0 comments/ 6128 views/ 0 favorites Theriacus By: Taunus Theriacus Theriacus Noah: Why so glum Faustus? Faustus Mortal: The devils have been tormenting me! Theriacus Noah: How so? Faustus Mortal: My latest derivation has been ridiculed and rejected. Theriacus Noah: What is it? Faustus Mortal: I applied the inversion of the spheres and an ellipsoidal homotopy to obtain a closed form estimate of the mass ratio of the muon to the electron. It was (2pi-1/pi)^3-(1/(2pi))(2pi-1/pi)^2 = 206.566. Theriacus Noah: Wait a minute. I don't understand. This "number" you conjured up from the bowels of the underworld or netherworld is supposed to mean something to me? And WTF is a muon? "Mawn?" like "Mawn [sic] back with the truck?" Faustus Mortal frowns. Faustus Mortal: To make matters worse, I have lost my secret Chinese lover. Theriacus Noah: Now that I can relate to. Theriacus Noah: That is serious. Faustus Mortal nods. Faustus Mortal: I need some star power, some celebrity to pick up the cause. Faustus Mortal: This number should be put into the literature for learned minds to examine and consider. Instead all I get is rejections and ridicule. Theriacus Noah: Weren't you the idiot who used to invoke the name of Sharon Stone? Faustus Mortal: She has an IQ of 154 on the Stanford-Bitnet scale, whose standard deviation is 15. (The Wechsler-IQ test has a standard deviation of 16.) Theriacus Noah: And that means? Faustus Mortal: She should know that earthquakes are caused by movement of huge tectonic plates. Now a butterfly might flap its wings in Brazil and twenty years later that one event might cause a blizzard in Siberia, but strange attractors---such as that---take much time. I don't know much about Karma either. Only I have my serious doubts. Theriacus Noah: The butterfly died in Brazil. Faustus Mortal: Oh. Theriacus Noah: You have the hots for that woman. Faustus Mortal: No, it is something else. Theriacus Noah: Some other, strange love, then? Faustus Mortal: I only wanted the number to be shoved out into the scientific community, no more, no less. Theriacus Noah: And with your name? The ultimate if not penultimate ego trip. Faustus Mortal: Hardly! But that is a factor. Faustus Mortal: I just want things back the way they were with my Chinese lover! Theriacus Noah: There are plenty more star fish in the sea. Faustus Mortal: But they take time and cost money. I am running out of both! Theriacus Noah: I have a tower slave that you may use. Faustus Mortal: But I have taken vows; I am now a celibate cenobite! Theriacus Noah: No one needs to know. The girl is confined to a room in the tower. And, better than that, she wears a horsehair tail butt plug that only myself or one whom I designate may remove. Faustus Mortal: Interesting. Is she a "pony girl" then? Theriacus Noah: In the sense of Anne Rice, no. She doesn't have a harness or bridle. Faustus Mortal: Yet I would disgrace the holy order to have such an affair. Theriacus Noah: You think for one moment that such peccadilloes are uncommon. Such a venal or minor discretion. And, after all, she is a slave girl by choice. She is blonde, five-foot four inches tall, 118 pounds, blue eyes, and a "B" cup with her "ruler" figure. She is also insatiable and trained in every way to please a man. Faustus Mortal: She's not some poisonous "exotic" bred as a skilled assassin? Theriacus Noah: No, would I treat you in such a manner, Faustus, my old friend? After all we've been through together. Faustus Mortal: I should return to the secular world. Theriacus Noah: What? You just convinced me that your studies in degree theory, homotopy, and topology derived some expression for the ratio of the meow to the electron! Faustus Mortal: "muon" not "meow." "Meow" is the sound a cat makes. Faustus Mortal pouts. Faustus Mortal: It's not the "ratio" either, it's the "mass" or "volume ratio." Theriacus Noah: Whatever, some scientific gibberish with no value in real life. Faustus Mortal: In Benjamin Franklin's day electricity was thought to have no practical value. Now it is the most valuable commodity on earth, and one of the cheapest as well! Faustus Mortal: Tell me more about this "tower slave" that you mentioned. Theriacus Noah: I knew that you would come around. Once a lecher always a lecher. (smiles) Faustus Mortal coughs. Theriacus Noah: She has soft, pink lips and a fair, blonde complexion. She wears the white silks of a virgin. But she is no virgin. Her silks are diaphanous, pellucid, gossamer, translucent pongee silks, made from the silk of wild, not domesticated silk worms. Her silks caress and osculated sensually and sinfully on her soft, silky-smooth skin. The gentle Zephyr cools and refreshes her hypogastric triangle and tenderly touches her hot pink vulva, which is always moist with the perspiration of arousal. Theriacus Noah: For sure, when you enter the room she will exude oils of submission from the depths of her Holy of Holies. Her vaginal secretions should puddle between her spread legs as she kneels before you. Hers is not the kneeling position of "Sleeping Beauty" in Anne Rice. Hers is the Gorean Nadu, a crude, vulgar display of her genitalia with her hands resting on her legs, palms upwards, to symbolize her submission to sexual service. Faustus Mortal blinks. Theriacus Noah: Now