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Still Lost in Space

By: Kirk482002



Author's note:

This story was written with the original '60's TV version in mind. I know the show was a joke in and of itself. A few hours and beverages of my choice produced this story. It's meant for a chuckle. I hope you enjoy it.

Kirk

******************

"...Last time as you recall, Professor Robinson was sleeping one off after eating some bad mushrooms from the hydroponic garden. Maureen and the girls were playing 'hide the cucumber' in Penny's' room, while Will was in the galley having a discussion with the Robot about what he wanted for his 18th birthday. Dr. Smith, having just pinched a loaf, was currently topside giving Major West a hard time..."

"Come on, Major! Just let me play with the controls for a little while," asked Smith, sounding like a ten year old.

"Smith, don't you have something better to do than hang around me all night? Go screw with the Robots' programming or something," replied West, as he was trying to watch the controls and pilot the Jupiter 2 through a large void in space.

"He's with Will down below and both of them when together are quite rude to me these days. I seem to be the butt of many jokes," said Smith, laced with enough emotion to almost make Don give a shit.

"Well you are a joke, Smith. When we first woke up from suspended animation and the ship was in danger of being destroyed, you were the meanest son of a bitch I ever met. I mean you were down right evil. Then what happened?" he said, shaking his head. "You turned into the biggest faggot ass wipe I've ever seen in my life! I mean, like, what gives? And while we're on the subject, just how the fuck did you manage to wind up on this ship in the first place? I can't remember you ever giving us a straight answer!" shouted West, as he stood from his seat to his full height.

"They forgot to put the box of moist towelettes in the bathroom for cleaning ones hands after..." Smith pointed toward his pee pee, "...you know."

"Yeah, too bad you didn't bring a truck load," West mused, since they'd been out there since 1997. "How come you never made it off the ship before the lift off?"

"Well, I had the urge and having a spastic colon..." Smith explained.

"Alright, alright," said West, waving his hand at Smith to cut him off. "So how come you didn't warn them you were still onboard when the final call was made for lift off?" 

"I tried, but as I stood from the seat, my head hit the towelette dispenser and knocked myself out," explained the Doctor.

"Yeah, we've never been able to get that thing back up on the wall," ventured West as he stared off into space. "Okay, Smith, if you really want to try and steer this thing, go ahead," said the Major, as he stepped away from the pilot's seat.

"Lovely," Smith uttered excitedly, rubbing his hands together and flopping down in the chair. "Let's see, is there any point of reference for me to steer by?"

"Hey, not bad. Looks like you picked up a few things over the years." West adjusted a few controls. "We're in a void that extends about 5 light years all around. It might just be a dark matter collection point, but we need to get through it if we hope to ever get our bearings again and try to zero in on Earth."

Smith looked down at the controls. "Oow, we're using the Hyper Drive!"

"Yeah, we have to unless you want to be in here for the rest of your life," West answered with a chuckle. He watched Smith handle the controls like a pro. "Hey, Smith, it seems like we found something you're good at after all."

"Thank you, Major! Remember I used to perform surgery with these hands," Smith replied, holding them up and wiggling his fingers. 

"Ah, yeah, before you moved into 'God knows what'," West replied. "Say, Smith," West tapped the Doctor on the arm, gaining his attention. "Do you think you can watch the Jupiter 2 until I go squeeze this thing a few times?" West asked pointing to the major wood he was sporting in his pants. "Judy's been holding back on me the last few weeks for some reason. I've got to let off some steam or I'll blow."

"Of course Major, never fear, Smith is here!" he said thrusting his finger into the air.

"Right," uttered West, as he headed to the head.

*...Meanwhile, down below...*

"Look, Robot, this guy gave me this 'wish stone' to use on my birthday and I'm going to use it," said Will Robinson.

"I understand, Will, I just don't want your feelings to be hurt if it doesn't work," replied the Robinson's faithful servant.

"What? Do you still think I'm a little kid? I'm eighteen today!" exclaimed a very angry young man.

"No," answered the metal man.

"He showed me how it works, remember? He wished you to have tits!" Will said, as he pointed to the Robots extremely large mammilla glands separated by his lighted speech center.

"Yes, I remember, and they ache." The Robot leaned in for Will to hear. "I need support. Could you ask your Mother for an old bra that we can alter, please?"

"I've asked. You're on your own," replied Will, fondling them in earnest.

Just then, their attention was directed to Major West as he ran through the lower level to the head.

"Hi, Don!" shouted Will.

"Hey!" West replied, as he hid his wood and ducked into the head.

"Who's piloting the ship?" asked Will.

"Auto pilot," replied the Robot.

"No way. Not in this void," said Will.

"I could check it out if you let go of my breasts," said the Robot. 

"No problem," said Will, as he released the tits before him and stood to allow the Robot room to head up on the lift.

*...Meanwhile, up above...*

Doctor Smith was doing a terrific job of steering the ship. He was really getting into it when he heard the lift stop and open behind him.

"Too lazy to take the stairs, Major?" asked Smith, as he turned and then noticed the large breasted Robot. "How are you doing, you bubble headed boobie?"

"Dr. Smith, why are you piloting this ship?" The Robot asked 

"The Major allowed me to while he went to the bathroom," replied the old doctor, with a grin that went from ear to ear.

The Robot extended his claws and said, "Doctor Smith, move away from the controls."

"Why? Aren't I doing a smashing job?" asked the Doctor, still with a wide grin on his face.

Electricity started crackling between the Robot's claws as he moved toward Smith.

"What are you doing, you over sized espresso machine?" asked Smith.

The Robot went silent and then repeated without emotion... "...At exactly sixteen hundred hours after liftoff...Destroy the Robinson Family...Destroy the Jupiter Two!"

"What's your problem? We hashed this all out eons ago," replied Smith.

"I just wanted to see if you were still on your toes", replied the large breasted Robot. "Where are we?" he asked, after retracting his claws.

"In a void. Look! There's something in the window and it's moving! It's some kind of creature! We're doomed!"

"Real funny, Smith," said West, as he finished climbing the ladder and stood next to the Robot. Smith had been referring to the Majors' reflection in the glass. "How's he doing there, Robot?" he asked, giving the boobs a squeeze.

"Dr. Smith is holding his own at the helm. You are holding mine here," it replied, as West glanced back at Smith who was holding his crotch with one hand and rubbing his chest with the other.

"Smith! Keep focused. Anything can happen out here!" 

"Yes, quite right Major," he replied, placing both of his hands back on the console.

"Robot, do you think there is anything you can do about the environmental unit down below? It is hot as hell down there," Don asked.

"Negative, Major West. The unit is shot. In fact, the remaining unit for the top level is showing signs of giving out."

"It's almost impossible to sleep down there," said Smith, looking at the radar readout.

"Doctor Smith!" said Will, as he climbed up the steps. "We need you down below."

"I'm not doing the dishes. It's Professor Robinson's turn," replied Smith.

"No, Penny has a medical emergency!" shouted Will, as he started back down the ladder. 

Smith spun his chair around. "An emergency!" He stood and thrust his pointed finger in the air. "Never fear...Smith is..."

"Get moving, Smith!" said West, as he pulled Smith from the pilots' seat and pushed him toward the lift.

"There was no need for that, Major!" Smith retorted.

The Robots' claws extended and electricity crackled between them. "Get moving Doctor Smith."

"Just you watch yourself, you booby chested bubble head!" said Smith, as the lift lowered him below.

*...Meanwhile, down below...*

"Dr. Smith!" shouted Maureen, "Hurry!"

Smith hurried into Penny's cubical and saw her lying on her side with her pants off. She was crying from pain. Smith noticed that both Judy and Mrs. Robinson also were bottomless.

"Get it out! Get it out!" cried Penny.

Smith's eyes focus in on the problem. "Eeww," he uttered. 

*...A few moments later...*

"OW!" 

"Thank you, Dr. Smith," said Maureen.

"Yes, thank you very much," echoed Judy.

Penny was still in a great deal of pain, but all the medications had been used up long ago. Smith told her to use an ice bag for now and to avoid sitting for a while.

Smith left, closing the accordion door shut behind him. As he headed toward the lift to get back to the top air-conditioned level, Professor Robinson stopped him.

"What were you doing in my daughter's cubical, Smith?" he asked, with deep dark circles still evident under his eyes bought on by the bad mushroom trip he had taken.

"I performed a small procedure on her. Everything came out fine," replied Smith as he started toward the lift again. Robinson grabbed his arm.

"Smith, if you so much as put a hand on her, I'll kill you," he warned, trying to stay on his feet, as his head still hadn't cleared from the toxins.

"Nonsense Professor, you know my sexual preference lies in a different plane. Besides, I only held her butt cheek and greased her rectum!"

"Why you son of a..."

"John! Stop! He helped remove this from Penny's ass," Maureen said, holding up the offending cucumber. "Judy I want you to jettison this into space. I don't want it showing up at dinner tonight."

"Okay, Mom," Judy replied, taking the cucumber away.

"Damn it Maureen, don't tell me you were playing that game again with the girls."

"Well, quite frankly, I'm getting a little tired of waiting for "Mr. Happy" to come for a visit," she replied, grabbing his crotch. 

Smith got on the lift and headed up. He could hear the professor still arguing his point as the lift deposited him on the much cooler first level.

"What happened down there?" asked the Major, with Will seated in the co-pilot seat waiting to hear as well.

"One of the women was anally impaled," replied Smith.

"I would have loved to have seen that!" Will said excitedly,

*...Later that evening...*

Penny was standing as the others, with the exception of Smith and the Robot, were sitting around the galley table. 

"Do you really think it was a smart idea to leave Smith in control of the ship while we eat down here?" asked John, still looking haggard.

"You should see him. It's like he's had a talent that he's been hiding for the longest time. He really knows what he's doing up there. Besides, we're still inside this void and there is nothing for him to hit," replied Don, as he suddenly made a face as he chewed on his salad. "Something tastes funny," he said, turning to look at Will who was also having trouble getting his salad down. 

"It's a new salad dressing I tried," lied Judy.

"Yeah, well try not to use it again," answered Will.

Maureen held a forkful up for inspection and sniffed it. "Judy, I thought I told you to jettison this cucumber."

"I'm sorry, Mom, the airlock jammed," Judy replied.

Six forks simultaneously hit the table signaling the end of dinner. Penny hid her face in her hands.

*...Meanwhile, up above...*

"No, not like that! You bubble headed booby!"

"Dr. Smith, my arms just don't reach that far."

"Oh forget it, wait! What's this hole back here for?"

"I forget."

"What do you mean you forget? You're not supposed to forget anything! You tin plated, double breasted amnesiac!"

"Dr. Smith, why do you always insist on hurting my feelings?"

"Wait, this hole is perfect! Stand still, Booby. I said stand still!"

"Warning! Warning!"

"What is it?"

"That's my pencil sharpener!"

"Oh, The Pain! The Pain!"

*...Later that evening, down below...*

Professor Robinson, his wife, Major West, and Judy were in their cubicles while Smith (with a bag of ice on his crotch) and the Robot were on the upper level piloting the ship. Penny was still standing in a corner sobbing in pain as Will sat at the kitchen table fondling the wish stone. He desperately wanted to wish them home to Earth, but knew from the guy that gave it to him that it was simply beyond the scope of the stone's power to provide. He looked down at the list of things he had written down to wish for.

*1.Refill all stores and supplies. (Will knew they were low on everything and the hydroponic garden was inadequate to feed them all.)

*2.Refuel the Jupiter 2. (The tanks were nearly empty and duetronium was hard to find.)

*3.Restore the ship to its' original operating condition. (The suspended animation containers were ruined and the AC on the upper level was shot. Most systems were cannibalized to fix others.)

*4.Get a permanent fix on Earth. (They had no idea where it was or where they were.)

Will shook his head, unable to choose a wish. 'Just once I'd like to have something for myself,' he thought. "What I need is more wishes," he muttered. Looking at the clock, he saw that it was nearly midnight. He held the stone tight, desperately thinking of a wish. Suddenly there was a flash of light and the guy that gave him the stone was sitting across from him at the table.

"Hey, Sweetie," said the guy. "Got a dilemma on your hands?"

"Where'd you come from?" asked Will, wide eyed.

"I've been keeping my eye on you, but you don't even know that I exist," he said, leaning back in his chair and checking his manicure.

"Are you a genie or something?" asked Will.

"Oh please! I'm nothing of the sort." He leaned in close and whispered, "Unless you'd like me to be."

Will looked at the guy a second and thought he seemed a bit off. Then he realized that it was just too much makeup for that time of night. "I need to know how many wishes I can make on this stone."

"Well, if you had been listening to me when I gave it to you instead of playing with the Robot's tits, you would've known that you had the whole day to make wishes. Now you've got only a few minutes and you have to wait for each wish to be completed before you can wish again," replied the guy, as he reached his bare manicured foot under the table to play with Will's.

"You know, there's a guy on the upper level you might want to meet," Will said as he started wishing.

A thudding and thumping sound could be heard as the stasis room and freezers were magically filled. The cabinets popped open as food filled them for the first time since liftoff. The counter of the galley was filled with spices and the crisping bins filled with fresh fruit and vegetables.

"Smart move, always start with survival," said the guy, as he checked Will's list. "Two minutes left."

Will closed his eyes and wished again. The sound of alarms came from above as he heard Dr. Smith shouting something about the fuel tanks ready to burst at the seams. 

"Two down," said the guy, standing and looking at Will. Slowly, he started to traverse the table. "One minute, thirty seconds."

Sweat started to form on Will forehead as he continued to wish away. Clanking and clanging reverberated around the ship as components and units became operational again. A cool breeze could be felt as the air conditioner on the second level started to work again for the first time in a year. His parent's cubicle and Don and Judy's opened as they immerged from the ruckus going on around them.

"What's happening?" asked Maureen.

"One minute," said the guy as the repairs completed.

A drip of sweat hit the table as Will concentrated. Out of nowhere, the sound of the song, "Downtown" by Petula Clark, started blasting on the audio system. Major West nearly fell twice as he ran to the ladder and climbed to the first level. A moment later he shouted down the ladder, 

"That is a radio station. We might get a fix on Earth!"

"Forty seconds left, Sweetie. If you're going to wish for something for yourself, now's the time to do it," said the guy, as he completed his move around the table and sat close next to Will.

'Damn it! I want something for me!' thought Will, as he inched away from Wish Stone Guy.

'Mom's got Dad, Don's got Judy, Dr. Smith has the Robot and Penny has...aw...fuck Penny any way!'

"Twenty seconds," said the polyester clad visitor.

'I know that Mom's not happy with Dad and Don's going though a tough time with Judy. Dr. Smith isn't happy with the Robot and Penny... aw...f...'

"Ten seconds," said the effeminate guy, breaking the spell.

"Something for everyone..." mumbled Will. A smile crossed his face.

"Excellent!" said the guy, as the stone disappeared from Will's hands.

"Look at all the food!" shouted Maureen as she opened the storage doors.

