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A Heart Divided Ch. 01

By: nageren



This is the next installment in the Strange Arrangement world and will be seven chapters. You don't need to read the other stories for this one to make sense, but knowing Gina's story as recounted in A Strange Arrangement will certainly affect your reading of this story, hopefully for the better, though it would also be a spoiler for how this relationship ends. This story begins about 2 years before Gina meets Andrew.

Chapter 1

It was looking at her eyes that let me know it was too late. I was on top of her, waiting for her to show signs of approaching her climax as I thrust slowly and firmly into her. I was enjoying the feel of her skin against mine, after having gone so long without. It had been what...two...three months since the last time we had had sex?

The marriage counselor had given us a "homework assignment" that day. Saying that all marital problems express themselves in the bedroom, she had told us to have sex every day until our next counseling session- which was a whole week away. We also had some other assignments- conversations and discussions and arguments that we had been avoiding for months. But I had to clench my jaw to keep from smiling when she told us to have sex every day that week.

Lynn was less than thrilled, but we had paid for 6 very expensive sessions up front, and the counselor said she would not see us again if we hadn't done all our homework. So there we were, a few hours later, naked in our marriage bed for the first time in what seemed like ages. My back was beginning to sweat and I started to wish that I had turned on the ceiling fan before we started. Her large breasts were just starting to glisten as they shook with each thrust.

Lynn had said "no" to foreplay. She had clinically stripped herself bare, dug out the bottle of lube that was buried in our bathroom cabinet, and liberally applied it to her entrance. She winced when I entered her and then kept her eyes closed. I had hoped that after a while she would get into it again, and I was thinking back to some of our more exciting times in the bedroom, even as recently as a year ago. I still don't know exactly what had happened to bring us to this point.

But after 20 minutes of slow, steady grinding, and after offering several times to change positions or do something different, I finally understood. I looked in her eyes when she opened them and they were totally vacant. She wasn't thinking about me or anyone else, she wasn't there at all. She was staring at the ceiling, her only sounds coming from the air forced out of her lungs by my thrusts.

It was too late. We could do this every night for a year and it wouldn't change anything. She didn't love me. She didn't even like me. I don't think she even wanted to be in the same room as me, and I didn't know why. Six years of marriage and now this.

"Gary, can you hurry up? I'm starting to feel a little raw." No bitterness, no emotion in her voice at all.

I put both hands on that ass that I loved to hold, and I pulled her towards me, speeding up. Closing my eyes, I tried to think of fantasies from my past- girls I had known, girls I had wished to know, girls that didn't even exist. But one thing they all shared in my fantasies- they wanted to be with me. They enjoyed what we were doing- they wanted it.

As I pictured a beautiful face tense with sexual pleasure, I finally came, pushing a few solid thrusts into my wife. I heard her sharp intake of breath as I pushed deep, but she was otherwise unresponsive. She let me stay on top of her and inside her for a minute or two while I caught my breath, then she tapped my arm to indicate that I needed to roll off of her.

She hopped out of bed and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. Silence and locked doors- I should be used to that by now.

*******

It wasn't always this way, you know. We got married after three years of dating and engagement. We met when Lynn was an Event Coordinator who was running a charity art auction on behalf of a battered women's shelter called "Hope's Advocate." I was invited to give a brief lecture on "The History of the Objectivization of Women in Western Art." It was her idea to change my title to "Objects of Lust, Objects of Art," which later became the title of my first book.

We fit together; we fit together very well. I was the introverted, intellectual, quiet, sometimes awkward PhD candidate, and she was the entrepreneurial, social, intuitive, laughing beauty. She knew people, I knew ideas, and when we were together, our conversation flowed. We complemented each other well, we enjoyed being together. She drew me out into the world, I anchored her into the moment.

It wasn't a lust-filled whirlwind romance. It was a friendship that blossomed into a comfortable romance. Our first time making love was simple- no fireworks or screaming orgasms, but rather the same feel of a couple who has been together a long time and who just feel right being together.

I was intimidated by her beauty. As the book-ish type, I was never very comfortable around women, especially pretty ones. Lynn glowed with an unassuming beauty. I had been so taken by her personality that I was surprised, weeks later, when I realized just how beautiful she was. She wore very little make-up, she seldom changed her hair style, she didn't obsess over fashion- she just looked simple and...desirable. Her curves were usually well hidden under professional outfits. I loved those curves, and I always appreciated how she didn't flaunt them. It made her sexy body feel like our little secret- a special present just for me.

When I met her, she was 26 years old, and she ran her own business. She would schedule appointments at large companies that didn't even know who she was. She would walk into their offices and cast a compelling vision for an event they had never imagined. A surprising number of those events ended up happening. It wasn't the force of her personality convinced them; it was the beauty of the pictures she painted with her words. That, and the weeks of research she did on each company.

She later told me that she had found me "cute" and "refreshing," which was why she asked to meet me after the art auction. That meeting turned into regular coffees until I stumbled through an attempt to transition our friendship into something more formal. By then, she said, she already knew she wanted to marry me. Having finally gotten my PhD and landed a position at a nearby university, I was ready to turn some of my attentions away from academic and career pursuits and on to our future together. I proposed to her while we walked in the park after the book release party she had thrown for me.

Our wedding was surprisingly simple, considering the bride made a living planning big events. We both wanted a simple, intimate, low-stress wedding. Our families came, and a few close friends. A month later, we had a bigger social event, inviting our work and business associates. Lynn shined at those kind of events- not as the center of attention, usually. She was poised and graceful and fun and always knew the right thing to say or do. I mostly tried to not embarrass myself. I still didn't understand why people wanted to listen to me talk. Art was fascinating to me, but I assumed almost everyone else found it boring. And I didn't know how to talk about much else.

I once asked Lynn if she was embarrassed to be with me in public- I offered to not go to events with her. She was surprised by the question, then gave me that look that told me she was seeing right through my soul. "Gary," (she was the only one to call me that), "you don't know how handsome and intelligent you are, do you." It was a statement, not a question. "If I were a psychologist, I'd say you spent so many years avoiding women that you were never told that you are attractive and fun to talk to and sexy. And since you never heard it, you never believed it."

She was probably right. My tendency to avoid women (though not entirely- I did manage to lose my virginity in college) ended up a self-fulfilling prophesy. Women didn't want me, so I didn't pursue them. I didn't pursue them, so I believed they didn't want me. I tended to stick to the areas where I felt confident- my studies. After that conversation, Lynn took it upon herself to regularly tell me how handsome I was. My dark brown eyes, my lean build, my hair- if I hadn't been so self-conscious to begin with, I could have developed quite an ego. And yet Lynn's affirmation didn't make me any more confident around other women- it just made me more in love with her.

Sex was never a problem- neither of us was very adventurous or kinky. Sex was a great way for us to express our love, and we did it as often as our schedules allowed. I worked weekdays, she often had events on the weekends, but most nights and especially summers were our time. I always craved stability and stasis, I didn't need adventure. Lynn's job kept her so busy that she, too, longed for our married life to be a refuge. And so it continued- two people entering their thirties, stable careers, no kids yet, and enjoying life together.

*******

The day after our counseling appointment, we both had off work. Me because it was summer and I had no classes to teach- only papers to write and get published. Lynn was off because she had just finished a string of big events and had long ago planned a few weeks of down time afterwards. I was eating breakfast when Lynn came in the kitchen and started looking through the fridge for her own meal. I felt an odd mixture of calm and anxious. Calm because of the long-overdue sexual release I had experienced the night before. Anxious because I knew we had a lot to talk about, and after last night I didn't expect it to end well.

Lynn didn't say a word as she put some food on a plate and sat down. After I had washed down a few bites with a glass of juice, I said a polite "Good morning." She replied with a simple, "Morning" and a distant look over my shoulder. After a few more minutes of silence, I said, "Maybe we should talk about some of the things we're supposed to discuss this week..."

"Yeah, I guess," came her unenthusiastic reply.

The counselor had given us a few stapled pages of topics and questions that we needed to go over. "Some of these," she had said, "won't be an issue for you two. And some of them will lead to big arguments. That's fine, that's intentional. We need to see where the pressure points are for your marriage so we can get busy addressing them and teaching you how to argue constructively."

Lynn had given an uncharacteristically harsh reply, "I don't see what having sex every day has to do with any of that."

"Sex is important- to both of you, though not always for the same reasons. It's the one main thing that makes discussing money or time or communication with your spouse different from discussing it with a friend or business associate. You need to remember that this isn't an informal connection that you have, and it's not something entirely objective. Your whole selves- body, heart, everything- are invested in this relationship. Sex communicates that, it reminds you of that. Lynn, you can't talk to Gareth like he's just another person if your naked bodies are regularly being pressed together. Sorry to be graphic, but that's the point."

"Well, I don't think it's a good point." Then looking sideways at me she had added, "but maybe it'll put him in a nicer mood, at least."

I had wrinkled my brow and opened my mouth to respond. The counselor lifted her finger towards me and said, "No, Gareth. We're not defending ourselves. We're listening. And that's the point of these discussions you need to have this week. No matter what the other person says about you, you don't defend yourself. You listen. You listen, and you listen again. You take turns listening, and if you need to, write down what they say you are doing that hurts them. You don't defend yourself. Listen."

With those words still fresh in my mind, I went and got the papers- a copy for each of us. I had honestly hoped that we could get past this- that whatever we were going through was just a rough patch, a bump on an otherwise long and happy road. That's why I had suggested a counselor- I wanted us work out whatever was bothering Lynn, because she wasn't talking to me about it. I was glad I had let her find and choose the counselor, that way she couldn't blame me for the sex assignment!

We started working through the questions, and it was just as the counselor had said- some of the topics were no problem. Money was fine- we were in decent shape and were both responsible with our spending. We had made some good choices and had similar values, so no problem there. Time management was also OK- we had a rhythm to our life, and neither of us felt like work or hobbies were cutting into our availability to one another...and so on for an hour.

The next topic was sex, which made me nervous. I braced myself for some sort of criticism. I didn't satisfy her, she wasn't attracted to me anymore, she was interested in someone else...I just didn't know what to expect, and I felt particularly vulnerable. I glanced ahead at other topics- kids,s, communication, something called 'love languages,' plans for the future...I was tempted to skip ahead, but Lynn could see the questions as well as I could and she went straight into the sex questions.

To my surprise, she said she had no complaints. "I've always been very happy with our sex life," she said, a bit sadly. I looked at her in skeptical silence. She saw my look and made eye contact for the first time that morning. "Really, Gare. Everything has been fine in bed. I'm not cheating on you or anything, I don't fantasize about anyone else. Sex is great, it always has been."

"You could have fooled me last night. And every day for the past 6 months." Though we had had sex a couple times in the past half year, it was always quick, one-sided, and often when Lynn was drunk. It wasn't a kind remark, and I regretted it. She turned away and put her hand to her lips. I could tell she was about to cry- I had seen that face many times before.

"I'm sorry," she said in a strained whisper. "I'm sorry Gare, I just don't know what's wrong." Sure enough, she began to cry, her shoulders shaking as she tried to contain herself. She sniffed and got up from the table to grab a napkin. Wiping her eyes, she took a few deep breaths and continued looking away. "Do you want to do it now?"

"Do what?"

"Sex, dummy. We're supposed to have sex today. Do you want to do it now or later?"

"I...I don't want to make you...do something when you're upset like this."

She stared up at the ceiling for a few seconds, then said softly, "I want to, Gareth, I want to have sex with you now. Please." It seemed hard for her to say that, like she was ashamed.

Standing up, I said, "I always want to be with you, babe. Anytime."

We walked upstairs, taking off our clothes as we got into the bedroom.

We kissed. It felt to me like our first kiss- exciting, strange, promising. I wondered if maybe we had somehow broken through the wall and were already making our way back to normal. Standing naked next to the bed, holding Lynn against me, I dared to believe we would be happy again.

She inched backwards until her legs bumped the bed, then she sat down. Putting her hands on my ass, she pulled me towards her, taking my hard cock into her mouth. I was vocal in my appreciation, groaning and moaning over my first time feeling her lips there in almost a year. She moved slowly, not trying to finish me that way but rather getting me more primed for what was to come. I rested one hand on the top of her head and looked down at the way her brown hair fell around her face, hiding her motions. When I felt myself getting too close, I used both hands to pull her off of me, then crawled onto the bed next to her.

She got on her back as I put my mouth on her large breasts. I had always loved kissing her body. My lips lingered on her nipples, stiff from arousal, or maybe the chill of the air-conditioner. My hand moved slowly around her belly. Lynn had always worked out and stayed in shape, but during the past six years her stomach had lost some of its firmness. I found it just as sexy, maybe even more so with a slight bit of cushion. I thought about how beautiful it would be when it grew large with our child some day...maybe some day soon.

I moved my kisses onto her stomach, and then down to her mound. Lynn put her hands on my head and pushed me lower down, eager to feel my tongue on her folds. I started very slowly, one lick, then a pause. Another lick. A small kiss on her clit. A slower, firmer lick, then a teasing poke at her entrance with my tongue. Her breathing sped up, more in frustration than arousal. "Do it," she whispered. "Please, Gary, do it!"

I pulled my head back and said teasingly, "Do what, babe?"

She was beginning to squirm and her voice was urgent. "Lick me, lick my pussy. Please. I miss it."

Smiling, I set about my joyous task. Alternating slow, firm licks with softer, shorter ones, I had to wrap my arms around her thighs and put my hands on her mound to stay in place. Lynn pushed against me and wiggled around. I knew what she wanted- she wanted me on her clit, which was already showing her arousal. But I delayed as long as I dared, letting her anticipation and frustration drive her to desperation.

She began moaning and pulling my hair a bit, trying to move my face up a few inches. Just...a few...inches. I let one of my licks go higher, almost...touching...but then back down. She whimpered and said in a whiny moan, "Gar-y! Please, do it!"

Figuring she had had enough, I let my next lick take me all the way up to her clit. Reaching it, I wrapped my lips around the slight protrusion. I held it between my lips and tapped at it with my tongue, then began licking circles around it, making sure not to touch it again. When she began whimpering again, I pressed my tongue flat and firm against her button. I started to slowly move my whole head up and down, letting my tongue stay firm. I wanted to grab my cock and stroke it, but I was afraid I might cum just from that gentle stimulation.

Thankfully, Lynn started showing all the signs of an approaching orgasm, so I started doing a lick, then a kiss. A lick, then a kiss. She started pushing against my face and squeezing her thighs around my head. "mmmmMMMMAHHHHH!" She convulsed forward, her head and upper back launching up off the bed as her thighs gripped me. A few more convulsions like that and she lay flat, starting to relax. I resumed licking her slit, slowly and gently with looonnng swipes up and down. Lynn's hands left my head and started rubbing up and down her sides.

"I'll be right back," I said, and ran to the bathroom. I knew she would want a minute or two before doing anything else, and I also knew she would want me to wash and rinse my mouth. Lynn was not into tasting herself, and even though that meant breaking the flow of our lovemaking after I ate her out, I had gotten used to it. I took a washcloth to wipe my face and then gargled with some mouthwash. It wasn't a thorough job, but it was probably good enough.

Returning to the bed, I found Lynn just as I had left her- on her back, eyes closed, hands on her belly. I lay down next to her and pulled the cool sheet on top of us. Nuzzling my nose just below her ear, I gave a a few light kisses to her neck and asked, "What position would you like?" In answer, she rolled towards me, pushing me onto my back, and then straddled my waist. Bending down until our faces were touching, she put her lips to mine and gave a small kiss.

Shifting her hips, she worked her way down me until she had lined me up with her hole. I forced myself to keep my eyes open and to watch her face as she pushed down on me with one long stroke. Her hair was tussled all over her face. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was open. She flinched and exhaled as she took me in. She looked so...incredibly...sexy.


A Heart Divided Ch. 01



*******

As she started moving on top of me, I thought about how hesitant I used to be having sex with Lynn- it was like I couldn't believe this amazing, beautiful woman would consent to have sex with me. It became a problem- I never initiated anything, lest I somehow pressure her or offend her and end this living dream. We had sex whenever she wanted it, in the position she wanted, how she wanted it, and I had no complaints about that.

Finally, about four months into our marriage, she noticed and put me to the test. She stopped initiating sex. She waited for me to ask her. And waited. She waited two weeks. Two agonizing weeks of celibacy. I gave her back rubs, I made nice meals, I bought flowers, I tried to do things to get her to want me. Without mentioning sex, I asked her if she was OK, if we were OK. She said everything was great and she was so happy with our marriage. Finally, one night after we had gone to bed, I spoke softly into the darkness.

"Lynn, baby. Do you think that...maybe tonight we could...have sex? It's OK if you don't..."

I didn't even get to finish my sentence before she had pounced on me and started shucking her clothes.

"Thank God!" she exclaimed. "I was wondering if you were ever going to ask me!"

As she rutted and grinded on top of me that night, she breathlessly told me that she was worried that I was only having sex because she wanted to. Can you imagine? Between grunts and groans, she explained that she wanted to be wanted by me, she needed to know that I desired her and was attracted to her and lusted after her. I was stunned that she could think otherwise. After a furiously fast fucking, she curled up in my arms and we talked more. She laughed at my explanation, that I was worried about scaring her off.

"Gareth, we're married. I wanted to marry you. I'll always share your bed and I will always want to have sex with you. Maybe not every time you want to, but unless I have a really, really good reason not to, I'll say yes even if I don't personally want it. That's part of being married- my body is yours and your body is mine." As she said that last line, she had started using her hand to gently squeeze my cock back to life. That was back when I could regularly go two or three times in one night.

"Now," she had said, rolling onto her back and pulling me along, "you made me go two weeks without you inside me. Let's make up for lost time."

*******

I often thought back to that conversation. Every time during the past six months when she had said a firm or annoyed "no" to sex, or even when she had given a reluctant or conditional "yes," I wanted to remind her of that promise. But I didn't dare. For the present, I was just thankful to be touching her again. And not only that, but she was welcoming my touch, welcoming my presence. I had begun to realize how much of myself-esteem was wrapped up in being sexually accepted by my wife.

And at that moment, my self-esteem was surging. She said she wanted me that morning. This woman cumming on top of me was cumming because she was with me. She lay down on top of me, breathing heavy as her orgasm sent little shivers through her body. Her thighs squeezed mine steadily as her walls clenched my shaft. I put my arms around her, one hand on the back of her head that was lying on my shoulder.

Was there anything so sexy as a woman in that position? Her body still reacting to her climax, her motions not entirely voluntary, her sounds a series of groans and gasps. And part of me was thinking, I did this. She came because of me.

As she emerged from that fog of pleasure, I began slowly pushing up into her. She gradually joined me, moving just her hips at first, then pushing her whole body down at our union. Finally, she put her hands on the bed by my shoulders and was sliding her whole body along mine. Her grunts were from exertion, not arousal.

I couldn't have held off any longer if I had wanted to. The excitement of that moment, the long drought of emotionless or non-existent sex, the sight of Lynn's perfect body working to bring me pleasure, it all culminated in me gripping her hips and pushing up into her. With no other warning than a few rapid thrusts, I came inside her. I cried out in a release that was as much emotional as physical.

After all our years together, Lynn knew what I liked most at that point, and so she pushed down on me and squeezed her pussy tight around me. Not that she wasn't tight already. Lynn had once said I was a good bit thicker than average, but I never thought much about it- I didn't want to think about how she had any basis for comparison. Being inside her felt perfect to me (and to her, from what she said), and that was all that mattered.

When I had finished pulsing inside her, Lynn made a move to roll off me, but I put a hand on her lower back to keep her from moving. "Not yet..." I told her. She sighed, not out of annoyance for once, and wrapped her arms around me, putting her hands on my shoulders. I didn't want to pull out of her any sooner than necessary.

Eventually, and all too soon, I softened and slipped out of her. She didn't move, but her breathing was slow and even. I wondered if she had fallen asleep right there on top of me. It wouldn't be the first time that had happened, but the first in a while. She had once napped for almost an hour, right on top of me after sex. It wasn't as comfortable for me, but I had enjoyed the feeling of our bodies pressed together like that- the opportunity to leisurely run my fingers around her back and sides, listening to her breathe, smelling her hair, hearing her contented sleep noises. I remember thinking, This is true love. By the time she had woken up, I was hard again and she had given me a sleepy smile as I had slipped back inside her for another slow session.

But she wasn't asleep this time. After a few minutes, she again made to get up, and I let her go without comment. She walked to the bathroom and I could hear her cleaning up. I lingered in the bed, hoping she would want to come back and snuggle for a while. This was how we used to spend our free days- breakfast, an hour of sex, then snuggle and plan our afternoon and evening activities. But she came out of the bathroom and started opening dresser drawers, pulling out clothes for the day.

I sat up a bit and leaned on one elbow, enjoying watching her walk around naked. "In a hurry for something?" I asked.

"No. Just...getting dressed."

"Well, then hurry back to bed before you do," I joked, extending my hand to pull her back in. "We haven't talked like this in a while."

"Not today, Gare," she said, slipping on her panties.

"Have any plans?" I asked, hiding my disappointment.

"Nothing in stone, but I'm planning to run some errands downtown. Can you make us dinner tonight? I'll be back by 6. Or I can pick something up on my way back."

"How about I join you on your errands and we eat dinner out?"

She looked sideways at me as she stood in front of the mirror and put on earrings. "No...I think I'd rather be alone this afternoon." What the hell?

I opened my mouth to respond- to ask why being alone was preferable to being with her husband. But I was afraid to spoil what seemed to be turning into a good morning. "OK. I can make something; I'm not planning on going anywhere. Maybe I'll grill some steaks."

"Sounds good. Make some of those veggie skewers, too," she suggested, throwing a few things in her purse. "See you later." She hadn't smiled the whole time, but neither did she seem angry. She was just...indifferent.

And with that, she was out the door. I lay there for a while, my hands behind my head, the sheet pulled up to my waist. The euphoria of the past hour was giving way to introspection. Aside from less than an hour of sexual bliss, the whole morning had gone much like the past 6 months. Lynn didn't ignore me, but she didn't seem to want to engage me, either. I felt more like her housemate than her husband.

But what about that one hour? Had sex opened the door to something more? Or had something else awakened a desire for sex? Was it even about the sex, or was sex a substitute for the intimacy we both (at least I hope both) missed? Would a week of daily sex really help us after all? I could only hope that things would improve this week- even baby steps in the right direction would be a huge encouragement to me.

They had to get better. I couldn't take another six months of being on the fringe of her life. And if I had to face another 5 days of sex like yesterday- sex with the vacant eyes and unresponsive body- I didn't think I could make it to the end of the assignment. Sex like that would just show me how over our marriage really was.

*******

I tried not to be obsessive that afternoon, I tried not to keep analyzing every word, every action, every possibility. I felt like my marriage was slipping away. I had always thought marriages ended with a bang- explosive fights, breaches of trust, bitterness on both sides. But what I was seeing was that our marriage might end with a whimper. I felt helpless- like there wasn't anything I could do to change things. I felt (at the time) like I had always been the same, and now Lynn was unhappy. I feared (wrongly) that anything I did different would just drive her further away.

I tried to occupy myself by working on an outline for my next book. I had somehow managed to publish three books on art- one more scholarly and two with a bit of a popular appeal. Since our jobs covered our living expenses and then some, the money I earned form writing all went to our retirement fund, which was getting quite healthy. Like I said, money was never a big concern for us. We had even toyed with the idea of me quitting as a professor and just writing, which would make me more available when kids entered the picture.

Imagining Lynn pregnant with our children, and imagining how exciting the process of putting them in her would be, turned out to be quite an effective diversion. I pictured us making love, knowing that for the first time it might lead to the creation of life. I pictured how intimate and close we would feel to each other in that moment. I pictured her face as she came, her womb welcoming my seed, and I started to wonder if Lynn might be up for having sex again that evening. I wondered if we should talk about stopping birth control for a while, and I mentally calculated nine months ahead and considered what that time of year would be like for having a baby. My fears of the dissolution of our marriage began to seem petty- these past few months were a hiccup, nothing more.

She was back at 5:45, and I had steaks and veggies on the grill, We sat down to an awkward dinner. I asked about her afternoon, and she was short on details. Just some errands, mostly shopping, visiting a few girlfriends. I didn't bring up the lack of bags- she hadn't brought anything home. I also didn't bring up that she had said she wanted to be alone, and yet she met with friends. I didn't want to start another argument.

All that evening she was as distant as ever, and my impregnation fantasies seemed foolish. As I cleaned up the dishes and the grill, I could hear her moving about upstairs in the bedroom and office. I didn't know what she was up to, but I figured she was cleaning or looking for something. I went upstairs and found her in our office, sorting through papers and making a small pile. I told her I was going to put on a movie downstairs and that she should join me. She declined.

By the time the movie was done, everything was quiet upstairs. I got ready for bed and found Lynn asleep. Joining her in bed, I spooned behind her. She didn't respond to my presence, and I imagined that she actually wanted me there as I fell asleep.

*******

By morning, we were on opposite sides of the bed. Sheesh, I thought. Even subconsciously we're drifting apart! While Lynn slept late, I went downstairs and made some pancakes from scratch. Lynn had an egg allergy, so box mixes didn't work for her. I had developed quite a repertoire of egg-free recipes.

The pancakes turned out nice, and I indulged myself in a few as they came off the griddle. I put a plate together for Lynn, assuming she would be down soon. I added juice, then coffee, then heated up some sausage- she still wasn't up. I put everything on a tray and headed upstairs.

When I got to the room, I was surprised to see Lynn showered, dressed, and putting some papers in her briefcase.

"I brought breakfast." I said cheerfully.

Lynn glanced at the time on her phone and said, "That's sweet, Gareth, thanks. But I've got an appointment in town at 9:30. I've gotta run."

She took the coffee from my hand and shoved a smaller pancake in her mouth as I stood there, stunned. She walked past me and went down the stairs. I didn't even bother following her. I heard her shoes click-clacking on the tile in our entryway, and as she opened the front door, I shouted down to her, "Maybe we need to revisit the time management discussion!" She seemed to pause for a moment, then I heard the door close behind her.

Well, now I was getting pissed. I went back down to the kitchen and put Lynn's breakfast in the fridge. Talk about mixed signals. Yesterday morning, she was acting like she wanted nothing more than to be with me, then as abruptly as flipping a switch, she's cold and distant again. We had arranged our schedules to have some time together, and I had hope it would a good time for us to talk about what's going on, but then she goes and makes "appointments."

I found my phone and texted her. Sorry for snapping at you as you left- you kind of took me by surprise. Should I expect you back for any meals today?

I started to wonder why I was even bothering trying to keep us together. If she was going to be that way, driving me away, why shouldn't I just...go? What was driving me the other way, back to her? Was it just a fear of change, or a slavish compulsion to hold on to some social convention? I had all the fancy words you could imagine to tear apart my behavior. All the popular catch phrases my colleagues in the sociology department made a living bandying about.

It would be naïve to say I wanted this to work because I loved her- that was just a way of justifying irrational behavior. If the relationship wasn't working- if love was one-sided at best- then there was no reason to try to keep a broken system going. Best just to cut your losses and try again, right?

As I went through my day, at home- reading, writing, cleaning, emailing- a scary thought started to occur to me. What if the reason I was working so hard to stay with Lynn was because I was afraid? I was afraid that I couldn't do any better. I had always thought Lynn was a bit out of my league- attractive, competent, fun, sexually exciting...I used to joke that her only flaw was her poor taste in men.

She got offended once a few years ago when I implied that I knew she had "settled" for me. I always thought that she lived with a buried sense of regret and that some day she'd finally be done with me and move on to someone more on her level. Maybe my insistence on making our marriage work was the expression of that fear.

I sat down at my computer and started jotting down thoughts, questions, ideas. After 45 minutes, I had filled a page and realized my "ideas" were morphing into something else- an outline for a story. I filed it away for later use and tried to get back to work.

In the early afternoon, I got a text reply from Lynn. No, not back til late.

I would be lying if I said that sex wasn't my first thought. I would wait up, no doubt about that. But I also wanted to talk about the problem areas we hadn't gotten to on the counselor's paper. I figured that would have to wait until another day. Unless Lynn had another "appointment."

*******

I was on the couch, reading some books for research on my next project when Lynn got home. It was nearly 10.

"You didn't need to wait up," she said when she saw me.

"Nice to see you, too," I said, a bit tersely. Than I sighed and said more kindly, "Sorry. I'm just...I thought we'd see more of each other this week. I didn't expect you to be gone every day. I want to try to work through these issues...together."

She fidgeted for a moment, then asked, "So you want to go though more of those questions?"

"No, I think we're both too tired to be having a tense conversation." I knew we'd never had a helpful discussion when we were tired, and since the questions promised to be tough, I knew we shouldn't go there.

After a minute of silence, she said in a slightly annoyed voice, "But not too tired for sex, I assume?"

Closing my book, I looked her up and down and held back a smile, saying, "Babe, that's not even possible."

She rolled her eyes and started unbuttoning her shirt as she moved towards the stairs. "Fine," she said, "but don't take too long. We're tired, remember?" A few minutes later, she was on her hands and knees on the edge of the bed. I was standing behind her, thrusting at a moderate pace. She was obviously not at all interested. I tried not to think of what her expression might be like as I pulled her hips back to meet my thrusts. It was probably the same vacant gaze from the other day.

Lynn lowered her head down to the bed and put her weight on her elbows. Other than that, she made no motion the whole time. This being our third time in three days, I felt no urgency. I felt instead like I could go all night, and part of me wanted to see how long she would indulge me. But it was late, I was tired, and regardless of whether or not she wanted me inside her at that moment, her pussy felt tight and warm wrapped around my shaft.

I bent over her body, reaching around her until I had a handful of tit flesh. Keeping one hand on her hip for guidance and leverage, I squeezed her breast as gently as I could while rutting into her. I enjoyed that sensation for a minute, but I had to compromise depth in order to feel her. So I straightened up, and resumed pushing as deeply as I could.

Sometimes in that position, I would stop or slow my thrusting and start massaging Lynn's lower back. She used to say that getting a massage while feeling my cock stretching her pussy was one of the most erotic sensations she had ever known. I held myself fully inside her and started rubbing from her spine outwards. After a few rubs like that, her muffled voice came from the pillow, "Not tonight, Gareth. Just finish, please."

I hoped she never tried to complain that I was selfish. I was making every effort to give as much as I was getting, but Lynn just didn't want it.

Screw it, I thought. Then my lip curled into a half smile. Screw her! Grabbing her hips with both hands, I started slamming against her. After a few initial "OOOFs" and grunts, Lynn regained her composure and endured my pounding in silence. I seldom, almost never, fucked her aggressively. I didn't usually get off that way. But that night, I was pissed and it was all because of Lynn. So I let her have it, and it...felt...good!

In a way that I had never been able to before, I stopped thinking of Lynn as a person and just treated her like an object for my satisfaction. I pulled her hard against me, I thrust as violently as I could. I think I wanted to hear her make noise, even if it was in pain. I reveled in the sound and feel of her ass cheeks smacking against my hips. I enjoyed thinking about the marks I would be leaving on her hips from the grip I had.




A Heart Divided Ch. 01



I started holding deep for a second or two after each thrust, feeling like I could cum any second. But it built and built and built until I worried I would never release. After one hard thrust, I heard a restrained whimper of discomfort from Lynn. That set me off, and with two more pushes against her, I came. I grunted loudly and cried out in primal groans.

I don't usually like doggy style- it lacks the intimacy of being able to face or embrace Lynn. But no other position matches it for feeling myself pulse inside her. I lowered my hips just slightly so that the base of my shaft pressed against her pubic bone. That sensation made my orgasm all the stronger. I was pushing so hard, Lynn had to put her hands on the headboard and push back to keep from being crushed. For once, I didn't care.

I held myself in that position until I was completely sated. I squeezed her hips and rubbed her ass a few times until I felt my legs start to get sore. Then pulling out all but the tip, I milked my shaft, making sure every drop had made it into her. Somehow that act seemed degrading, or a sign of ownership- I wasn't sure. But it felt right.

When I finally pulled out, Lynn walked wordlessly to the bathroom. I lay down and was almost asleep when Lynn came back to bed in her silk summer nightgown.

"Someone had some aggression to work out tonight," she said disinterestedly.

The bravado I had felt when I was nearing my climax had faded and I was a little embarrassed. I didn't know if Lynn sensed that and was leveraging it to hurt me, or if it was just coincidence.

"Well, I was just...caught up in the moment, or something, and I didn't hear you complaining...or saying anything, so..."

"Well don't get used to it- I think you bruised me," she said, not sounding angry.

"Sure, whatever," I mumbled and soon fell asleep.

*******

I didn't see Lynn at all the next day. She was gone when I awoke, and I had faculty meetings that afternoon and evening. It was nice to be busy and not have the down time to be thinking about my confusing and failing marriage. And when the faculty meeting moved unofficially to a local drinking hole, I decided to join them, uncharacteristically.

I was used to hearing other professors- men and women- complain about their marriages. Some had already divorced, some were on that path, and some were just resigned to an unhappy home life. For the first time, I felt like one of them. As the alcohol flowed, I refrained from more than a glass or two of beer, planning to drive myself home. Seeing how the booze made other people's lips loose, I was glad I wasn't as far gone as many of them. They told private stories about their spouses, all of which made themselves look good and their spouse just evil, of course. The alcohol also had the effect of leading a few colleagues to get more physical than they should have with each other. After a couple hours, I was ready to leave.

I wasn't home until nearly 11, and when I got there, Lynn was sound asleep. In my slightly buzzed state, I considered waking her up for our daily sex act, but I figured we could pass on that- maybe make up for it with a double feature the next day. I fell asleep next to her, my hand around her waist.

*******

I awoke to a feeling like being shaken, but not quite. Then, when a hand grabbed by penis, I realized that what I had felt was Lynn pulling off my briefs. I kept my eyes closed for a few seconds, trying to make sure it wasn't a dream. Then, opening my eyes and rubbing them, I glanced at the clock. It was morning, but early- barely dawn. My dick had responded on its own to Lynn's attention, and the next thing I knew, she was rolling onto her back and pulling my shoulder to get me on top of her.

Still shaking the cobwebs from my head, I rolled over and got into position between her legs. Lynn quickly had my cock in hand and lined it up with her entrance. She moved it around a little with her hand, getting it fully seated and spreading some of her wetness around my tip. Letting go, she whispered, "OK," and put her hands on my back. Not thinking it wise to ask questions, I pushed down. For a straight guy, finding yourself balls deep inside the welcoming pussy of a stunningly beautiful woman within a minute of waking up is about the best possible beginning to any day. I groaned as I entered her and whispered, "Ohhhh yesssss. I love you, Lynn. I really love you so much. I've missed being close to you."

She didn't respond with words, but she began moving her hips slowly up towards me in gentle, regular thrusts. And she sought out my lips with hers and began exploring my mouth with her tongue. I was hesitant at first because both of us knew that morning breath usually ruled out kissing during wake-up sex. But Lynn's breath was minty and nice- had she used mouthwash already? As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I could see that her hair had already been done, too. Apparently Lynn had been up for a while, which made our present position curious.

But I was male enough to let those concerns slip to the back of my mind- topics for later discussion. The task at hand was more urgent and demanded my attention. As I thrust down into her, meeting the movement of her hips up to me, she began to arch her back, pushing her very full, very beautiful breasts up toward my mouth. I happily received that offering and began kissing them whenever they were in reach of my lips.

I moved a hand to her upper back and held her up mid arch, keeping those lovely globes where I could appreciate them better. My lips went around one nipple and helped bring it out to it's full potential. Then moving my fingertips to that nipple, I began teasing the other one with my tongue until they were both sticking out. I then trailed my kisses down her breast and into the space in between them. From there, my lips found their way up to her neck, and Lynn mover her head to one side so that I could have better access. Then returning up past her jaw and cheek, I found her lips again. Our nostrils struggled to keep the air flowing into our bodies while our mouths locked together.

I didn't need to look at her eyes, her body was telling me how present she was with me in that moment. Her pussy squeezing my cock, her hands on my ass, pulling me into her, her lips coming after mine, her legs wrapped loosely around my thighs. We had always communicated well about sex- telling each other what felt good, what we didn't like, what we wanted to try. After 8 years of that dialogue, we both had a good idea how to rock each other's world. This morning, Lynn was doing everything right.

I was getting close, but I wanted to bring her with me. When I slowed down a bit, Lynn picked up her pace. Putting her mouth by my ear, she nibbled my earlobe and whispered, "Go ahead, don't worry about me."

I didn't bother asking why. We had all day for me to take care of her, and I would be happy to do that whenever and however she wanted. So I took over our pace, grabbing her hips to hold them still. I pulled out so far that I could feel the tickle of her trimmed bush around the crown of my shaft, then I firmly and slowly pushed as deep as I could. I repeated that motion for a minute until I was just on the edge, then I only needed to hold myself deep and grind against her a few times.

"nnngh! NNgh! hhMMM!! I'm close, baby...I'm close...oh, yeah...hhhnnngh..."

As I teetered on the edge, Lynn ran her hands up my back and then wrapped them around me. The different sensation pushed me over the edge and I came, pulsing rapidly inside her. Lynn continued to rub my back, and I moved my hands from her hips up to her shoulders, holding her in place so I could still push up against her. My orgasm was quick but intense. Even after I was done, I still wanted to push inside her, to continue feeling those smooth, comforting walls massaging my shaft. Before I lost my hardness, I did a few more slow strokes, suddenly pushing deep and kissing her passionately. I loved my wife.

She didn't rush me to get off her but instead let me revel in the afterglow of my climax. I did very slow strokes in and out until my tip felt too sensitive to continue. I pulled out and gave Lynn one final kiss before rolling off her.

As soon as I did, she got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I heard her cleaning up and moving around a little in there, then she came out a few minutes later, fully dressed, her hair pulled back into a neat ponytail.

I gave her a curious look, wondering why she needed to be dressed so early in the morning. She walked over to the bed and sat down on it next to me, letting her legs hang over the side.

"Gareth, I'm going to leave for a while."

"OK, what time will you be back?"

"No, not like that, Gare. I'm leaving. For a while. I don't know how long, but for a while. I'm not even sure why- I just...I really need to figure some things out, and I can't keep doing this."

By then I was sitting up straight and looking around for my underwear.

"I've found a place to live downtown, I've got it all set up and everything. I've got my important mail being forwarded. I'm not taking all my stuff, but I am taking a lot of it...most of it. I won't touch our savings or anything- I can live fine off of my own salary for a while..."

I tried to interject, but she held up a hand to silence me. She had clearly prepared this speech and had done a lot of preparing for this change.

"There's no one else, Gary, I'm not moving in with anyone or seeing anyone. That's important Gare- I'm not cheating on you and I'm not going to. But I...I just don't know about our marriage right now, and I need some time and some space to work that out alone."

I was out of bed trying to find my pants, or anything to put on me so I wasn't walking around exposed like that.

"Please don't call me or try to track me down. I'll let you know when I've got my head straightened out. Please don't come after me Gare, it will only make things worse, I think."

"But what..."

She kept going, talking over me, fiddling with her wedding ring on her finger. "You'll need to call the counselor and cancel. Or see if we can indefinitely postpone the sessions we paid for. I just can't do this Gare. Something's wrong and it's partly me and I need to figure it out. But being here, in the middle of it, feeling like this- I can't keep doing it. I'm sure you feel the same way."

She was wrong. "No, I want..."

"I'll call you Gary. It might take a while, a month or two, or longer, I don't know. Just...I need to do this. It's the only thing I can think of that might help at this point...I know it's a lot to ask, but...please wait for me, Gare. Please?" She stood up to leave. I was searching through my dresser for just one God damn pair of pants.

"This morning...that was a good-bye gift to you. Or maybe a see-you-later rather than a good-bye. My car is packed up. All your pants are all in the office closet," she half-smiled at that. "I didn't want you getting any ideas of coming out to the street and trying to prolong this. I...I'll be in touch."

And with that she trotted down the stairs and out the door- still wearing her ring, I noticed.

"Wait! Lynn, hold on!"

I was in the office, pulling open the closet. Of course she had put them in a suitcase under a pile of stuff- in the same place I hid her Christmas and birthday presents every year- I guess she had always known my hiding place. I heard her car pull away as I yanked a pair of jeans out. I was hopping on one foot, trying to get them on, so confused and upset that I wasn't thinking straight at all. I lost my balance and fell to the floor. Realizing that she was gone and that I couldn't chase her, I stayed on the floor and sobbed.

*******

Apparently Lynn needed a lot more time than either of us expected. She left me in late July, and by early December I still had not heard from her. I spent the rest of the summer in a bit of a funk, trying to focus on writing, planning a new course I was to teach in the fall, getting a lot of work done around the house...

By the time classes started that fall, I was over the initial shock. Getting back into the routine of lectures and meetings was good for me. It added structure to my life and gave me things to focus on other than the growing list of questions and fears that had faced me every day since Lynn had left.

Thanksgiving had been awkward- we usually went to be with one of our families, and with no word forthcoming from Lynn, I went to see my family and finally told my parents a little of what was going on. I guess the word was "separation," but that just didn't feel right. It was too strong a word when I still considered us a couple, but it was too soft a word when I realized that she wasn't communicating with me at all. They were supportive, but saw this as just a step on the road to divorce, which they thought was inevitable. It was hard to talk about it in those terms, since I was still holding out some hope.

The tension of our last 6 months together had somewhat prepared me for the loneliness of those months, though the forced chastity was difficult. Masturbation had gotten me through most of my single life, aside from a few brief relationships before Lynn, but after 5 months without her, I was bouncing off the walls. I decided I needed some sort of outlet to absorb the sexual energy that was making me antsy.

That December, I decided it was time to start running again. I had been a decent distance runner a long time ago, and my body type still suited the sport, so I resolved to start jogging. Having plenty of extra time on my hands, I started walking to campus 4 mornings a week, listening to music and podcasts on the way. Then in the afternoon or evening, I would jog home. It was about 4 miles, so I couldn't jog the whole thing at first. But after only two weeks I could do a light jog most of the way. Stopping for breathers at intersections really helped.

Final exams for students were during the second week of December, and after that, everyone went home for winter break. I had been one of many joggers near campus before then, but once the winter exodus was done, campus and the areas around it were mostly empty. As I jogged through campus the following week, I saw a young woman jogging towards me on the same path. I gave a polite wave as we passed each other, our breath coming out in little clouds of fog. She smiled and continued her run.

Wanting to continue my new habit, I kept jogging my route over the break. And almost every day, I passed the woman at some point on campus or close to it. Students being gone, I guessed she was either a young faculty member or else a local person enjoying the greenery of campus. We usually waved, smiled, or said a short hello.

A few days before Christmas, I was a half-mile away from campus, jogging up to a red light on my way home, when she came to the same intersection from the road to the right. We both stood at the corner, catching our breath and waiting for the signal to change, when she greeted me, "Hey, Professor."

I felt a little embarrassed at not recognizing her, but I had met so many students over the last 6 years, so I've gotten used to not remembering them all. I gave my standard response for those situations. "Hi! You'll have to remind me of your name."

We were both bending over a bit, hands on our knees and breathing deep. She looked at me and smiled, and I instantly felt warmer. "Sorry. You probably get that a lot. I had you for a class on Renaissance painters last year. I'm Gina..."



A Heart Divided Ch. 02



I think I heard the collective "Gina, NOOOOO!!" from my readers at the end of the last chapter, and yes, it's hard to read (and write) about this relationship. But thanks for giving it a chance. This chapter is a slow build- these two characters couldn't just rush into sex. Hopefully the story is worth the wait, though. 

