6 comments/ 71536 views/ 35 favorites My Michelle By: Azrael556 Author's Note: Most names and times have been changed. Some of this is true. And yes, the title was inspired by that old Guns n' Roses song. * The phone rang, shaking me out of an afternoon doze. Still tasting the Jack Daniel's from this Friday's "lunch", I answered it as I untangled the wire. This was a few years ago. Phones had wires and plugged into the wall back then. "Dave?" "Who the fuck else would it be?" I recognized the young woman's voice, but saw no need to be polite. Michelle was my ex-fiancee's roommate, and she was fucking gorgeous. Five seven, a fucking smoking-ass body that scored a dress size two, a natural 34D, and she had the statistically unusual combination of raven-black hair and blue eyes. This was all topped with a sweet Southern drawl that was the voice of a horny angel. The problem was she couldn't have been harder to get if she actually did have wings and a halo. First, she was nice enough, but was a major cokehead with an out of town boyfriend. Second, she lived with my psychopathic ex. I still got crazy-girl ex-sex now and then, and didn't want to fuck that up by striking out with her friends. Joan had become more obnoxious since we split, but her clandestine taste for submission and masochism had grown as well. With her antisocial paranoia cutting into her social options, she still came back to me to get it. With a year left of college in a town I hated surrounded by fifteen thousand people I hated worse, I wasn't going to fuck up the one outlet I had here in town for my more unusual desires, especially as the shiny new toy called the Internet showed me new things to do to her. Joan had actually taken ninety percent of my gear when she moved out of our apartment with the excuse "she'd paid for it", forcing me to covertly build up a second set for a Northwest Airlines stewardess Joan didn't know about. I'd met her in an AOL chat room and caught up the road in Memphis on her layovers. Back to Michelle. "Can you come over for a while?" "Uh, I don't feel like dealing with your roommate." "She's up in Memphis for the weekend." Huh, so she was still banging the manager from our old casino on the side. Probably the plain vanilla style, since I knew the guy was too lazy to get into BDSM. Still, Joan could give amazing blow jobs even when she wasn't cuffed so I could figure why he'd put up with her. "OK, so what do you want? Last I knew you had a boyfriend to kill spiders for you on weekends." "That's what I want to talk to you about." "I am not playing fucking relationship doctor for you two again, and I have better things to do than sit there while you watch afternoon Seinfeld reruns and want to talk during the commercials. We tried that once, and I didn't care for it no matter how little you were wearing." "Ummm, I want to talk to you about that too." "Fine, I'll be over there in a few minutes." Just on the odd chance Michelle was going for another good cocktease, I rationalized it as cheaper than a trip up to Memphis and the strip clubs even if I'd never get a lap dance out of her. I showered, threw on clean clothes, and grabbed my old leather flight jacket on the way out the door. The sun was going down, and the cold would come early this fall afternoon. It also covered up the cocked and locked Colt 1911A1 I wedged in my jeans behind my right hipbone. Michelle and Joan's townhouse was pretty close to where a couple frat-boy coke dealers lived, and I'd been having a disagreement with them. It was a guns-had-been-drawn-before type of disagreement. I didn't buy the stuff or use the stuff, but I didn't care for loudmouth kids who thought they were tough and who'd tried proving to me unsolicited that they were tough, so I wasn't going over there unarmed. I also had my usual four knives tucked various places from my cowboy boots to my pockets to a sleeve. It was a fast drive. Everything in Cambridge, Mississippi was a fast drive except on football game days, and the Confederates were playing at South Carolina this week. I pulled my car in to a space at the vet's office a couple hundred yards away, and looked carefully before I got out. That black BMW was nowhere to be seen up the road. I knocked, she answered. Her hair was messed up, and her bathrobe was tied tight. I could give a shit why she was wearing a bathrobe at three in the afternoon, I just would have been happier if it was hanging open. On the other hand, her eyes looked normal and she didn't seem twitchy. She handed me a can of Mountain Dew straight off. I took it with my left hand, scanning the room as I entered with my right hand straying back toward the Colt. She was never this nice. She was being nice enough I half expected Johnny to have given her an eight-ball to lure me in for a half-assed ambush. Fucking dipshit college kids. I'd spent too much time in the last six years bouncing bars, chasing bail jumpers, and working for psychotic Vietnam vets in the National