3 comments/ 4862 views/ 6 favorites Embracing Life Ch. 01 By: Carmella07 I sat in the old coffee house waiting. It just started raining outside and I could see people running to find shelter from the cold rainwater. It was pretty unusual to rain this time of the year. I felt like it reflected on the day I had ahead of me. Pretty unusual. I sat with in the far corner of the warm and cosy coffee shop, pretending to read a book my mother gave me about how to embrace life. I never read past the title. The comfortable vibe of the coffee house failed to wash over me. My eyes kept flashing towards the door every 3 seconds. The waiter noticed me and I think he saw the eager, anticipation and fear in my eyes. I composed my face and started reading a random page from the book in my hand. "Sometimes life seems unfair and we are immersed into cursing everything and everyone for it. The person that we end up hating the most is ourselves. What we fail to realise is, it is only us that can help ourselves" What a load of crap. I hated these lines and it was not the first time I had heard them. My family and my friends have been pretty adamant about how I need to pull myself up and "help myself". That never helped, I already knew that before anyone ever told me. It was so hard to explain to them that I cannot indeed help myself. If that were possible I would be doing it and not listening to all these pathetic pep talks. It had been six months since my ex-boyfriend Dylan left for Germany for his masters, and seven months since he dumped me for the girl he's in a long distance relationship with right now. That is when I decided to take a break from "life". I was certainly not at a good place. I graduated two years ago, I left my masters mid-way to pursue another field, and failed to get through it. The break up came when I was at my worse in life. When I was sitting there without career prospects or anything to be happy about, that's when he moved out because he fell in love with someone else. Worse of all, I lost my health and gained weight and started looking much older. It felt like I lost my youth back then. I hit rock bottom and decided to go home to my parents. I felt bad for them that they had to see me this way, but I knew I wasn't heading anywhere good in this mental state and I had to get away from the city. The waiter broke my reverie as he bought the Irish latte to my table. And as I came back to present, started getting worried for what I had planned today. After six months of living with my parents, I came back and realised I have no idea what to do. I was living at a friend's apartment who had gone away for a vacation and I had a week to find a job and my own place. And after a few days of struggling I finally gathered the courage to call Patrick. Patrick Wilson, my first real boyfriend. We dated for a few months in high school and ended up in the same city for college, so we were together for another one and a half years until he dumped me for a better girl. But that wasn't really a disaster. I was obviously heartbroken but I had a life and friends and college. That's the time me and Dylan got close. I hadn't seen Patrick in 5 years and I last spoke to him 2 years back. But when I called him this morning, I knew he'd be willing to meet me. We were really close and however hard I tried I could never end up hating him. And I know he didn't either. And I saw him then through the window, rushing through the rain toward the coffee house. My body stiffened and I nearly had a panic attack. I did not think this through. This was a grave mistake. What will I say to him? Should I hug him or just a handshake? Should I pay for myself or let him? Should I hide under the table? And then he entered and my time ran out. It was a weird feeling, seeing him. He came in and tried to dry himself a little. The little drops of water beads in the hair, his perfect hair that I used to be so obsessed with. I looked at the six feet tall body, lean as ever, but slightly buffed up than the last time I saw him. His face, pale and beautiful, gave way to a thousand memories in just one second. I could feel my heartbeat quicken. His eyes, the most amazing blue eyes I ever encountered, scanned weekly the small room until he spotted me. And then he smiled and my heart stopped. I remembered how happy that smile made me every day when we were together. How that crooked smile brightened up my day so easily, how I could do anything for that smile back in the day. And as he walked towards me, I froze. "Liz", he said as he stood in front of me, his hands crossed over his stomach and an utterly amused look on his face. Everybody in the world called me Lizzie, an obvious short for Elizabeth. But Patrick always skipped the IE saying that he was just too lazy to pronounce two extra letters. Liz was his exclusive nickname for me and it was the strangest feeling of contentment to hear it from his voice. His voice, another great quality that made me go gaga. Was there any part of him I did not like? Why did I ever let him go? Oh yeah, I wasn't good enough. It only took half a second for that amusement to turn into shock as I stood up. I had been focusing all my energy in the past seven months to the gym. I was now in a perfect shape. A 28inch waste and god gifted ample breasts. I was at 32 when we were dating. I was expecting this reaction. I was dressed for this, wearing my body hugging deep neck blue dress, showing off my newly acquired perfect figure. He always like blue on me. "What the hell! Liz you're gorgeous! When did this happen? Have you been living at the gym?" he spoke with genuine