1 comments/ 13887 views/ 10 favorites The Despero Intersection By: Ksennin JLA: The Despero Intersection by JR Based on the story by Giffen, DeMatteis and Hughes featured in the Justice League of America comic book. issues #37-#40. Now told without any damn censoring. PROLOGUE 1: ALWAYS READ THE FINE PRINT Somewhere by Neptune's orbit, a small, rather depressing-looking moon was shrouded by an enormous shadow. Slowly, the gargantuan object blocking the faint light of Sol, passed a few hundred miles to a side of the lifeless rock, whose cratered surface was mute witness to the passage of the gigantic artificial construct, as it soared inexorably through the apparent nothingness of space. "SPACE! THE FINAL FRONTIER..." "Sir, you are shouting again." "Oh, thank you, L-Ron," answered the tall, ornately armored Manga Khan, head of the galactic capitalistic Conglomerate, his long, silken cape flowing behind him as he walked, absentmindedly scratching his behind. "How long was it this time?" "A full ten minutes without talking out loud to yourself, My Lord," answered the small robot, his mechanical voice making a very acceptable facsimile of a sigh.. "Almost half an hour without any lengthy expository monologue." "Good. Good. I feel I am making great progress. Hey! What was that?" L-Ron's optical array peered at the fading flare of light seen through a side view port while he accessed the central mainframe. "Just a primitive artifact of the Earthlings that our gravitic flux field brushed aside. A robot probe, I believe." "Robot probe?" "I love it when you talk dirty, my Lord." "I can't believe it!" said a man dressed in a garish red and yellow costume, trailing behind Manga and L-Ron as he peered at a hand span-thick printout. "And I thought Apokolipsian legalese was thick!" "Ah! Mister Miracle!" said Khan opening his arms in a welcoming gesture. "Shouldn't you be resting for your lengthy tour?" "Khan! This is ridiculous!" complained Scott Free, best known as Mister Miracle, the master escape artist. "The wordplay here makes no sense at all. Mother Box almost fainted translating it." The living computer strapped to Mr. Miracle's arm 'pinged' weakly in agreement, while Khan chuckled with amusement. "Psion lawyers are indeed the best in all the Galaxy. Devious, cold-hearted fiends. I love their work. Stopped trying to read the contracts myself years ago." "By Highfather! According to this, a Citadel slave or an Armaghetto Hunger Dog has more rights and benefits than I do!" "Yes, yes, beautiful redaction indeed." "Look, you know I'll honor my obligations, no matter how much that idiot agent of mine shafted me, but I can't stay off-Earth this long without at least calling my Wife. And the Justice League, too." "Long-distance calls are not covered. Sorry." "For the Source's sake, even criminals get a phone call!" "Ah, but you are not even a criminal," Khan said. "You are just Talent. BWA-HA-HAAA-HA!" "You are laughing hysterically again, My Lord." "Oh. Thank you again, L-Ron. Good work." "That's why you pay me the Big Bucks, Sir." "Khan, you know what happened the last time," said Mr. Miracle. "My wife and the Justice League will again come looking for me, and all hell will break loose. You have no idea how Barda gets when she's pissed. Look, just let me call and tell her that I'll be a few months late for dinner and-" "Don't worry, Mr. Mira Culo-" "Miracle." "-You need not worry about your spouse and friends," continued L-Ron. "As specified in line six of paragraph ten of page five of Clause 73a, a fully functional android duplicate has been provided to fill in for all your duties on Earth for the duration." "A robot? You expect my wife and friends to be fooled by a robot?" "Worked for Elvis." "I really, really need to change agents," Scott muttered, looking again at the massive document. "The tie-in merchandise sucks, too. Crappy ToyFare action figures... And a Mr. Miracle all-purpose toilet brush?" He sighed. It was going to be a long tour. The gigantic construct continued its travel, oblivious to the complains of the organic life inside its mammoth frame, all such concerns insignificant to its all-consuming mission of making a sizable profit. "And just what exactly did you mean by 'fully functional'?" PROLOGUE 2: LEST OL' ACQUAINTANCES BE FORGOT The NASA probe sputtered, circuits overloading. He knew not how long it had taken to draw the scattered fragments of his essence back into a semblance of self. It could have been minutes or eons. To his sensory deprived consciousness, it had felt like an eternity. An eternity to nurture his hate. Reshaping a body was a lot easier than reassembling his mind had been. He only needed energy, and the sudden power surge of the pathetic Earthling device was enough to start the process. The power of his hate would be enough to continue. *THERE. I CAN SENSE THEM. CLOSE, SO CLOSE.* The objects of his hate were within reach. He felt his body grow stronger in the knowledge. Crackling with power, the creature's still embryonic body sped toward the inner planets, leaving behind him the ruin of the Earthling probe. *MY HATE MUST HAVE EXPRESSION.* ********************************************** The two baffled NASA technicians who received the probe's last transmissions minutes later, chose discretion as a career move. ************************************** PART ONE: SHE'S GOT THE LOOK "Oh-My-God!" "Mmm... Hubba-hubba." "You're recording this, right?" "You bet." "I just got religion. This is irrefutable proof that there's a God," whimpered Blue Beetle, drooling rather literally. "How else can you explain something so, so... PERFECT?" "Just look at those legs, man. Long, smooth, muscular, but not too thick..." said Booster Gold. "And that ass! Ouch... Who needs bracelets? That butt can deflect gunfire for sure." "Butt? I haven't reached there yet!" said Beetle. "Can't take my eyes off the tits. Damn, even Fire's rack can't compare to that." "Not as big as Power Girl or Scott's wife, I think, but much more prominent and high-set." "How can those jugs even fit in there? How big you guess those babies are?" "Mmm... About 38D." "No way! Look at 'em, those gotta be at least a forty inch set! Look at how plump and round they are!" "Exactly, you idiot. It's not the size. You can see tits twice as big in any strip club-" "You can? Where?" "-but they just look gross, man. It's the shape and proportion that counts, how naturally round and high-" "And firm but still jiggly..." gasped Beetle, biting his knuckles. "She has a broad back and a very narrow waist, too. That makes it all look even more impressive." "That top has no straps or anything. Just how the hell does it stay on?" "Um, you're right. That's one mayor superpower there." "Can you zoom in a bit? I think I can notice the nipples." "You weren't breast-fed as a baby, right? Stop obsessing over individual parts, man! It's the complete package that matters! Look at that face! That hair!" "Can't help it. I'm a mammal," whined Beetle. "Look at them. There can't be a greater pair of boobs in the whole world." "I can think of a pair right in front of me," said a deep voice behind them. Booster and Beetle both turned around instantly, the monitor room chairs swiveling to face the tall, imposing green figure of J'onn J'onzz, the Martian