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Lost in the Wind Ch. 01

By: Xantu



This is the story of how Cassy met her Master and the events that led to him to send her to the clinic in the series "Finding Home." If you have not already read "Finding Home", I would encourage you to read those stories as well. Enjoy. Xantu.


Cassy always knew which stop was hers without even looking up from the book she was reading. She did not even stop reading as she got off the bus.

Nineteen and painfully shy Cassy either had her nose in a book or was at work at the bookstore. She wore too much eyeliner and shadow, her big blue eyes seemed to take over her little girl face. 

The whole store was on edge. The manager, Mr. Janings had let everyone know that the owner was coming in to tour the store. Mr. Landauer hardly ever came to the store. Cassy had never seen him. The other employees whispered that he was some kind of vampire or something, that he only showed up after dark. 

Cassy stayed in the back rooms most of the time she was at work, going over invoices and restocking shelves. She could deal with customers but she preferred the company of books. She was always the first to volunteer for this job. Cassy avoided talking as much as she could. Even when she did talk, she had a habit of whispering.

Picking up an armload of children's books, Cassy made her way to the children's section. Located in the back corner of the store, it was a brightly lit, colorful area with two big chairs and a table surrounded with child sized chairs. 

The books that Cassy was restocking were on a low shelf. Cassy thought to herself that all the shelves in the children's section were low shelves. She pulled one of the tiny chairs over to sit on, reluctant to kneel. God knows what the little sticky fingered monkeys had spilled on the carpet, and anyway at five feet tall and weighing less than 95 lbs, the chair was not that much too little.

"Shit." Cassy whispered to herself, someone had totally buggered up the book order. God she hated kids. She began to sort out the mess when she heard the manager's voice.

"As you can see we have done a great job of making this a welcoming area for children and their parents. Our sales figures in children's books have increased significantly since we have added these features...

Cassy looked up and almost squeaked in alarm. Two pairs of legs were uncomfortably close to her.

"Oh my goodness, Cassy, I didn't see you down there. Let me introduce you to Mr. Nathan Landauer, the store owner."

Cassy scrambled to her feet and backed away quickly, her eyes nervously downcast. She quickly stooped and picked up the books she had been working with and held them in front of her chest, almost a shield.

"Mr. Landauer this is Cassy Chambers. She has been with us for almost a year now. She has never missed a day of work.

Cassy nervously looked up and was transfixed. He was nothing like she had expected. All the vampire talk had filled her imagination with shadows and darkness. What filled her vision now was light, dazzling beautiful light. His hair was perfect icy white, his skin was ivory. He wore a round dark glasses perching alien and mechanical on his perfect angel face. Somehow they emphasized the sense that he was not of this world.

His voice was deep and rich, "Its nice to meet you Miss Chambers. Do you like working here?"

Cassy's voice was tiny and soft, trembling with nervousness, "Yes sir, I like books."

Mr. Janings interrupted, "Cassy is very good with inventory and organization. She knows where every book in the store is, front or back room. We rely on her a lot during inventory."

Mr. Landauer did not seem to be listening to the manager speak at all. Cassy had the oddest feeling that he was staring right through her, like those odd round glasses had some supernatural power to see right inside her head.

"I... I... really have a lot to do..." She began to back away and then practically ran to the back room.

On the way, she heard Mr. Janings say, "She is impossibly shy but damn good with inventory."

Mr. Landauer's voice was thoughtful, "Pretty little thing though." 

Cassy had little sense of the passage of time, her life was an endless series of work, bus, home, bus, work... She was hardly aware of her surroundings, preferring the worlds she found between the pages of books. She bought Top Ramen and diet Coke by the case. She never really wanted anything else. Food all tasted the same to her.

The only variation to her life was when the restless fear in the night would drive here out to walk in the dark, walk to the bridge and stand there high above the city lights below. She would stand balanced on the railing, her arms spread wide, the wind blowing her hair, pushing at her body, urging her to step out. Cassy knew it was just a matter of time before the wind would embrace her, sweep her off and she could fall.

Mr. Janings voice was hurried and not just a little irritated. "Mr. Landauer was impressed by your attendance record. He wants to interview you for a position of being a private reader."

Cassy nodded, with a confused look on her face. Her voice barely above a whisper. "Um... whats that?"

He has problems with his eyes. He wants to find someone to read aloud to him."

"Here at the store?"

"No Cassy. He wants you to come to his house." Mr. Janings' voice took a serious tone. "Cassy, I really don't know a lot about Mr. Landauer. He only comes to the store a few times a year. You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"No, its OK."

"If he tries anything... anything inappropriate you let me know. Not that I have any reason to suspect anything. Its just you are so young and considering your... um... background."

Cassy's case manager had gotten her this job when she had aged out of the foster care system. Mr. Janings really did not know anything specific but he had developed a protective attitude towards this tiny blond girl.

"He seems nice enough."

"Well remember that there are laws to protect employees from sexual harassment."

Cassy blushed and looked down at the floor. She had never dated or had a boyfriend. She had never even been kissed. But she had read plenty of very sexually explicit books. She knew all about sex. At least she thought she did. Somehow the idea of being sexually harassed by that ethereally beautiful man did not seem to be such a bad idea.

A cab picked her up around 6:00 pm from the store. Cassy wore what she wore to work, khaki pants and navy polo shirt with her name pin fastened above her right breast. Her hair was pulled back in a pony tail. She never dressed any different. She did not own any other clothes.

It was quite a long cab drive. Cassy could not remember the last time she had been this far outside the city. She wondered how she was going to get back and forth if he decided he wanted her.

There was a gate standing open. The driver seemed familiar with the drive. He drove past a large dark mansion, the grounds were overgrown and not a single light showed in any of the windows. It looked like something out of a Gothic horror novel.

The cabby's voice was sharp and nasal, "Nobody has lived in that place nigh on seven years now. Mr. Landauer stays in the carriage house. His family has owned this place since the turn of the century."

The cab pulled up next to a more modest sized building with a porch light gleaming small and lonely in the dusk. "Mr. Landauer says for you to go up and knock. He says I am supposed to wait here, until you come back out. Easy night for me. If I am asleep when you come back out, just knock on the window."

Walking up to that door in the fading evening light was on one of the hardest things Cassy had ever done. The door seemed to loom taller and taller as she approached. If she had not been so far from home, she felt like she may have just bolted.

Halfway up the walk she stopped and looked back at the cab. The driver had already leaned back in his seat and pulled down his cap over his eyes. A soft breeze swirled around her, tugging at her hair, blowing a few leaves across the ground. She could hear the rustle and sway of the trees.

A tiny shiver of panic traveled down her spine when the door opened, swinging wide, noiselessly, by an unseen hand. A soft light turned on in the dark hall beyond and he was there, a silhouette in the soft light.

"I heard the cab pull up. Don't be afraid. I won't bite you. Come in."

Cassy cast one last look back at the cab gleaming yellow in the dark, a life preserver in the night, and took a deep breath. She forced her feet to walk up and into the house. He walked ahead of her. "Lets talk in the library. That is where you will be reading. That is, if I decide you will do."

Cassy looked at the back of Mr. Landauer as he led her deeper into the house. He wore a soft dark shirt and pants of a darker shade, his shining white hair hung smooth and straight down his back. Cassy noticed his feet were bare. 

They entered into a room with books on all the walls. Books, dark wood trim and heavy red curtains covered every wall except for a softly flickering gas fire place. He turned to face her, she saw that his shirt was open and that a silvery sparkle of chest hair gleamed across the defined muscles of his chest. He wore the round dark glasses. He was looking at her, his lips twisted with irritation.

Cassy's eyes flinched away from his face and looked around the room. One whole side of the library was dominated by a huge grand piano. The only other furniture was a large dark leather chair with a matching ottoman. A straight backed wooden kitchen chair sat facing the larger chair looking lonely and out of place.

His voice held an edge of contempt, "I am curious why you chose to wear that outfit. It is hardly appropriate for an interview."

Cassy looked down at her worn, slightly soiled khakis and scuffed tennis shoes. Her voice was barely audible, "I came straight from work sir."

"You will have to wear something more suitable when... if you come read for me. I will require..." He cleared his throat. "I would prefer you dressed more... attractively."

"I am sorry sir, these are the only clothes I have."

"Don't you go out?"

"Out sir? No not much."

"What do you do when you aren't at work?"

"Read sir."

"Ah, another book lover. I am pleased we have that in common. Sit down please." He indicated the kitchen chair. Cassy sat ramrod straight, her knees clamped together, her backpack clutched to her chest.

"Do you always speak so softly?"

Cassy cleared her throat and forced herself to match his volume. "I am sorry sir, its a nervous habit. I will try to speak up."

"Would you mind if I lowered the lights? These glasses get to be a pain after a while."

"No sir."

He walked to the door and turned a knob. The lights dimmed until the room was mostly dark. He pulled off the glasses and sighed rubbing his hands over his eyes. "Thanks, sometimes it feels like these things are going to pull my eyes right out their sockets."

Cassy looked at him curiously. His eyes were a perfect complement to his finely chiseled features, large and deeply set with thick white lashes. In the dim light she could not tell what color his eyes were. She wondered if they were pink like the rats at the pet store.

He came to sit in the leather chair, propping his feet on the ottoman. His features lit by the flickering light of the fireplace. "Have you done any reading?"

"No sir."

"What kinds of books do you like to read."

"Fiction mostly, but I have read a lot of biographies, history, and true crime stuff. I like most everything except how to books."

"How to?"

"Books that teach you how to do something, like cook books, exercise books, self help books, stuff like that."

"What is your favorite book?"

"Oh, that is hard sir. Sometimes it seems like it is the one I am reading at the time, but if you would allow me to narrow it down to two, they would be Cannery Row and Dandelion Wine."

"Oddly I have read neither."

"I would love to read them to you sir. I think everyone should read them."

"Lets hear you read something then." He got up and picked up a book from a shelf. "This is one I have always meant to read." He handed it to her along with a personal book light that would just illuminate pages of the book.

The book was Robinson Crusoe by Danial Defoe. Cassy blanched, she had read that and found the language and sentence structure horrible. "This is not easy to read but I will do my best."

"You are familiar with it?"

"Oh yes sir, I love the story but its language is archaic and I remember that the sentences go on forever." At first Cassy was nervous and her voice shook, but as the story unfolded she felt herself get pulled in, her voice warming and becoming more vibrant. Forgetting the man sitting watching her, she painted pictures with her voice.

He interrupted her, "I can see what you mean about the way the book is written. You have a lot of natural talent. You love to read and it shows in your voice."

Cassy looked up from the book, remembering where she was. "Does it mean I get the job?"

"Until you displease me. You will continue to work at the bookstore half time and spend the other half of your time reading to me. I will inform Jansen that you have new duties. You will be paid for the time you are in the cab. Get yourself something more appropriate to wear."

"Like what sir?"

"Something pretty, feminine, skirts, dresses, no pants, wear your hair down."

He showed her to the door. "Thank you for coming Cassy. I don't often spend time around people. I am sorry if I seem strange." He held out his hand to shake hers.

Cassy shyly held out her hand. He took it and then held it up to look closer under the lights of the hall. "You bite your nails." 

Cassy felt a wave of embarrassment. She was usually careful to keep her hands hidden. "Another nervous habit sir."

"Its unattractive."

"My case manager always said when I really wanted to, I would stop."

"Well now you have a good reason to want to stop."

"A good reason sir?"

"I don't like it at all."

"Um... OK sir." Cassy doubted she could ever stop but at the same time she felt too overwhelmed by the force of this man's personality to argue that point.

Shopping was always a challenge. There was hardly any selection in the petite section at the discount store. She picked out a couple of knee length dark skirts, and a few white and finely printed long sleeved blouses. She chose a pair of low black heels and some nude pantie hose.

Mr. Landauer had left a message at the store for her to bring a copies of Cannery Row and Dandelion Wine with her when she came to read. Cassy felt a surge of confidence. She knew she would do great reading these books.

The store had a nice leather bound copy of Cannery Row, part of a complete Steinbeck library. On impulse Cassy added Sweet Thursday thinking that the pair shouldn't be separated. The store didn't have a hardback copy of Dandelion Wine. There wasn't much of a market for science fiction in hard back.

Cassy changed into one of her new outfits and looked in the mirror. She felt uncomfortable. She had never worn a dress or pantie hose ever before in her life. At least not that she could remember. She put on some extra eyeliner and shadow.

During the long cab ride Cassy pulled out a new book she had recently picked up from the second hand section of the store. Employees could buy second hand stock and return it for a full refund if the books were in the same condition. 

The book was the first in a series of erotic interpretations of a fairy tale. There was a lot of graphic sex, with extreme violence. The prince had made a sex slave of the princess, tying her up and subjecting her to endless humiliations, keeping her in endless torment. Cassy found the helpless surrender of the princess very exciting.

The book made the cab ride go by quickly. As they pulled into the long dark drive, Cassy quickly stuffed the fairy tale into her back pack. She ran a comb through her baby soft hair, frowning as the waves refused to to lay down flat, floating soft and airy around her shoulders. 

Forcing herself to speak in a normal tone she asked the cab driver, "Are you going to wait here for me?"

"No point in running clear back to town." Cassy felt herself relax a little. Somehow knowing that the cab was here waiting made her feel less vulnerable.

Mr. Landauer opened the door as soon as she knocked, like he was standing right behind it, waiting. He stood looking at her for at least a minute, frowning. "This is what you think is attractive?" His voice was sharp with impatience.

