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See the Light

By: dirtyfantasies



Authors Note: Special thanks to HMAuthor for the massive effort she put in editing this story. Of course it goes without saying that any errors are entirely my own!

This is a long story with quite a gradual build up. It follows Claire on her journey from a normal vanilla relationship to one filled with submissiveness and kink. Although I feel there is plenty of action throughout it may not be for you if you are looking for something that cuts straight to the chase.

Thanks for reading!

Prologue

I think every girl believes their true soul mate is out there somewhere; sometimes they turn up in the least expected places. Never in a million years would I have imagined that my life could be flipped upside down like this, yet I couldn't be happier.

The way the leather restraints bite into my wrists & ankles, and the ball gag fills my mouth is simply divine. After all these years I've finally found my place, my calling, and who would have thought it would be bound to a St. Andrews cross completely naked? All I see is darkness; the blindfold that covers my eyes has my every nerve sitting on edge as I wait, my heart heaving against my breast.

If only my friends could see me now; I don't think they'd recognize what I've become. However I've never felt more liberated, more free, more sexual.

I hear footsteps, the unmistakable thud of leather boots on the cold, hard floor as he strides towards me. A drop of sweat percolates from my brow as I wait, my whole body quivering in anticipation. I know he is close.

"Hello little one," he mutters. My heart skips a beat as I realize he is only feet away now. Suddenly I feel his firm hand run up my side and I tense up against my bonds. Oh my god, this is bliss!

I have seen the light.

1.

"Harder, Tommy, harder!"

This had to be a joke right. There's no way sex ever felt that good.

As I sat in my living room, all I could hear was the raucous moans of my housemate Rachel.

Did she not realize some of us still had work to do?

Don't get me wrong, being a secondary school teacher had been my dream for as long as I could remember and was an amazing career. Helping teenagers learn and grow through adolescence was an absolute privilege. However when you have thirty essays analysing characters traits in Romeo and Juliet ready to mark it did start to grind you down.

"Oh yes, Tommy, fuck me harder!"

Seriously, did she not think anyone could hear her?

The thought of Rachel on all fours, while Tommy slammed into her from behind, was not a picture I wanted on my mind tonight. I really wanted to get through these essays before the weekend.

"Oh my god that feels so good!"

Fuck it. It must be for effect. There's no way anyone could be that good.

I sighed and buried my head back into the pile of papers that sat on my lap.

Perhaps one day I'd find my Romeo.

This wasn't strictly true; as far as my friends and family were concerned I'd already found him. Apparently Aaron and I were like peas in a pod, quiet and unassuming, the perfect couple.

If that was true, then why did Aaron never make me scream like that in bed?

To all intents and purposes we were already married. It was just a case of Aaron getting down on one knee and slipping a ring on my finger. I dreaded the look on my mother's face if I ever told her we were breaking up. She was enamoured with him in every way, from his spidery blond hair to his kind and easy demeanour, in her eyes he could do no wrong. I certainly couldn't say he was anything other than the perfect gentlemen to me.

But then why did I crave something more? Something extra.

In truth I wasn't sure exactly what it was I craved. I just knew I felt I was missing out on something.

I heard a loud moan erupt from across the hallway.

I can't remember the last time Aaron made me scream like that.

There was the truth, the seedy, dark truth that I was too afraid to admit to anyone, even myself.

Perhaps it's just Rachel making me jealous.

I'd always told myself I was a good girl. Not good in a pious, Christian, always turn up to church way, but good in a kind, reliable and good natured way. Just like my mother had taught me.

I heard the click of a door unlocking across the hallway and busied myself in my marking.

"Still on those essays are we?" asked Rachel, as she sauntered into the room. It was like her state of orgasmic bliss was carrying her through the air such was the freedom of her movements.

How could she just talk to me as if nothing had happened after I've just heard her screwing her boyfriend like that? I wouldn't be able to look her in the eye for days.

I looked up from my papers. Her auburn hair dishevelled, while no more than a pink bathrobe covered her long-legged frame. "Well they won't mark themselves," I said wistfully. "It'll be good to get them out of the way."

Goddammit Rachel. Just because you're a maths teacher and your marking just seems to magically disappear doesn't mean you have to come in here and show off. And you're having great sex. So what? Stop rubbing it in my face!

Rachel and I had been best friends since we'd met at University. We ate, laughed and cried together as we went through the same rigorous teacher training program, and now we shared a house together having both been hired at the same school.

I had to admit I'd always been a little jealous of Rachel. Her body was long, toned and slender, whereas mine was short and a little plump. She'd always had far more attention from the opposite sex. But now things were coming to a head, we had the same damn job yet she seemed to be enjoying herself more in every way.

Tonight would be different though.

I had it all planned out in my mind. Aaron was leaving for a week's work tomorrow, and we were heading out for a few drinks later before he set off. With a little bit of Dutch courage for both of us I was confident we'd be fucking with unbridled passion before the night was out. At least that was the plan anyway.

Then I'd be the one screaming.

***

Like every other English pub, The Greyhound was dying a slow death. With its trade killed off by skyrocketing alcohol prices and the smoking ban, the place was barely able to keep its head above water these days. However on a Saturday night it was still able to attract a lively and amicable crowd.

Aaron and I sat at a small table, the hubbub of the crowd distracting us from the air of tension. "So looking forward to going away?" I asked, running my fingers through my long, dark hair.

"I'm not sure," he replied haphazardly. "It looks like we're going to be getting a few more contracts up north soon so I could be away a lot more."

I could see from the look in his blue eyes and the slump in his lean shoulders that he didn't want to be here. Aaron was a consummate professional, the thought of poisoning his system with a few stiff drinks the night before a big work project was the equivalent of committing the deadliest of cardinal sins. Like the pope breaking his celibacy hours before performing midnight mass.

Still he wouldn't be complaining later. When I had him ravaging me from every angle.

"Do you know where you're staying yet? Anywhere fancy?"