Manhunter. "Uh-Hi, J'onn, how's it hanging?" said Beetle with a way too eager, way too toothy smile. "I may hang the two of you if you cannot behave yourselves," said J'onn, his eyes narrowed menacingly below his protruding Martian brow. Inside, however, J'onn smiled. Irritating as the behavior of the team's resident comedians could be, it was hard to remain angry for long. "The monitors are not for staring at a visitor's anatomy." "Shouldn't we always check for uh, concealed weapons or something? Just in that cleavage..." "Beetle, please show some respect." "Aw, come on, you know I'm always a perfect gentleman," said Beetle, while Booster wished very hard to vanish into the JLI Embassy's carpeting. "Yes, Beetle, and the video camera Fire found in her shower was just a mistake, I am sure." "You bet! It should have been hidden a lot better. Uh-Anyway, Kilowog did it." "Kilowog is not an Earthling, Beetle, why would he have any interest in Fire's unclothed form?" "Maybe he was hungry or something? You've seen how that guy eats." "Uh," volunteered Booster. "Perhaps Kilowog was just beefing up security and couldn't tell apart the different types of rooms, being an alien and all, you know." "Are you implying that all non-Earthlings are ignorant fools?" J'onn asked softly, his seven feet of massive green muscles towering over his teammates' sitting figures. "No, no! Culture shock. That's what I meant." "Well, you two may be in for some mayor shocks if you embarrass us again, understood?" J'onn glanced at the monitor screen showing the Embassy's foyer, where League administrators Maxwell Lord and Oberon were greeting Princess Diana of the Amazons, better known worldwide as Wonder Woman. She was dressed in her usual brief attire homaging the American flag colors, with golden-plated bustier and star-spangled bottom, plus knee-high boots, tiara and bracelets. She was carrying a small duffel bag, too. With a casual psychokinetic pulse, J'onn turned the monitor off. "Alright, Booster, you come with me to greet the Princess," J'onn said. "Beetle, you remain here on monitor duty. Try to stay out of trouble." "On, man, no!" Beetle pouted. "That's not fair! Why Booster and not me?" "Good point. You both stay here, then." ********************************************** "It would be a pleasure to have you stay with us, Wonder Woman," Maxwell Lord said, while he shook hands with the beautiful Amazon Princess. "The Justice League's Embassies are open at all times for you." "Thank you, Mr. Lord," Wonder Woman answered with a dazzling smile, shouldering the duffel bag she carried. "It is only for a couple of days, until I can address the United Nations committee." *That must have been practiced. No one could smile like THAT just on natural talent,* Max thought, smiling himself with well-polished charm. A successful life in high finance, and his recent handling of the new Justice League International, had allowed Max to meet more than his share of the most beautiful women in the world. Few could compare to the bright-eyed young woman now facing him, but at least he could avoid staring. Oberon tried to do the same, but he lacked Max's nonchalance, as well as his height. Being less than four feet tall, he had to step back and crane his neck to better look at the girl's face past the prominence of her bust, as he sought to find an innocuous angle of sight. No easy task, he realized. There was a lot to stare at on that girl. *Crotch's right in front of my face, for God's sake! And that damned star-spangled bottom could hardly be skimpier!* Oberon thought, shifting on his feet uneasily, sticking his hands into the pockets of his pleated pants to make his growing erection less noticeable. It was not like him to behave this way, he chided himself. *So she's cute and has nice tits? Big deal, Fire's always around half naked, too, and Scott's wife's not called Big Barda just 'cause she's tall.* "Nonsense, you are welcome to stay for as long as you wish," Max said, leading her to the drawing room. "We were quite devastated when you resigned from our European branch, after the Extremists' situation. Your presence was such a great asset." *Boy, Max's really laying it on thick,* Oberon thought, feeling relieved as they all sat down, and he could place his hands over his lap. "I have been too busy to commit to a group, Mr. Lord. But I would be happy to help the League whenever I can." "If you're going back into our reserve line-up, we should give you a new signal device, Wonder Woman," Oberon commented, looking up nervously as she crossed her legs gracefully. *Jeez, not even Black Canary had legs like that...* "Oh, please call me Diana," she said, smiling at him. "Thank you." "Oberon, I, uh, am Oberon," he said in a voice that threatened to break, feeling dumbstruck by her smile. "Like the Faerie?" "Fairy?" Oberon asked, frowning. "The Lord of the Faerie realm. The playwright Shakespeare featured him in a play in the English language, did he not? As well as a character named after my mother, Hypolita." *Jesus on a pogo stick. All that and brains, too.* "You should catch up on your reading some dreamless midsummer night, Oberon," said J'onn J'onzz with a smile as he walked into the room. "Princess." "J'onn!," Diana said, rising up to warmly take his hands into hers. "I had not seen you since the Invasion." "It is good to have you here without need for a crisis, Princess." "Hello, I am Scott Free, Mister Miracle, the world's greatest escape artist." "Yes, we had met, Mr. Free," said Diana, as she shook hands with the red-and-yellow garbed figure who had just walked in, following J'onn. J'onn glanced at Mister Miracle with some confusion. He had not felt Scott walking behind him. Scott's mind was typically much more guarded than a normal Earthling's, and J'onn always kept his telepathic senses politely restrained among friends, yet to be fully unaware of a mental presence was very unusual. "Scotty, my boy," Oberon said, cheerfully. "Weren't you supposed to be starting that foreign tour today? Or did that lousy agent blow it again?" "I could find you better representation," Max volunteered. "The tour will go as scheduled." Mister Miracle told Oberon flatly, with none of the warmth he usually reserved for his old friend and former assistant. "There is nothing wrong." "Hey, Scott's here, too," another voice interrupted. "Beetle, weren't you two supposed to remain on monitor duty?," asked J'onn with a resigned tone. "Kilowog dropped by and relieved us," said Beetle with a shameless smile as he stepped forward to shake Wonder Woman's hand, sucking in his gut as much as he could. "Miss Woman, uh, Princess Di, so glad to have you here." >>>Beetle, try not to drool on the Princess's boots, please. *I can't hump her leg, either?