0 comments/ 7331 views/ 0 favorites Confessions of a Red Hot Red Head By: red_hot_redhead_confessor Entry Two: Mr. Pain. Dear readers: First, I would like to answer some comments left on my last story. Yes, that is how the events naturally occurred. Of course, I omitted random events and facts in the effort of flow, but yes, I was a 22-year-old virgin when I met C. I also hated every single thing about myself. I have no idea where these notions came from, but I honestly believed that topping the scale at over 300 pounds, no one would ever want to be with me. I thought big women should take whatever they were offered because the chance would likely never come around again. Please take note that it was my own cowardice and embarrassment that lead me to never pressing charges, not the NDA that I signed. That document, which I later found to be completely fraudulent, would never hold up in the court of law. I simply was too scared to go through the he said she said process at my small liberal arts school. Now, with all that being said, I can tell you in full confidence that being with the politician, no matter how horrendous the final act between us, probably saved my life. Walking out of that hotel room, I made a promise to myself that I would never be that girl again. I would never share myself with another person until I liked myself enough to show some self-respect. It was in that moment that I made a commitment to change every facet of my life. I had four months before I took flight to the land of my ancestors to go to graduate school—I was bound and determined to set foot on the Emerald Isle a whole new version of my self. When I walked into Ireland's oldest and most prestigious college, I weighed 85 pounds less. A whole summer of working out for hours a day and eating a several calorically restricted diet brought about a change in my shape... It also brought about a change in my self-confidence. With my chin length perfected curled deep red pageboy haircut, MAC makeup, and a whole new and sexier wardrobe- I hit the clubs and pubs with a vengeance. I was living life and loving every minute of it- that is until I ended up in the hospital, and before I knew it, on a plane back to the U.S. for surgery. And that, boys and girls, is how I came upon my hottest high school crush, while filling a prescription, in my hometown grocery store. Mr. Pain. E. and I had been great friends for a few years in high school. When I first moved from my major metropolitan home city to a small rural county in the country after my parent's bankruptcy, I thought for sure I was going to die of pure boredom. Back then; my style was more dark and dangerous than anything else. With my elephant bottom JNCO jeans, fishnet sleeves, sarcastic tees, and coffin backpack- I was surely going to make a statement walking into the small country school for the first time. Luckily for me, the country is full of kids who want nothing more than to be different from everyone else. E. was one of twenty students at my school who looked like me, listened to music like mine, and hated "conformity" (yes, while dressing and talking just like one another). E. was one of my three best guy friends, he was also the subject of every schoolgirl fantasy I could envision. He was a track god, lean and mean with an exotic look from his Hispanic mother. I use to go to his house and buy five-dollar joints, just so I could hang out with him one-on-one. Of course, I never told him that I liked him. Couple that with the fact that by Junior year I had become more focused on getting into a good college than hanging out and getting stoned, and you can see why after he graduated, we never saw one another again. That is until I was walking through the aisles of the grocery store and I saw E. standing there, contemplating one bag of chips over another. Spurred on by my new look and resounding confidence, I went up behind him and said, "Well, if you have the munchies- always go for the cheesy option." Turning around he said, "Thanks. I'll keep that in mi—.... Red?" Instantly, I felt a wave o pride that he did not recognize me off the bat. Most people from H.S. don't upon first glance; so much about me has changed, right down to my newfound ability to make eye contact. "Got any smoke to go with those?" I asked while fluttering my long lashes. "Sure, back at my place, wanna go spark up and catch up?" he responded. With that I picked up my prescription while he checked out and before I could even contemplate what was happening, I was following him back to the house he shared with some work buddies. All along the drive I kept playing to possible outcomes in my head. One, we would chill, find we had nothing in common anymore, and then I would go home and take care of myself wishing things would have turned out differently. Or, two, I could make something different happen. I could stop being irrationally afraid of rejection and just go after what I could never have in High School. I could do the ultimate former fat girl move—hook up with someone who never saw you as you were before. In all honesty, isn't that the fantasy most big women have in their heads... 