0 comments/ 10474 views/ 0 favorites The Real Me By: BlissfulZimZum666 “There is nothing but you.” Giles said. “You are the centre. And within you, there is the core of your being... of what you are. “ Giles walked in a circle around Buffy. “Find it... breathe into it.” Buffy was leaning over a short pedestal with both her hands on it; she had her eyes closed. Giles walked in front of her. “Focus inward. Let the world fall away... fall away... fall away...” Buffy opened her eyes. She leant forward and went into a handstand, balancing on her hands on the pedestal. The pedestal was about two feet high and four inches square. There were exercise mats underneath it and a vault stood in the background. Giles was still walking circles around Buffy, staring at her. Off to one side was a large flat crystal with three smaller crystals standing on end atop it. Giles continued watching Buffy. Buffy closed her eyes again. She removed one hand from the pedestal. Buffy brought one arm out parallel to the floor, so she was balancing on the other hand. Giles was still walking around her, watching. Buffy’s face looked very peaceful. Someone tried to balance a fourth crystal on top of the three standing ones, but it was clumsy and all the crystals fell over with a clunk. Buffy’s eyes flicked open, she lost her concentration and crashed to the floor with a cry. Giles started toward her in alarm, saw she was all right. He then looked in a different direction, pulling off his glasses in an angry motion. As Buffy lay on the floor Dawn went and stood over her “Can we go now?” Buffy looked annoyed. Nobody knows who I am. Not the real me. It’s like; nobody cares enough to find out. I mean, does anyone ever ask me what I want to do with my life? Or what my opinion is on stuff? Or what restaurant to order in from? Dawn was sitting on her bed, wearing pajamas, writing in her diary. There was a huge pile of stuffed animals on the bed with her. No. Underline. Exclamation point. Dawn underlined the word and drew the exclamation point. She pondered for a moment and then violently drew a few more, stabbing at the paper with her pen. Exclamation point, exclamation point. No one understands. No one has an older sister who’s a Slayer. Buffy opened the refrigerator and took out a carton of milk. People wouldn’t be so crazy about her if they had to live in the same house with her every single day. Everybody cares what she thinks. Just ‘cause she can do back flips and stuff. Buffy sniffed the milk and put it on the counter. Behind her Joyce was drinking coffee and Dawn opened a cabinet to get out a box of cereal. Buffy picked up a banana from a bowl of fruit, and turned away. Like that’s such a crucial job skill in the real world. Buffy moved to the cupboard to get a bowl. Joyce poured milk into her coffee cup. Dawn opened the cereal box and sat down. Plus Mom lets her get away with everything. ‘Your sister’s saving the world.’ Joyce moved back to lean against the counter again, Buffy returned with a bowl, which she placed on the counter, moving the milk carton aside. She picked up the banana again and turned away, peeling it. Dawn took Buffy’s bowl and poured cereal into it. I could so save the world if somebody handed me super powers... Dawn turned away from the table as Buffy returned with a knife, prepared to slice the banana into her bowl, but found the bowl missing. She saw it sitting at Dawn’s spot full of cereal, and made an irritated face. ... but I’d think of a cool name and wear a mask to protect my loved ones, which Buffy doesn’t even. Dawn returned with a spoon, wearing an innocent expression. Buffy turned away to get another bowl, and Dawn picked up the carton of milk. She emptied it into her bowl and sat down to eat. If this town wasn’t so lame everyone would completely know what she does. And then I bet they wouldn’t even be that impressed, because like, killing things with wood? Oh, scary vampires, they die from a splinter. Buffy returned with another bowl, reached across Dawn for the cereal box, poured it into her bowl, picked up the milk carton and found it empty. Dawn continued eating, pretending not to notice. “So Buffy, what are your plans today?” Joyce asked. Buffy continued giving Dawn a dirty look for a moment, then looked away. “Oh, actually, Giles and I are gonna go to the magic shop for supplies for my new and improved training sessions.” “Oh, that’s great.” Buffy walked to the sink, then to the fridge, “Oh, yeah, I’m actually…” Joyce interrupted, “You can take Dawn shopping for back to school supplies.” Dawn put down her spoon and turned around, preparing to argue. “What??” Buffy said. “Mom, I-I thought you were taking me.” Dawn said. “Well, honey, I’ve got the Gurion showing tonight, and there’s so much to do to get the gallery ready.” Joyce turned to leave kitchen. “No, but, see, Mom…” Buffy began. Buffy and Dawn ran after Joyce as she walked to the living room. “That doesn’t really work for me. We’re just going to the magic shop. No school supplies there.” “Yeah, Mom, I’m not going to Hogwarts.” Dawn giggled at her own joke till she noticed Buffy looking annoyed and confused. “Geez, crack a book sometime.” “Look, I’m sure Giles doesn’t mind dropping you and your sister off at the mall afterwards.” Joyce said. “Actually, he does mind. This is supposed to be quality Watcher/Slayer time. I told you, she completely ruined my training yesterday.” Buffy complained. “Did not!” “Oh, you know you did too.” “Buffy. I realize the importance of your new Slayer thing, but…” There was a knock on the door. “… I could really use your help.” Joyce walked past the two girls, both sighing and rolling their eyes in annoyance. They glared at each other as Joyce opened the door and Michael came in. “Morning, Mrs. Summers. You look great.” Michael said. “Oh, thank you, Michael.” Joyce said and left the room. Buffy went over to Michael, “Suck up.” “What? It’s a nice outfit.” Michael protested. Dawn pretended not to be watching them. “Mm-hmm.” “Besides, ‘I’m here to violate your firstborn’ never goes over with parents. Not sure why.” Michael said. He and Buffy smooched. Michael, my sister’s boyfriend, is so into her. They’re always kissing... and groping. I bet they have sex! He so looks like a woman. Michael was wearing black leather pants and a purple velour top with a neck that was low round his neck. He also had his nails painted purple. He also wore a ring on nearly every finger. Michael stopped kissing Buffy and looked at Dawn. “Hey, kid.” Michael said. “I’m not a kid.” Dawn said annoyed. She walked off as Buffy and Michael moved into the living room. “Well, this is a surprise of the nicest kind.” Buffy said. “Now it’s my turn to be surprised. I thought we had plans today.” They sat on the sofa. “Plans? We planned plans?” Buffy asked. “Well, you said, uh, ‘come over tomorrow and we’ll hang,’ and then I said, ‘OK.’ Not the invasion of Normandy, but still a plan.” Buffy nodded in resignation. “Right.” Michael studied her expression, “We’re not hangin’ today, are we?” “Giles is on his way to pick me up.” “Oh, Slayer training.” “Slayer shopping, actually, but equally as important.” “I have no doubt. Okay, well, we’ll hook up later.” Michael started to get up. “Are you mad at me?” Buffy asked. “Oh, no, not at all. I’m plotting your death, but in a happy way.” Michael smiled. “Good.” “Look, Buffy, I know what this means to you. I think it’s great that you’ve got this new mission. I’ll see you tonight.” They smooched and Michael got up. “Bye.” Michael said, then called. “See ya, kid!” “I’m not a kid!” Dawn called back. A bright red convertible was driving down a street. Giles was at the wheel, Buffy beside him and Dawn was in the back. Classical music played on the radio. “Well, I sympathize with you, Buffy, I truly do. But I’m certain that Michael understands the importance of training. You can’t allow personal concerns to distract you from…” Dawn reached between them to change the radio station. “Dawn, will you stop fiddling with the radio and sit down?” Giles said irritably. Dawn sat back, looking exasperated. The radio still played classical music. I don’t think Buffy’s Watcher likes me too much. I think it’s ‘cause he’s just so... old. I’m not sure how old he is, but I heard him use the word ‘newfangled’ one time. So he’s gotta be pretty far gone. Dawn sat fidgeting in the backseat of the car. Buffy was studying a piece of paper, “There’s a lot of books on this list. Any of them come on tape? You know, read by George Clooney or someone cute like that?” “You’re entering a new realm here, Buffy. One for which I myself am not entirely prepared. Are you ready for this commitment?” “I’m just kidding! Hey, this Betty’s ready. Colour me committed.” The car engine raced as Giles tried to shift gear. “Blast!” Giles exclaimed. “You put it in neutral again, huh?” Buffy asked. “I’m just not used to this automatic transmission. I-I loathe this sitting here, not contributing.” Dawn looked surprised. “No, i-it’s not working out.” “Giles, are you breaking up with your car?” Buffy asked jokingly. “Well, it did seduce me, all red and sporty!” Giles confessed. “Little two-door tramp.” Giles gave her a sour look. “I-I-I don’t know, I just… I was so at loose ends, I-I found myself searching for... some way of feeling more...” “Shallow?” Buffy offered. “Perhaps, as I am to act as your Watcher again, a modicum of respect might be in order.” “Do I have to?” Buffy asked, winding Giles up. “I’m serious, Buffy, there’s going to be far less time for the sort of flighty, frivolous…” Pointing Dawn called, “Hey, there’s Willow and Tara!” “Ooh, they haven’t seen my new car.” Giles said. Giles pulled over. Buffy rolled her eyes at him. Willow and Tara were coming out of the coffee shop. Then Michael and Kaz came out behind them. “Hey Giles, sharp wheels!” Willow said. “The rest of the car’s nice too.” Tara added. Everyone got out of the car. Buffy and Michael kissed. “Handles like a dream.” Giles said. “It’s the new Giles.” Kaz said. “Did Buffy give you a pay rise now you’re her Watcher again?” Michael asked. Buffy and Giles ignored this. “Where are you guys heading?” Buffy asked. “Magic shop. I have some charms on back order.” Willow informed her. Smiling Dawn said, “Willow, hi.” “Hey Dawny!” They hugged. “How’s my favourite chess partner? Still leading with your knight?” Dawn shrugged in embarrassment. Willow’s the awesomest person. She’s the only one I know who likes school as much as me. Even her friends are cool! Tara smiled and gave a little wave, “Hey Dawn.” Like Tara. She and Willow are both witches. They do spells and stuff, which is so much cooler than slaying. I told Mom one time I wished they’d teach me some of the things they do together. A-and then she got really quiet and made me go upstairs. Huh. I guess her generation isn’t cool with witchcraft. Dawn and Tara were walking side-by-side, with Giles, Michael and Kaz ahead of them and Buffy and Willow were in the lead. “So, why are you two tagging along?” Giles asked Michael and Kaz. “I need to stock up on stuff.” Kaz said. “Oh I didn’t know you practised Witchcraft.” Giles said. “Yeah, have done for a while. Might try teaching some to Michael as well, if he can keep up.” Kaz said. “Hey, anything you can do I can do too.” Michael said. “W-well, I’m sure it will be helpful to have more witches around.” Giles said. “Sorry Michael, and a warlock.” “Hey, witch is fine with me.” Michael said. “So Giles and I worked out a whole schedule around school. A block of time every day just to focus on my new Slayer training.” Buffy told Willow. “That’s a work ethic! Buffy, you’re developing a work ethic.” Willow said excitedly. “Oh, no. Do they make an ointment for that?” Buffy joked. “People gotta respect a solid work ethic. Look at you, motivated Buffy. Eager to soak up learning. Oh, you and I are gonna have so much fun this semester.” Buffy stopped walking, so did everyone else. “Yeah, that reminds me. With the whole new training schedule, I kinda had to drop a class.” “That’s understandable. Your Slayer studies are way more important.” “So I won’t be taking drama with you.” Behind them Tara and Dawn peered in the windows of the magic shop. “What? You have to, you promised!” “Well, I know, but Giles said that it just was…” Buffy was gesturing to Giles who was behind her, looking in the opposite direction. “The Hell with Giles.” Willow said. Giles turned in surprise. “I can hear you, Willow.” Giles said. “Drama is just Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. You