2 comments/ 14432 views/ 2 favorites TNQF Slightly Secret Six & A Half By: pop_54 The not quite famous slightly secret six and a half: By pop_54/2003. With acknowledgement to the marvellous Enid Blyton for the inspiration for this small attempt at an 'adult parody' of a children's story based loosely around the style of children's novels written by EB. I must add at this point that any childlike mannerisms associated with the characters and story line, are just implied, all characters involved in this story are of legal age, or over. Also, no adults, children, small fluffy animals or seagulls were injured in the making up of this story. Also apologies to anyone I may offend by having a dig at the British upper middle to upper classes and their ways and implied preferences during the telling of this tale ... hell a lot of them are inbred so they won't understand anyway. This story was written for the NaNoWrimo annual story writing competition, a challenge to write a small novel of 50,000 words or more in a month, (Nov/2003) The story was written in a hurry and not fully edited because basically I have a real life to live as well and didn't have time, there may be minor items of grammar and or spelling in need of correction at a later date. Constructive comment would be welcome and assist with the future editing; supercilious unhelpful remarks will be met with an appropriate response to anyone with the guts to leave a return address. The story is a very English thing and may not appeal to all tastes, although I have attempted to make it as international as possible without ruining the style. First I shall introduce our intrepid band of young adventurers and describe them briefly in order that you may visualise their appearance and mannerisms during the telling of the tale. Roger was the oldest of the adventurers, a big chap for his age, handsome with a square jaw and a shock of fair hair, just a young man still but so mature and forceful natured. Strong willed as well as physically strong, Roger ruled the little crew with an iron hand. Well iron fist actually, Roger was a bit of a bullyboy on the quiet. Roger was never wrong in his eyes and was prone to making other peoples ideas his own in order to maintain authority. Marvin, Roger's brother was the next in command as it were, Marvin was just 18 months younger than Roger, a bit shorter than his brother and not quite so striking in appearance, another well developed lad though, but not so forceful as Roger. A bit childish actually but don't say I told you that he hurts easily, sulks worse than a bloody girl in truth. Roger often had to take Marvin in hand, in more ways than one; well they were quite close as well as being brothers. Next in command was Roger and Marvin's cousin Tom, real name Thomasina, but she insisted on being addressed as Tom. Tom was well suited to her name, a right Tomboy, short dark boyish hair, pretty enough face and well-developed female body, but more male than female in attitude and sexual preference. Tom being the only other crewmember Roger avoided upsetting knowing that a cross word to Tom often resulted in a painful kick in the nuts. I suppose in lineage to the throne of the adventurous crew, next in line would be Roger and Marvin's younger sister Millie. Millie was so much younger in age and attitude to her siblings and cousin. Quite babyish actually, well OK a bit on the dippy side was young Millie, not a psychological or medical thing, just as scatty as hell and rather unworldly. A very sweet and innocent natured young lady though, very attractive features topped off with long flowing blonde hair and a petite yet perfectly formed body, oft times taken advantage of, everyone loved Millie especially Tom. In addition to the close family another regular with the crew, when he wasn't at his posh boarding school that is was Bertram, or Bert, as he preferred, a second cousin to Roger and Co, also of course third cousin to Tom. Bert was unfortunately a rather plump and unattractive young chap. OK in truth he was an ugly bastard, mainly due to his excessive weight and terrible acne, his round face resembled the surface of the Moon in texture, and the surface of Mars in colour. The crew weren't overly fond of Bert, mainly due to his looks and general attitude; he also had some rather obnoxious habits and various stains on his clothing as a result. But he was frightfully rich and lavished money and gifts on all in order to maintain their friendship and be allowed to join their adventures. The last human member of the regular crew was Polly, a very wild natured young lady indeed of simple country stock, not at all compatible with the crew in social standing or educational standard. Polly was a very attractive girl if a bit scruffy and poorly clothed at times, Polly was very well put together, almost perfect hourglass figure. One would wonder how come she managed to fit in with this crew of upper crust young folks. Truth to tell Polly was rather loose natured and lacking moral standards at times, and the lads rather liked having her about them, well to be honest and blunt about it she was a lovely screw and went like a whore in heat most days when the mood took her. Polly was rather too hetro for Tom's liking, but hell she was female and Tom never gave up trying. The very final member of the crew, unfortunately only ranking half membership status due to being non-human, was Tom's dog a lovely big boisterous Labrador with an unusual name, Rover, not unusual in sound, but the way it was spelt, Rhover. The silent H being a family tradition on Tom's side of the clan started by her great uncle, Hhorace. Hhorace adopted the silent H way back in 1823 he actually suffered with a little stutter which often found it's way into his written documents, thus rendering the lineage reliant on the silent H. Tom's dad Shidney had tried without success to drop the bloody stupid silent H, much to the amusement of her mum Sheila, who's H of course wasn't silent. Of course Shidney's main bug had always been their surname, upper crust enough but I ask you, Fharquar-Shmythe-Bloggs. Bloggs being Sheila's maiden name, her father was a scrap metal merchant from Battersea, but well the family needed a cash injection so Shidney married her when she became pregnant, he had to he couldn't afford to pay her off. But I digress, so on to our story of adventure and 'childlike' innocence. Ok characters introduced so on with our tale ... Our intrepid crew had many adventures when younger, some wild and dangerous, some just boring everyday events they liked to pretend were adventures, you know like waiting for a bus, queuing for a cinema ticket, and stuff like that. The tale I wish to impart however was of a genuine real life adventure that the little crew became involved with one fine summer's day way back when, when life was simpler that is. Way back but I suppose not that far back in the grand scale of things ... at that time our intrepid little crew were in fact quite mature young folks well above the legal age for everything by this time ... but they all seemed stuck in some time warp behaving more like a bunch of 12 to 15 yr olds than the true young adult age that they were. None were attached in a romantic