1 comments/ 47426 views/ 8 favorites Trish's Wedding Day By: MTL17 Mickie's POV BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! I look over to my right and see the numbers on the alarm clock on the bedside table flashing to signal that it is 7:30am time for me to get up when the in point of fact I have been up for hours..........Ok that's a lie the fact of the matter is I have been awake all night. I haven't managed to get one wink of sleep. All I have been doing since I first got into this bed is thinking about..........well basically everything. Everything that has happened ever since me and her first met..........everything that has happened ever since we first "got together"..........or as she calls it started having "fun" together. An everything that has happened ever since she left the company. I slowly reach over and turn the alarm clock off due to the bleeping having started to get on my nerves after flicking the switch on the top part of the alarm clock from on to off the bleeping stops and the numbers stop flashing. Once the alarm clock has been shut off I return to staring up at the ceiling. You know I can still remember the first day I met her like it was yesterday instead of it being almost a year ago. October 10th 2005..........the day I debuted on RAW and begun what would become my first rivalry. I can remember the whole day I was..........well basically I was like my character I was full of excitement and adrenaline I couldn't wait to debut..........I mean can you blame me? How many people get to not only debut on the longest running wrestling television show but also start their career working with and eventually against the No.1 diva in the No.1 wrestling company in America? It's kinda funny actually because all day I was like my character and then when it was time to go on I became very serious and "acted" the way I had been all day. Me and her hit it off right away though. I can remember she sat down with me at lunch and we talked she asked me about my life before I joined the company and she seemed really interested. I can remember telling her how happy I was that I was getting the gimmick that I was getting because I was a huge fan of her's and that I didn't idolize her but she certainly did inspire me and that I did hope that I could be just as successful as she had been. An then she said something which I will never forget. She told me that I would. Part of me still thinks she was just saying that to be nice and yet I can remember looking into her eyes and seeing no sign of a lie even if she was just saying that I was sure that if she was lying even if it was just to be nice I would have been able to tell due to me having always been able to tell when somebody is lying to me by looking them in the eye and yet there was no lie in her eye. An so our storyline got underway and me and her spent a lot of time together not just at house shows or RAW but we spent all of our time together and it wasn't like my character I didn't hassle her to spend time together in point of fact it was very much the other way around she..........I don't want to say hassled me but she would call me or text me and ask me what I was doing and when I told her nothing she would ask me if I wanted to spend the day with her. Of course I jumped at the chance. Not because I thought if I spent time with her it would help me further my career I mean come on I was working for the No.1 company in America with/against the No.1 female wrestler in the company how on earth could I improve on that? I simply spent time with her because I enjoyed spending time with her. Sometimes we'd go window shopping or actual shopping. Sometimes we'd go out to eat. Sometimes we'd go out to the cinema together. Sometimes we'd go out drinking together. Hell sometimes we'd just stay in either my hotel room or her's order room service and watch TV and chat. No matter what we did we had fun. That was until the onscreen kiss under the mistletoe..........after that everything changed. The weird thing is it wasn't a drastic change..........like after that night that we kissed onscreen we stopped spending time together. We still spent time together and done everything we did before it's just ..........the mood was different neither of us talked about it at first we both tried to ignore it and act "normal" I guess you could say act the way we did before the onscreen kiss. Eventually though the change and the not talking about it became too much for her and so the night after she defeated me to retain her title we met up on neutral territory for the first time but not the last. An both said how we felt and her being the type of woman that she was and is she allowed me to go first and so I did. I told her that I really valued her friendship and that until we kissed I never saw her as anything other than my friend which..........if I am honest was a lie I mean I never told her I was a lesbian not because I was ashamed of my sexuality the subject never came up however leaving aside the fact that I was and am a lesbian even if I wasn't a lesbian I don't think any woman gay straight or bi could deny how beautiful she is. I went on to tell her that after the kiss I started to see her in a new light..........which was kinda the truth I had from day one saw Trish as a sexually attractive women I just never thought or imagined or even dreamed about us being together sexually until after the kiss..........after the kiss I did start thinking imagining and dreaming about us sexually and I told her all of this. I also pointed out that I would never ever make a move on her due to the fact that despite how much I may have wanted to and I did. I didn't want to loose her and I didn't. Much to my surprise and delight she told me the same thing and once she had finished talking there was an uncomfortable silence between us which I broke by asking her where we went from there and she nervously told me or rather asked me if I wanted to kiss her and I told her that I did which again was the truth and so she told me to which I did and..........well let's just say one thing led to another and leave it there. Things pretty much went back to the way they where before the onscreen kiss except now me and her where as she put it having "fun" together however I personally considered what we where doing to be "making love" or "having sex" I think to begin with I considered what we did to be us "having sex" however it eventually changed from us "having sex" to us "making love" I can remember just before we did it the first time she said how she didn't want this to change things between us..........I realise now how stupid that line is because whenever you go past being a friend and become intimate things between you immediately change weather you realise it or not. I don't think either of us realised that things had changed between us then again maybe we did and we just did our best to ignore the fact that things had changed like we tried to ignore the fact that things had changed after the onscreen kiss. By the time Wrestlemania arrived..........I knew I couldn't ignore how I felt anymore and so after our match she came to my locker room to congratulate me and I told her we needed to talk and so we once again met on neutral ground and I told her that I knew or rather I remembered what she said about how she didn't want what we where doing..........us having "fun" to change our friendship however I told her that us having "fun" had changed our friendship because I no longer had the type of feelings that one friend has for another..........I told her that my feelings where now the type of feelings that a man has for woman or a gay man has for another gay man or a gay woman has for another gay woman. I can remember saying that the whole "that a man has for woman or a gay man has for another gay man or a gay woman has for another gay woman." Line. I can also remember her laughing in my face and saying or rather telling me not to be stupid or as she put it silly. She then told me I couldn't have the type of feelings for her that a gay woman has for another gay woman because I wasn't gay. That is when I came out to her that I was gay and that I have those types of feelings for her..........She immediately interrupted me by telling me that I may have wanted her but she didn't want me and that she wasn't gay and with that she got up and left and from Wrestlemania to Backlash she didn't talk to me wouldn't respond to my texts wouldn't pick up the phone when I called her and couldn't stand to be around me when we where at work. Whenever I tried to approach her to try and talk to her she would always put an obstacle in my way weather that is her going up to somebody be it a backstage worker or another female or even a male wrestler sometimes if I entered a room she would leave it. The day before Backlash she finally answered one of my phone calls and invited me to meet her on "neutral" ground because she had something she wanted to say to me. An so I met her on "neutral" ground and she told me that she was sorry about how she reacted to what I had to say and that it took her by surprise me coming out to her and everything and that part of the reason why she had been avoiding me and not answering my texts and calls etc was because she needed time to get her head straight and now she had. She then told me that she appreciated how I felt however she made it quite clear that she didn't feel the same way back she told me that she did care about me but she didn't care for me in that way. She then went on to say that she enjoyed us doing what we had been doing and that she was willing for us to continue having "fun" however that was all it was to her and all it would ever be. I don't know why..........to this day I don't know why I agreed to her terms but I did and somehow I managed to go on having "fun" with her although I never considered what we did together as us having "fun" I always considered it making love maybe not her making love to me but defiantly me making love to her. An so from Backlash until September 11th 2006 life returned..........I guess you could say it returned to normal except for the fact that I hated when me and her had "fun" together and yet at the same time I loved it when me and her had "fun" together or when she had "fun" with me and I made love to her. Somewhere in between Backlash and September 11th 2006 she told me that she was both retiring from wrestling and that she was going to marry her boyfriend and high school sweetheart of fourteen years. On 11th September she had her final match on RAW against me and that night me and her where together for the last time it was also the night that I asked her..........and I don't know why I did this but.......... I asked her if that night was the end of me and her having "fun" and she told me that it wasn't. She said that we could still have "fun" but that we would only be able to have "fun" when the WWE was in her hometown of Toronto. That was also the night that she asked me if I would be one of her bridesmaids..........again I don't know why but I actually said yes. An so here I am. In Toronto Ontario Canada in this lovely five star hotel room hours away from seeing the woman that I love walk down the isle to marry her boyfriend and high school sweetheart. Speaking of hours away I had better get up washed and dressed. An so I slowly drag myself out of the bed and go into the bathroom turn on the shower get undressed and once the shower is at the right temperature I get in and begin to slowly wash myself all the while thinking about what I plan on doing or rather what I am and have been thinking about doing ever since the rehearsal. It is so weird how one event can change everything..........I mean before the onscreen kiss me and her where fine..........after that onscreen kiss everything changed..........after New Years Revolution which was the night she defeated me to retain her title everything changed again..........after Wrestlemania 22 everything changed again and after Backlash everything changed again. An after the wedding rehearsal my intentions for being here went from being here to support the woman that I love