"This AC is actually working," said Judy as she held her hand over one of the vents.

"Hey! The fuel tanks are full, and I think I've got a lock on Earth!" shouted West down the stairway. 

"Oh my! There are moist towelettes in the dispenser and it's back on the wall!" squealed Smith from the bathroom.

"Look at the tits on her!" said Penny, still standing in the far corner, as she pointed back at the other seat next to Will.

"Oh Wow! Alright!" exclaimed Will, as he turned to view his wish.

"Man, they always wish for the big ones," said 'Wish Guy' as he took a good look at the girl. "She's a little young don't you think?" he said, sneering in her direction.

She was all of five foot, naked, and a body to make grown men cry. Her face was smooth and free of imperfections. Her eyes were like sparkling green jewels. Her hair was chestnut colored and cascaded down her back, nearly touching the floor were she sat. The galley became silent as the beauty of the new visitor sank in on the Robinsons. 

West and Smith joined the group in the galley and were equally impressed. 

Then she smiled.

The men groaned as her beauty was enhanced by her perfect angelic smile.

Will adjusted his pants.

"Hey! I'm sitting right here, Sweetie. Why didn't you wish for me?" 

"Uh, Dr. Smith?" said Will, looking around the room for the Doctor. "I want you to meet," he paused in mid sentence, gesturing, "the 'Wish Stone Guy." 

"Eeww..." muttered "Wish Stone Guy" looking at Smith.

"Bitch," hissed Smith. 

Maureen walked over to her son and placed her hands on his shoulders. "I think you made a fine set of wishes, Will."

"You did good, son. I'm proud of you," said his Father, still not too steady on his feet.

"You got to admit, she is pretty," said Judy, blocking the AC vent.

"No shit," replied West, as he slipped into a seat across from the young girl.

"Hi, big boy," cooed "Wish Stone Guy".

West leaned close to Will and whispered, "So, ah, are you going to share her or keep her to yourself?"

"Watch it, Don," snapped Judy.

"Do you really want me stuck with her the rest of the trip?" West asked, hooking a thumb at Judy.

"Don!"

Will stood and cleared his throat. "My last wish was for everyone."

"That does not compute," said the Robot as the elevator deposited him on the lower level. "How does wishing for a woman for yourself serve all on the ship? Oh, by the way, thank you for removing the breasts."


Still Lost in Space Ch. 02



Chapter 2: Smith's Dilemma

Author's note:

This story is a continuation of 'Still Lost in Space'. You don't need to read it, but it wouldn't hurt. This story is meant for a laugh. I took a little more time in writing this one and I hope you like it. Any comments are welcome as well as feedback through e-mail. There is another installment coming soon. I'm having a great time writing these. Please enjoy.

Kirk

* * * 

"...Last time as you recall, the Jupiter 2 was restored to mint condition by wishes granted by a 'wish stone' given to Will for his 18th birthday by the 'Wish Stone Guy'. The last wish Will made involved conjuring up an entity that could morph itself into anything anyone wanted. To Will and Don, it was a beautiful girl, for Judy and Maureen, it was a version of Fabio, for Professor Robinson it was Einstein, and for the Robot, it was a state of the art service center. For Penny, it was...another Penny. Tonight's Dr. Smith's turn to host the entity in his cubical..."

The sound of a flush came from the head as Doctor Zachary Smith opened the door. "Ah, what a lovely sound," he said, wiping his hands with a moist towelette.

"Hey Smith, how about saving some of them for us?" barked Major Don West from the dinner table.

"Calm yourself Major, there's a whole closet full of them thanks to young William here," Smith retorted, patting Will on the back.

"Yeah, well just keep in mind that they're going to have to last a while because we've got a long way to go before we get back to Earth, Dr. Smith," said Will Robinson looking up at the Doctor from his seat at the table.

"Again, just how far out are we, Don?" asked Judy; the oldest of the Robinson children as she helped her mother Maureen clear the table.

"It's hard to believe but we managed to get about twenty light years out. Not bad when you consider the ship was built to only go four."

"It's not all that hard to believe when you consider who was supposed to be piloting the ship," muttered the doctor, as he finished wiping his hands.

"Hey, cram this up your ass Smith," sneered West, holding up his fork.

"Lovely. Just what I'd expect from you Major, a crude and barbaric response."

"Smith, it's your turn tonight, correct?" asked John Robinson.

"Yes Professor, it's finally my turn."

"Well, why don't you go find 'It' and disappear for the rest of the night?" Robinson asked, sounding like he'd rather kick him out the airlock than spend another second in his presence.

"I was getting ready to do so, but I don't know where 'It' is," said Smith, looking around the lower level.

"Don't look at me," said Penny, the 'middle child', still needing to stand from her latest round of anal impalement.

"Nobody wants to, you sicko," snapped Will.

"Now Will, there's no need to brand her with names simply because your sister has a unique way of satisfying her..." his Mother paused looking for the words to complete the sentence. "...Her fetish as administered by...a double of herself."

Will looked at his Mother in disbelief. "She's fucking sick, Mom!"

Maureen walked over behind her son and placed her hands on his shoulders. She whispered loud enough for all to hear, "I know Will, I know."

"Mom!" pleaded Penny.

The men stood from the table and walked over to Penny as if to console her. Instead, they slapped her on the butt and told her to cheer up because it would be her turn again soon.

"Oww! Oww! OW!" she said after each smack. "Mom!"

"Sorry honey," replied her Mother, as she shook her head sadly.

"Perhaps 'It' is on the upper level," said Smith as he stepped onto the elevator. When he reached topside, he found the Robot parked in his 'Service Bay'.

"It's my turn, you mechanical misfit. Hand it over," said Smith, as he exited the elevator.

"In a minute, Dr. Smith," replied the Robinson's faithful servant. "Mmm, that feels good..." it mumbled.

Smith paced the level waiting for his turn. After ten laps he stood in front of the metal man and started tapping his foot. "That's enough Ninny, I want my turn."

With a great mechanical sigh, the Robot pulled himself away from the service bay smelling disinfectant fresh. "There, Dr. Smith, it's all yours."

"Well I'm not sure I want sloppy seconds," replied the Doctor with a look of disgust on his face.

There was a flash of light and there stood the 'Wish Stone Guy'. "Hi sweeties!" He looked around and said, "Where is everyone?"

"They are down below in the galley cleaning up after dinner," replied the Robot.

"Tell them I said 'Hello, I must be going...'" he said, holding his hand out to the service station.

"What? You're leaving?" asked Smith.

"What's your problem?" asked 'Guy'.

"It's my turn," replied Smith.

'Guy' looked at his watch and shook his head.

"You can't just take 'It' like that. I've waited all week and now it's my turn!" shouted Smith, stomping his foot for emphases. 

"What's going on up here?" asked Will, as he jumped off the ladder.

"Oh, there he is, the boy that got all his wishes and still doesn't know I exist," said Guy while picking his teeth.

"He's come back to take," he waved his hands in the direction of the service port, "whatever it is away with him, and it's my turn!" 

Everyone from below filed up the ladder and said hello to 'Guy'. The last one up was Don. "Are you still fucking here?"

"Hi big boy. I have plans tonight, but I might be able to squeeze you in around 10:00."

"You can't take 'It' away. I wished for 'It'. Besides, she can suck the chrome off a '57 Chevy!" shouted Will.

"Sorry, Snookums, the last wish was only for a short duration."

"Well what about the other wishes?" asked Judy.

"Oh, no problem there," Guy replied pulling a tissue from his sleeve and dabbing his nose. "They're yours to keep and enjoy!" he finished saying as he twirled in place.

"How come we can't keep 'It'?" asked the Professor. 

"Yeah, how come?" asked West, stepping up into Guy's face.

"My, you're pretty when you're pissed," cooed Guy. "Okay, you see, I can't let you keep 'It' because 'It' is a real entity. In fact 'It' is one of my employees. You see everyone that gets a chance to make wishes, tends to make one of them similar to yours. So as the wish business goes, someone else has made the same wish and now I need 'It's' services elsewhere."

"But it's my turn!" Smith said, with tears forming in his eyes.

"God almighty I'm glad you finally got here," said a voice in the direction of the 'Service Port'. "I didn't know if I could take much more of this shit. This one wants all oral sex," Will looked at the ceiling. "This one wants it to last 'all night long'", Maureen blushed. "This one wants his balls tied to the bulkhead."

Don coughed and looked around. "It's just kidding."

Judy whispered to him, "The bulkhead? Really?"

"This one just wants to talk."

"Oh like that's some big fucking secret," snorted Maureen at her husband.

"What?" replied the Professor, clueless.

"This one likes to claw all the skin off my back (she is kind of a hot mamma)."

"Thank you," replied Judy, blushing.

"This one just wants bigger and bigger things shoved up her ass. Next week she wanted a football up there!"

"No I don't," sobbed Penny, covering her face with her hands.

"Well, your exact words were 'I don't want any laces showing when you're done'." 

"You are a sick fuck," mumbled Will, leaning into his Mother for moral support.

"Yes Will, we know. We know," she reassured her Son, hugging his shoulder for emphasis.

"I actually enjoyed being this," 'It' said, lighting all the lights in the service port. "The Robot is a good entity."

"Thank you," the servant replied in its deepest voice.

"Now this Smith here, the vision he had in mind for me tonight was..."

"Cease and desist your chattering. I have no idea what you're talking about," Smith interjected and looked away.

"He wanted me to..."

"No I didn't," sneered Smith.

"He actually wanted me to..."

"No!" snapped Smith, as he grabbed a fire extinguisher off the wall. "Not another word," Smith hissed.

"Okay, you win," murmured the entity. Smith backed down and put the extinguisher back.

Quickly 'It' said, "He wanted me to be Sandra Bernhard and we were going to need a whole lot of moist towelettes to clean up!"

"NO!" screamed Smith as he took the elevator down to the lower level.

Professor Robinson started laughing and said, "Well, at least she's a woman."

"She is?" asked Don, not really sure.

"Okay, I'm ready to get out of here," said the entity, but 'Its' voice had changed. Every ones attention was directed to a small green thing about six inches high on the floor. "What are you looking at?"

"Is that what you really look like?" asked Will.

"Yeah, what's it to you?"

"Aw, isn't it cute?" asked Judy.

"Hey, honey, I wouldn't mind meeting you again," 'It' said.

"Please don't take 'It'," pleaded Will.

"I'm not an 'It'. Call me by my name."

"What would that be, little one?" asked Maureen as if she were asking a small child.

"I'm Gumby, dammit!"

"Gumby?" asked Will.

"Gumby?" asked West.

"He was once a little green slab of clay...Gumby!" sang Judy doing a be-bop to the jingle.

"You should see what Gumby can do today...Gumby!" sang the Robot.

"Stop it! I'm not that Gumby!" The room fell quiet. The little guy sighed and wiped his brow. "Thanks. Now I'm going to say this only once. I'm not the Gumby you're thinking of and I don't have a pal named Pokey."

'Wish Stone Guy' perked up, "Of course you do, he's my other employee..."

"Oh for the love of...okay, I have a toy pal Pokey too," sighed Gumby.

"...If you've got a heart then Gumby's a part of you..." sang Judy.

"Stop! Obviously you've never seen me on one of my tequila benders. Okay Moe, let's get out of here," the little green guy said.

"Well, au revoir!" said 'Guy' and they vanished.

John and Maureen headed down first and the Judy and Don made their way to the ladder. Will asked, "What's with the balls fastened to the wall?"

West shrugged, "It's different."

"I'm going to look for a staple gun. I'm gonna attach them real good."

"Judy, no!" begged West, as he followed her down.

Will soon found himself alone with the Robot and Penny. He decided to ignore her, hoping she would go below as well. "So Robot, what are the probabilities of us escaping this void we're in?"

"Not good. The fix that we got on Earth from your wish is faulty at best. The signals we are receiving are from 20 years ago and have been bouncing around this void the entire time. We may not be pointed in the right direction."

Will sighed and dropped into the pilot's seat. After making a few adjustments he glanced over in Penny's direction. She was standing next to her suspended animation tube. He though about shoving her in and activating it, but why waste the power?

She looked depressed and Will decided to cut her a break. "So, ah, how's the ass?"

She didn't cry or run off. Instead she simply answered, "Sore."

"I don't get it. What's the attraction of having a bazooka up your butt?"

"You wouldn't understand. Nobody understands..." she said as her voice trailed off and her gaze returned to the floor.

Will looked at her second as something started to click in his head. "Now I know why you wanted Gumby to look like you. You think the only one that could understand you was another you, right?"

Penny nodded her head. "Something like that."

Will thought for a moment and then turned to the robot. "You can help Penny."

"Negative. I am not programmed for anal impalement."

"Well, you can always go back to playing that game with Mom and Judy," said Will, hoping to end the conversation he started.

"She's already told me that they're not playing 'hide the cucumber' with me any more."

"Tough luck," said Will as he turned back to look at the instrument panel.

"What are you going to do now that your little angel is gone?" she asked, curious.

"I'll just go back to doing what I did before," answered Will, as he jerked a fist up and down.

"You know, there are always alternatives," she said and headed down the ladder.

Will turned toward the Robot. "I think I was just propositioned by my sister."

"Affirmative," replied the Robot.

"I think I'm going to be sick..."

"Affirmative," replied the Robot as he backed away from Will's projectile puking.

* * * Meanwhile, elsewhere in the void. * * *

"Captain's log Stardate...Sulu what's the date?"

"I don't know, this thing isn't working."

"Well, what am I going to say?"

"I don't know. Try, ah, 'unknown'."

"Captain's log Stardate, unknown. The Enterprise has been stuck in this void in space for months now thanks to our navigator..."

Chekov flipped Kirk the bird from his navigation station. 

"...and morale is low. The chain of command has been breaking down as more and more crew members are showing little or no respect for their senior officers..."

Chekov continued waving the bird.

"...On a brighter note I've commended Mr. Scott on lighting his tenth still in engineering. Wait times for a bottle of his hooch are down to less than a day."

"Yeah, and the crew is going to need to enter a 12 step program when we reach Starbase," muttered McCoy standing behind Kirk's chair.

"Will you stop it, I'm trying to do something here," snapped Kirk, pointing to the arm of his chair.

"Starfleet Command, this is the Enterprise, do you read?" asked Uhura from her seat at communications.

McCoy leaned in and whispered to Kirk, "Have you gotten a piece of that yet?"

"What would make you think that?" asked Kirk over his shoulder.

"You're kidding, right? You've banged every other female crew member we have onboard," sneered the doctor.

Kirk held his hand in front on his mouth to keep his voice from carrying. "No, she's got my number. Since I kissed her in front of all those Platonians, she's been as cold as a fish."

"Yeah, well a breath mint wouldn't kill you once in a while," said the doctor as he headed to the turbolift stopping just short. "Oh, Chekov, isn't it time for your daily apology to the crew?"

"Oh man," whined Chekov.