Guard to buy the farm on account of a goofy white kid from the suburbs of Nashville who thought he was Tony fucking Montana. I made sure she was locking the door behind me, then I checked the kitchen and dining rooms for unannounced guests. "Dave, sit down please. I really have to talk to you and you being paranoid is going to totally ruin the mood." I sat, now keeping my eyes on her. "Your fucking dealer buddy showing up would ruin mine. I made a big gesture, by my standards, coming in to town from my little hidey-hole apartment in the woods." "I know. I would have come out there except I never could have found it." "Ask Joan." "I don't want her to know about this." "You have about three minutes to start making sense." I even looked down at my watch. I had a reputation as an unpredictable ex-military nut to keep up. She sat next to me, hands folded and legs crossed, perched on the front six inches of the couch as the sorority she'd snorted her way out of would once have expected. "Dave, I have a problem, a serious one, and I need some advice on self-control." "I have no experience with addiction counseling, and I'm sometimes a drunk, so what did you have in mind?" "Look, I was going through Joan's stuff once, and I found some of the toys. And one time when I was using her computer, I was just bored and looking at her bookmarks. There was some wild shit, way wilder than I've done, and I've looked up more of it. But I've heard the noises coming from her room sometimes, and I know you still visit..." I managed the sort of stare my old battalion commander had, and dropped my voice from "friendly conversation" to "faint growl". "What you're asking about isn't self-control. That's control I'd be imposing for a couple hours at a time. I see no need to try explaining it to you since you think you know what's going on. Two things prevent it. First, you have way too much baggage and risk involved for me to bother coming over here to play. You have at least one boyfriend plus a coke dealer, and there's your drug problems for me to think about. Second, I know you'd love to get a cheap thrill every now and again, and I'm sure you'd like to use your looks to get what you want yet again. I swore I would not be any woman's pawn again after Joan. That's why we split, and the only reason we still hook up and fuck is we get things from each other we can't get elsewhere in this shitball town. After graduation, I doubt we'll ever speak again. Besides, she knows what she's doing, and I know where she's been. We were each other's first a few years back, so some things we still reserve for each other alone. You're probably a bondage virgin but that's the only kind of virginity you've got left." "Look, I got a fresh set of bloodwork after this past weekend. I...I almost fucked some guy whose name I didn't know at a party down at State because he offered me a gram of coke and a couple ounces of weed in advance. Brian was off talking to someone else, I mean I almost did it except he told me up front he wanted anal and I've never done that before. It sounds scary. I've cheated on Brian before and gotten drugs from the guy after, or maybe slept with a guy I thought was cute because I knew he had some, but this was the first time it would have been a straight up sale. I'd officially be a fucking coke whore. But I had a moment of clarity, and I decided I really needed to get some control in my life, and since I've proven I have no self control I have to get it somewhere else. I mean you can even control that nut Joan a couple hours at a time, and that's more than I've got going for me now." It didn't seem like the time to brag that Joan used to spend entire weekends naked and bound in various poses getting all three of her holes used in rotation. She was so much easier to deal with gagged, and stuffing a vibrator in her cunt first made raping her asshole much more entertaining as she was tied over the back over the sofa. I'd also be lying my ass off if I said my cock wasn't already twitching at the thought of having Michelle stripped down to tall spiky heels and steel cuffs and trying fifty feet of Japanese rope bondage around those perfect fucking tits before I fucked her, all of which to be carried out as soon as possible. But man, Amber had a layover in a week or two so I could get some no-strings fun, and I knew Michelle was trouble I did not fucking need. Besides, I didn't know what she wanted, or how bad she really wanted it. "Michelle, I am not going to be your kinky three-shot thrill fuck. I'm going to work slowly, and you're going to need to take time to get used to some of it. I just don't want to get the bad shit in your life sucked into mine, and I don't think you'd give up the things you do just to play with me now and then." She stood, took a deep breath, and moved in front of me. She undid the belt of her bathrobe, and knelt on the carpet in front of me. My cock went from "steel" to "titanium" as the last blood-starved cells in my