* thought Beetle in reply, his smile threatening to outgrow his face, while he made a conscious but not too strenuous effort to avoid peeking at the Amazon's cleavage. "Your Highness," said Booster, nudging Beetle aside with his shoulder as he bent to kiss her hand, running through his mind a myriad pick-up lines never yet heard in the 20th Century, before finally settling for an aged classic of lameness. "You honor us with your presence." "There really is no need for such formality-" said Diana, feeling very embarrassed. "Beetle, it'll take half an hour more to rewire all monitors to record in X-ray," said the hugely muscled, eight-foot-tall former Green Lantern called Kilowog, entering the room with his toolbox in hand. "Oh, hullo, Miss," he added, wiping his oversized hand on his greasy denim overalls before offering it to the surprised Wonder Woman. J'onn sighed. Sometimes it was hard to tell if they were all playacting or being fools sincerely. Often he couldn't see any difference. *At least Gardner is not here to make things worse,* he thought. "Hey! Miss Wonder Boobs's here!" exclaimed Guy Gardner as he walked by the corridor, a six-pack of beer in one hand and a plain brown package in the other. "Now why doesn't anyone inform me of shit like that? I woulda taken a bath or sumthin'!" And then the sprinklers turned on. ************************************** PART TWO: COME ON BABY, LIGHT MY FIRE Her trembling lips were soft, and sweeter than the fondly remembered candy of one's youth. She was at first hesitant in returning the kiss, her shyness making her even more adorable, but gradually she gave in to the caress, her small mouth opening in gentle surrender. Her lips and tongue moved in a slow dance of desire and as the kiss became more and more intense and involved. She began to breathe heavily with eager anticipation as the kisses traveled from her lips to her sensitive neck, and then began to move downwards slowly, in a maddening progression of delicious teasing. She moaned softly as lips brushed tenderly the edge of an aureole, drawing careful circles around the rosy nipple without touching the small nub. When the nipple had hardened in aching need, the caress switched to her other breast, repeating the process and the change again and again until she could not help but push out her chest in silent supplication, almost painfully aware of her nipples' hardness. She then let out a soft gasp as the excited buds were finally touched, teeth biting lightly first on one and then the other, gently worrying the erect buds. She blushed then as she felt her lover's oral caress leave her small, firm breasts and move down her torso, to linger for a few moments on the navel before heading even lower. "No, don't..." she complained with very little conviction, before complying with the silent but insistent request of the hands asking her to spread her legs, to expose her sex to the incoming pleasure. She held her breath in expectation as she felt the soft white hairs of her neatly trimmed pubis being playfully nuzzled by a nose, her sensitive skin feeling the warmth of the breathing of her lover. She almost cried out then as she felt the first feathery touch on her sex, as lips caressed lips with slow and skillful motions, while gentle hands ran over the smooth skin of her thighs and hips, subtly hinting at the promise of even greater pleasures. An able tongue worked her outer labia and probed her moist slit, while fingers slid carefully along her perineum, caressing the base of the labia and the rosy entrance to her anus, and played around the hood covering the erect clitoris, teasingly avoiding direct contact with the love button itself. She moaned and whimpered with rising desire as the pleasure grew, flooding her loins with exquisite warmth. "Aaaah...!" she cried out, as her clitoris was finally caressed by the flick of the tongue pleasuring her, and a finger probed with care the entrance to her vagina. She did little more than tremble and moan for the next few minutes as the pleasure rose, each instant taking her to a higher level of excitement than before, far beyond what she ever believed possible, taking on an almost manic urgency. The pleasure had grown from a languid, softly pleasant warmth to an all-consuming inferno, as if every single nerve had been bared raw and ignited by flames that could not be denied, that threatened to overcome her very sense of being, as if her whole existence could be swallowed by her desperate need for release. "OH, BEA!" Ice cried out in ecstasy as she finally reached climax, her orgasm overwhelming her body and mind with a power that her slender, delicate frame seemed unable to contain. Her hands clenched with unusual strength on handfuls of the luxurious curls of her lover's hair as she rode out her orgasm, her voice breaking as her whimpers and cries filled her room in the Justice League's Embassy. Beatriz DaCosta, the Brazilian heroine known as Fire, smiled with pleased satisfaction, ignoring the weakening pulls on her hair as Ice convulsed in what was perhaps the lovely girl's first orgasm ever. With loving tenderness, she pressed her check against Ice's still trembling thigh, kissing her on the soft juncture of leg and pubis, while letting her hands caress the smooth skin of belly and leg until she felt the convulsions fade completely. As Ice lay gasping on her back, Fire slid from between the open legs of her lover and moved up to embrace her, the caramel-colored body of the well-tanned Brazilian bombshell contrasting beautifully with the flushed skin of the dazed Nordic girl. The Despero Intersection "That wasn't so bad, was it?" Fire asked, breathing on Ice's ear, as she hugged her closer, relishing the contact of the young girl's still-trembling body. "Oh, Bea..." Ice whispered, blushing. "We're sure now that ice powers or not, you're certainly not frigid," Fire said with a wicked grin. Ice blushed even deeper, her usually creamy pale skin red with both her embarrassment and her recent excitement. In lieu of an answer, she kissed Fire with that shy devotion that Beatriz found so irresistible. They continued kissing, remaining still in each other's arms for a long time, savoring the moment. "I had never thought it would be like that," Ice volunteered in a whisper, after what had seemed like an eternity of rapturous embrace, blushing again at the daring of her words. "And it only gets better, believe me," Fire answered, smiling broadly, while she mussed Ice's short, platinum blonde hair. "The intensity is almost scary..." Ice added timidly, breathing deeply. "It is not the same for everyone, you know," Fire explained, rolling to a side and stretching sensuously. "Who knows? Maybe us, young, beautiful and superpowered, have it better than anyone else!" "Don't go," Ice said. "Hold me a while longer." "Sure, Tora," Fire said, pulling her friend close. "What is scary is to think that you never tried it before on your own." "I don't know. I was afraid, I guess..." Ice mumbled. "My parents always..." "Shhh..." Fire hushed her. Ice seemed so much like a normal girl that it was easy to forget that she came from an isolated Northern community of weird mystic origins. Still, it was hard to believe that even an Artic goddess had never ever tried to masturbate, much less have sex. *Amazing... Sometimes I think I was barely out of diapers when I started myself,* Beatriz thought. They had been close friends ever since Ice had joined the Global Guardians, and thought it had always been obvious that Ice's demure innocence was fully sincere, Beatriz had still been shocked to recently realize that her friend was still a virgin in every sense of the word. Fetching naiveté aside, it was a damn waste of such a lovely sweet thing, Fire had thought, and when that Gardner jerk had begun to hit on poor misguided Tora, Beatriz had instantly decided that she would not let that pig ruin her friend's first time. His idea of romance probably included a sleazy porn movie and a truckload of beer, she knew, and he could have easily ruined Tora's appreciation of sex forever. *I should have done this sooner.