides of that painting were wall lamps identical to the ones above the loveseat.

With a sigh, I opened my baggage and took out a nightgown and a robe. Quickly, I changed into it, leaving my travelling gown and the chemise I wore under it draped on the chaise lounge. I then sat on the vanity to unpin my hair so that I could comb it and put it on the single braid that Mary said I should always wear to bed.

I was almost done braiding my hair when I heard a knock on the door and a woman's voice telling me that my bath was ready. I hastily finished my braid, put on the robe, and slipped into a pair of slippers before opening the door. 

The young woman smiled and bowed her head to me, before leading me to the adjacent room, which turned out to be the bathroom. Another girl was waiting there, standing by the huge tub that was already filled with hot water. She poured something into the water, and then the scent of roses filled the room.

"We will be assisting you, Miss Selene," said the girl who fetched me.

I frowned at her. "Assisting?"

"We are here to help you clean your whole body," answered the girl who was already in the room. "Scrub your arms, legs, back..."

My eyes widened in horror. I never let anybody do that to me -- except for Lucas, when we would be fooling around and making love while bathing on the river at home. And, before Lucas became my lover, there was Marcus...

It took me a moment to convince both of the girls that I would do quite well on my own. Finally, however, they agreed to leave, and so I was able to bathe in the tub without feeling uncomfortable. I took care not to wet my hair, for I did not want sleeping with my hair wet, and I did not think that I could stay awake for much longer after this.

After a long, long time, the water was finally starting to lose its warmth, so I climbed out of the tub and dried myself with the towel I saw nearby, before slipping back into my night clothes. When I went outside, I saw that the two girls had been waiting for me all the while. I wished both of them good night before returning to my bedroom, locking the door behind me.

Once back inside the room, I undid my braid again and began combing my hair again in front of the vanity. I was wondering what Lucas was doing right then -- if he would even try to talk to me before he slept -- when, on the mirror, I saw the reflection of Lucas outside the window. With a yelp, I stood up and whirled around to look at that window, positive that I was hallucinating, for how on earth would somebody be outside my window, as high up as it was?

Yet, there was Lucas, and he gestured for me to open the window for him. A knock came from the door, and then there was the voice of one of the girls earlier, asking me if I was all right because they heard a yelp. I called to them that I just dropped something on the floor, before walking to the window to talk to Lucas.

"What's your problem?" I asked in a harsh whisper, glaring at him. "Why are you hanging right there?"

The effort it was taking him to hang on to something above the window was visible on his face. "Well, there are two maidservants waiting outside your door earlier, so I couldn't just knock on your door, could I? Now, would you let me into your room or should I just keep on hanging on here?"

"Of course I'm letting you in!" I told him, completely opening the window and then stepping back.

He groaned as he used his arms to pull his whole body upward. He then swung his body and let go of his handhold, landing on the floor with a loud thud.

I was horrified, especially when there were knocks on the door once again.

"Miss Selene, are you all right there?"

It was the girl again.

"I'm fine," I called out to her, helping Lucas to his feet. The devil was grinning. "I just dropped my suitcase on the floor!"

"We will be going downstairs now, then," she called again. "Is there anything else you need?"

"No," I answered as Lucas pulled me to him and started kissing my face. "I've got everything I need."

Both girls bade me good night before I heard their footsteps on the hall, fading away with every step. Immediately, I slapped Lucas' arm hard.

"What were you doing, you fool!" I hissed at him, glaring as I pushed him away. "Why did you climb the wall? What if you fell down?"

"I had to see you so I thought I would," he answered, shrugging as he moved to close the window again. "I reckoned there were many foot- and handholds on the wall, anyway, so, instead of waiting for the servants to leave, I thought I'd climb in through the window."

I shook my head at him. "That was dangerous!"

He chuckled and pulled me against him again. "I'm fine, so don't you fret about it now."

"You will not do it again -- ever," I told him, frowning even as he kissed my forehead. "Promise me."

"Are you kidding?" he replied. "If you'd be staying here again tomorrow night and those girls decide to guard your door the way that they did earlier, I would definitely climb the wall again. You know I'll do anything to be near you, sweetheart."

I rolled my eyes. "Those girls were not guarding my door! They were just waiting for me to finish my bath! Next time, just wait until they're gone and then you can knock on the door and I'll open it for you."

"Fair enough," he agreed, bowing his head down to nuzzle at my neck. "Besides, I don't like being all sweaty when you're smelling so damn good."

The instant my shock wore off, desire flared through my body with an intensity that almost left me breathless. I had to take a deep breath in order to gather my scattering wits.

"Lucas, wait," I said, pushing him away gently. "What if Uncle Matthew or Aunt Susanna or Andrew suddenly came knocking on the door?"

"None of them will do that," he assured me. "They all know how tired we are, so they will refrain from disturbing us tonight."

I smiled then. "Very well."

He lifted me on his arms and carried me to the bed. "You're not tired, are you, baby?"

"I was," I admitted, adjusting myself so that my head could comfortably rest on the pillows. The bed was not too soft, but the pillows were -- or, at least, the pillow under my head was. "But not anymore."

Lucas chuckled as he sat on the bed and took off his shirt. "I wonder why..."

"You know why," I told him, sitting up so that I could take a better look at him.

"What if I tell you that I am tired?" he asked, winking.

I crawled towards him and put my arms around his neck, pressing my breasts on his back. "Then I will make sure that you regret being tired."

He laughed as he took hold of one of my hands and brought it to his lips. "You should hear yourself, Selene. You sound like a total minx."

"You always say that I am your little minx," I told him, nibbling on his earlobe.

"And you're growing up fast," he mused.

With a chuckle, I kissed his neck while letting my hands move down his chest, down to his well-chiselled stomach, and down still, until I was gently rubbing his manhood through the pants he still wore. "Not as fast as your friend down here."

"Good lord, Selene!" he said, laughing as he caught my hands and moved them away from his crotch. "Let me undress and rest on your bed, and then you can do whatever you want with me."

I moaned, kissing his shoulder before backing off a little so that he could remove his boots first. "I was sort of thinking that maybe you want to be the one doing whatever he wants tonight."

"That is an invitation, is it not?" he said, not even waiting for my confirmation as he stood up and began taking off his pants. "Very well, Miss Kier. Lie down on the bed and enjoy." I was about to move to do just as he asked, when he stopped me, saying, "How about taking off your nightdress first?"

I smiled at him and knelt on the bed. "How about you take off my nightgown? I am just going to enjoy the night, remember?"

Lucas laughed loudly as he finally stepped out of his clothes. "Whenever I promise you something, you make sure to abuse me, don't you?"

If only I was not horrified by how loudly he laughed, I would have laughed, too. "Why are you being so loud? Aren't you scared that they will hear you and wonder why on earth the sound of your laughter is coming from my room?"

He grinned as he joined me on the bed, kneeling just inches before me. His raging hard-on was pressed against my stomach. "Don't worry, baby. You can be as loud as you can, provided of course, that it is not as loud as an all-out scream. The walls of the rooms in this floor are thick enough to muffle the sounds."

"How did the girls hear me earlier, then?" I asked him.

"They were supposed to hear you," he answered, lifting the hem of my nightgown so that I was not kneeling on it. "That was something they are expected to do. Besides, they might have had their ears against the door, since they were supposed to always listen for anybody calling for them before they go downstairs."

I closed my eyes and leaned against him, putting my head on his shoulder, loving the slow caress of his palm on my skin as he gently lifted my nightgown. "How sure are you that nobody will hear us?"

"Very, very sure," he whispered against my ear. "Do you want to help me take your gown off, baby?"

He did not have to ask. The feel of the fabric against my skin was an unwelcome torture. Fire was running through my veins and all I wanted was to be held in Lucas' arm, to be kissed and touched and loved by him -- not to be irritated by some insignificant piece of clothing. My breaths were becoming heavy, rapid, as the desire to be his overcame my whole being.

As I lifted my arms to take off my gown, Lucas' hand on my back pulled me closer to him. He bent his head to suckle on one of my breasts, while his other hand gently squeezed the other one. I gasped for air, throwing my nightgown off to god-knows-where and grabbing Lucas' hair.

How I needed him! I wanted him to touch all of me, to taste all of me. I needed him to hold me close, to keep me by his side.

My breaths started to come in gasps as I felt his warm tongue teasing my nipple, teasing and licking until I helplessly gave way to the deep, guttural moan that loudly escaped my lips. So intoxicated was I by the need to have him close that I could almost not breathe. This man was my love, my life. His presence was the centre of my existence, the reason I was alive. I was his; he was mine.

"Baby, wait," I said in a voice ragged with desire, when I felt him slowly pushing me down on the bed. "Let me sit comfortably."

He might have forgotten that I was still kneeling, facing him. Lucas groaned, moving his mouth away from my breasts so that he could kiss my mouth instead. He placed his hands on the cheeks of my ass, kneading them under his palms. His tongue was seeking passage into my mouth -- something that I did not deny.

Without breaking our kiss, I was able to get out of my kneeling position to sit with my feet firmly planted on the bed, trapping him between my thighs. I wanted to lie down on the bed, unsure as I was if I could maintain that position as pleasure seeped through my every pore. But Lucas' strong arms were around me, holding me against him easily as his mouth ravaged mine.




