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Amazing Grace Ch. 1

By: Imogen



It was 7:00am on a hot, sunny Monday in New York. Ethan was drowning his sleepiness in black coffee and the New York Times, lounging on the patio of his favorite cafe in Manhattan. The sun had risen brightly over the tall buildings and directly into Ethan's face. 

Squinting his eyes, he held his watch up to check the time. It was now 7:30. He finished the last bit of his coffee and tossed it into the waste basket on his right. Reluctantly, he pulled himself up, tucking the paper under his arm and headed towards the subway. The train was sure to be crowded as is customary this time of day. He hurried into the station, sliding his MetroCard through the slot, rushing to catch the "F" Train to Wall Street. The people piled in behind him and he quickly slid into the last remaining seat.

The train jerked to a start and plummeted down the track. He slowly opened up the paper to the finance section, finally he was able to see well enough to check the day's stock quotes. He was just folding the paper back up when he felt a thud at his feet. He looked down to see a pink, satin ballet slipper on the ground, the ribbons fanning out over his wingtips. 

He turned his glance a little to the right to see a pair of perfectly turned out feet beside his. His gaze drifted up the long, languid legs and past the line of her hip. His gaze continued up to discover a long, thick mane of copper hair.

"Excuse me, Miss?" He asked nervously.

She turned around to reveal the most beautiful face he had ever seen. Her emerald green eyes flashed as they met his steel grey-eyed gaze.

"Yes?" she replied coolly.

"Is this your shoe?"

"Oh, yes, thank you! I must have dropped it."

She gracefully bent over and picked it up as Ethan tried to keep from staring down her tight tank top. She slid the shoe into her bag and zipped it securely. 

The train screeched to a halt and passengers got up and filed out at the first stop. Ethan motioned for her to be seated in the newly available seat to his left. She lowered herself down smoothly and opened up her bag, pulling out hairpins and a brush.

"I'm Ethan," he said warmly and extended his hand.

"Grace," she answered back with a smile. 

"That's appropriate for you." he answered back.

There was no reply from Grace, as she was piling her hair into a thick bun at the base of her neck. Ethan noticed on her bag was embroidered with "New York Urban Dance Center". She stood quickly as the train jerked to a stop. She turned to look down at Ethan. "I saw you staring at my ass. Call me." she said with a wink, handing him her number.

Later that evening they were meeting for drinks at "Sophie's", a trendy little bar on the lower east side. Grace sat at a table near the front, a little early as usual. She pulled out a tiny mirror and re-applied a thin layer of ruby lipstick and straightened her flowing maroon dress.

Ethan breezed confidently through the door to find Grace running her hands down her dress. He was pleased to find it was very low cut and when she turned to greet him, a sliver of her pale nipple slid outside the material. 

They both ordered a martini, very dry with two olives and laughed because they shared the same favorite drink. They kept the drinks coming and their inhibitions were lowering. Grace pulled Ethan onto the dance floor and pulled him close to her. She ran her hands down his muscular chest and grinded her hips into his. She grabbed his hands and slid them under her dress, guiding them up her tight thighs. He could feel she wasn't wearing any panties. 

"Come home with me," she persisted.

Ethan just nodded, picked up the tab, and they got a cab. They couldn't keep their hands off each other on the way to her place. 

When they finally got there, Grace pulled Ethan to her bedroom. "Sit on the bed." she instructed. Ethan did as he was told and sat on the bed. Grace put on some music and began to dance for Ethan. She ran her hands down her body, pirouetting and letting her skirt fan out, revealing her pale, tight ass and shaven pussy. She faced the back and untied the halter neck of her dress, rolling her hips around. She turned again to face the front, pulling the top down slowly to reveal, her small pale breasts. She let go and let the dress fall swiftly to the floor and stepped out of it, her fingers pinching her hard nipples. 

Grace slid into a straddle, facing the back, and rolled her hips through, showing off her clean, pink cunt. She rolled to face him, and brought her hand up her thighs to her clit. Rubbing in circles, she makes herself nice and wet. She brings a finger to her mouth and tastes her sweet juices, and then dips it back into her little hole. She crawls toward Ethan and puts the finger in this mouth, letting him taste her sweetness. 

She grabs his shirt and tears it open as she kisses him deeply on the mouth, then biting down his neck as she pulls the shirt off of him. She kisses his chest, sucking and nibbling on his nipples and licking down his tight stomach. She grabs for his belt and undoes it her hands rubbing along his stiff member. She reaches the button and undoes it, slowly unzipping and tugging off his pants. Then she starts to lick his hard dick through is boxers. She tugs of his boxers and throws them over her shoulder, revealing a huge, thick cock. She smiles as she brings herself down to between his thighs to kiss the head. Her hand plays with his tight balls. She takes his dick deep into her mouth, her long red hair tickling his balls as she massages the shaft with her hand. Swirling her tongue around the head, his legs start to shake. 

"I want you to lick my pussy while I suck your cock." She crawls up his body to straddle his face. He can smell the sweet aroma of her wet, waiting pussy. She lays across his chest, continuing to suck his big dick as he starts to lick her sweet cunt, flicking his tongue against her clit and sticking a finger in her tight hole. He stars sucking her clit into his mouth as he slides in another finger, alternating sucking her clit and flicking it with his tongue. She moans in pleasure as he does this, "Faster!" she cries, fucking his face. All of a sudden she stands up above him, he looks up at her hot pussy. She lowers herself onto his chest and slides down, her wetness spreading on his chest.

Grace slides herself onto Ethan's huge cock, taking all of it inside her tight hole. She bucks her hips against him. Fucking him harder and harder. He takes her tiny tits into his hands and pinches her nipples. Then runs his hand to her waist to pump her up and down against his hard dick. "Oh, yeah, I love to ride your big dick." she screams as he fucks her harder. "I want it doggie" she tells him, and he obeys, flipping her over. He plunges his dick deep inside her soaking wet box, while she fingers her clit. He slams his dick hard into her fucking her harder and faster. She tells him to put a finger in her tight asshole while he fucks her. 

He sucks on his index finger, getting it nice and wet and slides it into her asshole. Fucking her harder with his cock, and gently finger fucking her ass. She slams her ass into him.. "Harder, harder. Yeah, fuck my ass! Tell me I'm your little whore."

"Ooooh.. I'm gonna cum he moans, grabbing her by the hair and fucking her.. 

"Cum on my face..I love that." she tells him. He walks around her shoving his cock in her wet mouth. He moans as he squirts a hot load onto her lips and chin, rubbing it around with his huge prick. "Mmmmm... she says as she sticks her fingers in it and tastes it... 

She walks him to the door, and he takes one more look at her beautiful body.

"Call me sometime, next time I'll really fuck your brains out."

To be continued... 

Amazing Grace Ch. 11-12



CHAPTER ELEVEN

Ethan

Ethan

I followed her car up to her exit and then kept driving to work. If I had my choice, I would've followed her all the way to the parking lot and then watched until she was inside. My protective instincts were off the chart strong for her. She pushed all the right buttons. But she might consider me a stalker if I let it loose this early. And then she'd run for sure. She was a runner.

I'd always hated runners. I could deal with brats, fighters, criers; hell, even whiners. But runners were just too damn much trouble. Hard to catch. Then once you catch them, you have to bring them out of hiding. Grace was in this group. She hid behind a pristine image, a pseudonym, and a dead husband. But she was something special when she let that guard down. And you know when she flashes you that glimpse of what's inside that you are the only one who has seen it. And that does something to a person. To me.

But so far all she'd given me was glimpses. There had been moments when I thought we were going to make a breakthrough. I saw it on her face. And then, poof! Vanished.

I can go slow. If she needs to see self-control, I can show it to her. Fuck, we can't get much more vanilla. But it isn't working. She's still got one foot out the door, no closer to committing to any kind of relationship than the first day we met. What the fuck?

I'd give her up if I thought I could. Or if she didn't respond to me. But that's the thing ... she submits without even realizing it. Naturally. She has no idea she's doing it. It's the most beautiful fucking thing I've ever seen. And that's why I can't let her go. She's more addictive than any fucking drug on the market. She's my personal designer drug.

My dick twitched as a brief mental image of her sucking me off in the car came into sharp focus. Then the feel of her sweet cunt milking my cock dry after our morning fuck. God, she's so perfect.

I'd only been away from her for an hour and already I was craving her. It was like quitting smoking all over again.

Fuck, it's going to be a long night. Why the fuck are you going to John's uncle's place?

I knew the answer. I needed to give Grace the chance to run. Until she stopped hiding, the only way to know if she was being true to herself was to give her the opportunity to get away. If this situation is wrong for her, she won't be able to keep herself from running.

But it's not wrong. It's so right, it scares the shit out of me.

***

I broke down and called Grace at work. I had to hear her voice. There was something about it that calmed me. I fully realize how idiotic that sounds.

I considered blowing off the practice, but in the end, made myself go. If for no other reason than to talk to John about Grace and get his take on it. It couldn't hurt.

There were a total of six cars in front of John's uncle's house. I recognized three of the cars as belonging to John, Parker, and Holly. I tried not to cringe.

I walked up to the house to greet Parker first. Parker was John's uncle. His last name anyway, and what we called him; I didn't even know his first name. That was just something you got used to in the lifestyle. Nicknames. For people who relied on building trust in their partner, we were an untrusting group. I knew a couple who'd been playing for six months before they knew each other's real names.

Parker wasn't in the lifestyle. He was just a loner who lived in this old house out in the country. His wife died some ten years back. As far as we could tell, he hadn't gotten back out in the dating world since. It was a waste because he was a good guy.

"Hey, Parker. How's it goin'?"

"Ethan, hey. Things are good. John and everyone are out that way." He pointed toward the east. "Better light this time of day."

"You joining us?"

"Nah. My shoulder has been bothering me lately. I need to take a break."

"Everything else okay? Caught yourself a girl, yet?"

"All the time. Catch and release."

I nodded. He'd been saying the same thing for as long as I knew him, which was going on five years. I figured it was his way of politely telling me to fucking mind my own business. I kept asking, though.

I walked through the side door and spotted the group. A moment later I heard John's whip crack. I knew it was his by the loudness of it. He and I were the only ones in our circle who invested serious money in our implements. We both had 12-foot, 12-plait kangaroo bullwhips that tapered to thin crackers on the end, producing a wicked sound. The other regulars sported mostly shorter stock whips or synthetics. They worked well but weren't nearly as impressive sounding.

I tried not to notice Holly as I approached, but she was like an old bad habit. Every once in awhile your eyes are bound to shop even when it's not what you want anymore. She was most definitely not what I wanted. Unfortunately, she caught me looking at her. Fuck!

I stopped and stood a comfortable ten feet from where she was standing and focused my full attention on John. He was explaining to Deke about timing, which was so critical to the more advanced cracks. I must've arrived at the end of his mini lesson because the other guys who'd been listening were starting to palm their whips and spread out. I created my own space and started my warm-up routine.

About ten minutes later, I spotted John out of the corner of my eye making his way toward me. I coiled my whip in one hand and turned toward him.

"Hey, glad you could make it."

I nodded.

"Where's our author?"

"She's at home catching up on laundry."

"Yours?"

"No. Hers."

John nodded. "You been seeing her a lot?"

"Yeah. We spent the weekend together, actually."

"Oh, geez, that's great, Ethan."

John was one of the few people who knew me well enough to know I didn't date casually. And that I hadn't seen anyone since Holly.

"How's it working out?"

I shrugged. "Slow. She's, uh, complicated."

"Isn't everyone?"

I chuckled, "Yeah, I guess. She's just harder for me to figure out."

"How come?"

"She's been beaten down pretty good by her late husband. He cheated on her, but she didn't find out until after he died, so she never really got a chance to deal with it."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, I know."

"So, is she into kink? I mean, you know, not just writing about it."

"Yeah, I think so. I'm taking it slow, trying not to scare her and everything, but so far she's done real well. She's a natural, that's for sure."

John nodded.

"I'm not getting through to her, though. Not yet, anyway. She acts like she's going to let go and then ... doesn't. I don't know."

"Sexually or mentally?"

"Oh, she can come. And that's just getting better. But emotionally she's got one foot out the door, like she's just waiting for the signal to run. That's why I'm going real slow."

"Maybe that's the problem."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe you shouldn't take it slow. Has she given you any clear signs of being frightened of going further?"

"No. Nervous."

"Of course. She doesn't know what to expect. Does she ask questions?"

"All the time."

"There's your answer. She's curious. She wants more."

"But what if she can't handle it and she runs?"

"Then I guess you better tie her down and do your job. Use a safeword and talk to her; you know the drill."

"I've just never had this particular issue before."

John nodded. "I looked up her books online and they call them 'sugar kink'."

"What does that mean?"

"Bondage and discipline without the pain."

"Sugar Kink. That pretty much describes it."

I caught a glimpse of Holly moving up on my flank and dropped the conversation.

"Hey, guys. Um, can I talk to you for a minute, Ethan?"

I felt my empty stomach turn. "Yeah, sure." I looked over at John. He waved as he turned toward the group. "What do you want, Holly?"

"You don't have to sound so hostile, do you?"

"Where's Harley?"

"He's, uh, I don't know. Out, I think. That's not really working out."

Why am I not surprised? "I came here to practice, not socialize. Is there something you want to say?"

"Well, kind of, but not like this. Can we talk back at your place?"

"Not tonight."

"Tomorrow night, then?"

"What is there to talk about?"

"I, there are some things I want to say. About what happened and the sort of place I was in when we broke up."

"Holly, save it. I don't want to rehash the past."

"No, me neither. I just need to say some things, okay? And then you can do whatever you want with me."

I shifted my weight from one hip to the other. I was already growing tired of talking with her.

"Listen, go back to your practice. I'll call you tomorrow. Okay?"

I nodded. I didn't know what else to do at that point. I sure as hell had nothing to say to her and I didn't really want to hear what she had to say, either. The nicest thing I could do was just agree to a phone call.

I managed to get through the rest of the evening without another Holly encounter. In truth, I spent most of my time pondering what John had said about pushing Grace. It was starting to make perfect sense to me. She had some confidence issues and I wasn't helping them by babying her. In fact, I was probably making them worse. She may not have experienced many things firsthand, but she did her research. She knows what happens. She also had to wonder why I wasn't trying any of it on her. And knowing the way her mind worked, she was blaming it on herself.

I walked to the edge of the clearing, out of earshot from the rest of the group and called my friend Julian. He was opening the dungeon for a private event the following evening at 9pm. He planned to get there to ready the place at seven. We could have the dungeon to ourselves for 2 hours. Perfect.

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was how I always felt when I had a plan.

I headed back toward the house to say my farewell to Parker. Holly had him cornered in the kitchen, so I kept walking. From the looks of it, she was pouring on her charm pretty thick.

All I could focus on was getting home to call Grace. Being away from her was starting to kill me and I didn't want to think about why that was.

***

Work dragged on and on. The monotony was interrupted by a brief annoying phone call from Holly around lunchtime. She wanted to come to my house after work to talk. I explained to her that I had plans at seven and couldn't make it. She tried her usual bullshit to get me to change my mind but if ever I wasn't in the mood for her shit it was right then. I considered telling her off and getting it over with. I was so over her it wasn't even funny.

But the community we hung out in was pretty small. Unless one of us moved out of town, there was no way of avoiding running into each other. I thought of Grace. How Holly could hurt her with her sniping. I knew I had to try to keep the peace. So I bit my tongue and told Holly we'd have to make it another time if she couldn't spit out what she wanted to say on the phone. I thought she took it okay. It got her off the phone and out of my hair so I could go back to watching the clock.

It had to be the slowest fucking day ever.

By 4:20, I'd had enough. I couldn't stand it another minute. I shutdown my laptop and made a quick exit.

About halfway home, I realized that my dick was fucking steel. Mental images of Grace's creamy white bare bottom being striped just about had me coming in my jeans like a teenager.

Get a grip, E. You seriously can't lose your head tonight. If you want to keep seeing her...God, how I want her...Fuck.

And there was the problem. I wanted Grace more than I'd ever wanted anyone or anything in my entire life. She was fucking perfection. Five and a half feet of the deadliest curves known to man with an angel's face that could turn the holiest saint to sin. And the way she was all fucked up in the head was adorable. Especially because she knew it. She was humble and nice and caring, and I wanted to fuck her until all those dirty words she writes come tumbling out of that sweet mouth of hers. I wanted her to scream my name as if I'm the only person on the planet. And then watch her blush when I kiss her in front of her parents because she knows I might go further; because she can't help but imagine it.

I want her in my world every day for the rest of my life.

I mentally calculated the number of days I'd known Grace. It was awfully soon to be making such statements. I was with Holly for a year and never came close. Somewhere in my bones I just knew about Grace. I couldn't explain it.

I headed straight to the shower when I got into the house. I needed to jack off. Bad.

I barely waited until the water was warm enough before stepping inside. My hand went to work on my steel rod, rubbing out a quick one in a matter of minutes.

Fuck, that felt good.

I washed my hair and soaped my body. My dick was still bobbing around like a bottle in the ocean. Fuck!

I had a choice. I could walk around with a hard dick or take care of it. Fuck.

I rested my head on my left arm while my right hand started stroking. I let my mind wander where it wanted to go. Grace. Random images floated in the space between my ears. Grace's tight ass and how heavenly it was going to feel when I fucked it for the first time. Her head bobbing on my lap with a collar around her neck and a chain hanging between her pierced nipples. Marking her sweet white ass until all her pain and all her tears belonged to me. Until she belonged to me. Fuck yes.

I gripped my cock as the last of my cum spewed over my hand. Damn I love that woman.

The water was getting cooler. I'd been in the shower a long time. It was worth it, though. My dick was starting to relax. God, I needed that.

I turned off the water and opened the door to reach for my towel. My heart skipped a beat when I heard a voice. I froze and held my breath.

Holly?

I couldn't make out the words but that was definitely her voice. I listened for a second voice. Who is she talking to? I couldn't hear anyone. Is she on the phone?

What the FUCK is she doing here?

After I got over the initial shock of hearing someone in my house, and when I discovered it was Holly, I was pissed-off beyond belief. I jogged over to my chest of drawers and threw on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt. I didn't even bother with underwear.

When I made my way across the living room toward the kitchen, Holly was munching on a piece of raw spaghetti and waiting for water to boil.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm cooking you dinner. I wanted to talk to you before your date."

"How the fuck did you get in here?"

"My key."

She held up her key and I held out my palm for her to hand it over. I remembered only then that I'd planned to ask for it after I was sure she had all her stuff. I forgot.

As I pulled my hand away I noticed another key sitting on the counter top.

"Who were you talking to earlier?"

"Oh. Um, your friend. That writer."

It didn't take me long to put it together. Grace had come over and found Holly. Oh, fuck! Oh, no! Panic started to rise in me the likes I'd never felt before.

I grabbed Holly's wrist and yanked her toward the door.

"Ouch! Stop Ethan, you're hurting me."

"Shut up, Holly. Where's your purse?"

"I didn't bring one."

"Your car keys?"

"In my pocket."

"Good." I yanked her through the front door and onto the stoop. "I don't want you to come back here. Ever. Do you understand?"

She had the nerve to look shocked. Her bottom lip began to quiver. "I know I fucked up, Ethan, but I promise I won't do it again."

"I don't care. It's over. I'm with someone else. Now, leave."

Holly stood her ground as if preparing to argue with me.

"I mean it, Holly. This isn't a game. Go. Now."

She turned and stomped toward her car. I didn't wait for her to drive off. I turned back toward the house. I needed to right this wrong. But in order to do that, I'd have to catch Grace first.

I turned off the stove and checked to see if anything else was on, then I ran to the bedroom and pulled out my leather pants and a pair of shoes. I located the cuffs I'd used on Grace, plus a matching collar and ankle cuffs that I hadn't shown her yet that were part of the set. In the back of my closet was my dungeon satchel. I opened it and threw the cuffs and collar inside.

