1 comments/ 18361 views/ 2 favorites Dinner Ch. 01 By: lilsubalex Please leave me comments and vote. Part 2 comes soon! Again ... adults only please! * The dinner was a welcome relief from our daily responsibilities and we both welcomed the time together. Our conversation ran the gamut from political news, children, and work. Yet scarcely a word was mentioned about the evening which lay in wait. i dressed as trained and requested, in a dress, with open cup bra and no panties, stockings with garters, and heels. My eyes sparkled with happiness at being with You, my smile radiated the joy, and my cunt was already lubricating nicely. Earlier in the day while i was dressing, i had put both rosebuds into my bag, also as You requested. At a pause in our conversation, You leaned across the table, held my chin and looked in my eyes, speaking words that i anticipated. "My pet, give me the ruby rosebud to me in your open palm." It was incredibly easy for me to take the red jeweled rosebud out of my purse and present it to you; not that i didn't have to take a deep breath first as i was doing so, but my submissive nature quickly took over. My body responded immediately, i felt my pussy become wet, my nipples harden and my body temperature rise. Sitting there, watching you inspecting it, part of my mind was mortified, public place and all... but most of my thoughts were consumed by anticipation and desire, hoping you'd allow me to insert it into my ass.... my muscles in my cunt and ass were flexing as i sat there. i was torn with wanting to ask you to allow me to place it inside my ass and afraid that if i was so presumptuous, that you would say no. So, i waited and tried not let my internal agitation show to anyone else. "alex, please excuse yourself from the table, and insert this plug into your ass." You instructed me. i knew that i had to maintain an outside show of decorum as i went to the Ladies room (*g* ironic dichotomy there, eh? A "Ladies" room that i was going to in order to insert an anal plug into my ass??), but, i wanted to race walk to get there. i didn't need any lube at all to insert the rosebud... my pussy lips were so slick with my own that i simply ran it over them then inserted it into my ass. i took a quick second to breath and then pulled my skirt down. When i left the stall and went to the sink to wash my hands, i noticed i looked feverish as i felt. Then going back to the table, where i knew you were waiting and knowing that i was busily putting that lovely silver piece of art into my ass because you instructed it so, i feel a twin rush of nerves and excitement. i could feel the metal warming and it both caressing and being caressed by the intimate confines of my ass as well as pressing forward against my cunt walls because of the angle the heels tip my body to. My thoughts were consumed with the plug in my ass and anticipating your next command. i returned to the table and saw the knowing look pass across Your face as You took in the flush of my cheeks and chest. We ate our dinner and our conversation continued. Suddenly, You put Your hand in Your pocket and instructed me to extend my hand. You laid a large pair of silver metal balls on a string with a large matching open silver heart at the end of the string and told me to hold them in my hand. That was a surprise! i knew what they were for, of course, but their mass and weight were unexpected ... coupled with the general sense of surprise that You had them and had brought them with You. When You asked if they would fit in my pussy (and the trill of embarrassment that you asked me that in a restaurant with people at tables on either side of us), my thoughts just stopped for a moment. i was filled totally with sensation and physical response. You then asked if i would be able to walk with them inside of me.. and hold them in for a walk a block and up ... i was both terrified with the vision of them slipping out of my cunt as we walked and complete need to feel them inside me and hold them there. As i was still coping with holding the balls in my hand and resisting my urge to roll them in my hands, caress them, inspect them ... both because of where we were and that i didn't think to do anything but pay attention to You, You quietly but firmly told me to give You the extra large rosebud. i immediately really snapped back to 'reality'. i was thinking of the substantial size of it, of how at 5" long and over a pound in weight, it can't be concealed inside my hand, how open it would be to view and with it how open it made me to view .... it really took me a second to get my hand to move toward getting it. As i grasped it, i was further reminded of how heavy it is and how obvious it is what it is for .. though, on the other hand, it is only obvious if you know what it is.. and somehow that is rather humiliatingly erotic that someone would catch glimpse of it and *know* what it was for! i handed it to You, watching You feeling it, turning it over, sitting it on the table, admiring it, talking about it.. toying with both it and me .... it was ... amazing. i found myself having to consciously control my breathing so as not to pant. i had a thought that i if i could have pinched my nipples hard, just then, i could have climaxed. "alex, go to the restroom and insert the balls in My cunt. Do not give yourself a climax while performing this task. When you return to the table, seat yourself while looking directly into my eyes. I want to see your reaction as the plug is nudged further into your rectum and presses against the balls while you settle into your seat". i immediately excused myself and returned to the 'Ladies' room .. thinking that that sign should have a rotating capability so that the sign could be changed with the intentions of the one entering it. i went into the stall, pull my dress skirt up and bent my legs as i spread them. My cunt was now overflowing and i lubed the first ball at the entrance to my opening. My cunt grasped and pulled it inside ... drawing it up and over the plug in my ass. The second was more difficult to insert, but i pushed it up and felt it crossing over the plug and nudged the first ball up and further inside my body. i paused for a moment and then arranged the heart dangling from my cunt. i could feel it bumping against my labia and my clit .. and i wondered ... this incredible submissiveness.. the total awareness that this object is dangling against and