***** 

I thought little of that first encounter with Gina. She was just another student on campus. A pretty student, to be sure, but just one of many, many students I had met. She had her brown hair held back by an ear-warmer headband, and, like me, she had tight running pants, a light jacket, and gloves. I tried not to stare at the way the running pants showed off her curvy bottom and muscular thighs. 

We crossed the street together and ended up jogging side by side for another half mile before her route split off from mine. We chatted as we jogged, mostly commenting on the cold weather and our respective jogging plans. She was training for a half-marathon, I was just trying to keep my body busy and healthy. 

Before we parted ways, I asked when she would be heading home for the holidays. She glanced down at her feet for a second, then looked at me and said, "I'm not. Things are...a little tense between me and my parents right now, so I told them I'm going to stay here and work over the break." 

Not really interested enough to dig deeper at the time, and wanting to get back to my warm house, I left it at that and said, "Well, then I'll probably be seeing you around." 

"Is your...family staying in town for Christmas?" she asked. 

I was hoping to have a productive month of writing to get a rough draft to my editor by the end of January, so I had planned to spend the break holed up in my office. "No...just...just me and a manuscript for a book I'm trying to finish." 

She raised her eyebrows in surprise, then started jogging in place to keep warm. "Well, tell me about it next time, Professor...Doctor," she said as she started to jog away. 

"Gareth," I hollered at her, "call me Gareth when you don't have me for a class." 

I could hear her say, "OK, Gareth" as her voice faded away. 

******* 

I really wasn't thinking about Gina in any way other than as a young lady I had met on campus. There were no instant sparks of desire or plans to seduce her. I still considered myself a married man, so other women were off-limits. Plus, I was a professor and she was a student, so it was doubly forbidden. And assuming she was about 20 or 21, I was more than ten years her senior. Triply forbidden! I honestly didn't give her much thought after that first encounter, though the memory of her nicely-shaped lower body featured in my fantasies as I masturbated in bed that night. 

I ran into Gina again on Christmas Eve. We were both jogging on campus. When we crossed paths, she turned and joined me. 

"How much more for you?" I asked. 

"Last mile," she panted, red-faced and strained. "Up to seven...miles...today," she added, finding it hard to breathe while speaking. "You?" 

Equally winded, I answered, "About the same...jogged from home...walking back." 

After a few more steps in silence, she looked over at me and said between breaths, "Race you...to the coffee shop...on Branch Avenue...loser pays." 

I looked over at her and saw her eyes sparkling. The coffee shop was just about a mile away. With no warning, I took off. She squealed and chased me. It didn't take her long to catch up and even pass me. 

About halfway there, she was 20 paces ahead and I shouted, "Hey! Stop taking advantage of an old man!" I was in the tail end of my early 30's, but these college kids made me feel much older. She was shouting some sort of response, but I didn't hear it, because my eyes caught sight of an alleyway between two administrative buildings. At first glance it looked like a dead end, but I knew from my experience walking around campus that it led out to the main road. Gina would have to go all the way around the parking deck to get to the road. 

I ducked into the alley and ran around the corner. I found myself only a block away from Branch Avenue. Glancing back, I saw Gina rounding the corner a block behind me, so I slowed down just a bit- more for the sake of my racing heart than anything else. I jogged briskly towards the coffee shop, hearing Gina's pounding steps gaining on me. When I was two doors down, I slowed considerably, and Gina whizzed right past. Trotting up to the door, I smiled at her fake angry face. 

"I don't know...if I should accuse you...of cheating...or of throwing the race," she panted. 

"Either way, you win. Coffee's on me. Merry Christmas," I said, holding open the door for her. I was glad it had occurred to me that making a student pay for my drink was a bad idea. Even such a small act could be blown out of proportion and labeled as bribery- I had known a colleague get publicly reprimanded for "failing to acknowledge the implicit power dynamic in such a situation." 

With all the students out of town, the line was short. We placed our orders and Gina got a seat as I paid. Joining her at the window seats, I pulled off my gloves and jacket. Gina did the same. We were both still catching our breath. When the server brought our drinks over, I reached up to take mine. I saw Gina's face register surprise, maybe even a little anger. 

As we held our mugs close to our chests for warmth, she nodded toward my hand. "You're married?" I realized she hadn't seen me without gloves until just then. And the class she had taken with me was a popular elective for some reason, so there were more than 50 students in the class- she may not have noticed the ring before. 

"Yes. Technically married...but...I don't know. I guess you would say separated?" 

She looked out the window and her mood seemed less friendly. 

"How long?" 

"She left me in July." 

"Are you getting a divorce?" 

"I don't know. I haven't heard from her since she left. She said in no uncertain terms that I shouldn't call her. So...I don't know. It's hard to think she'd be planning to come back after disappearing for 5 months and taking all her stuff with her. Frankly, I'm expecting to be served papers at some point and that would be the end of it." 

"What did you do to piss her off so much?" 

"Beats me. Everything was the same as it had been for years, but for some reason, the months before she left were miserable and she wouldn't talk to me about why. I had even gotten us into marriage counseling. She left less than a week after our first time with the counselor." 

"So that's why it's just you and your book for the holidays." 

"I have to keep my mind on something," I said, trying not to sound sad. 

Shifting to face me and crossing her legs, she said, "Tell me about your book..." 

We sat and talked for an hour and a half- but left the topic of my books after only a few minutes. Gina was easy to talk to. Nice, but a little edgy. I prodded her for some background on her family, but she said plainly that she didn't want to be thinking about them right now. "I've already realized it was stupid of me to not go home over the holidays, but at this point, I'm not going to change that. It's harder than I thought it would be," she confessed. Then with a self-awareness I didn't often see in students her age, she added, "I guess it's just pride that's keeping me here now, but it's enough, apparently." 

As we talked, I was surprised to learn she was an Art History major. She admitted that she chose it because it was rumored to be the easiest and most fun major and that she just wanted a degree. I laughed, not taking offense at that. We talked about her experience at college and of my own career path that had led me there. 

After a long, comfortable conversation, our mugs were drained and Gina stood up. "Well, I'm ready for a shower and a movie under a warm blanket." 

"That's probably exactly what I'll end up doing, too," I said, not intending to sound flirty. 

"I'll see you later, Gareth," she said, emphasizing my name. 

As we walked back out into the cold air, I said, "Gina, what are your plans for tomorrow?" 

"Probably the same as today," she said with a shrug. 

"We should do something to make it suck a little less. Dinner? Lunch? Drinks?" 

She stood there silently, eyes narrowed in contemplation. I felt compelled to add, hopefully without babbling, "Just as friends, informally, I mean. Not like... you know. I mean..." and I pointed to my ring. I paused and looked down for a moment. "I just think it's sad to be alone on Christmas. And since we're both in that boat, for one reason or another..." 

Gina turned her eyes upwards and lifted her heels up and down a few times, giving the illusion of hopping. Then she looked at me and said confidently, "Dinner. Then ice skating, OK?" 

Ice skating? Could be...fun, I guess? I started to reply, "Great! It's a d-..." then stopped myself. We both laughed at the awkwardness of what I had almost said. "Let me try that again...Great! Let's plan on that. We can go Dutch." 

We swapped phone numbers and I promised to look up hours for the skating rink and a place to eat nearby. I jog-walked home, questions and possibilities tumbling around my brain. 

******* 

I still wasn't thinking too much about Gina at that point. She was nice, and I had enjoyed her company that afternoon. She was also quite attractive, but I wondered if some of that was the vibrancy of youth and sexual-emotional drought I was experiencing. Still, even trying to account for all that, Gina was a beautiful woman. She had curves appropriate to her height and her body was in good shape. Because we had only talked during our runs, I had yet to see her with any make-up, and I thought her natural beauty was well above average. She lacked the glamorous look that Lynn tended to attain and instead had a less threatening, beautiful-girl-next-door aura. 

I started to seriously consider whether it was time to move on. Lynn had been gone a while and gave no indication that she intended to continue our marriage. No text, no message, no email- nothing to say, "Hang in there, thanks for your patience, I'm still working through some things." Just a discouraging, distancing silence. 

At what point was my holding out just pathetic? At what point could I not be blamed for getting to know other women? I wasn't really thinking of Gina in particular. The age difference and the teacher-student dynamic made that unwise. But it was the possibility of something with Gina that got my mind thinking about other women I could meet, perhaps some that I already knew but hadn't thought of in a romantic sense before. 

I knew that if...or when...I decided to explore those options, I would have to deal with a lot of guilt- guilt that could be explained away and rationalized as remnants of a moral sense that didn't apply to my situation. That's what made spending time with Gina seem wise. I knew it didn't have a future beyond a few times together- I doubted she would consider me in that way, anyway. But I could adjust my conscience to the idea of being around women who weren't my wife. 

By the time I had walked the four miles back to my house, I had processed through all those ideas and more, and I realized that I hadn't heard a word of the recorded lecture I had been listening to. I showered and hopped on the computer to make plans for my...date (for lack of a better word) with Gina. 

I was so pleasantly distracted by thinking about that afternoon and making plans for the next day that I didn't even remember that it was Christmas Eve until my mom called. My parents were out of state, visiting my sister and her kids for the holiday. Mom caught me up on family news, asked if I had heard from Lynn, made sure I was OK for the holidays, and asked if I had plans for Christmas Day. 

"Nothing serious," I said. "I'm going out to dinner with a...colleague who is also alone for the holidays." 

"A colleague?" she asked, her tone unclear. Judgmental? Curious? Hopeful? I knew they thought I should just start divorce proceedings and get busy finding someone else to make a family with. 

"Just someone else from campus, Gin-...Gino. It's quiet here with all the students gone, so he and I going to get dinner and keep ourselves a little distracted." I realized it was guilt that made me lie, but that guilt had no reason to be affecting me. I wasn't doing anything wrong. 

Mom sighed quietly, "Well, that's nice, but I still wish you had come out here. There's snow and everything, and your nieces would love to see you." 

"Thanks mom, but I'm having quite a productive few weeks. I might even publish my next book in the summer." 

"Don't work too hard- you're young enough to get out there and enjoy life in a way you won't be able to forever. Seize the day, Gareth! Take advantage of every opportunity." 

"Merry Christmas to you, too, mom," I laughed, knowing she always felt the need to push me out into the world. I suspected she mainly wanted more grandkids. 

Hanging up, I decided to order a pizza and spend my night watching movies. All in all, it wasn't a bad evening, especially while looking forward to the prospect of a fun time with Gina the next day. And as I pulled a blanket over me on the couch, I wondered what it would be like to have her curled up in front of me as we watched the movie together. I looked at my phone, surprised I was even considering it. 

No...too soon. 

******* 

I texted Gina with the address of the restaurant- nothing too formal, since we would be skating after. But still, something a little nicer...and something open on Christmas Day. It was a nice Indian restaurant that I had never tried other than for their lunch buffet. We met for an early dinner, since the rink closed at 8 that night. 

Dinner was really, really nice. Gina seemed mature for a college junior. I had encountered too many of the kind who were still acting like their time at university was supposed to be one prolonged party and that things would just go their way after graduation. Gina was serious enough to act like an adult, and I sensed that there was probably something at home or in her past that had forced her to grow up a little earlier than her peers. Usually it's the ones who have never seen a dark day that can't grow up. 

She looked great. It was that simple, non-flashy way about her that made her so attractive. Her outfit was nothing fancy, her hair was simple, and her make-up was, I guessed, pretty minimal. All that served to just highlight how beautiful she was in and of herself. Her sweater was a little tight-fitting, which made me need to be very intentional about eye contact as we talked. The way brown hair slightly curled when it met her shoulders didn't help, because my eyes would follow their flow as they landed lightly on her chest. 

We discussed art and her growing interest in it. She asked me about possible careers for an Art History major, and I was admittedly ignorant of what anyone could really do with that degree if they weren't going on to a Master's level degree program. 

She asked about my other books, and I summarized them. She realized she had read one of them for a class that semester, but hadn't made the connection that it was me that had written it. I didn't mind- I was happy just that my books sold, I didn't need or expect any notoriety from them. 

We talked about our personal lives. She didn't have a boyfriend at the time and said that she didn't honestly expect to settle into a very long-term relationship while studying. Who knew where she would end up after she graduated? She wanted minimal complications so that her career and life options would be open later. 

"Have you heard from your, uh...wife...for Christmas?" she asked, when it was clear we had exhausted the topic of her relationship status. 

"No, nothing at all. Lynn is an event planner, so she's probably got a dozen different things happening this week- all sorts of charity events, business events, government and community events. Aside from wedding season, this is the big time of year for her." 

"So she's been gone since...did you say July?" I nodded, a little uncomfortable talking about Lynn with another woman, even if it wasn't really a date. "So have you been branching out? Enjoying your bachelor status?" She said it lightheartedly, but I suspected it was a very serious question. 

I laughed softly at the thought of me 'playing the field.' I said, "Gina, you have to remember that I gladly chose an academic life. I feel a lot more comfortable interacting with a book on Rembrandt than with an actual person. You're the first woman...or person, even...that I've talked to outside of work and family since Lynn left." 

She froze and looked at me in disbelief, her hands in the middle of tearing off a piece of naan. "You're serious. You haven't, like...gone out with friends, or hung out at a bar, or signed up for online dating or anything?" 

"No, and the thought has seldom crossed my mind. I think a big part of me still hopes that Lynn will just walk back in and we can fix everything with one long conversation. But with each month that goes by, that hope fades. I'm...I'm not a very social person- Lynn was my best friend, and most of our friendships were with other couples. With her gone, I haven't just lost my marriage- I've lost all the social connections I had. So I just keep living this way out of habit, I guess." 

"Sounds like an inertia problem." 

"A what?" 

"Inertia- a body at rest will stay at rest until something kicks it in the butt and gets it in motion. Roughly speaking." 

I laughed, "yeah, that sounds about right. Lynn was always in motion, and that kept me going. I tend to get in a rut, live according to my habits. Starting a running routine was a huge step for me." 

"What motivated that?" 

I don't know what prompted my frankness, but I answered without pause, "Horniness." 

She had been about to take a sip of wine before I said that, but, starting to laugh, she pulled the glass from her lips and put it down. "What?!" She said, looking around at the mostly empty restaurant. 

"Sorry, I don't want to be crude, but 5 months without...my wife...and I was having a hard time." I instantly winced at the unintentional pun, and Gina laughed, more at my reaction than at the pun. I continued,"I knew I needed something to be an outlet for that extra...energy, and running was easy to do." 

"Well?" 

"Well what?" 

"Did it work?" 

My mind had briefly wandered, picturing Gina offering to be an outlet for that energy, and I didn't follow what she was asking. "Did what work?" 

"Did running solve your problem? Help you with your hard time?" she teased. 

"Well...no, it didn't solve my problem, I couldn't expect that. But it helped a lot. I had less energy when I got home in the evenings, and I've started feeling a little boost to my self-esteem." 

"But you're still horny?" 

"A guy can't be around young coeds all day and not feel a natural response..." 

"Awww, you poor thing. Are the mean college girls teasing you?" 

"They don't need to tease. You just need to be yourself, looking beautiful. A guy's imagination and hormones take care of the rest." 

I was starting to get uncomfortable with all the sex talk, partly because of the effect it was having on my arousal level. I changed the topic and asked her about ice skating and why she had suggested that. We talked a little about her childhood interests, and by the time we had covered that, it was nearly 6:30 and time for us to get to the rink. I called for the check, and when Gina pulled out her purse, I suggested she let me pay for the meal and she could pay for ice skating. She didn't object. 




A Heart Divided Ch. 02



We decided to walk from the restaurant, since it was only a couple blocks to the ice skating rink. When we got there, the first thing we saw was the line. I asked someone if it was for skating, and they assured me it was. Looking over the crowd, I could see it was a lot of families with kids. Who knew it would be a popular destination that evening? With barely an hour left before they closed, I didn't expect that we'd get in. 

I looked at Gina, and shrugged. She smiled and said, "We'll just have to go skating another time. Got any plans for New Year's Eve?" 

I laughed at what I thought was a joke, but then I noticed she was looking at me expectantly. "Oh! No, no plans. Skating and then drinks sound good!" 

"Sure, sounds good. It's a...plan," she said, intentionally joking on how I had misspoken the day before. "In the meantime, it's not too, too cold. Want to walk around the downtown area and look at lights?" 

"Sounds to me like a great way to spend Christmas." 

We walked side by side down the streets of the small downtown area. The city had tried to make it look more like an old-fashioned Main Street, with colonial architecture and no national chain stores. Decorated for Christmas, it was very nice and even romantic. Walking next to Gina without holding hands or linking arms felt almost unnatural. At one point, we were at an intersection waiting for a light to change, when Gina gasped. She grabbed my hand and pulled me over to a store window. 

We stood in front of the display at a jewelry store- a wintry village scene with a dark blue backdrop. The sky was filled with (probably fake) diamonds made to look like stars over the town. Gina held my hand the whole time. I thought she was interested in the jewelry, but then she leaned a little against me and said distantly, "I love the stars. They're so promising." 

I didn't know how to react, so I just squeezed her hand gently. I was glad we both had on gloves, because if I had been touching her skin in that moment, I would have been unable to resist the urge to pull her around and kiss her. 

When the beeping of the crosswalk sign alerted us that we could go, she released my hand and we kept walking. We went around another block, then back to the restaurant, pointing out cute displays and decorations. It didn't occur to me until later that I had risked being seen by someone who knew one of us and knew that we shouldn't be together like this. It had started out as dinner as friends, though I wasn't sure I even believed that anymore. In any case, we were dipping our feet into deeper waters, and I was increasingly aware of the dangers of that. 

I was relieved that she didn't do anything but say good-bye when we got to our cars. Standing next to her car as she opened the door, I asked if she was serious about New Year's Eve plans, and she said, "Yeah, obviously. The sign at the rink said they're open til 10 that night. Wanna say...skating at 9, then drinks out?" 

"I'll have to check my busy social calendar, but I'm guessing that works for me," I joked. Gina leaned over the door of her car and kissed my cheek. I was too stunned to respond. Our cheeks felt so cold when they touched, yet I suddenly felt warm all over. Gina sat down behind the wheel and said, "Thanks for a fun evening, Gareth. I'll see you later." I drove home with a dozen competing thoughts in my head. But the thought that was winning the battle was...I liked that. 

******* 

I saw Gina a couple of times while running that week. When we crossed paths, we'd run together for a bit, talking about nothing serious and nothing at length (to save our breath). I didn't know if a kiss on the cheek was just a simple friendly gesture for her, of if it was the opening of a door to something more. I knew she seemed happy to see me, and I knew I was more and more looking forward to the next time I would see her. 

I pushed down thoughts of infidelity and cheating with a three-fold attack. We weren't having sex or anything like that, so I wasn't cheating on Lynn. Besides, Lynn was so far out of the picture, she probably had someone else already. And finally, I could always default to moral relativism- the idea of faithfulness and cheating is just an outdated dinosaur of a Victorian morality. In my clearer moments, however, I knew that I didn't care if it was cheating. I wanted something that I missed terribly, and Gina might be able to give that to me. And that something wasn't just sex. 

******* 

When I showed up at the skating rink, Gina was waiting for me outside. Her hands were tucked into her coat, and she was bouncing to keep warm. It looked, though, like she was bouncing from happiness to see me. 

"No line?" I asked, following her inside. 

"Nope. And I already bought tickets and skate rentals, so we're set." 

It wasn't crowded, which was nice. I wasn't much for skating- to be honest, it had probably been 20 years since I had done any form of skating, so fewer people to bump into was good. Gina wasn't an expert, but she never fell and could skate backwards, which impressed me. After a few laps around the rink, I felt comfortable that no one there knew me- it mostly seemed to be families from in town. So with the hope of some anonymity, I took hold of Gina's gloved hand, more to steady myself than anything else. 

She pulled me along and tried to get me to speed up. My only technique for stopping was to go full speed into the ledge that surrounded the ice. Gina tried to teach me at least how to stop and how to turn a little better. She laughed a lot, and her laughter was musical to me. Sometimes she laughed at me, and sometimes she just laughed at the joy of the evening. At a quarter to ten, there was an announcement that they were going to be closing soon. We joined the crowd returning skates and headed for the exit. 

Looking around at the streets, slightly busy with party-goers, I was about to suggest a place for drinks. But Gina said, "You know, I didn't realize you'd be falling so much. Your pants are pretty wet." 

"Yeah," I said, trying to look at my bottom, "I can't really feel it now, but I'm sure I'll be feeling it soon. I wish I had thought to bring a change of clothes. But I'm still good for drinks until midnight, if you want." 

Gina looked down the road silently. I wanted so badly to know what she was thinking. Then she said, "Well, the big parties aren't really my scene. I just figure that's the thing people do on New Year's Eve." 

Walking toward my car, I said, "You think that because that's what you see on TV and in the movies. So much of how we perceive life is handed to us by entertainment, it's all second-hand knowledge and it's the most powerful form of peer pressure. Most people don't go out partying on New Years Eve, but staying home and watching a movie doesn't make for a good story, so you never see that. We let the entertainment industry write the narrative of what 'normal' life should be. Life really does imitate art." 

By then, we were standing at the door to my car, and Gina was giving me a smile that was obviously holding in a laugh. "Thank you for the lecture, professor," she said, starting to giggle. 

Realizing I had just vamped on a topic I had been researching that week, I blushed and looked down. "Well, consider that a sneak peek at chapter 4 of my next book. Sorry. I don't always know how to do small talk." 

"That's fine. It's...cute, really. But what got me thinking was when you mentioned watching a movie. Do you have drinks at your place?" 

A little surprised at what I thought she was suggesting, I said a slow, "yyyyeeeessss...?" 

"Then let's watch a movie there. OK?" 

Bring Gina back to my house? Drink with Gina in my house? Watch a movie in the dark with Gina at my house? While a voice in my head was shouting "Yes! Yes! Yes, you moron! Why are you even debating this?" I still felt a strong reaction against the idea. It seemed...wrong. More wrong than anything else I'd done with Gina to this point. But all I had to do was look at her green eyes, wide open in anticipation of my answer, her lips drawn thin out of nervousness. "She wants to spend time with me," I thought. And that was part of the 'something' that I had been missing for so long. 

"Sure, I'd love that." I gave her the address and some quick directions. She was parked a few rows over, so I waited for her to start her car before I got in mine and led the way. 

******* 

We got to my place around 10:15. Gina picked out a movie while I changed into dry clothes. I pulled out a bottle of wine, but Gina scrunched up her face and asked, "Anything else?" I pulled out a bottle of Kahlua and said I could mix it with Coke and ice cream. She said, "Ooooohhh! I have to try that!" 

She started up the movie as I brought the drinks over. I also had a plate of Christmas cookies that I had made earlier. No need for egg-free recipes with Lynn gone, so I was trying things I hadn't made in a while. We sat on opposite ends of the couch at first. Halfway through the movie, I got up and refilled our drinks before sitting down again. 

The cookies were on the end table next to me. Every once in a while, Gina would ask for one, but about two-thirds of the way through the movie, she just crawled over to my side and reached across me to get a cookie herself. When she did so, I could smell her hair. I closed my eyes and breathed deep. But at the same time, I leaned back to give her more room, instinctively trying not to touch her. 

As she moved back, a cookie in hand and a bite of one in her mouth, she turned her face towards mine and smiled, crumbs on her lips. Then she settled in right next to me, moving the blanket that had been between us, covering our feet. She pulled the blanket up over her body and leaned against me. I knew we were crossing a line, and if I hadn't already seen the movie before, I would have been unable to tell you anything about the last 30 minutes of it. 

Gina was clearly interested in...something. Maybe, like a lot of her peers, she was into the hook-up culture. But that didn't seem to be Gina. She knew I was married, and she knew it was complicated. But there she was, leaning against me on my couch. Taking a risk, I moved my arm from between us and put it around her, resting my hand on her elbow. She sighed and snuggled closer. I didn't dare do anything else. My mind was whirring with scenarios and fears and hopes. The dominant theme was how nice it was to be wanted by her, even if it was just wanting to snuggle and to be close. 

As the movie reached its end, so did my drink and the plate of cookies. "Do you want something more?" I asked with feigned casualness. 

"Yeah," she whispered. 

"Drink...or cookies?" 

Shifting herself to face me, she said, "Not right now." 

"What do you want...some more of...then...?" I was caught by her eyes searching mine, asking questions without words, hoping for answers without sound. She turned so that she was laying across me, still facing me, resting one elbow on the side of the couch. Putting her hand on my cheek, she leaned in and whispered, "Just...more." 

Gina's lips touched mine, gently, feather-like. I wasn't sure at first if we had kissed. She moved in for another one, two, three gentle touches of our lips. I didn't move, and I wondered if Gina could see the battle going on in my mind. There was no question that this would be crossing several lines. This would be complicated. This could not be undone. But this felt right. This made me happy. This was what she wanted. The only one who could get hurt would be Lynn, and I suddenly didn't give a fuck if that's what happened. 

Gina moved her head back and looked at my eyes, trying to tell if she had done something wrong. Those eyes, wow. So beautiful, and so vulnerable, looking like she was afraid I would reject her. Afraid that I would reject her! I had never seen that before. Moving my hands for the first time, I held the back of her head and drew her towards me. Opening my mouth, I met her lips with a slow kiss that built and built until we were gasping for breath. 

Touching foreheads while be caught our breath, Gina closed her eyes and asked, "Is this OK?" 

"I...I don't think so. But nothing else feels more OK to me. So...process of elimination..." 

"Good enough," she said, then pulled my face down to hers. I put a hand on her side, outside her shirt. I didn't want to push things to quickly, before I was even sure how far I'd be willing to go. With all the excitement of a first kiss, we continued like that until time didn't matter. Lynn wasn't in my head, and all my fears about what could go wrong were pushed to the back of my mind. For now, there was me and Gina and the heaven I felt when our lips touched. 

At some point, the New Year began, and I heard cheering in homes along the street. I was getting high on Gina's lips and thinking of what an appropriate thing to be doing to start a new year- a new life, maybe. 

How do you end something like that? How do you say "stop" when the act itself is designed to progress into something more? I don't know how we stopped- each time one of us pulled away, we immediately found our tongues wrestling again. Finally, Gina pulled back and said with a smile, "You taste like cookies. I couldn't stop." 

"I'll go grab another plate," I joked. 

Standing up, Gina said, "No, I should head back." But she staggered a bit when she walked to the bathroom. After came back and found me in the kitchen, she said, "Gareth, I might not be able to drive..." She looked at me nervously. 

A few options ran through my sleepy, tipsy, sex-charged brain. I knew I shouldn't be driving, either. I had made my drink a little stronger than Gina's and was still feeling the buzz. 

"I've got a spare bedroom down here. Let me just grab some bedding. Or do you want me to call a cab?" 

Gina looked relieved. "A spare bed would be great. I'm sorry to trouble you." 

"Not at all. Just...don't feel like you need to sneak out or anything. I can make us breakfast in the morning, and if you're up for it, we can jog to campus together." 

"Let's play it by ear. But I don't think I'll be going anywhere until late morning. How much did you put in those drinks?" 

"Enough to help me relax when a beautiful woman is sitting on the couch with me, so...a lot." 

She gave me a playful shove, then headed towards the room I pointed out. I got the bed ready and headed upstairs, making her promise to wake me if she needed anything, and wishing her a Happy New Year. 

Walking into my bedroom, I felt awash with guilt. Something about entering the room that Lynn and I had shared for over 6 years after having just made out with another woman made the seriousness of my situation sinking in. I considered going downstairs and sleeping on the couch, or on the futon in my office, but my body was too tired to let my mind boss it around. I crawled under familiar covers and fell asleep. 

******* 

My dreams were vivid, erotic, passionate. Lynn was there sometimes, but Gina was the focus of my lust. In my dream we were in the Art Building on campus, going from room to room, trying to have sex. We started in the lobby and thought we were alone, Gina rubbing herself on my lap as I sat on a bench, but then I saw Lynn walking up the steps and we had to hide. We'd get into a classroom and I would almost be inside her, but then a class would start and we'd run out. We'd find a closet and I'd have my hand in her panties, but then someone would knock on the door and we'd run out. I got her to my office and was just entering her when another student walked in with questions about a paper. It seemed like she didn't notice what we'd been doing, but Gina had to sneak out. 

I woke up in the middle of the night with a throbbing erection. The tricky thing about dreams is that they can give you a false sense of intimacy. Having just woken up, I was still under the impression that Gina and I were at the point where we were trying to have sex, and I almost went downstairs to the room where she was sleeping in order to finally finish what we'd started in that lobby. But as I swung my feet over the edge of the bed, my head started to clear, and I remembered the events of earlier that night and shuddered to think what would have happened if I had marched into her room and woken her up with lustful intentions. 

I grabbed some tissue from my nightstand and settled for a quick jerk. I was so primed from my dreams that it took me less than a minute to squirt into the tissue. Images of Gina spread out on my office desk, just as she had been in my dream, fueled my stroking. I started to analyze my dream and considered the fear of discovery it might have been expressing. My desire for Gina was getting stronger, and at some point it had slipped from the hypothetical to the potential. But it would be a very delicate matter, and I wasn't sure if I could make it work. 

******* 

I woke up in the mid-morning and went down to the kitchen. I tried as quietly as possible to mix up some cinnamon rolls and heat up some chai tea. Gina cracked open the door to the guest room and peeked out at me. She gave an shy smile as she shuffled over to the bathroom. Joining me in the kitchen after a few minutes, she sat at the table and put her head down on her folded arms. 

"Wake me when those rolls are done," she mumbled. I put a glass of water in front of her, and she guzzled it down. When she put the glass back down, I had a plate of sliced fruit and two mugs of spiced chai ready for us. I sat down across from her and sipped my drink while the rolls finished rising. When the oven dinged their completion, I pulled them out, put them on the table, and laughed as Gina's eyes went wide, staring at the icing I drizzled over them. 

"Those smell amazing," she said in a still-sleepy voice. "What brand are they?" 

"They're not instant- I like to mix my own." 

She looked at me with a mix of suspicion and amazement. I chuckled and nodded my head towards the sink full of dirty mixing bowls and utensils. That was proof enough- not that she needed proof to be persuaded to start munching on one. I followed suit, and I was pleased to taste that it was a good batch. 

"I can't believe people can actually do this- that you know how to cook." 

"You don't?" I asked, genuinely surprised, then a little ashamed at sounding so sexist. 

"Nope, and I don't plan to learn any time soon. You won't ever find me being some guy's little Suzy Housekeeper." 

I smiled and pushed the plate towards her as she finished her first roll. "Help yourself. They're better fresh. And maybe they can help persuade you to at least learn how to cook for yourself." 

She obliged and we each finished a second roll without comment. 

Not sure how or whether to bring up the fact that we had made out on my couch the night before, I said, "Soooo..." 

Gina didn't fool around. "I enjoyed last night, Gareth. I'd like to do it again, I think, but perhaps without the guest room." 

My eyes went wide with shock, and when Gina saw my reaction, she almost spit her tea out, quickly saying, "No! Not like that! I just meant...I don't want to impose and not be able to get home and Oh my God, did I just make this way more awkward than it needed to be." 

I relaxed and started laughing lightly. Then I decided to keep things frank. "It doesn't bother you that I'm married?" 

"Well," she shrugged her shoulders, "it doesn't seem like much of a marriage. I only have your word for it, but it doesn't look like she's in the picture, right? And we're not talking about getting rings of our own or anything, right? As long as we're just keeping it low key, it's...I think it's OK with me. Are you OK with it? Or did I seduce you with my youthful charms?" 




A Heart Divided Ch. 02



"I...I think I'm OK with it. I mean, I really, really liked kissing you, and I hope there could be more down the road. Lynn is...she's taken herself out of the picture and there's nothing I can do about it. If she comes back at some point, then we have to have a different conversation, but for now, I'm OK with it from that angle." 

"There are other angles?" 

"Well, there's also the faculty-student dynamic. There's a pretty clear policy against anything even close to what we've done this past week of so. I could easily lose my job. So there's that angle to be concerned about. And then there's the age difference, which doesn't feel like as big a deal as I expected." 

She turned her eyes up and moved her finger around, like she was doing math in her head. Then she said, "Yep, this definitely fails the creeper test." 

"The what?" 

"The creeper test. You know, the 'Gentleman's Rule'?" she said, making air quotes with her fingers and spilling a bit of chai on her shirt in the process. 

I cocked my head and looked at her blankly. 

"Take a guy's age, divide it by 2, add 7. That's the youngest age he's allowed to go for in a woman. Otherwise, he's a creep. You fail the creep test!" 

I winced, realizing it wasn't even close. "But that doesn't take into account maturity. You're a much more mature 21 year old than most of your peers. And I've known a lot of your peers." 

"Well thank you...I think." 

"It's a compliment." 

"So is this: I don't think you're a creep. I like you and I do hope there can be more for us down the road. I'll promise not to tell a soul about this, and we can take whatever precautions you think are necessary for you to keep your job. I'm not taking any more of your classes this year, and I think I can avoid them next year, too, if need be." 

My heart skipped a little at the implication that this might be something that lasted into next year. Since Lynn had left, it had been hard to imagine life beyond the next few weeks. I just didn't know what would happen. But here was Gina, telling me plainly that she wanted to explore options for us to be together, and she was even thinking beyond a brief fling. 

"I guess we'll need to keep thinking and talking about this, then," I said, stating the obvious. 

"And keep smooching," she said with a mouth full of orange. 

"Deal," I said, picking up our dirty dishes and giving her a peck on the forehead. 

Gina stood up, too, and said, "But if you don't mind, I need to head home. I'd like to take a shower and change out of these clothes. If you plan to go jogging today, let me know and we'll meet on campus, OK?" 

I stood over the sink a little dazed, picturing Gina in the shower. I apparently thought about it for too long, because I realized Gina was looking at me. I snapped back into reality and she narrowed her eyes. "You were imagining me in the shower, weren't you?" I blushed and stammered, much to Gina's amusement. "I'll have to watch what I say around you, Gareth. And you might need to add another mile to your routine for a while...to help with your problem." 

I just shook my head silently and smiled. Gina kept me on my toes, that was for sure. 

She got her purse and phone and slipped on her shoes and jacket. I walked her to the door, and she gave me a light kiss on the corner of my mouth. " See you later, Gareth," she said sweetly. 

******* 

The next few weeks followed a regular pattern, even after classes resumed. We jogged together a couple times a week- not planned, just meeting whenever our paths crossed. We met to talk once or twice a week, either at a coffee place outside of town or else in my office, where she could pose as a student asking questions of the enlightened professor. And we would go out on a date about once a week- always to somewhere out of town. I had a strict and tough-to-follow rule against any PDA, even on dates. It would be easier to explain being spotted in public if we weren't touching. 

After dates we would go back to my place (always my place, not wanting to chance running into her roommates or other students in her apartment complex that might recognize me), and there we would make up for all the PDA we hadn't been allowed to experience that night. For weeks, that was limited to making out and eventually some heavy petting. 

The first time her hand went under my shirt and onto my side, I jumped, almost like I'd been shocked. Gina paused and looked at me. It had just been a long time since I had felt someone touch me like that, and it had been over a decade since anyone other than Lynn had done so. But once that bridge was crossed, our hands roamed freely under our shirts and eventually under our pants. 

As we were becoming more physically intimate, we were also becoming much closer emotionally. We talked about how a relationship was so much about the joy of being wanted, and we shared stories (well, in my case, the story of my past year with Lynn) of how we felt unwanted and objectified by others. She started to open up about her family, though I'd wager she held some things back. She told me that her parents were emotionally distant and that it had driven her to recklessness as a teenager. I talked about my insecurities around women and how I was always surprised when they showed interest in me. Gina found that particularly humorous. 

"Are you serious? You don't know?" We were on my couch, having finished a movie and a dinner I had made for us. It was the end of January and we had been seeing each other all month. 

"Don't know what?" 

"You really don't know how sexy you are?" 

I thought she was teasing me. "Well, maybe you're a little biased, Gina. I don't..." 

"Have you ever noticed that your classes are the fullest art classes out there?" 

"Yeah, but I'm an easy grader, and I thought..." 

"Have you noticed that most of your students are girls...and some very hopeful gay guys?" 

I stared at her open-mouthed, unprepared for what she was implying. 

She crawled across the couch like a cat, waving her ass back and forth, never breaking eye contact. 

"You really don't know that girls stay up late the night before registration just to try to get into your class? You don't notice how they stare at you, how they try to find reasons to meet you during office hours instead of being shoved off on a TA?" She had crawled all the way over to me and was now speaking with her mouth right up against my ear. I was speechless, and incredibly turned on. 

"You think so many girls are so into Impressionism or the Renaissance that they'd take it as an elective? What they're really into is staring into these deep, dark eyes, and watching this lean, tight body move around the room. They're into listening to your smooth voice tell them secrets of love and lust and beauty through the ages." She had begun kissing along my neck as she talked. I shivered as she ran her hand under my shirt. 

"They want to know what passion drives you, what secret agony lies beneath the surface. You're such a mystery to them, and it drives them wild." 

Gina was on my lap at this point, holding my shirt by its collar. She backed up and looked me in the eyes again and said, "You know, professor, it's probably a good thing that you're so oblivious. Because almost every girl in every one of your classrooms would love...to do...this." 

I closed my eyes and opened my mouth for the kiss I expected. But Gina instead slid off my lap and onto the floor between my legs. Unzipping my pants, she tugged on the waist. Almost in a daze, I lifted up my hips to enable Gina to pull my pants down a bit- just to my thighs, leaving my briefs in place. I gasped when she reached through the front of my briefs and pulled my cock out. As soon as she had knelt in front of me, I had gotten hard, so it took her a moment to maneuver my shaft through the fabric and into the open air. 

Gina started slowly moving her hand up and down my member, licking her lips as she did so. After a few strokes, she put her lips around my crown. She stopped her pumping motion and just teased my tip with her tongue and teeth, never letting my head out of her mouth. After a minute of that kind of teasing, she suddenly moved her mouth down and took me almost all the way in before pulling all the way back up and holding the head between her lips again. 

Lynn and I had often enjoyed oral sex, but with Lynn it was pretty straightforward. The penis went in the mouth, the mouth went up and down, and when I was ready to finish, she either pulled off and stroked me until I came on her chest, or else she waited until I cooled off before taking me into her pussy. 

Gina, however, showed me what an art a blowjob could be. She teased but then advanced. She showed me what she could do, then held back. She had me pounding my hand on the couch, in agony for the release I knew she wouldn't deny me. But the question was how and when she would bring me to orgasm. She was in total control of my pleasure, and she knew it. I couldn't help but be a little vocal in my appreciation. 

"Ohhh, GOD, Gina, that's good. Ohhh, please, please keep doing that. That's so good." 

After what had to be more than ten minutes of slow teasing, she finally started moving all the way up and down my shaft, taking me to the back of her throat. I knew I was thick but not long, which worked in my favor there. Gina was eventually able to move her hands off my shaft and onto my thighs as her mouth went steadily up and down. 

After every few strokes, she would pause with just the head in her mouth and suck on it like a baby would a nipple. Then she would suddenly push back down. As my breathing quickened and my hand found its way to the back of her head, Gina moved her hands around to my butt cheeks. I groaned at the feeling of being held there. 

She started to speed up, and I knew I wouldn't be long. I couldn't tell for sure what she did next, but I think she curled her lips around her teeth and then added some pressure by closing her mouth a little. It was new and exquisite. I kept a hand on the back of her head and moved the other one under her shirt, caressing her naked shoulder. 

"Gina. Oooooohhhh God, I'm close. I'm close Gina..." 

She responded with a simple squeeze of my ass. Don't tell me she planned to... 

"I'm going to cum Gina...MMMmmmf...nnNG!" 

I started to cum and Gina pulled up but not off. Her lips sealed around the middle of my shaft and one hand gripped the base, pumping out my release. I had never cum inside a woman's mouth before, and after that, I couldn't imagine a blow job ever ending in any other way. Gina held her mouth in place while I pulsed, her smooth hand encouraging my cock to continue releasing it load. When my spurts had finished, she slowly pulled off and looked up at my eyes. I was staring in disbelief, my chest heaving. Gina smiled and swallowed. I groaned in wonder. 

"Gina, you are...you are amazing. I've never experienced anything like that before." 

Tucking my softening member back into my briefs, and helping me get my pants back in place, Gina curled up next to me on the couch. "I'm glad you liked it. I started to get worked up thinking about all the girl talk I've heard about the sexy art professor. And it was so cute that you have no idea, and then to think that I have the chance to do what so many other girls would kill to do...I just felt like I couldn't pass up the chance." 

"I'm speechless, Gina. Really- I don't know how to respond to any of that. Give me a couple minutes and I would love to do the same for you," I said, rubbing my hand over her jeans, between her legs. 

"Not today, lover. It's a bad time of month for that." 

"Awww...Can I do anything for you?" 

"Well, you can rub my lower back and we can make out a little before I have to go. I need to work in the morning. But don't worry- the timing is really good." 

"Good how?" 

"Well, since I'm on my period right now, that means that on Valentine's Day, I'll be at the middle of my cycle," she leaned over and whispered in my ear, even though there was no one around to hear us, "which means I'll be extra...horny...and ready for anything." 

I groaned and wrapped my arms around her, thanking my lucky stars for second chances.



A Heart Divided Ch. 03



It seemed like a wonderful cycle of intimacy: as we spent time together, we connected more and opened up more to each other. The more that happened, the more physically and sexually involved we got, which made us feel closer and want to open up more. When a relationship reaches that point, it is inevitable that it will continue until there are no limits, no boundaries.

There really wasn't (for me at least) any conscious considering of, "should we begin having oral sex now?" or " should we be naked together?" or "is now the time to begin having sex?" Instead, our relationship continued to experience more vulnerability and more time together and more exposing of our souls until the physical acts seemed natural and appropriate- until it would have felt wrong not to be progressing to another stage of physical connection.

By the time Valentine's Day arrived, I was no longer thinking of my relationship with Gina in terms of what I could get away with while Lynn was gone. Gina and my relationship had taken on a life of its own, and introducing sex to the relationship was right- almost overdue. No woman other than Lynn had known me as well as Gina did, and putting aside my history with Lynn, I would say Gina and I were much closer emotionally than I had been to Lynn in over a year.

I realized that if Lynn had returned that month, it would have felt wrong to have sex with her. I would have felt like I was cheating on Gina. And yet at that point Gina and I still had not had sex. But unless I was seriously misreading her, that was going to change soon.

For Valentine's Day, I reserved a table at The Caleb Tanner House- a well-reputed restaurant a half-hour from campus. It was an old mansion that had been converted into a restaurant and ball room and named after the person who had owned the house a hundred years ago. It reeked of opulence, but the owner was a friend of mine, and I was not only able to secure a good table but also a private tour of the mansion. There was a good amount of art work in the building, most of it from the owner's private collection. He was a knowledgeable art fan, which was the basis of our connection. I only told Gina to dress very nice and be ready to be picked up at 6. She had smiled, raised an eyebrow, and promised to be ready.

When the evening came, I pulled up to the parking lot of her apartment complex. I was sad and a little embarrassed that I couldn't go up to her apartment to greet her, but we were still keeping things a secret, so...

She came walking down the stairs, and I took the risk of getting out of the car to open the door for her. I would have needed to stand, anyways- I was so dazzled by her that I couldn't stay in my seat. I straightened out my black jacket and used my finger to pull my bow tie a little looser. I hated formal wear, but if that was the price of seeing Gina dressed like this, I would gladly pay it.