Cassy shrank from his gaze and stared down at the simple skirt and white blouse. "Um... I..." she stammered to a stop, her face crimson.

"Never mind, at least you look like a girl. Never could stand pants on a woman. Come in. Come in."

Halfway down the hall, he stopped abruptly and turned. Cassy was taken by surprise and almost bumped into him. He reached out and put a finger under her chin peering closely at her face. Cassy froze.

"This eye make up makes you look like a six year old who has been playing with her mother's make up. Wash it off." He pushed open a door to a bathroom. "Go on. We don't have all night."

Cassy was mortified. His tone left no options for objection. She stumbled into the bathroom and scrubbed roughly at her eyes with a washcloth and soap. She looked at herself in the mirror. The skin around her eyes was pink and swollen like she had been crying. She could feel her throat aching. It would be easy to burst into tears at any minute.

He was waiting in the hall and again he peered into her face. "Much better, you look much more attractive with your face clean." He patted her head in a strange gesture of approval. Cassy felt a stirring of happiness at this small reward. A tiny uncertain smile quivered briefly across her lips.

In the library, he pointed for her to sit in the kitchen chair. "Did you bring the books?" 

"Yes sir." Cassy unzipped her backpack and pulled out the books. The lurid fairy tale came out and fell to the floor. His hand reached out and picked it up as she lunged for it. 

He looked at the front cover, a picture of a nude woman with her breasts exposed. "Hmm... Whats this?"

"I am sorry sir... um... its a book I just picked up at the store. Um... its an... um... interpretation of a fairy tale." Cassy was stammering, her voice dwindling down to a whisper. She could feel her face on fire.

"Yes, it is. I am very familiar with it. How do you like it so far?"

"Its OK. I... I just started it." She squirmed in her chair.

He smiled, seeming to enjoy her discomfort. "You will have to tell me what you think once you are finished. Perhaps you could read it to me next." He handed the book to her.

Cassy could not imagine reading anything that sexually explicit out loud to anyone, but once again she was curiously reluctant to protest.

"Here are the books you asked me to bring you sir. I brought another book by Steinbeck that is sort of a sequel to Cannery Row. I thought if you had one you may as well have the set."

He turned the books over in his hands. "I am pleased you brought nicely bound editions. Too bad this one is paperback." He held up the book by Bradbury. 

"I could order it in hard back but we only carried that in paperback."

"If I like it, I will have you get one."

Mr. Landauer handed her back the books. "Read the Steinbeck first." He handed her the book light and turned down the lights in the library.

Cassy loved that book. The world of Monterey and Mac and the boys filled her mind. The evening sped by.

Mr. Landauer stood, stretched and pulled out a pocket watch. He flipped up the face cover and ran his fingers over the hands. "Time for you to ride home."


Lost in the Wind Ch. 01



"Did you like the book so far?"

"I like the way it is written. I like the way you read it."

"Thank you."

At the door he stopped, put on his glasses and held out his hand. 'Show me your fingernails." Cassy reluctantly held out her hands. He peered at them under the light. "Not much improvement."

"Its hard," she mumbled, ashamed.

"Do it anyway."

Cassy's mind was swirling the whole ride back. She felt terrified the whole time she was with Mr. Landauer but at the same time she felt exhilarated. He was right the outfit she had chosen was not attractive. Her nervous shyness made her choose bland, anonymous clothing. She did not like people to notice her, to look at her.

At her apartment she looked at her face in the mirror. She looked unfamiliar without heavy eye make up. She did not think she looked any better without it. She looked softer and somehow naked. She did not put it back on.

Cassy stood nervously in front of the store manager. "Mr. Janings... um sir... there is an error in my paycheck."

"What do you mean?"

"Its too much."

"Didn't Mr. Landauer tell you. He told me to give you a raise and a clothing allowance."

"No sir."

"Cassy is everything going alright? Is Mr. Landauer treating you with respect?"

"Oh yes, everything is fine. He just said my uniform was unattractive, that he wants me to wear skirts. But he has always been a gentleman."

Cassy went back to the discount store. She picked out a soft black top with short sleeves that draped softly across her figure. It had a low cut neckline, much more revealing than anything she had ever worn before, but it made her look prettier than the button collar blouses she had chosen before.

On the way to the check out she stopped and ran her hand over a satin spaghetti strapped top. It was the most beautiful shade of sky blue. On impulse she bought it.

Once she got home she tried it on. It was beautiful, the blue matching her eyes but her worn gray bra straps looked horrid. She pulled off the ugly undergarment. Her breasts were small. She really did not need to wear a bra. The soft silky material felt sensuous against her skin, caressing her breasts. Cassy could feel her nipples getting hard, showing proud and saucy through the fabric. There was no way she would ever be able to wear it anywhere, but she had to admit it was attractive. 

Not biting her nails was impossible. A thousand times a day she caught herself with her hands in her mouth. Her curious tongue exploring the ragged edges. Her teeth itching, aching to nibble and chew. Cassy ended up putting band aids on the end of each finger. Even then she chewed on the plastic edges.

Mr. Landauer had her scheduled to read four nights a week. She figured out that she would be reading to him at least three hours every night she was there. She wondered why he didn't have anything better to do.

She wore the slinkier black top on the third day. She kept the band aids on until she got out of the cab. Her nails had not grown much but they seemed less red and raw.

Mr. Landauer looked her with a little more approval as he met her at the door. "Improvements every day. I am pleased to see you chose not to wear that ghastly eye make up. Good girl."

This time there was no kitchen chair. A large pillow was on the floor next to his chair. Cassy hesitated, looking around the room.

His voice was warm and amused. "I thought a pillow would be perhaps more comfortable than that hard kitchen chair."

Cassy nodded uncertainly and knelt carefully and then slid to lean her back against the side of his chair with her legs curled up underneath her. Getting down on the pillow in a skirt was a challenge but once she was sitting she felt kind of hidden from his stare as she read.

After about an hour and a half, he stood and stretched. "Lets take a break. You want anything to drink?"

Cassy blinked and looked up from the book. Given the choice she would have preferred to stay inside the book. A book was where she always wanted to be.

He was standing over her looking down. He seemed immensely tall. He asked again. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"I like diet Coke if you have any. If not, water would be fine."

"Then its water. Come on, get up. I don't want any food or drinks in here."

"I might need some help. I think my legs are asleep."

He laughed gently, "You certainly get lost in the story. Her take my hand."

His hand was warm and strong. He lifted her weightless as a feather. Cassy stood and tried to take a step. Her heel turned under her and she staggered and fell against him. His arms wrapped around her and held her tight to his chest.

"Oh I am sorry sir." Cassy held tight to his arms and flexed her legs. Her lips tightened as she felt the blood flow back into her flesh.

When she felt confident she could control her legs she started to pull away, suddenly aware of how close she was to him. Again she apologized. "I am really sorry sir. I hadn't realized how bad they had gotten.

He had not said a word. His eyes were fixed on her face. She felt herself pause and her eyes locked on on his, gazing deep into their icy blue depths. Her voice was the tiniest whisper. "Blue."

His hands tightened on her arms. "What?" His voice was low. "What did you say."

"Your eyes. They are blue."

"What did you expect? Pink?" His voice was tense.

"I don't know. Maybe."

He pushed her away, a dark frown clouding his face. "Albinos don't usually have pink eyes, the blue color is not melanin." His voice was icy and bitter. He turned on his heel and walked out.

Cassy's voice took a vibrant defensive tone. "They are beautiful. You are beautiful." She could see him pause, his shoulders rigid. He whirled and faced her. She could see him struggling, expressions of rage and sadness twisting his face. It took a visible effort for him to force his his face back into its calm controlled demeanor. 

His voice was icy, "If you still want that water, the kitchen is this way." 

Cassy followed noiselessly her eyes down cast, frightened that she had displeased him. She took the glass from his hand and drank the water down. Her thank you a tiny whisper. 

She stood motionless in the middle of the brightly lit kitchen, her eyes locked on the empty glass in her hands, frozen by anxiety. She could not of her own volition take a step in any direction. He stood, leaning against the counter, and took out his round black glasses. He put them on and looked down at her, his face expressionless.

"Did you finish that book?"

"Book?"

"Yes, the one you were reading yesterday. The... um... interpretation of a fairy tale." His voice deliberately mocking.

Cassy felt her face grow red. She nodded miserably.

"What did you think of it."

Cassy opened and closed her mouth several times, literally struggling for words. "It was... was... um... interesting."

"How many times have you read it?"

Cassy was panicked. It never occurred to her to refuse to answer or lie. Her whisper was impossibly soft. "Two times."

"Are you reading it now?"

How did he know? How could he see inside her head like that? Cassy nodded.

"Why?"

"Why...?"

"Why read it again?"

How could she tell him it was because of how it made her feel. No other book had so lit a flame within her. She felt for the first time sexual feelings, cravings. All her life she had avoided people, her shyness and nervousness a barrier. Here in this book all choice, all power were torn from the princess. She was forced to become something different, something better.

"He rescued her. He made her do... things. She wanted to do these things but she would have never had the courage to do them. She needed him to make her."

"That appeals to you?"

"Her helplessness. Her surrender."

"Is that what you dream about Cassy. Being helpless, surrendering?" He stood up and walked to her. Cassy stood frozen, unable to move, her eyes still glued on the glass in her hands. She could feel her heart beating, a thunder in her ears.

He stopped a hands breadth from her. He touched her face and a long shudder shook her, the glass slipped from her fingers and crashed to the floor, but did not break. It rolled away forgotten.

He tilted her face to look up at him. "Do you think you could truly surrender to someone, to give them the power, to have none yourself?"

Something clicked inside her head, a truth as clear as crystal. "I have never had any power."

"Child you are wrong you know. You are ultimately powerful. Your soft voice, soft hair, your quiet ways; all these have power. I desire you beyond words but I am not one of those princes in your book. I will not take your power. You must freely give it to me. No, you must plead with me to take it."

A single tear broke free from her lashes. It slowly rolled down her cheek and touched his hand. He raised his hand to his lips. "Your tears are sweet, child. I wonder if they will satisfy me?"

"Go home child. Go home and think. I wonder what will be your decision. Oh, and child, stay away from the bridge."

Cassy gasped, her eyes widening. How did he know?

"No more words today, no more reading. Go home and think."


Please don't be shy about giving me feedback and rating my stories. I am such a feedback slut.

Xantu 



Lost in the Wind Ch. 02



This is the story of how Cassy met her Master and the events that led to him to send her to the clinic in the series "Finding Home." If you have not already read "Finding Home", I would encourage you to read those stories as well. Enjoy. Xantu.


In the cab Cassy's mind was a kaleidescope of images and feelings. What did he mean? What did he want? He said he desired her, but what did he desire? The books were awash with violence and sex. Did he mean he would spank her, whip her? Would there be endless punishments without reason? And would he use her sexually with that same careless disregard? He said he would not take that she had to give, that she had to plead with him to accept her power. The images in her mind were compelling... terrifying... irresistible.

He said it was her decision. Cassy knew that if she did not find a way to escape her bleak existence the bridge would call her again. 

She became aware that her hand was in her mouth, her tongue exploring the ragged edges of her nail. A thought electrified her. It would be his fingernail. She jerked her hand from her mouth. In that instant, she knew what her decision would be.

Cassy looked at herself in the small dirty mirror. The blue satin top draped softly over her breasts. A wave of nervous shyness swept over her.

Her eyes slid from the mirror and slowly looked around the tiny apartment. It was just a single room with a tiny bathroom attached. A mattress with a tangled nest of dirty blankets lay in one corner. Empty Coke cans and discarded clothing littered the floor. The few dishes she owned sat unwashed, soaking in cold gray water in the small sink. 

Cassy wondered idly if she would ever see this place again. She hoped not. There was nothing here she wanted. She would rather go to the bridge and give herself to the wind.

She pushed a few books into her back pack. She would sell these back to the store. Once more she caught sight of herself in the mirror. The shimmer of the of the satin top out of place in this ugly lonely place. She hunched her bare shoulders, feeling exposed and vulnerable. She sighed and pulled a uniform polo from work over her head. She would take it off when she took the band aids from her finger tips.

Cassy did not read on the way to Mr. Landauer's this time. She found herself looking at the houses, the stores, the people. She felt like she was leaving all this behind. Her emotions felt curiously muted, not happy or regretful, only a mild feeling of curiosity. It was like she was seeing all this for the first and last time.

As the town and its restless energy fell away, it was like she was shedding her past. Already the people, the bookstore, her apartment were fading into shadows in her mind. Only the bridge stood bright and solid in her memory.

As the cab pulled into the long drive Cassy began to discard the band aids from her fingertips one by one, dropping them onto the floor of the car. Last she pulled the shirt off dropped it in a wadded ball among the bits of plastic.

This time she did not hesitate as she walked up to the door. It still loomed above her, still seeming to grow taller as she approached but today it was a portal to a new world, a single step across that threshold and she would be lost just as surely as if she had given into the embrace of the wind. 

Once more the door opened almost before she could knock. He stood there silhouetted it the soft light from the rooms behind him. She could feel his eyes on her, reading her, peering into her mind.

"Have you made a decision?"

Cassy nodded.

He stepped back and gestured for her to enter. Cassy felt her heart lurch as she stepped into the house. 

"Leave your backpack here." She hung her bag on a hook in the hall closet.