to trying to stop the woman that I love from marrying her high school sweetheart and boyfriend. An the reason why I am going to try and stop the woman that I love from marrying her high school sweetheart and boyfriend..........quite simply really. It's because I love her. I told her that I loved her the night of Wrestlemania 22 however I don't think I ever really knew it or felt it until the wedding rehearsal when I was standing or rather sitting in the front row watching her stand opposite the man she plans on marrying and listening to the priest go through how the service will go. I can remember thinking to myself. "I can't do this.......... I can't let her do this.......... this isn't right." As well as loads of other things. An that was when I decided that I was going to stop.......... that I had to stop this wedding from happening at least that is what I am thinking about doing.......... I haven't decided weather I am going to do it yet. I mean let's say I did try and stop her from marrying this guy who she has known since she was in high school and been with since she was in high school. What exacterly is it going to change? She's told me that she doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about her. She's told me that she doesn't consider what we have been doing to be anything more than us having "fun" An yet on the other hand what if I simply stand by and do nothing? Am I going to regret it for the rest of my life? Am I going to spend the rest of my life wondering what if? I don't like living with regret..........I know nobody does but I really don't like living with regret which is one of the reasons why I was so honest with her the night after New Year's Revolution and Wrestlemania 22. It was because I didn't want to regret not telling her and it was also because and this may sound weird but we started out a friends me and her and throughout all of this on some level I feel we have always been or rather remained friends and so as a friend I couldn't lie to her. Which brings up another point. As her friend can I really stand by and let her do this? I mean what if she is making a mistake? Ok that is a bit of a weird thing to say considering she and her soon to be potential husband have known each other since they where in high school..........but marriage is a huge step even for people who have been together as long as she and her boyfriend (for the next couple of hours at least) have been together. An it may seem like the next logical step but even if it is logical it isn't always the right one. A lot of things change. What if she is doing this for the wrong reasons? I mean I'm not saying she's doing this to try and prove anything to me but..........what if she is doing this for some other reason other than the reason why two people normally get married. I mean she mentioned the fact that she had a boyfriend when we first met and that they had been high school sweethearts and everything and that she loved him but that was it. She didn't really talk about him much after that..........if at all. An she certainly never gave any hint that she was thinking about marrying the guy. Then all of a sudden she tells me she's getting married AND that she is retiring from wrestling. Maybe it's just me but..........that does sound a bit weird doesn't it? I have to do it! I don't know weather it is right or weather it is wrong..........I don't know what is going to happen after I have done it..........I don't know weather she will hate me for doing it..........she probably will but..........I just can't live with the thought that I will spend every day after this one wondering what if and thinking about what could have been or wishing that I had said something when I didn't. I have to do this! For my sake if not for her's. An so with my mind made up and my body washed I turn off the shower climb out get dry and go back into the bedroom and go over to a draw open it and take out a bra and pair of panties and put them on. While I am doing this I am wondering weather I should wait until the service or weather I should go and see her now before the service. Part of me feels I should wait until the service..........it will be more public and dramatic but at least if I do it then she won't have the chance to deny me. Where as if I was to go to her room she could simply shut the door in my face. All of a sudden my thoughts are disturbed by the sound of somebody knocking on my hotel room door. I quickly put on my white bathrobe and walk over to the door and open it to find the very woman that I am thinking about standing the other side of the door looking very..........well I don't know how to describe the way she looks as far as her facial expression is concerned however whatever the word is she is looking very it. "Trish." I say not sure what else to say as I stand there looking at her and she stands the other side of the threshold looking back at me. Trish's POV I honest have no idea how long I have been standing here all I know is that I really don't want to be here. I mean this is supposed to be MY big day the day every little girl dreams about I shouldn't be standing here outside of one of my bridesmaid's hotel rooms I should be in my hotel room getting ready to walk down the isle. I should be feeling so excited and nervous I want to either throw up or cry or both. But instead of doing that I'm here standing outside of my bridesmaids hotel room feeling nervous for the wrong reasons I'm not nervous because I am excited I'm nervous because I'm worried that this particular bridesmaid is going to fuck everything up and totally ruin my big day. An the reason why I am here right now is to try and stop her from doing that. I honestly can't believe this is happening I honestly can't believe I am actually here right now if you had told me a few days ago that I would be standing outside of this hotel room with the intention of trying to save my wedding day from being ruined I would have told you you where crazy. But then again if you had told me a year or so ago that what has happened to me would happen I would have told you you where crazy then too. You know part of me wants to blame her for all of this and in a way I would be perfectly justified to do it I mean she's the one that told me how she really felt about me. Then again on the other hand part of me wants to blame Vince for this and again I would be perfectly justified to do It after all he's the one who brought her up from OVW to RAW roughly a year ago and put me in a storyline/feud with her. However deep down I know I only have one person to blame for all of this and that is me. After all it was me that suggested that me and her have fun together and it was me that begged and pleaded with Vince to bring somebody up from OVW for me to wrestle with because I was sick and tried of the whole "Diva Search" nonsense that he wasn't just ramming down the fans throats but he was forcing talented women like me and Victoria to face and if we weren't facing them we where facing each other. Now don't get me wrong me and Victoria are good friends and we love working together but there's only so many times you can wrestle one and other and do something or have something happen that the fans aren't expecting before you run out of things to do or have happen which the fans aren't expecting and we where pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel when it came to shocks and surprises for our matches. Trish's Wedding Day So I went to Vince and I asked him I begged him I pleaded with him to bring somebody from OVW up to RAW and put me in a storyline with them. I made it clear that she had to have wrestling ability as well as be able to talk on the mic and Vince did and that person was Mickie James. Now I had never heard of Mickie before Vince told me that she was coming to RAW and me and her where going to be in a storyline together so I was excited he promised me that she could talk on the mic and that she could wrestle so I was excited about seeing if he was right as well. So Mickie came and we hit it of right away which is always a good thing when your working with somebody and she told me all about the ups and downs of the independent circuit which I had never been on so that was interesting for me. They say that first impressions are the most important and I can honestly say with my hand on my heart that that Mickie defiantly impressed me with her dedication and how much she loved wrestling. I had spoken to so many of the "Diva Search" winners and looses who had still managed to get a job here who talked about wrestling like it was this silly little thing they did between scenes. Mickie however talked about wrestling and her eyes would light up and she would get this smile on her face. I remember watching "The Stone Cold Truth" DVD and Mick Foley talk about the first time he saw Steve Austin and knew or rather thought that he would make it. Well up until the day I met Mickie I had never experienced that however sitting in the cafeteria with her that day I truly believed that just like Mick with Steve I truly believed that Mickie would or rather could make it. I can remember Mickie telling me how much she wanted to be like me and have as great a career as I had which was nothing new to me I mean some if not all of the "Diva Search" winners and losers had some either the same thing or something similar and half of them where now gone if not from the business from the WWE however with Mickie instead of simply just being nice and bullshitting her I decided to tell her the truth and so I told her that she would because I really believed it I wasn't just saying it I really believed it and it was a thrill for me to think that I would be helping this potential female superstar begin the climb towards the level that I was at. I don't know why exacterly why but for some reason I spent all of my time with Mickie not just when we where onscreen or at house shows but I am talking about practically 7 days a week 24 hours a day and it wasn't because Vince or one of the backstage guys had said "Hey look can you look after this girl for us." Or because she would follow me around like a lost puppy. If anything I dare say it was because I wanted her to follow me around I would call her up and ask her or text her and ask her what she was doing and when she told me nothing I would always take advantage of that and ask her if she wanted to spend the day with me. An she always jumped at the chance. I'm sure some of the other divas backstage who saw us together a lot of the time figured that Mickie was following me around like I said like a lost puppy and thought that the only reason she was doing it was to further her career however I can say with a fair amount of certainty that that was now it at all. The reason she spent so much time with me I believe or rather I like to think was because she enjoyed spending time with me. An I think it is also safe to say that me and Mickie quickly became best friends I would be willing to go out on a limb and say that Mickie became a better friend to me than Lita ever was especially at that time because after the whole Edge/Lita/Matt story blew over she spent all of her free time with Edge and she hardly ever changed with me or any of the other girls let alone spent any time with us outside of work. Life for me at this point in time was pretty sweet I was no longer wrestling talent less nobodies who had either been given a job in the company out of pity because they had been voted off of the "diva search" or because they had degraded themselves on TV enough to win the "diva search" I was once again working with somebody who had the same passion and desire guts determination to excel at what she had chosen to do with her life not only that but I also had a great friend that I could tell anything to and visa versa I guess you could say that I had a lot of good things going on in my life. An what is that old saying about how all good things must come to an end. Well the good things in my life started to come to an end when Vince decided that he wanted mine and Mickie's storyline to take on a "lesbian" twist and he had us kiss on TV and that was it my