between the most private parts of my body - is that the same awareness that being pierced brings? i returned to the table, watching You watching Your slut. i looked at the large silver metal plug sitting there next to Your wineglass, nearly hypnotized by it. The thought crashed into my mind that You'd left it there - fully in the open while You paid the bill with our waitress! But, as instructed, i slowly settled down onto the seat feeling the plug's base landing on the chair and then feeling all the instruments You'd had placed inside moving and filling me. i struggled to control my composure and my breathing and to do so, i fell into Your eyes. After a few moments, or perhaps it was a few hours, You told me it was time to go. You stood, picked up the rosebud plug and slid it into Your jacket pocket; then You reached Your hand to me and handed me up out of my chair. Leaving the restaurant and walking down the street, feeling the arousing, teasing movements inside my body and the metal heart swinging against my thighs ... i was glad to have Your hand to hold onto because it helped me focus and control my dizziness from all the sensations. As we awaited the elevator in the parking garage, You kissed me; i both wanted to launch myself both into the kiss and you, but with no idea what your wishes or desires are as to my responses and actions, i held myself until such time as you gave me permission or instructed me. Once in the elevator, You stood in front of me and unbuttoned my dress to my belly button then reached inside to hold my nipples tightly between Your fingers. The bell dinged announcing our arrival at our floor. You released my left nipple and then turning and stepping in front of me, lead me by my captured nipple out of the elevator and across the garage. We got to the car, You assisted me inside, then went to the other side and opened Your door. After You settled in Your seat, You grasped my chin, turning my face to You, "My pet, we are just beginning our evening." Dinner Ch. 02 Please read "Dinner Ch 1" first to give context to this story. Please leave comments and don't forget to vote. Only adults, please! * * * * * "slut, completely unbutton Your dress" You said. The thought crossed my mind of where we were, in a parking garage in my SUV! But, as always, i simply followed your instruction. "Get in the back," You instructed me. i turned my legs and shifted to the back of the vehicle. You had previously removed the center row of seats so there was room between the front seats and back ones. "pet, sit on the back seat, place your ass on the edge, lean back and spread your legs to fully expose your cunt to me." You told me in the quietly firm voice that never ceases to thrill me to my core. i sat and spread my legs wide, letting my knees fall open to the sides. After a few moments of my sitting there exposed, You told me to take my dress off. i followed my need to please You and the ever higher rising arousal inside of me and began to pull the dress back and off my body; yet, as i let the dress fall down off my shoulders, i glanced out the darkened windows at the empty garage floor around us, shivering at the thought that someone - anyone - could walk by. But i knew You would keep me safe. "Massage that pussy, slut" You commanded me. My eyes fell closed on the sensations coupled with the embarrassment of You watching me play with my exposed cunt and Your seeing the heart dangling from inside of my pussy attached to the heavy stainless metal balls. i wondered if you could see the red jeweled base of the plug in my ass; Your toys filling Your pet's holes for her Master's amusement and enjoyment. "Do you want Me to blindfold you, girl?" You asked me. The thought rolled through my brain. While that sometimes makes it easier for me to 'fall into' what is happening and has a special thrill when i don't know what is coming next or what it is that is touching me ... i knew You enjoyed seeing my eyes.. and enjoyed having me watch You watching me. "Master, only if it pleases You." i shakily told You. "Very good, My pet," You told me, the smile in Your voice telling me Your pleasure with my choice. You told me to play with my nipples with the other hand. i pulled at my left tit through the open bra cup, the thought crossing my mind of that action completing the entire picture of a total slut.... dress off, cunt bare, my legs spread *widely* open, my pussy and ass both filled, all but naked, tits exposed by the open cups of the slut's bra, rolling and pinching the sensitive hardness of my nipple, the other hand playing with my exposed cunt and clit ....... all as You instructed and watched ... and in a parking ramp!! i moaned, i gasped ... and still my arousal ran higher. You told me get the clamps from my purse, it really was all i could do not to pant out loud as I handed them to You; i don't know, maybe i did. As i saw them in Your hands, my mind was screaming with desire for You to put them on my nipples ... but i couldn't get my brain to communicate the words to my mouth... then You instructed me to do so and the block cleared and i did. i was completely lost in the sensation of absorbing the pain of the first clamp when You told me that You thought i should thank You .. and that is what was rolling inside of me .. but again, the words didn't form. Isn't it funny that i am so at ease with words nearly all the time but i totally lose that ability as i sink deeper into submission? But i did thank You and then You tugged on the chain and then clamped the other sensitive nub and i thanked You immediately. You asked me if i was close to cumming, i said yes... You said i hadn't asked permission to cum yet... and i knew that i hadn't but i wasn't sure i'd be allowed either to ask for that permission or given it if i did ask, so i was torn. Plus, plus.... as consumed as i was with the sensations of my rampant arousal and need, i was more consumed with doing what You wanted ... and staying outside of myself enough to pay attention and respond immediately when You directed. That is as much where my pleasure and fulfillment derives from ... No, i started to say as much as my own release... but, no.,... my deepest pleasure and complete fulfillment primarily & fundamentally come from pleasing you.. my own physical release is an amazing frosting on top of that. For me, cumming just to cum, is a purely physical response... cumming to please ...... ahhh.. that is