* Fire had enjoyed sex with other women ever since the first experimentation at high school, but she had always been too fond of men in general to consider herself a lesbian. Such need for labels struck her as ridiculous, anyway. Still, she knew that had never felt as close, as intimate, with a man, as she felt with Tora. They were much more than just friends, or even sisters. They were complete opposites that complemented each other much like the whimsical play on words of their codenames indicated. That they had never made love before now seemed extremely stupid. "I love you, Bea," Ice said, a twinge of fear in her voice, her body tensing noticeably. "I love you, too, Tora," Beatriz whispered back, kissing her brow, smiling as she felt her relax again in their embrace. "Can I now do it for you, too?" Ice asked. ************************************** "Higher... There... Mmm... Nibble, just there..." "Like this?" "Don't talk with your mouth full. A bit harder," Fire instructed. "Oh, yes!-Your finger -slide it in now, and press up - No, arch it a bit -Yes! Mmm..." Fire moaned in pleased delight as Ice's fingers and tongue pleasured her with eager enthusiasm. She felt entranced by the sight of the lovely Ice nestled between her legs, those pure blue eyes closed while she licked and sucked on Beatriz's sex. But while Tora was doing fine, despite her inexperience, and Beatriz enjoyed the sense of power of telling her exactly what to do, still she felt like she was missing something. "Don't rush," Fire said, cupping her breasts and playing with her large, dark nipples. "Just do it like you like it yourself, um, like you would want it done to you... Mmmm... That's the idea." Fire breathed hard and fast, moaning without inhibitions, as Ice's caresses took her to even higher excitement. She felt so close to orgasm, her sweat-covered body aching for culmination. She bit her lower lip in lustful longing, But while the pleasure continued undiminished, Fire began to feel frustrated as she seemed no closer than before to climax. She probably was too nervous, she thought, but she just seemed unable to reach the peak she needed. "Faster, Tora, harder," Fire demanded, gritting her teeth. "Damn!" she cursed in Portuguese. "Am I doing it wrong?" Ice asked, measureless hurt in her eyes. "No, you're just perfect, amor. It's me..." Fire sighed. "You wouldn't have a dildo around? Oh, stupid of me-forget I asked-" "I could improvise something." "Uh?" Before Beatriz's surprised eyes, ice began to form in Tora's hands, taking a long, cylindrical shape. "Wow..." Fire muttered. Ice clearly had some very idealized ideas of a man's penis. But this surely had potential. ******************************************* "What? You flared? Again? In Ice's room?" asked Beetle incredulously, while water fell all around them from the sprinklers on the corridor's ceiling. "Why?" "It just happened, ok?" Fire answered irritably. "You think I wanted to torch Ice's room, too?" "Man, first you incinerate your whole room over a cat, and a day later-" "It startled me! It was a damn ugly cat!" "Well, Gardner's ugly as sin, too, and I don't see you freaking around him," Beetle countered. "Not more than we all do, anyway." "Don't pick on Guy," Ice complained timidly, trying hard to cover herself from head to toe with the charred remains of her comforter. "This wasn't his fault. I..." "I had just cleaned!" protested Beetle. "Now the whole Embassy is soaked again!" "You think I enjoyed burning up everything I owned?" Fire asked, trying to keep in place the skimpy towel barely covering her. "Maybe you did it just to have an excuse to go shopping again!" "Shopping? I spent my last dime yesterday! I can't even afford lipstick!" "Oh, Bea, I am so sorry..." Ice said, looking down, her face flushed. "Oh, seems like Kilowog found the controls already," Beetle said, as the water stopped, looking up redundantly. "Tora, it wasn't your fault, I - Oh, mierda! I burned all your stuff too. Now we don't have a fucking thing to put on!" "You really didn't fit into my things, anyway. You really stretched all those tops..." "Yeah, whatever," said Beetle. "I'll get you gals some robes or something. Jeez, Max's really going to love this." Fire looked incredulously as Beetle hurried down the corridor, going for the stairs. "Something's wrong." "You'll soon learn to control your newly enhanced powers, Bea, I'm sure." "I didn't mean that," Fire said, frowning. "I'm standing here all wet, buck naked but for a towel that barely covers half my tits, I say that we have both become enforced nudists... And Beetle runs off to find us something to put on? That doesn't make any sense." "I think it's very nice of him..." "Exactly. That's why it's all wrong." "Why?" "That idiot has never missed the smallest chance to leer at some exposed flesh, and now he's a perfect gentleman? Just what the hell is happening here?" ************************************** PART THREE: SOMETHING'S WRONG IN THIS HOUSE TODAY "Here, have a towel." "No, have this one, please." "Mine's cleaner!" "Thank you both," Wonder Woman said politely, taking Booster's offering. "See? Women just despise pathetic grovelers," a smiling Booster whispered to Beetle. "You'll never get any being desperate." "Diana, I'll take you to your room and you can change there," said J'onn, glowering at Booster and Beetle. "Some people should get busy before there is serious water damage." "You alone are dry, J'onn," Princess Diana said, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, sorry. As a Martian, it still feels a bit of an extravagant indulgence to be all wet, so I must have unconsciously shielded myself psychokinetically." "See? That finally explains the smell!" Beetle said with a grin, turning towards Booster. "Allow me to apologize, Diana. I should have kept you and the others dry, too," J'onn continued. "My Armani would have been grateful..." mumbled Maxwell Lord, walking off, towel in hand. "Well! It figures!" said Fire, walking in, wearing a white terry-cloth bathrobe that may have fit her at age ten. The stare she leveled at the Amazon Princess could have easily withered up plant life or livestock. "I can dry you off with my power ring, Toots," said Guy Gardner, looking over the wet Amazon. "Just let me take off those wet things first and-" "I knew it! I knew it!" Fire said. "You could've used your ring to keep off the water in the first place, Guy," Oberon interrupted, rather miffed that the sudden shower had not improved at all his embarrassing condition. "Made a giant green umbrella or something. Of course that would have required brains, so..." "You onna death wish, Half-Pint?" Guy snarled. "Or did the water shrink your wits to match your body?" >>>>ENOUGH! "Please follow me, Diana," J'onn said in a soft voice amidst the sudden silence. "I hope you can forgive this childish behavior. The Earthling male brain seem to instantly turn off in the presence of a beautiful woman." "No problem," Diana replied, blushing, as she began to walk up the main stairs. J'onn J'onzz stood still for an instant, before following the Amazon. *'Beautiful woman'? Did I really say that?