0 comments/ 14341 views/ 2 favorites The BDSM files #1 By: CasperNZ Well, I've pondered about sharing the kinky aspect of my sex life. Not that the physical acts themselves are an issue to me, more whether I'd be able to convey the intense emotional entanglements properly. The first period of kinky fun takes place in my early to mid-twenties. In a way it started off innocent enough. At a party with a girl I'd been dating for a little while, I spotted a rather luscious and sensual looking woman wearing knee length leather boots with spiky heels and tips. Now my girl at the time was not of the exclusive or narrow minded persuasion, so she merely wished me luck in pursuing the woman who had bewitched me. At some point during this party I ended up talking to the lady in boots and the remark I made went along the lines of: "I'd do anything to get my hands on you." Her only response at the time was a knowing sly grin. A few weeks go past and we end up running into the leather booted lady again, and to cut a long story short, she ended up taking me aside and asking me whether I was still game for anything, as I'd alluded to a while back? Yep, so later that night I ended up being stripped naked and shackled to bondage cross. In itself this wasn't an issue, for I'd been tied up during sex often enough, but this had an entirely more sinister feel to it. The leather booted lady had this awful grin on her face as she stripped everything off her body bar the boots and a corset. The aroma of her pussy was unmistakeable, and since I love eating pussy I was both nervous and licking my lips, something which she noticed... "Sooo, you reckon anything is ok just for you to get your hands on me?" my captor asked calmly. I just nodded, hesitating as she was now looking at my heavy ball sac and beginning to smile broadly. Then, without any fanfare she kicked me in the nuts, not tentatively at all, this was a full-on kick that made my stomach churn and eyes water. Click clack her heels went as she walked a circle around me. "Sooo, you want to taste my pussy? She asked. "Yes please madam," was my croaky response. Again, no warning as she now unleashed a salvo of five kicks to my nutsack. The instant she was finished she dipped a finger in her pussy and rubbed the juices on my top lip, so I could savour the scent of her arousal. No sooner had I taken in the scent of her juicy pussy, she resumed kicking me in the nuts. At the time it felt extremely painful, but I can also recall the euphoria that followed immediately after a kick, the recovery and intense arousal. "Your safe word is RED slave; use it anytime you want to bow out. If you want to lick or fuck me, just take it and I might let you..." she murmured in a soft voice. Now I'd had a few kicks in the nuts before, never in such a focused fashion of course, but looking back on this event in isolation I can distinctly recall the intense arousal growing in her, as well as me of course. My cock had never before been as swollen, throbbed as hard as this, nor had my nuts been as tender as right then either of course! The series of kicks, slaps, punches, groping twists...intensely painful and yet the pain would quickly subside to be replaced by a euphoric endorphin rush that would later in life become rather addictive. Maybe thirty minutes in total, my tormentor released me from my shackles and duly offered her up as she'd promised. The sex in itself was basic enough, lots of pussy licking of course since I love that and whilst it was satisfying I just couldn't wait to get another taste of her controlling, abusing and using me for her pleasure. This set in motion a training regime, where she took me under her wing and gradually exposed me to the basics of a D/s relationship. Chastity was part of the ordeal; I was to learn to control my own orgasm to the point where I could fuck a woman almost endlessly and give her numerous orgasms while holding back my own. In time she introduced me to one of her understudies, a lovely girl named Maggie. My initial exposure to Maggie was during a lengthy session of CBT. Now cock and ball torture is an acquired taste I accept, and in principle it goes against the male psyche to have a woman torment ones' most prized possession...but to see the reaction of a dominant woman when she's able to freely smack a guy in the nutsack, stroke his cock savagely and just use him for her pleasure...well, let's just say that it's something you'd need to experience for yourself to grasp the intense excitement that both parties feel. Now Maggie was initially hesitant to kick me in the nuts. This was soon overcome when she saw me throb forcefully in response to her actions. During the many sessions of keeping me on the brink of orgasm I saw Maggie come to life fully, she seemed to get a huge kick out of making me throb fiercely and yet not