0 comments/ 4281 views/ 4 favorites The End And The Beginning of Me 01 By: SuzanLeBrat The end and the beginning of me Who am I? Good question. But irrelevant. I am a work in progress. So even if I could answer it the reply will change in time. Who was I? That's a question I can easily answer. I was nobody. I was the invisible girl that sits in the corner booth at the local cafe working remotely on her laptop taking a break from time to time watching the people around me and creating my own stories for them. I saw couples that just met, couples who were on the verge of breaking up, friends meeting up for chitchat and young mothers with their babies out for a breath of fresh air and a coffee. No one saw me. And I liked it that way. Why would they want to look at the drab, grey clad girl with short hair and a laptop that covered most of her expressionless face. I would smile at the barista when ordering my coffee but other than that I just immersed myself in my work and my books. Until that day. The day he walked in.. I was just about to get my 3rd coffee when I saw him enter and stand in line. There was something about him. Not his looks. They were ok. Just a regular guy. But his manner was different. Aloof and distant but not hidden. He wasn't trying to be invisible like me. He knew he could be the center of attention, he just didn't care. Sheltered behind my laptop I continued to watch him as he sat down with his order. He took his time, holding on to that cup of coffee in one hand and idly caressing it with the other between sips as if he was making love to it. His mind was elsewhere. Mine was focused on him. I don't know what came over me but when I saw he was almost ready to leave I packed my laptop and quickly went outside. My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty and my pupils were so dilated it looked like someone turned a searchlight on the world. As he got out I pretended to look for something in my bag and proceeded to follow him from a distance hoping and wishing he wasn't going to get in a car. He didn't. He walked home and I followed. I didn't know it then but this decision I made without any logical thought would be the end and the beginning of me. I followed him home and watched as he entered his apartment and turned on the light. I took one last look at his window, memorizing its position and entering it into a mental map I've created and then I quickly left. I was still shocked at what I've done but I couldn't really help it. This man with his magnetic energy just drew me to him and I couldn't resist it even if I wanted to. And besides, what harm could it do? I had no intention except learning more about him. I couldn't sleep at all that night. I was imagining his hands running over my body, caressing it with the same passion they did to that coffee mug. I kept thinking about his energy. That strong overpowering energy which claimed every available space around him. But there was something more, a look in his eyes which spoke volumes of a darkness so deep and wide that it felt as if he was lost in it. The next morning I resisted the urge to go and watch him and headed back to my spot at the cafe. In the afternoon he entered again, sat down and made love to his mug just as before. This time his eyes were more alive. Still dark but more alert and less far away. Watching him sitting there, I wished, for the first time in a long while, that I wasn't invisible anymore. I craved to see his gaze dart towards me and linger here if only for a second before fading again into the darkness within him. As he was ready to go, the same routine followed. Me leaving before him, waiting to see his back and following him to his apartment. I didn't know why I was doing this but somehow walking "with" him felt right. Felt safe. Felt good! I didn't even try to hide myself, I just walked a few steps behind him lost in my thoughts and emotions. Why should I hide anyway? After all I am the invisible girl. The same thing happened for the next 3 days. Him drinking his evening coffee. Me "walking" him home then going back to mine. But when Friday came I realized I wouldn't see him for the next two days. And the realization hit me like a punch in the stomach. I decided that on that evening I would enter the building and stand by his door for a little while. I wanted to smell him, to hear his music. I just wanted to know more about this man that was lost in darkness but was pulling me into the light. The End And The Beginning of Me 02 I waited to one side as he disappeared into the building. After the door closed behind him and enough time passed to let me know he must be in his apartment by now I approached the door resolving myself to press the first button I see and just saying "Pizza". It always works in the movies. As I got to the entrance I noticed it wasn't closed properly. Relieved I didn't have to talk to anyone I slowly pushed the door and walked in. The long dark corridor was empty bar a medium sized mirror at the entrance with a small light above it that barely managed to illuminate the tiny niche the mirror was placed in. I took my first step towards the end of the hallway when I was slammed against the wall. The force knocked the air out of my lungs and I felt like my ribs must have cracked. I was trying to get past the pain and refill my lungs with air when I felt a hand squeezing my neck barely allowing any air to get in or out. Instinctively I raised my arms and unsuccessfully tried to remove the hand that was firmly placed there. Once I managed to focus I saw him standing in front of me, anger and curiosity(?) filling his dark eyes. My chest was heaving from the effort of breathing but his grip didn't relent. He looked at me intensely for a few moments that seemed like forever and then moving his head closer growled in my ear "You've been following me for the last few days." It wasn't a question but he seemed to be waiting for something. "You've been following me for the last few days." He said again putting more pressure on my neck. I tried to say something but I couldn't make a sound so I just nodded silently and the extra pressure subsided. "You didn't make it very hard for me to know you were following me did you?" I quickly shook my head. "Did you think I didn't notice?" I was so rattled by this situation that I was practically frozen. My mind drowning in a million thoughts and panic was settling in. The pressure on my neck increased for the second time "Did you think I didn't notice?" I nodded and the pressure subsided. "Don't make me repeat everything! Understand?" I nodded again. "You were so close behind me that you were practically a second shadow. How could you think I wouldn't notice?" How was I supposed to answer this with no voice? Look at me! Look at me and tell me how could I not! My mind was screaming at him but no voice could escape the prison of my throat. I felt his grip tighten and my consciousness slipping away when in my desperation I remembered the mirror that was hanging at my side. Tears started running down my face as I quickly turned my head towards the mirror and back to face him, repeating this another time or two before darkness engulfed me and I passed out. As I slowly came back to reality I opened my eyes and tried to rub my sore neck only to find that I couldn't move my hands. My eyes were scanning the room and I realized I was tied up to a chair in what I can only assume was his living room. I couldn't see him anywhere so I started wildly tugging at the restraints. "It won't help" His voice came from behind me "I love tying up silly little girls and I am very good at what I love to do." He came around and stood in front of me holding a glass of water in his hand. "Drink!" He said moving the glass so it now touched my lips. I was thirsty but I wasn't about to drink anything from the man who choked me almost to death. I saw his eyes darken when my mouth remained closed and his free hand shot quickly forward grabbing a fistful of my hair and pulling back forcing my mouth to open. "You can drink or I can pour the water down your throat. Your choice" I lowered my eyes hoping he'll take that as a sign that I will drink on my own. "Good girl. You're smarter than you look" he said and for the first time I saw something other than anger. I think I could see amusement in his eyes. But that didn't last long. As soon as I finished drinking the water from the glass he held at my mouth his eyes darkened again. He