* J'onn asked himself with embarrassed amazement. "I'll go fix up some hot chocolate for her," said Beetle, running for the kitchen. "An omelet! You can never go wrong with an omelet!" added Booster, following him. "Ah, fuck it," spat Gardner. "My beer's getting warm. I'll better deal with it." "Good riddance," Oberon said. "I'll go clean up, maybe another shower... You comin', Scott?" "Uh, ah, no..." said Mister Miracle, his full bodysuit completely soaked. His eyes seemed unfocused, and he seemed unable to decide on which foot to settle his weight. "Oberon, dear," said Fire, with a mischievous smile that would have made Mae West proud. "I took this robe from your closet. I hope you don't mind." "Mmm? Oh, sure. Use it." "How does it look on me?," she asked, leaning forward and to a side, displaying generous amounts of skin. "Oh, fine, I guess," Oberon answered, shrugging. "Excuse me, I'm getting cold." "Oh, great. THANK YOU!" Beatriz spat, and began to curse in gutter Portuguese through gritted teeth while Oberon left. "Was that Wonder Woman?" asked Ice as she walked down the stairs, buttoning a loose-fitting man's shirt over drawstring pajama pants patterned with funny animals. "Gee, I had forgotten how tall she is." "What else could scramble like that the meager brains of these prepubescent idiots?" Fire answered dryly. "Silicone, baby, and lots of it." "Silicone?" "You bet." "Bea, I don't think-" "It's all silicone, believe me, I know that subject," Fire huffed. "And she has no hips. Real women should have hips." "Really? She actually seems very curvy for such an athletic type." "HA! She's had enough liposuction to allow an army of plastic surgeons early retirement. And look at that outfit! Her tits must pop out every five minutes. Doesn't that spell 'slut' to you?" "Didn't you tell me that if you had it, you should flaunt it? "It's different! I was talking about US!" "Why does she make you angry, Bea? I like her. She's nice." "OH, SURE! YOU TOO! EVERYONE THINKS SHE'S NICE!" Fire said, smoke beginning to rise from her skin quite literally. "I could walk in here naked, with 'Please fuck me' tattooed on my ass, and they would all just talk about HOW NICE SHE IS!" "You don't need to be jealous, Bea." Ice said, frowning with concern. "Jealous? Me? Of that fat cow? DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH!" "But-" "Those types are just image. I bet she's lousy in bed. And all those Amazons are surely dykes, too!" Ice looked at Fire for an instant, and then she simply turned around and walked out. *Oh, shit,* Fire thought, feeling like a complete idiot. She stomped her bare foot on the wet carpet and turned around to see Mister Miracle standing with a lost look on his face. "What the fuck are you looking at?" "I am Scott Free, Mister Miracle, the world's greatest-" he began uncertainly. "I know that, you moron," Fire interrupted. "Why're you standing there like an idiot? The nice star-spangled girl get to you?" "Excuse me?" "Are you daydreaming about getting into Little Ms. Perfect's starry panties, too?" "No," he answered. "Should I?" "You wouldn't want to bed Wonder Woman?" "No. Should I?" "So you don't think she's prettier than me?" "No-" "AT LAST! A man with good taste!" "-Should I?" "You bet NOT!" Fire smiled, and got very, very close to him. "You aren't saying that only 'cause you're married, right? "No. Should I?" "So you wouldn't really prefer to sleep with Wonder Woman there than with... let's say, me?" "No. Should I?" "You know, I'd never noticed before, but you're kinda cute, besides being smart...," Fire said in a low, throaty voice, running a finger over his broad shoulders. "It's such a pity that you're married, Scott, there're so many things I could've shown you." "What things?" "You're not afraid to find out?" Fire said, letting her hand go lower. "No. Should I?" ******************************************* "Thank you, J'onn," Diana said with another of her radiant smiles at the door. "I'll see you later." "Uh, yes," J'onn said. He suddenly felt a strong urge to offer help in unzipping her top, so he turned around and left. "Later." J'onn breathed out slowly as the guest room's door closed behind him. Kilowog was standing there, a strangely modified vacuum in hand, as he sucked the moisture from the carpeting. His Walkman was playing some Reggae. "Got any Oreos?" J'onn asked. "Sure," Kilowog answered, producing an opened package from a pocket of his coveralls. "Still a few there. Go easy on them." J'onn sighed, nibbling on the cookie carefully, mindful to make it last, knowing he had promised himself to cut back. "She's cute, eh?" "Uh?" "I mean, she's too damned thin, for sure. Needs a couple hundred pounds more on them bones," Kilowog said. "But I dunno, I still find her kinda cute. Oh, well. Keep the stash, man." He shrugged and went on, mumbling the words to a Marley song. J'onn frowned. Kilowog found Diana 'cute'? The massive alien's idea of cuteness started around Sumo wrestler levels. This both relieved and worried him. It meant Booster and Beetle were not getting to him and he was not going crazy. There was indeed something about Diana. Entering his own room, J'onn fought off the urge to finish the Oreos, sat down lotus-like on his bed, relaxing both mind and body, letting his adopted form revert to his true shape, as he let his vision turn inwards. Yes. The spark of desire was fading now, but it was still there. It was a surprising realization. As a Martian, J'onn had always lacked any physical interest in human females. His shape-shifting powers allowed him to mimic humanity exactly, and his natural shape was basically humanoid, too, but even the huge Kilowog was in many ways more human-like than him. While Martian sexuality was also bipolar, it had no fixed genders for individuals, and J'onn's typical use of a male human-like shape was just a matter of convenience. His being sexually attracted to a human female was an absurd notion. He was certainly not used to having an erection. *Heavens, has it been THAT long?* He had from their first meeting found Diana very interesting, recognizing her as an extraordinary individual. But it was one thing to admire her spirit and another to feel crude physical attraction. Had it always been there and he had noticed it only in the present casual circumstances? It was all very disturbing. Going deeper into his self, he sought to isolate the exact source of the physical reaction, but failed. After some thought, he let his mind flow outwards and sought Wonder Woman's room. He could feel her mind there, clear and bright as always, but he could not feel any telepathic coercion field surrounding her. This needed investigating. The League was enough of a mess already. Sex could make everything worse. ************************************** PART FOUR: THAT OL' BLACK MAGIC "Just relax and enjoy it, honey." Fire carefully lifted the soft penis, placing her slightly opened mouth on its side, letting her lips brush along its length as she moved slowly from tip to base and back again, exhaling softly as she did so, letting her breath caress the member as much as her lips. She moved back