can blow off training Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, can’t you?” “What happened to ‘people gotta respect a work ethic’?” “Other people, not me! There’s a whole best friend loophole.” Calling to them Tara said, “Shop’s kinda dark. Maybe it’s closed.” “That’s odd.” Giles said. Everyone looked bemused and walked toward the magic shop. Giles opened the door and walked in. It was dark and the furniture was overturned. Giles and Buffy walked in slowly, followed by the others, all looking around. “Well, I think ‘odd’ just got upped to ‘bad’.” Buffy said. “Hello? Anyone here?” Giles called. “Mr. Bogarty?” Tara called. Everyone looked at Tara. “The owner. I-I come in here a lot.” Willow advanced further into the store, “Well, maybe this happened... really late at night when nobody was...” Willow tripped over something and fell to the floor. “Will?” Buffy said. Tara moved forward. “I’m fine, I-I just tripped over...” Willow sat up and saw the body. He was lying face-up and there were vampire bite marks on his neck. “Mr. Bogarty.” Willow finished. Dawn was behind Buffy and Giles, “Wha-what is it, is he okay?” She tried to move forward but Buffy pushed her back. “It’s nothing you need to see, Dawn, go wait outside.” Buffy hustled her toward the door with a hand on Dawn’s elbow. “I don’t wanna wait outside!” Dawn complained. “Dawn!” Buffy warned. “Ow, that hurt!” Buffy pushed her out the door onto the street. “You’re hurting me. I’m telling.” “Look, I don’t have time for this. Just do as I say and wait.” Buffy said. She started off, then turned back. “Here.” Buffy went back inside. Dawn sighed in annoyance, walked around a little, then went back and peered between the blinds. Inside the shop she could see Buffy, Michael, Kaz, Tara and Willow standing around as Giles knelt beside the body. “Whatcha doin’?” said a voice behind Dawn. Dawn turned with a gasp. A scruffy older man was standing there, unshaven, his tie loose. “What are you doing here? You can’t loiter. There’s no loitering.” He said. He advanced on Dawn as she backed up, scared. “That’s why I’m a cat. Quiet. See, cat’s in the cupboard,” he was making cat-scratching gestures with his hands, “but they find you there anyway, and it hurts.” Dawn had backed up against a van. She looked around, scared. The guy was sobbing, “Please, make it stop.” Then in a different tone, “Shut up, shut up, they’ll hear you!” Dawn tried to call out, “Buff…” The gave a stifled shriek as the guy put his finger on her lips. “I know you. Curds and whey.” Dawn looked shocked. “I know what you are.” Then slowly and ominously, “You ... don’t... belong... here.” Dawn shook her head, looking on the verge of tears. The door to the magic shop opened and Tara came out. She looked around. “Dawn?” Tara called. She walked out a little farther, looking around. “Dawn?” She looked down and saw Dawn sitting on the ground, leaning against a building. “Dawn. You okay?” Tara asked. “Is... Is that guy dead in there?” Tara nodded, “Yeah.” She sat down next to Dawn. “They’re gonna be a little while longer, doing the detective thing. Best non-Scoobies like you and me stay out of the way.” Dawn nodded. They sat silently for a few moments. “Do you wanna thumb-wrestle?” Tara asked. Dawn nodded again, “Okay.” They locked their hands together and begin to thumb-wrestle. Giles closed Mr. Bogarty’s eyes. “Judging by the bite-fest, I’d say it was more than one vampire.” Buffy said. Giles stood up, “I make it four at least.” “Looks like someone’s put together a new fang club.” Buffy walked to the counter. Willow was behind it, holding a book. “Well, I’ve cross-checked the inventory list, and things are definitely missing.” Willow said putting the inventory book on the counter. “What’s gone?” Kaz asked. “Mostly books. Including A Treatise on the Mythology and Methodology of the Vampire Slayer.” Buffy pulled out her book list as Giles picked up the inventory book. “Oh, shoot! Was that the only copy?” Buffy asked. “Come on, Buffy, this could be very serious. Whoever’s leading this pack of vampires appears to be interested in learning more about you. Perhaps searching for weaknesses or... good lord.” Giles said. “What?” “Well, I had no idea the profit margins on a shop like this were so high.” Buffy and Willow exchanged a look. “Now you’re worried about profit margins?” Michael asked. “What happened to someone’s looking for Slayer weaknesses?” “Look at this! Uh, low overhead, out-of-state orders, international - it’s no wonder there’s never any trouble attracting new owners.” Giles looked around. “A place like this is a virtual…” “Death-trap?” Buffy finished. “What? Well, uh, yes, there is that. But, uh, still...” Giles put book down and looked around some more. “Location, pedestrian traffic...” “So what’s the next step?” Willow asked. Still gazing around Giles said, “Buffy, you should begin looking for their lair straight away.” “Michael can help me patrol.” Buffy said. “I’d be glad to lend a hand too.” Kaz said. ”Wait, aren’t you forgetting something?” Willow asked Buffy. “Impressive square footage...” Giles said still going on about the shop. Giles walked off as Buffy gave Willow a questioning look. “You’re on Dawn duty.” Willow reminded her. Buffy looks annoyed, “Oh, duty. I gotta drop my sister back home.” Her eyes widened. “My Mother’s gonna kill me.” Wandering back Giles said, “I bet the death rate keeps the rent down.” He paused. “Oh, hello. Something’s been taken from this case, look here.” He went over to a case where the glass had been knocked out. “What’d they take?” Buffy asked. Willow looked in the inventory book. “I should think an item of, of value, or-or power, possibly even a…” “A unicorn. 