0 comments/ 52694 views/ 7 favorites Submitting to Tony By: justgeena My first husband and I had a lot of hot sex during the first month we were dating: Nothing new or particularly exciting, just sex and lots of it. But then I got pregnant and since then, our sex life had deteriorated to the point of non-existence. I was unfulfilled emotionally as well. He was caught up in work and I was left taking care of the home, our daughter, and my job. Not a happy time, but I began to daydream of my lifelong fantasy of submission. I really wanted to fully submit to another's will over mine: To be controlled by another and to please them. And I wanted to be punished: Perhaps that, more than anything else. I began reading erotic BDSM stories. For a while this seemed to be enough. It allowed me to escape my life, if only for short periods of time. Erotic BDSM stories were challenging to find in my small town and soon found myself searching sites on the internet. This opened up a whole new world: Before I knew it, I was placing ads on personals sites, trying to make my dream a reality. Initially the responses were just crude. Even the ones I decided to contact, seemed a little beyond what I was looking for: Cruel men, perhaps dangerous too. Finally I received a response from Tony. Submitting to Tony Ch. 02 I had almost a 1 mile jog home to consider what had just happened. Living out a fantasy in real life had been exhilarating. So why did I feel so conflicted? On the one hand I felt a deep embarrassment or perhaps it was shame? The indignity of exposing myself and submitting to a spanking by this man I hardly knew. I felt fear as well. I had never been unfaithful to my husband, not that he would have noticed. I am not sure this was being unfaithful either, but I knew I was risking my marriage and perhaps my daughter too. I did not want to lose the security of my marriage, no matter how unhappy. Would my husband be so cruel as to take my daughter with him? What would my family and friends say? I could feel the chaffing of my ass against my shorts as I continued jogging along the roadside. 'How could I have been so foolish?' I thought. Well, it was stupid and I made a foolish mistake. I got away with it, and I was safe- that was all that mattered now. Then it suddenly occurred to me, 'I could have been killed!' What was I thinking about? He could have killed me and left me there. What if Tony had been some sexual predator, a deviant? On the other hand Tony wasn't. He was soft spoken, yet firm. I liked him. Somehow it felt natural to submit to him. "He was married' I told myself. He was risking the same thing I was. 'No need to fear Tony' I reassured myself. It was bad, perhaps foolhardy, but I loved what happened to me this morning. It had been the culmination of an online fantasy, now it was real life. It was a long jog home and I would spend the rest of that Sunday thinking about my first adventure with Tony. My husband had not even noticed that my morning jog had taken a couple hours. I suppose I should feel lucky about that, but it was a little sad at the same time. This made it easier to release the guilt: I was married and in a secret relationship that was exhilarating. I had wanted something like this for so long and I really felt good about Tony. He hadn't touched me sexually, but I knew there would be no limits. I would let him do whatever he wanted. I even found myself hoping he would push the limits. It would be a long day, back in my role as mom and wife, trying to pretend everything was normal. It was not. I was beginning a journey that would change my life. I just didn't know it. Tony and I continued our relationship, primarily on-line and by phone. Online we could chat and he would give me tasks to complete. So far they were simple tasks, some vanilla, some more sexually provocative, but I completed them all. I especially looked forward to those times when we had enough privacy to do voice or cam. I liked to hear his voice. Reading my diary notes to him was stimulating. I could write things much easier now, but voicing them was a little uncomfortable. Mostly though, being on cam gave me the opportunity to see his approval when I had done well. I was also required to maintain an online journal and record my thoughts throughout the day. At first, I did not do so well, and I could tell that I had not pleased him. He wanted more in depth feelings and I worked hard to provide them for him. It was awkward at first to write these things down, but soon if felt very natural. He expected nothing to be held back and I worked hard to insure nothing was. I was faithful to his rules, the hardest of which was not to masturbate without his permission. Sex with my husband was almost non-existent so self gratification was the only sexual outlet I had. My new found lifestyle had stirred many erotic emotions within me and I longed for that release. I could ask for his permission by e-mail, but this meant waiting for his response. With no way to call him, my only other recourse would be to wait for him to contact me. Normally, he would allow me this sexual release, so long as I would later describe it to him in detail. This was a big challenge for me at first. I had never really talked much about these things: Not with my Mom, not even with my girlfriends. Consequently I was insecure about it. Not knowing what is 'normal', I am not even