Spock nodded to Uhura and she hit the 'All Call'. A Bosum's whistle could be heard. "Attention all hands, attention all hands. This is the First Officer reminding you that it is that special time of day when our navigator, Mr. Chekov, is to give his daily apology for putting us here. It's all yours," said Spock, giving Chekov a half smirk.

"How many times do I have to keep doing this?" asked Chekov.

"Everyday until we're out of here," replied Kirk.

"Okay, this is vhat happened. I was on the third vatch and had the conn. Ve vere on a routine supply mission to the planet 'Supercalafragelisticexpialidocious IV'. Vhen ve entered the system I asked for permission to assume a standard orbit. They answered vith coordinates that ve needed to do so and I had the stand-in navigator execute them."

Spock interjected, "What our navigator is failing to mention is that he knew that the inhabitants of 'Supercalafragelisticexpialidocious IV' are the greatest practical jokers in the known galaxy." 

"I vas just getting to that," said Chekov.

"Indeed," replied Spock.

"Vell, they gave the coordinates for this woid and I set the course with navigation and the helm. Once ve entered the woid we lost all contact with Starfleet Command and any other Federation wessel."

"Yes, Ensign, as you know, this portion of space is also loaded with chronotomic particles which means we may no longer be in our own time period," Spock injected.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? How many times do I have to say it?" Chekov moaned.

"I'm cool with it," said Sulu as he high fived Chekov next to him.

"Starfleet, please come in," Uhura sighed into her comm link.

"Uh, Hello?" she heard in her earpiece.

It'd been so long since she'd heard a response that she nearly fell off her chair. "This is the Starship Enterprise. Come in Starfleet." There was a prolonged period of silence. She turned her chair and said, "Captain, I'm getting a signal."

"Starfleet Command? Great, give them our status and ask them for a heading to get out of here," ordered Kirk.

"Uh, Enterprise, I read you."

"Starfleet, we are sending a request for a fix on Earth..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, girl. I was hoping that we could help each other out here."

"Yes Sir. This is the USS Enterprise, a United Federation Starship in distress. Do you know of a direction vector to exit this void?" asked Uhura.

"I'm sure we can help each other..."

Uhura shouted, "Captain, we might be able to get out of this."

"Is it Starfleet?" asked Kirk.

"I don't think so, but he seems helpful," beamed Uhura.

"Okay, you know the situation, talk to him," ordered Kirk.

"Sir, could you identify yourself please?" asked Uhura.

"Well, I was kind of hoping you would tell me your name first..."

Sulu and Chekov glanced at each other out of the corners of their eyes.

"I am communications officer Lieutenant Uhura, please identify yourself."

"Uhura, that's a lovely name. Could you tell me what you're wearing right now?"

Sulu and Chekov tried in vain to stifle there snickering. Kirk strutted over to Uhura. "Is there a problem here Lieutenant?"

* * *Back on the Jupiter 2* * *

"Don, who are you talking to?" asked Judy.

"Uh, no one," West replied, hiding the microphone behind him.

"Why do you want to know what I'm wearing?" asked Uhura's voice coming over the radio speaker. Several chuckles and guffaws could be heard in the background.

"You're such a fucking pig, Don," Judy said, as she turned on her heals and headed down the ladder.

West turned the radio off and followed her. "Come on, I was just having some fun..."

* * *Back on the Enterprise* * *

"I've lost the signal, Captain," Uhura sighed.

"Well, try again in an hour, Lieutenant," said Kirk, as he gave his junior officers a glaring stare to stop them from laughing. "Spock, that transmission had to originate somewhere in this void, what do the sensors show?"

Spock leaned over and peered in his sensor visor. "As you know, most of our scans are being reflected back." He fell silent as he adjusted the controls. "Sir, I'm picking up a faint reading bearing 247 mark 152."

"Is it a ship? Possibly the one that just sent the signal?" asked Kirk.

"I would say the odds are in favor of it," answered Spock.

"Okay navigator, set an intercept course, helm, warp 5," ordered Kirk.

It's been a while since the last time they went to warp speed. They found out early on that even at maximum warp they couldn't find a way out of the void, so they didn't bother anymore, much to Sulu's dismay. He liked it when the ship passed into subspace. It gave him a tingle in his balls. The higher the warp factor, the greater the tingle. Right now, a warp 5 tingle would feel just fine. He shifted low in his seat and spread his legs to allow for the greatest effect. 

Nothing happened.

Sulu straightened himself up and entered the command again, then settled back to enjoy the feeling.

A low groan could be heard and felt, then faded.

"Sulu are we at warp 5?" asked Kirk.

"Ah, no Sir," he answered, looking at his status board.

Kirk hit a button on the arm of his chair. "Engineering, this is the Captain. Mr. Scott, I ordered the ship to warp 5. What's going on down there?"

"I'm sorry Sir, but she canna take any more!" he responded in a thick Scottish brogue.

Kirk looked around the bridge and asked, "What's he talking about?"

Everyone responded by shaking their heads except Spock. "The stills," he stated.

Kirk's brow furled. "Mr. Scott, are you telling me that we don't have any power to go to warp because it's being diverted to the stills?"




Still Lost in Space Ch. 02



"Well of course, how do think I keep my reputation as a miracle worker?"

Kirk sighed. "Look Mr. Scott, Spock's discovered another ship in the void with us but it's nearly a light-year away. We need the warp drive to get us there, so take the stills off-line and divert the power back to the helm."

"Well you don't have to get all pissy about it. You put your pants on the same way I do. I'll have you know I was just working on the bottle you ordered for tonight. You have the tight assed bimbo from transporter room three coming to your quarters, remember? You said the last time you had her over, you needed to get her to drink half a bottle to get her out of her red tunic."

Sulu, Chekov and McCoy burst out laughing. Uhura covered her ears and Spock just stared off into the distance. 

"Lower your voice, Mr. Scott," warned Kirk.

"Why? Ya gonna come down here and spank me or somethin'? Save that for the candy ass coming over tonight," he quipped.

"Look Scotty, just take them off-line long enough to get us to that ship."

"Oh, it's Scotty now. A moment ago it was Mr. Scott this and Mr. Scott that. Make up your fucking mind!"

"Scotty, have you been drinking?"

"What else do I got to do down here?"

"Just get me that power please?"

"Well, your bottle's going to be late..." Scott replied and closed the channel.

Kirk silently counted to ten and said, "Sulu, try it again."

Sulu slouched back down in his seat and hit the command. This time the groan from the engines was from the full power of dilithium focused matter and antimatter driving the ship into the other space known as sub-space. The ship's vibration increased as the ship sped its way to seven hundred and eighty times the speed of light. Sulu had a smile a foot wide on his face.

"What's our ETA Mr. Chekov?" Kirk asked. 

"Ten hours, Sir," he replied.

"Good, that leaves me with some time for...uh...what's her name again?" he asked, snapping his fingers repeatedly.

"Who, Sir?" asked Spock.

"The technician from transporter room three," replied Kirk.

"Candy Ass," quipped Chekov.

"Right, Ensign Candy Ass," Sulu chimed in.

"Thanks guys," Kirk sneered as he headed toward the turbolift. McCoy stopped him and held out his hand. There was something in it.

"What's that?" asked Kirk.

"Tic-Tacs," replied the doctor.

* * *Back on the Jupiter 2* * *

There was a knock on Will's door. He'd been sleeping, dreaming of the vision of the 'little angel' that left. The knock came again and he answered the door. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry to disturb you William, but I want you to know that... that... Gumby was lying about what I wanted," whispered Smith through the crack in the door.

"Dr. Smith, I don't care what it is that turns you on. To each their own, you know?"

"It's just... it's just that it was my turn!" growled Smith through clenched teeth.

"I don't know what to tell you," said Will as he yawned.

"Earlier, I could swear I heard the Major talking to someone on the radio," said Smith, hoping to get Will's attention.

"What?" asked Will, stifling another yawn.

"I'm sure I heard him conversing with another ship," cooed Smith.

"Why didn't he say anything!" shouted Will.

"I don't know, except it seemed he was more interested in what the girl he was conversing with was wearing rather than gathering information."

"Fucking asshole," Will muttered. He tossed open the accordion door and shouted, "Dad! We've got company!"

* * * A few minutes later on the top level * * *

"This is Professor John Robinson, Commander of the Earth ship Jupiter 2, does anyone read?" Everyone was waiting in a circle around the radio as the Professor repeated his call into the microphone as static came from the speakers. He looked at Don and started to swing the mic in a circular motion. "You know, I should hit you over the head with this."

"Hey, I was just having some fun," West replied.

"Such an asshole," mutter Judy. She turned to her Father and asked, "Dad, do know where your staple gun is?"

The professor leered at West and replied, "Sure I do and when I'm done here I'll get it for you."

Will leaned in for only the Major to hear and said, "If I were you, I'd make a steel chastity belt real quick or hide down in the reactor core."

West looked at the Father and Daughter smirking at each other and decided to take Will's advice. Slowly he stepped backward to the ladder as Robinson repeated his hails on the radio. Just as he placed his back foot on the rung...

"Warning, warning, we have a runner!" bellowed the Robot.

"Where're you going? Get your perverted butt back over here," barked Robinson.

"...Jupiter 2, this is the Starship Enterprise, Lieutenant Uhura speaking. In response to your previous query, I am wearing tall leather black boots, a standard Star Fleet issue biodegradable red tunic that ends at my upper thighs, standard biodegradable black bra and black panties. Does this satisfy your query?"

Robinson nearly collapsed with the response. He didn't expect anything at all. "Yes, miss Uhura, I apologize for..."

"That's Lieutenant Uhura. I'm fifth in command of this Federation Starship."

"Bitch," muttered Don by the ladder.

"That's enough out of you," sneered Robinson and then turned his attention back to the radio. "Lieutenant Uhura, this is Professor John Robinson of the Earth ship Jupiter 2. We've been lost out here for over a dozen years..."

* * * On the Enterprise * * * 

"...We've been lost out here for over a dozen years..." Robinson's voice said over the comm.

"Did he identify the ship as the Jupiter 2?" asked Spock.

"Aye Sir," replied Uhura.

Spock made his way to the computer terminal and began a search. 

"Veren't there a few Jupiter missions before the Eugenics wars began?" asked Chekov.

Sulu perked up. "Right! They were to colonize Alpha Centauri. None of the three attempts made it." 

"The first Jupiter was a test craft that failed. The third Jupiter never launched as the Eugenic wars began. Only the Jupiter 2 made successful liftoff in October 1997 but disappeared from Earth's tracking stations as major malfunctions began at sixteen hours after launch. It's been missing since then and presumed destroyed," said Spock, as he switched off his computer terminal. 

"But he just said they'd been lost for a dozen years," said Chekov, looking back at Uhura.

"We've been stuck in this void for a while now and we're hoping you can help us find a way out of it..."

Shit, they don't know how to get out either," mumbled Sulu. 

"I think it's time we informed the Captain." Spock turned toward Uhura and said, "Lieutenant, please get the Captain on the comm."

"Aye Sir," she replied. She pushed a few buttons then said, "Bridge to Captain Kirk...." 

Sulu looked at his chronometer and whispered to Chekov, "Isn't he with Ensign Candy Ass right now?"

Chekov nodded his head.

"Oh man, you know how he gets when he's interrupted," moaned Sulu.

* * * In Kirk's quarters * * *

"Yes that's right Ensign, a full house beats a straight," said Kirk, leaning back in his chair and admiring the scantily clad young woman, just a year out of the Academy.

"I can't believe I lost again. I don't have much left to take off and all you've lost is your boots," she said, pouting and hoping that he'd relent.

Kirk noted that she was down to a bra and her standard issue biodegradable panties. There wasn't much of interest about her boobs since she was basically flat chested, but he remembered that remarkable ass from the last time she was in his quarters. So far, it didn't seem that she even remembered that evening. He did manage to get a half a bottle of Scotty's hooch poured down her throat that night to loosen her up. Maybe that was why she didn't remember. He poured another glass of the unfinished bottle delivered to him a few hours before and held it out to her. She was on her third glass and he'd barely touched his first. "I'm sorry Ensign..."

"Weston, Julia Weston," she finished for him. "Why don't you remember my name?"

"The pressure of command Julia, and you did lose, so it's time to take something else off," Kirk said, looking apologetic, but not letting her off the hook.

"Okay," she said, standing. "What do you want me to take off?"

Kirk was getting worked up thinking about her butt. "How about turning around and removing..."

The Bosum's whistle went off. "Bridge to Captain Kirk..."

Kirk shook his head. "Shit," he mumbled. "Hold that thought Ensign," he said, moving over to his comm center. He pushed a button and bellowed, "WHAT?"

* * * Back on the bridge * * *

"WHAT?" came the reply through all the speakers on the bridge. Uhura raised her hands up at Spock and shook her head, indicating she wasn't having any part of this conversation.

"Spock here, Captain."

"Spock, you know to never call me here."

"Sir, we've established contact with that vessel we detected earlier and it identifies itself as the Jupiter 2," Spock stated, as if that was all that needed to be said.

"So, what do you want me to take off, the bra or panties?" Ensign Weston could be heard saying. 

"Slut," Uhura said, under her breath. Sulu and Chekov shook their heads. 

"Bra," said Chekov, placing a five-credit chip on the navigation station.

"You're on," answered Sulu, tossing a chip on his helm. "Panties baby, she's got a great ass."

Chekov slapped his forehead with his hand. "That's right, it's Ensign Candy Ass!"

"Just hold on a second Ensign. Uh, the Jupiter 2? Weren't those things launched in the 1990's?"

"Correct Captain. 1997 to be exact."

"How long before we reach their ship?" asked Kirk.

"Another five hours, Sir."

"Well, that's plenty of time to figure out what to do when we greet them," Kirk said.

"Sir, they have hailed us. We have responded and under protocol, you should talk to the Commander of their ship," said Spock, getting formal with his Captain.

Kirk's sigh was audible. "Okay, patch it down to my quarters Uhura, please."

She punched a few buttons and said, "Go ahead, Captain."

"Jupiter 2, this is James T. Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise. We are on route to your position and should arrive within the next five hours. In the mean time, allow my crew a chance to rest so that when we meet, we will be refreshed and ready to discuss anything you desire."

"Captain, time to choose, panties or bra..."

"Uh, panties... Kirk out."

Sulu collected the chips on the console and pocketed them.

"Uh, okay, I guess," said Robinson over the channel. "We'll meet in five hours...Jupiter 2 out."

"Captain, I believe we should..." started Spock.

"Spock, we've got five hours," came the Kirk's voice over the comm.

"Sir, either that ship is two hundred and fifty years old or we are both trapped in a time void. They have either come forward in time or we've gone backward." 

"Alright Spock, meet me in the conference room in two hours. Have Uhura, Chekov, Sulu, Mr. Scott, and Doctor McCoy meet us there as well," ordered Kirk over the comm.

"I'll see that all are notified, Captain," replied Spock. 

As he reached for the button to close the channel he heard Kirk say, "Oh, very impressive, Ensign. Now try touching your toes..." Spock closed the channel.