went to put the glass away, came back with another chair in his arm and put it down with the back facing me and as close as he possibly could. Then he proceeded to straddle the chair resting his arms on its back and staring directly at me. It's been such a longtime since anyone actually looked at me that I couldn't stand seeing his gaze and I lowered my head to avoid having to look straight at him. "No you don't" He said as he grabbed my jaw and forced my head up. "I want to see your eyes. Is that clear?" I nodded slightly. "I think you'll find your ability to speak has been returned to you. You will use your voice to answer my questions. No more gestures. Unless you prefer my previous mode of interrogation. Understand?" I instinctively nodded and saw his eyes tighten "Yes" I said quickly in a voice that was still a little hoarse. "Good" "First question: just before you passed out you were trying to tell me something what was it?" Oh fuck! My heart started to race and my head dropped again. The thought of actually telling him what it's like to be me was so hard. I almost preferred blacking out. The audible silence that followed his question was broken by him forcing my head up and saying, almost barking "Don't try me! You will not be warned a second time!" "First question: just before you passed out you were trying to tell me something what was it?" "Um... you asked why I didn't try to hide when I followed you. I was trying to say that there is no reason for me to hide. I'm the invisible girl. Don't look at me like that" I said as his expression changed. "I'm not crazy I'm just invisible. Just another nobody walking down the street. Going by unnoticed and thus unseen. I didn't think you noticed me." "OK. Second question: is this anything like what you imagined our first meeting to be?" "Um... Not really. I didn't imagine us meeting." He looked genuinely surprised by my answer. "Why not?" This time my sense of self-preservation was overridden by my pent up anxiety, shame and embarrassment and I just exploded. "Didn't you fucking listen to me before? What's the point of asking me questions if you won't listen to the answers?! I'm the invisible girl, what could I possibly get out of imagining a meeting with you when I didn't plan on one to ever happen? What would be the point!?" "Then why follow me around?" "I wanted to know more about you. I wanted to get to know you a little that's all. I'm sorry it turned out this way. I'm not in the habit of stalking people. I really don't know what came over me." "Hmm... I'll tell you what, I will let you get to know me better but in return you will have to do the same for me. Otherwise once I let you go, if I ever see you near me again I will call the police. If you are lucky..." "What? But... I mean... why you would want to get to know me. I'm not interesting. I told you, I'm just an invisible girl." He looked me straight in the eyes, smiled, and as he got up from the chair he said "You were" The End And The Beginning of Me 03 I try moving my head to follow him but he went behind me. Thinking he's about to untie me I instinctively tense my shoulders, getting ready to move them up and down as soon as I can. "I'm not done yet. You're in a hurry?" He leans toward me and continues "Listen carefully: here's what's going to happen. On Monday you will be back at the café. But you will NOT sit at the corner booth. You will take a table by the window and you will sit facing the street, laptop to the side not in front of you. And you will wear something red. I don't care what as long as it's visible. If I come to the café and you're not at the window wearing red I won't go in. Understand?" "But I don't have anything red. I might find something dark blue." "Is that computer just for show? If it is leave it at home" "What? No! I need it for work." "Good. Now we know you have a job. Final reminder: Monday. Café. Window. Something Red." "I told you I don't have anything red to wear!" "For fuck's sake! BUY SOMETHING!" As soon as he said that his hand was on my throat again squeezing lightly this time but he got the attention he wanted. "You're smart. I know you are. Don't play the dumb card with me again." He let go of my throat and started to move around. That's when I really felt a need to get my arm free and started pulling and twisting like crazy. "What's wrong?" He got near me and I could see concern in his eyes. As soon as I saw that I stopped moving "Umm...emm... my nose started itching really badly and it's driving me crazy..." I was about to ask him to free just one arm when the room exploded with the most wonderful booming laughter I ever heard. He then proceeded to scratch my nose. "Next time just ask." As soon as he said that his smile disappeared and his eyes darkened again. I don't think he meant to say that last part. At least not out loud. Next Time... next time... I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice when he set my arms free. "It's late. I'll get you a taxi" "No need. I live pretty close I can walk the distance. I've done it before" "Several times. I know. I'm still getting you a taxi." I was about to protest again but he stopped me before I could "STOP ARGUING! I'm not in the mood" The taxi ride lasted under 5 minutes. 5 long minutes in which all I could think of were those two words Next Time. Was there going to be a next time? He thinks there will be. Do I want a next time being tied up like that? I don't know. I'm not sure I do. My first "Date" with this man wasn't exactly by the book. I was slammed against the wall, choked until I passed out and then I ended up tied to a chair having my nose scratched by a stranger. Admittedly a stranger I had been stalking for almost a week but still...Next Time It took me forever to fall asleep. Thoughts were swimming in my head like a pack of hungry piranhas devouring any attempts at sleeping. I had to fish them out one by one and I managed to take care of all except two. The biggest and scariest. So heavy and big that I was sure I will cave under their weight and the invisible girl will return. It took a long time but my mind was made and the 2 large piranhas were still swimming around but caged and under control. I've decided I want a next time - a terrifying yet exiting prospect. But asking me to wear red... that was downright mean! And yet the thought of him not entering the café was scarier still. For a moment I thought about wearing a salmon pink shirt I have instead of actual red but his words "Don't play the stupid card with me again" came back to remind me that it's not a good idea. By the time I got my thoughts in order dawn was breaking. I spent most of Saturday in bed. My body was aching all over from the night before and I was not in a shopping mood. I knew there was a small boutique close to the café and I decided to go there on Monday after I spend a few hours working from home. It was past 3 pm by the time I went to the boutique. I entered and went straight to the woman working there and asked for a red shirt. I tried the few that she had but they were either too small or too big and I was getting a little panicky. I may have left this too long and there is no time to look for a different store. I quickly scanned the store again and saw a red dress on one of the hangers. I tried it on and it seemed to fit. I didn't even care anymore I just wanted to get out and go to the café. I kept the dress on, got a bag for my old clothes and went to the café. As I sat at the table by the window I felt silly, like a mannequin. I kept looking over to my safe spot in the corner. The one where I could see the world go by instead of sitting here feeling like everyone was watching the silly girl in her short red dress. I was lost in my longing for the corner booth when "You're not going to say hello?" I was so startled I almost spilled my coffee. "Nice dress." We spent quite some time at the café just talking. Talking about music, work and other things people talk about on a first date. I actually enjoyed the conversation. I was glad he didn't ask any difficult personal questions. At some point a man passed by and looked my way. "You're being checked out" instinctively my gaze turned to the booth but his question brought me back to face him. "So, why the invisible girl? Why hide away when there's so much life to live?" Ah, and here come the personal questions. "I don't know. I tried so many times but I was never enough, or was too much or I got bored. And