She wore a dark green gown that was form-fitting but not tight or slinky. It covered her shoulders up to her neck, but in the front it dipped low enough to give a hint of cleavage. The sleeves came to just past her elbows and the dress fell to mid-calf. She walked comfortably in her low heels and carried a small hand-held purse. She had styled her hair up, exposing her neck in a way that was graceful. She looked ready for a dinner with foreign dignitaries. I was glad I had gotten my car cleaned and detailed that week. I took a few seconds to take in the sight, and she indulged my appreciative stare.

"Gina...you are breathtaking. I...I am honored to be seen with you this evening."

She smiled knowingly and took the hand I offered to help her in the car. "I'm not overdressed?"

I kissed her cheek and said, "No, not at all. But you'll certainly turn some heads nonetheless."

Once she was seated, I closed her door. Beginning to worry about being seen by a student, I hurried around to my side of the car, thankful for the dark of the early evening.

*******

Gina pressed me for details on where we were going, but I evasively replied, "Somewhere nice that I don't think you've ever been before." She pushed for more, but I smiled and said, "You'll see," which elicited squeals of happy frustration and anticipation.

When we were about halfway there, I pulled over into the parking lot of an old country store that was closed for the night. I reached over to the glove compartment as Gina's eyes followed me with a questioning look. Pulling out a small, long box with a bow on top, I handed it to her. She looked at me a quizzically and said, "In a parking lot?"

"A gift for you. I'd like you to wear it to dinner."

Opening the box, her eyes got wide and she slowly lifted up a sparkling gold necklace with three emerald drops in the center.

"Gareth!" She was otherwise speechless. She held it up to her neck and said, "It's beautiful...and it matches perfectly! How did you know?"

I smiled and shrugged. I had hoped she would wear green- the emeralds matched her eyes and would look amazing on her. But just in case, I had a ruby one under the armrest and a sapphire one under my seat. Gifts for a later date, perhaps.

"Let me put it on you," I said softly, reaching out to take the necklace. She leaned closer to me, closed her eyes, and shivered when the cold metal touched her skin. When I had latched it, she ran her fingers along the gems, then suddenly leaned over and grabbed my head. She gave me a fiery kiss that got me thinking I wouldn't mind skipping dinner. When she pulled away and sat back in her seat, she said with a hint of regret, "I didn't get you anything for Valentine's Day."

"Are you kidding? You are the best gift, Gina. Just getting to spend a nice evening with you and seeing you in that dress is all I could ask for."

"Keep this up, and you'll see me out if it, too."

I smiled and groaned, starting the car back up. Gina put her hand on my thigh for the rest of the drive.

*******

When we pulled up to The Caleb Tanner House, driving through wrought iron and stonework gates, Gina's eyes went wide and she said, "Whoah! Are you serious?"

I smiled at having attained the desired effect. There was valet parking, of course, and my late model Toyota looked out of place among the luxury cars that were lining up in front of us. Entering the house, we were both so occupied with taking in all the beautiful décor that we hardly noticed when we had reached the maître d's stand. He acknowledged my reservation and escorted us to a candlelit table for two that was adjacent to a wall of glass overlooking the well-lit garden. There was a bottle of wine waiting for us, and the maître d' poured two glasses, saying "Compliments of the house."

"Gareth, this is...this is like something I've only seen in movies. This is amazing."

"I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy your company, Gina."

She gave me a look that showed both appreciation for the compliment and indication that she thought lines like that were a little corny.

Our meal was outstanding, as I had expected. The conversation was comfortable and didn't manifest the sexual tension I was feeling. I enjoyed knowing that there was still another surprise after the meal, one I hoped Gina would enjoy.

After we had declined dessert, my friend came to the table and introduced himself to Gina. "Good evening, I am Terrence, the owner of The Caleb Tanner house. I hope you and your husband are enjoying yourselves this evening?" Because our friendship was mostly professional, Terrence had never met Lynn and wasn't likely to, so I might have given him the impression that I was coming there with my wife. The fact that Gina wasn't wearing a ring didn't seem to register with him, or else he was astute enough not to draw attention to it. Nonetheless, Gina subtly put her left hand under the table and out of sight. She glanced at me, then assured Terrence that she was having a wonderful time.

"And I trust that dinner was to your satisfaction?"

"Yes, and so much more. Please give my compliments to the chef," she said, seeming surprisingly in her element.

"Would you like to pass those compliments along yourself? I would like to take you both on a private tour of our facilities."

Gina spun her head to look at me, and I just smiled. Taking Terrence's extended hand, she stood up and I followed them out of the dining area. Terrence led us through the kitchen and we greeted the chef. Gina praised his dishes and his crew. We moved on through locked doors and into a hallway. Terrence pointed out the artwork on the walls, noting the ones of special interest. "I'm sure Gareth could tell you a lot more about these pieces than I could- he helped me pick some of them out." Gina gave me a surprised look, and I leaned in to whisper, "Old friends."

Gina even had a few good observations on the art, making the professor side of me proud at her learning. But as fun as it was seeing the art and architecture during our 30 minute tour, the best part of the evening was when the tour ended in the ballroom. We walked into a wide open space as Terrence spoke of the original design and the modifications he had made. We both tuned him out.

Walking into the ballroom, it was impossible not to look up. The ceiling had been converted into a large glass dome. Oddly, my first thought was that the cleaning bill must be enormous. It was a clear night, and the moon shone through the ceiling, lighting up the room with no need of electric assistance. Because the house was settled a bit outside of town, there was almost no light pollution. So looking up, we could see hundreds, maybe thousands of stars. It was stunning.

We weren't even halfway into the room when Gina stopped walking. I tore my eyes from the view above to look at her. She was almost pale, her eyes wide with wonder, scanning the whole sky, trying to take everything in. We had been holding hands during that part of the tour, and her grip on me tightened. She tugged my arm, drawing me close to her. She seemed dizzy, almost faint. She leaned her whole body against mine and rested her head against my shoulder, never taking her eyes off the stars for a second.

I wrapped my arms around her and she responded by doing the same to me. We stood there in a chaste embrace, Gina staring at the sky while I stared at her. Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes and her breathing quickened. Terrence, my wise friend, had quietly backed out of the room. I don't know how long we stood there, surely no less than 10 minutes. I looked at the sky again, wondering what she saw there. I looked at her face again, noticing that she never cried but still had water in her eyes.

I reflected on how fragile she was. I didn't think she would have been able to stand on her own in that moment. My arms were under hers, helping to support her. Gina- who was so strong and who asserted herself, and who had such confidence- was breakable. There was something being revealed, something about her I didn't know- so much I didn't know! A thought occurred to me in full clarity- Gareth, do not fuck this up. Do not hurt this treasure of a woman.

Maybe I was just a convenient prop, maybe I just happened to be the lucky guy standing near her in that moment. But I loved knowing that she leaned against me and wanted me to hold her in her weakness. I still didn't know if I was just a fling for her or if there might possibly be a future for us, as I was beginning to hope; but I was content to believe in that moment that Gina loved me, and I wanted to tell her that I loved her.

After standing in silence for so long, I put my lips on her temple and kissed her gently. Deciding it was worth the risk of scaring her, I began, "Gina..."

My voice seemed to draw her back into the present. She turned her head up and looked into my eyes. I couldn't name what I saw as she looked at me. Love, or lust, or sadness, or fear, or desperation, or some human mix of all those. Before I could finish my thought, she whispered urgently, "Take me home. Take me back to your home...now."

I was taken aback and didn't quite know what to say, so I froze. Gina pulled back a little to look at my confused expression. Then she lifted her lips to mine and kissed me urgently for a few seconds. "Now, Gareth, let's go now!" Shaking my head clear, I put my hand on her lower back and guided us back to the exit. Terrence was standing down the hall, at work on his phone. Seeing us come out, he smiled and asked if we would like to return to our table. Gina quickly said, "No thank you, we'll be leaving now."

Terrence gave me a knowing smile and led us out to the valet station. Seeing him with us made the young workers snap to attention. My car was quickly brought to us, and I turned to Terrence. "I haven't paid for dinner yet..."

"On me. Happy Valentine's Day. Besides, I'm looking to make another big purchase soon, and I'll count your expert advise as payment enough."

"That would be my pleasure," I assured him. "And thank you for everything, Terry. It's been a magical evening."

As Gina was sitting down in the car, Terrence leaned close to me and said, "I'm betting it's about to get a lot more magical." Then he patted my back and waved good-bye.

*******

I drove as fast as I dared. Gina was silent, looking out the window at the stars and bouncing her leg up and down. Her fidgeting seemed so out of place with the way she was dressed, but I knew it was just the real Gina showing through the formal veneer. It took 20 long minutes to get to my place, and before I could get around to opening Gina's door for her, she was out and at the back of the car.

"Pop the trunk," she ordered, almost bouncing from impatience.

I did as she had said, and she reached into the trunk of my car and pulled out a small red duffel bag before slamming the trunk shut. I said, "OK, I give up. What on earth is in there?"

She looked at me like I was dense. "It's an overnight bag. You don't expect me to wear this dress in the morning, do you?"

As we walked up to my door I paused to take in the implications of that answer- not that there had been much doubt about what was going to happen that night, but that she was going to spend the whole night...

Gina shoved my arm lightly and said, "Hurry up!"

I fumbled to find my house key and said with some confusion, "You didn't have that with you when I picked you up, did you?"

She giggled and said, "I put it in there last week, to be ready."

Opening the door, I said with amazement, "Last wee-"

I was cut off by Gina shoving me into the house, spinning me around, and pushing my back against the door until it slammed shut. She advanced on me until we were kissing furiously. She paused to take off her shoes, then with one quick peck on the lips, she ran towards the stairs. "Meet me in your room!" she yelled back to me.

I locked the door, then wasted no time in following Gina. She was in the bathroom when I got to the room, so I sat on the edge of the bed, taking off my shoes and loosening my tie. I was hit with an unexpected wave of guilt. This was the first time Gina had been in my bedroom- the bedroom I had shared with Lynn, who was still technically (though no longer practically) my wife.

As I pulled off my tie and let my hand fall into my lap, my stomach knotted up- what was I doing? Everything in that room screamed Lynn to me- she had decorated it, some of her personal effects were still there, her clothes in the closet, our pictures on the wall. In the living room was another matter, but in the bedroom? I suddenly felt like I was in a temple, a sacred place of my marriage, and that sanctity would be profaned by the presence of another. I was conflicted- wanting so badly to unite my body with Gina's, to express the deepening love I felt for her. She was the right person, this was the right time, but was this the right place?

The flush of the toilet and Gina's entrance into the room disrupted my train of thought. She was still in her gown, but her hair was down. She looked elegant and sexy, and much of that was the hungry look she was giving me. I stood up and looked at her, no longer thinking about how wrong this felt, though I could sense that the guilt still lingered in my subconscious. For now, however, the lust and love that radiated between us were becoming the dominant feelings.

Gina stepped quickly towards me, stopping right in front of me. Breathing quickly, we both lifted our hands towards each other, then held them suspended in mid-air, both unsure what to do. I finally reached out and took her hands in mine, and we dropped them to our sides. Hand in hand on both sides, we touched foreheads.

"Gina," I said in a voice strained with longing and fear, "I wanted to say something when we were in the ballroom tonight." She leaned into me, eyes closed. "I...I'm quite attached to you...I mean to say...I'm growing to love you...I love you. And it's scary because I don't know what that means yet or if this can work or if we even want it to work in the same way...but...well, there it is." I winced inwardly at the awkwardness of it. I was never good at talking about these things.

For a long moment, Gina didn't say anything. She just stood there, our bodies touching. I felt the need to continue talking. "But I don't want you to feel like you have to do something you don't want to do. I know you said...or implied...something about tonight, but we don't have to do anything you don't really want to do." Listening to myself, I started to realize that my pattern of behavior with Lynn was repeating itself with Gina. I feared that she didn't really want me and that she felt obligated to be there. I didn't believe she really could want me.

Her head popped up and she looked into my eyes. Letting go of my hands, she put them both on my cheeks and held my gaze. "How can you think for even a moment that I don't want this? That I don't want you? After this past month, how could you think that?" She stepped forward, causing me to step back until my legs bumped against the bed. Her lips just at the tip of mine, she said, "I spent the first part of the night trying not to think about this, trying to keep myself from telling you to skip dinner and take me here. Then I spent the rest of the night rubbing my legs together, unable to stop thinking about this. You're not talking me out of having sex with you tonight, Gareth. In fact, I don't think you could stop me if you tried."

Then she kissed me gently and slowly, making my heart race. Moving her hands down to my waistband, she tugged at my shirt until it was fully untucked. I started undoing the buttons, then grabbed her waist. She pulled my shirt down off my shoulders, and I slipped my arms out. Then she lifted my white undershirt with one smooth motion and pulled it over my head.

Her hands now on my chest, she pushed me and stepped forward, forcing me to sit on the bed.

Moving closer to me, she said, "Reach around an unzip me."

I quickly found the zipper and pulled it carefully all the way down to the top of her curved ass. Gina stepped back and slowly pulled the dress off of her shoulders. She extended her hands towards me, and I took hold of her sleeves. She pulled her arms out of the sleeves, and I let go. The whole dress dropped to the floor.

I closed my eyes for a second, just to make sure I was in reality. I opened them again, and sure enough, she was still there. Gina was reaching behind herself and unclasping her lacy black bra, which then joined her dress on the floor. She wore no panties. When she saw that I was staring at her exposed pussy and her neatly trimmed mound, she answered the question I didn't ask. "I took them off in the bathroom- I'm not that kinky...usually."




A Heart Divided Ch. 03



She went to step towards me, but I held up my hand and asked her to wait. "Just...let me enjoy the view for a few seconds." She rolled her eyes a bit, but smiled and put her hands on her hips. Naked except for the necklace I had given her, Gina was a vision of pure beauty. I wanted to both stare at her and ravish her and wondered why it wasn't possible to do both at the same time. My eyes traveled up and down her body, appreciating her full breasts that sat high on her chest, her curvy hips that always looked so good in running shorts, and her toned stomach. I finally stopped ogling and looked at her face. She was smiling and watching me.

"Did you just want a peep show or can we proceed?"

I stood up and closed the one-step distance between us. Taking her face in my hands, I kissed her. She reached down and unfastened my pants. I shuffled backwards, pulling her with me, as she tried to push my pants down as far as she could while not breaking lip contact. Once I was against the bed again, she pushed me down onto my back. Lifting my feet up, she pulled at my pant legs until I was as naked as her.

"Move back," she said, pointing towards the head of the bed. I wiggle backwards until my head was at the pillows. Gina moved towards me on her knees, then fell forward onto me, stopping her fall with her hands on either side of me. Then she slowly lowered her body until we were touching.

We both moaned and gasped at the feeling of our naked bodies pressed against each other. The sensation of skin touching skin- it's something that nothing else can duplicate or replace. And the emotional component of being so physically intimate with someone that you are just as close to emotionally- that's what sex should be about. I thought about those times in the past year when Lynn just "let" me have sex with her, but it was clearly only with her body. She was shutting me out in every other way. That kind of sex is only fulfilling on one level, and it's not the deepest level.

What Gina and I were beginning was sex at the most fulfilling level. I would cringe to call this "fucking," though there would later be a time for fucking- I hoped. That was too crude a word for what was happening between us- a moment when the sexual was only one aspect of our union.

Gina was kissing my upper body- my shoulders, my chest, my ribs, my arms, my neck...I could only enjoy her attentions and rub her body slowly with my hands. Growing restless with a long evening of being denied, my cock began moving against her skin. It was trapped between our stomachs, and rubbing it along her smooth abs was nice. Thankfully, Gina was as eager as I was, and she felt no compulsion to draw out the foreplay.

"Gareth...?" she said between kisses.

"Hmmm?"

"We've had 6 weeks of foreplay."

"Mmm-hmm"

"That's more than enough for me."

"Then why are you still talking?" I teased. She straightened up and gave me a disbelieving look. Playfully shoving my shoulders into the bed, she leaned over and grabbed something from the nightstand- a condom.

"Did you put that there last week, too?" I asked.

Another playful shove to my chest. "Just now, while you were downstairs. I know we haven't talked about this, but..."

"It's fine, Gina. As long as you are the one putting it on me."

"Well listen to mister sassy pants tonight!"

"Hey, there's a beautiful naked woman on top of me. I can't help but be a little confident."

"Confident is fine. Just don't get cocky," she warned, rolling the condom over my painfully hard shaft. "God, I hope this fits. I didn't think about how thick you are when I bought it."

"It'll be fine, I think. I haven't worn one in ages...they're a little tight and not the most comfortable, but they stretch."

Gina got off of me and lay down on her back next to me. "Well, it's not the only thing that's going to need to stretch tonight. Go slow, OK?" Saying that, she wiggled her shoulders and head to get comfortable on the pillow and spread her legs to make room for my entry.

I rolled onto her and held myself above her, looking down at her hair splayed on the pillow, her eyes sparkling with happiness, her breasts rising and falling with her breath, making the gems on her necklace sparkle.

"Gina, you're..." I shook my head in awe.

"Pretty? Sexy? Beautiful?" she playfully suggested.

"I was going to say 'a treasure.'"

"You could also have said 'getting impatient.'"

"Well, I guess if I have to..." I teased and started lowering my hips to find her entrance. I wasn't used to the condom, and the loss of sensation on my tip made it much harder to find her slit without looking. Gina reached down and lined me up.

"Slowly, remember. Just until I'm stretched out." It was good that she reminded me, I was ready to be all the way inside her and may not have waited.

I bent my arms and gently lay on top of her. I put my weight on my elbows and put my hands under her, wrapping them around her back. Shifting my hips a little, I started slowly pushing in. Gina winced at the first push and exhaled. Then reaching between us, she took a hold of my shaft and moved it around a bit. The tip was still inside her, but the motion spread some lube from the condom to her slit. It also opened her up a bit more so I could push further in.

Once the head was inside, I stopped for a bit and nudged her nose with mine. She offered me her mouth and I sought her tongue with mine. We kissed tenderly and slowly for a few minutes, and I tried pushing in a little more. Gina gasped, but didn't stop me. We continued pushing our tongues back and forth, in my mouth, then in hers, back and forth.

Meanwhile, I continued advancing slowly into her tight pussy. Once I felt about halfway in, I pulled back a bit and started some small thrusts. Gina moaned into my mouth and gave small thrusts back up towards me. Our combined motions quickly got me all the way inside her. Once I was in, Gina wrapped her legs around my thighs and her arms around my body and whispered, "Just hold it there for a minute, Gare."

She didn't move her mouth back to mine, so I didn't pursue it. Instead, her head was next to mine, her breathing deep and steady in my ear. I kissed wherever I could reach- her ears, her head, her neck, her shoulder...

"Does it feel this full every time?"

"I'm told that it does, but without most of the pain and pressure after a while."

"Well, I look forward to getting to that point."

As I was kissing up and down her neck, she started moving her hips a bit, still wrapping her arms and legs around me.

"Are you ready?" I whispered.

She answered with a quiet groan.

I started pulling back slowly, then back in just as slow. Gina moaned softly into my ear. Once I was confident that she was stretched enough to handle more, I sped up a little, but not too much. I was worried that I might cum too quickly, which wasn't usually an issue for me, but with the excitement of a new lover who was so eager and so sexy and so precious...

Gina's motions changed so that she wasn't thrusting up to meet my motions anymore but was instead trying to wiggle her hips and rub her mound against me. Wanting to see if I could help, I moved a hand to her lower back and pushed up.

She moaned and gave a sexy little grunt. She spread her legs to try to increase the contact but seemed unable to find the fight position. Unwrapping her legs and putting her feet flat on the bed, she raised her hips and seemed to get the contact she wanted. But it was too hard to hold after a few thrusts, and she lowered herself down to the bed again.

I began to ask, "Do you want to..."

"Yes!" she said, correctly assuming I was suggesting she get on top. With my arms around her, I rolled onto my back. Once we were repositioned, she was able to angle herself so that her clit got the pressure it needed. She wasn't thrusting down on me, which gave me time to back away from the orgasm that was sneaking up on me. Instead, she was holding me as deep as I could go and was grinding around, rubbing her clit against my pubic bone.

"Gareth..." she panted. "Gareth, can you hold your hips up a bit?"

I lifted my butt off the bed and held myself up as high as I could. I didn't need to ask if it was OK, her sudden burst of speed and volume confirmed that.

Gina put her hands on either side of my head and started pushing her hips down on me with her grinding. After a couple minutes, my lower back and the backs of my legs were starting to burn from being held in that position. I was ready to ask for a reprieve when Gina started getting close.

"Hmm!...MMMmm...ooooohhhh Gareth....OOhh God I'm going to...Oh, don't move....just like that, please..."

As much as I was enjoying watching her face above me- her eyes clenched and her mouth open and sucking air- I was also drawn to her perfect breasts hanging just within reach of my lips. I planted one small kiss on her stiff nipple. As I kissed the other one for symmetry's sake, Gina's thrusts got stronger.

"Yesss...come on...so close, so close..."

I moved my hands, which had been holding her hips and just hanging on for the ride, to her breasts, pulling them closer to me. I suddenly took as much of one breast into my mouth as I could. Flicking the nipple with my tongue and pressing her breasts together, I held that position once Gina wrapped an arm around my head to pull me tight into her chest.

She came with a cry, a gentle shout. Her thighs trembled and tried to press together, held apart by my legs between them. I could feel her entrance squeezing around the base of my shaft, ensuring that my cock lost none of its hardness. I couldn't move my head, which was frustrating because I really wanted to watch her cum. I wanted to see her face drawn tight in the joyful agony of sexual release, and I wanted to watch her knowing that she had chosen to share that moment- and herself- with me.

After a few seconds she let go of my head, needing her hand to steady herself. I caught a glance of her wrinkled brow and clenched eyes before she lowered her whole body onto mine. I saw and felt the goosebumps on her arms as I finally lowered my hips back to the bed. My hands moved to cup her ass cheeks as her orgasm gradually faded.

Finally, she twisted her upper body onto her side, resting on her elbow while somehow keeping me tight inside her. She was quite limber. She groaned while she twisted and stretched her free arm as if she was yawning.

"Oh my GOD!" she exclaimed. "I have been waiting so long for that. I am ready to sleep now, OK?" She put her hand on my chest and looked at my eyes. I knew she was teasing me, and I played along.

"Like hell you are!" And I rolled her onto her back, slipping out of her in the process. She squealed and laughed at my feigned aggression. But her laughter turned into a shout when I found her entrance and pushed in without waiting for her to adjust. I almost came from that one thrust, from finding myself again wrapped in a tight, warm, welcoming tunnel.

Gina's orgasm had brought me close. The joy of knowing I had brought her pleasure and that she had made me a part of that was emotionally satisfying. And the further knowledge that she was willingly taking part in my own pursuit of release warmed my heart as her squeezing tunnel warmed my cock.

Wait...her squeezing tunnel? I lifted my head to meet her eyes, and Gina was looking at me, biting her bottom lip and smiling. She asked, "Does that feel good?"

I didn't answer her but instead lowered my head to rest on the pillow next to her and groaned. I grabbed her ass with both hands and gripped tightly as I sped up. Gina raised her legs straight up in the air and started thrusting back up at me. Reaching her hands down to my ass, she pulled me towards he again and again. I felt my cum rising, but I thought it was yet a few minutes away. Suddenly, I was there.

I pushed hard against Gina and wiggled my hips. The cum raced through me making me jerk inside her and on top of her. My voice was strangled as I tried to shout.

"nnngggAHHH! ... AH! ... AHH! ... mmgaaAHH!

I remember wrapping my arms around her back and clutching her tightly, afraid I was going to lose her, afraid she wouldn't be there when I was done, as if this was just a vivid dream or fantasy that would find me alone in bed holding a wet tissue over my spent cock.

I continued pressing into her, trying to find a way to be more inside her than I already was. My body was heaving on top of her, struggling to get enough air. Once I was able, I found her lips with mine and kissed her softly.

Gina broke our kiss to say, with laughter in her voice, "I'll take that as a 'Yes, it feels good.'"

"No," I said, still panting a bit. "It felt pretty damn amazing."

While I was still recovering and reluctant to pull out of her, I ran a finger along the necklace and asked, "Do you always leave your jewelry on during sex?"

With her quick wit, she replied, "Buy me more and find out." I raised my eyebrows at that, and she just laughed. "I'm only teasing, Gareth. I'm not looking for a sugar daddy or anything. But a girl never minds nice presents, and I'm always one to show appreciation where appreciation is due."

"Oh, so this was just to thank me for the necklace?" I said, not at all serious. But Gina's eyes went serious. "No. You have to remember, Gareth, you have to remember that I wanted this as much as you did- more, maybe."

"I don't think that's possible, but I'll accept 'as much'," I said, and started to pull out.

"Wait!" Gina said, and reached down to grab my shaft. I wasn't sure what she was doing until she said, "Go ahead." and held onto the condom as I pulled out.

"Oh, geez," I said. "Sorry. It really has been a long time since I used one." I climbed off of her and disposed of the condom. We took turns in the bathroom, then came back to bed.

"So, do you have some sleepwear in that magically well-prepared overnight bag?" I asked as Gina curled up in front of me so that we were facing the wall together. I put an arm around her and put my other arm under the pillow we were sharing.

"Hmmm. Space was pretty limited. I had to make cuts. You'll just have to excuse me as I sleep naked next to you."

"You're excused. But be prepared to face the consequences of being naked and sexy in bed."

Wiggling her ass against my crotch and turning back to give me a lingering good-night kiss, she answered, "I'm already prepared to face those consequences, lover. There are more condoms on the nightstand behind you." At that remark, my well-drained cock almost sprang back to life. But the rest of my body overruled it, and I fell asleep with my new love in my arms.

*******

I woke up once or twice very briefly during the night, found Gina and moved to snuggle next to her again. She would hum a happy noise under her breath as I wrapped my arm back around her. I didn't even consider having sex again- sleeping next to her was just so comfortable.

*******

When I awoke in the morning, I was alone in bed and I heard Lynn moving around in the bathroom. I thought about going to make breakfast, then decided to wait for her in bed...maybe she'd come back and join me for some morning sex. It had been a long time since we'd...

And then I realized that it wasn't Lynn I was hearing in the bathroom. My brain started waking up and remembering the night before. Gina. Gina and I had made love. Gina had spent the night with me. Gina was still here. I was still a little disoriented, not sure how to shake the presence of Lynn from my mind when I was in the bedroom. But when Gina came out of the bathroom, her hair in a ponytail, I forgot about Lynn and took in the beauty of the woman in front of me. Dressed only in a lazy smile, she crawled back under the covers and draped herself across me.

She rested her head on my chest and wrapped a leg over my waist. "I was wondering when you'd wake up," she said dreamily. I watched you sleeping for a while, then I got up when I had to pee."

"I think the flush of the toilet woke me up," I said, still a little groggy.

"Well, I'm not sorry. Or wait...maybe I am. I should make it up to you somehow." Saying that, she reached down and took hold of my morning wood. "Ooooh, I see you're ready for my apology."

Stretching across me to the nightstand, she grabbed another condom and put it over my hardness. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the sensations. While I lay on my back, Gina straddled me and started working my cock in between her folds. Lying down on top of me, she put her head beside mine on the pillow and whispered, "I forgot that this part might take a few minutes."

Slowly but steadily she worked my tip, then my head into her entrance. Neither of us felt the need to talk, and I enjoyed running my hands along her back and listening to her breathing- a steady cadence interrupted by an occasional gasp. After a few minutes of me fighting the urge to thrust hard into her all in one go, she finally had taken me in.

"I'm glad you're not long," she mumbled. "It might take forever to get you all the way in. And it would be impossible to blow you right." I just smiled.

Then she lifted her head and looked at me, "Oh God, I'm sorry," she was a little flustered. "I shouldn't be critiquing your equipment, should I. I'm so embarrassed, I was just thinking out loud, and I..."

I grabbed her butt with both hands and pushed firmly up into her one time. "All I heard you saying was that you like my equipment- that it's just right for you."

"Well that's secure of you."

"Besides, it's hard to be offended by a woman who is giving you some pretty awesome wake-up sex."

She smiled and kissed my cheek. I could smell a bit of morning breath from her, and I was sure mine was just as bad. She put her head back down on the pillow and we passed the next few minutes in silence. I didn't even need to move much- Gina was slowly moving her hips up and down, providing all the stimulation I needed. She pulled up too high a few times, so that my cock fell out. I didn't mind that much, because whenever it happened I would again experience the exquisite pleasure of entering her.

I lay there, enjoying the feeling of her breasts rubbing against my chest, her smooth legs rubbing against my thighs, and her hands gripping my shoulders from behind. As she glided up and down my body, she made little noises- quiet moans and soft grunts. I reached my hands around her and started rubbing her lower back. I found I could almost hold my hands in place and let her motions create the back massage. "That feels nice," she said softly in response, her voice muffled by the pillow.

I heard her breath speed up a little, but I was getting so close, I wasn't sure I could wait. I started pushing my hips up in time with her downward motions.

"Gina...I'm getting close. You might want to wait a minute..."

"Go ahead," she said. "I'm probably not cumming this way. You'll just have to owe me."

Too caught up in my impending release to make a reply, I gripped her hips and tried to adjust her motion to make it slower and harder. After less than a minute of that, I pushed up into her and with one long groan I came, my cock pulsing against her wonderfully confining walls. Gina pushed down on me as I came, making sure I felt enough pressure at my base to feel maximum release.

After I had finished cumming, I realized my hips were still up in thrust position. I held onto Gina's hips as I lowered mine, taking her down to the bed with me. Catching my breath, I said, "Apology accepted."

Gina turned her head to me and said, "Huh? Oh, yeah. Good." Her hands left my shoulders and roamed up and down my arms.

The condom was starting to feel uncomfortable, and this time I remembered to reach down and hold it while I pulled out of Gina. I really missed being able to stay inside until I was soft, but that was the sacrifice I needed to make in order to make love to Gina, so I never complained.




A Heart Divided Ch. 03



I got up to throw away the condom and to use the toilet. As I walked back to the bed, I saw Gina on her back, squirming under the sheets. I stood and watched for a moment before realizing she was pleasuring herself. I quickly joined her under the covers and put my hand over hers.

"Would you like some help?"

"Yessss...thank you!" Her eyes were closed and her back was a little arched.

"Hey, just paying my debts."

"Huh?" She was too distracted to follow. My hand had been covering hers, but then she pulled her hand away from the action and let me take over. At the feel of my fingers on her clit, she moaned and rolled away from me. That gave me a better angle for what I was doing, so I spooned behind her and rubbed around and across her button. I worked my other arm under her neck and around to her breasts. Lightly pulling on her nipples, I kissed her shoulder blades and the top of her spine.

Gina had reached a hand around to rub my butt and thigh. She lifted her leg up a bit to give me better access, and I sped up my hand motions. Her breaths came faster and her hips started pushing against my hand. Soon, she was breathing short, gaspy breaths with her open mouth.

"AhhhhHHH! AHH! Gareth...GARETH!! AHHH!"

Gina's legs clamped together and curled up towards her body. Her head jerked forward and her hand covered mine and pushed it harder against her clit for only a second, then she pulled my hand away. I just rubbed her thigh and side as she shook and quivered. I kissed any part of her neck and shoulder I could get to.

"Hold me," she said softly, her eyes closed and her voice shaking.

I did.

*******

Gina drifted off, clutching my arm. I realized that she was so vulnerable after sex. Both times she had curled up and wanted my arms around her. But this didn't seem like the stereotypical, 'girls want to cuddle after sex' phenomenon. She seemed almost frightened or worried. She held on to my arm like I was a life-preserver and she was afraid of drowning.

In my introspection, I recognized that in my case, I was scared of being abandoned and unwanted, so sex was a pursuit of feeling desired and lovable, the need to have someone really with me, wanting to be there. For Gina, it seemed like something else. She was confident in bed, a healthily self-assured lover. But it was afterwards that the chinks in her armor showed.

I was only thinking about it because, for one reason, we were in bed with her asleep in my arms and I had nothing else to do but think. But I was also thinking this through because, as I had told her the night before, I loved her, I cared about her, and I wanted to do or be whatever she needed. But first I needed to understand her.

Looking past Gina to the nightstand, I saw my alarm clock. I thought back to how I used to set the alarm for 5:30am, planning to go study or exercise or to do something else very responsible. But Lynn would reach across me after I fell asleep and turn the alarm off so that I would sleep in with her. I would try to be angry, but feeling her warm body against mine usually put an end to those arguments.

I shook my head, trying to focus on the present. Why was I thinking about Lynn when she was God-knows-where doing God-knows-what with God-knows-whom, and meanwhile a beautiful, kind, intelligent young woman who had just rocked my world twice was sleeping in my arms? It started to become clear that this was going to be a problem. This was the house of my marriage to Lynn, and every part of it broadcast her name, evoking unsolicited memories at inconvenient times. How could I keep bringing Gina here, to a place where she would unknowingly need to compete against all those years of building a life together with Lynn? I started to wonder, and not for the last time, if the best move would be to have a place where Gina and I could build our own memories, our own life together.

Gina didn't sleep long- just a cat nap. When she began to stir, I kissed her cheek. I kissed her every ten seconds or so, ensuring that she woke up knowing that she was loved. Once she finally rolled back to look at me, she arched her back, stretching, then put a hand behind my head in order to draw my lips to hers. After a light kiss on the lips, she asked, "You have today off, right?"

"Yeah. My day is yours."

"Excellent. Because I'm not in any hurry to leave."

"Leave the house or leave the bed?"

"Both...or neither...or...you know what I mean."

Getting out of bed and putting on my robe, I asked, "Would the promise of an omelet get you out of bed and downstairs?"

"Would the promise of a blow job later this morning convince you to bring the omelet up here?"

I looked up at the ceiling and stroked my chin, pretending to consider her offer. "I'm trying to remember how good the blow job was last time..."

That remark earned me a pillow to the face.

"I'll be back in about 10 minutes with our breakfast, OK?"

Gina hopped out of bed and said, "Good. I'm going to shower. And not get dressed after. Sooo...hurry back!" She trotted over to the bathroom, and I watched with appreciation and desire as her tight ass disappeared around the corner.

A few minutes later, as I was finishing up chopping vegetables for the omelets, I heard Gina scream from upstairs, "Gareth!!!" I dropped the knife and raced up the steps. I knew exactly what this was about. It had taken Lynn almost a year to figure out how to get the hot water to work right. She once half-seriously accused me of sabotaging the plumbing, just so I could see her naked and wet when I came in to fix it. I assured her she overestimated my handiness around the house.

Without Gina needing to explain, I reached in and fiddled with the knobs, getting the water warm but not scalding. She thanked me and I ran back down to crack some eggs. I realized I was again bringing memories of Lynn into a day that should be focused on Gina.

Not long after the shower stopped, I was in bed, setting up a tray with omelets, hot tea, and toast. I had also set up my laptop so that we could watch a TV show while we ate. Gina wrapped her hair with a towel and then crawled into bed next to me. We watched the TV show and downed our food- both of us more hungry than we had realized.

We kissed, we touched intimately, we rubbed, he shared secrets. Seeing an opportunity, I asked her, "Gina, do you remember the ballroom last night?"

"Yes," she said, very softly.

"What were you thinking about?"

"I...was thinking that the stars...the night sky...it was all so beautiful."

"Maybe I'm wrong, but there seemed to be something more. Like seeing the sky touched something deep inside you. You got all serious and even looked...well, the word that came to mind at the time was fragile."

"Maybe we'll get to that at some point, Gareth, but not today, and please don't ask me more."

Trying to backpedal and lighten the mood a bit, I said, "Well, I'm just trying to figure out how to get your motor running the way that did, because that's the kind of reaction I'd like to see more of."

Not catching my humor, her eyes far away, Gina mused, "Gareth, the view in the ballroom didn't arouse me or anything. It brought on some complex emotions and frustrations. I usually turn to sex when I want to cover up those emotions. Sex keeps me from feeling."

That was when I realized that there was a sadness and a depth to Gina that few people ever saw, and I didn't know if I could be someone who could hold her hand and go into that darkness with her. It was not that I wouldn't be willing, but I questioned whether my own scars were yet deep enough. I suspected she needed a wounded healer- someone who had been in the same depths and who could show her the way out.



A Heart Divided Ch. 04



Chapter 4

After our first time together that Valentine's weekend, Gina and I entered that phase of a relationship where, once sex has been introduced, it's like a child's new toy at Christmas, getting constant use until the novelty wears off. We never left my house from Friday night until Monday morning, and we seldom were more than halfway clothed during that time. That's not to say we were having sex all the time; there was a good bit of watching TV together, playing cards, napping and snuggling, bathing together, and I even let her convince me to cook a meal for her naked while she watched and hooted.

We were reveling in the joy of the newness of sex. We avoided more serious conversations, though I knew there would be a few of those in our near future. For now, however, we just enjoyed sharing our bodies with each other and seeing what kinds of pleasure we could give and receive. Gina had brought a 10 pack of condoms, and by the time we fell asleep on Sunday, there was only one left.

Before drifting off while curled up in my arms, Gina mumbled in the dark, "What's tomorrow look like?"

Sighing at being forced to anticipate the end of our happy romp, I said, "I have a class at 11. I should be in my office sometime before then. You?"

"Work from 12 to 5, then an evening class."

She pulled my arm a little tighter around her body, and I cupped a breast in my hand. With a sleepy voice she asked, "Can you drop me off at home on your way to the office?"

Putting my lips next to her earlobe and tickling it with my breath, I replied, "Is the other option that you would stay here and be waiting for me when I get back?"

She groaned and said, "No...we have to be grown-ups who have real lives now. I'll see you jogging on Tuesday, though."

"Yeah, I'll take you back. Leave around 9?"

"We'll see."

******* 

We hadn't stayed up late the night before, so my body woke itself up at 7. I went downstairs and made some bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches on toast. I took them upstairs and found Gina was already in the shower. Setting the food on the bed, I dropped my robe, went into the bathroom and slid the shower door open. Gina was lathering up her hair with her back mostly to me and hadn't seemed to notice my presence.

I stood there for a moment, watching the way her ass cheeks were clenched together and her boobs jiggled as she rubbed the shampoo in. I took a step towards her and wrapped my arms around her body. My arms crossed in front of her and rested on her ribs. Gina was startled at first and squealed, then she turned her face up to mine, lips puckered. Her eyes were closed and shampoo was running down her face as I gave her a peck on the lips.

I grabbed the body wash and squirted some in my hand. Then I proceeded to rub her shoulders, her back, her arms and her stomach. I cleaned under her breasts, enjoying the weight of them in my hands. I washed between her legs and all around her ass. Gina had stopped washing her hair and was leaning back against me, arms limp at her side. When she reached up and back to wrap her arms around my neck, her breast lifted up, and I renewed my attention to them. She sighed as my hands moved slowly across her chest, up to her neck, and then back down to her mound.

I spoke softly in her ear, "Go ahead and rinse off. Breakfast is on the bed."

Eyes still closed as water ran through her hair, Gina just hummed in approval, her lips in a contented smile. I stepped out of the shower and dried off, making sure there was another dry towel in reach for Gina. As Gina got out of the shower, I went to get juice to go with our sandwiches. We sat in our towels and robes, eating breakfast, lost in our thoughts. My thoughts were steering into the dangerous waters of my insecurity, so I decided to get conversation going, hoping Gina could draw me onto some solid ground.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked.

Gina looked at me and raised her eyebrows in surprise. She had been staring at the food while chewing on a bite. Then she smiled a little shyly and said, "Nothing serious."

"All the more reason to tell me."

"I was thinking you should get one of those trays that you can use to serve breakfast in bed. That way the crumbs wouldn't be spilling off the plates like they are right now."

Unfortunately, Gina's comment had the opposite effect as I had intended. It made me think back to the tray I used to own, and I remembered 2 years earlier, serving Lynn a "morning after Valentine's Day" breakfast in bed. After we had finished eating, I had set the tray to the side, but still on the bed. Then I had lifted up the bottom of the skimpy nightie she had worn all night (it was merely decorative...and exciting) and proceeded to eat her out. I had licked her to orgasm and kept going. As she was building to a second climax, she had pulled my head up and said in a hoarse voice, "Inside me! Now! Fuck me!"

I apparently had been too slow, crawling carefully into place above her. Before I could enter her, Lynn had grabbed my shoulders and pushed me to the side, trying to get me on my back so she could mount me. But Lynn had forgotten about the tray, and her shove had pushed me right onto it. I couldn't stop or catch myself, and so with a loud crack, the whole thing had split. As it split, I had fallen through it, landing on a plate of sticky maple syrup. 

Lynn had been in a frenzy and didn't care at the time. She had pushed the broken pieces to the side, straddled my hips, and sunk down onto my shaft- before the pain of the fork in my back caused me to lose my stiffness. Lynn rode me for 3 or 4 minutes until she completed her climax. In the process, I learned that I certainly did not have a masochistic side- the pain and discomfort I experienced in no way heightened my pleasure. I had finally pushed Lynn up and off me and gotten out of bed. Once Lynn realized that I had wood shards and a fork in my back, she was horrified and apologetic. We were able to laugh about it later, and once my wounds were tended to and the sheets were in the wash, Lynn had given me a wonderful blow job as I sat in the wicker chair by our window.

Damn. This had been happening all weekend. I was with Gina, but I couldn't escape Lynn. She was everywhere, and I never noticed it before she left because she was physically present. I never noticed it after she left because there was no reason not to think about my wife while living alone in the house we had shared. It was only when I was trying to move on that I felt the anchor of my past. It was if Lynn was still there saying, "You can't replace me!"

Gina noticed my silence and asked, "What are you thinking about?"

"Tray tables," I answered, truthfully. "And my lecture for today. I hope I don't come off sounding as unprepared as I am." And with that, we picked up the plates and started getting ready for the day. Gina pulled some day clothes out of her overnight bag- they'd been in there unused the whole weekend- and put her dress and a few other things in the bag. I got shaved and dressed and packed up my computer bag. By 8:30 I was downstairs, putting dishes in the dishwasher and thinking through my schedule for the week.

I heard Gina's steps coming down the stairs. She walked over to the patio doors and closed the blinds, making it a bit darker in the room.

"Gareth, I was just packing up, and I realized we have a problem." She was standing between the dining room table and the kitchen, nervously biting her bottom lip, hands behind her back. I turned to face her and I searched her green eyes for an explanation. I was a little worried, but not even my anxiety-driven brain could imagine what kind of problem would have come up so suddenly. 

"What is it, babe?"

She started walking toward me, slowly putting one foot in front of the other so that her hips swiveled with each step. Dressed in yoga pants and a loose t-shirt that hung freely over her breasts, she looked every bit the part of a sexy, young college girl. 

"I was putting things in my bag, and I noticed that we still have one...condom...left. I don't know how we were so careless, but we're not leaving here until we've used all the condoms I brought for this weekend. I don't want to waste any." She was trying not to smile, but it must have been hard to keep a straight face when saying such a corny thing.

I glanced at the clock and tried to think it through.

"Don't look at the clock, Gareth, look at me." She had gotten to where she was standing right in front of me, my back to the kitchen counter. "It doesn't matter what time it is, you need to put this on and fuck me. I insist." She opened the pack, put the condom in my hand, and unbuckled my belt. I was surprised to feel myself reacting after such a full weekend. Even showering with her earlier hadn't gotten me hard.