There was no chair or pillow in the library, only his chair. Cassy cast a nervous eye around the room and then stood still waiting.

"So tell me what you have decided."

Cassy's voice was trembling. She tried to speak up and it felt like she was almost yelling but all she could hear was a whisper. "Please, I need to be owned by you. I need to surrender."

"What have you to offer?"

Cassy felt a shiver of confusion and fear. She had nothing. She felt like she was transparent, a ghost, a wisp of smoke on the wind.

"Offer?"

His voice was impatient. "Yes, offer. What do you offer in exchange for my trouble."

"I have nothing."

"Then go." His voice was flat and rejecting.

Cassy felt a wave of terror. She fell to her knees. Her voice quavered, "I can't. I can't. Please take me. I want to be something, something else."

"Would you give me everything?"

"Yes, everything."

"I would take it. I would take you and strip you bare, strip you to your soul and I would take that too."

"Yes." The word a breath on her lips.

He prowled around her, his eyes devouring her. "Every part of you would be mine. I would tear you to pieces little girl. I would take you apart and reassemble you."

"Oh yes."

"Stay there. Don't move" He walked out of the room. He left her alone for what seemed a long time. 

Cassy became aware of her body. She was breathing in short nervous gasps, her heart racing. Long nervous shivers were shaking her. Gradually her breathing eased and her heart slowed. Her knees and legs were aching from kneeling. 

She could see him as he came to stand in the door of the library. Almost instantly her heart was racing again. A long shiver shook her. He moved to stand in front of her and knelt down looking close at her face.

"What is it you are so afraid of child?"

"I am afraid of emptiness."

"Emptiness?" His voice was surprised.

"I have always been so empty, alone, meaningless, anonymous, filled with nothingness. I have been so lost. All I had left was the bridge and the wind. You are the only light left in the night. Please don't send me away."

He reached up and touched her face, his fingers tracing her features. He stroked his finger tip across her eyelids, pushing them down. "Close your eyes child. Close them and leave them closed."

His voice was soft and deep, so close she could feel his breath on her face. "There will only be obedience."

She could feel his fingers tangle in her hair. "Whose hair is this?"

"Everything is yours."

"You give me your hair?"

"I give you everything."

He moved to stand behind her, his hand tightening in her hair, forcing her to lean back, her face turned up to the ceiling. "Don't move." Something cold and sharp traced along her shoulder and along her neck. Cassy flinched and let out a soft mew of terror but she did not open her eyes.

He took a single lock of her hair in his fingers and pulled it tight. Cassy could not help reaching up when she heard the distinctive sound of scissors shearing through hair and the pull released suddenly. He was cutting off her hair. She strangled down a whimper of despair but she did not open her eyes. She could not stop the tears that squeezed out from under her lids and rolled down her temples.

"Put your hand down. Put your hands behind your back and clasp them together." Cassy obediently moved her hands behind her and meshed her fingers together, clenching them tightly.

She felt him pull up another handful of hair and again the sound of cutting. She felt the tickle of hair falling down her bare arms. Still she did not open her eyes.

Over and over he cut her hair. By the time he had finished she had stopped crying. She knelt quiet on her knees, her head tipped up, her face wet with tears.

"You have done very well, better than I would have expected. Open your eyes child and look at me."

It took a second for Cassy to force her eyes to open. She blinked but did not move. She struggled to focus. His face was inches from hers, his glasses dark and mysterious, concealing his eyes from her.

"Touch your head."

Cassy untangled her fingers and brought a trembling hand to her hair. Her eyes widened in surprise. Her hair was unchanged.

"It was tempting to really cut it but that would have been unattractive. It was a test of your surrender, a test to see if you were truly willing to let go of everything. You did very well."

Cassy felt a rush of happiness. A tiny smile quivered on her lips.

"Stand up."

Her legs were almost completely numb. She had to put her hands on the floor to help herself to stand. She swayed as a wave of dizziness shook her. She clenched her teeth as the feeling came back into her legs, using the waves of agony to focus.

He waited until she was calm and still. "You will get more used to kneeling. While you are here, I will require you to wear no clothing. Take off all your clothing and stand with your hands behind your back."

Cassy had known this was coming. In many ways it was easier than the the kneeling, far easier than the talking. She slipped off the satin top and dropped it at her feet. She could feel her face turning red. Cassy could not remember ever being naked in front of another person. She silently repeated to herself. "There will only be obedience... obey... obey." Her hands shook as she pushed down her skirt and pantie hose.

She hooked her thumbs in her plain white cotton panties and hesitated as a wave of nervous fear shook her. She closed her eyes and repeated inside her head, "Obey, obey." She opened her eyes and stared fixedly at the pile of clothes at her feet as she pushed them down and stepped out of them. She clasped her hands behind her, her eyes on the floor, once more shaking with shivers of nervous tension.

"That wasn't so bad was it." He walked around her slowly, appraising. "You are very small, but pretty. Everything in proportion. Yes very pretty."

Suddenly his voice took a sharp edge. "If you want to stay, you will walk out to the cab and tell him that you are staying. Tell him, he can go."

Cassy's eyes flashed to his face, her mouth opened and shut. She could feel his eyes on her, measuring, assessing. Her shoulders hunched up around her ears and her head dropped. She turned and walked to the door. She stopped and took a deep breath, a long shudder shook her. 

Cassy pushed the door open and wrapped her arms around her chest and trotted out to the cab. The driver was laying back and had his hat over his eyes. 

Cassy shivered with nerves and the cold night air. Taking another deep breath she rapped sharply on his window. He pushed back his hat and peered out the window. His eyes bugged out as he realized she was naked. Suddenly cautious he looked around the cab and rolled his window down a crack.

"You OK lady? You want I should call the cops?"

"No, No... Don't call the police. I just came out to tell you that I won't need a ride home. You can go."

"Why you buck naked?"

"Um... he dared me to. Its just a game."

The cab driver shook his head. "You see all kinds of crazy shit on this job." He started his engine and drove away.

Cassy darted back up the walk to the house. Just as quickly she skidded to a halt when she saw him standing in the doorway watching. She forced herself to lower her arms and walk up to him.

"Was that so hard?"

Cassy nodded.

"Why?"

Cassy began to speak in her habitual whisper.

"Stop it." His voice cracked sharp and angry. "Stop this nervous whispering. When I ask you a question you will answer in a normal tone of voice." He went back to his cool neutral tone. "Now answer the question."

It took a couple of seconds for Cassy to remember what he had asked. Forcing herself to speak up she answered, "I don't like people to look at me."

"Do you mean when you are naked?"

Cassy looked at him a puzzled look on her face. "No, um... I guess when I am naked too... its just, nobody has seen me naked before today... so... um... I mean..."

He interrupted her stammers, "What do you mean nobody had seen you naked?" His voice was disbelieving.

Cassy looked thoughtful. "At the foster homes it was against the rules to be out of your room without clothes on. Everybody always changed in the bathroom..."

Again he interrupted her. This time his voice was impatient and angry. "I am the first person you have been naked with?"

Cassy nodded.

"You didn't take off you clothes when you fucked?"

Cassy was shivering from standing so long naked on the front porch. "N... no sir. Um... no, not that... um... I haven't f... fucked... anybody sir."

"Fucking son of bitch. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't call that cab back and throw your ass out of here."

Cassy fell to her knees. For the first time audible sobs shaking her. "Please sir. I'm sorry. Don't send me away. I will learn. I will try hard. I will obey." Her voice was becoming increasingly hysterical.

He barked, "Shut up, shut the fuck up. I need to think." He looked down at her, sobbing silently and shivering in the night air. "Get in here." He spun on his heel and led her back to the library. "Kneel." 

Cassy dropped to her knees and clasped her hands behind her back, still shaking with stifled sobs. 

He paced back and forth in the library lost in thought. Finally he stopped and stood in front of her. "OK, a virgin. A fucking virgin. I should have seen this coming." He rubbed his eyes and sighed. "OK, change of plans. This is the rule. I will not fuck you until I am sure this is working out. I don't want to be responsible for that until we are sure that you will be staying."

"Follow me." He led her to a narrow steep staircase leading down. It made a sharp turn and led into a basement. "Careful, these stairs are a bitch. It was nearly impossible to get my weight lifting benches down here. I couldn't have done it without..." He stopped without finishing the sentence. 

He turned on some lights. Cassy could see that most of the basement was one open room with a couple of doors in the far end. In the center of the room sat two weight lifting benches with a large rack of free weights against one wall. A couple of thick wrestling style exercise mats lay on the floor next to the benches.

He led her to the pair of doors. "This will be your room." He opened the door revealing a medium sized room empty except for a gym mat on the floor and a stack of brightly colored blankets and pillows. "I don't think I could get a mattress down those stairs, but if you want, I guess I could get someone to build a bed."

"Over here is your bathroom." He opened the second door revealing a big utility room. A washer and dryer stood in one corner. "We had to tear a hole in the floor to get those in here. I sure as hell don't want to go through that again." Behind a privacy screen was a toilet, sink, and shower.

He turned her to face him. "Listen carefully. If I tell you to go to your room, I expect you will get your ass in there like the hounds of hell are after you, because they very well may be. I will never go into your room. It is your safety zone. I warn you though, do not abuse it. So for now go to your room. We will talk in the morning."

Cassy scooted into her room and stood looking out at him. He nodded. "You are free to use the bathroom but you are to return to your room immediately."

When he left the basement he turned the lights out in the big room. Cassy left her light on and wrapped up in the soft blankets. They were obviously new and a rainbow of beautiful jewel tones.

Cassy snuggled down in her nest of blankets and pillows, her mind busy with questions. She had thought he would be pleased she was a virgin. Always in books, an intact hymen was a priceless gift. Instead he was clearly angry, almost repulsed. The things he had done confused her. The endless kneeling, the hair thing, forcing her to expose herself to the cab driver had her mind spinning. She had expected lurid scenes of whips and rape.

From the house above she heard the floor creak and then distant and clear, piano. Primitive rhythms, heavy crashing chords, and haunting minor keys all blended and resonated through the wood and stone of the old carriage house. Cassy could see him in her minds eye, leaning over the piano, his hands pounding, his fingers straining on the keys. 

Cassy woke to the sounds of clanking metal. She stretched and rubbed her eyes. She crept to her door and peeked out. He sat on one of the benches with a barbell in his hand, carefully lifting and lowering, his muscles tensing and sliding under his ivory skin. He wore no shirt and Cassy could see his lean sculpted form. 

"Good morning child." His voice was soft and neutral.

Cassy forced her voice to match his volume. "Good morning sir."

"Go take a shower."

Cassy turned to go and his voice cracked. "Stop!"

She froze and then turned back, her eyes wide with confusion. 

"When I tell you to do something. I will expect you to acknowledge that by saying 'yes Sir'.

Cassy nodded. "Yes Sir."

"OK, go on."

"Yes sir." She hurried into the bathroom, more than a little nervous that she would do something else wrong. 

When she stepped from the shower, he was there watching, leaning against the sink. Cassy stopped and stood still, her eyes dropping to the floor. It seemed like she was becoming increasingly uncertain. She could feel the water dripping from her hair and trickling cold down her body, a little shiver shook her.

"Dry off, child."

"Yes Sir." She carefully rubbed the towel on her hair and body.

"Did you shave?"

"Yes Sir, my legs and my armpits."

"At some point I will show you how I want you to shave your cunt hair, but leave it natural for now. Did you brush your teeth?"

"Um, not yet Sir. Is there a toothbrush for me?"

"Over here in his cupboard, you will find personal hygiene stuff. If there is anything special you need tell me. I have groceries delivered a couple times a week."

Cassy looked in the cupboard. Inside were a couple of different toothbrushes new in their packages, toothpaste, floss, comb and brush, deodorant, extra razors, nail files and even some tampons.

"Thank you Sir." She got out a toothbrush and toothpaste and casting a nervous eye at him she began to brush her teeth. His constant scrutiny was making her very self conscience. She tried to hurry and do a good job all at the same time.

She put the toothbrush and toothpaste back neatly in the cupboard and flashing a nervous glance at his face she picked up the comb and began to comb out her hair.

"You look scared to death all the time. Am I that scary?"

Again Cassy glanced up at him, her uncertainty written on her face. "Sometimes, Sir. But mostly I just don't know what you want. I think I am afraid of making mistakes."

"Come up and we will get something to eat. After breakfast we will talk."

"Yes Sir."

He pointed for her to sit at the table in the kitchen. He began to get out some things from a cupboard. "Can you cook?"

"No Sir."

"What did you eat?" 

"Ramen."

"Only Ramen?"

"Yes Sir, Ramen and diet Coke."

"My god, how did you expect to survive alive eating like that?"

"I guess I never thought about it, Sir. Food never interested me that much."

"That is probably just as well. I am not much of a cook myself." He got out a blender and began to measure some powder into it and poured milk over it. He spooned in some peanut butter and peeled a banana and dropped it in. Last he cracked a raw egg and dropped it in. He blended it up and poured a tall glass full of the thick drink. 

"Protein and vitamins, it ought to be a shock to your system. Drink up." He turned and began to make a second one for himself.

"Yes Sir." Cassy tasted it. She did not like it very much. She took a deep breath and drank it down, trying to hide the little shudder of disgust.

He drank his directly from the blender pitcher. "OK first rule of the kitchen. I cook, you clean."

"Yes Sir. I will do my best sir."

He left the pitcher on the counter and sat at the table. Cassy got up and rinsed the dirty dishes and put it in the dishwasher. She wiped the counter top off and the table.