'If I could just get skinny person X, Y, or Z will finally notice me?" We ended up on his couch, watching some comic book movie while he rolled us his trademark fatty. We chatted a bit, reminiscing good times, horrible teachers, and recapping the last seven years since we had seen one another. After two hours of smoking and talking, I figured the night would turn out like option one. But, to my surprise, he looked at me while passing the J and I felt a spark. "So... I have to tell you Red, you look fucking sensational. I love what you did with your hair." He said with smoldering eyes. Gathering up all my courage I responded, "Thanks, E. You look pretty damn good yourself." And that is all it took. We collided into a mass of writhing tongues and groping hands. E. surprised me by taking my bottom lip and biting it between his teeth. The moan that escaped me was nothing short primal. He broke the kiss and looked into my eyes with amusement. "Like a little pain do we?" He asked. "I... I don't know. Honestly, you are only the second person I have been with and the first guy—well he was rough, but I can't say I really liked it." I answered embarrassed. "Trust me Red, there is a difference between pain for pleasure and pain for power. I personally love the former, so have at it." He said while leaning in to reconnect our lips. I took what he said and mulled it over while kissing him in earnest. I loved the feeling of his teeth clamping down on my lip. Did that mean that I could enjoy a level of pain with sex? I wondered if I was always like this, or if C. had caused this within me do to my introduction to sex. I was determined to simply act and not overthink. Who knew if this was a one time thing? And, if it were, why would I waste a single moment second guessing myself? I began to kiss him more savagely. Mimicking his earlier actions, I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth and bit down, gently at first, but then I heard him groan, and in response, I doubled the pressure of my teeth on his soft flesh. His hands came up and gripped my ringlets, pulling roughly, but not rough enough to cause discomfort. I found the act extremely hot so I took to sucking and biting his neck. We broke long enough for him to take off his shirt and I continued my tour of his body by focusing on his nipples. "Fuck!" He spurred when I sucked and bit his right nipple hard...my teeth pulling his nipple taunt and my tongue flicking mercilessly all around the hard little nub. The pressure on the back of my head increased- and I knew he was enthralled. I didn't make this choice consciously, but somehow I determined that I was going to be the fuck of his life... that if I finally got to be with the guy I had wanted throughout the formative years of my adolescence, I was going to make sure he remember this for as long as I would. I moved on to his left nipple, mirroring what I had done to the right. "Jesus Christ, yeah! Fucking bite me. Shit, that feels so fucking good." He was streaming compliments and obscenities for the whole ten minutes I spent doing nothing but tormenting his nipples. I took no prisoners and he left me inflict an amount of pain I know any other man would be crying from. He pulled my hair and I released his nipple. Claiming my mouth as his, he reverently stroked my tongue with his own and then did the classic male move, slowly lowering me by the hair to his still jeaned groin. In all my session with the politician, one thing I learned to master, was giving head. So I went at it with absolutely no abandon. I popped his button, and undid his zipper. He leaned back against the couch and in one fell swoop, took of his pants and boxers. His cinnamon colored skin was dusted with dark curly hairs, starting around his cock and continuing down his lean runners legs. I began by tongue bathing his member. Working from the bottom, flicking my tongue a few times at the apex of his cock and testicles- his hands gripped the couch cusions and his eyes screwed up tight. Making my way up the six inches to his swollen head, I made sure to get a lot of moisture all over his shaft and swirled his head repeatedly with the flat of my tongue. "Stop fucking teasing me a suck it!" He yelped. I did as asked and impaled my mouth on his dick. Sucking as hard as I could, I used my right hand to grip the base of his shaft while my left was busy gripping and groping his drooping balls. I rotated my head, right left up and down, while sucking. I turned into a cock sucking cyclone and his hands were grasping at the couch, the air, various parts of my body, and finally settled into my hair. He used this new leverage to lift me up and down his cock at his own pace and as the head moved into my throat I heard him whimper with need. "Fuck girl, I'm going to cum." He breathed. Breaking contact to look up into his eyes I challenged him "I'm ready when you are." And I went right back to sucking the very life out of him with everything I had to give. In my most brazen moment, I slightly barred my teeth on his head and gently bite down. "God, aww shit... fuck!" he was gasping for air and soon began to pump a sticky substance down my throat. He used his hand in my hair to make me come up from his oversensitive member. "Where... the fuck.... Did you learn how to do that?" He asked in awe. "I had a very difficult teacher" was all I said in response. He grabbed me by the hand and lead me to his bedroom. Turning on some Disturb (which I have no idea