I swiped Grace's key off the counter and dashed out the door to my car.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Home

Grace

When I finally pulled myself together enough to lift my head from my steering wheel, I had no idea where I was or how long I'd been sitting there. I knew I was somewhere in Ethan's neighborhood.

I twisted and peered out the back window. I recognized the main street. I hadn't made it very far. His house was only one street over.

Wiping my tears for what I hoped was the last time because I was down to my last couple of tissues, I took a deep breath and shifted the car into drive.

I was thankful that my mind was numb; floating in a haze. I wanted it to last for as long as possible. I couldn't stand to think about what had happened. What it was about me that just invited men to cheat.

It wasn't until I was pulling in my driveway that I saw him. I nearly rammed right into the back of his Volvo.

I started to open the garage door but then changed my mind. I didn't want him in my house. So, I parked in the driveway and sat there.

After a few seconds Ethan was standing at my door. He tried to open it but it was locked. He rested his forehead against the glass and sighed loud enough for me to hear him through the closed window.

"Grace, please don't do this. I didn't let her in my house, she still had a fucking key from when she lived there. I didn't even know she was there until I got out of the shower. You have to believe me. I would never do that to you."

I'd suspected that she might've been tricking me on that part. But there was still the other stuff. Things she said, things he'd said. And the pierced nipples. Was that something he asked all his girlfriends to do? Is that even what I was to him...a girlfriend? I had no idea at that point.

I shook my head and avoided looking at him.

"Talk to me, Grace. Yell at me, cuss me out...anything. Please."

I didn't want to yell at him. I just wanted it to all go away. I wanted to go back to how I was before I met Ethan. Liar!

I glanced across the passenger side of the car and beyond the Volvo. One of my neighbors was standing on his stoop and staring in our direction with great interest. Oh, shit! This probably looks real bad.

I sat back and rolled the window down and then turned the car off.

"Thank you." Ethan crouched down on his haunches to get eye level with me. "I'm sorry that happened, Grace."

I bit back tears and nodded. "She said some things..." The emotions were welling up in me all over again. I didn't want him to see me cry. It made me feel so vulnerable.

"It's okay to cry. The thought of losing you makes me want to do the same thing."

I busted out in tears and dropped my forehead to the steering wheel. It was the thought of our relationship ending that was devastating me.

After a few moments, I lifted my head and picked up a half-used tissue to wipe my nose and eyes. I glanced to my left to check his expression. I was expecting to see that look of panic you usually see in men's eyes when you cry. Like the whole world is ending and they don't know who to call first. But Ethan was just calm. And patient. He looked sad, but not from pity. He was hurting, too.




Amazing Grace Ch. 11-12



"She told me that you were afraid to be alone. She quoted you almost word-for-word about how you wanted to spend time together and about building on a good thing, and all that."

Ethan nodded his head. "I reuse my own lines. I stick with what works."

I frowned at his reasoning and his blase attitude about it.

"I know this is hard to believe now, but I didn't really mean it the same way when I said it to her. I never felt the same way about her like I do you. This is different."

"She said you had a phrase you used to describe me. Sugar kink?"

"She overheard a piece of a conversation I was having with John about your books. Being classified as 'sugar kink' on a particular site. Not you."

"Oh, yeah. I knew that term sounded familiar. She was with you last night."

"No. She was at Parker's house. John's uncle. She heard that we were getting together over there and she invited herself. I barely talked to her. She said she wanted to get together so she could get some things off her chest."

"She didn't look like she was dressed for talking."

Ethan shook his head. "I didn't even notice. I threw her out of my house and rushed over here."

"Her nipples are pierced. Is that why you wanted me to pierce mine? To be like her?"

"No, Grace. I've never even seen her piercings. Harley must've done that, or she did, I don't know. I don't keep track of her. I could care less about Holly."

"You never asked her to do that?"

"No. I swear."

"Ethan, I don't know if this will work. I don't fit in your world."

"You're wrong, Grace."

Ethan glanced at his watch and heaved a sigh.

"I had these plans for us tonight. I wanted to take you to the dungeon and play. I know this sounds like really bad timing, but I think we should go anyway."

"Why?"

"Because I think it could clear up a lot of things for both of us. And I think, well, I hope that it'll bring us closer."

I looked over into his eyes for a few long, silent moments. He was being his honest and sincere self. Nothing had changed. He hadn't cheated on me as I had thought, even though I was having a hard time shaking the feeling that he had. And he appeared to want to make things work between us.

I so wanted that.

I nodded, "Okay."

***

Julian met us at the door and let us in. On the way there, Ethan asked me for my safeword and then started coaching me on how to rate my own ability to continue. He made it a point to tell me that he wasn't going to go easy on me. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Part of me was relieved that he wasn't going to pretend. But the bigger part of me was just plain scared out of my wits.

And maybe there was a tiny bit of excitement in there.

Ethan spent a few minutes talking with Julian out of my hearing range. He never took his eyes off me, though, and I noticed that he was positioned between me and the door. It struck me as somewhat funny since I had nowhere to run. The dungeon wasn't exactly located in the best part of town and I'd ridden there with Ethan, so there was no escape by car.

I found it amusing that my imagination started conjuring up all sorts of short movies where I'm running and he catches me. He then throws me down to punish me and have his way with me. In the end, I surrender to his will and he makes me promise never to run again. A delicious chill traveled down my body as I replayed different versions of the same theme in my mind.

By the time Ethan was walking toward me, my feet were itching to take off toward the door and I could hardly wipe the silly smirk off my face.

"That's a devious little grin. What are you thinking about?"

I shrugged and giggled nervously. "I was wondering what you'd do if I made a dash for the door."

"Hmmm...What do you think I'd do?"

I shrugged.

"Okay, let me rephrase that...What do you imagine me doing?"

I could feel the heat rising up my neck and onto my cheeks. I just couldn't say it out loud to him. I don't know why.

"Go ahead. Run."

Adrenaline coursed through my veins in an instant. It was just what my feet wanted to hear.

I spun away from the door to throw him off. It bought me a couple yards of a head start but I was going in the wrong direction. I ran around the furniture grouping, placing the objects between us for a momentary standoff, each of us huffing and crouched over.

My heart was pounding hard in my chest. My mind had somehow convinced my body that I was in danger and needed to get away. It was completely exhilarating.

I juked right and then changed direction to the left, but he was onto my fake. His arms wrapped around me just as I hooked around the end of the sofa and was about to make my way toward the door.

"Gotcha."

I struggled in Ethan's arms, but he wrangled me to the sofa and managed to climb on top of me so that his knees and calves pinned my arms and his weight held my hips in place. I made one more attempt to free myself but could feel that there was no chance of escaping that position. He had me. I lay panting in defeat beneath him.

Ethan sneered down at me. "That's all you got?"

I struggled again with renewed energy. He had to use his hands to keep me restrained.

"Easy, there. You'll hurt yourself if you're not careful. And it won't buy you any sympathy from me. I'll still punish you for running."

Ethan released his grip on my wrists but my arms were firmly pinned between his legs and the sofa cushions. He ran his hands through his hair, smoothing back the strands that were plastered to his sweaty face.

"You're a pain in the ass, you know that? Always plotting your escape. Never really giving us a chance."

I froze as he was talking. Is he role-playing or is this real?

"I'll take the blame for some of it. I've been too soft on you. But that changes right now."

Ethan looked over my head and I heard shuffling on the stage. It was obviously Julian moving something around.

"Thanks. That'll work fine there. Hey, can you bring me my bag?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Also, could you scare me up some shackles? Or actually, I just need a short chain I can clip to ankle cuffs. I have a runner, here."

"Yeah, no problem. I know just the thing."

I shot a scowl at Ethan and he laughed at me, then opened his bag to pull out my wrist cuffs. It was embarrassingly easy for him to attach the cuffs to my wrists.

Julian returned with a heavy chain and set it on the arm of the sofa. "You want help with the ankles?"

"Sure."

It didn't seem fair for him to get help, but then again this wasn't exactly a game. There weren't any rules that I was aware of. Of course Ethan would use any and all means available to him. I know I was planning to do the same when I got the chance.

Ethan buckled a collar around my neck while Julian worked on my ankles. My struggling was less than impressive with Julian there. I didn't want to take it out on him. He was an unwitting accomplice.

My right arm was yanked from beneath Ethan's leg as he shifted some of his weight off of it. I flailed and struggled to get it free but he had a vice-like grip on one of the hoops in the cuff, making it impossible for me to yank it from his hand. Eventually he clipped the hoop to my collar. Then he did the same on the other side.

My fingertips searched for the buckle to the collar to release it, but I couldn't quite manage it. Ethan just sat there and watched in amusement.

"You're only prolonging the inevitable with your struggling. Why don't you just give in like a good girl and get it over with?"

I gritted my teeth. "Never."

"What are you fighting?"

My arms stilled as I searched for the answer. I opened my mouth to respond and then shut it again.

"That's what I thought. You have no idea. I'm not the enemy, Grace. The sooner you learn that, the better."

Ethan stood up and pulled me up by my elbow. I started to take a step and teetered as the chain pulled taut with my foot held in place. He gripped me tight to keep me from falling over.

"You're not going anywhere without my help."

Ethan bent at the waist and hoisted me over his shoulder in one motion. Then he carried me a few yards to the place where I'd heard Julian scuffling around earlier. When he set me down I recognized the apparatus immediately. It was a St. Andrew's Cross.

I blanched and then teetered but Ethan was there to keep me upright.

"Shhhhh...You knew this was coming. You deserve this, now just take it."

I shook my head, almost involuntarily.

Ethan's lips were at my ear. "You have a safeword and you know what to do. I won't go further than you can handle. You can do this, Grace."

It was his words of encouragement that did it. They gave me the boost of strength I needed to keep myself from panicking.

Ethan unclipped one wrist and attached it to a loop on the cross. Then the other wrist. He fastened the chain to something near the floor, leaving my legs together. I was thankful that I was facing the room and able to lean forward against the cross. And that I was still fully clothed.

Ethan caressed my cheek for a moment before going to fetch his bag. I was coming to cherish his small reassuring kindnesses. I realized that he doled them out more freely than I had noticed before. He was actually very attentive and affectionate.  

What an odd thought to have about the person who is about to beat you.

Ethan's hands wrapped around my waist and unfastened my pants. Oh, shit, so much for being clothed. He pulled my pants down my thighs with my underwear in tow. The cross section of the cross provided a shield for the front of me, which was a small favor. My backside was fully exposed though, but only to Ethan because there was a wall right behind him.

I felt a change within me. This was really going to happen. Somewhere deep inside I knew I could stop it if I really wanted to, but that thought was hidden somewhere. I preferred to believe that I had no control over what was happening. That I carried none of the responsibility. He was in control.

It was comforting in an odd sort of way to believe that.

Ethan's hand moved over my bare bottom. He caressed one side and then the other. He lifted the back of my shirt and tucked it up into the elastic band of my brassier, exposing more of my back. I shivered and pressed myself firmly against the cross. The steadiness of that wicked device was my best ally.

"I still owe you for all the whining you did our first night. Remember?"

I nodded my head and then dropped my chin to my chest. I remembered not caring at the time what the consequences were. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"The thing I want you to remember Grace, is that I do this because I care about us. If I didn't care, your actions would mean nothing to me."

The defensive, snarky voice in my head retorted with: Sure that's the reason. It can't be because you like to hurt people. Noooooo...

"I admit I like it, too, but do you know why?"

I was alarmed that he seemed to read my mind. I thought for a second that maybe I'd said the words out loud. I'm losing my mind for sure. I shook my head to answer his question. Even if I had some clue, which I didn't, I wasn't going to risk my own hide saying it aloud.

"I like the intimacy of it. The level of trust you're putting in me right now acts like a drug to my system. I crave it. And every noise that you make and tear that you shed will become mine. I want it all, Grace. I want you. All of you. Your tears, your pain, your fears, your orgasms, and all your self-doubts. Let me take them from you so you don't have to carry that burden anymore."

Out of nowhere it seemed, tears began flowing down my cheeks. I wanted to let it all go. I had no idea if I possessed the strength or courage to do it. Or if by some miracle, this punishment would somehow set me free. I doubted it.

While what he was saying sounded sweet, I'd stopped believing in fairy tales after my disastrous marriage. And although this tale was clearly not the traditional storyline, it still sounded a little too perfect to be possible.

Ms Snarky retorted: Let's not wax sentimental over this. If you're going to beat my ass, then just do it. No need to make elaborate excuses.

Nonetheless, the tears still flowed down my cheeks. Part of me wanted to believe him. That if I'd just accept this exchange, give it all to him, things would change for me.

Ethan moved away from me briefly. I heard him rifling around in his bag. And then silence. I hated the silence the most.

I felt his hot breath at my neck next. He kissed my cheek and licked the stream of tears there. I turned my head away from him. Those are my tears, not yours. It was hard to believe that I was feeling possessive over some lousy tears. I think I mostly resented his kindness at that moment. It was probably an incredibly stupid thing to do. I mean the last thing you want to do is provoke the Dom who is about to beat you.

Ethan sighed and moved away. I waited for several long, so long, minutes. My heart pounded a jungle rhythm in my chest and my entire body started to tremble.

The first swat was jarring. It wasn't his hand. It was some sort of hard, flat object. I was relieved it wasn't a whip. I didn't think I could handle a whip.

He came down again. And again. And again. Over and over in a steady rhythm. Five times, ten times, fifteen times...I'd tense at the number just before a milestone, hoping he would be finished...twenty...twenty-five...When is he going to stop?...thirty...pause...thirty-five ... Those five swats hurt the worse. He'd worked me into a numb state, but the pause seemed to erase it and then when he restarted, the pain level was ratcheted up a notch.

My toes curled and I screeched through gritted teeth. I tried twisting away and yanking my wrists free. I was crying and angry.

Ethan stilled my torso with hardly more than a calm caress. Then he continued...forty...forty-five...My body went limp and I let my wrists hold my weight. I gave up trying to fight it. Sobs wracked my frame until I thought I might hurl right there. Fifty...fifty-one...fifty-two. I wasn't even flinching anymore. I didn't care if he continued or not.

Ethan walked around the cross to stand in front of me. He lifted my chin and wiped my cheeks and then my nose and mouth. I was a complete mess of tears and snot.

Then he set my head on his shoulder and caressed my hair. More tears came. Round after round of sobbing. More snot running down my face and onto his shirt but he didn't even balk. He just kept wiping them up and comforting me.

It finally stopped. I was drained. Empty. Even my ultimate defense mechanism, Ms Snarky was quiet.

He gently released my head and walked around behind me. He unfastened my wrists and unclipped the chain at my feet, then turned me around. I thought we were finished until he refastened my wrists on the cross. Then he moved to the side and I was horrified.

Hanging on the wall directly in front of me was a full-length mirror. My jaw dropped as I stared at the reflection. It didn't look anything like me.

Ethan lifted one of my legs out of my clothes and then began to widen my stance until he could attach my ankles to the feet of the cross. My clothes were still bunched around one of my ankles. I watched with an eerily distant amusement, as if the whole thing were happening to someone else entirely.

I became engrossed in the woman in the reflection. She had a sweetness about her. A kind face that made you feel at ease around her right away. Her cheeks and nose were pink from crying and the rest of her skin looked so pale next to his. Pure, even. The contrast of his ink against her creamy skin was so delicious. Forbidden.

His fingers went to work on her blouse until it was unbuttoned completely. He smoothed the fabric to the sides and reached around her back to unfasten the bra. Then he pushed the bra up over her breasts to expose them. So naughty.

He roughly palmed her breasts and she arched her back in appreciation. Her nipples hardened to these gorgeous little points on her chest. He pinched and rolled them between his fingers for a moment and then stood back to admire how they responded.

The look on his face was pure admiration. It was so obvious that he loved her.

His hand trailed down her stomach until his fingertips reached her slit. He caressed her there for several strokes. She cooed and tilted her pelvis to give him better access. He just kept stroking her gently. Then she tilted her head up to him.

Ethan's mouth was on mine, his tongue boldly pushing past my lips. His finger slid inside my slit and then all the way inside me to his knuckle. I was soaking wet. I have no idea when or how that happened.

He felt so good. So right. He added a second finger and slowly fucked me as he assaulted my mouth.

Then his fingers slid out of me and up my slit. He rested one finger on each side of my clitoral hood and began this lovely massaging motion, pinching and kneading and twisting my flesh between his digits. I got lost in the sensation. And then it started.

I groaned in his mouth at my quickening. Ethan pulled his mouth from mine and turned his head so that we were cheek to cheek facing the mirror.

"Come for me, Grace."

It all came crashing down on me at once. His command, my image in the mirror, all the amazing things he could do to me and with so little effort. And I realized that I was witnessing love right in front of me. Only it wasn't in front of me. It was me. And Ethan.

I trembled and fell apart. My climax gripped and then released me into his keeping.

***

My clothes were back on me and all the cuffs were gone. I vaguely recalled Ethan carrying me to the chair and settling me onto his lap. It felt more like a dream. I was completely wiped out.

"Did I pass out?"

Ethan smiled down at me. "Not completely."

"Is it ... Should we get going?"

"We still have some time." His grip tightened around me.

"I'm sorry, Ethan."

"About what, baby?"

"For trying to run. I don't ... want to."

Ethan scraped his fingernails along my butt cheek. Even through my pants I felt the soreness. "Ooooh. Ouch."

"Next time you do it for real it will be double. Understand?"

I nodded and buried my face in his neck. "You meant what you said about me being a pain in the ass, didn't you?"

"Yes. You are a pain in the ass. But you're my pain in the ass, now."

I nodded. Something had clearly changed between us. Maybe it was just a mutual agreement of the way things were going to be with us, or an understanding of our feelings for one another. I'm not sure.

It felt like it had taken me ages to come to this realization, even though we'd only known each other for a couple of weeks. We'd covered so much ground in that time. For me, though, this went back much further than that.

I'd been living in denial for most of my life. Not just about my own tendencies and who I was, but also about what I needed in order to feel whole. Knowing and feeling what I did with Ethan, I wondered if I'd ever even loved Robert, or if I was just in love with what that relationship represented. Security. Lasting stability.

Ironically, our relationship was neither of those things. I knew it before I even married him, but I went along with it because it was what I was supposed to strive for. It looked good from the outside and it made my parents and everyone else happy. But not me.

Robert was perfectly content to live the lie as long as he got what he needed on the side. He might've even loved that girl. I didn't care anymore. I was angry when I found out because I felt like something was being taken away from me. It was an illusion. I never had it to begin with. How pathetic.

I only felt the loss of time now and nothing else.




Amazing Grace Ch. 11-12



I sighed and snuggled closer to Ethan. My inner war was silenced for the moment. My mind drifted back to the present and what we'd just shared.

"Is that what you had planned for tonight?"

Ethan chuckled. "Not exactly. I like that you picked our first scene, though."

"That was fun."

"Fun?"

"Well, yeah. Sort of. What would you have done if I'd gotten away?"

"That'll never happen. I won't let it."

"Mmmm ... I like the sound of that."

"You can try it, but remember the consequences when I catch you."

"You won't double it if we're just playing, will you?"

"I guess you'll just have to take your chances. I might pick a whole different punishment."

"Like what?"

Ethan shrugged and chuckled.

"I don't know if I like this evil side of you."

"Yes, you do."

He was right, of course. It was maybe the thing I liked best about him.

"Is there anything else we need to discuss about what happened today?"

I took a deep breath and thought for a moment. There was something that Holly had said that still bothered me. "Are you afraid of being alone?"

Ethan's brow furrowed as he considered my question. "I was never afraid of being alone. It was just harder to stay clean without distractions. I'd just quit doing drugs when I met Holly. She smokes pot, but nothing else, and that was okay because that really wasn't my drug of choice. She understood what I was going through. And she was a gamer. I was just discovering how I could fill the hours with online war games and she was an RPG'er, so we just sort of fit.