Lost in the Wind Ch. 02



"Good enough for now. I will let you know exactly how to do it later." Cassy looked around the kitchen a little puzzled. What did she miss. The kitchen looked gleaming clean.

"Come into the library."

"Yes Sir."

He sat in his chair and gestured for her to kneel facing him. "You are here to learn. When I am speaking to you, you will not interrupt me. You will speak only when asked a direct question. If you have something very important to ask you may raise your hand just like at school. But I caution you to not badger me with too many questions. I am not a patient man. Do you understand?"

"Yes Sir."

"I will expect a hundred percent obedience. You will do everything you are directed to and do it promptly. If it is beyond your ability I expect to watch you struggle to do it anyway. You will struggle until you succeed or I release you from the direction."

"OK, communication... You will always refer to me as Sir. You will always be polite. Ask permission to speak by raising your hand. I will either tell you to speak or tap you on the shoulder. You should always speak in a soft voice but no whispering."

"I will not tolerate deception. Don't ever lie to me. You will find me very strict about that."

"When we are in the same room, you will learn where you will be expected to sit or kneel. Here in the library you will sit on the pillow next to my chair. In the kitchen you will sit in your chair to eat. You will learn more as we get more used to being around each other."

He stood. "That is enough for now. I spend most of my mornings in my office. I think it will be a good idea for you to keep busy cleaning in the mornings. Downstairs in the utility room you will find wood polish and a stack of clean rags in a basket. Go down and get the whole basket and come back and I will tell you what I want you to do."

Cassy turned and hurried to the door.

"Stop!" Again that sharp crack of his voice shattered her fragile confidence. She froze, a long shudder of fear shaking her. She turned, her eyes huge and confused.

"You forgot something."

Cassy's eyes darted around the room as she struggled to think of what she had done wrong. Suddenly she grimaced and sank to her knees. "I am sorry Sir. I forgot to say yes Sir."

"I understand it is hard at first to remember everything. But I will need to see improvement. If you didn't hurry, you will have more time to think, more time to remember your duties. Walk slow, hold your head high, be graceful."

"Yes Sir." Cassy stood and did her best to move the way he had directed. In the utility room she found the items he described and started to hurry back. She stumbled on the steep stairs and she remembered his words, 'don't hurry, slow, graceful' and forced herself to take one step at a time.

She stepped into the library, trying to walk slowly and gracefully. She felt a little silly, naked and carrying the basket of cleaning stuff, trying to be graceful. She felt a tiny giggle bubble up. She gulped it down.

He was looking at the book shelves that covered all four walls of the room. "Its been a while since this place has had a good cleaning." He pulled a heavy wooden ladder from its hooks in one corner. "Use this. One shelf at a time, clear all the books. Dust and polish the wood. Put the books back in exactly the same order. I know where all the books are. I can't read the titles very easily and I don't want to have to look for things. I arranged them so I can find them. Don't fuck it up."

"Yes Sir."

Cassy hesitantly raised her hand.

"Do you have a question?"

"Yes sir."

"Go ahead."

"How much can you see?"

He pressed his lips together. "Up close, I can see almost as good as you can. I have to wear my glasses. The light has to be bright. At a distance things get a lot worse. I can't drive or tell people apart easily. Wearing my glasses and being in bright light is very fatiguing. I get terrible head aches if I do it too much. Did that answer your question?" His voice had a soft bitter edge to it.

"Yes Sir, thank you Sir."

"I answered one of your questions, answer one of mine. You mentioned that you had a case manager, that you lived in a foster home. Why?"

Cassy looked thoughtful. "I always lived in foster care. I can't remember my parents at all. One of my case managers told me that my parents were declared unfit and I was put in state custody. I lived in a lot of different foster homes, Sir."

"You have no family at all?"

The memories of the endless loneliness, her repeated inability to feel at home in any of the places she had stayed, her tendency to forget to come home, to forget where her home was, filled her mind like a rushing wind. She could feel the bridge railing under her feet and the wind pushing at her. She swayed slightly, leaning into the wind.

"I asked you a question!" Once more that whip crack tone cut into her. She jumped and realized her eyes were closed.

"No Sir, no family."

"Learn to answer more promptly. I will take a shower and then be in my office. It is down the hall past my bedroom if you have any questions. I will leave the door open, but knock before you come in. I don't like to be startled. Now get to work." He gave her light swat on her bare bottom and Cassy squeaked in surprise. He had not touched her since she had taken her clothes off.

"Yes Sir." Cassy pushed the ladder over to the far corner and climbed up to the top and began carefully remove the books. 

"Don't hurry. While you work, think about how you can do it quietly, gracefully. Pretend that you have an audience judging you on how you move. I will be looking in on you from time to time. And for god's sake don't fuck up the order, the last time I had someone do this I couldn't find anything for weeks."

Cassy's voice was soft and automatic. "Yes Sir."

"Oh and don't touch the piano."

"Yes Sir."

Cassy worked on cleaning the bookshelves through the morning. It wasn't easy. The books were not in any predictable order. If he had a system she could not figure it out. She would climb up and remove the books and carefully stack them on the floor, dust and polish the shelf, carefully polish the wood, dust the books and put them back in identical order to how she found them. 

Twice through the morning she looked up and found him standing in the doorway watching her as she worked. Each time she would remember his words and strive harder to move gracefully. He would give soft directions, "It is more graceful to bend at the knees to pick up the books rather than bend over at the waist. Shoulders back. Keep your back straighter. Don't try to carry so many books at one time. Hold the books away from your body." He would watch for a while and then disappear just as silently as he appeared.

The third time she found him watching he smiled, "You are doing very well child. Finish that shelf and come clean up for lunch." 

"Yes Sir." She raised her hand.

"Yes child?"

"Sir, will I be cleaning in here after lunch or should I put away the rags and stuff?"

"Put the polish and clean rags back in the utility room. Any dirty rags put in the laundry basket by the washing machine." He smiled and said. "That was a good question child. I like your attention to detail."

"Thank you Sir." Cassy felt an unfamiliar rush of happiness. She felt a quick smile cross her face. She covered her mouth with her hand.

"Don't hide your smile child. You have a beautiful smile." Cassy dropped her hand. He reached and touched her lips. Cassy could feel her lips quiver against his finger tip. He dropped his hand to her shoulder and spun her to face the door. "Go on." Again he gave her a gentle swat to get her started.

"Yes sir." She spun around and slipped under his arm and grabbed the polish and rags, dropped them into the basket and walked toward the door, a happy grin on her face.

She washed her hands, arms and face. She ran the comb through her hair. She felt a rush of accomplishment when she noticed that one of her fingernails had grown out long enough for the ragged edge to snag in her hair. She resisted the urge to scamper up the stairs, forcing herself to walk.

The table was set with two plates. He was sitting on one end of the table and he stood when she entered. "You hungry?"

Cassy hesitated. She wasn't really hungry, she wasn't sure if she ever felt very hungry. "A little, I guess, Sir."

He looked at her and frowned. "OK, a little." He put a plate in front of her. It held a salad and a grilled sandwich. He put a can of diet Coke down in by her plate. Cassy's eyes lit up and she reached for the soda. He put his hand over hers before she could take a drink.

"Wait until I sit down. Its polite to wait for other people before you start. Use good manners. And you can have the soda only if you promise to eat the whole lunch."

Cassy eyed the salad cautiously. She hated vegetables. "Yes Sir." The sandwich was really good, crispy soft bread, with melted cheese and ham. The salad was a challenge. It had lots of green leaves in it and chunks of peppers and tomatoes. The dressing was sour. Cassy felt herself gag several times as she forced herself to eat the unfamiliar food. She couldn't have done it if she had not had the Coke to wash it down. 

He watched her eat. "That bad?"

"Oh no Sir, it was good. Thank you."

"Remember the rules about not lying."

Cassy gulped, "I am sorry Sir, the sandwich was good. I really did like that. I am sure the salad was good too, if you like salad." A tiny impish grin turned up the corner of her mouth.

He gave her a measuring look. "Its nice to see a little humor from you. Just don't get impertinent on me. Anyway, get used to eating salad. I eat it nearly every meal, and what I eat, you will eat."

Cassy's smile evaporated. "Yes Sir."

"It won't be so bad. Come on get up. I cooked. You clean up."

"Yes Sir."

He sat in his chair and softly gave her direction, his words guiding her. "Stand straight. Don't hunch your shoulders up like that. Move more slowly, remember graceful. Don't put the knives in the dishwasher, wash them by hand. Rinse the rag out when you are done. Sweep the floor. Sway your hips more as you walk." Cassy liked the the soft voice steering her through the work. It was like a gently hand leading her from one step to the next. Her soft 'yes Sirs' an echo soothing her.

When she was finished he told her to come and kneel before him. "When you kneel down, lower yourself slowly, gracefully. Rest your bottom on your heels, rest your hands on your thighs, palms up." He gently reached out and smoothed her hair away from her face.

"Yes Sir."


Please don't be shy about giving me feedback and rating my stories. I am such a feedback slut.

Xantu 



Lost in the Wind Ch. 03



This is the story of how Cassy met her Master and the events that led to him to send her to the clinic in the series "Finding Home." If you have not already read "Finding Home", I would encourage you to read those stories as well. Enjoy. Xantu.


"Child you work very hard to do things exactly as I tell you. Obedience suits you." Cassy stared up at him her eyes huge. "Where is my smile?" Cassy's lips quivered and she buried her face on his knees. He gently stroked her hair. "What is the matter child?"

Cassy lifted her head. Her voice a breathless whisper. "I... I..." She stopped and swallowed, forcing down the whisper, "sorry, I guess I am not very used to feeling happy, Sir." 

"Child it is my hope that we both be happy here. Now lets go downstairs I want see what you can do."

"Yes Sir." Cassy heard the curiosity in her voice. What did he mean?

In the basement he pulled out a gym mat. "Kneel like I told you upstairs."

"Yes Sir."

He opened a closet door under the stairs and pulled out some chains and bars. Cassy watched him, her eyes curious and wary. He took two chains and hung a bar like a trapeze from some hooks in the ceiling. "Come here child, lets check out your upper body strength."

"Yes Sir." She stood and walked to stand in front of him.

"Lets see how long you can hang. I will lift you up and you just hold on. Do not let go." He put his hands on her waist and lifted her. Cassy grabbed the bar. He kept her supported, "Ready?"

"Yes Sir."

He gradually let her take her weight. Cassy was light but she had not exercised much, ever. Her knuckles were white and her arms quivering. She kept a feverish grip on the bar but after just a couple minutes she could feel her hands being forced open, her fingers slipping. She gritted her teeth and pulled herself up and tried to force her fingers back around, a tiny grunt squeaked between her teeth. She managed another sixty seconds and as her fingertips slipped from the bar she let out a frustrated wail. She stood there glaring up at the bar flexing her hands.

"Not very long. But you never gave up. Good attempt. You will get stronger."

He had a clipboard and made notes. He tested her strength. Measuring how much she could lift, how many repetitions of various exercises like sit ups and leg lifts. He tested her endurance for simple things like holding her legs up or standing on her tip toes. He never criticized just measured. He would keep a hand on her shoulder and when she would start to tremble with pending failure he would tell her to release.

By the time he was finished Cassy was dripping with sweat and her muscles where quaking with fatigue. He gently pushed her damp hair away from her face. "You are amazingly out of shape child. A life of books and Ramen has not prepared you for this. But you have a good spirit, you never give up. We can work with that."

Cassy winced as one of her calves tried to spasm and stretched bending over and rubbing her leg. "Thank you Sir."

He laughed, "You are a natural nudist little girl."

Cassy turned and looked at him, a quizzical look on her face.

"You say you have never been naked around anyone, yet all day, not once have you seemed to be aware of your nudity. You neither show off or try to hide your charms. You seem completely unconscious of your body." 

Cassy looked down at herself and shrugged. "Sometimes its a little cold, Sir."

He laughed, "You are delightful. Now go take a shower. You are all sweaty. We will do some reading and then I will cook something. Come up to the library when you are all washed off." Once more he gave her a little swat to send her on her way.

"Yes Sir."

Cassy's hair was still wet and smelling sweet from the shampoo when she walked into the library. The lights were already dimmed and he was sitting at the piano, very softly picking out a light series of notes. He looked up and pointed at the pillow next to his chair and turned back to the piano. Cassy gave the pillow a little push with her foot, shifting it a few inches so that when she knelt she could still see him. 

His head slightly tipped to one side he gently leaned toward over the keyboard. Cassy could see his eyes were closed. His hands moving slowly from one chord to another. Gradually he began to add a rich melodic thread to the tones he had been painting with. His hands moving with more force, demanding more from the piano. The music swelled and filled the room. 

Cassy found herself swaying to the music, feeling the vibrations deep inside her heart. The melody slowly faded leaving minor chords that slowly faded to the small single notes. He sat quietly at the keyboard for a long time till, with his eyes still closed. He stood and silently pulled the lid down over the keys.

Cassy knelt transfixed, her eyes locked on his face. 

"I don't usually play for an audience."

Cassy's voice trembled with emotion. "Thank you, Sir."

"Time to read." He sat down in his chair and put his feet on the ottoman. Cassy twisted around and sat leaning up against his chair and began to read. 

As usual Cassy became absorbed completely into the story. Her voice painting the pictures, pushing the walls of the library away. Her voice jumped and stammered to a stop when she felt his fingers softly touch her hair. "Don't stop, keep reading."

