0 comments/ 8008 views/ 0 favorites When in Caesar's Palace By: scriptwriter45                                                                FADE IN:                INT. TENEMENT BUILDING, HARLEM, NYC - DAY                Two white plainclothes COPS are moving rapidly up a dark                staircase.  They are holding drawn pistols.  They reach a                floor and move down the hallway to a door.  One of the COPS                bangs on the door.                                    COP #1                          NYPD! Devon Barnes, open the                          fuckin' door!                Footsteps and voices are heard within the apartment.  The                footsteps move towards the door.                                    MAN #1                          What the fuck you want?  If you                          ain't got no paper, get the fuck                          outta here.                                    COP #1                              (holding up badge to                               peephole)                          Here's the only paper I need,                          bitch!  Now open the fuckin' door,                          Barnes.  We just need to talk to                          you for a second.                  The door opens slightly, and MAN #1 peers out.  He looks at                the two COPS and decides to open the door a little more.  COP                #1 kicks the door open all the way and COP #2 bursts in.  COP                #1 throws MAN #1 to the ground and covers him with his                pistol.                INT. APARTMENT - DAY                                    COP #2                          Everybody get your fuckin' hands in                          the air!  Do it now!                  Three men are seated on a filthy living room set in the                trashed apartment.  The men sense something is wrong. One man                reaches for a pistol on the coffee table.                                    COP #2 (CONT'D)                          Don't touch that weapon! Fuckin'                          stop!                The man's hand touches the weapon.  COP #2 fires a shot into                the man.  Chaos erupts as the other men leap up from the                couch.                                    COP #1                          Billy! Just do everybody!                                    COP #2                              (deadpan)                          Hey, whatever you say...                COP #2 fires his pistol at the remaining two men, killing                them.  COP #1 fires his pistol into the head of MAN #1 who is                still face down on the floor. The COPS flee the apartment and                race out to the street where they enter their car.                INT. CAR - DAY                                    COP #2                              (laughing)                          Holy shit! That was a fuckin' freak                          show!  I'm so pumped right now!                          Woo hoo!                                    COP #1                              (driving and shaking head                               in wonder)                          You were goddamn John Wayne back                          there.  Bam, bam, bam!  Never seen                          no shit like that!                                    COP #2                              (laughing)                          I love this cop thing.  Gets you                          into all the best places.                                    COP #1                              (agreeing and gesturing                               with his badge)                          God bless eBay.  You can buy any                          fuckin' thing there.                                      COP #2                          No shit.  Gotta love technology.                          I'm fuckin' starved...let's find                          someplace to eat.  How about that                          diner on the East Side you took me                          to last month?  Uhhh,                          "Henrietta's?"                                    COP #1                              (laughing)                          Nah, "Hanrahan's," ya dumb Irish                          fuck!   Hey, go ahead and text the                          Guinea.  Say, "The fried chicken                          was great.  Thanks for the recipe."                COP #2 uses a cellphone and taps out the text message.  Upon                completion, COP #2 wipes the cellphone with a rag and drops                it out the window where it is run over by traffic and                shatters.                                    COP #2                          So who is this Guinea anyway?                                    COP #1                          Just some douchebag spaghetti eater                          Frankie met in juvie.  They get                          together now and then.  Frankie                          says he's an up and comer in the                          Jersey Mob.  The Guinea's doing a                          favor for Johnny Sack.                                    COP #2                              (impressed)                          THE Johnny Sack?  The one who runs                          the Lupertazzi crew?                                    COP #1                          Yeah, the very same. Those niggers                          had been ripping off some of his                          operations in Harlem.                                      COP #2                              (excited)                          Those stupid ass motherfuckers! I                          guess Frankie's gonna get some                          brownie points outta this.  And us                          too. When in Caesar's Palace                                    COP #1                          Especially us!                  The car arrives at the curb near Hanrahan's Diner.  The COPS                park the car and get out.  As they walk to the front door,                COP #2 glances at COP #1's leather shoes and sees gore from                the earlier action.                                    COP #1 (CONT'D)                          Man, smell that sausage!  I could                          eat a fuckin' horse...and some                          fried chicken and watermelon!                                    COP #2                              (laughing)                          Well, before we go in officer, you                          might wanna polish your shoes.                                    COP #1                          (looking down)                          What? Awww shit!  That eggplant                          busted all over my shoe!  Fuck me!                The men laugh and COP #1 scrapes his shoe with a piece of                dirty cardboard he finds on the sidewalk near the door.                INT. SOPRANO HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY                CARMELA SOPRANO is bustling in the kitchen.  She finishes                placing food on the kitchen table, then faces the stairs and                shouts.                                    CARMELA                          AJ! Meadow! Tony!  Breakfast's                          ready!                AJ and MEADOW hustle down the stairs and enter the dining                room.                                    AJ                          Mom, I need to go to Petey's after                          school to finish my science                          project.                                    CARMELA                              (suspicious)                          Aren't you done yet?  I thought you                          finished last week?  AJ, I'm not                          sure I like that Petey kid.  What                          are his plans after he graduates?                AJ's face betrays the rising anger he feels as CARMELA                questions him.                                    AJ                              (exasperated)                          How come Dad never questions me                          about my friends?  Why do you                          always have to rip on my friends?                          Shit!                                    MEADOW                          What do you expect AJ? Your friends                          are losers!                                      