6 comments/ 15806 views/ 3 favorites Crawl By: Quickening *Note from writer: This first/second person story began as a series of texts over the phone to my partner who was on graveyard shift at work, and bored shitless. Regretfully after the story was finished, it was still a couple of hours before he could return home. Longest two hours of our life! * I'm sitting on the laundry steps waiting for you to finish smoking. It is late at night, yet all around me is a crisp twilight, instead of the usual chilly pitch black I was expecting. I notice the moon is full and glowing brightly. It is enough to illuminate your face. I can see you crouching on the concrete strip along the back fence looking at me. Nervous excitement begins to tingle at my insides as I feel the weight of you watching me. I can tell you are undressing me with your eyes, and planning dirty but delicious things to do to me. It is just that kind of heavy look, filled with hungry intentions and creative plans. Suddenly I find myself remembering the night before. Watching you draw back from me and standing up. I see again in my mind's eye your nakedness, your cock hanging heavily between your legs, still long but spent for the time being. Again, I feel the same desire to crawl to you to draw your heavy cock back in my mouth to suck on. I meet your eyes across the yard with a similar look of my own and am met with a grin of knowing. I try to not look guilty and laugh uncomfortably. Busted. There is just no escaping you, not when you know me so well. You jerk your head indicating I should come over to you, but when I get up, I am met with a shake of your head. "No." "W..." I open my mouth to start to ask, and am interrupted. "Crawl." The look on your face intensifies. I feel shock. How did you know what was going through my head? It was something I had not spoken out loud to you before. Then I realize you are serious. I feel nervous worry and glance over at the neighbor's yard. Surely not! Our back fence was just a chain link and the guy next door often smoked pot on his back lawn at odd hours. When I glance back at you again, I know I am a goner and a fleeting cross feeling passes over me. A part of me still doesn't like that I want to subjugate myself like that, not to anyone, not even you. Oh but I do... to you. Oh yes, definitely to you! I crave that intensity and closeness, something I've never had before with anyone. Without meaning to my eyes lower to the ground as I struggle with myself. I want to do it, I argue soundlessly. But I don't want to be submissive to you. I'm not that person. Damn it! "No!" I say with a burst of defiance, meeting your eyes with a challenge. You have been waiting for this, expecting it even. Your gaze is still steady. I know you must be smirking on the inside but there is no sign of it on your expression. I will do what I'm told. You know this, and say it again. "Crawl." I can't help it. I want to please you. Your command unbalances me as I am pressed into that emotional area of doubt, instability and awkwardness. Yet it also excites me, a double bind. To escape this discomfort, I protest. "The grounds dirty!" I exclaim. I realize I sound nervous. A slight pause and then a more confident "I'm not doing that!" bursts out of me. I glare at you and cross my arms. It is then I see your patient smile. "I know." Again, you jerk your head and your eyes flick to the ground in front of you, then back to me. You wait while I wonder at your comment. It could be a simple response to my protest but somehow it feels like more than that. I drop my gaze, unable to meet your eyes. I can feel you inside my head, inside me, in places where nobody should ever be. I get on my hands and knees. With my head low, I start crawling towards you. After I've only gone a short way, I steal a peek at you. "Stop." You command of me. "Take off your clothes." I glance around uncomfortably, but you insist again before I can protest. "Do it." A pause... and then you growl at me. "Now." I know I can't stand up. You didn't say I could. I lean back on my heels and pull off my shirt. I try to not blush when I unhook and remove my bra. I feel really awkward. The neighbor better be in bed asleep. I reach behind my back and hesitate at the knot of my wraparound skirt. I have no undies on. I look at you and your eyes drift down my body to my skirt. It occurs to me to take some power back by teasing. I spread my knees apart and am rewarded with pleasure on your face. I know you like this position. It stirs your emotions so obviously. A slow smile of satisfaction appears on my face. I undo the knot and the skirt falls to the ground as I open it. I rest my hands on my thighs, palms open upwards, and avoid your stare. The night air feels cool on my bare skin. I am so very naked and exposed in the bright moonlight. I shift uncomfortably, my glee fading. Shivers of embarrassment race up my spine to my neck. I hate feeling like property, at the same time I love it so very much because I like being yours. Indeed, my little power play made it easy to adopt this position, but it was harder already. Some control may have shifted to me with my choice to play at submission, but in kneeling there the facade became real. My head hangs for what seems an eternity of feeling you assess me. I can't take it anymore and look up at you for my next instruction. It comes after a nod of approval. "Crawl." Your eyes strip me even more naked than I thought I could possibly feel. I start to move but am stopped with another instruction. "Wait... Don't look away from me again 'kay? Crawl slowly. I want to see your hips move." I place my hands on the ground and pause there a moment looking into your eyes trying to resist the urge to lower them. You get impatient and jerk your head again. I move a hand and knee forward slowly. I feel my hips begin their natural sway. Your eyes drift from my face to enjoy watching my ass move. I want to hide. But instead I do as I'm told. I crawl to you. When I get there, you stroke my hair towards my back, your fingers curling and tightening at the back of my neck momentarily before scraping