"Anyway, once I quit smoking and drinking, the only thing we had left in common was gaming and we really didn't do that together as much as we just did it at the same time. For hours.

"I know this is going to sound crazy, but we hardly ever had sex."

I twisted my neck to look up at Ethan's face and frown. It sounded ludicrous.

Ethan shrugged. "I can't explain it."

"You didn't play together?"

"We played all the time. Holly is really into role-playing, but our scenes hardly ever involved any kind of sex."

"Give me an example."

"Okay, so, Holly is a serious exhibitionist. Not hard to figure out. And masochistic. She liked to start a scene with her stripping on stage and grinding on something and then I enter the scene in a jealous fit of rage, usually tie her down and then whip her."

"And that was ... fun?"

Ethan chuckled. "You don't have to like it. That was her kink."

"And yours, apparently."

"I got the practice I wanted and the release I craved. I'm real good with all sorts of torture devices now."

"Oh, great. I thought you told me that Holly wanted to get serious."

"She wanted to get married or be collared. She needs to be settled in one place. Her father was in the military and they moved around a lot. And now, she goes from place to place. She wants to just stay put with someone. She's really simple like that. She has no romantic illusions."

"Like I've always had."

"Yeah."

"And you're like her?"

"Not in the least. Although I don't know if my romantic notions are illusions or real. Yet."

Ethan kissed the top of my head and I felt warm all over.

"You ready to go home, baby?"

I made a pouty face. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

"Of course. That's what I meant by home." 



Amazing Grace Ch. 13-14



CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Getting Settled

Ethan followed me into my house to pack a few things. I shouldn't have been surprised that he noticed the changes immediately. What was even more surprising was his reaction to them.

I was surveying the contents of my closet and marveling to myself how much easier it was to do so with all of Robert's clothes gone when Ethan was suddenly behind me. He pressed his chest against my back with a force that caught my attention right away. He shoved the hanging clothes aside, making a clear space in front of me.

"Grab a hold of the bar and don't let go."

There was a menacing tone to his voice, a real sense of raw urgency that grabbed me instantly. I didn't hesitate to do as he instructed.

He reached up and released my bra and moved his hands beneath the fabric to knead my breasts as he uttered gruff words near my ear.

"I'm going to fuck you right here in this closet."

I released all the breath in my lungs in one huff and then buried my face in my arm.

"You can't hide that you want it."

I shook my head even though it was exactly what I wanted.

Ethan unbuttoned my pants to give him enough room to shove his hand into my underwear. "You are such a little liar. Your cunt is fucking soaked already."

He unzipped my pants and stripped them down my legs along with my panties. He removed them as he slipped off my shoes, then he hoisted my left foot up onto the shoe rack, knocking several pairs of shoes to the floor in the process.

He shoved his fingers inside me and roughly fucked me. I could hear his zipper opening. I realized that he was unfastening his shorts as he worked me. Then he was entering me in one fluid motion. His swollen cock felt enormous. My body was straining to accept his thickness.

Ethan took my hair in his fist. "Let go of the bar and press your hands flat against that wall."

I did as he asked.

"Lower. Lock your elbows."

My hands walked down the wall until my back was almost parallel with the floor. Ethan's steel cock sank deeper inside me and I shuddered.

"You like the way that feels, don't you, my little slut?"

The walls of my pussy contracted at his words. I hated how it betrayed me like that. I should've been humiliated by the way he was fucking me. But I was only filled with a wanton desire at that point.

"I love that you want to be fucked hard. That you come this way."

Ethan began drilling me slowly as he spoke. I could feel Every. Single. Inch. The angle was unbelievable.

"I love the way your greedy little cunt milks my cock. It's so much more honest about what it wants than you are."

He increased the pace and I fought to keep my elbows and knees locked in place. My foot slid along the shoe rack and I heard more shoes tumble onto the floor. My body began to tremble as my climax was approaching.

But just then Ethan slowed his pace. I whined and then quickly bit my lip. I pushed back and arched my back as much as possible to indicate I wanted him to continue.

"I know what you want, but that's not going to work. Say it, Grace. Beg me for it."

"Please, Ethan. Don't stop. I want to come."

Ethan deepened his stroke but didn't increase the pace to where I wanted it. "More, Grace. Let me hear the slut in you."

"Ohhhhh." Every time he said that, it just drew me that much closer to orgasm. "Please fuck me. Give it to me hard the way I like it. Please."

"Are you my slut?"

I nodded, "Yes."

"Say it."

"I'm your slut. All yours. Please fuck me."

"Oh, yeah. That's what I wanted to hear."

Ethan rammed his hips into me as he held onto my shoulder and continued at a frenetic pace. It was my undoing. I unraveled almost immediately into a wicked climax that just kept rolling over me in one delicious wave after the next.

Ethan growled his release, cursing half sentences about my milking cunt. I positively adored it that he couldn't contain his climax because of it. It made the playing field with us a little more even, since I couldn't seem to contain myself, either.

He pulled out of me and I started to drop my foot to the ground as I felt his cum gushing down my inner thigh. His hand was right there to stop me, though.

"No. Stay there. I want to watch my cum leak out of you."

His voice hadn't changed. He was still the gruff, dominant man who'd just taken me.

He fingered the wetness on my inner thighs and then ran his slick fingers all around my sex. He moved his fingers up and circled my anus. I instinctively tensed and he responded by rubbing my back. But his fingers kept moving in circles, pressing harder with each round until one of his digits was slipping in just a fraction of an inch.

"I'm not going to take you here right now. But I will. Someday soon."

There was something about the way he announced it like that. As if I had no choice in the matter. It got me. If he'd have asked me if I wanted to have anal sex my answer would have been, without a doubt, no. But I found myself wanting it. Because he wants it? And then it dawned on me. Because he expects it of me.

There was a difference.

I couldn't exactly sort out why it made all the difference in the world, but I thought it had something to do with his confidence in me. It gave me strength I wouldn't have had otherwise.

I blew out my breath and made a conscious effort to relax as he explored me there. His finger was sinking deep inside my anus. It didn't hurt. It just felt strange. Uncomfortable; but mostly because it felt like I might release my bowels on him. After several minutes of it, that fear began to subside.

He let his finger slip all the way out and then massaged my butt cheek for a moment before his hand came down in a hard slap.

I yelped my surprise.

He swatted me again four more times in rapid succession. Hard.

This time I protested. "Owww...Ethan..."

"Do you want more?"

I shook my head.

"I don't like whining. If you have an issue with how I handle something, you need to find the words to say it. Whining is something children and dogs do. Understand?"

I nodded my head, "I understand. I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to apologize after you've been punished. It's in the past now."

Ethan directed my raised foot to the floor and lifted me toward him. He pulled off my shirt and bra and discarded them and then pulled me into his arms. His soft cotton tee shirt felt luxurious against my bare breasts.

He rubbed his cheek over the crown of my head as he held me to his chest.

"You were busy last night."

I nodded.

"It's an incredible turn on for me knowing that you are serving me even when we're apart. But I hope there won't be many more times like that. Pick up my shorts for me."

He released his grasp on me and I knelt in front of him to lift his shorts. I realized with amusement that he had no underwear and was still standing in the leg holes. I leaned into his thighs to rub my neck against his partially stiff dick as I was pulling his shorts up his legs. I glanced up to his face and caught him grinning.

He took the waistband from my grip and zipped and fastened his shorts.

"Reach into my right pocket."

I did as he asked and pulled out the only object there. It was a key. The key I'd left on his countertop.

"I want to be clear this time about why I'm giving this to you. I have no secrets from you. I'm not seeing anyone else. I want you in my home and in my life, Grace. Is that something you want, too?"

I didn't have to think about the answer. My head was nodding even before I could process how I wanted to say it. "Yes, I want that, too."

"Good. Then no more bullshit about not fitting into my world. This is my world. And I think we fit just fine, don't you?"

I nodded and smiled up at him.

"Get dressed and packed. Quickly. It's getting late."

And just like that it was settled. No dramatic display, no ceremony, no formal words of commitment. He was with me and I was with him.

I gathered my things quickly, not bothering to straighten the mess we'd left in the closet. I thought we might get a kick out of it next time we were there, anyway. Whenever that is. Quite frankly, I didn't care if I ever stepped foot in that house again. It never felt like home to me, anyway.

Ethan was chewing on something in the kitchen when I approached with an overnight bag that was obviously stuffed with more than one change of clothing.

"I'm starving."

I nodded, "Me, too. I was going to make you dinner earlier."

"You were? God, I'm sorry I missed that. Will you make me dinner tomorrow night?"

I nodded.

"John left me a message on my phone. They're having a few couples over Saturday night. I texted him that we'd be there."

"Okay. You weren't even going to check to see if I had plans first?"

Ethan shook his head. "Nope." He watched me intently to gauge my reaction.

I chuckled and just walked toward him. I knew it was how things were going to be with us going forward. I also knew that if I did have a legitimate scheduling conflict, he would resolve it one way or another. I didn't have to worry about that.

Ethan held a chip to my lips and I opened my mouth to let him feed me. My stomach grumbled its appreciation loud enough for both of us to hear it.

Ethan chuckled. "Maybe we should stop at Taco Bell on the way home."

I nodded profusely.

"Come on. Let's go."

***

We crashed in his bed that night, too exhausted to do anything else, and too full from the fast food we gobbled down at his kitchen counter before retiring to the bedroom.

Ethan did make it a point to gently inform me that I was not allowed to wear anything to bed. Ever. No exceptions. I tried to reason with him about a certain time of the month, which was going to be upon us in another few days, but he held his ground.

"I don't care if I have to change the sheets every day. I'll buy more sheets."

There were some other minor things that we worked out. They weren't rules, exactly, more like preferences. It was no different than any other couple learning about each other and figuring out how to make living together work. Even though there was never any question as to who set the policies, I never once felt like I was being bullied into them. I even swayed him on a couple of ideas when I had a good argument.

The only difference I could detect with Ethan and I was how much sex we were having. I was literally hot for him all the time. So much different than I'd been with Robert. I almost ruined dinner Friday night because Ethan came home ravenous for sex and neither of us could wait until after we ate.

At my computer screen I read over the last sentence I'd written for the fourth time before just sighing and sitting back in my chair. Ethan looked up from the book he was reading.

"Something wrong?"

"I'm not in the mood to write right now."

"We already discussed this."

"I know we did, but you can't force it."

"I'm not forcing you to work on your book. Start a journal. A blog. Answer emails."

"But no surfing or reading books."

"That's correct. Not unless the surfing involves research."

It was still early enough in our relationship to find his gross exercise of control a little cute. I wondered just how cute I was going to think it was in another week. Or a month.

I tapped my fingernails on the keys without pressing any of them. The staccato beat was satisfying to me. I stared at my knuckles and started tapping out the beat of the song in my head. Something made me look up and across the room.

Ethan was staring blankly at me. My fingers instantly stilled. A question popped into my head.

"What am I going to wear tonight?"

Ethan didn't hesitate to answer. "Something casual. I'll help you pick something out."

"What are you wearing?"

"Jeans and a t-shirt."

"What color shirt?"

"Black."

"What goes on at these parties?"

"Depends on who is there. Drinking. Talking. Smoking, maybe."

"Pot?"

"Sometimes."

"Will we be drinking and smoking?"

"I hadn't planned on it. Is that something you want to do?"

"I like to drink socially."

Ethan remained silent, not committing to an answer.

"Do people sometimes, you know, play?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to play?"

"I want you to watch how other couples play."

I sat there in silence for a few moments, staring aimlessly at my screen.

"Do you have any more questions about tonight?"

I shook my head.

"Good. Because that just added fifteen minutes onto your time in that chair."

"What? That's not fair." There's no way we just talked for fifteen minutes.

"I rounded up."

My jaw dropped and then my lips formed the word, 'Oh'. I shifted in my seat and turned my attention to my writing.

A solid two hours later, Ethan stood over me telling me to save my work and back it up because it was time to get ready. I'd gone over my required time by 45 minutes. I wanted to keep going, but Ethan wasn't giving me the option.

***

John and Melissa lived in an older house on one of the 'M' streets off lower Greenville. It was the house John grew up in. When his parents decided they'd had enough of living in that part of town, they bought a townhouse farther north and let John take over the payments.

Melissa had been living with John for over two years as his sub. They made a cute couple. He called her Mimi and doted on her as if they'd just started dating. It was hard to tell who was really in charge in that relationship. He doled out the orders, but I got the impression she held most of the power.

There were certain protocols in place that I noticed right way. John asked Ethan what we were drinking and then he told Melissa what to bring. The other dominants addressed each other but didn't make notice of me until Ethan introduced me to them. The way they operated was so natural to them, as if this was the way all couples interacted at gatherings. I felt like I'd stepped into another country.

When we walked into the living room, the other female subs were all sitting on the floor, so naturally I followed suit. I wondered why Ethan hadn't told me all this before we arrived, but then again, it wasn't hard to figure out.

Melissa brought me a glass of wine. After she handed it to me, Ethan whispered to me to sip it because it was the last one I was getting that evening. He drank a coke.

I shifted my legs around a few times to find a position that was comfortable. The problem was that I wasn't used to sitting on the floor in a skirt. It was what Ethan picked out for me to wear. I finally settled between Ethan's calves, my weight on one hip, with my arm wrapped around his one leg and my legs curled around his other ankle. When at last I stilled, Ethan rested his hand on the back of my neck and gently stroked me with his fingertips. I guessed that it was his way of reassuring me. I liked it.

Melissa joined us on the floor and started chatting right away. There were actually two conversations going. The louder and deeper discussion between the Doms and the softer, almost whispered talk near ground level.

When Melissa's boisterous voice got too loud, John would squeeze her shoulder to remind her to keep it down. I was so fascinated by the room dynamic that I wasn't paying any attention to what was being said. Then a hushed outburst of giggles caught my attention.

One of the subs, Ginger, was relaying something that'd happened at the dungeon the weekend before. From what I could gather, having missed the first part, was that some poor girl tripped and fell into another couple. She'd been trying a new pair of platform boots and went head-first into the lap of a Mistress. Thankfully, the Mistress had a real good sense of humor. Without missing a beat, she held the girl's head in place and asked who she should thank for the gift.

Melissa was interested in the details of who the people were so while Ginger was trying to remember names, I turned my attention to the other conversation. They were discussing some trade in sports. I didn't recognize any of the names and couldn't even tell which sport they were talking about.

It was just like every party I'd ever attended with Robert. All the women gathered in the kitchen to gossip while the men sat around the living room or out on the patio talking sports. Only we were all in the same room. I wrapped my arm tighter around Ethan's calf. I like this way better.

I was still silently floating from one conversation to the next when I heard Holly's name mentioned. My full attention turned to Melissa.

"...out on the patio. Naked. Smoking a joint."

Ginger leaned forward and giggled. "You're kidding?"

"No. We've always known Parker was a nudist, so that part didn't surprise John."

"Oh, wow. Wait until Sammy hears this."

"Why?"

"She's after Harley. Big time."

From what I could make out, John had caught Holly at his uncle's house. It was a relief. Not just because she had moved onto someone else, but because maybe she could settle down like she wanted. A nudist. In the country. Sounds like a match made in heaven.

It was clear that Melissa and Ginger were the sources of gossip around the circle. China, the other sub, didn't say a word. After a few moments, though, China held out her hand and waved to the other two who immediately quieted so they could eavesdrop on the other conversation.

The topic had changed. The Doms were talking about their plans. For the evening. For all of us.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Ginger & Doc

"I thought as a warm-up, maybe Kimber here could read some of her erotica for us. Mimi has marked one of her favorite chapters. What do you say, Ethan?"

I picked up on John's queue right away and was smart enough not to look up at Ethan. It wasn't my decision to make.

"Yeah, she can do that."

"Great. Mimi baby, go get your book. Do you guys want to stay here or move into the playroom?"

China's Dom, Deke answered. "This is fine with me."

Ginger's Dom nodded his head. I couldn't see if Ethan responded.

Mimi returned and handed me the book. She nonchalantly set a pen down on the floor next to me and winked. I assumed she wanted me to sign it. It was an odd thought to me. I was hardly a world-class author or anything. I was sitting on the floor of their living room, for God's sake.

Ethan extended his hand to take my wine glass from me. I was reluctant to hand it over. I took a healthy gulp just before releasing it. Ethan's low chuckle was barely audible.

John had changed the lighting while Mimi was retrieving the book. The lamp on the table next to Ethan provided the only substantial light source in the room, enabling me to read the text.

I flipped to the chapter that was clearly bookmarked and skimmed over it. It was from my first book so it was one I hadn't read in awhile. I didn't choose it for the larger group meetings because it contained a very graphic group sex scene that I just didn't think I was ready to read out loud.

My mouth felt dry all of a sudden. I twisted my neck toward Ethan and reached my hand toward my wine.

Ethan stroked my arm and gently lowered it. "John, can I get a glass of water?"

John tapped Melissa and she hopped up to fetch a glass. It wasn't what I had in mind. It was these small things that were the most difficult to adjust to. The larger decisions, like where we go, how we spend our time, weren't as difficult to surrender. It just felt normal for him to decide those things. In a way, I'd always given those decisions over to whomever I was seeing. But these insignificant choices, like what I eat and drink, where I sit, what I say, were so much more awkward to give up. They'd always been my decisions to make.

Ethan hadn't made a bad choice yet. In fact, he considered my health in his decisions far more than I had ever done. I was beginning to realize that he respected me more than I did, which was something I'd been spending a lot of time mulling over in my busy brain. I hated what that said about me.




Amazing Grace Ch. 13-14



So even though the water wasn't what I had in mind, it would at least help to wet my parched mouth as I read. It was what I needed. Melissa handed the glass to Ethan and he thanked her. He then passed it to me.

I took a drink as an errant thought occurred to me. These rituals are going to teach me patience, that's for sure.

I scanned the room to see if it was time to start. I wasn't sure when I'd know. It wasn't as though everyone was sitting still and looking at me. Deke had already removed China's top. He'd pulled her up onto his lap and was playing with her nipples as if no one else was in the room.

Ginger and Doc were kissing, and John was situating Melissa between his open thighs the way he wanted her. Ethan's hand slithered around my neck and I felt the sofa cushions shift. A moment later his hot breath was on my ear.

"I'll tell you when, baby."

I nodded and took a deep breath. I hadn't even realized how much tension I was holding over that simple little thing.

A few minutes went by before Ethan gave me the word. I don't know what made him decide because none of the couples had so much as looked in our direction. They were in their own worlds.

My voice sounded strange to me at first. It cut the wordless atmosphere like a knife, it felt. But after a few sentences, I relaxed into it more. By the time I was approaching the first real heavy sex of the chapter, Ginger's soft moans had set the tone and the words flowed off my tongue with surprising ease.

The whole room was sexually charged by the end of the chapter. My own body was buzzing from listening to the others as I read aloud. In such a close setting it was possible to hear the most intimate sounds. Gasps. Moans. Kisses. Wet noises that I imagined was Ginger being fingered.

Ethan's lips were on my neck as I set the book down beside me. His hand slipped down into my blouse and beneath my bra to cup my breast.

"Are you horny, baby?"

I nodded.

"You make me want to fuck that dirty mouth of yours."

I let go a gasp and then groaned and squirmed. The thought of sucking him off right then was as arousing as it was scary. I wondered if he was going to ask me to do it. Or tell me. Or, just how things were going to play out. We hadn't discussed it.

I'd always read in my research that the best way to approach these things was to talk about your boundaries up front. We hadn't had any such discussion. Engaging in sexual acts in a room with other couples was about as close to one of my boundaries as I could imagine. Having sex with other people was out of the question. Period.

It had crossed my mind that Ethan might think I wanted that since I clearly wrote group sex scenes. I wished I could pull him aside and talk to him about it. Before I make a big scene. I knew myself well enough to know that I would probably freak out if anyone else touched me. Or Ethan. Or if Ethan touched any of the other subs.

As the mental images raced before my eyes, I could feel the panic rising inside me.