10-inch ceramic unicorn imported from Thailand.” Willow finished. “Was it valuable?” Kaz asked. Giles stared in puzzlement at the empty case. “List price, $12.95.” Willow informed them. “Which begs the question, what kind of an unholy creature fancies cheap tasteless statuary?” Giles asked. “Okay, hi. First of all, I wanna thank everybody for a really successful raid on the magic shop last night.” Harmony applauded. “Good job, minions!” Harmony stood in her underground lair, wearing a skimpy black top and shiny gold pants. Four male vampires were standing around. They applauded along with her, a little uncertainly. They were Brad, Cyrus, Peaches, and Mort. Mort was very tall and large, whereas the others were fairly average-sized. “Yes, you deserve it. Secondly...” Harmony turned away to reach for something, “somebody remembered to pick me up the sweetest little unicorn!” She held up the ceramic unicorn and smiled at Brad. The Real Me The other vampires stared at him. Whispering to other vampires, “What?” “Brad, guess someone was feeling guilty for standing me up in the tenth grade.” Harmony said admiring the unicorn. Again to other vampires Brad said, “I, I had to get her something. She sired me.” To Cyrus, Peaches said, “Sire-whipped.” Mort added the unicorn to a large collection of other unicorn statues sitting on a table. “Anyway, the books you guys brought me to help with the plan? Well, I’ve been skimming through the book jackets all morning, and let me tell you, there’s some pretty useful stuff in there, so…” Cyrus raised his hand. “Yes, uh... sorry, forgot your name.” Harmony said. “Cyrus.” “Cyrus, huh, right. Peaches’ friend.” Peaches nodded. “What’s your question?” “When are we gonna do it?” Cyrus asked. “Eww! That’s rude! I barely know you!” Cyrus looked sideways at the other vampires in confusion. “Uch, and you’re a minion!” “He means the plan! When are we gonna do the plan?” Mort clarified. “Ohhh! The plan!” Harmony laughed in embarrassment. “Ah, well, first lemme tell you I’m really psyched about it and I hope the rest of you guys…” “When?!” Mort yelled. “Tonight!” Harmony yelled back, then more calmly, “We kill the Slayer... tonight.” She smiled in self-satisfaction. The other vampires grinned and nodded at each other. Dawn was sitting on her bed holding her diary, wearing the same clothes she was wearing at the magic shop. “So not only didn’t you take your sister shopping for school supplies…” Joyce was saying. Dawn listened in. Buffy and Joyce argued in Joyce’s bedroom. Joyce walked back and forth getting dressed and putting on jewellery. “… you brought her to a murder scene.” “No, I didn’t bring her to it, it... just... sorta came upon us. It’s not like she saw the body or anything.” “Oh, well. That makes it all right then, doesn’t it?” “No, that is not what I meant.” “I asked one favour of you, Buffy. To look after your sister. And now you want to unload her, so you and Michael can go out.” “To patrol. I’m working, it’s not like I wanna go to the sock hop.” “I have to be at the pre-show reception in half an hour. Who’s gonna watch Dawn?” “I don’t need anyone to watch me!” Dawn called from her room. In unison Buffy and Joyce called back, “Yes you do!” Joyce walked into the bathroom. “Wait. So what you’re saying is if I can get an acceptable babysitter here before you leave, I can go patrol?” “Babysitter? I’m fourteen! I’m old enough to be a babysitter!” Dawn called out. “And who are you gonna get on such short notice?” Joyce asked. “I can take care of myself!” Dawn called. Buffy suddenly realized, “Xander.” “Xander?” Joyce asked. There was the sound of running footsteps. Joyce and Buffy looked up as Dawn appeared in the doorway. “Okay.” Dawn said. A little later the doorbell rang. Dawn ran up to the front door, pausing to fix her hair. She was wearing a tight short dress. She opened the door, Xander stood there holding a pizza. “Dawn patrol.” Xander said. Smiling Dawn said, “Hey.” “Check this out, they put cheese on round bread. It’s gonna be big.” He entered the house. Dawn watched him with a smile as Joyce appeared, putting on a jacket. Xander is so much cuter than anyone. And smarter too. He totally skipped college and got a job working construction. Which is so kind of... deep, you know? He builds things. And he’s brave too. Just last week he went undercover to stop that Dracula guy. “Xander, thanks for doing this.” Joyce said. “Total non-sweat.” Xander said. “Again, thanks for coming. Oh, uh, here is my card. If you have any problems, you just call me on the cell phone.” Joyce gave Xander her card. “Have fun. Not too much fun, though.” Xander said to Joyce. “Dawn, be good.” She kissed Dawn goodbye. “Oh, we will. We’re just gonna play with matches, run with scissors, take candy from... some guy... I don’t know his name.” Xander winked at Dawn. Joyce left and Dawn, smiling at Xander, started to shut the door. Xander treats everyone like an equal. He doesn’t look down on people. Anya appeared in the doorway, preventing Dawn from closing the door. Anya carried a stack of board-game boxes. “Hello there, little girl.” Dawn’s happy expression turned to one of dismay. Even when he should. Talking as if to a very small child Anya said, “We are gonna have fun, fun, fun. Look, I’ve got Monopoly, Clue, and ooh, the Game of Life! That sounds good!” Dawn looked upset. She closed the door. “Poor Dawn.” Tara said. Tara stood looking at herself in a mirror, which was above a sink with a towel rack beside it. “She was pretty shaken up.” “Well, sure. Bloody death and stuff.” Willow said. The two of them were in a dorm room, unpacking. Willow went to hang a painting while Tara was unpacking bathroom stuff from a box. “She’ll be okay.” Willow said. “It’s just... I, I think it’s tough for her, not being able to... well, allowed to, you know, help.” Willow tried the painting in a few places, then put it atop a bureau and began unpacking another box. “Help?” Willow asked. “Oh, you. You guys. The Slayer circle.” “Well, Buffy doesn’t really need... a-and I think Dawn’s a little young.” “I-I know, you’re right. It’s just hard. That outsider feeling.” Willow looked over at her. “Tara... you’re not an outsider.” “Well, yeah. I kinda am.” Willow walked toward her, “No, you’re not.” “Willow, it’s okay. Where does this go?” “Somebody making you feel uncomfortable? Is it Xander? It’s Xander, isn’t it?” “No, Xander’s a sweetie.” “It’s Giles! It’s ‘cause he’s... British and doesn’t understand about stuff.” “It’s no one.” Tara continued taking stuff out of the box. “You guys all just have this really tight bond. It’s-it’s hard to break into that. And I’m not even sure I want to. Willow walked up behind Tara and put her arms around Tara’s waist, resting her chin on Tara’s shoulder. “I’m sure.” Willow said. Tara put