Down by the River Ch. 04



When we ended the kiss, both of us were already panting heavily. I had a feeling that my lips were somewhat bruised after that demanding exchange. As I stared into his eyes, all I could see was the primal desire to have me, to bury himself inside of me. The ache I was feeling in between my thighs told me that my eyes, too, might be betraying that same kind of lust.

Lucas placed his hand on my back, supporting me as he laid me down. He managed to grab a pillow to put under my head, for I was lying with my feet planted where my head should have been. Carefully, he spread my hair on the pillow, taking his time running his fingers through my hair as his eyes talked with mine.

I could not believe how much control he had over himself. His erect member, his heavy breathing, his eyes... All of those were telling me that he wanted me -- and soon. But he was refraining from taking me, refraining even from touching me intimately -- provided that the loving, caring way he was combing through my hair was not intimate enough.

"You know that I love you with all my heart, don't you, Selene?" he asked softly.

I smiled, nodding to him. "I know."

"Because of that love, I want to be honest with you," he said. 

His fingers have stopped combing through my hair now as Lucas rolled over so that he could lie down beside me. I unbent my knees and stretched my legs on the bed, rolling on my side so that I could rest my head on his shoulder while draping an arm across his chest. He began stroking my hair gently. I closed my eyes, waiting for whatever it was he wanted to say, successfully ignoring the ache between my thighs, the need that flowed through my veins. If he could deny himself the pleasure of taking me in order to open his heart to me, the least I could do for him was to listen.

"You know that you were not the first woman I had," he said. "At least, not the first one I bedded."

I bit my lips, not knowing how to take that in. Of course, I knew that, but hearing him say it aloud was wholly another thing.

"The first one was a young woman I went to school with," he continued. "She lives downtown back in our place. After her, there was another young woman from our town. When I came here, I met many young women during Uncle's parties. I was too hurt by what happened between you and me that I sought comfort in the arms of some of them. And..."

He stopped, prompting me to open my eyes and look at him. There was a thoughtful look on his face, confusion in his eyes. I moved so that I could look stare at him eye to eye.

"Tell me," I said softly, smiling a bit to encourage him.

Lucas grunted and pulled me down so that he could hold me close. "There is somebody serving in this house who has slept with me once or twice."

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Sandra," he answered, stroking my face. "She works in the kitchen with Anne and the two old cooks."

I did not know what prompted me to ask him who it was. Maybe I should not have. But I wanted to know who the woman was, if only to see what it was in her that Lucas saw.

A part of me wanted to cry, but I held back my tears. What was the slight pain of knowing about his past women compared to the pain he must have felt when he saw me with another man?

"I understand," I told him, kissing his shoulder as I settled on top of him.

"I'm sorry, Selene," he whispered softly as he kissed my hair, knowing what I was going through. "I just cannot live knowing that there is something I'm hiding from you."

"It's all right," I assured him. "You knew you were not my first lover, and you still loved me in spite of that. How can I do anything less for you, Lucas, when you mean more to me than my own life?" I lifted my head again to smile at him. "I'll just have to see this Sandra and make sure to drag you away from her in case you get too close."

He chuckled, kissing my chin. "My baby..."

"As long as I know it will only be me from now on," I told him, looking into his eyes.

"You will be the only one from now until the very end," he promised, rolling me over so that he was the one on top of me now. "I love you, Selene."

"As I love you," I murmured as his lips touched mine.

It did not take us long to reach the level of arousal that we were in before his confession. Perhaps it was because we both knew that there was no secret between us anymore. After the initial pain was gone, I could not believe just how relieved I was that Lucas told me about his past women. Although I would never admit it aloud, the fact that he never told me anything about them before somewhat bothered me. 

Maybe, somewhere deep within me, I had always been waiting for him to discuss this, just so that I could finally rest assured that he did not feel anything special for any of the women he has had.

I closed my eyes, savouring the sensations that his kisses and touches were giving me. When I felt his mouth on my sex, I gasped, clawing at the bedclothes. His tongue played with my already swollen bud, flicking, licking, teasing mercilessly until he had me begging.

"Lucas, please," I moaned. "Take me. Now. Please."

But he would not listen. I felt a finger slide inside my hole, stroking gently as his tongue continued playing with my nub of pleasure. I bit my lower lip, aching for more -- for much, much more -- and yet knowing that Lucas would take his time giving me this sweet torture until I was more than ready to have him inside.

He took me higher and higher, closer and closer to where I wanted to go, but before I could reach it, he pulled away, even stopping the finger that had been stroking my walls up until then. I let out a growl of disappointment, looking at him with pleading eyes.

"Sweetheart, please," I begged, reaching out to him.

Either he was through torturing me, or he could not bear to continue to torture himself, too. He took the hand I used to reach out to him and sucked on a finger as he spread himself on top of me. With his other hand, he guided his hard member to the entrance of my sex, plunging with force when he found it. I gasped at the sheer pleasure of having him inside.

I wrapped my arms around him, keeping him close as he thrust in and out of me repeatedly. I wanted him deeper in me, wondering how I could do that presently. Experimentally, I lifted my legs higher, thus slightly changing the angle through which he was entering me.

Lucas groaned, whispering into my ears just exactly how much he loved being inside me. He encouraged me to lift my legs higher, thus giving him better access to the deeper parts of me. With a pleasure-filled sigh, I asked him to pull back a little so that I could lift my legs over his shoulders. 

When he thrust into me again, it was with pleasure that both of us groaned. I believed that he had never penetrated me that deeply before. Lucas reached for my face and kissed my lips quickly before giving his full attention on what was going on at the lower parts of our bodies.

He thrust his shaft into me deep and hard. As much as it was pleasurable, it also somewhat painful. I bit my lower lip, growling out of those combined sensations. I wanted to tell Lucas to go more slowly as he began pounding into me roughly, but there was something arousing about the slight pain that mingled with the pleasure he was giving me. Instead of complaining, I dug my fingers on his thighs and groaned for all that I was worth.

As soon as my body adjusted to our position, the pain that had been there in the beginning slowly faded away, leaving only a trail of delight behind. I could not stop myself from moaning aloud, not caring anymore whether Lucas was right or wrong about the others not hearing anything from outside. If they could still hear, I could not care less if they heard the sounds of pleasure I was making. Hell, let the whole world know what was going on inside my room! All I wanted was for Lucas to love me -- love me the way he was doing, love me roughly yet affectionately at the same time.

The sensations that hit me every time he thrust into me was slowly driving me crazy. Heat was building up inside my body, concentrated where Lucas and I were joined. I moaned once again, grabbing Lucas' thighs more tightly as I felt myself being driven closer and closer to orgasm. I clamped my muscles around his member, unprepared for the sensation that it would bring me. Before I could even gasp, my body was already convulsing in pleasure beneath Lucas.

It did not take long for him to follow my lead. It might be the feeling of my muscles clenching and unclenching around him that spurred his orgasm on. Lucas grunted as, in one hard thrust, his seeds exploded inside me.

Lucas rolled off me so that I could straighten my legs. My muscles felt sore from the strain of being pinned under him like that, but I only purred with pleasure as I snuggled close to him. I felt him kissing my hair as he held me close.

"It hurt, didn't it?" he asked quietly as he started tracing lines on my back. "I didn't mean to be that rough, but I was driven by so much need. I'm sorry."

I sighed, nuzzling against his neck. "I'm not complaining. In fact, I loved it, so don't worry about it."

He grunted, lightly slapping my backside. "You are a real minx."

I leaned away from him so that I could stare into his eyes. "Hey. I'm not a baby, Lucas. I'm a big girl." I grinned at him and gently stroked his cock. "I can handle it however rough you get as long as there will be no blood involved."

"I'll remember that for future reference," he murmured against my hair as he pulled me closer. "Ah, god, Selene, I cannot get enough of you."

With a soft chuckle, I kissed his shoulder. "That will have to be enough for tonight, sweetheart. We both need to get some sleep."

Yet, his cock was already hardening beneath my palm. I smiled and squeezed it, knowing fully well that Lucas would not be able to fall asleep with that kind of a hard-on. His hand covered mine, gently urging me to stroke his shaft, as he captured my lips with his. I sighed into mouth, feeling another intense need of having him inside me.

"I don't like this," I purred, straddling him so that it was easier for me to lead his cock into my still wet hole.

Lucas groaned in satisfaction as he slid inside me. He pulled me down so that my breasts were pressed against his chest. A sigh escaped from his lips before he kissed me, tongue demanding entry into my mouth as I began gently rocking my hips, coating his cock with my juices with every up and down movement. His hands started kneading my breasts, and I moaned into his mouth to show him my appreciation.

I pulled away from the kiss when I felt an intense desire to pump him harder into me. Knowing this by the needy moan I let out, Lucas grabbed hold of my hips and helped with the thrusts. I arched my back, stretching like a cat on top of him as I began playing with my nipples, twisting the hard bud and loving the sensation it caused. 

A few minutes later, Lucas came inside me for the second time that night. I continued humping on top of him, not stopping until I, too, felt my own orgasm coming. As soon as I climaxed, I let myself fell forward, resting on top of Lucas.

He murmured my name and kissed my hair as I closed my eyes, loving the way that I could hear the thumping of his heart as my ear rested on his chest. Lucas gently stroked my back, the way he always did when we were young and I would come to him so that I could sleep. His cock was still inside me when I drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

*****

I woke up in the morning feeling very much aroused. When I opened my eyes, it was to find myself lying on the bed, with Lucas staring at my face, watching my reaction as his hands caressed my breasts. I smiled up at him and stretched.