"Grace."

Ethan's use of my real name caught my attention. His lips were at my ear but he didn't whisper it.

"Calm down. Now."

His tone was borderline threatening. I wasn't expecting it. I was looking for reassurance. I wanted him to tell me that everything was going to be okay. If he couldn't do that, I wanted to just leave.

"One hundred and four strokes with a paddle for trying to run. Understand?"

The air left my lungs at once and I started panting. It helped. For some reason, the breathing helped me to get a grip. Stop panicking. Nothing has happened, you idiot.

Doc's voice cut the silence. He started talking as casually as if we were sitting at a restaurant eating dinner.

"So, Tuesday night I come home..." Ginger groaned. "...And find Ginger on the computer. Her cheeks are flushed. She closes all the windows on the computer but I stop her before she shuts it down completely."

Deke interjected, "Uh, oh. I know what's coming next."

"Yep. I pulled up the history and sure, enough, porn. Why don't you tell them what you were watching, Ginger."

Ginger shook her head and whined. The hairs on my neck stood up as I was acutely aware she'd broken one of Ethan's rules. The no-whining rule. Apparently, it wasn't one of Doc's, though.

"They're going to hear it one way or another," Doc warned.

Ginger buried her face in Doc's neck.

"She was watching gang-bang videos."

Mimi's head whipped around in shock and both John and Deke chuckled. Ethan's hand that had been caressing my neck stilled for a brief moment, and then continued its stroking motion. A nervous chill ran through my body.

"Well, what do you think?" John's tone was unmistakably conniving.

"Definitely." Doc was still stroking Ginger lovingly as he agreed to plot against her. She mewled into his neck and I truly felt sorry for her.

"Let's move into the playroom. We just assembled our new steel kneeling stock. You can break it in if you want." Melissa growled at John but he ignored her. "Or you can use the spanking horse. It's your choice, Doc."

John stood and the other Doms followed. Ethan was slow to rise, never taking his hand off me. He held me in place until the last of the group was headed down the hallway. Then he assisted me off the floor and fisted his hand in my hair to hold my face to his.

"You think I don't know you? You have to trust me, Grace. This is a pretty close group so anything could happen in there. Just stay calm and watch. That's all."

I nodded and swallowed hard. He was being firm but there was no anger in his voice.

Ethan released his hold on my hair and gripped my chin so he could kiss me. It was a rough, possessive kiss that lasted for several minutes. The kind that usually preluded earth-moving sex. When he pulled away, I was panting.

"I have a good mind to bend you over this sofa and spank you right here."

"What's stopping you?"

Ethan growled. "Self-control. Come on."

He turned me around by the elbow and directed me toward the hallway where everyone had gone. When we got to the room, which was actually much larger than I was expecting, Ginger was naked, blindfolded, and bound over a wooden device. That was fast.

Doc was positioned squarely behind Ginger's feet; Melissa was handing him some items from the bag he brought. He made it a point to keep a part of his body touching Ginger at all times. If it wasn't one hand or another, it was his hip or his leg.  

John stood at her head, caressing her hair as they prepared for their scene. I briefly glanced over at Deke and China. She was now wearing wrist cuffs and was kneeling on the floor beside the stool he was sitting on.

Ethan gently tugged at my arm. He was swinging his leg over a curved padded bench and directed me to do the same and sit in front of him. I started to resist but was met with a very stern look that told me all I needed to know about how bad of a decision a refusal would be.

I slid my skirt only marginally higher up my thighs, hoping that it would remain low enough for some dignity. I was wrong. Once I sat down, Ethan tugged at the sides of my skirt, hiking it up to my hip and exposing my panties to anyone who even casually glanced in our direction. I was silently thankful for wearing underwear.

I zeroed-in on Ginger. She hardly moved on that bench. I wondered what was going through her mind and how she was able to stay so still. My own heart was thumping hard in my chest in anticipation of what was going to happen and yet, she seemed so calm. I could reason that a lot of it had to do with experience.

Ginger had years of experience with this sort of thing while I had none.

But it had to be more than that. In the end, I decided it came down to how much she trusted her Dom. I paid close attention to how he interacted with her. It was a subtle caress with his thumb when he set his hand on her thigh. The gentle but firm reassurance that he was always there through his constant touch. The way his voice softened to velvet when he spoke to her.

While I knew I couldn't handle what she was doing, I still envied her. She was loved in a way I'd never been. She was cherished.

Ethan pulled my back against his chest and rested both his hands on the uppermost part of my inner thighs. He lazily stroked the sensitive skin there as he nuzzled my hair. His hot breath penetrated my thick strands and permeated my ear. It would've been extremely arousing even without the show in front of us.

Doc nodded to John and glanced over at Deke, and then to Ethan. I tensed at the thought of Ethan participating, but he didn't make a move to get up. Instead, he moved his mouth into position and nipped my ear, with a little more than playful force.

I noticed that John was holding a very realistic looking dildo in his hand. He began stroking Ginger's cheek with it as he spoke. "I've been dying to feel this mouth wrapped around my cock."

Deke spoke up, "Oh, yeah."

I glanced over at him with wide eyes. He was sitting with his hand resting on China's bare shoulder. He winked at me when my eyes met his. It all came into sharp focus for me.

They didn't have to touch Ginger. She was blindfolded. They just had to put her mind in the right space to imagine being gang-banged.

A smile grew across my lips and I almost giggled out loud. It was like being let in on a secret that was so delicious you couldn't keep it inside.

Melissa was caressing Ginger's hip with another dildo and allowing the back of her hand to brush against Ginger's skin as she stroked it. Ginger squirmed and moaned.

"Oh, yeah baby. Wiggle that sweet ass some more." This time it was Ethan who was adding to the scene. His silky, deep voice sent a wave of lust through me and I wondered if it did the same to Ginger.

"You want to fuck her ass, E?"

"Oh, fuck yeah."

The words would've been hard to take if Ethan hadn't moved his hand over the crotch of my panties as he said it. His cheek rubbed against mine and his eyes closed and I knew that it wasn't Ginger he was thinking about.

"I'll get her ass ready for you."

Doc spread her butt cheeks with one hand and poured some lube on her anus with the other. Then he penetrated her with his finger.

Ginger's hips lifted from the bench as she writhed around. John pressed the dildo to her lips and then sunk the object into her mouth when she submitted to the pressure.

"Oh, fuck yes, Ginger. Your mouth is fucking heaven." John eased the device in and out in a steady rhythm.

Doc added a second finger with ease and then picked up a dildo and started to tease her pussy with it as he drilled her.

Deke leaned forward and growled. "Let me fuck her cunt, Doc. You get her all the time."

Doc pulled the dildo away and swapped his with the one Melissa was holding. "Okay, Deke. Get over here and fuck her first. We're all going to fuck her one way or another. I can wait."

Doc motioned to Melissa to hand him the smaller dildo sitting on the table. He removed his fingers from Ginger's ass so he could grab it from her. He was now holding one in each hand.

"E, you ready to fuck her ass?"

Ethan looked at the small dildo Doc was holding in his palm and flung his hands in the air in silent protest. It was much smaller than Ethan's cock in real life, which is why I'm sure he was protesting. Doc shrugged and both John and Deke stifled laughs. They were all in danger of breaking the whole scene.

Melissa shot them all dirty looks and they straightened up.

"Yeah. Deke, you get in position first."

Doc pressed the head of the larger dildo to Ginger's pussy and then slid it all the way inside. Ginger groaned around the dildo that John had in her mouth.

Deke chimed in. "Yeah, baby, is that big enough for your hungry cunt?"

Ginger whined her reply and Doc responded by stuffing the dildo in her a couple of times in rapid succession. Then he shuffled his feet as if getting into position and pressed the smaller dildo to her anus.

John pulled his device out of her mouth. Ginger released a long series of gasps and moans as Doc eased the dildo farther inside her.

Ethan knew it was his queue. "Oh, fuck how I love the feel of a tight ass."

The sight of Ginger being fucked by several dildos at once was nothing short of remarkable to me. It'd never been one of my fantasies. Not even remotely. But it was clearly one of hers because judging from her sounds, she was close to climax.

Ethan's fingers slipped inside the elastic leg of my panties. He sighed in my ear as he dipped his finger into my hole. Then he whispered, "So wet."

Doc moved both devices in an alternating rhythm. John caressed Ginger's cheek with the other device and Melissa continued her action against Ginger's side.

Doc noticed Melissa's ministrations and spoke up. "I'm getting so fucking hot watching you get fucked. This is just a taste, baby. I'm thinking we could plan a whole party around this. Invite the whole club. Make it so you can't walk for a week."  

Ginger mewled and thrashed in a lustful display. It appeared as though she were coming. Doc released the dildo in her pussy for a few seconds and it wobbled on its own. He smiled as he glanced to the other Doms. They nodded and smiled. Both Ethan and Deke started talking at the same time, grunting and announcing that they were coming. John and Doc did the same.

Finally Doc's hands stilled. Ginger was huffing and panting. A moment later, he removed the dildos. Melissa handed him a towel and he gently wiped the lubrication off Ginger and then wrapped all the dildos in the towel and dropped it in his bag.

Several pairs of hands went to work releasing Ginger's wrists and ankles and removing her blindfold. Doc pulled her into his arms and very sweetly kissed her lips and her neck.

"We'll be back in a few minutes."

Doc glanced over at John when he spoke and received a knowing nod. Melissa held out Ginger's clothes and Doc took them from her as he escorted Ginger from the playroom.



Amazing Grace Ch. 15-16



CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Mimi & John

Ethan's finger had discreetly slipped out of my panties when Ginger was rising from the table. The muscles in my pussy clenched and released several times as if trying to grab a hold of his finger. The scene had put me in a quite a wanton state. I remained frozen in place on that bench as Ginger and Doc made their exit, not exactly sure how to deal with my state of arousal. 

It was a whole new experience for me. As elementary as it may sound, being sexually charged in front of other people wasn't something I could put on my resume. I wasn't even sure if I liked it or not. I knew so much of what went on in the lifestyle included being on stage, it seemed, but it wasn't the most appealing idea to me. 

I liked what Ethan and I did together. But I especially liked that it was private. I wasn't ready for other people to see what I was like with him. To be honest, I wasn't sure I would ever be ready for that. I knew it was probably because I still cared about how other people looked at me and what they thought of me. But that didn't change the fact that it bothered me. A lot. 

It was at the very heart of my doubts about whether I'd be able to fit in this world. In Ethan's world. I wanted it to work out with us more than anything, but there were still some things I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to handle.

Deke broke the spell that seemed to be suspending everyone in place like invisible jello. "I could use a smoke."

John nodded. "Doc and Ginger are probably in the other spare room. They're staying there tonight so they don't have to drive all the way home. You know where the screened-in patio is, right?" 

Deke nodded, "Yeah." He stood and held his hand out to China, then looked back at John. "How well do you know your neighbors?"

John tilted his head and frowned for a second, then smiled and nodded. "You won't be the first naked bodies they've seen in there."

Ethan stood and swung his leg over the bench as Deke led China out of the playroom. He offered his hand to help me onto my feet. 

I noticed a silent exchange between Ethan and John. A lingering direct stare.

"Mimi and I are going to the kitchen. Do you guys need anything?"

I shook my head and then realized that John had dropped the protocol. I wondered if he'd done it on purpose or if it was purely accidental. Nobody is perfect, right?

Ethan held me firmly in his arms until we were the only people remaining in the playroom. Then he loosened his grasp and guided me backward to the bench where Ginger had been so my butt could sit down on top of it.

He parted my thighs and stood between them. I remember thinking that it was a nice height for intercourse. Then I quickly thought, Duh. That's one of the things it was designed for. 

"What did you think of their scene, baby?"

I took a deep breath and exhaled as I tried to get my mind to work. "I don't know if I think anything about it. I mean, nothing bad or anything like that."

Ethan patiently waited for a better answer. 

"It was surreal watching someone get off only a couple of feet in front of me."

"Did that bother you?"

"No." 

The elevated pitch of my voice gave away that I was not fully committed to my answer. Ethan's eyes narrowed.

I wasn't sure how to explain my hesitancy. "I can't...I don't ever want to ..."

Ethan started shaking his head before I was even halfway through my sentence so I stopped talking. "I'm not into that."

I wasn't sure we were thinking of the same thing. "Into what? Which part?"

"I'll never even pretend to share you with another man. Ever."

"Good. I was afraid that because I wrote about that kind of stuff you might think...you know, that I wanted to do it or something."

"No. I won't assume something like that. I'll ask you first." 

"We haven't really talked about boundaries."

"Sure we have. But not in one conversation. And maybe not exactly laying each limit out on the table."

I nodded. "Ethan, I think I have a limit that we haven't discussed."

"Okay."

"I don't think I want to, um, you know, come in front of other people. I ... that's just too personal."

Ethan smiled and kissed my cheek. "I'd prefer we only do sex scenes in private, too. Not with friends or on stage. Unless that stage is empty because the dungeon is closed for another couple of hours." Ethan nuzzled my neck as he referenced our recent scene at the dungeon. "You liked watching Ginger climax, though. Didn't you?"

I nodded and tried to hide the impish grin I could feel starting to curl my lips. 

"We might have to use that screened-in patio after Deke and China are through with it. I don't think I can wait until we get home to fuck you."

Ethan claimed my mouth in a hungry kiss, plunging his tongue past my lips. My head spun with desire as if I were drunk with it. The kiss was over as suddenly as it began, though.

"Damn, you bring it out in me."

"What?"

"My need to dominate. I don't know what it is, exactly. This is the first time I've felt like this. This strong, I mean. I ... God, I love it."

My heart practically exploded at his confession. It mirrored how I'd been feeling about him. There was just something so right between us. I could only think of one word to describe it. Harmony.

"Do you realize I haven't played online once since you and I started dating?"

"It hasn't been that long."

"I used to game every night. For hours. I went 14 hours straight, once."

A mild alarm sounded in my head. I connected the dots all at once. I remembered that he'd transferred his addiction from drugs to alcohol to smoking to gaming. Now, to me? Is it even possible to be addicted to another person? I wasn't sure how addiction worked. I need to remember to google this tomorrow.

"What does it mean that you haven't been gaming?"

"That I no longer have a need for it, I hope."

Ethan tipped my chin upward so he could kiss me again. He started with gentle, coaxing pecks and then deepened the contact for a more meaningful, passionate exchange. My mind was once again fuzzy, falling quickly under his spell.

Low murmurs gradually got louder as people began walking down the hallway, making their way toward the playroom. Ethan kept me locked in a kiss until the voices were clearly in the room.

"I found it online."

Ethan pulled away as John and Doc were moving past us toward the steel kneeling stockade in the corner of the room. 

Doc bent over the apparatus and tugged at one of the legs. "Looks pretty sturdy."

"Yeah. I'm pretty happy with the quality."

"You'll have to send me the website. We're talking about doing the same thing you did here with combining adjacent bedrooms. We hardly ever use the two spare rooms in our house."

"Back when they built this house, the spare rooms were so small. This room is still only 12x20. Each bedroom was 10x12 before. Can you believe that?"

"Damn. Are you guys still thinking about moving?"

John nodded, "Yeah. Thinking about it. I haven't brought it up to my folks, yet. I don't think they'll care about selling this house, but I don't know what they have in mind in terms of what they want from the sale. Technically, it's their house still. But all the improvements we've made to it we've paid for on our own. So, I don't know how we're going to work that out."

Ethan cocked his head to the side and looked over at John. "Your name isn't on the title?"

"No. And we never took over the payments officially. I mean, as far as the bank is concerned, my parents have been paying the mortgage. We've been paying them. And we pay the taxes."

"Yeah, you need to talk to your parents because you're getting screwed on your taxes."

"I know. But I really don't want to go through the hassle of moving it all over to my name because we just want to turn around and sell it."

Doc chimed back in. "Just put off selling it for another year."

John shook his head and then grinned. He looked over at Doc and then to Ethan and me.

Ethan smiled and frowned back at John. "What?"

"We can't wait for much longer. Nine months comes fast."

Doc's jaw dropped. "Oh, shit! You're kidding, right?"

John shook his head. "It's not official, yet. She just took the home pregnancy test this morning."

The subject of children hadn't come up in any of our discussions. We were still working on boundaries. I watched Ethan's expression intently. A huge smile lit up his entire face. He was genuinely happy for John.

"Oh, man, congratulations." Ethan leaned in to give John a man hug and then stepped out of the way for Doc to do the same.

I wasn't sure if I should congratulate him or not. I hadn't been included in their conversation, and I was a little wary of breaking any rules with so many torture devices nearby.

Melissa and Ginger walked into the room as Doc and John were composing themselves after their hug. Melissa firmly planted her hand on her waist and camped her hip out to the side in an exaggerated motion.

"You didn't just tell them without me, did you?"

John slowly turned his head toward Melissa, raising a single eyebrow. Her hand slid off her waist and she straightened her posture. Then her eyes lowered to a spot on the floor just a few feet in front of her. The tension was palpable, but not exactly ominous. I even detected a slight quiver at the corner of John's mouth as though he might break out in laughter at any moment.

Doc motioned for Ginger to come to him and she scurried away from Melissa, eager to distance herself from her friend all of a sudden.

The whole display was suspenseful. I found myself holding my breath and trying not to smile at the same time. If I thought for a moment that John might really do her any harm, I would've been uncomfortable. But I wasn't the least bit uneasy. It was evident that he was going to school her on her behavior and I could hardly wait to see how.

"What did I tell you about sassing me before our guests arrived?"

"You told me to keep my mouth in check, sir."

I bit my lip when she spoke. I'd never heard her refer to John with such respect. She wasn't disrespectful to him, but this was a whole different level of formality. It seemed they were slipping right into some type of role playing. I wondered if they'd worked out some signal and it was so subtle I missed it.

"Do you think the way you addressed me just now was 'keeping your mouth in check'?"

"No, sir. I'm sorry, sir."

"And what happens when you clearly disobey my orders?"

"I get punished."

John looked over Melissa's shoulder to Deke and China who were quietly slipping through the doorway. Then he turned his attention back to Melissa. "Did you think that being pregnant would stop me from whipping you?"

Melissa shrugged one shoulder and then dropped her chin to her chest as she shook her head. "No, sir."

"Not at this stage of your pregnancy, it won't. And later on, I'll just have to dole out much more creative punishments. Because I highly doubt you'll be any better at controlling your mouth at eight months pregnant than you are now. Right?"

"Yes, sir; I'm sure you're right."

"Of course I am. Now, go pick out a crop."

Melissa gasped and then bit her lower lip as she appeared to be holding her breath.

"You have something to say about my choice of implement, Mimi darling?" The sarcasm rolled off his tongue.

She shook her head and turned around to walk to the closet. 

Ethan pulled me with him as he stepped around the spanking bench so we could move out of the way. I clasped my hands together and realized that they were clammy. I was a lot more tense about what was about to happen than I was admitting consciously. 

Parking his back against the wall, Ethan wrapped one arm around my waist to hold me firmly against him. I wasn't sure if he could sense my state of anxiety or not. I only knew that his firm grasp felt like it was holding me together.

Melissa returned with a pink crop that had a wide leather piece on the end with a heart cut out of it. She balanced it on her open palms, presenting it to John with a bowed head.

John chuckled. "The very first crop I bought for you. And the mildest one in that closet. You haven't wanted this one in a very long time." 

John lifted the implement from her hands and mused as he rolled the handle in his fingers. His expression changed as though he'd discovered the answer he was looking for. He briefly glanced over at Ethan and then back at Melissa.

"Here." John tapped the steel kneeling stock with the end of the crop to indicate where he wanted Melissa to go. She approached the apparatus and knelt down onto it. Even though John had stated they hadn't used it, it was obviously adjusted for her. 

John leaned over and stroked her back when she was in place. He locked her ankles in place by latching the bar over them, followed by her wrists and neck. He then yanked down the back of her leggings, exposing her thong and two bare butt cheeks. 