sure how most women masturbate. For me, I always liked to stand nude in front of my full length mirror and watch myself. Tony seemed quite surprised by this the first time I told him. This did not help my insecurity, but I was learning to dismiss these concerns. The most uncomfortable rule was the requirement to relay the details of my marital sexual life. I was not to initiate intimacy with my husband, nor was I to encourage it. However, Tony allowed me to submit to any sexual advances my Husband might make. Fortunately this was an infrequent occurrence, but I did not like having to replay the experience for Tony. Perhaps I would gain the confidence to tell Tony about my discomfort, but I didn't want to disappoint him. In the meantime I would have to share intimate details of what was often an unpleasant experience. Tony would only call me at work, and fortunately I had a semi-private office. He liked me to masturbate at my desk while I talked with him. The other tasks at work were just as risky and therefore exciting. He promised that this lifestyle would not affect my private life, but he seemed to push the limits. We progressed to meeting for lunch and I enjoyed these very much. They were mostly vanilla meetings, kind of like a teacher with his student. He would instruct me on the proper way for me to conduct myself and I felt grateful for his time and patience with me. He would ask many questions of me and I realized that he knew the most intimate details of my life and I knew relatively little of him. I was always to wear a dress for him and since I could never be sure when we would meet, this meant a change in my work wardrobe. Stockings were also not allowed, but the rest was up to me. I liked the changes I was beginning to see in myself and I looked forward to these lunchtime escapes. On one such occasion, I was a few minutes late and spied him in the bar as I ran through the front door. He didn't seemed too annoyed, but motioned for me to join him. Soon we were at a booth waiting for our waitress to take our order. "Are we ready to order?" A young waitress, very pretty, was standing at our table, no pad in hand. "I'll have the salmon special," Tony explained. "She will have the lunch salad, no dressing. The waitress tried to hide her smile, but simply repeated the order and was off to the kitchen. "Go to the ladies room, removed your panties, and bring them back to me." Tony instructed. "Yes Master," I quietly replied, a little embarrassed by the implication of his selection of my meal. I left for the ladies room contemplating this point. I was a little overweight and was trying hard to improve my appearance. I wondered if he found me unattractive. What hurt more was the nastiness in his voice, I hadn't seen that before and I didn't like it. I know I was conflicted because I had feelings for him. I promised myself this would not happen, and resolved to focus on serving him. Still I wanted to do more for him, though I was not sure how he felt about me. When I reached the ladies room I entered an empty stall, peed, and pulled my panties the rest of the way off as instructed. With panties in my purse, I returned to the table. Our drinks were already there as I quietly took my seat. Tony held out His hand. I reached in my purse and grabbed my panties as discreetly as possible and handed them to him. Soon the waitress brought out our meals but I didn't look her in the eye. We chatted through our lunch, nothing special. Every once in a while he might ask something very personal, very embarrassing. I always answered with as much candor as I could. I was beginning to accept my place and our rules. He was very controlling and I think I liked it. We finished the meal without incident and left together for the parking lot. "I'm parked out back, follow me to my car" I did as instructed, aware of the limited time remaining on my lunch hour. Soon we reached his car and he unlocked the doors with his remote. "Get in the back seat." Again, I did as instructed and sat down behind the driver's seat. I had only a short time to get back to work and wondered where he thought to take me. I lost sight of him for a moment and he startled me a bit when he opened the other passenger door to the back seat. Tony sat down and scooted over to the middle of the seat, looking straight ahead. "Unfortunately you were late, and will have to be punished." he said, still looking straight ahead. I suddenly felt flushed and quickly looked around. We were in back of the restaurant, a few other cars were parked back here, but it was fairly secluded. "Yes Master," was all I could reply. He then grabbed my shoulder and pulled me over his lap and pulled up my dress. The back seat was not so large and I had my face pushed up against the side door. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but he didn't seem to care. I hoped no one would spot my punishment as I waited for the first blow. It didn't take long. He administered the first spanking and I dutifully recited the number 1. I had not prepared myself for this at all. "Two Master" I was in my professional work mode. I was enjoying our time together and ready to return to work. "Three Master" I was sorry that I had displeased him and ruined our time. The blows continued and I dutifully recited the numbers. I suddenly realized how I was looking forward to the sting of each blow. 