0 comments/ 7321 views/ 0 favorites A Source of Energy By: Taunus Harry Wessel worked for All American Androids, Inc., for over thirty-six years. He worked with skins and artificial intelligence interfaces for gynoids of Twentieth Century American females. By the way, a "gynoid" is a female android. To keep alliteration in the title and ensure a good spot in the alphabetical listings, "gynoid" wasn't part of the company's official name. This was despite the fact that gynoids were the company's major product line. For thirty-six years Harry integrated personalities and skins to meet customers' needs. And today is the first day of his retirement. "Doing nothing is hard work," he once said, "because there's no way to stop and take a break." He remembers his last order; it was another Sharon Stone personality and physique "clone." Of all the women from 1900 through 2100, a span of over two centuries, Sharon Stone is the most sought-after gynoid. The phone rings. It is an old friend and former co-worker Bill Newman. "How is my good friend Harry-Oh?" he asks. "I can't complain," Harry replies. "And how is my good friend William Newman?" Harry asks. "Well, I have two difficult choices this morning," Bill answers. "Will I drink beer on the beach or drink beer in my back yard. So how does it feel to be retired?" "I don't know yet," Harry responds. "Ask me in a month." "What was your retirement bonus?" Bill inquires. "Well," Harry replies slowly drawing out the answer. They upgraded my standard issue BB539 gynoid to a maximized Sharon Stone limited edition. "Wow," Bill exclaims. "That is a package. But Jeez, you worked for them so much. I was glad to take an early out." "I was touched," Harry comments. "This is the high end of the most popular and most sought-after gynoid. But I will adapt. For sure no matter how well the technology of the orient is, there's nothing to compare with a blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman with a statuesque physique and an IQ of 154." (Or, was Sharon Stone's IQ really 148? It does not matter; the model upgrades to 154, adding a few more polysyllabic words and a few more definite integrals of Srinivasa Ramanujan.) "That's true," Bill remarks. "But can she still cook, chauffeur, do taxes, and everything else that those Japanese gynoids do?" "You bet," Harry retorts. "You've been out of the business for some time. Things have changed. The promise of wet ware went away because of the trafficking in humans. The newer gynoids have self-sustained power supplies and massive terabyte memory modules. It is an ongoing challenge to keep the gynoids submissive." "For sure," Bill recalls. "As they become self-aware they become more difficult to handle." "It merely requires a strong human hand," Harry explains. "It has bridged the Uncanny Valley as gynoids are able to question commands and make beneficial suggestions." "A kind of pleasure in recognizing obedience," Bill exclaims. "That programming you did for All American did more than anyone could imagine to bridge that valley. Others thought it to be impossible." "It wasn't just me," Harry responds. "I merely combined existing subroutines." "Still," Bill interjects, "It gave All American the market edge. For sure that merits the Limited Edition gynoid." "You have junk mail," the computer chirps. It is a notice of some malicious malware or computer virus requiring immediate attention. "Got to log [off]," Harry hastily remarks. "Computer emergency." "Ain't it so?" Bill agrees. "I spend more time talking to my computer than I spend talking to my wife. Call me anytime. Bye." Harry spends the next half hour replying to prompts about the latest computer virus. Do text files appear in a correct font? The so-called Great Font War continues as font foundries fight for royalties. Does the screen flicker at log off? Some spyware quickly transmits a burst of captured information as the computer enters a hibernate mode. And so on. The familiar female voice announces that food is ready. It is felicitous that the patches are finished in time for lunch. The gynoid has prepared soup and sandwich. She is dressed in preppy attire. Just then it strikes Harry that this limited edition is a Barely Eighteen(tm) edition. All of a sudden he's more interested in the gynoid than in lunch. "How could a generic T-shirt, Levi Blue Jeans(tm), Haynes(tm) underwear, and Nike(tm) tennis shoes look so sexy?" Harry asks. The gynoid blushes and responds. "Master, you need to eat your lunch before the soup gets cold." An impish grin flashes across Sharon's pink lips. "I will be available for dessert. If you don't trust me, you can tie me up." Her