I immediately noticed a series of scars along her hip. They were a pale pink color and obviously very old, but they weren't from a natural cause. I couldn't think of anything that might cause those marks except being beaten. My eyes darted from Melissa's hip to John's face. I couldn't put it together. Even though he was about to hit her with a crop, he wasn't angry. He didn't even seem capable of inflicting those types of marks on Melissa. The way he looked at her, doted on her. 

My attention was drawn back to Ethan as I could feel the back of my skirt inching upward. His free hand had been sliding up the back of my skirt and his fingers were now wiggling beneath the elastic leg of my panties at the base of my buttocks.

The sharp thwack of the crop startled me. My gaze had drifted as I was focusing on Ethan's creeping hand. Ethan tightened his grip on me.

My attention shifted back to Melissa. I wanted to be ready for the next blow. Flinching seemed like such an amateurish thing to do. No need to broadcast how new all of this is to me. I noticed that Melissa was completely still and quiet. 

John's hand lifted for another swing and I sucked in my breath. This time as the sharp sound of the leather slapping her skin resonated in the room, I felt a pinch on my buttock. It might've even happened a half a second before the sound. I froze in place.

Another strike of the crop and another pinch in the same spot. Ethan's fingers hadn't been creeping up my skirt for sexual reasons, he had intended for me to feel a sting each time the crop landed on Melissa's buttocks. 

I not only forgot to flinch at the sound, I was no longer intently focused on Melissa. Instead, I was anticipating my own torment. It calmed me so much I wanted to drop to my knees. Thankfully, Ethan had me steadfast enough that I didn't require legs to stay upright. 

Melissa twisted her head in the stock and looked directly at me. She suppressed a smile before shifting her face back to the floor. 

Almost the exact same envy that I'd felt for Ginger was creeping over me again. I wished that it were me in that stockade with Ethan wielding that crop in his hand. When the next blow came, and I felt the sting that was now increasing in intensity as Ethan had hardly moved from pinching the same spot, I nearly moaned out loud. I must've made some sound because suddenly all eyes in the room were on me.

I bit my lip and Ginger stifled a chuckle. John's hand came to rest at his side and he took a couple of steps backward.

"I think I'll change this out for something with more bite."

John moved to the closet and swapped the crop he'd been using for another one. The end of this one was shaped differently. The leather piece was nothing more than a narrow strip. He showed it to Melissa and she groaned as he took his stance behind her. 

"Five more, Mimi. But I'll make these count."

The sound wasn't as loud as the previous crop but the first blow with this one made Melissa squirm. Ethan didn't pinch me. I shifted my face toward him slightly in question but received no response. 

John continued with the remaining four swats and I endured them without any distraction. I listened to Melissa's labored breathing and soft cries and watched the red stripes appear across her white skin right before my eyes. I felt no sympathy for her because there was no reason for it, however, I stopped envying her on about the third stroke. But all the way to the end, I found myself in awe of her strength. 

After the fifth blow was delivered, John walked to the closet and put away the crop. Then he returned to Melissa and stood by her side stroking her back as he spoke to her.

"Are you going to remember this for the rest of the night, Mimi?"

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

"Are you ready to come out of the stockade and rejoin our party?"

"Yes, sir."

John leaned down and lifted her pants over her buttocks. Melissa hissed her discomfort. He didn't acknowledge it at all. He simply released her limbs and neck from the steel bindings and then helped her onto her feet and into his arms. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear and she shook her head.

John lifted his face from Melissa's hair and smiled. "Anyone else want to try our new stock?" He swiveled toward me and tilted his head in question. "Hmmm?"

I violently shook by head and tried to shrink farther into Ethan's grasp as everyone laughed out loud, including Ethan. 

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Kiwi

Deke interrogated John on what they'd missed and everyone moved back into the living room to sit and talk. I finished my wine and actually found something to contribute to the sub conversation when the topic turned to books. It ended up being the one thing we all had in common. We all read novels.

I left the party with a couple of titles to add to my reading list, and a few new friends. And another BDSM experience under my belt.

On the ride home, Ethan pumped me for information. "What did you think of the party? Was it what you expected?"

"I'm not sure what I was expecting. In some ways, it was like any other party I've ever been to. This one at least had some entertainment."

Ethan laughed. "And what did you think of John and Mimi's entertainment?"

I frowned at his use of her nickname but shrugged it off. "I was real nervous about it at first."

"I noticed that."

"Is that why you pinched me?"

"I just wanted to play a little. I didn't know it was going to turn you to jelly. I had a hard time holding you up." Ethan took a long sideways glance at me with a huge teasing grin on his face.

"I don't know why, but for some reason it was easier to take it than to watch someone else taking it."

Ethan nodded. "I'm the same way at a club when there is a guy I don't know behind the whip. I thought it was my own discomfort over being out of control."

"It's kind of hard to watch."

"I know what you mean. You handled the last five strokes, though."

"Yeah. I'd sort of moved beyond feeling sorry for her by that time."

"What were you feeling?"

"I, uh, sort of envied her." I quickly added, "To a point. I mean, she was enjoying that, I think."

"Yes she was."

"Did you see those marks on her hip, though?"

"Yeah. They're, uh ... I should let Melissa tell you, but it isn't like it's a secret or anything ... She got those before she met John."

"What are they from?"

"A cane, I think. I don't know, exactly."

"Someone did that to her?"

"Yeah. Some guy she was seeing when she lived in Houston."

"How did that happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, didn't they have a safe word?"

"I don't know. I never asked her."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not my business."

I frowned and continued to stare at Ethan, waiting for an explanation.

"What? Listen, Grace, it's not like what you read in books. Safe words don't magically protect you from harm."




Amazing Grace Ch. 15-16



"What does, then?"

"Choosing to play with someone you trust. Talking about things; communicating. Telling the truth and trying not to hide things from the other person. Mostly, though it's about making good choices. There are guys out there who get off on inflicting pain. They're out to get their own kicks and couldn't care less about the other person."

"Do you get off on inflicting pain?"

Ethan frowned and glanced at me. "Not exactly, no. I get off on pleasuring my partner. Pain can be a part of that in different ways. When the pain morphs into pleasure, for example. Or when the pain causes the person to let go, much like it did for you earlier on a smaller scale."

"How do you know when to stop?"

"You mean, if your partner doesn't let you know when they've had enough?"

I thought about it. He had a point. It came down to trusting that the person would stop when you told them you couldn't handle any more.

"There are dozens of non-verbal signs that give an indication that someone is getting close, but you can't just count on the person wielding the whip to pick up on them. What you have to be able to count on is that they will stop when you say you've had enough."

"What if I'm gagged?"

"Well, for one, I hope that you'd know the person pretty damn well before allowing yourself to be bound and gagged. And you should work out a signal."

"And a safe word."

"A safe word is only as good as the agreement."

"Meaning?"

"You have to work out what it means when you use a safe word, or when you stay 'stop', or use any signal that indicates that your limit has been reached. I personally prefer you say, 'stop it, asshole', or 'I've had enough, you fucking sadist.'"

I laughed. "Like I'd dare say that to you with a whip in your hand."

Ethan shrugged and chuckled. "I'd hope you would feel comfortable saying it, knowing that I wouldn't take it out on you if you did."

"You'd just stop?"

"Absolutely. And that's something you're going to have to trust in me before I'll even consider whipping you."

"Who said I want you to?"

"Your eyes said it loud and clear. Hell, everyone in the room could feel how much you wanted to trade places with Mimi."

I could feel the heat rising up my neck and over my cheeks. I focused intently on the road out the front windshield.

"It doesn't make you a freak, Grace."

"I don't want to be hurt. I don't understand why I was feeling like that at that moment. Believe me, I don't want to be whipped."

"Do you think Melissa wants to be whipped?"

"Well, yeah. I saw the look on her face when she was there."

"That was Mimi."

"Who are we talking about then?"

"Melissa likes to refer to that part of herself as Mimi. John calls her Mimi to get her in the right frame of mind to play."

"I thought it was just his pet name for her."

"A lot of people use nicknames, not just to protect their real identity, but to get them into the proper frame of mind for role playing. Melissa is like that. My point is that Melissa doesn't want to be whipped."

"But Mimi does?"

Ethan chuckled. "When certain situations arise, Melissa, or Mimi, finds herself in the mood to be taken in hand by John." Ethan shrugged. "She isn't like that all the time."

"And you think I'm like that?"

"Do you?"

I wasn't going to repeat the answer in my head. I would've just been stating the obvious, anyway. "Do I have to come up with a nickname?"

"Not unless you want to. You could always use the pseudonym you already have."

"I was thinking about that, anyway. This crowd already knows my pen name so it just feels right. I don't like for many people to know me by both names."

"I've been careful not to use your real name. I don't think anyone heard me when I spoke it in your ear earlier tonight."

He remembers everything. "I'd still like to keep my safe word."

"Of course. I wasn't suggesting that people not use one. I was merely pointing out that it won't save the person who has made the wrong choice of partner. I want you to remember that if we ever break up."

I felt a little sick at the thought of it. "I don't think I'd do any of this without you."

"Yes you would. And you would have found it without me sooner or later. I haven't done anything special."

"Yes you have. How can you say that? I was going to leave that night and go back to my boring, vanilla existence. I planned to never return."

"And when John called you back to read again, would you have considered it?"

"Probably. But not becoming a member."

"You don't know that for sure. You were dying to get involved. You just didn't know how. Someone else would've presented you an opportunity. I just beat them to it."

"I'm glad you did."

"Me, too." Ethan grinned over at me as he was exiting the highway.

"But I disagree with you that you haven't done anything special. You've opened up a whole new world of possibilities for me. You've made me feel things I didn't even know were possible. And I've learned so much about myself, although to be honest with you, some of it wasn't good."

"There's nothing wrong with you, Grace."

"No, I don't mean that stuff. I mean the part about being hung up on what everyone thinks of me. And how much I let my past cloud the way I saw myself."

"Everyone does that, though. I mean, we're all a product of our past experiences. We can't help it."

"You don't think I can change?"

"I didn't mean that. I just meant that we can't change what has happened in the past. We can always change how we deal with it. If I didn't believe that, I'd be a lot different person than I am now."

I nodded and let it go without further prodding. He'd already divulged his past struggles with addiction, I didn't see any need to rehash it.

Ethan changed the subject. "So what did you think about Melissa being pregnant?"

"I think it's great. I mean, I don't know them all that well but, you know, they seem to be happy about it."

"They're not married."

I shrugged and shook my head. I wasn't sure where he was going with his statement of fact about their marital status. "Does that matter?"

"Hell yes it matters."

I tilted my head in curiosity. He obviously had some strong opinions on the subject.

"I've seen too many couples have kids without making any other commitment to each other. When they split up, there is no one watching out for the kid. Marriage doesn't keep people from splitting up, but divorce isn't an overnight process, and child support can be a motivating factor to stay involved."

"You've spent some time thinking about this."

Ethan shrugged. "My cousin got killed in a car accident. He was only 13. He'd been hanging with a group of older kids, getting involved in all sorts of bad shit. His mom didn't even notice that he was failing in school and his dad skipped out after he was born. I've had a lot of time to think about it."

"I take it his parents were never married?"

"No."

"But what's to say that things would've turned out any different?"

"My mom knows his dad. He's married with two kids. I have to think that if he'd been forced to take some responsibility for Ben, things might've turned out different."

"You don't think John would do that to Melissa, though; Do you?"

"No. I don't think so. But circumstances change. People change. One left turn and you don't even recognize the guy that was once your best friend."

"So you're not against marriage?"

"No." Ethan wrinkled his nose. "Did you think that I was?"

"Yeah, sort of. Something you said about not even considering marrying Holly made me think you might be against the whole institution."

"Oh, hell no. You have to know by now that Holly was just a convenient outlet at the time."

"While you were recovering from your addiction?"

"Yes."

"Is that what I am?"

Ethan frowned and sighed. 

He pulled the car into his garage, shut off the engine and closed the garage door before speaking. "I'm always going to be an addict, Grace. I haven't used drugs in almost three years, but that doesn't make me less of an addict. I have an obsessive personality. That can be a bad thing, or it can be manageable. I choose for it to be manageable. And I'm finding new ways to manage it all the time. 

"Last month, my way of managing it included gaming. Holly helped with that. But even far more therapeutic for me was becoming active in the BDSM community. My therapist believes that it is helping me to shift to an internal locus of control. There were a couple of times when I felt it before I met you. But now ... shit, I can't even describe the change.

"But to call you a convenient outlet? No, it doesn't feel like that at all to me."

"What does it feel like to you?"

Ethan grinned, "I don't know. Like the real thing. Something permanent."

I could feel the pin pricks at the corners of my eyes. I wasn't expecting him to say that. I'd been fighting the same feeling; trying desperately to stomp it into the ground each time the fleeting thought crossed my mind. It's too soon. We hardly know each other. I'm only just starting to learn about this side of him.

"Have I scared you off?"

"No." Maybe. A shiver ran down my spine at the thought of commitment. I wasn't sure why.

"I'm not convinced."

"It's a lot to take in, Ethan. You throw out that you're an addict and seeing a therapist like it's the most normal thing in the world."

Ethan nodded, "I told you I had more baggage than you, and that you'd wish we were dealing with your shit instead of mine."

"You did. I remember. I thought you were just trying to be nice."

"That's something I don't know how to do very well."

I shrugged. I wanted to disagree but there was no point. If he needed to feel he was a total hard-ass, then who was I to burst his bubble? "I'm a little afraid that you're just sort of shifting your addictive energies, or whatever, to me. That I'll just be part of the problem. And I don't know how to deal with that."

Ethan chuckled. "I suppose I am obsessed with you in a way. And I probably will become addicted to the feeling I get when I'm topping you. Is that so bad? I mean, there are addicts everywhere. It's just a matter of whether or not their addiction is hurting themselves or anyone else. Is being with me unhealthy for you?"

"No. Is it unhealthy for you?" 

"No. It's good, in fact. I have to exercise a lot of restraint around you."

"You do? I don't understand. Why?"

Ethan's hand wrapped around my wrist and he gently pulled my hand to his crotch. The stiff bulge beneath his jeans was obvious. "Because this is what you do to me all the time."

My lips formed a silent "O".

"Yeah. So, either I tie you to my bed and spend all day and night fucking you ... which isn't a bad idea, by the way ... or I learn to control my impulses. And each time I do that, I feel stronger."

"What were you starting to say about the feeling you get when topping me?"

"That's fucking incredible. Adrenaline. Better than any drug I ever took. I don't know how to describe it to you. Can you describe what it's like to be on bottom?"

I shook my head. "I'm still working on that. For my books. But if topping gives you the same rush as being on drugs, isn't that bad?"

Ethan nodded, "It would be if I couldn't control it. That's the beauty of it. My self control is part of what gives me the high."

Sounds reasonable. I was trying to keep a positive attitude about the whole thing despite the fact that it was starting to feel complicated. The only long-term relationship I had to compare it to was my marriage. Failed marriage. I couldn't help but think of it as a total failure given the undeniable truth that the very basis of it, fidelity, was breached. 

And yet, I did everything right. The way everyone says to do it, anyway. We dated for a long time. We waited until we were out of school and had jobs. We established strong ties to our families. Every ingredient of the recipe was there; whereas almost none of that applied to this relationship. 

On top of that, there were some real red flags with Ethan. I think. If I sat down to tell a girlfriend about him, she'd most certainly warn me off of him. I should be warning myself off. But something inside me, some inner voice was telling me to stick it out. He was messy, that was for sure. So are you. You just hide it better. This connection we had was based on harsh truths and not on what we wanted the other person to see. Not on what we wanted anyone else to see. I'd been playing that game for too long. All my life.

"Grace, I think I can give you what you need. If you'll let me. We're good for each other. What's happened in the past is behind us."

Ethan reached over and stroked my cheek until I looked up into his eyes.

"What's your safeword, Kimber?"

I swallowed hard and tried to ignore my skipping pulse. "Stop it, asshole."

Ethan chuckled for a second but then tilted his head with one raised eyebrow as if my clever recount of his earlier statement wasn't amusing him at all.

I cleared my throat and wiped the smirk off my face best I could. "Kiwi."

Ethan nodded, "Kiwi."



Amazing Grace Ch. 17-18



CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Hesitant

"I'd like to put a collar on you until you leave for work Monday morning.  Will you consent to that?"

My forehead wrinkled in confusion.  "You've put a collar on me before without asking."

"That was to serve a purpose for a short period of time.  To restrain you.  Asking for your consent wouldn't have been appropriate then.  This is a bit different.  I'm asking you to submit to me until Monday morning."

The thoughts in my mind raced around in meaningless circles.  If he would've just done it, I would've gone along with it.  But making a fuss over it like he was, I couldn't help but feel that I was agreeing to do something I might regret.  I froze and held my breath.

"Ask me questions if you're not sure."

I released the air I was holding in my lungs.  "What are you going to do to me?"

Ethan glanced around the interior of the car and out the window into his garage.  It was clear that he wasn't going to answer my question directly.  "You don't really want me to tell you.  You're not the kind of person who reads the last chapter of a good suspense novel first just to find out how it ends.  You like to immerse yourself in the story one chapter at a time and ride each wave without knowing exactly how it's going to fall.  Ask me another question."

A couple of questions came to mind.  I wanted to ask if he was going to hurt me, but decided that there were a dozen ways he could answer that question that would leave me with no more clues as to what he had planned.  Anyway, we'd sort of covered that topic.  Several times.  

My mind just kept going back to one thing.  I couldn't figure out what the importance of collaring me was to him.

"How is this different than last weekend?  Or any other time that we've played."

Ethan smiled.  "How is being engaged different than being married?"

It's not, really ... except ..."You can't just walk away from marriage."

"Right."

"By doing this I'm agreeing to ... what?  To do whatever you want until Monday morning?"

"Yes.  Most definitely."

I got the impression there was more than just that.  "What else?"

"You won't be able to leave the house.  There will be rules.  Consequences.  Rewards.  It'll be a scene that goes on for so long you're convinced it's real."

"But only until Monday morning?"

"That's correct.  Monday morning I remove the collar and you go to work as usual."

The tiny smile on his lips made me suspicious.  I had a feeling that there would be nothing usual about it.  I squirmed to still the escalating throbbing between my thighs.  There was no way my body would let me refuse his proposal.  I nodded my assent.

"Good.  You remember how respectful Mimi was to John when they started their scene?"  I nodded.  "That's how I want you to be.  You don't need to call me Sir or anything like that.  I just want you to be respectful at all times."

I nodded.  "Okay."

"For the duration of this scene, there will be no questions unless I specify otherwise.  I'd really like for us to feel our way through the next two days and see how it goes.  We've already spent a lot of time talking.  I don't think we're going to get any closer to trusting each other at this point without just taking the plunge and doing it.  

"That doesn't mean silence, though.  I want to have conversations, just not about the scene, itself or the lifestyle.  And you should tell me when you're uncomfortable.  Hell, you can protest doing something if you do it nice enough.  I probably won't change my mind, but hey, you can give it a shot.  In the end, though what I really want you to do at all times is try."

I waited for him to finish the sentence.  After a few seconds of silence I had to ask.  "Try what?"

"To complete every task I ask of you.  To give it your best effort even if you're not sure.  And most of all, try to let go of all those inner fears you have.  While you're wearing that collar, all choices are mine.  Just go with it.  You're a natural."

"I'll try, Ethan.  I promise."

"Do you want me to call you Kimber?"

I shook my head.  "Not unless you want to call me that."

"That's a very pleasing answer, Grace.  That's the sort of behavior I'm looking for.  Do you have any questions for me?"

"I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do."

"Whenever you're not sure, just sit or stand quietly near me.  But I doubt once we get started that there'll be a time when you don't know exactly what I expect of you.  Right now I'm going into the house.  I expect you to take off all your clothes and leave them here.  Come find me and wait.  I'll most likely be in the bedroom."