in the end I just got tired. I just gave up I suppose." "What about you? You promised I'll get to know you better." "I'm not sure you really want to. I think you have some idea in your head and I think that getting to know me will be a disappointment. You're looking for prince charming to save you from your corner. I fear you got the wolf instead." "I'm not a princess and prince charming won't do for me. I had my prince charming. He was so charming all the way to the moment he rode away with someone else. And wolves are amazing creatures, beautiful, strong and loyal. I actually have a tattoo of a wolf. Who knows, you might even get to see it someday." I was expecting more questions but he just got up. "it's getting late. I think we should go." As we were leaving the café he looked at me from top to bottom and when his eyes took in my shoes he burst out laughing again. "Short red dress with trainers? Suits you." "Well, if you must know I didn't have time to get shoes to match the dress ok? You're the one that insisted on me wearing red." He just kept looking at me amused but I could see that something else was also on his mind. He offered me his arm and when our arms interlocked he held so tight I couldn't get it out even if I wanted to. "This isn't the way to your building" I said as he was leading us in a different direction. "I know. It's the way to yours." "What? But... I don't understand." "See, unlike you, I am actually good at being invisible. You just think you are." "When was the first time you saw me?" "Does it matter? Let's just say you wouldn't make a good private detective and leave it at that." "And you decided to follow me home?" "Tit for tat my dear. Tit for tat." "Huh. I don't know if I should be angry or flattered." "I think you lost the right to be angry the second you decided to follow me home. Don't you?" I didn't say anything and was relieved to see the entrance to my building thinking we'll just say goodnight and part ways. But he still didn't let go of my arm. He just stood there staring at me waiting for something. My heart was racing as I said "Would you want to come in for a few minutes?" I emphasized the last part hoping he'll get the message. I wasn't sure I was ready for anything more tonight. We walked in, he still didn't let go of my arm as he led us straight to my door and we entered the apartment. He finally let go of my arm and went to the kitchen. "I'll make some tea, you should go to bed it's late. But before that I am going to see your tattoo. Don't worry" he said as he saw the worried look on my face. "Nothing is going to happen tonight. Except for you showing me your tattoo and going to sleep." "My tattoo is on my inner thigh and I'll go to sleep when you leave. I sleep naked." "I know you do. Now get to bed, I'll bring the tea." "Wait! What do you mean, I know, how can you know?! You're not supposed to know that!" "And you're not supposed to follow strange men around. That didn't stop you from doing it did it?" "But...it's not the same thing! How did you even get in?" "Never mind that. You're safe with me. If you stop arguing about every damn thing. Now tattoo and bed." "I won't show you the tattoo tonight. It's on my inner thigh, very close to umm... you know..." "Why so close to your umm... you know?" He asked with an amused smile on his face. "It's silly really. I just wanted him to be close enough to his prey that he could smell it all the time. Wolves are known to be relentless when hunting you know" "I know. Bed. Now! I'll see the tattoo at some other time then." "And you won't try anything?" "I haven't so far. You're safe with me. For now" "I know this is a silly question to ask in this situation but why don't you find me attractive?" "Who said I don't?" "If you do, why haven't you made any moves yet" A big grin appeared on his face "I did. A week ago." "What do you mean you made a move a week ago? I didn't even see you a week ago." "No. But I saw you." "And what does that mean?" "It means we will talk about this tomorrow. Now you're going to sleep! It's late." "Fuck sleep! And it's not that late anyway. Besides, I really want to know what you meant. I won't be able to sleep now even if I wanted to and I DON'T want to!" I said, putting on the bathrobe I left on the floor and getting out of bed "I want to know what you mean by that." The biggest grin I ever saw spread across his face as he took three steps and was standing by my side, grabbed my arm and spun me around so I was with my back to him facing the bed. His hand was holding my arm firmly behind my back and the other gripping my neck as his lips brushed my ear. "I told you to stop arguing with me! Now you'll see how bad girls go to sleep." He let go of my neck and in one quick movement pulled the belt off the bathrobe, threw it over his shoulder and proceeded to disrobe me. Once I was naked he dragged me by my arm and dropped me on the bed, took my hands, tied them together using the belt and then tied my hands to the bed forcing me to lie on my side. It all happened so fast that I really had no time to protest or fight him. When he was done he sat by my side and put his hand over my mouth to stop the yelling he knew was sure to come. "We don't want to scare the neighbors do we? You can be quiet or I can make you be quiet. Nod if you won't shout" He kept grinning and proceeded to remove his hand as I nodded my agreement not to shout. "Ok you proved your point. We'll talk about this tomorrow. Now untie me." He got up and went to sit in the armchair to the side of my bed. "Please? I'll show you my tattoo" "I will see it eventually. I'm in no hurry. Besides, there's nothing stopping me from seeing it right now is there?" "But you won't..." "I won't" "I don't get you. I really don't. You say you find me attractive, you have me here naked and tied to the bed and you know I won't fight you if you tried anything. But you won't. I really don't get you." He got up from the chair, sat down by my side again, moved his face close to mine and with that annoying grin of his still on his face quietly said "Because that's not how it works. I will try everything with you. Believe me, I will. But first you'll have to ask me. And after you ask me you'll have to beg and then..." "Then what?" "You'll have to wait and find out won't you? Right now you're going to sleep." There was something almost hypnotic in his voice when he spoke quietly like that. I could feel sleep creeping in despite my best efforts to fight it. "Why?" I asked stifling a yawn. "Because, my former invisible girl, you put up your walls and defenses and you'll be the one taking them down. I'm just here to hold the ladder for you" As I woke up, my eyes took in the empty arm chair by the bed. Recalling last night I glanced at my hands and realized I wasn't tied up anymore. I got up, took a shower and made a cup of coffee. Sitting down to drink my morning indulgence I noticed a note placed on my laptop. I started reading it and could feel my blood beginning to boil and frustration quickly stepped in. "Good morning. I hope you slept well. You fell asleep very fast, must have been tired after your eventful week. Today you will work from home and to make sure you aren't too tempted by your comfy corner booth I took your keys with me this morning. I'll come at 6 pm and I expect you to be dressed for dinner. "I hope you have a nice day. W. THE BASTARD! How dare he lock me up, in my own house no less?! And he's expecting me to be dressed for dinner! Really? We'll see about that! I threw the note on the table, plopped myself on the sofa and set there fuming throwing evil stares at the note almost wishing it to burst into flames. I was so angry and yet there was something else there too. I tried to focus on that but the anger kept rising to the surface, drowning anything that might have been there. I tried to work for a while but focusing on my work was a losing battle. I tried watching TV and reading a book but nothing worked. My attention kept being drawn to that note and I found myself pacing the floors like a caged lioness ready to pounce on anyone that got near. As 5 pm got near I started wondering if I should get dressed for dinner. I didn't really want to, but I had a feeling that will only cause something more drastic to happen so I'd better just get dressed and since I only had the red dress it shouldn't take me long anyway. The little makeup that I owned was almost useless by then so I threw it all away