slightly and placed the member so its glans touched her red, pouting lips, and proceeded to guide it over the contours of her mouth, as if using a lipstick, finishing the caress with a gentle touch of her tongue. She then slid her tongue along the shaft's underside, from the tip, to its fully hairless base, coating the hand span of soft flesh with her saliva. As she ran her tongue along the rim of the glans, delighting in its perfect smoothness, she also noticed that his circumcision was truly unnoticeable. It was as if the foreskin had never existed at all. She was pleasantly surprised by the cleanliness of Mister Miracle's penis. It lacked the slightest trace of those disagreeable smells or tastes of even her most hygiene-conscious lovers, yet she didn't feel the faint residues of soap and water of the recently washed. Even the hairless scrotum tasted impeccably, she noticed. And there were no evidences of shaving, either. Thinking back with disgust at the filthy things some morons had expected her to take in her mouth, she could not help but relish such a perfectly kept penis. Knowing men, it was indeed a miracle. She teased it for a while longer, caressing shaft and head with lips, tongue and hands, before finally opening her mouth to take it inside. She moved down on it, letting its length run over her tongue, while her descending lips enclosed its diameter, and then began to slide back and forth, gently applying suction on it. *Let's see that pampered Amazon beat me at this,* Fire thought, as she worked her considerable skills on Mister Miracle. Yet he still remained soft. Fire frowned. She had seen this before. Married men often let their guilt get it the way. "Don't worry, dear. It's ok. Just leave it to me." It meant she had to work a bit harder, she thought, and continued her ministrations with passion, seeking to provide him with as much pleasure as possible. Long minutes later, Mister Miracle's cock, saliva dripping from its whole reddened length, slid out of Fire's tired lips. Still soft. "Damn it! What is the matter with you?" she protested, seething with frustration. Her tongue felt leaden, her knees hurt from kneeling on the bare floor of the linen closet, and still this sorry piece of dead cock failed to react. "Do you know how many men would dream of having me blow them?" "No. How many?" "Lots! LOTS! Look at me! I'm HOT!" Fire raged, stiffly getting up. "Are you fucking impotent or what? No wonder Barda looks pissed all the time!" "Impotent? No. I am fully functional." "Yeah? Then get that cock hard, dammit!" The Despero Intersection "As you wish." Fire's eyes opened wide. "Wow. That's better. That's a LOT better!" ************************************** "Jeez... What did you cook? A mastodon?" Oberon asked in disbelief. When Kilowog decided to cook, the leftovers could feed the rest of them for a week. But this seemed to hint that he may have been dieting previously. "I didn't even know we had pots this big." "It's for her, you know," Kilowog answered. "She really needs to put some weight on." ******************************************* Princess Diana was nude, as she often was when alone, down on the carpeted floor, legs spread out casually in a 180 degrees stretch, her torso bent forward at the waist, back arched, as she leaned on her elbows, reading with interest the copy of Tsu Tzun's ART OF WAR open on the floor before her. She wondered if Maxwell Lord could help her get a copy in the original Mandarin language. As she heard the knocking on the door, she rose up in one single, fluid motion. With thoughtless grace, she took from a chair a white T-shirt and denim shorts, and slid them on, before striding to the door. "Oh, hello, Oberon." "Uh, he-hello, Princess," Oberon stammered, looking up, hands discreetly on his lap. *Oh, boy. She's not wearing a bra.* "Diana," she reminded him, with a smile. "Diana, yes. Dinner'll be ready inna short while," he said, trying to find something to look at on his shoes without seeming rude. "I, uh, everyone, was wondering if you'd join us." ************************************** "Damn. She's not wearing a bra," Beetle whispered, immediately zooming in on the image on the corridor's monitor screen. "She clearly doesn't need a bra," Booster added, awed. "Those are the air conditioning controls. Yeah, those. See if you can make it colder in there.* ************************************** "Oh, yes. Thank you. I'll be glad to," Diana answered. "Just let me get dressed less casually." ************************************** "NO! NO! NO!" "YOU'RE FINE LIKE THAT!" "YOU BET SHE'S FINE!" "OH, CRAP! DON'T CLOSE THE DOOR!" "Damn..." breathed out Beetle. "Damn..." agreed Booster. "We need to get cameras on that room." "Shit, man! She must be changing right now. She may even be about to shower!" "Hum..." "Hum what?" "I still have the mini-cam they took off Fire's shower." "So, what are you thinking about?" "You remember Porky's, and all those sexploitation flicks?" "I know my classics. So?" ************************************** Oberon walked down the corridor, wiping sweat off his wide forehead. *Somebody really has to tell that girl that she needs looser clothing. MUCH looser clothing.* He stopped, startled, as he heard a loud noise somewhere to his right. *The linen closet?* He tried to open the door but it was locked. He frowned, and scratched behind his left ear. He did not remember locking it. With a shrug, he went on. Surely no self-respecting supervillain would hide in the linen closet. *Hopefully it ain't that damned cat, making a mess again.* ************************************** Fire tried hard to catch her breath, holding on with effort to the shelves, rumpled sheets and towels scattered all around her, drenched with her sweat. Her legs felt about to cramp. "Oh-My-God," she gasped in Portuguese, looking down in disbelief. "You're still hard?" "Yes. Shouldn't I?" "No-no! I'm not complaining! Just let me get my second wind...! Is everyone on New Genesis like this?" ************************************** "Beetle, do you copy me?" "Shut the fuck up!" whispered Beetle. "The volume control's busted. You almost took my ear off." "Position?" "What do you think this is? Mission Impossible? I'm now over the drop ceiling. The bathroom is right below." "Is she in?" "Nope. Empty," Beetle replied on his mask-mounted mike, trying to hold on to the utility piping while removing a mini-drill from his tool belt. "I'm drilling through the ceiling. Ok. Placing the camera. Check the range." "Ok. I have a clear view. Good work. Now get outta there." "Going. Ouch!" "What?" "Hit my head. Damn, why did I have to this instead of you?" "I can't even program the VCR, remember? Besides, don't Beetles crawl through cracks and things?" "I'll crawl up your crack if you don't pipe down. OWWW! Shit! Hit an elbow." "What about proportionate Beetle strength and agility?" "It's just a costume, you moron. You're thinking about the Spider guy in the comics." "Oh, yeah. The one with a supermodel wife he leaves alone at night." "AH! Sucker!" both said at once. ************************************** "Diana, could we talk for a minute?" said J'onn J'onzz, catching up with Wonder Woman near the stairs. "In private?" "Sure," answered Diana, raising an eyebrow. "Is there any problem?" J'onn glanced at her. She had her long hair in a simple ponytail, and was wearing plain sandals, denim jeans that fit loose around her waist yet were tight around her muscular thighs and buttocks, and a flowing white loose blouse to accommodate her full bust and wide back. *She is not wearing a brassiere.