take me over the edge...initially this was done by smacking me in the nuts as the ladies thought I was about to blow, then as they got to know my limits it was done merely by slowing or stopping the stroking or sucking. At some point Maggie was instructed to ride my cock until she'd had a dozen orgasms in short order. This became the turning point, at least looking back in hindsight, for this being her 26th birthday and I being her present had quite a significant feel about it. The free and easy way, in which she rode my cock, totally using me as her own little fucktoy...detached in a way from my own needs...felt absolutely delicious. Now I must admit that I had a degree of training with an older woman in my late teens, so I knew how to go about pleasing a woman, but this was on another level altogether. I'd reached that point where both Mistress and Maggie could take turns riding me, cumming on me freely and drenching me in their collective juices...and I could do all this without fear of blowing my own load. On a mental level, it seemed improbable that I could literally have my cock inside two women for as long as six hours in one session and not blow my load!! The physical toll of such sessions was immense though, for following such a session I would ache for a day or two afterwards in much the same way as a rugby player would following a hard game. Somewhere along the way Mistress became frustrated that my own need to cum was subsiding, so her way to control me became dubious. Enforced chastity, whilst annoying physically, no longer had the desired effect mentally on me. I know it sounds odd, but I could get (at the time anyway) more than enough stimulation from making a woman cum with my mouth and fingers to keep me happy. Mind you, Maggie had already suggested a few times that we elope together, depart this weird scene and move in together. So in a space of no more than six months from initially meeting Mistress, I ended up living with Maggie. The irony being that once again I ended up with an older woman, albeit the age difference only being a few years. I short order we worked our way thru the various things we liked and disliked. Pretty damn good fit actually! By nature she was demanding, and since she'd cum many times on my tongue, fingers and cock under our tenure with Mistress...that part wasn't an issue. Discovering the other things she liked was fun though. Basically I'd started with the notion of as long as it doesn't involve blood or faeces; I'll give it a try. So we embarked on a journey of discovery together. One thing that really worked for Maggie was pissing on me. Now I know it's not everyone's idea of fun, but if you take the focus off the physical act and indulge the mental side...letting a woman empty her bladder on you is huge kick for her. For Maggie it seemed to take her up a few notches in her arousal, peeing on me and then have me lick her pussy, not pausing at all, just licking her dripping pussy until she'd cum on my face would always set us up for a horny as hell weekend. Can you see the mental angle in what is for some a dirty physical act? Mental liberation of the conventional way of thinking... The first time I asked her to piss in my face Maggie just about came on the spot, quivering and knee trembling. Mind you, the first time I asked her to piss in my mouth she actually had a mini orgasm as she mentally contemplated that act. For her it was such a thrill to have me lie down, mouth open and she could just squat over me and unleash her piss. At times when she'd done this, I'd pull her down onto my face and she'd be soooo close to orgasm it would take only a dozen or so licks and she'd be off bucking on my tongue... In a way, it was simply about exploring the edge of our comfort zone. You could call it finding our boundaries, but I think that's wrong, for we were both exploring without pressure. So many things we did, never about being overtly sexual in public, although many a time she'd stroke my cock during a movie in a crowded theatre...the focus being her fingers subtly keeping me erect and on the edge for her. A quiet meal at a restaurant would be anything but boring when I knew she was naked and wet under her skirt, so her using a foot to rub my crotch would have me on the brink the whole time. In due course we moved away from condoms, the pill now being her only form of control. At this time she let on that she'd love for me to lick her out after unloading in her pussy. Eat a cream pie? YUP!! This in itself seemed to turn her on even more than pissing in my mouth. Personally I've done this many a time before then, and regularly since then of course...but the first time with Maggie was an insane experience. She got herself sooooo worked up; the whole experience was more mental than physical for her. Cumming inside her, swiftly sliding down