AJ                          Fuck you, Meadow!                TONY SOPRANO enters the DINING ROOM.  His entrance breaks up                the battle.  AJ and MEADOW glare at each other.                                    TONY                              (sarcastically)                          How is my precious family doing                          this fine morning?                              (beat)                          And who's Petey?                                    CARMELA                          Your darling offspring were getting                          ready to tear out each other's                          throats.  Just like everybody else                          we know.                TONY shoots the kids a death stare, then addresses CARMELA.                                    TONY                          Carm, why does it seem like                          everything is such a big fuckin'                          deal with you?  Do you always gotta                          overexaggerate?                                    MEADOW                          Dad, I think you mean exaggerate.                          There's no such word as                          overexaggerate.                                    TONY                          Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,                          Einstein.  But I think your Mom has                          a problem with reality.                                    CARMELA                          No, I'm the one driving the Reality                          Bus in this house and I'm gonna                          take it out of here.  Serve your                          own damn selves!                  CARMELA leaves the dining room in a fury, and exits the                house, leaving TONY, AJ, and MEADOW.                                    TONY                              (under breath)                          Smooth move, Tony old boy...                The doorbell rings and MEADOW gets up to get it.  CHRIS                MOLTISANTI and PAULIE "WALNUTS" GUALTIERI enter the room.                CHRIS is pimp strutting up to TONY.  AJ and MEADOW grab                plates of food and head to the family room.                                    CHRIS                              (Inner city Black accent)                          Wassup, dawg?                                    TONY                          What the fuck are you sayin'?                          What's with the "Boyz in the Hood"                          shit?                                    CHRIS                          Chill, homeboy!  I's jes' 'bout to                          get to dat!                                    TONY                          Your skinny dead ass is gonna be                          chillin' in Satriale's meat locker.                          So, what's up?                AJ has come into the kitchen to refill his orange juice and                hears CHRIS acting out the inner city Black stereotype.                                    AJ                          Man!  Can you be any more racist, When in Caesar's Palace                          Chris?  You know, it wasn't too                          long ago that Italians were looked                          at like Blacks are today.                TONY smirks as AJ faces down CHRIS' racism.  He's having fun                watching CHRIS squirm.                                    CHRIS                          Well, AJ, it's different with my                          generation--                                    AJ                              (rolling eyes)                          I hate to tell you, we're both                          members of the same generation.                AJ walks out of the kitchen shaking his head, and muttering                under his breath.  CHRIS looks at TONY who is nodding his                head in agreement with AJ's generation comment.                                    AJ (CONT'D)                          What a fuckin' dummy...                                    TONY                          Enough of this sociology shit.                                    PAULIE                          Ya know, Ton', these kids are too                          influenced by TV.  You can't blame                          AJ for not knowin' what goes on out                          there on the street with these                          colored kids.                          I mean, you make good money, so the                          kid don't gotta experience none of                          the crap we all did.  Just the                          other day, I was watching Dr Phil                          Donahue on that Oprah show and he                          was talkin' about kids today--                                    TONY                              (incredulous)                          Whoa, whoa, whoa!  Who were you                          watchin'?                                    PAULIE                          Oprah.                                    TONY                              (grinning at Paulie's                               ignorance)                          No. I mean who is this doctor you                          mentioned.                TONY glances at CHRIS, but PAULIE's gaffe has flown over his                head as well.                                    PAULIE                          Dr Phil Donahue.                                    TONY                              (rolling eyes)                          Hmm...Dr Phil Donahue.  Oh,                          brother.                              (beat)                          Forget it.  Now, talk to me about                          this situation.                                    CHRIS                          That situation across the river                          uptown has been handled.                                    TONY                              (confused and irritated)                          What situation?                                    CHRIS                          That thing uptown, you know.  The                          thing...that Johnny Sack wanted.                                    TONY                          Look at my face.  Do I look like I                          have a fuckin' clue?                                    CHRIS                          Uhhh...                                    TONY                          Don't give me, "Uhhh."  Down to the                          basement...now!                The three men proceed downstairs to the basement.  TONY turns                on a small radio and clothes dryer to block out their voices                in case of bugs.                                    CHRIS                              (nervous)                          OK, Johnny Sack reached out to...                                    TONY                          Stop!  Johnny Sack?  Since when                          does that piece of shit reach out                          to my crew?                                    CHRIS                          Man, I'm sorry.  I thought you knew                          about it.                                    TONY                          Who did he go through?                                    CHRIS                          He arranged it through Benny...                                    TONY                              (exploding)                          God damn it!  Benny ain't made,                          Benny ain't shit!  Who gave Benny                          the right to do anything on behalf                          of this family?                                    CHRIS                          Ton', please take it easy.  The kid                          was just tryin' to do what he                          thought you wanted.                                    TONY                          Ya know what I want? I want you                          two, Silvio, and Benny at the Bing                          in an hour.  We gotta do some                          talkin', 'cause it's time to                          straighten some things out.                                      CHRIS                          Hey, you got it!                TONY leads the men upstairs shaking his head as PAULIE                rambles on about Dr Phil Donahue.                                    PAULIE