1 comments/ 3833 views/ 3 favorites Whipping Boy By: weird_little_stories Author's Notes: 1. In this story, James Kirk reveals that he is a sadist. If you do not want to think of Kirk in this way, then you probably should not read this story. But it's not as bad as it sounds, because Spock makes it all logical. :-) 2. This story features a gay relationship between Kirk and Spock. If this idea displeases you, this is not the story for you. 3. This story is at least as much about the emotional context as it is about the action, so there's a LOT of dialogue. If you want a story that's mostly action, this is not the story for you. 4. This is the Kirk and Spock of the original series, four years into their five-year mission. (The Kirk and Spock of the "reboot" movies have a somewhat different relationship, and this story would be different than it is if it were about them.) 5. This is the first chapter of a multi-chapter work, so yes, the, er, action is coming. 6. Most people have probably heard of whipping boys, but for those who haven't, here's an explanation of the term. Back in medieval days, it was thought that only the king had the right to punish a prince. Since the king was often away from home for months at a time and was frequently busy even when he was at home, this was a potentially problematic situation. The solution was to punish someone else in place of the prince. Since this would be a poor control on the prince's behavior unless he were very fond of the person being punished, the prince and his whipping boy were usually raised together. And since protecting the prince (from assassination, kidnapping, or bad influences) required that he have little contact with other children, the prince's whipping boy was usually his closest friend, a brother in all but blood. Having a beloved brother whipped for the prince's behavior did usually turn out to be an effective curb on royal unruliness, and some princes formed lifelong friendships with their whipping boys. 7. I'm temporarily borrowing the Star Trek characters for my own pleasure (and hopefully that of my readers as well); I'm not even pretending to own them. Spock didn't like it when Jim made too big of a fuss over his birthday, so in the three years that they'd been friends, plus the additional year that they'd been lovers, Kirk had kept the celebration low-key. He made Spock a small, symbolic present, bought him some fresh — not synthesized — fruit, and called it a day. For this year's birthday gift, he'd made Spock a coupon good for "Anything You Want," which he hoped Spock would use for some interesting sexual favor. Did Vulcans have sexual fantasies, or did they consider them illogical? Or maybe Spock would use the coupon to drag Jim to the kind of museum that he attended only reluctantly. But in any case, it was likely to be more meaningful than anything tangible he could have given Spock, plus Spock still deferred to him too much, even when they were off duty; he wanted to encourage Spock to assert himself more. Kirk and Spock met in their quarters after their shift was done. Since Spock himself made the duty rosters, he never had his birthday off, though he did sometimes permit himself to spend the day in the lab instead of on the bridge. He seemed to enjoy dinner with his lover, especially the fresh strawberries that Jim had managed to smuggle onto the ship when they'd visited a friendly planet two days before. After dinner, Spock dutifully opened the gaily wrapped gift that Jim handed him, seeming to try harder this year to clamp down on the humoring-the-silly-human attitude as he opened it, perhaps in response to Jim's complaints from the previous year. Spock looked at the coupon, then at Jim. "This is a human custom with which I am unfamiliar," he said. "That's because it's not a general human custom," Kirk said. "I want to do something you want, something that I might normally be hesitant about doing, something that's just for you. I think you take my wishes into account a bit too much; you focus too much on pleasing and supporting me even when we're not on duty. For this gift, you're supposed to pick something you want, regardless of how I feel about it. You can drag me to that History of Computing Museum that I never want to go to, or ask me to do something in bed that you think you'll like more than I will, or really, anything, Spock. That's why it says 'Anything' on the certificate." "Pleasing and supporting you affords me more satisfaction than most other activities," Spock used a teasing tone, but Kirk knew that he meant it. "I assure you that I am entirely selfish when I endeavor to make you happy." Jim gave Spock his best grin. "Well, then, you can make me happy by being self-focused for once." Jim had been dealing with his Vulcan for awhile now and knew how to phrase things so as to get Spock's compliance. Usually. "Very well. But do not blame me if I choose something you would rather I had not." "That's half the point, Spock; that's why it's a present and not just an ordinary request. Pick anything you want, and hold me to it even if I whine." Spock spent no time thinking, but spoke immediately, suggesting that what he had to say had been on his mind for awhile. "When we meld, several areas of your mind are closed to me. Most of those areas are in locations that suggest one of two things: confidential information from Starfleet, which only the captain may see, or confidences imparted by friends, which should be kept even from one's partner." "Yes, of course," Kirk said. "We had to prove to Starfleet that I could keep information from you if they sent me something for the captain's eyes only." "But there is one sealed location that is in the midst of the 'Spock' area of your mind. Everything else in that area is a thought, memory, or feeling about me, which leads me to believe that the sealed area is as well. And Jim..." Dark eyes bored into hazel ones. "Jim, the shield over that area tastes not of needful privacy, as the other shields do, but of shame and fear. I would have no unnecessary secrets between us, nor would I have you feel shame for any reason. I would see what is behind that shield." Kirk was shocked. He knew Spock's delicacy in all matters pertaining to telepathy, knew that his lover was scrupulous about going only