I was trying to steer the conversation away from work but was failing miserably, although I was certainly not helped by Aaron's indifference. He worked in the IT department of a road maintenance company, no doubt mind numbing work and my impressions certainly weren't improved as he babbled on about operating systems, programming languages and other inane computing jargon that meant nothing to me. As he began an irrational rant on the inadequacies of the public sector my mind started to wonder, and my gaze started to drift.

In particular my eyes were drawn to a man sitting at the bar, his long brown hair drawn back into a short ponytail.

I'm sure I recognize you from somewhere.

After a few seconds I placed him. Growing up with two brothers in a football mad family, he reminded me of Tottenham star David Ginola. Pete must have had his poster hanging on his wall for years. However, it wasn't Ginola's ability to dance round defenders that had him stuck in my mind for so long. No, it was his flowing locks, his broad shoulders and his sartorial French accent that really caught my eye. I'd always seen him as a more cultured, Parisian version of Brad Pitt when he had long hair. I don't mind admitting that I admired Ginola almost as much as my brothers did in my teenage years.

"I'll be back in a minute; I'm just going to use the loo." I awoke as if from a trance as Aaron rose from the table.

Damn it how long was I staring for? I hope he didn't notice.

"No problem," I replied hastily. "I'll get us another drink before we go."

I wandered towards the bar, not trying to get so close to Ginola that it would be awkward but close enough that he might notice me.

Did I really want him to notice me?

I reached the bar and waited to be served with my head pointing to the ground, almost out of embarrassment for the awe I was in.

Please notice me!

"Hi there."

Dammit. No hot French accent.

I looked up and was greeted with a pleasant smile. The bottom half of his face was covered in a trimmed goatee that I couldn't remember seeing on any of my brother's Ginola posters.

"Hi," I stammered back. It was all that I could muster as I forced myself to smile back.

"Don't be so shy," he said calmly. "I love the way your glasses highlight your eyes. They really bring your whole face to life."

I blushed a deep shade of red. No one had ever complimented me on my glasses before. In fact not that many people had complimented me on my looks period.

"Thank you," I replied as without thinking my hands were drawn to adjusting the way my thick rimmed spectacles sat on my nose.

He looked into my eyes and it felt as if he was staring into my soul such was his intensity. Normally I would have felt scared with someone scanning me so thoroughly. However all I felt was warmth in his big, hazel eyes.

"So do you come here often?" he asked casually. "I don't recall seeing you before. And I would certainly remember a face like yours."

I blushed again.

Aargh. How was he doing this to me!?

"It seems you are not used to such compliments," he smiled. "I'm Jeff."

"I... I'm Claire."

Jesus. Just talking to him was giving me the jitters. He was so out of my league.

"Well it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Claire. Since you have put up with my advances so politely may I offer to buy this round for you?" The barman approached us as I saw Aaron return from the rest room.

"Well ok, thanks." I felt my shyness begin to subside. "One glass of red wine and a pint of lager please."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," he replied apologetically. "I didn't realise you had company, I'd assumed you were alone. In that case I shall pay for these and I'll intrude no further."

Goddammit. Why did he have to be so nice? It would have been so much easier to walk away if he'd been a total arse hole.

***

This was it. This is what my whole evening had boiled down to. As I fumbled with my key in the lock, I realised my plan had worked. We were both nicely drunk and Aaron's inhibitions were nicely lowered. I really hoped he would take me like a boss tonight, leaving me with no doubt that I'd been well and truly fucked.

Giving me what I craved.

We giggled like giddy school children as we entered my room, before we met in a loving embrace and I planted my lips onto his. As our tongues entwined I felt his hands grasp lower and lower down my back until both his palms were kneading my behind. I shuddered as he pulled me in close and my ample bust squashed against his body, feeling his firm, flat chest against me.

"I think I feel something in your pants," I giggled as I reached between his legs and felt the stirring in his groin. "Looks like you're pleased to see me!"

A look of absolute adulation swept across Aaron's face as I began to stroke him through his jeans. I felt so dirty, so slutty feeling him up like this, but loved every second of it.

"You like that do you?" I hissed in his ear as I felt him grow in my hand. His eyes were squeezed shut. All he could muster as a response was to nod his head frantically.

Feeling how hard he was, I flopped down onto my knees. His penis sprang to life before me as I unbuckled his jeans and slipped them down his ankles. He wasn't huge, no more than average in terms of length, but more than enough for me in my current state of arousal.

He let out a triumphant moan as I took the head in my mouth and wrapped my tongue around it, lapping up his pre cum before he began to run his fingers through my hair.

"Oh my god," he stammered as I started to bob my head up and down on his cock, gradually taking him deeper and deeper in my mouth until I began to sense his knees weakening above me.

Fucking hell. I can't believe how wet this is getting me. Perhaps I should be this slutty in bed more often.

"That's it I want you right now," I gasped as I pulled his cock out of my mouth.

We began to rip our clothes from our bodies as if our lives depended on it. I moaned deeply as Aaron took his time to caress and suck my large breasts, before I got up on the bed on my hands and knees.

"No I need you inside me now," I blurted out as I felt him run his fingers up and down my damp pussy, my whole body was shaking in anticipation.

I felt his cock push up against my folds, tantalizing me, teasing me.

"Oh fuck," he groaned as drove the head of his cock inside me.

That's it. Don't just say the word though, actually do it. Fuck me.

He began to build a steady rhythm, putting his hands on my hips to keep his balance as he fucked me from behind. His dick felt quite nice inside me, it wasn't so huge that it stretched me but big enough that I could feel it.

I didn't realize how badly I needed this. Fuck I might even come tonight.

As he continued to thrust in and out of me, my mind fell back to Jeff. I began to picture his chiselled physique, his alluring, confident persona, and what he would look like fucking me.

I bet Jeff's bigger than Aaron. I bet Jeff would really fill me up. I bet Jeff's cock would take me to places I'd never been before.

I bit my lip as thoughts of Jeff pounding away at me took my arousal to another level.

This is so wrong. But it feels so right. I can't remember the last time I was this horny.

"Fuck me harder!" I screamed in pale imitation of Rachel earlier.

I bet Jeff wouldn't have to be asked. I bet Jeff would take what was rightfully his.

"I don't think I can," wailed Aaron. "I don't think I can last much longer!"