you will refuse then come back later to say that your only regrets are the temptations that you successfully avoided. Go back to that silly "meow" theory or whatever it is. Faustus Mortal retorts: "It is the purest form of energy and the mathematical underpinnings are the inversion theory and homotopy theory. These basic ideas will lead to the quintessential solution to the energy quagmire and conundrum. All you ever talk about are lecherous, libidinal, lascivious, licentious, lustful, libidinous, lewd actions. You covet carnal cravings, demand dark, depraved desires, and pursue perverse pleasures. The beauty of mathematics and science are obscured by visions of pornography and erotic works of art, prose, poetry, and sculpture." Theriacus Noah: True, very true. No one wants to suffer science when there is a horny slave girl writhing and squirming with an indwelling butt plug anxious for her Master to come and service her. And I'm offering you a chance to enjoy her with no obligation and in complete confidence. This is a "Once in a lifetime occurrence." It is now or never. This opportunity will not avail itself again. Take a chance and throw caution to the wind and see if there are not other opportunities. Of let opportunity pass you by again and see how enjoyable that coenobitic refuge for myopic, celibate scholars feels. Their solution to the energy problem is to ride bicycles, walk, and "do without." I prefer to do it with my slave girl, who is burning with desire, on fire with lust, and writhing in animal drive at the moment. Theriacus Noah: Be Well, Brother Faustus, I am away to enjoy my life. 10/2/08. Theriacus Ch. 02 Theriacus Noah: Why don't you go by and see my girl, Faustus? Faustus Mortal: Are you talking about that poor waif who is a tower slave? Theriacus Noah: Yes I am. Faustus Mortal: I am working on a truly remarkable coincidence. Theriacus Noah: What is it? Faustus Mortal: I observed that adding Ln(4pi) to the proton-electron ratio... Theriacus Noah: More abstract, theoretical claptrap! Theriacus Noah: Let me tell you about my tower girl. Theriacus Noah: She can never leave her room in the tower. Faustus Mortal: I presume that's why she is called a tower girl? Faustus Mortal: This is some kind of pleasure for her? Theriacus Noah: Indeed. She is a submissive female. Theriacus Noah: She wears only a collar, chained to a floor ring and a horsehair tail butt plug. I am the only one who can remove her butt plug. Twice a day I visit her and remove her butt plug and feed and water her as well. She generally is so happy to see me that she masturbates right in front of me. This girl would be so happy to please you, Faustus. She would do anything for a man's touch and attention. Faustus Mortal: You want to leverage me with a slave girl? Why? Theriacus Noah: I want you to give up, to foreswear your folly with these fundamental physical constants and rejoin the academic community. There is money to be made teaching, tutoring, and on-line. Money, I'm saying. And there is no antagonizing or provoking the fossil fuel people with fond and vain approaches to energy. You should know that it's only crude oil, natural gas, and coal. All the rest---including your embryonic, half-baked schemes---are folly. Wind power? More like "break wind" power. Hydroelectric? We can't build any more dams. Geothermal? Hawaii? Tell me the alternative? Solar? Theriacus Noah guffaws. Faustus Mortal frowns. Faustus Mortal: Something must be done. Nothing is unacceptable. I look for the fundamental energy source, made at the instant of the big bang. Faustus Mortal: What of global warming? Theriacus Noah: It is a ruse, a hoax. Scientists buy into it for financial reward and praise. The truth is that there is no global warming. Just wait---the jury hasn't come back yet and the fat lady hasn't sung yet either. They are trying to talk at the 80% confidence level. Nowhere near a strong suit! Just enough to bamboozle and hornswoggle the populace. Faustus Mortal: You and your friends peddling fossil fuels wish to silence my research? How queer! Theriacus Noah: No, just rejoin the mainstream and make money. Faustus Mortal: I was booted out of academia and forced into a cenobite lifestyle. I have no voice and none would even publish my close approximations for fear of ridicule, retaliation, retribution, or reprisal! Face it---my work is lost. Why torture some poor girl, who no doubt is suffering from your wicked depraved device, in hopes of luring me into a compromising position? Theriacus Noah: I wouldn't do that, would I? Faustus Mortal: You certainly would. You call yourself a physician or healer, yet you specialize in pain and suffering. Behind the façade of free speech you practice you black art. Faustus Mortal: And it is not enough just to ridicule and reject my constructs. You not only wish to bury them but you also wish to root out and destroy the source. And, as Nietzsche said: "Never insult a hermit. How could he ever forget? But, if you must insult him, well kill him as well." Theriacus Noah: I need to go now. A girl needs attention. She would appreciate your attention, Brother Faustus. 