4 comments/ 10390 views/ 8 favorites A Misdirection of Affection Ch. 01 By: nageren This is the first of the sequel and prequel installments related to my "A Strange Arrangement" series. You don't need to read A Strange Arrangement to follow this short series (though I encourage you to read it!), but fans of Gina and Andrew's story will note a lot of crossovers. This is Ian's story. ***** My name is Odessa, which my mom says was to remind her of a beautiful city she visited when she was a little girl. Except for my mom, who insists on using my full name, I've always gone by Dessi. You wouldn't know it looking at me now, but I used to be the very definition of 'petite.' Time and child-bearing haven't been kind to my body, but I wouldn't trade the joys of the past 20 years just to get my old figure back. But listen to me- rambling on about myself when you want to hear about Ian. I haven't even told my husband all of this story, though I'm sure he would handle it fine. I've been very blessed with a patient and understanding man. But something about my time with Ian feels too personal- to me and to him- for me to share it with just anyone. I don't think I've even decided yet if I'm going to tell you everything. When I met Ian, it was love at first sight- for me at least. I had just transferred into the same high school as him when my family moved into town. Moving while in high school can be hard on a teenager. I lost all my friends, the groups I was in, the activities I was a part of- all my social capital was gone. The thought of starting all over and climbing that ladder again was...exhausting. My mom wisely suggested that this might be a good time to reinvent myself. So I tried something I'd always wanted to do but had never done for fear of being branded a loser at my old school. I signed up to try out for a school play that fall. And that was where I met Ian. "You're new here," he said to me during our first practice. "My family just moved here. Any words of wisdom?" I tried to play it cool. "You're asking the wrong guy. I'm still trying to figure this all out." "I wonder if that's how everyone feels, but some people are better at faking it than others." "I bet you're right. I'd love to find some people who didn't feel like they had to pretend. We could just...be ourselves." Of course my adolescent brain was thinking, Oooh, he's so deeeep. But he could have said just about anything and I would have loved to listen to him. I was predisposed to love him. "Well, I'll make you a deal. If I find anyone like that, I'll let you know and we can start a club." He laughed a little and looked at me with a curious expression. "It's a deal. I'm Ian, by the way. This is my last year, but if you find anyone for your club, let me know." "Sure thing, Ian. I'm Dessi, and I can be the president of our very own Authenticity Club." "Just make sure the dues aren't too steep, and I'd be happy to sign up." I gave my best flirty smile and said, "I'm sure I can figure out something you have that I'd want!" Ian didn't really flirt back, but he didn't shut me out, either. And so we spent the next few months of twice-weekly rehearsals getting to know each other. Neither of us was in a lead role or anything. We were just background characters with a few lines here and there. Looking back, I'm so glad it worked out that way. If either of us had gotten a major part, we would have been very busy during the rehearsals. But being in the crowd, we sat around a lot, helped move scenery, etc. And it was during those times that we talked. Ian was handsome- looking at pictures of those days, I would still say the same. At the time, it almost seemed like he shined. I know that sounds silly, but it's how I remember it. I'd look at a crowd of people, and they seemed like they were in black and white, and he alone was in full color. I thought it was lust at first. But after I had the chance to talk to him, I decided, with all the exuberance and foolishness of youth, that he was to be the love of my life. I didn't understand at first why Ian wasn't surrounded by girls. He was so handsome. His smile was warm and engaging, his voice smooth and deep after having changed a few years before. He made eye contact when talking, looking at my eyes, not my chest. But I started to see that, as handsome as he was, Ian didn't have the charming, charismatic personality of the popular boys. That suited me just fine. He was like a hidden treasure- a special treat that I had found. I asked around, trying to find out if there was some secret about him. Was there something wrong that everyone knew but me? But I couldn't get anything out of anyone. Most people just said, "Who?" I guess Ian was one of those guys who swim through the sea of students, not making waves. In my old school, I was a wave maker. Not trouble or anything (well, not once I got to high school), but just in the middle of things. My name came up in the gossip circles, I had my group of loyal girlfriends, I cycled through a few popular boyfriends- you know the type. But here it was different, and I started to find it refreshing. I was no stranger to sex- you couldn't be if you wanted to stay in the right crowds at my old school, but since I wasn't trying to retain that image here, I didn't feel the pressure to hook up. As far as Ian went, though, I started wanting to be with him because I wanted to be closer to him. Does that make sense? The idea of sex with him wasn't as a means to an end- like for popularity or status or even securing a relationship. It was just...wanting closeness. But Ian didn't make any moves. By the end of that semester, we were friends. We didn't have any classes together, being a year apart, so after we performed the play that winter, I was looking for a reason to still hang out. At the cast party after closing night, I slipped him a piece of paper. It read: You are invited to the inaugural meeting of the Redstone High School Authenticity Club, this Thursday after school at the flagpole. Ian took the paper and slipped it into his pocket without reading it. My eyes followed him all evening to see his reaction when he finally read it. But I lost him when I got engrossed in a story the drama teacher was telling about a catastrophic staging of The Glass Menagerie that she had been a part of years ago. After the story ended, I was startled by Ian's voice behind me. "Are there any dues I need to be worried about?" I spun around and almost fell into his arms. Almost on purpose. "Dues? Yeah! They are..." I should have been ready for that, but I think I came up with a pretty good answer. "You have to be ready to share one secret- something you've never told anyone before." He looked up, thoughtful. Then he smiled and looked back down at me. "OK. I can do that. As long as the club president has to pay the same dues. Fair's fair, you know." "Well, of course. Everyone gets the same treatment." My heart was beating faster, knowing my plan was working. "Everyone? How many are in the club?" "So far...just the two of us. If you're OK with that..." He did that looking up and thinking thing again, then looked in my eyes and said, "I think that will be OK." At that point we were interrupted by another extra who was trying to get a group of us together for a photo. Ian got shuffled to the back, and I was in the front, as always. After the photo, there was a speech and some announcements and more photos and by the time it was finished, Ian had already slipped out. No matter- I would be seeing him again, and my heart skipped at the thought. ******* By Tuesday, I was regretting having chosen Thursday as our day to meet- I was antsy the whole week. I played through several scenarios in my head that week, and most of them involved Ian falling madly in love with me. The more I had gotten to know him, the more I realized what a special guy he was. I was nervous that I didn't know how to handle such a nice guy- he seemed almost fragile. I was used to guys who were using me just as much as I was using them. We were objects to each other, and everyone was fine with that. But Ian was different. Ian was a person. Thursday after school, I hurried through my locker ritual- throwing books into my backpack for the evening. I made my way to the flagpole and was happy to see Ian already there waiting- I stopped and watched him for a few minutes from a distance. He would occasionally wave or say high to someone passing buy- guys and girls alike. He would later tell me that, though a lot of those people would call him a friend, he couldn't think of them in those terms. Most of them were 'acquaintances.' The title 'friend' was special and was not something to be casually tossed around. I felt privileged when he later called me his friend. But that's jumping ahead- listen to me, all over the place! I walked up to Ian and said, "So, where to?" He smiled and said, "You don't have a plan? You invited me, remember?" "To The Noggin Shop, then," I declared, pointing my finger authoritatively in the air. I don't know if it's still around, but The Noggin Shop was one of those used bookstore/coffee shop places that weren't as common 20 years ago as they are now. It wasn't a popular hang out among the high schoolers, but it always had a small crowd of college kids studying and talking softly. And it was close to our school. Ian drove us there, and we got settled in at a corner table. On an early December day, tucked inside a warm shop with a hot chocolate and a handsome man, it was cozy. It was one of those moments where you feel like life is such a good thing and you feel like it might just go on and on this way until the world just turns into heaven. We sat down and Ian said, "Alright, madam president, would you like to open our inaugural meeting by sharing your deep, dark secret?" I sipped my chocolate, wiped the cream off my lip, and smiled. "OK, here goes: I'm 19. I'm 2 years behind my class because I got held back a few times in middle school. My home life sucked and I wasn't handling it well, so I started failing classes and acting like a royal bitch. I even got arrested. I've dealt with all that now, and I'm back on track, and being at a new school has even helped me straighten out some more." Ian's eyes were locked on mine while I talked- I wasn't used to that. His eyes widened in surprise when I told him how old I was. Then they winced in sympathy when I mentioned my home life. Then they opened in surprise again when I told him I'd been arrested. He was easy to read and easy to talk to. "I would never have guessed 19," he said. "You look..." he hesitated. "Like a 14 year-old?" I suggested. "I wasn't going to put a number on it. I was just going to say 'younger.'" "Well, I think of myself as petite, but some kids have come up with worse names. I don't have a curvy body, that's for sure." "I bet you hate being called 'cute'," he said, knowingly. "Depends on who's saying it and why," I flirted. "I know you never did theater before, but did anyone ever ask you to be Peter Pan?" "I...had a reputation. People knew not to ask me things that might make me angry. Jail, remember?" "Were you violent?" "I put a girl in the hospital. I tore out big chunks of her hair and bloodied her face. We were both 13." "Yikes! I'll try to stay on your good side." He took another sip and smiled at me. "So I won't mention that your secret doesn't technically count, since your parents probably know how old you are." "Well, you've been warned. But what about your secret?" While he sipped his drink and looked around, I was silently hoping PLEASE let it be, 'I think you're pretty.' PLEASE let it be, 'I think you're pretty.' PLEASE let it be... "I want to be an astronaut." I think my disappointment was plain on my face, but Ian wasn't looking. "I