fulfillment. "Cum, slut. Cum NOW!" You commanded me. As You allowed me to cum for You, the release was so shocking that i couldn't grasp hold of it. Then, You reached between my spread legs, grasped the heart dangling there .. and pulled the first ball out of my cunt ....... oh God!!! It was a like a giant bubble of pleasure popping inside my cunt. Smiling, You then pulled the second out - spreading my cunt open as it pulled from inside me - over the plug in my ass - i came again. Then, saying, "cum, hard, now!" You removed both of the clamps from my nipples. i screamed as the sensations rocketed through me ... panting, "Thank You, Master! Thank You, Master! Thanking You over and over again." After a few moments, You told me to turn and kneel on the seat and lift my ass to You. "Spread your cheeks, slut. Spread them wide," You instructed me. The humiliation flooded through me. To expose my self in the most completely humiliating position i can think of at Your command made my entire body hot and my cunt drip onto the seat below me. i jerked as I felt Your fingers between my spread open butt cheeks. As You caressed around the edges of the base of the anal plug filled my most private opening, my embarrassment returned but the arousal flooded me along with it and i pushed back toward You. You spanked me hard on my ass for moving. i moaned at the sudden shock against my ass .. as hot as i felt, my ass felt cold so the blows were especially shocking. You moved and sat next to me. "Kneel between my legs, pet. Get your mouth on my cock," You instructed me. i was nearly voracious in my desire and need to do so. i wanted to please you .... I so wanted to please you. i breathed in Your familiar intimate scent .. then tasted You.. wanting to take You inside of me.... kneeling there in front of You. Kneeling... what an amazing rush of emotions i feel along with that. Kneeling to my Master, sucking on Your cock, feeling it grow and harden under my tongue, inside my mouth... then filling my mouth, pressing against the back of my throat. "Take it all in...slut, swallow your Master's hard cock into your throat," Your voice flowed over my nerves. i consciously relaxed the muscles in my throat to fully allow Your hardness inside me. i felt Your hand on my head pressing me down further then holding me there. Still, i tried to caress and stroke You with both my tongue and my muscles without moving. "Get up pet, straddle Me. Take My cock inside that wet cunt." i scrambled up, widely spreading my legs and lowered my cunt onto Your shaft. i felt Your cock pressing into me as i settled down onto You, feeling it rub against the rosebud in my ass. "Do NOT cum! Don't do it slut!" You ordered me. i grabbed ahold of that edge of control and did not cum as i rode Your hardness; focusing on squeezing You with my interior walls to give You as much pleasure as i could manage but panting with the effort to not release the huge orgasm threatening to break from within me. "Stop! Get Your mouth busy and clean your cunt juice off My cock," You told me. i immediately climbed off Your lap and the total slut in me was completely aroused and thrilled to taste my cunt juice on Your cock. i wanted to stay there, kneeling in front of You, licking and lapping at Your cock forever. "Get over the seat again, pet" i clambered back up and positioned myself over the seat as You instructed. You began to spank me, "Count them, slut!" "1, 2, 3, 4 ..." i panted out the numbers as You hand swatted my ass. Some came slowly, others in rapid succession. "567, 8 9 10!" i called out loudly, with the last two numbers being shouted out as loud as the spanks were hard! "Spread your cheeks open again, pet." Immediately, i reached back and pulled my ass open, gasping at the heat and soreness from Your attentions. You grasped the base of the rosebud and slowly pulled it from my ass. Then, You pulled the extra large rosebud out of Your pocket. "It's time, little one. I'm going to insert this jewel for the first time into your ass. Then, we were going to drive the 45 minutes home, with you seated on the plug. Feeling it filling and spreading your ass -- getting your ass ready for My cock to fill it." You told me. i knew if You were to slip the very large plug inside my cunt there would be enough lube to prep it for my ass .. and even if You didn't, i was so so so anxious to have You put it inside of me i didn't care. i was consumed with the need, the deeply humiliating need to have myself exposed in just this way... spreading my ass cheeks widely to open my self to Your eyes, to Your hands, to Your use ... and to feel You press that large, heavy rosebud into my ass. To feel You push it pass my body's natural resistance and force my ass to submit to that invasion....but i just couldn't verbally phrase that. i felt Your hand rubbing my clit...i began to beg You to please please please put the plug into my waiting empty longing ass. You slid it into my cunt, fucking me with it - coating it and toying with Your slut. i heard the click of the lubricant opening, but i knew better than to turn and look. Then i felt the press of the cool, lubed tip against my ass. i told my self to relax to allow it entrance, but tense in my excitement, plus remembering the burn of the muscles of my anus from other invasions, it was hard to do so. You swatted my ass .. "breath!" .... then You began playing with my clit - it was so sensitive that i rocked my cunt back into Your hand and You pressed the rosebud forward and it slid further in. Then i felt You pressing and i pushed back and feeling my ass spreading and stretching around it - very, very grateful of Your thoughtfulness in lubing it... i heard more than felt myself crying out and then i was filled by it. i rested there, against the top of the seat, panting ... my ass adjusting. Then, suddenly, i felt You gently kiss my back, just above my ass, then further up my spine. "Now, girl, slip back into your dress, but don't button it. Get back in the front seat for the trip home....." Dinner Ch. 02 "Ok Cathy, what do you need me to do? What's broken?" It's been nearly two years since she lost her right breast to cancer. That loss along with the chemo, the radiation and the reconstructive surgery took 18 months of our lives. I moved out about 6 months ago. It was a mutual decision. I supported her in our cancer fight. Yes, it was our cancer fight. She and I worked together, supported one