I screwed my eyes shut and summoned up all my courage.

Come on. Just one more minute. One minute for me to come. Just imagine it's Jeff fucking you.

I knew it was wishful thinking. Even as I felt my climax approaching I knew it too late. Aaron clenched hold of my hips even tighter than he had been and thrust hard into me three times, each time depositing his load inside me.

Sigh. I was seconds away. Seconds away.

I flopped onto the bed and rolled over onto my side. It had been so long since Aaron had made me come with his cock.

I know Jeff would have made me come. I know Jeff wouldn't have left me waiting.

"That was amazing baby," Aaron said reaching down and pecking me on the forehead. "But I'd better be going now."

"What?"

"I've got to be up pretty early tomorrow, and I've got a lot of things I need to take care of first. I'll call you tomorrow evening when I get there ok?"

Fucking arsehole. Don't bother calling me if that's going to be your attitude. Do you even care that I didn't get to come?

Of course I kept those thoughts bottled up inside me, I was far too much a prude to tell him I wanted him to eat me out before he left.

You're a good girl remember Claire. Good girls don't bitch about their boyfriends. Good girls don't shout and demand attention.

Then something else hit me.

Good girls don't try and imagine they're having sex with someone else to help them come.

Perhaps I wasn't a good girl after all.

I pulled the covers over me and tried to get to sleep but my mind was consumed with thoughts. I didn't know how, I didn't know where and I didn't know when but I had to make contact with Jeff again.

If only Aaron had stayed in the bathroom a little longer. Maybe I could have got his phone number. Oh well at least there's a chance I might have woken Rachel up.

With that I rolled over and nodded off.

2.

When I woke up next morning it took me a few seconds to realise why I felt so unfulfilled. Then it hit me.

Fucking bastard.

Last night I was supposed to be enjoying some of the best sex of my life, instead it had been the same washout as usual.

Well if he's blowing his load that quickly, at least it shows he's attracted to you.

It wasn't any consolation. While there were so many things to like about Aaron, his ability between the sheets certainly wasn't one of them. I yearned for a man who could send me to another planet with just the slightest of touches.

Then it hit me.

Jeff.

Although I had only been blessed with his presence for a few minutes, there was something about the ease at which our conversation flowed which meant the thought of him couldn't escape my mind for long.

I slung my dressing gown over my shoulders and headed for the kitchen.

"I didn't expect you up this early," said Rachel cheerily as I entered the room. It looked as if she was her bright and bubbly self this morning.

Well that's easy I suppose when you've actually been able to orgasm the night before.

"I've still got those essays to get through," I grumbled, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"Oh that sucks," she continued, passing me a steaming mug of coffee. "How was last night?"

"Terrible," I replied taking a large gulp from the mug. "Aaron was acting like a total jerk."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I heard you guys coming back in and you sounded like you'd had a good time."

Well that's a bonus, at least she heard us. Probably not having sex though.

I took another long sip of coffee.

"Aaron's not a bad guy," continued Rachel. "You know what he's like with work, I expect he was just nervous about his big trip. You and him go so well together."

Why did everyone say that!? Was it so wrong that I wanted something more?

I kept my thoughts to myself, "Yea, I guess you're right, I'm sure we'll work things out."

That's it Claire. You're a good girl remember. No one need know about your frustrations.

After a quick shower, I was back in the living room with a heap of essays piled on top of me as I lay across the sofa.

I've got to give these back on Monday; I really must finish them today.

Although literature had always been my passion, and I'd enjoyed studying Shakespeare's plays, I must say Romeo and Juliet that struck a chord with me.

Boy meets girl. They fall madly in love. Jeez Shakespeare didn't know how it worked in the real world did he?

I flicked through the papers and it was hopeless. My anger at Aaron's attitude the previous night consumed my mind, and even as I scribbled notes and splattered my student's work with ticks and crosses I knew what I really wanted.

Jeff can be my Romeo. I know it.

Suddenly I heard the click-clack of leather boots as Rachel entered the room, "Me and Tommy are heading out for lunch in a bit and wonder if you want to pop along. I don't like the thought of you being here all alone." Her tight jeans combined well with her brown boots to really accentuate her legs.


See the Light



Aargh. I couldn't think of anything I'd rather do less than spend my lunchtime with Tommy. He's so dim-witted it defies belief. Oh well I suppose I'm just jealous.

"I'd love to come thanks Rach," I put on my best smile.

That's it Claire. You're a good girl remember.

"Great," said Rachel "We'll be getting there around one."

"Where are we going?"

"Oh nowhere special, only up the road to The Greyhound. Apparently they do some decent grub up there for lunch now."

The Greyhound! But that's where we met! No, it's far too much to ask that he would be there again, no one would be that lucky. Still at least a girl can dream.

"Is that ok, Claire?"

Shit I must have zoned out again.

"Sounds perfect."

***

Needless to say I didn't do much marking for the rest of the morning. My mind was now awash with the fantastical idea of remaking my acquaintance with Jeff, before he whisked me away to some far flung land where we would spend the rest of our lives together.

A girl can dream right?

How different my fantasy would be from the reality of the situation. As the three of us entered the pub, I craned my neck, hunting the bar area then the tables for the faintest glimmer of that short ponytail or those broad shoulders.

Dammit. I shouldn't have let myself get carried away like that.

"I'm really glad you came with us today Claire," said Rachel as we took our seats round a table and began to scan the menu. "I've been worried lately. We seem to be moving further apart."

I smiled back at Rachel. I knew she was a good friend even if she had been pissing me off lately.

"I know," I said calmly. "I guess we've both been pretty busy with work lately, and we've had other things on our mind," I glanced across at Tommy.

"Yea I know," she barely seemed to be listening to what I was saying. "Anyway listen, I've been thinking. Why don't we play a little game to get a bit of spark going between us?"

I stared at her dumbfounded. "What did you have in mind?"

"I wasn't sure; I was thinking something like truth or dare. But without the truth part cos I've always found that a bit boring."

"You mean like the children's game?" I frowned at her.

"A little," she replied, "but I was thinking perhaps we'd make it a bit raunchier. To really take us out of our comfort zones."