know that doesn't seem like a big secret, but it's a big deal to me. I've never told anyone. My dad has my life mapped out, and he doesn't...he's not the kind of dad who listens...or cares...what I want. But I'm 18 now, and I can make my own choices. So it's like I have this...secret life, studying the sky, researching what I need to do to prepare. When I finally tell my parents, it's going to be an ugly day. But...I don't think they're going to be happy with my life anyway, so..." Well this was more serious than I had intended. But I didn't mind- once I had gotten over the disappointment of him not taking the opportunity to hit on me. So we talked about his family and his dreams. He told me about watching stars with his little sister Gina, who was...what...9?...10 years old at the time? We talked about his plans after graduation and how he was already being enrolled in a college he didn't want to go to. I knew I should talk about my family, but I wasn't ready yet. I liked the kindness in his eyes when he looked at me and I wasn't ready for that to go away. We talked for an hour, at least. And then, without any awkwardness, we stood up to leave. I was close enough to my house that I could walk home, but Ian was going to need to drive. Before we walked out the door, Ian touched my hand- not holding it, just touching it to get my attention. My heart swelled and my loins stirred. "Dessi, I like our club. Same time next week?" "Yeah. But you might have to pay your dues again..." "I will if you will," he smiled gently. ******* And so it went for a few months. We met once a week or so, usually at The Noggin Shop. We talked and shared secrets. We never invited anyone else into our 'club.' For me it was a healing time. I was restructuring who I was as a person, and Ian was a surprisingly sage and caring voice in that process. I wasn't sure what Ian was getting out of it. He didn't seem to have anyone else close to him; I think I had managed to become his best, if not his only, friend. I kept trying to make sure he knew the door was open for more, but he seemed slow on the uptake. And I was torn about that. Here was a guy who would talk to me and care about me. Here was a kind person who wasn't trying to use me for something. I still couldn't believe he was genuine- I could only imagine that he was insecure or unsure how to start something sexual with me. He had to want what guys always wanted from me. But even if he was just biding his time, it was a very enjoyable process- getting to know someone, not worrying about keeping them happy with you. And yet I wanted more. The past 7 months living in this town was the longest stretch of celibacy I had experienced since...since a long time ago. The relationship didn't feel complete, I didn't feel complete without that ultimate intimacy. I wrestled with those competing urges- letting myself enjoy a chaste friendship on the one hand, and on the other hand wanting to move this relationship to the inevitable point of feeling Ian swell inside me. In the end, it was the undercurrent of familiarity that pulled me towards what felt most natural to me. So I resolved not to get to the end of February without having made a move on Ian. ******* "You're the only guy I've really talked to since I moved here." It was a statement with a hint of self-pity. It was the secret I shared with Ian for the meeting of our 'Authenticity Club' during the first week of February. "I'm not sure what to make of that. I'm used to getting a good bit of male attention, and even though I'm not the hottest girl in school or anything, I feel a bit slighted." "Maybe it's just that you're such an unknown to most people- you showed up in their classes this fall and most people's social circles are already well-established by junior year." I was glad to see that Ian wasn't staring out the window today- my secret was drawing him in. "Yeah, but still- I would hope at least a few guys would consider it worth the risk to break out of their circle." (And now the tricky part- self-denigrate without going overboard and sounding pathetic.) "A girl likes to be wanted, to know she's worth a risk or a sacrifice. I miss that. I miss feeling worth someone's while." Somewhere between jest and comfort, Ian replied, "Well, there are a lot of other things I could be doing this afternoon- you're worth my while." I smiled at that. "Take me out next weekend- for Valentine's Day," I suggested, then held my breath. He stopped mid-sip, the mug resting just below his lips. "You want me to take you out?" "Why not? Or am I not really worth your while?" I was being playful, but also dead serious. "No, it...it...it's not that. It's just..." He sighed and gazed out the window for a minute. I held my breath again until he looked back at me and responded with, "As friends?" "Of course, silly, as friends. Because...that's...what we are. Unless you're wanting something more...?" "As friends, Dessi. Because we're friends." ******* I didn't know how to feel. I was excited and happy and at times even elated. But then his insistence that we go "as friends" would bring me down to earth and I'd feel despondent and disappointed and frustrated. Why was he holding back? But not to worry- he was a guy and there are ways of making a guy more interested in you. I started scheming. By the time the next weekend rolled around, I was pretty confident that my relationship with Ian was going to change after that night. I spent a good hour cycling through my wardrobe, trying to find just the right level of sexy but not threatening. Something that said "friends" but which invited more than that. I went for a looser, lower-cut dress that screamed "girl next door." But it was just a bit too big for me, so the neckline hung loose, giving a free show to anyone who was interested. And with Ian being about a foot taller than me, all he had to do was look down... Ian picked me up right on time, and I didn't make him wait. As fun as it is to know a guy is squirming in his seat thinking about you getting dressed, I didn't want him to spend any more time in my house than he had to. I met him at the door, introduced him to my mom, who was right over my shoulder, then guided him right back out the door to his car. Ian's car was...sensible. It wasn't flashy or fast or fashionable. It looked like something that a guy 20 years older than him would use to get to and from an office job. I looked around the inside a little more carefully this time- I had plans for this space. I didn't expect to be laid out on the backseat that night (though I was open to being surprised), but as long as there was room to reach over... My thoughts were interrupted by Ian asking about dinner. Would Chinese food be OK? I was fine with anything- not that I would have been picky on Valentine's weekend. Ian probably had made a reservation already. Once we arrived and were seated, we took the menus and I suggested we pick out dishes we both wanted to try. "Don't worry, I won't give you cooties or anything," I teased. Ian just smiled and said something about how sharing dishes was customary in China anyway, so we could probably pick 3 or 4 things to share. Once we'd ordered and were face to face in a romantic setting, Ian reached into his pocket and pulled out...a stack of paper. Not paper, really, it was more like index cards cut smaller and rubber-banded together. He shuffled the cards and explained, "I thought that I would prepare a list of questions we could ask each other. There are about 40 questions in here. The rule is, we take turns drawing a question, and you can either answer it yourself or ask it of the other person. No skipping." A Misdirection of Affection Ch. 01 I raised one eyebrow and smiled suggestively, "Are there any questions I might be tempted to skip?" "I don't think so...just simple stuff- family, history, memories. It's just for fun, to keep conversation going. I tried to think of things we haven't talked about." Reaching my fingers out to the deck, I said, "Well let's jump right in, then." Looking at the handwritten card, I read to myself, What's your most prized possession? I decided to ask Ian that one. "Easy," he replied. "My recliner." "You have a recliner?" He blushed a little. "Yeah, I know, it's weird. My grandpa used to have one, and when I was little, he would read me stories in that chair while I sat on his lap. And he would tell me stories of our family, stories from the news, that sort of thing. I loved listening to his stories. He, uh...he died when I was 12. My grandma had died a few years before him, so after he died, the house and all its stuff got split up among their kids. I really wanted that recliner, but I didn't say anything. I later found out it had been taken to Goodwill or something. I was pretty upset. But I decided to get my own recliner. I started saving all my money and did yard work around the neighborhood- typical teenage boy stuff. And after a year, I had enough to buy a recliner." "So it reminds you of your grandfather?" "I guess. But it also reminds me of the hard work I put into getting it. And the danger of not speaking up for what you want. And it reminds me of how I felt on his lap- safe and loved." "That must be some recliner!" Ian rolled his eyes at my joke, "It's not the recliner- it's...it's all the...associations." I tried to look thoughtful, but my mind was stuck on something he had said. Something I wanted to remind him of later. Meanwhile, Ian had pulled out the next question, narrowed his eyes in thought, then read, "Do people say you are more like your mom or more like your dad?" I wanted to skip it. Before I could answer, he followed up his question by saying, "Not physically, of course. You look a lot like a smaller version of your mom. But personality-wise." I knew he was right. I was a shorter, skinnier version of my mom. If we ever styled out hair similarly, we might pass for sisters, except people usually assume I'm a lot younger than I actually am. "My dad, I think." "How so?" "Well, he had...has a temper, like me. He goes after what he wants. He's very practical- not romantic or a dreamer." And not giving Ian a chance to follow up on that, I reached out for the next card. We got through 9 or 10 questions before our food came, and we were enjoying it so much that we stayed at the table after we finished eating and worked our way through another 15 cards. Who was your childhood hero? Favorite holiday tradition? Most embarrassing moment? The best teacher you've ever had? And so on. I was impressed- Ian had managed to think of a way to keep the conversation going the whole evening and effectively control what we talked about. By the time he was paying the bill, I realized I hadn't been putting my plan into effect. I had kept my feet to myself under the table. I hadn't been reaching out to touch his hands. I hadn't been making suggestive comments. I had been outwitted. Ian wasn't clueless- he was very, very smart. Walking back to the car, I asked if he had anything else planned. "Well...not really. I thought we could go to The Noggin Shop and hang out, if you wanted..." "No...that doesn't feel special. We always go there. Take me somewhere that I can see the stars you keep talking about." He looked at me quizzically, not breaking his stride, and asked, "Really?" Pinching the sides of my dress and swirling it around a little, I looked over at him and said, "Yes, really. If my friend is going to be flying up there someday, I'd like to know more about where he's going." He laughed at that and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in for a short side hug while we walked. "I know just the place," he promised. ******* "You're kidding," I said as we pulled into the parking lot. "Nope. Definitely not kidding. They