down my spine. Your hand reaches my butt and squeezes it tight. I'm made to get over your knees and I do so eagerly knowing what is coming. It doesn't come. Instead of the stinging slap across my ass cheeks, I feel light fingers teasing up the insides of my thighs. You tease me mercilessly, brushing against my cunt lips, wriggling your way just past them to stroke on my clit for a second before withdrawing. I feel nothing for long minutes, and then as my body relaxes, your fingers creep back. Wetness spreads to my thighs. I am intensely aware of my ass wanting to be spanked. I can actually feel the anticipation in my skin. I start whimpering and struggling but your other hand pushes my back firmly down and the teasing continues. To my embarrassment I start begging. "Please," I groan, not quite sure what I am asking for. It becomes a kind of litany, saying please over and over again, not even realizing I am begging anymore. The torment continues for what seems like ages and is broken abruptly by a sharp stinging across my butt. My mind is still trying to register this when the second one falls. The stinging intensifies and I suck in a breath sharply. There is a pause during which all the sensations begin to register and I moan. More irregular slaps fall as you increase their force to the point where I am breathing faster and wriggling, trying to absorb the pain. The spanking levels off at this intensity and settles into a regular rhythm. During the pauses between each blow, my frantic mind struggles to take it all in. I think I can't bear it any more. I breathe. Each following sting scatters my thoughts. Your other arm is resting heavy across my upper back, keeping me down. I struggle, but not much. All my energy is going into trying to breathe deeply. The stinging becomes a hot burn and I can't think. I give in to sensation. My whole body falls still. I am dimly aware I am not making noise anymore. I can feel my heart beating against the outside of your thigh. I can feel the heat of my heavy breathing. I can feel my ass tingling as the pain becomes something else deep inside me. The spanking becomes harder but it is nothing. I can take it. I am not really here. I am somewhere else spaceless, soundless, awash with sensation. It feels nice, but nice isn't the right word. I drift there until a particularly hard slap shocks me back. I get no respite after that point as both the speed and intensity pick up, bringing me back to the present. I wriggle and try to escape it. I feel half choked sobs on my breath as I try to get my breath back. Finally it stops. Roughly both of your hands grasp my butt and spread my cheeks open. Another part I both love and hate. I know it is coming, yet I still jump. Your finger flicks me hard a few times on my anus. It hurts. It surprises. The sensation displaces and I feel it in other areas, not just there. Then your fingers reach down to my cunt lips and grab them hard. You pull me open for full scrutiny. Cool air washes over me intimately and suddenly I am mortified. My noises of pleasure deepen with a tinge of horrified embarrassment to them. I try to close my legs and move away but am prevented from doing so. I know you have noticed the change in my noises when I feel myself spread even wider. I feel you bend over me for a closer look. My face heats up as I give up struggling and become passive. For some reason I start to get aroused right alongside my shame. My legs shift as I try to open them wider for you and my butt pushes out begging you to end the emotional torment. I feel your fingers explore inside of me and I am wriggling again wanting to come. You start spanking me again altering it with light clit rubbing and rough fingers jabbing inside of me. I start to cum and you hit me harder. The intensity is wonderful, and again, my sounds change, this time to uncontrollable relief and pleasure. Eventually all the physical feelings subside, leaving me high and spaced out. My body is limp over your lap in contrast to your hardness jutting up at my belly. Suddenly the emotions hit me hard. I don't know whether to laugh or cry or feel deeply ashamed or pleasured or upset or sated. I can't grab any particular feeling and I don't know how I feel. But you are there, your warm body next to mine and your eyes on me, loving me. I crawl up into your arms and surrender to you completely. Crawl Many thanks to HMAuthor for all the hard work in editing and improving this story from a previous version. ***** "Are you calling me an alcoholic?" asked Jess. "Are you even listening to me?" Charlene asked back. "I'm calling you an immature, clueless jerk who refuses to grow up. Yes, I know you never drink on workdays. But when I'm not with you and nagging you constantly, you just don't know when to stop. What's wrong with you?" "I'm working on it," said Jess. "You need to give me some space." "Just the opposite," said Charlene. "I need to get in your face. It's just pure luck that you haven't been caught DUI yet or killed somebody when you drive home. Lately, you've been so far gone that you can't even be quiet when you come home. Last night, you barely made it to bed before you passed out. It's disgusting trying to sleep next to a stinking distillery." "I'm sorry, Charlene," he said. "But I promise you that I'm going to stop." "Your promises are worth the paper they're not written on," she said. "Have you even made an appointment with a therapist yet?" "No, not yet," he said. "What are you waiting for?" she asked. "I think I can work through this myself," he said. "I don't need a shrink." "Well, I'm getting tired of waiting for you, Jess," she said. "I guess it's my fault. You were doing this in college, but I thought you'd grow out of it. As much as I love you, I'm not going to marry you as long as you keep binging, and I'm not going to wait much longer. If you do this one more time, I think I might be ready to move out." "Wait a minute, Charlene," he said. "How is that going to help anything?" "I would feel bad about not being able to help you," she said. "And I'll feel guilty when I read about your being arrested for drunk