Ethan didn't pause to ask me if I understood or to check my reaction to his startling request.  Without hesitation, he reached for the door handle and slid out of the car.  He had disappeared into the house before I had moved a muscle.

I knew that after being at John and Melissa's house and watching the other couples play that he would want to come home and engage in some sort of BDSM play.  The serious conversation we had on our ride home had gotten my mind off it, though, so I hadn't really thought about what we might do.  I didn't have any expectations, I didn't think.  If I did, they were nothing like this.

I was still confused about what he was expecting from me.  Or maybe it's not that I don't know what he expects of me, it's that I don't know what he expects to accomplish.  Is this just play?  Or is he trying to test the waters with me?  It was a fair question.

I pulled the door handle and pressed my shoulder against the car door until it started to swing open.  I slipped my shoes off before swinging my feet to the cold concrete floor.  I winced when they touched.  It was not only cold, but dirty.

I removed my blouse and bra before standing up, then quickly slipped my skirt and panties down to my calves and stepped out of them.  I tossed them onto the passenger seat and closed the car door.  

The garage was dark and quiet.  The only light was coming through the side window from the street lamp the next block over.  It was almost eerie.  Everything about being naked in his garage felt strange.  And the fact that I was headed into his house to serve him felt even weirder.  What in the hell am I doing?

But my feet ignored the voice in my head and carried me over the threshold and right to the doorway of his bedroom.

Ethan's back was to me but he must've heard me approach because he simply pointed to the bed.  "Sit here."

I padded to the bed and lowered my bare bottom onto the comforter.  A tiny chill went through me as if I were sitting on ice rather than the cool fabric.  Ethan didn't notice.  He was rifling through the drawer, seemingly looking for something in particular.  To the best of my knowledge, he hadn't even so much as glanced at me.

I felt uncomfortable.  I shifted in place trying to find a suitable position for my hands and feet.  I was naked.  In every sense of the word.  Utterly vulnerable and filled with uncertainty.  I struggled to contain the mounting anxiety.  It was urging me to run.

"Ethan?"

"Yes, Grace?"

"I'm scared."

Ethan turned toward me and smiled.  He lifted the collar off the pillow and then tilted my chin up so he could gently kiss me on the lips.  "This will make you feel better.  Lift your hair up off your neck for me."

I scooped my hair up with trembling fingers and moist palms and held the pile atop my crown as he encased my neck in leather.  There was no ceremony to it but I couldn't help but feel that it was a symbol of something.  

I relaxed my shoulders and elongated my neck, lengthening my spine in a purely feminine gesture as he was buckling the collar in place.  I could feel myself starting to slip into the role of submissive even before he finished.  It was amazing how one simple prop could do that to me.  

"Mmm...beautiful."  Ethan palmed my breast for a brief moment before reaching for the wrist cuffs.  

A huff escaped my lips before I could stop it.  His praise and his touch were like beacons guiding me through the sea of uncertainty.  I can't describe how incredibly comforting they were.

He attached both wrist and ankle cuffs on me and I completed my mental transformation to the role I was to take for the next two days.  Or so I thought, anyway.

"Is that better?"

I nodded.  I knew he was only asking to make a point.  He was too observant to miss the change in me.  

"I'm hungry."  

Ethan turned on his heel toward the bedroom doorway.  He didn't pull me with a leash or give me instructions, but I could feel the pull as strongly as if he did.  I followed him to the kitchen.

Ethan pulled a bag of Doritos from the cupboard, dropped it onto the counter and muscled the container open in a chorus of squeaks and crinkles that split the quiet kitchen in two.  He offered the open bag to me and I politely refused.  Without hesitation he shoved his hand into the sack and emerged with a handful, tossing the bag back onto the countertop.  He swiveled to lean against the counter as he plucked one chip at a time from the stash he held in his palm.  We stood there for several long moments with only the sound of his crunching between us.  

I relaxed and leaned over to rest my elbows on the countertop.  Ethan's crunching noises lulled me into a mindless stupor.  I fiddled with my wrist cuffs, twirling the silver hoops around and around in their bindings with no single lucid thought in my conscious brain until out of nowhere a question popped into my head.

"Do all D/s or M/s relationships include whipping?"

"No questions about the lifestyle right now."

I straightened upright with wide eyes.  I realized that I'd broken the only rule he'd given me.  "I forgot.  I'm sorry."

Ethan grinned and slid another chip between his lips.  A little deviousness lifted the corners of his eyes as he openly studied my appearance.  It was the first time he'd really looked at me since he'd placed the collar and cuffs on me.  I glanced down to his jeans at the unmistakable evidence of his arousal.  There was no question that even though he hadn't been looking at my nakedness, touching me, or talking about sex, he'd been obviously thinking about it.  A heated flush crawled over my skin and warmed me.  

Ethan's grin widened to a smile.  He stepped toward me, holding a chip up toward my mouth.  

"Open."  

My lips parted the instant he spoke, accepting the gift he offered me.  He paused with it partly in my mouth and I bit down to break it in pieces.  He then fed me the remainder of the triangular chip.

"One more."

My jaw dropped, opening my mouth like a little bird waiting to be fed.  Ethan inserted a partial chip and intently watched as I chewed and worked it over my tongue until it was ready to swallow.  He leaned toward me and held my chin steady as he licked the crumbs from the corners of my mouth.

It was such a simple thing, and yet so erotic.  My lips parted, inviting his tongue inside but he declined my offer.  It didn't feel like a refusal, more like that it just wasn't what he had planned at the moment.  Ethan smiled and caressed my bottom lip with his thumb.  My own tongue slithered out to tease the tip of it and was treated with the salty remnants there.  

Ethan's eyebrow raised.  He slipped his thumb between my lips and I swirled my tongue around it, licking off any remaining trace of nacho saltiness.  Then Ethan pushed it as far as he could inside my mouth.  My lips instinctively closed around the base of his thumb and my tongue pressed his digit against the roof of my mouth to gently suck on it.  With a gentle rhythm, Ethan eased his thumb out and back into my mouth repeatedly.

"I love the way this mouth feels."  

Ethan's tone and expression revealed his amusement.  He made it almost sound as if the mouth he was fucking with his thumb wasn't attached to a person; It was a separate thing. 

"I could fuck it for hours and never grow tired of it."  

Just then he removed his thumb and took a step backward.  He grasped my upper arms and positioned my back to the counter.  

"Can you lift yourself up onto the counter?"

I nodded and gripped the edge of the countertop to hoist my butt up onto it.  It was less than graceful but Ethan didn't seem to notice.  His pupils were dilated to black and he was licking his lips like a ravenous dog.  His focus was on something else entirely.  

Ethan brushed my hands off of my thighs.  "Lean back and prop your elbows up onto that bar behind you."  He parted my thighs to move closer.  "Keep your hands out of the way or I'll restrain them."

I could feel his whole demeanor changing.  He moved and spoke with a single-minded purpose.  I had half a mind to use my safeword just to see if it worked to snap him out of the zone he appeared to have entered, but I quickly dismissed that idea.  I was fairly certain he would change his course and I also thought it would knock us back a few steps in the amount of trust that we'd built between us.  Not taking the use of a safeword seriously wasn't in my best interest.  

Ethan's palms smoothed the skin of my upper thighs as he raked over my nude body with his eyes.  That single act created gooseflesh across every inch of my skin.  I could feel my nipples hardening and my nether lips swelling and parting between my splayed thighs.  

"Are you horny, baby?"

I nodded and gulped for air.  I hadn't even realized that I'd been holding my breath.  

"I'm hungry for cunt.  I plan to eat your pussy until I've had my fill."

His gruff voice sent a fresh wave of shivers down my spine.  My entire body began to tremble in anticipation.  In that moment, in that tone of voice, he could've told me he was going to do something vile to me and it would've excited me.  There was just something so arousing about seeing him like that.  

Ethan's hands slid beneath my thighs, gripping the flesh just above the crook of my knee.  In a single swift motion he lifted my legs and wrenched my thighs open wide.  I gripped the bar behind me to steady my upper torso.  

Before I could even begin to worry about what was coming next, his mouth was on my sex.  His tongue delved forcefully through my folds and deep inside.  Ethan's entire face was buried in my flesh in a way that made me wonder how he was able to breathe.  But I wasn't able to hold that thought for long.  Or any thought, for that matter.  

I let my head drop backward as my eyelids sealed shut.  Every ounce of my focus was on his lips and tongue.  After his initial ravenous assault, he slowed his movements to a languorous dance that worked its way from the bottom of my slit very methodically up to my clitoral hood.  Circling.  Lapping.  

Occasionally he'd suck and nip at my flesh making a lewd slurping sound that just emphasized how wet I'd become.  Surprisingly, I didn't care.  I had no control over it and besides, it was what he wanted.  He reminded me of that with every grunt and groan he made as he sucked my juices down his throat.

His languid tongue grew stiffer and his activity became more vigorous.  He began focusing his attention on the area around my clitoris.  I held my breath as his tongue and lips worried my center mercilessly.  The sensation was amazing, like riding over the crest of a hill just as the roller coaster is about to fall out from beneath you.  Exquisite.  

Ethan suspended me there for what felt like eternity.  Just as my breathing would hitch in expectation of release, he'd change what he was doing.  Once.  Twice.  It got so I could envision my climax coming to greet me and then backing up just as I was reaching for it, much like a dream.  

After this happened a few times I opened my eyes and looked down at him.  I expected to see a tired and frustrated face.  One look at his eyes revealed the truth.  He was playing me; keeping me on the edge of release for his own amusement.  

I heaved a sigh that was mixed with a deep, frustrating moan.  "Oh, please Ethan.  Please."

I should've known that a couple of words wouldn't be enough to change his course.  It became clear to me what he wanted.  

"Please make me come.  Please, Ethan.  I'm begging you."

The glimmer in his eye told me I'd done the right thing.  His lips closed around my clitoral hood as he sucked the bundle of nerves into his mouth.  His tongue flicked forcefully over the sensitive tip in a steady rhythm that lifted me to an unbelievable crescendo.  My pelvis rocked in time with his ministrations.  I could feel myself unraveling a moment before the final explosion between my thighs.  I clawed the bar top and called out as all the sensations converged on that tiny spot at once.  

I was spewing nonsensical iterations.  A series of monosyllabic words that were still hanging in the air moments after my orgasm was over.  It tickled me for some reason.  Or something did, I'm not sure what it was.  I suddenly found myself unable to stifle a giggle.  

Ethan lifted his head in curiosity.  He had every right to be alarmed and this fact just made me laugh harder.  Until tears were actually streaming down my face.

"I'm glad you find this amusing."

I shook my head and waved my hand but was unable to say a word through the sudden fit of laughter.  I had no explanation for my behavior, but I knew I wasn't laughing at him.  Because what had just happened was nothing short of mind-blowing.  

As I peered down at his quizzical face through joyful tears, another feeling swept over me.  I love this man.  In that moment, as he patiently waited for me to gather my composure, I realized that I was completely and totally in love with Ethan.  Everything about him; the good and the bad.  Because they all made up this perfect, controlling, patient, stubborn man that at that very moment surely thought I'd lost my mind.

In a heartbeat, my behavior changed from laughter to weeping.

Ethan pulled my head to his shoulder and wrapped his arms around me.  It only lasted for a few seconds, leaving me panting with my cheek pressed firmly against his shoulder.  

"Are you finished?"

I nodded and sniffled, then lifted my finger to the tip of my nose to catch the droplet that was about to fall on his shoulder.  

Ethan reached over and yanked a paper towel from the roll.  I tried to take it from him but he swiftly tugged it from my reach.  Instead he held my wrist and dried my fingertip and then my cheeks and nose.  

"That was quite an outburst."

"I'm sorry..."

"Stop."  My eyes widened at his interruption.  "I don't want you to apologize to me for that.  It was spontaneous and unguarded.  Two things that I'd love to see more of from you.  I hate that you feel the need to apologize for the very thing I love most about you."

I could feel the tears threatening to come again.  He almost said it.  God, if he could just love me back... 

I sighed, delivering a tiny whimper with it.  Ethan searched my eyes for a sign of what was wrong.  First one, then the other; his eyes darting back and forth between mine.  He sucked in a breath to say something and then changed his mind.  My body began to tremble.  I couldn't tell if it was because I was cold, or because I was afraid of the intimacy we were sharing.  

"Wrap your legs around my back.  I'm going to get you warm."

Ethan carried me to his bed and placed me on my back, staying firmly on top of me.  He yanked the comforter over his back.  Before it came fully to rest on my lower legs which were still firmly clasped behind his back, his lips were on mine.  

My own tangy scent and flavor assaulted my senses.  Something about it awoke my passion.  Or maybe it was the way his tongue was dancing with mine, or the general way he smelled.  It could have been his rough jeans grinding against my bare sex, or the cotton fabric of his shirt as it brushed against my hard nipples.  




Amazing Grace Ch. 17-18



His hand slid from beneath me to cup my breast.  I released my ankles to give him better access.  Ethan pulled his lips from mine and smiled at me as his hand then slithered down my tummy and over my sex.  His finger slipped inside for a brief moment and then it was at my lips, invading my mouth before I realized what he was doing.  

The tanginess of it caught me by surprise.  I'd only just experienced a mild taste of it on his tongue.  This was stronger.  

I was surprised by how much I didn't mind the flavor.  It didn't taste like anything else I'd ever tried.  I could see why he'd chosen the peach-flavored, buttered potato the previous week.  It was to demonstrate that it was a unique combination of sweet and tart.  

I suckled his finger until there was nothing left of my juices on it.  He rewarded me with a sweet kiss after removing his finger.  

At some point during our exchange, my body warmed to a normal temperature and I stopped shivering.  Ethan tossed the covers off his back.  It was only then that I noticed that his forehead was beaded with sweat.  He'd been suffering beneath that blanket without a word or a single complaint.  And as he lifted himself up onto his knees, I realized the extent of his suffering.  The crotch of his pant was painfully tight due to his swollen cock.

I licked my lips and reached out toward the button of his jeans.  Ethan shook his head.

"It's not how I want to get off."

I swallowed hard.  I didn't know exactly what he was referring to, but I knew that whatever he had in mind, it wasn't going to be something we'd already done.  And we'd had sex in just about every way I could imagine, except maybe one.  

Ethan slid off the bed and lifted two leather straps from the end table.  I'd seen them lying there but had no idea what they were.  He slid the end of one of them beneath my thigh and buckled it tight around my leg.  There were silver rings dangling off two points of the leather strap.

"Thigh cuffs."

He attached the other side and stood to admire them for a few moments before clipping my wrist cuffs to the outer rings on each side.  

Ethan stood up and assisted me to a sitting position as he swung my legs over the side of the bed.  He then helped me stand.

"I like thigh cuffs because they allow the arms to be restrained in a comfortable position for long periods of time.  You better go to the bathroom now."

The reference to the timeframe he intended to restrain me didn't go unnoticed.  My knees wobbled as I took my first step toward the restroom.  

I was about to kick the door shut behind me when something told me I'd better see if I could open it again.  I attempted to turn the doorknob but couldn't find a way to make it work.  I lifted my leg and could touch it, but my wrist was at the wrong angle to allow me to grasp and turn it.  He didn't say anything about not shutting doors.  My scalp prickled the way it does when I'm about to take a risk I know I shouldn't.  Just leave the door open and get it over with before he gets back.  I could hear him in the kitchen.  Hurry!

I waddled to the toilet and squatted down to relieve my bladder.  The room was dimly lit from the lamp in the bedroom.  I kept a watchful eye on the doorway until the last sprinkle of urine hit the water.  Then I realized my next dilemma.  

I tugged to try to get the thigh cuff to slide so I could use my hand to wipe.  It was no use.  I also quickly realized that the toilet paper was well out of reach.  I'd make a mess trying to get it.

"Need some help?"

My head jerked upward.  He was standing in the doorway.  I swallowed hard.  My entire body broke out in a sweat.

Ethan flipped on the light and approached me.  He smoothed my hair out of my face, gently tucking the errant strands behind my ears.  I was still too embarrassed to look up at him.  Then his hands moved to the button of his jeans and proceeded to work it open, along with his zipper.  

His cock was a deep crimson color.  The smooth head of it gleamed in the stark florescent lighting of the bathroom.  I briefly glanced up at him, mostly to question his decision in timing.  I'd be glad to do this in the bedroom... 

My own thoughts were interrupted by his hand fisting my hair and twisting my neck so that my mouth was at just the right angle for him to shove his cock into it.  I gagged at the surprise intrusion.  My eyes instantly watered.  Ethan retreated for a moment but then repeated the same motion.  I was better prepared for it, but still sputtered.  He didn't seem to notice.  He continued to pump his hips at my mouth as he held my face still.  

Several long strokes.  Deep into my mouth and partially down my throat.  I concentrated on my breathing, making sure to suck breath in through my nose each time he withdrew from my throat.  I started a mantra in my head.  Relax.  Breathe.  Relax.  Breathe. 

Each stroke took longer.  He would remain in the back of my throat until I thought I couldn't stand it another second, then he would release.  Each time he lingered there a few seconds longer than the time before.  Each time the panic subsided just a bit.  Until finally there was no more panic.  No more resistance.  

Just as suddenly as he'd invaded, he withdrew.  He swiftly tucked his still swollen cock into his jeans and carefully raised the zipper.  

My mind still numb from the rudimentary chant, I sat frozen in place as Ethan leaned over me to grasp a palmful of tissue.  My thighs parted for his hand as he reached between my legs to wipe me dry.  He then flushed the toilet and hooked his finger in the loop of my collar to direct me to stand and lead me from the bathroom.  It all happened without the least bit of resistance or hesitancy on my part.  




CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Choices

A cold bottle of water was sitting on the nightstand.  That was obviously what he'd been doing in the kitchen while I was debating on how to best handle my uncomfortable situation.  It wasn't the only thing that was different, though.  There was also a foam wedge in the middle of the bed.

"Climb up and lay face down."

Ethan helped me up onto the mattress.  It would've been difficult, if not impossible to do with my wrists attached to my thighs the way they were.  Bending over the cushion was equally challenging without freedom of hand movement, but Ethan also aided me there.  It was clear to me that he was experienced at handling a restrained individual.  The thought sent a sharp pang right to my heart, so I tried not to think about it.

The wedge wasn't exactly made of a soft foam, like I'd thought.  It was a bit firmer, but nonetheless amazingly comfortable.  When I settled down onto it and Ethan situated a pillow beneath my head, I immediately wanted to drift off to sleep.  I hadn't made note of the time, but I was certain it was at least 1:30am, if not later.

"Spread your knees so all your weight is resting on the wedge."

I did as he asked and my arms came to rest on the mattress as I melt around the device.  I felt some tugging at my wrists and sleepily glanced down to notice that he was binding my wrists and thighs to straps that were coming from beneath the wedge.  My ankles were drawn wide and tight and held there by ropes that seemed to appear from the corners of the foot of the mattress.  

I smiled weakly as I recalled thinking that his bed was so ordinary when I first saw it.  

"Are you comfortable, Grace?"

I nodded.  "Yes.  I think I could sleep like this."

Ethan snickered.  "If you fall asleep while my dick is still hard, I can't guarantee you'll like how you're woken up."

It suddenly occurred to me that he had me bound in a perfect position for anal sex.  My eyes popped open and I squirmed to get up.  It was then that I realized I could hardly move.  

"Don't panic, Grace.  I'm not going to leave your side."

That's not what I'm worried about.  "Ethan, I'm not ready for that."

"Well then I guess you'd better stay awake."

I nodded and swallowed.  All desire to sleep had suddenly vanished.

Ethan climbed over my leg so he was kneeling behind me.  I strained to look at him for a couple of seconds before giving up.  I could see that he was still wearing his jeans, but that was about it.  I started to see stars every time I twisted my neck toward his face.  I suspect the thick leather collar had something to do with that.

Ethan palmed both of my bare butt cheeks at the same time, kneading and squeezing them with a fair amount of force.  