her hands over Willow’s. “You’re completely one of the gang now. Everyone accepts that.” They both smiled. “You’re one of the good guys.” Tara’s smile disappeared and she pulled away, disengaging herself from Willow’s embrace. Willow didn’t notice her expression. “Maybe I can talk to the rest of the group and we can do something, some kind of Scooby initiation.” They both returned to what they were doing. “Oh! Maybe we could wear some kind of special ring that identifies us as members.” “I don’t think so. I think Michael wears enough rings for all of us… But maybe something like that would be nice for Dawn. I do worry about her sometimes.” “You don’t have to. She’s got big sister Buffy happily looking out for her.” Buffy and Michael were walking through a graveyard. “So then my Mom goes off on me about how I’m supposed to watch out for Dawn and make sure that she’s shielded from something that might upset her.” Buffy said. “Like dead shopkeepers.” Michael suggested. “She didn’t see him! A foot, maybe. A dead foot, which is bad, okay, but hello, I see dead stuff all the time, and you don’t see Mom shielding me.” “So you want your Mother to give you space to be a Slayer, and shield you from it at the same time.” “Thank you, logic boy. Did I mention this is a rant? Sense really has no place in it.” “I’m getting that.” Michael sighed. “What’s the deal, Buffy? You seem really…” Buffy stopped him by putting out a hand. She stopped walking and looked intently to her right. “Oh, trash can. From a distance it looked kinda…” “Tense.” Michael said. “Nooo, I-I was gonna say brown, squat, shadowy...” “Uh-uh. Back to what I was saying before we were rudely attacked by nothing. You seem really tense.” Buffy shrugged, “Yeah, there’s a new vampire gang in town.” “I mean domestically tense. You’re on Dawn’s case a lot.” “I guess. It’s just...” Buffy sighed. “I don’t know, it... I know it’s always been this way. She’s the baby. But for some reason lately, it’s just really getting to me. She’s always around.” “Well, yeah. You’re like her idol, Buffy.” “Her idol? I don’t think so, unless you like to spill things on your idol’s new leather pants, and…” “You know what I mean. You have super powers... and college... a ‘studly’ yet sensitive boyfriend...” “And a pesky life-or-death job that I can’t quit or even take a break from.” “She doesn’t get the sacrifices. She’s a kid.” “And that’s what bugs. She gets to be a kid, and she acts like it’s the biggest burden in the world. Sometimes I would like to just curl up in Mom’s lap and not worry about the fate of the world. I’d like to be the one who’s protected, who’s waited on…” “… hand and foot, getting her own way. Always the favourite.” Dawn was telling Xander. They were playing the Game of Life around a low table in the living room, surrounded by various junk foods. Dawn was eating a bowl of ice cream. “You nut. Your Mom loves you both equally. But if I’m wrong, I find money usually helps tip the scale. Slip Joyce a 10 or a 20 once in a while. Then we’ll see who’s the favourite.” Dawn smiled. He says I’m like a kid sister... Looking at the game board Xander said, “Here comes the judge!” ... but sometimes when he looks at me, I feel like he sees me as I am... Xander gave Dawn a big goofy grin. ... as a woman. Dawn had chocolate ice cream smeared all round her mouth. “Oh, crap.” Anya said slapping down her cards. “Look at this! Now I’m burdened with a husband and several tiny pink children, more cash than I can reasonably manage...” “That means you’re winning.” Xander informed her. “Really?” Anya asked surprised. “Yes. Cash equals good.” “Ooh!” Anya clapped her hands in excitement. “I’m so pleased.” She scooped up the plastic markers that represented children. “Can I trade in the children for more cash?” Dawn gave her a disgusted look. Suddenly something smashed in through the window, showering them with broken glass. They all ducked behind the table. Dawn shrieked. Xander got up and went to see what it was. Anya followed. Xander picked up a rock with a note tied around it. He untied the string, handed the rock to Anya, and read the note. Dawn stayed on the floor watching. “ ‘Slayer, come out and die’.” The note was written in large letters. The ‘i’ in ‘die’ was dotted with a smiley-face. “I’m waiting for you, Buffy!” Harmony called. Xander went over to the hole in the window and peeked out. He saw Harmony, surrounded by her four minions, who carried weapons. Harmony looked annoyed. “I know you’re in there!” Harmony yelled. Xander was standing in the doorway, holding the front door open. “What do you mean, she’s not in there?” Harmony asked. Xander looked unimpressed. “She has to be. I’m calling her out!” Anya and Dawn stood a few feet behind Xander. “Then I bet she’ll be real sorry she missed your call. ‘Fraid you and your buddies are gonna have to come back and be killed by Buffy later.” Scornfully Harmony said, “They’re not my buddies. They’re my minions.” “They’re... what now?” Xander asked. “Minions! You know, lackeys? They work for me.” Xander looked sceptical. Then he started laughing. “What’s so funny?!” Harmony asked. “Nothing! What could be funny, just ‘Look out, it’s a terrifying Harmony gang, ooh’!” Xander said laughing. “Stop laughing!” Harmony tried to attack him, but she couldn’t go past the doorway. Dawn ducked behind Anya. Xander continued laughing. “I just, I just can’t picture anyone pathetic enough to be following…” Xander looked at the minions again and pretended to be shocked. “Is that Brad Konig? Huh! Hey Brad, who’d have thought when you were beating up kids in gym class, you’d end up Harmony’s lapdog?” “Screw you, Harris.” Brad said. “You should know all about being somebody’s lapdog. I hear you were a good little puppy for Dracula.” Anya and Dawn looked insulted on Xander’s behalf. “You heard wrong.” Harmony laughed, “Don’t feel bad. I hear that mind-control thing he does works really well on weak fraidy-cat losers. You didn’t stand a chance.” From behind Anya, Dawn said, “Shut up!” “Dawn, I’m handling this. Shut up, Harmony!” Xander said. “Make me.” Harmony shot back. “Fraid I don’t feel like getting into another hair-pulling contest with you.” “You’re the hair-puller, you big girl!” “Oh yeah? Come inside and say