if for nostalgia, or because he still listened to their music) he pushed me onto his bed and turned off the lights. Joining me on his bachelor bed (unmade, one sheet, one pillow) I noticed he had dark purple hickies surrounding both of his sexy little nipples. "Shit E. I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" I asked abashed. "No. Never. I fucking love it... If you haven't figured this out by now, I really, really enjoy the use of pain in pleasure- especially when it I am on the receiving end." He said while twisting his fingers into my hair. "My turn" He announced with a smile. He returned to kissing me softly, then with more force. Taking my tongue into his mouth he sucked and bite it while I writhed beneath him. He was between my legs, his naked stirring sex was agonizingly rubbing against my clit as he circled his hips and ground into me while kissing my neck, licking and biting my ear lobes, and groping my chest. A series of small moans and gasps escaped my lips as he spent more time offering pleasure to me than any man before. He went to put his hand under my shirt, but I stopped him- still not comfortable enough in my own skin to be naked in front of a sexual conquest. He got the message and slid his hand up my deep purple mini skirt instead. His fingers were playing with my most vulnerable parts, something I had never felt and I was in pure ecstasy. I had no idea what I was missing with C. These feelings, this amazement was the stuff of erotic legend. "Fuck me" I pleaded. He got up to get a condom, and I quickly removed my boy shorts. Looking up at him embarrassed I said "Its been almost a year" as a way of warning him to go slow. A smile spread across his face as he replied "No worries" and slowly, agonizingly, he applied pressure and worked himself to the hilt. I let out a garbled breath as he bottomed out inside of me. He was going so slow, taking care not to hurt me. As sweet as that was, after about two minutes I wanted, I needed more. I needed the passion, the heat, that only comes from no holds barred fucking. I gripped his ass in my hands and forced him into me deeper and harder than he had before. "Impaient are we?" he chuckled. With that, he took off the kid gloves and started to fuck me with the roughness I thought I didn't want, but I absolutely needed. In moments we were sheened in sweat. His arms were rigid from hoisting himself over me, his balls slapping against me with every labored stroke. The feeling in the pit of my stomach that was intensifying with each pump was invigorating. This was the best sex of my life, and I didn't want to waste a second—so I decided to be brave and ask him for what I wanted. I made my motive clear, putting pressure on his leg and using my right side to get him to switch, he took note and stopped. He layed down on the bed and I began my tour of his amazing body all over again. I visited his neck, nipped at his earlobes, tortured his nipples and kissed and sucked my way down to his happy trail. I sucked his stomach flesh into my mouth and bite down about a half inch from the start of his cock- he groaned and clawed and the sheets. When I started to lick and roll his balls in my mouth... "Enough. I can't take anymore- let me fuck you." He begged. I complied by straddling his hips in total fear; fear that I would break his slender frame, fear that I would lose my nerve. Gathering up all my will power, I gripped his dick in my hand and angled it into my wet and needy core. I slowly began to ride him as he gripped my hips and helped me gain a rhythm. The pounding rock music spurred on my desires and soon, I was matching every drumbeat to the rock of my hips. I no longer cared if I was a plus sized woman, I no longer cared if this was the man of my teenage dreams... at this point all I cared about was finally getting to experience one of the mysterious of a woman's life—the big O. I began to ride him not for his pleasure, but for my own. The feeling of his cock inside of me, brushing up against my G spot and my clit grinding against his pubic mound was simply outstanding. I was covered in sweat. Lost in the sexual wonder that was occurring within me, I racked my nails down his sides. He screamed "Fuck yes, make it hurt baby!" I quickly realized that while a little pain for pleasure can be a good thing when receiving, there is nothing better in this world than a man, completely at your mercy, asking you take control, take the power, and cause them pain. I bite, I scratched, I squeezed and I rode him as though this were the last time I would ever have sex. We continued in this daunting rhythm of bouncing and he started to thrust his hips up into me, making his cock go even deeper. I was lost; I was becoming a newer version of myself with every stroke. Sweating out the self-conscious scarred little girl I was becoming a wanton fucking machine... and I was loving every moment of it. My right hand wondered on its own accord down to my clit and I began to rub myself senseless while riding his cock. E. was holding onto one of my hips and one of my tits while I shimmied and swayed above him. That roller coaster feeling returned, and I began to hope and pray he wouldn't come before I got the chance. As if reading my thoughts he said "I'm going to cum... hurry" I leaned down and kissed him