driving or imprisoned for manslaughter. But if I continue to do nothing, I'm going to feel even more guilty. I wish I knew a magic pill that would cure you, but even if I did, you probably wouldn't take it." "Yes I would," he said. "That's what you say now," she said. "What if I could find a pill like that and put it on the table in front of us next week and you refused to swallow it? Would you give me permission to force it down your throat?" "I don't get it," he said. "I'm a lot stronger than you are. You can't make me do anything." "But what if you were drunk?" she asked. "If you were drunk, you'd be helpless. I could force you to swallow that pill." "What are we talking about?" he asked. "We're talking about my question, which you didn't answer," she said. "If you didn't want to take the medicine that would cure your binge drinking, would you give me permission to force you to take it? Yes or no?" "What difference does it make?" he said. "There is no medicine." "Yes or no?" she said. "I want an answer. You know what I'm thinking right now. I'm thinking your answer is also going to be the answer to whether our relationship continues. So what is it, yes or no?" "I guess it has to be yes," he said. "That's not an answer," she said. "I want it simple and clear. Wait. Let me take this piece of paper and get a pen. I'm going to write down your two choices, and then I want you to read the one you choose out loud to me." When she had finished writing, he looked at the paper a while and looked up at her. There was a steely, determined look in her eyes, so he decided he better not mess with her. He read his answer: "'Yes, I give you permission to force me to take the medicine that will cure my binge drinking.' There, are you satisfied?" "Not yet," she said. "I want you to cross out the other choice on the paper and sign your name below the choice you just read. Good. Now give me the paper." "You know this isn't legal," he said. "There are no witnesses or anything." "Yes there are," she said, "you and me. We both know you agreed. When you get into your car while you're drunk, you're not legal either. So this piece of paper is enough for me. "If you start going to a therapist or AA meetings or you do anything to stop what you're doing, I don't need this piece of paper. But if you ever come home again like last night, I'm going to put a lot of effort into finding the medicine to cure you. You may not like it, but you're going to take it. If the first medicine doesn't work, I'll keep looking until I either find one that works or drive you away." "I'll never leave you, Charlene," he said. The conversation convinced Jess he had better do something. But as much as he hated to talk about his problem to Charlene, he hated to talk to anyone else even more. So he decided to solve it by himself. Charlene asked him about what he was doing a couple times, but after he told her he was handling it, she stopped asking and began encouraging him. As the weeks went by, she complimented him and told him how happy she was. A couple of college buddies happened to have business trips that brought them to town at the same time, and they decided to stay over and get together Saturday night. Neither of them had their wives with them, Jess told Charlene. "Do you need me to go with you?" she asked. "No," he replied. "I'll handle it." But he didn't. He realized later that he shouldn't have let them talk him into going to the hot singles bar so they could ogle the women. The music was loud, and they had to shout at each other and he found himself losing track of how many drinks he had. After a while, he was in his binge zone. He couldn't remember how he got home, but when he got into the house from the garage, his mind somehow focused on one thing: not to wake up Charlene when he went to bed. After bumping into a few things and making noises, he decided it would be safer not to walk. So he got down on the floor and began to crawl. He put all his efforts into crawling slowly up the stairs without making a sound, but he was so intoxicated and tired that he was getting sleepy. As he crawled down the soft, thick carpet in the hallway that led to their bedroom, he was blinking his eyes to stay awake, but it was getting harder and harder. Finally, just outside the open bedroom door, he put his head on the carpet and passed out. That's where he woke up the next morning. He was still wearing his clothes, so he quickly figured out what had happened. He saw the bedroom was empty and the bed was made, so he took a shower, brushed his teeth, put on some clothes and went downstairs. Charlene was in the kitchen. "I made you a sandwich for you to eat while you're watching the football games," she said. "I've got to go out." She didn't say it as if she was never coming back, he thought to himself and wondered what he should say. "I'm sorry," he said finally. "It won't happen again." She looked at him, but he couldn't figure out what she was thinking. Did she believe him? Did he believe himself? Why didn't she say something? Jess was scared. After gazing at him a minute, she said, "I'll be back in time for us to go out for dinner," and then she turned and left. Charlene didn't say anything about that night to him later or in the next few weeks, except for once. It was a remark that came out of the blue, when they were having dinner at an expensive restaurant to celebrate his birthday. He ordered two wines by the glass and no cocktail and was feeling good about himself when she asked him the question. "When you came home drunk a couple of weeks ago, were you crawling on the floor?" she asked. "What?" It took him a few seconds to understand what she was asking. "Uh, yes. I didn't want to wake you up, and I thought it would be quieter for me to crawl to bed. But I guess I never made it. I don't remember much about that night." "Thanks," she said. "You answered my question." She changed the subject, and he was afraid to go back there and tell her again how sorry he was. He hadn't been drunk for a few months and was thinking about where to take Charlene to celebrate when he got blindsided. He and