and just put on a pair of earrings, my mask ring and mask necklace and the pair of black, small heel shoes that go with everything (sort of) and I was ready. More than half an hour early. So I sat on the sofa trying to watch some TV. At 6 pm I heard the door open and he walked in. "I see you're ready and on time too. I was wondering if you will decide to argue about this. I'm glad you didn't. I wouldn't want to punish you before dinner." "Punish me?! Listen, locking in me in the apartment wasn't ok! What if something happened and I needed to get out? Who died and made you king of the castle all of a sudden?" "You did. And it's not really a castle, more like a dungeon if anything." "What?!" "I'm sorry, I don't understand the question" "Ok. I'll. Repeat it. Very. Slowly. Who. Died. And. Made. You. King?" "You did. Or rather the invisible girl did. And since she obviously ran the show around here I decided to take her place. And if you ever talk to me like that again I will bend you over my knees and spank your ass so hard you'll be sore for a week. At least" "What?" "Let. Me. Repeat it. Very. Slowly. I. Will. Spank. Your. Ass. So. Hard. You'll. Be. Sore. For. A. Week. At least. Now sit down at the table. I brought dinner." I silently sat down and sulked as he arranged the food on the plates for us. He placed a plate of noodles in front of me and sat down watching me intently as I picked up my fork and started moving noodles from one side of the plate to the other. "What's wrong?" I shrug and continue to play with the noodles. "Cat got your tongue? I asked what's wrong." "Are you going to spank me if I don't answer you?" "I might." "UGH! Don't I get a say in this new arrangement of yours? What if I don't need you to take the reins? Huh? Did you think of that before you locked me up here all day and started threatening me with spanking?" "Sure you do. That's what this dinner is for. You can say what's on your mind. I'm sure you have quite a lot of questions for me. And complaints too it seems" His answer and calm manner placated me a little "Only 3 at the moment actually. I may have more later. What did you mean when you said you made a move a week ago?" Why lock me up here and then get me to dress for dinner if we are eating in? And why do you think I need you to be king of my castle? Sorry. Dungeon "Well, I kept seeing you as I walked past the coffee house. Thinking you're well hidden in your corner. You were so cute and so wrong. You left the most important part of you out for everyone to see." "Which was?" "Your eyes. So full of life and curiosity waiting to burst out into the world. Eventually I couldn't help it anymore and made my move. I entered the café when I knew you could see me and posed for you" A big smile spread across his face "It went better than I thought. I wasn't expecting you to stalk me like that. But I knew if I approached you directly you will just shut down even more. Second question - I locked you in the apartment because I didn't want you to go back to your corner. I don't want you to ever go back to that corner. Not alone anyway. And I got you to dress up because I loved seeing that red dress on you. Third question - I don't think you need me to be king of your dungeon I know you do. The real question is do you want me to be? I love your ring by the way" I was so immersed in his words that I didn't even noticed I stopped playing with my food and began twisting the ring on my finger. "Thanks" I said absentmindedly not really paying attention. "Well?" "Well what" "Do you want me to be king of your dungeon?" "I don't know. It's a little too much to take in all at once. And why dungeon?" "Because dungeon is where the locked up people are." My eyes widened and my heart started to race "You want to lock me up?" His faces lit up and he started laughing. "No silly, you already did a great job at that on your own. I want to set you free. If you'll let me. But I have a few rules. The biggest and most important one is Never lie to me And I think we started on the wrong foot there didn't we?" The End And The Beginning of Me 04 I stopped staring at my plate, raised my head and looked straight at him "What do you mean we started on the wrong foot? I didn't lie to you. When would I even have had time to lie to you?" "Remember our chat at the café? I'm sure you do. It wasn't that long ago. Well, when I ask a question I expect to get the truth." I kept looking directly at him "I don't know what you mean. Everything I told you was true. I had no reason to lie. Besides, what could I possibly have lied about?" "I asked you why you became the invisible girl an..." "And I told you" I jumped in not letting him finish his sentence. "I didn't lie." "Lying by omission is still lying. Who is Mark? And before you answer I'll just point out that you are a sleep talker. Just in case you didn't know" Mark! That name just made me sick. I pushed away my plate, got up from the table and went to sit on the sofa. Even with my back turned to him I could feel his eyes following me, taking in every move I made. I could just imagine him as a wolf, carefully hidden in the trees silently watching as his prey goes about its business oblivious of the imminent danger. Sitting down I avoided looking in his direction and just stared and the turned off TV while playing with my ring. "Are you going to tell me what I said in my sleep?" "No. So, who is Mark?" "My ex. Mr. Prince charming himself. At least, he was in the beginning. Look, I don't know what you want me to say, we were together, then he found someone else and we weren't together anymore. It's like I told you before, either I was too much or I wasn't enough." "He doesn't sound like prince charming to me. He didn't sound like it last night either" "What do you want?! I mean really, why are you here? What's the point of all these games and riddles and... Oh, I don't know everything! What do you want from me?! I told you, he's gone. What's the point of talking about him?" by now I was fighting to hold back the tears. I sure as hell wasn't going to cry in front of this stranger. Is he a stranger though? I'm not so sure anymore. But I don't even know his name. My mind was in frenzy and then all of a sudden I noticed the silence. He wasn't saying anything, and I half expected him to get up and do something annoying like he did last night. I turned to look at him but he just stared at me from his chair at the table without saying a word. It was a deep silence. The kind of silence that begs to be filled with sound. Any sound. After a couple of minutes I just couldn't take the silence any more. "He wasn't good for me. I thought he was. I was wrong. I pushed myself to be more than I thought I can be because he kept saying that I'm not good enough. And once I was more than before he said I was too much. That he couldn't handle me anymore and so he left. Not before he made sure to tell me how I ruined everything." He still said nothing. Just kept looking at me and waited as if my explanation wasn't enough. I knew it wasn't but I really didn't feel like talking about this anymore. I turned my head looking for the TV remote and as I moved my hand towards it I heard his chair move a little and I stopped. He still wasn't saying anything and the silence was driving me crazy. Fixing my gaze on my ring and twisting it with my other hand I felt the words come out in an attempt to fill the space with noise. "I don't know what I was saying in my sleep. But the last time we talked was after I found out about the other woman. Honestly, I didn't care. At that point I was just happy to have him out of my life and I told him that. Things were said and he left." I finally turned to look at him "there, satisfied now?" "Not good enough. Try again." I could feel my frustration bubbling to the surface but I knew what he meant so I just took a deep breath, pulled my knees up to my chest and stared at an invisible spot on the floor. "I may have told him something about his manhood and the fact that the only way he can keep a woman around is by making her feel worthless without him. He got really angry and tried to show me what a man he is. I ended up with a black eye, he ended up with black and blue balls." I was smirking now "I think I won." I heard the chair scrape the floor and he sat down on the opposite side of the sofa. Close but too close. The perfect distance in that moment. "If you won why give up? Not everyone is an idiot like him." "I know. I