0 comments/ 5826 views/ 2 favorites Lord and Lady Mudford By: rattails Lady Mudford had welcomed home her husband from his long absence in Africa as any dutiful wife would. Never mind that his potbelly was grosser than ever. The year's added age had also served to prolong his pounding her away in bed. But eventually he did manage to implant his seed yet one more time. That was as much a duty for him as it was for her. "Sorry, dear." "I understand Harrold. There's no need to apologize. We are both aging at the same rate, you know." "I do hope you were able to enjoy yourself and your little fetish in my absence." "Rest assured, dear. I kept the cane hard at work." "That's nice. Servants should continually be reminded of their place." "Alfred was of big help in that department." "Alfred?" "The chauffer, you know. Oh I guess you don't know. I hired him in your absence." "So he wields a wicked cane too?" "To a degree." "Is he as ruthless as Beatrice?" "As housekeeper? Of course not. He's hardly a sadist." "I trust that you have a fresh servant girl available for my four o'clock ritual." "Of course, Harold. I'm quite sure she will . . . will inspire you." Harold propped himself up on his pillow and lit that infernal cigar which his wife Charlotte detested. "Describe her." "Finnish; around eighteen; shy; on the petite side." "Eyes?" "Emerald." "Her English?" "Barely passable." Charlotte smiled as she watched him respond to her words as one of his hands made its way south under the sheet while his other held his cigar. When he inhaled the glow from it illuminated his eyes as he savored the thought of what lay in store for himself come four o'clock. He could already vision her pleading green eyes looked up at him as he throated her while she was being caned. That was his four o'clock routine. The ritual was fully acceptable for her ladyship in more ways than one. First it served to have him satisfy his sexual appetite at another's expense. Second it satisfied her own sadistic lust and third his lordship couldn't object to her being serviced during the event. It had become a lovely family tradition. Charlotte's hand made its way to His Lordship's crotch. She brushed aside his own as she felt for his cock. The search was short-lived as His Lordship was rock-hard; harder than he had been while inside her just minutes before. Why kid themselves. Certainly Harold would rather be throating a young servant girl as she was being caned than getting with it mechanically yet one more time with his old lady - Her Ladyship. Just as clearly Charlotte would prefer watching the servant girl's torment as she was being throated and caned and seeing Harold's filthy cigar a-smoking as his ugly, hairy cock smoked. Lady Charlotte's hand gently wrapped itself about her husband's super-thick cock. Now was the time to bring up the little problem she had been worrying over with regard to four o'clock. "Harold dear." "What is it dear?" "Would you mind if Alfred paid me some . . . some attention this afternoon while you . . . you are . . . are." "How thoughtful for you to ask. Of course not, dear." She started to stroke his joint which was now throbbing. Never could she get over how thick it was. No wonder it painfully stretched her insides. "Now Charlotte." Oops; had she misjudged him? "No; don't." "Don't?" "I have to save myself," he explained as he moved her hand from his shaft to his hairy balls. "Oh. Yes, of course." "I have no problem with you being serviced while I am but I don't want this . . . this Alfred staring at me. I mean. Especially with his not be sadistic." "Harold you don't give me the credit I deserve. It would be the suffering servant girl that his eyes would be focused on and not you." "Would be?" "I doubt that he will be able to see much with his head buried deep in my burrow." Harold began to inhale and exhale smoke as his testicles were squeezed and un-squeezed. It was nice to be back home; back home with such a compatible wife. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - "It is such an honor to at last meet you, my Lord," said the handsome young man with a broad smile as he stood before Harold seated in a high-back wing chair. "I've heard so much about you." "And I as well, Alfred." "Thank you sir. If I do say so myself, I am a good driver. I so enjoy driving the Rolls." The two men stared at each other eye-to-eye until they both broke out into smiles. "Do you wish for me to cane Sarja this afternoon, your Lord?" Apparently that was the Finnish girl's name. "No; Beatrice will handle that. I'd prefer that you learn my taste - my style - as an observer. But don't let that keep you from attending to her ladyship's needs." "Of course." "I'll see the Finnish wench now." Alfred clapped his hands twice. Into the great room came the girl carrying a large rattan cane upon her open palms as if making an offering. The size of the cane served to emphasize her pettiness. With her head down and the Housekeeper Beatrice walking close behind her she made