Charlene were at a hockey game in his company's box. He had one martini, and her look told him he wouldn't be drinking another one. She was talking to the two other wives who were there, and he and the husbands, three executive assistants and two of their boyfriends were watching the game and talking office politics. At the start of the second period, the wives announced they were leaving to go to a nearby mall, and if they didn't return, the men should carpool home. "Should I drive?" Charlene asked him, "and you can get a ride home." She looked at him, and he knew why she was asking the question. "No, I'm fine," he said. He felt fine and in no danger. But after the wives left, the other husbands ordered more drinks, and they began getting frisky with the assistants. The boyfriends didn't seem to care because they saw that their girlfriends were getting horny and figured they'd be the beneficiaries later. But the woman who came stag latched onto Jess as her temporary date. She began flirting with him and touching him and continued to drink. She told him a couple of times that it wasn't fair that he wasn't drinking with her. He finally decided to have one more whiskey, and then the walls came down. He didn't remember much afterward, but he remembered entwining with her in the back of the company box while the others were in the window seats. Their hands were all over each other, and he was sure everyone heard her orgasms as he fingered her. She wouldn't be satisfied until her hand job made him come on his pants. It was a good thing the pants were dark. He went down the hall to the john and washed himself off but then had trouble finding the box again. She wanted him to take her home, but he wasn't too drunk to know how dangerous that would be, so he made sure she got a ride with one of the boyfriends, the one who seemed the most sober. Once again, he didn't remember how he got home, but he remembered being scared when he walked in from the garage. And after a few bumps, he again dropped to his hands and knees and began crawling. He tried to concentrate with all his might, but he was so tired and drunk that even the first stair was too much for him. He fell into a heap in front of the staircase and hit his head on one of the stairs. Before he fell asleep, he saw a light go on upstairs, and it scared him. He drifted off into a strange nightmare. Part of it involved his stomach and strange feelings inside of him. At the same time as he was experiencing these uncomfortable feelings, he was outside of his body like a ghost and looking at himself. The person - himself - that he was looking at was in a bathroom - it was their downstairs bathroom - and he was expelling solids and liquids from every opening in his body. If he wasn't throwing up in the sink, he was on the toilet. Everything was streaming out of him. There was someone else there in the dream, but he couldn't see who it was at first. After a couple of rounds of disgusting stuff pouring into the sink and toilet, he saw it was Charlene, and she was naked, and she was dragging a naked body around. She dumped the body into the shower, and then she got into the shower with it and began washing it. As she rolled it over, he saw the face of the body and screamed. The body was him. That's when he woke up. It was light when he woke, still feeling funny inside. At first he wasn't sure if he was awake, because everything seemed strange. He was lying on his stomach, but not on the floor or the carpet. He was on some kind of plastic sheet. He was naked. And all around him were heavy ropes. They weren't tied to him, but he could feel them covering his body. Then he realized why he was feeling funny inside. Something was pushing into his anus. He tried to move away from whatever it was, and that's when he realized he had handcuffs on. He was able to scoot forward away from the thing at his anus, but when he tried to stand up, he couldn't get further than a squat before being stopped by the heavy ropes. They were woven together and kept him from getting free. He saw that the ropes were in a wide pattern, and he could have pulled them apart and gotten out, but the handcuffs prevented him from doing that. He squatted for a while, but then that became tiring, and he dropped to his hands and knees. Then he heard Charlene's voice behind him. "Stay like that, Jess," she said. He couldn't see her when he turned his head, so he tried to turn his whole body around. There wasn't enough room inside the tangled ropes, but he got a glimpse of her by twisting his body. It was enough to see that she was in the rope tunnel right behind him, and she was naked. "What's going on, Charlene?" he asked. "Did you put these handcuffs on me?" "Yes, Jess," she said. "You're busted. Just thank you're lucky stars that I put them on before the police did. I'm not sending you to prison." "OK, Charlene," he said. "I get it. Now let me out of here." "Not just yet," she said. "First say hello to Irene. Look to your left. She's the one kneeling on the floor with the video camera. She's going to be filming your medicine this morning. See this can of Crisco outside the ropes. I was stuffing it into your ass, and she was filming, waiting for you to wake up. I got nearly a third of the can inside you before you finally came to life. She recorded your expressions as you woke up and began to feel what was happening." "I don't understand what you're doing, Charlene," he said. "Let me explain," she said. "When I woke up and saw you passed out in the hallway upstairs a few months ago, I realized that you weren't going to be able to cure your drinking problem by yourself. Even when you held out for months, eventually you always had a relapse. Sooner or later your luck would run out, and you'd be dead in a car crash or in prison for years. That's when I started working on your medicine. "I knew it would happen again, so I worked hard to get this ready, and I finished last week. I didn't think last night would be the night, but I knew that I'd have to give you the medicine eventually. By the way, did you know you had come on your pants?" "I am so ashamed