"Yes Sir." 

Her voice quivered as he continued to softly stroke her hair. It took quite a while before she was able to completely regain the flow of the story. She remained acutely aware of his touch, waves of tingles ran down her neck and back, sending little shivers through her.

It seemed like her mouth was dry and she had to stop and swallow several times. Finally a sharp tickle in her throat made her cough. 

"Are you OK?"

"I think so. I am just kind of thirsty. My mouth is a little dry, Sir."

"Did you drink anything when you took a shower?"

"No Sir."

"Have you had anything other than that diet Coke today?"

"You made me that drink for breakfast, Sir."

"And after working all morning, and exercising this afternoon you think might be kind of thirsty? You truly are completely unconscious of your body."

Cassy sat still. His hand still stroked her head. It was true. Before she came here the only thing she drank was diet Coke and since coming here she had only had one. 

"OK, you didn't eat and now it seems like you don't drink either. Do I have to tell you to do everything little girl?" His voice was soft and amused

"I love it when you tell me what to do, Sir."

"Then get up, walk into the kitchen and fill a glass up with water and drink the whole thing. Tell me when did you last go to the bathroom?"

Cassy tensed under his hand. "Um... I went before I showered after exercising."

"I have found something that embarrasses you?"

"Um... a little Sir."

"Get up and go get that drink."

"Yes Sir."

As Cassy stood up his hand traced down her neck and across her back. He gave her a gentle pat on the ass. "Go on with you."

Cassy thought to herself how much she liked it when he touched her. She drank down the water and shuddered. She could not remember when she had last drank water. She had almost forgotten that water was for drinking. She rinsed her glass and put it in the dishwasher.

He was still sitting in his chair when she got back to the library. When Cassy knelt down and sat, she deliberately leaned against his leg. His hand automatically reached and touched her head, running through her soft hair. She sighed and opened the book and started to read again.

After another hour he patted her on the head. "Enough reading for now, child. Its time for me to put together something for dinner." Cassy reluctantly closed the cover of the book. She turned and pressed her lips to his leg, inhaling the scent of his skin. His hand in her hair tightened and pulled her head back, forcing her to arch her neck back and look up at him.

"Haven't I been working you hard enough, girl?" He had a frown on his face.

Cassy felt her face heating, "I... I'm sorry, Sir."

"Remember the rules. No fucking until I decide."

"Yes Sir." Cassy was a little confused. Her gesture had been motivated out of a sense of gratitude and a growing feeling of affection more than particularly wanting him to fuck her. 

"I am not made of stone." He released her hair and pushed her away from his leg. He stood and walked from the library. 

Cassy turned as he left, watching him walk away, for the first time aware that her presence had an impact on him. He wanted her. A tiny thrill of happiness turned the corner of her lip up. She got up and went to the bathroom. As she peed she thought to herself that drinking water had its natural consequences. She wondered why she was shy about talking about using the bathroom and did not seem to care about being naked. 

He was busy in the kitchen, "Come sit girl. Salmon fillets, rice and your favorite, salad." Cassy wrinkled up her nose at his back, the little spark of happiness still dancing in her heart. She knew she would eat the salad, if she was good he would let her stay. 

He did not give her a diet Coke with dinner. Instead he put a tall glass of water and a glass of milk in front of her plate. Cassy looked at the dinner. The only thing she had eaten before was rice and this rice looked different. It had little bits of green stuff in it and was in some sauce. She had never had salmon before. She took a small bite and flinched at the unfamiliar texture and flavor. The rice tasted OK and she ate all of that first. Next she ate the salmon trying not to chew it, just putting a bite in her mouth and taking a drink of water to force it down. 

She eyed the salad and looked up at him. He was watching her, but with his glasses on, she was unsure about his expression. She tried to smile and began to force the bites into her mouth. She had to chew the leaves. She couldn't swallow them unless she did. She did not gag this time, but she still thought it tasted horrid.

His voice was neutral. "I don't know what you have against my cooking. Go ahead and drink your milk. If you expect to get stronger, we need to get more protein into you." Cassy picked up the milk and drank it down all at once, a long shudder shook her. 

"I am sorry Sir, its not your cooking. I always was picky. I just never had food like this before. I will be good and eat my dinner."

"You are right about that." His voice was both amused and had a promise of retribution for disobedience. 

Cassy gulped and nodded, "Thank you Sir, for making it. I will try to like it better. If you are finished, I will start cleaning up."

He sat and watched as she cleaned up. He gave her some instructions, telling her how to turn on the dishwasher. 

"OK, I am going out. Finish in here. Sweep and mop the floor of the kitchen every night. Take the dish rag down to the laundry room. When you are done with the kitchen do the laundry. I will put a basket of laundry in the hall by my room. Once you are done with the laundry stay in the basement."

"Yes Sir."

"Oh, when you brush your teeth, drink a glass of water."

"Yes Sir."

He watched as she got out the mop and bucket from the closet. He got up and put the chairs up on the table. He tipped his head. "There is my cab. Be here when I get back." Cassy wondered where he thought she would go without clothes.

"Yes Sir?" Her tone reflected her confusion at his last statement.

He went to the hall closet and pulled out a long black coat and was gone.

Cassy finished mopping and put the mop away. She grabbed the dish cloth and on impulse looked in the refrigerator. Five cans of diet Coke sat on the bottom shelf. She looked at them, sorely tempted to take one. She shook her head and closed the door. 

The laundry basket did not have many clothes in it. Just a couple of shirts, a pair of pants and a towel. Cassy giggled when she realized he did not wear underwear. She carried the basket downstairs. While the clothes were washing she paced around the basement. She looked at the bar hanging from the ceiling and tried to jump up and grab it. It was just high enough that she could almost get it. She pulled a bench over to sit under it and found she could just reach it. She tried to do a pull up. It took everything she had to pull her chin to the bar one time. 

She practiced hanging. Each time she could not hold any longer she would stop and flex her hands and try again, ignoring the burning pain in her shoulders and hands. When her arms began to shake too hard to raise up and grab the bar, she began to do other exercises. Sit ups, leg lifts, all the things he had had her do. Pushing herself to do more, ignoring the fatigue and burning muscles. 

She did not touch the weights. Somehow she thought that they were his. She carefully folded the clothes and put them in the basket. She debated carrying them upstairs but he had said to stay in the basement. She left the basket in the laundry room to carry up in the morning. 

Once more she went to the bar and tried to hang again but her arms were too weak and trembling. She wondered what time it was. She wasn't sleepy. She went into the bathroom, brushed her teeth and drank the glass of water. Feeling sweaty she stepped into the shower to rinse off and hissed as the water stung her hands. She looked at her palms and saw several large broken blisters on each hand. She grimaced and on impulse put her hand to her mouth and nibbled off a particularly large flap of loose skin that was hanging off. 

Cassy had a sudden thought, he was going to be mad at her. Maybe he wouldn't notice.

She curled up in her blankets. The stinging in her palms was a minor irritation compared to her worry that he would find out she had hurt herself and be angry.

Again she woke up with the sounds of him lifting weights. She tried to stretch and let out a little whimper of surprise. Her body was horribly stiff and sore. She gritted her teeth and forced herself to move, stretching her screaming muscles. Her hands were worst. The blisters had scabbed over but as she flexed her hands they cracked and began to weep clear fluid. 

She crept to the door and looked out. "Good morning Sir."

"Good morning Cassy. Why did you move my bench? You nearly killed me this morning. I wasn't wearing my glasses and tripped right over it."

Shit, she had forgotten to move the bench back. "I am sorry Sir."

"What were you doing?"

"Um... I was kind of bored, so I tried to see if I could do the hanging thing. Kind of practicing."

"How do you feel this morning?"

Her voice soft and she could not avoid the nervous tone. "Stiff."

"Is there anything else you want to tell me."

Cassy wondered again how he knew. How could he read her mind like that. "I got some blisters."

He sighed and got out his glasses. "OK, show me." He walked into the bathroom and turned the lights on. He held out his hand. Cassy held out her hands. He took her hands in his and turned them palm up.

"Jesus fucking Christ girl. What the hell were you doing? This must have hurt like hell." His voice was puzzled and angry.

"I didn't know that I had blisters until afterwards."

"I have trouble believing that. I have lifted weights for years. I know that you can't get blisters like this without noticing that you are hurting yourself."

"It did hurt. I just didn't know I was getting blisters."

He dropped her hands and began to rummage through the cupboard. He pulled out some gauze, tape and a some other things. "Come." He turned on the water in the sink. He took her hands and put them under the water and took the soap and scrubbed the crusted scabs. Cassy flinched and whimpered but did not pull away. "Natural consequences child." He took a clean towel and patted her palms dry, and painted a liquid over her broken blisters. "This will dry and leave a protective layer." He wrapped gauze around both her palms.

He turned her hands over and looked at her nails. He looked up at her and nodded. "I see you have found a good reason to stop biting your nails. They look a lot better. Come out to the benches, we need to talk."

Cassy raised her hand.

"Yes?"

"I have to go to bathroom."

"Then go."

Cassy looked at him and then at the toilet and squirmed in discomfort. "I can't."

"Child I am telling you to go. I am not asking if you can."

She could tell her face was flaming. She moved to sit on the toilet and sat with her knees clenched together and her eyes clenched shut. Her shoulders were hunched up around her shoulders. She sat for several minutes before she could relax enough for the pee to trickle out. When she was done she looked up and gave him a miserable look and reached for the toilet paper. She reluctantly spread her legs and wiped herself.

As she washed her hands he said, "I never want to hear from you those two words ever again. Don't ever say 'I can't' to me ever again."

Cassy voice was sad, "Yes Sir."

"You know if you had not said that, I probably would have just walked off and left you to your privacy."

"Yes Sir."

"Come out and kneel on the gym mat."

"Yes Sir."

He sat on a bench and took off his glasses. "Child, you seem to have a pretty significant pattern of ignoring your body. You don't eat, you don't drink, now you have hurt yourself. I am getting fed up with this."

"I understand you were trying to do what you thought was the right thing. You were right. I do want you to get stronger. But now you have slowed down the process. You can only gain strength so fast. You work too hard you end up hurting your muscles. Your hands will take a week to get well."

"For now I want you to go kneel in the corner. Face the wall. Think about your actions. Your body belongs to me. Your hands belong to me. You broke my skin. I understand this was not intentional. If I thought you were doing this intentionally I would not waste my time with you."

"Yes Sir."

Cassy knelt in the corner while he finished his work out. 

"OK, come on." He led her back into the bathroom and began to dig around in the cupboard again. He found a box of surgical gloves and pulled one over each of her hands. "Keep your hands up and out of the water. I don't want to have to redo that first aid job." 

He turned on the shower and pushed her in. He pulled off his pants and stepped in. Cassy was frozen, her eyes locked on his body. "Good god girl. I know this is all new to you but you don't need to stare like that." He spun her to face away from him and began to systematically bathe her. 

He washed her hair and then taking a soapy wash cloth he scrubbed her head to feet. He did not avoid or linger on any part of her. He washed her breasts with the same care and attention he gave her arms. The washcloth washed her ass and cunt and moved on like they were nothing different than her knees and feet. He worked so fast that she did not have time to get nervous about the intimacy of his hands on her body.

He rinsed her off thoroughly and pushed her out. "You can dry yourself off." 

He quickly shampooed his hair and scrubbed himself with the same washcloth he used on her. Cassy dried herself and surreptitiously watched him. She could tell he lifted weights, every muscle clearly defined, but he was still long and lean, not bulky at all. His nipples and cock were rich rose colored. All the hair on his body was white as the hair on his head.

He stepped out. "Hand me a towel, big eyes. Probably by tomorrow your hands will have healed enough to do this yourself."

As she handed him a towel, Cassy found herself wishing that they wouldn't be. Never had she felt so taken care of. "Brush your teeth and comb out your hair. Don't forget to drink a glass of water. I want you to drink a glass of water every time you brush your teeth."




Lost in the Wind Ch. 03



"Yes Sir."

He wrapped the towel around his waist and headed upstairs. "Come up for breakfast when you are ready. Don't take too long."

"Yes Sir."

He was in the kitchen dressed with his wet hair hanging loose down his back. He had out the blender and was making the same drink as yesterday. "This is what I always eat for breakfast. The powder is a vitamin and protein supplement. The rest is more vitamins and protein. Drink up. It will help you build muscle."

Cassy drank it down. It really didn't taste bad, it was a little thick to drink but she was finding that she was getting better at making herself eat unfamiliar food. He got out a pair of big rubber kitchen gloves for her to clean up with. "You can't get out of doing your share." 

After breakfast he sent her back to the library to continue cleaning the shelves while he worked in his office. She had to go slow because her hands were clumsy with the gauze wrapped around them. 

After lunch he took her down to exercise again. He would not let her use her hands but they focused on her abdominal muscles and legs. She found she could not do as much as she had done the night before. "Thats because you worked too hard last night. You can only go so fast child." 

This time as she would start to tremble with pending failure, he would give her ass or thigh a sharp swat, ordering her, "Hold it. Keep it going." The sting and surprise would push her a little further. 

When they were done, he took her back into the shower and washed her off again. Scrubbing and rinsing her skin with the same quick no nonsense attitude of the morning. As she dried off, he admonished her. "No exercising without specific instructions from your personal trainer child."

"Yes Sir."