"Good morning," I murmured. Through the curtains around the bed, I could see that bright rays of light were spilling into the room, announcing that the sun was already up in the sky.

"Good morning," he said, chuckling, as he pinched my nipples. "I was wondering if this is a good way of waking you up."

I reached up to him and kissed his lips quickly, before letting out a moan as he continued to play with my nipples. "How long have you been doing that?"

"A while," he answered, grinning.

I looked down at his body and found that his cock was already hard. With a smile, I reached for it and squeezed. "I should say so."

Lucas kissed the tip of my nose. "I had been awake for quite a while, but I did not want to leave while you were still sleeping, so I thought I'd play with you first."

He bent down and licked at my right nipple, and guided the hand that was formerly playing with it to my sex. He chuckled when he found me already soaking wet. 

"How about making love to me before you leave?" I asked as I squeezed his balls. "Just a quick one, Lucas. We both need it, anyway."

"I won't say no to that," he said, grinning as he playfully bit my nipple.

He rolled me to my side before positioning himself behind me. With my back against his chest, he guided his cock into my slit, while his tongue licked at the side of my neck. I could only sigh with pleasure as he slowly rocked me back and forth, setting the rhythm that both of our bodies needed.

As he plunged his cock in and out of me, I began playing with the bud that protruded above my slit. Lucas was hugging me tightly by the waist while at the same time planting soft kisses along my shoulders. As the pace of his thrusting increased, I found myself drowning in fits of orgasm, sending Lucas growling loudly before, several hard thrusts later, he came inside me.

I rolled to my other side so that I faced him. Lucas immediately kissed my lips when we were already face to face. Smiling, I wrapped my arms around his neck, parting my lips when I felt the tip of his tongue gently touching it.

"Maybe it was a bad idea to wait a while before I marry you," he lamented as he buried his face on the crook of my neck while both of us lay panting after the kiss.

"Why is that?" I asked, stroking his hair.

He continued to nuzzle at my neck. "I want to stay here with you for the rest of the day if we could get away with it, but we cannot. I should have just married you before going back here, so that I would have a reason to stay in your room without fearing to be discovered."

I giggled softly, running my fingers along his spine. "You said you would look for a place where you can build a house for us before marrying me..."

"And so I will," he groaned, breaking away from our embrace to sit on the bed. "When Uncle Matthew sends me away to talk to one of his comrades in a few weeks, I won't come back until I've found a place for your house."

"For my house," I repeated, cocking an eyebrow.

He chuckled and bent down to kiss my lips briefly. "For our house." He got out of bed and offered a hand to me. "Come, sweetheart. You've got to slip back into your nightgown and braid your hair if you don't want to shock the servants who will come knocking on the door soon."

We proceeded on dressing up before we put the bed in order. Lucas pulled me for a kiss when we were already near the door.

"I'll come back tonight," he whispered between kisses.

"I'll wait for you, then," I told him, smiling. "But don't you dare pull another wall-climbing stunt like the one you pulled last night, all right?"

He chuckled and kissed my forehead. "As you wish, my love."

*****

Even though Lucas and I only went downstairs more than two hours after the Riles family's normal breakfast schedule, we found out that the whole family has not eaten breakfast yet. The three of them wanted to break their fast with us, much to my embarrassment and delight. Breakfast was so unlike the normal breakfast of tea and bread that Grandmother and I were used to, but was a richer version of Mary's breakfast table -- with bacon, eggs, bread, jam, cheese, and milk.

It was during this meal that I started wanting to be with my grandmother. I had never been away from her for too long. The longest I was away from her was three days, when I was thirteen and I slept over at Mary's.

As soon as breakfast was over, Andrew invited me to go horseback riding with him.

"I promise you, it will be fun," he said.

"I don't know how to ride a horse," I told him, shaking my head.

"Then I will teach you," Andrew said. "Papa and Lucas will have to discuss many things inside Papa's study, anyway, and you will be bored to death if you are with Mama. She does not do anything but do embroidery all day long."

I smiled at that. "Can you just teach me how to ride a horse at another time? I was planning to write my grandmother right away, so that Wilson can mail the letter later when he drives to town."

"Aha!" Andrew grinned. "I have a much better idea! Why don't you write the letter now and then we will go to town with Wilson later? I will tour you around the town square so that you don't get bored here later. I'll tell Mama and Papa that we will just eat out for lunch, so we don't have to return home right away. How's that for a plan?"

I beamed at him. "That sounds good. Do you think your parents will let us?"

He nodded. "Of course." Then, in a conspiratorial whisper, he added, "Do you think Lucas will let you?"

A blush rushed up my face. I glared at him. "Of course! Why wouldn't he?"

Andrew laughed. "Because, in reality, we are not cousins at all, since I am not blood related to Papa."

My face burned hotter. "So? Even if we are not blood-related, we are still cousins technically."

"I'm just saying," he said, still laughing. "So, Lucas won't kill me, will he?"

"No, he won't," I said, frowning. "He is not a jealous man." Then, in an afterthought, I added, "I think."

Andrew flinched and grabbed my hand. "Okay, then. We'll look for Lucas now and tell him what our plans are. If he says yes, can we conclude that he won't mind me being alone with you?"

I giggled, finding it funny that Andrew would find Lucas frightening. Then again, he knew that Lucas and I were more than best of friends. Of course, he would not like to anger his cousin just because he wanted to tour me around the town.

We found Lucas on his way to Uncle Matthew's study. Andrew quickly told him what we were planning to do.

"And you think you need my permission to tour her around?" Lucas asked, grinning at his cousin.

"Of course," Andrew answered, frowning. "I don't want you snapping my head off later."

Lucas laughed and patted his cousin's back. "I trust you, Andrew. Besides, you are still five years younger than Selene. She will not leave me for you."

"Be quiet, rascal," Andrew chuckled. "If anybody hears you speaking like that, it will be known by all that you two have a relationship."

I smiled at Lucas when he looked at me. "Well, then. I think I'll see you later."

"Wait a second," Lucas said, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards his room.

"Hey!" Andrew ran after us. "You cannot abduct her like that! And why are you pulling her to your room? That's Papa's niece you're dragging!"

Lucas grinned as he looked at Andrew. "I was hoping you'd follow."

"Why do you need to bring me in here, anyway?" I asked, looking around the room when we were finally there.

It was even much bigger than the room I was occupying, and I could see a door that directly led to a bathroom. There was a very captivating, masculine scent in this room, reminding me instantly of how Lucas always smelled -- of sandalwood and vanilla combined with something I could not recognize.

"Why are you sniffing like that?"

I did not even realize that Lucas was already watching me queerly. I smiled at him, and, for an instant, forgot that Andrew was with us as I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his jaw. Lucas chuckled when Andrew cleared his throat.

"Why is it suddenly so hot inside this room?" murmured Andrew, walking towards us.




Down by the River Ch. 05



Life is a rather crazy ride -- full of ups and downs, of twists and turns. It should be anticipated that everything that comes with it also comes donning on life's crazy form. Take love for example: you reach the peak one time, and then slide down a trough at another.

But if there is one thing I learned about the role of a special someone in my life, it is that he is supposed to help me make that trough as shallow as it could be, and to help me get through it as soon as possible. After all, however the cycle of my love life turns out would affect his, too, so it is better if we work on it together.

In a very lucky stroke of fate, I found a special someone who is willing to do that for me. His presence in my life is something I will forever be grateful for. With him by my side, I know I have nothing to fear. As long as we nurture the trust and love we have on each other, nothing can go horribly wrong.

Perhaps, that is one of the perquisites of having fallen in love with my best friend: I can be who I am with him without fear that he would run away. All I have to do is always remember that.

*****

Although life with my uncle was nowhere near close to life with my grandmother, I was happy to realize that I could live it without having to always fight off frequent bouts of homesickness. And why on earth would I suffer from homesickness, anyway? Lucas was there; he was everything I needed.

Yet, after my meeting with Marcus when Andrew was touring me around the town, I could not spend time with Lucas without feeling guilty. In a way, it was my fault. I suspected that I only had to tell Lucas that I saw Marcus and that he gave me a bracelet, and then, everything would be okay, but I could not just blurt that out when my feelings were in turmoil.

No, it was not the kind of turmoil that somebody who was in love with two different men would suffer from. I was aware that there was a difference between what I felt for Lucas and what I felt for Marcus: one was true love, the other was friendly affection. But I did not know how to explain that to Lucas if he ever asked.

'If he ever asked.' That was the key phrase in my worries. I did not think that he would ask, but I still wanted to reassure him that there was absolutely nothing he had to worry about concerning my feelings for Marcus. 

Maybe it was not a big deal. Maybe Lucas would not worry about it. But I needed to make sure, and telling him about it would be the surest way of making him understand.

As the day of the ball drew closer, I realized that I was running out of time. I should either tell Lucas about it right away or deal with the consequences of him seeing Marcus at the party and finding out that I had seen my former lover in town about a week ago.

I was contemplating this while pacing back and forth inside my room one afternoon, when soft knocks sounded through the door. I opened it to the smiling face of Olive, one of the servants in the house.

"Master Lucas asked for you, Miss Selene," she said shyly, curtsying a little. "He is inside the library right now."