'I deserved this' I told myself. He was doing this for me and somehow the pain felt right. It was also being in a semi private place and I learned that I loved it. I would be mortified if anyone came around, but that feeling was exhilarating. Then it was over. "Thank-you Master," was all I managed. It seemed the appropriate thing to say. It was even a bit more awkward pushing my self up and back over beside him in the cramped confines of his car. I looked around to see if anyone had spied my indignity. I could see a few people in the distance, but all seemed safe. "Linda, I want you to take next Friday afternoon off", Tony said very matter of factly. "Yes Master," I managed, wondering how I would be able to pull that off. I was sent back to work, minus my panties of course, and was reminded of the adventure every sitting moment. It was exciting and I was falling deeper and deeper into my submission to this man. As a married woman it was wrong, I knew that, but I didn't care. I was on a higher plane than I ever had been. I looked forward to Friday and wondered what was in store for me. There were other lunches, other short clandestine meetings, but I knew I could handle a lot more. And I wanted a lot more. I wanted more demands on me. I wanted more severe punishments. I wanted him to use me sexually. I found myself waiting for his call, or his e-mail, or his instant message. I was living a double life and it was good. Submitting to Tony Ch. 03 My experience with Tony in the hotel room had really crossed a line from which I did not want to return. The excitement I felt while it was happening, and again the many times I relived the encounter was something I wanted to experience again and again. My life was getting complicated. I had a husband, and although it was really in name only, I wasn't ready to change things just now. I had a daughter at home as well: I loved and cherished her more than anything else. I also had a career, one that I would no doubt have to depend on when the time came to leave my husband. Now, I added the most curious aspect of my life, my relationship with Tony. It wasn't my whole life, but it was a place of escape and at times it was thrilling. There was no one I could explain all this to. My girlfriends wouldn't understand and my family, well, they would just go spastic. The only one, who seemed to understand all my tribulations, was Tony. He listened to me and I believe he truly cared about me. I relied on him to provide me guidance and direction. I began to trust Him more and more. That night in the Hotel room, He broke me down. Since then He began to slowly build me back up. He seemed to understand my moods so that he pushed me to a point just before my limit. As time went on, I seemed to slowly fall under His control, and little else in my life mattered. My husband began seeing someone and I just pretended not to notice. His absences from the house, sometimes the entire weekend, provided me opportunities to spend with Tony. He assumed I was also having an affair and eventually we just made sure we took turns watching our daughter. I learned a lot from Tony during the eleven months of our relationship, though he sometimes treated me more crudely than I would have liked. In retrospect, I should have seen this as a red flag. At that time in my life I knew little about what a real Dom/sub relationship could be before I met my current Husband. For all the good things I enjoyed with Tony I was blind to the abuse He could hurl upon me that was more cruel than caring. He was as new to the real life Dom/sub relationship as I was, only I didn't recognize it at the time. I am not going to go in great detail on the bad parts of that relationship. It was part of my learning and helped me to appreciate and love the new Husband and Dom I would have years later. I am much stronger for it now and look back on my relationship with Tony with many emotions. It is a little embarrassing, but I am grateful for the experience. It would launch me into the lifestyle for real, though some years later. This story was the last adventure of that relationship. We parted ways soon afterwards: Perhaps He had pushed just beyond my limit. Back to the story...... Sometimes Tony would call me at work and we would coordinate times that we could meet. Then, He would provide his specific instructions online. This story began in just such a way. We had coordinated to spend a Friday evening together and Tony sent me a package a few days later. Inside the package, packed in popcorn Styrofoam was a garage door remote control opener: Nothing else, no instructions at all. The next day, I received an e-mail from Tony with these instructions: You will drive to 87 Granite Street in Griffin and arrive at precisely at 8:00 pm. Use your garage door opener and pull your car into the garage. Take notice of where the door to the house is located, close the garage door and wait until the overhead light goes out. Once the light is out, release the trunk, get out of your car and lock the door. Go to the back of your car and open the trunk. Next, you will strip off all your clothing and place them in the trunk of your car. Close your trunk and walk to the front of your car and up to the doorway to the house. On the step in front of the door you will see a small box. Inside the box there will be a green hood: Put this over your head and tie the string loosely