and clamping my lips over her love canal, coaxing my tongue in and out, slurping and sucking my own pearls out of her dribbling hole...she came so hard and dribbled so much I could barely swallow it all. Mind you, when I started to finger G-spot after a series of orgasms and got her to the point of squirting this freaked her out even more...especially when towards the end of a lengthy session I'd be able to lick her G-spot since her pussy had swollen and protruded sooo much that my tongue could just lick her G-spot...and then her gushing in my face wouldn't deter me in any way at all... Yeah ok, I could use all this and compel myself to think quite highly of my ability to please a woman? To me it was a highly individual experience, very much a case of Ying and Yang, the ultimate symbiotic connection. No need to point out that we were deeply in love before long? Yes I accept that all the physical stuff, in isolation, is hardly unique. The special part for Maggie and me was our mental connection, bordering on being something spiritual, as if we'd been together in a previous lifetime...and I have a hard time believing that type of thing at the best of times! The way we evolved and explored together, devoid of conventional shackles, was pure bliss. And yes I'm talking about this in the past tense for the ending that was to come was rather sad. By the time I'd asked her to marry me, she soon got pregnant, and whilst pregnant she was killed by a drunk driver. It took me many years to let go of her. In some ways I could use this as an excuse for my womanising ways, for trying to find a similarly intense connection was part of my quest for some years. Part of my growth process has been to let go of that, to accept loss and to move on. Not that I managed to learn that lesson in one hit of course, for there's a part 2 and 3 to follow. The BDSM files #2 I'm assuming if you're reading this, you've read part 1 to get the gist of where I was at... After Maggie passed, it took me a good spell to get my head back in the right place. A number of women served as a distraction over this period of course, but it wasn't until I started to get my focus right that I came across Mistress J. Now it may surprise you that, for me at least, I love a bossy bitchy demanding woman in the bedroom. If a woman doesn't have the nerve to kick me in the nuts or squirt right in my face...well, let's just say it won't work between us? Somewhere along the way I ended up researching D/s relationships, for that is the closest label one could apply to what Maggie and I had. So picture me sitting in my local library in the special books section, reading up on the finer points of D/s interaction. Being a shiftworker I'd often be in the library during the morning and when I put a particular book on my waiting list I first encountered Mistress J. Who would think that an outwardly demure lady would harbour such a dark side? But I'm getting ahead of myself... Over the course of a few weeks, it became obvious that Ms Everard was not intimidated by the subject matter I was reading up on. Looking back it was all quite subtle, her innocent questions and suggestions. Nowadays it would be called grooming no doubt, for she was assessing me as her next subject, but at the time I was a little slow on the uptake. By the time she asked me out to lunch I caught up quick though! Helter skelter is what came next. We met for lunch at 12 sharp, and in a no nonsense manner Ms Everard questioned me. By 12.30 she had me calling her Mistress J and by 1 pm I was naked in her play room. No mental connection at first, this was pure physical fun. I needed a woman to use and abuse me, and Mistress J was quite capable of providing this for me! Down on all fours and restrained, I can still hear her sinister little laugh as she enveloped her thumb and forefinger around the base of my sack, clenches up tight and then slaps my trapped nuts with her other hand. Not once or twice, but literally until I'm crying and begging her to stop. In hindsight it all should have been obvious. She'd been quietly observing me at the library, and her confident manner bordering on arrogant now shone thru!! That afternoon she milked my cock numerous times, carefully catching my spunk in a wine glass each time. Watching her squeeze every last drop into the wine glass I was surprised how much cum she'd elicited from my tenderised nuts. The focus that first afternoon was purely on hurting my nuts, seeing how much I could take, and how much cum I could produce under duress. By the time she unshackled me, my nutsack was swollen to at least twice its original size and extremely tender...but in a delicious way. To this day I love walking around with sore balls, regardless of whether this is from kicking, squeezing, slapping, punching or just merely fucking hard for hours. Over the