excitement. I caught my breath and managed to get out the words, "More or less." I smiled trying hard not to blush. But I probably gave it away. "Wow. I haven't seen you blush in so long. Still makes me so happy. This is unbelievable. Come here." he said and took me into a tight hug. I reciprocated with the same level of enthusiasm. A feeling of contentment washed over me. Something I hadn't felt for a very long time. It took us a few minutes to settle down. It was a little awkward at first, but at the same time comfortable and familiar. We started talking about our families and how everyone is doing. The warmth of the room and his presence were finally starting to wash over me when he asked "And hey, how is Dylan doing?" I froze. I suddenly came down from the weird high I had got. For a few moments I had forgotten all about my worries. He easily understood the look on my face as I was desperately attempting to stay normal. "We broke up", I muttered. "I'm sorry Liz. What happened?" his voice was comforting. "Well", I said, "he found someone better." I read the expression on his face- surprise, guilt and concern. "I'm so sorry. How-how are you holding up?" He asked. "I'm fine, I guess. Or, I'll be fine. It was just a few months ago so I'm still a little edgy about it. I know I'll get better in time." I was lying. I did not think I would be better ever. "Hey, you are one of the strongest, the most determined girl I've ever known. There is nothing that you can't get through. I know that and I hope you know that too." His voice was confident, so much that I was forced to consider that he might be right. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. "And listen, I'm here for you. You know that, right? I mean, I know I haven't been the best person in your life, but I care about you a lot Liz. I'm always here if you need anything" "I know that Patrick." I did not that. "Okay then", his tone changed to slightly cheerful and he smiled, "You said you needed my help with something. Tell me, what can I do for you?" "Well", I hesitated looking down at my hands, "I'm not sure how to do this. Well, I need a favour. I don't know Patrick, I was just feeling really hopeless and I called you. I really didn't want to bother you actually." "Come on", he looked intently into my eyes, "Liz you have done wonderful things for me. You were an amazing girlfriend. You were there when I was alone and you led my through some dark times. I was a terrible boyfriend and I was unfair to you. And Liz, I would do absolutely anything to help you, because you never hesitated to help me. You have no reason to feel awkward, just tell me what you need." I looked at him and saw his beautiful smile. I decided to go ahead with it. "Well, you remember the last time we spoke I told you I have enrolled for masters in finance?" He nodded, "I dropped out after a year Patrick. It wasn't my thing. I wanted to study something else. But I ended up wasting another year and now I have nowhere to go. This breakup just set me back and I've been home for the last six months and I still dot have a plan. I came back to look for a job but I don't think I'm qualified for much, with stupid useless major. And I wanted you to help me. You're the only person I know with all these contacts everywhere. So yeah, that's all." His expression was calm as I expected. Patrick for a people person. He could befriend anyone, he could charm anyone and he did. His father owned a marketing firm and that made him a rich kid. Though he was pretty modest about it. Not very modest. But comfortably modest. He studied marketing in college and joined his dad's firm. So now he was professionally well connected to everyone and I knew it would be a piece of cake for him to get me some interviews. "Well that's no big deal. I'm glad you came to me. I wish I had known you were going through so much Liz, I would have helped. But anyways, I will now, What kind of work I would looking for?", he asked. "Anything that doesn't require a high end college degree. You know me. I'm okay with marketing, I know you must have many contacts in that field. I'm also okay with general office work. I mean, I'm kind of desperate here. I'll be a receptionist if that pays the bills. Hate taking money from my parents." I said in the most business like tone I could manage. "You know what? This is perfect. Firstly, to bring you up to date, I took over the office here. You remember I told you dad was expanding more here? Well he did, and now I run that office. And just yesterday I fired my office manager for coming to work drunk. So the spot is open, I think you're perfect for the job. ", he paused and that crooked mischievous smile played on his face," And I also know that you will be comfortable working there, since you've already had sex in that office several times." I blushed, he smiled. Before the moment could pass his cell phone rang and he excused himself to take the call. A flashback played in the back of my mind. Patrick's father's office was walking distance from his apartment. I often used to meet him there in the evening before we headed up to his place. It was one such day when the staff had left and we were all alone. "So", Patrick smiled his boyish smile, "What are your thoughts on office sex?" He was sitting on his father's black revolving chair and I was sitting on the huge desk in front of him. I striked the sexiest pose I knew and said "Well, there's a fantasy I didn't know I have." He stood up gracefully and came to me. He wrapped his hands around me and kissed me passionately. His tongue furiously invading my mouth as I felt the sensation run through my entire body. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he took off my blouse over my head and unclasped my bra. As my boobs were freed he looked at that the way he always did, like a devotee. His hand explored my breast caressing, harshly and pinching my nipples lightly between his thumb and finger. As his hands played with my boobs his mouth kissed my neck furiously making me shiver. I wanted him so bad at that moment. His tongue caressed my neck and then went up to my ear as he sucked and bit and made me go wild with sensation. Slowly his tongue came down, on the neck again, down to my collar bones and then to my boobs. He sucked and licked and bit my nipples driving me mad with pleasure. I couldn't wait anymore so I took off his t-shirt and we kissed, deep. His hands worked removing my skirt and taking off my panties. His mouth went back to fondling with my boobs as his slipped one finger inside me. By now, I was breathless. In no time he stripped off all his clothes and sank back in the chair. He gave me that crooked smile and motioned me to come to him. I walked the short distance and sank to my knees, eyeing his cock intently. It was a big cock, biggest I ever had. I took it in my hands, it was hot and it was throbbing. I rubbed it up and down along its length. I yearned to feel that warmth inside my mouth and so I took no time in taking it in. I moaned as his cock throbbed in my mouth. I played with my favourite toy in the world, licking all over it as I cupped his balls with both hands. I heard him moan with pleasure and my eyes found him. I sucked him deep until I felt him on my throat. After a while I choked. As I took his cock out of mouth to breathe he got up and helped me on my feet. I had tears in my eyes and a blank daze in my mind. He kept looking into my eyes with intensity as his hands went down to my ass and he picked me up and rushed me on the table. Without warning he pushed inside me and I screamed as an intense pleasure rippled through my body. He kept slamming into me with force building slowly towards the explosion as he played with my boobs squashing them roughly. After a while we both were screaming with pleasure as we came together. I lay on the table unable to move and slumped back in the chair as dazed as I was. The flashback ended as he returned to the conversation. "Sorry about that. It's pretty busy at work. And so, we do really need an office manager. You can look into some marketing projects, learn alongside and maybe join the creative team later. What do you say?" his business voice was much better than mine. "I don't know Patrick I hope it won't be awkward, you know. With the past and everything. I mean, are you sure about this? Having the ex-girlfriend in the office, I would not like you to be uncomfortable", I said and I meant every word. The last thing I wanted right now was more complications. But I also really wanted this job, I was too desperate right now. "Oh come on, we'll work it out. You can sleep with me once a week and we can get past being uncomfortable." he grinned. I laughed, so did he. But my mind ran wild. Patrick was always too light about sex. We met thrice after our break up and ended up having sex twice and kissing the other. I always said to myself that I did it to prove that I can make him cheat on his girlfriend but in truth it was hard resisting him. But I was too desperate for financial independence that I cleared these doubts off my head. We spent another half an hour catching up and discussing his office. He asked me to start the next Monday and we parted ways. I spent the next few days finding an apartment near the office and moving in. I found a small dingy apartment which was clearly my worse accommodation ever. But I had to manage in the least money I could. I could move to a better place once I have a steady pay check. I spent the night indulging into memories. Thinking about my time with Patrick. How he took care of me. How he took responsibility of everything. How I could be a child with him. How he was always in control of everything. How he would get mad at anything he want and I always ended up apologizing. And how it always gave me pleasure to do so. I remember wondering if I had a masochistic side when things got out of hand. When he attacked me with his fury whenever his mood wasn't right and I accepted everything just to please him. Even crying because of him gave me pleasure. The relationship ended before I could think over my theory. The best part was, all this motion made me forget about my miserable life. Made my insecurities go away for a while. And I was truly grateful to Patrick for that. I don't know what the next days had in court for me, but I knew it would be interesting. Embracing Life Ch. 02 Monday. "No! Are you serious? He said that?" my friend Jessica screamed in disbelief over the phone as I recounted my conversation with Patrick. "Calm down! Yes he did say that and it was a joke. Come on you know him, you shouldn't be surprised at that comment." "Izzie I do know him. I remember him being a horny bastard! You cannot expect him to respect you and put you on a pedestal. He was treating you so bad by the end of your relationship, it was emotional torture. I'm the one who saw you cry and so I know the effect he had on you. Frankly, I'm a little worried for you." Anyone could tell from her voice that she genuinely cared. I had known Jessica all my life and she was one person who stood by me no matter what. I smiled to myself at that thought. "Jess," I spoke, "It was five years ago. We have both grown up its different now. I'm sure