"Sure, sounds interesting."

Whatever. Rachel was always coming up with these crazy schemes that never came to fruition.

"Ok great. I was thinking we'd take turns to make up a dare but then we'd both have to do it. Then if either of us chickens out we'd have to do a forfeit that the winner decides."

"Sounds good."

"Ok," chirped Tommy. For some reason I found his easy-going cockney accent really annoying. "How about I flip a coin to decide who gets to make up a dare first. No cheating that way!"

There was a murmur of approval as he pulled a coin from his wallet.

"Your call Claire," he said as he flipped it into the air with his thumb.

"Heads."

The coin landed on the table with a crash, turning a few heads as it disturbed the tranquil atmosphere for a moment.

"Looks like it's tails," Tommy said picking the coin up. "You can choose first babe." We both turned to Rachel.

She looked to the ceiling for a second, consumed in thought. "I think - and remember we both have to do this - I think we will both go into school without underwear on Monday."

What?

Rachel seemed to take the look of shock on my face as acceptance.

"Great!" she exclaimed. "Don't worry, I think this'll be a lot of fun once we get going."

"You can always call it off now if you want to," Tommy said grinning.

Fuck off Tommy you smug git. I think I'd do anything to rub that smile off your face.

"No it's fine," I said calmly. "It should be fun."

Well at least I wasn't being a good girl for once.

The rest of our meal passed without incident. I did my best to ignore Tommy's hilariously unfunny jibes and soon we were finishing up our drinks and preparing to leave.

I was just putting on my coat when over Rachel's shoulder I could have sworn I saw someone in my peripheral vision.

No it can't be.

I looked closer.

It was.

I couldn't believe it. The tall, broad shoulders, the brown ponytail, the well tailored goatee. 

It was him alright.

"I'll catch up with you guys later," I said hastily as Rachel and Tommy walked towards the door. "I think I've just seen an old friend I want to say hi to."

The pair of them bade me goodbye before I approached him as he took a seat at the bar.

"Do you ever feel you've had déjà vu?" he said smiling at me.

I smiled back at him, "Nice to see you again."

"Likewise, I could never forget a smile as pretty as that. It's Claire isn't it?"

I felt my heart thumping against my chest as I nodded in reply.

He remembered my name!

"That's right," I replied. "About last night, I think there may have been some misunderstanding."

"Not at all dear girl. A gentleman does not intrude where it is not welcome. I could see you already had company and rightfully stepped aside."

As I stared into his hazel eyes I noticed a few more lines than I had the previous night. I guess he must have been a few years older than me, maybe in his mid to late thirties. 

"So anyway what brings you here at this hour?" he continued. "If one sees a young lady frequenting a place like this two days on the trot, they might fear she was on her way to ruin!"

He spoke to me as if he was a long lost uncle. But for some reason I loved it.

"Oh no it's nothing like that," I giggled. "I've just been here for a bite to eat with friends."

"Well perhaps you like to join me for a drink now?"

I could hardly spit the words out fast enough, "That would be lovely."

"Great let's see. You were drinking red wine last night, I believe?"

Oh my god. He remembers everything about me!

"You should broaden your horizons a little, try this for size."

He ordered me a glass of white wine, from some vineyard in a South American town I'd never heard of. It turned out Jeff was a wine trader, and was helping the landlord convert the place into a trendy wine bar as a personal favour.

"So anyway, Claire," he said matter-of-factly sipping his own glass of wine, "I notice there's no ring on your finger. I can't believe someone as charming as you hasn't had the opportunity to make a young man very lucky."

I felt my knee begin to tremble and hoped he didn't notice.

Was I really about to do this?

"I.. err.. I'm between relationships right now," I lied through my teeth.

"That's interesting," he said inquisitively. "I can't imagine a young lady like you stays between relationships for very long."

If he'd read my lie like a book he certainly wasn't showing it.

"And the young gentleman you were with yesterday, he was just an acquaintance I take it?"

I felt my temple throbbing. "That's right."

Shit. Did I really just say that?

"Interesting, very interesting indeed." He circled the top of his wine glass with a single finger as if consumed in thought.

"And yourself?" I gasped trying to steer the conversation away from my own relationship status.

"Like you dear girl, I am, as you put it so curtly, between relationships."

I wasn't sure whether this was what I wanted to hear or not. I felt as if I was digging myself into a hole I couldn't possibly climb out of.

"Well what kind of things do you look for in women?" I wasn't sure what was stupider, the thought of me trying to get in his pants or the thought of me trying to play the role of relationship coach.

"You see that is arguably my biggest problem, Claire." He looked at me intently, "I'm very particular about the type of women I like to date."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll be straight with you, Claire. I'm interested in a certain lifestyle, a very particular lifestyle."

I waited with baited breath.

"I'm interested in the BDSM lifestyle, Claire."

BDSM. The term rang a few bells but I couldn't place exactly where I'd heard it before.

"I don't know what that is."

"That neither shocks nor surprises me dear, for it is not a subject that is widely discussed outside of those who hold such interests."

"Can you explain it to me?"

A broad smile brimmed from Jeff's face. "My dear if I was to have the pleasure of your company for twelve months I fear would not be able to explain it you. Understanding it really is a journey of self discovery."

He grinned at the perplexed look on my face.

"Meaning you really have to research it for yourself, for the lifestyle is such a broad canvas. All I would do is blight your mind with my own pre conceptions."

***

I was so glad I'd got Jeff's phone number, even if he had been a little vague about himself. I had no idea what that BDSM stuff was about but I decided to leave looking it up for another time. Until then Jeff would remain the fantasy that consumed my thoughts. There was something about the charisma with which he spoke, the sparkle and energy in his eyes that drew me towards him. 

But what about Aaron?

As I got into bed and pulled the covers over me I knew in my heart of hearts that I shouldn't have lied about Aaron. Although he had annoyed me, he was still my boyfriend and I knew I'd feel guilty about it in the morning.

Sometimes it was nice to be a naughty girl though.

My hand slipped under my pyjama bottoms and began to caress my clit.