brain screamed "No, no, no, you asshole, no!" "I'm not offering myself for now and then play. I need to save my life. If I keep partying and getting high, I'm going to end up dead or dying of something, and I think you can stop it. I'll put most of my stuff in storage, and I bet you have enough room for two in, well, wherever you're living. I've read about modern live-in slaves on the Internet. I used to cook well all the time before I started smoking weed every damn day, and I'll clean up after us both. Do whatever you have to do to me to make me someone else than who I am. We have a year 'til graduation. Take away my car keys and keep me locked in the house. Spank my ass. Hurt me when I misbehave. I might even like it. I mean you studied Vietnam, you ought to know how to brainwash prisoners, right?" There were tears in her eyes. "Look, most guys I know I can flash the tits at and do my breathy little Marilyn Monroe voice, and they're wrapped around my little finger. Some guys I might have to suck their cocks to get them to do what I want. I know that won't work with you. I'll have to work at it to make you happy. I might have to learn to love you, but until then I know you can do what I need and my body is your toy in exchange." My brain was running six thousand miles an hour. She hopefully had no idea how little she'd have to do for me to be entertained. I stood up. "Take that robe off." She closed her eyes and gave a little sigh before smiling. "Yes, sir." The terrycloth slid off her pale white shoulders and fell behind her. Damn, those were just big perfect fucking tits. "You realize you're probably not going to enjoy this." She took a deep breath, and the pink-tipped wonders heaved. "I understand, sir. As long as you let your slut cum her brains out now and then to make up for the coke rushes I won't be having, I'll learn to enjoy it." She smiled naughtily. "I tried putting clothespins on my nipples the last time I used my vibrator. I fucking loved it." "Really?" "Really. And me kneeling in front of you like this, it would be perfect for you to just fuck my mouth-" I slapped her lightly on the cheek. "There is a term for that, slut. It's called topping from the bottom. This is not about you getting what you want. I'm sure you actually like to suck cock, don't you?" "Mmmmm, yes, sir. I do love making men squirm as I suck them, and then make them shoot their cum on me, or in me, whatever they like." "Michelle, that gives you power over them, and for quite a while, your power in this relationship has effectively ended. Now, have you broken up with Brian?" She looked down, her mood dimming. Tough shit. This wasn't going to be easy for either of us. "I know he's fucking somebody else, so I haven't been taking his calls since last weekend." "Well, after all, you cheated on him too. To be fair, call him. I'm going to sit here and listen. Just blame it on his cheating, you don't have to mention this." Deep breath. "Yes, sir. Could you pass the phone, sir?" I did, and watched a tearful conversation turn to ten minutes of screaming. I couldn't tell who hung up on whom first. "Well, that's done", she said, trying to smile bravely. "It's for the best. Look, let's go upstairs, pack a bag for you, and we'll go get out of sight for a while. You won't need much." She wiped a tear and smiled a bit. "Slutty lingerie, I hope?" "Yes, slutty lingerie is good", I grinned a bit at that. She certainly was enthusiastic, or at least trying to fake it. I'd learned as a cadet there is no motivation like faked motivation. I knew that wouldn't last. "Mmmmm, good. I fucking bust my ass in the gym to keep this body, and I like flaunting it." Poking through her drawer was actually something of a let-down. Plenty of cute bras, were in evidence, so I grabbed a couple black lace ones with the matching panties, but no teddies, corsets, garter belts, or anything resembling serious lingerie or fetish wear. I sighed. "Michelle, find me some nice high heels, and any color as long as they're black." She frowned, and pulled out a pair of satin pumps that couldn't be more than three-inchers. "Fuck, that's it?" She looked down and nodded. "Yes, sir. I was trying not to look like a whore, and if I can't walk in them I couldn't see the point at the time." "Change in plan. I think we're going on a supply run to Memphis first." A few more things went into the bag, then I got Michelle into an old sorority t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts and led her out to the car. I pulled an old olive drab bandanna out of the glove box and blindfolded her. She giggled a bit, but said nothing. It was a detour onto the northbound highway out of Cambridge, off the main road, across a bridge, and then up a couple gravel roads to find my small rental house. Besides being four months ahead on the rent, there was over four thousand in twenties and hundreds concealed in one of my bookcases from a mixture of gambling profits and gunrunning money. I calculated