As she took my bottom lip gently between her teeth, I said, "Do you want to go upstairs?"

"No. Not enough time." She spoke slowly and seductively.

"The couch?"

"No. There's no sense in us getting all undressed. We can be efficient about this." So saying, she shimmied her pants down to mid-thigh and walked over to the counter next to me. She bent over the counter and exposed her ass to me. In contrast to her dark pants and shirt, the skin of her butt cheeks looked creamy white. I couldn't help but run a hand along its curve.

"No time for that, Gareth. You have a job to do. Now hurry up and fuck...my....pussy."

This was not the way she'd been acting all weekend, and I knew it was mostly playful, but it was still odd to hear. My cock, however, did not care that it was odd. I slipped the condom on and stood behind her, squatting down a little to line up with her entrance. As I slowly got my tip seated inside her folds, Gina said in a soft voice, her normal voice, "Hard, Gareth, do it hard this time. I want it to echo inside me for a few days, I want to sit in class tonight tingling from the feeling of this. Don't hold back."

Not willing to give her the full force of what she was asking for, I still pushed in faster and harder than usual. It still took a few thrusts to get inside all the way. Gina moaned and gripped the counter top. "Hard, Gareth. As hard and as fast as you want to."

I tilted my head and said with resignation, "OK...but tell me to stop if it hurts." Pulling out halfway, I pushed as hard as I could. It felt better than I had expected. Gina grunted. I started pumping her at a moderate pace, speeding up as her juices made it easier. My pants slipped to the ground and I stepped out of them. Gina's much tighter pants stayed in place, and only her ass and pussy were exposed to me.

I felt her breast through her shirt, then snaked one hand under her shirt and sports bra. I soon found that it was a lot easier to just hold her hips. My upward thrusts started forcing her to her tip-toes, and sometimes I even lifted her off the ground, only for her to be dropped down again when I pulled back.

Gina was grunting and emitting nasal moans the whole time. She moved one hand down the front of her pants and started rubbing.

"Do you like it hard?' I asked between grunts, my breath speeding up.

"Sometimes," she said breathily. "But no more talking right now. Just fucking."

I was getting close, so I happily complied. This position was new to us, and as I held deep inside her, I could feel a different part of her walls pressing on my tip. Gina cried out softly when I pushed against it. After a few deep thrusts, I started doing just half thrusts. I felt like I would come at any second. I held off just a little longer, sensing from her frantic rubbing that Gina was close. Her lips were pressed shut, holding back agitated moans.

"Are you close, baby?" I asked, hoping the answer was yes.

"Almost..."

I did a few quick thrusts then held deep, grinding against her. That seemed to set her off and she fell forward onto the counter, crying out. Knowing she was cumming was all I needed to push in a few more times and release. I felt deeper inside her at this angle, and I loved shifting down so that the underside of my pulsing cock was pressed against her pubic bone. I could feel the throbbing of each squirt against that hardness inside her body.

I held inside her as we both quivered and trembled. Once I was sure I was done, I grabbed around my base and pulled out. Gina put a hand on my butt cheek to hold me in, moaning, "Nooooo...it's not over yet." 

"Sorry, love, I'm getting soft. You took everything I have in me this weekend. Any more and it might fall off."

She sighed and stood up. Not bothering to pull up her pants, she buried her face in my chest and wrapped her arms around my back. Softer Gina was back. "I don't want to leave," she said into my arm.

I cupped her exposed bottom and agreed. "It's not the end, Gina. I'll see you again soon."

"I know, but it won't be the same. I don't want to go back to worrying about who will see us and all that. It's...it's no fun."

"Well...maybe it won't always be that way."

She leaned back and looked in my eyes. Her face told me she knew that was unrealistic, for a long time at least. Our lips met for one more kiss before we got our pants back on. We made it out the door by 9, and I dropped her off at her apartment. She knew not to kiss me in the car, even though we both wanted to. 

I made it through my lecture but was distracted the whole time. At first I was thinking about what Gina had told me about the girls in my class, noticing for the first time how disproportionate the gender balance was. But what really distracted me was thinking that having sex with Gina at my house might eventually hurt our relationship, because somehow Lynn kept showing up in my memories. I was trying to think of a way to explain to Gina that we shouldn't be at my house- the one place we could still be ourselves.

******* 

Gina and I jogged together twice that week, our routes overlapping for about 3 miles. We didn't change our routes, because by not starting or ending together, we could pass it off as coincidence if anyone saw us together. We couldn't talk much while jogging, but it was nice to just see her and feel connected. It was also nice to know that she was happy to see me. I hadn't seen that light in Lynn's eyes for a long time.

Our weekend together had gotten her behind in some classes, so she spent a few days catching up. We didn't meet again until Saturday evening. We drove far out into the suburbs and played a chilly game of mini-golf. Gina laughed a lot, which made me laugh. I felt younger and more carefree. After golf, we got tacos and talked about all sorts of benign things. 

Once we had finished eating and were just sitting at the table talking, Gina smiled at me and said, "My bag is in your trunk again..."

I looked at her in wonder- "How do you manage to do that without me seeing?"

She let out a joyful laugh and said, "See if you can ever figure it out!"

I narrowed my eyes and said, "I'll be watching you..."

"You'll be watching me anyways, admit it." Then she wiggled in her seat, smacking her hip and saying in a sing-song voice, "Because you... can't... get... enough of this... booo-taaay!" I didn't know if that was some pop song I had never heard or if she was making it up. Either way, she was adorable.

"So, ready to go? Back to your place for the night? I'm ready to hit the hay," she said, wrinkling her nose at her tease.

I didn't feel like it was the right time and place to talk about my growing discomfort with having her at my house. I wondered if that evening or the next day would provide an opportunity to talk seriously about it. 

"Sure. I can get the guest bedroom all set up for you- I guess I can work on my book while you sleep."

She laughed and threw her straw at me. It bounced off my chest and landed on the tray with all the other trash. I stood up and gave her my hand to help her up. Then we walked arm in arm to the car.

******* 

It was still early when we got back- not quite 8pm. I put some jazz music on the living room stereo and poured a couple glasses of wine. We sat together on the couch- me on the end and Gina curled up to my side. It reminded me a little of our New Year's Eve make-out. I started to remember a different time on that couch, with Jazz music playing and wine in my hand and Lynn crying on my shoulder about a friend of hers who had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. We had talked about death and loss and...

Again I found myself having to force my attention back to Gina. It wasn't that I didn't care about her or want to be with her. It was just that in unguarded moments, when my mind would wander, all the stimuli in the house would turn my thoughts towards Lynn. I thought maybe I should talk to Gina about it, but then a selfish part of me said to wait until after we had sex at least once, because she'll probably get pissed off and not want to be with me after that.

Gina began talking, telling me about a time when she was eight or nine and found a bottle of wine in the fridge at home. Thinking it was Kool-Aid, she used it to have a pretend tea party with some other girls in the neighborhood. They had each had one or two teacups of the sweet wine when her brother, who has a teenager, saw the bottle sitting out. He found Gina and the girls and dumped out their drinks. He led them to the living room, put on a movie and gave them all water. Gina and her friends fell asleep for the afternoon, and they all went home with headaches. When her parents got home they asked what happened to the wine, and her brother said he and his friends had taken it. He got grounded for a month that summer.

As Gina was talking, I rubbed her arm and neck with the backs of my fingers. Her voice was getting sad as she ended the story. She handed her nearly empty glass to me and I set it next to mine on the end table. Then Gina put her head on my chest and pulled her legs up close. I pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over us. She closed her eyes and patted around my lap until she found my hand. Pulling it towards her mouth, she kissed my knuckles and then held my hand next to her face. 

We stayed like that for a while. The CD reached the end and started over. I may have drifted off for a few minutes once or twice. When I was awake, I would think about the future. I resolved to talk to a lawyer and find out my options regarding Lynn. Surely there was such a thing as "abandonment" as grounds for divorce? If Lynn were officially, legally out of my life, just as she was physically and practically gone, then maybe I could start to move on. 

I also considered completely re-doing the house, making it look so entirely different that it would be like being in a new place. New furniture, new pictures, new paint, new appliances. Air it out, remove the lingering aroma of the past.

And as I thought through those options and possibilities, part of me still missed Lynn- the Lynn of the first 5 years of our marriage, not the last year. I knew that these decisions and choices would be much harder if Lynn was there, but her absence left me little alternative. I didn't think I was "settling" for Gina, not by any stretch of the imagination. But Gina would never have been an option, she wouldn't have been on my radar even, if Lynn had still been in the picture. 

I looked at the hand Gina was holding. I still wore my wedding ring. Part of me said that it was just to avoid uncomfortable questions from people at work. But I knew that it also represented a sliver of hope that what Lynn and I once had together, we would have again. As much as I loved Gina and wanted her in my future, I wasn't confident that she felt the same about me. She was at an age where romances come and go, where the idea of love is more attractive than love itself. I feared I was just a fling for her. But Lynn and I had committed to be together for the rest of our lives. That was a hard commitment to shake.




A Heart Divided Ch. 04



The CD ended again, and as it started at the beginning for the third time, I turned it off and patted Gina's shoulder. "Let's go up to bed," I suggested softly. She groggily lifted her head, held onto the blanket, and walked with me up the stairs. I pulled off my jeans and shirt before climbing in bed, but Gina just lay down as she was. She was asleep in seconds. I put an arm around her and wasn't far behind.

******* 

When I woke up, Gina and I had switched places- she was behind me, spooning. I felt her soft skin against my back and realized she must have gotten up at some point in the night and taken off her clothes. The feel of her thighs against the backs of mine told me that she had taken off her pants, too. One arm was wrapped around me and resting on my stomach. I put my hand on top of hers and yawned, gently rubbing her fingers. Would I someday put a ring on that hand? Probably not, I thought sadly. Though I could see her in my future, I didn't think she could see me in hers.

After a few minutes, I reluctantly rolled away from her and used the bathroom. The motion of me getting back under the sheets must have disturbed her. As I lay on my back, Gina sleepily rolled towards me and kissed my cheek. "You're too nice," she said. Then she slipped a leg across my stomach and her hips followed. Sliding her folds down, she found my crotch and started rubbing herself against it. My morning wood was gone, but now true arousal was coming to life in my cock.

As I hardened, Gina did slow motions forward and back until I could feel her wetness spreading onto my shaft. We were both sighing and moaning, neither of us fully awake, but awake enough to slip into the mechanics of love-making. "I had a dream about sex with you," she mumbled.

Once we could hear the sound of her wetness smacking against me, Gina shifted her hips around and got my tip inside her slit. With a gentle, appreciative groan, she pushed down and took me all the way in. Once I was fully seated, she put her head down on my shoulder and said dreamily, "I wanted to have sex last night."

"No, you wanted to fall asleep and drool on my shirt last night," I teased.

"I didn't...!" She lifted her head sharply to look at me. When she saw I serious but not angry, she put her head back down and said, "OK, maybe I was too tired. But you could have woken me up."

"I did wake you up. I woke you up and told you to come to bed."

"Like I said, Gareth, you're too nice."

"You needed to sleep. Sex can wait." Then groaning at the feel of her beginning to slide me in and out, I added, "It's worth the wait."

Gina kissed my neck and wrapped her arms around my back. We held each other in a lovers embrace, limbs wrapped to hold as much of the other as we could. Her vagina wrapped around my penis, squeezing my member even more tightly than her arms squeezed my chest. We moved slowly, but that didn't keep our passions from rising. 

Something about that time with Gina felt different, special, more intimate than all the times last weekend. I started thrusting up into her, ready to reach my own climax. Maybe it was short the time apart that made this feel different. Maybe it was our growing intimacy. Maybe it was that we weren't furiously trying to work through a whole box of...

Condoms. I stopped moving. Gina didn't. I could tell she was getting closer, too.

"Gina...Gina, you have to stop." 

She kept going and mumbled into the pillow, "Not yet, Gare. I'm getting close. It feels so good right now."

"I know Gina, but we don't have a condom."

That was enough to stop her and wake her the res of the way up. She held still a few seconds and then said softly, "Can you hold it for a couple minutes? I'm really getting close."

"No, there's no way- I'm too close and you're too sexy. You're...you're not on the pill or anything, right?" It was strange to me that we hadn't talked about that at all. I hadn't been sure if the condoms were just for health or also for birth control.

"No, I'm not on the pill yet." Pulling off with a frustrated sigh, she asked, "Do you have any around the house? I've got some, but they're in the bag in your trunk." I realized I should buy a box for the house and one for the car- for wherever we ended up once I exiled us from the house.

"No, Lynn and I never used them." We lay there for a short minute until I said, "Let me help you finish."

"Go wash your thing off, and we can help each other at the same time," she said, rolling onto her back. I got off the bed and ran to the bathroom. Grabbing a washcloth, I cleaned off my cock and then rubbed it down with some tingly mouthwash- something that made it more interesting for both of us.

As I walked back to the bed, Gina was moving her jaw left and right in a funny way. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Stretching...getting ready," she said, matter-of-factly. I rolled my eyes and chuckled. "Should I be doing some calisthenics with my tongue?"

"Hey, if you don't want to warm up properly, don't blame me if you get a tongue cramp."

"Tongue cramp?"

"It's a joke. I actually had a guy try to say that once- that he couldn't go down on me after I had just blown him because he had gotten a tongue cramp when we were kissing."

"You're shitting me."

"True story. Happened last year. Those were the last words I ever let him say to me."

I shook my head in disbelief, climbing onto the bed and spreading Gina's thighs with my hands. She lightly pushed my shoulder and said, "Get on your back, it'll be easier."

I rolled onto my back and gasped as Gina took me all the way into her mouth without warning. After I recovered from the initial shock, I helped her move her knee over my face and back onto the bed. She slowly lowered her pussy to my mouth, freezing when she first felt my tongue. Gina lifted her mouth off of me and said, "Did you put mouthwash on here?"

"Yeah, you like?"

"It's different...yeah...smells and tastes nice." Then she took me back into her mouth and began bobbing slowly.

"Well I've got one more surprise for you, then." I reached over to my side where I had left a small rectangular tin that I had brought from the bathroom. Popping a mint in my mouth, I went to work on her folds. I use my fingers to pull her lips open, then I rubbed the mint along her entrance with my tongue. After a few second of that, Gina shivered and pulled up to ask, "What...the hell...was that?"

"A mint. Does it feel nice?" 

"It feels so weird...do it again!" I rubbed the mint around her folds and Gina shivered again. "Where did you get that idea?"

"Keep blowing me and I'll tell you," I joked. Gina nibbled my tip playfully, then continued sucking my length. While I talked, I rubbed her clit with my fingertips.

"My brother. I usually don't talk to him about sex, since he's, you know, married to my sister. But we had been drinking and the topic of sex came up, and one of us, I think it was me, made a joke where the punchline had to do with a woman who had a weird smell down there. Anyway, he got all serious and said, 'Man, I know what that's like. Some days it can be bad, amiright? But if you just put a mint on your tongue, it helps, and it feels cool for her, too.' So I tried it, just to see. Lynn liked it."

Pulling most of the way up, Gina asked, "and the mouthwash?"

By then I was feeling close and didn't want to keep talking. But Gina stopped moving, so I said quickly, "Lynn doesn't want to taste herself- it cleans me off. Now c'mon...I'm close!"

Gina went to work, and I started using the mint on her clit. Gina had been squirming and moaning onto my cock before, but once the tingling mint touched her clit, she went to the next level. Feeling my own climax approaching, I tried to push Gina towards hers so that she could finish first. I flattened my tongue and pressed it down on her clit, then slipped one finger inside her entrance. Gina flinched at that and then pushed back towards me. 

She released me from her mouth and started whimpering. Her breathing got louder and faster, her hips pushing back against my tongue and fingers. I slowly moved my finger around inside her, then started moving it in and out. Her noises became frantic, high pitched moans. Then with no warning, she reached down and pushed my hand away. 

Crawling towards my feet, she grabbed my cock and impaled herself on it. She didn't move up and down (thank God, because there's no way I couldn't have held back, watching her ass in front of me), she just pushed down as far as she could get and started rubbing her clit. It only took a few seconds for her to cum, her body jerking forward so that she had to put a hand on the headboard to stay upright. She cried out in wordless joy, voice rising and falling with each spasm of her body.

"aaAAAHHHhhhh! ... mmmMAAAHHhhh ...oooaAAHHHhhh...

I groaned at the feeling of her smooth, hot walls clenching my staff. I knew that with just two or three thrusts I could be cumming inside her, but I held still. It was one of the greatest exercises of self-restraint I had demonstrated in my life.

I raised my hands to her back and started rubbing up and down. That brought goosebumps to her skin and moans of appreciation. Gina's whole upper body was moving up and down with her breaths as she descended from her peak. She put her hands on my thighs and pulled off. 

"Gina, I'm really close...that was so hot."

She lazily moved back down to the bed, putting her mouth next to my crotch. "I'm wiped out, Gareth. Just go ahead and use my mouth. I'll smack your leg if I need you to stop," she said, giving me a few light pats on the thigh.

She took me all the way into her mouth and just held there, wrapping her fingers around the base. I put my hands on her head to hold it still and started thrusting up into her. It took me less than a minute to get there, releasing my load into her mouth. Gina squeezed lightly with her fingers, increasing the sensation at my base and coaxing a stronger cum out of me. I let her pull her head up a bit as I came, and my load covered her tongue. I felt her swirling around my tip with her tongue, then she pulled all the way off and swallowed. I still had my hands on her head, and I began running my fingers through her thick brown hair. 

"My God, Gina, that felt good. Thank you."

"I usually don't like tasting myself, either, but since you were so close, I figured, what the hell."

"I didn't hurt you or anything, did I? It's hard to hold back at the end."

"No...I mean it's not comfortable to have a cock poking the back of your throat, but I knew you wouldn't hurt me on purpose."

I continued to stroke her hair as she rested her head on my stomach. She was facing my softening member and was tracing her fingers along it. She seemed to be thinking aloud.

"Gareth, remember last week, in the kitchen, in the morning..."

"Yes. Yes, I definitely remember that." I thought back to her white ass sticking out from her otherwise clothed body as she told me to fuck her hard and fast against the counter.

"You asked if I liked it hard, and I was too far into it to really answer you." 

I remembered her face leaning back to find mine, her eyes closed, her lips slightly parted, her breathing rapid. "You said, 'Sometimes.'"

"Yeah. It's just that...sometimes it feels good to be taken like that- to know that you're driving a guy so crazy with desire that he almost turns into an animal. But that's a scary thing, too, because if a guy loses control..." She drifted off and continued caressing my shaft, moving down to include my balls.

"So even though I like it hard sometimes, I can only do it if I trust the guy...a lot. I would never let just any guy have permission to use my mouth without me controlling it. But I trust you. I know you're not going to hurt me...you'll take care of me...I like that."

I told her to come up next to me, and she curled up under my arm. I kissed the top of her head and said, "I love you, Gina." 

She responded with a light squeeze and a gentle kiss to my jaw.

*******

After breakfast, we talked about plans for the day. The weather forecast was good- unseasonably mild and clear- so we decided to take a nature walk. There was a church a few miles out of town, and it shared grounds with a conference and retreat center. They had a lake with a path, and it was open to the public, though few people knew about it. The walk was only 4 miles long, but it had nice stopping points and scenic spots, and on a quiet day, you could usually see deer and other wildlife. 

We packed a lunch and headed out in the late morning, and when we arrived I realized that it was Sunday, so the church parking lot was nearly full. But that also meant that no one, from the church at least, would be on the trail.

It was nice to walk hand-in-hand, not worrying about being seen. The temperature was a bit cooler in the shaded areas, but parts of the path were along the lake in the sun, and we lingered at those spots. Gina had grabbed some bread to feed ducks and fish, so we sat by the shore, leisurely talking to each other and to the ducks. I tried but couldn't remember the last time Lynn and I had done anything so calm and playful.

There was a field halfway through the trail. The grass in it was tall and yellow that time of year. We wandered a few dozen yards off the path to find a place with lower grass and level ground for a picnic. I spread out the blanket and Gina pulled out the food and drinks. We had eaten a big breakfast, so our lunch was small- just enough to keep us going for a few more hours.

We chit-chatted and shared stories now and then, but we also passed much of the meal in comfortable silence. At one point a small group of birds flew up out of the grass 50 yards away. Later, we could see a rabbit hopping past. It stopped and sniffed the air, then moved along.

After we had finished our food, we lay down on our backs, looking up at the sky. A few white clouds moved slowly along, and the tops of some trees were in our periphery. Otherwise, it was just endless blue.

"I wonder what it would be like to have a big skylight over my bed," I mused.

"I'd never leave it."

I chuckled, "Well, I guess you'd also be preferable to missionary position every time."

Silence again. Then Gina asked, "Did you bring any condoms?"

"No. They're still in your bag, which I think I saw you put in the house. I plan to get some, though- you shouldn't be the one buying them." Then processing her question, I turned my head to the side to look at her. "You mean you would...out here?"

Gina shrugged, still watching the cloud that was moving away from us. "I might. It's private enough...and we could hurry."

I looked back up and shook my head. "Unbelievable," I said to myself. Gina chuckled and reached over for my hand. I wanted it to go on and on, I wanted to believe that this is what my life would be like. I tried not to think that it was more likely that Gina would move on in a few months, maybe over the summer, and I would be alone again. Or perhaps Lynn would show up and all hell would break loose. Or maybe Gina and I would stay together and be happy for a few years until she got tired of me. Then this happiness would become a memory. 

I didn't know why I couldn't just stop thinking and worrying for a minute and just enjoy things. 

But Gina's hand squeezed mine and brought my mind back to the moment. I wiggled a little closer to her, encouraging her to let me put my arm under her. We lay there until the inactivity started to make us feel chilly, then we packed up and walked back to the car. We passed a few people on the trail, but the parking lot was nearly empty when we got there.

As we drove back, I asked, "Do you want us to go back to your place for a change? Are your roommates gone for the weekend?"

Gina looked over at me, but I kept my eyes on the road. "Nooo...One of them went home for the weekend, but the other one is around. She might be working right now, but she'll be home eventually. Why'd you suggest that?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Something different?"

"Doofus," she teased.

"What? It wasn't a bad suggestion."

"Just take us back to your place if you want to get laid today, OK?"

I smiled and thought for a minute. "Gina, we need more days like today."

"What, you means starting and ending with sex and having a little picnic in between?"

"No..well...actually that sounds nice...but no. I mean...getting out, taking it easy, not just staying in the house when we're together. Because...I really like making love to you and being physical, but I don't want you to think that that's all I see in you. I don't want my house to be some love shack where I bring my sexy coed on the weekends."

"You could have me over during the week, too..." she smiled.

"I'm serious, Gina."

"I know, and I appreciate it...really, I do. But I'm OK with how things are right now. I know you're not taking advantage of me and that you...care about me. And I like getting out like this. It's nice. Maybe as the weather warms up, we can get out more. But in the meantime, I don't mind spending as much time as we can spare in your little love shack. And we've only been having sex for a week- it's not like we're in a rut or anything, right?"

We left it at that and talked about what to do with the rest of the day. We agreed that a movie, pizza delivery, and sex should all be on the agenda, though not necessarily in that order. We got back to the house, laughing over a story Gina was telling about her job at the campus parking department. As we walked in the door, Gina was slipping her arms under her shirt and wiggling around. I followed her with my eyes and saw her hands reemerge with her bra, which she dropped on the floor by the stairs. 

She saw me staring at her and said, "It just feels too restraining after a while. I thought I'd air the girls out a bit." She was at a young enough age where taking off her bra only meant that the outline of her firm breasts and especially her nipples was visible through her shirt. I glanced up the stairs and was going to suggest heading that way when Gina walked to the TV and said, "I'm picking the movie this time." I said I would order the pizza and pulled out my phone.

Once everything was set, I sat down on the couch and Gina lay down with her feet on my lap. The movie didn't interest me- it was one Lynn had bought and watched on her own. Romantic dramas didn't float my boat- they seemed too over-the-top filled with drama. And you always knew the main characters would end up together, so there was a significant tension missing from the story's development. But Gina, like Lynn, seemed to eat it up. 

I had been rubbing Gina's feet and calves, and during one slow scene of the movie, I asked her, "What is it that you like about these movies? I don't get it. You know they end up together, right?" 

"Yeah, that's usually the case, but it's not like a mystery where you watch it trying to figure out what will happen. It's how it happens that matters, how their relationship gets through the obstacles that makes the story. Some writers seem to like to make things as bleak as possible, just so the resolution feels even more like a triumph. I think it makes some people feel like- if they can overcome that, then anything is possible in my relationship, which isn't nearly that bad."

Gina was smart. I liked that. She had insight that I had never considered. It was hard to keep in mind that she was a student- she thought and behaved much differently. And I wondered if what she had just shared had some bearing on our situation. Would we be like the heroes who make it through? I didn't know how we would, but it might make a good story if we did.




A Heart Divided Ch. 04



The ringing of the doorbell interrupted my thoughts. I brought the pizza and some sodas to the coffee table. Gina had pulled a blanket over herself, and I patted her legs to tell her to make room for me. She didn't move, but instead asked, "Is the pizza hot?"

"Yeah, oven fresh, why?"

"Lie down with me first. We can eat in a little bit."

I shrugged and crawled onto the couch behind her. There was enough room for us to spoon if I kept her close to me. Gina adjusted the blanket to cover me and I got settled behind her. I propped my head up on one hand and slipped the other one under her shirt and onto her stomach. We watched the movie like that, with me making small circles around her belly. When I remembered that she had taken her bra off earlier, I moved my hand up to caress her breasts, which were rising and falling with her even breaths. Not very interested in the movie, I played with her nipples a bit, teasing them until they stood out. Gina began wiggling a little against me.

At one point, Gina put her hand under the blanket and found my hand as it rubbed her breasts. She moved it down, away from her chest, down past her stomach, and onto her uncovered ass. Letting go of my hand, she let the realization hit me that she had nothing on below her waist. I quickly moved my hand to her pussy just to make sure.

"Surprise!" she said happily. Then added, "I thought we could multi-task. Movie and sex makes better use of our time."

"You're amazing," I muttered while pulling off my sweatpants. I tossed them on the floor and guided my stiffening cock in between her legs. She tightened her thighs and we moved around a little bit like that. When it was clear that we were both more than ready for me to be inside her, Gina reached her arms over the edge of the couch to the end table. From under a magazine, she pulled out a condom packet.

"Seriously?!" I said, amazed. "You're like a ninja with those things! Did you do all that while I was getting the pizza?" She had opened the condom and was rolling it onto my shaft, which was peeking out from between her legs. 

"No- I took off my pants then. But the condom has been there since we got back- while you were on the phone ordering pizza."

I think what I liked so much about that was knowing that Gina was planning opportunities for sex. It just made it so clear that she wanted me. And being wanted was what I most wanted.

Gina was grunting as she maneuvered my cock around her entrance. She lifted a leg up in the air to make entrance easier, but it still took a minute. I held onto her thigh, keeping her leg up while I started pushing in. We groaned together as I sank as far in as I could get from that position. From experience (with Lynn, though I tried not to think about it), I knew to pull the coffee table a little closer. That way Gina could put her feet on it to stabilize herself if she needed to.

"Now, get that hand back to where it was earlier," she ordered, lifting up the bottom of her shirt. I adjusted so that I could put an arm under her and rest my head on the side of the couch. Massaging her breasts and shoulders, I didn't begin thrusting. The movie was still going, and it had reached the main love scene, where the two main characters finally spend the night together. There were candles and other strange lighting, swelling orchestra music, lots of different camera angles, and the whole thing almost made me laugh. Sex had never been like that- so pristine and pure and perfect. 

And yet sex, for me, was much better than that. Even what Gina and I were doing in that moment- pizza and sodas in front of us, the sound of the leather couch complaining against our movements, the occasional slurp or other noise- it was real. It was sex that didn't need a fantasy setting or a soundtrack, or perfect bodies (though in Gina's case, we had that). But Gina was enjoying watching the scene unfold, and her hand was busy on her clit.

"Keep rubbing my tits," she said, panting. "Oh my God, I didn't expect this..." She was gasping and pushing back against me. All I had to do was rub her breast and make sure I was pushing forward enough to stay inside her. Gina seemed to be on pace to reach a climax at the same time as the movie characters, who would of course climax together. 

"Oh God...Oh God...Gareth, touch my nipples..." The woman's breast rose against the light of a fire in the background, and a strong hand covered it. I mimicked the motion with my hand.

Gina's eyes closed. "HMMmmf ... nnNGH ...OH GODmmmMMM!!!"

Sure enough, as the faces of the on-screen lovers showed them artfully climaxing in each other's arms, Gina cried out and found her own release. I used one arm to hold her by the waist, making sure she didn't fall off the couch as she shook and convulsed. You only had to make that mistake once- Lynn's cum had once been interrupted when she fell off the couch, and she had a hard time getting to another climax that night. Not that I minded trying again and again, but her frustration had put her in a bad mood.

I held on to Gina as she trembled and clenched and moaned and writhed. Her legs extended then curled up again, moving the blanked all around. She turned her head back to me and pulled me in for a kiss, breaking contact every few seconds when she would moan again, her walls squeezing me.

When she was done and recovering, I pulled the blanket back up over us and thrust once gently to test her reaction. She put her hand under the blanket and on my bare cheek, saying, "Take your time, or go fast, whatever you want, babe. I'm good. God, do I feel good."

"Do you want me to go slow and see if you've got more in you?"

Smiling and squeezing me tight in her pussy, she said, "I think I'd got enough in me right now. And I'm getting hungry. But it's not even dark yet, so don't worry- you've got me aaalllll night, here in your love shack."

I kissed her lips once, then rested my head on the couch. Gina turned to watch the movie while I enjoyed a leisurely screw. I kept pushing into her fast enough to keep hard, but no faster. She would laugh at the funny parts, which made her walls squeeze a little. I started to wonder if we should try this with a comedy next time. 

After about 15 minutes, I was done with the slow pace and decided that pizza was smelling better and better. I kept my arm under her, gripping her breast, and with my other hand I held her waist. I warned her that I was going to speed up, and she picked up the remote to pause the movie. 

With such a long build-up, I didn't need to do much to get to the edge. Gina put her hand over her clit, rubbing in time with my thrusts. Even though I was on the edge, it was difficult to get over, and my thrusts became harder, faster, less considerate. My face was next to Gina's ears, and I was breathing loud, the sound of the spit collecting in my mouth noisy and primal. Gina cried out as I pushed harder into her, the sound of my hips hitting her ass loud and and sharp. 

My mind flashed back to the time with Lynn right before she left, when I took her from behind and was intentionally rough. The feeling of power over her, the feeling of having this body at my disposal, for my pleasure, that feeling set me off. I growled as I pushed one last time into her, pulling her hard against me. I heard Gina cry out and clench her legs, and I pulled back to thrust again. As I finished cumming, my body was tense and tight, still forcing Gina's body hard against me. 

Eventually, I was able to relax and start breathing normally. I held her gently around the waist and buried my face in her hair. "That was...intense," I said. "It wasn't too much, was it?" I was worried I may have hurt her at the end.

Gina laughed softly, "No, babe. I came with you at the end. You were like an animal."

I breathed a sigh, then pulled out with the condom on. We got cleaned up and dug into the pizza, Gina starting the movie again. The plot seemed too predictable, even for the genre. Two-thirds of the way through and the couple seemed like they had overcome their obstacles and would end up together. But then he got killed in a car wreck- I guess that was the "drama" part of the romantic drama. I was suddenly a bit more interested in the story. However, to my surprise, Gina picked up the remote and abruptly turned the movie off.

"I'm kind of done with this, OK?" It wasn't really a question. We had both finished eating, and she stood up to take the extra pizza to the fridge. It was then that I noticed that she still had nothing on below her waist. I got up and followed her to the kitchen, picking her pants up off the floor and bringing them with me. 

"Gina...can we talk about something?"

She was tapping her foot nervously as she looked in the fridge. "Can we have sex while we talk?" she said, somewhat playfully, but in earnest.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. We had just finished...

"I think I need a little time to recharge. And I want to talk about something serious first."

Gina gave me a fake pout. "I can be serious while we have sex. I've already got my pants off, Gareth. We're halfway there!"

"Well let's talk first and then see if you still want to have sex with me after."

Gina stopped playing around and gave me a concerned look. Taking her pants from my outstretched hand, she put them on and sat at the kitchen table. I sliced an apple to share while we talked. Gina asked in a serious voice, "You've heard from Lynn, haven't you."

Sitting down and pushing the apples towards her, I said, "No...not that. Not yet, at least. All's quiet on that front. But it does have to do with...her."

Gina sat back and stared at me, her expression worried, maybe a bit resigned, expecting the worst.

"Gina, I...I've told you I love you. I really mean it. And making love to you, well, it's perfect. It's not just sex for me, it's...it's a natural expressing of our relationship."

She looked to the side and seemed to be looking around the room.

"But it's been hard having you here...here in the house."

She turned to look at me with a confused expression.

"Everywhere I go in this house, everywhere I look- it's Lynn. I can't get her out of my head when we're here. You have to understand, there's 9 years of history with her, 7 of those years in this very house. Every corner, every piece of furniture, everything reminds me of her. I can't...I can't even make a piece of toast without remembering the shopping trip we took to buy that toaster, and the silly argument over whether to get one with 2 or 4 slots."

"So get a new god damn toaster, Gareth! I'll buy one for you!" Gina was, understandably, upset.

"It's not that simple, Gina. It's not just the toaster. It's the bed, the couch, the stairs, the artwork, the shower. We'll be lying in bed, you sleeping in my arms, and I catch sight of the window blinds and remember a story. Or the light fixture. Or...or everything. It's fucked up, Gina. Really fucked up." I had wanted to stay calm, but I was getting angry- not at Gina or at Lynn or even myself. Just angry.

"I can't even have a simple meal here with the woman I love without my ex-wife getting in my head! She never really left...she's left the house but she hasn't left here!" I said, tapping the side of my head.

"And it didn't bother me before, because I was alone. And it didn't matter that she was still haunting me. Back then I thought my only hope for happiness was if or when Lynn came back." I started choking up a little. "But you changed that Gina. You showed me that Lynn wasn't my only chance. And what makes me so angry about all this is that it's not fair to you. I want to be thinking about you and making memories with you. When we're making love, I don't want to suddenly be reminded of why Lynn insisted on buying a certain style of pillow for our bed. I want to be with you. Not just with my body, but with...with all of me."

Gina was scowling and bouncing her leg impatiently. "So now what? It's not like you're going to move, right? Are you saying you have to choose between me and the house?"

Getting past the tears that had tried to assert themselves, I got back onto my script. "No...not at all. I choose you Gina. Hands down, it's you. But I don't think we can keep spending so much time here. It's messing with my head and it's not fair to you."

"Phrase it how you want. It sounds to me like you're saying you don't want me here." God, she was twisting my meanings. I hated when Lynn would do that- twist my words to make them mean something I never intended, and then get angry at me for something I had never said or meant. And here Gina was doing the same thing. I tried to control my temper- with Lynn it had gotten to where I would just storm out whenever she started skewing things and making accusations.

"It's not that I don't want you here. It's...it's that I don't want to be here without you."

"Well it's not like we have a lot of options, professor! My place is out. What are we going to do- rent hourly rooms at cheap hotels? Or are you going to get another apartment to house your mistress?"

Wow. I guess this was our first real argument, and I was seeing a nasty side to Gina. I had expected some vitriol, though. That or else tears. I continued.

"I have some ideas. First, I think we should spend next weekend at a nice hotel. Really nice. My treat. I'm a practically single man making enough money to support a family, so it's not a big deal. We'll go somewhere and be free to be a couple the whole time. And we'll spoil ourselves with spa treatments, and room service, and anything else we want."

"I'm not a gold-digger, Gareth. I don't want you to buy time with me." 

"I'm not. We can got to a cheap motel if you prefer. I just want us to get away and be somewhere that is special for just us. Somewhere that Lynn's memory won't get between us. Somewhere that we can be free to be together- at dinner, dancing, swimming, whatever."

"Well, that's one idea. I think I could be persuaded. What else are you thinking?" I was glad to see she was not completely rejecting me yet.

"Well, your half-marathon is coming up in April. I thought I could take a few days off and we could make a long weekend of it."

"That would be nice- but you'd mostly be giving me leg rubs. You know that, right?" She was definitely softening.

"And here's the thing. I need to get used to the idea that Lynn might not ever be coming back. I'm going to see a lawyer this week to start that process. And...I think I can start giving this place a make-over."

Gina raised one eyebrow in disbelief and crunched an apple slice in her mouth.

"Really. Like- new furniture and appliances, take down all the pictures and put up new ones..." I looked at her hopefully, "Make some new ones. Repaint, even get the bathroom and kitchen redone."

"Can I throw the toaster out the window?"

"When the time comes, you may personally chuck it out the window and into the street."

"Thank you."

"But that's a big step...no, not the toaster...the home...make-over. So first I need to get the legal aspect of my marriage worked out. So these ideas- hotels, blankets by the lake..." Gina's eyes lit up a little at that suggestion, "they're just temporary measures. I don't know how long you're planning to stick with me, Gina, but I'm prepared to make some longer-term decisions."

At the mention of long-term plans, Gina looked away. "I can't promise you anything, Gareth. Don't make any decisions based on me. But it sounds like you need to do these things for yourself, anyway, if you're ever going to be happy again."

"I am happy, Gina. Oh! And there's one more thing." I hopped up to get a flyer from a cabinet drawer. I had intentionally saved this for last. "I wasn't planning on going to this, but now it's starting to look like a good idea."

Gina read from the flyer. "International Symposium on Hotel Art? Gareth, that sounds like the most boring event in the world. You would actually go to this?" 

I laughed, "I think they invite every art professor and author and expert in the world, hoping a few will show up. It looks boring as hell, even for me. And even if I went, I would probably skip most of it."

"Why are you showing me this?"

"It's next month, during the school's spring break. It's in Key West. My flight, room, and meals are reimbursable as a business expense if I agree to speak at a seminar there. I wondered if you had any plans, because I'd be happy to pay for your flight. You'd have to pretend to be my wife for the week, but I don't think that'll be a problem."

"Spring break...in Key West...together?" She asked in disbelief.

"That's the offer. If you're not too mad at me for banishing us from the house. And if you...you know, don't have any other plans."

Gina jumped up and gave an uncharacteristic squeal. Still gripping the flyer, she climbed onto my lap and covered me with kisses.

"Now can we have sex?" she asked.

"Yes, baby. Now, you may have sex with me." She playfully swatted my shoulder, then led the way upstairs for the night. 



A Heart Divided Ch. 05



We finished out that weekend with a little bit of tension. Gina still didn't understand that my discomfort in the house was not out of guilt. It was because I couldn't be with just Gina in the house. Lynn kept popping up in my head. We had another small argument about it, but in the end she said she would try hard to just trust me on this, even though it sucked. 

I sought out a lawyer to talk privately about divorce. Explaining the situation (while omitting any mention of Gina), I asked about my options. He explained that, while abandonment is grounds for divorce, it's hard to demonstrate that such is the case when I had made no effort to contact Lynn. That she had asked me not to call her made little difference at this point. So we discussed all my options and next steps, the first of which was to contact Lynn. I wasn't ready to do that yet, so I pocketed the information for a few weeks. 

The next weekend Gina and I spent from Friday afternoon until Monday morning in a posh hotel an hour away. Gina worked hard that week to be caught up in her classes so that nothing else would be on our plates. We enjoyed the heated pool on Friday night and then got a couples massage in our room. The masseuses slipped out of the room and Gina was on me in seconds. We made love urgently, happily. There's something exciting about hotel sex- the new environment, the knowledge that people are in rooms all around you, the knowledge that you won't need to clean the room later... 

After I came, Gina was finishing up on top of me, smiling and sweating from exertion. As I watched her with appreciation and love, I was pleased to discover that Lynn was out of my head. That room, that hotel, it belonged to me and Gina. There were no memories in the way. I didn't tell Gina at first, wanting to see how the weekend would go, but I looked around the room and started planning how to "make memories" on all the furniture in our luxurious room. I really had gone all out with this room- partly out of guilt for making us leave the house and partly out of a sense of this being like a small honeymoon for us. 

After a quickie in the shower Saturday morning (which was not easy to do with a condom), we dressed and went to the insanely large breakfast buffet. Returning to our room, we pulled up a new movie on the hotel's TV service- a movie that had just left theaters- and watched it while we snuggled in bed. Halfway through the movie, Gina got out of bed and went to the bathroom. She came out mumbling profanities and digging through her suitcase. 

When she returned to the bed, she curled under my arm and finished out the movie. When it was done, I asked, "Is everything OK?" 

"No," she said glumly. "I just started my period." 

"Awww. Well, should we schedule another massage, then? Would that feel good?" 

"Gareth! You're missing the point. Our sexy hotel trip is ruined." 

I squeezed her and masked the small measure of disappointment I was feeling. "No it's not. You're still sexy and we're still in a hotel, right? This trip wasn't about having sex- it's about us having time together. I'm not disappointed. Well, not very disappointed. There's still plenty we could do together." 

"Gareth, you doofus. I'm not worried about you being disappointed. You're Mr. Nice Guy. I'm disappointed. You're not the only one who likes to have sex! I wanted to have sex this weekend. I wanted you to fuck me raw before Monday. And now I just feel crampy and yucky and like we're wasting our time." 

I was pretty hurt by that last statement, and my face showed it, but Gina corrected herself. 

"I'm sorry. You know what I mean," (I didn't). "You can't take anything too seriously if I say it at the beginning of my period. I'm just grumpy." 

We found ways to enjoy our time at the hotel, nonetheless. There was a band at the bar that night- a pretty decent one playing some 70's classics. Gina kept teasing me about it being the music of my generation. She was off by about two decades. 

We went out on dates, took a walk when the weather was nice, used the gym and the ping-pong room, and watched a lot of movies. She gave me a blow job each night until we left, and I offered to do whatever she wanted to help her get off, but she said she just felt "yucky" and didn't want anything going on down there. 

Before we left, we talked about the upcoming weeks. We decided to take a break the next weekend, letting us both get caught up and even a little ahead on our classes and work responsibilities before leaving on our Spring Break trip the next weekend. Gina also surprised me by saying that she had signed me up to run in the half marathon, since I would be there with her anyway. She had also months earlier paid for a hotel room for that weekend, so that was covered. I told her there was no way I could run the whole race, but she convinced me that, since I was already up to 8 miles jogging, I could at least get to 10 before the race, then I could walk the last 3 miles. It made sense, but sounded intimidating. She was just so excited about it, though, that I couldn't say no. 

On Monday morning, before check out, Gina pulled out a condom and said, "I think we can get away with one time before we go- grab some towels, just in case. I picked up all the clean-looking towels I could find and put them under us on the bed. I climbed on top of her and we gently made love- the comfortable, no rush kind. Gina didn't cum and told me she usually didn't during that time of the month- some kind of mental hang-up she said. But as I was nearing my climax, she grabbed my head and put her mouth by my ear. 

"Next time we do this," she whispered, "I'll be in a bikini. We'll be in our hotel room at the beach, and you can just pull my little bikini strap to the side any time you want and fuck...my...pussy. All...week...long..." I didn't usually go for dirty talk during sex, but the mental image of Gina below me, pulling her bikini bottom to the side to give me unlimited access to her treasures... 