life would never nor has it been the same since that kiss. I remember how both she and I tried to talk to one and other after the scene was over and we both acted like nothing had happened but as much as we both tried to hide it our friendship had been irreversibly altered. Eventually the tension between us got so bad that I purposely avoided her for a while I thought that if I stayed away from her then my life would go back to normal but something happened which had never happened to me before up until that moment and that is that I started to think about her I started to wonder what she was doing when I wasn't around and I missed her I missed talking to her I missed spending time with her I missed having a laugh with her basically I missed my friend. However despite how much I missed her I didn't want there to be tension between us so I decided that we needed to talk about the kiss get everything out into the open and clear the air it was the most obvious thing to do and yet for some reason neither one of us had been willing or able to do it. An now I know why she couldn't do it because when we talked me that kissing me had changed her and the way she felt about me and that now she saw me as more than just a friend an that she had started to think about me and to dream about me in a sexual way. Obviously when I heard this I was shocked and surprised and I expected to be horrified because I'd never thought about any of the other divas in a sexual way and I didn't think of her in that way neither. She went on to tell me that she had never felt like this before and that if I didn't feel the same way that was cool she just wanted to be honest with me and hoped if I didn't feel the same way we could still be friends because she really valued my friendship and didn't want to lose me as a friend. It took me a little while to get my head around what she had just told me I don't know why I was shocked but I was I was looking back on it now thought I realise why there was tension between us I mean if she hadn't felt the way she did after that kiss there wouldn't have been any tension between us we would have both simply chalked it up as us trying to prove to Vince that we're both willing to do anything for the company. Well maybe not so much me trying to prove that I am willing to do anything for the company because I personally feel I have done that on more than one occasion maybe Vince was testing Mickie to see if she would be willing to do it. Once I eventually got my head around what she'd told me I had intend on telling her what I had planned on telling her from the start but for some reason and to this day I don't know why I did this but for some reason instead of telling her the truth I told her that I felt the same way about her as she did about me. So basically I lied to her and I don't know why I did but I did. Mickie then asked me where we went from there and as if what I had already told her wasn't bad enough I then went on to ask her if she wanted to kiss me and when she said yes I let her. The really funny thing about that is that I have never wondered why said what I did about feeling the same as she did and why I asked her if she wanted to kiss me and when she said yes why I let her. I have never wondered about that until right now. An I still don't know why I did it but I did and from that day on me and Mickie started to have I guess you could call it "fun" It wasn't sex because I don't like to think of myself as having sex with a person and it wasn't love because I'm not gay and at that time I didn't think she was gay and although Mickie is an attractive woman I have never really looked at her in that way. So I guess you could call it two women experimenting with one and other just to see what it is like. An I made it very clear right from the start that just because we where having fun it didn't mean anything had to change and she agreed and I didn't think anything would change but had I known then what I know now I would never have gotten involved in having "fun" or experimenting with her because I would have known that what happened next was going to happen. An what happened next was Mickie told me that she was gay that she was a lesbian and that she preferred women and that she valued our friendship but that she didn't want to lie to me or herself any more and she told me that the truth was she wanted me and that she loved me. Now I wasn't disgusted that she had come out to me that she had told me she was a lesbian sure I was surprised I mean here's my best friend who I've known for months who I thought liked men and we shared a kiss which I thought made her curious about being with another woman and maybe that was why I said what I said and agreed for us to start experimenting with one and other in order to help her satisfy her curiosity However the next thing I know instead of her telling me that her curiosity has been satisfied which if I'm honest I never expected her to say she tells me that she really prefers women and that she wants me and that she loves me. I didn't want to hear that. I was happy. I was happier than I ever remember being in my life. I had a man who was waiting for me whenever I came off the road who loved me who was sweet and caring and compassionate and that Mickie knew about and I had a friend on the road who like I said I could once again confide in and have all sorts of wonderful carefree fun with and who knew that that was all it, was carefree fun. An my life could still be the way it was if my so called friend hadn't opened her mouth and ruined everything. An the worst part is I should've seen it coming whenever we were having fun or experimenting with one and other or whatever you want to call it Mickie would always be the one to go above and beyond to make sure I enjoyed myself. In fact the only thing I ever did for Mickie was kiss her but she said that was ok, that she just enjoyed making me happy. An the things she did to me..........as Steve Austin would say the bottom line is that Mickie had lied to me. An that is what hurt is the fact that we had been friends for months and that we had been experimenting with one and other for months and never once did she ever say anything or do anything which made me think or believe or even wonder weather or not she was or could have been a lesbian. I mean ok she never said she was straight but she never confessed to being gay until three months after we had started to experiment and we had had all sorts of conversations in which she could have at the very least hinted to the possibility that she could have been gay but she never did she always made me think or rather believe that she was straight. Like that time we were talking about the kiss and she said that "she'd never felt like this before" I thought she meant that she had never been attracted to another woman before not that she had never felt like she actually had a shot of getting into my pants before. Hell I think I would be justified to say that Mickie actually tricked me into bed with her or that she got me into bed under false pretences. Even after hearing it even after having heard her say the words I thought she was joking but when I looked into her eyes as she had taught me I knew she was not lying and that she was telling the truth. She told me about a month after we became friends that you can always tell when a person is lying to you by looking them in the eye and she was right she also said you can also tell when a person is telling you the truth by looking them in the eye. An I looked her in the eye and she was telling the truth. Once she had finished saying what she had to say I yelled at her and I screamed at her and I basically told her what I had tired to tell her in the beginning when we first started experimenting and that was that I didn't want her I added by saying that I wasn't gay once I had said my piece I picked up my stuff and storming out. Now I understand that when we first met Mickie could come out and say. "Oh just so you know I'm gay or I'm a lesbian" But before the kiss onscreen we had been friends for three months surely in that time I had earned her trust enough to the point where she could tell me that she was a lesbian or gay but she didn't she lied to me everything she ever told me was a lie. I mean we were supposed to be friends. Why didn't she tell me she was gay? I don't have a problem with gay people. I'm not gay myself but I don't have a problem with anyone who is. Once I had had enough time to think things over I decided that we once again needed to talk and so once again I met with her on neutral ground and I was told her I could appreciate how she felt but it didn't change the fact that I was not gay and that I didn't have the same feelings for her as she did for me. An then I said that if she could accept that we could still have fun together but that's all it would be fun and it would never mean anything more to me than that. Why did I say that? Truthfully. I don't know. But she agreed and once again I thought that that was gonna be the end of it that my life would go back to the way it was but it didn't. Every time we were having fun together I would always catch her looking at me in a certain way which unnerved me. She looked at me like that all the time before but now I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what it meant. It meant she was in love with me. However she wasn't in love with me she was in love with my body not the real me. An it wasn't just the looks. The things she did to me seemed different. I enjoyed them but every time she would touch me I couldn't stop wondering what she was thinking if she thought maybe she could turn me make me a lesbian make me fall in love with her make me have feelings for her that I didn't have that I would never have because no matter what she did or said I would never love her and I would never be what she was and is. An then my boyfriend Ron asked me to marry him. He had asked before. He had been asking for years. He wanted to marry me, to take me away from my stressful life but I had always declined because I didn't want to leave it. But things had changed I did want to leave the company and the business not because of the reasons I gave which where because my body was sore and tired from travelling all over the world for 6 years. I mean that was true but it wasn't the real truth or reason I wanted out and I accepted his marriage proposal the real reason I wanted out and I accepted his marriage proposal was I would no longer have to see or be anywhere near her. I just couldn't stand it any more the looks she would give me the thoughts I would have when we done stuff together and even when we didn't do stuff together I still had the same thoughts. My last night in the company me and Mickie got together for what I had intended to be the last time however when she asked me if that night was our last night together I told her no. I told her that we could still have fun when she was in town and the reason why I told her this was because I thought maybe given time and taking into consideration how rarely the WWE would be in Toronto her feelings for me would eventually die. Up until a few days ago I thought that however it was during the dress rehearsal that I knew that Mickie's feelings for me would never die. An so here I am. Standing in front of her hotel room trying to get up the courage to knock on the door and basically tell her that our fun is over and that unless she can accept us just being friends so is our friendship. Ok. Here goes nothing. I reach up and knock on the hotel room door. After what seems like an eternity the door opens to reveal Mickie standing the other side of the door wearing a white bathrobe. "Trish." She says sounding surprised to see me. "Mickie." I say giving her a nod. "What are you doing here?" Mickie asks. "Why aren't you in your hotel room getting ready for you big day?" She adds. I simply look at her and feel like telling her the truth however I manage to hold my tongue and instead of telling her the truth I say. "I wanted to talk to you for a second Can I come in?" "Sure," Mickie says in response stepping out of the way and allowing