her way over to His Lordship and Her Ladyship sitting in their marron wing chairs with Alfred standing beside Charlotte. "Welcome home, my lord," said Beatrice as the girl stood there before him. "I hope you had a splendid time while in Africa. We all did so miss you." "Thank you, Housekeeper. And I the same." "The Scandinavian wench here goes by the name Sarja." "She has had the cane, I assume." "Of course, my lord." "Of course. The cane remains our primary tool in instilling and maintaining a proper attitude in our house servants." "And well it should." Harrold looked over the lass standing before him offering up the horrid cane with her face down in submission. She was wearing the standard maid's cotton, black and white uniform with a white ruffled bonnet. "How are her teeth, housekeeper?" In an instant Beatrice lifted the girl's head and squeezed her cheeks. "Open wide." The girl stared at the housekeeper as she peeled back her upper lip to reveal pearly white uppers and then her lower lip. Then she spread her mouth as wide open as possible in a rough manner as the girl's eyes darted around. "Very well. She'll do." Harold took the cane and handed it to the housekeeper. With that Harold stood, spread his legs and placed his hands on his hips. "Now for a proper introduction." Having already been explained the proper procedure the servant girl went down on her knees and began unbuttoning his lordship's fly. With that done she inserted her petite hands to locate and bring forth the hairy monster. Out sprung his lordship's thick cock into the fresh room air. Both the girl's eyes and mouth opened in amazement. Good lord. How could she ever hope to obey her instructions and have that horrid monster completely disappear into her mouth? After absorbing that expected facial shock Harold turned to look at Charlotte and Alfred. The handsome young man's face was also registering shock at seeing the size of His Lordship's cock. "What did I tell you," said Charlotte with a look of self-pride. The housekeeper's face also showed a measure of pride coupled with a slight sadistic smile. "I think she has forgotten something, housekeeper." "HIS LORDSHIP'S BALLS, GIRL! You stupid Finns." Back inside his open fly flew one of the girl's petite hands. Feeling their immense size she inserted her other hand. With two hands she brought forth his lordships balloon-sized ball along with some black pubic hair and some foul crotch odor. As many times as the others had seen his lordship's cock and balls they still held the sight in awe. Good Lord but was his lordship hung. And well did he know it. For that reason he never hesitated in having his family jewels put on display. After all, was he not lord of his own domain? Sarja watched from her kneeling position as his lordship began to strut his stuff. He walked proudly around the poor sacrificial lamb smiling as Beatrice the housekeeper began to swish the horrid cane. The girl didn't know which was the worse, that thick, hairy, upright cock or the rattan cane swishing the room air. Truthfully, there was no need for comparison as she would be receiving both at the same time under the lustful gaze of others. When the kneeling girl turned her head away he grabbed her by her blondish hair and turned her face to his pride and joy. "What do you think of it? What's her name again?" "Sarja." "Sarja. Do you like it?" Pitifully the kneeling girl nodded her approval. "Answer His Lordship, girl," ordered Beatrice. "It is a good one sir. Yes, a good one." "So you like it, do you?" "Yes sir; I likes it, sir. It is a good one, sir." Harold released the girl's hair. He looked to the housekeeper to see her busy sliding her thumb and index finger over the surface of the coarse cane. God did she love her job. And to think that in just moments now she would be smashing the cane into that servant girl's ass. Harold returned to his oversized maroon wing chair but this time he sat on one of its arms with his legs spread wide and his hands upon the arm. His cock was pointed up at the ceiling in readiness for sweet Sarja's attention and care. "Get a move on, girl," instructed Beatrice as she tapped the cane in her palm. "Position the footstool." The young maid dutifully stood before Beatrice. When the housekeeper held out her hand the girl slid off her white knickers and hung them over the extended cane. When Beatrice nodded to the footstool he retrieved it and placed it in front of His Lordship. Down she went on her knees again but this time upon the footstool with her face right in front of that horrid, waiting cock. She placed her hands atop the chair arm with her arms wrapped about those of Harold. Again she smelled the foul odor arising from his lordships privates. Even their airing out had not killed the obnoxious odor. With the girl's head bowed Harold's cock was against her head with his hairy balls on her forehead. He nodded to Beatrice who lifted Sarya's full length skirt up over her back which exposed her pale white Scandinavian