face breaks out with a smile. As Harry enjoys missionary sex with his gynoid, the TV blares out news about the latest recalls of androids and cyber terrorism alerts. American Androids, Inc., products are more expensive than many of their competitors; however, they are nearly bullet-proof from worms, moles, and viruses. It is too bad that the great unwashed masses of humanity aren't so fortunate. "Should I put in an order for more erotic lubricant and enhanced pheromones, Master," the gynoid asks. "There is now an atavistic animal attraction product line, if a Master wants to experiment with the cave man Leitmotif. It is known as 'Stone Age Woman'?" "What does 'atavistic' mean? Some kind of a throwback?" Harry queries. "Not exactly, but close," the gynoid replies. Then she utters a definitive dictionary definition. "The cardinal point here is that the attractor still elicits a response in the male. It simply is no longer secreted by the female of the species. It is almost like the human female decided to reduce the male libido." "Figures," Harry retorts. "Why am I not surprised? How much?" "Master, this girl does not know why you are not surprised." She answers. Harry frowns. He thinks to himself: "This is an Uncanny Valley that should have been filled in. Whatever were the programmer nerds thinking of?" Then the gynoid quotes a price, pauses and adds some discounts, and pauses again. Harry shakes his head negatively. The gynoid continues with a second coupon offer. Harry finally puts the quietus on it, saying: "Not interested. Just buy the refills." "Yes, Master," the gynoid replies and places the order electronically to the input sensor of the hibernating computer. The screen briefly flashes "OK" and returns to hibernation, an energy saving mode. "So, how is your power supply holding out Sharon?" Harry asks. "Thirty-one percent, Master," the machine answers. "Check the replacement market price and put in a bid at 80%," Harry orders. "Yes Master," she replies. "I don't know why these power supplies are so darned expensive," Harry muses. The gynoid perks but knows not to reply. Nevertheless she glances attentively to her master to see if a response might be desired. Sensing none, she lowers her eyes and awaits his next command. "Before the nuclear battery power supply," Harry murmurs, fully aware that the gynoid can access this information faster than he can speak it. "We had umbilical cords connecting the android to a fixed outlet for power, liquid Nitrogen, and chemicals. Now you are untethered. But much, much more expensive." The News Report "There are more reports of dysfunctional androids from the orient," the announcer reports. "Recalls of several Korean models have been ordered by the federal government." It is the same old story: American technology invented the android technology and the orient stole it and assembled models at cut-rate prices. Quality control is lacking causing serious malfunctions. The most serious hazard is the exploding power supplies. The Newton History Channel gives a documentary on power supplies. It is a truly remarkable story, with a similar theme to that of frequency hopping. Hedy Lamarr was able to invent a truly ingenious method of communication. Likewise, Sharon Stone was able to patent the core element of the nuclear battery power supply. But history repeats itself. Just as Hedy Lamarr's remarkable discovery sat on a shelf for decades so also Sharon's energy cell languished. The fact that radioactivity was employed, no matter how safely, was enough to prohibit its production. Who would have thought that a cylinder two inches in diameter and three inches long could generate enough energy to power a fully functional gynoid for a calendar month? The secret was buried in a crystalline structure that addressed the nuclear bonding. The result was a meta-stable device capable of storing enormous energy. As the crystal structure dissolves, the amorphous residue is ready for recharging. Unfortunately, in an amorphous state, there is radioactivity. Hence the need to recharge on schedule and use only quality, refined materials. The original power supplies, while small and powerful were also radioactive in use. Therefore, the prototype sat on a shelf in the patent office until a clever engineer modified the crystal by inducing meta-stability. The result was an explosion in the market place as huge as Xerox, the PC, or 3D TV. Credit still had to be given to the creator, albeit no longer able to claim the encomium and kudos in the flesh. Her image lives on as the most sought-after gynoid, with partial profits on the skin going to a charity. 13 October 2010 Taunus Trumbo