me to walk in. Which I do once I am inside I turn around and watch as Mickie closes the door causing me to feel trapped alone in this hotel room with her. I swallow hard pushing my fear to the back of my mind. "Mickie..........I've really liked having you as a friend and I've enjoyed..........having fun with you..........however I can't have fun with you any more." I say swallowing hard again as I keep my eyes locked on Mickie. For a moment I see a hint of emotion however that quickly disappears and is replaced by an emotionless look. "I mean we can see a movie have a drink together or something when you're in town but we can't have fun any more." I add after a moment of neither of us saying anything. "Oh." Mickie says sounding as though she doesn't care. "Do you understand what I have just told you?" I ask her not wanting her to think that she can do or say something that will or is going to make me change my mind. Mickie stares back at me "I understand." She says her voice cracking slightly causing me to swallow hard again. "Good." I say feeling confident that she won't try anything and that she isn't going to say anything to try and get me to change my mind. "In that case the wedding starts at 2. I would like for everybody to be at the church an hour before that" I add. "No problem." Mickie says softly. "You got your bridesmaids dress ok?" I say keeping our conversation focused on the wedding and nothing else due to that having been dealt with as far as I am concerned and Mickie doesn't seem to be interested in arguing I'm happy to say. "Yes." Mickie says with a with a small obviously forced smile. "It was waiting for me in here when I first arrived." She adds. "Thanks." She then says. "No problem." I say. "The dress is all paid for as is the room." I then say. "So feel free to raid the mini bar." I add. "Thank you." Mickie says sounding as though she wants me to get out of her hotel room and I decide that it is probably best that I leave especially since I have a wedding to get ready for. "Well I'll just be going then. Big day. I don't want to keep Ron waiting." I say as I head for the door keeping my eyes on Mickie just in case she tries to stop me from leaving for some reason however she doesn't she simply watches me as I walk up to the door and put my handle on the door knob. I am just about to turn it when Mickie suddenly says. "I don't mean to keep you on your big day and all Trish but can I ask you something?" I stop and slowly turn and face her. "Go ahead." "What was this to you?" She asks me. "I mean, part of me believes you when you say it was just a bit of fun and yet another part of me......... I don't know..........I guess I need to know for sure exactly what this was." Trish's Wedding Day Mickie says watching me like a hawk the exact same way that I am watching her. I take a deep breath and decide that if I really must say it then I will if that will stop her from ruining my big day or trying to turn me or anything like that. "It was nothing I tell her. It meant nothing to me. It was exactly what I said it was. It was just a bit of fun. Nothing more and nothing less." I say swallowing hard once again. "So you didn't feel anything for me at all?" Mickie asks. "If you mean did I love you the way you claim to love me then no. I didn't feel anything for you in that sense." I tell her. "What do you mean that that I claim to love you?" Mickie then asks me. "I do love you Trish." "Don't Mickie." I say now starting to get angry. "Don't what?" Mickie asks me. "Don't bullshit me." I tell her. "I'm not." Mickie tells me now starting to get just as angry as I am. "Yes you are." I tell her. "No I am not you say what we did means nothing to you that it MEANT nothing to you...........well it meant something to me." Mickie says showing the first real emotion I have seen her displace since I entered her hotel room. "Is that supposed to be my fault?" I ask her. "I told you how I felt. I told you this would never be more than fun to me." I add. "I know but that doesn't change the fact that I still love you..........and if you think there's even the smallest chance that you might love me back then please don't go through with this." By this time I have had enough. "First of all you don't love me!" I snap at her. "Secondly why wouldn't I want to go through with this? I'm marrying the man I love with all of my heart and soul." I tell her determined to make her believe me. "You're marrying a man you've barely spoken about since I met you." Mickie snaps back. "An don't you dare tell me who I can and cannot love!" She adds. "I talk about Ron all the time!" I yell at her. "An you don't love me Mickie, you love my body that is what you have been doing for the past countless months you have simply been making love to my body not me. Not the real me." I add. "Exactly when did you talk about Ron Trish? Because I sure as hell don't remember you bringing him up much and we talked about everything we shared everything, and as for me not being in love with the real you I've got news for you Patricia I've seen you first thing in the morning hung over with last nights make up smeared all over your face I've listened to your every problem I've taken care of you when you were sick I've seen the best and worst of you and it's only made me more in love with you. I liked you before I was attracted to you. I know the real you." Mickie snaps back at me. I smile an evil smile at her. "Ok I will admit you have done all of those things." I tell her in a much calmer tone of voice. "You have seen me first thing in the morning you have listened to my problems you have taken care of you when I was sick and yes maybe you have seen me at my best and my worst. But that doesn't prove anything Ron has done all of those things too. An there is another major difference between when I am with him and when I am with you." I add. Mickie looks at me. "An what exacterly is that major difference?" Mickie asks me her tone now also a lot more quieter. "When I am with him SEXUALLY I am with him completely mind body and soul. When he makes love to me I make love to him and when he is making love to me or I am making love to him I am thinking about him and nobody and nothing else matters. Where as with you Mickie I never made love to you I simply allowed you to make love to my body. When I was with you I wasn't with you mind body and soul I was simply with you in body and when you made love to my body I wasn't thinking about you and nobody or nothing else in point of fact I was thinking about everything but you. Like I said you where simply a way for me to get release." Mickie doesn't say anything for a few minutes she simply looks at me with an unreadable expression still on her face. I take this as a sign that our conversation/argument is over and so I turn around and put my hand on the door knob and I am about to turn it when I hear Mickie say. "How many times did you cum last time Trish? Wasn't it a new record for us or something?" Mickie asks. "How many times does or has Ron made you cum?" Mickie then asks "As much as me? Has he managed to break our record yet?" She adds again. I turn around and look at Mickie and slowly start to smile at her. "You really are pathetic." I tell her. "Just because you made me cum you think that means that you love me or that you know me?" I ask her. "All that proves Mickie is that you're good in bed. However I am sure any number of the other divas even the diva search winners and losers could prove or rather show me just how good in bed they are if I was to give them the chance or rather had I given them the chance hell I'm sure there are quite a few RAW superstars that would have jumped at the chance to prove how good they are in the sack if I had given them the chance. An as far as the record goes I'm sure me and Ron can break that while we're on our honeymoon." Mickie looks at me and I look back at her. Now I know for sure that our conversation/argument is over an with that I turn around open the door walk out. "Don't bother coming to the wedding Mickie." I say as I leave her hotel room. "Your no longer welcome." An with that I slam her door shut behind me. Mickie's POV "Mickie." Trish says nodding her head. "What are you doing here?" I ask her "Why aren't you in your hotel room getting ready for you big day?" I add genuinely and honestly surprised that she is standing here. Trish looks at me with an expression on her face that immediately makes me nervous. "I wanted to talk to you for a second." She says in the most emotionless tone of voice I have ever heard her use. "Can I come in?" She adds. "Sure," I say stepping out of the way and allowing her into my hotel room. Once she is in my hotel room I close the door and turn around to face her. "Mickie..........I've really liked having you as a friend and I've enjoyed..........having fun with you..........however I can't have fun with you any more." Trish says as she keeps her eyes locked with mine. I swallow hard doing my best to maintain control over my emotions as I continue to stare back at her. "I mean we can see a movie have a drink together or something when you're in town but we can't have fun any more." Trish says for some reason evidently feeling the need to clarify what she is referring to when I understood what she meant the moment she said it. "Oh." I say acting as though I realise what she is referring to. "Do you understand what I have just told you?" Trish then asks me. "I understand." I say looking directly at Trish. "Good." Trish says sounding I dare say happy. "In that case the wedding starts at 2." Trish says sounding totally normal as if what she has just told me is something you tell a person everyday or something. "I would like for everybody to be at the church an hour before that." She adds. "No problem." I say managing to maintain control over my emotions even though I want to snap verbally snap at her. "You got your bridesmaids dress ok?" Trish asks me. "Yes." I say forcing myself to smile despite the fact I no longer want to wear the bridesmaid's dress or go to this wedding due me having no doubt in my mind that it is somehow due to this wedding that Trish is ending our "fun" together. "It was waiting for me in here when I first arrived." I add doing my best to keep my tone as soft and as sweet as possible. "Thanks." I add again. "No problem." Trish says. "The dress is all paid for as is the room." She adds. "So feel free to raid the mini bar." She adds again. "I think I might just do that." My brain says. "Thank you." I say to her starting to find it a struggle to maintain my soft and sweet tone of voice when what I really want to do is tell her to get out and leave me a lone. "Well I'll just be going then. Big day. I don't want to keep Ron waiting." Trish says as she as quickly as she can makes her way past me and over to the hotel room door. "I don't mean to keep you on your big day and all Trish but can I ask you something?" I say no longer able to hold back. Trish stops when she reaches the door and slowly turns around to face me. "Go ahead." She says. "What was this to you?" I ask her still doing my best to maintain control over my emotions however it is becoming a losing battle in the sense that my control is losing and my emotions are wining. "I mean part of me believes you when you say it was just a bit of fun and yet another part of me........." I pause trying to think of the best way to say what I want to say. "I don't know." I tell her honestly. "I guess I need to know for sure exactly what this was." I add watching her intently. "It was nothing." Trish says looking directly at me. As soon as I hear her say this I literally feel my heart break. "It meant nothing to me." Trish adds. "It was exactly what I said it was. It was just a bit of fun. Nothing more and nothing less." She adds again her voice totally devoid of any emotion. I swallow hard feeling tears welling behind my eyes. "So you didn't feel anything for me at all?" I ask her. "If you mean did I love you the way you claim to love me then no. I didn't feel anything for you in that sense." Trish says to me. "What do you mean that that I claim to love you?" I ask her letting a hint