course of a few weeks, Mistress J, an early forties slender and tall brunette, put me thru my paces. Testing the limits of my pain, seeing what I was up for and basically seeing if I was worthy of her time. Once she was happy that I was an ok subject to train, she really let rip on me. On my days off, she'd invariably have me come over at first light, shower and then assume the ballbusting position she preferred...on all fours in her living room. Rarely would she bother getting dressed, merely donning one of her many high heels and kicking my nutsack until I was crying. Time and again she'd order me back onto all fours, until she was satisfied the swelling was sufficient. "Now come and fuck me!" she'd bark at me. In her bedroom, she'd just kick off her heels and lay back, legs spread and waiting for me to drag my sore nuts into position. I soon learned that anything less than an hour of non-stop fucking Mistress J was simply unacceptable. And unacceptable in her lingo meant no orgasms for me for at least a week, watching her getting fucked by another slave, no eating pussy for at least a week, only being allowed to make her cum using my fingers...which I wasn't allowed to lick clean! Oh, and need I mention it would also include a daily ballbashing of epic proportions for the week? So the threat here was very real, fail to please Mistress J and not only would my pleasure be withdrawn but the pain dished out would be real. But hey, I'd learned how to fuck a woman hard for long spells, thru numerous orgasms for her of course and keeping my own back. In time the bar would be raised higher, requiring longer spells of orgasm providing fucking. When we reached the point where I was fucking her doggy style whilst she'd smack my nuts with a wooden spoon while I was banging her...I was being severely tested! The mental aspect had grown of course, the sole focus of my attention was to be her pussy and her orgasms. Anytime I failed to lick her just right I'd be punished in some way. Over time the eating out of my creampies was just par for the course. What I wasn't expecting was after being expected to make her cum numerous times and not cum myself, that she'd now change tack and expect me to cum inside her at short intervals. The very first time was near the airport in Auckland. Just after sundown on a summers' day, she's wearing only a pair of heels and a strappy dress, her always juicy pussy is bare beneath this dress and I know it! The rest area on the exit road is where she makes me stop, the observation tower we climbed and at the top of the tower she poses her first challenge. "You have to cum inside me before that lady makes it to the top of the tower," she casually remarked as she nudged her head at a woman approaching the observation tower. Seeing as how it would take less than two minutes for this I wasted no time at all, she bent over and I quickly and frantically fucked her...duly emptying my nuts inside her before the lady ascending the stairs made it onto the platform. What I wasn't expecting was that Mistress J nodded at the lady as she stepped onto the platform, mind you I wasn't expecting this lady to then kick me square in the nuts either! "Did he do good J?" the lady asked. Mistress J just nodded as she then watched the newcomer reach into my shorts, grasp my nutsack below the cock and wrap the infamous thumb and forefinger around them, thus clenching them up tight in the palm of her hand. "How much can he handle J?" the lady asked as she's clenching me ever tighter. For me, the mental anguish of having my nuts crushed by a woman I've not met before, nor whose name I know, with the permission of my Mistress...sheer hell and bliss at the same time. "Who cares, just crush his balls!" J calmly stated. With this, she comes and stands alongside me, dips a finger in her pussy and scoops out a few pearls of my spunk and rubs it onto my lips. In maybe thirty seconds I've cum inside Mistress, am getting my nuts crushed and now tears start to roll down my cheek. "Yum, tears!" the newcomer chuckles, and with that she releases her grip. Now I've had a few surprises in my life, but this was a new one by me. Mind you, the rest of that night was one big surprise, for the two ladies took turns tormenting me, hurting my ballbag like never before, raping my arse with a strap-on, making me eat them out for hours on end, and most of all both took turns pissing on me. The copious amounts of water they were drinking once we got home made it obvious they had some watersports planned! Mistress J also introduced me to the party scene, albeit the private party kind. The location varied, but the same group of women would be present, a total of six mature ladies would take turns tormenting me. There was variation in the acts, but invariably they all loved smacking a guy in the nuts, raping his arse