ass. He watched as Beatrice stood back up now almost choking the cane in relishing the moment. The servant girl and housekeeper was now ready. Harold looked over at Charlotte sitting there in the other wing chair with handsome Albert sitting on her chair arm. Seeing the pleading look in his wife's eyes he nodded his consent. Down went handsome as Charlotte lifted her skirt in welcoming him. "Begin," ordered Harold. The girl raised her head. Her nose made contact with the underbody of the horrid cock. Her tongue followed as it slid upward as her nose took in the rancid odor. The young lass had difficulty in getting her mouth over the knob of his lordship's cock for it kept swaying front side to side. Finally in desperation she lifted herself until her head and mouth were above the monster. Now she was able to get her lips over the knob. Harold almost sighed in relief. "All in," came the command from the housekeeper as she tapped the cane on that lily-white ass that was elevated by her being kneeled upon the footstool. Slowly the girl lowered herself to feel the entire cock-nob now held within her stretched mouth. Harold looked down to see that the girl's eyes were closed. "Damn you girl. I want those eyes open and looked at me. Housekeeper, didn't you explain?" "I did indeed, sir," she replied as she unleashed a savage cut of the cane to the middle of the waiting white ass. The jolt from the shock sent the girl's head down and with that a couple of inches of his lordship's cock's shaft entered and was thrust to the back of her mouth. The sound of the rattan hitting the fresh flesh was a delight to all those in attendance, save but one. As the servant girl looked into the eyes of her master she tried to cope with her lips being spread to their fullest by her master's thick cock and the feel of its knob pressed against the back of her mouth. As she absorbed that feeling and that of the thick shaft occupying her mouth, she further began to absorb the fiery pain beginning to burn in her upraised ass. Beatrice looked at the servant girl's ass giving birth to a tramline welt. How much nicer it was to see the formation on a pale white ass as opposed to one of darker skin. How she loved the contrast and how the pink tramline would begin to darken into red while knowing that its transformation was manifested in the girl's brain as a developing line of fire. "Well," asked Harrold. "Why have you stopped? I'm not even half way in, girl." "Get with it, Sarja," commanded Beatrice as she delivered another vicious cut. It seemed as if the girl didn't understand. But when she heard the swoosh of the cane again followed by a sickening THWICK she quickly came to understand. They was no way to continue except for the massive cock to enter her throat. Feeling that her nose was just touching pubic hair she knew that there was ample shaft of his lordship's cock still remaining outside in urgent need of entry. With the intensity of the pain from the two vicious cuts now increasing she had no choice but to proceed. Fortunately it was just at that moment that his lordship made a thrust which caused the knob of his cock to enter her throat. In doing so her head was thrust further over and down. This caused her almost to break eye-to-eye contact, but not quite. Harold looked into the girl's green eyes and smiled. Now they were making headway with his head. He looked over to her ladyship to see that she too was clearly making headway as she was holding the handsome man's head beneath her skirt with both of her hands. Harold grabbed Sarja's head with both hands he nodded to Beatrice. Just as he yanked the girl's head towards him and thrust Beatrice smashed her ass for the third time. With that the girl's head was rammed fully home her nose twisted against his belly and his entire cock now burrowed inside her mouth and throat and his balloon-size hairy balls pressed against her cheeks. At last all was in readiness. "CANE THE BITCH!" Beatrice was now given her full freedom. She took the cane far back over her shoulder and with a twist of her torso unleashed a crippling cut that brought a muffled cry to come from His Lordship's crotch as he sat there on the wing chair arm with his hands gripping the poor girl's head. No longer could eye-to-eye contact be kept for Sarja's face had disappeared when Harrold had begun to jab her head against his crotch. Only the top of her head and her hair could be seen but that didn't keep Harold from continuing to thrust and move her head all about down there in his crotch as Beatrice wielded the cane. His pot-belly further hindered his view. Now sounds of gasping and gurgling came from his crotch. Harold was nodded continuously for the housekeeper to cane and to cane and to cane. Each cut brought a muffled cry which was mixed with the sounds of gasping and gurgling. To an observer it would appear that Harold was an orchestra conductor and that Beatrice was his percussionist. When Harold's pelvis started to fibulate housekeep got the message. His