of anger slip into my tone of voice. "I do love you Trish." I add. "Don't Mickie." Trish says now sounding as if she is starting to get angry at me which I find shocking I mean what the hell has she got to get angry about? She isn't the one who's heart has just been ripped apart. "Don't what?" I ask her. "Don't bullshit me." Trish says. "I'm not." I say letting more and more anger enter my tone of voice. "Yes you are." Trish snaps doing the same thing letting more and more anger enter her tone of voice as well. "No I am not you say what we did means nothing to you that it MEANT nothing to you...........well it meant something to me." I say pausing halfway through due to me needing to swallow hard. "Is that supposed to be my fault?" Trish asks me. "I told you how I felt. I told you this would never be more than fun to me." She adds. "I know but that doesn't change the fact that I still love you." I tell her back. "An if you think there's even the smallest chance that you might love me back then please don't go through with this." I add having not intended to show my cards so to speak however since she has just ripped my heart out I don't feel or see that I have anything left to loose. "First of all you don't love me!" Trish snaps. "Secondly why wouldn't I want to go through with this? I'm marrying the man I love with all of my heart and soul." She adds. "You're marrying a man you've barely spoken about since I met you." I snap back. "An don't you dare tell me who I can and cannot love!" I add. "I talk about Ron all the time!" Trish yells at me. "An you don't love me Mickie you love my body that is what you have been doing for the past countless months you have simply been making love to my body not me. Not the real me." She adds. "Exactly when did you talk about Ron Trish?" I ask her. "Because I sure as hell don't remember you bringing him up much and we talked about everything we shared everything and as for me not being in love with the real you I've got news for you Patricia." I say deciding to use her real name due to the fact I know how much she hates people calling her it. "I've seen you first thing in the morning hung over with last nights make up smeared all over your face. I've listened to your every problem. I've taken care of you when you were sick I've seen the best and worst of you and it's only made me more in love with you." I tell her speaking from the heart. "I liked you before I was attracted to you. I know the real you." I finish off by saying. Trish smiles at me the same way she smiled at Chris Jericho just before she went backstage at Wrestlemania 20 "Ok I will admit you have done all of those things." She says to me in a much calmer tone which makes me even more nervous. "You have seen me first thing in the morning you have listened to my problems you have taken care of you when I was sick and yes maybe you have seen me at my best and my worst. But that doesn't prove anything." She says sounding as if she is almost enjoying this. "Ron has done all of those things too. An there is another major difference between when I am with him and when I am with you." She adds. I simply look at her. "An what exacterly is that major difference?" I ask her in a calmer tone of voice due to the fact I have a feeling I know what she is going to say. "When I am with him SEXUALLY." Trish says putting as much emphasis on the word "Sexually" as she can evidently in an attempt to hurt me. "S I am with him completely mind body and soul. When he makes love to me I make love to him and when he is making love to me or I am making love to him I am thinking about him and nobody and nothing else matters." She adds. "Where as with you Mickie I never made love to you I simply allowed you to make love to my body. When I was with you I wasn't with you mind body and soul I was simply with you in body and when you made love to my body I wasn't thinking about you and nobody or nothing else in point of fact I was thinking about everything but you. Like I said you where simply a way for me to get release." Now more than ever the tears want to run free however by some miracle I manage to hold them at bay maybe it's due to the fact that I don't want to give this bitch who used to be my best friend the satisfaction of seeing me cry. Trish watches me for a few minutes almost as if she is expecting me to break down into tears and when I don't she turns around and I see her put a hand on the door knob. "Don't let her have the last word!" My brain snaps. "How many times did you cum last time Trish?" I ask her my mouth moving without the aid of my brain. "Wasn't it a new record for us or something?" I add and ask at the same time. "How many times does or has Ron made you cum?" I ask. "As much as me?" I add and ask again. "Has he managed to break our record yet?" I then ask her despite my mouth and maybe my heart running away without the aid of my brain I can't help but like what I am saying. What I am reminding Trish of the fact that I have given her release a lot of times and that I really do doubt that as good as Ron maybe in bed he has been able to satisfy her the way I have been. Hell with me she has been on the verge of passing out. Can she honestly tell me that Ron has managed to satisfy her to that extent. I doubt it. I watch as Trish slowly turns back around and once again faces me with a smile on her face. "You really are pathetic." She says. "Just because you made me cum you think that means that you love me or that you know me?" She then asks. "I do know you." My brain says however I manage to stop myself from verbally saying it. "All that proves Mickie." Trish says bringing me out of my thoughts. "Is that you're good in bed." She adds. "However I am sure any number of the other divas even the diva search winners and losers could prove or rather show me just how good in bed they are if I was to give them the chance or rather had I given them the chance." Trish says once again evidently trying to hurt me by bringing in the diva search winners and losers due to the fact she knows that I know how much she hates the diva search winners and losers being in the WWE. "Hell I'm sure there are quite a few RAW superstars that would have jumped at the chance to prove how good they are in the sack if I had given them the chance." Trish says once again bringing me out of my thoughts. "An as far as the record goes I'm sure me and Ron can break that while we're on our honeymoon." At this point the only thing I really want to do is kill the woman standing a short distance in front of me due to how much she has hurt me however I manage to control my anger and my desire to fly or rather run across the room spear her to the floor and let out all of the feelings that I am forcing myself to hold in as I beat her black and blue. Trish turns back around to face the door opens it and begins to walk out. "Don't bother coming to the wedding Mickie." She says as she walks out. "You're no longer welcome." She adds and with that she slams the bedroom door shut behind herself. After a moment of simply staring at the now closed hotel room door I slowly look around me and then let all of the emotions that I have been holding in out by screaming at the top of my voice. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" An with my emotions finally out in the open I don't think I simply act allowing my emotions specifically my anger rage and hate towards Trish and what she has said and done to take over as I run over to the wardrobe open the wardrobe door pull out the bridesmaids dress take it off of the coat hanger it is hanging on and tear it to pieces imagining that it is Trish's that I am tearing from her body due to her having made me so angry. I then turn around and see the mini-bar and remember what Trish said. "Feel free to raid the mini bar." My brain mentally reminds me. "The dress is all paid for as is the room." My brain also reminds me which causes me to smile due to me now knowing exacterly how I am going to get back at Trish Stratus. First I will drink whatever is in the mini-bar and then I will totally trash this hotel room seeing as how I have already destroyed the bridesmaid's dress she was oh so good enough to buy for me. With this in mind I head over to the mini bar open it up and look inside. After a minute of looking in the mini-bar and seeing what it has to offer I take out all of the bottles of Vodka Brandy Bacardi Gin and Whisky and carry them over and drop them on the bed I then climb onto the bed and sit with my legs stretched out and my back against the headboard as I open up the first bottle of vodka and down it in one go and move on to the next. It isn't long despite there being 4 bottles of each it doesn't take me long to get through all of them all four bottles of vodka Brandy Bacardi Gin and Whisky and by the time I have gotten through them all my anger has completely disappeared I am now sitting here a little bit drunk thinking about everything that has just happened and everything that me and Trish just said to one and other. The first thing I remember very clearly is the last thing Trish said to me before she left. How she told me not to bother going to the wedding due to me no longer being welcome. An as I look over at the bridesmaid's dress which is now in tatters on the floor I can't help but smile due to me having made sure that I can't go to the wedding even if I wanted to. "Which I don't!" I say aloud to myself. I then start to think back to the start of the conversation. How Trish said she wanted to talk to me and how almost immediately a whole host of thoughts ran through my head as to what she could want to talk to me about. Trish's Wedding Day Maybe she was getting cold feet. Maybe she didn't want to go through with it. Etc. I think it is safe to say that what she wanted to talk to me about was nowhere on the list of possible reasons for her to want to talk to me. For some reason today when Trish referred to what we had been doing as "fun" it made me angry. I mean she had always referred to what we did as "fun" and I did always wish that she would call it what it was either us making love and if she couldn't or wouldn't call it that she at the very least could have called it us having sex or fucking anything was better than her always referring to it as having "fun" Despite in the past having got angry about her calling it us having "fun" I was always able to tolerate it. However today from the very first time she referred to it as us having "fun" I hated it and I wanted to say to her. "We weren't having fun Trish we where fucking we where having sex we where screwing each other's brains out." I just wanted her to refer to it in some way other than how she always referred to it. An when she said we couldn't have "fun" anymore I wasn't that surprised. I think apart of me had always expected or knew that it would end eventually however I do admit that I didn't expect it to end today. I thought maybe after a few visits I guess you could call them we'd end it then. "Boy was I wrong." I once again say aloud to myself. What really hurt me more than her referring to what we did as "fun" was when she went straight from telling me we couldn't be together anymore to telling me what time the wedding was it was like. "Right now that's sorted back to business." It was like it didn't mean anything to her. "I guess it didn't." I say aloud to myself smirking at the fact that that is exacterly what she told me. I also remember her telling me that she had paid for the room and for the dress. Now the room I wasn't surprised she had paid for it. However I was surprised she had bought the dress as I was also surprised when I first saw it hanging up on the door knob of the wardrobe with a note from Trish saying. "I hope you like it and I hope it fits." I have to admit I did want to try it on right then and there however for some reason I decided to wait until today and now no thanks to Trish ironically I'll never know if it fit one thing is for sure I sure did like it. After a while my thoughts slowly go from the now totally destroyed bridesmaid's dress to the next thing that Trish said to me. "Well I'll just be going then. Big day. I