just don't think I can do this again. Besides, I'm not sure I'm cut out for the whole relationship thing. I can be very stubborn sometimes and I tend to argue about things" "No shit!" I looked at him smiling "Yes shit!" "I like that smile. It goes well with your face. You need to smile more" He got off the sofa and went back to the kitchen to re-heat our dinner while I sat there watching this strange man owning the kitchen as if he were in his own home. This was such a weird situation and yet somehow felt normal. Just a couple having dinner. Except we weren't a couple, I didn't even know his name. I didn't know anything about him. Although that wasn't really true was it? What did I know about him? He's smart. His eyes spoke of cunning intelligence and wit. They were dark but not dangerous. Not to me. He calls himself the wolf and I can see why. He walks like an Alpha wolf, aware of his surroundings at all times and aware of his place in it - at the top. No fear, no hesitation... no, take that back. There is something there, maybe not fear but something else; I wish I could put my finger on it. He's so fucking good at looking calm and in control. The noise of plates being placed on the table and the chair being moved brought me back to the moment and I went to sit at the table. We were facing each other but while I could feel him looking at me I focused on my plate. I was trying to steal a few glances at him when I thought he wasn't looking but he was always looking and smiling that annoying smile of his. The one that says I know you're uncomfortable and I love it. The one that makes me so angry and annoyed and frustrated because I know it's true. He still wasn't saying anything. I guess he wasn't joking when he said this is my opportunity to talk and ask him questions. If only I knew what to ask..."So" I said. Finally looking at him "what happens now?" "What do you mean?" "I don't know, forget that. It wasn't a proper question anyway." "No. It was and I want to know what you mean. So just say it." "What happens now? I mean, we finish dinner and then what? You go home? You stay here watching me sleep again? We start dating like those couples at the café? I don't know what to expect from you. I'm pretty sure dating is not an option. Besides I think we're past that already. So what happens now?" "It depends. It's up to you. What do you want to happen?" And then I saw it in his eyes. The brief, tiny flash of tension and anticipation gone almost as soon as it appeared. Almost. "I told you. I don't know. I thought you were joking when you said those things about king of the castle" "dungeon" "whatever. But I'm not sure you were." "I wasn't." "But I don't know what that means. I mean, I've got a basic idea but that's about it." "And?" "And I don't know. I'm not sure how it's supposed to go. What you want me to do and what happens when I don't. I have a tendency not to really follow instructions." "I noticed." "And besides..." "Yes?" "Nothing. Silly really. Never mind." "Look, the only way this can really work is if you tell me what's on your mind. I can't answer un-asked questions." "umm...please don't take this the wrong way but I find you a little intimidating." He started laughing again and his face lit up. "Good. I told you you're smart. I am intimidating. But I'm not dangerous. Not to you anyway." He got up, took the plates and put them in the sink. "I think it's time I'll be leaving. It's getting late and you have a lot to think about. But until you make your final decision I have a few tasks for you. First, you need to go shopping for clothes. Nothing baggy and grey. Tomorrow anything that doesn't fit you is being thrown out. Second, if you are going to work at the café, the corner booth is off limits. Understand?" He must have seen the change in my expression "Don't argue about this! I will throw away your baggy old clothes and you'll have nothing to wear but this lovely red dress of yours and if I see you sitting in that booth I'll lock you in the house again. Understood?" "Yes! Understood! Sheesh!" "What did that fork ever do to you except feed you when you were hungry?" "What?" "The fork in your hand. What did it do to you?" "Nothing" "Then why are you abusing it like that?" He was wearing his smug smile again as I noticed that I've managed to bend the fork almost completely out of shape. "Angry much?" He asked as he was about to leave the apartment. "Yes!" "Good! Good night. I'll see you tomorrow." "Wait! I don't even know your name." "It's Adam." "I'm..." "Danielle. I know" he said as he left the apartment and closed the door behind him. I kept sitting there for a few minutes trying to get my thoughts sorted. No luck there, I may as well just do the dishes and go to bed. At least the dishes won't take me long. Two glasses, two plates and one fork. Two. It's been a while since there were two of each in this sink, maybe too long. I shook my head as I got up. I can't believe I am even thinking about this. I don't even know for sure what this is. Oh well, a nice shower and a good sleep might help clear my mind. I get to the sink and I see a small note on the counter. When did he put it there? This is my phone number. Feel free to call me if you have any more questions or an answer. A big grin appeared on my face. Got you now mister! So he wants me to call him with an answer. He'll just have to wait. I may be a little rusty but I can play games too. I finished the dishes in no time, took my laptop with me and got ready for bed. I don't usually use the laptop in the bedroom but I decided to do my own research before I go to sleep. Words like BDSM and dominance weren't new to me. Mark (ugh!) used to think of himself as a dominant man and I liked the sound of that. Turns out he was just an abusive man. But it did leave me a little wary of this whole concept. Adam on the other hand... Adam. A great name. I always loved that name, short and melodic somehow... I shake my head to remove the stray thoughts and get back on track. Where was I? Adam. Right! Adam. He sure is a dominant man and I like that. I think that's what attracted me to him in the first place. But most of the things I saw here are scary and he is too. I mean he chocked me till I passed out for fuck's sake. But he didn't hurt me. Not really. What if he will? He won't. Can I be sure he won't? It depends I suppose on the definition of hurt. All these sites and articles! Some are actually interesting. Others are Hell No! But he won't hurt me like Mark (ugh!) did. What if he gets tired of me? What if I'm not enough? What if he's expecting some doe eyed girl that will do everything he says all the time? I can't do that. And I argue a lot. And why would he even want to be with me and all my stupid baggage? What if this all a game for him? I can feel my defenses dropping a little and the tears are on the verge of forming. I'm not sure I can take it if this is only a game. I feel my heart racing and I put the laptop down. I think I'm having a panic attack. Is this what a panic attack feels like? I need some air. Now! I quickly got dressed and out of the apartment for some fresh air. As I got out of the building my breathing slowed down a little but I was still hyperventilating. I moved to sit on the small stone wall next to the building. There was no one around, the street was completely empty and quiet, it must have been later than I thought. I was in such a hurry to get out I didn't even look at the clock. Not that it would have mattered. I was in no state to think about that anyway. I still wasn't able to calm myself so I decided to take a short walk down the street. After a few minutes I saw someone jogging in my direction on the other side of the street. I continued walking but something didn't feel right anymore. I turned around but there was no one behind me and the jogger was long gone by now. At that point I really wished I had thought of taking my phone with me. I decided I had enough fresh air and turned around to go back to the apartment. By the time my building was in sight I was so on edge that when a cat passed by I almost screamed. As soon as I got over the cat scare an arm was thrust around my neck rear chocking me while a hand covered my mouth. My hands shot up to grab the arm around my neck in a futile, desperate attempt to break away. I tried to remember self-defense techniques I saw once online but I could barely think straight. "Stop fighting! I said Stop fighting!" That voice! As