passionately, severely biting his lip in the process. When I released his lip, I saw a staining of red and I knew I broke skin. His strangled cry told me that was completely okay and I knew he couldn't hold out any longer. Instantaneously I felt him begin to empty within me, his breathing ragged. "Fuck.... I'm sorry" he said embarrassed as I collapsed on top of his chest. He was stroking me back in small circles, allowing me to catch my breath. When my sense returned, I slowly dislodged from him from my sex and rolled over onto the bed. "Did you?..." He inquired. "No, but its okay—I never have." I answered turning as red as my hair. "Next time" he responded. We fell asleep in the post-coital high. We I woke up, the early morning sun was beginning to show and I knew it was time for me to go. All those insecurities I felt for so many years came washing back over me, and suddenly, I had to get out of there before he awoke and told me what a mistake that had been. As I opened his bedroom door, I heard him stir from his slumber. "What time is it?" he asked sleepily. "Early, I've got to go." I said not turning around. Before I could get out the door, I felt him behind me. "Thanks for last night gorgeous. I hope we can do it again sometime. Soon. " He said while planting soft kisses on the back of my neck. "How soon?" I asked as I turned and captured his lips passionately. E. and I had sex five more times before I finally got up to return home. Dehydrated and totally spent, I left with a smile on my face and an amazing feeling of fulfillment, both within the deepest part of my conscience and my core. I knew that a new me was born in the sweat and sway of that night. I now knew that I could be sexual and sensual without fear of being too big for comfort. Confessions of a Red Hot Red Head 01 Dear Readers, I'm glad you decided to spend some time with me today. You see, I'm 25, and being of the New Millennium—I don't keep a diary, and what I have to share with you could be grounds for judgment in this Puritanical society. What other way can a digital diva share her inner most thoughts about the recent developments in her life? Well, I decided to share my sexual experiences with you—first off, they're hot and secondly, I hope they can inspire girls like me. Women who prefer to put in the extra work and construct the fantasies within their head, based solely on the black and white text splayed out before them. Women who find themselves too unattractive or too fat, or too whatever to deserve great sex in which they are respected. This series is about my evolution. My journey to self-discovery and acceptance- one cock at a time. Yes- these accounts are true. Yes- they will include acts of BSDM, Casual Sex, Experimentation, Fantasies of control/non consent, and of course, my honest thought process about every single new bedfellow. What I am about to say may shock you... I stayed a virgin until the age of 22. It is not that I am a conservative, nor am I a religious person, nor even that I was waiting for the right guy to come along. Simply put, the idea of getting naked in front of anyone made me too nervous. I merely did not date. No one asked, and neither did I. I was around lots of guys through high school and college. But I was always the overweight, geeky, unassuming friend. Nobody ever saw me in that way, and I accepted that as just the way my life would be. All my life sex has fascinated me. I suppose it is because it seemed so taboo for me, personally, to experience the act- that I study sex in an anthropological sense. I watched every television series documentaries and Real Sex. I consumed porn everyday, whether that is written or video. Sex is natural, sex is wonderful, and now that I accept myself for who I am, sex is something I cannot get enough of! I hope you enjoy my sexual awakenings—I know I sure as hell did! Please enjoy. For the purposes of privacy, I have shortened the names of every partner to just their first initial. As for me, you can call me Red. Everything else remains authentic. Entry One: The Politician. "Okay, run me through what the moral implications of Plato's Republic one more time..." I yawn with exaggeration. Looking up at him with steam from my extra tall extra black coffee wafting through my field of vision. "Tsk" he responded spinning his computer around to show me the slide bulleting out the main points. "Red, I hate to break this to ya, but your brain has reached its study threshold. Cramming anymore would be as pointless as Ross Perrot going for the White House again." He starts laughing at his own joke and all I can do is roll my eyes at the stupidity. This study session had taken a turn for the awkward. What was once four of us, my two friends, and then him. C. for short. This kid had been a pain in my ass for the last three years. I spent a lot of my time in the Student Government Association, as did he. We both had a lot of mutual friends, and I went to a very, very small liberal arts college. C. was a up and comer in the most annoying ways. Harvard in his dreams and the White House in his fantasies- he had his whole future planned out. He also happened to be African American. He also happened to be Republican—now that, I had a problem with. As a woman who possesses both a brain and a heart, of course I am a Democrat. In