don't want to keep Ron waiting." I don't know why Trish said this. I mean maybe I'm just reading to much into it but it was almost as if she was looking for a reason to leave or trying to find an excuse to leave. Like I said I'm probably reading to much into it. Looking back on what I said next I can't deny that there is a small part of me that wishes that I hadn't said what I did. The reason I feel that way is because if I hadn't said what I did then I would still be going to the wedding I don't know why that is important to me maybe it is because I want to see Trish happy maybe it's because I want to see her in her wedding dress maybe it's because I want to torture myself. However despite a small part of me wishing I hadn't said what I did a larger part of me can't help but be happy that I said what I did or rather that I asked what I did because at least now I know the truth. One thing that really pissed me off was when Trish said that she didn't love me the way I claimed to love her. An the thing that pissed me off wasn't the fact that she didn't love me the way I did and if I am honest deep down still do love her it was how she said that I "claimed" to love her. In short she was calling me a liar by saying that I claimed to love her and then she asked me if my falling in love with her was her fault despite the fact that I had never said anything to make her think that I was blaming her or that I did blame her. It isn't her fault I fell in love with her at the same time I don't think I can really blame myself for the way I feel I mean it isn't like I just woke up one morning and said to myself. "Hey I think I'll be in love with Trish from now on." I don't know why exacterly I said or rather asked her that if there was any chance she might love me back not to go through with the wedding because she had just said she didn't love me so in a way I knew that she was still going to go through with the wedding. I guess maybe I was trying to show her my cards or rather reveal my intentions as far as the wedding was concerned without coming right out and saying. "I'm going to try and stop this wedding from happening." I can't believe Trish actually said that she talked about Ron all of the time. I mean she never talked about him the only time she ever talked about him was when I asked her if she was seeing anybody when we first met that very first day and she said and I quote. "Yeah I'm dating a guy called Ron he was my high school sweetheart we've known each other for years." The next thing I asked her was how the relationship was and she told me that it was fine and everything and that was pretty much it. His name was never ever mentioned again. She never talked about what they did together on the days that she got off the road. She never said that she had seen him during her days off. She never interjected him into a conversation for example she never said. "Ron once did this." Or "Ron once said this." Even when she was engaged she never brought him up in conversation funny thing is she didn't tell me she was engaged I had to hear about it from the girls in the locker room. Apparently one of them I think it was Amy aka Lita had seen Trish wearing her engagement ring and Trish had confessed to her that Ron had asked her to marry him and she had said yes. As soon as I heard this I went looking for Trish and I actually assaulted her in the sense that I grabbed her hands and looked for the engagement ring which she wasn't wearing at the time so I asked her where it was and she asked me where what was and I told her and she asked me how I knew about that I told her and I asked her if it was true and she admitted that it was and then she told me why she hadn't told me first. Apparently the reason she hadn't told me was because she wanted to find the right time. It's funny how Lita managed to catch Trish wearing her engagement ring and yet all the times I saw Trish up until the day that Lita blabbed about the engagement ring I never saw Trish wear it. An even funnier thing is how I was the first person to find out that she was retiring from wrestling as if finding out that she was getting married wasn't enough of a shock she also told me the same day in fact almost as soon as she had confessed to getting married/engaged she then told me that she was also retiring from wrestling. Despite telling me both of these things Trish still didn't mention Ron. I mean she didn't tell me how he proposed to her she didn't tell me if he was happy about her retiring she didn't tell me anything about how he was feeling etc. It's weird how I was supposed to be her best friend or at the very least I thought I was her best friend and yet I had to find out from her former best friend Lita that she was getting married. I guess I didn't know the real Trish after all. Hell maybe I didn't know Trish period I just thought I did. It felt like the real her though. I'm not just talking about physically I mean it felt as though it was the real Trish when she would talk to me and tell me stuff she didn't tell anybody else heck she told me stuff that she hadn't even told Lita at least she said she hadn't told Lita some of the stuff that she told me. Now I don't know what to believe. Weather it was the real her or not. Weather what she told me really was stuff she hadn't told anybody else or not. I don't want to think that it was all an act. I mean it couldn't have been could it? What did she have to gain from it if it was all an act? I don't know exacterly what she had to gain from acting if it all really was an act however I can't help wondering maybe it was. I mean looking back on the argument we had it was almost as if I was trying to stop myself from believing the truth that everything I thought was real wasn't. Maybe the real Trish Stratus wasn't the woman I met almost a year ago or the woman I have spent the last god knows how many months with but maybe she was the woman I argued with a short time ago. As this thought slowly sinks in I can't help but feel tears run down both sides of my cheeks and I don't try to stop them I just let them run until eventually I fall asleep due the drink as well as everything else that has happened this morning. The next thing I know my eyes are open and I can hear a knocking on my hotel room door I roll over and look at my bedside clock and when I see the time I can't help but smirk due to it being 3:30pm. "I hope Trish is happy." I say due to the fact that I have missed the wedding for sure due to her having said it starts at 2pm and normally a wedding lasts an hour which means that Trish is now Patricia Ann..........whatever Ron's surname is. Huh that's another thing she never told me. Once again there is a knocking on the hotel room door and I slowly and rather groggily get off of the bed and walk over to the door and open it. However the moment I see who is there my grogginess goes and I am fully awake at least I think I am awake due to the fact that the person standing opposite me can't or rather shouldn't be standing opposite me. She should be either at the reception or on her honeymoon and yet here she is standing directly opposite me wearing her wedding dress I swallow hard and somehow manage to utter the word. "Trish!?" Trish's POV "Trish." Knock. Knock. That's the third or fourth time I've heard my name being called and the seventh or eighth time I've heard a knocking on my door. "Trish.......... it's Lillian.......... are you there?" I had known Lillian for years. She was my best friend and maid of honour, and yet for some reason I hadn't recognised her voice until now. "I'm here." I finally replied. "Ok.......... can I come in?" I actually thought about this for a moment. "Sure, why not." Lillian walked in, giving me a small smile before closing the door behind her, walking over to me and sitting down next to me. She didn't say anything at first. I think she was waiting for me to say something but I'm honestly not sure what to say. It's 2:30. I was supposed to leave this room 30 minutes ago but I haven't moved from the spot for hours. I came straight from seeing Mickie and immediately got into my wedding dress. I then sat down here to do my makeup and then when I was done I just didn't move. I just ended up staring at my own reflection, the events of not just today, not just this past year, but of my entire life flashing before my eyes. And I'm not even sure why. I'm not even sure why I haven't just gotten out of the seat, gone to my wedding and moved on with my life. My heads just so full of noise right now I can barely make out anything. I'm surprised I even heard Lillian's voice earlier. Suddenly I'm awoken from my thoughts by the feeling of a hand on my arm. It startles me and I turned to look at my long-time friend who immediately removes her hand. "I said are you ok?" Lillian said, with a puzzled look on her face. "I'm fine, why do you ask." I reply, quickly realising how stupid that sounds. "Well it's just that.......... people are waiting.......... and you weren't responding before.......... and a second ago I asked you if you were ok and you just stared blankly into the mirror." "I was just thinking to myself, I'm sorry if I'm holding everyone up, I'll be out in a minute ok." I said quickly in a voice which didn't even convince myself. "Are you sure.........." Lillian started to say before I cut her off. "I said I was just thinking to myself and I'll be out in a minute." I said a lot more firmly. Lillian paused for a second before she said something which both shocked and baffled me, "Do you want me to call Mickie?" "What!" I exclaimed. "Mickie James.......... you know.......... your best friend.......... do you want me to call her?" Lillian said, reaching into her handbag and pulling out her mobile phone, "I haven't seen her yet but I'm sure she's around here somewhere, I mean after all it is your wedding. I'm sure I have her number here somewhere.........." "Don't call her." I snapped. "Ok.......... do you want me to go look for her?" "No, I don't want to see her." "Ok.......... sorry.........." "No.......... Lillian I'm sorry.......... it's just that.........." "Trish." I suddenly turn around to see my Dad. I didn't even hear the door open. "Trish, honey, are you ok?" "I'm fine Dad, I'll be down in a minute!" "Ok.......... are you sure there's nothing wrong.......... do you want me to call Mickie?" "What?" "Mickie James.......... that girl you're always talking about.......... she's your best friend right.......... I was looking forward to finally meeting her.........." "She isn't coming." "Oh, why not?" "Because I don't want her too. Now go, I'll see you in the church, ok?" "Ok, I'll see you out there. Love you." He said as he left. "You too." I called after him. Once Dad had left I turned to see Lillian staring at me. "What?" "Nothing.......... it's just you seem.......... I don't know.......... a little on edge.........." "It's just wedding jitters, it will pass." "It's not just a day.......... you've been on edge for months." Lillian said, "What's wrong Trish? I'm your friend, maybe I can help." "There's nothing wrong. I told you I'm fine." I said, before realising I wasn't going to get any peace here, "Let's just go." "Ok, if that's what you want." Lillian said, following me as I walked out the door. Leaving my hotel room I slowly walked over to the elevator and pressed the button. Lillian is talking to me about something but I don't hear a word she says. I'm too busy thinking about her, or more accurately I'm too busy trying not to think about her. Before I can become lost in my thoughts the elevator arrives. Getting into it I notice that Lillian is still talking to me and I'm still not hearing a word. She continues to talk once we exit on the ground floor and make our way to the cars. This is where Lillian and I part. She has her car, I have my stretch limousine. Ron thought it would be nice for me to make a grand entrance. Now all I need to do is give them some time to get there before I can make my grand entrance. After all I don't want to be closely following behind anyone. I want all eyes on me for my big day. And now Mickie won't be stealing my thunder with her absurd little crush