and having their pussies licked. A couple of them loved sucking cock, especially the long fused kind of cock that they could suck on fiercely...and not have to worry about it popping off early! Now let me be upfront about this stage of my life. I both hated and loved being used like this...the intense stimulation leading up to a series of my own orgasms was addictive. Yet, the low that followed a series of orgasms was bordering on the depressive. So being the subject of attention for a group of women is great, but it ultimately is unfulfilling. Mind you, I was getting sooooo much pussy from Mistress J that I was a long way from turning my back on this way of life. Now J had no issue sharing me around as a punching bag, or more accurately a ballbag for women to kick, but when it came to my cock going anyone...it was just for her pussy. I found this out during a party where one of the ladies took the liberty of guiding my cock into her dripping snatch whilst I was blindfolded and tied to a chair. Not only did the lady in question get turfed out, I was set upon by Mistress J in such a ferocious manner that were it not for her friends pulling me back, my nuts would not have survived... Mistress J was intensely apologetic after this episode, and in a way things were never the same after this point. She'd lost her confidence I guess, and it wasn't until some years later that I worked out she just didn't have enough left to challenge and control me... Mind you, the one final act that made me turn away from her was one of betrayal. Now I'm not into blood or faeces, she knew that from the get-go. Soooo, she'd been talking for a few months about nailing my ballbag to a piece of wood. In itself no big deal, she'd been instructed by another Mistress on how to, and she'd obtained a special headless stainless steel nail. Bit like a panel pin, almost no head at all and surgical stainless steel meant no risk of infection. Anyway, she'd talked about this intended act a few times but I wasn't into it, and had suggested that if she was gonna do this...to do it with one of her other slaves... So a few months since she's last talked about this act, I find myself blindfolded, hands cuffed behind my back, ankles cuffed and made to kneel on her lawn. The group of ladies was small this time, only four in total and yet the collectively gasp alarmed me. The wooden peg that I found myself kneeling against made me think in alarm only on account of the gasp from the ladies. Feeling my nutsack being spread across the top of the peg...I knew instinctively what was next...and yes, the sharp nail went thru my sack the first time, the tap tap tap from the hammer merely followed by gasps from the ladies. Funnily enough the pain was mild. The blindfold came off, then the shackles at my ankles. "If you want to free yourself, the only way I will allow it is for you to stand up and yank the nail thru your useless ballbag slave!" Mistress J snarled. The gasps that followed this statement went right to my core. My stomach churned as I watched Mistress J grin at me. She meant business alright. For almost two years she's been using me, and in an effort to regain her failing grip on me, she breaks my trust by going over a hard boundary in a public manner... Well I stood up in one swift motion, tore the nail thru my sac and ripped a vein in the process. The bleeding was profuse, albeit brief, for one of the ladies took care of me. The scar is still visible to this day, not that anyone would know of course, but I know! Never went back to Mistress J after this, and while the lady who rescued me on that fateful day was a fun to play with for a spell...she was simply too timid on her own. The overall mental escalation that took place over my time with Mistress J had little or nothing at all to do with love and affection. Pure lust, driven by my ability and desire to take her abuse. Ultimately this lust burned out when she couldn't keep escalating it in the right manner. Now I don't hold anything against J for breaking my trust, it was her last attempt at asserting her grip on me, and on some guys it may have worked...but my evolution was simply taking a different path to hers, not to mention I had more learning to do than J. In the end I like to think I was a joyous plaything for her, as she certainly kept me entertained for a good spell. If I did learn anything in this time though, it was that lust on its own simply isn't enough to keep something going. There needs to be a magic combination of emotional attachment and physical naughtiness to take true steps on ones evolution. I'll leave that for part 3 The BDSM files #3 Several years after Mistress J and the urge to be used and abused keeps coming to the fore. By this stage I'm married, and while my wife and I have an ok sex life, it lacks that edge that I've always enjoyed