around your neck. Place the keys to your car in the box and close the box. Open the door to the house and step in. At this point get on your hands and knees. You will need to take an immediate left and crawl down a short hallway (about 8 feet). At the end of the hallway you will enter the front foyer. Crawl straight across the foyer to the living room. You will need to feel along the walls to navigate this. The foyer has a stone floor, so when you feel the carpet again, you will know you have reached the living room. Crawl to the center of the living room until you run into a small mat on the floor. This will be once of those welcome mats with the green turf. On one corner of the matt is a plastic daisy. I want you to kneel, so that the daisy is to the front and left of your right knee. Knees should be shoulder width apart. Place your hands behind your neck and interlace your fingers. You will stay in this position until you are told otherwise. This is all there was and I was worried. I knew this was not Tony's house because He did not live in Griffin- at least I didn't think so. I trusted Him, but this was way out there. For three days I pondered this scene and considered all the things that could go wrong: There were many, especially as I look back on it now, but at the time it also seemed pretty exciting. When Friday night came, I still had reservations, but I still kept moving forward. My husband was watching our daughter for the weekend and seemed uninterested in what I was doing. I came home from work, got showered, got dressed and drove to that house in Griffin. The house was in a nice neighborhood and I even began to relax. The sun had set only a few minutes before, and I could still make out a small group of teens standing at the corner, 'hanging out' as I would say. I felt a little nostalgic for that time in my life and thought again about my daughter, back home with her dad. I drove slowly, carefully looking for numbers on mailboxes, until I found the house. The house was dark with just a hint of light in what I guessed as the living room: 'Perhaps candles', I thought. The trees in the neighborhood were quite large, giving the appearance of being later in the evening, and much darker than it should have been. Unlike most houses in the neighborhood, there were no cars in the driveway, no toys in the yard, no other signs that anyone was home. I drove up the driveway and clicked on the garage door opener. My heart sank a bit when the garage door actually began to open. I recognized Tony's car and felt a sense of relief. Moments later, my car was parked inside. It looked like a normal garage except that it was exceptionally neat. I didn't notice any signs of children's toys or bikes in here either. It took me a moment or two to regain my courage before I hit the remote again. A feeling of uneasiness came over me as the door closed behind the car, squeaking loudly as it rolled back over my car and came to a sudden stop. Then just silence. Tony must have heard the door and would know that I had arrived. The time was 8:15 pm. There are always these key times in crime investigations and I remember hoping that this would not be one of them. My hands were trembling as I removed the keys from the ignition and I realized how scared I was. I looked at myself in the vanity mirror and for some reason felt an awful pang of something: 'Was it guilt? or dread?' I was startled by the garage light abruptly shutting off. I tried to remember how long the light was supposed to stay on and realized I had forgotten to look around the garage. I didn't think I had been here that long. Events seemed to be moving rapidly along, beyond my control. Somehow I managed to gather the strength to step out of the car. I looked around, but it was pretty dark inside. Slowly, I turned and walked to the back of the garage feeling along the side of the car. I had forgotten to release the trunk, and so I had to use my key (I actually remember that). I glanced around as if to see if anyone was watching which was silly since I was alone in a darkened garage. 'I trust Tony,' I said to myself. It was dark and I took a long time getting the trunk open: Fumbling with keys, trying to first find the right one, then trying to actually insert it in the lock. I unbuttoned my blouse with a strange feeling of exhilaration. This was kind of exciting. I took off my top and folded it up before putting it in the trunk. I wasn't sure if I would have to get dressed again in the dark and I wanted to remember where everything was. I unclasped and removed my bra and placed it on my blouse- at least I think that's where I put it. I slipped off my shoes and felt the cold cement on the soles of my feet. I hate dirty feet and remember thinking how filthy garage floors can be. I hesitated a moment before removing the last of my clothing, but with a deep breath, I let my skirt fall: I had actually managed to strip naked in that strange garage and even to lay my clothes neatly in the trunk. I was proud of myself. With a sinking feeling I found the top of the trunk and slowly closed it until I heard it latch: There would be no turning back now. Again, feeling along the car- passenger side this time, I made my way to front of the garage. When I reached the front, I remember feeling how warm the front hood was. I was shaking so hard when I reached for the box that I dropped my keys