"Your skin is so fucking white next to mine.  It makes me want to do bad things to it."

"Like what?"

A jarring slap across my buttocks made me cry out.  "That wasn't very respectful.  Ask nicer."

"What sort of bad things do you want to do to me?  Sir."  I'd never thought I'd use that term, but when your ass is on the line, you'll say just about anything to protect it.

"Was that so hard?"

"No.  No, sir."

I felt his finger suddenly enter my vagina.  I heaved the air from my lungs in shock.  He continued to drill me with it for several silent moments before speaking again.  "Your cunt is still very wet.  Are you hoping I'll fuck it?"

I nodded and whimpered.  "Yes."

"I might do that."  Ethan removed his finger and then wiggled it against my anus.  "What about here?"

I shook my head and shut my eyes tight.  I could feel his finger slipping inside.  "Please, Ethan."

"Oh, don't be such a baby.  My finger has been here before."  

He pressed his digit past my anal ring and held it firmly inside me.  I found myself panting through the discomfort.  

"I have two objects hidden under the covers next to me.  I intend to use both on you, but only one of them tonight.  I think they're about equal in terms of difficulty.  For you, anyway.  Would you like to choose which one we'll play with tonight?"

I nodded.  Is this a trick?  Of course I want to pick.

Ethan removed his finger from my anus.  "There's a catch."

Uh-oh.

"Whichever one you choose, you're going to have to beg for it.  And mean it.  If you don't, we'll just move onto the activity you didn't choose.  And then we'll do the one you did choose.  I'm not going to lie to you, this would be a challenge.  Especially given how tired you already are.  Do you still want to pick?"

I considered the choice before me.  I could let him do whichever thing he wanted to do without having to beg for it and running the risk of coming across as insincere.  I was pretty certain that one of my choices was going to be anal intercourse which was out of the question.  I just wasn't mentally prepared for it.  I wasn't sure of the other choice.  Anything is better, right?

"I ... I want to choose."

"You understand that I want to hear some serious, heartfelt pleading, right?"

"I understand."

"Okay.  What I have next to me is a tube of lubricant and a riding crop.  Which one would you like to experiment with tonight?"

I don't know why I thought the choice was going to be easy.  I guess I thought he'd start me off with a gentler implement than a crop.  A flogger, maybe.  I was ready to beg for a flogger.  But, a crop?  The sound of it cutting through the air and the sharp crack as it landed on Mimi's behind was still fresh in my memory.  

Ethan's finger came to rest again on my puckered hole.  He applied gentle pressure.

"I've decided.  I'd like the crop, please."  Ethan's finger retreated from my hole and I released the breath I was holding.  

"You didn't even ask how many strokes.  You must have some serious hang-ups with anal."

I silently recalled the last botched attempt with Robert.  It had been almost as painful as it was humiliating.  Ethan isn't Robert.  I knew it would probably be very different with Ethan, but I just wasn't in the right frame of mind at that moment.

"We'll talk more about it later.  I want to know what's behind this."

"Are you disappointed?"

"Not at all, baby."

I strained to get a look at his face.  I only caught a glimpse before I succumbed to the ache.  I needed to see his eyes and feel the reassurance.  I was sure he would know that, but if he did, he didn't accommodate my silent wish.  

Ethan set a black riding crop on the mattress next to me where I could see it.  The tip of it was a wide leather triangle, much like the first crop that John used on Mimi.  I stared at it and tried to summon up the courage to begin my begging.  Words completely evaded me.

He lifted the crop from the mattress and pulled back the tip of it with his free hand until the wand bent, then released it.  He repeated this action a couple of times so I could see it.  Then he swung the device over my arm and did it again.  This time the end landed against my skin.  

I flinched and blinked a couple of times.  It startled me more than anything.  He repeated it again with no more force than the first one.  Again.  Again.  In the same spot.  

I finally stopped flinching.  It didn't hurt in the least.  It made an alarming sound, but other than that, was hardly more unpleasant than if I were swatting a mosquito.  

Ethan moved to my back and repeated the same procedure.  Then to my opposite shoulder, my calves, my upper thighs, and the bottom of each foot.  The feet were more difficult to take because that area is more sensitive in general to me, but it still wasn't painful.  

He began to move around to random spots all over my body.  Each time flicking the end of the crop against my skin to create a loud noise with almost no bite.  He started caressing my skin with the instrument between swats.  When he reached my inner thighs I found myself arching my back just a bit.  He'd woken every nerve ending in my body, it seemed, and I couldn't help myself.  

He tapped my exposed sex with the end and I wanted to crawl out of my own skin.  I turned my face into the pillow and moaned.  The throbbing that ensued was positively unbearable.  I rocked my pelvis to try and stimulate myself to climax.  I was too horny to even ask myself how the hell I got there so fast.  

Ethan caressed my pussy with the end of the crop.  "Don't you have something to say?"

I turned my head back to the side and gasped for air as I nodded.  "Please, Ethan.  Sir.  Please whip me.  Harder.  Please.  Sir."

I couldn't think of anything else to say.  My mind was now a blur from being so close to orgasm, and his teasing wasn't helping.  He made no indication whether or not that was acceptable.

"Please, sir.  Please whip me.  I beg you.  I want you to do it, I swear I do."

"I actually think you do."

"I do, I swear."

Without warning, Ethan lifted the crop and came down hard across my buttocks.  My toes curled and every muscle in my body tensed.  I clenched my jaw to keep from outright screaming.  It hurt like hell.  

A few moments passed before I huffed the breath from my lungs and tentatively relaxed my muscles.  I panted hard, keeping my eyes shut.  

Another blow came unannounced.  I don't know why I was expecting him to warn me.  I didn't hold back the cuss word this time.  "Fuck!"  It spewed out between pants.  I heard Ethan chuckling behind me.  

The next swing stung probably just as much, but was easier for me to take.  I don't know if that was because I knew what to expect, or because my own endorphins were coming to the rescue.

He delivered two more swats.  I openly cursed through both of them and generally stopped caring about how much I was groaning in between.  

Ethan caressed my burning flesh with the crop and I bit my lip to keep from making any noise.  It stung almost as much as the blows.  Then he tossed the crop onto the mattress somewhere near my knee.  I could hear the rustling of material for a moment, then felt his fingers sliding along my slit.  

"You're even wetter than before.  You have any idea at all how fucking gorgeous your ass is right now?  How much it turns me on to mark you like that?"

The head of Ethan's cock pressed against my opening and eased inside in one motion.  

"So.  Fucking.  Wet."

His fingers caressed up my back and hooked around my collar.  His face was in view for the first time since we started.  

"You are mine."  Ethan gave the collar a shake to emphasize the point and then thrust his hips forcefully into my backside.  

I gulped and nodded.  His cock felt huge inside me.  The throbbing started up again and my entire body began trembling.  There was something so arousing about him staking his claim on me like that.  

"Fuck."  Ethan's eyes fell shut.  "Your cunt is better at begging than you are, my slut."  

Ethan rocked his hips, still gripping the collar as if the bindings weren't enough to keep me in place.  His face contorted and he looked almost angry as he growled through a couple of strokes before stopping.  I realized when he stopped that he was fighting to keep from coming.  

The self control he was exhibiting, probably just to allow me time to climax, was enough to do it.  "Ethan ..."  My mouth opened wide but nothing came out.  I couldn't even tell him that I was about to come.

"That's it.  Yes.  Oh, fuck."

Ethan started slamming his hips into me, drilling me with his steel rod until I thought it might split me in two.  My own orgasm blossomed and held there in suspended bliss as he unloaded.  Wave after wave of release.  He'd held on for so long and this was his reward.  

I found myself celebrating his release more than mine.  So thankful that I'd made it through the whipping and could do this for him.  My orgasm wouldn't have been possible without his.  Or maybe it would have been possible, but not nearly as sweet. 

That's the last thing I remember before falling asleep.



Amazing Grace Ch. 19-20



CHAPTER NINETEEN
Living Arrangements

I was rocked awake by Ethan fucking me.  

I had no earthly idea what time it was or how long I'd been asleep.  The lights in the entire house were off, so I know some time had passed since our last encounter.  

My leg flinched and I instantly felt a difference there, too.  My ankles were no longer attached to the bed frame.  And the straps that were attached to my arms near my wrists were gone.  My wrists were still attached to my thigh cuffs, though.  

Ethan grunted and groaned, finally slamming his hips into me for a few hard thrusts.  My pussy responded with a mild fluttering.

"Hmmmm...Now you wake up."  Ethan's cock slid out of me and a moment later, he collapsed onto the bed.  

"What time is it?"  

Ethan glanced at the clock and then let his head drop hard onto the mattress.  "3:40."

"Have you slept at all?"

"No."

"How come?"

Ethan reached down and lifted his cock.  It was still mostly stiff.  

"You're still hard."

"Yeah.  And I have a feeling as long as you wear that collar, I'm going to stay like this."

I wasn't sure what to make of his confession.  Is that good or bad?  Do I need to do something?

"It's nothing to worry about.  I'm not complaining.  You might start to get a little sore, though."

"I don't mind."

Ethan smiled and stroked my cheek with his index finger.  "You really make a perfect slut, you know that?"

I smiled back at him.  "Who knew?"

"Yeah, who knew.  Are you thirsty?"

"Yeah, a little."

Ethan sat up and slid his arm beneath my chest to lift my torso up.  He then snatched the wedge up and tossed it over the side of the bed toward the wall.  He steadied me as I situated my legs in front of me so I could sit.  I hissed when my butt came to rest on the mattress.

Ethan chuckled, "You're going to be sore for awhile.  I striped you pretty good."

"Do you have a mirror somewhere?  I'd like to see it."

"I took a picture for you.  While you were sleeping.  Actually, I took it for me, but I might  share.  If you're good."

His statement reminded me that we were 'playing'.  I'd already forgotten.  

Ethan lifted the water bottle to my lips and carefully tipped it.  I sputtered as he pulled it away and a few drops fell onto my leg.  My eyes widened.  "Sorry.  Sir."  I added the last part just a half a second later than I intended.

"Watch it.  You're dancing awfully close to the edge of disrespect."

"I didn't mean to."

Ethan gave me another drink and then offered me a third.  I declined by politely shaking my head as I smiled.  

I lowered myself onto my side on the bed as Ethan set the bottle back on the nightstand.  He joined me, laying on his side facing me.  His hand immediately moved to my breast and started playing with it.  

"One of the downsides to using that wedge in that position is that I can't play with these."

He palmed my breast, kneading it in his hand and roughly tugging at my nipple.  I bit down on my lower lip, conscious of my mounting urge to whine.  

Ethan held my breast up and then dipped his head down to suckle at it.  He flicked my nipple with his tongue and then drew the hardened nub into his mouth.  He wasn't tentative about it or gentle in any way and this just fueled my arousal.  

No man had ever been this way with me.  They always seemed to be scared of offending me or something.  I'd thought it a sign of respect.  But there's nothing sexy about being respectable.  Ethan made me feel sexy and vibrant.  His slut.  I liked it.  A lot.

Ethan pulled away from my nipple and sat up.  He scooted up the bed on his knees.  His cock was fully erect.  

I knew what he wanted.  I opened my mouth and wrapped my lips around the swollen head of his cock.  My own tangy flavor melted on my tongue as I drew more of him inside.  It was a good angle and a comfortable position for me.  

Ethan guided my head to his pelvis with his fingers entangled in my hair.  Shallow strokes at first.  Then deeper ones.  And deeper.  His hips started to rock with the motion and I adjusted by opening my lips wider to allow him to fuck my face.  

As the pace increased, our position gradually shifted until I was on my back while he hovered over me fucking my face in a frenzied rhythm.  He had all the control.  How fast.  How deep.  I merely concentrated on breathing.  I truly loved it.  

It took him awhile to come, but he did.  There was hardly any discharge, so I had no problem swallowing.  

Ethan grabbed a tissue and wiped the saliva from my chin and cheeks.  He then wrapped his arms around me and rested his sweaty head on my chest.  

"Get some sleep, slut."

I smiled at his term of endearment.  "Are you going to sleep?"

"I just might.  Now."

"How can you stay awake all night like this?"

Ethan lifted his head up and kissed me.  "I told you.  I obsess.  And this particular obsession keeps my dick hard."  He smiled as he said it.  "But I don't want to wear you out completely.  So get some sleep."

I didn't argue with him.  I didn't want to sleep if he was awake, but I knew he was right.  I was awfully tired already.  

***

In the middle of the living room of the house I grew up in was a waterfall.  A waterfall?  Bad decision to put it there, Dad.  The corner would've been better for Goldie.  More light.  I went to lift my hand to point to the spot and couldn't move my hand.  I startled myself awake with the sound of the metal clasp that held my wrist cuff and thigh cuff together.  

I was dreaming.  My eyes fluttered open.  No Ethan.  I realized that I could hear water running in the bathroom.  My lids closed again.  Too sleepy to get up.  The sound of rustling in the bedroom forced my eyes open again.  Ethan was picking up the wedge he'd tossed hours earlier.  

"I'm running you a bath."

I groaned and turned my face into the pillow.

"I think you've forgotten your place.  And the no whining rule."

"I didn't whine."

"And apparently the disrespect rule."

I kept my face hidden in the pillow.  

"Grace."

"Can't we continue this after we've had more sleep?"

Ethan yanked me by the arm until my upper torso was dangling over the side of the bed.  He then spanked me hard on my tender bottom.  Several harsh blows in rapid succession.  I started to wiggle but that only made my face inch closer to the floor.  Much more and I would find myself on my head, and I had a feeling Ethan wouldn't catch me.

It was a whole different side of him than the one I'd been enjoying for the previous hours.  

"Do you need more incentive, or is that enough?"

"It's enough.  I'll get up."

He stopped spanking me but I continued to dangle over the bed.  I realized that I was going to have to ask him for his assistance.

I formed the question a couple of times in my head before picking the one I thought was most respectful.  "Please, sir, would you mind helping me get up so I can bathe?"

"What else?"

"I'm sorry for being lazy and uh, talking back."

Ethan held my shoulders.  "Swing your feet onto the floor."  

A moment later I was standing on unsteady feet as my head spun.  Ethan patiently watched me for a moment, then turned toward the bathroom.  I followed.  He pointed at the toilet as he passed it and I obediently sat down on it and began to pee.  I didn't even think twice about it at that point.  Funny how quickly we get over certain things when we're too exhausted to fight.  

Ethan tested the water temperature with his fingertips and made some adjustments.  He looked over his shoulder at me.  "Are you finished?"  I nodded.

He stepped toward me and leaned over dutifully to finish the chore.  All business. 

He unclasped the thigh cuffs and removed my wrist and ankle cuffs.  The only thing that remained was the collar.  "We'll work around the collar.  I don't want to take it off."

I let go a sigh of relief and Ethan cocked a questioning brow at me.  If he had been in a better mood, I would've gladly explained how much I liked wearing it because it linked us together.  But I didn't want to be nice to him.  Not while he was being a jerk.

"Do you have something to pin your hair up?"

I nodded.  "Yes."

"Good.  Pin it up.  And bring me your razor."

I started to ask why, but caught a glimpse of the look on Ethan's face and quickly changed my mind.  No sleep makes him cranky.  If I were being completely honest with myself, I would have to admit that I was cranky at that moment, too.  I definitely didn't have enough energy to keep up the role playing.  I like it, it's just tiring at times.  So much work.  I couldn't do this all the time.

I piled my hair atop my head and placed the razor on the edge of the tub.  "Do you want me to get in?"

"Just sit on this ledge with your feet in the water."  He patted the end of the tub to indicate where he wanted me to sit and then held my hand to assist me in climbing over the side.  I hissed when the cool porcelain first touched my fiery bottom but then it began to feel soothing.

Ethan lifted the razor and sat down on the adjacent side of the tub.  He scooped water over my thighs with his free hand.

"Spread your legs."

I obeyed and he scooped a handful of water over my sex, pausing to study the area intently.  I was beginning to suspect what he had planned.

He soaped his hands and washed my thighs and pussy thoroughly.  It felt like my outer labia was swollen and I was a tad sore, but nothing serious.  Ethan eased his soapy fingertips past my labial lips and massaged the tissue very gently.  Despite my present attitude toward him, I could feel the awakening commence.  I almost wanted to resent how my body reacted to his touch.  But even that was difficult to do, because another minute later all I could think about was whether or not he was going to get me off.  I really am his slut, aren't I?

Ethan leaned between my splayed thighs.  "Hold still."  He pressed the razor to the lowest part of my slit and slid it upward in short strokes.  He repeated it several times from different angles, meticulously scraping every curve and crevice.  The last thing he did was mow over the strip of hair I'd always kept on my mons.  

Then he sat back and scooped water over the area to rinse all stray hairs and soap and study the site again for areas he might've missed.  

I peered down at the bare skin.  It looked strange to me.  I'd never shaved it completely.  As I watched his fingers part my bare lips and study me closer than anyone other than my gynecologist had ever done, I started to feel oddly disconnected.  It wasn't mine anymore.  It belonged to him.  

An eerie calmness sort of just settled in my bones.  The irritation I'd been feeling subsided tremendously.  I leaned back against the wall behind me with a newfound patience as Ethan's fingers continued to explore.  He made several more passes with the razor, rinsing, studying, caressing.  His finger would occasionally slip past the inner labia where no hair grows and massage there for a few moments.  He was playing as he groomed the area to his liking.  I came to think of it as his total right and prerogative to do so, rather than something I allowed him to do.  

"Very smooth.  And slick inside.  Here, feel."

He directed my hand between my thighs and I lightly caressed the smooth skin.  There was not a single hair left.  It felt so odd.  And so, so naughty.  

"Go ahead, explore some more.  I want to watch you."

My mind briefly flashed back to before we started seeing each other.  An eternity ago, it feels like.  The fantasies I'd had about him watching me masturbate.  It was before I'd experienced him in the flesh, though.  His fingers felt so much nicer than mine.  I completed a cursory exploration of the newly shaven area and then pulled my hand away.

Ethan tilted his head and sighed.  His lips formed a tight line across his mouth.  "Are you being difficult on purpose?"

I sighed, dropping my shoulders a full inch as my chin lowered.  I shook my head and slid my hand back to my sex.

"Good, girl."

"Ethan, I don't think I can..."

"Try, Grace."

I swallowed and nodded.  As my fingers were slipping into my hole, I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wall.

"Look at me."

I lifted my head off the wall and locked my gaze onto his face.

"You're only touching my pussy because I want you to.  And if I ask you to come, you'll do that, too.  You want to obey, don't you, Grace?"

I nodded.  His commanding voice was already making me pant.

"Pull your fingers from inside that cunt and play with that clit.  Flick it hard like my tongue does."

I pressed my fingers against my clitoral hood and moved them in circles.

"Hold your lips open so I can watch."

I did as he asked, a bit awkwardly at first.  My middle finger moved over my clit as my index and ring fingers spread my labia so he could watch.  I felt completely exposed.

After several minutes of this, it was clear that I was going to have difficulty coming for him.  I was close, very close, but I lacked the experience to tip me over.  

"Keep your lips spread and watch."

I used fingertips from both hands to do as he asked.  His face approached my exposed flesh and for a moment I thought he was going to use his tongue.  My entire body tensed in anticipation.  That particular act had quickly gone from something I hated, to my favorite thing.  

Ethan extended a finger toward my exposed clit and lightly touched it.  I flinched, causing him to retract his finger and smile up at me.  

"I know.  Let's play a game.  I'd like to see if you can resist coming with that busy, controlling brain of yours.  I'm going to use everything in my power to try to get you off but your goal is to not give in.  You can close your eyes and pretend you're somewhere else, or pretend I'm someone else, or whatever you want to accomplish your goal.  But you can't fight me physically.  I don't want to hurt you.  You need to keep your thighs spread and your hands out of the way, like they are now.  Deal?"

"What do I get if I win?"

"What would you like?  Anything."