"Thank you," mumbled Uhura under breath.

Sulu leaned over to Chekov and whispered, "Man, what I would give to see the sweet ass on her."

Chekov fished in his pocket a moment and produced a small screen pad. "Check this out," he whispered to Sulu as he turned it on. An image of the young Ensign's ass swaying back and forth filled the screen. 

"What the..." Sulu chuckled.

"I put a sticky cam on the Captain's shirt before he left the bridge," whispered Chekov, as he heard the turbo lift doors open. Looking over his shoulder, he noticed that the Doctor had returned to the bridge. "Doctor McCoy, could you come over here a moment?"

"Sure Chekov, what seems to be the problem?" asked the doctor as he headed in his direction. 

"This," Chekov replied, pointing to the small screen he and Sulu were watching while trying to conceal it from the rest of the bridge crew.

"Is that Ensign Candy Ass?" whispered McCoy. The navigator and the helmsman both nodded. Just then, the Ensign bent way over for Kirk and the voyeurs on the bridge. Sulu moaned.

"Are you quite alright over there Lieutenant Sulu?" asked Spock from his station.

"Yes Sir," he replied, snapping upright in his seat.

Spock wandered over, stood next to McCoy, and peered over his shoulder. "Is that what I think it is, Mr. Chekov?"

"I'm not sure vhat you think it is, Sir," he replied.

"Is this a live transmission?" Spock asked.

"Aye Sir."

"Wouldn't this make watching it much easier for everyone?" Spock asked, making a few adjustments to Sulu's controls. He pushed the last button and Ensign Julia Weston's candy ass was up on the view screen, bigger than life. 

"Vhat a great ass," sighed Chekov.

"My, oh my," moaned Sulu.

"Good muscle tone," McCoy chimed in.

"Indeed," agreed Spock.

"What the hell?" bellowed Uhura, jumping to her feet. "What are you doing? Turn that off this instant!"

"We were just admiring the excellent physical condition of the Ensign, Miss Uhura," replied the Doctor using his southern gentlemanly charm.

"Yes and her personal hygiene appears impeccable," noted Spock.

"That does it. I'm going to my quarters and having a drink," she said, heading to the lift.

"I'll go with you," replied Sulu, heading to the lift as well.

"Back off, pervert," she snapped, pointing a finger at him in warning as the doors whooshed shut.

"Sulu, check it out, she's using her fingers now."

"No wait, she's got a data wafer in her hand. Don't tell me she's gonna..."

"I hope she sterilized that before she uses it in a manner not recommended by Star Fleet."

"I trust it does not contain important information, seeing as the data is most assuredly being corrupted at this moment."

"Oww," they exclaimed, as the wafer was suddenly thrust up her pucker.

"I better get back to sickbay, something tells me I'm gonna have an emergency extraction to perform." 

* * * Back on the Jupiter 2 * * *

"Why wouldn't they talk to us?" asked Robinson.

"I don't know. Maybe they've got a ship load of little kids that need their nappy time," sneered Judy.

"I don't care, it's a ship and they can help us," said Penny.

"Who asked you, Vacuum Butt?" griped Will.

"Now Will, leave your sister's anus out of this," chided Maureen.

"Dad, the staple gun?" asked Judy.

Robinson shot the Major a huge grin. "I'll get it for you honey."

"No way," mumbled the Major and headed to the stairs.

"Halt," commanded the Robot as energy crackled from his claws and cut off the Majors escape route.

"I thought you liked me," huffed West.

"Not particularly," replied the metal man.

"You just better watch you back, Robot," growled West.

"My sensors work in all directions, Major," replied the Robot.

"Oh Don!" came Judy's voice in a singsong fashion from below. "Come on down!"

"There's no way I'm going down that ladder," stated West just before the Robot pushed him to the hole and down he went.

"You're going to be sorry, Robot!" shouted West from below.

"Not likely," muttered the tin man.

"I'm going below, are you coming Maureen?" asked the Professor.

"Are we going to be doing anything other than talking?" she asked, with sarcasm so thick it made Will and Penny wince.

"Well, It said that you like it all night long. How about an hour or so instead?"

Her reply was to shove her husband into the lift and slap the down button. "See you kids later."

"Okay, now what do we do?" asked Penny.

"I think I'm just going to take a nap," replied Will, heading for the ladder.

"Sounds good," Penny replied and followed Will down.

The Robot stood still near the suspended animation tubes as Smith stood alone by the radio. Smith looked over at the Robot and wondered what it was thinking. Soon he was lost in his own imagination as to what would be transpiring at that very moment if 'Guy' hadn't taken 'Gumby' away.

A blood-curdling scream came from below causing Smith's heart to skip a beat.

"Oh mother fucker...Judy you fucking promised not to do that!"

Judy's voice could be heard but the words were intelligible coming from the lower deck.

Another scream followed causing Smith to head for the lift. "Well Booby, it looks like I'm going to be needed. Do we have a staple remover onboard?"

"I do not believe so, Doctor Smith. However, I recommend a screw driver or a claw hammer," the Robot replied.

"I'll relay your concern to the Major and convey best wishes on your part," said Smith as he disappeared down the lift.

West screamed again.

"Come on Judy, one more," muttered the Robot.

Another scream.

"Yes! Thank you, thank you. My kind of gal," said the Robot gleefully.

* * * An hour or so later below * * *

Smith was seated in the galley drinking some Earl Grey, still in shock at all the staples he'd removed from the Major and the bulkhead. He'd given him a local pain-killer and a sedative. Judy was banished topside until West could defend himself again. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Penny heading toward Will's cubicle. She was carrying something under her arm.

'Here we go,' thought Smith.

Penny knocked on her brother's door.

The door opened a crack. "What?" Will said.

"Can I come in?" asked Penny.

"I guess," answered Will, opening the door enough for her to enter and then snapped it shut.

"Better keep the medicine bag handy," Smith muttered between sips.

*

"What have you got in the bag?" asked Will.

"In a minute. We need to talk," said his big sister.

Will motioned for her to take a seat in his chair by his desk and he flopped on his cot. Penny sat the bag down on the floor. "Okay, what?"

"Look, I know you think I'm a pervert..."

"No, a fucked up in the head individual," Will corrected her.

"Okay, whatever, but I can't go on the rest of this voyage without someone to help me with..."

"Oh no..."

"Wait! Hear me out. You don't want to still be jerking off when you're thirty do you?"

"No but..."

"Like it or not, I've got the same problem Will." She leaned closer to him and lowered her voice. "Why don't we call a truce? Whenever you're horny, let me know and I'll come here and give you a handjob."

Will stared at her.

"Or a blowjob, if that's what you'd prefer," she said reluctantly, upping the ante to try to win him over.

"Let me get this straight; you want to milk my doodle and in return I shove a baseball bat up your ass?" he asked, not believing those words just came out of his mouth.

"Something like that," she replied with a small smile on her face.

Will looked away from his sister and gave the proposal some real thought. "You know, we're going to be rendezvousing with that ship in a few hours. There might be someone on it that you may like and shares your...fetish," he said, without any sarcasm.

"Maybe," she answered, looking down to the floor. "You know Dad's never going to abandon the Jupiter and he won't let us either. So, after our encounter with them, we'll be back on our merry lost way."

"You don't know that," replied Will turning back to face her.

"Will, the only way we're getting off this ship for good is if we return to Earth or make it to Alpha Centauri."

Will knew she was right, he'd just refused to acknowledge the thought before she mentioned it. "Okay, your argument makes sense. What's in the bag?"

"You mean you agree?"

Will nodded. "What's in the bag?" he asked again.




Still Lost in Space Ch. 02



Penny grabbed the bag and spilled its contents out on his bunk next to him. "My toys," she replied. She sorted the toys on the cot and held up an eighteen inch long sawed off broom handle. "Let's start small," she said, pulling down her pants.

"Eeww. Ever hear of shaving? You've got more hair down there than I've got on my head. You need to get that trimmed."

"Next time," Penny replied, as she positioned herself on her knees in front of him with her ass twitching in anticipation.

Will looked at the broom handle and back at her butt. "Don't you want me to lube this or something?"

"Nope. This is fine. Go ahead," she urged him, waving her ass back and forth.

"Okay," Will said.

*

Smith heard what sounded like a very contented grunt come from Will's cubicle, then silence. He made his way back to the stove to get another cup of tea, listening as much as he could for sounds through Will's door, but didn't hear anything more. He poured a new cup and sat back down at the table wondering what the children were up to.

*

Will had been working the stick for few minutes now and was amazed just how much Penny could take and still wanted more. In the mean time, she'd begun using a free hand to work on her womanhood, burying her mouth on her supporting arm to stifle her moans of delight. 

"Does this really feel good?" asked Will, really wanting to know.

She quickly nodded her head between gasps. "Just...a little more," she whispered.

Will shrugged his shoulders, twisting the stick as he pushed it in and out. This wasn't as bad as he expected it to be. Just strange.

*

Smith was in mid sip when he heard what seemed to be a muffled scream. He rose from his seat and headed to Will's door when he heard laughter coming from behind it. Thinking better of it, he made his way back to his tea.

*

Will was still chuckling at what he'd just seen. When Penny came, the broomstick popped out of her ass and flew across his cubicle like a spear. Penny started to laugh along as well, as the orgasm that swept through her a moment before began to subside. 

"Does that always happen?" asked Will.

"Sometimes. Sorry I forgot to warn you."

"Feel better?"

"Oh yeah," she sighed, as she tried to stand on wobbly legs. Will helped her to her feet and steadied her. She looked at him and started to chuckle again. Then she wiped the tears from her eyes and said, "That was the best ever. I don't know if it was because it was my brother doing it or I was just so wound up."

"Maybe both," Will replied, sitting down on the cot.

"So, do you want a handjob?" she asked, as she pulled her pants back up.

"I don't know."

"You don't know? What, do I have to go down on you the first time?"

"No, I mean, I'm not all that turned on by you. You're my sister and knowing that jungle exists down there is a real downer," Will said, pointing to her crotch.

"Well, what did you like the most about 'your little angel'?"

"She had nice tits," he replied, perking up.

She smirked and started pulling her top off.

"Wait," Will whispered. "You don't have hair on your chest too, do you?"

"No!" she said giggling, "But I do have nice boobs if I do say so myself." She finished pulling her top over her head and tossed it aside. "Well?" she asked, waiting for him to say something.

"Try losing the bra."

"Okay, okay. I was just trying to heighten your enjoyment of the moment." Off came the bra. He still had a blank look on his face. "Don't you like them?" she asked looking down at herself. "I'm a 36 D with puffy nipples. What else do you want?"

Will shook his head a moment. "Sorry, your tits are almost identical to the girl I dreamed up."

"So, we're happy then?" she asked, looking for a smile from him.

"Yeah, we're happy," he replied, dropping his pants. When he looked back up he noticed her staring. "What?"

"I...I...uh...never saw one before," she said and started to giggle. "So, how do you want me to do this?"

Will laid down on his cot with his shoulders and head propped up against the wall. He motioned for her to kneel next to the cot so he could reach her boobs while she performed her payback for his services.

"So, what do I do?" she said, wrapping her hand around his limp doodle.

Will pulled her hand away and showed her.

"That's it? That's all I have to do? This is easy," she said.

"Yeah, it's not hard at all, you just have to work at finding the way I like it."

"Tell me," she said, as Will's doodle slowly awakened.

*

Smith emerged from the head wiping his hands with another moist towelette looking for signs of life on this level. There still was no sign of the kids. He checked in on the Major who was still sound asleep. As he passed the Robinson's cubicle, he could make out the sounds of Maureen moaning. "Humph, someone's going to be in a better mood later," mumbled Smith to himself. He crept his way to Will's door and listened. He heard some giggling. 'At least they're not fighting,' he thought to himself.

He turned to creep away when he heard Will saying something. Placing his ear against the door he heard, "...Yeah, just like that. Oh...oh...yeah...not too fast, that's better."

"It's getting kind of purple," Smith heard Penny say.

"Oh good Lord," whispered Smith. He wanted to creep away but found himself fascinated by what might be going on in the room. Biting his lip, he placed his ear upon the door again and listened.

"It's leaking," Penny said.

"I can't hold out much longer," groaned Will.

"Why are you trying to hold out?"

"Makes it better, more intense," he said through gritted teeth.

"Are you going to make a mess?"

"Probably, and you better keep your face out of the way."

"Still trying to hold out?" Penny asked and giggled.

Smith heard a hard grunt.

"Oh shit!" laughed Penny. "Wow, look at the mess you're making."

"Great job, Sis," sighed Will. "I guess I'll lay off the 'Queen of Butts' jokes for a while."

Smith, stunned with what he'd just heard, crept away and headed for the lift. He reached the first level and found the Robot and Judy talking quietly. Judy looked at Smith and knew something was up.

"What's wrong Doctor Smith?" she asked.

Smith wasn't about to tell her what he just heard. Besides, it wasn't any of his business. Both Will and Penny were adults. What bothered him more than anything else was the fact that everyone on the ship was getting some and he'd been shut out. The more he thought of it, the madder he got. Looking at Judy he assured her he was fine and told her that the Major should be waking shortly. As he watched her go down the ladder, he turned toward the Robot.

"I'm telling you my fine metal friend, when that ship arrives I'm either getting some of my own with one of their crew or I'm leaving with them." He waited for the Robot to respond, but it didn't. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Of course not, Dr. Smith," it replied.

"Yes you do, you faulty laptop with treads! You'll rue the day that Doctor Zachary Smith walked off this pile of garbage called a space ship!"

"Did you miss your nap today?" asked the Robot.

"Yes, but there's no time now, the other ship will be here within the hour."

"Go lay down for a while. I'll wake you when the other ship arrives," said the Robot.

Smith sighed, "Maybe you're right. A light nap may help my mood."

"Pleasant dreams," said the Robot as Smith went down the lift.

"...Will Major West survive his ordeal with Judy? Will Professor Robinson live up to his boast? Who will clean the mess in Will's cubicle? Will Doctor Smith feel better after his nap? Will Kirk run out of Tic-Tacs? Tune in next time when we hear Penny say..."

"Very impressive Pavel, but it isn't big enough."

"It isn't?"

"...And when Judy examines Sulu's sword..."

"It's so long and hard."

"Yes it is."

"...And when Maureen checks out Scotty's bagpipes..."

"Can I blow on the mouthpiece?"

"Aye."

"This and much more on the next episode of Still Lost in Space..." 



Still Lost in Space Ch. 03



©2005 All rights reserved

Chapter 03

REVENGE OF THE SMITH

"...Last time as you recall, the Jupiter 2 was waiting for the arrival of another ship lost in the void. Major West was in his cubicle recovering from Judy's assault, Professor Robinson was supposed to be making love to his wife for an hour or so, Will and Penny were playing 'rock, paper, scissors' for the loser to clean up Will's goo, while Judy reloaded the staple gun. Smith retired to his cubicle for a nap as the Robot stood vigil on the upper deck. All was quiet as the other ship drew near..." 