or emotional way to anyone outside the crew of chums, well other than Bert who had a very close friend at his all male boarding school. Roger himself gave this adventure a title: 'The Great Brain Robbery, or how we prevented world war three'. (There was no risk of war with anyone really, but well the chums like to think they've done real good). OK introductions and miscellaneous information out of the way, on with our tale. Chapter: One The Map. We begin our tale in Roger & Co's family back garden in deepest Berkshire, the chums are all gathered barring Tom and Rhover, Oh and Polly was grounded by her mum again so she wasn't there either. Something about Polly paying the milkman and then keeping the money her mum gave her for the purpose to spend on other things. Roger, Marvin, and Millie were lounging about in garden chairs on the patio, Bertram was about he locale somewhere he was staying for a couple of weeks. He'd wandered off muttering about being bored and wishing to find something interesting to do. "Hmm lovely day isn't it Marvin, where's Bert got to now ... do you know?" "Said something about going looking for an adventure Rog." "Gosh isn't he gross this time boys, did you see all those stains on his trousers again." "Yes Millie darling, isn't he just ... he said it was something to do with sitting opposite some young girl in one of those mini skirts on the train ... ughh!!" "I wish he wouldn't do that thing that he does so much boys." "Do what thing Mill's?" "You know Marvin ... when he puts his hand in his pocket and does that thing to himself ... you know with his hand moving about and all that, you know until he makes that grunting noise and trembles all over then the wet patch and stains start appearing." "Pocket billiards you mean Mill's ... playing with his todger in his pocket ... does that a lot when he's looking at you Mill's I'd watch it if I were you," Roger chuckled. Both boys laughed, Millie screwed her face up in disgust, ... "No way is he getting off with me, ughh!!" She exclaimed with a big shudder. "Have you noticed his face this time, God he's dripping with puss," She continued after a pause to feel physically sick. "About time someone got off with you Millie my girl," Marvin whispered to Roger with a wink, "Ouch!! Stop it," He continued as Roger lunged at him and grabbed his ear lobe twisting it very hard. "How many fucking times have I got to tell you Marvin ... Millie is our sister, we don't do our fucking sister ... mum and dad would not be amused, I think you need taking in hand young man," Roger whispered in his most gruff and firm whisper. "Ouch!! Ok Rog, Ok sorry ... Umm when?" Marvin stammered; Roger really was hurting him. "When what Marvin," Roger snapped, twisting harder with a sadistic grin on his face pushing Marvin's face down against the table top as he did so, Roger liked being forceful, it gave him a bit of a boner actually. "Aagh!! When are you going to take me in hand?" "Tonight, your room this time, you stained my fucking sheets last time and mum bollocked me," Roger replied letting go of Marvin's ear at last, Marvin gently comforted his bright red pulsing ear lobe, a little tear in the corner of his eye, best not let Roger see the tear he hated sissy boys. Before Millie could ask what the fuss was about Bert appeared as if from nowhere running excitedly into the garden, well waddling more like, Bertram was far too heavy and out of condition to run in reality. Pocket billiards being about the only sporting activity he partook of in school and out, well that and his 6th form school friend Sandra, in the showers, (real name Boris, but he had a few problems and a suitcase full of his mum's clothes). "Hey guys look I've got us an adventure ... look here, look a map, a treasure map," Bert cried out as he neared them, up onto the patio he sprang excitedly, hit the table still running and everything crashed to the ground. Bertram never seemed to learn the laws of physics to well, 14 stone of flabby unfit person travelling forward at approximately 5 to 8 miles per hour equals the need to apply braking power long before you actually reach the object you wish to avoid. "Fuck me!!" Millie cried out in shock as she sprang from her chair to avoid the lemonade that splashed up from the overturned pitcher as it hit the ground. "Yes please darling!!" Bertram muttered as he composed himself a little on the floor looking up at his pretty young cousin hoping for a glimpse up her skirt as a boner kind of bonus. "Wow Millie, hey I love it when you talk dirty like that," Marvin blurted out, never having heard his little sister use such language before, then ducking another ear pinching from Roger. "Millie, where did you learn language like that young lady," Roger snapped ... "I can see I'm going to have to take you in hand before long," He continued as he brushed some of the lemonade off of his jeans, then rolled Bertram out of the way with his foot and stood the table back up. "Yes please," Millie stammered becoming rather excited at the idea of her big brother forcefully taking her in hand, having listened at the bedroom door on several occasions to Marvin's cries of ecstasy while Roger took him in hand. "Can I watch," Marvin stammered. "Watch what?" Roger retorted glaring at his brother with a puzzled expression. "You taking Millie in hand, you can use my room so you don't stain your sheets, ouch!! No let go of my ear Roger, stop it I'll tell dad". "Ponce!!" "Don't call him that Roger." "Well he is Millie, and where did you learn language like that young lady?" Roger studied his young sister as he asked. 'Hmm she is getting quite mature now she's in upper 6th form,' He thought as he forced Marvin's head to the table again by his ear. "Hey what about my map," Bert cried out excitedly pushing his hand into his pocket. "What about Roger taking me in hand ... Ughh!! Bertram stop that, he's doing it again Roger look ... that billiards thing in his pocket," Millie said twisting her face in disgust, yet she was unable to take her eyes off of Bert's pocket action. "Bertram, stop masturbating your dick you bloody pervert, and what about this map," Roger snapped "Oh! Masturbating, I thought he was having a wank," Millie replied in a matter of fact tone. "I'm not masturbating I had one off the wrist earlier ... I'm getting the map out of my pocket," Bert replied with a hint of indignation in his tone as he produced a scrap of paper from his pocket. Roger finally let go of Marvin's ear and reached down to take the scrap of paper from Bert's greasy hand, Marvin rolled off of his chair and sat on the ground nursing his inflamed ear lobe and muttering profanities toward his brother under his breath. Roger studied the paper in his hand for a minute or so, "This isn't a real map Bert, you've invented it, you've got a bit of note paper and made this up to impress us you grubby little shite." "No I didn't ... it's real, it's a treasure map, we can have an adventure now and all be rich afterwards." "Balls you silly tit, look it just says, See you later in the showers darling: Much luv Sandy," Roger said dropping the note to the ground. "Oh fuck!! Sorry wrong pocket, here ... here's the real treasure map ... look," Bert was a