and had to feel around the floor for them. I remember because I was thinking, "I hope there are no spiders in here." There are always spiders and creepy things in garages and I was barefoot. After I found the keys I stayed on the floor feeling around for the box. The hard cold cement was scraping my knees and I was feeling more and more frustrated as I felt around. A few minutes later I felt a metal box. It had a strange latch and I imagined a box like the ones that the army uses for bullets. I reached inside and felt what must have been my hood. I gripped the hood in my teeth as best I could before dropping the keys back in the box. The clang, when they struck the bottom told me I made the mark- a small victory. Feeling for the bumper of the car, I supported myself and stood up. The hood was made of wool and as I slipped it on, immediately losing what little light I had. I tied the hood, just above my leather collar. I wondered how much time had passed since I arrived. 'Was I doing well?' 'Was Tony becoming inpatient inside?' I did not want to disappoint him. I opened the door and stepped in before remembering that I was supposed to be crawling. It felt so peculiar to be naked in a strange house. Strangely the confines of the hood gave me a sense of comfort. The house was quiet, but I could smell the scent of candles burning. I began crawling on the floor which seemed to be some sort of hard tile that was hard on my knees. When I reached the foyer, I could feel the cool slate and continued feeling along the floor. How utterly ridiculous this must have looked. I wondered if Tony was watching me now. I crawled into some stairs and hit my head. I thought I heard someone make a noise, and was suddenly not sure Tony would be alone. Was he even here? I thought of tearing off the hood and leaving, but summoned up the courage to continue on until I felt the carpet of the living room floor. 'I trust Tony', I said to myself. It took me some time to find the door mat and when I did, I realized the daisy was on the wrong side of the mat, so that my rear end must have been facing Tony. I got my self turned around and quickly got into position- On my knees, with my hands laced behind my neck. I waited for what seemed like a long time. "Very good Linda, I am proud of you," Tony's voice broke the silence and I finally I felt a tremendous sense of relief. "We are all proud of you," He continued. 'All?' I thought. I had been naked in front of very few people in my life and Tony had never brought anyone else into our relationship. I felt a chill run right through me and realized I had let this go too far. If He could see my face He would have seen my sense of betrayal, or anger, or maybe it was fear. "Stand up Linda", Tony commanded. I did as I was told, aware that Tony had moved up very close to me. I felt so very self conscious...I was naked, in front of someone I didn't know. Losing control, I began to weep. "Are you my slave?" He asked. "Yes Master, I am your slave", I repeated through sobs. I was now accustomed to this routine. "Are you my Slut?" I heard whispers in the background and wondered how many were there. I did not hesitant though. "Yes Master, I am your Slut." "Are you my Whore?" Dread filled me and I felt a little whoozy. Through more sobbing: "Yes Master, I am your Whore." The significance of that word suddenly struck me. Our relationship had little to do with sex, though I always welcomed the opportunity to please Him this way. But I was nobody's whore, and I would not be used that way. Surely He would not abuse the trust I had placed in Him. Tony began to squeeze my boobs and it was very uncomfortable, not erotic at all. 'Who is in here' I wondered. I felt more self conscious than I have ever felt in my life, but I could decide if it was exciting or humiliating. Then he began to roll back my hood, but stopped before my eyes were uncovered. He caressed my lips with his index finger and brought a bottle to my lips. 'How did He know I was thirsty?' I thought, as I swallowed the cool liquid. It was just ice water, but it felt great. "Back on your knees!" I don't know why I complied, but I did. Tony snapped a leash to my collar and pulled me forward to the laughter of two or three others in the room. There where women, I was sure I heard female voices and suddenly became all the more humiliated. I was entertainment for them and I knew woman could be cruel. I hated being naked in front of woman, who are so much more judging. I was forced forward to a pair of jean covered knees. "This is Paul; would you like to suck his cock whore?" I didn't like this, but felt compelled to continue. "Only if it pleases you Master," I whimpered, hoping for some reprieve. I used to hate oral sex, but had become accustomed to pleasing Tony in this way. I liked to do this for Him in our own privacy. By responding to Him as I did, I was not refusing, but I was letting Him know I did not want to do this. Perhaps it would not please Him to force this upon me. Suddenly, I was pulled forward between two legs and I realized I had my answer: It pleased Him. I fumbled with my hands to undo the belt, unsnap and unzip the pants. I slid the pants down and had to struggle with the underwear as they were briefs. Someone grabbed my hands and pulled them behind my back and handcuffed them there. My head was forced forward and I took the unfamiliar cock in my mouth. Paul did not seem particularly well endowed, even though he was already pretty hard. He responded to my lips, working there way up and down his hardening shaft. I liked being able to use my hands, and hated the awkwardness of having my hands cuffed behind my back. 