that! Xander will kick your…” Dawn said, not realising what she’d just done. “Dawn, no!” Anya said. Xander made his ‘uh-oh’ face. Harmony morphed into her vampire face and lunged at Xander, shoving him to the floor as Dawn shrieked. Harmony was on top of Xander, holding him down as he struggled. Dawn shrieked and pushed past Anya to run up the stairs. The minions rushed to the door but couldn’t enter. “The invitation was for one.” Xander said to them, thought this was little comfort. The minions snarled. Anya turned and ran into another room. “Not such a pushover any more, am I?” Harmony said and punched Xander in the face a few times. Anya was running around, “Slayer’s house have more weapons lying around.” She picked up a lamp. “I’ve been working out, learning some new tricks, honing my…” She bent to bite Xander as Anya ran up with the lamp. Harmony straightened up and backhanded Anya, breaking the lamp and sending Anya flying. “Instincts.” Harmony finished. Xander kicked Harmony in the stomach and she flew backward out the front door, crashing into her minions. They all fell down the porch stairs. Xander and Anya rushed to close the door and leant against it, looking out at the vampires. “This isn’t over, Xander! I’ll be back!” Harmony said. “And we’ll be ready for you! Stakes... crosses... the whole enchilada.” Xander retorted. He and Anya pulled away from the windows. “Buffy is not going to be happy about this.” Anya shook her head in agreement. Buffy laughed hysterically. “Harmony... Harmony has minions?” Buffy said amidst her laughter. Buffy and Michael were in the Summers’ kitchen laughing, Anya and Xander were there too, they weren’t laughing. “Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction.” Xander said. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Buffy cleared her throat and stopped laughing. “It’s just... Harmony has minions!” Buffy started laughing hysterically again. “And Ruffles have ridges. Uh, Buffy, there’s actually a more serious side to all this.” “I sure hope so, ‘cause I’m having trouble breathing.” Buffy giggled, then stopped and took a deep breath. “What is it?” Xander was nervous, he looked at Anya, “Well, she did come here to kill you.” Buffy burst out laughing again. Michael also snickered. Chuckling, Michael said, “Buffy, come on, they have killed once that we know of. She could be a threat to you.” Buffy laughed harder. “Especially now that she can enter your house any time she wants.” Buffy stopped laughing for real this time. “What?” Buffy asked confused. Xander and Anya fidgeted. “Uh, yeah, actually, she - Harmony - kind of happened to sort of get an invite.” “You guys can’t invite her in. I mean, only someone who lives here can…” The clue hit. Xander nodded. Buffy frowned. “Where is she?” Buffy asked quietly. “In her room. Look, I think she’s still pretty freaked out.” Anya said. “Dawn!” Buffy yelled and started to stomp out. Xander stopped her, “Buff, it was an accident. She didn’t mean it.” “Oh, well that just makes it okay then, doesn’t it?” Buffy stomped out. Xander called after her, “No, but believe me, nobody feels worse than her right now.” Harmony and her minions walked through a dark graveyard. “What a total disaster. My first plan! I so wanted it to go well. Plus, I didn’t even get to kill stupid Xander Harris! God, that was so embarrassing.” “We’ll go back later.” Mort said. “No! It’s no good. Buffy’s gonna expect us now. The whole surprise is blown.” Peaches spoke to Cyrus, “Who’re you growling at?” “Not me, my stomach. If I don’t eat somebody soon, I-I’ll get dizzy.” “Let’s go back to the lair. That census taker may not be empty yet.” Peaches suggested. “Not me. This night is young, and I want some action.” Brad said. Someone tapped Brad on the shoulder, and when he turned, they punched him in the face. He went down. The other three minions turned. “Happy to oblige.” Spike said. “Here I thought it was gonna be a slow night.” He was puffing on a cigarette, sizing up the minions. “Step on up, kiddies. Thrashings for all.” The minions started forward. “Stop!” Harmony said. Harmony emerged from behind Mort. Spike looked surprised. “Well. Hello, Harm.” Spike said. “Spikey. I mean, Spike.” “Long time. You look good.” “I feel good.” Spike smirked, “I remember.” They both grinned. “How’ve you been?” Harmony asked. Spike shrugged, “Not bad. Just got a brand-new telly in my crypt, so...” Walking up behind Harmony, Mort said, “Why are you talking to him?” “It’s okay, we used to go steady.” Harmony sighed. “Spike, Mort. Mort, this is…” “I know who he is. He kills our kind.” Mort said. “Oh yeah!” Harmony said, the to Spike, “What’s up with that?” Spike shrugged, “Bloke’s gotta have a hobby, don’t he? Piss off, Mort.” Mort growled and stepped forward, but Harmony stopped him. “Mort, just give us... a couple minutes, ‘kay?” Harmony turned back to Spike. “He’s really testy. Some of us were thinking of voting him out of the gang.” She and Spike stepped aside where the minions couldn’t overhear. “Gang?” Spike asked. “Oh, yeah. I’ve got my own gang now.” Spike checked out her minions, “Is that what those circus freaks are?” “Uh huh. I mean... shut up!” Spike grinned “We’re gonna kill the Slayer.” “Singing my song now, are you? You should pay me royalties for that one, or at least get your own tune.” “I’m not gonna make the same mistakes you did. I’ve been doing my homework, reading books and stuff.” “What, Evil for Dummies?” Spike walked around her. “Look at you, all puffed up and mighty, thinking you’re the new Big Bad. It’s, uh... well, let’s face it, it’s adorable.” “You just can’t stand the fact that I’m my own person now. There comes a time in every woman’s life when she realizes she needs to take the next step. I’ve taken it. I’ve found the real me... and I like her.” Spike moved closer to her during this speech, until their faces were inches away. “Hope you’ll be very happy together. In the meantime, save Slayer slaying for the professionals.” Harmony sighed, “You’ll see. Buffy’ll be dead by sunrise. I’ve got a plan.” Chuckling, Spike said, “Lemme guess. Snatch one of her friends, use ‘em as bait, lead her into a trap. That sort of thing?” Bluffing, Harmony said, “No! Much, much better one.” Spike looked sceptical. “I’m not