another for that time. The diagnosis, the choices... it was rough on the entire family. We pulled together, but we really weren't together. Cathy was religiously going to a social worker therapist for her own needs, and supplemented that with group therapy for her cancer. I stayed in the rear bedroom while living at home. Living with her, but sleeping apart, not being physically intimate with her gave me some distance. It's funny, her anger and rage was still there, but I could tell that the fight against the cancer was tempering it. Don't ever let anyone think that looking into the abyss of death doesn't change you. It changes the hell outof you. The people who minimize it are either blocking, or haven't experienced it with a loved one. It's a game changer. For me, all my wounds were still there and would occasionally be ripped open. But there was a difference now. She was changing, and so was I. The problem was that after the end of treatments and surgeries, we both needed a break from each other. We both needed to heal differently. She had her history of dealing with people, her festering internal infected sores. I had my years of resentments and my own unresolved issues. We were a great pair. We should be on the cover of Psychology Today as an example of what not to do. I was living in a small apartment close to my latest job site, about 90 minutes away from home. I would show up at home to fix things or pick things up every couple of weeks. We both made sure the other was not there. Don't get me wrong, we occasionally called each other. Texting and emails were more the norm at least twice a week. But nothing indepth, no emotions, just a checking in that the other is still alive. Nothing negative either. There was a night I took her to the ER when she slipped and cut herself with a knife at 10 PM one weekday night. I got her back to the house by 2:30 AM, then went back to my apartment. It was a mutual decision to live apart for a while. I needed time to deal with the awful 10 years of marriage. She needed time to explore more of her life. Apart gave us that time. Then last night, I got a text to call her the next evening when I had time. "I know that it's been a while Dan, but could I cook dinner for you? I'd like to sit down and speak with you if you are up for it." For so many years she was demanding. Anytime she now asks me nicely with respect and then waits for an answer that is not pre-ordained, it kind of freaks me out. I am not unbelieving it, if unbelieving is a word. I am just not used to it at all. Live your life in defense mode for years, it's hard to live another way. I've been working on this in my own sessions. "I have a very small window of what a good night be. I work late from Monday to Friday, so Saturday would be the best for me unless you would like to do Sunday lunch." Then I chuckled, "I need to get to bed early on Sunday for my beauty sleep." We both chuckled. I've had more than enough close and not so close calls that my face acquired a couple more scars from the direct hits. Plumbing is sometimes a risky business. "I get up at 4:30 for a 10-12 hour day while this job is still behind. "Ok Dan, Saturday it is. You sound as if eating at 5 PM would be a good time for you?" "See you at 5 then. I know that you are still off of alcohol, so we'll both be dry." I heard a pleasant thank you. Then we exchanged a little bit of small talk about the kids and hung up. It was Tuesday evening and it was going to be a long week. Saturday rolled around and I spent the morning doing laundry, cleaning and grocery shopping. I may be doing a bit of overtime, but this job was going to go away in a month. I got another one lined up, but in the trades, nothing is forever. Just the trades? I walked in without ringing the doorbell and could immediately smell the soup. We used to eat chicken soup with store bought tortellini. 'Little crowns' she called them. I remember her telling me that as a kid she had to make them by hand. Roll out the pasta then roll and wrap each one individually into a crown. Ravioli could be quickly made. Setup the pasta and filling and then stamp and cut them out. Done. These took a lot more time. Now the tortellini are machine made. They don't taste the same, but otherwise we'd only have them once a year, if that. Fresh pasta always tastes better. I hadn't see Cathy for about three months, and she was looking good. Cathy lost over 40 pounds during her illness. That was about 15 more than she needed. She had gained 10 back and it was a healthy 10 lbs. The nice part was the look of health on her face. Some worry still remained. We both learned that there is no cure for cancer, there is only remission. It will continue to haunt her, and me, for the rest of our lives. "Dan?" as she held a tablespoon of a red sauce out for me to taste, "What do you think?" This is a fine hello. For Cathy it actually is - kitchen, food, Italian. What don't you understand? When you had real difficulty talking about emotions for your partner or family member, good food made with care was a way to say it. I've begun to understand this additional 'language' in the past several months. Sure beats yelling and screaming and being hurt about it. I took the spoon from her hand and she quickly backed away from me. She had a pensive look on her face and I think that it was just not about the red sauce. Tasting it I smiled and she immediately relaxed a little bit. I have to be less stoic, and this is where it has to happen. "This is wonderful, thank you." Looking around, I saw that the table in the kitchen was not set yet. "If there is something I could do in here, I'll gladly help. But the table isn't set yet, so?" Cathy smiled at me, a sweet sad smile. "I do have things that you could do in here, but the table is set. It's set in the dining room. Can you grate some cheese for me by the sink?" I grabbed the cheese in the fridge, got a plate and the grater. Grating it in the sink allowed any mess to be rinsed away, nothing to wipe up. She was clean and orderly, if not a little bit OCD. "The chicken in the oven is almost done. Why don't you get the salad, grated romano, basket of fresh bread, and the water and have a seat in the dining room. I've got the rest covered." The dining room was set with the good dishes. We never used the good dishes. What the hell are we saving them for? Maybe one of the kids would like them, maybe not. They have their own