how much it would take to run her past one of the stores catering to the stripper trade for a some play clothes, and pulled a thousand just in case. This definitely counted as an emergency expense. Once we were back out on the road, I removed the blindfold. "I expected you to leave it on, sir", she said with a flirty smile. "Well, the only secret is where the house is. Besides, even pulling up to where we're going, you being blindfolded would attract some attention. While it might be fun to strip you naked, cuff you, shove a vibrator in your pussy, and shove you in the trunk of the car to get to where we're going, it would attract attention when we get there. Discretion has its place in my life, if not out and out secrecy. In a hick town like Cambridge, hell, a state like Mississippi, we'd be regarded as a domestic violence situation and fifteen kinds of sinners." "I understand, sir. Fortunately my family lives almost as far away as yours does now. They're not likely to visit, otherwise we'd never conceal it and Mom would think I'd been kidnapped." "We don't need that. I imagine your parents didn't even know about the coke." "They didn't. Knowing my idea of rehab is to be the unquestioning live-in stripping fucktoy of a gun-owning lunatic would send them further over the edge." "Speaking of stripping, have you ever even been to one?" "No sir, but I did watch Showgirls a few times." "Eh, not quite the same thing. Well, if you're not homophobic enough to get offended by freaky bisexual chicks hitting on you, we could stick our heads in one sometime." "Mmmmm, I took a lot of dance classes growing up. I always had dreams about entering the amateur contest, but I never had the nerve. I know I could do it if you took me there and kept me safe." Oh, yes, I liked that idea. Take Michelle up there dressed at Goth-Fetish Barbie and turn her loose on stage. She'd be such a cut above the usual she'd just have to stand there. Maybe Schoolgirl Barbie instead. That kink always worked, even though Britney's "One More Time" video was a couple years in the future. "And I confess, I have made out with a few girls when I've been high." "Did you like it?" I inquired "They're fun to kiss, but until they get the ability to cum on my face or fuck me with something that's not plastic, they'll never replace guys. Besides, I don't think I could give up the control to another woman that I need to give you. I'm scared about getting all the way clean, so I'm just going to put it all on you." "You just let me know when you start getting the shakes and I'll do my best to help you through it. I don't know a lot about cocaine withdrawal and I'm going to have to learn quickly." "The hardest part is everything seems so flat and gray when you're down. Nothing seems fun, and you think you'll feel better after one more line. My last time was last weekend, and I've been going fucking crazy. I couldn't sleep, and when I did I had bad dreams. I just couldn't think of a plan to give it up. AA is bullshit, and I figured the only way I wouldn't do coke this weekend would be if somebody tied me up. Then I thought of the cuffs I found that time looking for a little cash in Joan's dresser, and her taste in porn, and figured you could tie me up to get me through it. At first it seemed like a stupid joke I told myself. Then, well, the idea got me wet. I surfed a little porn on the Internet, thought about it, and then I called you before my courage gave out." "Michelle, you don't have to do it this way. It's supposed to be a consensual deal except in rape fiction where kidnapping and the white slave trade provide slave girls to rich Arabs and Eurotrash." She closed her eyes and smiled. "I think you'll find me agreeable enough, sir, and I know you well enough to know that you'll get me through this." Memphis wasn't that far up the highway. It was the closest Big City to Cambridge, and so it was a frequent commute for all the big-city conveniences. This time it was the mall. Victoria's Secret, and each of the six malls I knew of in the area had one, was a bit tame for my increasingly esoteric tastes, but the Mall of Memphis also had a Fredrick's. Michelle had perfect legs for stockings, and I intended to use that to my advantage. Between the two stores, she left with two black satin garter belts and several pairs of stockings in back-seamed tan, classic black, plus black fishnets. Red fishnets just looked stupid to me, so I skipped them. In addition to a nice black satin corset/bustier top, Fredrick's also had classic slut heels. I handed her a pair of black patent five-inch stilettos. They'd go so well with the stainless steel ankle cuffs at home. From there it was across town to a store that advertised itself as "dancer wear". It was basically a supply store for the thirty-odd strip clubs of wildly varying quality in the area. In those days before you could just order from the company web sites of Leg Avenue, XTC Leather, Trashy Lingerie, Dream Dresser, and