I thought for a moment before answering.  "Monday night, I get the remote all evening to watch whatever I want."

"Ohhhh, I don't know..."

"You said anything." 

Ethan grinned as he sighed and rolled his eyes.  "Okay, I guess that'll be alright.  Are you ready?"

I took a deep breath and blew it out as if I were preparing for a major competition.  I knew there was no way he would be able to overpower my brain.  Mind over matter, I always say.  I met his confident grin with one of my own and nodded.  

Ethan studied my face as his fingers began to trace the smooth outer lips of my pussy.  I turned my head to the side and closed my eyes.  

This isn't even going to be close.  With my eyes closed, I can think of some pretty unsexy things. 

His finger wiggled its way past my outer folds and began playing with my inner labial lips.

My performance evaluation is coming up next week at work.  One-on-one meetings start ...Oh!

Ethan slipped his finger into my channel and all the way inside me.

Where was I...Focus.  Oh, yeah...Meetings...Wednesday...Boss...Raise...Oh, yes...His curled finger flit against the soft spot just inside my front wall.  I gasped and gripped the side of the bathtub.

Ethan chuckled and it riled me, renewing my determination.  I set my jaw and squeezed my eyes shut even tighter.  Housecleaning...vacuuming, dusting, dishes, laundry...Ethan's hot, wet tongue swiped up my bare lips and slid between my folds to circle my clit...never ending dirty clothes, dust...Focus...Dusting the living room while he watches what he wants on television...His tongue was circling my clitoral hood and swiping over my distended and sensitive clit...Concentrate, Grace...Dusting...Bending over the table...Ethan wiggled the finger inside me as his lips closed around my clit...His hand reaches up my skirt and between my thighs as I attempt to finish the housework...Oh, God...Oh, no...no...I'm...

It snuck up on me before I could stop it.  Ethan removed his finger from inside me and held my thighs still as he sent me over the edge with his tongue.  The orgasm was so strong, I couldn't even hide it and play it off as if it didn't happen.  

I stared down at him incredulously as I was shuddering the last of my release.  I couldn't believe he won.  I thought there was no way he would be able to do that.  What was even more humiliating was that it didn't take him long.  

I stomped my feet on the bottom of the tub in frustration.  "Dammit, dammit, dammit!"

Ethan sat back on his haunches on the bathroom floor.  "Slide into the tub so you can finish your bath.  I'll let you do the rest."

He stood as I was sliding into the water.  I noticed the bulge in his jeans immediately and quickly glanced up to check the expression on his face.  He acted as if it were nothing, turning on his heel toward the door.  

"If you need anything, just call out.  I'll be in the kitchen.  When you're done, come join me for breakfast."  He left the door open behind him as he disappeared around the corner.  

I parked my arm up on the edge of the bathtub and rested my cheek on it.  I was tired.  And generally not in the best of spirits.  I knew it wasn't because I lost the game, because in many ways, I actually won.  Lack of sleep?  Then it dawned on me.  I start my period tomorrow.  Shit.  I'm going to need to go by the house.  Double shit.

It was becoming a chore to go back home.  I just didn't want to walk in that place.  I need to sell it and move into a different house.  What I was thinking didn't really make a lot of sense.  I hadn't lived in that place long enough to build much equity in it.  Moving would be such a hassle.  And where would I move to, anyway?  A place closer to work?  How much longer am I going to work there?  Maybe there's a house in this subdivision I could buy.  I'd be closer to Ethan.  

But, what if we broke up?  Then I'd be reminded of him every day.  Ugh.  No good.  The truth was, I had no obvious good option.

I put the thought out of my mind and went to work sponging my upper body with soap and water.  The water was cooling down to an uncomfortable temperature, so I hurried to rinse my body, and then drain the tub and dry off.  Ethan walked in as I was shivering next to the tub.

"Cold?"

I nodded my head as he was wrapping his arms around me.  His bare chest felt so warm next to mine.  He tossed the towel over the edge of the tub and continued to warm me with his body.

"You were in here awhile.  I was starting to get concerned."

"I was just daydreaming."

"About what?"

"Getting rid of my house."

Ethan's body stiffened slightly.  "Oh?"

"It's a dumb idea, I know.  I just hate even going there now."

"Then don't.  Stay here."

I nodded.  It was the temporary solution that I'd already obviously chosen.  "I need to go by the house today to get some things.  I'm going to start tomorrow."

"Your period?"  

I nodded and snuggled closer to him.  I was starting to warm back to normal.

Ethan stopped rubbing my back to speak.  "I didn't mean just keep going back and forth like you're doing.  I can see that it causes you some stress.  I mean, move in here.  All the way."

"Ethan, I ..."  I wasn't sure how to react to his invitation.  It felt sudden.  "I wasn't expecting you to solve this problem for me.  I mean ... It's ...We've only known each other for a few weeks."

I'd somehow managed to writhe free of his clasp and he pulled me back into his arms.  "I know what it looks like on paper.  But if you put that aside, is it something that you see yourself doing?"




Amazing Grace Ch. 19-20



I thought about it for a second.  Only one answer floated around my head.  "Yes."

Ethan reached up and untied my hair so it cascaded over my shoulders.  Then he lifted my cheeks up to look at him.  "I'm hungry.  And I'm fucking exhausted from this perpetual hard-on you seem to be giving me."

I grinned and chuckled, blushing just a bit at his confession.  I did feel slightly bad about it, even though I wouldn't change it for the world.

"I want to eat breakfast and crash for awhile.  Then we should have a serious talk about this.  Okay?"  I nodded.  "But don't be surprised if we don't do any of that and I just bend you over the couch and fuck you instead.  Because that's what I really want to do right now."

I gave him a big toothy grin.  "Whatever you say, sir."



CHAPTER TWENTY
Three Little Words

Ethan left the ankle, thigh, and wrist cuffs off of me for breakfast.  He didn't say so, but I got the impression that he was too tired to deal with them.  He was operating on just a couple hours of sleep and it was beginning to show in the darkness beneath his eyes and the slowness of his movements.  

I began to wonder if maybe I wasn't a bad habit after all.  Lack of sleep could be pretty bad for someone's health.  Maybe not as bad as drinking, smoking, or drugs, but still more on the unhealthy side than healthy one.  

It was disheartening to think of myself as being bad for Ethan because in stark contrast, he was good for me.  In every way, not just physically.  Or maybe it was the way he fulfilled me emotionally that made me react to him with such physical intensity.  

Ethan shoveled his cereal with some ferocity, silently filling his own hunger void.  He barely looked across the table at me.  It was such a change, I had to ask him about it.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Ethan lifted his face.  He appeared almost startled from the sound of my voice.  "No."  He finished chewing what he had in his mouth and then swallowed before continuing.  "I'm just fucking hungry.  And tired."

"Maybe I'm not such a good addiction after all."

"Why?  Because I'm tired?  Shit, Grace, are you going to do this every time I decide to stay up all night fucking you?  If I really wanted to control it and go to sleep, I would.  I don't think you want that any more than I do."

I shook my head and swallowed.  I liked that he was obsessed with me at times, probably a lot more than I was willing to admit out loud.  And I was starting to feel the same way about him.  I'd never been addicted to anything that I could remember, so I had nothing to compare it to, but how much I thought about him seemed to fit the definition of obsessed.  

"You're not bad for me."  Ethan stood from the table and took his near-empty bowl to the sink to dump the remains and toss it with a loud clatter.

Great...I've managed to piss off a Dom.  Way to go, Grace.

"I won the bet."

I twisted my neck to curiously look up at him.  He was resting against the sink and staring at the cabinets.

"You never asked what I got if I won."

I lowered my head and shook it.  I should've never said anything.  Now I'm going to get my butt whipped.

"I have an appointment on Tuesday with my therapist.  I want you to come with me."  

I could tell by the increased volume of his voice that he had turned toward me so I lifted my face.  "Why?  That meeting is private."

"I told you, I don't have any secrets.  You can hear whatever we talk about.  And you can ask her if she thinks you're bad for me.  Okay?"

Her?  His therapist is a woman?  Of all the things he was saying to me, this was the one thing I zeroed-in on.  And any argument I had over going/not going were superseded by my curiosity to meet the woman who knew every last detail about the man I loved.  "Okay."

"This is how it's going to be with me, Grace.  I want your eyes to be wide open when it comes to this relationship and what you're getting yourself into.  You know, I can be a prick.  Especially when I'm tired, like I am right now."

I sighed.  "And I can be sensitive when I'm about to start my period.  Like I am right now."

The second after the words left my lips I sucked in a quick breath.  I wasn't sure if he would take it the wrong way.  It did sound a tad disrespectful, although I didn't exactly mean it that way.  I was tired, too.

Ethan chuckled and then groaned.  "Goddammit, I'd take you over my knee right now if I weren't so agitated already."

"I'm sorry I said anything.  I don't know why I brought it up."

"There's nothing wrong with you bringing it up.  I know who I am.  I just can't seem to get through to you that we're good together.  I thought if we did this, you know, really got into a scene, that maybe it would help."

"It did help.  It still is, I mean.  I don't question everything as much as I used to.  Please don't give up on me, Ethan."

Ethan briskly walked to my side and knelt down to look into my eyes.  "I'm not going to give up on us, baby.  I'm not going to leave you.  I just asked you to move in with me less than thirty minutes ago.  I meant it.  I still mean it.  This little bump doesn't change anything."

"But what if something else does?  Something we haven't talked about yet."

"You know, if we want to make it work, we will.  We'll work through whatever comes up.  I want you in my life.  I want to sleep next to you every night.  Either we'll do that with you moving in here one suitcase at a time, or all at once."

I hadn't thought of it like that.  At present, I was gradually increasing the amount of clothing and personal items I had at his place one bag at a time.  

But I still wasn't convinced.  I hadn't heard the words I was looking for.  The ones I needed to hear before making a commitment like that.  I was fairly certain that I loved him and I thought there was a good chance he felt the same about me.  He hasn't said it.  Until he says it, you're just assuming.

"I don't know, Ethan."

"What don't you know, Grace?"

How you feel about me.  Exactly.  In words.  I bit my lip and shook my head.  Some things are just too damn hard to say out loud.

Ethan's expression was a mixture of confusion and frustration.  He didn't know the cause of my hesitation.  I don't know why I expected him to read my mind.

He shook his head as he spoke.  "Is there something else that is causing doubt?  Your parents, maybe?"

I started to shake my head, then thought about it for a second.  I hadn't been thinking about my parents, specifically, but when he mentioned them, I immediately felt tense.  They wouldn't like it if I moved in with him so soon.  They aren't going to like him, period.  I wasn't sure how I felt about that.  It would be uncomfortable when they visited.  Do I care?  These are the same people who practically shoved me out the door into Robert's arms.  They loved him, and look how that turned out for me.

"It's not my parents.  It's not anything like that."

"Then, what?"

I squirmed in my seat.  I wanted him to drop it.  

"Is it my past that's bothering you?"

I shook my head.  It wasn't entirely the truth, but close enough.  It had little to do with what was holding me up.

Ethan's eyes narrowed to slits and his lips curled to form a suspicious-looking grin.  "You can't still be unsure of how I feel about you."

Bingo.  I bit my lip and averted my gaze.

Ethan froze without saying anything for several seconds.  I could feel the heat radiating from my face.  I wanted to crawl into the nearest crack in the dining room floor.

Finally I summoned the courage to look at him.  His expression had changed.  All the lines on his face were gone and his eyes seemed to be smiling.  Almost deviously.

"You think all of this has just been about the sex for me?"

I shrugged one shoulder and swallowed hard.  I didn't know what to think at that point.  All I could hear in my brain was a loud buzzing.  

"God, if anyone has the right to doubt the other person's feelings, it's me."  Ethan stood up and lifted my bowl from the table.  "Go into the bedroom and put on your wrist cuffs.  Then lay down on your back in the middle of the bed with your hands overhead.  No questions."

I stood on shaky legs as he turned toward the kitchen and then promptly scampered to the bedroom.  I tried to work out what was going to happen next in my mind.  I was so unsure of his current mood.  He didn't seem upset at first, but his statement about "no questions" didn't sound good.  

I fumbled with the wrist cuffs and then hastily climbed onto the bed to position myself the way he requested.  Did I come across as ungrateful?  I didn't mean to.  The sex is great.  Really, really great.  But sex doesn't exactly make a live-in relationship successful.  There should be some level of commitment.  Professed feelings at the very least.  I'm not being outrageous.

Ethan entered the bedroom and immediately moved over me to attach my wrists to the headboard.  He then opened one of the nightstand drawers and pulled a length of cloth from it.  Without any explanation, he blanketed my eyes with the cloth and secured it behind my head effectively blindfolding me.

The sensitivity of my hearing bumped up a notch immediately.  I paid close attention to the noises in the room so I could follow where he was at all times and what he was doing.  I heard the rustling of cloth and then the ratchet of his zipper.  My heart thumped louder in my chest as I imagined him standing there with no clothing.

Every nerve ending in my body was on high alert.  I felt every little change in air movement across my bare skin.  So when his hands first touched my thighs, I flinched.  He maintained contact and simply increased the pressure until he was pressing firmly against my inner thighs, urging them apart.  

After a moment of initial resistance, I spread my legs for him.  Cool air swept over my moist slit as it became exposed.  I gasped at how vulnerable and sexy it felt.  I wondered if the pulsing I felt inside was visible from where he was.  It was impossible for me to tell since I couldn't see his face.  

Oh, how I wish I could see his face.

The mattress jiggled beneath me.  It was obvious that he was climbing onto the bed, but surprisingly difficult to tell exactly where until I felt his hips bumping my inner thighs to situate himself.  He rotated his hips until his shaft snuggled between the lips of my sex.  He wasn't attempting to penetrate me.  

I gasped and panted as his silky rod caressed my slick inner folds.  All he had to do was tip his pelvis as he slid downward and the bulbous head of his cock would slide into place to penetrate me.  But he didn't do that.  He seemed intent on teasing me, instead.  

Ethan palmed my left breast and then his hot, wet tongue circled my nipple.  It was gentle.  Sweet.  No sense of urgency.  He repeated the same on the other side.  Then his lips were on mine.  He kissed me very sweetly.  No tongue.  

"I could stay like this for the rest of the day.  And I will, if that will prove to you that I don't give a damn about the sex."

I swallowed hard.

"It's no different for me than you.  I want it.  Of course, I want it.  I'd be inside you every second of the day if I could.  But not because it's sex.  Because it's you."

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes.  

Ethan's hand went to work on my breast again as his hips worked his now slippery shaft up and down my sex.  It was exasperating.  Almost painful.  I wanted him inside me so badly I could hardly stand another second of his teasing.  

I lifted my knees to tilt my hips to force the issue, but he quickly realized what I was up to and adjusted his position to prevent his shaft from slipping inside.

"No, Grace."

"Ethan, please.  I get your point."

"Do you?"

I nodded and groaned.

"Then say the words."

What?!  What words?  The THREE words?  A few seconds later, I realized that my mouth was agape and clamped it shut again.

"You know the words I'm talking about.  I need to hear them, Grace.  I'm not going to enter you until I do."

I whined and then quickly bit my lip.  The staccato beat in my chest was now audible.

Ethan continued to tease me with his hips and his caresses, coaxing me to say the one thing I wanted most to hear from him.   "I promise if you say it, I won't leave you hanging."

I heaved a sigh and then quickly whispered, "I love you."

Ethan's body stilled.  I wasn't positive he heard me, I'd spoken so softly and the words were heavily masked by my labored breathing.  I swallowed and said it again.

"I love you."  I didn't wait for a response before saying it again.  This time louder and with more assuredness.  "I love you."  Just hearing my own voice utter the words I'd been silently thinking gave me a newfound strength.  "I've loved you all along." 

"Even before we had sex?"

I nodded.  "Yes."

"So have I, Grace.  Maybe from the first time we met."

I held my breath.  I could feel tears welling in my eyes.  

"I was afraid if I came on too strong, I'd scare you away.  You needed to say the words first."

Ethan tilted his pelvis until the head of his cock was poised at my opening.  

"Do you understand how I feel about you now?"  

I nodded, and the moment I did, he eased his cock all the way inside me.

I couldn't tell if the intense throbbing I felt deep in my channel was him or me.  I know that the fullness was so intensely satisfying for me.  For both of us, judging from his heavy breathing.  We just fit together as if we were meant to stay like that. 

Ethan's hot breath tickled my ear as he spoke.  "Has sex ever felt like this to you?"

I shook my head.

"Then I guess it's not sex."  Ethan withdrew his cock a couple of inches very slowly and then eased forward.  The throbbing commenced again and I heard Ethan gasp.  When he spoke, his voice was shaky.  "I want you to come, Grace.  Now.  For me."

I realized then that the throbbing had been me all along.  I was teetering on the edge of release and his words tipped me over.  I yanked at the restraints as my back arched into my climax.  Ethan kept his pelvis pressed firmly to mine as I thrashed beneath him.  

"That's it, baby."  Ethan growled as he held tight to me, refraining from moving his hips.  

I wanted him to let go and fuck me so he could come with me.  "Just fuck me.  Please."

Ethan growled deeper, "No."  He was huffing and panting in my ear, his death grip holding me to him as if his life depended on it.

I relaxed in his grip as my climax subsided.  A moment later, I felt him loosening the grasp he had on me.  He reached up and removed my blindfold.  

I blinked hard a few times to focus my eyes.  Ethan's face was red and covered in sweat.

"I wanted you to come with me."

Ethan sighed and closed his eyes briefly.  "I did."

I cocked my head, about to ask him how that was possible when it dawned on me.  He wanted to prove to me that it wasn't physical.  We climaxed because of our emotional connection, not our physical one.

I smiled and shook my head slightly as I gazed into his eyes.  I couldn't believe we'd come so far, each down our own path to the same place.  "I love you, Ethan."

Ethan smiled and sighed.  "I love you, Grace."

***

We entered into a whole new chapter of our relationship.  

I think that something inherently changed for me after we confessed our love.  It freed me in an entirely different way.  The sense of calm that swept over me when I heard him utter those three simple words was unreal. 

I think I'd just been floating around in space before that.  I'd been unable or unwilling to experience real life.  The only solace for me was my writing, because there I could invent a world to live in that didn't exist.  Free from the hurt.  Safe.  

But the path I was on was bleak and headed nowhere good.  I imagine it was no different than Ethan's route through addiction.  He found his way out with the help of his family, and I found my way out with his help.  It sounds utterly corny, but in a lot of ways he was saving me.  

Ethan drove us to my house to pack another overnight bag.  This suitcase contained at least a week's worth of clothing.  There was no doubt I was going to move in with him, one way or another.  He didn't bring it up again, but we both knew that the only doubt left for me had been answered.

I surprised him by insisting that he leave the collar on me until Monday morning.  It was what he originally promised me.  The surprise came when I walked from his car into my garage wearing it, not even noticing if any of my neighbors saw me.  My desire to be seen as His was stronger than my embarrassment over how unconventional it might appear to anyone else.  

In Ethan's eyes, this was huge.  For me, it just felt right.  

"Are you going to be okay when I remove your collar tomorrow morning?"

I shrugged.  "I'll probably cry.  It chokes me up just thinking about it.  Sir."

Ethan grinned at me.  "We still have tonight."

I sucked in my breath.  

"I detect some hesitancy.  Are you afraid I'm going to hurt you?"

I released my breath.  I didn't even have to think of the answer.  "No.  I know you're going to hurt me.  I'm afraid of how much I'm going to like it."

Ethan winked at me as he smiled.  I thought I caught a glimmer of pride in his expression.  It heated my insides.  

In such a short period of time we'd come a long way.  I'd come a long way, for sure.  I'd stopped hiding from pain and was now welcoming it with open arms.  It was a different kind of pain than what I'd become familiar with in the past.  I was just beginning to discover that embracing Ethan's brand of pain could be very cathartic.  Especially since his always came with a healthy dose of love.  

And lust.

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