of that, Charlene," he said. "Will you ever forgive me? Are you going to leave me?" "I've already forgiven you, but you better see a doctor this week to check for STDs if you didn't use a rubber," she said. "It wasn't like that," he said. "She just used her hands." "Good," said Charlene. "Anyway, you're forgiven, because cheating is not your problem. Alcohol is. Whatever you did, I know you wouldn't have done it if you hadn't been drunk." "That's right," he said, "and you know what, Charlene, I'm going to call a therapist the first thing tomorrow morning. I see now that you were right. I need help to get through this. My pride is gone. Now let me out of here. I'm willing to do what you say, because I don't want to take a chance on losing you." "That's great," said Charlene. "I'm going to help you follow through on what you just told me, and I know you keep your promises. My cure is going to help the process. And after this morning, the therapy is going to be easy for you by comparison." "No, Charlene," he said. "This is not the way to do it. I told you I'm going to cooperate. I'm the one who needs to do this, not you. Now let me out of here." "Not yet, Jess," she said. "Part of your problem has been that you've insisted on being in charge. And you're still doing that right now. But I'm not listening anymore. Tomorrow, you'll take ownership of your problem, but for today, I'm in charge, and you're going to take your medicine." "But whatever you're planning, I'm not going along," he said. "You're not going to accomplish anything." "We'll see about that," she said. "Don't forget, you gave me permission to force you to take the medicine. I have that in writing. And most important of all, I'm doing this because I love you. Otherwise I would have packed up after last night. "I've listened to you, but now it's time for you to listen to me or else we're going to be here all day. You helped me think up this cure. The first time you came home and began crawling, I was shocked at what your boozing had turned you into. You couldn't even stand up like a man anymore. You were turning into some kind of animal. The thought came to me that eventually, you wouldn't even be able to crawl, and you'd have to move on your belly like a snake. You were like evolution going backwards. "All these crazy thoughts ended up helping me create your medicine. Since you don't mind crawling like an animal, that's what you're going to do today. The ropes are braided loosely to form a kind of tunnel, but it's a transparent tunnel, so Irene can film everything that happens as you are crawling. As you've already found out, the ropes are anchored, so they'll give a little but not enough to let you stand up. "You may be able to squat for a while, but I'm right behind you, and you won't squat for long, because it's easy for me to give you a little push and topple you forward. With those handcuffs keeping your arms in front of you, there's not much you can do. So what you need to do is start crawling on your hands and knees. The rope tunnel is in a circle and goes around our living room, so you'll be crawling around and around until we're done. Think of it as a horizontal hamster wheel. When you're drunk, your brain shrinks to the size of a hamster's. It's time to start crawling now, so get going, Jess." "No, I'm not," he said. "I'm tired, and I'm just going to stretch out here under your ropes and rest until you come to your senses." "I don't think so," she said. "I explained how the crawling was supposed to remind you how low you've gone. But I didn't tell you about the part that will remind you why you don't want to go to prison for killing someone while driving drunk. Here's how that reminder works. "Hey, what are you doing?" "I just put a finger into your ass," she said. "It went in easily because of all the Crisco. When you're in prison, you need to be lubed up and ready at all times, because most of the guys who are bigger than you will be at least this big. Do you feel my second finger?" "Stop it!" he yelled. "That's sick." "I'm just getting you used to it," she said. "In prison, you better try to keep moving, because two fingers can easily turn into three, like this. If you just keep on lying there, you're going to make it easy for your cellmate. "Oh, I see you changed your mind, and you're in a hurry now. You've turned into a big hamster. Yes, crawl as fast as you can. I'm right behind you. Why are you stopping?" "You didn't take your fingers out" he said. "That's right," she said, "just like in prison. The fingers are now part of Jess. They're staying in there, and you can feel how I'm moving them around inside and also slowly in and out. They're sliding through the Crisco easily. This is much easier than last night, when I had to give you two enemas and a shower while you were dead weight." "I thought that was a dream," he said. "Maybe for you," she said. "I also had to clean where you threw up. It wasn't a dream for me, but I wanted you all shiny clean for Irene's video. I think your insides are totally empty now. You're probably hungry. After we're done, I'll fix you a big breakfast if you want. "Anyway, the fingers stay, so you need to start moving. Because while you're crawling, it's a little harder for me to put fingers in you, like this. Oh, that fourth one really got you going, so I'll have to talk while we crawl. "I'm going to put as many fingers in you as I can while you're crawling, Jess. You're bigger than me, so you normally could crawl a lot faster, but the handcuffs slow you down just enough so that I can sometimes catch up to you and do this. Did you feel me push the four fingers to the second knuckle for a second? I thought so. There I did it again. Crawl "I'm going to go slowly because I want to open you up without tearing you. I've watched some videos on the Internet, and that's why I'm using lots of lube. In fact, I want to put some more Crisco into you now, so let's stop when we get close to the can. "I don't think you heard me, Jess, because you kept right on crawling past the Crisco. If you don't begin to slow down now, I'm going to have to put on