don't have any lights here because, well, who comes to a cemetery at night? It's got the best night view in town." "Well, I'm not getting out of the car. Can we just stay in here?" "Of course. It's to chilly to stay out there, anyway." "It's getting chilly in here, too," I lied, wrapping my arms around myself. "Oh, let me see if I have..." he reached to the backseat and moved things around. "No, sorry. No jacket or anything." "That's OK, we'll make do," I said, leaning into him while his arm was still behind us. Worked like a charm. "Do you want me to get more questions out?" he asked quietly. "No. Just tell me about the stars." He proceeded to point out some of the more significant stars and some of the constellations I had heard of. He showed me a few constellations he said his sister had named (I particularly liked the Goofy Giraffe). He shared facts about how far away the stars were and how long they had lived. But he almost sounded like he was telling stories, not listing facts. I closed my eyes and listened for a while. Then I made my move. First, I put my hand on his chest while he was talking. Then, after a minute, I slid down to his stomach. Then, when he was in the middle of a story about some satellite or something that was at the edge of our solar system, I slid my hand down into his pants. Ian froze, mid-sentence. I slipped into his briefs and wrapped my hand around his warm, soft member. Ian closed his eyes and said, "Dessi? Dessi what are you doing?" "Shhhh...I'm thanking you for being a good friend." I smiled to myself as I felt him harden in my hand. "Can you unbuckle yourself for me?" I asked softly. Ian didn't move. I shifted so my free hand could open his buckle and unbutton his pants. Ian tried to stop my hands, but I pushed his hands away. He didn't resist much. "Dessi, I don't think you should be..." "You don't want me to touch you?" "It's not...I mean I like..." "Are you telling me you want this to end?" I kept my voice soft. I was aiming for sultry, but as long as he was on the edge of freaking out, I added a heavy dose of soothing to my voice. "I...no...but, I'm confused...and I..." "There's nothing to be confused about. Let me do this. Remember what you said earlier about the danger of not going after what you want? Well...I want to do this. You want this. We can both be happy. " All the while, I continued to stroke him, having pulled his solid tool out through the front of his briefs. I figured that, despite his objections, his hormones would be fine with it. Ian kept his eyes closed and opened his mouth a bit, gasping at the sensations. "Ian, has anyone ever..." He shook his head silently and slowly. I moved around a bit so that I could use both hands without needing to put too much weight on Ian. It was awkward positioning, as is usually the case in the front seat of a car, but Ian didn't seem to notice. It had only been a few minutes of a hand job, but if it was the first time anyone had touched him in this way, I imagined he would be finishing soon. My suspicions were confirmed when his breathing sped up. He kept lifting his hands, starting to put them on top of mine or trying to replace mine, but he always pulled away, letting me do what I was doing so well without him. His hips began lifting up in time with my motions and he suddenly gasped a worried sounding, "Dessi? Dessi, I'm going to..." And that was my cue to avoid any mess. I had just the right angle to lower my mouth over the crown of his cock and tap his tip with my tongue. Gripping just a bit tighter with my hands, I pushed all the way down to his base. He came as I sucked his head. I held his load in my mouth until he was done. The taste is something I'd gotten used to, and I've learned how happy it makes guys to see me do that. I swallowed quietly while Ian was still recovering, then used my mouth to give him a quick clean-up. Tucking him back into place as he softened, I zipped and buttoned his pants and rebuckled his belt. If anyone had looked in on us at that moment, they would have seen no sign of anything suspicious, save for Ian's inscrutable expression. His eyes still closed, his brow furrowed, his mouth open while he caught his breath, I sat back to see how he would react. "Dessi, you shouldn't have done that." I was hurt, but opted to sound happy and playful. "I didn't hear you telling me to stop. If you're not happy, I can try again until it feels good." "No...no, I'm sorry, it's not that. It felt...really good. Really, really good. That's the first time I've...no one's ever...but, I feel rotten." "Well then, I definitely did something wrong. Do you want me to try again?" I jokingly reached for his belt. "Dammit Dessi, I'm being serious here!" I started to think he was actually mad at me. But then his tone softened. "I'm sorry, I just...I feel bad if I led you on. I didn't mean to. I thought we were here as friends. I'm sorry if I wasn't clear. I'm really sorry. I don't want to hurt you." "Ian, friends can still...do stuff. And maybe this could be the path to more than friends. Or not. I don't regret making you happy." "You don't understand. I'm just not sure you should feel that way about me. It's really nice being friends with you, Dessi- you're very important to me." I was confused and getting more hurt. This wasn't one of the ways I had seen this night going. Rejection, yes. Acceptance and passionate fucking, yes. But this confusing, "you're important and special and stay away from my penis" idea was not something I was prepared for. "Can't you just accept a good thing Ian? Is there something wrong with me? Something you don't like? My boobs aren't big enough? I'm too short? Too skinny? Too slutty?" I was angry that I was having to hold back tears. "No, no, no, no...Dessi stop. You are a gem, a treasure. I don't deserve you. You're a, a very beautiful girl...woman. I feel horrible that I may have led you on and made you think..." he paused and closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath he reached out and gripped the steering wheel with both hands. Bowing his head and not opening his eyes, he said flatly, "Dessi, I think I might be gay." ******* "Ian was gay?" Gina stared at the woman next to her in disbelief. With crows feet showing around the edges of her eyes and her body looking more plump than petite, she didn't look much like the young woman from her story. But her eyes lit up when she talked about Ian, and that was a shared connection between her and Gina. "Well, yes. Kind of. It was complicated. He was going through this confusing, delicate process, and I had stepped in and started shaking things up. You have to understand, Gina, this was 20 years ago, and being gay and coming out was even more difficult and confusing than it is today. There was no one to talk to, no footsteps to follow in, no support..." "Yeah, but...how come I never knew...or my parents, do they know?" "Oh, hell no! Can you imagine your dad's reaction? Or your mom's? No, he wasn't going to tell them for a long time, not until he was more sure of some things. And as for you...he wasn't going to try to explain that to you when you were 10 years old. How much did you even know about sex when you were that old?" "You're right," Gina admitted. "That would have been weird, given what I did and didn't know." "He loved you so much, Gina. He would talk about you. He made me wish I had an older brother like him." Both women were smiling as the tears formed in their eyes. "Thank you, Dessi. Thank you for telling me. I feel sad that I didn't know about what he was going through. I'm glad he at least had you to talk to. Did you see him much after that?" "Oh my, yes. But I've got kids I need to get home to. Are you around for a few days? Can we meet tomorrow and talk?" "I was planning on leaving tomorrow morning, but let me check with my husband. We've got four of our own, but my Andrew is a champ. If he's OK watching them another day, I'll stay." Gina stepped away and made a phone call while Dessi stood up and took another look at Ian's grave. She kissed her fingertips and touched them to the name engraved on the tombstone. Wiping away a tear, she looked up to see Gina walking back. "I just had to tell him it was about Ian and he told me to stay the whole weekend if I needed to." "Sounds like a special guy.," Dessi smiled. "Yeah, and he knows he'll probably get the ride of his life when I get back, so..." The two women laughed like old friends, then chatted as they walked to their cars, which were side-by-side in the parking lot. Dessi opened her door, then paused, turned towards Gina, and said, "There's a lot to tell, Gina. I'll have to think about it tonight and trim it down to the essentials." She paused with her mouth ready to speak again, then looked up as if she was debating something in her head. Finally, she looked back at Gina and said, "We'll talk tomorrow." A Misdirection of Affection Ch. 02 Dessi got home with her mind awash with memories. Visiting Ian's grave and having an unexpected encounter with Gina, Ian's little sister, had awoken thoughts of her past, and she wanted to revisit those days more fully. After the kids were in bed that night, she pulled her husband off the couch and away from the TV. Leading him into their room, she smiled in response to his goofy grin. She pulled him into bed and started removing his clothes. He returned in kind, and they were soon enjoying the slow, comfortable love-making of a married couple used to rushing through sex when they had a spare moment. Touching familiar places, tracing familiar paths, smelling familiar scents, they took their turns reaching their climaxes, then cuddled under the sheets. Dessi loved her husband, Rick, and was generally happy with where life had taken her. Tonight, however, she had seduced her husband with the intention of getting him to sleep a little early. Sure enough, he was soon breathing deeply and regularly in her arms, his head on her ample breasts. A larger chest was one advantage of having gained so much weight since her youth. Slipping out of bed, she put on a robe and walked to the closet. Pulling out a few boxes, she found what she was looking for- a box of photos from high school, at the bottom of which was her old diary. She sorted through a few pictures and found the ones of her and Ian. One in particular sparked a vivid memory. It was summer. She was sitting at a patio table, dressed in a bright green bikini. Ian sat across from her in his swimming trunks. Holding drinks with little umbrellas, they were facing the camera and smiling. She flipped open her diary to find that entry. She didn't used to write regularly, but when something special happened, she would write at length. It was that habit that led her into freelance writing after high school. Finding the entry for that day, she read... ******* Well, I guess if any day merited an entry, it would be today. Ian is house sitting for the summer. He graduated (yay!) and is getting ready to go to the college his parents picked out for him. He's not ready to stand up to them yet, but I hope he transfers next year. He hasn't let me touch him since our Valentine's Day adventure in his car. We talked a lot about it, though. He said he "thinks" he "might" be gay. My heart is exploiting all the uncertainty of those qualifiers. Maybe he needs to explore sex with a girl, just to see how he reacts...? I've never known a gay person before, and neither has Ian. But he's interested in guys on some level. He's never been with a guy- or a girl for that matter. My hand job 4 months ago was all the action he's ever gotten. I keep offering to explore further with him, let him see if maybe he's also interested in girls, but he hasn't wanted to. I think he's just afraid and