I pushed into her and clenched my eyes shut, picturing her breasts in a bikini, bouncing as I fucked her. I pictured her perfect ass shaking as I took her from behind on a hotel balcony overlooking the beach. I felt her squeezing her walls around me to increase my pleasure and I felt a wave of love and thankfulness for this beautiful woman. As I pulled out, I said, "Please let me do something for you." 

"Nah, not today. But maybe I'll come by your office this week on a slow day to collect on that offer." 

My eyes went wide with surprise and fear. Gina laughed, "You should see your face. Oh, my goodness." And with that she went to the walk-in shower with me eventually following. 

******* 

The next two weeks crawled by. I could feel it. Gina felt it. All my students felt it. Everyone was looking forward to Spring Break, and all the days in between felt tedious. Gina and I jogged together, and she tried to push me up to 9 miles. I ended up walking the last half mile while she ran an extra couple blocks to finish her routine. By the time Spring Break rolled around, I was up to 9 miles, though I doubt I could have done it if I hadn't been determined to keep pace with Gina. 

I used the weekend away from Gina to prepare a seminar for the conference. The committee had been so glad when I agreed to do it (authors with multiple published works look good on a program) that they gave me carte blanche on my topic. I chose something I was comfortable doing with little preparation and that wouldn't distract me during the conference. Having that preparation to focus on kept me distracted during the weekend, and I even managed to finish the first draft of my book that week, sending it off to my publisher a few weeks ahead of schedule. 

Near the end of the day on the Monday before Spring Break, Gwen, my Department Head, knocked on my office door. When I called her in, she handed me a small packet of papers. I asked what they were and she explained that they were a reminder of the University's policies on faculty-student interactions. My stomach sank and my palms started to sweat. 

"Is there...a reason...you're giving me this?" 

Seeing my frightened expression, Gwen started laughing and put her hand on my shoulder. "Oh, dear Lord Gareth, I'm sorry! I forget that you are out of the loop on most things. Our beloved absent-minded author in residence..." 

I started to think I was going to be OK. 

"Some sexually repressed professor in the physics department got involved with a freshman last semester...pictures got out online...national media picked it up for a day or two...you really hadn't heard?" 

"Oh, wow. Was he married?" 

"He was 18. She wasn't married, and if he hadn't been so stupid as to take pictures and send them to someone, then she would probably still be enjoying a very fun time with his quite nicely built body. The school may have a policy of 'don't do it,' but I take more of a 'don't get caught' approach. We know it's happening all the time on every campus. It's only the stupid ones that get caught." Gwen was divorced, in her mid-40's, and pretty open about her lifestyle of casual sex. She could be very professional when she needed to be, but otherwise was ribald and playfully crude. 

"Anyway, they're making everyone sign this form saying they have read and understand that faculty shouldn't screw students. Or kiss them, or hold their hands, or send them personal messages of any sort, or in any way treat them like an adult human being. Got it?" 

"Yeah...yeah of course. Wait...did you sign this?" I asked teasingly. 

"Sure I did. I signed that I have read it and that I understand it. It doesn't say anything about following the guidelines..." 

"Oh...well, just show me where to sign." 

"Well, you have to sign saying that you actually read the whole thing, so I'll just leave it on the desk and you get it back to me before you leave for that conference." 

"Of course. Thank you Gwen." 

"As if I have anything to worry about from you. I don't think you'd even recognize a student was trying to get into your pants until she was actually pulling them off your legs. I mean, seriously Gareth- The International Symposium on Hotel Art?" 

I dared a smile and said, "Key West, Gwen. Key West. I hope you don't expect me to be going to all the sessions that week." 

Gwen laughed loudly and held her stomach. She was slightly overweight, and her laughter made her body jiggle in a way that made you want to join her laughing. "That's the spirit, Gareth!" Then, walking out of my office, she said, "I want stories when you get back!" 

"I'm a married man, Gwen!" I responded. 

Gwen paused, turned around and put a hand on my door frame. She said in a conspiratorial tone, "So are most of my recent flings, Gareth. Think about that." And with a wink that gave me chills, she turned and left. Not that there was anything unattractive about Gwen- she wore her weight well, and she seemed very comfortable with her body, which goes a long way in making a woman attractive. She was fun and sexual, but she was just too crude for my tastes- sex was a game she played, a snack she ate. I couldn't do that. But Gwen had been sure to let me know on more than one occasion that the door was always open for some no-strings-attached fun. I guessed it was just a matter of time before she slipped up and lost her job, but in the meantime, it was nice having a supervisor who didn't...supervise. 

A minute later, there was another tap on my door. I shouted, "I'm still married!" 

"Well that never stopped you before!" The door opened and Gina slipped in, closing the door behind her. I stood up and walked to meet her. Ensuring that the door was locked, I kissed her hello. "Can you explain why you feel the need to shout out that you're married when someone knocks on your door?" 

"Oh...someone was just here...and she dropped some not-so-subtle hints." 

"A student?" Gina didn't seem jealous. More like amused. 

"Nooo..." 

"Oh my God, was it Dr. Morris? I just passed her in the hall!" 

I winced and Gina laughed. "Gross! She's like...10 years older than you!" 

I looked at Gina until she realized the irony of that remark. 

"Oh...yeah...oops. Anyway, I'm here to collect my favor." 

"Your favor?" 

"Yes, my forgetful lover. You said you would help me cum last weekend, but I said I'd come by later to collect on that. So here I am!" 

"I thought you were kidding about coming to my office! Gina, this is crazy!" I was whispering, not wanting anything to be overheard by passers-by. Not that there would be many at this hour. 

"I was kidding, at first. But then the idea got stuck in my head. And I remembered that dream you told me about, and I thought we could at least do something in here. I mean, isn't it every teacher's fantasy to ravish a young student on his desk?" 

"I'm not going to have sex with you in here- what if Gwen comes back?" 

"Professor Morris? From what I've heard, she'd probably want to join right in." 

"Well, you're probably right about that." 

"Anyway, Gareth, I miss your touch, and I'm horny, and I just got off work and I've got a class in less than an hour. Help me out, baby...please?" 

"I'm not going to have sex in here right now- maybe sometime when the campus is closed, but not today. Besides, we don't even have condoms here." 

"I didn't say we have to have sex. You are quite capable of getting me off in other ways." 

"You're not giving up, are you." 

"Horny Gina says hell no, I'm not giving up." 

I looked over her body and tried to think of what the least compromising position to get caught in would be. "Make sure the door is locked," I told her. Gina beamed at me and twirled around to check the door. 

"Should I turn off the lights?" 

I quickly debated the pros and cons of both answers and ended up undecided. "No," I finally said. Then sitting in my chair, I waved Gina over. "Sit on my lap," I told her. 

Gina was giddy with pleasure as she sat on my legs. I pulled the chair up to the desk, so everything below her waist was hidden. My laptop blocked us, too, so even if someone opened the door with a key, they wouldn't see my hand, which was working its way into her panties. 

Gina had worn sweatpants, and when I had noticed that, I realized it would be easy to finger her. I hoped her horniness and the excitement of being in my office would help her cum quickly. At first, Gina leaned her head back onto my shoulder and sighed. As my fingers moved around her slit, she parted her legs to give me the most access. When I pushed up inside her with two fingers, she moaned her approval. Shhhhhh... I warned her. 

Then Gina leaned forward, putting her hands on my desk. Squirming in my lap and moving her hips with the thrust of my fingers, Gina looked around at my papers. Spotting the ones Gwen had just dropped off, Gina picked them up and asked, "what's this?" 

"We all have to sign it because some freshman and his professor..." 

"Oh yeah, I remember that. He was hot- the student, I mean." And with that, Gina started skimming the pages. "We've broken, like, almost all of these rules," she mused. "Including numbers 4, 5, 11, and 17 right now." 

"Is there any rule against making you cum?" 

"Not according to this." 

"Then I guess there's no reason for me to stop, huh? We've already broken the rules, making you cum won't get us in trouble." It was stupid logic, I knew. But I wasn't trying to make sense. I was trying to get her mind back on what I was doing between her legs. I wanted her to hurry up, because I was worried Gwen would swing by on her way back down the hall. I should have turned off the light. 

Gina was gripping the edge of the desk, putting her weight forward. I sped up my fingering, pulling out now and then to circle her clit with my fingertips. Gina began rocking her hips and instinctively moving her hand towards her crotch. When she would bump my hand there, she would move her own hand back to the desk. My cock was hardening under her gyrations. 

She started gasping and moaning softly. I was getting familiar enough with her style to know that she was probably about to get frantic right before she came. To speed that along, I reached my other hand up her shirt, rubbing along her back, around her side, and onto her bra. The sudden sensations pushed her into frantic mode, and she started pushing against me and whimpering loudly. I could tell she was having a hard time staying quiet. 

Then she went over the edge, squishing my hand with her thighs and catching her voice in her throat. Her hands clutched her body, one meeting my hand on her pussy and the other covering my hand on her breast. She bent over and shuddered, gasping and holding her lips shut tight. If the noises in her throat made it out of her mouth, anyone in the hall would have heard us. She stayed on my lap for a few minutes as she wound down. 

While she was still trembling, my fingers still inside her, there was a tap on the door. We both froze and held our breath. Gwen's voice came through the smoked glass, "Stories, Gareth! Remember, I want stories when you get back!" Then the sound of her heels click-clacked away. Once her steps faded away, Gina and I together exhaled loudly, then laughed softly. I felt her laughter on my fingers as I gave her body one last squeeze. 

"Thank you, Gare," she said dreamily as I removed my hand from her pants. "I needed that." getting off my lap, she looked at the clock and said, "I need to run. Can you hand me a wet wipe?" 

I chuckled, "Does this look like a place that has wet wipes?" 

"Top drawer, on the right, next to the condoms," she said plainly. 

I hesitantly opened the drawer she had indicated and was surprised to indeed find small pile of condoms and a travel pack of wet wipes. 

"You...How...?" She was a ninja. I passed the wipes, grabbing one for my hand. She cleaned herself up a bit, saying, "Can't have my classmates smelling that all evening, can we?" Then with a kiss and a smile she walked to the door, nodding her head towards my lingering hardness and said, "And save that for Spring Break. I intend to get a lot of mileage out of it." Then she trotted out the door, leaving me aroused, dumbfounded, and amazed at my good fortune. 

******* 

We had an early flight Saturday morning. I pulled into the nearly empty parking lot of Gina's apartment complex just before dawn. I could see the blinds from her apartment part, then close. A few seconds later, Gina came bounding down the steps, carrying only her purse. I got out to greet her with a hug and kisses, then held the door open for her to get in. 

"I saw your suitcase in my trunk this morning. I still don't know how you do that." 

"Womanly magic," she said with a wave of her fingers. I could tell she was wide awake from excitement. "I was hoping you would think I had fit all my clothes inside this little purse. Wouldn't that be exciting to think about?" I leaned over for a long kiss before heading out. 

It was a short drive to the airport and a long series of flights to Key West. By the time we got to our hotel room, it was dinnertime. "Eat in or out?" I asked. 

"I'm wiped out from traveling." 

"In it is," I said, picking up the room phone. We settled into the room until our food arrived, then dined on the table in the room. I had gotten a luxury suite- with Gwen's approval- so we had a nice dining area separate from the sleeping area. Finishing our food, we leaned back in the comfortable chairs. Gina said, "I'm tired and antsy at the same time." 




A Heart Divided Ch. 05



Looking out the balcony at the beach, I saw the sun just beginning to set. "Let's take a walk," I suggested. Gina smiled and reached out a hand for me to help her up. We walked a mile down the beach and a mile back, returning as the stars started showing. Gina held my hand the whole time, and when we got close to the hotel, she sat down on the sand, pulling me with her. 

She nestled in between my legs and leaned back into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and she put her hands on my arms. We stayed that way for a while, silent, gazing at the stars. While Gina's gaze was fixed just above the horizon, I preferred to watch the waves. Their cadence soothed me. They spoke to me of the refreshing and renewing of all things, of the inevitability of change, of forces both powerful and beautiful. I could have sat there for hours. 

As it turned out, including our walk, we were out there for over three hours. At one point I noticed Gina was crying. I wished and hoped that she would tell me why, but I knew better than to ask. All I could do was continue to hold her and to gently kiss her cheek. Finally, as the night chill was becoming uncomfortable, Gina leaned back, eyes dry, and said, "Take me back to the room. I need you inside me." 

We walked back and shed our clothes as soon as we were inside our room. I headed straight for the shower to rinse the sand off my legs. Gina followed me, and we were soon sand-free. Standing side-by-side in the shower, I took her in my arms and met her lips with mine. Gina closed her eyes and explored my mouth with her tongue. Having gone nearly two weeks without holding her like this, my cock was quickly at full attention. I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her up. I was glad for the walk-in shower, it made it easier to get her out of the shower and to the bed. 

Once on the bed, I began kissing all over her body, as if making up for lost time. My lips began working their way down to her mound, but Gina gently guided my head back up towards her face and said, "Nuh-uh, not right now. I need you...inside...me." 

"I believe I was promised a bikini when we did this," I mumbled into her neck. 

"All complaints must be submitted in writing," she mumbled back. "Now shut up and put this inside me," she said, grabbing my cock almost uncomfortably tight. 

"I've got condoms in my bag," I said in a strained voice. 

"Check under the pillow," she whispered. I stretched my arm up to the pillows and sure enough found a condom packet ready to go. 

"Ninja," I mumbled. Gina smiled and rubbed my chest as I sheathed my cock. 

"How do you want..." I began, but Gina put her finger on my lips. 

"You pick," she said. I smiled, thinking of things we hadn't tried. Climbing between her legs, I lined up my tip and started slowly working it into her folds. By now Gina was used to the often slow process of getting us joined; but sometimes, like that night, she was impatient. As I was slowly moving my hips in circles, stretching out her entrance, Gina was breathing heavy and doing her own wiggling- from anticipation. Having waited (she felt) long enough, she put her hands on my ass and thrust up towards me. I entered her fully, eliciting a loud grunt from her. 

"Hold on a sec," she said in a slightly pained voice. 

"Are you OK?" 

"Yeah, but it's just. You know...whoo!" 

"Well, I can't say I know from experience what you're feeling..." 

"Smart ass," she said, her breasts rising and falling rapidly and she adjusted to the fullness. I was glad for the reprieve, having been worried that I wouldn't last long after 2 weeks without feeling her tightness around me. 

"You know, Gina, I'm starting to think that stars are an aphrodisiac for you. I don't know what the story is there, but I'm picking up a direct correlation between star gazing and you rushing us to bed." 

"You'll shut up if you know what's good for you," she said in all seriousness. 

"Well, I know you're good for me, so I'll leave it at that. Let me know when you're ready to keep going," I said. 

"You can start moving a little whenever," she assured me. 

"We're not in position yet," I said, as I began kissing her breasts. 

"Oh? Really? Well, I guess you can 'position' us." 

My hand that had been on her hips, gently rubbing up and down her thigh, moved down and gripped the back of her knee. I pulled it slowly up and rested her ankle on my shoulder. 

"Oh my God, are you serious?" she groaned playfully. 

"You said my pick," I argued, doing the same thing to her other leg. "If it's too much, just let me know, but I haven't done this in a while." 

Gina's eyes were wide and she was taking deep breaths. "You probably haven't done it in a long time because this position makes an average cock feel huge. It makes you feel...Oh, God that's full." 

Gina's legs were flexible from running, but I couldn't fold her all the way. I was at about a 45 degree angle over her, and I was simply holding in place, ecstatic over the amazing tightness around my cock and how deep inside her I felt. I carefully rubbed the backs of Gina's thighs, which were pressed against my chest. 

After taking a moment to enjoy the snug fit, I started making very shallow thrusts, not expecting to need much more than that to make me cum. I leaned back just a little and tried to get my thumb onto Gina's clit. I didn't know if this would work for her, but I owed her at least a valiant effort. 

When I made contact with her clit, Gina's whole body jerked. Her eyes, which had been closed as she tried to regulate her breathing, suddenly opened and looked at me. "No?" I asked. 

"That's...that's very sensitive right now," she explained. "Let me." Removing one hand from the backs of her thighs, she wormed it in between us and started rubbing around her clit. I tried some more shallow thrusts, but when I pushed in, it trapped her hand, so I pulled out enough to give her room to work. I kissed her calves, which were on either side of my face, and I rubbed up and down her legs, admiring the smoothness and tightness of them. 

Gina face was tense with concentration and she was whimpering as she rubbed herself. She was trying to thrust her hips around, but the angle I held her in had her trapped. I could feel her legs pushing against my body involuntarily. After about 2 minutes of that, her whimpering turned into a louder moan, which then went totally silent. Gina's mouth was wide open and her eyes clenched shut. Her head bobbed forward a few times. After a few seconds of silence, she cried out her release and pulled her hand up, placing it on my chest. 

Being in a position that made her walls already feel tighter around me, when her tunnel started clenching at my shaft, I was almost gone. While she was still cumming, I began thrusting. I loved how much deeper inside her I got from this position, and after only a dozen or so thrusts, I held in deep, my balls resting on her perfect ass. For a brief moment, nothing happened, but then my release came hard. I pulsed and pumped and thrust again. I felt her channel still contracting around me and I made noises that sounded more like pain than pleasure. 

I wanted to keep pushing, even after I was done cumming. I wanted to hold deep and always be a part of Gina. I wanted our bodies to merge and to know that she would always be there. That moment tapped into a deep fear of abandonment that, I had been told, was probably a consequence of having been adopted as a baby. The latent, ever-present fear of being abandoned again found expression even in sex. 

As the real world faded back into view, I willed myself to pull back and to get off Gina, who I'm sure was ready to stretch out. I didn't know what to say, looking at her stunned and flushed face, her eyes that were staring up and her chest that was still trying to get enough oxygen. I moved next to her to lie down for a moment, and she pulled me over to her, pushing my head to rest on her breast. I gladly rested myself on her natural pillows, and she ran fingers through my hair. At some point I must have pulled the condom off and tossed it in the direction of the wastebasket. But I have no other memory of that evening other than falling asleep in the most perfect place on earth- in Gina's arms. 

******* 

There was a lot of sex that week. And a lot of other things, too. We spent some time on the beach and at the pool, and Gina turned quite a few heads with her red bikini. True to her word, whenever Gina was in a bikini (which she almost always wore in our room), I had unfettered access to her pussy. I took advantage of that, sometimes teasing her with a little licking, sometimes a surprise fingering, and several times with a passionate fuck. I will never in my life forget the image of her spread out on the hotel bed in her bikini, her breasts still contained in her top, bouncing in time with my thrusts. Her hair spread out on the blanket, the sun hitting it just right so that it seemed radiant. It was like making love to a sexy angel in a devil-red bikini. 

We went out on a fishing boat one morning, but neither of us really got into that. We enjoyed the boat ride, but the fishing wasn't something we enjoyed. We went on walks through the city, window shopping and picking up small gifts. We found a local artist painting beach scenes and each bought one of his original works. We ran along the beach, having figured out 5 miles to the best of our ability, so that we could keep up our training pace of 10 miles. 

But most off all, we just enjoyed being a real couple and not worrying about anyone seeing us. My seminar was on the second day of the four day conference, and it went well. My publisher had sent a few cases of my books, most of which sold, to my delight. 

On the last night of the symposium, there was a formal ball. I had remembered to tell Gina to bring some formal wear, and I enjoyed getting dressed together. It was not, of course, as fun as getting undressed together, but the very comfortable, casual feeling of preparing in the same room for an evening out had a marriage feel to it. I watched her put on her bra and panties, I saw her get into her beautiful blue gown, I saw the time she spent on her hair and make-up. Meanwhile I was shaving, combing, getting my tux on, trying to get my tie straight. OK, so it took me less than half the time, but I also looked less than a tenth as good as her in the end. 

Before we went out, I pulled out the sapphire necklace I had been saving, and I placed it around her neck. She couldn't stop touching it and looking at it in the mirror. I worried she was going to undo all our preparations and take me to bed before we even got to the ball (not that I would have complained), but she composed herself and we made a brief appearance at the event. 

We danced a few songs, though neither of us was very good at it. I didn't do well when it came to small talk, so these events just made me uncomfortable. I was exceedingly glad to have Gina with me, just to know I wouldn't end up standing alone for long. At one point, a much older gentleman asked Gina to dance. He had to be 50 years older than her, and his round, grandfatherly face was hard to refuse. She smiled graciously and accepted his offer. They danced a chaste, slower number as I watched. 

While I was standing there, another older gentleman walked up to me and stood by my side. 

"I enjoyed your seminar this week." 

"Thank you," I said. 

"I've enjoyed your books, too, and was glad to see you were here." 

"I...appreciate that," I said, a bit awkwardly. 

He introduced himself as the dean of a well-known art school out west. Then he said, "I'll be straight with you. I wasn't planning to be here- I mean...damn. Hotel Art? But when I saw your name had been added to the program, I booked my flight the next day. I've been following your writings, but I needed to know if you can teach." 

"That's...very kind of you." I was running out of gracious platitudes. 

"I wanted to hear you speak before I talked to you. Your seminar was good- I can tell you're an engaging professor, even if small talk isn't your thing." 

Ironically, I shuffled my feet nervously at that comment. 

"I'd like to talk to you about a position at my school. Here's my card- I think you'll be very interested in what I'm offering. But none of that right now- you have a beautiful lady to entertain. But do call me...soon." 

"Thank you," I said again, as he walked away. 

Gina was just walking back to me. She was smiling genuinely. 

"Should I be jealous?" I asked her. 

"He was sweet, really. I only had to remind him once to keep his hands above my waist." 

"Scandalous!" I teased. Gina laughed and leaned into me. "He said he's a jeweler by trade and an art dealer by hobby. He gave me an on-the-spot appraisal of my necklace, but I think it was just an excuse to stare at my chest." 

"And...?" 

"And...if his appraisal is right, then you've got a fun night ahead of you," she said playfully. We had been there a little over two hours. I knew some folks would stay until the bitter end, another 2 hours later, but I suggested to Gina that we make our exit soon. 

"Oh, just five more minutes to get a few more of these crab cake hors d'oeuvres." 

I smiled and took her hand. "Take as much time as you want, love. Just as long as you're enjoying yourself." I think she heard me, but a tray of food was just passing and she was on tip-toes to see what was on it. We slowly worked out way to the door, but not before I was cornered by one of the event organizers, who thanked me profusely for coming, even on short notice. He tried to get me to commit to the next year's event, but Gina saved me by interrupting and saying that our reservation couldn't wait. She pulled me towards the door and we slipped out. 

"Reservation?" I asked, confused. 

"Yes, I have reserved space for two on our bed as soon as we can get there." I squeezed her hand as we stepped into the elevator. "It looked like you needed some help escaping." 

"Yeah, he wanted me to commit to speaking at next year's symposium. He was so hopeful and a little desperate." 

"Is it in Key West again?" 

"I don't think so. Chicago, maybe?" 

"Brrrrr...no thanks." 

We got into the room and took turns in the bathroom. There was a knock on the door and Gina hurried to answer it. Room service was delivering a bottle of champagne on ice. Gina thanked the young man and wheeled the cart in. I looked at her curiously and she said, "Did you know that if you are celebrating your honeymoon or anniversary here, they give you free champagne?" 

"And we are...?" 

"Celebrating our 4 day anniversary of arriving here!" she said, filling one glass. 

"One month of sex!" I said, filling another. 

"Ten weeks of make-outs!" Gina sipped her glass. 

Reaching out and touching her cheek, I said softly, "Eleven weeks of more happiness than I thought I would know again." We finished our glasses, poured another round and set them on the nightstand. Gina pulled me onto the bed and pushed me on my back. Pulling off my pants, she pulled a condom seemingly out of thin air (who knows where her ninja skill had been hiding it?) and pulled down her panties. I loosened my tie as she took me into her mouth. 

After a minute, once I was fully charged, she put the condom on and straddled me, still in her gown. She bunched the dress up to her waist, then as she worked her way down onto my cock, she let the dress fall around us. From my view, all I saw were two fully clothed people, one sitting on the other. But I could certainly feel that such was not the case. 

Through more than 15 minutes of Gina riding me, bringing herself to 2 small orgasms, I watched her gradually remove all her clothes. By the time she was naked, her hair was losing its pristine neatness and her eyes were showing that she would be squeezing my cock again soon. 

I hadn't been building up much, mostly just enjoying watching Gina receive her pleasure, but suddenly I was there. I was watching Gina, stripped to only her necklace, as she leaned forward towards me a little. Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted, her breathing rapid and irregular. Suddenly she opened her eyes and looked at me. Her expression changed from pure lust to something else- something I can't describe well. She still had the pained look of a woman close to orgasm, but there was a...serenity might be the word...when our eyes met. 

There was something about that look that made my heart swell and my balls lurch. My hands on her hips gripped her in place as I came with three full thrusts up into her. Gina's kept her rhythm going and continued to watch me as I came. Only after I had finished did she lean down and put her breasts in front of my mouth. "Help me come," she asked, and I took a nipple into my mouth. 

"Yesssss," she hissed, then sped up her grinding motions. It was enough to help her reach her third peak that evening. She tried to keep looking at me the whole time, but whenever her body convulsed, she closed her eyes as a reflex. But she would open them again and search for my loving gaze. 

Afterwards, we lay next to each other, and I told her about the job offer. I didn't mention where it was, only that it would be a step up the career ladder for sure. Gina didn't say anything except that it sounded interesting and worth looking into. 

"Gina, I don't think I'd take it if it meant leaving you." 

"Don't talk like that Gareth. The future is so uncertain. You can't make plans around me. I mean, I've got no plans to end this- that would be foolish. But what if Lynn comes back? Or what if we get caught? Or...and I'm...I'm not the kind of person you should be planning a future with. If Lynn is out of the picture, you still need someone a little more...appropriate to your world and stage of life." 

"Gina, if anything, you've continued to show me just how well you fit that bill, even tonight you..." 

"Gareth, I don't want to talk about this. Not right now, please." 

"OK, but we need to eventually." 

She didn't respond but instead reached for the drinks, which we drank together, then another glass each, and then we slept. 

******* 

I dreamed that Lynn was in bed with me, telling me how much she loved me and missed me. She was asking me to do her ass, which we had never done before. She was desperate and so very unlike Lynn. I was trying to get inside her. 

I woke up to Gina giving me a blow job. It was the middle of the night Not even half-awake, I mumbled something about how beautiful she was. She continued, speeding up until I came in her mouth. She was still sucking on me when I fell asleep again. 

******* 

The next morning was the closing meeting of the symposium, which we skipped. I had booked the hotel for an extra night at my own expense, and we spent our last day in the water- ocean and pool. We ate lunch at the poolside bar and for dinner we planned a date in town. Back at the room to get ready, Gina was walking around in her bikini. As she passed by me, I grabbed the strap of her top and pulled it open in one motion. The whole thing fell to the floor and Gina squealed. I began kissing and caressing her breasts, slowly moving her towards the balcony. 

Just as I had imagined in the hotel weeks earlier, I bent her over the balcony railing, slid her thong strap to the side, and took her from behind. She closed her eyes and smiled as the ocean breezes caressed her face. I closed my eyes and smiled as she squeezed me tight and milked the cum from me. 

After that, we were both relaxed and unhurried through dinner. We told stories of vacations past, especially beach trips. I thought about how a relationship grows through the merging of narratives. On the one hand, couples tell stories, bringing their personal narratives into the relationship. At the same time, they spend time together, making new stories together, creating a new narrative. 




A Heart Divided Ch. 05



We returned to the room and packed, preparing for our very early departure the next morning. In bed, we kissed and cuddled and held each other close. Neither of us seemed to be ready for sex, and neither of us seemed concerned about that. Setting our alarms, we enjoyed one last night of freedom. 

******* 

It didn't help that it was bitterly cold when we got back the next evening, a Friday. March was punishing the area with temperatures below freezing, which made us miss Key West all the more. Gina had convinced me to let her stay over one more night, since Spring Break still had a weekend left, and she would be alone in her apartment until Sunday afternoon. We tried to cheer each other up as our bodies adjusted to the cold and our minds adjusted to our old environment. 

As I turned on to my road, the streetlamps coming on as the sun set, I came to a dead stop 50 yards from my house. Lynn's car was in the driveway. 

I told Gina what I was seeing, and her face went pale. 

"Your roommates are gone? For sure?" 

"In Mexico until Sunday morning." 

"Mind if I..." 

"Please." 

I turned around in someone's driveway and headed the other direction. At Gina's apartment, I carried her bag up the stairs, then went back for my own stuff. Shit. I realized I had closed the trunk with my keys inside. The doors were locked. I went up and told Gina I might need to call a locksmith- my extra keys were at home. She looked out the window and said, "I got it." Reaching into her purse, she pulled out my extra set of keys and popped the trunk with a push of a button. 

I stared at her in amazement. She had grabbed my spare keys from my dresser and I had never noticed. Car, office, house keys- she must have had them for weeks. The bags in the trunk, condoms in my office...She was a smart girl. She smiled as she watched me put the pieces together. I laughed all the way down the stairs, got my bags and keys, and went up to Gina's place. She was on the phone ordering pizza. 

"I know we're both tired, but I'm hungry and I'm guessing we have a lot to talk about tonight. And I might want to fuck you, in case it's my last chance." 

"Gina, there's no way it's your last chance. But feel free to act like it is." 

She threw at me whatever was in her hand at the moment- a tube of lip balm, I think. 

We talked, we ate, we even cried a little. I promised her that Lynn and I would need a lot of time to talk things through before I would ever consider going back to her. Given the choice, at that point, it was Gina all the way. But Gina stressed that we didn't know for sure that we had a future together, and I had to remember that. By that point we were lying together on a recliner in her bedroom, not naked but not entirely dressed. She was curled up on my lap and everything felt so right. 

"Gina, I know I want a future together for us. And so I can't just ignore that." 

Gina leaned into me and started crying. "I feel sick, Gareth. I'm so sorry. I should never have done this to you." 

I held her as she cried and tried to assure her that all she'd done was make me happy. 

"You say that now, but it's going to get worse, I know it is. I don't know how this ends happy for any of us- you, me, her." She got off my lap and crawled under her covers. I followed her, and we lay in the bed facing each other. 

"Yeah, but you think that about those movies, too, don't you. And they always work out in the end." 

"Those movies are bullshit, Gareth. Life isn't like that. In real life, pain and death and loss and...and...and darkness win. Happiness and light are just little islands in an ocean of sadness. We just try to hang on until the next bright spot, but sooner or later you can't make it to the next happy time." 

I didn't understand what she was talking about. I tried to calm and shush her like one soothes a crying baby. She let me hold her for a few minutes while her hysterics wore off, then she just groaned and rolled away from me. On her small double bed, there wasn't a lot of space between us. I rolled towards her and spooned behind her. I put my arm over her as she sobbed herself to sleep. 

******* 

The next morning, Gina and I went out to breakfast at a diner because there was no food in her house. Our conversation was stunted, brooding. We both knew there was a cloud over our relationship, and it seemed the storm was about to break. 

As we finished eating, Gina looked out the window said, "You should probably go home now- no sense putting it off. And my roommates will be home this afternoon." 

"Gina, you know the most likely scenario here is that I go home to either a big argument that ends it all or else a quiet conversation as we sign the divorce papers that she probably has with her." 

"I don't know that, Gareth. Lynn's still a part of you- sometimes you even call me by her name." 

I was surprised by that- surprised that I did it, surprised I hadn't noticed, and surprised that Gina had never mentioned it before. "That's just habits, Gina. That's not where my heart is." 

"Your heart is divided, Gareth. You don't know that yet, because Lynn hasn't been around, but now that she's back in your life, you'll see. It's not going to be as easy or clear cut as you think." 

Paying our check, I thought about what she said, wanting to disagree but fearing she might understand something I didn't. Why hadn't I moved towards divorce sooner? Why hadn't I changed anything in the house? Why hadn't I contacted Lynn as soon as Gina and I got together? If I was done with Lynn, what would I have had to lose by calling her and upsetting her? 

I took Gina back to her place and packed up my bags. 

"Are you going to tell her?" Gina asked, leaning against me as we hugged goodbye. 

"Tell her...about us?" Gina nodded and looked down. "Not yet. If there's going to be a divorce, I can't look like the unfaithful spouse that drove my wife out of the house. The lawyer I talked to warned about that; he said I should make every effort to 'keep my nose clean.'" 

"Well, I've dirtied it up quite a bit, haven't I," she said morosely. 

"You haven't done anything I didn't want you to do. And as long as Lynn doesn't find any secret condom stash you've hidden around the house, we should be OK." 

Her eyes got wide for a second. "Check in the kitchen drawer under the silverware tray. And in the bathroom medicine cabinet- top shelf. Oh, and between the couch cushions...and in the pocket of your robe. I think that's it." 

I looked at her and she blushed. Kissing her on the forehead, I told her, "You're a treasure, Gina. One of a kind." 

Gina laughed sadly and said, "I'm a mess, Gareth. You should have stayed away from me." 

"Nonsense, babe. You've made me so happy, and you're going to keep doing that, don't worry." I was only trying to keep her from freaking out. I felt just as scared and lost as she did, and I had no idea how to take care of myself, much less the both of us. After a lingering embrace, Gina pulled away and told me to let her know something- anything- as soon as I could. I promised to do so and went out to my car. 

The whole drive over, I rehearsed arguments in my head. I planned responses to the things Lynn would say. I thought through how to navigate the next few months without giving up Gina. I felt like I was ready for almost any possibility as I turned the corner onto my street. The only thing I was not prepared for was that Lynn's car wouldn't be there. 

I took my bags into the house and up to my room. I couldn't even tell that she had been home- everything seemed just as I had left it. I looked around the bedroom and the kitchen for a note of any kind, but I found nothing. I wondered if she had gone out for groceries, finding the fridge nearly empty because of my absence that week. I called Gina and told her what was- or rather wasn't- going on. 

I waited around the house, unpacking my bags. As I pulled clothes out, each item sparked a memory of Key West. I remembered Gina taking that shirt off me. I remembered holding her on the beach while she put her hands in the back pockets of those jeans. I remembered wearing that jacket when we went out to dinner, and I had put it around her shoulders on the chilly walk home. I somewhat reluctantly ran a load of laundry, foolishly fearing that the memories would get washed away. I called Gina again, at lunchtime, to tell her I was thinking about her and that I enjoyed our week away. I told her I wanted more times like that- times to be together and free. 

It had been 2 hours and still no sign of Lynn. I gave up my "buying groceries" theory and started to wonder if I had even seen her car at all. A dirty cup in the sink was the only hard evidence that she had been there, and even that wasn't totally convincing. I grabbed my keys and went out for groceries, deciding that I had to go on as if Lynn had never been there, until she showed up and indicated otherwise. 

Lynn didn't come back that day, or even that week. But her visit hung over my head like a curse waiting to land. And it confirmed my decision to keep Gina away from the house as much as possible. Gina was reserved and somber for a few days, but once we got back into our routine of running together and going on an occasional date, her old self seemed to return. 

We met for sex one time before we went out of town for the marathon. Two weeks after Spring Break, early on a Friday night, Gina called me. 

"My roommates are going to a concert- they'll be gone until after midnight. Come to my place!" 

I was in my car before she finished explaining. 

Being in Gina's apartment brought back memories of college relationships- the apartments all looked so similar. Our love-making was slow and desperate. After the sex marathon that we had during Spring Break, going two weeks apart again was difficult. It wasn't just missing the sex, though. It was missing being together all the time. As we rolled around, taking turns on top, we clung to one another as if we were afraid we would never be together again. I think the reminder that Lynn could return at any time made us even more aware of the tenuous nature of our relationship. 

Having to leave for the night after making love was also unusual for us, and it felt sad. The only way I could describe it was to say that sex felt cheaper when we couldn't stay together afterwards. It felt like we had only gotten together to achieve some mutual release. I knew that wasn't entirely the case, and I even knew that sometimes in a relationship that's exactly what you need and it's how you show love- by giving your body for the other person. But I still felt wrong leaving. I hated that I had to. I even suggested finding a hotel for the weekend, but Gina put her hand on my cheek as I pulled up my pants and said, "Next week, babe. Next week." 

******* 

The next Saturday was the race. Gina had long ago booked a simple hotel room with a queen sized bed. It was about a mile from the starting line, which meant we didn't have to worry about parking or even warming up. We got there Friday afternoon and were booked until Monday morning. We had an early dinner- a carb-heavy Italian meal from a restaurant around the corner from the hotel. We got back to our room around 6 and packed up our things for the race- energy gel, sweatbands, water. Gina insisted we get a good night's sleep, and since we had to be at the starting line at 5am, I didn't argue. 

"So would 8 o'clock be an early enough bed time?" I suggested, looking at the clock telling me it was almost 7. 

"That would be great, as long as we could actually fall asleep that early," she said, putting her running outfit on the back of a chair. 

"Theeennnn, maybe we should try to think of a way to wear ourselves out during the next hour." 

Gina turned towards me and smiled. She walked towards me with her arms extended for a hug. "I'm sure we'll think of something," she said with a mock sigh. Neither of us moved for a few minutes, enjoying the feel of being in each other's arms again. As we stood there in our street clothes, we started swaying a little, back and forth. I'm not sure who even started it. But it reminded me of dancing at the ball a few weeks earlier, and I started humming one of the tunes we had tried to dance to. 

Our swaying became more intentional, and I pulled back so that I could hold her in a dance position. Gina giggled as I started us waltzing around the limited floor space of our hotel room. I hummed and sang the parts of the song I remembered, and when I got lost, Gina just giggled even more. After a few minutes of dancing about as awkwardly as we had when we first heard the song, I pulled her close to me and started humming a slow, romantic tune. 

As I gave her a few little kisses, Gina pressed the side of her head to my shoulder and said dreamily, "You know, you don't need to seduce me." 

"I wouldn't know the first thing about seducing, love. I'd call this foreplay." 

"Well be warned- if you keep this up, you might just rock me to sleep instead of fucking me to sleep." 

Still holding her close to me and swaying slowly around the room, I said,"That wouldn't be so bad, would it?" 

"Maybe not, except that I might wake up later and shag your brains out and then neither of us would get that good night's sleep we need." 

I tried to sound serious, responding, "I guess we have no choice, then. We have to have sex now, whether we like it or not." 

Gina tried to hide a smile while playing along. "I guess so. I'll make the necessary preparations." She slumped her shoulders and trudged towards the bed. 

Tired of the game, I ran up behind her and tackled her onto the bed. Gina screamed and laughed as I started to tickle her. She swatted my hands away and tried to retaliate. We tumbled around and started pulling off shirts, still laughing and jumping at each other. We froze and went silent when a thumping on the wall indicated that we may have been a little too loud for our neighbors. We locked eyes and Gina put her hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. 

We were both panting from the tumble, and I moved in for a tender kiss to slow down the pace. We were both topless, and I caressed all around her breast with my right hand, slipping my left hand into her jeans and cupping her ass. Gina rubbed up and down my arms and guided us onto our sides on the bed. 

"Where did you put the condoms this time?" I asked. "Under the phone?" 

"One's been in your back pocket since before dinner," she whispered, smiling as I shook my head and reached back. She was good at this. I tossed the packet onto the nightstand. 

We finished removing our clothes and pulled the blanket over us. We pulled close and continued kissing, enjoying one of the longer make-out sessions we had done in a while. My fingers curled into her hair and she rubbed hard up and down my back. We rolled around and found different positions to be comfortable in while we shared a kiss that never wanted to end. 

At one point, when I was on top of her, Gina's hand started smacking the nightstand, feeling around for the condom. She had to break our kiss to see it, and we put it on together. I pushed into her slowly, only advancing the tiniest bit in between kisses. Once I was halfway in, I lost patience and started pushing steadily into her. Gina's eyes went wide and she hissed in a long breath. When I bottomed out, she wasted no time in starting moving around. 

I watched Gina's face almost the whole time. She usually closed her eyes or looked around when we made love. I just enjoyed watching her unfiltered expressions- how she reacted to a particular thrust or shift, the way she wrinkled her brow or raised her eyebrows at a certain touch, the way her lips parted and drew quick breaths or deep ones. At some point that evening, as I was thrusting slowly into her, trying to draw out the experience as long as I could, Gina opened her eyes and saw me watching her. 

Blushing, she said, "I hate when you do that." 

"Do what?" 

"Watch me." 

"Gina, you've got my cock pushed up inside of you, I've got a hand on your ass, and you don't have on a stitch of clothing. And you're blushing because I'm looking at your face?" 

I little confused, she held her ground, "Yeah! I don't know what my face is doing...it's embarrassing. You should be closing your eyes and...doing whatever." 

"I'd much rather open them and look at you." 

She rolled her eyes, which was odd too watch from that angle, with her head being pushed forward by my thrusting. 

"Gina, you're radiant. Just beautiful. I can't get enough of seeing you. I want you in my life, I want you with me every day." Gina's eyes were closed and her face was turned towards the side. For some reason, saying those words sparked something in me. I pictured a life together, a family together, Gina and I raising children together, growing old together... 

It was too much. I had been going slow to prolong our evening, but I was suddenly overtaken with emotion and desire, which spilled over into a sexual need to push inside her. I drove deep and started cumming. Gina was surprised, but she helped me along, squeezing my shaft and mumbling in my ear, "Cum for me baby, that's it...I feel you cumming...So hot..." 

Panting as I came down, I felt apologetic. "Gina, I'm sorry, I didn't see that coming." She snickered at the unintentional pun. "I think I might be good to go again later- you've got me so turned on tonight, I just can't help it." 

She half-smiled and said, "I hope so, because I'm not going to sleep like this. You've got me just starting to get worked up." 

Still on top of her, I thought for a second about what might help get me ready quicker, and suggested, "Shower?" 

Gina turned her eyes up in thought very briefly, then patted my chest and said, "Let's go!" 

******* 

Showering with Gina had all the effect I had hoped for. Rubbing our soapy bodies together, along with her hand and mouth taking turns on my cock, had me ready for round two sooner than I had expected. We turned off the shower and dried off as we made our way back to the bed. 

"You had better let me finish first this time," Gina warned playfully as she pushed me onto my back. 

"Set the alarm, first," I chuckled, in hopes that we would end up sleeping in each other's arms after this. 

Gina opened her mouth to respond, but then got a naughty look on her face. She crawled across my body to get to the alarm clock on the nightstand, 'conveniently' ending up with her knees on either side of my head, next to my ears. 

"It's always so hard to figure out these hotel alarm clocks. It might take me a few minutes," she said. Taking the hint, I moved my hands to her ass and guided her slit right over my mouth. I started licking up and down her fresh-smelling lips, and I felt the bed shift as Gina lay her arms and head down on the pillow. 

"Mmmmm... Yessssss..." 

My own arousal forgotten for the time being, I took my time slowly drawing my tongue along her outer lips, occasionally circling around the hood of her clit before going back to the folds around her entrance. Whenever I would reach her clit, Gina would moan and push down onto my face. After a few minutes of teasing her folds and taking her lips in between mine, I shifted my hands around so that I could pull back her petals and get my tongue in deeper. 

I moaned at the sharper, tangy taste as I found her entrance, scooping with my tongue to catch as much as I could. I ran the tip of my tongue all around the rim of her tunnel, pushing inside just a bit. Gina's thighs tensed for a second, then relaxed. I waited until she started moving her hips around, signaling a desire for more, before I moved up to her clit again. I put a finger inside her and slowly moved in and out, stirring her. I felt the ridges of her tunnel with my fingertip as I gently moved as far in as I could. She groaned at the sensation of my finger pressing gently against her walls. 