And good girls certainly don't touch themselves thinking about someone other than their boyfriend.

I knew it was wrong but it felt so right. I increased the speed of my finger work until eventually I let out a soft whimper as I rubbed my pussy.

I love being a naughty girl.

I reached under my pyjama top and grabbed hold of my breast, pinching its nipple between my thumb and forefinger as I began to dab one finger into my box. I'd barely ever played with myself before but I just seemed to know how to push my own buttons. Having an orgasm with Aaron inside me always felt like such a chore, like I had to work for it but this seemed so effortless. I felt as if I could keep going all night.

This is how sex is supposed to feel. This is how Jeff would make me feel.

My mind was consumed with thoughts of Jeff as I plundered my pussy with my finger. I closed my eyes and imagined him fucking me each and every way.

Missionary, doggy, my legs wrapped around him. Oh god here it comes!

I let out an almighty moan as my orgasm erupted inside me. The feeling crept up on me so much quicker than it usually did and took my by complete surprise.

Fucking hell I needed that.

As I rolled over and drifted off to sleep, I now knew who I really wanted.

3.

I tossed and turned all night, never getting more than a few minutes sleep at a time. One half of my brain was consumed with thoughts of Jeff while the other half kept telling me how wrong my sordid ideas were.

Eventually I gave up. I rolled over and put on my glasses on to check the time. It was five o'clock., still an hour before I had to get up and get ready for work.

What was it Jeff had said again? BDSM?

I sat up and pulled my laptop from the bedside cabinet. I had an hour to kill, I may as well make the most of it. I flipped the lid open before opening up the internet. I felt my fingers tremble a little as I carefully entered those four letters, B...D...S...M.

Well here goes nothing.

I clicked search. Finally it was spelled out for me.

Bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism? What the fuck?

I read on.

BDSM is a collective term used to describe many erotic practises that involve domination and submission. This could include different forms of bondage, role playing and numerous other sub cultures where there is a form of power exchange.

Wow. Looks like Jeff is into some seriously kinky shit.

As I read more of the article I realised that BDSM encompassed a lot of things that weren't that unfamiliar. Although I'd never tried it, the idea of using handcuffs or blindfolds was something I'd discussed with friends and colleagues before, with tongue firmly in cheek of course.

It quickly became apparent what Jeff had meant last night. The more I read, I realised just how huge BDSM was, incorporating some kinks and fetishes that had never crossed my mind.

Pet play? Really?

It seemed that the majority of people within the lifestyle either labelled themselves as dominant or submissive, always taking that role, while others preferred to switch between the two. My thoughts quickly turned to Jeff.

I bet he would be dominant. There's no way someone as strong as Jeff would submit to anyone.

I also read how the length of time people stayed in-character varied. Many preferred to keep play limited to "sessions" while others liked to "live the lifestyle".

How is that even possible?

However as I continued to jump from link to link, one thing in particular continued to catch my eye. Picture after picture of women, in various forms of undress, jumped out the screen at me. They were all tied up in different ways. Some merely had their hands cuffed in front of them, while others were in all sorts of predicaments, their limbs restrained at every possible angle.

Shit how did my hand get down there!?

I plucked my hand out of my pyjama bottoms; I had barely even noticed my fingers sliding over my clit. The pictures had encapsulated my thoughts.

Did that mean I was submissive then?

I wasn't sure about that yet. But what I was sure of was that the pictures on my screen were an incredible turn on.

I allowed my fingers to wriggle back under my bottoms.

RING RING RING

I looked round and saw my alarm going off.

Shit was that the time?

I withdrew my fingers as quickly as they had gone in. I knew it was going to be a long day without touching myself.

***

I hadn't forgotten. Today was no panties day according to Rachel and I was determined to hold up my side of the bargain; as much to get back at Tommy for teasing me as anything.

Even with winter approaching I liked to wear dresses to school. There was no point hiding my curves and I had a few dresses that showed them off really well. Even with the dare I was resolute that wouldn't change. I was sure Rachel was doing this to ruffle my feathers so I was adamant I wouldn't budge an inch.

Still, I couldn't say I wasn't a little nervous as I sat at the kitchen table finishing my breakfast. The blue dress I had chosen was smart and covered both my shoulders, while it fell to just above my knee. However I was most concerned about the stockings.

Yes the stockings. I had always preferred stockings over tights because they made me feel so much sexier. Today though they did seem more of a gamble.

It'll be fine. Just act normal and no one will notice.

"Right then, I hope you remember what day it is!" Rachel came bustling into the kitchen. She was dressed similarly to myself, her white blouse had one more button open than I would have deemed acceptable to work at a school but her pencil skirt fell to around her knee.

"Of course," I replied calmly.

"Well let's check up on you then," she said stuffing a piece of toast into her mouth.

"What?"

"I want to see you're not cheating before we go!"

"Fine then."

I couldn't believe how paranoid she was being. Even so I got up and turned round, in an attempt to protect some of my modesty, before lifting up the hem of my dress.

"There happy?" the tone of voice did not hide my exasperation.

"Let me check your bag too."

"Are you mad?"

Before I could stop her she was rummaging through my handbag, picking and prodding at various things before she was satisfied.

"Ok you're clean," she said reluctantly.

"And what about you?"

She pulled the top of her skirt forward just enough for me to see down the front. I could barely see any hair down there let alone any panties.

"Ok that's fine," I said.

***

I couldn't pretend it wasn't a tense ride to school. Rachel's idea to bring us closer together only seemed to be adding strain to our fractured relationship.

Nevertheless, once we arrived everything seemed to return to normal. Rachel became her light-hearted friendly self again and I was able to get on with my morning as usual. Except of course I was wearing no panties.

I must admit most of the time I didn't really notice. Sure there was a rush of cold air between my thighs that I hadn't felt before but apart from that it wasn't really any different. In fact it was quite a rush to be having a normal conversation with someone and know you weren't wearing any underwear, I thought that perhaps I should be doing it more often.

Seems you're not such a good girl after all.

As hard as I tried though, I couldn't keep thoughts of what I'd read that morning from my head. 

Was Jeff really a dominant? Would he really want to tie me up?