confused. Anyway, he's house sitting for a family in his neighborhood. They don't need him there all the time, but he's supposed to keep an eye on the place and keep the pool clean. We've been using the pool a few times a week, and it's fun just playing together and not worrying about things. I'll be sad when he's gone. His school is only a couple hours away, but I'll missing having him around all the time. Especially after today. So anyway, here's the juicy stuff: We were in the pool and Ian was looking hot- in both senses of the word. I was taking every opportunity to rub up against him, touch him, feel him. His chest is smooth and broad and I love putting my hands on it. I wish he would respond in kind, but nothing yet. After a while of splashing and swimming and talking, we got out and let the sun dry us off. I was thirsty, and the food in the house is free for the taking (as part of their arrangement with Ian), so I went inside and poured some tea. Then I checked their cabinets for something to add. I found a nice mint liquor, and it made the tea taste strong and summery. I even found some cute cocktail umbrellas. We sat inside the screened-in patio and sipped our drinks. When the tea was gone, I poured another glass for Ian, more alcohol than tea, this time. By the time he finished his third glass, he was glassy-eyed and smiley. I put my feet on his lap. He told me he was planning to try out for the swim team at college. I didn't know they even had such things. Ian's a great swimmer, though, so I wasn't surprised. I teased him about him only wanting the chance to see guys in their Speedos. He laughed a slow laugh and said it would be a nice perk. I started rubbing his crotch with my foot. Ian shifted a bit in his chair, but didn't say anything. We talked more about his future and I told him how much I would miss him. He opened his legs a bit, letting me get my foot in more. Soon, our conversation dwindled and Ian closed his eyes. I worried he was dozing off, but when I pulled my foot back a little, he reached down and held it in place. I don't think he even knew what he wanted at that point, so I held still. His hips shifted a little, pressing his crotch against my foot. I think he just liked the contact. Figuring this was as good an opportunity as any, I took off my bikini top and climbed onto his lap. My boobs aren't anything to fuss about, but they're still boobs, and that makes guys happy. I leaned over his face and started kissing him. Ian didn't really kiss back, but he didn't push me away, either. I reached for his hand and put it on my breast. I moaned, enjoying the feel of a hand touching me there for the first time in a year. I moved around on his lap, trying to get him into it. He started kissing back a little, and I moved his hand around, showing him how I wanted to be touched. "Dessi, I'm not sure..." His thought trailed off. "You don't need to be sure. Just be OK with it. Just don't say no. Do this for me, please." He sighed and I was worried it was over. But he reached a hand up to my cheek and caressed it gently. He looked into my eyes, still quite dazed, and said, "I really care about you Dessi. I don't know what that means, but I care about you a lot." Between kisses, I mumbled, "Show me. Show me you care." I reached into his trunks and started fondling his cock. He wasn't hard, but my hand took care of that. "Ian, am I pretty?" I needed to hear it from him. "You're beautiful, Dessi." Hearing that, I slid off his lap and pulled his trunks down enough that his hardening shaft was free to rise. Not waiting for a response from him, I put my mouth all the way over his head and began slowly stroking him with my hands. Ian groaned and leaned his head back. He kept his eyes closed the whole time. I don't know if he was imagining someone else- a guy, maybe- but it didn't matter to me. As long as we are inching our way towards intimacy, I'm happy. I need his affection, his body, his touch. I thought of how much better this is, how much more I enjoy it than in the past with other guys. Guys that I was just trying to keep happy. Or before, when I didn't have a choice. This is my choice, though. And Ian is someone who I care about and who cares about me and I just want to make him happy and to be loved by him. All of that was going through my head and I wasn't thinking about technique or anything. But when a guy is getting his first blow job, I don't think he cares as much about technique. Not that he had time to notice. It only took two or three minutes before he started whimpering and moving his hips up towards my mouth. I took one hand off and let him go deeper into my mouth, as deep as I dared. I was glad he wasn't huge- I could almost get all of him past my lips without gagging. Only using my thumb and forefinger as a ring around his base, I let my mouth and his hesitant thrusts do the rest. He put his hands on the back of my head but didn't push me down. I would have let him. When he came, he called out my name, which made me so, so happy. I moved my lips up and down on him slowly, letting him cum in my mouth. The warmth of his seed on my tongue made me feel special- he was sharing something with me that he had never shared with anyone else. I swallowed, then took him back in my mouth until he softened. He moaned and rubbed my head while he descended from that peak. Then I crawled onto his lap and put my arms around him. Leaning my head onto his shoulder, I told him I would do that for him any time he wanted, he only needed to ask. When he didn't answer, went on. "You don't have to do that for me, Ian- I understand that. I just want to show you I love you. And you can do anything else you want to my body. We can have sex whenever you want to try that. If you want to put it in...you know...in my butt, that's fine- I'll do that for you if that's what you think you want. I just want to be close to you and make you happy." With his eyes still closed, Ian winced while I was talking. I sat in frightening silence for a few minutes before speaking again. "Ian, didn't that feel good?" His head snapped up and his eyes opened, like he was suddenly sober. "Yes...yes it felt great. But Dessi, I'm still not sure what's going on with me. And I don't want to have sex with you, really...But I don't want you to think that has anything to do with you. You're beautiful, and I should want to...I wish I did...I wish I could make you happy...But I feel bad knowing I don't want you the way you want me. And I don't think that's fair to you. You're just going to get hurt." I just closed my eyes and held him. I like how I don't feel scared or threatened or used by him. Maybe that's why I love him so much. Could he make me happy? Could we stay together, as long as he is willing to have sex sometimes? I could make him cum while he thought of whomever he wanted. If only I could get him to see that... His voice interrupted my thoughts, "Let's go inside an take a nap. I'm wiped out." Being in bed with Ian, naked under the sheets, our wet swimwear gone, was one of the happiest feelings in the world. I curled up next to him and wrapped an arm and leg around him as he drifted off. I didn't sleep at all. I watched him and thought about how happy I could be with him. I considered trying to have sex with him before he woke up, but then I realized that might freak him out and drive him away. The only guy I've known who would run from me because I wanted to have sex. An hour later, when he woke up, we cuddled and didn't talk at all. Then we got dressed and I went home for dinner. I think this summer could get interesting. Ian leaves in 2 months, and I have until then to bring him around to seeing that we could have something that really works. Something that gives us both what we want, sort of. ******* Dessi closed the book and put everything back in the box. It was still early- not even midnight. She went back to bed and curled up close to her husband. She realized that Ian was wise to know that something important would have been missing if they had been together. She loved being desired by Rick. She loved knowing that he was excited to be with her, that he thought about her, that he wanted to touch and kiss and be inside her. Even as her body changed over the years (as did Rick's), she enjoyed seeing the sparkle in his eyes when they were heading to bed. She loved seeing how he feasted on her nakedness, so much so that he never wanted to make love in the total darkness. She loved that he would eagerly go down on her. She loved how he moaned in appreciation every time he entered her. She loved that he would pursue her for sex just as much as (and often more than) she would pursue him. She would never have had that with Ian. She still believed she could have made things work with Ian, but she wouldn't have known what she was missing. All her life before Ian, she had only known guys who wanted her body and who didn't love her. Ian was the opposite- he loved her, but didn't desire her body. At 20 years old, she thought those were her only options, and she was ready to choose what she thought Ian could offer. At 40 years old, she felt especially blessed to have found the third option in Rick- someone who loved her and who also loved her body. Fueled by lusty memories of Ian and heartfelt appreciation for her husband, she curled up behind him and reached for his cock. It was soft and a little sticky from earlier. She wondered if she could coax a little more out of him. He never minded being woken up for sex. She held his heavy softness and reached down and rubbed herself, thinking back to that summer. Ian had let her take him in her mouth a few more times before he left for college. The second time he was tipsy again, but the other times, he was sober- sober and sad. She wondered if she had taken advantage of his mood those days. Ian didn't come back from college until Thanksgiving, and she only saw him for a few hours at The Noggin Shop, to catch up. He was enjoying college, was starting to swim competitively, and was still not sure about his sexuality. "I mean, can I be gay if I...you know...finish when you are..." he was trying to be discreet in a public place. So he whispered, "when I'm in your mouth?" "I don't know Ian...this is all new for me, too. I wonder if you might like boys and girls." "I wondered that, too, but I don't think about girls the same way I think about guys." "Well, I'll see what I can do about that. But in the meantime, my offer is still open. Anything you want to do with me, with my body, I will be happy to do it Ian. I promise." He looked away and said softly, "Thank you Dessi. I know your intentions are good." Then he had changed the topic and told her about something called email, which made it a lot easier to be in touch while he was gone. They had a lot of conversations that way, especially once Dessi had learned how to type. Christmas break was difficult, because Ian's family went out of town to see family, taking Ian with them. Dessi hadn't gotten the time with him that she had hoped. But she did get to spend New Year's Eve with him. She came over for dinner with his family- her mom was working at the hospital overnight. As far as Ian's family knew, Dessi was just a friend, though she suspected they were hoping (just as she was) that it would become something more. After dinner, they played card games and made cookies while music played in the kitchen. Little Gina fell asleep before midnight, and Dessi watched affectionately as Ian carried her up to bed. When he came back down, Dessi got an idea- one that probably wasn't good, but it seemed like it at the time. She told everyone that she should probably be heading home soon. Ian's mom tried to convince her to at least stay until midnight ("You need