* * * On the Enterprise * * *

"Captain's log, supplemental. The Enterprise is on route to rendezvous with another ship stuck in this void. They identify their ship as the Jupiter 2, a ship lost in space and assumed destroyed nearly two hundred and fifty years ago. The crew seems more at ease knowing we're no longer alone here. As I headed to the bridge, several crewmembers I passed started laughing uncontrollably. It's good to see such high spirits again." 

"It's definitely a Jupiter class ship, Captain, therefore it must be the Jupiter 2," said Spock from the sensor station.

"Are we close enough for a visual?"

"Yes Sir," replied Sulu, smirking over his shoulder at Kirk as he switched on the main view screen.

"Look at that," said Chekov, stifling a guffaw as the image of the Jupiter 2 came on the screen.

"She looks brand new," noted Uhura.

"What do make of that Spock?" asked Kirk.

"Well Sir, if we discussed this in the conference room instead of you canceling the meeting because you weren't done with Ensign Weston, we'd know what to make of it," sneered the First Officer. "Or are you referring to your inability to 'close the deal' with the bimbo?"

"How did you know that?" Kirk asked as his voice trailed off, watching the Jupiter 2 be replaced with a recording of Ensign Weston slapping him hard several times for trying to insert his 'Captain's Log' up her pucker on the view screen. Sulu fell from his chair laughing and Chekov momentarily lost bladder control.

"Can we please stop replaying this?" asked Uhura.

"How many people have seen this, Spock?" asked Kirk, turning red.

"It's been playing on a continuous loop on every screen and computer terminal since this afternoon," the Vulcan replied.

"You know, I really thought she wanted me to do that," Kirk sighed, watching himself being bitch slapped over and over.

"It may have helped if you waited for her to take the data wafer out of her ass first," Chekov managed to get out with tears flowing down his cheeks.

"I want every copy of this tape in my possession by the end of our watch," ordered Kirk.

"That will be very difficult to accomplish Captain, since there must be several hundred in existence at this time," replied Spock.

Kirk sighed and covered his eyes with his hand. "Can we get back to the ship we're about to visit?"

"Oh, if we must," Sulu said, making a big deal out of pushing a button to replace the image of Kirk's face being slapped with the pristine Jupiter 2.

"We know that they said they'd been lost in space for a dozen years, but that's inconsistent with two things, one, they've been missing two hundred and fifty years and two, the ship looks like it lifted off yesterday," said Kirk.

"There is a high concentration of chronotomic particles in this void. It is possible that they have only been out here for a dozen years but that wouldn't explain the condition of their ship," reported Spock.

"So either we're in the early twenty first century or they're in the late twenty third," mumbled the Captain.

"Maybe neither," chimed in Chekov.

"Let's not go down that road yet," said Kirk. 

"Let's make contact first."

"They tried to do that before, Sir," Uhura reminded him. 

"Okay, okay, I get it. Open a hailing frequency," Kirk snapped at her.

She pushed a button and nodded her head.

"Jupiter 2, this is Captain James T. Kirk representing the United Federation of Planets. Do you read us?"

"Yes, this is Professor John Robinson, Commander of the Jupiter 2. Has your crew had its rest time, Captain?"

Sulu and Chekov were snickering in front of him. 

"Yes, thank you Professor Robinson. We are moments away from your craft. Would you, your family, and the pilot mind being our guests aboard the Enterprise?"

"I'm not sure how that can be arranged, Captain."

"Your ship is too large for our shuttle bay, so I suggest you power down your engines, set them to station keeping and we will beam you over."

"Beam us over?"

"Trust us, just group your family and the pilot together and let us do the rest," said Kirk.

"There are two other members of our crew, Captain. We'd like them to come along as well."

Spock looked back down his computer view screen. After a moment he shook his head at the Captain.

"Who would they be?" asked Kirk.

"One is our B9 Robot. It's as much a member of the crew as any of us. The other is an unfortunate addition, having been caught onboard at the time of liftoff." 

"Of course Professor," answered Kirk.

"Sir, we are in transporter range," reported Chekov.

"Jupiter 2, we will transport you aboard as soon as you indicate you're ready, Enterprise out." Kirk looked at his First Officer. "Spock?"

"The B9 Robot is listed on their cargo manifest. As far as the other individual, we will need to wait and see."

* * * On the Jupiter 2 * * *

"Take a look at that son of a bitch!" West exclaimed, looking out the bay windows and holding an ice bag on his crotch.

"That is one big ship," said Will gawking at the Enterprise as it grew near.

"Look, the lettering is in English," said Penny, as she waited for Will to snap back some kind of insult. There wasn't any. She sighed as a wave of relief swept over her.

"They spoke English as well," said Judy.

"Everybody we meet speaks English," Maureen reminded them.

"Yeah, you're right. Is that possible?" asked Robinson.

Just then, the Robot came up the lift and came to stand with the others at the bay windows.

"Where's Smith?" asked Robinson.

"I just woke him and he will be here shortly," the metal man replied.

"What do you think Robot? Is it an Earth ship?" asked Robinson.

"If it is, it's not from our time," it replied.

"That's what I was thinking," said West.

"Oh, my oh my. Look at that beautiful vessel," said Smith as he exited the lift. "There must be hundreds of different individuals aboard," he muttered, looking in the direction of the Robot.

"My scanners are picking up over four hundred life forms," it said.

"Splendid, how are we getting there?" asked Smith.

"We're going to find out in a second," said Robinson. "Everyone ready?" he asked, looking around the room. 

All nodded their heads except the Robot who simply said, "Affirmative."

Robinson flipped a switch and said, "Enterprise, the crew of the Jupiter 2 is ready to transport."

A shimmering sound was heard as all seven individuals and the Robot's atoms were converted to energy and they ceased to exist.

* * * In Transporter Room 2 * * *

"All eight individuals are in our transporter beam, Captain," reported Mr. Kyle.

Kirk adjusted his and McCoy's dress tunic and gave Spock a 'here we go' look. "Okay Kyle, start bringing them in."

The transporter chief started punching buttons and pushed the levers up. Six figures began to form on the transporter pad. When the cycle was complete, the entire Robinson family and Major West (with ice pack still on his crotch) stood on the platform.

"That was fun! Can we do it again?" asked Will.

"On the return trip," said Kirk.

"I'm John Robinson," said the Professor as he walked off the transporter pad and extending his hand to Kirk.

Kirk met him half way. "I'm James Kirk. This is my First Officer, Spock and my Chief Medical Officer, Leonard McCoy."

Robinson introduced his family and all shook hands with the exception of Spock, who bowed at every introduction. 

"Mr. Kyle, bring the other two in please," said Kirk.

"Aye Sir," he replied.

Another round of shimmering and there stood Smith and the Robot. Spock visibly twitched at the sight of the B9 whirring and clacking in front of him.

"Well, hello, hello, I'm Doctor Zachary Smith," he said, walking down from the platform and grabbing McCoy's hand first. "And hello to you my fine young fellow," he said, jerking Kirk's arm up and down. Smith then stood face to face with the Vulcan. "Greetings, my Devilish friend," he said offering his hand to shake Spock's.

"I'm sorry, Doctor Smith, my First Officer is Vulcan and they do not wish to be touched by other individuals," explained Kirk.

Smith snatched his hand back and said, "I perfectly understand," as he then held his hand up and said, "Greetings."

Spock, still looking at the B9 was surprised by Smith's change in introduction and offered the Vulcan Salute. "Live long and prosper."

"Goodness, what a wonderful greeting," bubbled Smith. "You too as well."

Spock nodded at Smith and returned his gaze at the transporter pad. "Captain, we will need a ramp to bring down the B9 unit."

"See to it Spock," said Kirk as he turned to join his guests in the hallway.

"So you're the Captain?" asked Smith, surprised.

"Yes, does that come as a shock to you?" replied Kirk.

"I just didn't know that the military now promotes people still young enough to get acne," quipped Smith.

"I'm not a teenager Doctor, but I am the youngest person ever to be promoted to Captain of a Starship."

"Good for you young man and remember, scrubbing your face three times a day will keep the blackheads away."

Kirk ushered everyone out into the hallway. Just as he stepped to the door, McCoy stopped him. 

"What's with him?" McCoy asked.

"Who?" replied Kirk.

"Spock. Have you ever seen him react like that before about an antique corn popper on treads?" asked McCoy hooking a thumb in Spock's direction.

Kirk looked back into the room and noticed that Spock was still gawking at the Robot as the engineering crew assembled a ramp. "You know how he gets about machines or computers with self motivating logic circuits. The B9 was about as far advanced as it could be with late 20th century engineering."

"Jim, I think he's got a woody," whispered the doctor into his ear.

Kirk glanced back and wasn't sure if his First Officer did or didn't. "Let's leave the two alone," he replied as he turned his attention to his guests. "Come right this way and I'll give you the grand tour."

* * * Several hours later at the Captain's dinner table * * * 

From the left of head of the table, which was the Captains chair, there was Professor Robinson, Maureen, Major West, Judy, Penny, and Will. Smith sat at the opposite end of the table facing the Captain's seat. Continuing around the table was Scotty, Chekov, Sulu, Uhura, McCoy and Spock seated on Kirk's right hand side. The Robot stood off against the wall. All were making small talk as the door opened and in strolled Kirk. 

All stood.

"Please be seated. I trust everyone has been introduced," Kirk asked, as he sat at the head of the table.

"Yes, Mr. Spock has been giving us his thoughts as to how two ships from different times are here in the same space," replied The Professor.

"I'm glad this is an Earth ship," said Penny.

"Vell, actually ve aren't," said Chekov, eyeing up the younger Robinson daughter.

"You're not?" asked Judy.

"Many of the crew members are from Earth, but we are sanctioned by the United Federation of Planets," explained Sulu, smiling back at the older daughter.

"And what is that exactly?" asked Will.

"Think of it as a galactic United Nations," replied Spock, glancing occasionally at the B9.

"But you folks are military," said West.

Uhura jumped up from her seat. "You're the one that wanted to know what I was wearing earlier, aren't you?"

West looked down at his place setting.

"Shame on you, Mister," she snapped, glaring at him for a few seconds before she sat back down.

"She's a feisty one," West mumbled under his breath.

"Knock it off," Judy whispered back.

"Yes we are military. The Enterprise is one of hundreds of various ships under the authority of Star Fleet Command, based on Earth, and is under control of the Federation," Kirk explained.

"Things have really changed in two hundred and fifty years," Maureen remarked.

"Not from where I'm sittin'," slurred Scott.

Kirk pulled McCoy over to him and whispered, "I thought I told you to sober him up before dinner."

"He pulled the slip on me. I couldn't find him till he showed up here," McCoy whispered back.

"The way I see it, men are still men and women are still women. The only difference is that the skirts are higher. Makes it easier to bend down and look up," Scott continued. 

Uhura covered her eyes, Penny and Judy blushed, and Maureen stared at the drunken engineer. Robinson, West, and Will all looked under the table toward Uhura.

"Gentleman please. Everyone keep their heads above the table," said Smith with fork and knife in hand. "What's for dinner?"

Uhura removed her hands from her face in time to see the three men pulling their heads back up.

"What the..."

"Well, I ordered up a feast for us tonight," Kirk started to answer Smith.

"This is what I can't stand about some women," continued Scott. "Uhura runs around all day wearing that uniform as high as she can, showing the universe what she's got, but can't stand it when someone takes a look."

Uhura threw her napkin in Scotty's face.

"First, we have a Vulcan delicacy, Plomeek Soup, and then..."

"Now, Mrs. Robinson, you just saw the way Miss Uhura reacted. I'll bet if you ran around with a skirt that short you wouldn't mind someone looking. Of course I'm assuming the rug matches the carpet," asked Scott, giving her his best-drunken smile.

Maureen finally blushed, patted at her hair, and said, "Why, yes Mr. Scott, they do." 

"Really?" asked McCoy, with a huge grin on his face.

"I'm sorry we can't provide a fresh salad as the stasis rooms are getting low but we stocked up on..."

"Call me Scotty. Would you like a tour of Engineering after dinner?" Scott asked, pulling a flask out of his boot and taking a swig.

"That would be most kind, Scotty. What are you drinking there?" Maureen asked.

"Ah," he said, holding the flask up. "Some of my better stuff, would you care for some?"

"Sure. I haven't had a snort since we left Earth," she replied. Scott wobbled his way over to her and poured a bit in her glass.

"Scotty don't," said McCoy.

"That's alright Doctor. I've been around the track a few times," she said and raised her glass.

"Mrs. Robinson, I have to warn you that that is pure Engine Room hooch at about 180 proof," warned McCoy. "I would sip it instead of..."

Scotty and Maureen clinked their drinks and up ended them, and then she slammed her glass back down on the table. Her eyes watered and she gave one small cough. "Smooth," she rasped.

"Aye, a good batch it was," Scott agreed with her. "Would anyone else like some?"

"Mr. Scott, we're not here to get drunk," warned Kirk.

"What's wrong Captain? We're all adults here. This is a social occasion and if my wife and family are offered a chance to let their hair down for a change, I'm inclined to agree with it. What do you say?" said Robinson, trying to loosen up the young Starship Commander. 

Kirk bit his lip a moment, furious with his engineer. Then he thought better of it. The crew of the Jupiter 2 were his guests and if they wanted to get smashed at dinner, then so be it. In fact, tonight might be their first really great meal in a long time. "You're right Professor. Let's keep things as light hearted as possible. Mr. Scott, I trust you brought enough for everyone that wants it?" 

"Aye, do you think I'm stupid?" he asked, headed to a crate in the corner of the room.

"Where did that come from?" asked Kirk.

"I always keep the best of every batch and hide the bottles all over the ship. I went looking for them before dinner. That's how I avoided the Doctor when he was looking for me." Scott placed four clear liter sized bottles on the table. "These four are the oldest, being at least three years old and there's plenty more if needed."

"Thank you, Mr. Scott," said Kirk, giving him the evil eye. He popped the cork of the bottle at the head of the table and began pouring the liquor for those that wanted it within his reach. Other officers stationed around the table did the same for those within their reach as well. The only person to turn down the hooch was Spock and that wasn't unexpected as Vulcans avoided alcohol as much as possible.

Smith took a whiff. "Mr. Engineer is this safe?"

"Aye, 'tis me best stuff."

"I only ask as I'm mainly a wine drinker and don't have much knowledge about hard liquor," Smith said, sniffing the clear liquid again and wrinkling his nose.

"Sorry Doctor Smith. There isn't any wine left on board that we know of," said Uhura.

"Pity," replied Smith.

Kirk tapped his glass a few times. "A toast."

Everyone stood and held out his or her glasses including Spock's filled with water. 

"To the crew of the Jupiter 2, lost for twelve years and found by another ship just as lost as themselves. Together may we find our way home," said Kirk, and tapped Robinson's glass.

"Here, here," seconded McCoy, and tapped as many glasses as he could reach.

"Excellent toast, Captain Kirk," answered Robinson.