the brakes. You need to do what I say, Jeff, so we can finish the medicine. You're not listening. "We're getting close to the Crisco, so here go the brakes. Wow! I've never heard your voice so loud and so high. These brakes really squeal, but they're effective and so accessible. All I had to do was reach down between your legs and grab your balls with my left hand and pull back as hard as I could. Did you notice my four fingers on my right hand never stopped going in and out of you. "Now, stay put for a few seconds. I'm going to pull my fingers out, grab a big gob of Crisco and push it in. There. Wait till you see the video. I opened up a huge hole, and the Crisco just fell into it. It's starting to close, but I think I can get some more Crisco in. Yes, it went in. Now here go my four fingers again. It's time to start crawling. "You might think about moving a little faster now, Jess, because I'm not stopping with four fingers. I don't think you felt what I just did. I tucked my thumb behind the fingers, so I'm getting all five fingers going in and out of you now. Look at your rump moving from side to side. Are you doing that intentionally, or is it just an automatic reaction trying to shake me loose. "But I'm not coming loose, Jess. My whole arm is moving with your ass, and when I can get closer for a second, I'm starting to do this. Did you feel a little push there? I'm starting to make my push to get my whole hand inside you. I'm going to fist you just like you're probably going to get fisted in prison. But there most of the hands will be much bigger than mine. "I think I got a fraction deeper with that push. It certainly propelled you. My five fingers almost came out, but not quite. I really felt like your muscles were about to let me in that time before you moved away. It shouldn't be long now. Maybe a few more pushes. "I hear you breathing heavily from all the effort. If you want to take a break now, it will make this easier on you and probably less painful. You don't have to say anything, because I can tell your voice is nearly gone from all the yelling and screaming. Just slow down gradually. I'm with you all the way. Do you feel the five fingers going in and out slower? "OK. Now to make it easier, get fully upright on your hands and knees. That opens you more than any other position. What are you saying? I can barely hear you. Yes, Jess, this is necessary, or I wouldn't be doing it. You've got to take the medicine, and I think we both already know that this dose has to be strong, because you don't ever want a second one. "Your breathing sounds better now. Try to relax as much as you can while I do this. I'm going to stop going in and out now and compact my fingers as much as I can. Now, I'm starting to push just a little. Don't move away like that or else I'll have to push more. That's it. Spread your legs further. And if you can, try to push out like you're going to the bathroom. That will open you up more. "I'm not applying much pressure, but your body senses that the pressure is not going to stop, so it's working on a way to let me get through so the pain of the stretching is relieved. I'm so tight in you that I can feel your muscles as they're trying to make way for me. They're talking to me and telling me that you're going to be all right, that you may feel humiliated right now and be in pain for a week or two. But they're telling me that this medicine is what you've been needing for a long time to end your illness. "I feel something. Yes, yes. Look at that. I'm all the way in, up to my wrist. That's it Jess. I hear you sobbing. Yes, cry, Jess. Cry away your binges. Wash them away in a river of tears. Embrace your pain and mortification so that you remember it always. "You're already pretty much degraded, Jess, but I want to make sure the medicine works, so I have to take you even lower. For now, let's stop and let you cry for the camera while I open up my hand inside you and wiggle my fingers a little so they don't get cramps. Did you get all the drama of the hand going in and Jess's reaction, Irene? "Good. Now focus on his anus again, because I'm going to pull out very slowly. But before I do that, I'm going to ball up my hand inside him into a fist. Now, I'm starting to pull. Jess, get ready, because it's going to be a lot harder coming out than going in. "My wrist is out now, and you should see how stretched your muscles are as my fist is pulling them. That's it. Keep saying "Ow!" like that, loud and quick, over and over. I think that's helping. I'm pulling slowly, so the pain is lasting longer and your body is going wild. But if I pulled fast now, I think you would tear, and there would be lots of blood, and I'd have to take you to the hospital for stitches, and it would be months before the stitches would come out and even with pain killers, you'd be in pain for a long time. We don't want that. "The Crisco is squirting out around my hand, and I see your anus starting to pull away from me. It's like I'm taking off a tight glove, but at least the Crisco is making it smoother. Oh, here it comes. What a noise! It sounded like a pop but with a lot of yucky, sloppy echo. That was all the Crisco that came out with it. "Your hole looks incredible now. It's huge and empty. I can't believe it can get any larger, but we'll see. For now, I'm enjoying watching it. It's waiting for the fist to go back in, but now it realizes that it gets to take a break and it's slowly starting to close up. It's amazing how it's getting smaller and smaller, until it's the nice little rosebud that you started with. "When we're done today, you're going to have plenty of time to recover and get back to normal, but I've heard that prisoners who do this almost every day eventually stretch their muscles so much that their ass never gets tight again, and that can be a problem. But not for you. You're nice and tight down there, and now we're going to focus on your butt cheeks. "I want you to feel the pain that you've inflicted on your family and friends and - most of all - on me when you endanger yourself and others. What you were doing was totally selfish and