a New Year's kiss, don't you?"), but she excused herself and said she'd like to get back before the drunks got on the road. And now the tricky part. She waited a few minutes until Ian's hands were wrist deep in cookie dough before standing up to leave. Getting on her tiptoes, she kissed his cheek and said she'd see herself out. Thankfully, no one followed her to the door. She opened the front door, looked back to make sure she was unobserved, then closed the door and tip-toed up the stairs to Ian's room. She went into his room and looked around. Figuring she had an hour or two before Ian came to bed, she found a book and sat in his recliner to read. ******* Present day Dessi began to rub her thighs together as she walked through her memories of that night. Feeling Rick's cock begin to stir, she rolled over so that she was in front of him with her back against his chest. Once he was hard again, she wiggled her hips and lined him up with her entrance. He seemed to be waking and shifted himself forward a bit. Wrapping one big arm around her chest, he slid into her folds with a sigh. ******* Ian had come to bed a little later than Dessi had expected. She had fallen asleep on the recliner, looking up at the stars out his window. Since the back of the recliner faced the door, Ian didn't notice her there. He walked in a little after midnight , stripped down to his boxers, and crawled into bed. It was probably just as well that Dessi had fallen asleep- if she had been awake when Ian got in, their voices (and hopefully other noises) may have alerted his parents to her presence. She was worried enough that someone would notice her car was still parked across the street. It was a little after 2 a.m. when Dessi awoke. Taking a few seconds to realize where she was, she quietly went out of the room, down the hall, and to the bathroom. Coming back to Ian's room, she locked the door, took off her clothes, and crawled into bed next to him. Remembering the feel of Ian's body against hers made Dessi thrust back against her husband. Her hand was slowly rubbing along her clit, but that was all it took to bring her to a gentle climax. She shuddered and paused while Rick hugged her a little tighter and let her tremble in his arms. As her breath evened, Rick began gently thrusting again and Dessi's mind went back to that night with Ian. It took him a minute to realize that someone was in his bed, rubbing her hand along his chest. Ian was just starting to wake up when Dessi's hand went down to his cock, which she was surprised to find hard. He must have been dreaming. About her? No, that was too much to hope for at that point. She pulled down his boxers and started working his shaft with her hand while kissing along his chest and shoulders. Swimming had been good for his physique, toning up his muscles and adding bulk to his shoulders and arms. Dessi loved it. Gaining coherence, Ian moved Dessi's hand from his body and rolled to face her. Before he could speak, she moved her mouth up to his ear and whispered, "Just imagine I'm whoever you want." Then she spooned in front of him and placed his cock in between her thighs. "Dessi," he whispered, "I don't know what to do." "Are you telling me your body doesn't know what it wants to do right now?" she teased. "It's not that," he responded. "I...don't know where to...am I already...?" Dessi smiled. It had been a long time since she had been with a virgin. "Let me get you started." Pushing the tip of his penis into her entrance, she wiggled her hips and moved her hands back onto his butt. With a few pats she whispered, "Go ahead and push." Ian thrust forward, but his motion popped him out of place and he slipped right through her thighs, along her slit. Seeming to not notice that he wasn't inside her, Ian began thrusting. By clenching her thighs together, Dessi could keep his shaft rubbing along her slit, and she was wet enough at her entrance that Ian's movements kept her thighs sufficiently lubed. With a little guidance from her hand, she could ensure that he rubbed along her clit, too. Ian moved his hands onto her hips and used them for leverage, pulling her against him as his thrusts became urgent. In the present, Dessi could feel Rick's thrusts becoming similarly urgent. Moving his other arm under her, he wrapped her whole body in a tight embrace. She knew he was close. She was close, too... She remembered how she was rubbing herself as Ian began grunting. The feel of his cock sliding along her entrance, teasing her clit, promising the possibility of something more- it was too much to ignore. Dessi came, turning her head into the pillow so that Ian's parents didn't hear anything. "AHH!! Aannngh! Iannn! AHHMMMFF!" She didn't know if it was because she came or because she squeezed her legs together when she did, but it was enough to push Ian over the edge. Pushing his hips against her ass and pulling her hard against himself, Ian came, spraying his cum onto the bed in front of them. It dripped onto her leg and hand, and Dessi simply trembled in the glow of her recent cum. A Misdirection of Affection Ch. 02 As she remembered the feel of Ian pressing against her, Dessi came on her husband's thrusting cock. Not worried about the kids hearing anything at this hour, with their rooms down at the end of the hall, Dessi let herself cry out in pleasure. The knowledge that his wife was cumming in his arms and the feel of her walls clenching his shaft pushed Rick into his own release. Moving one large hand over her breast, he pushed in and groaned. "MMMmmmmbaby...Oooohhhh I love you..." His breathing was in gasps and his voice barely a grunt and he pulsed inside her. Once he had finished spending himself inside her, he whispered in her ear, "I love you, Dessi, I love you so much. I don't know what lit your fire tonight, but I'm glad you pulled me into it." He peppered her shoulder and the back of her neck with kisses until he started drifting back into a contented sleep. Dessi just smiled and wiggled in his arms. As he softened inside her, she remembered Ian's labored breaths after his cum. Then he had suddenly bolted up and put a hand on Dessi's arm. "Omigod! Dessi! Did I just...I didn't use a condom or...what if...?" Young Dessi smiled and turned to look at his frightened expression. "Ian, you were never even inside me. If you had been, I probably would have made you pull out- I'm not on the pill or anything." Ian looked confused, then looked down to where they were joined. Dessi lifted her leg and showed him where his penis was- softening on her thigh. "You were just in between my legs- you slipped out when you first started thrusting." Ian seemed relieved. "Oh. So...we didn't just have sex?" Dessi laughed quietly. "Well, I'm not sure what else you would call that. But since you weren't inside me, I guess you're still a virgin." Ian pushed her shoulder gently in response to the teasing. "Dessi, I'm so damn confused." "I know Ian, but you seemed to enjoy it." Ian lowered his voice, "I...I was imagining a guy...I'm sorry Dessi." Disappointed, but feigning cheerfulness, Dessi said, "That's OK. I'm fine with that, really. I like feeling close to you and doing this for you. And we can do more, remember. Like...actually have sex. Or we could try anal to see if that's what you're really into." Ian lay back down on his back and stared at the ceiling. "It's not like I have a desire to...put it in someone's butt, per se. I'm not, like, turned on by butts themselves. It's just that the male body is what I find attractive." "But do you want to try sex...with me?" "Well, I think you already have your answer on that- I thought that's what we were just doing. But it's more about the release and about...doing what I know will make you happy than about being sexually attracted to you, I think." "I can live with that, Ian. I really can," she said, but suspected it was a lie. ******* Dessi held on to her husband's arm as she thought about that night with Ian. She remembered wishing she could stay in that bed forever and enjoy the kind of closeness she was currently experiencing with Rick. She had wanted to fall asleep with Ian's body wrapped up around hers. She wanted to know that when she woke up scared during the night, his warm strength would be right there to soothe her. But she had needed to be home when her mom got back, and she couldn't risk being discovered by anyone in Ian's family. So with great reluctance, she had gotten out of Ian's bed, put on her clothes, and headed downstairs. Before leaving the room, she had leaned over Ian, who was still naked in his bed, kissed his forehead, and whispered, "I love you Ian, and I will do anything for you." She drove home, drunk on a mix of fear and happiness. A sense of foreboding started creeping in, clouding her optimism, telling her that it could never work and she would only hurt herself and Ian. But a young girl in love will do desperate things. Remembering that night and the ones that came later, Dessi tried to think clearly about what to tell Gina the next morning. She couldn't talk about the sex, obviously. That would be weird. But she thought of a few significant conversations and secrets that Gina had a right to know. She faded into sleep, happily holding her husband and remembering her first true love. A Misdirection of Affection Ch. 03 The morning after her stroll down memory lane, Dessi got a text from Gina, suggesting they meet at The Noggin Shop after lunch. Before responding that it was OK, Dessi arranged for her oldest son, Alex, to drop her off there and pick her up later, since he wanted to use the car that day. Alex was a lifeguard at the YMCA that summer- a job that left his hours flexible to have a little fun before he left for college that fall. Dessi was going to miss him, and it was a bit uncomfortable to think of him doing the things Ian did at that age. Alex had to drop her off a little early, so Dessi sipped a coffee and soaked in the memories of being in the place where she and Ian had had so many conversations. She was glad their corner table was open. The Noggin Shop hadn't changed much- perhaps the owners knew better than to change a good thing. Gina arrived a little before 1, looking like she'd been crying. When Dessi looked at her questioningly, Gina waved her hand and said, "I just came from seeing my parents. This week in June is always a hard time for us." At the mention of Ian's parents, Dessi got a little concerned and asked, "Did you tell them...?" "Oh, no no no no. Nothing like that. They're not ready yet, and I don't think I've gotten all of the story yet, right?" "Right...And I think I'll need to talk to them eventually, but I'm not ready for that yet. I'd like to talk with you first- you're a little less intimidating!" Gina smiled and said, "I wasn't always. I went through quite a bitch phase a few years back, but a lot has happened since then..." "Did your husband know you then?" "Ohhh, honey. The stories I could tell...but not today. Tell me more about you and Ian. Did anyone else know he was gay?" Dessi sat up straighter and put her drink down. "That's what I wanted to tell you about. Apparently, a few months before I met him, he was just starting to realize that he thought about sex in a different way than other guys talked about it. He had a few good friends back then. And I guess he gave them too much credit. He trusted them enough to try to process it a little with them. Nothing too serious- just asking if they'd ever thought about this, or wondered about that. And...it didn't go so well." Dessi started tearing up, thinking of the hurt and loneliness Ian must have felt. Gina, who was still emotionally raw from the morning, wiped away a fresh tear from her own eyes. "He wouldn't tell me who the guys