just a hint embarrassed as he handed Roger another crumpled piece of paper. Roger took the damp crumpled paper with two fingers and a look of disgust on his face and flattened it out on the table top, Marvin and Millie crowded round him to get a peek as well; there was a little whimper from Bert where he still lay beneath them on the patio. "Oh my God!" Roger exclaimed as he looked down to see his overweight cousin laid directly beneath his young sister with his head between her feet looking up her skirt. Bert's right pocket was moving about furiously as he gave himself a hand shank while studying his young cousin's underwear and pert young arse cheeks. "Millie, Marvin ... go over there for a minute please, I need a quiet word with Bertram in private," Roger announced. Millie lifted her foot over Bert's head as she moved off and escorted Marvin away from the patio as instructed, as they slowly wandered off Marvin spoke. "Hey Millie ... Bert was looking up your skirt at your knickers." "I know, he's naughty isn't he," Millie replied with a wicked little giggle. "Do you like boys seeing your knickers then Millie?" "Hmm ... I don't mind if they do." "Wow, I'd like to see them now you're a teenager ... gunna show me." "Marvin ... that's rude, you used to look at them a lot didn't you, when I was younger on the swing and that ... I knew what you were doing looking at me like that you know." "You never tried to stop me looking at them though did you Mill's." "Didn't I marvin?" "No ... you know you didn't ... you loved it you dirty little bitch didn't you." "Did I Marvin?" "Yes you did Millie, you lovely little slut." "Marvin?" "Yes Millie?" "What are you doing with your hand in your pocket Marvin?" "Oh God Millie you make me so fucking horny sometimes." "That's nice Marvin, you're so sweet." A loud slap followed by a dull thud and a loud grunt shocked the siblings out of their little private conversation as Roger had a quiet word with Bertram behind them. "OK you two, come back, Bert's agreed not to look up Millie's skirt again, or play with his pocket rocket again in public ... haven't you Bert," Roger's voice announced. "Oh shit, just as I had her interested," Marvin mumbled as Millie turned on her heels and flitted back to where Bert was laid doubled up moaning loudly with Roger calmly taking his seat again by the table. Marvin joined the others at the table, he accidentally, ahem! Trod on Bert's hand as he took his seat, Bertram cried out in pain. "Umm Marvin?" "Yes Rog." "Do you need the toilet?" "No Rog I went earlier, why?" "You seem to have a wet patch in the groin area of your jeans." "Umm, Err no Rog, umm lemonade I think, splashed me like, when Bert hit the table like." "Oh right lemonade, OK then this map, get up Bert for fuck's sake you snivelling little shite." Bertram gently eased into a chair alongside Millie and sat back breathing heavily, he was winded from his quiet chat with Roger; he also had the makings of a black eye developing. "Is all that heavy breathing for me Bert," Millie asked with a wicked grin and a knowing wink. "It had better fucking well not be," Roger replied before Bertram could utter a word. Roger carried on spreading the piece of crumpled paper flat on the table and smoothed it out as best he could; it had dried out a little in the air and crackled with the starchy substance covering it as he unfolded paper. "Hmm another bloody silly note Bertram ... this isn't a treasure map you dick wad, just another of your weird friend's address or something," Roger snapped, he was beginning to lose patience with the whole ridiculous affair. "Do we need to talk in private again?" Roger continued after a sharp exasperated breath. "No Rog, honest it isn't mine, honest, I got it off the bloke in the woods, it's real look" Bertram insisted as he pointed to some strange coded marks on the paper alongside an address and a floor plan. "What bloke in the woods?" Marvin asked. "Look see, next to the address ... those funny words and symbols," Bert continued excitedly. "Hmm maybe," Roger said turning the paper about to read the words alongside the symbols. "What bloke in the woods Bert?" Marvin asked. "Let me see, let me see," Millie urged as she pushed Marvin aside to get a look at the paper. "See it is real, I told you, I told you," Bertram chirped realising his chums were taking a genuine interest in his map. "What fucking bloke in the fucking woods Bert?" Marvin snapped loudly, his patience exhausted at being ignored, why did they always ignore him when he was trying to be constructive. Silence descended over the little huddle of chums, Roger slowly turned his head to look directly at Marvin, a scowl on his face, he stared at his brother for a few seconds, you could almost hear his brain working, Roger hated it when someone else thought of something first. "Right!! I was about to ask that, what bloke in the woods Bert," Roger asked snapping his head back toward his cousin in a sudden move that made the others jump with shock. "The dead bloke," Bert stammered. "Dead bloke," Roger echoed. "Dead bloke," Marvin and Millie echoed in unison. TNQF Slightly Secret Six & A Half "The dead bloke," Bert repeated. "What dead bloke Bert?" "The one in the woods Rog." "What dead bloke in the woods Bert?" Marvin asked. "The one I got the map off of." "Ugh! A dead bloke in the woods, how did he give you the map if he was dead Bert?" Millie asked, Millie wasn't the brightest star in the universe, and this all baffled her even more than it worried her. "It was in his pocket," Bertram said proudly. "You found a dead bloke in the woods and he gave you a map out of his pocket?" Millie stammered. "No he didn't give it to me Millie ... I took it, and this," Bert said even more proudly as he produced a large vicious looking knife from his jacket pocket. "Wow! A Bowie knife, hey that's a beauty Bert," Marvin muttered. "Ha! So you took the map and the knife out of this dead guys pocket then ... how do you know he was dead anyway ... he may have been sleeping," Roger interjected knowing it was a stupid sort of statement but he was becoming annoyed that others seemed to be having more of a say in things than him. "No I took the map out of his pocket, the knife was sticking out of his back," Bert replied with a smug grin, "That's how I know he was dead". "Oh shit ... oh fuck, Bertram, you mean to tell us you found a body in the woods and instead of reporting it to the police you decided to rifle his pockets and remove a valuable piece of evidence from the scene," Marvin snapped. "Well if you put it like that, yes I suppose so, I suppose I did." "My God you fucking prick Bert, don't you realise you've implicated yourself, and us for that matter in a murder," Marvin blurted out, Marvin always panicked first. "Yea Bertram, DNA evidence, you've tampered with a body and left your DNA all over him," Roger chipped in. "It might not have been murder," Millie pleaded, she too began to worry a little now that she'd had time to digest the fact that Bert may be telling the truth after all. Silence descended again as all three boys looked at Millie in disbelief, then looked at each other with an air of total bafflement. "Millie he had a knife sticking in his back what else