college, I was ardently so. C. and I used to get into knock down drag out debates that left us both breathless and near violence to own another. My senior year, he was elected President of the SGA. I spent twelve hours a week following his orders, acting on his small council and on various other bodies throughout campus. We were not friends; we pretty much despised one another. We also happened to be in the same Classical Philosophy class, and that is how he ended up at my apartment pulling an all nighter with. Because my apartment was fifteen minutes from campus, and C. didn't have a car, he was staying here until I drove us to class at 10. "You're right. It's too late now to try for sleep... But if you want there are a ton of news shows recorded on my DVR. Help yourself. I'm going to go..." I stammered trying to find an escape from you in this tiny, studio apartment. "Oh, hey, is this the new Beyoncé movie?" C. asks while picking up the evidence of the automatic rental dispenser. "Yeah, it's the one where the white girl tries to seduce Beyoncé's husband or something like that- Haven't watch it yet." "Well, I'm sure you don't record FOX, so anything news related you'd have is probably going to cause us to scream and yell. Might as well just watch this." The lackadaisical way he suggestively commands me to do his bidding makes me furious. He's so condescending. "Put it in then, I'll be right back." I mutter through clenched teeth as I get up off the couch and head to my bathroom. I just need some space from him before I slap him in the back of the head. Who the fuck does he think he is? 'Oh, you're a woman so you can' possibly watch a news program without you loosing your head.' Prick. My apartment is absolutely beautiful but small. There is no bedroom, but there is a huge bathroom with a large walk-in closet. I quickly wash my face, brush my teeth, and change into a tee shirt and a pair of sleepy pants. Emerging from the restroom, my jaw almost dislocated completely. There he was. C. standing up putting the DVD into the player, stark ass naked. "Wha. Wha. What the fuck" I stammer. "Oh, come one, don't act like you've never seen a naked man before. I just didn't bring any clothes with me and I don't want mine to get all wrinkled so I can wear them to class tomorrow. It's no big deal." C calmly caressing his words. "I don't want your butt sweat all over my couch nasty, so either stand up- or let me find you something to wear." I mockingly seethed in response. "Trust me, when I'm through, it wont just be mine." He whispered to me with a undertone of severity. It caught me by surprise. In all of our debates, arguments, and back and forth banter- I had never felt a spark before. It wasn't like I was struck by lightening. It was more as if you're walking past the same item on the grocery shelf for the thousandth time and one day, they changed the package. Boom! You want something you never had before. C. here in all his glory and all the sudden, I definitely wanted the new package. "Uh-hmm... I'll be right back. Again." I said over my shoulder as I spun back into the bathroom. Nearly missing the door jam in my haste to run away. At this point, my desire to finally experience sex outweighed my insecurities. At a size 22, I was not comfortable being naked, or even partially naked. I looked into the mirror, trying to psych myself up. Staring at my reflection I kept telling myself that not all women look like the girls in porn. That I was attractive. That he obviously wanted some. And if that was the case, who knows when the next guy is going to come along that actually wants to sleep with me? If I don't do this now, can I face another 22 years wondering what sex is like? Could I handle one more slightly bewildered stare I get when it becomes apparent that I am a virgin who is not a prude? I did what any overly self-conscious girl would do. I quickly shaved from knee to waist, (because who does that if it is not summer or they are not assured to get some?) and then I threw on a dress, quickly moved to turn off all the lights, and used the glowing light of the small television to make my way back to the couch. "K." He chuckled. Noticing my wardrobe change. I was contemplating if he was thinking I changed to look more attractive, or, if he realized I needed this protection around me to go through with this? All of the sudden, he pulled me from my thoughts with a demanding kiss to my lips. My eyes flew open then shut immediately. I was going to let this happen. I wanted to have sex. It really didn't matter whom it was with. He was offering, I was willing. Sex is biological, chemical, and carnal—it does not have to be about love, or feelings. Sometimes, it just comes down to that spark. "Lay back on the couch." C.'s voice was the same as when he was leading a meeting. Business like, formal, commanding. I did as C. instructed. He braced himself above me, the thin material of my dress, and my hymen, the only things preventing him from my virginity. His lips found mine, forceful and full. I returned his kiss ardently. For as long as I can remember, I have always done whatever task I was engaging in to the best of my ability. That would be the same with sex. I knew I was never going to be the kind of girl guys dated, but I could be one hell of a fuck. I