gonna tell you!” “Thought as much. Best of luck. Let me know how this arch-villain thing works out for you.” Spike backed away and walked off. “I’ll do that.” Harmony shouted after him. “And after Buffy is gone? I’m gonna kill everybody in this town that was ever mean to me... Spike!” Spike waved an impatient hand over his shoulder as he walked off. Harmony sighed, then turned back to the minions. Smiling, Harmony said, “Guys! New plan.” Buffy was laying out a huge array of stakes and crosses on her bed as Michael watched. “That’s a lot of weapons for somebody you weren’t sweating twenty minutes ago.” Michael said. “Well, that was before Dawn gave Harmony a backstage pass to kill us all in our sleep.” The Real Me “Buff, I left word with Willow. She’ll come do a return engagement of her uninvitation spell. She probably still has the stuff from last week. And bang, boom, you’re back in the Fortress of Solitude. All better.” Xander said. “No. Not all better. I mean, it’s not like Dawn hasn’t grown up in this house knowing all the rules.” Unknown to them Dawn was listening in, from the hall. “Especially the biggie! Numero one-oh. ‘Do not invite bloodsucking dead people into our house’.” Dawn rolled her eyes. “I mean, please. I would never have Harmony over even when she was alive.” “People slip, Buffy. Your Mom did. She invited in the Mas…” Xander caught himself, “Dracula. In for coffee.” Buffy and Michael gave Xander an odd look. “Well, that was different. I mean, she... he would... she was lonely, and, and, and she didn’t know he was a vampire. The vampire. Meanwhile, Dawn knew exactly what Harmony was and she rolled out the welcome mat for her.” “She’s just a kid.” Said Michael. Dawn rolled her eyes again. “You know, will everybody please stop saying that? I was just a kid when I met my first vampire, but somehow, I still managed to remember the rules.” “You had to. It was your job.” Michael said. Buffy put on a jacket, “No. No, it was common sense. But nobody expects even that much from Dawn, do they? No, she has to be protected and coddled from the big bad world, well you know what? We are doing nothing but turning her into a little idiot who is going to get us all killed.” Dawn made an unhappy face, though no one saw her. In Buffy’s bedroom Xander and Michael look displeased, but they didn’t argue any more. Dawn turned and walked away down the hallway. Buffy sighed and spoke more quietly. “She just has to be more careful. Now, I can’t be there to protect her 24 hours a day. I-I just can’t.” Dawn ran through the downstairs part of the house, passing by Anya in the kitchen. “Hey! Don’t!” Anya called. Dawn ran out the back door and Anya followed. “Dawn!” Dawn stopped a few feet outside the door and put her hands to her face, as if trying not to cry. Anya grabbed her shoulder, startling her. “What do you think you’re doing?” Anya asked. “Leave me alone.” “I will after you come back inside the house.” Anya grabbed Dawn and started shoving her back toward the door. “Let go of me!” Dawn said and broke free. “No, it’s not safe out here!” Dawn shrieked as Mort stepped from behind a bush, wearing his vampire face. “You got that right.” He said. He hit Anya, sending her flying back inside, where she fell to the kitchen floor unconscious. Mort grabbed Dawn and passed her to the other minions, who herded her away shrieking. Mort paused to look at Anya lying on the floor, then followed the other minions. Xander, Michael and Buffy came down the stairs and found Anya on the kitchen floor. “Anya!” Xander and Michael knelt to lift Anya up. Buffy went to look out the door. Half conscious, Anya said, “Oh, vampires took...” “This head wound looks bad. We gotta get her to the hospital.” Michael said. Buffy went to the phone. Murmuring, Anya said, “They took her...” “Shh, shh.” Xander told Anya. “Dawn.” Anya managed to say. “Dawn? Wha-what about Dawn? Buffy asked, anxious. “She ran out... they took her... vampires...” “Oh God. Oh God. Uh, take care of Anya.” Buffy handed the phone to Michael and ran out. “Buffy!” Michael called but she didn’t listen. In Harmony’s underground lair her minions looked a little impatient. “All right, once again, nice work, Minionators. I’m really, really proud of you guys.” Mort came in. “Ah, Mort. I trust you made our guest... comfortable?” Confused, Mort said, “You told me to chain her to a wall.” “Yeah, I know, I’m being, you know, sarcastic or whatever?” Mort looked blank. “Anyway...” Harmony turned back to the other minions. “I’m feeling really good about this new plan, people. I think it’s a winner.” “When do we eat the girl?” Cyrus asked. “We don’t. Not yet.” “Why not?” “Because! That’s not the plan!” She sighed. “Do I have to go over the plan again? We use the sister as bait. We send Buffy a note…” “More notes?” Peaches asked. Annoyed now, Harmony said, “We send Buffy a note, telling her that if she wants to see her sister again, she has to come alone to a place we choose. She comes, we jump her, we kill her.” Peaches nodded. “So it doesn’t really matter if we’re actually holding the Slayer’s sister, just as long as she thinks we are. She’ll walk into the trap.” Mort said. “I guess.” “So it won’t make any difference if we eat the girl now.” Cyrus said. “We’re not eating the girl.” “Why not?” Peaches asked. “Cause! That’s not the plan.” All the minions looked dissatisfied. A TV was showing mostly static. Spike banged on it and fiddled with the knobs and antenna for a while, with no results. “Bollocks. Gonna have to pinch one of those satellite dishes.” He looked up as the door banged open and Buffy strode in, looking very pissed off. “Well, speaking of dishes, to what do I owe this unpleasant…” Buffy hit him in the face. “Ow! Bloody hell!” Grabbing his shirt, Buffy said, “I don’t have time for banter, Spike. Where’s Harmony’s lair?” “Haven’t seen her in months. How should I know…” Buffy hit him in the face again. “Ow!” “Where is she?” Buffy asked again. “At least lay off the nose.” Buffy pulled back her fist. “Okay! Okay! Used to have a cave in the north woods. About forty meters past the overpass construction site.” Buffy punched him in the nose again, then let go and turned to leave. “Ow!! I was telling you the truth!” “I know.” Buffy said as she left Spike