where invited; Kirk had even twitted him gently about his asking permission for everydamnedthing. He had never imagined that Spock would even mention the shielded area of his mind, much less demand to see it as a birthday gift. "But I practically ordered him to ask for anything he wanted. And how many people over the years have found it a big mistake to underestimate Mr. Spock?" he thought to himself. Kirk gave Spock his best distracting smile and said, "That shielded area isn't anything negative about you. I'm not pretending to be happy with you while hiding some kind of dissatisfaction; what's behind that shield is something negative about me. And you don't need to see it." Dark eyes appraised him coolly. "The surface of the shielded area is in the 'Spock' location in your mind, which was why I felt justified in asking for it, but the area has very deep roots, ones that reach into the bedrock of your psyche. An offshoot from that root also connects to the 'captaincy' area of your mind. Anything that deep that connects those two areas IS my concern." "Spock, come on, I didn't mean you could ask for this kind of stuff." "Sir, I would be remiss in my duty as your First Officer if I failed to inquire after something that regards your captaincy, plus I believe I was enjoined to 'hold you to it even if you whined.'" "You're not going to let this go, are you?" "No, sir, I am not. Shame and fear are destructive emotions, and it is in your best interests for us to eliminate a shield that tastes of them. Once the contents of the shielded area have been probed to my satisfaction, I can assist you in constructing an even more impervious shield if I believe one is required, one that will not taste of shame and fear and that thus will not attract the attention of any telepaths who may wish you harm." Kirk sighed. "We run into telepathic species far too often for me to be carrying around a place in my mind that practically screams 'Jim's weak point is here.'" "Indeed." "You think this is in my best interests, don't you?" Kirk said. "You think you're doing this for my own good. I told you to pick something for yourself." Spock raised a brow. "I admit to considerable curiosity about what you are concealing. And after four years in my company, you should know what a powerful motivator my curiosity can be." Kirk smiled unwillingly. "Your curiosity should be right up there with electromagnetism, gravity, and the weak nuclear force as fundamental forces of the universe." Spock gave him the infinitesimal curve of his lips that was a Vulcan smile. "Really, Jim, that is most kind of you." He looked searchingly at Kirk. "And you will lower that shield? Today? Right now, in fact?" Kirk spent several seconds looking at Spock's face, so well known, and so beloved, before answering. He spoke softly. "I'm afraid that once you see what's behind it, you won't love me anymore." He paused, then spoke so softly that only a Vulcan's ears could have heard him. "It's bad, Spock. Really bad." Spock raised a hand and cupped Jim's face gently, a gesture more tender than he usually permitted himself, even after a year of being lovers. "I suspected you would think so, or the shield would not have tasted as it did. But do you not remember, Jim, the transporter accident that divided you into halves? Do you not remember how much of your strength stems from the portions of your personality that the world would judge to be negative? The positive side of you guides and uses the negative side of you to accomplish worthy goals. To be a starship captain is a rare and wondrous thing. It requires a force of personality matched by but eleven other people in all the galaxy. Only they are fit to judge you, for I am not." Kirk sighed and covered Spock's hand with his own. "I've never deserved you, and I never will ... but I'm glad you're here." They dropped their hands, and Kirk looked up at the taller man. "All right. I'll lower that shield. Come in, then." Spock laid his fingers lightly on Kirk's face, not speaking. "My mind to your mind" was no longer necessary between them; both familiarity and the psychic link of Vulcan spouses connected them unless they actively shut that connection down. Spock entered Kirk's mind and spent some time on its surface, soothing the fear and self-doubt that he found there. He intentionally loosened the controls on his own emotions, letting Kirk feel even more of his love and devotion than usual. When Kirk's mind was relatively calm, he moved to the previously-shielded area and touched it, tasting the thoughts and feelings he found there, letting himself assimilate them, adding them to his store of Kirkian knowledge. He spent longer than actually required in order to accomplish these tasks, so that Kirk would know beyond any doubt that Spock had not fled from what he found in his lover's mind, and so that Kirk would have time to adjust to the knowledge that Spock was now aware of what Kirk had been hiding. He showed Kirk his own loosened controls, showed Kirk that his thoughts and feelings contained neither disgust nor disapproval, showed him that he would not have been able to disguise such reactions if he had had them, because of those loosened controls. Kirk was embarrassed but less than he'd expected to be, because of Spock's gentle delicacy. Spock sent him one more wave of love, then withdrew from his mind, and both men opened their eyes. "So," Kirk said harshly. "I'm a mean bastard. I like to hurt people, want to hurt them. I want to hurt you." Spock sighed and gathered the human into his arms. Even now, it was rare for him to initiate such embraces, and Kirk was comforted by it, as Spock meant him to be. Then Spock led Kirk to their bed, efficiently stripped them both, then laid down on his back, pulling Kirk once more into his embrace, Kirk lying on his side with his head pillowed on Spock's shoulder, with his arm draped across Spock's chest. Spock knew that cuddling soothed his mate, so he hastened to provide it. He looked down at the head on his shoulder, stroked his captain's hair and said, "Do you want my analysis?" Kirk ran his fingers through the hair on Spock's chest, nervously playing with it. He tried to assume more of his usual manner. "I always want your analysis, Spock." "Your profession — a profession that few