self-centered, just like a small child. So you're going to be punished like a child. I'll play the role of your mommy. "I want to make sure you never put yourself in danger again, so I'm going to do this. That was good, Jess. I wasn't sure if I could get through to you with my bare hand so I got this paddle. If I put all my energy into each swat, it's pretty effective. "OK, here's another one. I'm going to do the same thing as with my fingers, start slowly and then gradually pick up the pace. I don't think it's going to take long to break you down, because you've already been through a lot. But hold it in like that and keep your mouth tight. That will make more powerful when you begin blubbering. "I see your cheeks are already getting rosy. They're going to be bright red, like a candy apple. You won't be able to sit down without a cushion for weeks. I hear it coming. You're about to lose it. That's it, Jess. Sob as loud as you want. Irene's mike is capturing every sound of the paddle smacking your butt and every shriek as you feel the sting and every tear running down your face. "OK, I think you've almost had enough. But before I can stop, I need to hear your little boy voice begging his mommy to stop spanking him, promising her he'll be good, telling her how sorry he is that he made her worry about him. You think up the words, and say them in a tiny, high voice, like a child. "I know it's hard to do while I'm increasing the speed and trying to smack you even harder, but you can do it. That's a good start. The words were too adult and the voice was too low. Try it again. That's much better, but I know you can do even better than that, so I'm encouraging you by hitting as hard and fast as I can. I'm amazed at how much strength I have left. I think it's the adrenaline. Come on, Jess, focus! "There, I think you've made the breakthrough. That's how you do it. You actually became the little boy for a while, and you weren't acting anymore, were you? It was so realistic that I almost didn't stop because I was so enchanted. But I've stopped now, and I'm going to rest while you have your good cry. "We're nearly halfway there, so while you rest, let me tell you about the rest of your medicine. "First, we're going to start crawling around again, and I'm going to carefully work my hand into you once more. But this time we're going to keep on crawling, and it's going to be different. I won't make a fist. Instead, I'm going to keep my fingers as tightly together inside you. Whenever you slow down or rest, I'm going to push deeper into you. "I'm slowly and carefully going to push as deep as I can without causing any damage. I've watched videos on the Internet, and I've checked out the size of the men and the women who do incredible things to them. I think you're big enough and my arm is slim enough that I can get close to my elbow. "After that, I'll pull out and put more Crisco in. Then I'll start working my hand slowly in and out of you, only to the wrist. Once that's going well, I'll ball my hand into a fist whenever I pull out. When the fist comes free more easily, I'll make a fist as I go in, too. I'll slowly push my fist in and pull it free and gradually increase the pace when I think you can handle it. Eventually it will look like I'm punching your ass as I go in and out. "Once I finish with that, your ass will be so wide open that when I open my hand, there will be room for some fingers from my second hand. Eventually, both hands will be going in and out - slowly and carefully. When you've adjusted to that, I think both of us are going to be exhausted. You should be loose and relaxed enough for me to make both my hands into fists inside you and then pull them out slowly. "I've seen a video like that in the Internet, but I couldn't tell if it was real or computer-assisted graphics, so I'm not sure I can do it without tearing you. But it's worth a try. If I can do it, you'll remember it for a long time. "The last part will be more humiliation than pain. I'll put my left hand back inside you, but this time I'll be gently feeling around in there for your prostrate. While I'm looking, my right hand will be working your penis and testicles. "It will be like masturbating you, but it won't feel good because you'll still be feeling the effects of the fisting. Your penis will probably get a little puffed up but not hard. It doesn't matter since once I find the right spot inside you, I'll press the button. The button is your prostrate, and when it's massaged the right way and you're stimulated, it will release your semen. "Your penis will be hanging below you, and the semen will dribble down. You may feel it oozing out, but it won't feel good, like an ejaculation does. You'll have to tell me later what it feels like. I'll have you move back and look at the puddle of come that came out of you, but I won't make you lick it up, like the women make their men do on the Internet. "What else is there to say? When you've been milked, we will be finished, except for one thing. I want you to tell me and the camera exactly what you're feeling and what you're thinking. I don't care what you say, because my part will be finished. "You may say some things you'll want to take back later, or you may never take them back. The reason I want you to talk is not for me. It's so that if you forget all about what you're feeling right now in five or ten years, you can watch the video and see exactly what this moment was like for you. Your voice and your tears and your words will convey all the horror, pain and humiliation you're feeling. "Of course, people lie to the camera all the time, but I think when I've finished with your medicine, you will speak the raw, brutal, painful truth. I expect you to savage me with your words because of what I'm doing to you. You'll probably hate me like you've never hated anyone before. "That's the only thing that made me hesitate about doing this. I knew I had to push you over the edge to have any chance to cure you, but by doing that, there was a good chance that I would also destroy your love for me. But I asked myself what would prove my love