he has matured and so have I. it's going to be okay. Don't worry now. I have to go. Don't want to be late on my first day." "Fine. Take care of you. And give my greetings to the boss." she said glumly. "I will. Bye now." I kept the phone and got back to the matter in hand. What to wear? After serious consideration I picked out a full sleeved, high-neck black dress. It was a perfect fitted dress and showed off my newly acquired curves. I put on a grey jacket and my conservative black ankle length boots. I put on minimal make up as always and left for office. ___ I nervously walked into Patrick's office. It was his father's office, the place where I'd been so many times in the past. It was so familiar being there, it gave me the strangest feelings of nostalgia. Patrick saw me and stood up to greet me. "Hey Superstar! You showed up!" he exclaimed. I smiled unnervingly. "What's the matter? Everything okay?" His sudden change of voice startled me. I took a mental note to work on controlling my expressions. "No no I'm fine. I'm just a little nervous." I reassured him and his face broke into a smile again. "Listen I'm your boss now. Now I know you and I know you have absolutely nothing to be nervous about. You've got this. And you know the boss is always right." "Sir yes Sir." I grinned. I spent the rest of the day with a woman named Chloe who taught me what my job entails. Patrick was right. It wasn't very difficult. The office was small, only 27 people including me, so it wasn't very hard to manage. And then I realised I was also kind of Patrick's secretary in a way. It was weird to think about but I had braced myself for the worse this morning and so I handled it. I caught up with Patrick at the end of the day. "So how was it?" he asked "It was fine. I think I can do this. Hey thanks Patrick. You really helped me out." I smiled at him. "No need for thanks. Just work hard so that I can thank you with a heavy pay check next month." He grinned. "Listen, I have this conference in New York that I have to attend. I'm leaving tonight. So are you all settled in? Coz I have a friend's wedding later and I won't be back until next Monday." That made me sad. And a little doubtful about myself. Will I be able to handle all this by myself? Well, I did not really have an option. I controlled my expressions better this time. "No problem. You have a great trip. I'll see you next Monday." ___ Thursday. The week was going pretty well. The people at the office were nice and helpful. I was handling the office as well as Patrick's calls and appointments for when he comes back. Chloe was really supportive and by now I was doing everything on my own. There was an important meeting with a client starting and I was talking to Chloe as she was preparing to take some important files inside. "I hate waitressing on these board meetings. Why can't we have a buffet? Why do I have to serve those snooty idiots? This is idiotic. And these old idiots they scan you like you're wearing a bikini." Chloe blabbered on in her Barbie doll voice. Before I could say anything she tripped over her own foot and cried out. I rushed towards her. Considering that she was wearing 6 inch stilettoes I knew it had to hurt. Someone went to get ice and Chloe requested me to take over the waitressing for a while. Seeing her pain, I could not say no. I knocked and went inside the board room. There were 2 men from our office and 3 men who I assumed were the clients. Being the only female in the room was a little weird. I cursed myself for wearing the skimpy grey skirt. Even my blouse had a wide neck. I ignored the eyes on me and went to the corner of the room to fetch the files I was supposed to lay out for them. As I kept the files in front of them one by one, the man sitting on the far end, who seemed to be their head as he was older, looked at me continuously. As I reached him and gave him the file, he smiled, put his hand on the small of my back and said "Thank you my dear." In the most gentlemanly fashion. But the touch didn't feel gentlemanly at all. I smiled awkwardly and calmly walked out the room. Serving food was even worse. The man wouldn't stop looking at me. He was least interested in the presentation going on. As I came back a third time to clear the dishes I realised that they were finished with the presentation. "Thomas, I must say I'm impressed." The old man spoke with an authority in his voice "But do you mind giving us a minute? We wish to make this decision today itself. I just need to discuss it with my colleagues." "Of course Mr Mason. Take all the time you need." Thomas said happily and both men from my office left. I finished what I was doing and started to follow them out when he spoke to me. "Miss?" "Yes, Sir?" I spoke hesitantly looking at him. "Could we get some coffee here?" he said with a calm smile on his face. I smiled at him and left the room. I came back after 5 minutes and stopped at the door. The two men were nowhere to be seen in the room. Only Mr Mason sat at the far end of the table looking into his phone. I looked around and saw them through the window in the balcony smoking cigarettes and deep in some discussion. I felt suspicious and braced myself as I went over to Mr Mason and served the coffee in front of him. I was standing next to his chair. All of a sudden, I froze. His hand was on my leg. He slowly grazed my leg upto my thigh and looked at me. I was still frozen unable to think what to do. I wanted to stop him. But I knew if I insulted him he would decline his business to the company and somehow blame it on me. And even if he doesn't, I still did not want to be