whoever else, these places did a much better business. There were several outfits her size in black leather, including a miniskirt and a lace-up minidress for public wear and a spectacular corset with red leather trim for at home. Expensive, but under the circumstances I totally did not give a shit. I knew the identical stuff was cheaper in the French Quarter of New Orleans, but I could always build a few more "assault" rifles for people if the cards in Tunica didn't run my way. She picked a pair of knee high patent leather spike-heeled stripper boots and a red plaid miniskirt herself, and I certainly approved. I told her pick out a couple nice big vibrators for when she'd been a good girl, and I picked out a cock-style gag for when she was bad and I needed to shut her up. Pulp Fiction had ruined red ball gags for me. I had a couple paddles and crops at the house. Crops were actually cheaper at a horse-tack shop in Holly Springs. I wasn't impressed with the collar selection, but I knew a place in Nashville that did custom work. Meanwhile there was always PetSmart. My Michelle Checking out with all that put a nice bite in that thousand, but considering I just had a Playboy/Penthouse-quality piece of ass volunteer to be my live-in fuck toy, who cared? This was a once in a lifetime opportunity if your last name wasn't "Hefner". We looped around I-240 to the cluster of strip malls out by Germantown and pulled up to PetSmart. I told her why. "I get to pick a pretty one, right, sir?" she flirted at me. "If you pick it, you wear it out from the checkout counter, and you've read enough to know what a collar means", I grinned back. "Ooooh, that's fucking hot. They'll just think I'm a Goth girl, they won't know I've agreed to be your slave." Michelle had a Goth score of about five percent in a sorority T-shirt, but hey, I would let her delusions work right now. We walked into PetSmart, and at this point she was out of her mind horny. She didn't care that she'd just agreed to pick her own black leather collar in public. The fact the aisle was deserted didn't matter, it was public. But choosing was the tricky part. Wide black leather with lots of chrome, yes, but that narrowed it to about 200 options. This one was too big. This one was too spiky. This one had an ugly buckle. "Michelle, you don't have to pick one you don't like. This is just until we go see that guy about custom work." "Sir, when I wear this for you, I want it to look good. It's like an engagement ring. Every girl wants a perfect engagement ring." "You probably aren't going to be showing this off to your friends." "The hell with my old friends. They're all going to get high tonight and keep going on with their lives. I don't care what they say about the choices I make now. I at least have the courage to change my life. I also am choosing a more satisfying way to get my brains fucked out, and that's going to be better than coke." I hugged her for the first time. "It'll be okay." She melted in my arms. "I want it to be okay. Help me make it okay, please, sir?" She took a step back. "Now about this damned collar...." Finally she picked the "perfect" one, and a six foot chrome steel chain leash to match it. We went up to the register, and checked out without comment. Michelle refused a bag when the cashier offered it. "I'll be wearing it out", she said brazenly. Turning, and lifting her mane of long black hair out of the way, she looked back over her shoulder with a wink. "Sir, would you do your toy the honors?" "How could I resist?" I slowly buckled the formidable Rottweiler-sized collar around her pale neck, and clipped the chrome leash in place. She closed her eyes and shook her hair back into place, ignoring the silent goggle-eyed stare from the cashier. "Mmmm, thank you, sir." She handed me the other end of the leash. "Can we go home now?" Wow. Just wow. I opened her side of the car for her and seated her. While most couples dispense with that bit of etiquette after a first few dates, it remained our custom. When I got in, I looked at her with a grin. She stared ahead. "That was a gutsy move in there." She took another deep breath. "I figured a gesture of public submission, even humiliation, something a lot of other women would consider a hard limit, might help prove to you about how very serious I am about giving myself up to you, sir." She looked over at me, and smiled shyly. "I hope you enjoyed it." "I was flattered." "Good. Besides, it made me very, very wet. Would you like to check, sir?" I looked. In the fading sunlight, the front of her red nylon gym shorts was showing a damp spot. "Michelle, you don't get to play with that until we get home, so keep your hands out of your lap." "Mmmm, it would be easier if I was cuffed. I know my clit wants to get touched so bad..." Damn, and I had enough cuffs I didn't bother buying more. All mine were home. I made a mental note to keep an extra pair of the Peerless steel ones in the glove compartment for such