6 comments/ 13475 views/ 1 favorites Mistress, Why Not? By: JillRayna I have always been quite the proper girl, doing what I was told was right. Some called me a goody-goody and that was all right by me. I studied hard in college and made it into my chosen profession. I earned my sucess by working hard. I am pleasant looking, not stunning, but okay. I find boys difficult. I like them, but I want to be pure, and, well, don't want to do things that just aren't right. I want to talk about things that enhance our lives and they want just to kiss and do other things. I like a good kiss, and some of those other things will just have to wait. I feel like the boys are so big and powerful. It is scary. I am just a bit over five foot tall, so I needed to find a way to protect myself. In my psychology classes, they talked about male and female dynamics. So I did some research. I clicked on my computer and when I typed in male female dynamics, I found a lot of information on power exchange. Whoa boy, it was interesting. Have you ever looked at those sites. I never squirmed in my seat so much! I like the idea of being in control. I am smart. And it helps me feel secure. This boy, John, had been calling me. He is big and powerful, but nice. I think he is so cute, too! He did seem to have a lot of girls that liked him and that bothered me. He did seem like some of those boys I read about on the sites that liked to be controlled. So, I thought it would be fun to try something. He called and asked if he could take me to a dinner and a show. I smiled to myself and said okay, if I pick the place and drove. I think it bothered him a little that I wanted to drive, but I was flirty and he agreed. I bought one of those chastity devices they had online that adjusted to sizes. I was so nervous buying the thing, my hands became sweaty. I must say it appealed to me though. They make them clear and rather cute. I looked at the lock and it looked noisy so I got another one. The night of the date I made myself up a little sexy and wore my black dress and 2 inch heels (that is high for me and anything higher makes my feet sore) I think of myself as classy, so I wore a rather professional perfume and I like clear nail polish. So I go and pick up John. He is dressed nice, but no tie. I tell him to go and get a nice tie for me. He does that well. And I tell him we need to go. He wants to give me a kiss. I smile, put my finger lightly on his lips, and say "Not now." We go the car and he opens his door. Boys are not gentlemen anymore! I say, "John, you haven't opened my door." I a somewhat stern voice. I have to say I had to force that sternness out. And I am clutching my purse because of what I had put in it. I am so nervous about that. He does come and open the door for me like a gentleman, so I feel he is being compliant. He mutters, "I am sorry, Jill" so I know I will have to work on the attitude. On the car ride, I still haven't told him where we are going and he hasn't asked, a good sign, I steer him into conversations about being gentlemanly, roles of men and women, motivation and pick his brain about those feeling. He seems to want to please me and wishes he had more motivation. He wants to be a knight for his lady. He wants to care for and love her, I like that. He said he wants to be strong but could be directed by his lady. So I was falling for John. I had to be strong. I told him that I had been treated by boys badly in the past and I had control issues. I really liked him but I like to lead the relationship. I asked him if he liked me a lot and wanted to be more serious. As I drove I did let the fingers of my one hand stroke the backside of his hand and could see he was aroused. He didn't mind if I led, he said. He kind of liked my taking charge on this date even. He understood how women have to protect themselves and was sorry that I wasn't treated well before. He said he liked me a lot too and would like to get more serious too. And then he moved his hand onto my thigh. So I gently took his hand and put it back and continued to stroke it. We arrived at the cafe' and I told the hostess that I had reservations for us in that quiet booth. I told her it was going to be a special night for us. I had John take my coat but I kept my purse. I held his hand when he got back and directed him to the table. We had a booth and I sat first and then he sat down, that was good. I stroked his leg and asked, is there any food you don't like. He said he liked most everything but liver and spinach. We both laughed. I stroked his thigh through his pants to keep him a little excited. He wanted to stroke my leg, but I whispered to him, "Remember, I would like to lead..." And he was good and stopped. The waiter came and I ordered for both of us. John should have something healthy. John seemed a little surprised and not sure what to do, but didn't say anything. So, after the waiter left, I started talking and told him that I need a commitment, a sign from him that I can trust him, that he is serious about me. I told him how disappointed I was with boys in the past. So I went into my purse and pulled out the paper bag with the device inside, discreetly of course, keeping the keys. I finally gave him a tender kiss "John, darling, go to the bathroom, open the bag. If you want to be serious