the reason something bad happened. He squeezed my thigh, right below my skirt and said in that authorities tone, "Pour the coffee my dear, I'm sure you wouldn't like to disappoint your boss when they find out how disrespectful you were." I looked at him and I could see he noticed the fear on my face. I did not want to disappoint Patrick. I could not disappoint him. Even if he believes me, I don't want to cost him important business. I owed him way too much. So I slowly picked up the cup and started working. I could see the look of achievement on his face. His hand now grazed higher, inside my skirt. My body tensed but I kept serving the coffee. "Milk and Sugar?" I asked him, merely audible. "One spoon each" He replied. His finger went inside my panties as he traced the inside of the edges. And then his hand was on my bare ass, squeezing and rubbing. I somehow finished his coffee and now I stood with me hands on the table. He played with my ass for a good half minute before he found my pussy and quickly dipped his finger inside. My cheeks flushed. I had never been this embarrassed in my entire life. I was clearly wet. I realized my panties were soaking. I did not look at his face but he took out his hand and turned me around. Slowly, he put his hand under my shirt and freed my boobs from the bra and started fondling with them. He was way too harsh, and I was groaning in pain as he squeezed and pulled and twisted my nipples. But I realised there was pleasure in that pain. I felt confused and bad. Why was this turning me on? Maybe I really am a masochist. How can I let him do this to me? I had no answers and it was hard to concentrate. He took me by the waist and guided me to sit on his lap. He pulled my top over my boobs and took my nipples in his mouth. His tongue exploited my breasts. He was harsh and eager. I look over him at the window. Then two men were still smoking. One of them looked at me, smiled and looked away. Soon enough, Mr Mason said "Get down on your knees." It took me a second but I did as told. It was difficult to believe what was happening. I was on my knees with my top pulled above my exposed boobs in front of a stranger who now unbuckled his belt and moved his pants and underwear to his ankles. His cock was hard, the top glistening with precum. "Suck me dry." He spoke looking into my eyes. It was an order. I followed. I took him into my mouth, closed my mouth and sucked him with all my strength. I licked and sucked his balls and cock for 10 minutes as he was continuously playing with my boobs. I wasn't thinking anything. I couldn't. My mind was dazed. Then he held me head and started moving his hips along with me. Soon enough his cum was in my throat. He pulled away as I swallowed, leaving me knelt on the floor half naked with tears in my closed eyes. I was still for a minute while I mentally composed myself. Then I opened my eyes and felt the shock. The two men had come back now. One of them was sitting on a chair, uninterested looking into his phone and the other one was standing next to Mr Mason and looking at me. My hand instinctively went to cover my boobs. "Stop" Mr Mason ordered. And I stopped, for some reason. He stood up and took my hand and helped me stand. I stood embarrassed and flushed but I did not cover myself. "You should show off that beautiful body angel. That's nothing to hide." The man next to me spoke and then reached out, without hesitation, to grab my boob. He squeezed my boobs lightly for about 20 seconds and that went down and pulled up my skirt over my waist. My mind was dazed and I couldn't move. He found my pussy and his finger slipped inside it. I supressed a moan. He laughed. "This one had a good time." He said, "I can't believe I let you have her." "Well, maybe the next time we come here it can be your turn." They both laughed. The second man walked past me and slapped my ass. I jumped up and gasped. He ignored me. "Get out of here. And tell Thomas we'll see them now." He commanded. It took me a few seconds to move. But I quickly composed myself and straightened up my clothes and walked out without looking back. __ Monday The mood around the office was happy and spirits were high. The team was very excited about the big client they obtained. Apparently, they were a really important client and this success was bigger than I imagined. Everyone was congratulating Thomas, the recent superhero. I wish I could tell everyone they were giving credit to the wrong guy. I spent the last three days thinking. Trying to make sense of what happened on Thursday. Why did I let him do it? Because I didn't want the company to lose the client. Because I didn't want to disappoint Patrick. And because I was clearly turned on. Why was I turned on? I revisited my masochist theory. Maybe I had a hint of that side. Or maybe because I haven't had sex in months. I still wasn't sure about this answer. But what surprised me the most was how the entire time my mind was so dazed. I wasn't thinking about anything at all. The past weekend I felt like my troubles were far away. Strangely I didn't feel so bad about a guy harassing me and blackmailing me to suck his cock. I masturbated that night. Around six, the office was empty. I was alone on my desk finishing up some work. As I stood up to leave I saw the door open and Patrick walked in. He broke into a smile when he saw me. "Liiiiiiizzz! You're still here!" I recognised his drunk voice. He staggered over to me and secured me in a tight hug. "I'm so happy you're here." He had me locked in a tight hug and I couldn't move, not that I was trying. After half a minute he pulled away to