That was strange. I never received summons from Lucas before. Normally, he was very careful not to be seen alone with me, especially whenever Uncle Matthew or Aunt Susanna was not in the house. Today, both of them were not here, for they were supposed to have tea and then dinner with their friends downtown. Even Andrew was not home.

"Do you have any idea why he wants me?" I asked Olive as we descended the stairs together.

"Maybe because the mail arrived earlier," Olive answered tentatively, blushing when I smiled at her.

Upon hearing that, I thanked her and quickly walked to the library. I assumed that Lucas was in the writing desk section of it, and I was not wrong. He was sitting behind one of the desks, and he smiled at me when he saw me looking.

"Letter from Grandmother," he said, waving a sealed envelope at me.

"That fast?" I asked as I walked towards him.

"That fast," he answered, pulling me to his lap when I was at his arm's reach. 

He began kissing my neck.

Since he only got that bold when he was sure that nobody could see us, I wound my arms around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. The kiss quickly intensified as his tongue demanded entry into my mouth. When he heard me moan, however, Lucas broke the kiss, knowing that there would be no stopping both of us if he did not.

"How about reading the letter first?" he murmured, nibbling at my lower lip.

"That's a good idea," I said breathlessly, pressing a tender kiss on his mouth and then on his forehead before giving my attention to the envelope in my hand.

Grandmother's letter was not as long as the letter I sent her. She told me that everybody back home was all right, and that the roots for my special tea would arrive about a week after the letter, since they had to get some from the forest first and then dry them up.

"I'm glad that you are enjoying your stay with Matthew," I read the letter aloud for Lucas. "Give him my love, and to Susanna and her son also. Stay safe, and remember that I love you. Grandmother." I raised an eyebrow as I refolded it. "And she forgot to even mention you."

Lucas chuckled as he nuzzled at my neck. "Well, she also wrote me a letter."

"What does it say?" I asked, frowning when he took my letter from my hand and put it inside the drawer of the desk.

"It's a secret," he answered, still chuckling.

I pouted at that. "Why is the content of the letter she sent you a secret, when I even read to you the whole content of the letter she sent me?"

Sighing, Lucas prompted me to get off his lap and sit on the desk, facing him. When I was done obeying him, he grinned and held my hand.

"I will tell you the secret, but you need to tell me your secret first."

"What secret?" I asked. As far as I was concerned, there were only two things I was keeping secret from him, and those were the meeting with Marcus, and then the white-gold bracelet.

"Your secret," he said, still smiling.

"I don't understand," I said, swallowing.

"That's strange," he said, releasing my hands, leaning back on the chair, and raising an eyebrow at me. "I thought I was the person who should say that." Although he still smiled, his eyes were somewhat cautious as he added, "Andrew and I had a talk yesterday while we were out riding around the estate. He happened to tell me about your tour..."

I was alarmed. If Andrew told him about that tour, then, Andrew must surely have told him about Marcus and his father. My heart started thumping wildly inside my chest as I met Lucas' gaze.

"Let me explain," I told him softly, not knowing how to proceed afterwards.

He shrugged and smiled again. "That's exactly why you're sitting there facing me."

I did not know what to make of his manner of interrogation, but I thought I should be grateful for his calmness and his lack of coldness. "I -- " I had to clear my throat, for my heart seemed to be lodged up there. "I met Marcus and his father while looking through some gowns. Andrew introduced me to them, and then all four of us ate lunch together, and then, father and son helped Andrew tour me around."

Lucas nodded, narrowing his eyes. "And then...?"

"Marcus gave me a white-gold bracelet," I supplied, looking through my mind for some good explanations and failing to find any. I had to grip the edge of the desk in order to fight off the nervousness I was feeling. "I mean, he gave it to Andrew and asked Andrew to give it to me when we were already going home."

Again, he nodded. His eyes continued searching mine. "I see..."

Feeling ill at ease with the way he was handling this, I jumped off the desk and sat down on his lap again, placing his face between my palms and asking, "Are you mad at me?"

"For meeting with Marcus and his father accidentally and for accepting a gift you cannot refuse?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow. "Not exactly."

I bit my lower lip and nodded. "Are you mad at me for not telling you about it sooner?"

"Hmm." He looked thoughtful as he took hold of both my hands. "Mad is not the term I'd use. I'm merely curious as to why you needed some coaxing before you tell me about it."

I decided that spilling out the truth was still the best course of action. "I did not know how to start telling you, although I knew I had to. It's easy to tell you that I met Marcus and that he gave me a bracelet, but that meeting put my feelings in turmoil. I did not know if I could tell you about it without looking worried, and I did not want you to misunderstand my reaction."

"So you kept it?"

There was only slight accusation in his voice, yet it was enough to make me panic. I clung to him and buried my face on the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to ask questions about my feelings for Marcus. I didn't know how to answer that without causing doubts to enter your mind."

His voice softened when he spoke again. "I thought we were best friends."

There was something about the way he spoke it that tugged at my heart. I looked into his eyes and saw a kind of resigned sadness there.

"I'm sorry." It was all I could offer as I stroked his face, tears glistening in my eyes.

To my surprise, disbelief, and utter joy, Lucas held my hand and brought it to his lips. "I thought you knew me better than that. You know that I will try to understand you, Selene. If you say you love me, then you love me; if you say you only see Marcus as a friend, then you only see him as a friend."

"But you can be so damn stubborn!" I complained, my heart breaking yet rejoicing when he flashed a sad smile. "Last time you got mad at me, you left without forgiving me. You even told your family that you did not want to hear anything concerning me."

He smiled. "People grow up, sweetheart, and believe me, I did. Just like how you did."

With a groan, I once again buried my face on his neck. "I'm so sorry, Lucas..."

"Look at me, baby," he said with a sigh.

Even though I was hesitant about meeting his eyes again, I had to obey. Lucas pinched my chin, asking me to stop thinking of the worst.

"I'm not going to break up with you when I feel so damn comfortable having you sitting on my lap," he said, grinning. "I just need to hear it from you, Selene. I promise that I will believe your words completely. Where does Marcus figure in your life right now?"

Funnily enough, now that he had already reassured me, it became easier for me to talk about it.

"You know that I loved Marcus," I began. "I won't deny that." I paused to study his reactions. "I still do. I still love him as much as I have loved him back then. Because of this love, I will always treasure the moments I spent with him. Anybody who declares love for me must also declare love for the part of me that will never, ever let go of him."

"I understand that," Lucas said after a brief pause.

"I will always love Marcus," I said. "But that does not mean that I love him as much as I love you. Not even close. Ever since I realized how much I love you, Lucas, I realized where my love for him stands. I love him in a way I would love my dearest friend, but not in a way I love the one friend who has shared all my life with me. Not the way I love you.

"I will always readily trade a thousand Marcuses in my life for a single Lucas Sebastian Milner," I finished. "I will always readily leave a thousand of him to have you."

Lucas just stared at me for the longest moment, searching my eyes for something, before he broke into a very amused grin. "Hell, that was one long, dramatic speech..."

I could not stop myself from blushing and hitting his arm, for I could always recognize the signs of a Lucas intent on jesting. "Why are you -- "

"I love you, you madwoman," he murmured, kissing my forehead. "I believe you."

"Madwoman!" I gasped, glaring at him.

His grin was so sexy. "Mad woman, as in, angry woman -- not madwoman as in crazy female person."

I tried to keep on glaring at him, but he was already laughing, and I could not really find it in my heart to get mad at him. In a few minutes, the sound of my own laughter mingled with his.

"I'm sorry," I cooed to him when we both stopped laughing.

Lucas chuckled and held me close. "I know you are, but I'm not letting you off the hook that easily. You need to make up for what you did."

Finally catching up on his playfulness, I lifted an eyebrow. "And what was that I did?"

"Hurt my feelings," he said, putting a hand over his chest and winking at me.

"You don't look like somebody whose feelings got hurt," I muttered, tracing the shape of his lips with a finger.

"But you still have to work hard to earn my forgiveness," he said, before licking on my finger and putting it inside his mouth, only to suck on it.

My blood started to heat up due to that simple seductive gesture. I could feel my nipples growing hard, brushing against the fabric of the shift I wore under the gown.

"Right now?" I whispered breathlessly as he released my finger and started kissing my wrist.

"We're alone in the house," he said, pulling me closer.

I could already feel his cock springing to life. "We're not alone. The servants are still here."

"They don't go inside the library, especially when they know that I am here," Lucas told me.

Trying to hold on to my sanity even as his hands started caressing my breasts through the gown, I reminded him, "And they know that I'm with you."

That made him pause. Lucas knew what that meant. If rumours started that we spent a whole lot of time inside the library without anybody else with us, my reputation would be in ruins. That would not bode well with Uncle Matthew, especially since everyone knew that I was his one and only blood relative.

With a groan, Lucas raised his hands as if in surrender. He leaned his head back, letting it rest on the back of the chair.

"Damn all these rules," he grunted, closing his eyes.

"Which makes me wonder why you seem to be so insistent on following them," I said, standing up.

Lucas did not open his eyes. "I've got to be."

"You don't," I countered.

I watched as his face contorted with the pain of trying to control himself. His self-control has always fascinated me. After all, how could he rein in his desires every single time? There had only been a very few occasions when I saw Lucas lose control, and not even then was he losing control in the full sense of the word.

"What do you think about whenever you try to control yourself?" I asked.

"That first long sermon from Mary when they found us down by the river ages ago," he answered, still not opening his eyes. "God, that was an awfully long sermon."