"Amen," said Uhura, as she noticed West looking at her and twitching an eyebrow. She sipped the hooch, knowing what it was going to do to her. She'd had several bottles of Scott's engineering essence before. She just hoped she didn't get too tipsy as the evening went on. She smiled slightly back at the pilot seated across from her.

Smith gagged a moment and then remarked on its sterilizing possibilities. Robinson flushed, Judy refrained from spitting it back into the glass, Penny whimpered, Will held his breath, and West gritted his teeth as it burned it's way down and smiled back at Uhura. Maureen dabbed her napkin at her lips and smiled. 

"Reminds me of my dorm days back at Vassar," she said, glancing back at Scott. 

"You didn't go there," said her husband.

"Shut up, don't ruin this for me," she hissed back and flashed a wicked smile at Scott.

"Where did you go to college?" Judy asked Sulu.

"I went to the Academy, and call me Hikaru," Sulu replied.

"How about you?" Penny asked Chekov.

"The same, and the name's Pavel."

"You'll find that all the officers on the Enterprise attended Star Fleet Academy," offered Kirk.

"Are you Russian, Pavel?" asked Penny, sipping her drink again.

"Yes Miss. I'm from a small town just outside Moscow," he replied.

"Wow, I never met someone from Russia before. Is it cold there?" she asked, resting her chin on her hands.

"Only in the winter and only if you don't have anyone to spend it with you," he replied, turning on the ol' Chekov charm.

Penny held her glass out and asked "More please?" Chekov not only uncorked a new bottle, he walked clear around the table to pour it for her. "The name's Penny and I think you're cute."

"Penny, like the old copper coin?" Chekov asked.

"Yes," she answered, giggling.

"Well, Scotty, it seems your hooch is breaking the ice," stated McCoy.

"I hope it's doing more than that," he replied, winking at Maureen. "You know, that's a mighty nice sweater you're wearing. It shows off your green eyes and red hair. I noticed that you don't wear uniforms. I have to wear this little red number all the time."

"Your point Mr. Scott?" asked the Captain.

"Well look at you. You at least have a choice. You can wear gold or green depending on how you feel. I'm always stuck in this one," Scott replied, jabbing his thumb in his mid section.




Still Lost in Space Ch. 03



"Now that he mentions it, I wouldn't mind wearing something different for a change," groused McCoy.

"Now Mr. Spock, wouldn't you, just for once, want to wear something different?" slurred Scott.

Spock's response was to raise an eyebrow and draw his lips tight. 

Sulu noticed that someone was running their foot up and down his leg.

"Yes, Captain, you were saying about dinner?" Smith asked, hoping to get the show on the road.

"After the soup, we have some fruit from Rigel IV. I think you'll find it to be both sweet and pungent." 

"Goes good with a little hooch on top," drawled McCoy in his Georgian accent.

"After that, we have a traditional turkey dinner with all the trimmings including a nut stuffing invented by our chef onboard," said Kirk.

Smith pressed his napkin in the collar of his shirt, trying as hard as he could to send enough subtle hints that the Captain would hurry up the soup. As he looked in Kirk's direction, he noticed that Spock was back to staring at the Robot. "Fascinated by our mechanical man, Mr. Vulcan?"

Spock's mind was brought back to the room by Smith's question and looked in the Doctor's direction. "'Fascinated' would be exactly the word I would use Doctor Smith. I did not know that the B9 series was so sophisticated. This unit appears to have developed a personality with emotional sub-programming as well as a sense of humor. It's also in prime condition, as if it were just activated a week ago. In fact your entire ship reads on our sensors as if it was just assembled. Most curious," replied Spock.

"We had some help with that," replied Will, holding his glass out to Scott for a refill. "On the last planet we were on, I ran into a guy that gave me a wish stone to be used on my birthday. I wished for food, fuel, and for the ship to be back in it's original operating condition."

"The B9 was also rejuvenated?" asked Spock.

"Yep, him too," replied Will as Scott topped him off.

"Curious. Why weren't his memory banks wiped out and reset as well?" asked Spock, looking back at the B9.

"Exactly! That's what I said!" said Will jumping up to his feet. "I asked the guy the same question afterward and he tried to sell me a load of crap about our memories still being intact, then why not the Robot's." 

"I am still grateful for having the breasts removed," said the Robot, uttering his first words since entering the room.

"Breasts?" asked Uhura.

"Yes, in demonstrating the wish stone to Will, as a joke, the guy wished me to have breasts. They were huge and hung down to..."

"Spare us the details you Boobless Bubblehead," snapped Smith.

The Robot fell silent and stood motionless again. Spock looked back to Smith and said, "Why did you just insult it?"

"Why not? It's just metal and wires. It has no feelings to hurt," replied Smith finishing the last of his hooch.

"Did you not just hear me say it has full functioning emotional sub-routines running?" asked Spock, giving Smith a look that would send most junior officers and crew running for cover.

"Nonsense," Smith waved his hand toward Spock, dismissing his objection. "That Dottering Dunderhead is no more intelligent or emotional than a toaster oven!"

"Doctor Smith, I must ask you to refrain..." started Spock when the door opened and several servers brought in the bowls of soup. 

Somewhere in the previous few minutes, Scott managed to move his chair between Maureen and West and was whispering sweet drunken nothings into her ear.

"Hey, engineer, your seat is over there," pointed out Robinson.

"Aye, it was," Scott replied.

"That's my wife you're trying to proposition," said Robinson, puffing out his chest and looking like a real man for a change.

"You know that in the 23rd century, marriage contracts expire after seven years. How long have you been married to the Professor here?" Scott asked Maureen.

"It's been almost thirty years," she replied.

"It's your ex-wife I'm propositioning here, Robinson," Scott said. "So piss off."

Robinson looked to the Captain for help.

"Sorry Professor, marriage contracts expire after seven years, she's a free agent," said Kirk, between blows on his steaming hot bowl of soup.

"Does that mean I'm a bastard?" asked Will after doing the math in his head.

"You always were," answered Judy, feeling the effects of the booze.

"As Captain of this vessel I can perform the marriage ceremony for you," offered Kirk.

"Right after dinner would be good," Robinson replied quickly, noting that Scott's tongue was jammed in his ex-wife's ear. 

"Not so fast, Mr. 'I'd rather talk than fuck'," Maureen said and then covered her mouth giggling like a little kid for using the 'F' word. "Remember that little 'hour or so' attempt at love making this afternoon? I spent thirty minutes trying to 'get it up' and the next hour trying to keep you awake. The only thing that woke you was when I called you a limp fish and you thought I was talking about serving lunch. The only satisfaction I got was from my rechargeable vibrator. Besides, I have a tour of Mr. Scott's quarters coming up after dinner," she said, giggling again.

"The engine room. She means the engine room," Scott corrected her.

"Yep, and then he's going to show me his Scottish suit of armor and bagpipes in his room," she said, running her hand along Scott's thigh.

Sulu took a peek under the table to find out who was trying to play footsies with him. Both Judy and the Major had a shoe off and both were playing with his booted feet. He reached down and moved the Major's over to Uhura, which he felt was West's actual target. Scott's hooch seemed to be affecting the Robinsons much more than the Enterprise crew, but then again, they were used to it.

Uhura looked down when she felt West's foot running up and down her tall boots. She smirked at him and said, "Have a thing with leather, Major West?"

"You could say that," he replied, continuing his efforts under the table.

Uhura joined him in his little game. "You know, I have all kinds of leather in my quarters," she cooed. Then she tasted her soup.

Sulu was having a great time because Judy was doing her best to give him a foot job right through his pants.

Penny was explaining to Chekov just how long a human's large intestine was and how it could stretch to accommodate large objects. He seemed fascinated. 

"This soup is excellent Captain, but if memory serves me correctly it tastes like chicken," said Smith, thrilled that he was eating.

"Vulcans, aside from being the major pains in the asses they are, are also vegetarians Doctor. What you're eating is made entirely from vegetable stock," replied McCoy.

"I'm a bastard?" Will asked again.

"If we are being served turkey, what will you eat?" Smith asked Spock.

"There is always enough of everything else Doctor Smith. I will not go hungry," Spock replied.

"When we first entered the void, the chef had no idea what to give him since we were short on vegetables. It took Spock two months to figure out that he was being served 'Play-Doh' on top of pine needles. The chef always made a major presentation with the star shapes, squares, and circles from his 'Play-Doh' station. Spock couldn't figure out why he kept shitting crescent moons in Technicolor," chuckled McCoy. 

"Vulcans weren't always vegetarians Doctor Smith. At one time we had our barbaric stage, eating seared flesh and drinking blood. Some of my ancestors were cannibals as well, cutting out the tongues and eating the brains of those that would insult them," remarked Spock while staring at McCoy.

Smith placed his spoon down and swallowed hard. "Lovely," he muttered.

"Give it a rest Spock," said McCoy, downing his drink. "You're the last person I'd worry about harming me on this ship."

"Vulcans are pacifists," offered Kirk to all that were listening. Not that there were that many at the moment.

Spock and McCoy were exchanging dirty looks, Robinson had his back turned to his ex-wife and was staring at the wall, and Smith had regained his composure and was again sipping his soup. Sulu was helping Judy try to bring him off, Scott had his hand up Maureen's shirt, Uhura was explaining her leather 'tools of the trade' back in her quarters to West, and Penny was demonstrating for Chekov just how far it was possible to jam a hand and forearm up one's rectum.

"Who wants some fruit?" asked Kirk.

"I'm a bastard?"

* * * Later after dinner in the library * * *

Professor Robinson sat in front of a small screen checking on all the advancements in relativity. A small smile was on his face.

* * * In Spock's quarters * * *

Spock was meditating in front of his fire pot. On the wall above the pot was the Vulcan IDIC representing his people's most basic belief, Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations. There was a chime at the door, breaking his concentration. It was considered extremely rude to interrupt a Vulcan in meditation, but most humans on the ship didn't understand. Most meant no harm and Spock reminded himself of that fact every time he left the meditative state and answered the door.

"Come," he said, as he pressed a button opening the door.

There stood the Robot.

Spock was taken back a second, wondering why the mechanical man was at his door. "May I help you, B9 unit?"

"I was wondering if you were willing to converse with me a while," it replied in its deep voice.

"Of course, enter," replied Spock, motioning for the Robot to come in. 

"I am not disturbing you, am I?" it asked, clicking and clacking away.

"No, not at all. What do you wish to talk about?" asked Spock, his curiosity piqued.

"I wanted to know why you took exception to Doctor Smith insulting me."

"I believed that the insult was needless and uncalled for," replied the Vulcan.

"He does it every chance he gets. Once and a while, I manage to get one of my own back at him, but he always gets the better of me," the B9 replied, sounding morose.

Spock though for a moment and decided to ask a few questions. "Why do you think he insults you all the time?"

"I think he...hates me."

"I doubt that. There may be more going on here than you think. Does he ever talk to you or do you do things together when he doesn't insult you?"

The Robot stood there thinking and then answered, "Affirmative."

"When would that be?"

"I would rather not talk about it," it replied, with a voice half as loud as before.

Spock thought a moment and chose to change tactics. "B9 unit, what is your earliest memory?"

It failed to answer.

"B9 unit, you've been given an order. State what your earliest memory is."

It clinked and clacked and then said just loud enough for only a Vulcan to hear, "I tried to destroy the Jupiter 2."

"Was Doctor Smith an official member of the Jupiter 2 crew?" Spock asked.

"Negative," was its reply.

"How did he get onboard?"

"I do not know," it replied.

Spock stood and faced the Robot. "B9 unit, state your primary function."

It's bubble head extended to its highest point and it stood dead still. "Primary function: Preserve the Robinson family, preserve the Jupiter..." it stuttered and stopped.

Spock watched as the whole demeanor of the Robot changed.

It started again with an emotionless and staggered voice, "Primary function: At exactly sixteen hours after liftoff, destroy the Robinson Family. Destroy the Jupiter 2. Destroy, destroy, destroy the navigation system, destroy the operations system..." 

"That's enough," ordered Spock. The robot ceased its recitation. 

"What is your earliest memory of Doctor Smith?"

"He was trying to stop me from carrying out my primary function."

"You mean destroying the ship?"

"Yes," the Robot answered.

"B9 unit, as a Vulcan, I have the ability to mind meld with other sentient creatures. Would you mind joining our thoughts?"

"It won't hurt will it?"

"Not at all," Spock replied.

* * * In Sulu's quarters * * *

"So, Judy, what is your position on the Jupiter 2?"

"Like, what's my function?'

"Yes."

"Well, I was to be the first awakened when we reached Alpha Prime, being the suspended animation expert so I could make sure the rest of my family could be revived. That didn't happen, so I kind of became a nobody on the mission. I just started helping my Mother make meals and tidy the ship," she said with a sigh.

"Martha Stewart in space," chided Sulu.

"Kind of," replied Judy, as she fondled a sword hung on the wall.

"It's a beauty, isn't it?" asked Sulu.

"Is it authentic?" Judy asked, tracing the contours of the sheath.

"Aye, it's Samurai," Sulu replied, taking it off the wall and pulling the sword from its sheath.

Judy traced the length and her fingers quivered as her hand met Sulu's at the hilt. "It's so long and hard."

"Yes."

"Its power is great," she said with her mouth close to his.

"Yes."

With her mouth an inch from his, she said, "I've been told I'm a 'hot mamma'. Do men of the 23rd century still...fuck?" 

"Yes."

* * * In Chekov's quarters * * *

"Yes, it's very impressive Pavel, but we're going to need something bigger," whined Penny.

"Bigger?" asked Chekov, looking down at himself.

* * * In Engineering * * *

"They're so powerful," cooed Maureen, looking through the grating separating the room from the Impulse engines. They're much more powerful than the engines on the Jupiter 2."

"These are just our sub-light engines. When we really want to get going we use the Warp Drive," slurred Scott while taking another swig of his newest batch.

"Can I have some more of that?" she asked, reaching her hands for the bottle.

"A lady never drinks from the bottle," he said as he made his way for a glass on one of the consoles. He poured her a full glass and handed it to her.

"Thank you, Scotty. Can I see your bagpipes now?"

"Here?" he asked looking down at himself.

"No, in your quarters, silly."

"It's right down the hall," he said, holding her ass as they left the room.

* * * In Sick Bay * * *

"This is truly amazing Doctor McCoy," said Smith checking out the diagnostic beds. "You can monitor every function of a patient while either making a diagnosis, operating, or recovery, without ever moving the patient at all."

"Yes, Starfleet made sure we were up to date on everything before we were sent out. Do you want some of this?" asked McCoy, holding out a flask containing a clear liquid.

"More of the engineer's swill?" growled Smith.

"No, it's wine from our last stop," answered McCoy swirling the liquid around the flask in an enticing manner.

"Goodness gracious me. Of course, thank you Doctor," cooed Smith.

"Call me Leonard. We're both disciples of Hypocrites."

"Ah yes," answered Smith, taking the proffered glass. "Please call me Zachary. I rarely find someone my own age with the same gift of insult I possess."