grace was about to come. "FASTER FASTER," he shouted loud enough even for other within the manor even to hear. Harold's cries of YES YES YES were met with those of Charlotte. They had done it again. Praise the Lord. Itis always so nice to have a husband and wife climax together. There can be no better expression of true marital bliss. The master was back home. - - - - - - - - Sarja emerged from Lord Mudford's crotch who watched as his spent cock slithered its way out of her mouth and throat accompanied by her gagging. Seeing her face covered in his lordship's goo he shoved her away before some of it got on his trousers. "That's disgusting. Was she not told that my seed was to be swallowed?" "I'm so sorry," said the housekeeper. That was so rude of her. Quick, get the towel there, girl. When Beatrice saw her start to wipe her face she almost fainted. "Not for you, you idiot; for his lordship." So with gooey cum covering her face, some of her hair and even one eye, she started to towel off Harold's cock and balls. "You will pay for this outrage, Sarja." The servant girl managed to whisper a sorry sir as tears now streamed out of her eyes and her gagging faded. Once Harold's cock and balls were clean the girl held the towel up near her own face. "May I, sir?" "You most certainly may not. You must now pay for your insolence and disrespect. Six of the best, housekeeper." Stand up girl." The girl stood still holding the towel with her face still covered in royal cum. "Grab hold of your ankles." When she did the housekeeper lifted her skirt once again bringing her welted ass back into view. "Keep your eyes on his lordship and say you are sorry after each stroke." With Harold now seated on the chair seat cushion with his cleansed cock and balls still on display, he relit his cigar. Bent over as she was, the girl's face was level with his own. He looked at her, eye to eye. Never mind that one eye still had residual cum covering it and its eyelashes. Harold nodded to Beatrice. Swish - Thwick! The pitiful girl grimaced. "I sorry, sir." Harold's response was to blow cigar smoke into her face. He nodded again to the housekeeper who quickly delivered a horrific backhand. Apparently there had been a tad bit of cum still left somewhere inside her throat as she coughed until it came slithering out of the side of her mouth. "I sorry, sir." Harold leaned forward and blew more cigar smoke into the pitiful girl's face. "Let this be a lesion to you. Always swallow. That way you avoid having cum in your eyes." "Yes sir. Thank you sir." SWISH - THWICK. Three more followed as Harold's cock hardened and came to its full upright and locked position. "Now clean yourself and get out of my sight." Beatrice watched as the girl's welted ass disappeared when she stood and her skirt fell back down. She handed her knickers and pointed sternly at the doorway. - - - - - - - - - Harold stood feeling relieved that the cum-coated Sarja was now gone. At the same time however he was aroused, what with his cock and balls still out of his trousers. He looked to see Alfred standing beside Charlotte seated in her wing chair. His pants crotch was bulging as he and Charlotte exchanged loving glances. Harold made his way over with his upright cock swaying from side to side. "Did you enjoy your meal, Alfred?" "Sir?" "Her Ladyship's pussy, my good man." "Oh that. Yes sir. I considered it a high honor, sir." "Yet I feel that you are being rude." "Sir?" "I have my privates on display. Good manners would dictate that you do the same." Charlotte smiled. "Oh yes sir. Sorry sir," he said as he struggled to get his own cock and balls out of his black chauffer's pants. Harold studied them and snickered. "Not up to my standard, I see." "Oh no so. Not at all, sir." "Don't fret; few are, right Charlotte, dear?" "Right, Harold." "Tell us how we compare dear." The housekeeper smiled. God she loved this job. This man could even put Lady Charlotte on the spot. "I'd say that the lengths of both of yours are about the same. But the girth. I'd say you may be double his size in that department, dear." "And our balls. Don't forget the balls." "None can measure up to yours dear. But . ." "But?" "In the age department I'd have to say." "Don't. How do our loads compare? Which delivers the more?" "Now Harold, how would I know such a thing?" "Then let's find out. And remember, I have already discharged once. Are you game, Alfred?" "Under the circumstances I shouldn't think it would be a fair game." "I'll run the risk. But to even things up I'll cane you to cum. That should serve to help replenish me." Lord and Lady Mudford "Cane me to cum?" "Cane you to cum. Housekeeper, please fetch two bowls while Alfred disrobes." Charlotte sat there in her wing chair as she watched the handsome young chauffer take off his uniform and his hairy chest come into view. Of course both of the males' organs remained on display. Only now Alfred was naked save for his black shoes and socks while Harold remained clothed with only