soon as I realized it was Adam I put my hands down. He removed the hand from my mouth and forcefully spun me around to face him. "What the fuck are you doing outside at this hour?" "I had to..." I started to say but he just grabbed my arm and started pulling me toward the building. "Wait! You're going to fast!" I was scrambling to keep up and my arm was beginning to hurt. "STOP! Please!" He slowed down just enough to let me keep up but he kept pulling me towards my apartment without saying a word. Once we were in he pushed me down on to the sofa and stood towering above me with a look in his eyes so dark and menacing that instantly reminded me of the night we met. "What the fuck were you doing outside at that hour?" his voice between a shout and a growl. "What if it wasn't me out there? Do you have any idea what could have happened?" "I'm sorry. I didn't think it was that late. I just really needed to get out of here for a while. I... um...I think I was having a panic attack. I wasn't thinking straight. I really needed to get out of here." "A panic attack? Why?" "Well, after you left I started looking at stuff on the internet. You know, trying to get answers to some things on my mind and one thing led to another and next I knew is I needed to be out." "Did you see the note I left you?" I nodded "Them why didn't you call me instead of going to the internet?" Oh fuck! I really don't want to go there but I don't think I have a choice. Oh fuck! "hmm... I had a feeling you would really enjoy yourself at my expense if I called you tonight so I decided to keep you waiting and not call tonight so I left your number in the kitchen." He sat down next to me and in one swift movement grabbed me and pulled me over his knees. "What the fuck are you doing?! Let me go!" "I told you I'd spank you. I just didn't think it was going to be this soon. Do you realize your silly game could have ended really badly? And you could have saved yourself the panic attack too." I tried to push myself off of him but he held me firmly in place. "Stop moving or I will just spank you more and harder. You're lucky I'm letting you keep your clothes on. Now stop moving!" The End And The Beginning of Me 05 A heavy hand landed on my ass. Three times in a row, quickly. In my peripheral vision I could see his arm going up again and I braced myself for the fourth hit. But it didn't come. Instead he lowered his arm and helped me back to sit next to him. Tears filled my eyes but I'd be damned if I let them drop. "Well?" "Well what?" "Don't you have anything to say?" "I have plenty to say. I'm just not sure I know how." "Try" "OK. First of all, this really hurt! You don't get to do that to me again! Second, I have so many questions I don't even know where to begin." As soon as I said that I started feeling the panic coming back and my breathing getting faster and shallower. "Just relax. We'll go over your questions one at a time. There's no hurry. And as far as your punishment goes, it's supposed to hurt. You did something stupid that endangered you so you were punished. Next time you'll think twice before you do something similar. And it will not be up to you to decide if I get to do it again or not. You get to decide you don't want this at all but if you say yes then it won't be up to you anymore." "But I don't know what this is..." I wailed like a little kid feeling forced to make a decision on what present to get when both are stored behind a dark curtain."This, will be what you want it to be. If you want it to be. A relationship, a friendship, an adventure with a twist. A new beginning." "So what happens next?" I asked looking at the floor feeling silly to even have this discussion. "There's a contract? A list of rules? What..." He gently held my head tilting it towards him with one hand while with the other moved my hair from my face to the side. "No contract. No pre-made list of rules. We'll talk about this more tomorrow. I don't think now is the time to discuss this." He got up from the sofa "I'm going home, you need to sleep." I glanced at the clock which proudly showed the time to be 03:14 a.m. "It's late. You can stay here if you want. My sofa is pretty comfy and I promise not to take advantage of you" I said smiling. After settling him in for the rest of the night I got into bed. My behind was still a little sore from the "punishment" but my thoughts kept drifting to that light gentle touch afterwards. It was so unexpected at that moment and that made it feel so much more powerful and lingering long after it was done. I wondered for a moment if he did it on purpose or if it just happened like that. Either way, despite the bad start to the night I felt better somehow. And I quickly fell asleep. Morning came too soon but as I awoke to the wonderful smell of freshly brewed coffee a smile crept silently up and settled on my face. I got ready as quickly as I could and went to the kitchen. "It smells wonderful in here." I said to the empty room. Feeling a little dejected I poured myself a cup of coffee, opened the window letting in the fresh crisp morning air and sat down staring out into space getting lost in my thoughts. "Good morning" "Oh fuck!" I jumped so hard I spilled half the coffee all over myself. "Are you ok?" "Yes. Fine. The coffee was almost cold anyway. I just didn't hear you come in. You scared the crap out of me. Next time make some more noise will you?" "Sorry" he said, clearly not being sorry at all. "You ran out of milk so I went to get some. What's funny?" He asked seeing me smile at his words. "Oh nothing really. It's just that I ran out of milk a few years ago. I don't drink milk with my coffee. You're lucky I still have sugar. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to change my clothes." "It can wait until you finish your new cup" As he sat down placing a new cup of coffee in front of me the back of his hand lightly touched my arm. I don't think he even noticed, I felt it all the way to my stomach. Such a small touch. And yet... And yet... I am so confused by this man. So gentle and rough at the same time. His eyes are dark but kind, his voice deep and soothing but also menacing. The duality of this man is intriguing. Unlike Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Adam's two sides are bound together. I can feel them both at once in him and hence my confusion. "I'm still here you know." "huh?" "You were a million miles away. Anything interesting happening there?" "You could say that. I was thinking of you." "Oh? Pray tell. This does sound interesting." "See, you just said "Pray tell", but your eyes and grin say prey, tell", I said emphasizing the word 'prey' melodramatically, "And that's what I've been thinking about- how things seem to have a double meaning with you." His grin broadened and I got lost in the twinkle in his eye. "So you think about me," he said as a statement, not a question. Not waiting for me to reply, he got up and collected the empty coffee cups. I was hoping he would again touch my hand like before and was slightly disappointed when he didn't. Silly really. "You should get dressed. We need to go shopping. The red dress will do." "It will, will it? So now you're choosing my clothes for me too? And what do you mean We need to go shopping?" "Did you forget already? You were given the task of changing your ill-fitting grey wardrobe. Maybe I need to spank you again to jog your memory." He placed the cups in the sink and grinning from ear to ear started to move towards me. I practically jumped from my seat and started walking backwards to my room. "No you don't! Stop right there or I'll scream!" "No you won't." he started laughing that disarming laugh of his "I wasn't really going to spank you, But it's nice to know you learned your lesson. Good Girl. Now go get dressed." I felt like I was punched in the stomach when he said that. But a good punch. A weird feeling of arousal, surprise and pride? It floated around me for a few seconds and then left even more confused than I already was. "Ufff! You are impossible! What if I don't want to wear the red dress?" "Then you can calmly tell me you don't want to and if you have a valid reason, I'll consider it. But since you don't have a valid reason or other good looking clothes, I expect you to respect my decision and wear the red dress." I felt like a volcano was about to erupt inside of me. I was so angry and frustrated that I couldn't even speak. I just stared at him for a few long