style. There was a bottle of wine open and she had half a small glass for herself and a full larger glass for me. She was supposed to be off of alcohol. Her type of cancer had issues with alcohol consumption. But some things in life just can't be absolute. She came in with the soup and ladled it into the waiting bowls. "The chicken and vegies are warming in the oven. They should be ready when we finish the soup," and she sat down. Only the dinner was between us now, no activities, no phone calls. It was just us. I knew what I felt, and I could guess what she did too. I wonder if we are on the same page. We were close together for those 18 months of the cancer. I wonder if we are now? She picked up her glass of wine for a toast. "Here's for you being here tonight. Thank you for coming." As she clinked my glass, I added, "and for you preparing this wonderful meal." She smiled, then my hand touched hers. It was the first time we touched in several months. She jumped slightly, and then smiled again. The first spoonful of a tortellini in the soup stopped me cold. The flavor, the texture... "Cathy, you made the tortellini fresh? This really is a special dinner." "Well Dan, there were only two of us and I had some time on my hands. I haven't done it in years." She paused, "Thank you for noticing." We spent the dinner talking about the kids, her medical tests, my current job site and the next one. Anything else, everything else but us. We had difficult things to talk about, but easing into it with a good meal would make bad news easier to take. It would also make good news easier to take. We finished the meal with some decaf espresso and biscotti, cheese and fruit, and an elephant in the room. When I stood up to clear the table, she asked that I leave it till later and invited me into the living room. We chose the chairs that were next to one another. The hard work was going to start now. "I asked you to come to dinner today to talk about us. Two years ago you were walking out the door. Only then did I tell you about my mammogram. That was after treating you and everybody else like shit for two months, treating you all worse than normal. "You stayed, moved to the back bedroom, but you supported me. You also made me go to counseling." She looked at my eyes, "Thank you for all of that. You honestly saved my life." Her eyes said it, said it all. They are the mirror to the soul. She was honestly grateful. Of all the big sacrifices I made over the years, this was only one of the top two. The other one was when I was leaving two years ago and the kids acknowledged what I had sacrificed for them. Shit like this I've needed my entire life. Better late than never. "Our life together for at least the 10 years before that day was pretty bad." That's when she stared into my eyes. She needed to read me right away. "I was pretty bad. No, make that very bad. I've been looking at it on and off for the past 18 months and more so the past 6 months. On that day, you said that you'd go into marriage counseling if asked and it was recommended." Now there was a look of fear and pain on her face. "Would you go now?" Without waiting for an answer, she began again. She was attempting to squeeze in more to convince me, even before she heard my answer. "I'm not perfect, but I've made tons of progress. I've been able to apologize to all of our children. They've honestly accepted my contrition. I've been acting differently with them all. It's not a flash in the pan. Honestly, it's been difficult for me, but I've been making amends whenever where ever I can." The fear in her eyes kept growing, her hands started to tremble slightly. She never showed fear in all her years. Her anger covered it up. Starting two years ago, that all changed. This was not a flash in the pan. When she cut herself with the knife, she said it was an accident. I was afraid that it may have been on purpose and called our youngest to 'check it out' with her mother on the phone while I drove home to get Cathy. I was relieved that it really was an accident, not a self-inflicted wound. Cathy looked at me in my eyes again, awaiting my answer. I carried years of resentments on my shoulders, worked on that and other rotten parts of this marriage on and off for two and a half years. I've only gotten so far. We both had 6 months of minimal emotional interaction to help us get our emotional 'sea legs' after what we both have been through. Was it enough? Is it too early? Do I even want to invest any more energy in this high maintenance woman? She will still be the mother of our children no matter what I do. Do I have the energy for this? I looked into the wall, past her. I could feel the fear from her. I could feel the fear from me. It would be so much easier to start over again. I've got a chance now. I could run and it could be all over. All the kids are away at college, or starting a new life somewhere else in the states. The North Dakota oil fields are hurting for people who can work with pipe. Two of my buddies are there now, waiting for a yes from me. I looked back at Cathy, and reached for her hand. She's now totally frightened, until I smiled and griped her hand warmly while I nodded yes. Her eyes had been pregnant with tears, now had the tears cascading out of them, washing away her eye makeup. "I still don't know if this is going to work out Cathy." She nodded with a sadness two me. "I have years of resentments to work out with you. We've both been working on ourselves, on our own issues. But we're both willing to try with each other." I reached over and hugged and kissed her. Dinner Ch. 03 I was picking up the balsamic vinegar to splash on the salad for the finishing touch when Cathy started talking to me. "The kids will be here tomorrow for Thanksgiving." She paused and looked toward me, directly into my eyes. I saw a question in her face although her words were a statement of fact. We've been living back together in our home for the past 4 months. My previous remote plumbing job assignment had been extended for another couple of months. We were seeing a marriage therapist weekly during that time. It felt right to move back in together when that job was over, but I remained in the back bedroom. Living back together without the ax of her cancer swinging at our heads allowed our lives to be more 'normal'. We got to see if indeed we'd be able to live together in a healthy way - for both of us. It hasn't always gone