* "Um, not yet.. not really. There's just something I'd like to discuss, a somewhat personal matter..." "Oh, alright. Should we go back to my room?" J'onn blinked twice. "Uh, the meeting room will do better, I think." ************************************** "It's too late. She must have gone in before you got it set," Booster said. "Search the corridors instead." "Wait! Door's opening!" The screen showed a figure walk in, wearing only a thong-like bottom, and sporting a reddish bowl-haircut. "THAT'S GARDNER, YOU IDIOT! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU GOT THE WRONG BATH! "Oh, shit." "YOU SUCK!" "OH, YEAH? YOU GET UP THERE NEXT TIME!" "YOU BET I'LL...! - Wait, what's Guy doing?" "Let me zoom in," Beetle said, grumbling. "He's... Oh, man." "That's pathetic..." "Lousy technique, too." "Is that BIG JUGS magazine?" "Why, I didn't figure you for a connoisseur." "Turn that off, man. It sickens me." "I dunno, it's got car wreck appeal. What's that he's doing now-? OH, MAN! LOOK AT THAT!" "AGH, GROSS!" "THAT'S SICK!" "I think I'm gonna barf..." "Man, I thought nothing Gardner did could ever surprise me, but..." "You are recording this, right?" "You bet." ************************************** "So your metahuman powers are mystically based?" "The gods of Olympus blessed me at birth," Diana explained. "Demeter, Hestia, Aphrodite, Artemis, Palas Athena, and Hermes gave me gifts of power: strength, speed, flight, endurance, to be used upon need." "You need to call on these 'gifts', then?" "I will them into action, yes. Some, like resistance to injury, I have learned to summon automatically." "These are all physical manifestations," J'onn said, thoughtfully. "But my understanding is that the entities of the Greek Pantheon also represented other qualities." "Yes, of course. So?" "Have you noticed that men behave oddly around you, Diana?" Diana frowned. "Most of men's behavior seems odd to me, J'onn. Stupid and self-destructive. That is why I'm here in Patriarch's World, after all." "Yes, but... Well, I meant..." J'onn began, seeking the right words. "Have you noticed that men react very strongly to you - physically...?" "Oh! Sexually, you mean?" J'onn felt his face turn warm. "Um, yes." "Of course I notice it," Diana replied, smiling. "I found it baffling at first, even embarrassing. But I'm getting used to it. Why?" "Don't you find it strange?" "Mother warned me that Men had only one thing in mind," she shrugged. "For such a simplistic generalization, it was quite accurate. It's rather humorous, really." "But you realize that not all women produce such an effect?" "Isn't that normal, too? Being somewhat more attractive than the average person is what makes most celebrities popular, no?" Diana said. "I'm told that my appearance falls within those parameters currently deemed aesthetically pleasing, so I assume that also may make me sexually desirable, no?" "Uh, yes... It does." "So? Is that wrong?" "No, but..." "Should people be ashamed of gifts they were born with? Should geniuses hide their intelligence? Are you ashamed of your powers, J'onn?" "No." "So people like how I look? It doesn't bother me. It's hardly relevant to my goals, so it's just a frivolous concern, isn't it?" "I suppose.." "I appreciate physical beauty myself, but it is hardly essential. There are many attributes of much greater importance, even regarding sexuality." "Well..." "Appearance is really very overestimated in this image-fixated culture. I mean, why would the size of my breasts ensure that I was a better sexual partner?" "Uh, good question..." mumbled J'onn. "Penis size is much more directly related to actual sexual intercourse, and while I do find such a quality arousing, neither is it a certain guarantee of good sex." "Ah.. eh..." J'onn began, floundering for words. "I suspect that many of man's problems stem from such absurd valorizations. Frustrated desires follow misguided priorities. It all may produce the increased territorial behavior and irrationality that leads to most violence. Don't you find it so?" "Ah... Well," J'onn said. "I had never thought you would be so outspoken on these matters, Diana." "J'onn, you have an outsider's view, as I do. Surely you too can see the narrowmindness of most of the cultural mores of Man's World." "Yes, but..." "You do have a very attractive body yourself. Big, powerfully built, with beautiful symmetry. And you have many other attributes equally attractive, like nobility, intelligence..." Diana said, casually, while J'onn felt the room suddenly become very, very hot. "I, or any other woman, can easily desire you sexually. Has this ever bothered you?" J'onn was speechless for an instant, before mumbling: "No, but..." "It doesn't bother me, either," Diana concluded with a smile. "Ahem... There's precisely where I wanted to arrive... Ah, not at that you may..." he added hastily. "I mean, I can see that you are have many, ah, physical assets any human would appreciate, as well as admirable spiritual qualities, but as a Martian I have no physical interest in Earth females, yet..." "You don't?" Diana asked, frowning. "Curious. You seem so human-like anatomically. Does Martian sex also involve penetration and internal fertilization?" "Yes... It is a similar act, mostly." "And is sex also practiced among your kind for pleasure as well as for reproduction?" "Yes, but Diana, this is digressing..." "I understand that being from another planet, you are biologically a different species, so you could not miscegenate with Earth women, but you do look so much more compatible than Earthly creatures with whom interspecies sex is physically possible, procreation aside." *That certainly falls into the 'way too much information' header,* J'onn thought nervously. "You have never felt any sexual interest in your League teammates?" "What?" "Ice has a very fetching, delicate beauty, and Fire has an earthly, primal sexuality that is hard to ignore. I think both are very attractive. You have never wondered...?" "Never!" said J'onn, shocked, both by her question, and by the surprising realization that the idea of Diana with another woman seemed strangely appealing. "Are we biologically repulsive to you?" "I didn't mean that!" J'onn said. "I'm just not interested in women." "Oh, so you prefer men?" "No, it is the same thing," J'onn sighed. He was getting a sizable headache. "What I mean is that I shouldn't feel any attraction towards any Earthling at all, yet I do. Now." "Now? Oh," Diana said, raising an eyebrow as she looked slightly down. "Oh. I see." J'onn crossed his legs, self-consciously placing his hands on his lap. "Yes, and it worries me." "Why? Is it a bad thing?" Diana asked, smiling like it certainly failed to look like a bad thing to her. "It means that there is some kind of influence affecting my mind." "But isn't that how it all normally works, no?" "It shouldn't work on me. Or on Kilowog." "Kilowog? The big, big one? Him, too?" "Yes." Diana arched her eyebrows. "Oh. Interesting." "You