10/03/2008. Theriacus Ch. 03 Faustus was sitting on a park bench when Theriacus approached with his girl Toy. Toy was naked except for a collar, a chain leash, and a blonde horsehair tail butt plug. Theriacus came to the bench and leashed his girl. Her hands were bound behind her back with slave bracelets and she had some difficulty assuming a deep kneeling position. She was clearly miserable with the butt plug. In fact, Faustus had noticed her strained and uneasy gait as the pair approached. "Faustus, what marvel are you working on now?" Theriacus asked. Faustus shrugged. "This is my tower slave, Toy," Theriacus announced. "She isn't permitted out very often. But I noticed you here and decided to fetch her." Theriacus spoke to Toy: "Stand and bend over, girl." Toy struggled to her feet and bent over, exposing the horsehair tail to her Master. Theriacus stroked her horsehair tail as he spoke. It was clear that the bound girl was uncomfortable and struggling to maintain balance, her hands behind her back. "What useless formula are you working on now, Faustus?" Theriacus asked. "I have applied the mathematical operations for the Taon," Faustus retorted, "Not that you care. It's within one standard deviation of the accepted, real world value. Not that anyone cares." Faustus pulled out a shard of scroll and wrote something down. Upon hearing the response, Theriacus ceased stroking Toy's tail and, seizing it, gave it a jerk. Faustus would have thought that the butt plug would have been dislodged, but it merely pulled the girl back. He could see tears streaking over hot pink cheeks. Theriacus knew how to use, and abuse, a girl. "Would you like me to unplug her?" Theriacus asked. He smiled because the poor waif was completely defenseless. "If you want to," Faustus answered, pretending indifference. Theriacus pulled out an inflation bulb and black rubber tubing. The butt plug had an indwelling balloon bulb pumped up inside of Toy's rectum, holding it firmly in place. Theriacus screwed the connector nozzle in place and deflated the inner indwelling bulb. Toy breathed deeply. Theriacus slowly pulled the black monster from Toy's bowels. She trembled and shook. At last she was relieved. "Nadu," Theriacus commanded. Toy settled back, her heels against her ass cheeks and her legs spread widely apart. Theriacus set the ugly butt plug with its gorgeous blonde hair tail on the bench and sat down. "What will you do next?" he asks. "Nothing," Faustus responded. Faustus noticed that Toy as stealing a glance at him. He could not help but notice that her vulva was wet with oils of submission. She was desirous of having sexual intercourse. With her butt plug removed, she was better able to focus her mind on her animal drives. "Nothing?" Theriacus bellowed. Those in the park were startled at the sudden shout. "Surely you don't mean that! You must have some other theoretical ideas of no practical value but immense effort to undertake?" "No more," Faustus murmured. "Done is done. Ridicule and rejection have taken their toll on me." Now Toy, excited to hear conversation, wiggled and jiggled her small firm breasts. She wriggled her glorious hemispheres, although her tiny rosette was painfully swollen and sore from the cruel and sadistic butt plug. "What will you do then?" Theriacus inquired. "Surely there must be something? Look here, there are brochures and calls for papers on clean coal and fossil fuel improvements. You can publish papers extolling the merits and strengths of fossil fuels. And 'there's whiskey in the deal" as well." Faustus shrugged. He would be a fool to join his enemy. He would be a double fool to continue his research in the face of ridicule, rejection, retaliation, retribution, and reprisals. The Theriacus sweetened the deal. "Look, Brother Faustus," Theriacus spoke softly, "You will never find a champion either in academia or in the world of celebrities. The truth is that no tenured teacher will risk offending the fossil fuel fellowship. They have money, position, power, and influence. And no celebrity wants ridicule from effete intellectual snobs. Sharon Stone is your idol. And she won't help you either. Just give up!" "I will give you Toy!" he exclaimed. Faustus shook his head "no." Faustus explained: "Time has passed me by. Now I just sleep at night and leave the higher math and physics to younger men. Such persons follow well-worn ways and pluck low-hanging fruit from the much decayed tree of obsolete technology. They make bosses happy and consume resources without replacement. More hypergeometric than binomial they are." Theriacus shrugged. "Do whatever the hell you want to do," he retorted. Then he commanded his girl Toy to bend over. He seized the butt plug and quickly inserted it into Toy's bowels. She writhed at the unexpectedly rough insertion. He then quickly inflated the device, apparently unconcerned with his girl's predicament. She was crying. Then the untied her leash and prepared to leave. "Fool," Theriacus said to Faustus. "Fool, you could have had a sinecure and a robust, vibrant slave girl! But no, you want the silly single life without company. Darkness will be your only friend." Theriacus walked away quickly, pulling Toy by the leash. Each step was discomfiture to her. Her blonde horsehair tail wagged seductively behind her. Faustus knew as they disappeared that this was a "once in a lifetime" opportunity that he had let pass. 03 Oct 08