Cassy found the next few days continued almost identically. She would watch him work out, he would shower with her. Then he would make the smoothie breakfast and then she would clean while he worked in his office. He had her wax floors, wash windows and clean both bathrooms. Cassy felt like the only reason he was keeping her around was so he would not have to pay a maid. 

Every afternoon he would take her to the basement and have her work out. She could feel that she was improving everyday. Then she would read and after dinner he would go out. She found the evenings incredibly boring but once she got his permission, she at least could bring a book downstairs to read.

The only times he touched her were the randoms swats and spanks he gave her when he would tell her to get started on a task or spurred her to try harder as she exercised, and his hand on her hair when she read to him.

Cassy found herself relaxing into their routine. She craved his touch but did not make any attempts to touch him. She found his sharply barked 'Stops' to be less and less frequent. One day started to blend into the next.

One night after dinner, while Cassy was cleaning, he came up behind her. She found herself stopping and standing still. "Tomorrow you will have been here for a week."

"Only a week Sir?" It seemed like she had never been anywhere else.

"Does it seem longer?"

"It seems like I have been here all my life."

"I will take that as a complement. I think. So come into the library. Lets talk."

"Yes Sir."

Cassy knelt facing his chair. He turned down the lights, took off his glasses and sat down. "Child how are you feeling about being here."

"I like it Sir. I think I expected it to be harder."

"Don't worry it will get harder. Are you still sure about your commitment to surrender everything to me?"

"Oh yes Sir."

"Even if I hurt you?"

"Yes Sir, everything, no matter what."

"OK, I have done some checking. I rented your apartment. We will leave it empty. I want you to know that at anytime you change your mind you can go home. I will make sure you get your job back at the bookstore."

"I never want to go back there ever." Her voice was low and frightened. 

"I don't want that either but I do not want you to ever feel like you have to stay here because you don't have a place to go back to."

"I would rather be dead."

"Don't talk like that."

"I am sorry. I just hated it there so much. I don't like talking about leaving."

"Cassy stop this. You heard me. The thing about the apartment is for you. Its there so you know I am not keeping you prisoner."

Cassy nodded, her eyes brimming with tears, her lips trembling. 

"I also want you to know that once we start having sex that you do not need to worry about birth control. I got a vasectomy several years ago. My contribution to improving the gene pool." 

Cassy looked at him, a protest on her lips, but she saw that bitter smile on his lips that let her know to say nothing. "Yes Sir."

"I have not had sex with anyone else in over a year. I had an HIV test. I do not think that will be necessary for you. We will not use condoms."

"Yes sir." 

"But lets not worry about that for now. Rewards should should always be earned. Come down stairs. Lets see what you can do." It was after dinner. They had already exercised today. Cassy knew that things were going to get harder. She felt a wave of fear.

"Yes Sir."

He sat on a weight lifting bench and had her kneel in front of him. "This will hurt. It is about hurting. The lesson is about embracing pain, letting it flow through you. Letting it both sharpen you and soften you. If you fight it you will fail. You have to love it."

Cassy's voice shook, "Yes Sir."

He got up and went to the closet and got out a long slender piece of bamboo. "This is a cane. It will sting. It will sting like fire. We will strike you only on the bottom. You will tell me when you are ready and I will hit you. Every time you are ready you will tell me. We will see how many you can endure and when you know you have reached your limit you will tell me to stop."

"Yes Sir."

"Stand up and come over here to the bench. Lean over from the waist and put your head down here. Hold on with both hands."

"Yes Sir."

Cassy leaned over. "Turn your face to one side. Arch your back." He pushed her feet apart. "Stand with your legs apart, good like that."

"Yes Sir."

"Tell me when you are ready." He gently stroked his hand across her ass cheeks.

Cassy's voice shook with fear. "Ready Sir."

He stepped back and raised the cane and brought it down sharply. "One." Cassy felt her knees buckle as she instinctively tried to escape the pain that scorched through her. Forcing her legs straight, she squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath.

"Ready Sir."

"Two."

This time she did not bend her knees, she could feel herself rise up on her toes briefly and settle back down. Tears burst from her eyes but she did not make a sound. 

"Ready Sir."

Each blow was like a flame scorching through her mind. She found herself gasping through her open mouth. Her whole ass felt like it was on fire. Her whole body was quivering and drenched in sweat. Not once did she cry out or whimper. She cried but her sobs were silent. But she kept repeating to him that she was ready. 

At twenty she bolted to the bathroom and vomited. She came back and leaned down over the bench and hoarsely said, "Ready Sir."

"That is more than enough." He lifted her up and cradled her in his arms. "You endured more than I ever expected you to could, much more. I probably should have called a stop before this. You were so quiet." 

Cassy snuggled close to him, still wracked with long convulsive silent sobs. Her ass felt like it was raw, like she was sitting in hot burning coals. He picked her up and for the first time he took her into his room. He laid her on his bed face down.

He got out some lotion and began to rub it across her welted skin. Cassy squirmed but did not make a sound. "How come you were so quiet?"

Her voice was hoarse and quivered with her sobs. "I... I... don't know. It was just like the worse it got the more I felt like I should not make any sound. It felt like if I screamed it would just get worse."

"There is no rule against you screaming."

"Yes Sir. I know Sir."

"You are a strange little girl. You continually surprise me. This did not turn out at all like I expected."

"Did I do wrong?" Her sobs were slowly subsiding.

"No, not at all. You did it exactly like I told you. You just endured more than I expected. You seem to have a high pain threshold. It kind of took us a little further and faster than I had planned."

He traced his fingers across her welted ass and Cassy could feel her flesh quiver under his fingers. "You will be sore for a day or two."

"I need to go to bathroom, Sir."

He took her hand and helped her up. "That will be one chair it won't hurt so much to sit on. While you are up, go ahead and take a shower and brush your teeth."

"Yes Sir."

After she peed, Cassy brushed her teeth and drank her required glass of water. She took a quick shower. The spray from the water hurt like needles as it hit her bottom. She was walking upstairs when she heard him at the piano. She smiled softly to herself. She loved listening to him play. He had not played during the day since her first day at the house. Usually she would listen, while she lay in her nest of blankets, as he played deep in the night after he came home from being out.

Silently she crept to sit on her pillow by his chair. It was hard to sit but she forced herself to do it anyway. Her hair was still wet and she felt cold. She wrapped her arms around her legs and hugged herself trying to keep warm. Leaning against the smooth leather of his chair she let her eyes close and she floated with the music. 

His music had a dark rumbling core like a thunderstorm in the distance with a soft sweet melody in minor tones, like a candle in the dark. It was very different from the music he would play in the dark of the night. In the night he played hard violent crashing rhythms. Cassy always thought of it as tormented music, tragically beautiful but tormented.

She drifted listening to the music, half asleep. Her mind and body exhausted from the pain and tears. She was only dimly aware that she was shivering.

He let the music slowly fade. The low rumble of the storm slowly came to a peaceful end, this time the shimmering light of the melody was left, shining soft and sweet, the last notes a soft promise of peace. 


Please don't be shy about giving me feedback and rating my stories. I am such a feedback slut.

Xantu



Lost in the Wind Ch. 04



This is the last chapter of the story of how Cassy met her Master and the events that led to him to send her to the clinic in the series "Finding Home." If you have not already read "Finding Home", I would encourage you to read those stories as well. Enjoy. Xantu.


Cassy woke to feel his hands warm on her face. "You are shivering child. Why are you so cold?" 

"Hmm?" Her mind was so soft and clouded.

He sat in his chair and pulled her up into in his lap. She melted against him, needing his warmth, craving his touch. Her hands crept around his neck, her face pressed hard against his neck, her lips softly resting against his skin, her breath soft in his ear.

His hands gently stroked her back and legs, each touch leaving a memory of warmth and wakening. Cassy shyly, softly began to kiss the skin that lay so tempting under her lips. Once more he tangled his hands in her hair and pulled her face away from him. Her neck arched, perfectly pliant in his grasp, her lips soft and trembling.

"I want you child."

"I am yours. Take me. Take everything."

His lips on hers were firm and demanding. Impatient he forced her mouth open, his tongue curious and insistent. Cassy lay still under his mouth, passive and accepting, losing herself in the sensation. Gradually she met and then softly matched his kiss, her lips trembling, her tongue dancing with his.

Cassy could feel her heart racing, her breath was coming in soft gasps against his mouth. Her eyes were open, her lids fluttering, her fingers lost in his hair. 

He broke the kiss and gazed at her, his eyes fierce, his breath harsh in his throat. He stood in one surging movement, lifting her weightless in his arms, and carried her to his room. With one hand he stripped away the blankets and lay her down on her back. 

He stood over her looking down. Leaning over he lay his hands on her shoulders and stroked the length of her, his fingertips digging into her flesh. Cassy arched and rippled under the wave of sensation. He gripped her thighs and spread her legs, raising her knees, his eyes on her cleft. 

His hands stripped off his clothes, Cassy saw him erect and urgent, his cock rich and red. Cassy felt a wave of need, she writhed, lifting her hands and hips to him. "Please." Not knowing exactly what she needed, just knowing that it was in his hands to give her. 

When he lay down on her, his skin searing against the length of her, she made her first sound. A soft wondering whimper shook her, never had anything ever felt so perfectly right. Once more his mouth took hers. She could feel the tip of his cock bumping and seeking at her entrance, a soft and burning brand, lighting in her a greater need. 

Her hips surged toward him, her virginal lips moving to kiss and rub against the velvet warmth pushing at her opening. Her mouth against his was breathless and frantic with her longing. He but a hand under her ass and lifted her, pressing her against him. She was dry and closed. Her body still asleep and disconnected from her emotional need. He lifted herself from her and she cried out in agony as the air touched her skin. "No."

"Shh... child, it will be OK." His voice was vibrant and deep. She felt his hands touching her, a soft cool dampness spread on her opening, fingers spreading and probing. Her hips trembled and surged, her hands on him, pulling him onto her, mindlessly frantic for the feel of his skin, the heavy warmth of his body.

This time she could feel him slip slowly into her. She held tight to his shoulders, her face buried deep in his neck. It hurt, each fraction a tearing, piercing sensation, but at the same time the sense of perfection filled her. This was what she was meant for. Her hands slid to his hips and pulled at him, wanting more, begging for her emptiness to be filled.

When he was completely buried in her, he made a soft satisfied growl. "Mine." He pulled slowly out and just as slowly reentered her. Each time he would reach her depths he would shudder and say it again. "Mine." 

Cassy found her hips surging to meet his, a soft sweet sensation joining the raw pain burning in her. She softly whispered, "Yes."

His body grew tense, his fingers digging into the flesh of her hips. Instinctively she lifted her knees to cradle him as he lunged deep and growled out "Mine".

She could feel him shuddering and throbbing deep in her, the hot flood of his essence searing her torn tissues. A heartbreaking flood of happiness shook her. A single convulsive sob of joy rose in her chest. Her arms reached around his back holding him close, her lips kissing his chest and shoulders.

He held her close, laying still between her legs. Cassy could feel the burning throb of her cunt as it fluttered and contracted around his softening cock. A warm wetness trickled down her bottom. He lifted himself up on his elbow and looked down at her face. He gently stroked away the tears that she had not even known were there. 

"Are you OK child?"

"Oh yes." Her voice trembled with emotion.

"Did I hurt you very much?"

"Not very much."

"I am not very experienced with teaching virgins."

"Sir, it was wonderful. I feel so happy."

He gently pulled away from her. Cassy felt a wild surge of sadness as he pulled from her. A tiny whimper of protest broke from her lips. "Its OK child, it won't hurt so much after this." 

He lifted her legs and peered closely at her cleft. "You are bleeding some. I will get a washcloth." He gently lay a blanket over her and went to the bathroom. When he returned he just lifted the bottom edge of the blanket and gently washed her cunt. He put a folded dry cloth pressed high between her legs. "Hold your knees together. Keep this up against your cunt. We will check it in while."

Pulling down the blanket her slipped into the bed next to her and pulled her close to lean against his chest. Cassy felt a conflicting mix of exhaustion and nervous energy. She tried to sleep but the sensation of his flesh next to hers was electric. She kept restlessly shifting and moving against him, her hands softly stroking the skin that so intoxicated her. 

Finally he trapped one of her hands with his. "Lie still child." 

"Yes Sir."

Cassy forced herself to lie still, listening to his breathing and his heart beating so close to hers. After what seemed like a long time he began to breath deeply and turned in his sleep, rolling to his side facing her. Cassy matched his movement, turning her back to him and snuggling back against him. He put his arm around her and pulled her tight to spoon against him. Finally she felt herself slipping away to sleep.

Cassy woke to his voice, soft almost whispering. "No not that much. Damn it, I was careful. OK, OK." She stretched and opened her eyes. He was standing in the door of the bedroom talking on a cell phone. He was dressed and wearing his glasses. She started to climb from the bed but he held up his hand and gestured for her to stay. He stepped into the hall and she could not understand what he was saying, until suddenly his voice was loud and angry. "Fuck no! You tell him to keep the fuck away from me! You tell him I've found someone else." 

He came back to the room and sat on the edge of the bed. He stroked her hair away from her face. "Good morning child." His voice still carried tones of anger. 

"Good morning Sir. Could I please go to the bathroom?"

A chuckle warmed his voice, "Of course, but first let me check the cloth between your legs." He pulled the cover back and Cassy obediently spread her legs and he pulled the folded piece of terry cloth out from between her legs. Cassy could see that it was mostly soaked with dark red dried blood. 