can handle at all, and even fewer can handle for long — requires that you use people. You must ask security teams to guard dangerous prisoners or to accompany us on unknown planets, knowing that some of them will not survive. When the ship is damaged, you must ask Engineering personnel to work with dangerous forces, knowing that some of them may be injured. You must order all hands to battle stations without the slightest hesitation, even though you are well aware of what the human cost could be." "Yes," Kirk said. "I have to be hard, sometimes. But isn't that different from wanting to hurt people? And wanting to hurt you?" "Your friends are not exempt from the requirement that you use every member of this crew to the best of your and their abilities. You ordered Dr. McCoy to treat the horta, knowing that if you had guessed wrong about its intentions, it would have dissolved him in acid. You must order me to perform mind melds with all manner of aliens, even with computers, knowing that any one of them could be the one that will crush my mind or take me over or drive me insane. And you MUST do all of this. If you become unable to do it, not only is your tenure as captain over, but everyone on the ship will be less safe, with myself or Mr. Scott in the center chair." "Those things are my duty, and it's true, I do it well. But isn't this different?" Spock shook his head. "The desire to hurt others that you found in yourself is the underlying fuel that allows you to make hard choices, to order people to possible injury or death. You have harnessed this desire, just as you have all of your other negative qualities, and used it for good; you could not be captain without it." "But why you? The one who gives me devotion that leaves me breathless -- why would I want to hurt you?" "Are you truly unaware, Jim? Perhaps you've been so disgusted by this side of yourself that you've kept yourself from truly exploring what's there." "I, yes, I suppose that I have ... shied away ... from this part of my mind. I was afraid that if I paid it any attention, it would grow, that I'd have to ... actually do something." "Is that what you would tell me, if our positions were reversed? Or, since Vulcan psychology can be different, is that what you would tell McCoy, if he'd confided those same feelings to you?" "Hell, all surgeons are sadists; everybody knows that. You can't spend half your life cutting people open unless part of you enjoys the blood." "Yes," Spock said patiently. "But about exploring those feelings. What would you tell McCoy about exploration vs. suppression?" "Oh." Kirk looked sheepish. "I'm in bad shape when I need a Vulcan to explain human psychology to me. Suppression leads to explosion; exploration leads to saner ways of draining things off." "This is an especially taboo desire, Jim; it is not surprising that you cope less well with this than with others. But your desire to hurt me in particular is neither distressing nor surprising; I probed that area most carefully while I was in your mind." "Well, then, you explain it." Spock stroked his captain's hair gently. "You fear the desire to hurt someone, even as you long to express it. Because that desire has been suppressed for so long, it has considerable force behind it, and part of your fixing upon me as its target is because of Vulcan strength and stamina. You believe that you could cause me much more damage before my life would be endangered, thus making me an especially satisfying outlet for those desires." Jim looked at him in horror but said nothing. Spock went on. "But it is not only the force of the desire that makes you turn to me, the notion that — to quote directly from your thoughts — 'the Vulcan can take it.' It is also your fear of this desire that causes you to fasten upon me as its object. You believe that I am the only one who would have any chance of stopping you if you became unable to control yourself. You know that Vulcan strength — even the strength of a severely injured Vulcan — could overpower you, and you believe that I alone have the necessary standing — both personal and professional — to force you to stop if you are unwilling to do so." Jim exhaled. "I like that part better." "Of course. And it is a measure of how out of control you are NOT that the wish for extreme expression of this particular desire is completely entwined with the wish for a source of external control over it." Jim lifted his head from Spock's shoulder and looked closely at his face. "I know that Vulcan control is formidable, but I read you pretty well by now, and you don't seem even slightly upset." "Quite true. I am not." "Your lover has fantasies of beating you bloody, and it doesn't upset you at all?" Spock shook his head. "No. I have admitted to you in the past that I am not as impervious as I appear; you know that I spend time in meditation every day in order to arrange my thoughts and prevent the expression of emotion. But I am not suppressing emotion here. I believe that a certain amount of sadism is as necessary for starship captains as it is for surgeons; the only danger is in repudiating that desire so strongly that it comes out in suboptimal ways." Jim thought. "I can't imagine ever ordering my crew into danger in order to satisfy some perverse desire of my own." "No," Spock agreed. "You would not. But you might put yourself into danger, danger that was foreseeable and avoidable but that called to this disowned part of yourself." "You ... do you think I've been doing that?" "To some extent. The tendency is not yet pronounced, but it has become more so with every year of our mission, in spite of the fact that it would be expected that you would put yourself into less danger as you gained more experience as a starship captain." Jim groaned. "God, you're right. But what do I do? I'm still a good captain, but I don't want to become more and more reckless every year, until I get us all killed." Spock raised an eyebrow. "I thought the answer to that question was obvious, Captain. You must own these desires and find a legitimate outlet for them. You must — as you said earlier — 'beat me bloody.'" "I can't do that! You're not a masochist, so you wouldn't enjoy it. And I love you; I would never want to contaminate our relationship with my twisted perversions." "You