were, and one of them had already moved away anyway, but they responded pretty bad. They called him some hurtful names, told some lies, and completely cut him off. They never talked to him again." "Bastards." "Yeah- but typical teenage boy stuff. I have a few of my own now, so I can imagine how they might respond if they were scared. You try to raise them right, but..." "I know, I know. I forget that they're really just kids. But you'd hope they could be nicer...more understanding, maybe?" "They get scared, Gina. Scared of being outcasts themselves. High school is so merciless, so cruel. It just eats up nice kids...like Ian." "But he seemed to make it out OK, from what I remember," Gina said, thoughtfully. "Oh, Gina, he held back so much. He didn't know how to talk to your parents about what he was going through, and he didn't want to put that burden on you, either. He said he turned to the stars at night to find consolation. He started talking about how the stars were there to fight off the darkness." "I remember when he said something like that. It really stuck with me. I didn't think of it as...morose or sad or anything, not at the time." "Well, it was. There were some days I was really worried about him. It's like he was carrying a big old weight around. I think that's what bonded us- once he told me, I could help carry that weight. It never occurred to me let him carry a little of my burden, too. I didn't want to scare him away." Gina reached out and touched Dessi's hand- an instinctive move from her work at the shelter, something to encourage a person to open up. "Your burden?" "Oh...nothing unusual. Just a bad home life. Abusive dad. Divorce. That sort of thing. But I felt embarrassed and stained, like no one would love me if they knew all about me. Turns out most people are thinking that about themselves anyway." "I know, Dessi. I see it every day." Waving her hands in front of her face to fan the tears, Dessi let out a big breath, picked up her coffee, and continued. "Anyway, it got better once he got to college. It was a fresh start with new friends. He was hopeful he could find more people who were gay or who at least were sympathetic. He was loving his science classes, and he was just starting to swim." "I remember it was like he never wanted to come home- I felt abandoned," said Gina, looking away. "Well, once he met Patrick he never wanted to leave." Gina put her mug down on the table a little harder and faster than she had intended to. "Patrick? Ian had a boyfriend?" "Ohhhh no. Not a boyfriend. A crush. Poor Ian- he was pretty sure Patrick wasn't gay. Almost 100% sure. But they were friends and Patrick was a sophomore on the swim team. They spent a lot of time together and Ian was crushing hard. I couldn't blame him. I eventually went to visit Ian the month before...before his accident, and I met Patrick. He was a fine piece of man meat. He's probably pot-bellied and bald by now, but 19 years ago...wowwie! Blond hair, blue eyes, sculpted body, tight ass...the whole package. "Dessi- you're a married woman!" Gina teased. "Hey, my husband doesn't mind what gets me in the mood, as long as he's the one that gets in me when I am in the mood." Gina didn't know what to say- she just laughed and glanced around to make sure no children were listening. But she was getting to the age when even college students were starting to look much younger than she remembered being in college. "Anyway," Dessi continued, "you weren't the only one that felt abandoned. Ian was my best friend and the love of my life, remember? When your family traveled south for Christmas that year..." "Oh yeah, to Grandma Jean's place," Gina smiled. "I was bouncing off the walls. I had counted on making my big move on him over Christmas. I had to settle for New Year's. I came over your house for New Year's Eve." Gina looked puzzled and squinted her eyes at Dessi. "New...Year's...Eve..." she said softly, trying to remember. Then suddenly her eyes went wide. "OH! Oh my God! You...you were the girl that...you were so tiny, then. You had such long, straight hair. And you...you spent the night, didn't you? And you were the reason Ian locked me out of his room!" Dessi's mouth opened wide in shock. "How did you know I...you remember?" "I was 11, Dessi, not 4. I remember meeting you, though I had forgotten it until you mentioned it. And yes, I knew you spent the night. I was up in the middle of the night to go sit on Ian's recliner. I sometimes did that if I woke up at night. It was...is...a very comfortable recliner. I saw you walking from the bathroom to his room and then when I got there, the door was locked. I was so mad at you." Then Gina's eyes opened wider in sudden realization, "You were walking back from the bathroom- had you and Ian just...?" "No. Well...no. Ian was asleep- he didn't know I had snuck into his room instead of leaving to go home that night. After I got back to his room, I locked the door. I tried to have sex with him, but...I don't think you want the details..." "Did you or didn't you?" Gina blurted. "Yes, but he wasn't...he never..." Dessi glanced around and lowered her voice. "He didn't get inside me that time." "That time?" Dessi closed her eyes and smiled, thinking back to the summer after her graduation. "Yeah, I finally bedded him a few weeks before he died." She opened her eyes. "But that was it." Gina looked down at her drink, then off to the side. "OK, this is weird. Like, I feel like I should be able to be a grown-up about this, but it's just weird to be talking about him like this. What sister knows the details of her brother's sex life?" Dessi looked away and said jokingly, "Well, you don't know the details, really." Gina grabbed a napkin and threw it at Dessi, it made it halfway across the table and then floated down. The two women laughed. They talked for another hour, filling in some details of Ian's story for each other. Then Dessi asked about Gina and her life. "I've been married 6 years and we have 4 kids- 1 biological and 3 adopted. I work at a women's shelter which also has a crisis pregnancy center. My husband and I have adopted some of the kids that girls there aren't ready to keep." Then she patted her stomach and smiled, "Plus we've got another baby on the way, but I haven't told Andrew yet." She spoke of Andrew's body shop and her own work managing the shelter. She didn't mention the arrangement that first got her and Andrew together- that was a private story reserved for only a few. But she did say they were roommates before they began dating. Dessi thought that was romantic. "It probably wasn't like what you think," Gina said cryptically. "After Ian died, my parents kind of shut everything out- they just didn't know how to handle it. As a 12 year old girl, my world was falling apart and mom and dad weren't responding to me. I got rebellious and ran with a wild crowd. I still did fine in school, but I just did everything I could to avoid being at home. It was like a cemetery there all the time." Dessi reached out to hold Gina's hand and said, "I'm so sorry- I wish I had talked to you then. I wish we could have been there for each other." "I was 12, I probably would've ignored you. But thank you. And all that you're sharing now is so meaningful, so thank you for that, too. But anyway, I went to college, made dumb mistakes and still graduated. I had a huge argument with my parents, blamed them for a lot of things and said some hurtful things before moving away. I finally ended up working at the shelter, and around the time Andrew and I got engaged, I got back in touch with my parents. We've been repairing that relationship, and a lot of that has to do with finally getting them to deal with their grief over Ian in a healthy way." "Wow, Gina. I just...wish we could have connected sooner." "Me too, Dessi. And I have something to ask of you, if you don't mind." "What is it?" "Ian was pretty distant after he left for college. We thought it was just normal 'leaving the nest' type of behavior, but now it sounds like there was more to it than that. But you were still a part of his life then. Do you have any pictures you wouldn't mind giving up- pictures of you and Ian or of just him- from that year? We didn't really know my brother during the last year of his life." Dessi sighed, "I do have pictures- not a lot- but let me see what I can bear to part with. Or maybe you could scan a bunch of them...?" "That would be so awesome, Dessi, thank you! Maybe the next time I'm in town...?" "Or if you want to stop by my place on your way out of town, I could pass them off to you, as long as you swear to bring them back." "Or I might see crazy Dessi?" "She's been in her cage a long time, but she'd get angry over Ian." Gina could tell there was some truth to the humor. They got up to leave together and went out to the street. Alex was just arriving to take Dessi home, and Gina had some other errands to run in town. They made plans for Gina to stop by that evening, then said good-bye.   *******   Alex dropped his mom off at home and then drove to work. Dessi prepared some food to cook for dinner later, started some laundry, then went to see what pictures she could give to Gina. It scared her to think of someone else taking the photos, and she wished she had scanned them and backed them up a long time ago. Flipping through the dozens of prints, she smiled at the memories of those two short years. She had really changed herself- reinvented her personality and lifestyle. Ian was such a big part of that. She had wanted to be the kind of girl that deserved such a kind and caring man. He had given her a picture of what a person could be like without needing to put others down or use people He had also redeemed her view of sex. It had always been something others used to hurt her or else something she used to manipulate others. Without even talking about it, Ian had helped sex to become an expression of love and closeness and trust. She had had far less sex with Ian than with any of her past boyfriends, but the special nature of those times marked her indelibly. Dessi's ears began searching the house. She was pretty sure she was alone. Alex was at work, Nathan at his friend's pool, Sammy with Rick at soccer practice... She moved the box over to the bed. She had reached a group of pictures from Ian's last month. She knew where those memories would lead, even without pictures of the best part of that night. She looked at a photo of her wearing a shiny blue strapless dress, sitting at a candle-lit table with Ian. She remembered the waitress complimenting them as she snapped the picture...   *******   It was late May. Dessi had just graduated high school...finally. Telling her mom she was going to visit some old friends for a weekend, she drove up to Ian's university to surprise him. He hadn't come back at the end of the semester, citing the chance to take some summer courses on astronomy and the need to practice with the swim team. Dessi had his address, so she drove up there on Friday morning and wandered around campus. She would probably never end up going to college, she thought. She had graduated, yes, but not with high marks. It was always so hard for her to concentrate, and so the tests never reflected her grasp of the material. Her mom would probably be happy to have her at home for a while as she figured out her next steps in life. Dessi wanted for Ian to be as much a part of that plan as possible. She had a surprise for him that she hoped would help. In the days before cell phones were in everyone's pocket, it was hard to show up unannounced and find someone. The weather was nice, though, so once Dessi had stretched her legs and gotten some food, she settled onto a bench outside Ian's dorm. The breeze on her neck was a strange feeling, and Dessi rubber the back of her head nervously. In the mid-afternoon, after Dessi had been waiting for over an hour, she saw a group of 4 guys walking up to the dorm. Ian was among them. Dessi stood up and quietly joined the back of the group. They were talking about relays and yards and strokes- must be the swim team, she thought. They paid her no mind as one of them swiped an ID card to open the dorm. She walked in with them, then held back. Once they entered the stairwell, Dessi followed, staying a floor below. She heard them saying good-byes and planning to meet later for dinner. Dessi found Ian's floor and walked up to his door. She rubbed the back of her neck, then knocked on the door. A few seconds later, a shirtless Ian pulled open the door. He stared at her briefly, then squinted his eyes for a few seconds, looking confused. Dessi held out her arms for a hug and said a nervous, "Surprise!" Shaking his head to clear it, Ian stepped forward and pulled Dessi into an embrace. Then he glanced up and down the hallway and pulled her into the room. Shutting the door, he said softly with surprise, "Oh my God, Dessi! What happened to you hair? What are you doing here? How did you get in? Girls aren't allowed in this dorm...you need a school I.D. to..." "Are you happy to see me?" Dessi interrupted him. Worried that she had made a few bad decisions. "Well...YES!" Ian said, a little flustered. "Hold on a second," he said, reaching for his room phone. "Are you here for the day?" "And the night, too, and tomorrow, if that's OK." "Yeah...sure...hold on." He punched a few numbers into the phone and held the receiver to his ear. Dessi sat down on the bed and wondered why he hadn't moved his recliner into his dorm. "Patrick? Hey it's Ian...Yeah, I'm gonna bail on dinner tonight. And probably stuff tomorrow, too...No, it's fine, my, uh...my cousin surprised me with a visit." Dessi pouted at that cover story. "No, he's too young...he just got his license and everything...No, we will definitely not do that...No, I'm gonna hang with him tonight and tomorrow, I'll have him crash in my room...Meet him?...Uh, sure, maybe for lunch tomorrow...we can figure it out later...OK, I'll see you around, bye." Dessi was a little offended. "Your cousin? He? Ian!" "Hey, gimme a break. No girls allowed; if the Resident Adviser gets word, you need to get a hotel, and I get in trouble. And people are going to see us together at some point, and with your hair...gone...you can pass for a teenage boy. It was the best I could think of on the spur of the moment- except I didn't expect they'd want to meet you." Pacified, Dessi got up and walked toward Ian, "Well, I guess that's plausible enough. Do you like my hair?" "Why did you cut it so short? I thought you loved your hair?" "I do...did. But I thought this way I look a little more like a guy, and maybe...you know...maybe you would like that...Maybe it would be easier to...try to have sex, if you can imagine you're with a guy...And besides, I was able to slip in the dorm by walking right behind you and your friends, and no one noticed- camouflage!" "Oh, Dessi, that's...I don't know what to say. That's so thoughtful...and creepy...and sad...and...and I feel bad that you feel like you need to do that." It wasn't going the way Dessi had hoped. But what did she expect? For Ian to throw her on the bed and ravish her right away? "Ian, you forget how happy I am to do things for you...you forget how much I love you. But don't worry about it...let's go out!"   *******   Ian got dressed and they moved Dessi's bag into Ian's room. With her hair so short, wearing boy's clothes made her appear to be a teenage boy, so no one stopped them as they came and went. Ian even registered her as an official guest, "Dezi." They went into town and visited a coffee shop that was less popular with college students so they could have more privacy as they talked. They spent a few hours catching up, then planned to head to dinner. But as they walked out of the coffee shop, Ian stopped short. "Dessi, did you bring any nice clothes...like, girl clothes?" "No, I didn't think I'd need anything. I just brought a few changes of clothes- most of them like this." She wondered where this was heading. "I'd like to take you to a nice place- as a graduation present. Let's get you something nice." "Ian, we can't just..." "We can and we will," Ian insisted. He drove them to the mall and they found a store with nice women's apparel. Ian helped her find a beautiful outfit and then paid for it. They packed it up, went back to the dorm, and Ian changed into something more formal. They walked out to the car and drove to the coffee shop. It had a clean, private bathroom where Dessi could put her dress back on. She felt a little giddy at the thought of a real date with Ian. They ate at an expensive Italian restaurant and talked like the close friends they were. Dessi asked about Patrick, and though Ian was reluctant to talk about him on their 'date,' Dessi pushed and prodded until Ian shared about his crush on his swim team partner. After they had eaten their fill and the sky was getting dark, they returned to the car. When they pulled into the coffee shop again, Dessi asked Ian, "Why...?" A Misdirection of Affection Ch. 03 "You don't think we can get away with pretending you're a boy in that dress, do you? We'd never make it past the front desk!" "Well, maybe you could say your cousin is a cross-dresser!" Ian smirked and looked into Dessi's eyes. "Short hair or no, in that dress, you look all woman. Now go take it off." Making some remark about not knowing he was in such a hurry to get her clothes off, Dessi shuffled out of the car and into the coffee shop. She returned a few minutes later, dress in her arms, dressed like a boy. "Happy now?" she teased. "Happy to see you, yes." They drove back to the dorm, Dessi shifting in her seat in anticipation.   *******   Back at the dorm, as Ian unbuttoned his shirt, he looked at Dessi sitting at his desk and said, "I'd suggest you sleep on my roommate's bed, since he's gone for the summer, but I'm guessing that's not the sleeping arrangements you have in mind." Dessi smiled and moved over to the bed. "You'd be right. Though we might have to do some rearranging- one bed isn't going to fit us very well, especially when you start rolling in your sleep." "Well, I may roll, but you're the kung-fu queen. You actually bruised my shins during our naps last summer." Dessi stuck her tongue out at Ian, then threw a pillow at him. Ian deflected the pillow and sighed as he started moving the beds next to each other. "You don't have anything you need to do tomorrow?" Dessi asked. "No. I was just going to hang out with the guys in the evening. We all have papers to write for classes this month, so that's what we do during the weekend daytime." "Well, maybe I should have you go spend time with Patrick in the morning, then when you come back all horny I can give you some relief." Ian laughed, but then got a little more serious. "Dessi, let's leave everyone else out of this. I just...I want to do this for you." Feigning innocence, Dessi said, "Do what, Ian?" Now it was Ian's turn to throw a pillow. Dessi said more seriously, "Isn't it even a little bit for you, too?" Ian shrugged, "I won't deny that it's nice to get some release, and I like being close to you. But I think the most enjoyable part is knowing I can make you a little bit happy. I know how important this is to you. I'm worried that won't be enough in the long run- for either of us- but I'm OK not thinking about that tonight." "Good. Good enough. Now finishing taking off those clothes and let me enjoy that sexy body of yours. I like what college is doing to you!" Not waiting for Ian to comply, Dessi climbed towards Ian and began pulling down his pants as he stood next to the bed. He helped finish that task, and Dessi began rubbing her hands all around his chest and abs. He was definitely getting toned. Pulling his cock out through the front of his boxers, she took him in her mouth and began bobbing. Ian was soft, but he moaned at the contact. As he hardened in her mouth, he put one hand on the back of her head, gently guiding her ministrations. She pulled away for a second, looked up at Ian's face, and asked, "Does the short hair help? Can you pretend I'm a guy?" "I...I don't know. It's hard to forget that it's you, Dessi..." "Well I'll stop talking and you can try to picture whatever...whomever...you want when you close your eyes." Dessi got back to work, bringing Ian to full stiffness. She then wiggled him around to get his boxers off and guided him onto the bed.   *******   Remembering that night, more than 18 years later, lying on her bed, Dessi slipped a hand into her shorts and began to rub herself. She glanced at the bedroom door to make sure it was locked. No one was home, but no sense in taking chances, right? She began to slowly move her hips around, remembering the feeling of Ian rolling on top of her that night.   *******   Dessi pulled off the uncomfortable boy clothes she had been forced to wear. She hadn't bothered to put on panties when she had changed out of her dress earlier, so she was soon naked on the bed next to Ian. He looked up and down her body and slowly moved one hand up and down his cock to keep it firm. "Do I need to...do you need to do anything to...get ready?" "Ian, usually a girl needs some help getting wet enough to take a guy, but I've been ready for this for a long time. Lie on your back, I'll get on top to start so we can be sure you actually get inside this time." It was a joke, but neither of them laughed. Ian stretched out and held his penis up. "Do you need me to...hold it or anything?" he asked. Dessi straddled him and reached between her legs to take hold of his warm shaft. "No, I got it," she whispered. Then settling his tip into her entrance, Dessi sank down until she had taken him all the way in. They both moaned- Ian from the completely novel and pleasant sensation of having his cock wrapped in a tight, warm hole. Dessi moaned from the satisfaction of finally feeling Ian inside her. That it had been about 2 years since she had had sex made the sensation all the more fulfilling. She had almost forgotten the joy of having her tunnel stuffed with a warm, pulsing fullness. The feel of a hard body rubbing against hers. She knew she would cum, hopefully before Ian did. Ian's eyes were closed and his mouth was wide open, silently gasping at the feeling of Dessi moving up and down on him. He didn't know where to put his hands. At first he rested them on her thighs, then he moved up to her hips and shared in the rhythm of her motion. Then he moved his hands up to her breasts. Though he didn't feel any particular fascination with that part of a woman's body, he knew she wanted to be touched there. When his fingers reached her nipples, which were hardened to little points, Dessi squeaked and pushed harder down on him. Ian found that concentrating on touching Dessi distracted him from the almost overwhelming urge to thrust and cum as quickly as possible. So he rubbed all along her body- her arms, her thighs, her back, when she leaned over to lie on top of him. It wasn't but a few minutes before Dessi's breathing got erratic and mixed with groans. She was on top of him, rubbing their chests together. Her hips started grinding faster and her arms closed around him, squeezing him. Dessi kept her face on Ian's chest, her cheek resting on his pectorals. She wanted to kiss him, but she was worried she would ruin the experience for him. Plus, their height difference would have made it impossible for her to reach his lips without pulling off of him, and there was no way she was doing that now. Ian