I can do that. I can marry the man I love in front of all my friends and family in the happiest moment of my life. Which is exactly what I'm about to do. So it stands to reason I should be giddy with excitement right? So why aren't I feeling excited? Why am I feeling so miserable? Why do I have this feeling of dread in my stomach every time I even think about marrying Ron? What's happening to me? I guess it's because I'm feeling.......... I don't know.......... guilty. Mickie was my friend, and I used her. But I told her, I told her right from the start that it was nothing, that it always would be nothing to me. So it's her fault, all her fault. If she got hurt she only has herself to blame. I shouldn't feel guilty.......... I should feel sorry for her, and I do, but I can't put my life on hold just because I feel sorry for someone who fell in love with me. Is.......... is that what I believe now? I never believed her before when she said she loved me, but today when she said it it was the first time she was looking me in the eye, or more accurately it was the first time I was looking into hers. Since she told me about it I have believed Mickie's philosophy that you can always tell if someone is lying or not just by looking in their eyes, and when I looked into them today Mickie's eyes weren't lying to me, they were just telling me an inconvenient truth. Inconvenient for her that is. And it's her loss really. Even if she is in love with me it would be far better for her if I had convinced her she wasn't. I mean it's not like she actually has a chance with me, so I could have probably saved the poor girl a lot of grief if she had just believed me. So when you think about it I was trying to do her a favour. Ok so I wasn't really sure that she was actually in love with me, and I'm still not completely sure that's true, but it doesn't stop the fact that we would be both better off if she didn't love me. As a matter of fact we would be both better off if she had never opened her mouth about the whole L word in the first place. I mean, everything seemed just so great when we were just having fun, but then she had to go and make things complicated, especially for herself. So like I said, her loss. As for me, I'm not going to let Mickie James ruin my big day any more than she already has. "We're here Miss Stratus." said the limousine driver. I don't even remember getting into the limousine but apparently I did and now I'm here. Getting out of the limo I began walking to the church where the ceremony is being held. It isn't a long walk, and yet it feels like with every step I take the journey gets longer and my feet become heavier. I feel more like I'm going to a funeral than a wedding. Hell, I feel more like I'm going to my funeral than my wedding. Walking into the church I noticed my Dad standing by the doors, waiting for me to arrive. Evidently everybody else is on the other side of the double doors behind him. I do my best to smile at him trying to convince him as well as myself everything is fine. "You look great." he said to me, smiling ear to ear. "Thank you, I feel great." I said, smiling back and lying through my teeth. "Are you ready to get married?" He asked. I nodded my head, for some reason unable to answer him verbally, but it seems enough for him. He holds out his arm and I take it as he leads me into the church. As we walked forward the big double doors are opened for us, allowing me to make my big entrance. Within the blink of an eye me and my Dad are standing one end of the isle with my husband to be and his best man standing on the right side of me down the other end of the isle and standing directly in front of me down the other end of the isle is the Minister. At this moment everybody turns to look at me. I have everyone's eyes on me, and it feels like they're all judging me. I feel like I'm completely naked with the word 'slut' stamped on my forehead, a giant picture of me receiving head from someone who clearly isn't my fiancé, someone with long brown hair, someone I know very well, behind me on the wall. Looking down I can see my wedding dress is still on and everything is 'right' with the world but that's just not how I feel inside. I want to run, to get out of here, to analyse my feelings some more, but I don't. Instead I walk down the aisle with my Dad beside me, feeling as if I was a death row prisoner taking their last walk. When I finally reached the stand the music that I have only been barely aware of stops and I feel my Dad let go of my arm which causes me to turn my head and look at him and he gives me a smile which doesn't reassure me however I force myself to smile back at him as I watch him sit down next to my mother in the front row and once he is set down I turn my attention to the Minister who starts droning on about true love, and soul mates. Like I didn't get enough of that crap from Mickie this morning. Trish's Wedding Day Like they're supposed to be one person out there who is perfect for you, one person who makes you happy beyond all others, someone you were always meant to be with. Love isn't like that. Love is something that grows on you, something that two people in a relationship have to work on and slowly grow. Like me and Ron. And I love him. I do. I know I do. That's what I told him before. And I meant it. I just haven't told him for a while. Something the minister says next awakes me from my thoughts. "Now, it is traditional to say this after the 'I do's' however experience tells me to get this out of the way as soon as possible. So, that being said, if anyone has any reason why these two people should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace." What does he mean 'experience tells me'. Why is he saying this now? Does he know something? Has Mickie told him something? Is Mickie about to make a big entrance? Is she about to ruin my big day after all? My eyes desperately search everywhere to find the little brunette, but she is nowhere to be seen. Time passes and the Minister begins talking again, going straight into the process of asking Ron if he wants to marry me. I still wait with bated breath for her for a few more seconds before it suddenly hit me. She isn't coming. She really isn't coming. And I'm.......... disappointed! Disappointed! Why the hell am I disappointed? And then I suddenly hear the Minister start talking to me, "Do you Patricia Anne Stratigias," God I hate it when people use my real name, "Take this man Ron Fisico," I didn't even hear Ron give an answer to his vows, "To be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and cherish till death do you part?" At that moment something amazing happened. The whole world seemed to come to a stop around me and I had a moment of complete and utter clarity. All the voices in my head were gone except for one, and it was asking me a simple question. Do you want to marry Ron? For the first time in what felt like forever I gave myself a truly honest answer. No. I had maybe loved Ron once, but that was a long time ago. We had been like strangers for years now, barely talking to each other for weeks and even months of the time. And whenever we did talk it was about the most insignificant things which couldn't give either of us any insight into the other. Or we would talk about her. Or more accurately I would talk about her, I just wouldn't allow myself to admit that I talked about her before, because I wasn't supposed too. Speaking of her, while I was here in this moment of clarity I was able to ask myself another question. Did you want her to burst through those doors right now declaring her love for you? For better or for worse I gave myself an honest answer. Yes. Ok, everyone is now staring at me. I don't have much longer to enjoy this moment of clarity but I have to ask myself just one more question. Are you in love with Mickie James? Once again I gave myself an honest answer. "I'm sorry." I said, barely above a whisper, "I can't." There was a deafening silence followed by mumblings. I bent my head downwards, not being able to stand the idea of looking anyone in the eye right now. "Is there somewhere we can talk?" At first I thought Ron was talking to me, and for all I know maybe he was, but it was the minister who answered. "There's a backroom just over there." "Thank you." Ron said, grabbing my hand and practically dragging me off in the direction the minister must have been pointing at. Normally I would object to being pulled around like this but I'm too emotionally drained to fight. Once we reach the room Ron slams the door behind us. "You can't! What do you mean you can't?" He's angry, I can tell. I guess he kind of has the right to be. Even so I don't want to be here and I don't want to be having this conversation. Looking around for an escape I see there is a door behind me, but before I can even think about using it Ron stops me. "Answer me bitch!" I've heard Ron swear before but he's never swore at me before, he's always acted the perfect gentleman, and even though I'm doing a really horrible thing to him, leaving him at the altar, I can't help feel it still doesn't justify him swearing at me and calling me that. "I can't marry you." I said firmly, hoping that would be enough for him but it obviously wasn't. "Why not?" "Because I'm not in love with you." "Because you're in love with someone else?" "I didn't say that?" "No but it's true isn't it." My silence gives him the answer he was looking for, "Don't tell me.......... it's that Mickie bitch isn't it? The moment I saw her I knew that little muff diver wanted you. Never thought you'd go all dyke though." His words cause anger to shoot through me like never before in my life and before I even think about it I knocked him to the ground with a vicious right handed slap. I stared at him on the floor in disbelief of what I had just done and what just happened before I turned and ran. I practically knocked the door off its hinges and continue to run as fast as anyone wearing high heels and a huge wedding dress possibly can. "Run you stupid whore, run!" I heard Ron yell behind me, "And I hope you two dykes are happy together!" Chancing a glance behind me I saw that Ron is standing at the exit, furious with rage. He looks like he might change his mind any minute and run after me so I better get out of here as fast as I can. I had no idea there was this side to him. I guess I never really knew him. And to add another layer to this fucked up situation I now owe her for saving me from a possible abusive marriage. This day just keeps getting better and better. To add to the day I'm having my friends and family are beginning to pour out of the church and I have no idea if they heard what Ron said or not, but I have a feeling if they didn't Ron would probably be happy to repeat it to them. Of coarse that can just end up being his word against mine but it just adds another crappy layer to this crappy day. But I don't care about any of that right now. All I care about is going to see her. All I care about is her. Reaching my limousine I consider jumping in and telling the driver to just go where I tell him too, but I don't like the idea because the limousine could be too easily followed and besides I have no idea if the driver is even in there right now. Plus I needed a driver who wouldn't ask any questions so I opted for a taxi. Luckily we were in the middle of the town so it wasn't that hard to get a taxi, although I was clearly getting some odd looks from people around me. The taxi driver also gave me an odd look, but did not ask any questions. During the whole taxi ride I tried to ask myself questions again, but the moment of clarity was gone and the thousands of voices were back. I couldn't think clearly and I was practically on the verge of tears. It was only when we reached our destination I realised I had no money to pay the taxi driver. I briefly considered making a run for it, but I didn't need more hassle today so I took off my engagement ring, handed it to him and quickly exited before he could say anything. In all fairness he could probably get a good deal on that ring, and end up with the full travel fair and a very respectable tip. As far