with me, you will know what to do." He looked puzzled, but headed for the bathroom to see what was in the bag. The waiter came and presented our two glasses of wine and I started to sip, nervously sip. Mistress, Why Not? Ch. 02 Eternity, every second seems like eternity. Will he do as I wanted or am I fool! I squirm in my seat. I am electric like I have never been before. At the same time, I am crazy, why did I do this! I do like John, and I have ruined it! But I just can't have anyone else take advantage of me again! If I am kind, do I really have to be weak. And those things I read, the boys seem to like it. Finally. I see John come out of the restroom. He looks pale. Oh my, has he,...or hasn't he. He does have the bag in his hand, darn, I can't tell if there is anything in it. And his pants are so baggy! He stumbles with the chair and sits. I am soooo nervous! I smile weakly, nervously. My hands are in a tremor. We both sit. I am afraid to speak,...I think he is to. I just want to be able to fully trust a boy, this boy. I like John, I want him to be mine, all mine, nobody else's. "Jill" Gosh, I can tell he is nervous, his voice is shaking like my hands. "This is too different for me. I like you, I think. I think you are smart and pretty. But,...but, I think, of gosh, Jill, I think we should go home." I hear him put the bag in my purse. I am crushed. I like him, I like him so much. I just can't trust boys, why am I like this. I am beet red. I am sweating everywhere. "Okay John, I am sorry. I feel so foolish. I'll take you home." I feel like crawling in a hole. I leave a five dollar tip, for nothing. Just ashamed. We get in the car, so quiet. Nothing is said. I do see him looking at me. It seems he wants to say something, but never does. I can see his hands all sweaty. I like him so, but I don't know to say either. I am such a fool. I really blew it! I stop at his home. "I am sorry." I say, I guess too many times. "Don't be." And he kisses my hand. But he leaves the car looking so confused. I watch him go in the door and then just sit in the car for a moment. Then I head home. I feel so alone. My place is so quiet, want can't I trust like normal people, why do I always screw things up with my control issues. Those things on the computer are just fantasy! I go into the bathroom and turn on the shower, maybe I can wash off all the bad stuff about me. I take off my clothes and just let the water cascade over me. I take the soap and lather it real good and try to scrub off all the yucky stuff I don't like about myself. I start to cry and curl up and let the water bounce off me. After a time, a long time, I turn off the water, it is getting cold anyway. I dry myself and just put on my favorite white towel. My room is so quiet and so empty. I kneel down, I pray, I don't know to who, but I just pray. "Why am I made this way, why do I always mess things up, why do I try to control and then have no control, have nothing? Help me, please help me...." I curl up in my lonely bed with all my warm blankets, longing to hold someone, to hold John. And I drift off into sleep. The alarm goes off. And I start rushing for work. At least, I don't have time to think. It is nice to be busy, time goes by fast. At work, people respect me, do as I say, I can control what goes on. I feel bad as the day ends, knowing I will have to go to my lonely home. I wish I could stay at work. I wish I were like other people and trusted enough to go to nightclubs and meet others. I look good enough, I am smart enough, I am sure boys would ask me to dance,...but then I would just screw it up again. I come home, maybe I'll warm some tea and have a salad, and some soup, that would soothe me. Maybe that will wash out my differentness. I come in and see the phine has messages, so I click on the speakerphone as I put away my things. No, I will not vote for that person; no, I don't want to buy that; opps, forgot that bill.... Then, I hear John. No way, I thought he would never talk to me again. No way! I drop the hanger and scurry to the phone. He is sorry? He wants me? He wants to be mine? I replay the message, and replay it, and again. I am so happy, I could explode, I never thought,...I never imagined. I just start bouncing around the house, singing, skipping, "John wants to be mine!!!!" I listen and write down notes when I settle down. I look at the pen, and laugh to myself that I am so anal. Let's see, he was afraid and scared. But he never felt so aroused in his life. He thinks I am so special. He feels so secure with me. He wants me to trust him. He sort of understands. He admires me. He said please forgive him. I am so happy, I start crying again. I have to call him! "John, I got your message, I am so happy!" "Jill, thank god you will still talk to me, I am so sorry, I do want to be yours. Can I still take you out?" "No John." He is silent for a few seconds and I say, "No silly, I take you out." And we both laugh. I am so happy! I stop by his home to pick him up. I go to the door he looks all cleaned up and neatly dressed, he is trying to please me. I hug him, "No kisses yet." I whisper and hand him the bag. He smiles and goes off and says from a distance. "I need to get some ice first." I blush and wait, so excited, but more happy than at the diner, more happy than ever in my life!