do not actually desire a masochist for this endeavor, because you do not wish for the — I believe the word is 'bottom' — to enjoy the encounter." "I think there are brothels where you can hire people for this. We'd have to research them, to make sure the workers were there voluntarily, but it's a big galaxy; I'm sure we can find a place." Spock shook his head. "As the youngest and most photogenic starship captain, you are well known; your face is famous. If you entered a brothel in order to realize these desires, word would get out. The sex worker himself might well contact the news media; the fee for such a story could well enable him to retire. And while I believe you require this component of your personality in order to be the best captain in the Fleet, I also believe that Starfleet Command would be less understanding." Whipping Boy Ch. 02 Author's Note: 1. This is the second chapter of a multi-chapter work, so yes, the, er, action IS coming, probably in Chapter 3. 2. This chapter won't really make sense unless you've read Chapter 1. 3. See the Chapter 1 notes for warnings, disclaimers, definitions, and the like. 4. Thanks for reading! Whipping Boy, Chapter 2 by WeirdLittleStories One week later: Once again, Kirk and Spock were having dinner together in their quarters, facing each other across the small table. Spock ate with his customary delicate efficiency, but Kirk seemed distracted and pensive, twisting his fork in his pasta without actually lifting it to his mouth. So Spock was not surprised when Kirk said, "I've been doing some reading ... and some thinking ... about the topic we discussed on your birthday." "Yes, Jim. I have, as well. Have you come to any conclusions?" "I've mostly gotten terminology from the reading, though I guess I've also gotten some things to think about. I've been running from this side of myself for so long that I hadn't really allowed myself to think about it much before." Spock nodded. "An understandable state of affairs. Your need for physical expression of your desires is not yet so urgent that you cannot take a few weeks to assimilate the new information." "The things I read tell me that wanting to hurt someone usually goes along with wanting to tie them up or wanting them to kneel and call you 'Master.'" Spock looked at Kirk consideringly. "From your tone of voice, I gather that this is not the case with you." "No, it isn't. Tying people up doesn't interest me." He smiled. "And maybe I'd be more interested in having someone call me 'Master' if I didn't already have 429 people calling me 'Captain.'" "You could well be a dominant but one whose desires in that realm are already fully satisfied." Kirk chuckled. "Yeah, you could say so. But I'd never really thought about dominance and submission as something two people could do together for fun, and what I'm wondering is ... Spock, your devotion, your deference, your constantly putting my needs before your own ... are you a submissive? Have you been my submissive for the past four years, without either of us realizing it?" Spock cleared his throat. "You are aware that Ms. Uhura and I had a romantic relationship during the second year of our mission." "Yes. You've never said much about the details, but I do know that the relationship existed and that you parted on friendly terms." "I had not shared those details with you because I did not wish to violate Nyota's privacy, but some of them have now become relevant. Jim, for that year, I was Nyota's dominant." Jim leaned back in his chair. "Her dominant?" "Only during the erotic games we played together, not full-time. Not '24/7,' I believe is the term." Jim took a bite of his spaghetti, more at ease now that the focus was on Spock's secrets instead of his own. "And you liked that? Being her dominant wasn't what broke you up?" Spock's cheeks flushed slightly green. "Being her dominant was the closest I had come to experiencing the emotion of joy, up to that time." Jim played with his glass of wine, surprised enough that he forgot to drink it. "Then what changed?" Spock looked at him steadily. "I fell in love with another." Kirk smiled. "Me? You mean me?" "I do. My affection for you was apparent to both of us, and Nyota and I agreed that it was time for our relationship to end." Kirk put down his glass and touched Spock's hand where it lay on the table. "I'm sorry to rob Uhura of you but not sorry that you're mine now." Spock inclined his head. "Indeed. Nyota's and my time together was pleasant for both of us, but it was a lesser relationship in every respect than the one you and I share." He sipped his tea, gathered his courage, then added, "And yes, Jim, I am your submissive. I have been aware of it for quite some time but did not wish to burden you with knowledge that you might find irksome. I have never had submissive desires before and expect never to do so again; you are, for me, the exception to every rule." Jim looked at him intently. "You're a natural dominant except when you're with me." "Yes, Jim." "And this doesn't trouble you at all?" "You recall that I said that being Nyota's dominant was the closest I had ever come to joy, up to that time?" "Yeah." "I have since experienced joy, full stop, no qualifications." "With me." "Yes." Kirk looked down, touched. "I may be supposed to be the dominant, but I've never felt anything as humbling as having a Vulcan tell me I bring him joy." Spock serenely took another sip of tea. "Your reaction is part of why you are the only person to whom I could give myself in this way." "So when you defer to me, when you support me and meet my needs before I've even thought to ask for something, that's not just the First Officer role leaking into the personal relationship?" "No, Jim, it is not." "If you're trying to do what I want, why haven't you been more assertive when I've asked you to be?" "You believe that the only appropriate interpersonal relationship is an egalitarian one, so your conscience prompts you to encourage assertiveness on my part. Your reaction to my behavior, however, clearly demonstrates that you prefer me in a deferential role, and I conform myself to your actual wishes instead of to your stated ones." Kirk laughed. "Managing me! You spend your whole life managing me!" Spock allowed his eyes to twinkle. "It is no