A Heart Divided Ch. 05



Gina moved one hand down to the back of my head, pushing it firmly against her mound as I began working on her clit. My ministrations on her lips and pussy had brought her clit into view, and with each gentle swipe of my tongue across her button, I could tell she was ready to let go. Her breathing was a steady, fast pace and her hips were pushing against me, spurring on the firm pressure of my tongue. Her voice got higher and her grip on my head almost painful. 

"a-a-a-aAAHHH!! mmmAAAHHH! nnngh ... Gareth! ... Garrreth!! GarrrrrrrAAAAHHH!" 

She came with a growl and a scream. As her thighs trembled and her pussy clenched around my finger, her scream wound down into a series of cries. "Oh...my...God!" she said, each word cut off by a small convulsion of her body. 

I pulled my tongue off her clit after she began cumming, but midway through her climax, I pushed it back on, evoking another cry and an uncomfortably tight squeeze of my head between her thighs. After that, she pushed my head down and away, so I slipped out from under her and crawled up next to her. I smiled, watching her tremble and descend from her peak. Her eyes were clenched tight, her mouth open, gasping for air. The occasional moan filled the room. 

After she was still for a moment, eyes still closed, she spoke into the stillness of the hotel room, "Well, that was a toe curler!" With that, she flopped down onto the bed. I reached out to rub her exposed back and ass. I hoped and trusted that she wasn't done for the night, because I was becoming aware of how painfully aroused I had become. 

"Grab a..." she panted, eyes closed, cheek on the pillow. "Grab a...from...bathroom..." 

"No need," I assured her, rolling over to the nightstand and grabbing my wallet. I was learning to be prepared. 

"Too tired...don't want to kiss..." She was still catching her breath and also showing signs of sleepiness. "Just...from behind...I'll roll over." With that as the only explanation, she rolled so that her back faced me. I lined up from behind her and started pushing. Between the lube from the condom and the wetness of her arousal, I didn't need to go slow. I pushed all the way into her depths in one steady stroke. 

The sudden fullness for her and the sudden tightness for me caused us to groan in unison. I put my hands on her hips and moved her around a little. After a few strokes, I knew I was on the edge and could finish anytime I wanted. 

"Gina, do you think you could cum again tonight? Or do you want me to finish as quick as I can so you can sleep?" 

"I'm still tingly. Maybe give me a couple minutes and ask again?" 

"My pleasure," I answered truthfully. There wasn't much I could do in this position except thrust into her. Our legs were curled against each other's, intertwining at the ankles, and our bodies angled away, forming a V from our waists up. I reached out and touched her back very gently, rubbing my fingers along her spine. Gina shivered and I saw goosebumps form on her skin. 

Gina slipped her hands in between her legs, and I could feel her fingers moving along her folds. She gave my cock a few light squeezes as she rubbed around. She settled in on her clit, and after just a minute or two, she said distantly, "Oh yeah...I've got one more on the way. Can you hang on a few minutes?" 

"Sure thing...just stop looking and sounding so sexy." 

A quick squeeze around my cock was the "punishment" for that remark. I laughed, then moved my hands back to her hips. My thrusting into her was equal parts moving my hips and pulling her back towards me. We fucked like that, slowly, steadily, both in a position to watch the minutes tick by on the clock. It was a little after 8, and I felt confident that we would both be asleep soon. 

I pictured Gina in my arms in bed, naked and sleeping. I pictured my arm around her, feeling those wonderful breasts and listening to her happy sounds. I pictured us waking up during the night and slowly making love until we were both satisfied, then falling back asleep, never leaving our lover's embrace. I pictured Lynn joining us, her warm body behind me... 

I stopped thrusting and got angry with myself. I had been so close to cumming as I fantasized about a night with Gina, and then Lynn had to go and ruin that, too. I wasn't even turned off by the idea of Lynn- I was just angry that the thought of her startled me and frustrated my approaching climax. 

Gina seemed happy that I had stopped moving. She pushed back into my hips and grunted, "Hold it there..." Rubbing furiously along her clit, she was breathing sharply through her teeth. Her cum wasn't as loud or as strong as the earlier one had been, but from her cries and moans, I judged it to be pretty satisfying nonetheless. 

After a short recovery, she said sleepily, "Whenever you're ready stud, just go ahead." 

I started thrusting again, forsaking the slow, intense, emotional build I had been working towards and settling for a more aggressive, primal release. I held Gina's hips and started pumping hard. I worked up speed until I felt myself teetering on the edge of something. I imagined Gina's face, twisted with ecstasy as she felt my cock spreading her wide. I recalled what she looked like as she came- her mouth a wide-open smile, her hair falling in front of her face, her breasts shaking with excitement. That image was all I needed. 

I thrust hard, smacking her ass with my hips. I spent myself in a few short, intense bursts and gripped Gina's waist hard, keeping her in place. I arched my back, my head almost off the bed. My legs cycled in place, trying to climb deeper inside that glorious, tight, warm home that my cock had found. 

I was exhausted, and once I had tossed the condom on the floor, I pulled Gina's body tight into a spooning embrace and raced her to sleep. 

******* 

The half-marathon was hard. I hadn't done more than 11 miles in preparation, and even that was always hard on my body. Adding another 2 miles at the end was torture. I told Gina she should go ahead without me once she felt I was holding her back, and somewhere around mile 9 she took me up on that. She finished more than ten minutes ahead of me. I didn't mind though- I knew she was the younger, faster runner, and it meant that by the time I crossed the finish line, she had an energy drink and a doughnut waiting for me. 

We walked slowly back to our hotel, showered, and gave each other leg rubs. That night and the next day we were too sore for sex. It was no surprise that I was hurting, but Gina had pushed herself for a better time and may have strained a muscle on her last mile. We ordered Chinese delivery that evening, neither of us wanting to walk more than necessary. 

Not wanting to lose the opportunity of a weekend in a hotel, though, we enjoyed a few rounds of oral sex over the remaining day and a half. Gina had a habit when I was licking her to orgasm of trying to get me inside her when she came. She said she always came harder and better when she had something warm and hard inside her. It was a dangerous game, though, because I didn't have a condom on most of the time. But I certainly didn't mind being inside her bareback while she came, and it usually meant that she would suck me off first (so I would be less likely to cum inside her) and again after (since she had gotten me hard again). 

Gina suggested we train for a full marathon in the fall, but I protested that I might need to stick to half marathons or less. I was beginning to feel my age. We did, however, agree to keep running together, though I would probably join her during the second half of her runs, making it easier for me to keep up. 

I also made a decision, without telling Gina. I called the gentleman who had given me his card at the conference. I told him I would be very interested in hearing about his offer. He gave me the quick version- I could be an author in residence, giving Master's level seminars and lectures throughout the year while working on my books. It would pay well, especially if supplemented by more published writings. We set up a time for me to fly out for an interview in a few weeks. I casually asked about their undergraduate programs, wondering if I could convince Gina to move with me. I decided to hold onto that thought until after the interview. Gina didn't seem ready for that kind of commitment yet, but things had been moving quickly, so maybe by the summer... 

On our drive home that Monday, Gina and I swapped stories from high school. I told her about my nickname on the track team. They had called me "The Nerdy Blur," even though I was more of a distance runner than a sprinter. It had a nice, cruel ring to it, and I couldn't deny how strongly I had resembled the "nerdy" aspect of it. I hadn't thought about those days since I had left high school behind and found my niche in college. Gina just laughed and said she'd have to remember that for later, maybe as something to yell when she cheered me on at my next race. 

"If you say it during sex, though, I'm pretty sure it would end things instantly," I warned her. After a brief pause while Gina thought about that, she burst out laughing again. We traded embarrassing stories from our pasts and playfully argued over which radio station to listen to. Music was probably the one area where our age difference really showed. I laughed as she pretended to hold a microphone while singing along to some atrocious new pop song. I pretended to be annoyed, but really it was so fun just being with her. I felt my worries and fears and anxiety melt away when we could simply relax together. 

I dropped Gina off at her apartment at 11, giving her enough time to get to work that afternoon. I had canceled my class for that day in anticipation of recovering from the race. To make up for the lost lecture time, I assigned 3 popular heist movies that related to art and made them choose one to watch. They had to write a short paper pointing out any errors or helpful information about art in the movie. Students seemed to like those kinds of assignments. 

So I drove home, planning a relaxing day in my home office, working on some edits that my publisher was asking me to do. But all that went out the window when I pulled into my driveway, next to Lynn's car.



A Heart Divided Ch. 06



Note: Yes, I feel you. It's hard to read about Gina and Gareth, knowing how it ends. But the character of Gareth didn't even occur to me until I was writing one of the last few chapters of A Strange Arrangement. And then the idea that his story could both explain more of Gina's intimacy issues and also deal with a lot of other issues surrounding marriage and sex, well, I couldn't shake the idea. I've hating working towards the inevitable conclusion of this story, but I've tried to make Gareth a plausible, flawed, relatable character, rather than the one-dimensional ass-wipe he seems to be from Gina's later recollections. Part of my intention was to see if I could write a convincing "other side" to that story. 

Thanks for following the stories! There will be one more chapter after this one, and then you will all be welcome to cut off Gareth's balls... 

***** 

I turned off my car in the driveway and sat in it for about 15 minutes, trying to decide what to do. I wanted to drive straight to Gina. I wanted to leave, to have her meet me somewhere after her class- somewhere far away. I wanted to go away for a while and hope that Lynn was gone when we got back. I tried to mentally prepare myself for all the hard conversations that were going to happen. I prepared my excuses and justifications and recriminations. 

While I was still trying to decide if I was going to go in the house or drive away for a while, I was startled back into the present by a tapping on the car window. Lynn had walked out in her bare feet, tight jeans and a t-shirt with no bra- she was playing dirty. Wordlessly, I opened the door and got out. 

"How long have you been sitting out here?" she asked. 

I gave her a curious, accusing look. Were those really her first words after being gone for...how long? Nine months? I just shook my head and walked around to the trunk, pulling my bags out and carrying them into the house. Lynn followed me, arms crossed in a casual way that pushed her breasts up. 

"Where did you go this weekend?" 

"How long have you been back?" 

I think she realized she wasn't in a position to be asking questions. "Since Saturday afternoon," she said softly. 

"How long are you here for?" 

"For as long as we can make this work." 

I stopped walking and stood at the bottom of the stairs. Looking up towards our bedroom, I asked, "Did you already move everything back?" 

"Yeah. But I haven't finished unpacking." 

I walked up the steps and put my bags in the bedroom. There were a few boxes and suitcases lying around. I decided not to call or text Gina for now- no sense in ruining her day and making her worry. There would be time enough for that later. 

Lynn walked in the room behind me and leaned against the door frame. I had forgotten how beautiful she was. All I had been remembering lately was the Lynn that stared vacantly at me across the table or that got annoyed at the littlest things I did. I remembered her scowl. But as she stood there, she looked so vulnerable and scared, and she was dressed, probably intentionally, in a casually sexy way. 

"Gary, we need to talk- about a lot of things. I'm so, so sorry for...for everything. I shouldn't have put you through all this." 

I just unpacked silently as she spoke. 

"I'm sure you have a lot of questions, and I want to answer all of them that I can. But I don't want to have all those hard conversations at once. Can we ease into it? Can we try to get back into our life together and start working things out together?" 

"Oh, now you're ready to work on things? Not when I was asking to do it a year ago, but now? What if I'm not interested in that anymore?" I'm sure she was ready for that kind of reaction, but it still stung, and I was perversely happy to see her start to tear up. 

"I know Gare, I know. I've made some stupid decisions this past year or so. I wasn't sure I even wanted our marriage to work when I left. I guess part of me really did, though, and it took a lot of time for that part of me to talk sense into the rest of me." 

"Well, I'm not exactly ready for that. After all this time, I was expecting you to show up with divorce papers- if you ever did show up." 

"Nooo, Gary, I...I just needed a lot of time to get my head on straight. I was mixed up and confused and upset and I just didn't handle it well at all." 

"Your first mistake was trying to handle it by yourself. I was there for you, Lynn, and you shut me out. A guy can only knock on that door for so long before he's done." 

She looked at me with pleading eyes and asked, "So...you're done?" 

I thought that I knew the answer to that. I thought it would be so simple to say, Yes, Lynn, I'm done. But I couldn't. I was scared to realize that Gina was right. My heart was divided, and I couldn't just end it with Lynn. I had done it in theory dozens of times. In my mind I had shown her the door over and over, or else I had packed my bags and said a confident good-bye to her. But in reality, it was different. Standing there, in our house, in our bedroom, seeing the woman I had loved for so long, I couldn't just end it. 

I tried to think of Gina. I tried to remember the warmth of her embrace, the feel of her sleeping in my arms, the music of her laughter. But Lynn was here, and all the hope that I had thought was gone forever was suddenly reasserting itself. 

I couldn't say for sure that I would welcome Lynn back, but at the very least, I owed her a hearing. And maybe even a chance to reconcile. I measured my words carefully. I had planned a lot of these thoughts in advance. 

"No, Lynn. I'm not done." She slid down the door frame with an audible sigh and sat on the floor. "But I'm through knocking on that door. I'm not going to keep investing in this with no return. I feel like I've given all I could give, all anyone could be asked to give. If it's going to work, you're going to have to come a long way. I'll hear you out- I owe you that much out of respect for our history together. But I'm not making any promises- and you need to understand that- and own up to your part in it." 

"I understand, Gareth. You know, I came back a few weeks ago and you weren't here. And then when you weren't here this weekend, I got scared that you had given up and were really gone. So for now, I'm just so happy to be back here- with you. As hard as this is, my life hasn't felt this right since I left." 

"Well, I can't say the same, Lynn. Not yet." 

******* 

The rest of that day was tense and awkward. Lynn wanted us to try to get back into a routine, like nothing had happened. Let's get groceries together, let's have lunch together, let's catch up like friends who haven't seen each other in a while. She tried to convince me that the best way to heal our relationship was to begin by acting the way we wanted it to be. 

I wasn't having any of that bullshit. She dropped it once I pointed out that going back to "the way things were" meant silence and distance. Picking up where we left off wouldn't be progress. At least now we were finally talking about our problems. 

I went out (alone) to get groceries, and I calmed down a little as I made lunch for two. It had been a while since I had needed to adjust my recipes to account for her allergy, and even just having to do that to help me focus on something else was enough to help me cool off. I called Lynn down for lunch and we sat across the table from each other. As we started to eat, I said, "OK, go ahead and tell me what you need to say." 

Putting her fork down, Lynn said, "I should probably start with 'I'm sorry'." 

"You already said that, but it doesn't change anything. And it doesn't explain anything either. You haven't even told me what you're sorry for." I was being mean, I knew. I wasn't cutting her any slack and I was pretty convinced she didn't deserve any. Part of my anger stemmed from fear and frustration. Things had just been becoming clearer for me- Gina was a part of my life, and I was working out a way to have a future with her. She wanted to be with me and I wanted to be with her. A new job, maybe, a new city, a new life. That would have been the best way to find happiness again- no need to trudge through the mess that was Lynn and me. 

"OK, that's fair," she said in a controlled but shaky voice. "I'm sorry for leaving instead of working things out with you. I'm sorry for being gone so long and making you wait. I'm sorry...I'm sorry for being so distant last year. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you- that I'm not the wife you deserve." She was beginning to cry again. 

I put my fork on my plate and stared at her. I didn't even know what she meant by that last part. 

"I kept trying to tell myself it would be better if we just split. Gareth, I walked into a lawyer's office so many times, trying to work myself up to drawing up papers for a divorce. But I couldn't do it. And in the back of my mind...in my heart I knew that I had a really good thing with you and I was screwing that all up. The past few months I didn't come home because I was afraid that you'd be gone already. Then when I saw your car in the driveway this morning...I was just so hopeful that it wasn't too late." 

I forgot about lunch and just listened...and thought. I was ready for bitterness. I was prepared for coldness. I was expecting accusations. I did not expect this- penitence, regret, desire. For a few moments, there were flashes of the Lynn that I had once known, the Lynn I had been happy with, the Lynn I had wanted a future with. This was going to be more complicated than I had expected because Lynn wasn't sticking to the script I had prepared in my head. 

If Gina hadn't been keeping me so overwhelmingly satisfied sexually those past few months, if I hadn't just come back from a weekend with her, then I'm pretty sure I would have caved immediately and invited Lynn up to the bedroom to get reacquainted. Even still, it was hard not to suggest something like that, sensing how vulnerable she was at that moment and how eager to please. Part of what had drawn me to Gina and away from Lynn was the feeling of being wanted by the one and ignored by the other. I hadn't considered that when Lynn came back that she, too, might want to be with me. I realized I was feeling something I had never felt in our marriage- power. 

Lynn went on about her life during the past 9 months. She had an apartment in the city, met with her girlfriends, worked a lot, saw a therapist about some stuff from her past...I tried to pay attention and listen to everything, but my eyes kept getting drawn to her breasts jiggling freely in her t-shirt, and I was remembering the feel of their weight in my hands. I'm sure she noticed my distraction but it didn't bother her. For all she knew, I had been celibate during her absence. 

She had been silent for a minute as I stared over her shoulder, chewing a last bite of food. Lynn lowered her voice and spoke softly, "So, Gare, do you want to...go upstairs?" 

I heard her but didn't acknowledge the question. I chewed and thought. On a physical level, I was ready to take her on the table. Lynn was beautiful, sexy, and available. But I thought of Gina and my feelings for her. I thought of how hurt she would be. I thought of how hurt I had been by Lynn and determined that I was not going to let her manipulate me like that. If anything, I was going to say no just because it was something Lynn wanted. 

"No Lynn. It's going to take a while, if ever, before I want to go there with you. I'm going to move some things down to the guestroom- I'll sleep there for a while. You had your time to get away and think about things. Well, I'm going to need some time now, too." 

She looked at me, clearly hurt, but also a little disbelieving. I think she could tell that I was saying no just to hurt her. I didn't mind. "OK. If that's what you need, Gare. Let me get the room ready for you, at least. We haven't changed the sheets in there in ages." 

I didn't mention that a beautiful young woman had slept in that bed over New Years- and in our marriage bed several times since then. I excused myself to go work in my office for a bit. Lynn offered to clean the dishes. She was being much more helpful around the house than she used to, probably out of guilt. 

An hour or so later, while I was rewriting a chapter of my book, Lynn knocked on the door. Her voice was quiet, nervous, tense. "Gareth, why was there a condom under the pillow in the guest room?" 

At first my stomach sank, but then I bit my lip to keep from laughing. I looked at the condom- it was the brand Gina usually bought for us. That sneaky little... 

"I have no idea Lynn. Who were the last people that stayed here with us? Was it when my sister and her family visited a year ago?" 

"I guess..." She relaxed. "Now I wish we'd changed the sheets after they left...Ew." 

******* 

That evening, I told Lynn I was going out for a run. She looked at me suspiciously, and I told her I had run a half-marathon that weekend. 

"You what?" 

"I've had some time on my hands, for some reason. I started running back in December...like I used to in high school." 

"Oh." The implicit accusation wasn't lost on her. 

I jogged about a mile, then stopped at a bench and called Gina. I wasn't sure what time her class ended, and I hoped I would catch her. It was just after 8. 

"Hey, stud, what's up? How do your legs feel?" Just the sound of her voice eased me, and I sank lower on the bench. 

"Gina, I miss you. Are you free tomorrow at all?" 

"My morning is full, but I'm wide open after 12, what are you thinking?" 

"I'm thinking I need to see you. Lynn is back." 

Silence. 

"Gina? She was waiting at the house, she got back Saturday. She moved back in over the weekend, wants to make it work." 

Silence. 

"Gina, are you there?" 

Softly, "Yeah." 

"Gina, I need to see you." 

Tersely, she said, "You don't need to see me. If it's just to end it, you don't need to see me." 

"NO! No, Gina, it's not that. I'm stuck in the house with her, but I want to be with you. Let's go on another hike on that trail- remember that? I'll pack a picnic lunch and pick you up after class. The weather is getting nice- we can stay out all afternoon by the lake. I'll cancel my office hours and we can be together as long as we want. I just...I need to be with you- to see you and hear your voice and feel OK." 

I heard a sniff, then a soft, "OK. I'm at the art building until noon. We shouldn't leave together. I'll meet you at the parking lot of the church." 

I sighed. "Good. Thank you Gina." 

"Are you going to...are you going to fuck her?" 

"No. Not yet...I mean...I don't know... but no, not for now." 

"Good enough. We'll talk tomorrow." 

"I love you, Gina." 

"...Take care, Gareth." 

****** 

The night was awkward. Lynn again offered to go to bed with me, but I resisted. Once in bed in the guestroom, I jerked off, my imagination waffling between the two women in my life: Lynn, with all the history and years of memories and familiarity; and Gina, with the newness and excitement and vitality of youth. I realized that some guys would kill to be in my situation- having two beautiful, sexy women making themselves available to him. 

The thought occurred to me that I could try to keep that going- having the best of both worlds- but that just seemed repulsive and unfeasible. If it was just sex, then maybe, but I had never had "just sex." The emotional component, the dynamic of being desired and wanted and committed, was such a strong factor that I couldn't conceive of being in a relationship with two women at the same time. 

******* 

The next afternoon, I was waiting nervously in the church parking lot, wondering if Gina would change her mind. I had gotten up very early to pack a picnic lunch before Lynn awoke and had slipped everything into the trunk of my car before dawn. Then I made breakfast- for myself. Lynn could make her own breakfast. 

I had a lecture that morning, but I was very distracted- not that any of the students would have noticed. So many worries and hypothetical scenarios were popping up in my head. I dismissed the class about 15 minutes early, just because I wasn't able to concentrate another minute. Telling my TA to cover my office hours, I skipped going back to my office and rushed to the parking lot. I tried to tell myself that driving faster wouldn't make a difference, because Gina was still in class, but I had too much nervous energy to slow down. 

I was leaning against the door of my car, kicking gravel around with the toe of my shoe, when Gina's car pulled up next to mine. I walked over to greet her, just wanting to be held. She gave me a quick hug, then took my hand and started walking. I pulled her back to the trunk of my car so I could grab the picnic basket and blanket. 

"So we're really doing a picnic lunch?" she said with a smile. 

"You thought I was joking? 

"I thought you were rambling." 

"Was I?" 

"A little bit. You were definitely flustered." 

"Well...considering the circumstances..." 

Gina held my bicep with both hands and leaned against me. "I know," she said softly. "I know." 

We walked leisurely down the path, stopping to look at flowers that were just starting to bloom. It was mid-April, and spring was just beginning to assert itself. Everything around us felt new and promising. As we walked, it was as if my fears and worries were just dropping off my back and being left behind us. Gina lightened up and became playful. Birds chirped in the distance and we could often catch the scurry of some small forest animal running out of sight. 

We reached the field by the lake. I had mentally planned to have our picnic there- far from the path, along the lake, in relative privacy. I spread out the blanket on a patch of lower grass, and Gina stretched. Her eyes were closed, her faced raised to the sun. I stopped to admire her form as her breasts pushed out, straining against her t-shirt. She put her hands on her hips and looked out at the lake. A few ducks were swimming our direction, probably hoping for some bread. 

The spot I had picked was nice- when we were sitting down, we couldn't see the lake past some bushes and tall grass. But a few steps that direction would take us to a beautiful view. Once we were seated and pulling out the food, we were completely hidden from sight, and we would probably hear anyone coming near us as they made their way through the bushes. 

I pulled out two small salads, some bread and cheese, some sliced fruit, and a small bottle of wine. Gina laughed. "When you said picnic, I thought potato chips and peanut butter sandwiches!" 

I smiled, "I just grabbed what I had around the house." 

"Liar. I know what was in your fridge last week." 

Pouring a glass for each of us, I explained, "Well, I wanted a special time with you, and I didn't want to drink this with...with Lynn." 

"Well the wine and cheese makes me feel like we're on a picnic in the French countryside." 

I looked around and took a deep breath of the fresh air. We started eating, and by the time we were done, we were each working on our third glass of wine. I was thankful that the warm weather and our open schedules would permit us to stay as long as we wanted. We could even nap here in the sun- bellies full and hearts pacified. 

As if by some unspoken agreement, neither of us mentioned Lynn. We talked about classes; we talked about the race; we talked about sore legs; we swapped leg rubs and shoulder rubs. We kissed, and I tasted the wine on her tongue. Our kissing became touching, and touching became petting. We lay down on the blanket, pushing plates and glasses to the side. 




A Heart Divided Ch. 06



Gina was on her back, her breasts pushing proudly towards the sky. I was next to her, on my side. I leaned over her, touching her cheek with my hand as our tongues danced slowly together. Her soft moans as we kissed fueled my lust for her, and I reached a hand under her shirt. My hand went all the way up her spine to her neck, encountering only smooth skin the whole way. When had she taken her bra off? I lifted my head and glanced around, seeing it on the ground next to the picnic basket. 

Gina unbuttoned my shirt and put her hands on my chest, rubbing along my ribs. Our breathing was heavy, and we each felt the thick buzz of the wine clouding our judgment. But I was sure that even sober we would chasing the same thing. I felt confident that we had privacy, and even if we were interrupted, it was highly unlikely- almost inconceivable- that it would be by anyone we knew. We were just two lovers, finding time to enjoy time together in nature. 

Gina's hips were slowly beginning to grind and push up, meeting only air. I moved a hand down to lower her pants. She gasped as my finger began to caress her folds. She broke our kiss and panted as I rubbed. She moaned when I lightly touched her clit. My own arousal was becoming urgent, and as I kissed Gina's neck, I mumbled, "Should we..." 

"Hell yes!" was her throaty response as she tugged at my belt. 

"I don't think anyone will..." I began. 

"I don't care if they do. I need more." 

Sliding her pants all the way off, she sighed as she took hold of my cock through my briefs. I pulled my pants down far enough to free my shaft and got between Gina's legs. I paused, her hand on my stiffness, lightly pulling it towards her needy warmth. 

"Gina, I wasn't planning for us to...ah...do you have a condom?" 

Eyes closed, she was breathing heavy. "No." 

"Then maybe we should...just...how about I lick you?" 

"No...No, Gareth. No. Just promise me you'll pull out. I can't wait. I need you inside me. I'm so ready. Push inside me Gareth, let me feel you...please." By then, my tip was nestled against her opening. 

Part of me knew this was a bad idea. I had never pulled out before and didn't like the idea. But Gina wanted me, and we were both so ready, the moment so perfect. The wine in my head assured me that everything would be fine. Gina opened her eyes, which were cloudy from the sexual high and the alcohol. "Please?" she whispered, lightly stroking me. "I trust you." 

I pushed forward, gasping as I felt her warmth surround me. I had been inside her like this before- always for a few seconds as she came after I had gotten her close with my tongue. But we had never done this- me stroking inside her, pushing deep, moving around without any protection. Gina's hips started pushing up, taking me deep. 

"Gina," I groaned, "wait." She paused, and I closed my eyes. I heard her heavy breathing just in front of my face. "Wait...I'm...I'm too close." 

"Already?" she panted, her excitement palpable and mixing with frustration. 

"Just give me a minute. This...you...you feel amazing. I feel like my heart is going to burst." 

"As long as that's the only thing that bursts while you're inside me," she joked. 

I took some deep breaths and felt my heart slowing. Once I no longer felt like I was on the edge, I started small, shallow thrusts into her. It had been since July- nine months- since I had had sex without a condom, and never with Gina. The feeling of her tunnel pressing around me, the ridges rubbing me with every stroke, her lips pulling against me as I backed up- I couldn't get over how good it felt. I loved knowing there was nothing at all between us. 

Gina seemed to feel the same way. She pushed her hands under my shirt and gripped my back. Lifting her pussy up towards me, she grunted into my mouth with every thrust. After a few minutes, she paused, mouth wide open, and groaned. Her whole body squeezed mine, and I could feel small spasms around the base of my cock, which was pushed inside her to the hilt. It was a small orgasm, and I enjoyed watching her tremble and gasp in my arms. I could have cum with just one solid push into her as she pulsed around me, but I forced myself to hold still and let us both calm down. 

"That one took me by surprise," she said softly. I was cradling her head in the palm of my hand, my other hand running slowly up and down her side under her shirt. "I've never done this before...never without a condom." 

I was surprised, and I guess my reaction showed. 

"I'm serious. I've always been safe. But wow...it feels...so different. I feel like it's really you inside me now. A part of your body really is deep inside me. That's amazing. It's so...so...intimate."  

Not able to think of anything appropriate to say, I leaned down and kissed her- slowly, deeply, gently. Our breathing quickened and I started thrusting again. Our short respite had taken off my edge, and I was hoping I could help Gina reach another climax before I had to pull out. Knowing that this wasn't the best position for her, I pushed up with my elbow and rolled us over. 

Gina didn't start moving at first but instead lay her head on my shoulder and put her hands on my chest. Just as I was about to ask what she was thinking, she started moving her hips around. Seeming to find the right angle, she groaned and began dragging herself back and forth across me. We moved like that for a while, pausing every couple of minutes to catch our breath. Gina commented that it was like a dream- being outside like that, feeling my fullness inside her, hearing the birds and feeling the wind. 

I started pushing up into her, knowing I would need to cum soon. Gina sensed that and mumbled next to my ear, "I bet you're about ready, aren't you?" 

"Yeah," I grunted, "I've been close for a while. You?" 

"Gimme just a minute," she said, wiggling around. With my pants around my knees, I didn't have much mobility, but as long as Gina was moving, I would be fine. "I've been building up for a while- I think it's going to be a big one," she said slowly. 

"Good," I exhaled, hoping I could help get her there. 

After she had been writhing on top of me for a minute, pressing her clit to my pubic bone, Gina whispered urgently, "My breasts, baby, touch my boobs." 

I wasted no time in pushing both hands up her shirt and grasping her full bosom. She groaned at the contact, and when I took a nipple between my fingers, she cried out and pushed hard against me. I knew I was getting dangerously close, and when she started pushing harder...faster...I could only think about holding it in. I took my hands of her breasts and grabbed her hips to pull her up. I had to pull out. But just as I grabbed her hips, Gina collapsed on top of me and spread her legs back. My knees were trapped, and the brief panic of that kept me from cumming. 

But then after two long, drawn-out thrusts that took me deep inside her, Gina started cumming. It was a big one, like she had said, and her tunnel squeezed around me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, wanting to let her ride out her pleasure. She continued to push down on me, and the pleasure was too much. As she was shaking on top of me, grabbing my body with her arms, she said for the first time, "Gareth, I love you!" 

I don't know if it was the emotion of that moment, hearing her confess her love, or if it was the exquisite sensation of her gripping and milking me in her depths, but that was all it took to push me over the edge. Her hips were moving and I couldn't get a hold of them. She was pushing down so hard I couldn't pull back. And she felt so right, so perfect, that I didn't want to pull out. I pushed up into her and released. I felt myself spend inside her, once...twice... 

"Gina! ngAHHH! Off! Off!" I don't think she understood what was happening at first, still caught up in her own climax. I was pushing inside her to cum and at the same time trying to get out. I finally got hold of her ass as it clenched tight and I pulled her up. I still released a few small ropes of cum onto my stomach, but I knew that they were only afterthoughts of what had been planted inside her. 

We were silent for a minute, save for the heavy breathing of our descent. Gina remained on top of me, my stiffness pressed between us. After the intensity of the last minute or two, simply lying there listening to the ducks and the breeze was otherworldly. It felt like I was floating back down to earth after having left the atmosphere. Gina was the first to move, touching my lips with hers. We kissed softly, tenderly. I found her breasts again and rubbed them slowly. 

Eventually, she rolled off of me and looked around for her pants. Pulling them on, she reclined next to me and said without accusation, "You came in me, didn't you?" 

"A little. I started to. It was...it was just so sudden and so good. God, I'm sorry Gina." 

She was quiet for a moment, trying to determine how she felt. "I'm not bothered, really. It was just once, and just a little bit. And to be honest, I didn't want you to pull out. I heard you, but I couldn't stop. I need to feel you inside me when I cum, and that's all my body would let me consider." 

Still lying down, I pulled up my pants and asked, "Gina, are you opposed to birth control? Because I would pay to have you on the pill." 

She was quiet for a moment, then answered, "I've just never been able to afford it- I'm not opposed to it. But I've also never been in the kind of relationship where I didn't want the guy wearing a condom. I've never had anything that...special...like with you." 

I pulled her to me in an embrace. Then a thought occurred to me. "By the way, Lynn found a condom in the guest bed. Do you know anything about that?" 

Gina's eyes went wide and she put her hand to her mouth. "Ohmygod. I forgot about that one! What did you say?" 

"I played it off as being from a couple who stayed with us a year ago. But why was it in the guest room? We never go there." 

"I slept there once..." she said, hinting. 

"Yeah, but that was New Year's Eve. We had only just kissed. We weren't..." and then her implication hit me. "Holy shit. You mean if I had knocked on your door that night..." 

"No guarantees, but I was very open to the idea...and a little hopeful...But in the end, I'm glad we took it slower. It showed me you weren't just looking to get laid. Even if I was...at first." 

"At first?" 

"I didn't expect to actually have feelings for you. I just wanted some release...and there was the whole taboo 'fucking the hot professor' element...but...I guess it's more than that now." 

"Yeah, I guess it is," I said, still holding her. Neither of us mentioned what she had said when she was cumming- I was afraid to bring it up, lest she brush it off as the nonsense one speaks during orgasm. But I hoped...and worried. That afternoon I was able to forget Lynn, but as soon as I got home, I knew she...and all that baggage...would be waiting. 

I realized Gina had drifted off to sleep with her head on my chest. Seeing no reason to do otherwise, I closed my eyes and joined her. 

******* 

The sound of my phone woke me up. It was a text from Lynn asking when I'd be home. I looked at the time- it was mid-afternoon. Gina was just stirring; we had slept for an hour. I ignored the message and started rubbing Gina's shoulder. She sighed and snuggled into my arms. About ten minutes later, Lynn sent another text asking if I wanted her to come to my office with dinner. Realizing that she was in pursuit mode, I knew I had to respond or the next thing would be a call- or a surprise visit to the office. I texted back that I would be home after dinner. 

Gina asked me what was up, and I told her Lynn was trying to track me down and get together for dinner that evening. 

"Oh," she said, obviously upset. 

"So...do you want to out to dinner together?" 

Gina tilted he head to look at me. "You're serious?" 

"Yeah. The bitch disappeared for 9 months, she can't expect me to be available when she gets back." 

Gina sat up, resting on one arm and looking at me. "Don't just use me to get back at her, Gareth. I'm not the nicest of girls, but I don't want to be...a homewrecker or anything." 

Digging in the picnic baskets for some bottles of water, I said, "I'm mad at her, but I'm not using you. She doesn't even know why I'm saying no. I want to be with you this evening, not her." 

Gina thought about that, then looked off at the trees and said, "But what about the times when you'd rather be with her?" 

"I don't know that there will be times like that, Gina." 

"You'll see, Gare. You're too angry with her now, but you'll see. I can't compete with all those years. If just the memory of her in the house got between us, what about when you're actually with her, in the house? If she really wants to be with you again, that's going to be hard for you to say no to." 

We both drank water in silence; the crinkling of the plastic bottles was the only sound. Gina went on. 

"Sooner or later you're going to have sex with her. Don't be naïve," she said as I opened my mouth to protest. "She's probably trying to make that happen already, especially if she thinks you've...you haven't been with anyone since she left. And if you're trying to maintain that illusion, you're going to have sex with her eventually- you can't give a reason not to." 

"What if we leave? Just you and me...let's just leave together." She turned away when I suggested that. "I'm serious Gina. I tell Lynn it's over, we move in together for a few months while we finish the semester, then I get a job somewhere else and take you with me. It could work." 

Gina started crying- not out of happiness. "Stop talking like that. You know that's not going to happen, and I don't even know if I want that. This is already way more than I expected, way more than I wanted. It's more than I feel comfortable with. And besides, I would never feel like you were over Lynn. It would be unresolved. You can tell her it's over, but in your heart it's not. And until it's over in your heart, there's not room enough for me, too." 

"So you want..." 

"I want you to figure out what you want. If it's me, fine, we can try to figure out what that means and see if I want you in the same way. I don't even know. If it's her...Fine. We end it and you go fix your marriage." 

I let that sink in. I got up and we put everything back in the basket. It was a quiet walk through the second half of the trail. When we got to the end, the late afternoon sun was sinking behind the trees and there was a slight chill in the air. 

"I don't want to go back," I said as we faced the parking lot. "Do you want to do another loop?" 

"No...it's getting chilly. What I really want is to go somewhere and fuck like crazy so that I don't have to be thinking and feeling all this shit right now." 

I mentally ran through some options and realized that, regardless of what I wanted, I needed to be home that evening. 

"Dinner?" I asked again. 

"No," she answered plainly, without explanation. 

We marched out to our cars and parted ways with a simple kiss. 

******* 

Lynn was on the couch when I got home, a box of Chinese take-out in her lap and a movie playing on the TV. 

"I thought you were going to be out later?" she said, evidently pleased to see me. 

"Change of plans." 

"I got extra," she said, indicating the food. "Want to join me?" 

When I got to the couch, I could see she was wearing yoga pants and a tight, almost transparent tank top. 

"I'm going to go for a run," I said, not trusting myself around her dressed like that. 

"I'll join you," she said, hopping up. 

I couldn't think of a reason to refuse her, but I warned her, "I'm not going to change my pace or routine. You can join me for as long as you can keep up." 

She was stretching at the front door when I got back downstairs. We walked out the door and I started jogging towards campus. I was surprised that Lynn kept up as long as she did. I knew she was in good shape, but I never saw her running before. She hung with me all the way to campus. Running a longer distance felt good- my legs still needed stretching out after half-marathon from a few days earlier. 

Looping around campus and heading back home, I saw Gina round the corner ahead of us. Apparently I wasn't the only one who had resorted to running that evening. Gina got closer and her eyes widened when she saw me. Lynn was right next to me, red-faced but keeping pace. Gina passed by without comment, though our eyes met and I widened my eyes to try to express my frustration. One block later and Lynn stopped. I jogged in place for a few seconds as she bent over, catching her breath and holding her side. 

"I've never done more than 5 miles on the treadmill," she panted. 

"Well, we're almost at 6 right now. There's another 3 to get home." 

"You go ahead...I'll walk..." 

I was ready for a break, but I was happy to leave Lynn behind. Soon afterwards, Gina came around the block in front of me again. She had obviously looped around to catch another look. I knew Lynn could still see me, so as Gina passed I said, "Loop around." 

At the next corner, I turned right, then turned left with Gina, who had sprinted ahead to catch me. We walked a block together. 

Gina spoke, "She's pretty. More so than in the pictures on your wall." 

"She's not you." 

"What's that mean?" 

"I don't even know." Then after a minute of silence, I added, "She insisted on running with me- I was trying to get out of the house and work off some of that...extra energy." 

"You should probably fuck her tonight and get it over with." 

"No...I don't want to. Well, I do at one level, but my heart doesn't want to." 

We kept glancing back in case Lynn was behind us. Not wanting to risk it anymore, we split off, and I jogged home. Lynn got back about 15 minutes after me- she had jogged part of the way. I was eating dinner over the counter when she got in. 

Panting and glowing, she said, "Wow- we should do that more often. It's...invigorating. Give me a few weeks and I think I could keep up with you." 

Mouth full, I grunted something non-committal. 

"Shower with me?" she asked, taking off her shirt in the kitchen and pulling off her sports bra. 

I swallowed. "No, Lynn. Not yet." 

She gave me a frustrated look and went upstairs. I heard the shower turn on, followed by a shout. "Gareth!" I groaned, knowing what it was and not believing it for a second. I went upstairs and fiddled with the knobs to get the hot water working, avoiding looking at Lynn's naked body dripping wet in front of me. 

"I'm sorry, Gare, I forgot how it works." 

"Maybe you should just keep it cold, then," I spat. I didn't appreciate being manipulated- this wasn't her first shower since she got back. Shaking the water off my hand, I walked down to the guestroom, locked the door, and jerked off to thoughts of a naked Lynn in the shower, taking me deep into her mouth. After I finished, I texted Gina. In the guestroom. Wish you were here. 

She wrote back, Me too. 

******* 

I worked all day Wednesday, and I got back to find that Lynn had made dinner for us. I tried to be polite, or at least civil. It was almost a turn-off, the way she was trying to ingratiate herself to me. She wasn't the strong woman I remembered falling in love with. But still, her desperation to please made it hard not to leverage sexual favors. I considered telling her we should try anal sex, or something like that, something I knew would horrify her, just to see how far I could take it. 

The meal was decent. Lynn rarely cooked, but I guessed she had learned a little during her absence. While we were eating, she said, "Gary, I was thinking we should go back to the marriage counselor. I called her, I convinced her to let us start over with our six sessions, since we've already paid for them." 




A Heart Divided Ch. 06



I didn't answer at first. I think I had been hoping she would just give up on me and leave. I think I had been expecting that anyway, and it would have meant that I didn't have to make a hard choice. But it seemed like Lynn was serious, like she genuinely wanted to make this work. I never expected her to fight for our marriage. 

"Are you sure, Lynn? Is it really worth it?" 

"Haven't you been listening to me, Gareth? Since I got back, that's all I've been saying. This is what I want- you, us- it may have taken me too long to figure that out, but yes, it's worth whatever it takes."  

"What if I told you it was too late, that it wasn't worth it to me?" 

Softly, she said, "Then I would work my ass off to change your mind. But I don't think that's the case, Gareth. I don't think you're done. You've kept your ring on the whole time. You haven't changed the house, you haven't even taken down our pictures. I know it's hard on you, and I know I've hurt you, but I don't think you're done with us, just like I wasn't done when I left." 

"That's another thing," I said, pointing my fork at her. "You still haven't told me why you left, or why everything was so messed up for months before you did leave. I think before we can talk about counseling we should at least get that out in the open." 

She dabbed the corners of her mouth with a napkin and took a drink. "It's complicated, Gare. I don't think there was just one reason. And some of it had nothing to do with you...directly at least." 

"If it made you leave me, I would say it had a hell of a lot to do with me." 

"What's happened to you, Gareth? You're...something's changed about you. You're...confident. Self-assured." 

I was surprised by her comment, and I thought for a second about how Lynn had always had the reigns in our marriage. Because of my insecurities and my fear of abandonment, I clung to her, I tried to please her, I always deferred to her. But now, with Gina in my life, I didn't look to Lynn for that acceptance and belonging. It gave me the freedom to be strong. If Lynn left, I wasn't alone. 

"Don't avoid the question, Lynn." 

"Sorry...I'm just not used to you talking to me like this. You're...stronger." 

"Look, if you're going to change the topic..." 

"OK, OK...What was I saying? Oh yeah...there was a lot going on. And was starting to question if I even wanted to be married anymore. I wasn't even sure if it was marriage in general that was bothering me or our marriage in particular. But I was feeling trapped and upset...And then I would feel guilty...because I knew you were being good to me, even though I didn't deserve it. And since I was withdrawing, I felt bad that you were still chasing me, and that just made me pull away more." 

"That's...that's messed up Lynn...that doesn't even make sense." 

"I know, but that's where I was- I was so confused, and I blamed you, and then I felt guilty like I didn't deserve you, and then I just thought I wasn't cut out for marriage. 

"It would have been good to talk about this at the time, don't you think? I could have told you how I felt." 

"But don't you understand? That would have made it worse. You would have been so kind and gracious and I would have pushed you away because of it." 

"Seriously, Lynn. That's messed up." 

"I know, I know. While I was gone, I went to see a counselor or a therapist or something. A friend of a friend who was starting a small practice. And we talked through my family history. You know about my parents." 