contingencies. "OK, now you're just flirting." "Well, itching for a spanking too." Sigh. "When we get home, dear." That drive could NOT have gone quickly enough, and I managed to feign just enough indifference to conceal the fact I had a hard-on that would drill concrete. Meanwhile we talked about music, politics, and what was for dinner. It was remarkable, we almost sounded like a real couple. I pulled over to the side of the road and blindfolded her again before we went up the side roads to the house. Soon we were there, and I undid the blindfold. We gathered up the shopping bags and we went into the house. "First as a safety note, there are about twenty guns in this house. Most all of them are loaded and I don't have time to teach you to deal with all of them today, so just don't touch them. Now, I think we need a nice hot shower before we cook dinner", I announced. "Sounds good. May I wash your back, or anything else, sir?" she flirted. I teasingly smacked her tight, perfect ass for the first time. She oohed, and pushed it invitingly outward. "That's for being such a little flirt in the car." I did it again, several times. "Sir, why are you punishing me for trying to entertain you by being slutty?" she innocently asked, batting her eyelashes like a B-movie actress. "It doesn't count as punishment if you enjoy it, Michelle. Besides, you have a very spankable ass." "Mmmmm, good point. I also think I'm wearing way too many clothes for this." With that, she unceremoniously ripped off her T-shirt and shorts, and tossed her bra to the side. I'd forgotten she'd skipped the panties on the way out of her townhouse. "Allow me to get the shower water going for you, sir. Also, this collar's not waterproofed, permission to remove it for now, sir?" "Yes, go ahead." Well, she'd definitely been studying her role, or there was just fine natural submissive talent there. I didn't know which and I didn't care which. We climbed into the shower, and it was nice soaping her up, and getting soaped. She had amazingly soft skin and fantastic curves. It was hard to believe her breasts were real, since she had that long-legged, thin-waisted disproportionately busty look of early Nineties comic book heroines. For you comics guys, think Jean Grey as drawn by Jim Lee, only pale with black hair. But she seemed very intent on her role of washing me, especially that aching damn hard-on. It took a lot of willpower to gently steer her away from it. "I think we both want to use that thing a little too much for our own good." "Mmmm, I just want to use it good." I kissed her, long and hard. "All in good time, Michelle. I am going to go very slowly and very carefully with you, for both our sakes." She sank to her knees there in the shower, looking up to me. "Sir, your slut begs you. Please allow her to suck you off as a thank-you for the pretty play clothes?" I'm sure somewhere there was an iron-hearted dominant guy who could have resisted under those circumstances, fearing her getting what she wanted under those circumstances would upset the power dynamic. Look, at that point, I'd dreamt of nailing Michelle for about a year, and had her begging for it and flirting for about three hours straight. I'm human. I was even more human back then. I didn't reply, I just slid a hand into her hair and pulled her onto me. Damn, she was good. I didn't want to think about how she'd gotten that way, but she was good. Better than Joan, and Joan had studied every porn tape she could get in an effort to perfect her style. I had about no self control left, and Michelle apparently had studied up on talking dirty. "Mmmmm, that's it, sir, fuck my mouth. Oh yeah, please cum on my face. Mark your territory. Sluts need cum on their faces, and I want to be your slut." Again, wow. Pretty quickly, I blew a very substantial wad across her face, my knees buckling. I damn near fell. The shower got a lot of it, but she wiped the rest of it on her fingers and deliberately licked them clean. "Thank you, sir. I needed that." We finished up in the shower like normal people. She quickly toweled her hair off and tied it back in a ponytail. She retrieved her makeup bag and some of the shopping bags, and looked toward the study before looking back at me. "Sir, may your slut dress up for you before we eat?" "Certainly, I think you know what I like, and what you'd be expected to do." "Yes sir. I hope it's all right for me to hope that I get done if I do well." "Michelle, I had no idea you were so...enthusiastic about sex before today. You'd always struck me as the uptight respectable sorority sort, even if you weren't paying dues any longer." "Well, I don't think I'd found the kind of sex I'd enjoyed, and this way gives me a good rush. You buckling my collar in public, sucking you off in the shower, it makes me wet and I can't wait to try more. If we're going to reprogram my brain from cocaine addict to orgasm-crazed submissive nymphomaniac, I think I should stick as much to what gives me a good