hardship." "You restrain me from sassing admirals. You remind me about the paperwork. You nag me to sleep when I think I should be on the bridge three shifts in a row." "You are not the sort of dominant who requires a submissive with neither brain nor will. I could never respect such a person, so the current situation would not arise. You require a submissive who will employ every talent in their repertoire to improve the functioning of the Enterprise." "Not to improve my own life, but to make things right on the Enterprise?" Spock raised a brow. "You seek to test me? I did not jettison my capacity for observation when I took on the submissive role. The optimum functioning of the Enterprise IS your life." He paused. "As you are mine." Kirk clenched a fist. "Spock, I don't deserve that. No one does!" Spock shook his head. "It is not about what you deserve but about what I wish to give you. Not that you are undeserving — not at all — but it is my own psyche that provides the impetus for my submission to you." Kirk relaxed slightly. "This is about who you are when you're with me, not about what I ask of you or what I deserve." Spock nodded placidly. "As you say." Kirk chuckled. "If anyone had told me that I'd be discussing a highly emotional topic with a Vulcan, and that I'd be the uncomfortable one while the Vulcan radiated joyful serenity all over the room, I'd have told them they were drunk." "I had not wished to burden you with the knowledge of my reaction to you, but I am pleased that I no longer need to conceal it." Jim looked down, then back up again. "This is part of why, isn't it? Why you can think about letting me hurt you without getting upset?" Spock inclined his head. "Exactly so. The satisfaction of this particular need should vastly decrease your feelings of agitation. There is little that I would not do in order to accomplish that goal." "And you won't enjoy the pain, but you'll feel ... useful? Important? Necessary?" "I will feel the satisfaction that I always feel when I meet your needs in a way that no one else can do." Kirk felt so touched by what he was being offered that he had to try for lightness. "You'll feel Vulcanly smug at being better than everyone else AGAIN." To hide the smile that threatened to manifest itself, Spock took an unnecessary sip of tea. "All right," Kirk said. "Let's plan, then. We know who. We still need to figure out the what, the when, and the where." "I have already given some thought to this, if you are agreeable," Spock said. Kirk motioned with his hand. "Let's hear it." "The ship will be in dry dock for upgrades beginning one month from today. Mr. Scott will manage the work on the ship's engines, and you or I can provide what little oversight he requires via a daily check-in by communicator. The upgrades are projected to take ten days to implement, giving us ample time for a week's shore leave." "Yes, I'd already planned to give shore leave to everyone but Scotty. He deserves it, too, but I know he won't leave while the upgrade team is at his engines." "Indeed not." Spock handed Kirk a PADD with a map of the area around the upgrade facility. "There are three planets that are close enough to the upgrade facility for shore leave to be practical. Fornax features a large number of restaurants, entertainment establishments, and markets, and it is where the majority of the crew is likely to go. Bellona is renowned for its natural beauty, and those who desire rest rather than recreation will go there. Porrima caters to those who desire quiet contemplation. It not generally a tourist destination, more of a meditation retreat, but it is possible to rent a small hut that is separated by many kilometers from all other habitation." "So we could be alone, and we wouldn't run into any of the crew, or anybody else, it sounds like." "Yes. Not only would we be physically isolated; we would be aurally isolated, as well." Kirk swallowed. "Are you saying that no one could hear you scream?" "Precisely." "But, Spock, you don't scream. I've seen you injured a hundred times; I saw the parasite on Deneva push your pain levels to the maximum your system could register, and you barely twitched." "I chose not to scream, because screaming is incompatible with Vulcan standards of conduct. During the Deneva incident, I chose to sever the connection between physical sensations of pain and the registration of those sensations in my awareness. I do this under most injurious circumstances so that I can continue to function, but those things ARE choices. You require screaming for maximum satisfaction, so when you desire my pain, I will choose differently." Kirk caught his breath, rocked by the magnitude of what he was being offered. The only person he knew who could deliberately choose not to feel pain would instead choose to feel it. For him. It would be easy to let himself slide into guilt and feelings of unworthiness, but they'd already had that conversation. His crew needed him to get this part of himself under control, and Spock had convinced him that the only way to control it was to deliberately give it periodic expression. Guilt was a luxury he couldn't afford. Spock watched the play of emotions over Kirk's expressive face, concerned at first that he may have handed Jim more than he could handle. Then he saw Jim's face take on that familiar expression of Kirkian resolve and knew that they had won this round. He waited for Jim to settle himself, then spoke. "Do the time and location meet with your approval?" "Yes. Well-planned, as always, Spock." Spock inclined his head. "Thank you. I will make reservations on Porrima for one month hence." Jim said, "So, we're left with the what. I've been researching ways of causing pain that don't cause damage." Spock shook his head. "That will not do." "What? What do you mean?" "Jim, I explored this area of your mind thoroughly. It contained a large number of mental images of the things you wish to do. All of those images featured rivulets of green blood." Kirk winced and looked away, then took a deep breath and looked at Spock again. "Well, but I've been reading, and the experts all make a big distinction between the things that people fantasize about and the things they actually do. They say it's very common to think about things that are more extreme — even much more extreme — than the things those people really want to do. Just because something's in my mind doesn't mean that I should do it, doesn't even mean that I really want to do it." "I agree that we should not perform the most extreme activities your mind can visualize. But if we examine even the mildest of the images in your mind, they feature not just pain but also damage. You differ from recreational practitioners of BDSM in that your subordinates frequently suffer physical injuries as a result of your orders. In order to be able to tolerate continuing to give similar orders, your mind has a safety valve: you can eroticize such damage. This is a good thing, Jim, lest your mind break under the pressure." Kirk looked angry. "I don't get off on it when my crew gets hurt!" Spock covered Kirk's hand with his own. "I did not say that, nor did I mean it. Perhaps I have been unclear. It is not that you eroticize your crew's injuries. Rather, it is the fact that you are capable of eroticizing injury that allows you to tolerate the crew's injuries. You feel great dismay when the crew is injuried, but the safety valve of eroticism allows you to treat injuries as the price we must pay for the dangerous work we all do." Kirk blew out a breath. "It makes sense when you say it, but it's a hell of a thing to find in myself." "Of course. If you accepted such a desire without qualms, then it would be cause for worry. Your very distress is evidence that you pose no threat to those under your command." Kirk looked at him sadly. "Except you." Spock shook his head. "You do not threaten me in any way that matters. Contusions and surface lacerations would be a small price to pay for either your pleasure or your continued ability to function as captain; since our activities should ensure both of those outcomes, the cost to me is completely trivial." Kirk smiled. "Spock, you're a man and a half." Spock judged it was time for the lightness that his purported failure to understand English idioms always produced. "'A man and a half,' Captain? You are not so innumerate." Kirk chuckled, tension somewhat relieved, and Spock thought that Jim was ready for what he had to say next. "When using implements on human flesh, or even Vulcan flesh, it is advisable to practice with those implements on an inanimate object first, in order to perfect one's aim." Kirk frowned. "You're right, and a month isn't that much time, so I should start practicing soon. But it'll be awhile before we're at the kind of place where I could buy something like that at all, much less buy it anonymously." Spock cleared his throat. "I anticipated this difficulty and procured a small selection of implements for you immediately after our last conversation on this topic, using the anonymous account I have had for some time." "Anticipating my needs and fulfilling them before I even realize I have them. You've been doing this for years now; how come I never realized what was going on before?" "Until I forced the issue, you were actively avoiding looking at this facet of your personality." "Okay, there is that. But it's so ... obvious." "My position as First Officer requires that I fulfill a similar function professionally, which gave me plausible deniability with respect to our personal relationship." "And wait — YOU have an anonymous credit account? I know they're not illegal, but you're so by-the-book that I'm surprised you have one." "A number of our past adventures convinced me that a situation could arise where I would have access neither to my own body nor to the resources its identity provides me." "Sargon and Henoch. Janice Lester." "Among others. I decided it would be wise to have a portion of my resources available via a memorized code number, rather than through a retina scan or voice print, should I ever be required to permanently inhabit a body not my own." Kirk laughed and shook his head. "You're always three steps ahead of everyone else; I guess that's why you're the Enterprise's chess master." "Passing much of the night in meditation does permit consideration of many alternative courses of action." "All right." Kirk stood up from the table and walked to the open area of the room. "I've stalled long enough. Suppose you show me these 'implements' you've bought us." Spock rose and walked to his dresser, fetching a bundle wrapped in cloth from the bottom drawer. He walked back to Kirk and said, "I believe they are commonly referred to as 'toys,' if you prefer that nomenclature." Kirk was now all the steely captain, his previous qualms no longer visible. "I would prefer it only because it minimizes the effect they'll have on you, and I don't want to hide behind that. 'Implement' will do. Let's see 'em." Spock unwrapped the bundle and placed it on the table, then withdrew something from it. He turned and handed the captain a dark blue flogger consisting of a dozen flat rubber tails attached to a handle. "This is called a 'flogger,'" he said. "They are commonly made of leather, but I preferred not to purchase an implement created from animal hide, and according to my reading, rubber is both more painful and easier to clean." "I know you're a vegetarian; I didn't know that leather was also against your principles." "I use leather when it is absolutely necessary, but that is not the case here." He pointed to the flogger. "The technical term for each tail of a flogger is 'tress.' Rubber tresses, as I said, are reputed to be more painful than leather ones. The shape of the tresses also matters; flat ones are less painful than square ones, and braided ones are more painful still. Wielders commonly test a new flogger by striking the inside of their forearms to get a sense of what sort of stimulation the implement provides." "Back off a little, then." Spock moved to the other end of the room, and Kirk grabbed the flogger by its handle and whacked the inner side of his forearm with it. He drew in his breath in a hiss. "Holy shit, that stings." Spock nodded. "It is supposed to." He gestured slightly towards the bundle on the table. "I can show you how to properly wield a flogger on another individual later, but I have additional implements for you." Kirk put the flat-tailed rubber flogger on his chair. "Okay, what else?" Spock pulled another flogger from the bundle; this