seconds, index finger pointing at him, stomped my feet and went to my room while letting out a very audible UGGHH!!! noise. He followed me, sat down in the arm chair and looked at me clearly amused. "You are very angry lately. Is something wrong?" "Of course I'm angry! Ever since I saw you my life is upside down. I feel like you opened the café door and a tsunami followed you in just sweeping me along and I have no control over anything. Do you know what it feels like having no control of anything?! I bet you don't. Mr. Wolf King of the castle" "Dungeon" "WHATEVER!" "No, not whatever. We talked about this. There is no castle yet. When there will be a castle you will know. And you will be in full control of your life once you sort your shit out." I just stared at him putting on the best sarcastic look I could. "OK. You got me there. Maybe you won't have full control but I really have no desire to control everything you do. I have neither the time nor the inclination to do so. It's just that right now you need a little more incentive to do things. Now be a good girl and get dressed." Apparently while shopping for milk he also got his car and he drove us to the mall. The ride there was made mostly in silence with the radio turned off as well. I tried to ignore his presence so close to me. His smell even his breath were more accentuated because of the silence. On the way he stopped for gas and as he put the car out of parking gear the back of his hand brushed my knee. Maybe I've been alone too long. Otherwise I have no idea why such small random touches should affect me so much. I wish the radio was on. It would have helped me ignore his overpowering presence. Once we arrived and entered the mall he said he'll meet me here in 2 hours. "Why the long face?" He asked seeing my reaction to his words. "Nothing" I lied "I'm just not sure 2 hours is enough if you want me to replace my entire wardrobe." The truth is I was a little disappointed when I realized he isn't going to come with me. On the other hand I was relieved to know he wasn't going to choose my clothes for me. But some feedback would have been nice, especially since he insisted on this. His eyes narrowed a little. "I think 2 hours is enough for today. You can always buy more clothes later." He was right. Two hours were more than enough to buy some clothes and even a pair of shoes or two. Just before I got out of the store and went to meet him I saw this short skirt and a shirt that was clearly too tight. I don't know what got over me but they weren't expensive so I decided to buy them as a joke. I was all prepared to hear him veto the outfit and me blaming him for not being here to supervise my purchase. We arrived almost at the same time, me carrying my shopping bags, him carrying his laptop bag and 2 coffees. "I got you a coffee. Black, no sugar. How did the shopping go?" "Not too bad. Got a few things and two pairs of shoes. Thanks for the coffee. I needed one. It's been a while since I did so much shopping all at once. I forgot how tiring it can be especially since I don't like shopping." When we got to the car he opened the back seat door and I practically threw the bags in. Then he opened the front door for me to get in and just as I got in he placed his hand on the small of my back. For support? Hmm... whatever the reason, it felt good. As we got to my apartment I went straight to my room with the bags without noticing that he followed behind. I placed the bags on the bed and turned to walk out when I physically bumped into him and fell back on the bed on top of the bags. He started laughing again that wonderful rolling hearty laugh of his. I tried to frown but couldn't help laughing too. "Don't I get to see what you bought?" He asked as he offered me his hand to help me up. "Sure you do." I grabbed his hand and got ready to push myself off the bed when with one move he pulled me up so quickly that I ended up hitting his chest straight on with an audible cartoonish UMPH noise. I could feel my cheeks getting as red as the dress I was wearing so I quickly turned around and started taking the clothes out of the bags and laying them on the bed. When I reached the bag with the silly skirt and shirt I just left them in the bag. I thought it was funny when I got them, I wasn't so sure now. "So what do you think? Do they pass your highness' inspection?" "Yes they do. Don't I get to see what's in the last bag?" Damn his eagle eyes! I really hoped he wouldn't notice. "Oh that's nothing. I just got those as a joke. Was about to throw them out." "I like a good joke. Let's see what you got." I slowly take out the short dress and small shirt and put them on the bed for him to see. "I don't get it." He said after staring at them for a few long seconds "You'll have to explain it to me." "Um...Now that I think about it, it's not really that funny. Just silly." I looked at him trying to get him to understand that it's nothing and that I would really just rather forget about this whole thing but he simply looked at me with a frozen smile on his face that didn't reach his dark eyes. A smile that seemed to say see you getting out of this one. "When I saw them I just thought it would be funny to tell you that instead of the baggy clothes I wore until today I would prefer to wear something completely the opposite." "Go on then. Put them on and let's see how they look on you" "Look, I told you it was a joke. I had no real intention to wear them." He turned around and started to leave the room. "I'm going to start making some pasta for lunch. I expect to see you in the kitchen in the clothes you bought. You have 5 min before I come and dress you myself." I just stand there as he leaves the room unsure as to what to do now, do I wear the silly clothes or do I risk him doing what he said he would. I decided I'll just wear the damn things so he can see just how silly they look. Before I left the room I took a good look in the mirror. The skirt was shorter than I thought. It didn't even cover my entire behind and the shirt was so tight around my breasts that I was afraid if I breathed too deeply it would just burst. "Good. You're dressed." He said as I walked to the kitchen trying to pull on the skirt as much as I could. "Since you're all dressed you may as well go to the corner store and get some more cheese for the pasta." "What? I'm not going out like this! I told you it was supposed to be a joke!" "I know. And it's quite a funny one from here. You bought the clothes, you get to wear them. Shop. Cheese. Now." I turned to get out the door and get the cheese that we really didn't need. I had plenty in the fridge. The corner store was very close so I hoped to just get this over with as soon as possible and forget about it. "Wait. Your panties are showing. You don't want people to stare at your underwear do you?" A feeling of relief swept over me as soon as I heard him say that. "No. I really don't want people to stare at my underwear." "Good. So take them off." "What?" "Take them off. They don't match the skirt anyway. You wouldn't want people to think you have no sense of dress would you?" His dark eyes were alive with mischief and amusement. He really enjoyed the joke. And I was it. " "Well? What are you waiting for?" "I'm not going out there dressed like this and especially with no panties on!" "Hmm. OK then. You have two options, to follow through with your silly joke and my instructions or get punished for disobeying me and wasting your money." "And by punishment you mean..." "You know what I mean. You have been punished only yesterday. Maybe I was too easy on you if you forgot it already" He said as he went and sat down on the sofa."Either way those panties are coming off" "Or... there is a third option you know..." "And we both know you won't use it. You didn't use it so far and you don't want to use it now. You're scared and worried and that's fine but you need to own up to your actions. You were decisive enough when you bought these clothes so have the decency to stand behind your actions." "Look. I already said I'm sorry for buying the damn things what more do you want?" "No you didn't. You never said sorry, you tried first to hide it and then made excuses. And even if you did say sorry it doesn't matter, actions have consequences. Now, what will you choose? " "Well, I won't go out like this that's for sure." I said as I slowly made my way towards him, my heart beating like crazy. I stopped and stood in front of