look at me. "You are just so beautiful. I've missed you." I stared at him blankly. He took my face in his hands. We were looking into each other's eyes. I was slightly panicked and slightly blissful. A few seconds had passed, though it seemed like an eternity, he leaned forward and I closed my eyes. His lips met mine. He kissed me slowly but I couldn't respond. I forgot how to move my lips. The panic was rising. What was happening? Why is this happening? But the bliss took over the panic as I started kissing him back. He was more furious now, sucking and biting my lower lips. Patrick had a lower lip obsession. His right hand slid to my waist and his left hand was in my hair as he explored my mouth with his tongue. I could taste the whiskey. We were lost in that kiss for several minutes when suddenly he stooped. He looked at my face. It looked like he was considering the next step. After four seconds he took my hand and paced towards his office. I kept up. Neither of us spoke a word as we stood in front of his couch. We just looked into each other eyes. He bought his one hand to my face and gazed into my eyes looking for approval, I guessed. I blushed. And that was his cue. He leaned in and started kissing my neck. He kissed and licked and bit all over my neck and collar bone. Soon he was struggling to get my clothes off and very soon I was completely naked. He took a step back and looked at me. His eyes scanning my whole body from head to toe. "Perfect." He murmured silently. He took off his jacket and his T shirt and came to me so that our torso were touching. His held me by my waist and kissed me again. His hands were fondling with my boobs now. Squeezing and caressing. He slid his hands done my waist and on my ass which he grabbed tightly. I gasped breaking the kiss and he pushed me on the couch. He slipped out of his pants and boxers and almost attacked my body kissing and sucking and biting all over my torso. Then he slid his fingers into my wet hot pussy and I moaned in pleasure. He started moving his finger in and out and then slid another finger. I was shaking with pleasure and he was kissing my neck again. It took only so much to give me an orgasm. A wave of relaxation washed over my body and I went limp. But he suddenly grabbed me and pulled me off the sofa. He bought me to my knees and gently pushed my face into the couch that I held onto for support. His hand lightly scratched my back from the nape to my ass. I felt a tingling sensation and he entered me from behind. My body was on fire. He was slamming in and out of me with force. His hand spanked my ass, not painfully. He knew how spanking turned me on. I tightened my grip on the couch as I felt like I lost myself in the motion of the pleasure. He kept slamming into my steadily. His hands found my boobs and he started lightly pulling and twisting my nipples. After just five minutes he held my ass with a tight grip and increased his speed slamming into me with great force as I had an orgasm. It was a ripple of pleasure and numbness going through my body. He finished along with me with a wild groan. He pulled out in a moment and we both slumped on the floor. __ Tuesday I woke up early. I had gone to bed early last night. Content and relaxed as I was. Alcohol and sex was like a drug for Patrick. The combination always made him too drowsy. I had to half carry him to his apartment and put him to bed. He dozed off in a minute. I came back home then in spite my desperate wish to sleep there itself. I didn't want it to get weird in the morning. I had my breakfast and got dressed. I put on black trousers and white collared shirt and a light brown pullover. I didn't give last evening much thought. I enjoyed it. Why should I regret something I enjoy? It was all nostalgia and memories. I was smiling on my way to work. I was unusually happy. Could this be a start to something new? Do I want something out of this? I guess I'll find out sooner or later. When I reached the office I realised Patrick was already in. I thought I'll be nice and got him some coffee. I knocked on his door and went inside. He gave me a half smile as I put the cup in front of him. "Thanks." He said "I needed that." "No problem" I smiled. He started reading some papers as I stood there waiting for him to say something. But when I realised he wasn't going to I turned around to leave. "Liz?" He called out. I stopped and turned. "Yes Patrick?" "I was wondering, have you told anyone at the office about us being friends?" "Umm, no. It never came up. Why?" I asked trying keeping my tone normal. "Well I realised that if people find out that I gave you this job because you're my friend, they won't be happy about it. It might affect both are images. Infact, two of the people here were actually trying to fix someone up for this job but I refused saying it doesn't work like that here and then I did the same, so if they find out it might get weird. You know what I mean? And I don't want them to think any less of you either." His business tone again. "Oh of course Patrick. I totally understand. I won't tell anyone." I smiled. "Great. Well this one might sound a little strange, but no one calls me by my name in this office. So in front of the other, if you can.." he trailed off. He was avoiding my eyes. "It's okay Mr Wilson. Not an issue. Anything else Sir?" a feeble attempt at a cheerful voice. "No Thank you Ms Bell" He smiled, finally looking at me. I smiled back and left the office. At around six when most of the people left, Patrick called me to his office. "Hey Liz" He greeted. "Sit down." I took a chair in front of his desk. "What