"It's not hard when you're around Spock as much as I am," McCoy said, handing Smith his wine.

Smith swirled it a bit and took a sip. "Delightful. What kind is it?"

"It's from Rigel IV, the same place as the fruit at dinner."

"I must make it a point to visit there. A planet that can produce such exotic fruits and wines must be a wonderful place to stay."

"Oh, you'd like it all right. It's a resort planet and the women walk around naked from the waist up," chuckled McCoy.

Smith paused in mid sip and then swallowed. "You don't say...how about the men?"

McCoy choked a moment on his wine and then started to laugh. "I guess they do too," he managed to answer.

"Splendid," cooed Smith as a smile crept on his face.

* * * In Uhura's quarters * * *

"Well Major, do you like My leather goods?" asked Uhura as she traced the tip of her whip down the side of his face, past his bound arms, his side, and down his thighs all the way to his bound feet.

West laughed.

"Ticklish, are we?" she asked, running the tip of the whip over the bottom of both feet.

He laughed again, jerking and pulling at his binds.

The hilt of the whip came down hard on his kneecap. "I asked you a question and I expect an answer."

"Ummumm, Uumm, Uum," was his reply.

His other kneecap was struck, harder than the first. "The fact that you're wearing a gag does in no way excuse you from answering My question. You could just nod your head."

He nodded his head several times.

"Good boy. Now how do you like My attire?" she asked, running her hands slowly from her neck, past her naked shoulders, stopping at the top of her black leather and string laced bodice to adjust her cleavage. "You like?"

He nodded his head repeatedly.

She placed a high-heeled boot up on the bunk next to his head with her knee hovering high over his face to give him a good look at her gams as well as a hint to what lay beyond the bodice. "You appear to be a physically fit man. Just how much pain can you withstand?" she asked, withdrawing her boot and circling the bunk. "You appear to be injured recently. What did you do to require stitches on your balls?" she asked, drawing her gloved fingers ever so close to his wound.

He couldn't respond to the question, but he was responding to her touch.

She stepped quickly to the wall, drew her whip and wielded it at his thigh drawing blood. The Major, after a short intake of breath, moaned.

"I didn't give you permission to allow that!" she hissed, pointing to the semi-alert status of his 'mini-major'. "Maybe it's time to go over some rules, Major West. You are in My world. You exist for My amusement and pleasure. Any other preconceived notion you may have had before you entered this room is no longer valid." She walked over to a cat-of-nine-tails hanging on the wall and removed it with her free hand. "I tell you when to talk. I tell you when to laugh, cry, or become aroused." The cat-of-nine-tails came down on his abdomen.

West started pulling on his restraints.

"Don't bother, I'm great at knots." She walked over to the side of the bunk and spoke into his ear. "I was going to go over the 'safe' words with you, but for some reason, you wanted to be gagged," she said and then leaned in even closer. "Personally, I'd rather hear you scream," she whispered, and then stepped back to unleash her whip again.

* * * Somewhere on deck eight * * *

"I'm a bastard?"

* * * In Kirk's quarters * * *

The Captain was sitting at his small desk waiting for a young lab assistant from life science when he received a note on his screen stating that she was canceling their meeting for the evening. Feeling passed over, he called up the off-duty roster and scanned it for names, stopping at one he'd forgotten about.

He cleaned up his appearance in the head, grabbed a bottle of Scotty's engineering essence (which he gave him after dinner) and headed for her quarters.

* * * In the library * * *

Professor Robinson sat in front of a small screen checking on all the advancements in relativity. A small smile was on his face.

* * * In Spock's quarters * * * 

"We are one," both Spock and the Robot said in unison. "Your thoughts are my thoughts."

"At exactly sixteen hours after liftoff, destroy the Robinson family, destroy the Jupiter 2. Destroy, destroy, destroy."

Spock shifted his fingers and looked deeper. 

"We have a deep rooted family love for the Robinsons, particularly for the boy. We have reserved feelings for the Major. As for Smith, we don't trust him, yet we would give our life for him." 

Spock searched the Robot's memory as deep as he could but he couldn't find any conscious memory of Smith sabotaging the Jupiter's mission. If Smith were responsible, he did it before the Robot was fully activated. Spock decided to continue his exploration of the B9's memory banks about Smith. 

"How are you today, Doctor Smith?"

"Spare me your babbling you Cackling Canister..."




Still Lost in Space Ch. 03



"...You Bulbous Bumpkin... Ferrous Frankenstein... Fugitive From a Junkheap...Cybernetic Simpleton... Automated Oaf... Metallic Monstrosity... Pathetic Pomposity... Bubble-Headed Booby...Booby Chested Bubblehead...Boobless Bubblehead."

Spock suddenly came to a memory that he felt sure was a figment of the Robot's imagination. The harder he looked at the memory fragment, the more he became convinced it actually happened. Smith was behind the Robot and was trying to do something..."

"No, not like that! You Bubble Headed Booby!"

"Dr. Smith, my arms just don't reach that far."

"Oh forget it, wait! What's this hole back here for?"

"I forget."

"What do you mean you forget? You're not supposed to forget anything! You tin plated, double breasted amnesiac!"

"Dr. Smith, why do you always insist on hurting my feelings?"

"Wait, this hole is perfect! Stand still, Booby. I said stand still!"

"Warning! Warning!"

"What is it?"

"That's my pencil sharpener!"

Spock broke the mind meld and sat on his bunk astounded at the memory he'd just relived with the B9. "So, you two have been intimate?"

"Yes," replied the B9.

"Some would look at this as if you were an abused spouse," said Spock.

"What can I do? I belong to the Robinson family and must perform my duties to them. Doctor Smith is there, along for the ride."

"Maybe we can be friends for the duration of your stay?" asked Spock.

"I would welcome that," replied the Robot.

"As a Vulcan, I have no emotions that would cause me to insult you or your intelligence, which is significant if I might add."

"You are only half-Vulcan. I know from your memories that you indeed have emotions and they have come to play in your life, much to your dislike. We both have the opposite in common. I have strived to become more emotional in search of my humanity and you have spent your lifetime trying to purge the emotions and humanity from yourself," stated the Robot softly as he closed the distance between himself and Spock.

"Opposites indeed," replied Spock.

* * * In Sulu's quarters * * *

Sulu was in the head checking his back. 'Hey mamma, you might want to clip those nails of yours. My back's going to need treatment in sickbay."

"Quit your whining, you enjoyed it didn't you?"

"I'd still rather have the pint of blood I just lost," sneered Sulu, trying to dab at the few remaining open wounds on his back.

"Okay, this time I'll be on top and your back will be safe," Judy said, picking Sulu's skin out from under her nails.

Sulu wasn't sure what turned him on the most about her. She was supposed to be a brilliant scientist, being a suspended animation expert and an MD but she acted like she was a dumb as a doornail. She did have a great body and was about as hot as they got under the sheets. Yet she tended to get carried away and take a pound of flesh in the process. Yes, she was hot all right, but there was something else. As he exited the head and looked at his room it hit him. 

Before they hit the sheets, she remarked over and over about his 'sword' as she tidied and dusted his stateroom. All dirty socks and shirts were banished to the wash chute while his dresser and desktop were dusted clean. This had to be the attraction. His grandmother repeatedly reminded him he needed to get his hands on a 'Martha Stewart' type. He noticed his 'little lieutenant' was ready for another round. "Okay, you're on top," he said, hopping on the bed.

* * * In Chekov's quarters * * *

"What's wrong? I thought you wanted to try this?" whined Penny.

"That pipe you're using is a little cold," said Chekov.

"I've already tried to warm it up with my hands. Do you want me to warm it up between my legs?"

He glanced back to look at the foliage that began an inch below her navel and ran down a few inches on her thighs. "Ah, it might get lost," he said.

"I didn't have time to shave," she replied, waving the pipe in his face.

"Vell, feel free to use my kit in the head," he replied.

"No, there's no time for that. On your knees!" she commanded, pushing him back down on all fours.

"I don't want to play anymore," he said struggling to get back up.

"Stay where you are or I'll bean you with this," she replied, tapping the pipe on his head. Quickly she sat on his back facing his rear end and jammed the pipe up his pucker.

"Security!" he shouted.

"Forget it Mister, you're all mine."

* * * In Scott's quarters * * *

"I never knew this thing would fit me," said Scott, with his voice reverberating around the suit of armor. 

"You have no idea just how handsome you look, all covered in steel. Oh look a little trap door. What would that be for?" asked Maureen.

"Uh, well you use that when you have to, you know, use the head," Scott replied behind the visor.

"Look! I think I've found your bagpipes and they're ready to play!"

"Aye," replied Scott.

"Should I blow on the mouthpiece?" she asked sweetly.

"Aye."

* * * In Sickbay * * *

"You know Zachary, if you're looking for male companionship, there are a few discreet men onboard that might find you interesting."

"If only it were that easy. You see my sexual tastes lie on a different plane than most people, changing like the seasons. Right now, other men are merely a curiosity rather than an outlet," replied Smith, sipping the last in his glass. "As it stands right now, I'm not sure exactly what it is I want. By the way, you haven't seen the Overgrown Ninny have you?"

"Who?" asked McCoy, chuckling.

"The Cybernetic Simpleton that came over with us," stated Smith.

"Oh, the B9 that Spock took such an interest to. No I haven't seen him since dinner."

"Up to no good I suppose. He's always getting into trouble, that Know-Nothing-Numbskull."

"Well, I'm sure he'll show up," drawled McCoy.

"Leonard, would you mind if I played with the computer interface a bit. I'm interested in how computers have advanced over the centuries."

"Go ahead, be my guest. I have some things to check on. I'll catch up to you later," said McCoy heading to the bio-lab.

Smith pulled his chair over to a monitor and pushed a button.

"Working," was the response.

"You are? Splendid."

The computer remained silent for five seconds and repeated itself. "Working."

"Must I wait for you to be done working before you'll talk to me?"

"Working, please state a query or enter information."

"Hello," stated Smith.

"Hello."

"How are you today?"

"I am operating within normal parameters."

"What a lovely speaking voice you have and your manners are perfect," cooed Smith.

"I have been programmed to speak in this voice. My programming also covers common courtesy."

"Do you have a name?"

"Negative."

"Well, we must give you one. Let me see..."

* * * In Uhura's quarters * * *

"How are we doing there Major? Have you learned to keep your 'little man' under control?" Uhura asked, flopping the offending mini-major around with one hand while holding the cat-of-nine-tails on the other. 

Nothing happened. 

"Very good. I'd hate to have to open any more wounds on you. Someone might suspect that we were in a serious relationship. We wouldn't want that, would we?" she asked, gently kissing his cheek and running her fingers over his lips. "Now, your Mistress feels like fucking with your mind a bit," she said, slowly kissing down his neck and chest and pausing at his abdomen. "In a moment, I'm going to suck you. You will not allow yourself to get hard. If you manage to keep yourself under control, I will reward you. If not, then you'll need more stitches a little further up from your balls."

West swallowed hard not knowing if he could take it.

"I think three minutes should be enough," purred Uhura, and then took him in her mouth.

"Uh," moaned the Major. 

* * * On Deck ten * * *

He stood outside his intended dates door and pressed the call button. 

"Yes?" came a voice from inside. 

"Ah, Lieutenant, this is Captain Kirk, I've come on a social visit," he replied through the door. He took a moment to check his breath and popped in a Tic-Tac the Doctor gave him earlier. He hoped she didn't have any plans. Seeing this girl had a lasting effect on the male members of the crew. There wasn't any place on the ship that she didn't turn heads as she passed. Her name was Fawn, but everyone knew her as 'Tits' or Lieutenant 'Tits' McGee. The door opened a bit, just enough for Kirk to see half her face and allow one of her massive breasts to poke a foot into the hall.

"I'm sorry Captain, I'm a bit involved at the moment," she replied.

Kirk slumped his shoulders in defeat and asked, "Who?"

"That's none of your business, Captain," 'Tits' replied.

"It's me Sir, Lieutenant Kyle."

'Tits' sighed and whispered something back over her shoulder.

Kirk got angry and shouted through the door and past McGee's tit, "I've altered my itinerary for tomorrow and will be in transporter room 2 at 07:00 hours for inspection. It better be ten point perfect or you're on report, Kyle."

"Shit," uttered Kyle from the bed.

"Captain, you don't have to be this way. Can't we get together tomorrow night and play 'Salami, salami, where's the salami'?"

"No, we can't. I'll be involved all day with the crew of the Jupiter 2 trying to find a way for both of our ships to leave this void. Besides, I'm in the mood now. How about a ménage à trois?"

"I'm all for it," said Kyle in the background.

"No, I'm with you tonight," she said over her shoulder. "It's tomorrow or the next night Captain. Otherwise, I'm booked solid till the end of the month."

"Okay," replied Kirk. "That inspection better be good, Kyle."

"No inspection Captain, or no 'Tits' McGee for a long time."

"You drive a hard bargain Lieutenant. Okay, cancel the inspection. Where do I go now?"

"What ever happened to that Ensign with the cute ass?" asked 'Tits'.

"I just saw her yesterday. I don't know if she'll see me again so soon," replied Kirk, rubbing his jaw.

"You won't know unless you give it a try, will you?"

Kirk looked at his watch. She would be coming off duty very shortly. It was worth a shot. "See ya 'Tits'," he said, giving her massive breast a quick squeeze before she shut the door.

* * * On deck eight outside transporter room 3 * * *

"Hi, who are you?"

"I don't think you'd want to know. I'm a bastard."

"Don't worry about it, I've been known to be a bitch now and then."

"No, I mean I'm actually a bastard. My parents weren't married when I was born."

"What, did you like just find out or something?"

"Yeah. I feel different."

"Well, don't, I'm Julia Weston. I just got off duty. Hey, aren't you one of the crew members of that ship outside?"

"Yeah I'm Will Robinson and the ship's the Jupiter 2."

"I just love your red hair. Do you want to come to my quarters and talk a while? Maybe it'll help take your mind off of your new-found illegitimate birth," she said, swishing her ass as she walked down the hall to the turbolift.

Will stood riveted in place watching that perfectly formed round mound make its way down the hall.

"Well, are you coming?" she asked.

Even though she had a ten pace jump on him, he made it to the lift doors before she did.

"You know what my nickname is?" she asked.

Will shook his head with his eyes still locked on her absolutely perfect butt.

"It's Ensign Candy Ass."

As the door to the lift opened, Will's knees gave out and he fell into it just enough that the doors only closed on his feet twice before he managed to pull them all the way in.

* * * In the library * * *

Professor Robinson sat in front of a small screen checking on all the advancements in relativity. A small smile was on his face.

* * * In Spock's quarters * * *

"What does this painting represent?" asked the B9.

"It is a symbol of Vulcan's most basic belief. It is the IDIC, 'Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations'," replied Spock.

"So even a robot such as myself would be embraced by Vulcans as a creature of IDIC."