could it be," Marvin said very calmly and quietly. "Might have been suicide or an accident," Millie pleaded, beginning to wish she'd kept her mouth shut. "Suicide, fucking accident ... you stupid dippy fucking tart, how many suicides stick a fucking knife in their own fucking back ... how the fuck do you accidentally get a fucking knife stuck in your fucking back," Roger raged, Millie began to cry, she hated it when Roger seemed annoyed with her ... and he seemed annoyed. "All right ... Ok, let's all calm down ... I'm sorry Millie; sorry I fucking shouted, sorry! Right!! Ok let's think about this then," Roger was at risk of losing control; Roger never lost control ... Roger was calm, collected, sensible, and mature. "Ok Bertram, the whole story, how when where did you find this dead bloke, we need to make plans, we need to cover our arse," He continued. "Well, in the woods like, I went looking for an adventure for us and lo and behold I found one, like this dead bloke with a knife in his back, in the woods like ... dead you know" Bert mumbled, he too was wishing he'd not started this. "Hmm!! Ok, so why did you go through his pockets Bert," Marvin asked. "Well we needed an adventure and I thought well, he's been done in so maybe he has something of interest on him ... you know like a map, and well he did didn't he" Umm!! So maybe someone arranged this just to wind us up like ... maybe the map's a plant, a fake like ... just to wind us up like," Marvin mumbled and immediately wondered why he'd said such a stupid thing, half expecting a quiet word from Roger he cringed. Silence descended yet again as everyone looked at Marvin in disbelief, Roger held his temper, Millie had only just stopped crying, he didn't want to start Marvin up. "Marvin!" "Yes Roger." "If you can't provide sensible input to this conversation, shut the fuck up." "Sorry Rog." "Right then," Roger always said 'right then' when he was stuck for words, "Ok then, Bert, take us to this body, we must make sure the guy is dead and not lying injured ... also cover our tracks if we can," He continued. "Ugh! No way roger." Bert replied. "Why the freek not Bert." "It was spooky Rog, well spooky I can tell you." "It was fucking spooky ... not too spooky for you to rifle the poor bastards pockets and wrench a knife out of a gaping wound in his back earlier on," Marvin interjected. "Oh!! Marvin don't say it like that," Millie pleaded feeling quite queasy about the whole thing by this time. "Sorry Millie darling, but I ask you, ... what a tit Bertram is." "Nobody saw me Roger no need to cover tracks mate ... I was careful like, you know made sure I didn't leave finger prints and all that," Bert mumbled, he didn't relish the idea of revisiting the scene of the crime. "Don't mate me you slimy piece of lard ... don't you forget who's boss around here ... show respect Bertram or do you want me to have a quiet word with you about it," Roger growled, he hated the minions to be overly familiar. "I'm not worried about bloody fingerprints, you have the only things that would take fingerprints, the paper and the knife ... it's DNA these days my lad that catches you out," He continued. "But Roger you don't understand I was so careful not to leave any DNA." Bert insisted. "Bert you're a walking fucking DNA spreader you tit ... with your bloody pustule infested face dripping yellow fluid everywhere ... your spunk stained jeans dropping wads of dried man fat all over the place ... your greasy nit infested hair falling out by the handful where you never care for it ... Jesus give me strength what have I done to deserve all this," Roger mumbled as if resigned to a life in prison as accessory to murder, or at least conspiracy to conceal evidence. "Oh that's what the stains are then, spunk ... I thought it was just pre-cum ... God Bert you are gross, do you really do that ... go all the way in your pants, ugh!! Millie commented. "Millie! How do you know about that ... you know like pre-cum and all," Marvin blurted out in surprise. "Hey wouldn't you like to know big boy," Millie quipped with a wicked grin and a wiggle of her pert young arse, she loved winding the boys up. "Whoa!! Yes please, come on Mill's how do you know about sex things like that?" Bert whispered with an aroused tone. "Yea come on Mill's tell us ... come on, you a goer then, come on?" Marvin urged his voice also gruff with arousal. "Umm, excuse me ... when you've finished your little private sex chat, would you mind awfully if we got on and sorted out this mess Bert's got us into," Roger barked, exasperated by the other chums lack of enthusiasm for the job in hand ... "And get your fucking hand out of your pocket Bertram ... and you Marvin!" He continued after a pause to compose himself; a level head was needed here. "I haven't got us into a mess, I got us an adventure." "Oh Ok Bert, yes you got us an adventure, now shall we get on with it," Roger conceded, "Get the map off the table Marvin," He continued. "Umm I can't Rog." "Why not." "Umm it's stuck down ... like on the plastic table top, you know with Bert's like cum stuff all over it ... the lemonade got it wet I suppose," Marvin mumbled as he attempted to prise the piece of stiff paper from the table top. "It's like bloody super glue ... you should patent this Bert," Marvin muttered after about 5 minutes of fiddling about. "God Bert do you have to be so gross all the time ... why can't you do your sexual activities in private somewhere with your dick out of your trousers like the rest of us," Roger urged as he and Marvin together tried to peel the now rock hard paper from the table. "We'll have to take the table top with us," Marvin urged after a while, and immediately wondered why he'd said such a stupid bloody thing. "Oh yes, why didn't I think of that Marvin, bloody brilliant idea ... I can walk round with a fucking four foot diameter fucking patio table top under my arm can't I ... Oh let's see then where are we, let's spread the four foot diameter table top out in this three foot diameter café table top and we'll have a look ... Oh I can picture it as we make our way to our adventure ... excuse me Mr bus driver, do you mind awfully if we bring our four foot diameter fucking table top on your bus ... only our treasure map's stuck to it with our greasy plug infested cousin's by-product of his sexual desires for his own right hand ... If you can't provide sensible input Marvin, shut the fuck up," Roger mumbled and muttered almost without pausing for breath, and in a very sarcastic tone may I add. "I know how to get it off," Millie commented. "Right then, Ok, what to do, how to get this map off the table," Roger mumbled making another attempt to prise the paper from the plastic surface. "Um! Excuse me, I know how to get it off, what to use like ... to get joy juice off of things," Millie urged. The boys looked at young Millie, none said a word, their brains working hard milling over her comment, Roger was tempted to ask 'the' question, but thought better of it so he asked 'how' instead. "Lemon juice, that softens it up then you can clean it off ... umm I mean peel it off," Millie informed them in a sweet innocent tone. "Millie how the hell do you ...... Oh never mind, Ok get some