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense.

I'm attracted to Jeff because he's a dominant and I'm a submissive.

However those thoughts were quickly extinguished when I bumped into Rachel at lunchtime.

"Get in here," she hissed at me, pushing me into the staff toilet. "Now here." She forced me to follow her into one of the cubicles. "This proves I'm not cheating." She lifted up her skirt and flashed me her pussy. "Now prove to me you're not either."

I wanted to tell her that I thought this whole situation was ridiculous. Instead though I complied, not turning round this time as I lifted up the front of my dress.

"Jeez Claire, do you ever shave?" She smiled at me as I pulled down my dress, knowing how crimson she had made my face go. She was right; I had never shaved, although I always kept myself trimmed to within my bikini line.

***

The end of the school day couldn't come quick enough. As soon as I was through the front door I headed straight to my room and slammed the door closed.

I had to find out more.

My laptop couldn't fire up quickly enough. I drummed my fingers on it as I waited but soon I was exploring the wonderful world of BDSM again. I could hardly contain myself; my eagerness to learn was unbridled as I clicked from link to link, hoovering up information as I went.

One thing that fascinated me more than anything else though was the pictures. There were hundreds of them. Women bound, gagged, being teased and tormented, sometimes there was even two women at a time. It was like entering a whole new world, one where I could be free of the constraints and moralities that everyday life threw at me.

A world where I could be myself.

The more I gawped at the pictures the more turned on I became. The sheer number of different props and toys I saw in the pictures captivated me. From spreader bars to collars, from cages to floggers, they all intrigued me in equal measure and I began to picture myself in the predicaments that the girls in the pictures found themselves in.

I wonder if Jeff has any of this stuff. I bet he would love to tie me to his bed.

It was difficult to keep my fingers away from my pussy as I looked at the pictures of girls being spanked or flogged. There was something strangely erotic about being spanked. Although it seemed like a punishment I could imagine it being quite stimulating if the blows were of the right intensity. Of course my mind instantly became filled with images of myself being bent over Jeff's lap for a little correction.

***

It was Saturday and Aaron was back from his work trip. He'd phoned me during the week to apologize about how he'd acted the last time we were together and now he'd invited himself around to make things right.




See the Light



Rachel was out at Tommy's house so we had the house all to ourselves. Although I'd barely thought about him all week, Aaron had come up trumps and wined and dined me like a queen. Now I had to say I was in a much better mood than I had been with him for some time.

That wouldn't take much doing though.

"I'm so glad we were able to make things up," he said as we snuggled up on the sofa watching a DVD, before planting a soft kiss on my lips.

Sex with Aaron hadn't been high on my list of priorities after the disappointment of last week, until suddenly a thought occurred to me.

"I know darling," I said squeezing his thigh, "I'm sorry too. I should have realised how important this job was to you." I ran my fingers through his hair as I pulled him in close and kissed him deeply. "Perhaps we should take this to my room."

We could barely keep our hands off each other before we tripped our way into my bedroom and began to peel off each other's clothes.

"I've missed you so much baby," Aaron groaned as he pulled my top over my head and began to run his lips down my neck towards my chest.

Oh yes. He's pushing all my buttons just right tonight.

My head rocked back as he smattered kisses down from my collar bone to my breasts, where after unclasping my bra he took each nipple in turn and dowsed it in his mouth.

"That feels so good," I moaned as he twisted and teased my nipples with his teeth. He'd obviously remembered just how sensitive my large areolas were.

After pulling down my jeans and my panties he sat me down on the edge of the bed, where once again he put his mouth to great effect. He painted the most delicate of little kisses all the way around my bikini line, like a skilled artist using the finest of brush strokes.

No matter how hard I moaned he continued to tease me, running his tongue as close to my box as he could without touching it before pulling away again.

Where did this come from? He was keeping me on edge like a pro!

Eventually he gave in to my despair, running his tongue slowly up and down my slit. As he did, my eyes slammed shut and I cried out in elation. When he was in the mood Aaron really knew how to please me and right now his mouth was making me unbelievably wet.

"I need you inside me now!" I cried pushing him away from me. He didn't need any further invitation, ripping his clothes off as fast as he could and I soon saw his throbbing erection jutting out. "Don't just stand there, fuck me!" I said in my huskiest voice as I bent over the side of the bed.

You're definitely not a good girl anymore!

I was half expecting him to blow his load right there and then but no, he pushed his cock inside me and soon was fucking me with abandon.

It felt good, so much better than it had last time. Now seemed as good a time as any to unleash my plan.

"Spank me baby," I cried out as he fucked me from behind.

Aaron temporarily lost his rhythm as I took him by surprise, "What?"

"Spank me," I repeated, "spank me like I've been a naughty girl."

Christ did I really just say that?

The perplexed look on Aaron's face told me he certainly wasn't comfortable with the idea. "Ok," he said indecisively before taking his palm and swatting me very lightly on the bum.

Hmmm that was quite nice, quite soothing actually. Although it wasn't any more than a pat really.

"Harder!" I groaned.

This time Aaron was a little more confident. I could tell it wasn't really his thing but he found the courage to strike me quite a bit harder. Don't get me wrong he wasn't smacking me hard, but it was more than enough to feel it and the pain combined with the pleasure of him fucking me felt amazing.

"Even harder!"

"Baby, are you sure? I don't want to do anything that might hurt you."

"Do it!" I screeched.

This time he tried to spank me with some force, although I could tell it was killing him on the inside. As his hand landed on my behind I cried out, the mixture of pain and pleasure was such an intoxicating cocktail that I felt it reverberate through my every nerve ending.

"Again!" I cried.

He continued to fuck me, but his tempo slowed right down as if he was caught in two minds.

"Baby I don't think I can," he said pulling his cock out of me. "I'm sorry it's just not me." It appeared he was incredibly embarrassed by the whole situation.

"But you don't understand. I wanted you to do it," I said taking his hand in mine.

"I know that but it just didn't feel right," he replied pulling away from me. "I wasn't sure if I was hurting you or not."