"What else?"

"Getting in trouble at school because of Jim," he said. "My younger brother really knows how to piss off people."

"And you never think about me?"

He did not answer, but the way he pursed his lips and held his breath was enough of an answer for me. Of course, he did not, because if he did, he would snap out and lose the fight.

Knowing that this was the one chance I've got to finally cause him to lose control the way I wanted him to, I started untying the ribbons in my gown.

"That is so unfair," I said in a soft voice, proceeding to undo the buttons of my dress. "Sometimes, when I please you through my mouth, you tell me that I have a hell of a pair of luscious lips. You say it feels so good having it wrapped around your cock, while my tongue licks at it, too. I can't believe you actually try to forget that..."

I had never done it before, but I was thoroughly enjoying the sight of him frowning on that chair, eyes closed, trying to control the beast in him. For once, I really wanted to see that side of him. The growing bulge in his pants told me that I might succeed seducing that side out this time.

"More often, though, you want to be inside my sheath instead of my mouth," I continued, biting my lower lip in order to prevent myself from giggling as I watched him. "You say that you love the way you fit in me, that you love the way my walls wrap around your cock, especially when my muscles are clenching and unclenching around you during orgasm. And when you come, you want to come inside me, because you love hearing the groan that escapes my lips every time you do."

Lucas was groaning loudly, as if he were really in great pain, and my body responded to that lovely sound through producing more juices to flow out of my sex. My nipples were really erect and hard now, especially since I was already completely naked (although, of course, Lucas could not know that, since he was still not opening his eyes).

To somewhat alleviate the ache developing deep inside my private part, I began stroking my own breasts, pinching the nipples, as I continued. "Oh. And I remember, sweetheart. Once, you told me that you would like to watch your cock slipping in and out of me."

Finally, Lucas let out a growl of annoyance as he proudly displayed his erection. He opened his eyes and glared at me, saying, "You are not helping at -- "

I grinned at him, noticing the way his Adam's apple rose and fell as his eyes raked my body from head to toe and then back again. I completely stepped out of my gown and walked towards him slowly. I once again sat on his lap, using my hands to unbuckle his belt.

"What was that you're saying?" I whispered to him as I bent my head down and nibbled on his earlobe, while my hands were still busily doing their tasks.

"Nothing." He grabbed the back of my head and tilted it so that he could plant kisses on one side of my neck. "I said don't stop now."

It felt so satisfying to know that I won. That made me purr out of pleasure. Immediately, Lucas captured my lips in a feverish kiss as he helped me undress himself. It was very quickly that we shed off his clothes; so eager were both of us to continue what we have already started.

As Lucas squeezed my breasts, I rearranged my position on his lap so that I could straddle him while he sat on that chair. I grabbed his cock and stroked it a few times, before guiding its tip to the entrance of my hole. He was already fully erect by then. Slowly, I sat back down onto his lap, driving his shaft deeper into my sheath.

He groaned, pulling me closer as I started moving my hips against his. His mouth and tongue travelled across my neck, my shoulders, my breasts -- always hungry for more. As for me, I enjoyed bouncing up and down on him in a slow rhythm, enjoying the feel of him inside me, enjoying the thrill that ran up my spine and came out of my mouth as moans.

We shared another passionate kiss, after which we just stared into each other's eyes while I continued the slow movement up and down his cock. My hands rested on his shoulders, while his rested on my hips; neither of us broke eye contact even as our breathing became quicker and our bodies begged for a harder, rougher kind of sexual union.

I vowed as I stared into his eyes that I would not ask him aloud for more, even though I wanted to. I would continue this painfully slow lovemaking until his self-control snapped and he took me in the rough way that the beast in him wanted me.

To continue his torture, I reached for one of his hands and put his little finger into my mouth, still not looking away from his eyes. As I licked the tips of his fingers as seductively as I could without stopping my up and down movements, I noticed the way his already dark eyes darkened even more, showing an amount of lust that only increased as I continued to slowly move.

"Selene..."

The way he spoke my name had a begging quality to it, and I knew that he was already at his limit. I flashed him a smile as I started stroking his chest lightly. Finally, with a hiss, Lucas grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me for a crushing kiss.

My heart thumped eagerly when Lucas lifted me from him and placed me on top of the desk. We were both panting in anticipation. I lifted my legs and Lucas put them over his shoulders as he bent down to taste my sex.




Down by the River Ch. 05



A loud moan escaped my lips when I felt Lucas' tongue circling my bud. Propping myself up on my elbows, I watched as he ravaged my most intimate part with his mouth. I was squirming beneath him, drowned in the pleasure he was giving me.

"I love it when you do that, Lucas," I moaned, letting my head fall back when he dipped his tongue into my wet hole. "My love..."

He groaned, sending sweet sensations throughout my whole body. It earned an almost animalistic growl from me. Lucas continued to assault my sex with his tongue, moving his head back and forth in a gesture so like making love. Twirling the tip of his tongue inside me, he hit a spot that pushed me closer to the peak.

I could not help but growl out when I finally came. Relaxing on top of the desk after that orgasm, I felt Lucas' mouth travelling down my thigh, placing small kisses on my skin.

"Lucas," I gasped his name, propping myself up on my elbows again when I felt him gently stretching my legs and placing each foot on each of his shoulder.

"I'm not done with you yet, baby," he said in that low, husky voice he got whenever he was lusting after me.

I bit my lower lip when I saw him holding his stiff member near my entrance. Heavens, he looked so huge in his full erection! The breath caught in my throat as I studied him. He looked so powerful, so delectable. I found myself licking my lips at that sight. Lucas groaned.

When I looked back at Lucas' face, I realized that he had been watching me while I watched him. My face burned red, causing a small, proud grin to touch his lips. He looked so gorgeous that I wanted nothing more than to reach for him and run my palms on his body.

Yet, all I could do was grip the edge of the desk as Lucas slowly pushed his cock into me. I moaned at that first contact, loving the way his cock filled me. Lucas proceeded on pumping in and out of me slowly, watching the way our bodies became one. Soon, however, his thrusts became deeper, harder, more urgent.

My moans had become unbelievably loud and endless this time as I was assaulted by pleasurable sensations mixed with slight pain. Still, all I could ask Lucas to do was to go harder, rougher; and -- by the gods! -- I meant every single plea! Lucas did nothing but indulge me: he gripped my hips tightly and began ramming as fast and hard as he could.

The force of my resulting orgasm was such that my toes felt numb after I convulsed violently on the desk, crying out in pleasure. It was only seconds later did Lucas follow suit, releasing his seeds inside me with one powerful thrust coupled with a loud growl. 

In a small, logical corner of my mind, I prayed that nobody walked near the library's doors as Lucas and I made love, since we were making very audible noises that were sure to alert the listener about what was going on inside -- unless, of course, the shelves of books lining the walls absorbed the sounds before they could be heard from outside.

At last spent, Lucas let my feet fall from his shoulders and dangle on the edge of the desk. I loosened my grip on the desk, glad that I could somehow relax now. The two of us just stared at each other, both breathing hard, both sweating profusely.

"God, you were loud," he whispered, smiling as he gently pulled me up so that he could embrace me as I sat on the edge of the desk.

I felt wasted, but not so wasted that I should fail to appreciate the glorious male body that was now pressed against mine. I leaned my head on his shoulder. "So were you." I ran my palm over his smooth, well-muscled chest. "You were out of control."

"The way you wanted me," he murmured against my hair. "That was what your blatant seduction was all about, wasn't it?"

I sighed and smiled when he lifted me so that he could sit on the chair with me straddling his thighs. "You always try to hold back. For once, I wanted you to give way to the wild side of you that you always keep under control."

"You drive me crazy, Selene," he said, chuckling.

With a smile on my lips, I pulled slightly away so that I could look him in the eyes. "That's good. Maybe a crazy man will agree to repeat that heavenly experience with me one of these days."

He looked amused. "You like it hard and rough?"

"As much as I like it gentle and loving," I answered, running my fingers through his hair. "You look so sexy when your hair is wet and dishevelled like this..."

"You look your sexiest and loveliest after an orgasm," he said, grinning when I blushed. "There's this soft pink glow on your cheeks and a look of bliss in your eyes that I always find so irresistible."

"Especially because you know that you caused me to look that way?" I asked in a whisper.

He flashed a grin before kissing my mouth. I smiled back even as I received that kiss.

"So, am I forgiven yet?" I asked when we broke off.

"For the most part, yes."

I lifted an eyebrow at him. "For the most part?"

Lucas grinned again as he ran the back of his hand on the side of my face. "You need to work for the rest of my forgiveness."

Giggling, I kissed his hand and smiled sweetly up at him. "As hard as I worked just now?"

"As you please, little minx," he answered, brushing the tips of my nipples with his thumbs..

I glanced at his lap to check on his member. It was already recovering. "Do you want it right now?"

"It will be convenient..."

Planting a quick kiss on his mouth, I stood up from his lap. "To my bedroom upstairs, then. If we are going to have an intense session like this one, I want to make sure I'm on my bed when I pass out."

With a sexy laugh, he stood up from the chair and helped me collect our discarded pieces of clothing from every which area of the room.

*****

I was aware that our behaviour was scandalous to those who were in the house, but I had little care about what they thought as Lucas and I raced upstairs and into my bedroom. There were only two of them who saw us, anyway, and that was before we even climbed the stairs.