his cock and balls on proud display. Shortly Beatrice returned with the two bowls. "Thank you, housekeeper. Please keep them as it shall be your responsibility to make the collections." "Yes, my lord." "Alfred, please bend over in front of her ladyship and bring your face level to hers. Like with the maid I want you two to maintain eye-to-eye contact while I cane your ass as you proceed to make delivery into the bowl held by housekeeper." With the cane in hand Harold watched as the handsome man took position. Initially he put both of his hands to his privates but then moved one to take hold on an arm of the wing chair for stability. Charlotte smiled and gave his nose a friendly little poke of her finger. She received no smile in return. "Isn't this fun? I just adore competition." "Shall I start, sir," he asked so as not to have to answer sweet Charlotte's inquiry. "You'll know when to start by the starter's gun going on." Starter's gun? Oh. The handsome young man spread his legs both for better stability and to make room for the collection bowl which the housekeeper was keeping in place just below his hand held cock by bending far over herself. Harold looked at his wife who was smiling broadly at the handsome young man all bent over to be caned with his hand on his cock and the collection bowl standing by. "Be swift, Alfred. Run with the wind." With his cock and balls still on full display Harold raised the cane so far back over his shoulder that his torso twisted. Charlotte's eyes widened in delight. The chauffeur knew what was coming by this lustful, sadistic smile on her face. Harold paused to savor the moment. There was this young man's ass in waiting with his hand on his own cock in waiting. Indeed, everyone was in waiting . . . . THWICK! Harold had triggered the starter's gun by smashing the man's ass with a wicked cut of the rattan. Alfred gasped. Lord if his lordship's blow wasn't as bad as that of the housekeeper, he figured. He almost forget to begin jerking himself. Charlotte gave his nose another friendly little poke of her finger as she felt herself becoming aroused once more. She esplained. "Lord Mudford loves to cane." SWISH . . . . THWICK! Alfred gasped and grimaced. How could he be expected to ejaculate under these conditions? Perhaps that was the plan. Even small dribbling of his lordship's cum would win over an empty bowl. He jerked harder. Meanwhile Beatrice was at work keeping the collection bowl at the ready. "Remember Alfred to aim it down into the bowl when you cum," she said. Cum? All he could think of was the raging fire-line developing in his ass. "Please sir." "Yes?" "Please sir; not so hard." "Nonsense. You need the encouragement." SWISH . . . . THWICK! "Nonsense; concentrate, man. Do your duty. Are you not an Englishman?" Now he delivered a vicious backhander. SWISH THWICK! Alfred started jerking like a jack rabbit. He had to unload before his ass was a flaming wreck. Charlotte loved it. Her pulse rate was rising. "Harold; be a dear." "What is it, Charlotte?" "I would prefer to have Alfred's head back where it was before, if you don't mind. That is really where it belongs." "Why of course, dear. Alfred? Return to your appointed station, please." Bending down to insert his head beneath Charlotte skirt caused him to be bent further over which brought his dangling balls into Harold's view. With the tip of the cane he swung them from side to side. "You may proceed, Alfred." Alfred proceeded by bringing his lips to sweet Charlotte's pussy followed by his tongue finding its way to her clic. Back now in familiar territory he resumed work on his own cock. "Perhaps I can help," said Harold as he took a few steps back before making a run-up and smashing the man's ass again so hard that Alfred's hand slipped on the chair arm. SWISH . . . . TWICK! Oh God; I must hurry, thought the distressed young man. "Did that help? Was that of some benefit?" Before the man could answer Harold delivered another vicious cut on the run. SWISH . . . . THWICK! That brought a muffled cry of sharp pain to come forth from beneath her ladyship's skirt. "Get with it man. I haven't got all day." SWISH . . . . THWICK! "Any progress, housekeeper?" "Nothing yet, your lordship." "Keep me informed." "Frankly without an answer from you I don't know if I am helping or not. But then I do understand you are not in a position to converse. Thus I must assume it is of help." SWISH THWICK! SWISH THWICK! SWISH THWICK! At last Alfred felt his load forming in preparation for frothing. He beat his meat harder and faster as Charlotte felt her own state of arousal rising and housekeeper did her best to maintain her collection station. SWISH . . . . THWICK! For a moment Alfred's mind almost made the switch from his sex to pain while he continued to work her ladyship's click. The next crack of the cane did the trick though in triggering release. Beatrice grabbed hold of his hand on his cock and directed it into the collection bowl. Spurts of cum came spewing forth. Now