moved one hand down to her butt cheeks, which were clenching and releasing as she sped up her thrusts. She was so small that one of Ian's hands could cup both cheeks. When he did so, she moaned and started gasping. Ian's other hand wrapped around her back and rested on her spine. Dessi's motions became urgent, and her high-pitched grunts were unmistakable- if anyone had passed by Ian's door, there would have been no doubt that his visitor was not who she pretended to be. Pressing her body closer to Ian's, Dessi slowed down her thrusts but made them firmer and longer, rubbing her clit along Ian's shaft. "MMM! NNN! MMMff!! Ohh God, Ohhh God. Ian! Ian!! I'm so close Ian! Nnnngh!" Feeling her small body moving furiously on top of his, Ian simply held her close and felt a surge of love for his friend. Staring at the ceiling, he said softly, "I love you, Dessi. I love you in every way I know how." That was all it took to push Dessi over the edge. She had cum before from sex. She usually had some sort of orgasm with her partners. But she had never experienced one such as this, where her emotions and her body collided and shook her to the core. Pushing Ian in as deep into herself as she could, Dessi cried out in joy and even a little terror at how strongly she felt everything. She put her mouth in Ian's chest to muffle the noise. Ian wasn't expecting to feel her walls squeezing his shaft when she came. But everything was suddenly tighter. He felt her whole body shaking and jerking every few seconds. He moved his hand from her back to her head and gently stroked her short hair. Dessi's arms squeezed him tighter and her thighs clenched around his legs. Dessi was feeling weakened from her orgasm, which was still making her tremble and shiver on top of Ian. She didn't realize how close he was, and Ian himself was surprised by the urgency he was feeling. Even as Dessi came, Ian was starting to thrust his hips up at her, gently but insistently. As soon as he could tell that she was finished, Ian rolled them over without warning. The act of rolling caused them to disconnect for a second, but as soon as Ian was in place on top of her, he used his hips to find her slit, and then pushed in, violently. Though Ian wasn't the tallest guy Dessi had been with, the difference between them was substantial enough that, in this position, her head was at the level of his chest. So with Ian on top, beginning to thrust into her, Dessi turned her face to the side so she could breathe. Ian's head and shoulders were on his pillow, which was odd. He felt like he was fucking the bed, since he couldn't see Dessi. He moved his hands so that they were under Dessi, holding her shoulders so that his thrusts went as deep as he could go. Ian felt his cum rising. His thoughts were a mixture of Dessi, Patrick, and faceless, nameless guys from his imagination. He could barely hear Dessi's squeaks below him, muffled as they were by his body on top of hers. He only hoped he wasn't hurting her, but at that point he was too far gone. She was saying his name. "Ian?...Ian?...Ian!!" Pulling out to just his tip, Ian thrust back in hard. After a dozen or so thrusts, he just pushed deep and felt his release. Dessi's eyes went wide as Ian came inside her. She had planned to be on top or beside him, somewhere in a position to make him pull out. She had tried to get his attention to warn him, but he was like a man possessed. She wasn't protected and wouldn't consider wearing a condom with Ian. Feeling his pulsing inside her, Dessi resolved not to worry about it. Worst case scenario, she would have a permanent bond with Ian, something to ensure he would always be in her life. For the moment, she would enjoy the feeling of his ultimate satisfaction- the release that she had given him. Ian stayed on top her her for a few minutes, letting his breath return to normal. Only when Dessi tapped his chest with her hand and asked to be let up did he come to his senses and roll to his side. They stayed like that- side by side in bed- until Dessi broke the silence with a question, "Well, what did you think?" Ian took her hand in his and said, "Well, there's something really awesome about it. But Dessi, I don't want to hurt your feelings when I say that it just doesn't feel right to me." "I know Ian, but it's not, like, repulsive or anything, is it?" Ian thought about that, staring at the ceiling, and finally said, "No, not repulsive, just...off. Like something's missing." "Maybe I should strap something on my front to look like a penis, huh?" Ian laughed, though she hadn't been entirely joking. "I'm tired, Dessi. That took a lot out of me. If you go to the bathroom, remember to put boy clothes on first. It's halfway down the hall, you can't miss it." It wasn't the most romantic ending to their love-making- Dessi putting on shorts and a shirt to go out into the common bathroom- but since she knew it would end up with her in bed next to her lover, she didn't mind. Slipping back under the covers, Dessi found Ian fast asleep. She cuddled her way under his arm and joined him in happy slumber. Early the next morning, they made love again. Slower, less urgent. They spooned, which Ian said made it look like he was with a man, which helped that "something missing" that he had talked about. That time, Dessi didn't even think about it- Ian came inside her, gripping her whole body in his arms and pulling her against him. She couldn't have moved off of him if she had wanted to. She realized it would be cruel to deny him that pleasure, anyway, and she delighted in the feel of his cum filling her. That Saturday, they walked around campus, watched a movie, and talked about their families and their futures. Ian never set up for his friends to meet Dessi, though they did bump into Patrick at lunch. Fortunately, he was on his way in while they were heading out. He gave Dessi and Ian a funny look, but didn't ask any questions. He and Ian arranged to meet at the pool later that day. When they had some privacy to talk while walking, Dessi asked about the possibility of them being together as a nontraditional couple. "I don't know if you'll ever want me the way I want you, but sex isn't everything in a relationship, Ian. We have everything else, don't we?" "You're right, Dessi. I care about you, and I do love you. I even want to want you in that way. It would be so much easier if I did. Sex is only a part of who we are, it's not what has to define us, but still..." "So how about it? We could be together- I could even move up here and find a job. We'd be best friends, we could have sex to keep me happy and to give you some release. I...I might even be OK with you...you know...trying sex with a guy. I don't know. We could figure it out." "You mean like I live some double life?" "No, just...we love each other, and we're together, but you have these needs that I can't meet, so...we get creative." "That's...different. But tempting. I'll...think about it, OK? We can talk more when I get home in July." That was more than she had expected. An "I'll think about it" was a step in a good direction. Later that afternoon, Dessi packed up and headed home, never to see Ian again.   *******   Thinking back on that weekend while she rubbed her clit, Dessi brought herself to three small orgasms. She smiled to think what her husband was going to experience that night. She washed up and put some of the pictures in a zippered bag for Gina, pausing to look at the last photo of Ian she had. He was wearing shorts and a white t-shirt, his gym bag in hand, leaning against the trunk of his car and smiling at the camera. He was on his way to meet Patrick at the pool as Dessi was leaving to go home. He had promised to be back home in July and said that they would see each other a lot that month. But a few weeks after her visit, he and Patrick and another guy from their team died in a car accident. No one even knew to tell Dessi- his family didn't think to contact her. When he didn't answer her emails, she visited his house in July. His mother answered the door and talked almost like a robot. Dessi remembered the shock and grief of that time. She was lost, adrift at sea. She was afraid she would go back to a different life, a different Dessi. She had ended up at a church, which was where she eventually met Rick. He had been patient, kind, affectionate...she hadn't been ready to talk about Ian, and Rick had never asked. But it might be time to tell that story.   *******   After dinner with her family, Dessi was picking up plates for Rick to wash when the doorbell rang. Grabbing the bag of pictures, she met Gina at the door. Dessi invited her in, but Gina said, "Maybe next time, I don't want to lose too much daylight on my drive." The two women chatted on the doorstep for a minute. Alex pulled in the driveway, back from work. He walked in the house and Dessi stopped him. "Alex, this is my friend Gina." Alex said hello then went inside as Dessi told him where to find his dinner. As they watched the boy go in the house, Gina commented, "Well he certainly doesn't get his height from you. Is your husband tall?" Dessi quickly turned her head and looked at Gina, who was smiling. Dessi's eyes softened, then she pulled the door closed. Indicating that they should walk to the car together, Dessi put her hand on Gina's elbow. "Gina...I debated not telling you, but I feel like I have to. I'm hoping you'll come back to visit, and we'll have to talk more before then. You should know- Alex...my son...he's Ian's." Having just gotten to the car, Gina put her hand on it and leaned against it. It was like the wind had been knocked out of her. "Dessi, I didn't...are you sure?" "Positive. It happened a week before Ian died. I wasn't with another man until I got married, almost three years later. He was an accident, of course, but I couldn't just...you understand." Gina silently nodded, still shocked. "Does he know?" "He knows Rick isn't his biological father. He was 2 when Rick and I married. I had started going to church after Alex was born, mostly because they had free child care and I needed the break. I met Rick there, and he didn't need to know about my past- has was...is...so kind and gracious. He's the only dad Alex has ever known. I've never told Rick about Ian and I've never told Alex either. At first it hurt too much, then I was embarrassed. And your parents didn't..." "I know Dessi. They weren't the warmest people after they lost Ian." "And then, it just became...the past. But meeting you yesterday...it seems like it's time to tell that story. Eventually, I'd like to see your parents and introduce Alex." "We'll talk Dessi, we'll talk. Maybe next time I can bring my little brood with me- when you're ready, of course. I...I want us to be a part of Alex's life...and your life! But you're going to have to talk to Rick and Alex first." "Yeah, I know. He's a good man, but it will be hard. I just don't know where to begin." "Well, Dessi, the best advice I got about that was to go home, give him the ride of his life, and then talk about what's on your mind." Dessi giggled, and Gina joined in until both women were laughing next to the car. As laughter resolved into smiles, Gina got in her car and looked longingly at the house. "This has been a good weekend, Dessi. Thank you so much for sharing with me." Through the open window of the car, Dessi leaned in, touched Gina's cheek with the backs of her fingers, and said, "I'm so glad we could talk, Gina. We always need more stars to fight the darkness, right?"   That concludes A Misdirection of Affection. I appreciate your votes and your feedback. After a short break from writing, I'm planning to tell the story of Gareth and Gina's relationship from her college days, told from Gareth's perspective.