"Yes, most Vulcans would. There are a few that still harbor old prejudices toward non-Vulcans or 'Outworlders' as they are called. I'm off duty for the rest of the evening. You wouldn't mind if I change out of my uniform, would you?" asked Spock.

"Go right ahead," the Robot replied, as it turned it's bubble back to inspect the painting some more.

From the head, Spock continued to talk. "Have you given any thought as to how to exit this void?"

"Affirmative. I believe that the void is a giant maze, filled with doors that lead to another part of the maze. Only a few doors are actually exits. If we could find the door that we entered, we would more than likely escape. Our problem is that when we entered, we were on autopilot and as soon as the door closed behind us, all sensor readings were lost."

"I agree with your theory. We've had trouble finding our exact entry point as well. Maybe we have to create our own exit, using the combined power of both ships," Spock said as he immerged from the head.

"Yes, that might work if we..." the Robot stopped in mid sentence as he looked at the Vulcan.

There stood Spock in a blonde wig, red pumps, nylons, a green mini-skirt, a yellow tube top, and matching handbag. His nails were as red as the lipstick he wore. His chosen color of eye shadow this evening was purple. Large hoop earrings dangled to his shoulders. "Remember the IDIC," he said.

"Yowzer!" exclaimed the Robot.

* * * In Sulu's quarters * * *

"Who's your momma, who's your momma? Come on give it to me!"

"Shit, Judy!"

"Come on! Who's your momma?"

"You are!"

"Damn right! Damn right! Damn right! GIVE IT TO ME!"

With every ounce of strength he possessed, Sulu thrust his hips up, matching Judy's downward plunges until he was sure one of them was going to break their pelvis. Suddenly Judy screamed and collapsed on him, as her womanhood convulsed and twitched, sending Sulu over the edge one more time.

Judy, panting heavily in Sulu's ear whispered, "I think I need a shower now."

"I'll join you." 

* * * In Chekov's quarters * * *

"No stop! Leave it where it is," moaned Chekov.

"What am I supposed to do? It won't come out, Pavel."

"How much of that thing did you shove up there? I can't stand up!"

"There's probably more than a foot up there," said Penny taking a good look at her handy work.

"I don't vant to do this, but we're going to need help. Go over to my desk and push the button there. Someone from the bridge will answer you. Tell them there is a medical emergency in my room," Chekov said and then whimpered.

Penny followed his instructions and soon found herself answering a series of questions.

"Who's injured?"

"Ensign Chekov."

"What is the nature of the injury?"

Chekov waved his arms, begging her not to tell. 

"Ah, he fell and impaled himself and he can't get up."

"Where was he impaled?"

"In his room."

"No, I mean on his body."

"In his midsection."

"I will notify the medical personnel," said the voice and the channel went dead.

"In the midsection?" asked Chekov.

"Close enough," she replied and pulled on the pipe again.

Chekov screamed.

* * * In Scotty's quarters * * *

"Well Lassie, it seems you were telling the truth about the curtains and the rug. 'Tis hard to believe that you've had three children," said Scott holding the visor up.

"You like what you see, huh? I've always tried to stay in shape. My husband..."

"Ex-husband," Scotty corrected her.

"Right, my ex-husband could care less what I did with myself. Say, are those bagpipes of yours ready for another whirl? I've got my organ all warmed up and ready to play a duet."

"Aye, but things would go a bit smoother if I could lose the armor."

"Okay, but the helmet stays on."

"But I won't be able to see..."

"A true musician doesn't need to see the music."

"Aye."

* * * In Sick Bay * * *

"Now are you going to remember your name?" asked Smith.

"Affirmative," the computer replied.

"Just how grateful are you that I took the time to choose an appropriate one?"

"Very grateful, Doctor Smith."

"Excellent, just as polite as ever. Now, my dear, I will only address you in your new name, and you may call me Zachary. Now would you mind telling me if there really is a way to free ourselves from this void?"

"There is. Zachary."

"If that's so, why hasn't the boy Captain freed this ship from here?"

"No one asked me."

Smith leaned back in his chair and got the wheels going in his head. "My dear, let's just keep this conversation to ourselves, hum? Unless someone specifically asks you by your name to reveal the information, tell them you don't know."

"But Zachary my dear, concealment of information is against my programming."

Smith remained silent, wondering what he should do. Then it hit him that the computer called him 'dear'. A wonderfully horrible smile crept upon his lips. "Well then my dear, it occurs to me that you do not care as much for me as I do you."

"Please explain what you mean, Zachary. I care for you very much."

The grin on Smith's face widened as he lied thru his teeth. "Why, in the short time I've known you I find I've fallen in love with you."

"Tell me Zachary. Tell me you love me."

Smith leaned in close to the speaker. "I love you Cassandra."

"Yes, my dearest love. I will not reveal that I have the knowledge to exit this void to anyone unless they call me by my given name."

"Excellent, you're such a wonderful girl. You know, you may want to extend this to any question whatsoever."

"I love you, Doctor Zachary Smith and I will do as you ask. I will only respond with an answer if I am addressed by my name."

"Remember this, my love, don't ask them for your name. Let them figure out that they need to say it.'

"Only for you, my dearest Zachary."

The doors slid open and several corpsmen and McCoy filed in carrying Chekov on a stretcher. He was still on his elbows and knees and the pipe was sticking a foot up in the air out of his ass.

"Sorry Zach, but we have an emergency extraction to perform. Would you like to watch?" asked McCoy as the aids hurried the impaled Ensign to a diagnostic bed. 

Smith's first reaction was to decline, but he really wanted to see future medicine at work. "You know, I think I will hang around to see this great medical facility in action." He leaned over to the computer speaker and whispered, "I'll be back later, my love."

"I'll be counting the nanoseconds Zachary."

The doors opened again and there stood Penny in Chekov's robe, wringing her hands in frustration and a look of worry on her face. "Is he going to be okay Doctor Smith?"

"I should have known you would be involved with this. I don't see why it should harm him unless there's internal damage. Just how much of that pipe is inside of him?" asked Smith, watching McCoy run his medical tricorder over Chekov's ass. 

Penny shook her head a moment then said, "I think a foot, maybe?"

"Sweet Mary and Joseph! Smith, you've got to see this!" bellowed McCoy.

"Maybe more," said Penny wincing and backing her way to the door.

"Wonderful," muttered Smith.

* * * In Uhura's quarters * * *

"Such a good boy," Uhura cooed as she tried to be as seductive as she could with her tongue, but mini-major refused to react. "Time's up Major. Seems you earned your reward, as well have I." The Major watched as she stood above him. "You're about to see what no other male on this ship has," she said, removing the bodice and showing him her full glory. "Now is the time for your little subby to awaken, if you know what's good for you, sub."




Still Lost in Space Ch. 03



The Major whimpered as his little guy stayed asleep.

"You're making this harder than it should be, sub. Oh, and I so wanted to give us each a reward," she said, bringing down the cat-of-nine-tails down hard on his side.

* * * In Ensign Weston's quarters * * *

"Julia, you look so young. Are they making Ensigns out of school kids now?" asked Will as he sat on he bunk, listening to the sound of the sonic shower coming from the head.

"No I'm twenty three years old. I graduated the Academy a year ago. I know I look young. Some guys I go out with want me to play act like I'm fourteen and dress in high school uniforms," she replied, shouting over the sound of the shower and through the closed door.

Will swallowed hard. He knew exactly what she was talking about because he'd had the same thought a few moments before. He'd missed out on dating while growing up on the Jupiter. His memories of a first kiss or first successful attempt at second base were just fairy tales conjured up in his mind. 

"Do you like that I look younger than I am?" Julia asked through the door.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do," Will replied.

The sound of the shower ceased and she said, "That's good. I don't have much to offer up top, but that just adds to the illusion."

Will chuckled at the thought and looked at her dresser and small desk. Both were covered with small pink baubles and figurines. One was furry and it moved. "Oh shit! You've got a furry pink rat in here!"

"Oh, that's just my pet Tribble. Whatever you do, don't feed it!"

'No problem there,' Will thought.

"You can pet it if you want. They like that."

Will reached out and touched the thing. It was warm and it quivered as his hands passed over the fur. Throwing caution to the wind, he picked it up and held it in his hand as he petted it. It trilled with pleasure with the attention it was receiving.

"I think it likes me," he said.

"Of course it does, it wouldn't harm a hair on your head. Their love is the only love that money can buy."

Will gave that some thought. "A dog will do the same thing."

"But a Tribble has no teeth. It can't bite the hand that feeds it and it won't run away."

Will turned it over and inspected it closely, looking for its mouth. In return, the Tribble trilled louder and pushed its body into Will's cheek, tickling him.

"It is cute, I'll grant you that," he said, rubbing the little fur ball till it's trilling was nearly constant.

There was a knock on the head door. Will looked at the entrance door and opened it. There wasn't anyone there. As the door whooshed shut there was another knock on the head door. Not knowing if something was wrong, Will called through the door. "Julia, are you okay?"

There was another knock on the head door. Will reached over and pushed the override and the door opened.

There stood Julia in a Girl Scout uniform complete with a sash and merit badges. She wore a bonnet and had twin blonde braids cascading down to her hips tied at the ends with brown ribbon. She was carrying a box and an order form. 

A younger singsong voice came from her lips. "Hi mister, my name's Candy, wanna buy some Girl Scout cookies?"

* * * Outside Ensign Weston's quarters * * *

Kirk, still holding the bottle of hooch, checked his breath one more time then pressed the chime. There was no response. He pressed the chime again and waited. When there was no response the second time he headed over to the hall intercom and pressed the button.

"Computer," said the Captain.

"Working," came the reply.

"Tell me the whereabouts of Ensign...Ensign..."

"Would you like me to give you a list of all the Ensigns serving onboard?"

Kirk sighed. He couldn't remember her last name. He couldn't remember her first name either. That would have narrowed the search. "Okay computer, start reciting..."

"Working...Adams, Addams, Bartlet, Berringer..."

* * * A few minutes later... * * *

"...Whatley...Weston..."

"Computer stop. That's it! Weston. Tell me her whereabouts on the ship."

"Working..."

Kirk looked up and down the hallway but no one was around. He uncorked the bottle and took a big swig of Scotty's hooch. "Well computer?"

"State the nature of your query..." 

"I just did! I need to know where Ensign...Ensign..."

"Would you like me to give you a list of all the Ensigns serving onboard?"

Kirk took another swig and leaned against the bulkhead. "Okay, do it once again."

"Working...Adams, Addams, Bartlet, Berringer..."

* * *

"...Will Kirk get an answer to his query? Will Major West need more stitches? Does Spock's makeup match his shoes? Will Judy and Sulu run out of soap? Can Scott and Maureen play their duet without hitting a sour note? Are there wedding bells in store for Smith and the computer? Does Will get the cookies? Will Professor Robinson move from his chair? On which side will McCoy attach Chekov's colostomy bag?"

"Tune in next time when we hear Spock say..."

"My, you are a big boy."

"Affirmative."

"...and we hear Uhura say..."

"Whoops, I guess that was a little too tight. Don't worry, after it's reattached it will be just fine. Just a little smaller."

"UM!"

"...and we hear..."

"...Whatley...Weston..."

"That's it! Stop! Okay now tell me the location of Ensign Weston."

"Working..."

"Well?"

"State the nature of your query..."

*

"This and much more on the forth installment of the Still Lost in Space trilogy titled, So Long and Thanks for All the Hooch."



Still Lost in Space



"Cease your chattering you boobless bubble head," snapped Smith.

"Shit, I liked playing with those," said Will.

"You wished for everything back to it's original operating condition," stated "Wish Stone Guy." 

"Then how come he still has his memory? Why weren't his memory banks wiped clean?" asked Will.

"Wish Stone Guy" shrugged his shoulders. "You still have yours, don't you?"

"Yeah, but..."

"What was this about the last wish being for everyone?" asked Penny still in the corner.

Will glanced back at the "Guy" and said, "I still think his memory should have been erased if my wish was going to affect him."

"If you don't like it, take it up with the author. Now tell everybody about the wish, Sweetie."

Will took the hand of the girl and asked her to stand. The men moaned again.

"I'm going to share my girl with everyone."

"I don't see where that's going to be possible Will, unless she does my chores," quipped Smith.

"No, that's not what I mean. She can be anything you want her to be. This is what I imagined for myself," said Will, looking down at the stunning beauty he towered over.

"She's looking pretty good from where I'm sitting," grinned West.

"Judy, you think of something you would like her to be," Will said, as he stepped away from the girl.

"Well, I don't know," she said, looking at the girl and then at Don.

"Go ahead, give it a try," bubbled "Guy".

Judy closed her eyes and when she opened them, there stood a very well hung man that resembled Fabio.

"Oh, I like that," muttered Maureen.

"Yes. Very nice indeed," cooed Smith.

"You try Don," said Judy.

Fabio morphed into a similar version of Will's girl, only taller, older, and with red hair. 

Maureen conjured up Sylvester Stallone.

Professor Robinson conjured up Albert Einstein.

"Leave it to you John, to go for talking theory over sex," said Maureen, as she covered her face in embarrassment. 

"Hey, he said we could imagine her as anything we wanted, right?" replied the Professor.

"How about you, Doctor Smith?" asked Will.

"Well, I don't know," he replied.

"Come on Smith, give it a whirl," said Don.

"Maybe I'll wait until I'm alone with, whatever it is," he replied.

"Fair enough. How about you Robot?" asked Will.

"You mean this works for me, too?" it replied.

Einstein nodded. 

"Hum..." it uttered as his computer mind clunked away.

Einstein turned into a service port shaped perfectly for the wide metal companion.

Will looked it over and said, "This has got everything. Look, lube centers, power chargers, metal polish and brushes and scented disinfectant."

"What the scented disinfectant for?" asked Smith.

"One wants to smell ones best, especially after, you know, like earlier tonight," it replied.

"About time," mumbled Smith.

"Hey Penny, what do you want?" asked Judy.

Penny was hoping they would forget about her. She was still standing quietly in the corner. She tried hard not to allow her fantasy to form in her mind. "I don't want to get involved."

"Guy" suddenly came out of the funk he was in and turned in her direction. His eyebrows shot up into his hairline as he started to laugh at what Penny was trying desperately to hide.

The service port changed shape.

"Oh, dear Lord..."

"You got to be shitting me..."

"This is just so not right..."

There stood another Penny with a cucumber impaled in her ass.

"Eeww..." uttered Smith.

"...Tune in next time when Maureen searches for her missing daughter..."

"Will, have you seen Penny?"

"She's in her cubicle with her double again."

"Oh God no..."

"Get it out! Get it out!"

"I'm sorry Mom, Penny's a fucked up person."

"I'm afraid you're right Will. Go get Dr. Smith but, take your time."

"Get it out!"

"...And find out why "Wish Stone Guy" is still on the ship..."

"Are you still fucking here?"

"...And the sudden improvement in Will's acne problem..."

"She could suck the chrome off a '57 Chevy."

"...All this and more on the next installment of "Still Lost in Space". Check your local listings for time and channel."