Charlotte was approaching her point of no return. Then suddenly there was no tongue on her click as Alfred withdrew his head and gasped for fresh air. "NO!" she screamed. But no attention was paid to her plea. Alfred's priority was in jettisoning as much of his love-juice as he could into the collection bowl. Down to the last drop. Charlotte's hand made for a quick approach to her pussy. This job had to be finished. There could be no half-measured. "See, my lady," said Beatrice with a smile as she held the bowl with its collection of Alfred's cum up to her face. Charlotte looked at it in disgust. This in turn caused her to lose it - to lose her arousal. God damn it, she thought as she caught sight of his lordship smiling at her frustration. Harold studied the size of the load in the bowl. Thankfully it wasn't as much as he had anticipated. Had the caning served to temper? He could only guess. "Before you get dressed please present your arse to her ladyship. Perhaps that sight shall serve to ameliorate her disappointment." And it did. Charlotte ran her fingers lovingly over the rising tramline welts. They were raw and hot to the touch. Then she went to work spanking them. "Bad Alfred. Bad chauffeur. This will teach you to get your priorities straight." Smack Smack Smack "That's enough, dear. Get dressed, Alfred. Now it's time for you to collect my specimen, dear." Charlotte looked in horror as Harold removed his trousers and shorts to reveal his ugly pot belly overhanging his still upright cock and balls. Whereas earlier Albert's manly, hairy chest had come into view when he disrobed, all she saw now was this middle-aged potbelly with a line of black hair running down from its navel to merge with its mass of unkempt black pubic hair. And that odor! "Open wide, dear. And housekeeper, please position the bowl." At least I won't have to swallow, thought Charlotte. But then I'll have to bring him right up to the moment and then withdraw. Elsewise some of the nectar shall go uncollected. Beatrice smiled. God it was good to have his lordship back home. Harold had to stretch his wife's lips as wide apart as possible to gain entry of his massive cock-knob. Quickly Beatrice placed the bowl against the bottom of her chin. This task was made difficult by the presence of his lordship's balloon-size balls. Harold inserted his cock in until its knob made contact with the back of her ladyship's mouth. Showing the respect that her ladyship was due he did not advance into her royal throat. He would let her perform the task at hand as he knew she could. Charlotte gyrated her head about as she tongued the bottom of his lordship's shaft and massaged his massive balls. Harold looked down with approval. It was nice seeing such a well coiffured lady with a string of pearls dangling about as she worked over his cock in her mouth while squeezing his nuts. Seeing Housekeeper holding the collection bowl in readiness added to the charming scene. Alfred watched from a distance. How disgusting he found it with that pot-bellied middle-aged man standing there as this elegant woman performed such a filthy act with her housekeeper holding the collection bowl in readiness. Harold put his hands on his hips and began giving little polite jabs - nothing like the vicious thrust he had given the servant girl. This was in keeping with his showing respect where respect was due. "Here she blows," he exclaimed as he felt himself on the verge of climaxing. Quickly the two ladies sprang into action with Charlotte withdrawing her head while continuing to squeeze her Harold's balloon-sized balls and with the housekeeper grabbing his shaft and aiming it down into the collection bowl. Alfred watched in amazement as spurt after spurt of cum poured into the bowl. Good Lord, had the man made the better of him? The two men and two ladies looked into the bowl as Beatrice squeezed out the last drop. "Bring chauffer's bowl," ordered Harold. With the two bowls placed side-by-side there was no clear winner. "What shall we do, Your Lordship?" "You have a cooking scale, right?" "Certainly, my lord." "Then weight them." As the housekeeper departed, the chauffeur spoke. "Your lordship, I am so impressed . . . and frankly surprised. Do you attribute your stamina to the size of your testicles?" Harold looked at him in surprise. "My testicles? Surely you know that cum cometh forth from one's prostate. No, it's hardly the size of my balls." "Then what do you attribute your . . . your ability to deliver such . . ." "Alfred," spoke up Charlotte. "Surely you understand that his lordship has an aristocratic prostate while you do not." "As well as an aristocratic cock and aristocratic balls," added Harold. "Even my anus and spleen are aristocratic. I'm an aristocrat from stem to stern, my fellow." "My lord," called out the housekeeper. "Your delivery came in a quarter ounce the heavier." Lord Mudford smiled. God but it was good to be home and again lord of all his domain . . . including his kitchen scales.