him. "I suppose I choose the punishment." "Good girl" he said and I tried to see if I can detect any trace of humor or patronization in his tone but there was nothing like that there. His tone was clear and I felt he genuinely approved of my choice. I kept standing in front of him not being able to bring myself to the spanking position. It still felt weird and unnatural. While I was thinking about this whole situation he just grabbed my arm, pulled me across his knees and held me there by placing his forearm across my shoulders. With his free hand he took off my underwear and pinned me even harder to his knees when I tried to protest. "Stop moving! Today we do things a little different. I will spank you 3 times, then I will ask you a question and if I don't like your answer or if you will try to lie you will get another spanking. Understand?" I tried nodding but the position I was in made it difficult for me to do. "Understand?!"He asked again, louder this time as he pulled my hair bringing my head up. "Yes! I understand!" I said as tears were already pooling in my eyes from the fear and embarrassment of the situation. "Good" In my peripheral vision I could see his arm rise and I felt it land heavily on my bare ass. I could sense the stinging and the heat rising from even this one spank and as I was trying to get used to the pain two more landed on my ass in quick succession. "Why did you buy these clothes?" His arm left my shoulder and grabbed my hair to raise my head again. "I don't know. It just seemed fun at the moment" Whack. His had landed hard on my ass. "Why did you buy these clothes?" "I told you, I don't know!" I saw his arm rise again and quickly added "It was a spite thing! I wanted to show you that new clothes can be just as bad as my old ones. I was angry and confused and I just didn't think this all the way through. When I got home I was over that and I didn't know what to do. I panicked a little. I'm sorry. OK? I really am. I should have showed them to you and apologize then." I was still fighting the tears but was able to sense more than see his arm going down. "Second question. When I asked you this morning "why the long face" you said you wanted more than two hours. I want to know the truth" His question took me completely by surprise. "What?" Whack. "Wrong answer"This time his hand landed even harder and my tears started flowing. As soon as they did I couldn't stop them anymore. It was like a flood gate had been opened and the torrent was flowing unhindered by any obstacles in its way. " I'm still waiting" Whack. "Don't make me wait!" By now I was already a mess, lying like this, panties off with my ass hurting and my eyes red, face marked by still flowing tears and my hair, the part that wasn't in his fist, a mess of strands pointing each way and plastered to my face. I didn't care anymore if I made a fool of myself or if my answer will sound silly. "I thought you were coming with me to the stores and was a little disappointed that you weren't." "Then why didn't you say anything when I asked you about it?" "I didn't know what to say. I didn't want you to think I am too needy or that I can't buy clothes on my own. I thought it might scare you off." I somehow felt better after saying that. It was out there and he could do with it what he wants. And I don't have to worry about it anymore. I didn't even realize how much it was bothering me until that moment. He lifted me up and held me with one had on my back the other on my front until I gained my footing again and then motioned me to sit next to him. I winced as I sat down feeling the coarse sofa material pressing against my sore ass. "I told you I don't like being lied to. And I know when I am. Everyone has tell signs and you, you are so easy to read. You're cute when you try to hide something from me but being cute won't save your ass from being spanked as a punishment." As he was saying that he was carefully brushing the hair off my face with his fingers and even tried wiping away my tears which were still freely flowing from my eyes. The tenderness of this man kept taking me by surprise. The same hand that landed so heavily and painfully on my ass just seconds ago was now so gingerly touching my face. I don't know what came over me at that moment but as I was looking him straight in the eyes, I grabbed his hand with both of mine, held it to my mouth and kissed it. I then let go of his hand, got up to my knees on the sofa leaned towards him held his head with both hands and kissed him in what turned from a soft kiss on his lips to a full-fledged kiss full of emotions and desire. The End And The Beginning of Me 05 We were both lost in the kiss but as soon as it was over he quickly got up and started walking towards the kitchen. "What's wrong?" I asked as I followed him almost tripping on my panties which were now lying unceremoniously on the floor. "Nothing. I need to check on the pasta." "The pasta is fine. The water hasn't even boiled yet. You could turn off the gas" I said as I placed my hand on his shoulder and pulled myself up to be closer to his ear "we can do something nicer." "Not today" he said as he took my had off him and let it fall at my side. "I don't get it. Are you really going to choose cooking pasta over the alternative? And I can see you're interested!" I said as I moved my hand to tap his bulging jeans. My hand barely made it half way when he turned around pushed me against the wall and pinned me there with his forearm across my shoulders. "Listen little girl, I said not today. You're not ready. You may think you are but you're not. Do you get it now?" "No. I don't. I think I should know if I'm ready or not. And I am." "Really? Like you were with Mark? You still have nightmares about him and it's been over a year since then." I could feel the anger bubble and rise to the surface and I could do little to control it at that moment not that I really wanted to. "How dare you compare yourself to Mark!" I said looking him straight in those big dark eyes of his. "That's the dumbest thing you could do. It's not the same! It's not even close!" His demeanor changed and the pressure on my shoulders was reduced a little as he returned my stare looking slightly confused by my outburst. I used the opportunity and continued "I'm not stupid and I'm definitely not little! There's a huge difference between you two isn't there? What Mark did, or tried to do, was out of hate, spite and anger and I was genuinely afraid for my well-being. With you I feel anything but that. And I know I'm ready. So let me ask you this Adam, what are you afraid of?" His hand dropped and he turned around to look at the pasta again. "Last night you had a panic attack just from researching things on the internet and now you think you're ready? You're not!" "Since last night I have been punished twice by spanking. It was humiliating and painful and scary and I'm still here. Well, you are, this is my place after all. On top of that you have choked me until I blacked out, tied me up, locked me in my own house and I'm still here. I know I'm ready." In my mind I was frantically trying to think of ways to get through to him and then I remembered what he said on the night of what I think of as our date first you'll have to ask me. And after you ask me you'll have to beg. I could feel my heartbeat grow faster and faster as I slowly moved from the spot he pushed me to, stood by his side and dropped to my knees while all the time fixing him with my stare. "You said I'll have to beg. So I am. You asked if I want you to be king of my dungeon. I do. I want you to be. I need you to be." I knew what was coming and I knew it was going to be one of the hardest things I did in a very long time. As my tears started to flow again I averted my gaze from him to the floor and a barely audible "Please" escaped my lips. The next thing I know, he's on his knees next to me with his hand on my jaw lifting my head so I have to look straight at him. "Just like that? No questions? No fear? Whatever I want?" "There are a million questions, a multitude of things I need to know and fear? I'm fucking terrified! so what. I've been terrified for a long time. At least now it's because of a good thing. And probably not everything you want. I don't know, I guess it depends on what you want. But I know I'm ready. I am ready to at least try. But there's one thing I need to know." "And that is?" "Why are you so worried? What is the big wolf afraid of?"