I watched with disappointment as Aaron began to get dressed. It hadn't really occurred to me that he wouldn't want to do it. I kind of assumed it would bring out his natural dominant side.

"I'd best be going," he said walking towards the door. "I'm sorry it got a bit awkward tonight I'll call you soon though, okay?"

For the second time in seven days I was lying in bed feeling unfilled. Aaron hadn't been cool with spanking me at all, and I sensed he had been very shocked by me asking him to do it.

Oh well. All the more time to myself.

As I lay on my bed I reached down and began to rub my clit. Over the last few days I'd become quite adept at using my fingers, and as I closed my eyes there was only one image in my head.

Jeff tying me up, spanking me, teasing me until I beg for release.

A smile passed across my lips as I realised it was probably going to be another sleepless night. 

4.

I woke up and my mind was tinged with guilt. I'd been so caught up in the moment. I should have realised that Aaron mightn't have been game. Just because I'd fantasised about it for the past week or so didn't mean he'd be up for it at all. Now I wondered whether the damage I' done to our relationship had been more than skin deep.

Isn't that what you wanted though? To be rid of Aaron?

I knew in my heart of hearts this was true, but that didn't stop me worrying about the consequences.

What would Rachel say if we broke up? Worse what would my mum say!?

Then I decided I must be worrying too much.

I'm sure once he's slept on it he'll realise he's over reacted. He'll probably call me later and say that he'll be up for it next time.

Still as the morning went on and I didn't get a text or call I couldn't help but fear the worst. I decided to try and put my dark fantasies to the back of my head for the time being, before I jeopardised another one of my relationships.

That didn't last long however. Marking work had now become my normal Sunday routine, and as I sat in the living room trying to work my way through the never-ending pile of essays that surrounded me, I heard the familiar beeping of my phone from the kitchen.

Could that be Aaron?

Heart thumping, I dashed through to the other room and picked it up.

One message received.

My fingers trembled as I thumbed through the message.

Good afternoon Claire I hope you are well. If you are free I would love the pleasure of your company for a cup of coffee. Jeff.

Although we had texted a couple of times it had been a while since I had spoken to Jeff, and after the trouble I'd had with Aaron, I'd tried not to think about some of his more kinky pursuits.

He always treated you so well though. He would never have slunk out of the room like Aaron did.

I didn't know why I was contemplating it. I already knew I would meet him again. With just a few words he had planted a seed in my mind that was starting to blossom into the most beautiful flower and I was desperate to find out more about him.

Then I thought about why he wanted to meet me again.

He must know. He must know I'm submissive.

***

Although the inside of the coffee shop was warm and welcoming, it was with great trepidation that I pulled myself through its double doors a couple of hours later. My pulse quickened as I scanned for a glimpse of the ponytail that had first captured my imagination.

Oh there he is.

He gave me a cheery wave as our eyes met, and after ordering myself a latté I flopped myself down in the snug armchair opposite him.

"I trust you've had a good week dear," he said.

"Well if I'm honest it's been a bit mixed," I replied, thinking of the previous night.

"Well why don't you tell me about the good parts first."

I took a sip from my mug and paused.

Was I really about to do this?

"What you told me about last week... BDSM," I stammered. "I've been reading about it on line."

"Seems I must have really struck a chord with you," he replied smiling, "may I ask what you've learnt?"

I related as much as I could remember from my late nights surfing the net, although I omitted to tell Jeff just how much it had turned me on. I was surprised just how much of a rush talking about it in a public place was. It felt so naughty and exciting.

Jeff on the other hand did not seem flushed at all. "I'm impressed; it seems your good looks are combined with a thirst for knowledge." 

My face burned red. I loved the way he complimented me in a way no-one else did. 

"I'm sure you can see why I recommended that you make your own journey of self-discovery. It would have shocked you beyond comprehension if I had spat all that at you right there and then in the pub."

"I know. There was so much stuff to take in."

"Well you have told me about the good parts of your week dear. Now I would like to hear about the bad. It's amazing how much talking your problems over can help one see through them."

I couldn't believe what I was about to divulge. I didn't think I would ever tell another living soul about what had happened last night between me and Aaron, but Jeff was so open and engaging I was sure he would understand what had taken place.

"Last night ¬¬-," I could feel my hands shaking, "last night I tried some of the stuff I'd read about, and it didn't go as well as I'd hoped."

"I'm sure it can't have been that bad dear," he said softly. "You've only been reading about the lifestyle for a week or so. I expect you just dived straight in the deep end of the pool without testing the shallow end first."

"No it's not that. I enjoyed it, it's just my..."

Shit I told him I was single!

In my mind's eye, I saw a whole card tower come crashing to the ground.

"It's just that my partner didn't."

For the first time I saw that charming smile fade away from Jeff's face. His eye's met mine.

"There's one thing in the lifestyle that most value above all else," he said slowly, "something that may not seem obvious from what you've read but is just as important as it is in vanilla relationships."

I nodded, too scared to move my eyes away from his glare.

"That thing is trust. There must be a level of trust between partners and you must always respect each other's limits." I felt his stare soften a little. "If you had a bad experience that was because you didn't set out how far you wanted to go before you started."

"I know. I realise that now. I feel so guilty about it."

Jeff's face turned stern again.

"And by the sounds of things, your partner wasn't the only person whose trust you have violated. If I'd known you were seeing someone else I wouldn't have invited you here."

His eyes felt as if they were cutting me into a thousand pieces.

"Please," I whimpered, "it's not like that. Our relationship has been rocky for ages." It didn't feel as if there was any way out of the corner I'd backed myself into.

"I won't lie," Jeff went on, "I invited you here because I like you. I find you intelligent and easy to engage with. I like you a lot," he paused, "but without trust and respect there is no way we can take this forward. To truly understand dominance and submission you really have to understand how important trust is."

I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout. Something. Anything. But instead no words came out. The realisation that I had screwed up two relationships in less than a day quickly dawned on me.

"I.. I'm so sorry," I eventually stammered.

Jeff's expression became more caring and relaxed again.

"It's ok my dear," he said drawing his head close to mine. "If I had realised how curious your mind would be I wouldn't have left you to your own devices. I must bear some responsibility."