was determined to be the best fuck I could be... and I was going to do it for him, this guy I couldn't even stand. What can I say? I grew up thinking Samantha Jones was a modern day Wonder Woman. "Switch" I whisper. It's a question, and invitation to let me get on top. I'm petrified he'll say I'm too big, that I may crush him. He says nothing, just gets up and I follow suit. With his compliance, I am filled with a tenuous sense of confidence. I began to kiss and move with renewed gusto. Locking my legs on either side of his hips, gently grinding myself into his erection. I moved from his lips to his neck. Mimicking all the things I knew I liked unto his flesh. My pink tongue looked tantalizing on his chocolate smooth skin. I traced my way from his ear lobe, stopping to nibble and suck on it in varying degrees of intensity. "Shit" he breathed when I took his lobe in my mouth and sucked on it hard while scrapping my teeth slowly pulling back. I knew from watching every Real Sex ever, that the ear thing is a good, quick, gauge to determine the level of playful pain a guy likes. With this in mind, I attacked his neck. Sucking and biting as if I was bound and determined to disprove the urban legend that black people can't get hickies. I'm moving fast switching my positioning from right to left, all the while I'm grinding slowly and deliberately against his erection. The friction with my clit starts to increase. And I attacked his nipples to try and expel some of the sexual sensations burning through me. At first, I flick my tongue back and forth increasing the pace. "Ah....mmm" he moans when I surprise him with a bite and suck. I continue torturing his nipples right, left, neck, ear, left right, ear, neck. I'm a tornado. And I am getting drenched from being able to elicit these reactions from him and the feelings emanating from my nub. After the first two minutes of us kissing, he has yet to touch me. His hands are behind his head, relaxed as if he were lounging on a foreign isle. "Enough. Suck my cock." He groans. I comply. I shimmy downwards until I am face to dick with an 8-inch light caramel pulsating cock. Tentatively, I quickly lick his head once. My pale face flaming, I looked up at him seeking his assurance and appraisal. "Lick it like a lollipop, suck it, let me fuck your mouth. I don't care, just watch the damn teeth and get to it." He barked. Nervously, I lowered my mouth back onto his dick. Using my tongue, I lubed up his head and then began to suck intensively. I watched a lot of how to videos on various sites, so I knew that the best head was lots of movement, heavy suction, lube, and deep. I broke contact to lick up and down his shaft. Moving swiftly, rotating in a circular motion while moving up and down, it wasn't long before he was slick and producing precum to add to the wetness. I impaled him into my mouth slowly, my gag reflex reacting and instantly, my eyes watered and I felt like I was going to be sick. I stop immediately, completely embarrassed at my failure. With a pop, I raised my lips from his cock and looked down at the floor. "What the fuck are you doing? Are you going to suck me off or what? Stop fucking teasing me and get back to it—best fucking head of my life..." He yelled at me while grabbing my curly mane and guiding me back to his dick. Of course, I'd seen girls gag in porn before, but when I did it, I thought I had fucked up. "Get out of your head" I repeated internally, I just needed to be in this moment and stop worrying so much about the possibilities of my inadequacies. "Mmmm" I moaned as I remade contact with the head of his dick. My throat sending vibrations up his body, causing his chest to jerk. "That's it." He groaned. Relubing his shaft, I go back to sucking him as far as I can. I no longer care about the noises I'm making with my strain; he's not giving me a choice. His hips are thrusting his dick further and further into my mouth. On instinct, I swallow, and he is suddenly in my throat. I can't breathe, and I am getting genuinely scared. I swallowed again, trying to dislodge the invader. My action had the opposite effect. He got even bigger, blocking out more or my air supply. Tears are streaming down my face, but he doesn't let up. It takes another five seconds, and then I feel a warm liquid empting down my throat. "Goddamn girl..." He was struggling to regain his own breath. Suddenly, he was touching me. I got nervous; I didn't want him to lift my dress. I didn't want him to feel me. I figured head could have been all he was after. That's how it was in high school. I sucked off two different guys, just because they asked me to and they were the only ones who ever did. I got off being powerful enough to make a man come. As if sensing my trepidations, he said, "Relax Red, I'm not done with you yet." He swatted my ass through my dress and ordered, "Switch." I got off his lap and laid down on my couch. I was shaking like a leaf. He didn't know this was my first time. Up to this point, everything had been for his pleasure only- what if he attacked my pussy the same way he did my mouth? Could he injure me? Should I tell him? I never got the chance... "Lift your hips up" he demanded. I did as he said and he swiftly put one of the large throw pillows from the couch under my ass. My hands were on his