can I do for you Mr Wilson?" I said. "Oh come on Liz cut it out. Don't make me feel worse about this." There were hints of annoyance and guilt on his face. "Just kidding Patrick. Tell me what's up?" I smiled. He was avoiding my eyes "Well, I think we need to talk. About..." he paused and looked at me "About what happened yesterday." I took a deep breathe. "Well, clearly you regret it. I can see it in your face and you know it's alright. I understand. It was a mistake and it's not like we haven't made that mistake before" I tried to laugh" But the point is, you don't need to feel guilty. I'm fine." "I do not regret it." His voice scared me a little. He softened his expressions and looked away. After a moment of hesitation he finally spoke, "I don't regret it. I wish I did but I don't. It was amazing. But.. But I can't do it anymore. I don't want to be unfair to you. I've done some bad things in the past but I can't lie to you now. Liz.. do you remember Sarah Bailey?" He asked carefully. Sarah Bailey. The girl who stole the love of my life five years ago. The girl that I never met, but have hated for as long as I knew of her existence. The girl Patrick left me for. "Yes, I remember. Why?" And I could see the answer to my question in his face. The guilt and hesitation and nervousness in his eyes gave it away. I spoke before he could "Are you still dating her?" I asked calmly. He closed his eyes. "Yes. I'm sorry." I expected to have started crying by now. I expected to feel hurt and cheated and bad. But I didn't. I felt jealous. Jealous that he had him in a way I never could. But that's all. I still felt the same about last evening, like it was supposed to happen. I just didn't care. He saw me with a confused look on his face. And without thinking I spoke "I don't care." He was stunned. "What do you mean you don't care?" Something came over me. I started having realisations and revelations and I started speaking as they came in my mind without thinking. "I don't care if you have a girlfriend. I don't see you that way. Last evening I did not stop you because I just couldn't refuse anything you ask for. You've done me a huge favour. I am at this place because of you and I'd do anything whatever it takes to make you happy. I'm not saying I didn't want to do it last night, I did. But I'm saying even if that weren't the case, I can't refuse you anything. If you really don't regret last night then I'm happy. I don't want you to regret it. And I seriously do not care about Sarah." Embracing Life Ch. 02 It took him a minute to process this. He finally spoke, "Listen, Liz I know you really needed help and I helped you and I know you appreciate this but you absolutely don't have to cross any lines to return the favour. You know I would never make you do any such thing. This will just make me feel bad." And I spoke again as words came to my mind. "It's not just that. I- I was at a very bad place in my life Patrick you have no idea how miserable I was." I paused, took another deep breathe, looked into his eyes and spoke, "Do you remember those mean guys in school? The ones that used to bully me? One day I was crying about it and you saw that. The next day they came and apologized to me and never bothered me again. You scared them off. For me. It was the first time someone took stand for me. I was a fairly insecure child all through school but you changed that. The way you saw me, made me realise that I am something. You gave me the confidence that I carried to college to my perfect life. Even when you broke up with me I had a thousand friends I had a stable life and everything was okay. And you made sure I was fine. You've protected me for so long Patrick. But when Dylan broke up with me, it was a disaster. I had absolutely no confidence left. Why do you think I lost all this weight? I had all my insecurities return to me. And then you came back and being with you.. Well, you saved me from myself this time. When I'm with you, I'm a happy satisfied person. I feel good about myself. And I feel safe, because I know you will never let anything happen to me. I don't know where my life is going Patrick. I need you to help me. I don't need any commitments from you. I don't need anything from you. I just want to be yours, in any way you seem fit. " I don't believe I just said that. It's even harder to believe that I meant it. Yes. That's what I wanted. I just wanted to be something to him. Whatever he wanted. "What do you mean? In any way I seem fit?" He was surprised and confused. "Yes. You want me to be your secretary, I'll be that. You want me to be your friend, I'll be that. You have a girlfriend and you want me to be your.. well fuckbuddy.. I'll be that. Even if you get married and you want me to be your.." I hesitated. "mistress. I'll be that. I'll be whatever you want. I don't even want a claim on you. I just want you to have a claim on me. Do you understand what I'm saying?" His expression was blank. "I do" he muttered. "Listen, I'm going to go home. You think about it. The decision is all yours. If all this makes you uncomfortable you can fire me. I'm sorry for being weird. I was just being honest with you there." He just looked at me. "Bye.. Mr Wilson" I got up and left. He did not speak. __ Thursday I was anxious. It was 2 o clock now. Patrick didn't show up yesterday and asked Chloe to mail him anything that required his attention. And today, again a no show. Why is he ignoring me? I told him he could fire me if he was uncomfortable. It was hard to concentrate on anything. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. I said all those stupid things and freaked him out. He probably things Ive gone psychotic. Just then, my phone beeped. It was a text from Patrick. Hes going to fire me over a text. I pressed read *I need to look at the Durnab file. Could you bring it over to my apartment Ms Bell?* What? When did I become Ms Bell? This is weird. Panic hit me then. And after a second, relief. He wanted to see me. He's not throwing me out of his life. I really hope not. I asked Chloe for the file and headed out. His apartment was in walking distance. I reached his building in 10 minutes. I took a deep breath and took the elevator to the seventh floor. The hallway was just as I remembered. White walls and white marble floor. This was a luxury apartment building. I hesitated before pressing the bell. He opened the door. His face was smooth. Expression unreadable. "Come on in." I followed him inside. The apartment was a 2 bedroom luxury condo. The living room was spacious and furnished elegantly. The wall opposite to the door was glass and there was a balcony that looked over a beautiful view. The room was flooded with natural light. There was a huge sofa set in the middle with a 50 inch flat screen. On my right side was the kitchen and the door to the guest bedroom. On my left was the door to Patrick's bedroom. Yes, the house had changed drastically since when we were dating. I realised I didn't notice much when I came in on Monday. It was dark and I was distracted. I followed him to the little coffee table near the kitchen and sat down opposite to him. He looked at me, and I looked at him. I was speechless and he, well I had no idea what was going on in his mind. But I did notice that he looked extremely sexy in this light. I took advantage of the silence and started appreciating his face in my head. "The file Ms Bell?" he asked. Why was he calling me that? I wanted to ask. But something in his expression scared me. Like I wasn't supposed to ask. Like it would be a mistake. And anyways, it kind of sounded nice the way he said it. I handed him the file. He assessed the file going from page to page. I sat still. My impatience growing more and more. But couldn't speak. I just could not. After fifteen very very long minutes. He closed the file and handed it back to me. "Tell Thomas that this is fine. He can move it forward." I took the file. And now what? Was it my cue to leave? I thought for a second and started getting up. But he motioned me to stop with his hand. Silently I sat back down. Finally he spoke in a calm gentle tone. "I have a girlfriend. And I love her very much. We have been together for five years." He emphasised on the five, "You know this. You know me. And you don't mind having a sexual relationship with me." I sensed the question in his statement. "Right." I answered. "Are you hoping that someday I'll realise that you're better than Sarah and I'll break up with her?" That was expected. I answered calmly. "Not at all." "So if we do have this relationship, what would be the nature of it? What do you expect?" That business like tone. "I don't expect anything. I told you I don't even want any claims over you. I can be anything you like. Anything you want. I have zero expectations from you. And I just- I really want to be a part of your life. Because honestly, I'm scared to be on my own. And I trust you more than anyone else right now I know you would do no bad for me. And I'm way too disturbed to actually date someone. So ya, that's it." Silence. He looked at my face like he was trying to read me. I didn't know how to convince him that I'm being more honest than ever. After a long session of staring at each other, he sighed and then spoke, "Why don't you go back and finish your work. Come over later, and we'll have dinner." Yes. I can live with that. I felt triumphant. I felt strangely happy. Now that I'm sure that I will definitely be something to him. I stood up, smiled and walked to the door. He came behind. I paused at the door and turned around to face him. He looked me in the eyes and leaned in. My eyes shut close and my heartbeat went crazy. I could feel his warm breath on my lips. His hand touched my face sending electricity through my body. And then he kissed me lightly on the lips. I opened my eyes slowly and composed to myself. And after so many days I got to see that beautiful smile. "Bye" I whispered. I reluctantly turned around and walked out. __ Concentrating was hard. My mind was running over a thousand things. That kiss on the doorway. That one light kiss was more powerful than when he made out with me on 3 days ago. Why? Because it meant something. His acceptance was a delight to me. Even though I offered him no strings attached sex, so I really shouldn't be that surprised or excited that he accepted. But it wasn't about the sex. It was about being a part of his life. And that feeling was amazing. My mind and my body heated up in anticipation and nervousness and excitement as I walked to his building. Once again I stood in front of that door taking deep breaths. I rang the doorbell. He opened the door. My heart stopped when I saw him. He was topless and was wearing low waist dark blue faded denims. His body was pale and almost fluorescent. I have no idea how I didn't even notice his body clearly last Monday. I could tell he's been working out. He just looked, well, beautiful. I always had a fascination for tall men. I myself am 5'6" and he was 6" taller. Excitement bubbling up inside me as I started taking mental notes of things I love about him. His hair. His eyes. His smile. He broke my reverie when he greeted me "Elizabeth". I played along "Patrick". We walked inside.