lemon juice then and we'll try it," Roger said. Within minutes the map was soaked in lemon juice and carefully peeled from the table top, all were grateful to Millie for her wise and helpful input, all were also very curious about young Millie's sudden knowledge of such adult things. Millie appeared to have matured considerably in attitude and stature since she turned 18 and her elevation to upper 6th form, her skirts had also got a lot shorter and her chest seemed a lot bigger. Roger broke the silence after a while, "Ok then crew, to the woods, to the adventure!!" He urged. The little crew sorted themselves out with a few essentials for the first part of their new adventure; Millie rushed to the kitchen and prepared sandwiches and a picnic lunch with ripe tomatoes and lashings of Ginger Beer. Marvin and Bert studied the map some more to see if they could decipher the symbols and writings, even Roger was keen and excited as he got the shovel and axe from the shed and a can of petrol in order to conceal the body or destroy any evidence should the need arise. Off they set toward the woods all in high spirits, any feeling of horror regarding the grim circumstances of their journey forgotten for the time being, banished by excitement and tingling nerves for their new adventure. Marvin and Bert were trolling along happily chatting about previous adventures and the likely outcome of this one. Roger lagged behind a little easing himself clandestinely closer to Millie who was half skipping along bringing up the rear with her picnic basket swinging from her hand. Roger studied his young sister, he smiled to cover his true thoughts; Millie returned the smile with a very sweet little giggle as he neared her, Millie was happy. Roger was becoming more and more curious about Millie's apparent sexual knowledge and experience, he was also feeling the beginnings of a boner rising as he admired Millie's pert breasts bouncing in her sweater and the way her shorter skirt exposed her perfectly formed upper legs as she skipped along. Roger it seemed had joined Marvin in his unnatural desires for their sister. "Umm do you want me to carry the picnic basket Millie darling, if it's heavy," Roger asked quietly as he sidled up to his young sister as they walked along the woodland track, putting the ulterior motive in his mind for getting Millie to one side into effect. "Its Ok Rog darling, you've got all that kit to carry," She replied welling up with pleasure at her big brother's offer and sudden affectionate attention. "Umm, Millie love?" "Yes Roger darling." "Umm, how do you know about pre-cum and cleaning like you know men's stuff off things and that?" "Oh Roger, you devil, that's a very naughty and very leading question isn't it." "Well ... Come on Mill's you can tell me, I won't spill the beans to the others, are you a little goer ... I reckon you are, got a boyfriend at school have you, hey ... do you do it with him?" "Roger!! That's rude, oh you are awful." "Come on Mill's, you can tell me, anyway as leader I should know these things." "Roger have you got an itch or something." "Why love?" "Just the way you're moving your hand about in your pocket." "Am I Mill's?" "Yes you are Roger ... you're being rude aren't you." "What do you think I'm doing then Mill's?" "Hmm, that billiards thing Bert does Roger ... you really are naughty." "Why do you think I'm doing it then Millie?" "Cos you're feeling randy." "Are you feeling randy Mill's?" "Hmm ... I might be." "I reckon you are Mill's, I reckon you're a right randy little hot bitch." Millie giggled and went a bit red faced but said nothing in reply. "Wanna talk dirty Mill's ... you know say really rude words and stuff." "Oh Roger! ... I might do ... I don't know ... do you want me to then Roger ... say really rude things? I will if you want me to" "Ok Here we are just round this corner," Bert's voice echoed through the trees and shocked Roger and Millie out of their private conversation. 'Oh shit, I nearly had her going there as well,' Roger thought as he sped his pace to catch Bert and Marvin up. "Ok Bert where is he, where's the stiff," Marvin asked. "In my fucking pants," Roger mumbled under his breath. "Ugh! Don't say it like that Marvin ... ugh stiff," Millie cringed. "Umm, well I'm not sure where he is but this is the place, here under this tree, he was here ... look an indentation in the grass," Bert mumbled, he was confused, the body was gone. "Oh fuck, oh fuck ... bloody fuck ... bloody fuck, the police have been here and taken it away, the body like, all Bert's puss and spunk all over it and all, we're in shit street," Marvin was panicking again. "Don't be bloody silly Marvin, the police don't just turn up and drag a body off like that, there'd be a cordon of tape round the woods ... you know ... saying police cordon and that. There'd be forensic guys crawling all over us, no not the police," Roger replied, Roger knew these things; he'd seen it on telly. "Are you sure this is the place Bert?" "Yes look, the indentation in the grass, look just here look, under the tree, look," Bert shouted pointing to a patch of flattened grass. "Might not have been a body, might have been a young couple," Millie chipped in. "What! No it was just one bloke, like dead ... here like under this tree," Bert stammered. "The flattened grass, might have been a courting couple having a shag," Millie said in a very matter of fact sort of tone. The others fell silent and looked at Millie, then looked at each other, no comment seemed appropriate at that point in time. "They've come and got him," Marvin blurted out, "They'll be after us now," He continued looking around nervously. "Who! Who's come and got him?" "The one's who killed him Bert, they'll want their map and knife back," Marvin whispered looking over his shoulder. "Oh shit, I didn't think of that, oh shit, they'll kill us, or take us prisoner," Bert replied. "Don't panic, don't panic, let's just calm down and think about this sensibly," Roger chipped in with a hint of panic in his voice. "Oh do you think they will, like take us prisoner?" Millie asked in a sort of enquiring tone lacking much concern. 'Oh to be as thick as her, and so calm about it all,' thought Roger. "Well almost certainly Millie," Marvin replied. "Drag us off to their secret lair and tie us up." "Big men, adult men, all rough and strong, we won't stand a chance," Bert wailed almost in tears. "Oh, do you think they'll rape me, they do that to teenage girls don't they, when they capture them like ... you know force girls to have sex with them and that," Millie asked, again so matter of fact. "Yes, they might even rape me ... well they do boys as well don't they ... like they might be queer thugs and all," Bert gushed, more in hope than anguish; his remarks went unheeded. "Bloody hell Millie, is that all you can think of, sex, I really am going to have to take you in hand young lady," Roger said with a half smile and a half boner materialising in his jeans. "Mmm, yes please ... when Rog?" Millie enquired with a sparkle in her eyes. "Tonight love, your room," Roger whispered hoping the others couldn't hear. "Hey you said you'd take me in hand tonight," Marvin responded with a hint of indignation; as usual hearing