over the years with various open minded women. I guess the one quality that I value in a woman is the ability to 'let go and enjoy herself' more than anything else. My penchant for eating pussy has already lead my wife to bring another woman into our bedroom. One of her friends who loved being licked for hours on end is left with me, and while we have fun numerous occasions, it's the desire to have my nuts smacked before I get to eat pussy that makes my wife suggest I look around for someone to help me scratch that itch. My suggestion we enlist the help of a pro-domme is dismissed. Ok, I did try a pro-domme myself, but while it had the intensity on a physical level, it lacked the emotional angle that I craved. So after a bit of searching on various websites I come across a lady who seems to fit the profile of the person I'm looking for. Mature, kinky, bossy, very sensual and demanding, and just looking for a bit of fun. Well!! We conversed at length, firstly by email, then by phone, and finally she ordered me to come around for an audition. "Strip! And hurry up about it!" she orders as soon as I cross the threshold into her humble abode. No further words are spoken as she watches me get naked. She crooks a finger at me to stand in front of her. No mucking around, she told me she was into CBT, and heck she grasped my ballbag with thumb and forefinger, nuts crushed in the palm of her hand, promptly clenches up tight, twists and pulls them down so hard I end up on my knees. At this she lets go and just laughs at me. "Turn around on all fours slave," she softly says. No sooner am I turned around she kicks my hanging nutsack gently. Next she swats my sac with her hand and it makes me sting!! "Careful what you wish for," was the phrase she'd used on the phone, and during that first meeting she'd softly speak this phrase as she used me... Here's the funny thing though, so many of the mannerisms and responses reminded me of Maggie, that it just seemed spooky in a way! Mistress R was quite capable of bashing me around, up to a point anyway, for once her desire to be licked and fucked took over there was just no stopping her. That first day I must have licked her for a good hour or so non-stop. No fingers even, just tongue and lots of orgasms. I must have made a good first impression, for I was asked to come back?! The whole intent for us was to have fun, and fun we had, but very quickly the intensity of our feelings had us saying I love you to each other. For me it was as if she was the living embodiment of Maggie, and for Mistress R it was mostly about being allowed to be herself and not put up some sort of facade. Had I known she had little or no experience in the D/s field before me, I would have thought twice about embarking on a no-strings-attached affair... Now I don't really know how to convey the intensity of our emotions in mere words. Suffice to say that if we were together in public, it would have taken a very naive person to think we weren't having seriously intense sex every chance we got!! Our time together was merely a collection of stolen hours and days. One occasion we managed to sneak out of town for two nights and it was pure bliss, being able to openly envelop each other...look I know it was wrong on so many levels, and yet the euphoric feeling we got from each other had little to do with the physical acts we were enjoying, not that there was anything wrong with the physical acts of course. The connection we had, like two old souls reconnecting in a new lifetime is the closest I can come to. And I struggle to believe in that to start with! Be careful what you wish for is right though, for that phrase went thru my head numerous times. My wife, who initially suggested this type of distraction, wasn't completely oblivious to what was happening though. Now she'd set me up with her friend who loved getting her pussy licked, and while I'd enjoyed that to a degree...with Mistress R it was another level altogether. The confused emotions, me seeing her as the embodiment of a long lost lover/fiancee were tumultuous to say the least. The guilt of starting something innocent that quickly turned serious was another aspect. My wife recognised that if she was to hang on to me, she'd need to become a little freer in the bedroom, and she changed tack, resuming the threesomes we'd enjoyed in our early days together. She got a bit of coaching on expressing her desires openly, and in a way we did some collective growing. The end result is we're both happier and more satisfied. She doesn't ask what I got up to during our spell of freedom...and whilst I'm still friends with Mistress R, I'm not sure of the long term outcome of our interaction. I have mixed feelings about R, and while I'd love to be able to say we lived long and happy everafter...something tells me more changes are in the wind.