as I was concerned he could have it. I never liked it. Hell I only wore it like three times or something. Once when Ron originally gave it to me, once when I was hanging out backstage and was bored, and today of course. That didn't matter now though. Nothing mattered except getting to my destination. People continue to give me weird looks as I ran through the place, completely ignoring the elevator which was busy and running straight up the stairs. It's a pity I wasn't being timed because I'm sure I break some kind of record. Finally I reach her door and stop dead in my tracks. Everything that I said and I did earlier comes rushing back to me and I feel so ashamed. I feel like I'm going to cry but I hold it in a knock on the door. There's no answer and I knock on the door again, and then again, and then again, and then again, until finally she answers. "Trish." She said, obviously surprised to see me. We stand there for a long time, just staring at each other until I finally say something. "Mickie." God that was pathetic. Come on woman, say something else dammit, "Can I come in?" Mickie looks like she's considering slamming the door in my face, and I honestly wouldn't blame her if she did, but then to my tremendous relief steps back and opens the door wider to let me inside. Walking in I can't help notice the shredded remains of the bridesmaid's dress and half a dozen empty mini bottles on the side of the bed. I don't really care about either right now but they do serve as a reminder of what I've done to her. God I hate myself so much right now. "What do you want Trish?" The sound of Mickie's voice awakes me from my thoughts however I struggle to find the words to answer. After a long struggle the best I can come up with is, "A normal life." She obviously doesn't like that answer, and to be honest neither do I. "Or at least that's what I told myself I always wanted. After all the bra and panties matches, pudding matches, and the paddle on a pole matches I was finally going to retire to a normal life. And then you." I said, actually becoming quite angry, "You came along and ruined that. I could have been happy you know! I could have been happy with Ron and had a nice normal life. But then you had to come along and ruin my life by making me happy. I was lonely and bored out of my mind until you showed up and started brightening up my day, making me happy, making me feel things I absolutely could not feel. And it only got worse when we kissed. You started showing up in my dreams and thoughts and you've never left since. You've been haunting me! And then we started fucking, and that was great because I could just tell myself it was all physical, but I just wanted to feel something other than loneliness and my own fingers. And it worked. I managed to convince myself that was all it was. And I was happy. I was finally happy, happier then I've ever been in my life and you went and fucked that up by falling in love with me! Why did you have to do that? Don't you understand you ruined any chance I had of a normal life when you did that? I could have gone on not marrying Ron for years and then when I finally had to do so I could have my nice normal life with you in it. But no, you had to fall in love with me and start looking at me like that, like you actually cared about me, like you loved me, and I couldn't stand it.......... because.......... because.......... because I loved you too.........." When the words finally left my lips it was like a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders. I had finally admitted the truth, not just to her, but to myself. I found I could no longer look her in the eye, choosing instead to hang my head in shame so I wouldn't have to look in her eyes anymore. "Because I love you too.......... but that's just not how I imagined a normal life being.......... you know? So I realise I couldn't be with you and have a normal life. I tried. God knows I tried. But I could feel what you felt for me and it was agonising because it made me question what I felt, and I refuse to let myself believe the truth. I kept the truth hidden in the deepest part of my mind until it was almost too late. And I guess it still might be, but I have to try." With all the courage I have left I look her in the eye again and finish what I came to say. "I love you Mickie. I finally realised that now. I also realise I made a mistake. I chose a normal life over you because that's what I thought I really wanted, when nothing could be further from the truth. I don't want a normal life Mickie, I want you. I love you, and I know you love me too. I also know that after everything I've done to you.......... after using you.......... taking you for granted.......... I know I don't deserve your love.......... but if you give me the chance.......... I'll try and earn it.........." I trail off, waiting for her to say something in response. We stand there staring at each other for what feels like an eternity. It's like the silence in the church, only worse. Finally Mickie lowered her head and said, "You.......... you hurt me.......... you know.........." "I know.......... I'm sorry.........." I said, "Is there anything I can do to make it better?" ".......... There's one thing.........." "Name it.......... name it and I'll do it.........." ".......... Ok.........." Mickie said, stepping towards me before looking me in the eye again and giving me this little smile which I think is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, "..........You could kiss me." I returned the smile before grabbing her and pulling her into my arms. She wrapped her arms around me in return and our lips crashed together in a passionate kiss. We had some great kisses in the past but I think this one is going to be my all time favourite because it's not me just doing something scripted, it's not me just experimenting, it's not me just allowing her to please me, it's just me and her, truly together mind, body and soul for the first time. It was soft and hard, gentle and rough, passionate and needy all at the same time and I loved every moment of it. Finally the need for oxygen forces us to reluctantly break apart. We remained holding each other tightly as we continue to gasp for breath. In a voice barely above a whisper I hear, "I love you." I don't think Mickie even meant to say that and it just came out which makes it even more endearing. "I know," I said, cupping her face with my hand, "And I love you too." We smile at each other again as Mickie moves forward and we start kissing again. Mickie's POV I blink I don't know how many times I think the best way to describe the way in which I blink or the best thing I can compare my blinking to would be to say that was I blinking as though I had something in my eye and I was trying to get it out via blinking. However the reason for me continually blinking or rather blinking so much isn't because I have something in my eye it is because I can't believe what I am seeing or rather who I am seeing standing in front of me and what they are wearing. "Mickie." Trish says sounding nervous for some reason. "Can I come in?" She then asks. I continue to look or rather stare at Trish trying to figure out what the hell is going on. I mean not too long ago Trish was standing right where she is now wearing casual clothes and she came into my hotel room which she paid for and told me well she basically ripped my heart out and she told me she didn't want me to go to the wedding due to her no longer wanting me there or inviting me to be there and with that she left and I thought that that was it. That was the end of mine and her friendship. That was the end of mine and her "fun" That was the end of me and her period. An yet now here she is wearing her wedding dress and looking absolutely drop dead gorgeous in it asking me if she can come into my hotel room again. "Just what the hell is going on?" I mentally ask myself having tried to figure everything out and yet having come up with nothing. I suddenly remember after I had finished off the last bottle of alcohol I cried until I didn't have any tears left and then I fell asleep. "So this must be a dream." My brain says to me. I swallow hard having a gut feeling I may know what type of dream it is and although part of me wants to try and wake up another part of me can't help but want to see where it goes. An so I open the door wider to let Trish in. Trish walks in and past me and once she is in the room I close the door and slowly turn around and watch her as she stands with her back to me a short distance in front of me. I watch as she turns her head to the bed and see's the empty mini-bottles of booze that I have drunk. "Wait a minute." My brain says. "If this was a dream. Would they really be there?" My brain asks. I think about this for a second before deciding that the reason they are there is because they where probably the last things I saw or rather looked at before I fell asleep. "What do you want Trish?" I ask her doing my best to sound like I did when she first entered my hotel room when I was awake and that is with no emotion in my voice. "A normal life." Trish says after a few minutes of silence. This for some reason takes me by surprise due to me having thought that this dream was going to lead to me and Trish getting together physically or as Trish put it us having "fun" However if that is how this dream is going to go her saying what she just did certainly is an odd way to lead to that. "Or at least that's what I told myself I always wanted." Trish says causing me to come out of my thoughts and focus my attention on her. "After all the bra and panties matches pudding matches and the paddle on a pole matches I was finally going to retire to a normal life. An then you. You came along and ruined that." Trish says her tone going from one of no emotion to one of anger. "I could have been happy you know! I could have been happy with Ron and had a nice normal life. But then you had to come along and ruin my life by making me happy." I frown slightly at what she has just said. "I ruined her life by making her happy?" My brain asks. "I was lonely and bored out of my mind until you showed up and started brightening up my day making me happy making me feel things I absolutely could not feel." Trish continues on. "An it only got worse when we kissed." She then says which completely surprises me. "You started showing up in my dreams and thoughts and you've never left since." I swallow hard after hearing this due to me now knowing for sure that this dream is defiantly heading in the direction of becoming an erotic one which part of me really doesn't want to go through and yet another part of me does. In a weird way I feel like my brain is telling me that even though I can't have or be with Trish in real life that doesn't mean I can't be with her or have her in my dreams. "You've been haunting me!" Trish snaps which again brings me out of my thoughts. "An then we started fucking and that was great because I could just tell myself it was all physical but I just wanted to feel something other than loneliness and my own fingers. An it worked. I managed to convince myself that was all it was. An I was happy. I was finally happy happier then I've ever been in my life and you went and fucked that up by falling in love with me." I do my best to stop myself from smiling at this point due to the fact that the real Trish said something along the same lines and made it seem like I had a choice in falling in love with her when I didn't just like nobody does. You fall in love with who you fall in love with and I really believe that you have absolutely no control over that the only thing you have control over is what happens when you fall in love with somebody. "Why did you have to do that?" Trish asks me. "Don't you understand you ruined any chance I had of a normal life when you did that? I could have gone on not marrying Ron for years and then when I finally had to do so I could have my nice normal life with you in it." This causes me to frown due to me wondering how Trish could have had her nice normal life with me in it since according to her what we where doing wasn't "normal"