By the time we reached the room, both of us were breathless -- Lucas more so than I was, for he had to carry me from the top of the stairs into the room itself. He just locked the door behind him before he started kissing my mouth.

"Wait, I can't breath," I chuckled as I gently pulled away from the kiss. I leaned against the door and closed my eyes. "It has been a long time since I last ran."

Lucas chuckled, staring at my face. "A proper lady does not run, you know, especially with a man chasing her."

I burst out laughing. "The servants might have been so scandalized to see me doing both!"

"And in addition to that, they know just exactly what we'll be doing in here," he said, pulling me close. "Doesn't that bother you?"

"Should it?" I asked him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"We will face the wrath of Uncle Matthew once he finds out," he said, lifting me up. "Well, that's a problem we will worry about the moment it comes, but, for now, I'm going to enjoy devouring my little minx."

I laughed as he carried me to the bed and laid me down, kissing me all over the face all the while. "I told you, I'm not a 'little' minx anymore."

"A full-grown one, then." He rolled beside me on the bed, fingers already unbuttoning my gown. "If only we were truly alone in this house, I would not have bothered putting you back into your gown before I raced you to this room."

"As if I would run around the house naked!" I told him, wiggling out of the gown as Lucas pulled it away.

He only grinned at me as he threw the gown away. "You will."

"Hmm." He began to suck on my nipple through the shift I still wore. My buds were already hard and poking out, anyway. "I probably will."

With a groan, he pushed himself off the bed. "Damn clothes..."

Laughing, I sat up and pulled my shift off, watching him as he took off his boots. In the back of my mind, I realized that I actually left my shoes inside the library.

Oh well...

As his whole body was bared for my eyes to feast on, I knelt on the carpeted floor in front of him, grabbing his cock on my hand. Lucas groaned in response, stroking my hair. His cock still tasted like our combined juices, and I moaned as I was greeted with the flavour.

He moaned my name, meeting my eyes as I looked up at him. He started unpinning my hair, for we hastily pinned it up before we left the library.

I began pleasuring him through my mouth, licking and sucking as I gently massaged his balls. Even though Lucas never actually asked me to give him head, I knew that he liked it whenever I did -- just like how he knew I liked it when he brought me to orgasm with his mouth. And since he was always being so generous to me...

It took a while, but I felt so proud of myself when I finally felt him stiffening. Soon, loads and loads of his seeds were pouring inside my mouth, down my throat. I swallowed, grateful for every drop.

When he has emptied the last of his seeds into my mouth, Lucas gently pulled me up, holding me against his body.

"You're amazing," he whispered into my ears as he gently carried me to the bed.

"And so were you," I whispered back, licking at his earlobe.

I closed my eyes as I felt the softness of the bed against my back. Somehow, I felt tired -- and hungry. My eyes snapping open, I sat up, startling Lucas.

"I'm hungry," I said before he could even open his mouth to speak.

Lucas chuckled, kissing my forehead. "It's tea time now. I guess you've been used to it these past few days, huh?"

With a pout, I snaked my arms around his neck and begged. "Let's eat first?"

He grabbed my butt and squeezed both cheeks, grinning impishly. "Eat? Eat what?"

"Food!" I answered, pinching his side. "My stomach is rumbling. Besides, you need some time before your friend is up again..."

He laughed. "Oh, so you really thought about this, didn't you?"

"This is actually not part of the plan," I told him, grinning.

Still chuckling, he slapped my backside and then lowered me back to bed. "All right. I am going to get some food from downstairs and bring it up here for us to share."

I was stunned. "Shouldn't we both dress up and then eat downstairs? If you bring it up here, the servants will know for sure..."

"They already know for sure," he answered, kissing the top of my head as he climbed out of bed and picked up his discarded clothes. "I just hope they don't tell Uncle yet, or we are going to be in trouble."

"You should have thought about that earlier," I told him, frowning as I sat up on the bed. "Before you devoured me inside the library, I mean."

He looked back at me with a very mischievous grin. "Is that regret I am hearing in your voice?"

Impossibly, I actually blushed. "Well, I ... I mean..."

Lucas ended up laughing as he once again slipped into his pants. "I'd be the one to talk to our uncle if the servants ever tell him. You, on the other hand, my lady, should just enjoy the moments we spend together. Sounds good?"

I beamed and lay back on the bed. "Sounds great."

In less than five minutes, Lucas was already out of the room. I went to my bathroom to somewhat clean myself up. I made sure to put my used clothes into the laundry basket, before slipping into a nightgown. It did not matter if it was too early to be wearing a nightgown; I did not intend leaving my room, anyway.

Several minutes passed by before I heard knocks on the door. I opened it slightly, taking a peek outside. Lucas' grinning face greeted me, as he stood before me with a tray of foods for the two of us. I swung the door wide open for him.

"What took you so long?" I asked, following him as he set the tray down on the lounge chair at the foot of the bed.

"Our old cook Hannah was berating me non-stop the whole time she was preparing the tray," he answered, handing me a glass of milk. "Apparently, I seduced the innocent little missy and now she's acting like a lovesick child."

I burst out laughing at the way he said those words, while at the same time gratefully accepting the glass of milk. "I wish I were there to actually hear her saying those..."

Lucas chuckled as he watched me climbing into bed, glass of milk still on my hand. "You would have liked that, wouldn't you?"

"Yup," I answered, smiling at him when he walked towards me and then leaned down to kiss my forehead. "It's always good to see you getting in trouble."

"If I remember it correctly, I only get in trouble because of you or Jim or Danny or Andrew, but mostly because of you."

Sitting down beside me, he lightly brushed the back of his hand on the side of my neck. My breath caught even as I sipped from the glass.

"My little girl has already cleaned herself," he whispered, smiling at me as he stood up. "I was thinking about washing your body myself, but, well..." He shrugged, starting to take off his clothes again. "I will get myself as clean as possible while you eat here."

I put the glass of milk on the side table. "Aren't you hungry?"

"I will eat later," he answered, smiling before he was off to the bathroom.

I used that time to fill my stomach with foods. Thankfully, the servants were nice enough to stuff the tray with meat pies, bread, fruits, and small cakes that I particularly liked. I was still eating when Lucas came out of the bathroom, drying himself with my towel, while another was around his waist. He immediately sat down beside me and helped me finish the foods prepared for us.

"I'm so full!" I told him as I pushed him to bed so that I could sit on his stomach.

"Of course, you're full," Lucas said, grinning at me while he stroked my thighs. "You ate more than half of my share."

"What?" I glared at him, rocking back and forth to tease him. "I only ate your cakes..."

He grinned and started massaging my hips. "Oh yeah?"

"Well..." I flinched. "I ate some of your pie."

"And...?" he prompted, chuckling. "Who broke my loaf of bread and ate one half? Who did not share the apple and the orange? Who ate the whole bunch of grapes?"

I frowned, leaning forward to rub my nose against his. "I think I did."

Lucas was positively laughing now as he lightly slapped my bare backside. "You think you did? And yet you only ate my cakes?"

I giggled, kissing his lips. "So what if I ate more than my share of food? What are you going to do about it?"

"Are you pregnant?" he asked suddenly, touching my lower stomach.

"What pregnant?" I sat upright, glaring at him. "No, I'm not!"

He shrugged. "Just wondering."

"What are you going to do if I am pregnant?" I asked him, grinning.

"Probably hide," he answered, chuckling. "Your uncle will behead me if he ever sees me."

"Oh yeah, hide you will," I said, pouting. "And your family will kill you before Uncle Matthew does."

As he laughed, Lucas rolled over, startling me. I shrieked, grabbing his arms as he laid me down.

"It is because of those kinds of shrieks that the servants find out," he chuckled, pinching the tip of my nose.

"I don't care," I said, reaching for him and kissing his jaw.

"Uh-huh," he agreed, hands starting to travel down my body. "The bad little girl does not care."

"I only want you," I whispered, spreading my legs apart and hooking them around his waist.

Lucas chuckled, his face buried at the crook of my neck. "My naughty minx. Up for something new, Selene?"

I moaned as his fingers brushed against my nipples. "Anything."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"Are you sure?"

Somewhat feeling nervous and yet also feeling excited, I pushed him away to look into his eyes. "What are you planning?"

"Something," he answered, grinning as he winked. "There's only one way to find out..."

"I'm in," I told him, spreading my whole body on the bed and smiling up at him. "All yours, Lucas Sebastian Milner."

"All right, sweetheart," he said, moving off me and pulling my body so that my legs dangle from the edge of the bed. "Roll over." When I raised an inquiring eyebrow, he grinned. "No questions, lovely. On your hands and knees."

Finally, I realized what he wanted to do. I purred, obeying him and positioning myself on my hands and knees. Lucas pushed the hem of my nightgown up so that it bundled around my waist, exposing my private parts to him. When I looked back at him, I saw that he already dropped the towel covering his private part, and his cock stood hard and erect, eliciting a groan from me.

I felt Lucas' hands on my backside, stroking gently.

"I don't think I ever told you, Selene, but..." He slapped the cheeks. "Nice butt."

His slap brought tingling sensation to my body, and I felt my juices starting to flow from my folds. I groaned, biting my lower lip in anticipation as I felt the head of Lucas' cock brushing against the lips of my sex.

"Wet already, sweetheart?" he asked, his voice caressing my skin.

I could only moan, pushing back against him so that he could start making love to me.