"Go to the bathroom girl and after you are done wash off your cunt and put a new dry cloth up there. I want to make sure you have stopped bleeding."

"Yes Sir."

She got up and walked into the bathroom and peed. Her cunt felt a little sore and much wetter than she was used to. When she wiped there was a light pink residue on the white paper. When she washed, she was a little surprised by the amount of dried blood on her pubic hair. She was pretty sure that it wasn't time for her period. She put another cloth between her legs and walked carefully back to his room, taking mincing steps to avoid dropping it. 

He held the blanket back and gestured for her to climb back in. He tucked her in and sat down beside her stroking her hair. "I called a friend of mine who is a doctor. He says it is probably nothing to worry about. He says for you to change your pad and lay down for a while. If you are still bleeding now for me to call him back. He gave me hell for corrupting virgins."

Cassy looked up at him with wondering eyes and caught his hand as he stroked her hair and pressed it to her lips.

He leaned down and gently kissed her on the forehead. "You have stars in your eyes child." He stood up. "Stay lying down. I am going to go do my workout. After I get done, we will take a shower together."

"Yes Sir."

Cassy curled up under the blankets and watched as he changed into his sweat pants. She felt her heart flutter as he stood naked for a brief second.

She was half asleep when he came back. He gave her a slap on the ass and she flinched and hissed. She had almost forgot the welts on her ass. "Lets check you out child." He yanked back the blankets and flipped her over onto her back. He pulled the cloth out and looked it over. "Good job. All clean. I was afraid that I may have broken you. Get up. Lets get that shower."

"Yes Sir."

Cassy climbed from the bed and followed him back down to her shower in the basement. She peeked at her ass in the mirror. She could see that it was criss crossed with red welts. She rubbed her hand across it tenderly. 

"Its very pretty. We should keep it like that."

Cassy turned and gave him a nervous look. "Y... yes Sir."

He arched a brow. "I like your obedient spirit child."

"Thank you Sir."

In the shower he pulled her against his chest. "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to be in here this close to you touching you, day after fucking day?" Before she could answer he had her mouth in his, stifling her words, his lips hard and forceful, his tongue deep in her mouth. 

He let go of her mouth and pushed her away. Cassy staggered back and leaned against the wall, the water cascading over her face. "I have been resisting that impulse for way too long." Cassy touched her fingers to her mouth. His laugh had an angry edge.

Their morning was much the same as other mornings. He had her do laundry and clean the basement weight room. At lunch she thought to herself that salad was actually starting to taste OK. 

When it was time for her work out in the basement he got out a riding crop, "Its easier to motivate you with this. I expect to see you really start to improve." Cassy found he was very willing to use to remind her to use better form as she lifted. A quick snap to her sore ass to encourage her to hold on to the bar a few seconds longer. Cassy never once cried out and tried her hardest. 

The trouble was that every task he put before her had failure built into it. He would put a barbell in each of her hands and have her hold them them out in front of her until her arms collapsed. Always before he would verbally release her before failure, but now he was just watching as she lost her battles. Everything was like that, hold until she failed and the sharp snap on her ass or thigh, once even he hit her breast, punishment and none of the words of encouragement she had come to expect. 

The repeated failures and the inevitable punishments began to weigh on Cassy. She found herself trembling and hesitating, flinching in anticipation of the inevitable snap of the crop. Her mind was spinning in confusion. 

Finally she caught the movement of his arm from the corner of her eye, shied and dropped a weight. The heavy metal clanged to the floor and rolled away. 

His voice was flat and angry. "Go kneel in the corner."

Cassy knelt in the corner, tears running down her face.

"Do you think you were doing a very good job?"

"No Sir."

"You are right. You did much better yesterday, even the day before that. You obviously weren't trying."

Cassy wanted to protest. She had been trying. The riding crop was just making her nervous. She felt a spark of anger, this just wasn't fair. She knelt in the corner, infected with his frustration and anger, a pout turning down the corners of her mouth.

"You will stay kneeling and think about how you could improve. I will call you for dinner."

"Dinner?" Protest was clear in her voice, dinner was hours away.

"You think I am being too harsh?" His voice as impatient and angry.

Suddenly afraid, Cassy mumbled, "No Sir."

"Don't move, I will be looking in on you from time to time."

Cassy had no way to measure the passage of time beyond the growing ache in her legs. She tried to force blood into her muscles by raising up, tensing and relaxing her legs. She massaged her legs with her hands.

"What are you doing?"

Cassy trembled, her shoulders hunching up around her ears. "My legs are starting to hurt. I was trying to keep them from going to sleep."

"Your legs are supposed to hurt." She heard him walk back up the stairs. He was not gone long. Walking up behind her, he shoved her with his foot. "Move the fuck out of the way." Cassy scrambled to one side. "Stand up and stretch your legs, take a piss."

"Yes Sir."

As Cassy was in the bathroom she heard him pull a bench over into the corner. When she returned he was standing on it doing something with an eye ring in the ceiling. He had a spool of black thread in his hand. "I prefer my fetters be those of the mind."

"Come here. Put your hands together like you are praying and hold them out to me." Cassy pressed her palms together and presented them to him. Taking the thread he wrapped it around and around her hands and wrists. "You are about to get religion girl, and I would suggest you devote your prayers to me."

He dragged the bench out of the way. "Back on your knees." Cassy awkwardly dropped to her knees in the corner her hands held bound so she had to hold her elbows almost touching. "Hold your hands high, girl." As Cassy stood tall on her knees and lifted her hands, he took a single thread and tied it to her hands. The thread went through the ring in the ceiling and he tied the other end to the bench. "If you lower your hands or move around, you will break the thread. That would be a bad thing."

"Yes Sir." 

Cassy knelt statue still, but the position was unnatural. The threads around her wrists forced her elbows close together making it difficult to hold her hands high. It did not take many minutes for tremors of fatigue to begin to shake her arms. She whimpered in panic.

His voice came from behind her, "When you get too tired, lean against the wall. It will help." Cassy leaned and pressed her elbows against the wall and pressed her forehead against her arms. Almost instantly the strain was greatly relieved. She sighed in relief. There would have been no way she could have held that position for very long without using the wall.

"You will not always have the wall. I suggest you practice holding the position without the support. You will benefit from it." She could hear his steps on the stairs.

Cassy took a deep breath and leaned back, carefully holding her hands high. She could not feel the thread holding her hands up. She was afraid she would break it without knowing. Breathing deeply through her mouth, she focused on forcing her arms and muscles to relax, willing the tremors of fatigue to stop. Somehow this focus on her arms helped her ignore the burning ache in her knees and thighs. 

When she could no longer control the spasming shakes in her arms, she leaned forward. The support easing the pain in her shoulders, a sweet reward for her struggle. As she rested her head against her arms, she could feel that her legs were beginning to protest in earnest. She forced herself to ignore them. She knew from experience that eventually they would grow numb. It would be almost unbearable when she stood up, an agony in some ways worse. Pain postponed seemed to accumulate interest.

As she knelt for what seemed hours, Cassy silently castigated herself for her failure. The riding crop did not hurt half as much as the cane and she could do that. What was her fucking problem with the crop. If he chose to beat her with it, she should have been fucking grateful. Over and over, Cassy would pull herself away from the wall, a deliberate self torment. 

Her attention was so focused on her body that she did not hear him come into the room. His voice sent a shiver of apprehension over her, a physical sensation of prickles as goose bumps spread over her skin. "You will find my punishments to be rather difficult and time consuming. Tell me what you have learned."

"I am sorry Sir. I was unfocused. I allowed distractions to interfere with my obedience."

"Yesterday was perhaps too stimulating. You will get used to pain and fucking. I will not accept them as an excuse for failure."

"Yes Sir."

His hands were warm on her arms as he slipped a pair of scissors under the thread and cut her hands free. Cassy clenched her teeth as she slowly lowered her arms. Her shoulders screamed in protest.

"OK get up on your feet."

Cassy swallowed hard and nodded. "Yes Sir." It took her a couple of attempts and she had to hold onto the wall to keep from falling. Her legs visibly quivering with pain, the muscles twitching and spasming. Cassy could feel tears being forced out from under her eyelids. When she felt like she could control her balance she turned to face him. Her face a mask of sadness, she stared at the floor.

He put his hand under her chin. "Don't feel so sad child. You are done with it now. It is forgotten. Remember your lesson so that you may improve. I am proud of how well you endured this."

He dragged the bench back to its assigned place in the center of the room. "Child, I think we should add some color to that sweet little ass of yours. Come assume the position you took yesterday. Do not worry about telling me if you are ready. Today I decide whether you are ready."

Cassy's legs felt like noodles as she carefully walked to the bench. She cast one fearful glance at his face before she turned and leaned over. She could feel his hands on her, inspecting the welts, taking inventory. "Yes, most definitely needs some color. Brace yourself child. This shouldn't take so long."

Cassy gripped desperately onto the sides of the lifting bench. The searing crack of the cane seemed much more painful today than yesterday. She sucked air through her teeth in an audible hiss. The second strike came almost before she could exhale, forcing the air from her lungs in an audible grunt. Cassy clenched her lips shut and forced herself to breath through her nose, the compulsion to remain silent even more imperative today. The next three blows came at the same quick pace. Cassy's knees were shaking so hard she feared she would fall.

"That should do it for today. I still don't get why you are so quiet. It will not make any difference if you scream."

Cassy was filled with an overwhelming thought that he was wrong. Screaming would make it so very, very much worse.

He went out after dinner leaving Cassy to finish cleaning the kitchen. As she went to the basement to curl up in her blankets with a book, Cassy wondered where he went when he went out in the night.

Cassy woke to her light being blinked on and off and his voice calling her. "Wake up child. Wake up and come out and play." She blinked and looked up from her blankets. He was leaning up against her door frame and had a odd grin on his face. Cassy got up and walked up to him. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him. He smelled like tobacco smoke and something else she was unfamiliar with. 




Lost in the Wind Ch. 04



"Come up to my lair little girl. Lets corrupt you some more." He giggled. 

"Yes Sir." Cassy looked at him, and tipped her head to one side, peering up at his face. 

He did not let go of her wrist, his other hand was on her shoulder propelling her up the stairs in front of him. He pushed her along into his bedroom, "Come here you." He spun her around and kissed her, the force of his mouth pushing her head back. He lifted his head. "Fuck, I like kissing you. I feel like a goddamn vampire. I want to suck the fucking life out of you."

He pushed her down onto her knees. "Don't move." He pulled his clothes off. He sat on the edge of his bed, his hand stroking his tall hard cock. "Come here, your turn to suck the life out of me." Cassy had read about this. She swallowed and ran a nervous tongue across her lips. Carefully moving between his knees she reached her hands up and touched his cock for the first time. It felt amazingly hot and velvet soft. She looked up at him uncertainly and opening her lips, she put her mouth over the rich red head. 

"Fuck yes." He tangled his hands in her hair. "Suck it." Cassy struggled to seal her lips around the thick shaft of flesh in her mouth. She could taste the salty fluid that was leaking from the little hole in the tip. He smelled so good, a deep compelling musky scent. Cassy inhaled deeply, feeling a rush of warmth in her body, her cunt clenched and she felt a soft wetness. He pushed her head down and pressed against her throat. Cassy gagged and involuntarily jerked back against his hands. 

"Don't fight me." His hands tightened, vice like in her hair. He slowly began to move in and out of her mouth, fucking her face slowly, luxuriously. "Keep sucking. Use your tongue more. Good girl." He would slowly plunge in and each time Cassy would gag around the head of his cock as it forced itself deep into her throat. Before the panic could overwhelm her, he would move back. 

Cassy could feel the tension build in his hands, his arms quivering. His cock seemed to swell even bigger in her tired, aching mouth. His voice was hoarse and groaning. "Oh fuck, suck it bitch, I'm gonna come." Cassy whimpered in fear as he gripped her head and plunged deep into her mouth, flooding her mouth with rich, salty come. Cassy strangled and coughed, spraying hot white come out of her mouth. She struggled to swallow, forcing down gulps of spit and come, ignoring her stomach's churning. 

"That was really good." His voice was foggy and tired sounding. He lay back on his bed, his eyes drifting shut, already half asleep. "Yea, really good, go on back to your room."

Cassy slowly padded to the basement. She went to the bathroom and washed the tears and sticky come off her face and hands. She ran her tongue around her mouth. She thought to herself that the come had tasted pretty gross but not as bad as salad. She brushed her teeth and drank a glass of water. She crawled into her blankets and lay there thinking.

He had seemed to be in a strange mood. He had been oddly talkative and been cursing a lot more than she was used to hearing. Yet he had not seemed angry. She gave a small mental shrug, wondering again where he had gone.

Cassy woke to the usual clanks of him lifting weights outside her room. She stepped from her room and stood waiting for his normal morning greeting. He looked up and winced, "I wish I could say good morning child but I feel like shit."

"Good morning Sir, are you sick?"

"Nothing that I didn't ask for. I was pretty wasted last night."

"Wasted?"

"Drunk and more than a little stoned. I should know better. I am getting too old for that kind of stupid bullshit. I guess I kind of owe you an apology."

Cassy felt surprised and confused. "What for?"

He began to laugh, a soft angry chuckle. "You are so funny. I come home in the middle of the night drunk off my ass and make you suck my cock and then kick you out of my bedroom and you don't even think I was being a jerk. I can't make up my mind if you are innocent or stupid."