one was very similar to the first, except its tails were braided, and it was red. "As you can see, this one has braided tresses. In addition to inflicting more pain, braided tresses will also inflict more damage. It is very difficult NOT to inflict bruises with this configuration, and breaking the skin is not uncommon if the flogger is swung with more than minimal force. I selected different colors for the two implements so that the difference between them would be discernable at a glance." The temperature of the room had not changed, but Kirk was sweating. Spock eyed him with some concern, then took a deeper-than-usual breath. Ah. The smell of arousal. Kirk was not upset, then; he could continue. "Would you like to test this one, as well?" he asked. "Yeah, I guess I'd better. Give me some space." Spock backed off again, and Kirk swung the braided flogger at his arm. His gasp was louder this time around, and he said, "Jesus. And that's maybe half strength, from just a short distance." He put the red flogger on top of the dark blue one. "Yes," Spock said calmly. "It will be extremely painful when used at full strength." He moved back to the table and took another flogger from the bundle, then showed it to Kirk. It was a miniature version of the flogger Kirk had just tested, a tiny braided flogger with tresses only ten centimeters long. Whipping Boy Ch. 02 Kirk laughed. "What's this? Did it shrink in the wash? This looks a lot less intimidating." Spock repressed a smile and contented himself with raising an eyebrow. "Perhaps it will appear more so when I tell you that the nickname for this style of implement is 'penis whip.'" Kirk sobered. "You're kidding." "I am not." Kirk took the small flogger from Spock's hand and examined it. "Are you telling me that I should use this on your cock?" Spock matched his phrasing deliberately. "Are you telling me that you do not want to?" Kirk closed his eyes and just breathed for a moment. "I did say that I had explored that area of your mind most thoroughly." Kirk opened his eyes and looked up at his lover, then let the small flogger fall to the floor. "Spock," he said. Spock wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly. "It is all right, Jim. Truly. It is all right." Kirk pressed his face into Spock's neck and allowed himself to be soothed. "Sometimes I can't believe how much you love me." "A Vulcan's love is slow to develop, but once it exists, it is fierce." Kirk laughed. "Got that right." He squeezed Spock, then stepped back. He leaned over and picked up the small flogger from the floor. "I'll try this on my arm, if you don't mind." Spock clasped his arms behind his back and put on the not-quite-poker face that he knew amused Jim. "As you wish." Kirk swung the tiny flogger at his arm with full force, then stared at his arm in disbelief, whistling through his teeth. "That ... packs more of a wallop than I expected." Spock shook his head. "Elementary physics, Jim. Just because this is a new field of endeavor for you, it does not mean that your prior knowledge is irrelevant. If you concentrate an equal amount of force over a smaller area, what happens?" Kirk sighed. "You're right. I've been letting my anxiety override my good sense." He shook himself. "All right. I'm back." He laid the penis whip on his chair with the other floggers. Spock removed the last item from the bundle and handed it to Kirk. "This is a cane. As you can see, it is long and thin, and if we remember our elementary physics ..." He raised a teasing eyebrow. "It will hurt like a motherfucker," Kirk said. "Colorfully put but essentially correct. It is most commonly used on the buttocks, though it is possible to use it on any part of the body where vital organs are not too near the surface." "You said you could show me how to use these things. How did you learn how to use them?" "I watched instructional videos until I understood the procedure, then practiced on a pillow in my quarters before attempting to use similar — but far less intense — objects on Nyota. Trial and error caused me to refine my technique, though it is still similar enough to the technique in the videos that they would be adequate if you would prefer them to personal instruction." "I would, yeah. You've done a lot already, and I want to do some of this on my own. It just feels off, somehow, to have you teach me how to hit you." Spock inclined his head. "As you say." Kirk put the cane back on the table. "Spock, you've been great about all of this, more than great, but I feel the need to reconnect with you in a purely romantic way. No roles, no pain, no rank, just us." "That would be most welcome." And the human showed the Vulcan that tenderly was also a good way to love. Whipping Boy Ch. 03 Author's Note: 1. This is the third chapter of a multi-chapter story and won't really make sense unless you've read the first two chapters. 2. This chapter is mostly a BDSM scene, with a fair amount of conversation and a small amount of (male on male) sex. If that's not what you want to read, well, this site has LOTS of other stories. :-) 3. See the Chapter 1 notes for warnings, disclaimers, definitions, and the like. 4. This story takes place right after the fourth year of the first five-year mission, in the Original Series (NOT reboot) universe. 5. Thanks for reading! Whipping Boy Ch. 03 Finally Kirk raised the knotted flogger and brought it down full force, and the knots bit deeply into Spock's flesh and ripped it as Kirk pulled the flogger away. Spock gave a small scream. Kirk felt his face spread in a feral grin as he swung the flogger at his lover again, feeling a rush of energy as the whip made contact, feeling a strange exultation as Spock screamed and bled. "Again" was the one thought in his mind, and he gave himself over to the strange, brutal joy of beating his lover with all his strength, watching Spock bleed and hearing him scream, and knowing that it was good, that he needed this, that Spock's priceless devotion would give him this and more than this, and he could be all that he was, without fear or judgment. Spock had seen "the Vulcan can take it" in his mind, and he was grateful once again for Vulcan stamina as he allowed himself to really take what Spock was offering, allowed himself to give him a beating made all the