"But you..."

"Listen to me now. You are completely new to the lifestyle. It takes months, sometimes years for one to find their true place within it. Your journey has only just begun."

I felt my heart pounding against my chest.

"You have started well but to really understand submission you must really understand the psychology of it."

***

I slammed the door to my bedroom shut as soon as I got home. There were so many different thoughts spinning around my head. I knew Jeff was disappointed with me, but he seemed to have given me a second chance. However before I could collect my thoughts together I heard a familiar knock at the door.

"Don't think you can just run in and hide from me like that!" said Rachel barging her way in. "I haven't seen you today how are you doing?"

"Pretty crappy," I replied, "things with me and Aaron are massively on the slide."

"I know, you said that before," she said sitting next to me on the bed. "Don't worry, I'm sure the two of you will work it out."

"The thing is I'm not sure if I want to work it out."

"Don't say things like that!" The brunette put her arm round me. "I've always felt as if you two were destined to be together."

Why was I the only person that didn't want that?

"Well I know what'll cheer you up," Rachel smiled, "it's your turn to choose a dare for us to do."

Although Rachel had always been a good friend she was clearly misguided if she thought that would pick up my spirits. Luckily I already had something in mind.

"Oh yea, I've been thinking about that actually," I said.

"And?"

I'd decided that if Rachel thought she could out-kink me in this game of hers she was going to be sorely mistaken. "I was thinking that we would each have to go out and buy a sex toy."

It was difficult not to smile at the look of shock on Rachel's face. I'm sure she had been expecting me to think of something far more prudish and it was nice to take her by surprise. However her open mouthed expression quickly retraced itself to a wry smile.

"I didn't think you able to come up with something like that," she said. "So that's the real problem is it? Aaron isn't doing enough for you between the sheets? Or perhaps you've just been watching too much Sex and the City?"

There was no way I was going to tell her that my fascination with toys had actually materialized from researching BDSM, so I just smiled wryly myself.

"Either way I like it," she continued, "what kind of timeframe shall we have? Till the middle of the week?"

"I'm going to be pretty busy," I replied. "How about we say a fortnight?"

"So you still haven't decided what you want to get, that's fine," she grinned. "Ok you're on. A fortnight it is."

***

The next few days flew by. All my free time seemed to be consumed by researching BDSM. I didn't hear anything from Aaron, so I was able to distance him from my thoughts as I strived to get back into Jeff's good books.

What was it he had said? To truly understand submission you must understand the psychology behind it?

I had to say I was struggling to understand what he'd meant. All the pictures I'd seen were of girls in varying stages of peril being teased or beaten in some way. My only understanding of the psychology behind it was why I found the idea of being spanked so enticing.

The pain is such a turn on.

It wasn't until Thursday night that I started to understand what Jeff had meant.

I was getting ready for bed, and as usual, after looking at all those pictures of women getting tied up and spanked I was feeling very hot and flustered. I opened my laptop one last time and clicked on a link that I'd seen earlier but hadn't thought to open.

It was a site containing erotic stories, thousands of them in fact, and I saw there was a section devoted to BDSM literature.

I had never really seen the point of erotica before, I'd always thought of it as trash for the deeply perverted to lap up. However as I flicked through the stories I was opened up to a whole new world.

I guess I'm one of the deeply perverted now.

The first thing I noticed about the stories was that in all of them there were particular protocols between the dominants and submissives. The subs only ever referred to the dominant as "Sir" or "Master" if they were a male, or "Miss" or "Mistress" if they were female. This was something I hadn't really gathered from looking at pictures but it made me realise just how strong the mental aspect of submission is. It wasn't just a case of being shackled in a cage for hours on end.

As well as verbal protocols, I also became aware of more visual acts of submissiveness. Many slaves would greet their Master's by kneeling, sometimes completely naked before asking them how they could be served. They were rarely forced to do this, which showed me that being submissive was more than just playing with kinky whips and handcuffs. The subs in the stories served because they were devoted to their dominant.

But how could someone love someone who liked to whip them?

Then it came to me. It truly was a two way relationship. The dominant loved the submissive because of what they gave them and vice versa.

The symbolism of different apparel became apparent to me. At first I'd just thought a collar was a cool, kinky bit of clothing, but now I knew what a powerful symbol it was. It didn't just tell the submissive that she was owned. It told her that she'd be cared for, loved and maybe most importantly, respected.

The thought of being stripped of my clothing and kneeling before Jeff raced through my mind. It wasn't just the thought of him doing dirty things to me that appealed now. It was also the thought that I belonged to him and would devote myself to him that made me giddy.

I reached down under my pyjamas and dabbed my fingers in my box.

Fucking hell I'm wet!

As I moved my hand upwards and began to prod my clit, I realised I was in for another restless night.

5.

"Yes I'd love to. That sounds great! Ok see you in a bit."

It was Saturday and I'd just got off the phone to Jeff. He'd agreed to meet me for coffee again this afternoon and I was determined to show him how much I had learnt about submission. Jeff had seemed in a cheery mood on the phone, and I didn't feel nearly as nervous as the last time I had seen him.

"Good to see you again," he smiled as I sat down next to him. "By the sound of it you have kept yourself very busy since we last spoke."

I tried to explain my new understanding of dominance and submission. Jeff nodded appreciatively as I told him how I now realised that BDSM was more than just kinky sex, for many it was a lifestyle choice and the act of submission was just as emotional as it was physical.

As I finished, Jeff paused and took a long sip of coffee as if deep in thought. "I'm impressed," he said finally, "it seems you have taken to heart what I said last week."

"I have," I replied, "I can really see what you meant about trust and respect being so important."

"Very good. Answer me this then," he paused, "in a relationship between a dominant and submissive, who is it that really holds all the power?"

I paused.

Surely it was obvious? The dominant has control over the submissive so they have all the power.

Then I thought again.

"I think it's the submissive," I answered, "because without their will to submit there can be no relationship."

Jeff beamed, "Very good dear." His smile was so wide that it look like he was about to explode with happiness. "I can now see you are starting to understand the true dynamic between a dom and their sub."