A spark of anger at being called stupid made Cassy stand up straight, her eyes flashed. "Maybe I am stupid, but I don't care. I like being here. I like you. I like sucking your cock." She felt a wave of terror at speaking like this to him. A little sob shook her and she ran back into her room and pulled her blankets over her head.

His voice came from her door. "Child come out here."

She crawled out from the blankets and walked slowly out of her room. She looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears and then toward the corner she had spent so long kneeling in yesterday. Her shoulders sagged and she walked to the corner and knelt. She felt his hand on her should. "Why are you here?"

"I yelled at you." Her voice shook with silent sobs.

He knelt behind her and gently wrapped his arms around her. "You did not yell. And what you said was not rude. The only thing you did that may be a little bit wrong was you spoke out of turn but I think we can overlook that."

"I was mad at you."

"I was being an ass. I have been acting like an ass for the last two days. I think I am feeling a little nervous about commitment."

"Commitment?"

"Child, you have given yourself to me. And I seem to have taken up that challenge. I am responsible for you. That is commitment. Its a promise to take care of you, to provide for you, to teach you and care for you. Its kind of scary for me. I have not had much luck with commitments in the past. So far they have always blown up in my face. And now I am facing that risk again and I have been acting like an ass."

A soft feeling of happiness was slowly filling up the aching emptiness inside her. 'A promise to take care of her, a promise to care for her.' The words echoed and spun in her heart.

Unable to resist the need to touch him, to wrap her arms around him and hold tight, she turned in his arms. Her arms crept up and twined around his neck. Her voice was muffled against his neck. "I did like it."

He laughed, this time gentle and warm. "So did I, child. So did I. You did pretty good for a first timer. Of course I did not give you many options. If you had not given it to me, I would have taken it."

"Sir, would it be all right for me to ask where you go at night?"

He pulled back his face and looked down at her. "Mostly I am going to late meetings with store managers. Sometimes I go see a friend. Last night I went to a bar I used to go to a long time ago." 

He stopped and took a deep breath. "Child, all my life I have been equally sexually interested in both men and women. My bisexuality has always felt like the most natural thing in the world. The bar I went to was a gay bar I used to go to when I was younger. I am not sure why I went, other than I could tell that I was feeling angry at myself for pushing you too hard and I did not want to make things worse. I certainly wasn't looking for sex. So I got drunk, let some old friends talk me into smoking some pot and came home and pushed you anyway."

He stood and pulled her to stand with him. He grimaced as he straightened out his legs. "I have to give you credit. You are already better at that kneeling than I will ever be. Come on little one lets take a shower."

"Yes Sir."

In the bathroom Cassy looked longingly at the toilet. She really needed to pee but she still was too shy to sit down and go with him watching. She squirmed and squeezed her knees together as she brushed her teeth. She drank down the required glass of water with a sense of dread.

"You have to go to bathroom don't you." Cassy blushed and nodded miserably. He laughed gently, "My funny girl, I don't know why you are so shy about that. I will get in the shower, you join me when you are done." He turned on the water and stepped into the water. He left the door of the shower open but the toilet was situated so that he would have to lean out of the shower stall to see her. Cassy quickly sat, grateful the the sound of the shower would disguise the sound of her pee in the bowl.

As she stepped into the warm shower, he grinned and pulled her against him, his body slippery with soap suds. "Come on in the water is fine." He pushed her under the spraying water and then took a handful of shampoo he began to wash her hair. This time it was not the hurried practical scrub he had done when her hands were hurt. 

His hands slowly massaged her scalp and neck working the suds in thoroughly. He rinsed her hair and sensually worked the conditioner deep. Cassy sighed and leaned against him, her mind lost in the sensation of his hands on her head. 

He took the soap and lathered her, his hands slow and sensual. He handed her a razor, "I can't see well enough to do this without my glasses and they always steam up when I wear them in the shower." He had a silly grin on his face. "You do your armpits and legs and then we will do your golden curlies together."

"Yes Sir." Cassy giggled at the thought of him in the shower with his glasses on. She quickly shaved herself and then looked up at him.

"OK pay attention. I do not want you to shave all your hair off. Your cunt hair is very pretty, a natural blond guarantee." He knelt down and lifted one of her legs up. He ran his finger across the top of her pubic mound carefully using touch as much as his eyes to find the top of her cleft. Cassy shivered at the sensation of his hands. "Shave everything below here. Leave everything above natural."

He stayed down and watched as she leaned over and carefully scraped away the hair. Cassy was a little surprised to see that the lips of her cunt were so pink, almost the same shade as her nipples. His fingers stroked across the new smooth skin and she jumped. 

"Do it like this every day. Be sure to get all of it, even the strays down around your little asshole." His fingers still slippery from the soap ran up and down the crack of her ass. Cassy was starting to feel like her legs did not want to hold her up. Over and over she had to fight the urge to sag to the floor of the shower. 

The muscles in her belly and thighs shivered and jumped as he slowly stroked across her newly shaved labia. Cassy found herself holding onto his shoulders, her head lolling back against the shower wall. Her breath trembling in her throat.

His voice as teasing. "Where is my sweet little 'yes Sir' I am getting so used to hearing."

Her voice came from far away. "Yes Sir."

"You seem... distracted." His hand continued to stroke her outer lips, petting over and over, never delving between her lips. She found herself wanting more, her hips began to follow the movements of his touch trying to press against him harder.

"Y... yes Sir" A tiny whimper leaked from her lips.

"I am making you crazy aren't I."

"Y... yes Sir."

He laughed softly, a happy delighted sound. He pulled her to press against him, his erection hard and hot against her. Cassy melted against him, the feel of his skin against hers blotting out what little thought she had left. She was not even aware that she was grinding her cunt against his leg. She just knew that she could not get enough of him against her. 

He held her close and turned to hold her under the heavy spray of the shower, rinsing her off. "Come out and dry off. We will go upstairs and take care of these crazy feelings."

Cassy moved languidly, her movements erratic and random. She dabbed at herself with a shaky hands. He gently helped her, patting her back dry and then picked her up and carried her up the narrow stair. Cassy snuggled down small in his arms.

Cassy held tightly to his neck as he lay her on his bed. Her eyes were locked on his. He gently unwound her arms and lay down beside her. He continued his gentle stroking between her legs, his fingers light and stroking. He leaned down and took a nipple in his mouth. Cassy arched her back and closed her eyes. His fingers softly spread her open and stroked gently. Cassy shuddered with each touch. 

She felt like she was floating drifting, her breath coming in gasps. "Please Sir. Oh god please." Her hands pulled at him. He was at her opening, the tip of his cock pushing, spearing into her. She felt the same tearing pain but much less this time. The sweet warm feeling was wonderful. She tipped her hips to meet his entry into her. She gasped, an audible sigh on her lips as he filled her.

His hips began to move, thrusting deep and slow. Cassy could feel herself softening and warming, her body trembling. There was something, something just beyond her reach. Her hips jerked and lunged and she whimpered a panicked sound. He pulled her tight against him and shuddered as he pumped his come into her. She could feel the hot moisture filling her.

He collapsed against her, his breath hot on her neck. She held him close, her lips on his chest. She could feel her cunt sting a little as it continued to contract softly around him. 

"Nice way to start a day. I think you have invented a hangover cure child." He was up on his elbows looking down at her with a grin. "Come on lets jump back in the shower and rinse off quick and then lets get started on our day."


The basement room was dark except for the light of the candles. Her eyes were perfectly focused on the candle flame of the small tea lights sitting on top of the heavy weights balanced on her palms. She willed herself into an even deeper state of stillness, her breath almost imperceptible. He was standing so close to her that she could feel the warmth of his skin radiating out against her back. She was so still she could see the flames flicker in time to her heart beat.

She lifted her eyes and took in the image in the mirror. To look in the mirror was to risk failure. The image so compelling, it would catch her breath in her throat, cloud her mind with emotion. She knelt, her back perfectly straight, her hands extended before her in supplication, the glow of the candles reflecting off her naked skin, the alabaster white decorated with the red stripes of his stringent demands. 

It was not her image that held the danger, it was his. He knelt close behind her, almost touching, watching, waiting for the inevitable tremor of fatigue, the first hints of failure. The very sight of him could fill her with confusion.

Cassy forced her eyes back to the candle flames. Her mind spun back over the last year. In many ways her life with Nathan Landauer had changed little in substance from the first days of her stay. It was more intense, more demanding, and in all ways more devastating. Their relationship had developed an easy predictable rhythm. 

Each knew their role, her Master had trained her well. His directions became unnecessary and her soft automatic acknowledgments of his authority became increasingly nonverbal. She would go days, even weeks without talking. Cassy found the silence a refuge and a comfort. She found she was increasingly quiet in all her ways. 

Her arms gave an involuntary quiver, the candle flames danced in response. Once more she asserted her will over her fading strength. She knew she would fail but never once had she surrendered to the fatigue. She embraced it and tried to rise above it.

She willed the room away, almost deliberately she sought out the place in her mind that shielded her from the pain that was growing in her body. The room contracted to the point of light that was the candle flame, a tiny point of light lost in a fog of swirling gray.

His touch pulled her back to the room. She slowly inhaled and forced herself to do it. Pushing the gray away was getting increasingly difficult. The last thing he would demand from her was to stand. She had to force herself to her feet from kneeling with out dropping the weights and the a candles on top of them. 

She had been kneeling for probably thirty minutes without moving a muscle. To force her legs to function perfectly after this was a trial almost beyond her. Yet she did it. There was no option for failure. A gentle inhalation and then as she rose up, a corresponding controlled exhalation, the candle flames flickering in the wind from her lips.

Her soft smile of happiness was reflected in the soft light as she presented the weights still balanced in her palms to him, a tribute to her obedience, her devotion, her triumph.

It was one of the nights he had not gone out. On these nighs she had learned to expect these scenarios that he called tests during these evenings. Most often they started with pain, a cane or perhaps a whip, both softening and sharpening her, decorating her pale skin. He seemed to crave this evidence of his ownership of her. To create from her a work of art. Rarely was the pain more than she could bear. And if in his enthusiasm or his mood, he pushed too hard, there was the refuge in her mind when she felt herself losing control. 

Then he would pose her with a challenge; a posture too contorted, a weight held balanced too long, testing her ability to endure, to transcend, to endlessly struggle to obey his vision of beauty and grace.

Cassy was not sure when she had started calling him Master in her mind. She did not call him that to his face. When she spoke, if she spoke, she called him Sir. But when she thought of him, and she did think of him often, he had become her Master.

His smile mirrored hers as he took the weights from her hands. As the strain was finally released she allowed herself the cascade of shuddering weakness she had held at bay. He pulled her to lean against his chest. The intimacy of his body against hers a priceless reward. 

He pulled her face up and took her mouth in his. Cassy sighed and melted against him. She lived for his kisses, his kisses and the sensation of his skin against hers. She found the nervous excitement of having him enter and fill her with his cock almost too intense. 

She had a love hate feeling about fucking him. She loved the feeling of satisfaction and perfect sweetness that having the empty feeling in her filled as he pushed into her. She loved when he would strain against her in raw primitive lust as he came inside her. She hated the feeling of nervous anxiety as she failed to orgasm. She intensely hated when he would pull his spent cock from her, leaving her feeling even more empty than he had found her.

This was her darkest secret from her Master. She was silent in almost everything, and she knew he mistook her nervous whimpers and sighs for sounds of satisfaction. If he had asked, she would have told him the truth, but he never asked. She knew that was probably one of the things that made her hate fucking him most of all, her sense of failure and betrayal.

As he pushed her down onto the floor and spread her legs she arched and pressed herself to him, focusing her mind on giving herself to his pleasure totally, this was one more thing she could do for him. She found fulfillment in her service to him. She deliberately turned her mind away from the pleasure she felt, it was a false promise. If she could reject her own needs, at least she did not fail. She tried to turn her mind away from the lie.

She had managed to reach orgasm a few times in her room, alone in the night. It had been a long struggle of endless frantic rubbing, made more difficult by her belief that he would not approve the pathetic sweaty panic that seemed to accompany her efforts. The small reward left her feeling even more a failure and liar than fucking ever did. It was rare that he left her so on edge that she could not will herself to sleep. Lately she found it easier to seek the gray swirling wind.


It was toward the end of their second year together when her Master decided that she should not speak at all, deciding to formalize the habit of silence that filled their world. It was as if he had taken control of even her silence.




Lost in the Wind Ch. 04



As the months passed, Cassy found herself retreating into her mind more and more often. She no longer needed pain to push her there. Books had lost their ability to pull her into the worlds between their pages. She no longer needed their escape, time no longer weighed on her mind.

She found that the grayness never really went completely away. She could exist on the edge of it, one foot in the world with her Master, one balancing on the brink of oblivion.

Even thinking became muted and dull. She was aware that she was no longer as perfectly graceful when he tested her, but even her anxiety at his displeasure was muted. She endured harsher and harsher punishments but they had little impact beyond pushing her further and further away from him. 

When she began to leave the food on her plate uneaten, her fork just hanging in her listless hand, needing his prompt to take each bite, he sent her away to the clinic.


Thank you for reading this prequel to the "Finding Home". If you enjoyed this story you may like to find out what happens next. "Finding Home" is the story of Cassy's recovery from her depression and disassociation. Do not despair there is a happy ending, if anything ever really ends.

Please don't be shy about giving me feedback and rating my stories. I am such a feedback slut.

Xantu