everything he shouldn't. "For fuck's sake Marvin, I can manage it more than once a night these days," Roger replied with a wink and reassuring grin. "Umm excuse me, when you've quite finished your family planning ... what about my dead body" Bert commented sarcastically knowing full well he was to be left out of the family fun later and would have to content himself with hand relief and dreams of Sandra as usual. "Can I Roger, please?" Marvin asked. "Can you what?" "Watch." "Watch what?" Marvin. "You taking Millie in hand, please, I won't interfere, I won't tell anyone." "Fucking pervert, no you can't." "Right then, Ok, right then, the body ... right then ... let's work this out and get out of here before someone comes, I'm not frightened of a few rough guys, but let's not push it," Roger urged, he was shitting himself in reality but dare not let the crew know this, well they relied on him to be brave and forceful. "What is there to work out Roger the fucking body's gone, it's not here, it's vanished, it's done a runner, well not done a runner ... but like been done a runner with," Bert stammered. "Umm, fair comment Bertram, come on let's go, nothing to be gained here," Roger replied glad of a get out, he'd normally have had a private quiet word with Bert for such a disrespectful comment. Big and brave as Roger was, there was young Millie to consider, well that was his excuse and he was sticking to it. The chums made their way back along the woodland path a little quicker than they'd done so on arrival ... nervous glances behind them ... nervous glances into the trees either side. Sudden jerks of shock and cold tingling sensations pervading their young bodies with every animal noise or rustle in the adjacent undergrowth. Every creaking tree and whisper of the leaves in the breeze sounded to them like the creaking of a ghostly door and the whispers of villainous persons with evil intent in mind. The very shadows appeared to be moving with them ... Marvin swore he saw a shadowy figure moving along in parallel with them some distance away to one side among the trees and undergrowth ... flitting between the trees almost unseen, just the occasional glimpse of the human like dark figure following their movements. Marvin's hackles were up, the hairs on his neck tingled and stood proud, he felt butterflies in the pit of his stomach; he wanted to tell the others of his mystery shadow man, but feared he'd alarm his young sister ... he also feared being called a fucking idiot by his brother. "No say nothing, we're almost out of the woods now," he mumbled to himself. There was very little conversation between them, they were just hell bent on leaving the lonely creepy woodland for the relative safety and comfort of the open road. Well except for Millie, she was rambling on chatting away mainly to herself, still skipping along happily with not a care in the world. TNQF Slightly Secret Six & A Half 'Oh to be that scatty and not realise the danger we're in,' Thought Roger, 'God she's fucking thick,' He added as an afterthought to his thought. "Hey guys, we never had our picnic, let's stop here under these trees and have it now," Millie suddenly cried out loudly making for a little quiet clearing beneath some Beech trees. Roger looked at Bert and then Marvin, they nodded, well hell they were almost out of the woods, you could see the road and some of the houses through the trees in the distance, close enough to civilisation. Why not ... Marvin looked round carefully ... his shadowy figure was nowhere to be seen, he realised he hadn't actually seen the figure for some time, 'Nerves, I was dreaming it,' He thought. "Ok chums picnic time," Roger announced as he followed his sister into the little clearing just off the track, 'Funny how we always forget adversity at the mention of a picnic with ripe tomatoes and lashings of Ginger beer,' thought Roger as he plonked down alongside Millie on the warm grass. "Ham or liver pate Rog darling," Millie chirped as she opened the picnic basket. "Umm Ham I think love, and crack me open a bottle of Ginger beer, I'm gasping," Roger replied all sort of manly and confident, the recent scare receding in his mind as he took the drink form his young sister and glugged a big mouthful down. The little crew sat munching their sandwiches and gulping down their Ginger beer, not a care in the world it seemed. Idle chit-chat and spirited little jokes were the order of the day, the adventure and recent grisly happenings lost for the time being in the back of their minds. Millie laid back reclining against a tree, she stretched her legs out and threw her arms back hugging the tree trunk behind her head ... there was an audible little gasp and mutter from the watching boys. All three had been clandestinely studying Millie ... all reflecting on how she seemed to have grown up so much in the past year since she left the last term of ordinary secondary education and took her place in the upper 6th form in preparation for university. As she lay back her skirt had ridden up somewhat, exposing even more of her shapely upper legs, her pert firm breasts sticking out proudly in her sweater, just a hint of bare belly flesh exposed between her skirt waist band and the bottom of the sweater. All three boys felt a stirring sensation in their loins their sleeping trouser snakes twitched and began stiffening as they studied Millie, luckily she had her eyes closed and the unashamed lecherous looks from the boys went unnoticed by her. Roger would normally have been twisting ears and ordering Marvin and Bert to behave themselves, this time he too was snared by the beauty and sensual nature of his young sister, to be honest he had a boner up to his neck in no time. "Aint she fucking lovely?" Marvin whispered in Roger's ear. "Aint she fucking just," Roger replied under his breath as he comforted his throbbing weapon in his jeans. "Ohh!! God, Oh shit, I love you," Bert mumbled as his hand furiously thrashed about in his pocket, he was laid on his side with his head pressed side on to the ground so as to see up Millie's skirt as far he possibly could. "I'd love to do her," Marvin grunted taking a dive to one side in case an ear twisting from Roger was on the cards, but none materialised. "So the fuck would I," Roger replied much to the astonishment of Marvin and Bert. They'd never heard Roger make such a direct reference to sexual interest in Millie. Ok he'd joked about taking her in hand but not really direct admission of an interest. 