rush." "Sounds like a good plan. I'll meet you in the kitchen." I was glad she was taking a few minutes to doll up. While I could use my kitchen as an operating room, my bedroom was a damned mess. Throwing on some hiking shorts and a knit shirt, I shoved the clean laundry pile into the closet and threw the dirty clothes basket in on top. The bed was clean, I just threw the comforters into some semblance of order. The bed was two full (or double if you prefer) mattresses side by side on a homemade lumber frame. It had enough room to land helicopter gunships on, plus the frame was generously provided with eye bolts and other bondage fittings since I'd built it for exactly that purpose. Had I wanted, I could have stood either half of the frame up and used it as a wall-mount torture rack. I bagged the trash and threw it into the kitchen trash can. I kicked books under the bed, especially the big stack of porn, and slid out the locked rifle case that contained my BDSM toys. Opening it, I laid out the leather cuff set and the nipple clamps. I remember what she'd said about the clothespins, so figured those would go well. Those went in my pocket. I also left a riding crop out in plain sight just to keep her honest. Besides, the thought of marking her beautiful pale skin, even just a little, gave me a sadistic tingle. We'd decided earlier on toasted ravioli as curl-up-together finger food. I set a pot of water to boil, and got out the Italian bread crumbs while the oven preheated. I distracted myself with routine kitchen tasks while trying to keep my mind from wandering to thoughts of what Michelle would consider "dressing for dinner" under the circumstances. I didn't have too long to wait. I heard the unstable clicking of her new spike heels on the hardwood floor of the living room and I turned. She'd taken a couple minutes with her hair and makeup, and looked amazing. Her pouting lips were a perfect shade of "cocksucking red", her nails were touched up, and she'd picked out a nice pair of black stockings with the black leather garter belt. That was all she'd picked out. Her collar, her garter and stockings, and her shoes made up her entire outfit. She smiled shyly. "For tonight, I thought less might be more, sir." Her hands were behind her back, and she turned, revealing the fact she'd cuffed herself with the steel police handcuffs off my bed before coming out. Looked like a fresh Brazilian waxing too. Today couldn't have been too sudden a decision to play today, otherwise she just paid way more attention to grooming Down There than most women. I swallowed hard. It is sometimes a bit hard to deal with when a woman ordinarily way the fuck out of your league signs up for this. "Very nice" was about all I could come up with. I figured less would be more for words, too. "Thank you, sir. I'm trying not to be too much of a slut, but I'm also trying to keep up a good start. Plus, like I said, I'm finding I get off on it." "Well allow me to add a small surprise then", and with that I pulled the nipple clamp set out of my pocket and quickly snugged them into place. They were the tweezer style, and her nipples were already hard with excitement. "Wow, they're better than the clothespins. The clothespins were just too much unless I was really close to getting off. These are just perfect, a nice tweaking while your hands are elsewhere..." She slid in for a hug despite her immobilized arms. I hugged her close, and spanked her twice. She gasped a bit, very sexily I might add, and smiled. I poured us both a couple lemonades since neither of us were wine drinkers, and I put the platter of ravioli on the coffee table. I don't recall what movie I put on, but it was one guaranteed not to distract us from each other. Michelle sat on the front edge of the couch with her depressingly perfect posture, turned sideways to accommodate her cuffed arms, and thrusting those beautiful breasts outward. She stretched her legs out in front of her, displaying those long stockinged wonders for my enjoyment. With a shy giggle from her, I dipped hers in the marinara sauce and gently fed her. It was a very quiet meal, with chewing only interrupted by the occasional soft kiss, and a nice gasp from her once when I gave into temptation and tugged the clamp chain a bit. As we finished, she snuggled close. "This is what I was talking about, sir. Control. We sit here together, and you protect me from myself and take care of me. It keeps that gray depressed feeling away, and since I'm waiting for the little additional rush of doing something naughty and sexy for you before we call it a night, my pussy is just dripping." "Did you have anything special in mind?" "Mmmm, my hands are behind my back so they'd be out of the way if you bent me over something, spanked my ass red, and fucked my pussy raw from behind. That sounds like fun." "I can think of something better." I stood, took hold of her leash, and led her off to the bedroom. I uncuffed her, and fitted her with the