smoothly. Our weekly marriage therapy sessions really helped us at our attempt for a new life together. Cathy had a whole lot of issues that came out and we worked on them. But the issues weren't always about her. I was finding that I had so many buttons, some pretty dumb, that were being pushed that she had no clue about. No one would have a logical clue about some of those buttons, sometimes not even me. Now she does. Now I do. Some of my buttons are still show stoppers, others became minor. Some of them I learned to live with because their meaning to me changed. I'm in my mid 50's and my emotional growth has sky-rocketed. I'm finding out that growing never stops, or doesn't have to. Or shouldn't. I have my voice back now. I feel that I am being listened to. This was non-negotiable and it made all the difference in the world for our marriage. My voice isn't yelling and screaming. It isn't ultra-controlled, only letting out the minimum in a clenched jaw to get my point across. It has been moving toward a non-censored flow of who I am, what I feel, what I think. It's been a long time. This problem pre-dated Cathy and it got worse with her. I had a part of why this marriage was shit for quite a while. I didn't have biggest part, but enough. Takes two to make a marriage, only one to destroy it, and two can damage it. But it takes two to repair it, two people working together to repair it. The more I found out that I wasn't perfect and that she was honestly trying, the easier it was for me to work with Cathy. To be able to forgive her, and to forgive me for the choices I made too. Never thought that I did anything big wrong, then I found out I was a part of the problem too. On Cathy's side, it was rough. Being with her all these years, I could see the stress, the strains, the sheer effort she was putting in to try to make our marriage counseling work. She dealt with many of her issues in life. But it was her grim determination carried her. Before this, she demanded her own way. Now she used that drive to try to be healthy, with me, for me, for her, for us, for our family. What a difference. We still had plenty of blow-ups these past several months. Plenty of reverting to how things were before. But we both learned some things. I learned to walk away for some period of time. She learned that too when she was escalating out of control. The difference? We both learned to seek out the other later, when we had a handle on ourselves, when our partner had it under control too. Is this how normal people do this? Fight fair? Respect boundaries? Give space? Talk about it later? Reconnect? Progress. And our healthy handling of it keeps happening more and more. It's called building on success. I remember what she asked me in one of our marriage sessions, "Can you accept me with my faults?" Just to have ever heard these words from her mouth... This was a turning point for both of us. I had to give up on some things I had been 'demanding'. She was never going to be perfect. It had been so terrible over the years that I was now 'demanding' perfection from her. I didn't know that. I was never going to get it from her. She was never going to get it from me. But she was giving me approachability, honesty, openness and honest-to-god caring. Sometimes it didn't happen immediately when it was needed, but soon afterward. We were working on comfortable, 'good enough for each other', be supportive of one another. It was working, we both were getting what we needed. We did not get all that we wanted, but life together had become good. Who would have thunk it? Over 2 years ago I never would have felt this way. Now Cathy's looking at me with a question, the question we've skirted for the past several weeks when we found out everybody was going to be home for Thanksgiving. There aren't enough bedrooms for everybody if I was in the spare bedroom. Especially now that there will be two significant others arriving. John is bringing Brianna and Mary is bringing Brian. I think that there may be a couple of weddings in the future. "Dan?" I looked at her and could hear the bigger question. "We're out of extra bedrooms with all the kids home." I nodded yes. "What do you think?" She swallowed. "Are we ready yet to be in the same bedroom again?" I'm sure my face showed my concern. I've been working hard on being less stoic, being more real, being more open, being more present. I have to stop living in my head. Home is safe now, it's safe now in this marriage. She had just finished setting the table as we both sat down. "Dan, let's see how far we have come, OK?" I nodded as I reached for a glass of wine. This from a woman that would immediately jump into anything, sometimes without thinking, and direct its outcome. Cathy would always take over with a passion, but now I was starting to be less shocked when she was reflective. "We've learned how to fight correctly, right?" I nodded yes. "I've learned to hold my anger about 50% of the time, right?" I started to shake my head no, violently no. "You're wrong Cathy. You're dead wrong." Her face deflated while I continued. "Nothing less than 75% of the time. I will not take any number less than 75. I'll even give you 80 without a fight, a little bit of discussion for 85, but nothing less than 75%." She lightly punched my arm in mock anger while smiling from ear to ear. When I speak I always speak the truth now, or I say nothing right away. She heard me clearly, I wasn't going to let her minimize how far she had come. She felt my warmth, my honesty, my connectedness in my answer. "Cathy, I think that there are two questions here. Do I return to our bedroom and do we ..." "Make love again Dan?" This was a big one for me. I didn't want sex, I wanted an equal partner in bed. A partner that would make love with me. I was done with masturbating in her vagina after I had satisfied her. I've always made sure that she was satisfied. In past years, she didn't do the same for me. I would no longer feel empty after this kind of sex. That was done and over years ago. If love making happens with some regularity, then we could flow into hot and heavy sex. My emotions, my soul needed to be satisfied first. I won't live empty again. "You know Cathy, we may not have been physically intimate, but we've been emotionally intimate. In fact, our marriage on that front has never been better, has it?" She nodded yes while I continued. "Yet, we're still not perfect are