'Or was it a joke about taking her in hand, after all he does it to me,' Thought Marvin. "Wow Rog, can we ... like now ... you know make a try for her like, all of us like, fucking hell I'm stiff," Marvin whispered. Roger eased himself up on his hands and looked around the surrounding woods, up and down the pathway he surveyed the territory. "Don't see why not Marv nobody about to see us," He mumbled after a while. "Fuckin'ell, Fuckin'ell, Oh yes, Oh yes," Bert was continually mumbling as he pounded his pocket rocket into oblivion. He was rolling about on the ground his whole body juddering to the rhythm of his assault on his tool, a massive dark wet stain saturating the front of his trousers in no time. Roger knew this was bound to happen eventually, there had always been a strong bond between the chums ... they'd stayed together and stayed unattached outside the family in order to maintain the little crew of adventurers ... Still in their time warp and still behaving like kids with much child like behaviour between them, a naughty little game of sorts was bound to develop ... Not only that, but Millie was a horny looking young bird and lacking in much moral inhibition with her rather child like attitude to life ... and basically she'd be an easy lay. "Umm Marvin, Bert, you know this is very wrong don't you ... what we're about to try to get Millie to do with us, you know what I mean Millie's kin isn't she like ... umm this isn't going to have an adverse effect on your development is it," Roger felt he needed to make sure the young ones were up to the job and ensure that there would be no long term problems if an incestuous relationship did develop. "Fuck off Roger; I'm bloody 19 coming 20 not 14," Marvin snapped, Bert was too far-gone to reply. "Fair comment Marvin," Roger replied as he edged towards Millie sliding himself along the ground. "Hi Mill's." "Hi Rog." "Ok love." "Mm fine darling." "Hi Mill's." "Oohh! Marvin as well ... a rose between two thorns ... Hi Marvin darling, Bert coming as well is he?" "I think so the noise he's making down there Mill's." "Oh he is so gross boys isn't he ... maybe best he stays where he is." "Ooh that tickles Roger." "Does it Mill's ... like it do you ... me touching your bare belly." "Mm ... might do." "What would you do if I lifted your sweater a bit more Mill's?" "Roger that's really naughty." "But would you stop me Mill's ... like lifting it right up past your boobs." "You'll have to try it and see Rog won't you." "Jesus Millie you've got lovely legs." "Marvin that tickles as well ... Mmm ... nice though." "Bloody fucking Christ!! What's that Millie?" "A belly stud Rog, I had my belly button pierced last month." "Bloody hell Mill's does mum know, wow she's going to have a fit." "Roger! I'm old enough to make my own mind up about things like that, I don't need mum's permission any more ... bloody hell I've even got the vote now." "Let me see Rog, wow Mill's you little tart, only tarts and sluts have those in their belly button." "Do they Marvin darling ... maybe I'm a tart or a slut then." "Wow! Are you Mill's?" "What Marvin ... am I what?" "A slut ... are you a slut Mill's?" "Hmm I might be ... you'll have to find out won't you." "Oh my God I'm so fucking hard." "Hmm are you Rog, really hard like ... just for me." "Yes I fucking well am Millie, God you lovely little slut." "We're both hard for you Millie, you filthy little fucking bitch." "Oh Marvin ... Roger, I love it when you talk dirty like that ... and both of you together ... wow." "Do you like talking dirty Mill's, do you?" "Might do Roger." "Ohh! God, talk dirty Mill's, please, go on really filthy, go on." "Roger! You dirty boy, Ok what do you want me to say about ... shagging and stuff like that that?" There was a sudden cry of ecstasy from Bert as he rolled form side to side on the ground muttering obscenities to himself, quivering all over. Millie, Roger, and Marvin chuckled as they watched their cousin in the throws of cumming in his pants. "He'll need to change his trousers and pants for sure now," Millie chuckled. "He probably won't bother, filthy bastard," Roger replied with a grin, "Now Millie, back to business, you were about to talk dirty for us." "Was I?" "Yes you filthy little slut, you were ... go on ... do it Mill's, talk really dirty while we undress you." "Marvin! Who said you could undress me." "Can we Mill's, can we strip you, go on let us ... go on like we did when we were kids." "Oh you want to play doctors and nurses boys ... how lovely, go on then ... strip me," Millie replied in a very sensual tone, and with a very wicked little grin on her pretty face. Another sudden noise disturbed the little huddle of chums, Roger quickly pulled Millie's top down and Marvin took his hand off of her upper leg, Marvin was very annoyed, he'd been just two inches from the goal. This time the noise was coming from away to their left, someone or something crashing through the undergrowth. 'Oh fuck it! Will we never get to ride her,' Roger thought as he leapt to his feet. Roger was not normally this impetuous, he'd normally have surveyed the approaching noise carefully before showing himself, but he was pumped up with arousal, adrenalin, and frustration, he was also fucking annoyed to have been thwarted yet again. Marvin too leapt to his feet, "What the fuck is it Roger, Jesus fucking Christ can't we get any privacy," He raged, he too was pumped up to the hilt. "Oh! Boys, you're so forceful, Jesus fucking hell, if only you'd been more forceful with me half hour ago ... you'd have been riding me now," Millie cried out, Millie was also pumped up and not too pleased at the disturbance ... she'd been getting nicely moist. A few yards away from their little clearing a big rough looking man was moving quickly through the undergrowth heading for the road, he stopped in shock as he saw the boys pop up as if from nowhere. "Ahh young sir's I'm looking for a friend of mine, don't happen to have seen anyone about here do you," The chap called out in a rather rough and common sort of voice. "No we haven't my man, not a soul," Roger replied, his anger waning a little and caution taking over when he saw the size of the man, a big brute to be sure. The chap turned and came over to the clearing. "Oh hello there young lady, oh dear I hope I didn't disturb anything important," He said looking down at Millie as she lay against the tree seductively with one leg cocked up a bit, then he looked back with a sly wink to Roger and Marvin. "Well as you ask ............Umm well no actually we were just having a picnic," Roger replied, he thought it may not be wise to admit to too much ... well he may be local yokel and news of their little family get together about the locale would not be too clever. "So Mr ... umm, what does your wayward friend look like? If we see him we'll tell him you're looking," Roger said calmly as he could. "Ah well, last time I saw him he had a black sailors coat on, brown corduroy trousers and was wearing a blue woollen hat," The chap informed them. "Oh shit, oh fuck," Bert mumbled from his position still half kneeling on the ground. "What's that young sir, did you see him then?" The man asked Bert. "Umm, oh no, ugh like ... I just knelt on a tree root, it hurt my knee like," Bert mumbled, obviously making it up as he went along. "Ah right then young sir, you be careful like, it can be painful having broken knees," The rough character sort of grunted, Bert gulped loudly at that comment ... especially the heavily emphasised 'broken knees' bit. "He gives me the creeps," Millie whispered to Bert, hoping the chap couldn't hear her. "Me too Mill's, me too, more so than you, believe me," Bert replied. "Well I must away young people, now you tell my friend wont you if you see him, that Bob is looking for him, Ok ... got that ... Bob." "Yes my man, I mean Bob, we will tell him if we see him," Roger assured the rough chap. "Ok bye then young people, and you take