mentioned that among those who endowed you with paranormal powers, was Aphrodite, no? The Greek goddess of love and beauty?" "Yes. Are you thinking-?" "That you may have received from this entity um, more extensive gifts that just apparent physical beauty." J'onn explained. "There may be some kind of paranormal coercive field that affects all living beings around you, perhaps through passive, traceless mental suggestion, since pheromones would be less effective on non-humans." "Well, that could explain some things," Diana said, thoughtfully, before smiling at some inner recollection. "So, why is this a problem?" "Excuse me?" "Why does this trouble you? "It doesn't bother you?" "Among my tasks in Man's World, is helping to promote love among man. My powers are for better achieving my tasks," Diana said, standing up. "If Aphrodite found convenient to give such a harmless gift, why should I question it?" "Harmless?" J'onn asked standing up. He thought better of it, and sat down back again. "Diana, surely you cannot feel at ease knowing that. Temptation can be truly disturbing to those around you." "I understand, J'onn. But you need not worry," said Diana, walking towards the door. "I will not stay with the League longer than needed. My work is my priority." "Diana, that is not what I tried to-" "But you know what the poet and playwright Wilde said regarding temptation, no?" she asked at the door, with a smile. "What?" "That to banish it, it must be indulged." And then the sprinklers turned on again. ************************************** "OH, GREAT! So now we're out of sheets, too!" Oberon said, soaking wet. ************************************** PART FIVE: LOVE AND MARRIAGE... "Do you think that Scott...? You know..." "Naah. He's too nice to fool around, and Barda really has him by the short hairs," Booster said. "He must've touched Fire's butt by accident and she freaked out. That boy needs to be properly taught the exact art of accidental butt touching." "Yeah, Obi-Wan." "Anyway, I think Scott has enough woman at home to keep him busy. Lucky guy must need every bit of energy available to keep that girl happy." "I dunno. Barda's a bit hard for my taste," Beetle said. "Great tits and all, sure, but I'd be nervous with a woman who could easily beat me up every night." "Didn't you use to pay for that sort of thing?" ************************************** The small, shingle-roofed, two-bedroom house was unremarkable in every way. Even the obsessively clean and ordered lawn hinted at nothing more than the typical concerns of suburbia. There was nothing to indicate that the place was home to illegal aliens, and not precisely south-of-the-border ones. Scott Free's figure materialized inside the clear Plexiglas tube of the JLI transporter. The high-tech teleportation device was located inside the kitchen's pantry, since it interfered with TV reception if placed in the living room. He looked around with clear puzzlement before he realized that he was in a small storage area, and stepped out into the kitchen, wondering why did everyone insist in his being inside similar small, closed quarters. He was dressed in borrowed white loafers, faded jeans, a Grateful Dead T-shirt, and a pink windbreaker. Blue Beetle had insisted that such a combination would reflect highly on his discriminating taste. "Honey. I'm home," he said, as the records of Earth customs indicated he should. The dark-haired woman who entered the kitchen, easily a head taller than him, reacted with obvious surprise. Maybe the blue velvet cowboy hat had been too much, he considered. "Scott, dear! I thought you were out of town! You said you would call!" "Long distance calls are not covered." The woman rushed and hugged him with barely less strength than an hydraulic metal compactor, her thick, heavily muscled arms easily lifting him in her embrace, crushing him against her large breasts. "Did anything go wrong at the tour? I told you to fire that incompetent agent." "Everything is under control." "Why are you dressed like that? You lost a bet with those two jerks again?" "You do not like it?" Barda knew that in Apokolips, someone wearing that would be shot on sight and then thrown to the Hounds. Or the other way around. Her eyes narrowed, the Apokolipsian soldier displacing the loving wife in an instant. "What the fuck happened? How come your eyebrows are gone?" "There was a fire." "Darkseid's piss! Did you get hurt? Let me look at you!" "Only my costume was damaged." "Did Blue Beetle and Booster Gold perish horribly?" "No." "Ah, well, next time, perhaps..." "I came to retrieve another costume. There were none at the Embassy." "OF COURSE! You could not drop by just to see me, could you? After all, I'm only your wife! AAARH! You men are all the same!" He blinked, examining the options available, as she left the room in clear anger. Having the wife angry was not convenient. The woman called Fire had also been very angry, yet she had calmed down after engaging in sexual activity. Learning from experience was most useful in these situations. Wasting no time, he proceeded to disrobe. ************************************** "OH-MY-GOD! OH-MY-GOD! OH-MY-GOD!" "Mister Free! I'm Eugene Jacobs from across the street. Please open up!" He could hear the voices coming from the house, so he knew they were in. This time they would get a piece of his mind. Sure, Brutus had done his business again on their lawn, but what kind of people could throw a poor, defenseless, Great Dane right across the street to land on the garage roof? "OH-MY-GOD! YES! YES! OH-MY-GOD!" "Mister Free! All this screaming is truly intolerable!" he called out after further knocking and ringing the doorbell produced no results. He cared not if they were in the middle of some born-again Christian thing. He had to get an apology. "GO AWAY!" That had to be the wife. He usually heard her shouting at least once a day. The language on that woman was abominable. "MISTER FREE! OPEN UP!" "GO AWAY, DAMN IT!" "I DEMAND AN APOLOGY!" "FUCK OFF!" "What-? FUCK YOU!" he countered in indignation. "OPEN UP, LADY! I DON'T CARE HOW MANY STEROIDS THE NEIGHBORS SAY YOU DO! YOU CANNOT SCARE-!" The door suddenly opened with a power that almost ripped off his hairpiece through air suction. Standing in the door was Barda, wearing nothing but sweat and a very angry expression. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?" Eugene Jacobs's mind was sent back decades, to a time when everything was too big and complex to understand, and his parents were the biggest and scariest people in the world. He tried to speak, but his mouth had better survival instincts than the rest of him, and it remained wisely shut. "BY DARKSEID'S FARTS, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT? AREN'T YOU ARE THE OWNER OF THAT SHIT-SPILLING DOG!" Unfortunately, his eyes and hands had their own little death wish, so while his eyes glanced about, unsure of whether to stare at the large round breasts heaving inches before and above his face, or at the perfectly shaven pubis crowning the two marble pillars of her legs, his hands decided to reach out and touch both to help with the decision. Hours later, the fire department brought him down from his garage roof. ************************************** "Holy shit..." mumbled Oberon.