pectorals, silently holding him off. He was not slow. He was not gentle. He never even asked for my permission. In one swift move he lifted the hem of my loose dress upwards, and then used the tip of his cock to discover I was pantyless, sensing no more hurdles, he entered severely until his pubic hair was brushing up against my recently trimmed bush. "Ummph. Damn Red, you are tight. Shit...Shit." His smile and voice radiated awe. "Wait" I begged. "Just give me a second. Please." I was trying hard not to burst out in tears at the overwhelming feelings inside of me. Part hate, fear, desire, and anticipation, all coursing through me conflicting with one another in my synapsis. "Don't be a bitch. You can take it. Feel that big cock inside of you girl. Bottoming out in your tight hole. Damn you feel good. Never been with someone this big?" He asked in a mocked tone, clearly looking for a complement to his size. I decided to call his bluff. "Never. Been. With someone. Period. I shakily breathed out. His eyes bugged out of his head. He stilled immediately. Looing down at me he faced betrayed a range of emotions; enraged, confused, and then finally smug. "Oh, I'm going to punish you for not telling me that beforehand. That is not something you spring on a man. I never would have wanted to be your first." His words dripped in acid. The break was over. With a predator's prowess, he removed almost all of his cock from me swiftly... and then rocked his hips and my entire body as he made contact with my bush again. Silent, salty tears started to gather. I felt so small under this man. So very insignificant. I could have been a fleshlight. He was pistoning in and out of me using my pussy to jack him off. He was silent expect for his puffs of breath. I winced and whimpered beneath him as his motions continued in an ever-quickening pace. He continued this for several moments. I felt very little in the way of pleasure at first. But then I resigned myself to the fact that this was probably the last time I was going to have sex, maybe ever. He'd never want me again, and the one thing I had that could appeal to a guy, my innocence, was now splattered on my paisley couch. Once I accepted the finality of this act, and let myself be helpless underneath him... something began to happen within me. As he continued to rock back and forth quickly and with no concern for my needs, wants or pleasures... I began countering his movements, trying to use him in the same way he was using me.... I wanted to find out what was so great about sex. As he rocked in I lifted up toward him, I locked my legs around the small of his back, and my arms around his neck. His arms were hoisting him upwards, his muscular arms bulging under the strain; his face screwed up tight as he rode me mercilessly. For a full minute I was able to have some semblance of pleasure... "Enough!" he slapped the side of my leg roughly and then put my feet up by his shoulders. He swiftly leaned over me; the soles of my feat by my ears as he created a painful slightly jackknifed position. I could feel more contact and friction with my clit, amazingly he felt even deeper. I groaned gripped the pillow as the sensation started to become more intense. "Woah" I moaned out involuntarily as my inner muscles instinctively constricted around him. "Jesus. Red. I'm going to cum." Just as I was starting to feel something real, his breath increased, his muscles straining. He was moving faster and faster, fucking me into the arm of the couch. His breathing was coming out in ragged rapid rasps. I tried to get there, I thought about how hot this was, I thought about how this may never happen again, I wished he could hold on, I wish he would care whether or not I came. I was so close. I felt as if I were in the front car of the roller coaster train. Slowly inching up towards that first big drop. Up and up I climbed each rung harder to reach than the last. Just a few more seconds and I'd be there, I just knew it. "Goddamn, you're a fine fuck, bitch." That's what I heard from the first man I ever let inside of me, as he came. He was sweating, panting, putting most of his body weight on me. When he regained he breath, he went to the bathroom. I sat up on the couch, wondering what would happen now... If we would talk about the virginity issue, if he was going to take care of me know, if he was actually pissed off at me. He came back from the restroom in a pair of my sleepy pants. He was exuding tension and I felt myself shrinking in his presence. "You're a dumbass you know that?" he glowered down at me. "I'm sorry, I should have told you beforehand." I whimpered in response. "You're damn right you should have. We are not a we. You were a quick and easy fuck. Do you understand?" he looked me in the eye, challenging me with his gaze. I couldn't hold it all in anymore, I went to the restroom, turned on the shower, and tried to wash away the last hour of my life. ****** You'd think after that first encounter, I'd want nothing more to do with C. Truth is, he and I continued to hookup once every other month or so, for over two years. It was always the same. I would drive to campus, pick him up, bring him back to my place and we'd have sex. We would always do it with all the lights off, we would always do it with me nearly fully clothed, and we