more, giving in to you and waiting for that call from the police or the hospital, or destroying your feelings for me while saving your life? The decision was painful, because I know that what I'm doing today may be the end of us. If it is, I hope someday you can understand why I did this for you. "Well, you're probably tired of my blah blah and you've had some rest, so let's get started. You need to begin crawling again, and I need to start my journey up your colon so we can put on our puppet show. Oh, what's the matter? "Is my little boy crying again? It sounds like little baby Jess with his little baby voice is still inside this big body in front of me. Is little Jess tired and upset? Is he scared of the puppet show? Is he begging me in his little voice to let him go to bed? How cute is that, Irene? I hope you're getting a close up of his weepy, snotty face? He's such a darling little man. When he watches this, he's going to feel so humiliated. "But it's time for him to mind his mommy. Here's the first finger as a reminder that he needs to get up and start crawling or else the fingers are going to be moving inside a lot faster. Oh good. I'm glad little Jess is paying attention. I was going to give him a couple of spanks to remind him, but I see that won't be necessary. "Around and around the maze we go, Jess. Awwww, you're bawling. As soon as we're done, Mommy will dry all your tears and kiss them away." When they had finished, Charlene braced herself for the worst, but even she wasn't prepared for the filth that came from Jess's mouth. His voice was nearly gone, so Irene put a microphone next to his mouth where he was lying in exhaustion. Every word seethed with contempt, anger and deep hatred. He said that it was a good thing he had no strength at the moment because he didn't know how badly he might hurt her if he had the chance. He used words she had never heard him use to call her names. He damned her and cursed her in horrible ways. She tried to listen dispassionately, but as he went on and on in his soft voice, spewing horror upon horror at her, she finally broke down and began weeping silently. She was trying to be strong for him and take his verbal abuse, but she just couldn't. She hoped her weakness wouldn't spoil everything. Jess didn't hear her at first, and he kept on talking. But then he lifted his head off the slimy plastic sheet and listened for a second. He stopped in mid-sentence and didn't say another word. He just lay there listening to her weeping for a few minutes. Then he laboriously pushed himself to his knees. Charlene was still behind him, and she noticed his movement. She motioned to Irene, who tapped Jess on the shoulder and then walked ahead of him a few steps and lifted a few ropes and moved others to make a large opening. Jess slowly crawled to the opening, where Irene unlocked his handcuffs. When he got free, he tried to stand up. But he felt incredible pain between his legs and total exhaustion, and he fell back again. He put his head down and cried, and then he crawled to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. Charlene and Irene watched him. Charlene couldn't stop crying. Jess took a long bath, and then he painfully stood up and walked to the bedroom. He collapsed onto the bed and didn't wake up until the next day. Charlene wasn't home, but he saw that she had left a tray with fruit and cheese for him on the nightstand. He sat up and ate some of it, but then he felt exhausted again and fell asleep. When he woke up, she was sleeping beside him. He looked at the clock. It was four a.m. on Monday. He looked at her and thought about when he had first met her and tried to remember the first time he realized he was in love with her. He tried to understand how she could have done what she did. Had their situations been reversed, he could never have done that to her. Or could he? How could he really know? He asked himself if he was still happy that that he felt the warmth of her body lying next to him, but as he fell asleep again, he wasn't sure of the answer. When he woke up and took a shower in the morning, she was downstairs. He painfully made his way down to the kitchen and saw she had cooked his favorite hash for breakfast, which she usually only did on weekends. He didn't say anything to her but used the kitchen phone to dial a buddy. He made sure she could hear what he said. "Could I stay with you a few days?" he asked his friend. "Charlene and I are having some problems, and I need to get out of the house." She didn't look at him and didn't say anything. When he got home from work, he saw a suitcase in the living room in front of where she was sitting. She turned her face away when he looked at her, but not before he could tell that her eyes were red. "I put all the clothes and everything you need for work the next few days in the suitcase," she said. "Let me know when you want to collect your other stuff, and I'll make sure I'm not here to make you uncomfortable." "I called my buddy this afternoon to cancel," he said. "I made an appointment with the psychologist for tomorrow, and my first AA meeting is tomorrow night. Is it OK with you if I stay here for a while?" "Sure," she said. "That's fine. I'll stay out of your way. I thought about it, and I think we should be sensible. We can save money by using one lawyer. I know you'll be fair." He was quiet for a minute. "No, you're wrong," he finally said. "I'm not going to be fair. If you try to leave me, I'm going to take as much as I can get." "You hate me that much?" she asked in a teary voice, and then she stopped. "Wait. What did you just say?" she said. "You heard me," he said. "But...," she said. "No buts," he said. "You're acting strange, Jess," she finally said. "I guess I can't blame you for enjoying tormenting me." "You're right," he said, "and I plan to continue tormenting you for a long time." "You're not saying ..." she began. "Oh yes I am," he said as took a step toward her. "No!" she said, jumping up. "No, you don't mean it." "Shut up!" he said, and then to make sure she did, he covered her mouth with his as he pulled her into his arms.