"I know your mom, I've heard stories about your dad." 

"Exactly. He ran off. And I think I'm always afraid that our marriage will go that way- one day you'll just be gone." 

"And so you solve that by leaving me first?" I asked sarcastically. 

"Yes. That's how it gets twisted in my mind. And I tell myself that maybe I'm just like him- that I can't be married, I can't handle a family, I deserve to be alone, like he ended up." 

"Lynn, you know that's not true." Despite my best efforts, I was softening. I wouldn't say Lynn had good reasons to leave, but I was starting to understand that it wasn't just black and white. 

"I had been having those thoughts for a while- since even before we got married. But I tried and tried to pretend everything was OK. And you never gave me a reason to question your love..." 

"Well, I had my own issues that contributed to that. It wasn't always love so much as fear and insecurity." 

"I know, Gareth. I understand that better than you realize." 

"Then you should have known what your leaving did to me! What it was like to wait and wait and wonder what I had done wrong. To feel totally worthless and unloved and alone!" I was agitated, hitting the table to emphasize my words. 

"I'm so, so sorry Gareth!" 

"I don't care! Nine months, Lynn. Nine...fucking...months! You could have died and I wouldn't have known! You...you...you could have had a baby in that time!" 

"Or lost one," she said softly. 

"What?" 

"I lost a baby, Gareth." Her voice was trembling, but stoic. 

I had stood up when I was yelling. I slumped down into my chair, staring at her eyes that wouldn't look at me. 

"My baby?" 

She seemed hurt by that and looked at me with fire in her eyes. "Yes, your baby. There's never been anyone else." I winced inwardly at that. 

"I was pregnant when I left, but I didn't know it. About a month later, I figured it out. I was still really confused, but I was going to come back home. I mean...a baby, right? But while I was still making arrangements...I had a miscarriage. I was so scared Gareth, I wanted you there. And then I just felt horrible, like I couldn't even get that right. I couldn't even carry your baby without killing it. I had screwed up our marriage, and now that. I felt worthless." 

I sat there stunned. I wanted to hold her, to reassure her, to remind her how special and loved she was. But I was motionless. She continued. 

"I had been off the pill for almost a year. I knew you wanted kids and you had been suggesting that we should start working on that. But I was always too nervous, maybe I already knew I was going to run at some point. But then I thought kids might be what I needed to strengthen this bond. So I decided to surprise you. I went off the pill and tried to time it so that I could be pregnant as a birthday surprise for you that fall. But it didn't happen. And then I thought maybe for Christmas...but that didn't happen either." 

I remembered her being a little down over the holidays, disappointed and apologetic over the gifts she got me. It hadn't made sense at the time, but now... 

"I think that was when something snapped. I felt like a failure- a failure as a wife. I couldn't give you that one thing, that one special thing you wanted from me. And then I started to question if I should even be married- like maybe I wasn't cut out for it. And I pictured your disappointment in me. Oh, you'd never say anything, you're too nice. But you'd hide this resentment against me, and I got angry at you for that, even though it was all in my head. 

"Anyway, it snowballed from there. Sex was just a reminder of my failure. And I had convinced myself that you only loved me as a sex object and as a future mother, so I got angry. I knew it wasn't all true, but it was all just building up and building up and I wasn't happy anymore and I didn't see how I could ever be happy in our marriage or how I could ever make you happy. I thought a little time away might clear my head, but I just got more confused. And then, by February I wanted so bad to come home, but I was scared that you were gone, that it was too late.. 

I tried to imagine how things would have been different if Lynn had returned before Valentine's Day. Or just after... 

"I'm sorry Gare, there's so much more...and I wasn't aware of most of this at the time...it's just, now that I've had time to think about it and process it with some help, I can see a lot of what was going on in my head and heart." 

She had been talking for a while, and I sat there, dumbfounded. I had had no idea. I cleared my throat. "Lynn...to me you were always perfect. Seriously. I woke up every day wondering how I had ended up with you. So when you cut me off and...and got all distant...what was I supposed to think? You had found someone else, someone better? Or you were tired of me? You finally saw me for who I was and were disgusted?" 

"Nooo, Gare." 

"No, I'm serious. What was I supposed to think? You wouldn't talk to me, Lynn. So much of this...so much didn't have to...we could have just talked." 

"It wouldn't have worked," she said, shaking her head. 

"It would have been better than nothing." I stood up, feeling some of that anger return. "For all that time, you didn't act like a married woman. You shut me out of your whole life- not just the bedroom, Lynn, but everything. All that shit you were dealing with...and you never talked to me? It's like you don't respect me in the least." 

"You're right...I screwed up big time. But I want to fix it." 

"I don't think it can be fixed, Lynn," I said, putting dishes in the sink. 

She was quiet as I put leftovers in the fridge. After a few minutes, she asked very softly, "Gareth, while I was gone...was there someone else?" 

Not wanting to wait too long to answer, which would have been an obvious yes, I asked, "Could you blame me if there was?" 

"I...I don't know. I thought you would wait for me." 

"For how long, Lynn? How long would have been long enough? Is nine months the magic number? What about 10 months? If I didn't hear from you after 10 months, could I move on? Or a year? Five years? Did you expect me to wait forever? Keep on waiting with no word, not even a 'Hey, I'm still sorting through my messed up mind, but I'm trying to figure it out'?" 

She was finally crying, after being on the verge for most of our conversation. "So there was someone else?" 

"Yes. Once it seemed like you were really gone and that I wasn't going to be hearing from you again except maybe through a lawyer, yes. I started to think I should move on, since it seemed like you had a head start on that. But that's all you get to know. Even without her in the picture, I just don't know if we can work this out." 

"Will you try? Will you go see the counselor with me?" 

I thought about it, and I remembered that, at the very least, in our state we would need to have seen a counselor before we could proceed with a no-fault divorce, according to the lawyer I had met with. 

"OK. When?" 

"She said she can take us as soon as next Thursday afternoon, if you're free." 

I thought through my schedule- Thursday afternoon was loosely scheduled as a planning time at my office on campus. "I can do that. What about your work?" 

"I'm taking a month off...I want to be home. With you." 

Those words struck me. Home...with you. That's part of what had made things hard about having Gina in the house. With Gina, it was a house. With Lynn...it was a home. She belonged there in a way that Gina didn't. I thought of the interview I had scheduled in a few weeks. I realized that if things were going to work with Gina, it couldn't be here. 

******* 

I had to lie to see Gina. I told Lynn about the job possibility and then said I had an initial interview scheduled for that weekend. My plan was to get away with Gina that weekend, tell Lynn it went well and that they were flying me out again two weeks later for a follow-up, when I actually was going there. Lynn wanted to come with me that weekend, but I told her I needed time alone to process everything she had dumped on me that week. I couldn't tell if she believed me. 

Gina agreed to a short weekend away- driving to meet me a little ways out of town. We met at a modest hotel and went out to dinner on Friday evening. I was torn- I wanted to talk about Lynn and everything I was processing. Gina was the person I felt the closest to- my friend and lover. But this was one thing we couldn't talk about. She wanted to know, but only insofar as it affected our relationship. She didn't want or need to know all my thought processes and conflicting desires. I told her about my interview scheduled for two weeks later and about the marriage counseling that would start on Thursday. 

"Well, the counseling worked so well last time, didn't it?" she joked. 

"I know, I know- but this time it's Lynn that wants it, so I think it'll be different." As I said that, a thought occurred to me- what if we get the same assignment as the last time? What if she tells us we have to have sex every day for a week? Would I do it? 

Shaking off that thought, I added, "Besides, if I want to go ahead with a divorce, we have to have had counseling first." 

"But that's not all there is to it, right?" 

I sighed. It was Gina who had first seen that I wasn't over Lynn. "Yeah, you're right. Unless you and I..." 

Gina interrupted me, "DON'T...Gareth. Don't go there again. I'm not running off with you. Not while you still have unfinished business here." 

We ate in silence for a few minutes. I asked, "Do you want to go out to a movie tonight?" 

"Not really." 

"Do you want to go take a walk...or do something?" 

"I feel tired...drained. It's almost exam week and until this week I haven't been spending a lot of time on classes this semester." 

"Oh. Do you want...some help?" We hadn't really talked much about classes or art- maybe it made the professor-student dynamic too real and uncomfortable. 

She laughed lightly. "No, I'm not fishing for free tutoring. I'm just...not feeling like I want to do much, and I'm pretty emotional about all that's happening with you and Lynn. I just...I think I just want to go back to the room and chill." 

"OK. Do you mind if I chill with you?" 

She smiled. "Well, since I was thinking a good screw would help take my mind off things, then, yes, you should probably be there, too." 

I quickly called for the bill. 

******* 

"So where does she think you are this weekend?" Gina asked, pulling down my pants after we had gotten back to our room. 

"At an interview- a thousand miles away." I brushed my fingers through her hair as she knelt in front of me. 

"Do you think she suspects that you're...with someone else?" Gina pulled down my briefs and started rubbing my cock with one hand. 

"She knows there is someone else." Gina froze. "But that's all she knows. I told her I needed to be alone this weekend to process all that she unloaded on me." 

Gina resumed her motions. "Do you?" 

"Do I what?" I asked, my eyes closed and my head leaning back. 

"Need time to process." 

"Truthfully...yes. I was a little blindsided by some stuff. But I don't want to think about that when I'm with you." As I finished that thought, Gina's mouth went over my crown, teasing my tip with her tongue. She moved slowly up and down a few times, then pulled off to speak. 

"Well that's convenient, because I was planning to use sex to help me ignore my feelings about all this, too. How about we take a few days to fuck ourselves into forgetfulness?" With that, she took me all the way into her mouth, almost wrapping her lips around my base. 

"Works for me," I gasped. 

****** 

Gina worked me up to the edge, then stopped. I once again admired her oral skills and wondered if she was quietly demonstrating what I would be missing if I chose Lynn. She stopped just short of letting me cum and stood up. I looked at her with pleading eyes. 

"You're going to get me good and ready with that tongue of yours, and then you're going to be so worked up that you're going to pound me silly. I want you going crazy tonight." 

I pushed myself out of the chair and just shook my head in wonder. "I have no idea what I'm getting into tonight, do I." 

Gina chuckled. "Oh, you know exactly what you're getting into," she said, tapping her panties as she stepped out of her pants. 

I pulled off my shirt and walked towards her, scooping her up into my arms and tossing her onto the bed. Gina squealed and laughed as I yanked her panties off. I grabbed her knees and pulled her legs wide open, giving myself unfettered access to her folds. I began with one long, aggressive lick along her slit. She took in a sharp breath as I did so and immediately put her hands on my head. 

I pulled back a bit and said, eying her glistening slit, "Looks like you're good and ready." 

"I'll decide when I'm good and ready," she answered, pulling my face into her pussy again. She moved her hips up and down, making it difficult for my tongue to make consistent contact. I solved that by taking her knees, which were still in my hands, and pushing them up towards her chest. With her hips tilted up and her thighs pressed to her stomach, she couldn't wiggle as much. 

"Hold still, dammit!" I said in mock frustration. I tried to work slowly up and down, looping around her entrance and teasing her clit, but Gina was getting frustrated. She was pulling hard on my head, squishing my face and whimpering. After a few minutes of listening to her moans and gasps, I was worried she was going to pull out a clump of my hair. 

"This isn't what you want, is it?" I asked. 

"I thought it was...but it's not." She let go of my head and reached over to the nightstand drawer. Pulling out a strip of condoms, she opened one and tossed it to me. 

"Hurry," was all she said. I had no inclination to argue. 

I wasn't as worked up as Gina had hoped- even the few minutes trying to lick her had helped me cool off a bit. "Want me to clean my face off first?" I suggested while rolling the condom on. 

"No. Fuck first. Kiss later," she said, exhaling through her nose and rubbing her hands impatiently up and down my sides. I was using my hand to get my tip securely nestled in her entrance, anticipating that breathtaking moment when I would slide into my lover's depths, when she put her hands on my cheeks and forced me to look in her eyes. 

"Hard, Gareth. Hard." Her eyes were on fire, and I gave her no warning as I drove into her. I took a perverse delight in seeing the shocked expression on her face and hearing her cry out. Pausing, and hoping I hadn't crossed the line, I asked softly, "Like that?" 

Gina closed her eyes and said, "Yessss...like that." 

I would have preferred a gentler, more tender time together that evening, but I figured Gina had her reasons for wanting this. So I started slowly- pushing into her with forceful, spaced out thrusts. Each one made a loud smack and called forth a grunt from both of us. Gina grit her teeth and looked at me through narrowed eyes. "Yeah baby...yeah...like that. Just fuck me tonight. Make sure I feel it..." and so on. 

Honestly, it wasn't my thing. The only time I really had enjoyed aggressive sex was when I was pissed off at Lynn and taking it out in a good old-fashioned grudge fuck. But those were few and far between, and I wasn't feeling anything close to that with Gina. But it felt good to be inside her and to be touching her skin as I held her around her back. I enjoyed watching her breasts shake with my thrusts and I was mostly just happy to be loving her the way she wanted to be loved right then. 

"Oh my God! That feels good, baby. So full, so thick...MMf...Harder!..." Her breathing quickened, and after a few minutes, she pushed on my shoulders and said, "Roll over." 

I carried her with me as I rolled onto my back. Gina put her hands on my shoulder, which was a little uncomfortable. But then she started pounding herself down onto me. I looked at her face and was struck by how pure and beautiful a woman can look while in that position. Her eyes were barely closed and her hair was frazzled around her face. Her mouth was an open smile, emitting all kinds of moans and grunts. And yet she didn't look slutty or dirty. Because everything felt so right, she looked like a goddess- striving to bring herself the highest pleasure and, consequently, letting that pleasure overflow to me. 




A Heart Divided Ch. 06



She leaned forward, putting more pressure on my shoulders and gripping tight with her fingers. I thought of the marks she might leave. Was that intentional? She stopped moving up and down and began sliding back and forth. I knew she was trying to stimulate her clit to get her over the edge, so I lifted my hips to help improve the angle. She sighed in appreciation and collapsed onto me, wrapping her arms around my neck. Her face was beside me on the pillow, making her little cries and whimpers sound like shouts. I rubbed my hands up her sides and down to her hips, slowly, consistently. 

Then I slipped one hand between us and cupped her breast. Gina gasped and pushed herself up a bit. "Do it!" she begged. I took her nipple in my mouth. The slightest pressure with my lips around it was the last piece of the puzzle for her. Her hips jerked forward as she cried out, and my cock slipped out of her, falling with a thump onto my stomach. Gina moaned in frustration and tried to push back onto it. I reached down and lined us up to meet one of her thrusts. 

The sudden fullness made her grip me tight around the neck. She mumbled with her face in my hair, "cumming... cumming... O fuck... O fuck... cumming... mmmhmmmm..." She writhed on top of me, legs moving aimlessly, wildly around, trying to capture the feel of my skin but also at the mercy of her spasms. And just when I thought she was winding down, she did one more grind with her pelvis and started shaking again, lifting her head up and giving one long, wordless groan. 

Rubbing her back, I asked, "Like that?" 

She laughed, and I felt her breasts jiggle against my chest. "Just like that." And then she dropped her head onto the pillow. She closed her arms around me, her elbows tightening around my ribs and her hands on my shoulders. She kissed my neck and shoulders, then mumbled, "you close?" 

I realized I wasn't- I had been so distracted by trying to make things work for her that I wasn't feeling my own drive to release. 

"Not yet, but I don't think that'll be a problem." 

"How do you want me?" she asked, wiggling her hips and kissing around my chest and shoulders. 

"Since I'm guessing you still don't want to kiss my mouth..." 

"Un-uh," she grunted, moving her lips along my collarbone. 

"And you don't want me to get up and wash." 

"Nope..." 

"How about you turn around and give me a view that will take my mind off your gorgeous lips?" 

"OK," she breathed out, straightening up. 

She started moving up and down, rotating a little with each small bounce. She moved until she was facing my feet, then started riding me that way. I groaned at the sight of her ass moving steadily up and down in front of me- why had we never done this before? Gina's hips and butt were amazing to watch. I tentatively put my hands on her hips and ran them along the curve of her cheeks, not wanting to break the spell she had put me in. 

When she leaned forward and put her hands on the bed between my legs, the change in sensation took me to the next level- I was ready to start pushing towards my own climax. Holding her hips, I pulled her down onto me and started thrusting up. Gina stopped pushing down, finding it hard to synch with my erratic thrusts. That worked better for me- I could pull on her hips and she would follow my lead that way. 

I felt like I could get a lot deeper in that position, and the feel of her pubic bone rubbing along the underside of my shaft hastened my cum. I felt my balls getting ready to release their load, and my breathing started to come out as incoherent grunts. I looked up and Gina and could see from the side that her boobs swaying, smacking against her body with my thrusts. That image, and the feel of her walls gripping me down to my base drew out a few hard thrusts up into that perfect body. 

I pulled her hips hard on the last thrust, and Gina responded by pressing down on me with all the force she could. I felt so deep inside her as I began to release. 

"gah-AHHHH! ... ffffuuUCK! ... GinnnAAAAAGGGHH!" 

Each pulse coincided with an upward jerk of my head and chest, lifting off the pillow. I pulled out a little and pushed in again, still cumming hard. I felt Gina's fingers furiously brushing her entrance- the steady pressure adding to my pleasure and hopefully accelerating hers. 

As I lowered my butt to the bed and stopped pumping out cum, Gina was still rubbing her clit with one hand and massaging one of her nipples with the other. I lay there, sucking in air and watching from behind as she dropped her head and started gasping. She fell forward, and one hand caught her fall. I felt her tunnel tighten around me again as I began to soften. She came softly, briefly, then breathed out slowly. 

After a few deep breaths, she looked back at me and asked, "Ready?" Grabbing the condom at my base, I said, "Go ahead." She dismounted and wobbled to the bathroom. We both cleaned up and I flipped through the limited selection of channels to find something to watch in bed. As we settled in next to each other, relishing the feel of our skin together under the covers, my phone rang. Knowing that Lynn was probably checking on me, I gave Gina a helpless look. 

Putting the phone to my ear, I said, "Hey." 

"Just checking to make sure your flight got in OK." 

"Yeah, it's fine. I'm settling in at the hotel now." Gina ran her fingertips along my chest and watched my face as I talked. 

"Are you going to get dinner soon? I know it's earlier there." 

"I'll be fine, Lynn. I'm going to bed early so I'll be refreshed in the morning." 

"OK...just...let me know how it goes." 

"Alright- I don't know how involved this process is, though, so don't call tomorrow and interrupt." 

"OK. But you'll call me tomorrow night?" 

I thought for a few seconds. "No, Lynn. I want some time to think...remember? You kind of dumped a lot of stuff on me this week, and I don't feel ready to respond yet." 

"OK, Gary." Then a long pause. "Gare? I'm sorry." 

"I know. I'll see you Sunday." 

"I love you." 

"Bye." 

I put the phone down and squeezed Gina. She mumbled, "Well that wasn't at all awkward." 

"Aren't you supposed to give me a blow job or something while I'm on the phone with my wife? Isn't that how it goes in the stories?" 

"What stories?" she teased, feigning shock as she lightly massaged my cock in her hand. "What kind of stories have you been reading, Gareth?" 

I blushed, realizing I had given something away. Then she smiled and put her head on my chest. "We'll have to compare notes sometime." 

I laughed lightly, and Gina's head bounced as my chest shook. 

She did blow me later, after a mindless action movie had ended. I returned the pleasure with my fingers, and then we slept until the dawn found us again gasping and moaning in each other's arms.



A Heart Divided Ch. 07



Warning to the reader: this chapter, as many of you know, will deal with the issue of abortion. If that is a sensitive or difficult topic for you, you may want to skip down the page a bit once the conversation and plot turns that direction. 

***** 

The next week was the week before finals, so I was busy at work, trying to wrap up the semester. Gina was frantically busy getting her work done for the end of her semester. She admitted that she had "spent more time fucking than studying" but then said she regretted none of it, except maybe some of the studying. Consequently, we didn't plan to see each other at all that week, aside from the occasional jog, and I knew I wouldn't see her during exam week, though I half expected a booty call at some point when she got stressed. 

In the meantime, Lynn and I made it to the first counseling session. The counselor quickly got reacquainted with us while looking over her notes from the year before. Once she learned that Lynn had left and been gone for 9 months after our last session, she asked me to leave the room for a bit. I went into the waiting area and flipped through magazines for 20 minutes. Then Lynn came out to the waiting area and the counselor motioned for me to join her in the office. Our counselor was about my mom's age, but she was very professional and direct, not at all exuding a motherly "vibe." 

"I'm sorry to make you wait, but in situations where a wife leaves like that, there's usually some abuse involved, and I had to have a private, frank discussion with your wife." 

My eyes widened, and I realized that in some ways the deck was stacked against me if I pushed for a divorce. The husband seldom comes out looking like anything but a bad guy. 

"I'll call Lynn back in a moment, but first I need to ask you one or two things. While Lynn was gone, did you have a relationship with another woman?" 

Since Lynn already knew, I saw no reason to lie. "Yes. Once I thought Lynn wasn't coming back...and she wasn't calling me...and..." 

"It doesn't matter. I'm not asking you to defend yourself. I'm just trying to get the facts that we need to deal with together. So my next question- does your wife know about this?" 

"She knows it happened- that's all." 

"Good. That's...that's actually good. And are you still in a relationship with that woman?" 

"Yes." 

She held a good poker face during these questions, but she winced the slightest bit at that news. 

"Do you plan to continue in that relationship?" 

"For now, yes. I don't know if it's going to work with Lynn- I'm pretty hurt by all that she did. And I'm...I love this other woman. It's too soon to say if we have a future together, but I'd been planning to work on that when Lynn reappeared..." 

"OK. Well, I'm going to bring Lynn back in here, and it's not my place to tell her anything about this other woman- that's your decision to make. But am I right in saying that if I asked you to cut off contact with her that you would refuse?" 

"Definitely. I'd sooner leave Lynn." 

"I was afraid of that. But you're still willing to work on your marriage? Trying to have it both ways?" 

"No. I'm willing to wait while Lynn shows me that she's going to work on it, too. Then I'll be ready to think about it. I'm not going to leave a good thing just to go back to the shitty marriage I had last year." 

"I hope it's not too late at that point, Gareth, but we can only work with what we have, not with what we want." She stood up and opened the door, beckoning to Lynn. 

The three of us talked for a another ten minutes, and then after some questions about our schedule, she gave us our homework assignment. 

"Two key things were missing from your marriage when Lynn left. Communication and time together." Mentally I added a third- sex. "So this week, Lynn, you are going to answer all of Gareth's questions about what you were thinking and feeling and why you made the choices you made- leading up to and following your departure. Gareth, your job is to ask questions. Lots and lots of questions. Don't give up until you are satisfied that you can explain to me what was going on. I took notes on my discussion with Lynn, and I will ask you questions next time to see how well you can recount what she shared with me." 

Lynn and I both shifted in our seats. That sounded both easy and hard. 

"As for time together, Gareth you naturally are upset and want some distance. But if you are serious about giving Lynn a chance, you have to be present, you have to give her the opportunity. And so for the next week, you are to sit down together for at least two meals a day. No interrogations during the meals, Gareth, and try not to argue. Just have meals together- go out if you can. Talk. Get reacquainted. Try to feel like a couple again. Go back to your favorite places together. If you can do all that, it will be good progress. Don't come back if you haven't done it, OK?" 

"That's it?" we asked together, me with relief, Lynn with disappointment. Without having discussed it, I think Lynn and I both expected the sex assignment again- Lynn with hope, me with some reluctance. Surprised by our reaction, she looked up from her folder, peering through her glasses. 

"Yes...that's all for now. You'll find out that it's plenty. I hope to see you next week- same time." 

******* 

It wasn't an easy week at first. I asked a lot of questions, many of which made Lynn uncomfortable or upset, but she answered them. I still stayed in the guest bedroom, and we had breakfast together every morning. Lynn came to campus a few times, either to bring me lunch or to take me out for lunch. We went to a few nice dinners. Our conversation stayed civil over meals, and after a few days we even laughed together over some story from our past. 

During one of our lunches that week, we were in my office, Lynn sitting across the desk from me, both of us having lunch meat sandwiches that Lynn had prepared. There was a knock on my door and I said, "Come in." 

I started choking on a bite of my sandwich when Gina opened the door. Fortunately, Lynn's back was to the door, so she didn't see Gina's reaction- a mixture of surprise and disappointment. Lynn turned around while I took a drink of water, and Gina said, "Oh, I'm sorry Professor. I am just...stressed out over a...paper. And I was hoping you could clear up a few things." 

"Oh...well...the, uh, TA should be around this afternoon...or you can find me after class." 

Lynn watched Gina casually during our stilted conversation. 

"Yeah, I saw the TA and he...couldn't really find the problem. I was hoping you could...put your finger on it." 

How did she manage to say that without laughing? 

"Well, uh...miss...come up to me during the class break and we can talk." As I said this, I held up four fingers and pointed down at my desk, hoping Gina understood to meet me there at 4. Gina nodded and said OK, and by the time Lynn turned back to face me, I was already taking another bite. Gina closed the door as she left, and Lynn smirked. 

"Do you get that a lot?" 

"Students with questions? Yeah, especially around exam week." 

"No, I mean the girls coming and looking all flustered and starry-eyed." 

Fortunately, Lynn took my awkward expression as just my usual ineptitude around women. 

"Honestly Gareth, you just don't know how women see you, do you?" She reached her foot under the desk and rubbed my calf. I pulled back a bit and said, "She...They're just kids, Lynn. Some of them are barely 18. It's hard to even talk to them." She didn't seem suspicious, but I was still extra relieved when she left. 

Gina did come back at 4, and we repeated our earlier adventure of her getting fingered on my lap. We remembered to turn off the light that time, and I had to put a hand over her mouth as she came, because there were still a number of people passing by in the hallway. Afterward, as she cleaned herself up, I explained Lynn's presence by telling her about the assignment from the counselor. Gina didn't seem to mind either way, she was pretty distracted by papers and exams. 

"Just make sure you're free next Thursday afternoon," she said. I gave her a questioning look and she explained, "My roommates are leaving for the summer that morning. I have the place to myself..." Her voice went up at the end, suggestively, with anticipation. 

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was already aroused from having Gina climax on my lap with my finger working between her folds. To think ahead to being with her again, but to have to wait another week... 

"I'll be gone this weekend," I reminded her. She stopped and looked up, thinking. "The interview- the real one." 

"Oh...OK- well, I'll be studying. Have a good time!" 

As she left, I realized I should wash my hands before going home- and change my pants. I remembered my running gear was in my trunk, and I decided to run home that afternoon, hopefully working off the growing horniness that was becoming a problem that week. 

******* 

Thursday was our second counseling session. The counselor grilled me about Lynn's choices and motivations, and after 20 minutes, she was surprised by how well I had understood Lynn. I had been motivated to genuinely understand what happened, and that, according to our counselor, was very good. Then she dismissed Lynn and asked me all kinds of questions about how I felt when Lynn left and before she left. Calling Lynn back, she gave Lynn the same grilling. 

When Lynn failed to answer most of the questions, the counselor pointed out that because we weren't communicating, we were making a lot of assumptions about each other and were both acting on those assumptions. Naturally, we were getting upset and it was driving us apart. The only thing we could do about that was talk more- to talk intentionally about these things, voicing and clarifying our assumptions. I was impressed by how enlightening our time with her was. I wished we had been able to go through these things before Lynn had left, and I imagined how different the last year would have been. 

During the last 15 minutes, she talked with us about dealing with changes in marriage. She explained that, in reality, you marry a lot of different people. Your spouse will change in a lot of ways over your life together, and if you expect them to be the same person now that they were 5, 10, or 20 years ago, then you will be disappointed. 

For homework, she told us to individually write a list of ways in which our spouse had changed over the past 7 years, marking which changes we thought were good and which we thought were bad. We could talk about it as a couple or we could talk about it in the next session. She warned us that we were not to expect or hope that the other person would "unchange," going back to the way they used to be. "Marriage is a commitment to be with one person for the rest of your life, knowing that the person will not always be the same as they are on the day you make that commitment. You are really committing yourself to a process, not a product. When we forget that, we lose any chance of being happy together." 

As we got up to leave, she said, "And one more thing. I'd like you to try again to finish your first assignment from last year. Sex every day until our next session." Lynn looked at me and I clenched my jaw, looking at the counselor. Seeing our reactions, she straightened up and pulled her glasses off. 

"Oooohhhh. So you haven't had sex yet?" 

"Not yet," said Lynn just as I answered, "No." 

"Well," said the counselor with a half-smile, "I hope to see you next week..." 

******* 

We got in the car in silence. After we were on the road, I glanced at Lynn in the passenger's seat and said, "You know I'm leaving today for my interview." 

"Yeah, I know," she said, pulling out her phone. 

"I'll be gone until Sunday night." 

"Yep," she said, tapping away and emotionless. "The red-eye flight, right? Leaving at 6:30?" 

"Yeah. So I'll be leaving for the airport right after we get back." 

"Correction. We will leave for the airport. I just booked a flight to go with you." 

Pulling up to a red light, I stopped the car and looked over at Lynn. She smiled, danced in her seat and said in a sing-song voice, "I'm getting laid tonight, I'm getting laid tonight..." 

I bit back a smile. My, how the tables had turned... 

******* 

We got back to the house and Lynn ran inside. She was up the stairs and packing a bag before I even got through the door. Less than 3 minutes later, she was back in the living room, pulling a small carry-on suitcase behind her. 

"You have never taken less than an hour to pack for a trip before," I commented. 

"Well, I didn't want you to leave without me. And...I don't expect to need much this weekend. Just clothes for the flights, maybe something for a dinner out, work-out clothes for the hotel gym...but the rest of the time I am going to be in the room...naked. I'll be your little sex slave all weekend." She was downright giddy. 

I groaned, thinking about how I hadn't been with Gina for a while, how I couldn't help but desire Lynn, and how I was obligated to fulfill our homework assignment. Just below the surface, I knew that I really, really wanted to have sex with Lynn. Really. But I had wanted to try to be faithful to Gina, and I liked denying Lynn after she had denied me for so long. Gina knew it was inevitable that Lynn and I would have sex again, and that didn't seem to bother her greatly. But I couldn't let Lynn think I was looking forward to this, especially with what I had planned for out first time back together... 

******* 

"Kiss me Gareth, please?" Lynn was on top of me, naked, having just finally gotten my pants off me. We were in the hotel room after an uneventful trip. It was late, and we were both tired, but Lynn was not letting this opportunity pass. She had taken me in her mouth to get me hard (and I was reminded of how much better oral sex was with Gina), then had stripped naked. I looked around impassively, then took off my shirt and lay down on the bed. Lynn had pulled of my pants and was rubbing her slit along my length. I lay there with my hands at my sides, staring at the ceiling. 

"I'd rather not mess around with foreplay. Just go ahead an get this over with." I was trying, obviously, to mimic her behavior from the first time we had been given this assignment- the time when she stared up with those vacant eyes and waited for me to finish using her body. It was, admittedly, difficult to hold back. When a woman as beautiful as Lynn is trying to have sex with you, a guy can't just pretend he's not interested. 

Lynn seemed to have some sense of what I was doing, so she raised herself up and took hold of my cock to line it up with her very wet entrance. "Well, see if you can be Mr. Get-This-Over-With once you're inside this...tight...pussy!" she said, pushing herself down on me. It felt good. It felt soooo so good. I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes, stifling a groan. When I opened my eyes, Lynn was looking at me with a knowing smirk. Then she closed her own eyes and lay down on top of me. 

Wrapping her arms around me, she said, "It's been too long Gare. Too long." Then lifting her head, she looked into my eyes and said, "You're really not going to kiss me?" 

"I'm tired, Lynn. Can you just hurry up and finish?" 

She sighed and started moving around- slowly. She held her face next to mine so that I could hear her slightest grunts and groans next to my ear. After getting used to condoms with Gina, sex without one was like watching High Definition TV again after having used an older TV for a while. It felt better- I could feel her wetness and warmth so much more vividly. 

"Ooohhh, I haven't felt like this is ages. I'm so alive, Gare." 

Her skin did feel so nice against mine, and I resisted the urge to kiss and fondle her heavy breasts that were resting on my chest. 

"Do you want to get on top?" she whispered. 

"Nah," I said, trying to sound bored. 

"Do you want to fuck me hard from behind?" 

"No thanks." 

"Do you want to finish in my mouth?" 

She had never done that before. I knew she was desperate for a reaction. "Not really. Just go ahead and finish. I'm starting to get a little raw down there." 

I doubted that she remembered saying those words last July, but I felt a cruel satisfaction in throwing them back in her face. 

Lynn gave up talking and closed her eyes. Her hands went all over, touching every part of my body she could reach. She kissed my neck and cheek and I could hear her building towards release. Propping herself up over me, she started grinding our crotches together until she came with a shudder and a cry. 

"oooaaahhh ... yeah ... yeah! ... baby, I- ... I- ... nnnngghhhhAAAAA!" 

Her long hair came down and tickled my shoulders as she moaned and convulsed. I gripped the sheets to keep myself from touching her. I watched bumps rise all around her aureoles, I listened to the sound of her wetness squishing around me and felt the inviting squeeze of her tunnel. She lowered herself and hugged me. As she caught her breath, she asked, "How do you want to finish?" 

"Looked to me like you just did," I said, and tapped her shoulder a few times. She rolled off me and I got up to clean myself off in the bathroom. I came back a few minutes later in my briefs and a t-shirt, wishing my dick were fully soft. 

Lynn was still in the bed, looking at me in confusion. "You're serious? You don't want to..." 

When I didn't answer, she got up and used the bathroom, coming back to bed naked. I turned off the light and tried to go to sleep. Lynn's body curled up behind me didn't help at all. 

For at least 30 minutes I lay there- frustrated and thinking. After a while my erection finally settled down. I knew it was pride that was making me act this way. But was it worth it? I wanted Lynn to hurt like I had hurt, but what good would come of that? Besides, if it meant I was giving myself blue balls, it seemed like a pretty stupid plan. I kept listening for Lynn's breathing to indicate that she had fallen asleep. Then I could move over and jerk off. But after a half hour, she didn't seem any closer to sleep than I was, and she was still spooning behind me, her arm wrapped around my chest, casually running her fingers through my chest hair. 

"Gare?" she said softly. 

I waited a moment, then said, "Yeah?" 

"Why are you being this way? Is it because of her?" 

"I just though it would help if you understood how I felt lest year." Wow. Putting it that way actually made sense. 

"How did you feel, Gare? Tell me." 

"How do you feel right now?" 

She thought about it, then said, "I feel unwanted. Unloved. Unlovable. Unattractive. A lot of 'un's'. I feel hurt and betrayed. I feel lonely. I feel confused..." I could tell she was nearing tears. 

"Yeah. That's a good start. Every time you said 'no' without a reason. Every time you 'let' me have sex with your body but just stared at the ceiling. Every time I wanted to talk about it and you brushed it off...yeah, I felt a lot of 'un's'." 

"Was it really that bad?" 

"I wanted to have sex with you, not just because I was horny but because I loved you. Imagine 6 months of that, Lynn. Imagine wanting to know what I had done wrong or how I had failed you. Imagine feeling every day like I was no longer loved by anyone, because even my wife didn't want to look at me. I mean, how pathetic did I have to be for the woman who promised to 'never say no' to decide that she couldn't do that anymore? Or maybe...maybe it was that she had gotten to really know me, and what she learned just disgusted her- the person in the world who knew me best was turning me away. I thought I must be totally unlovable. Yeah, Lynn, it was really that bad." 




A Heart Divided Ch. 07



She was sniffing behind me, reaching up to wipe away tears. I let my own just fall across my face to the pillow. 

"So when I met someone who made me feel wanted, someone who made me feel loveable again and desirable...of course I wanted that in my life. Even if you came back, I had no expectation that you would want me again." 

"But it wasn't like that Gary. I didn't mean...none of that was true." 

"But you didn't give me the chance to think otherwise. All I got was a big fat NO from you. And that's not just 'no' to sex, Lynn. That's a 'no' to the whole person." 

"I was so confused and scared, I didn't..." 

"I was confused. I was scared. But at least I tried to talk about it. At least I turned to you instead of away from you." 

After a quiet minute, she said in a whisper, "Do you still love me?" 

I thought a long time about that. After several minutes, she prompted me, "Gare?" 

"I don't know. I think so. But it's not easy. I don't like the thought of being shut out again. I couldn't take that." 

"I'm trying, babe. I'm trying to be better- to not be my dad. To not run when it gets hard." Then after a silence she added, "I wish you had come after me." 

I turned towards her in the dark and said, "What?! You told me not to!" 

"I know. And it may not have helped. But when you didn't try to get me back...I thought you didn't love me enough to try." 

I sighed in frustration. I hated those no-win situations. "I didn't try because I thought that's what you really wanted. I didn't do what I wanted to do because I thought...Ah, Lynn...that's..." I just growled in anger. 

Lynn actually laughed. "It's pretty screwed up, isn't it?" 

"What?" 

"Marriage. It's the strangest thing." 

"Yeah. Yeah it is." Then after a few minutes of silence, I said, "Lynn?" 

"Babe?" 

"I'm going to fuck you now." 

"OK," she giggled and rolled onto her back, spreading her legs. I don't know how I got naked a fast as I did, but it was only seconds until I was sinking into her again. This time was even more satisfying, because I knew I would be cumming. As I pushed hard and deep, Lynn moaned and arched her back, genuinely enjoying every motion. 

"Don't think this means everything is OK between us," I grunted, not slowing down. 

"I know. But this is improvement." 

"I just really, really need to cum. And you are a conveniently available pussy." 

She didn't answer with words, but her smile was both satisfied and smug. Then she said, "It's your pussy, Gare, all yours." 

Lynn whispered words of encouragement in my ear as I worked myself up to completion. She moved her chest around, rubbing her tits in front of my mouth. My lips found a nipple and teased it for a moment, but I really didn't need the extra stimulation. I had a lot of sexual frustration built up, and as much as I wanted to deny it, the emotional connection I was reestablishing with Lynn was driving me to a powerful cum. I didn't really care whether Lynn was going to cum or not. This was, as I had told her, fucking. Maybe we would make love another time, but for now I just needed to unload inside her. And it wasn't going to take long. 

I tuned out the sound of her wetness being squeezed out by my invasion. I paid little attention to her quickened breath. Her kisses and murmurings were only in my periphery. What dominated my senses was the feel. The feel of that tight...warm...smooth...fresh...pussy. 

I had been propped up on my elbows, but as I neared release, I moved both hands down to her thighs. With a little nudge of my fingers, Lynn understood what I wanted. She shifted to one side and let me put a hand on her ass. Then she shifted to the other side so my other hand could do the same thing. It felt like putting on an old pair of shoes that had long ago conformed to the shape of your feet. She knew this was my go-to position- hands gripping the curve of her perfect ass, feeling it clench as she thrust up to meet me. This was how I liked to cum in her, feeling those curves in my hands... pulling her towards me... pushing up... 

farther...harder... 

deeper...tighter... 

tensing... 

groaning... 

straining... 

gasping... 

squeezing... 

releasing... 

pulsing...again...again... 

thrusting...again... 

exhaling... 

I lay on top of her, motionless except for the gradually slowing rise and fall of my chest. Lynn nuzzled my neck and mumbled words I ignored. I enjoyed, for the first time in a long while, the feeling of my spent cock slowly deflating, still surrounded by the warm channel that now held its load. I wondered if I would get hard again before I slipped out of her, and I decided to just wait and see. My interview wasn't until Saturday, so if I wanted, I could keep going. 

But once I had softened so that only my tip was held inside her folds, I rolled off my wife and lay on my back. I realized that, with the time change, it was very late and sleep was almost upon me. Lynn rolled to her side, draping an arm and leg over my body. I neither desired nor minded her presence as I drifted off to sleep. 

******* 

True to her word, Lynn was not often clothed that weekend. I had scheduled an extra day before the interview for a few reasons- in case my flight had problems, in case I decided to ask Gina to join me (forgetting it was exam week), and just to have some time to think. As it turned out, that extra day was spent getting reacquainted with Lynn's body. 

On several occasions, I made sure she understood that I still wasn't at all sure about our future and that the weekend was more about lust than anything else. She said she understood, which was more than I could say for myself. 

"Gare, I'm content for now to just enjoy being with you again. I don't need to know about the future yet, so long as I've got you right now." She said that as I stood behind her, taking her doggie style and watching her breasts shake below her. She never said no all weekend. I was tempted to see how far I could push things, to see what I could get her to try for the first time, but I opted instead to sate my lust simply and in familiar ways. 

Lynn and I also started connecting again- talking casually, sometimes playfully. We avoided any serious discussions, probably because Lynn didn't want to disrupt our orgy-for-two and, well, neither did I. 

The interview went well. I had the feeling that the interview was more of a formality. They knew my writings, the dean had heard me lecture, and the position was specifically tailored to my strengths. I took that as a good sign. I asked a lot of questions of my own, trying to get a feel for what to expect if I took the job, and I wasn't disappointed in the situation they described. In fact, it was almost as if they had designed my ideal job. 

As Lynn and I packed up our bags on Sunday morning, she asked me, "Has anything changed for you this weekend?" 

I zipped up my suitcase and sat down at the table. "I'm leaning heavily towards this position, if that's what you mean. But I can't say for sure beyond that- if I'd move here alone, or with you, or..." 

"That's partly what I mean. But what about us...for right now. Where are we at?" 

"Well...I think that my primary emotion is shifting from that angry bitterness and into a sadness." 

She didn't seem to have been expecting that and asked, "Why sadness?" 

"It's just regret, maybe. Living in the what-ifs of how things would have been different if you had done this or if I had said that or...you know. I guess I'm realizing we can't ever have our old marriage back, and that's what I had been hoping for after you left. There were hints of it this weekend, but we really can't ever have that again. And that might not be a bad thing, in the end- it could mean we mature. Or...it could just mean we can't stay together. I don't know yet Lynn." 

"Well what will it take, Gare? What can I do? What do you need?" 

"That's what bugs me. I don't know. Something's gotta give, but I couldn't say how or when that will happen." 

Lynn stared at me for a few moments, then sighed. "She was right, you know. The counselor. You've changed. One of the reasons I felt uncomfortable in our marriage was because you were getting stronger, more confident. I couldn't relate to you in quite the same way as I had 8 years before when we started dating. You used to be so naïve and bumbling and uncertain. You followed me around and it made me feel so strong and confident. But over the years...you grew up a little. And I can swear you've changed a lot since I left. You're a different person, Gareth. I don't know if you see it, but you talk to me in a way you never could before- like we're equals and you're not intimidated by me." 

I hadn't thought of that at all, but being with Gina had made me more confident, especially regarding Lynn, because I didn't feel the need to be so placating with her now. I had more power in the relationship, and I didn't need Lynn to be my source of affirmation. 

"Do you think that's a bad thing?" I asked, curious. 

"I did. And it's not easy, even now. But what she said last week helped. I need to get used to the idea that you're a process, not a product, and that we both need to be committed to each other, even if you become a different person that the one I married." 

"There's some truth in that, but seriously, Lynn, if you become a cold, distant, asexual..." 

"Bitch?" she added after my hesitation. 

"Then I can't stay committed to that." 

"I know, Gare. And I don't intend to put you through that again. But remember I've got my demons to fight, too." 