would always do it the way he wanted. Even after I graduated, we found ourselves back at our college town for work on occasion, and when he would text, I could come a knocking. On his birthday, after I had sworn him off for good for the last time, he asked to me to come to his hotel. I got into a huge fight with my best friend, at the moment I was also living in her house. I will never forget how she told me if I went to see him I wasn't allowed to come back- that she was sick of picking up my shattered pieces. I went to met him anyways. I couldn't say no to him. It was horrible, it made me feel horrible, but I kept doing it anyway. Having self-deprecating sex is betting than having no sex at all. Right? Confessions of a Red Hot Red Head 01 He opened the door to his hotel room to find me standing in the hall in five inch heels, and a business suitable army green button dress. "Kneel" he directed. I did as instructed and based on numerous prior encounters, I knew to take him out of his boxers, and suck him off. I sucked him off like as though my very existence was directly related to the moans and groans I could make him utter. "Alright... this will be quick, I've got a date in thirty minutes. I just needed a primer." I was taken aback and quickly got to my feet. "I'm not doing this anymore. I deserve better." I said with such force I surprised myself. "Bullshit, you're done when I say you're done." He yelled. Grabbing me by the hair, he pushed me towards the bed. Before I knew what was happening, he was positioned between my legs. Stop. Stop. That's all I kept saying in my head. The words just wouldn't leave my lips. "Please, no." I finally managed. I wasn't ready, in fact I'd never felt so dry before. He tried to violently shove his way up inside of me, but there was too much resistance. I was being raped. The notion finally sunk home when he spit into his hand and started lubing up his cock. "C.. I'm serious, I don't want this. You have to stop and let me go." I said through unshed tears. "You listen to me you fucking you are mine however and whenever I say. You are min because I am the only one that will have you. You and I both know its true. Now, act like the cunt you are and fucking take it." There was no doubt in his voice. He thought he owned me. "Please...." Was all I managed before he entered me, hard and quick. His thrust were strong and assured. There was no pleasure in this for me. There was no playing with control, no giving yourself over—this was pure and simple assault. He grabbed my arms and held them above my head in one of his large hands. His 5'11" frame was a match to my 5'9", but his hours spent in the gym made it impossible for me to break his hold. My legs were twisted uncomfortable, he was going as deep and as rough as he possibly could. As he was slapping my ass, thighs, and calves in rapid succession he kept saying, "I own this, I own you." The bed was squeaking under his assault, my eyes and throat burning with the need to cry. Chocking back sobs, I just concentrated on it being over. I felt his cock get bigger and bigger within me, I prayed he wouldn't cum inside of me since he didn't strap up before riding. In and out for seemingly forever, he kept going. His grip on my arms began to increase, along with his breathing. Sweat was dripping off of his forehead and onto me. Over and over again I kept seeing myself as if I were watching a movie of my life. A sad Lifetime made for TV production about the lonely, self-loathing fat girl who put herself into this position and now she is getting exactly what she deserves. I could actually see myself- a vacant expression clouding my gaze. All the while, he was going in and out. He's thrust became more frantic. His obscenities got louder. I was hopeful someone would call the front desk to complain about his noise level and then it would be over. "Fuck you goddamn whore, suck me dry!" with force he exited my vagina while using my hair to make me compliant to his demands. I put my mouth around his member, but I was giving the job my full attention or heart. He started to fuck my mouth." "Yeah, you always like it in the end. I know you do. Suck me off Red. Suck me Clean". He was gasping out in ragged breaths. He entered my throat and I felt his throbbing member get bigger just before he came. With that, C. guided me by the hair off his cock and pushed me off the bed. "You can leave now, I've got to get cleaned up for my date... And just so we're are clear... No one is ever going to believe you showed up to this hotel room, wearing that outfit, and weren't looking to get fucked. And, since you signed that Non Disclosure Agreement when I took your Vcard; I could sue you for telling anyone what happened. " He was back to the same calm, cool, and collected politician who made me sign a legal document after the first time we had sex. In case he ran for office, he didn't want the overweight white chick coming out of the woodwork to ruin his bid. I got up from the floor; I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I just gathered up my shoes and purse and silently left the room. *Don't worry readers, eventually I gain some self-respect and I have much, much better sex. Stay tuned to find out how going to graduate school abroad, and an old high school crush, changed my sex life.*