"Ah, later, Selene," he said, dropping to his knees and licking at my slit. He groaned and stroked the cheeks of my butt. "My sweet little girl."

He proceeded on eating at my folds, his tongue flicking up and down my clit as a finger teased the opening of my hole. I could not stop groaning, begging for his cock, tortured by the gentleness he was showing me. I wanted him deep inside me, buried to the hilt, sliding in and out. From time to time, he would gently tap my butt, the vibration caused by his hand mixing with the slow-building pleasure that his mouth and hands were giving me.

Finally, Lucas pronounced that I was ready for his taking. I wanted to tell him that I had been ready for as long as I could remember, but at that moment, all I could do was urge him on, beg for him to take me quickly.

His cock slid into my sheath, filling me the way that nothing else ever did. With characteristic slowness, he stroked my walls with it, teasing me. I groaned my frustration, grinding my hips and pushing back so that he would slide in more quickly, but Lucas was holding my hips and he restrained my movement.

"My god, Lucas!" I hissed in dismay, letting out a growl as loud as I had never dared to let out before. "Please!"

I looked back at him, meeting his eyes. I knew I must have looked really desperate, because Lucas started moving in and out of me more quickly, although not as quickly as I had hoped he would. Better that than the torturous slowness earlier...

As our lovemaking became more heated, Lucas moved faster and faster, sometimes pulling his whole cock out of my hole before slamming it back in. I loved it when he did that, and for the second time that day, he involved me in a rough sex that drove me breathless every time. 

Our passions built higher, Lucas leaned forward and reached for my nub of pleasure, stroking it in time with the way his cock was pounding inside me. I felt so desperate to hold to him, but another torture of this rear-entry position was that I could not reach for him even if I wanted to. In frustration and utter pleasure, I cried out loud, burying my face on the bed and biting hard on my lip so that I would not announce to the whole household that Lucas and I were together. Not that I thought they needed further announcement, anyway; I thought I had growled out loud enough proof of what we were doing in the sanctuary of my room.

When we reached our climax, I was already too far gone into the world of bliss that I was sure I had been muttering incoherent nothings all along. Lucas gently lifted me up and deposited me at the centre of the bed, carefully placing my head against pillows before he slipped beside me. Grateful that I would at last have the chance of cuddling close, I wasted no time in wrapping my arms around him.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" he asked, cradling me in his arms.

I could only nod and groan to answer him.

"Are you sure?"

I tried to form coherent words this time. "Feels amazing."




Down by the River Ch. 05



He grinned and kissed my sweaty forehead, draping his leg over me. "Good."

"We should do this again some time," I told him, closing my eyes.

"When we are alone, why not?"

I sighed, feeling content. "So, am I forgiven now?"

"What? Who is supposed to forgive whom?" he groaned.

His playfulness made me smile. "There's this guy, you know, who wanted to punish me because I decided to keep something from him."

Lucas chuckled, stroking my hair as he played along. "What? Who decided to punish my baby girl? That's awful."

"I know," I cooed, looking at him with an amused expression on my face. "Maybe I should punish him, right?"

"Maybe," he agreed, grinning. "Shove him to the pits of hell or something."

I slowly traced a finger across his chest, looking deeply into his eyes. "I have a better punishment in mind. What if I chain him to my bed for a whole day and do to him as I please?"

Lucas caught my wandering hand and brought it to his lips. "Sounds fantastic, but if that's a man we're talking about..." He grabbed my butt, squeezing it. "He may end up chaining you to your bed, madam. Isn't that risky?"

"Then maybe we can take turns," I told him, running my tongue over my suddenly parched lips. "As long as I get my revenge."

"Hmm." He began kissing my face. "As I said, sounds fantastic. You only need to find the place where you can do that without getting caught, yes? How about this house in..." He named a village that sat somewhere between Uncle Matthew's estate and our own village with the forest. "I heard that nobody lives there right now..."

I frowned. "Why there? That's too far away..."

"Oh." He chuckled, stopping his kisses to look into my eyes. "I received this letter from your grandmother earlier, you see. She said that the man you're talking about bought that house and the span of land around it. The house is slightly bigger than his mother's house, but that will do, don't you think, for his future wife and children?"

My eyes widened, and I had to sit up. "No!"

Lucas laughed at my reaction and pulled me down to his arms again. "Oh yes."

"You have a house now?" I asked him, still unbelieving.

"We have a house now, yes," he answered, holding me tightly. "I will tell Uncle Matthew about it in time so that the two of us can take a look at it."

Feeling elated, I kissed his lips quickly. "Oh my god, I don't believe this!"

He laughed. "You will when you see it." He looked into my eyes, brushing some strands of hair off my face. "I love you, Selene."

My eyes filled with tears and I buried my face on his shoulder to hide it from him. "I love you, too."

Lucas chuckled as he lightly slapped my backside. "Hey. Don't cry."

"I'm going to sleep," I murmured, spreading myself on top of him without looking up. "Who said I'm crying?"

"Then, what's that wet thing flowing down to my shoulders, huh?" he teased.

I pinched his side, chuckling. In truth, I really just could not believe that everything he told me was true. It just felt so wonderful to realize that all of the dreams we wove together would be so close at hand now.

Lucas laughed at my stubbornness as I insisted that I was not crying. At the end, he held me close to him, humming the lullaby Mother composed for him until I fell asleep.

*****

I did not know what took place that night, but I at least knew that there was no disaster. Lucas woke me up when he was about to slip out of my room some time before the crack of dawn, and he had to do it in so much hurry that we only managed to share a brief kiss before he was running out of the door. 

It was only during breakfast that the questions began, for Uncle and his family arrived just half an hour after the supposed dinnertime the night before, and were told that Lucas and I went to bed early. The servants apparently lied and told them that we ate dinner earlier than usual because we wanted to take a rest as soon as we could. Lucas and I only stuck to the lie, not caring to elaborate even if Aunt Susanna's stares were all too suspicious.

Maybe the lie became more plausible that way, or maybe Uncle Matthew and his wife just realized that we would not spill the truth. Either way, they stopped their questions, deciding to buy that one big lie.

Even then, I was hesitant to believe that what I remembered from my conversation with Lucas before I drifted off to sleep was true. Could it really be that he already found and bought a house for us? Or was it just a dream?

Unfortunately, there was no way to ask Lucas, for he was never alone. Now he was once again very careful about being seen with me. That man...!

It did not help that the last minute preparations for the ball that night cut the routine of the household, making the scenes more dreamlike to me. As I watched the servants decorating the garden with lanterns and ribbons, I imagined seeing little fairies jumping from each piece of decoration to another. Or that a god would appear, sweep me into his arms and carry me away.

At least, that last piece of illusion was very, very close to reality. All that needed to happen was for Lucas to walk across that beautifully decorated garden and walk straight to me. Nothing else, for as soon as he was close enough, I would be jumping right into his arms and force him to take me away.

Ah, of course. That was exactly the reason why he would not go anywhere near me. He knew I would do precisely that and that he would not be able to decline. Why did I have to be just so predictable?

After tea time, I was whisked away to Aunt Susanna's room, where she made me dizzy trying on different gowns and shoes for what seemed like hours. In the end, we settled for the beautiful maroon gown that her sister Mary made for me, and Susanna gave me a pair of shoes to go with it. She also decided to curl my hair further 'to make me look more angelic'. 

Ha. Nice try there. I would always look like a temptress to the only man whose opinion of me mattered.

By the time Susanna let me off the hook, it was already evening and almost all the guests were present. Only then did cold feet catch up with me. My fear must have been so raw that Susanna rushed to me and asked if I were okay.

I was okay, but not entirely. I remembered that Marcus would be attending the ball and I had to talk to him whether I liked it or not. I'd rather not, honestly, but I knew I owed him the truth.

Aunt Susanna asked me to wait a little while inside her room as she conferred with Uncle Matthew about the timing of my appearance. Alone in the room, I began pacing back and forth, wringing my hands as I rehearsed what I would say to Marcus.

"Why so nervous?"

I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard Lucas' voice. He was leaning against the door, an eyebrow cocked, looking me up and down. I caught my breath as I, in return, studied him. It was the first time I saw my best friend wearing a formal dark attire, and I almost drooled.

God, I could not even find the word to describe him!

"Liking what you see?" he mocked.

Unbelievably, after all that we have shared, I blushed at that and turned my back on him. "What are you doing here? Aren't you afraid that Aunt Susanna will catch you?"

"The door was not locked and I suspect she would be looking for Uncle Matthew for a while, anyway," he answered, coming up behind me to wrap his arms around my waist. "I just really need to see you."

Leaning on him, I tilted my head so that I could look him in the eye. "So, is Aunt Susanna right? Do I look angelic now?"

Lucas laughed, kissing my bare shoulder. "If her idea of an angel involves being able to seduce a man to hell by just flashing him a smile, then, yes, Selene, you look very angelic indeed."

I smiled at that and touched his face with my gloved hands. "Thank you, hot guy."

He chuckled. "I'm glad you find me so." He turned me around so that he could plant a kiss on my lips. "God, Selene, if only I could rip off your gown and start making love to you on the bed...!"

That made me blush, not because I was embarrassed by what he was imagining but because I was thinking along those lines, too. "Aunt Susanna wouldn't appreciate walking in on us having sex on her bed."

"We can lock the door and drag all her furniture behind it so that nobody can walk in on us."