I clenched my jaw, knowing what she meant. "I hate what that man did to you and your family. He really screwed with your head." 

"He's human, Gare...just like me and you. And he had his own demons weighing down on him." 

"That may explain it, but it doesn't excuse it." 

"Well, we've got enough garbage to deal with right now- no need to drag my father into it any more than necessary." 

I sighed and stood up. "Let's get to the airport early- I want to get lunch before we board." 

Lynn walked past me and out the door. She stopped me on my way out and gave a chaste kiss. Putting her forehead on mine and gripping the front of my shirt, she closed her eyes and said, "I love you, Gareth. You've got a choice to make, but for what it's worth, I don't want to be without you...ever again." Then she walked down the hall towards the lobby. 

******* 

I called Gina during a jog on Sunday night, just to say hi, to assure her that she was still on my mind, and to wish her luck in exams. I told her I was still looking forward to seeing her but suggested Friday morning instead of Thursday evening, since it would arouse less suspicion from Lynn. She said that was fine, assuming she made it through the week in one piece. 

I should have had the same concerns about myself. Once we got back to the house, Lynn took things up a notch. When I got back from work on Monday, she had shaved her mound completely bald. I have to admit that I loved the look and the feel of it. I think it was her way of luring me into giving her a good eating out, and it worked. I couldn't pass up that opportunity. The smoothness of that whole area was something I couldn't get over, and my lips and tongue went to work with more gusto than they ever had before. Lynn came three, maybe four times until she broke down laughing and told me to stop. 

"I wish I'd done this years ago," was her explanation. 

"Don't expect that reaction every time," I cautioned. "The novelty of it...had an effect on me." 

"Even if it was just that once, it was worth it! Now get up here and fill me up, big boy!" 

It started to feel in some ways like new lovers. We had both changed in our time apart, and some of that found expression in sex. But in many ways, there was a glorious, comfortable familiarity in sex with Lynn. We knew triggers and tells and preferences in a way that it takes years to fully internalize. When you have been lovers with someone for so long, certain things just become second nature during sex- things that you've learned over and over to do for your lover's sake. Things that might not affect someone else in the same way, or at all, but which are an important part of your partner's pursuit of pleasure. 

That's about the only way I could describe the difference between having sex with Lynn and with Gina. Gina and I were still beginning that path of learning. The excitement and newness of it all compensated for that lack of mutual understanding for now. But being reunited with Lynn, I realized for the first time how much we had learned to do for each other. 

But that didn't mean that everything was fine at home. Sex, and life in general, with Lynn still had a lot of awkward moments. She was very effusive with her declarations of love and commitment, she showered me with compliments. And I could sense her frustration that I did not do the same, especially since I had never been lacking in such things before she left. Lynn wanted to talk about our future and to help me make my decision about the new job, but I forced her out of that loop until...if...I decided she would be a part of that future. Any time our conversation steered even a little bit in the direction of my relationship with Gina, Lynn was (understandably) very uncomfortable, yet she never pressed me for any details. She didn't even know if I was still seeing 'the other woman.' 

She did at one time ask very specifically, "It wasn't Gwen, was it?" 

"Gwen?" We were watching a disappointingly boring movie on the couch, and I didn't mind the conversation. 

"The other woman- it's not...it wasn't Gwen...from your department, was it?" 

I tried not to smile, realizing how far off and yet understandable that idea was. "No...and I'm a little insulted that you would even think that of me." 

"Well I don't know...you're not the type to go after someone, but Gwen is always after you...and half the men in the city. She's pretty in her own way, I think, but she creeps me out." 

I chuckled in agreement. 

"Did you know she once tried to talk me into a threesome with you?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise. Not surprised that Gwen would do that but that she would talk to Lynn about it. "It was last year, when we weren't doing so well. At the faculty Christmas party, I think. She just up and asked if there was any possibility. Then she said if the idea of a threesome bothered me, I didn't even need to be there for it." 

I laughed out loud. That was Gwen all over. She probably did go home with a different couple that night- she was persistent in pursuit of what she wanted. I wasn't sure if I would miss Gwen or be glad to be out of her sights if I took the new job. 

Things were slowly getting comfortable with Lynn. Thursday with the counselor went well. She was quite pleased that our sex life was getting back on track, even if I was as emotionally distant as Lynn said. We compared lists of how we felt the other person had changed and we discussed ways to deal with changes in the future. We spent most of the session learning how to argue. Though I had thought we needed no help on that front, it turns out that there are helpful ways to argue and hurtful ways to argue. This whole experience was becoming quite an education. 

******* 

I called Gina that night to confirm our plans for the next day, and she said we might have to wait. She had pushed her body hard through exams and was crashing now that everything was over. On top of it all, she worried she was getting a touch of a stomach flu. 

I showed up on Friday anyway, groceries in my arms. I made a pot of chicken soup for lunch and sat on her couch with her, watching a movie. She wasn't much up for talking, so I just tried to content myself with merely being near her and hoping that it made her feel cared for. I spent the whole day there, Lynn falsely assuming I had to be at work that day. By the afternoon, Gina was feeling pretty good, but I encouraged her to keep resting. I promised we could find a way to get together when she was up for it. 

The next morning she said she was still under the weather, so Lynn and I went for a long run. She was determined to run my next half-marathon with me. I did a lot of thinking while we ran, and by the time we got home, I had made a decision. I would take the job. And I would see which woman- if either- was willing to start a new life there with me. 

******* 

Another week or so went by, and Lynn started picking up work again. My schedule was flexible, especially after I submitted my notice that I would be leaving that summer. And Gina was fairly free for a few weeks that May. That meant that I could spend time with Gina while Lynn thought I was at work- as long as it wasn't overnight. 

After our one week of sex under the counselor's orders, I told Lynn I needed a break while I sorted things out. I agreed to sex once a week, even though I really wanted more. A carnal side of me wanted to try to have two active sexual partners at once. But I knew a decision needed to be made. I was planning to tell both of them about my new job that week and see how they each reacted. I had also decided that if Gina would go with me, then I would probably choose her, so I would tell her first. 

That decision nicely coincided with a big event Lynn was working out of town. She would be gone for two nights mid-week, so I planned to stay at Gina's. Lynn had tried to persuade me to join her on her business trip, but I argued that I needed to finish grading some final papers and submit grades for the semester. Gina was happy, but also a little uncomfortable talking about me staying over. I figured she knew that I needed to make a decision, and Lynn's return had really shaken us. 

Lynn didn't leave until evening, so I got to Gina's that night. We were both tired and just went to bed. Gina slept naked and asked me to do the same, "so we can be ready for the morning." I smiled at that. 

During the night, I dreamed of sex. I pulled and pushed and prodded. I was taking her from behind and my hands gripped that tight ass as I thrust. I woke up and realized that part of my dream was real- I was thrusting and holding her butt cheeks. Reality and dream blurred together. I moved my cock into place and tried pushing in. It was slow going, and I heard some grunts in the darkness next to me. 

"Just get on top of me.. it'll be easier," she mumbled. 

I rolled into place and found my target. I was so hard and ready that I pushed in, heedless of murmured complaints. Once I was settled into her depths, I sighed with contentment. Then I started driving into her- forceful, insistent, desperate. The need to cum was the only thing fully awake in my brain. The strange surroundings, the unfamiliar bedsheets, nothing else really registered. The tight, mostly dry walls giving me the most perfect friction, the smooth breasts pressed against my chest, the gasps in my ear, the ass in my hands... 

After less than a minute, I pushed deep and came. "MmmRRRRAAH! ... nnnnGGG! ...Fuuuuuck!!" 

Pulsing again and again, I felt the deepest sense of release. As my body began to relax, I felt the tickle of my balls resting against her thighs. I let the lingering feeling of her passage soothe me as I softened inside her. I slipped out and rolled back to the bed, falling quickly asleep next to her. 

******* 

The next morning, I was a little disoriented when I woke up. I was alone and naked in an unfamiliar bed. Before I finished clearing my eyes to take in my surroundings, Gina walked in the room with a plate of food. She shrugged off her robe and slipped into bed next to me. 




A Heart Divided Ch. 07



"Did you already eat?" I asked with a yawn. 

"A little. I don't have much of an appetite this morning," she explained. I picked up the simple breakfast and started munching on some toast. Gina reclined next to me and just watched in silence as I ate. 

"I'm surprised you're not jumping on me already," I teased between mouthfuls of food. "We've been naked since last night- that might be a new record." 

She gave me a curious look, then asked, "And waking me up in the middle of the night for sex didn't count because...?" 

I paused chewing, then widened my eyes in realization. "Oh shit...that wasn't a dream?" 

"I have a raw pussy that says no, definitely not a dream." She didn't seem angry, more like a little amused by my confusion. 

"Gina, I..." 

"It's fine, Gareth. I guess you needed the release and I was barely awake for most of it. Besides, it means you'll feel a little less urgent this morning, which means you have time to eat and brush and shave before I jump on you." She was smirking, pleased with her own humor. But she also seemed tired and not as interested in sex that morning. 

"Are you OK? You seem...worn-out. I thought you weren't as busy these past few weeks." 

She looked at me with an unreadable expression, then said blankly, "I am worn-out, but it's fine. I'm just not as horny as usual, either. And I've been up for a few hours already- I didn't sleep well." 

I gave her a sympathetic look, not awake enough to really talk about it at that point. We chatted as I ate, then we showered and I shaved my face smooth. I did feel less urgency about sex, but at the same time I wanted to be close to Gina, to look in her eyes as we made love. 

Gina was in bed, her hair wrapped in a towel. I walked over to her and put my hand on her thigh. She was asleep. I got dressed and went to the kitchen. Gina hadn't been keeping up with cleaning, and it especially showed in the kitchen. I did some dishes and wiped everything down. I found a long-neglected mop and took care of the floor, too. Then I powered up my laptop and got some work done on my book. It was about a week away from being in finished form, and I was pleased with how it was turning out, thanks to my very capable editors. 

Two hours later, Gina was still asleep. I glanced through her fridge, then left a note saying I had gone to the store for food. I got back, made a light lunch for two and set the table. Near one o'clock, Gina finally got up. She came into the kitchen in her robe and sat down, putting her head on the table. I put some salad in a bowl and passed it to her. She lifted her head and started picking at the food with her fork. I finished a big bowl and followed it with a glass of fresh iced tea. Gina just nibbled and sipped. When I looked worried, she just smiled sleepily and shrugged. 

"Are you sure you're OK?" 

"I'm well enough, Gare. Sorry to check out for a while. My mind wanted one thing but my body needed something else." 

"Do you want me to take you to a doctor?" 

"Nah...I'm OK after a little rest. Now that I'm waking up, I'm almost ready to go back to bed, but not to sleep this time." 

I smiled as I finished my tea, but then asked her with genuine concern. "Are you sure? I don't want you to do anything you're not up for just because you think I'll be disappointed." 

Gina tilted her head and pouted, "Awww, you're just so sweet." And with that, she pulled her arms out of her robe, stood up, and walked naked to the bedroom. That was answer enough for me. 

******* 

Partly out of guilt for our middle of the night screw, which had been rather one-sided and, if I remembered right, inconsiderate, I took my time licking and fingering Gina to a few small orgasms. She eventually asked for a break, which gave me a chance to wash my face and brush my teeth. I half-expected to find her sleeping when I got back to the bed, but instead I found her with her hands resting on her stomach and her eyes fixed on the ceiling. She turned to smile at me when she felt my weight on the bed next to her. 

"Penny for your thoughts?" I said. 

She sighed and looked up again. "Life's never what you expect." 

"Whoa- I said a penny. Don't give me a dollar's worth!" 

She smirked and lightly slapped my arm. "Smart ass. Just...I wouldn't have thought a year ago that...that we would be like this. Even six months ago I wouldn't have imagined. And who knows what life will be like six months or a year from now?" 

"Are you happy?" I'm not sure what prompted that question, but I guess I wasn't sure if I was hearing regret in her voice, or foreboding, or something else. 

"Hmm?" 

"Are you happy with your life right now?" 

"Happy in some ways...but for me, happiness always just seems like a reprieve. It never really lasts. So it's always a little bittersweet, because I know it's not going to stay that way." 

I didn't know how to respond. She seemed unable to enjoy a good thing. I wondered if she was worried about what was going to happen between Lynn and me. I planned to talk to her that day about moving with me to my new job, but I wanted to wait for a less...pessimistic mood. 

"But listen to me going on and on," she said, rolling onto me, "when all these dark thoughts could be chased away by a good vigorous fucking!" 

My cock started coming back to life after finding Gina's musings less than erotic. The feel of her smooth body rubbing against mine drew me back into the moment. Gina's lips found my mouth and her tongue pushed its way past my teeth. Our hands went to work making sure every part of our bodies felt welcomed into the act. I squeezed her tightly and relished the feel of her skin along my forearms. Gina's hips were moving slowly along my shaft, making sure I was at full attention. The feel of her dampness beginning to lubricate my cock reminded me of something...something about last night... 

My heart jumped and I grabbed Gina's arms. "Gina! Last night...I didn't put on a condom!" 

"I know, Gare. It's fine." 

"No...like, I came inside you!" 

"It's fine...it's not a problem now." 

I processed that for a second. "Oh..." Apparently she had gotten on the pill, like we had talked about maybe her doing. Or else...yes, it was near the end of the month, which meant she was at the end of her cycle. Either way, she wasn't worried about it. 

"Should we...should I get one now?" I asked, wondering where in arms reach she had stashed a condom for this morning. 

Gina propped herself up on me a little bit and looked down at my face. "Do you wanna...? I mean, it's OK if we skip it. There's no danger." 

I looked into her eyes and saw a sparkle. I rolled her over and lined up at her entrance. "Are you sure?" 

Gina tightened her lips and smiled. With eyes wide, she quickly nodded yes. I wiggled my tip into her folds, then pulled out just the slightest bit. I moved the tip in and out a few times until the sound of her wetness urged me deeper. Once my crown was past her entrance, it took two steady thrusts to be all the way in. 

"Much better this time," she sighed. With a hearty sigh, I agreed. Like that time in the park the month before, I was overwhelmed by the feeling, the thought that this was Gina- I was inside her. Nothing between us, just my aching need inside hers. And this time there was no need to pull out- I would be able to finish inside her, fill her with my essence, and stay that way until I was soft again. Thinking about that inflamed me with lust and desire, and I began pushing into her. 

"If you need to cum quick, I understand," she mumbled between kisses. 

"If you want me to wait...I can," I responded. That earned me a hearty thrust up towards me and a vigorous tongue duel. 

"Wait as long as you can," she whispered, moving her hips around to get the right angle. I knew it wouldn't happen as easily with me on top, so I shifted us around. Gina went to work on top of me, and in a matter of minutes she had herself breathing quickly. As her clit pushed down against me, her legs rubbed up and down my own. She lay prostrate on top of me, burying her face in my neck. She mumbled, "So much better. Oh God, the feeling...it's just too good. Your skin...I feel your skin inside me. I'm so glad I...Oh God! Yes!! I could get used to this!" 

I lifted my hips a bit to help her angle, and my hand ran up to cup the side of her breast. Gina's breathing had become a steady cadence of a long exhale and a sharp intake. It sped up and her exhales became long moans. Her arms around my neck gripped tighter and she cried out, "Baby! I'm cumming baby! MmmmmMMMMM!!" Then she froze on top of me and started shuddering. 

I didn't need much more stimulation than that. Once she was catching her breath, I rolled us back into missionary position. I looked down and was pleased to see Gina's eyes open, looking intently at me. I gave a few urgent thrusts, my eyes locked on hers. I started groaning, feeling my imminent cum, and Gina's eyes went wide. Her lips parted and her eyebrows went up in anticipation. Just before I closed my eyes and came, she bit her bottom lip, a sexy face that pushed me over the edge. The look of a woman about to take my seed. 

I pushed deep and felt ecstasy. Gina put her hands on my butt to pull me in, not that I needed the help. My own urges drove me to push as hard as I could, trying to find some way to be deeper. I felt the pulses...again...and again...I drew back and pushed another time, drawing out more, extending my pleasure. Gina squeezed her pussy tight around my shaft, milking me. 

Even when I was finished cumming, I continued to press into her, not wanting to accept the end of that moment. But eventually, after a good bit of panting and kissing and caressing, I had to pull out. Gina sighed as I did so, and with a groan she rolled out of bed and headed for the bathroom. As I waited for her return, I thought about how the only reason I may have leaned towards Lynn instead of Gina as far as sex was concerned, even considering the value Lynn's years of experience with me, would be the need to use condoms with Gina. But if that barrier was removed... 

Gina came trotting back, bouncing on her toes, and crawled under the covers again. Curling up to my side, she said, "I've never really watched your face when you cum. Do I look that funny, too?" 

"Funny?" 

"Well, yeah. It's like pain and happiness and strain and surprise all rolled into one." 

"Sounds like a good way to describe life." 

She considered that for a few seconds, then said sarcastically, "Wow...deep." 

"But no, I don't think you look funny when you cum. It's like...you look like you're in pain right before it happens, but then when you start cumming it's just relief, like all the pain and sadness is just draining out of you." 

"Well sometimes that's how it feels, temporarily, at least." 

"It's beautiful, really. In fact, that's the reason I have sex- just to see your face when you cum." 

She knew I was being silly and swatted my arm. We lay there quietly for a few minutes, running fingers along skin, kissing for no reason. Then Gina took a deep breath and said, "So...about the condoms..." 

"Yeah, about that. Did you get the pill? Or is it your cycle?" 

"No...it's something else..." she was serious, and nervous. 

And that's when I thought of another reason. Neither pill nor period, but... 

"I'm pregnant." 

I can't accurately describe the mix of emotions I felt in that moment. I was thrilled and scared. I was angry and excited. I was hopeful and frustrated. I wanted to hug and kiss Gina and I wanted to get out of bed and run away. I worried about my marriage and my career, and I rebuked myself for not thinking first of the frightened young woman lying next to me. And with all that running through my head in a matter of seconds, all that I could get out was, "Whoa." 

"I know, right?" 

"So it wasn't a stomach flu?" 

"No...not a bug...it was another little life form causing that." 

"And the fatigue..." 

"Yeah, and the loss of appetite, a little less desire to have sex right now..." 

"And getting all philosophical about life not being what you expect." 

"Yeah." I remembered her lying on the bed earlier, hands on her belly as she thought about the future, and that moment and that position suddenly had much more meaning. We lay quietly for another minute or two, until I asked, "How sure are you?" 

"Three, almost four weeks late. All the symptoms. I was pretty sure. Took a pregnancy test earlier this week and confirmed it." 

I thought about it, then said simply, "The park...by the lake." 

"Most likely, yeah. I was right in the middle of my cycle...I wanted you so bad...I shouldn't have asked you to..." she started shaking and getting teary-eyed. 

"No, no, no, baby...it's OK. It's not your fault. It'll be fine." 

She cried softly for a few minutes, and I reached over to her nightstand to get a tissue. She thanked me and sniffled, then asked, "Do you hate me now?" 

"What? No! How could you think...?" I pulled her tighter into my arms and said, "I love you, Gina. It's not your fault." 

She was getting over her tears and said, "I hate how emotional I'm feeling lately." Then after drying her eyes and tossing the tissue to the floor, she said, "I've been scared and nervous. I wanted to tell you earlier, but then I thought that I could give you one more night before having to deal with all this. One more night of blissful ignorance. And in case you got really mad and ended it, I wanted one more night before that happened." 

"I'd have to be some kind of low-life to chase you away for an accident." And part of me...a very cynical, paranoid part of me thought, It was an accident, right? What if she planned all this just to force my hand? I shook off that thought, knowing that Gina was not that kind of crazy. Besides, if anything she said was to be believed, she wasn't really planning a future for the two us anyway, and I had hoped I could be the one to persuade her otherwise. 

Realizing we had to figure out what to do next, I asked, "Do you want to talk about...you know...what to do?" 

"Eventually...but not right now. But I guess, I mean, I don't even know how you feel about this." 

"I'm not sure. I feel really mixed up. Mostly scared." 

"OK, good, because I feel that way, too. I'm glad you're there with me." 

"Not that I can be of any help..." 

"No...but just having you there with me is all I need right now. That's plenty. When do you need to leave?" 

"I can stay until tomorrow afternoon." 

"Then let's talk about it tomorrow morning. I know you need time to think about things. And I'd like to get in a little more naked time before we have to be serious." 

"Hey...being naked is a very serious thing," I said. 

Her laughter filled the room and made me feel that everything would be OK. 

******* 

With Gina living so close to campus, we were prisoners in her apartment. I did consider that, with my transition out of that job already in process, we could maybe risk a public appearance, but then again, no sense leaving under the shadow of a scandal. So we stayed in, which was just fine with both of us. We made love again that evening- a slow, romantic, candle-lit time. 

Gina may not have been as horny as usual, but once she had welcomed me into her body, she was fully into the moment. Because the lack of condom made me more sensitive, I almost wished I had one on, just to keep her going and see how many peaks she could climb while we strained together. Once again, just before I came inside her, I watched her face, filled with love and serenity as she received my seed. It was a different experience, however, when I considered that my seed had already done its job in her womb. 

Gina fell asleep early, and I enjoyed watching her sleep. I stroked her hair and arms, and I thought at length about our options. After hours of thinking it over, I decided there really only seemed to be two options that I would be comfortable with- either Gina abort the baby or she moved with me and we raised it together. I hoped we would agree on that in the morning. As I reached that conclusion and started settling down onto the pillow to sleep, Gina stirred. She smiled at me and wrapped her arms around me. 

"You're still up?" 

"Yeah, I was just thinking." 

"Well let me help with that," she said, putting a leg over my waist and wiggling onto me. 

"That's not going to help me think." 

"Exactly," she said, putting her lips on my neck. 

Fifteen minutes later, Gina had cured me of my introspection for the night, and she had, as she said, "gotten her hormones balanced enough to sleep peacefully." 

******* 

The morning was rough. Gina probably had forgotten that her morning sickness, which was intense most mornings that week, would preempt any sort of discussion. It wasn't until nearly lunch time that we talked through our options. 

I started by telling her about my new job. I asked her to go there with me, and told her that had been my plan for that week- to ask her to move with me and start planning a future together. The only change of plans was that the pregnancy meant that we would be starting a family shortly after we arrived. Gina was very uncomfortable with that option- she didn't want me to think of her as someone to spend the rest of my life with. That painful discussion took the better part of an hour, and it was probably the turning point in our relationship. 

I still didn't understand her reluctance to make any commitment, and the only reason I could think of was that she just didn't really love me. She had always reminded me that our future was uncertain, and it seemed like that was even more the case now. Gina was going to leave me. I should have seen that more clearly sooner, but I was blinded by lust and then love. However, there was no question now- I could tell Gina had no intention of staying with me- sooner or later she would end it. 

Gina went on to say that her plan was to have the baby and put it up for adoption. I don't think she was prepared for how strongly I came out against that. I had never told her that I was adopted as a baby, and I didn't see any reason to throw that in the mix like an emotional grenade. But I still argued that I didn't want to put any child into that situation, one that would scar them for life. Gina argued that I didn't understand, which only made me angry, because I understood the reality of it far better than she could. 

It wasn't until later that week, when my fears and insecurities started having a field day in my head, that I considered that Gina might decide to keep the baby and sue for child support. Or threaten to expose our affair and fruit of it. Or the baby might be adopted and then track me down later in life, pulling me into one of those daytime talk show type of dramas. 

Gina was horrified when I suggested abortion. She didn't have any religious take on it, but the idea just 'seemed wrong' to her. I pushed back on that until she was forced to admit that it was just a 'feeling' that she based her judgment on, and that 'feeling' wasn't enough to determine our fates. 

"Because God forbid we let 'feelings' into this relationship," she said acrimoniously. I let that comment slide, knowing neither of us was at our best in that moment. I didn't want to point out that I was the one who had been more expressive of feelings all along. I was seeing that, several hours into our 'discussion,' we weren't going to get any further. We agreed to call a truce for the day and meet to talk about it early the next week. I urged her to seriously consider moving with me and starting a new life together. She said she'd think about it, but that I didn't really know what I was asking. 




A Heart Divided Ch. 07



I knew I needed to leave soon, but Gina asked me, nearing tears, to stay another hour and "help her forget everything." I was starting to understand that Gina wanted sex when she felt upset, which made me think that a long-term relationship with her would end up having some weird dynamics. We made love one more time, but it was sad and distant. It was the kind of sex that happens between two people who are locked in their own worlds, not really connecting with each other through sex but instead using each other's bodies at the same time. 

I came with her on top of me as she grinded out her second climax of the afternoon. It was a mutual orgasm, but only by coincidence. We were both striving for release and conveniently reached that moment together. She caught her breath after a minute, then rolled onto her side. I lay there silently for a few minutes until I heard the regular breathing that told me she had fallen asleep. I felt happy for her. Slipping out of bed, I got dressed, gathered my things, and went home. 

******* 

I slipped into my running clothes as soon as I got back, and Lynn was walking in the door just as I was stretching. 

"Wait for me?" she asked, hurrying up the stairs. In a few minutes she was back down, dressed for our run. We ran to campus and back, and it was a little odd not to see Gina while I was running. Lynn managed to run a little over 7 miles with me, and I ran the last 2 miles back alone while she walked. During the first few miles, we chatted a little. I asked about her event, she asked about my book...nothing serious. I almost mentioned the new job, but I wanted to give Gina one more chance to take me up on it before presenting it to Lynn. If Gina said yes, I didn't want Lynn. But at that point, I wasn't optimistic about Gina. She was worth the chance, though, worth a few days' wait. 

Lynn would probably go with me, though it would be a significant career move for her. She had worked up quite a network and a good reputation here, and in her business, that's a big deal. She would not only need to find new clients, but she would also need to learn all the new venues, suppliers, caterers- everything. She would almost need to start from scratch. I guess I would be asking her to choose either her career or me. And given what we'd been through, what she'd put me through this past year, I didn't think that would be too much to ask. 

I showered when I got back, glad that Lynn wasn't there yet. I knew she would try to get me to shower with her, and one thing would lead to another, and I was having a hard enough time holding my ground. I jerked off in the shower, just to take off the edge. I considered moving back into my bedroom, sharing a bed with Lynn again, but I decided that the timing of that transition would depend on who I would be living with after that summer. If I was ultimately going with Gina, then I didn't want to start to get any closer to Lynn. I tried to convince myself that it was for Lynn's sake, but I knew that saying good-bye to her would be one of the hardest choices I ever had to make. 

******* 

The next Monday afternoon, I went to Gina's to finish our discussion about the pregnancy. I have to say, it was not my finest hour. I don't have any interest in recounting the details of that painful conversation- even just summarizing it makes me sick. 

I began by appealing to her to move with me- to start fresh together, a new family. She said no. When she flat-out refused to move with me and commit to a life together, I broke. I was a scared little boy who felt abandoned and alone. Gina was gone- it was over. I don't think she knew that was the case, but how could it be any other way? We didn't have a relationship that would work long-distance, especially if she wasn't committed to it. 

After that point, it was all downhill. Looking back with much regret, I realize that I just saw the pregnancy as a loose end that needed to be cleaned up. I was so hurt and angry at Gina for leaving me that I pushed even harder to keep her from choosing what she wanted. I tried to paint a picture of what might happen- a plausible worst-case scenario. A child would hold her back, even if she gave it up for adoption. She would miss her last year of school and need to try again, but would she even be able to get back on track? She would lose what few friends she had. Her family wasn't in the picture, really- she would be alone, out of school, and stigmatized. 

When I said 'alone,' a look of horror crossed her face. Perhaps that was when she realized that I wasn't going to be there. I thought I had made that clear- if she didn't move with me, there was no future for us. She looked down, open-mouthed in shock as she processed that. She looked as gutted as I felt. 

Then I told her what kind of future really awaited a child abandoned by his mother at birth. I told her I knew first hand what it's like to wonder every day why you weren't good enough, why you weren't loved, why you weren't worth it to some nameless, faceless woman who would forever dominate your deepest insecurities. I told her I'd be damned before I'd let a child live with that cloud over his head, a cloud that would make him grovel at the feet of any woman who would show him attention, a cloud that would rain down insecurities and fears and anxieties and leave him always feeling like he was just outside of happiness, forever knocking on the door. I cried and yelled until I realized I wasn't even talking to Gina anymore. I was just yelling into the air as Gina looked on in confusion. I ended my diatribe, not even finishing all that I had begun to say. After a few minutes of silence, Gina spoke. 

"Fine," she whispered hoarsely, shaking her head. 

Not sure I had heard her correctly, I asked, "What?" 

Her voice was trembling and low. "Fine. If...that's how it is...we...I'll...I'll get an abortion." I could see that I had broken something in her, something I had warned myself not to break. I didn't know if it was her heart, her spirit, her will, or just her. But I had fucked something up, and I didn't think there was any way to fix it. 

But not wanting to lose the window of opportunity, I suggested we "go take care of it" together right then. Gina looked at me, her eyes meeting mine for almost the first time that afternoon, disbelieving...almost pleading. She looked at me like as at a stranger. I didn't say anything, and I tried to keep my expression blank. Otherwise, I felt like I would burst. 

Gina stood up in a daze, and picked up a few things. I did the same, heading towards the door once she was ready. 

It was a long, quiet drive. I had told her we couldn't go to the clinic near campus- I knew one of the women who worked there and one of the men who regularly protested outside- they were the spouses of some of my colleagues. Showing up with a student at a place like that...well, it would leave little to the imagination. Gina just looked out the window and said softly, "Whatever." 

We arrived at the clinic that was an hour away, and there was a lot of ruckus outside. Apparently their protesters were a lot louder and more numerous than at the clinic near campus. Cars filled the parking lot and people lined the sidewalk. I circled the block a few times and finally realized that Gina didn't need me there anyway. I pulled up to the front and handed her enough cash to more than cover the procedure. She took it with a look of disgust and walked quickly into the clinic, shielding her face from the people standing outside. 

I had planned to park at the first space I could find and then join her in there. It seemed like the most civil thing to do, even if I was feeling angry and spiteful. But once I found a space, about two blocks away, I turned off the car and cried. Everything I had been holding in- the realization that Gina was going to be out of my life, the realization that I had hurt her deeply, the realization that we could have had a baby together, the realization that I had fucked everything up- it all just broke through. Everything was a blur through my tears, and I just put my head down on the steering wheel and sobbed. 

I mourned the life I had wanted with her. I mourned the marriage I had once had with Lynn. I mourned the simplicity of life I had once known. I mourned the loss of character I had experienced these past weeks and months. I mourned the lives of the children I would never know- one from Lynn and one from Gina. I mourned for my birth mother- a scared young woman whose story I never knew. And just when I thought I was done, it all started again. It was over an hour before I could even see well enough to get out of the car and walk. I was halfway there when the phone rang. It was Gina. She was done. 

******* 

I had to navigate a few blocks of one way streets to get back to the clinic, and Gina was waiting on the other side of the street, ignoring someone that was trying to hand her a pamphlet. She climbed into the car, her eyes distant and cold. She stared ahead or to the side the whole ride back, never saying a word. Our only interaction was when she handed me the paperwork. I didn't know what she thought I would do with it, but I just let it sit on the console between us. 

I didn't know what to say. The silence between us was punctuated by the occasionally sniffle as one or the other of us wiped our eyes. I wasn't angry anymore. I felt helpless. I wanted to reach out to Gina for some comfort, but that was probably the last thing she wanted- a needy guy looking to her for something. It had seemed so clear that this was the best move- the right thing to do. Why did it feel like we had only made things worse? 

As people passed us on the highway, I resented them. None of them were coming away from such a hard place. None of them were going into a future that looked so barren and gray. I resented their happy, ignorant lives as they drove home from work to families and homes that were uncomplicated. I felt like only Gina could understand me now, and I had just fucked up any chance of crossing that bridge again. 

We got back to the parking lot in front of her place. Gina opened the car door and stepped out, clutching the papers. I realized I should say something...maybe something apologetic...something comforting...something kind... She turned towards me and bent over a little so that we could see each other's face. 

"Gina," I still didn't know what to say. "I'm...I'm sorry. I wanted something different for us." 

She wrinkled her brow in a confused, angry way, beginning to formulate some sort of response. But then she stopped before the words got out and sighed. Crossing her arms tight over her chest, as if trying to keep herself from falling apart, she just said, "Good-bye?" Then she walked away. My eyes followed her up the stairs and to the door of her apartment. Once she was inside and the door closed, I gripped the steering wheel with both hands and yelled and angry, defeated, "FUUUUUCK!" 

******* 

I sped home and was angry to see Lynn's car in the driveway. I didn't want to deal with her right then. I mumbled something as I passed her in the kitchen, heading straight upstairs to bed. It didn't even occur to me that I had gone to our bedroom instead of the guestroom. It was dusk, just past dinnertime, but I had no appetite. I changed my clothes and crawled under the covers. Lynn came in a few minutes later. She lay beside me on top of the covers and asked if I felt OK. I just said, 'No." She offered to make me something to eat or to join me in bed. I told her I just needed to sleep. To her credit, she left the room and let me do just that. 

I woke up during the night and felt Lynn next to me- it was a comfortable feeling, not being alone. I put my arm around her, noting that she had on a light shirt and panties- her usual sleep attire. It felt so normal that I almost believed that the past year had been a dream- a nightmare with a happy middle. 

In the morning, I felt refreshed, but the longer I was awake, the more the previous day's events weighed heavy on my mind. I made pancakes and bacon for breakfast- enough to feed a large family. I needed some sort of repetitive action to keep my mind busy, so just kept mixing, pouring, and flipping. Lynn came into the kitchen and stopped me from cooking. "We'll be eating these all week. Why don't you sit down and have have breakfast with me?" Her voice was soothing, calm, and nurturing. She knew something was wrong, and she didn't press me on it. 

We ate silently for a little while. Lynn put on some coffee, and we took it out to the patio, enjoying the fresh morning air. Lynn didn't say a word the whole time. As my cup was nearly empty, Lynn brought out the pot and refilled both our mugs. When she sat back down, both of us facing the trees by the back fence, I said, "I'm taking the new job. I'm done here in two weeks." 

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Lynn open her mouth to talk, but then she stopped and took another sip. I appreciated that. 

"Do you want to go with me?" I looked over at her. A tear had already reached her jawline, a tear that had fallen when I said I was leaving. It was joined by a few others after I asked her to move with me. 

"Yes," she said, nodding her head and sniffing. 

"It won't be easy for you, you know. You're going to be giving up a lot. It will be hard to start your business over in a new place," I wanted to make sure she understood the implications of this. 

"I know, Gare. I've thought it through a lot already. I had hoped..." She straightened up in her chair and wiped her eyes. She was regaining her composure. "But anyway, I was thinking it would be good for me to pull back from work a little, anyway. It would be good for me to get used to being home more if we're planning to start a family, and this would be a good time to make that transition. I can just try to work part time or occasionally." 

I straightened up in my chair and turned towards her. "Wait...Lynn, are you pregnant?" 

She laughed at my expression, and I knew she didn't understand the full significance of that, in light of yesterday's events. "No, Gare...not that I know of. Not yet. But...I was hoping that could be on our radar now. I never got back on the pill, so we can just see what happens. If nothing, then that's OK. But either way I'm ready to work on our home and our family a little more." 

I leaned back, relaxing some, but processing those ideas. Part of me said it seemed like a bad idea to be bringing a kid into a messed up marriage, but then I also considered that a lot could happen in a year's time, and Lynn and I were getting on the right track. 

"Yeah," I said thoughtfully, "Let's see what happens." 

"And we could even, you know, look at adoption if you want...which would be really special given your history." 

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "We'll see," was the best I could do in response. 

******* 

Lynn dove into the process of finding us a place to live and making all the moving arrangements. It turns out that packing up our home was a very bonding experience- the way that all that physical stuff created a common space and a common history did wonders for drawing us closer together that month. I never went back to the guestroom, but Lynn and I also didn't have sex that week...or the next...or the next. 

The busyness of our preparations to move, the process of packing, both of us wrapping up things at work- I could have made a lot of excuses. But the truth was that I didn't want to have sex. It had been since Gina told me she was pregnant- and every thought of sex led me to think of pregnancy and children and that horrible car ride. Lynn didn't push, and amazingly, after the first week of my life post-Gina, she didn't even ask for sex. I knew she was very busy wrapping up work and the house and everything, but I knew that if I had been interested, she would be, too. I don't know how much she pieced together about what I was dealing with, but she mercifully gave me space to process it. 

We finished up our counseling sessions before moving. The counselor was thrilled to hear that we were leaving town. It was, she thought, a very healthy change. The week after Gina and I parted, I asked the counselor to meet me early, a half hour before our session was supposed to start. After 15 minutes, she called up Lynn and asked her not to come in that day. I spent our whole session opening up about Gina, the pregnancy, the abortion, my own adoption and so much else. She said, "Well, a lot of that goes outside my area of expertise, but here are some things to think about..." 

She was good- very very good at her job. She listened to everything without judging (though I could tell some things got her upset), and she asked clarifying questions that revealed issues I hadn't considered. She didn't 'fix' me or anything, but she got me on the right track to start healing. 

"Are you still in contact with Gina?" she asked me. 

"Not really, but it's only been a few days. I...I don't really expect that she's going to want to hear from me again." 

"Well, this is not my professional opinion, but my personal one. Professionally, for the sake of your marriage, I'd say not to ever have any contact with her again. Personally, I'd say that, given some time to restrengthen the bond with Lynn, you owe that young lady an explanation and a big apology. You're not ready for it yet, your marriage isn't ready for it yet. You, I'm guessing, might still go running back to her at the first sign of stress with Lynn, if this girl would have you. But I hate to think of the terms and circumstances on which you parted ways, and I'm tempted to call her myself to see if she needs to talk." She looked away and thought about that for a minute, then shook her head to get back on track. 

We especially talked a lot about my fears of abandonment, which she said were like time bombs waiting to blow up at Lynn the next time I felt threatened; and during the next session we talked with Lynn about ways that she could help me to feel more secure in our marriage. After six sessions over the course of seven weeks, I was amazed. That's not to say everything was fine. We had actually uncovered some of our deeper problems. But we had the skills and perspective to address them. The counselor referred us to a friend of hers working in the city near our new home- in case we needed to meet with someone again. 

******* 

It was a warm evening in mid-July, almost exactly one year after Lynn had left, that we watched the empty moving truck drive away from our new home. I locked up the doors to the house as Lynn went upstairs to put sheets on our bed. She had used all her administrative savvy to organize our move so that it was smooth from beginning to end. It would take weeks to unpack and settle in, but Lynn had ensured that we packed the essentials in special-colored boxes that we put in the cars with us during the move, making sure that, no matter what happened to the truck, we were all set from the moment we arrived- at least for a while. It was that kind of thinking that made her such a success at her job. 

I looked around at the house- it felt like an empty canvas. I wondered what memories we would paint on it over the years. We had bought a place big enough to handle a small family, just in case. I wondered if kids would draw on the walls and dirty up the door frames with their handprints. I wondered about meals in the dining room with new friends, and I thought about visits from family over the holidays, picturing how we would decorate. 

I wondered, not for the last time, how Gina was doing. I wondered if she was gearing up for the next semester, looking for jobs for after she graduated, maybe. I knew she hadn't planned on staying with me long-term, and I wondered if she would have another fling that year. If she did, I was sure it wouldn't be with someone married. I frowned to think of what a hard lesson that must have been for her. But she was strong- fragile at times, but more than strong enough to bounce back from one unfortunate episode. 




A Heart Divided Ch. 07



I thought about the counselor's suggestion that I apologize, once Lynn and I were more stable. I felt like that might take some time, but I resolved to start working on a letter, perhaps writing it a chapter at a time, sharing with her all that I wanted to say as I reflected on our relationship from different stages on my journey since leaving her. I wanted to own up to the poor choices I had made and how they had hurt her. I hoped that both of us could hold on to the good things we had shared and let the bad fade from view. I realized how hard it would have been to stay in my old house with Lynn, after Gina and I had made our own memories there and throughout that town. I knew my heart was still divided, and perhaps a little piece of it always would be. But I had made my choice, or maybe it had been made for me, for better or worse. 

I looked at the fireplace, which had been the big selling point for me on this house, and I pictured Lynn and me snuggled under a blanket in front of a fire as snow fell outside. I pictured us kissing and giggling and tossing articles of clothing out from under the blanket. 

My imagination pushed that image until I found myself walking upstairs to the bedroom, hoping that Lynn wasn't too tired. I saw her curled up in bed with the lights off and felt a little disappointed. But feeling grimy from the move, I settled for a short shower before bed. When I got under the covers, wearing only my briefs, I realized how tired I really was. My feet started complaining and my back demanded to be stretched. I understood why Lynn had gone to sleep so quickly. 

But when I curled up behind her, putting my hand under her shirt and resting it on her belly, she turned back a bit and said gently, "Don't tease me, Gare." 

With a smile, I moved my hand up to cup a pleasantly familiar breast and said, "Who's teasing?" It only took a moment for my cock to swell, and soon I had pulled Lynn on top of me. I pulled her shirt up and off and we awkwardly wiggled undergarments away. 

"I don't have a lot of energy tonight, and I don't think all my muscles are working right," I warned her as she leaned down for a kiss. 

"I'm the same way, but I think we can make do," she answered, her lips tugging at mine. 

Pausing for a moment, she got a look of concentration as she wiggled her hips into place. I moved mine as well, until my tip was slightly lodged in between her folds, just tapping at her entrance. As she started working me into her, she put her forehead on mine and said, "I'm happy Gare. The happiest I've been in a long time." 

I didn't feel quite the same, but I could honestly answer, "I'm feeling like I can be happy again." I had another thought, but it was cut off by a groan as Lynn pushed all...the way...down. She moved very slowly in circles and back and forth, not really pumping my cock, just keeping it trapped inside her. I lay my arms gently on her back, rubbing a few spots that I thought might be sore if she was feeling anything like I was. She pressed down and back, firmly. Repeating that motion a few times, her breathing sped up. 

"You close?" she gasped, and I knew it didn't matter what I said, she was almost there. 

"Not yet...go ahead," I urged, rubbing a breast with one hand and gently massaging her butt cheek with the other. She let out a big breath and started moving faster. Lying on top of me, her mouth by my ear, she breathed slowly and heavily, pushing down on me each time she breathed out. Suddenly, she gasped and made a slight strangling noise. Then with one long, soft moan by my ear, she started shaking. Every little twitch of her pussy interrupted her moan, which went on until she was out of breath. She breathed in deep and then out just as slowly. It was a gentle, subdued orgasm that nonetheless left her dazed. I found it very sexy. 

After a minute, Lynn lifted her head and her eyes fluttered open. "And now?" she asked. I rolled her over without a word and finally began the thrusting motion I had been dying to do since I entered her. Feeling her cum, hearing her gasp, seeing her tremble- it had all brought me to the edge. I had been doing very small thrusts through her cum, keeping myself on the edge. Now with free reign to drive towards my own release, I took her as deeply as I could. 

I was speeding towards my climax when I glanced down at my wife. Her eyes were open, no longer vacant but with affection. She winked at me and gave my urgently throbbing shaft a little intimate squeeze. I would have laughed if I wasn't one the verge of...then over the edge...cumming. I cried out in relief and pleasure as Lynn pushed up at me, helping me seek that sensation of depth that I most craved in that moment. 

As I collapsed onto her to recover for a minute, Lynn ran her hands up and down my back and said sincerely, "Welcome home, love. Welcome home." 

******* 

The End 

Next up...Dottie!