more brutal by the length of time that it had been held back. As the fierce, feral joy rose higher and higher, Kirk realized that his love for Spock was rising ever higher as well. Outsiders might see this beating as somehow degrading his lover, but Jim saw clearly how much it demonstrated Spock's essential nobility and largeness of spirit, how much it showed the love and trust between the two of them. Kirk beat Spock for several minutes, reveling in the screams that grew louder with every blow, watching the green blood trickle down the ravaged back. Eventually the focus of his desires changed, and he laid the knotted flogger on the bench. "Let go of the pole and turn around and face me," he said. Spock released his grip on the pole and turned. His face was flushed noticeably green, his eyes unfocused. "Put your arms behind you and grab hold of the pole for balance," Kirk said. Spock did as directed, leaning his head back and resting it against the pole but clearly keeping some space between the pole and his beaten back. Kirk glanced down and saw that his lover was partially erect. It seemed that Spock disliked pain enough that he was not fully erect, but the intensely submissive experience was arousing enough for him that he was partially so. Kirk made a mental note for future encounters. Jim dropped to his knees and took his lover's cock in his mouth, sucking it the way he knew Spock liked best, and it took very little time before Spock was as hard as Jim was himself. Kirk stood and fetched the small braided flogger that Spock had told him was called a "penis whip" and struck his lover's cock with it. Spock whimpered. Kirk swung the small flogger harder, and the braiding tore the delicate penile skin, causing a small amount of green blood to trickle down Spock's cock. Jim drew in an audible breath at the sight, even as Spock whimpered more loudly. Kirk hit Spock's penis three more times, making him whimper when he struck the shaft and scream with abandon when he struck the head. Then he flung the flogger aside and dropped to his knees again, taking his beloved's cock in his mouth and sucking with all his skill. Because of his copper-based blood, Spock's bloodied cock tasted like new pennies, and the knowledge of what this taste meant aroused Kirk so intensely that he was afraid he'd come before Spock did, even though his own cock was getting no attention at all. An idea occurred to him, something he thought might make the experience better for Spock, and when he felt Spock getting close to orgasm, he lifted his mouth long enough to say, "I order you to come for me!" before sealing his lips back around his lover's cock and sucking for all he was worth. That was all it took, and Spock exploded down his throat, grasping the pole hard enough to leave finger dents in it and keening in a way that Jim had never heard before. It was enough to set Jim off, too, and he came harder than he'd thought he could in the absence of direct contact, before sliding down to rest in a sweaty heap at his lover's feet. Kirk cleared his throat so that he could speak. "You can let go of the pole now. Come down here and let me hold you." Spock let go of the pole and slid bonelessly to the floor, burying his face against Jim's neck and sighing. He clung to Jim with a neediness that was new to him, and Kirk petted his hair and murmured lovingly but wordlessly. After a few minutes, Kirk said, "I should give your back some first aid." "Later," Spock said. "I desire physical contact at the moment." "I'll hold you as long as you want," Kirk said. "I need it, too." They fell asleep holding each other. ************************************* Epilogue with processing the experience and schmoop to come! ************************************* Author's Endnote: One of the things I especially love about Spock is his intense loyalty/devotion to his captain. I wanted to give him an unusual or extreme set of circumstances that would allow him to display that devotion to a high degree, which is how this story came about. So don't think that I'm beating Spock up because I hate him; I'm beating him up because I love him so MUCH. Just as Jim does. Hmmm... :-) Whipping Boy Jim snorted. "And that's the truth!" He sobered. "But then, what can I do? Maybe a disguise?" "Your mind is a good one, and it has already chosen the most logical object for this endeavor." "You mean you." "Of course. The one person whose loyalty is unquestionable, whose physical stamina is up to the task, and whose regard for you would ensure that he satisfies this need as willingly as he does your other needs." Jim squirmed, both aroused and disgusted by the very thought. "But what would it do to us? You're the best thing in my life, the one person I love more than the Enterprise. I would rather quit Starfleet than ruin what's between us." "Performing such activities with you would not undermine my love for you, nor would it it reduce the respect in which I hold you. If anything, it would merely enhance my already high opinion of your bravery. But there is a danger, and that danger is your own emotions. You would have to be able to look at me without guilt afterward, to see my participation as the freely-chosen action of an independent adult. If you are unable to do that, then your guilt could undermine our personal relationship." "Would it be freely chosen? Don't you feel obligated to keep me safe, to keep our crew safe? Don't you feel that you are not just my best choice but basically my only choice?" "Jim? How many times have I stepped in front of you, to take a hit that was meant for you, one that I could survive better than you could?" "Too many to count." "How guilty do you feel afterward?" Jim caressed Spock's chest as he thought. "I do feel a little bit guilty, even now, but I've had four years to come to terms with it. The truth is that you are tougher than I am, physically; you can shrug off things that would incapacitate me. I still don't like it when you do it, but I've made peace with the fact that you're right; it really is better for the ship when you take the hit." Spock raised an eyebrow. "The exercise is left for the student to complete." Jim picked up his head and banged it down again on Spock's shoulder. "Damn you, why are you always right?" Spock wisely did not answer.