I laughed. "You're hilarious!"

He started caressing my face. "But I won't dare do that because I know that the very moment I step out of this room, your uncle will point a shotgun in my head and kill me outright. I wouldn't be able to spend the rest of my life with you if that ever happens."

I smiled. "That was a fantastic daydream, though. I would willingly let you do it if only there is some way to do so without encountering grisly outcomes."

He flashed back a smile before asking, "So, why are you so nervous?"

"I'm scared of facing Marcus," I told him honestly, biting my lower lip. "I don't know what I am going to say to him."

"Just tell him the truth," he suggested, stroking the sides of my waist. "Tell him that you love him, but that you love me more."

His grin was infectious. I lightly slapped his arm. "You!"

He laughed, but turned serious in a moment. "I'm not kidding. Just tell him the truth. It will be easier than you think."

"I don't know..."

"Listen, Selene." He pulled me closer and rested his forehead against mine. "If he really, really loves you, he will make this easy for you. He will understand."

Although hesitantly, I nodded. "Okay."

It was then that the door opened. Aunt Susanna stood still when she saw us, her eyes darting from me to Lucas and back again.

"You two know that you are standing way closer than is appropriate, right?" she asked, closing the door quietly behind her.

Lucas stepped back with a grin on his face. "Right."

Aunt Susanna lifted an eyebrow at him before looking at me. "You have to explain some things to me, young lady."

"And here I thought it's kind of self-explanatory," murmured Lucas.

His aunt shot him a sharp look, although she was smiling. "Get out of this room, Lucas Sebastian Milner, before I call Matthew on you."

Lucas laughed and winked at me before he slipped out. As soon as he was gone, Aunt Susanna spoke.

"How long have you two been together?" she asked.

"A few months," I answered readily. "Almost as soon as he came back from your estate."

She nodded, slightly frowning. "That's strange. I thought Lucas was even trying to avoid talking about you when he was first with us."

I smiled. "That's because of a small misunderstanding before he left." I hesitated, but figured that I would have to ask later on, anyway. "Are you mad?"

"No, no." She smiled at me as if to emphasize her point. She even took my hand. "Just impressed. You two are very good at hiding it."

And very good at displaying it, too, I thought. All the servants of the house would agree with me on that.

"I always thought you two look good together," she continued, "but did not express my opinion just in case I offend either one of you, or in case you two start thinking that I am trying to set you up. As it turned out, I don't even need to worry."

I embraced her. "Thank you, Aunt Susanna, and I'm sorry if we hid it."

"That's all right," she said, gently patting my back. "When are you going to tell Matthew, though?"

"Soon," I answered, knowing that Lucas would tell our uncle in a week or so.

Aunt Susanna nodded and led me to the door. "Well, Selene, it's time for our guests to meet you. Time to break some hearts."

I smiled at her comment. If only she knew! There was one particular heart I really needed to break that night, and the thought of the pain I would cause was already hurting me.

*****

The lanterns lit in the garden lent a mysterious, romantic ambience to it that night. There was a huge table filled with foods at one end of the garden, near where the tables and chairs were set. At the other end, where the guests presently were, was a musical ensemble composed of twelve people.

Uncle Matthew and Andrew walked on either side of me when I was introduced to the crowd. I had never seen so many people gathered in a single place before that; the experience astounded me. I was aware that Uncle Matthew took my hand exactly because he knew I was getting nervous.

My eyes immediately sought Lucas in the crowd, and I found him easily, for I already knew what he was wearing. He made a bow to me when he saw me looking.

One by one, the people gathered were introduced to me. Some of them, I had met before, but most were new faces. Still, I only anticipated being re-introduced to one guest, and when he was presented to me, my courage almost failed me.

Marcus looked stunning, as I knew he would. I could already spot half a dozen women practically melting at the sight of him. To my frustration, however, his eyes were only glued on me.

Perhaps feeling my discomfort after the face-to-face encounter with Marcus, Lucas came to my rescue and pulled me away -- in a manner that would be looked upon as appropriate by society, I should add: he asked me for a dance.

"Are you okay?" he asked as soon as we were out of Marcus' earshot.

"So far," I answered, nodding.

"Well, then, you'd be okay." He touched my chin briefly so that I would look at him and see the smile on his face. "You're my baby. Of course, you'd be okay."

Fortunately, he always knew where to tickle me to make me laugh -- or smile, in this case. "Of course."

He nodded, smile seemingly plastered on his face. "See? You're more beautiful when you're smiling."

I just smiled, aching to put my head on his shoulder and let him hold me close. Not for the first time that night, I wished that this ball was never here. Then, maybe, I could drag Lucas out of Uncle Matthew's sight, hide him in my room and --

Well. Keep him to myself for the rest of the night. I want him to hold me and love me and always be with me.

"Hey." His chuckle brought me back to the present. "Your eyes are going all dark."

I frowned. "My eyes are dark. Dark brown, mind you."

"That's not what I mean," he said, winking. "Your eyes only twinkle like that when you are thinking of something -- let's just say..." He cocked an eyebrow. "Naughty?"

I slightly shook my head, chuckling as I quickly glanced at his crotch. "Lucas, your friend is..."

"Growing," he finished the sentence for me. "I know. It's all because I can read your mind and -- "

"You need a drink," I suggested, laughing now. "I can hide mine, but you cannot hide yours."

With a laugh, he pulled me off the dance floor. "Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you for the dance."

"Anytime," I whispered.

As soon as he was gone, I was left alone to deal with the worst part of the night. Fair enough; it would be better to get it over and done with.

Marcus was behind me, so that when I whirled around, the first thing I saw was his smiling face. I was so shocked that I could not even smile back.

"Since you seem to be free, may I have the honour of dancing with you?" he asked.

I almost told him that I was not free, but this was still a ball and I knew that somebody would notice, whether I liked it or not. I tentatively accepted his proffered hand, mentally telling myself that I could do this, that Lucas was right and this would be easier than I thought.

He kissed my hand before leading me to the dance floor.

For a long while, we just danced there, staring at each other without saying a word. I did not know where to start, and I was somewhat hoping that he would speak to me first, although I did not have a clue as to how I would insert the subject of our past together and the inevitable separation that we needed to face.

"I have so many things to tell you, but now that you are face to face with me, I cannot find the words to say," he said, breaking the awkward silence between us.

My exact thoughts, if I would say so. "Marcus, I'm s -- "

"No," he cut me off. "Don't. I know what you are going to say. I don't want to hear it." A sad smile touched his lips. "I don't want to hear any sorry, lest I start thinking that you are sorry about what happened between us -- "

It was my turn to cut him off. "No, don't say that. I will never regret that."

Marcus stared at me for a moment before nodding. "All right. I believe you."

He was so much like the man I came to know by the river back home that, for a while, I wanted to go back on my plan of telling him the painful truth tonight. But the truth was the truth; whether I tell him or not, whether it was painful or not, was of little use, for it would have to come out anyway.

"You looked so happy with him."

His comment startled me. "Pardon me?"

"Lucas," he said, smiling genuinely now. "I said you looked so happy with him."

"I am happy with him," I told him, praying that he would be able to read something more from that than I was willing to say, for I really could not say it to his face.

Thankfully, Marcus knew how to read me. "I thought that it would be so."

Confused by his statement, I gave him my inquiring look. "I don't understand."

"The only time you failed to meet with me was when you were too upset by your fight with Lucas," he answered, smiling gently. "I knew right from the moment you told me about that argument that you love him. I was just praying that, in time, you would come to value me as much as you value him, that you would come to love me as much as you love him, if not more. It would take time for me to come to terms with the truth that it will never be."

I could not say anything, just stare at him as he bared his soul to me. "Oh, Marcus..."

Still with that sad smile on his lips, he continued. "It really took time for me to realize that, more than how you belong to that river, to that forest, you belong to Lucas. You would have never left your home even after Lucas has gone to the Riles estate without you, because your home keeps all the good memories you shared with him and you will never let go of that. You have always belonged to him, whether you knew it or not. You would have left and you will leave everything that matters in your life if it means being with him."

I was so overwhelmed by the realization that he knew all of these, that I could only nod. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," he assured me. "I already know. I have already heard from you the only thing that I wanted to hear, the only reason why I came here."

"Which is...?" I prompted, confused.

He flashed his understanding smile. "That you are happy with him. That's all I wanted to know."

I nodded, not really knowing what I could do. If only we were not dancing, if only we were not in the middle of a crowd, I would have hugged Marcus as tightly as I could.

"Now, I just want you to listen to what I want to say," he said after a while, waiting for my nod before he continued. "I love you, Selene. I loved you and I will always love you. Please know that I left you when I did, not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I did not want to get hurt more than I could handle, and I did not want you to feel guilty for hurting me, so I thought I should just let go. Also, I want you to know that I was watching you everyday for weeks after I stopped meeting with you. I only stopped when you finally stopped going to the river everyday."

If I had any doubt that this man loved me, all of it was gone now. "I wish things could have turned out differently."

He chuckled, sighing. "Oh, no, you don't. You know that you would not want things to be different, and I wouldn't want it to be any different, anyway. He loves you and you love him, and the two of you are happy together. That's all that matters."

I nodded, smiling. "Thank you, Marcus. I was so afraid of telling you, of hurting you. But I wanted to put a closure on this, for my conscience will never stop bothering me until I say goodbye to you once and for all."