care, there's stuff afoot round here you don't want to be involved in," Bob muttered as he walked off toward the road. "Well I don't know, what a turn up ... what a rough looking chap," Roger commented as Bob moved out of earshot. "More of a turn up than you know Roger, that mate of his, the bloke in the sailors coat and hat ... he was the dead bloke I found ... he had a blue hat on his head and a sailors coat on," Bertram announced. "Wowee!! We're in the middle of an adventure already, yess!!" Marvin punched the air as he said it. "Right then, right, Ok ... right then ... we'll follow him, see where he goes," Roger stammered, this had taken him a bit by surprise, he hadn't planned for the adventure proper to start so soon. "What the dead bloke, how can we follow the dead bloke ... we don't even know where he is," Bert mumbled in confusion. "Bert, don't be a fucking tit all your life, have a day off for fuck's sake ... Roger meant follow Bob not the dead bloke," Millie suddenly snapped, they all fell silent and looked at her, not being used to Millie making any worthwhile contribution to an adventure. "What, What's the problem?" Millie snapped exasperatedly glaring at the silent and shocked boys, "God why do they always treat me like a fucking dumb blonde bimbo," She continued in a mumbled voice. The chums set about hurriedly packing away the picnic kit, and took off after Bob ... all three in a line, flitting from tree to tree like soldiers, taking shelter behind each tree as they watched Bob make his way to the road, stalking him like the SAS troops would ... Very vivid imaginations had the young chums. Bob stopped at the side of the road and sat down on the grass verge, he lit a cigarette; he appeared to be waiting for something, or someone. The little crew edged as close as they dare without being seen or heard, and they watched and waited with baited breath. They began to chat in whispers. "God I wish I had a fag I'm gasping," Millie announced. "Millie, you don't smoke, none of us smoke, young adventurers don't smoke, only villains smoke, not the hero's," Roger mumbled quietly. "Oh fuck off Roger, we all smoke in the upper 6th at school," Millie replied, she was quite crotchety and ill humoured, not like Millie, the boys were amazed. "Umm, so do we," Marvin announced, "At college like, we all smoke and that." "Got any fags on you Marv?" Millie asked. "Sorry love, thought it best not to coming home for the break and all that, well you know how mum and dad are about that sort of thing." "I got some back at the house ... in my case like," Bert announced. "Thank God, we can have a puff later at least," Millie replied. Roger was speechless for a while; he just stared incredulously at his three chums. "My God! My fucking God! You all smoke ... huh I suppose you all bloody drink alcohol as well ... my God ... There's me, the oldest, the leader, the sacrifice I've made in order to set a good example to you all ... I could have been drinking and smoking and all that, but no I stayed pure for you lot ...The fun I could have had at Uni getting pissed up and smoking pot, hell I could have got laid even, but no I had to remain pure ... you bastards!!" He mumbled and sat back heavily, head in hands. "Wow." "Shit." "Jeez." The other three felt just a little guilty for a minute or two, then without a further word on the subject they all resumed their observation of Bob at the roadside. "Hey listen, a vehicle engine, look a car, a big black one," Roger suddenly whispered. The big black car with darkened windows pulled up alongside Bob, he stood and went to the front window as it slid silently down, a head appeared in the window opening, another rough looking chap a bloke with a big bushy beard this time. The chums could hardly hear what was being said, they caught the bearded guy's first words, "OK Bob, any sign of him mate," Bob shook his head and replied, the crew didn't hear what he said but knew he'd said "no" among a few other words. "Fuck it, where the hell's ......" They couldn't catch the rest of beardy man's next sentence. Bob turned his head toward the woods and they caught a few words of his reply, "Dunno, but there's some ...... and youngsters ...... I suspect they ......no joy," Was all they managed to decipher as Bob tuned his head back and forth as he spoke. "Oh shit, he's on to us," Roger mumbled. "Yes he suspects us," Marvin whispered. Then Bob opened the rear door of the car and got in, Roger just caught a glimpse of another person in the back seat as Bob was shutting the door behind him, a woman. The car roared off at speed and was gone from sight in seconds. "Ok let's go, home to plan our next course of action and you lot can have a smoke and stiff drink to calm you a bit, I wondered why you were all getting so keyed up," Roger snapped after a few minutes silence. Off they set on their travels again homeward bound, as they walked Roger and Marvin held back this time and studied Millie's pert rear end as she bounced along in front of them. "Ooh! Nice arse Rog, aint she." "Too right Marvin." "Reckon she takes it up the back entry Rog." "Marvin!!" "Sorry Rog." They arrived home in minutes; the woods weren't too far from the house. "Hello you lot, been adventuring then?" Dad asked. "No dad, just a picnic in the woods," Roger replied. "Ah picnic in the woods hey, sounds like fun kids ... you best watch these three alone in the woods now you're a big girl Millie," Dad said with a grin as he patted Millie on the arse cheeks, she giggled and twitched all over. "Barnaby! Now you stop talking like that with the young ones you naughty man," Mum said with a chuckle. "Oh he is terrible isn't he Bertram" She continued. "No aunt Sophie he's a good sort is uncle Barny," Bert replied, he liked his uncle. Barnaby was the one who taught him how to play pocket billiards properly when he was younger. The crew all disappeared into the playroom; Bert sneaked up to his room first and got his pack of cigarettes. "Hmm I wonder if you ought to have a word with the boys, and maybe I should have a little chat with Millie," Mum whispered as she watched the young ones making their way down the hallway. "How do you mean Soph?" "Well you know, facts of life and that now they're getting older, I mean we don't want problems do we Barny." "Bloody heck Soph ... if they don't know all that stuff by now they never will ... anyway I'm sure Millie's not silly enough to get herself in the family way." "You're right Barny, of course, and Millie is on the pill I know that much ... can't do her any harm I suppose, it's just that I worry sometimes ... well mum and dad never told us anything did they and look what happened." "Oh stop worrying Sophie ... it's done us no real harm has it." In the playroom Millie, Bert, and Marvin were clanging off a woodbine half hanging out of the window to disperse the smoke and cigarette smells, Roger had cracked open a can of Lager and was gulping it down, 'Hell why should I hold back now' He thought. When they'd composed themselves they began their planning proper for the coming adventure, Roger got the treasure map out of his pocket to spread on the floor between them. "Oh fuck, why did I fold it ... get the lemon juice Millie." To be continued:..