rubbed his nose and glared after her. “They don’t respect me. They pretend they do, but deep down they think I’m nothing.” Harmony was saying. She was talking to Dawn, who was chained to a wall with her wrists at head height. “I mean, I’m the one who put this group together. Me! But they treat me like I don’t even matter. Do you have any idea what that feels like? “ “A little.” Whining, Harmony said, “They have no idea how much pressure I’m under. I have to make all the hard decisions. And it’s hard!” Dawn gasped. Harmony turned to see Mort leading the other minions in, all wearing vampire faces. “Excuse me, I didn’t hear anybody knock.” “We’ve been talking it over, and we decided we don’t like this plan.” Scornfully Peaches said, “Except for Brad. He abstained.” Angrily, Harmony said, “Oh really? You have a plan you like better?” “We’re gonna feed on the girl and kill you.” Mort said. Dawn looked scared. “Maybe not in that order.” “I don’t think I like your attitude, Mort.” Then to the others. “Kill him for me.” The other minions didn’t move. Mort smirked. “All right. You’re all on my list.” She looked nervous as Mort advanced toward her. “Th-this isn’t fair. Okay, so things haven’t been perfect. I just need a little more time to grow into my leadership role.” “Time’s up.” Mort said. He grabbed her by the throat. Dawn watched fearfully as Cyrus walked toward her. Nervously, Dawn said, “Touch me and my sister’s gonna kill you.” Cyrus smirked and reached out one finger. He poked her on the shoulder and laughed. The other minions laughed too. Suddenly the point of a crossbow bolt shot through Cyrus from behind. He stopped laughing and turned to dust. Mort let go of Harmony and they both turned, as did the other minions, who were holding weapons. “Can’t say she didn’t warn him.” Buffy said. To Mort, Harmony said, “And you didn’t like the plan.” “Dawn, close your eyes.” Buffy said. Dawn did so. “So, Slayer, at last we meet.” Harmony said. “We’ve met, Harmony, you halfwit.” “I’m the halfwit? Um, excuse me, but look who’s fallen into my…” Peaches attacked Buffy with a large axe. She ducked his swing and staked him. As he turned to dust, Buffy grabbed the axe from him. Brad attacked, and Buffy chopped off his head. Dawn scrunched her eyes together tightly. “Trap.” Harmony finished. “Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad... you suck.” During this speech Mort moved around behind Buffy. Dawn opened her eyes and saw him. “Buffy, watch out!” Dawn called. Buffy turned and swung the axe but Mort knocked it out of her grasp and knocked her down. “Ooh, good shot, Mort, I think you got her on the…” Harmony said. Mort glared at her. Harmony laughed nervously, turned and ran away. Mort swung at Buffy; she punched him, grabbed a large stick and hit him with it. He punched her. She ducked a few more punches and landed one on him. Dawn struggled against her chains. Buffy kicked Mort a few times, he hit her a few times and she went down. He picked her up and threw her across the cave. She got up and they exchanged more punches and kicks. Mort grabbed Buffy by the neck and lifted her off the ground. One of her dangling feet hit something, she looked around and noticed a large unicorn statue nearby. Buffy shoved Mort away, landed on the ground, grabbed the unicorn and stabbed him through the heart with it. He turned to dust. Buffy scowled at the unicorn, then shrugged and put it down. Buffy strode toward Dawn, picking up the axe along the way. “You are going to be in so much trouble when we get home.” Buffy struck at the chains with the axe. “Yeah, well... I’m telling Mom you slayed in front of me.” “Fine. I’ll just tell her that you ran out of the house in the middle of the night,” another strike at the chains, “that you got Anya hurt,” another strike, “invited a vampire in,” strike, “got kidnapped....” Buffy and Dawn entered the kitchen through the backdoor, moving quietly, looking around guiltily. Just as Buffy closed the back door, Joyce came in the front door. “Sorry it ran so late. Everything, uh, go okay?” Joyce said as she walked into the kitchen. Buffy and Dawn looked at each other. “Yeah. Yeah, you know... I got the vamps and we watched some TV.” Buffy said. Joyce smiled, “Well, I know at least one of us who’s supposed to be in bed by now.” Dawn obediently kissed Joyce and exited. “Night.” Joyce said. “So how was the exhibit?” Opening the fridge, Joyce said, “Oh, it was fantastic.” Dawn looked back at them as she walked toward the stairs. Buffy probably would’ve gotten in way more trouble than me anyway. The next day, Dawn was sitting at a table, in the magic shop, writing in her diary. But I guess it was pretty okay of her not to say anything to Mom. Anya’s gonna be okay, and Xander wasn’t mad at me. So stuff mostly worked out. Buffy was leaning against the counter. “Giles, are you sure about this?” Buffy asked. Giles stood up behind the counter. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He asked. “Well, aside from the fact that most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap drummer... and, have you ever run a store before?” “I was a librarian for years. This is exactly the same, except people pay for the things they don’t return.” He came out from behind counter. “It’ll give me focus. Increase my resources. And it’ll prevent you lot from trampling all over my flat at all hours.” He and Buffy walked toward the back. “There may even be some space for you to train in the back.” “Boy, you’ve really thought this through. How bored were you last year?” “I watched Passions with Spike. Let us never speak of it.” Giles entered the backroom. Buffy followed him, laughing her wonderful, infectious, laugh. A Moment later she reappeared in the doorway. “Don’t. Break. Anything.” Buffy said to Dawn. Dawn gave her an exasperated look. Buffy went out, then came back in again. “Just don’t touch anything.” She left again. Not that Buffy’s really changed at all. Like she ever would. Buffy reappeared in the doorway. “What you’re doing right now, not moving?” Buffy made the ‘okay’ sign with her fingers. “Good. Keep doing that.” She exited again and for the last time. She still thinks I’m Little Miss Nobody, just her dumb little sister. Boy, is she in for a surprise.