we?" She nodded no. "But Dan, we're on our way, aren't we?" Those eyes, those eyes say so much more than is able to easily come out of her mouth. At this I smiled and reached for her hand as I pushed aside the food and wine. I saw that she was worried, really worried. Softly holding her hand in mine, I looked at her with questioning eyes. Her face became tighter with worry. I gripped her hand tighter and nodded to her. "What else is there Cathy? What is going on?" "Y..y..you were there at my exams, my surgeries, my recovery." She exhaled and closed her eyes, "My reconstruction." This was it, her breast reconstruction. The shock of losing something that is a major physical and psychological part of you, then getting it rebuilt. It can't be more personal than that. Her eyes again, they were now becoming red and wet while she forced herself to continue. It was so hard to deal with her when she turned all that 'determination' on to me and the kids. Now, she's using that determination to be emotionally healthy. "I..I..I..I..." and she coughed, "I'm not a whole..." She wiped tears from her eyes. "Cathy, that's the biggest load of billshit I've heard from you in quite a while." She jerked from her thoughts. I shocked her into silence. Still in my soft voice I continued. "I understand that your body is you. We've talked about it, we've talked about it in your cancer support groups. But we are more that our bodies. You were half a woman before your cancer, you became a whole woman going through it. You became a whole mother, a whole wife." I got out of my chair and knelt next to hers, holding her in my arms. "We've re-chosen each other. That is what is most beautiful about us. We've done it freely, we've worked our asses off, we've gone through hell. That's the woman I love. That woman who put herself on the line. Our bodies are only a part of us." She hugged me with all her might and sobbed on my shoulder. I hugged back and held my love, my imperfect love. "Cathy, we haven't had great bodies, not for the last decade at two at least.' I stroked her cheek, "From the rumors I hear, it's only going to get worse." She tenderly punched my chest on that one. I heard a slight chuckle. A slight chuckle was success in my book. "It's the love in my arms that's most important. Besides, even you showed off the surgeon's handiwork to me during the healing." She responded with a slight smile. I remember her face when the bandages were off and the swelling had gone down. She had a good balanced pair now. They weren't that way before. She only had a partial reconstruction. She had a scar on her belly where they got some of the 'spare parts' for her. I leaned over and kissed her, stroking her hair, her face. Then I stood up and pulled her up with me. I started to lead her away from the table. She stopped me and she said "Dinner'll get cold." I pulled her toward the bedroom again as I said "Dinner will get cold, but something else is going to be warm." We entered the bedroom. I turned around and held her in my arms and kissed her. "I'm going to make love to you right now. We will take our time and enjoy each other. We have all evening." I looked into her eyes. There was hope and fear and passion and pain. It had been a very long time since we made real love. We've worked hard to successfully rekindle it after it had died on the vine. "Then after we make love, we'll decide if we want to fuck our brains out before dinner," and she smiled, "or afterward." At that she grinned. I started to unbutton her blouse and reached behind her to unclip her bra. She immediately froze and I realized that I was going at my speed, not hers. "I'm sorry Cathy, I didn't mean to..." "No Dan, that's all right. I want to be here, I want to make love with you. It's been years since we made love, or even had sex." She paused and looked at me with a smile and a question on her face. "Can I take charge? Can I take the lead?" I nodded yes and relaxed inside. "Dan, you can be in charge of fucking our brains out after." and a wonderful mischievous smile reappeared. She said "Please sit down on the bed" as she backed me up to it. As I plopped down, her hands began to unbutton then open my shirt. She pulled it off my shoulders then pulled my t-shirt over my head, taking care to re-mess my hair and then caress and kiss my face. Her face was a combination of hope, fear and love. We were in new territory, kinda. I hope we both find the way. Cathy then knelt at my feet and took off my shoes and socks. Then she unbuckled my belt and unbuttoned and unzipped my pants. She fully kissed me, then backed away. Holding her eyes to mine, Cathy kicked off her shoes, tossing them to the side. She unzipped her skirt and let it fall quickly off her hips while she held my eyes with hers. She kicked the skirt to the other side when she started to slowly pull her slip down over her ass. With a little bit of swaying back and forth, it dropped to the floor where she kicked it to the other side of the room. She was being messy today, not her expected clean and orderly self. I knew she was showing me the different Cathy. I marveled at her effort when the blouse quickly slid to the floor. She was clad in boy shorts and a black bra that supported her breasts. I could smell the perfume. With a worried face, I then knew that now it was going to be the moment of truth for her. She reached behind her, unfastening her bra. With her eyes on mine, she tossed it to the side, showing me her breasts, the healthy and the reconstructed one. All I could do was smile at her. I knew how hard this was, and how hard she was pushing herself now. Then she held a breast in each hand and approached me. She held them up for me to see, she presented them to me while she twirled around. This was for my inspection, for my touch, for my approval. This was her trial for both of our acceptances. She was shaking slightly with more than a hint of worry on her face. "These are beautiful Cathy" as I reached up and held each one. Some of her nervousness decreased, but the worry in her eyes was still there. I felt each one, the differences were there, but to be honest with you, I really didn't care. Cathy was here, we were together again, we were able to finally love each other again after so much pain. We were alive. Everything else was gravy. Leaning in, I breathed in her scent and began by softly caressing each one. Her nervousness continued until my mouth started