'I could do better without the cuffs' I thought. There was much conversation between the men as I took care of this "Paul" but I tried to block it out. I didn't know a Paul, I hoped. I was pulled away before I could finish and was not sure if I had failed. 'These damn cuffs', I thought as I was lead down to the floor by my leash. I still had my arms behind my back and fell to my face to much laugher among the men. I hadn't heard much from the female, but I knew she was there. Walking on my knees, I was led between the legs of another person, this time on the floor, and realized this was the woman. I was forced to lie on my stomach and pulled up to her crotch and immediately smelled the musky scent of her. I was not very experienced at this. I had played around a little bit in my youth, but it had never involved oral sex. She responded to the first touch of my mouth, 'a little more than was called for' I thought. Initially it was not that pleasant for me, and I wasn't even sure what I was supposed to do. I realized she was not shaven and since I had no way to move her pubic hair aside, I was forced to deal with this unpleasantness as well. She was not shy about guiding my head so as to give her the most pleasure. I began giving her long strokes with my tongue and she responded with moans of joy. I liked that. Most of the men I had been with were very quiet and I enjoyed this acknowledgement of my efforts. This was lasting much longer than I was given with Paul and the newness of it was exciting to me. I was in a very uncomfortable position and my arms ached from being restrained behind my back. I wanted to touch her and feel her softness, but I was only in a giving mode. I explored her with my tongue and seemed to instinctively know how to please her. My cuffs were removed and I hesitated a moment or two before deciding it was acceptable to use my hands. The men were quiet as I felt her calves and made my way up to her thighs. She was slim and soft and I enjoyed this much better. I also suddenly realized she was completely naked as well, and felt a little more comfortable. She pulled my head away from her pussy and I realized she wanted to bring it up to her face. She removed my mask and for the first time I had the chance to see her face. She was very pretty with long red hair, and a collar. 'She must be Paul's sub I thought. I did not look at him or around the room at all for that matter. It did not seem appropriate. She smiled a bit and made me feel so much more comfortable. She was taller than I realized and very slim. I found her very attractive and was a bit embarrassed in comparison. 'She must be around 25 years old', I thought, 'very young'. I was pulled away and brought back to my knees facing this young lady. Paul attached a leash to her collar and she was brought to a similar position as I. She seemed very accustomed to this and moved very gracefully to a kneeling position. This was the beginning of a long night in which Tony and Paul took turns or teamed up to do with us as they pleased with us: That could mean sex, or punishment, or any humiliating tasks they desired. Paul was particularly cruel I thought. He would slap me in the face, pinch my nipples, nothing seemed off limits to him. He seemed to delight in my pain. And Paul had sex with me. Never in our relationship, did I have intercourse with Tony. Maybe he did not find me attractive enough, I am not sure. But he handed me over to Tony and seemed to enjoy watching. It wasn't exactly rape, I willingly submitted, but it felt mortifying and degrading. I never learned the name of the pretty lady, but she endured the same as I. Tony enjoyed her and I felt a jealously I had not right to feel. I wanted to play with her more, but was not given the chance. Paul was a little overweight, probably around six feet tall. I am sure he was over 220 pounds, but these things are hard to judge. He was not clean shaven and his dark brown hair was long and not well groomed. The style did nothing for me, but that didn't matter I suppose. He was rough with me and I thought how nice it would have been to be with His sub. He took me from behind, which was not so bad: He was not big enough to be painful and I liked not having to face him. In fact the worst part of the evening was when he took me vaginally missionary style. I hated facing him and closed my eyes until it was over. Mercifully it was quick. I will not go into detail in all the events of that evening, they are still uncomfortable to me. Paul's sub and I slept together on the living room floor, too exhausted to say a word to each other. The morning was largely uneventful. I was allowed to leave very early, badly bruised, tired and in pain. Submitting to Tony Ch. 03 This was the last I saw of Tony though he attempted to reach me by phone and e-mail on several occasions. I felt horrible for a long time, but I knew I had entered into the relationship of my own free will. The strangest thing was it was not all unpleasant. I liked being controlled; I liked giving up my free will to another. Over time I just realized I needed to find the right person.