kissing and licking and then sucking each one. At the first touch of my hand, she jumped. Then slowly she began to relax. By the time my mouth has sampled them both, her tenseness decreased. Finally, when she started to stroke my hair, I heard the first soft moan out of her. That feedback was so welcome to me. I broke my mouth away from them and she looked down at me. I tenderly stroked both of them and chuckled. With a question in her eyes, I replied, "They taste the same." That got a laugh out of her while my mouth returned to lick and suck one then the other. I reached around her and pulled her by her ass toward me. I could begin to feel her mold and squirm her body into mine. I slipped my fingers into the elastic of her panties and grabbed both cheeks. I was kneading them, caressing them. I continued to pull her body into me as I pulled her panties down, caressing her ass along the way. Now she was naked. She was standing in front of me, with my arms around her and her tits in my mouth. Her mouth then found mine and we kissed. We have held each other since that day I was going to leave. Months later we'd kissed goodnight, kissed 'I'm sorry', even recently kissed 'I love you' in these past several weeks. This was a kiss of 'I love you, you are my partner and I want you'. She stood me up and wrapped her arms around me. No rushing, no hesitating. That's when I felt her hands slide into my waistband travellng down my back onto my ass. I felt her slowly slide my pants and underwear down. Her hands followed my pants down and her mouth left mine. She was tracing kisses down my chest while her hands pulled my pants over my cock. This is when I became worried. On her knees in front of me, her mouth kissed my 'little head' while her hands stroked me. "Cathy, it's been a long time and ..." She licked and stroked me for a couple of seconds before she stopped. Looking up to me, she said, "I know. I want to do this now, then when you recover, I want you inside of me and slowly make love to me." She was nodding yes, then I smiled. Then she motioned me to the bed and lay on her back. I pulled my pants from my knees as she lay on the bed. On her back, she held both of her tits together when she said, "I want you to come between my tits. We've done this years ago, and I want it to be the way we start now." Only when we were young would I come on her. As time quickly went on, it became messy and that went to the wayside. Now I see that she wants to prove something to herself and me. I straddled her hips while she reached over to caress my cock. Inching forward, she leaned her head forward and took a sloppy wet suck of my cock. Using that moisture to stroke me, she did it again, then a third time and a forth. Then she reclined on her back, pushing her tits together. My cock was lubed enough to tit fuck her. Cathy was always a bit busty, and sliding my cock between her tits and occasionally into her mouth was good for us. I wanted to please my love, she wanted to be whole again. We were on her side of the bed. She was going to be sleeping on the wet spot and I was past caring. A little bit of just deserts flashed into my head. Am I that petty? As I slowly pumped my cock between her tits, I saw that she closed her eyes. She was smiling, she was feeling her husband's cock on her as she squeezed her tits together. She was smiling and began to breathe harder and harder. I could see the worry and fear leave her face and the look of excitement replaced it. I guess that it's been a long for her too. I reached behind me and slipped a finger onto her slit. She jumped and smiled at me without opening her eyes. I could feel her wetness. I started to rub her clit and she immediately began moaning. I kept pumping between her tits and frigging her slit as she moaned louder. We both exploded within seconds of each other. As we thrashed, my cum splattered over her neck and chin, on her tits and a little bit in her hair and on the bed. I collapsed onto my elbows over her. But then she pulled me onto her. My cum was the glue. We hugged and kissed, tasting a bit of me from her. We lay there in each others arms, holding one another, appreciating the afterglow. This was making love again. She started to cry, then I became teary eyed. So much pain, so much hurt. We've come so far. We've become solid again. What a difficult journey. I caressed her back, and she my arms and shoulders, but I have no idea for how long. It didn't matter. We had waited until we got enough things right between us, enough things right between is to go forward together. "Thank you Dan, thank you for this start." She caressed my cheek. "I wanted to ..." and she broke off and became silent. "They still work on this side Cathy, and it looked like they worked on your side?" She smiled as she nodded yes. "The new one is a bit less sensitive, but yea, it still works." I hugged her and stole a kiss from her. She followed by rolling me on my back, molding her body against mine. "I am whole, aren't I?" "Yes Cathy, you and I are whole again." We lay there and nodded off. It could have been a few minutes, or hours. We woke up in each others arms, when I had to go to the bathroom. Now that's really romantic. But we had already begun to chill and when I returned, she was under the covers, awaiting her turn for the bathroom. After she left the bed, I turned on the space heater and removed the chill from the room. It was warm by the time she returned. Getting on the bed at the foot board, she climbed over my legs till she straddled me. Then she pulled back slightly, positioning her pussy above my cock, slightly grinding into me. There was no sorrow left on her face, her love for me came flooding out. I started to stiffen when she started rocking back and forth. Gently, she used her pussy to stroke my cock to full attention while her mouth licked and kissed my face and neck. A tongue into my ear was followed my her hand guiding my hard cock into her. She closed her eyes then fully mounted me and sat upright, motionless. We were both savoring the feeling. Dinner Ch. 03 We took the next 20 minutes to come to a slow and deep climax together. It wasn't flash and sexual heights. It was a reuniting, it was us again, together. It was the mountaintop after our climb back. Cathy fell on top of me and I held her. In a few minutes, I pulled the covers over us and we went into a peaceful sleep, spooning like we were newlyweds. And we were.