leather cuffs I'd laid out earlier. These were the sort that used a small padlock rather than a buckle. The ankle cuffs had a devilish little strap that went below the arch of a high-heeled shoe, keeping them on her feet and her more vulnerable atop the skyscraper heels I preferred. The black leather blindfold came out of the case. A little playful posing on her part, and I then stretched her out on that big bed in a spread-eagle, hooked the cuffs to chains and snaplinks that were always there for the purpose, and cranked up one of the vibrators to a low pitch. I then started teasing her from her nipples all the way down to her knees and back, paying special attention to the insides of her thighs, the backs of her knees, sides of the ribcage, all round those glorious tits, and repeating the pattern. She was moaning two minutes in. Twenty minutes later she was gasping and panting, and I was just starting to brush it over her pussy. Then after a little of that, I got impatient and started teasing her more directly with it, working up and over her clit now and then to keep her revved up all the way. "Sir, please please please your little slut is begging you to please let her cum, omigawd please", and it sounded like such sweet music to my ears that I started sliding more and more of the vibrator into her soaked pussy. She moaned, with a little joyful squeal as I cranked up the vibrator's speed and dragged just the tip of it over her clit. Damn, she was close. I didn't want to cut it too close, so I pulled the vibrator off her clit. "Sirrr....please..." "I'm not done with you yet, sexy." I unclipped the chains from her ankle cuffs to give us a little freedom of movement, and I ditched my own clothes. I was determined to fuck her myself. Not much fancy positioning or technique, and at this point I wasn't much for making it last. I gave her pussy a couple quick licks just to say hello, then I climbed on top and slid in. For a girl who'd supposedly been with a "lot of guys", she was amazingly tight. Maybe the research was right and a mere five inch cock was average so she'd avoided getting stretched out. But she was very hot and very wet and shoving her hips back up at me to meet my every stroke, moaning and talking dirty every second of it. Oh, the filth coming out of her mouth, delicious filth in her sweet Southern drawl. She'd obviously been researching it. I sat back, freeing a path to resume teasing her clit with the vibrator while I kept fucking her. Finally it was just too much for either of us, and we both came, her with a screech and me with an "uhhhhhn". After a minute, I pulled off her blindfold and unclipped her wrists. She rolled on top of me and kissed me hungrily. "Now that is what I was talking about. Oh my God what a fucking rush. I'm...shaking." "Well, it was your first bound orgasm, right?" "Yes, sir, and I hope it's not the last. First bondage and probably the best fucking orgasm of my life. Mmmmm, we have got to do that again." And with that, we snuggled in next to each other for that first night's sleep. My Michelle ***** "I'll bet you can't last that long." I challenged my wife. "You're on!" She answered my challenge. "And if I do, what's in it for me?" "I don't know, do you have anything in mind?" "How about dinner at Tomasella's tonight." She replied. Tomasella's was the best restaurant in town and one of our favorites although we didn't get there as often as we might like because it was also the priciest. "Done! If you can make it the full 10 minutes we'll be eating at Tomasella's tonight. Since I know you'll never be able to last that long, what do I get?" I kidded, knowing there was no chance I would lose this bet. "You can have your way with me all night." She laughed, knowing that me having my way with her was something I did regularly, whether or not I had won a bet with her. "I hope you got plenty of rest last night, you won't be getting any sleep tonight." I informed her. "I'll be having surf and turf for dinner tonight, I think that will give me the energy I'll need." She rebutted my challenge. "Are you ready to get started?" I asked. "Just as soon as I set a couple of ground rules. The time starts when she picks up, I expect you to watch and let me know once we reach the 10 minute mark. You'll only be able to use your mouth, I don't want you trying anything funny with your hands. Understand?" She said trying to sound serious. "Not a problem. I don't think you'll be able to last half that long but you keep telling yourself that you will." Once we had the ground rules sorted out, it was time to get started. Michelle and I went into our bedroom where we each stripped down to full nudity, each of us looking forward to this. The bet I had made with her was that she would have to speak to her sister on the phone for a full 10 minutes without letting on that I would be eating her the entire time. She swore she could do it, but I had faith in my own oral talents that she wouldn't be able to last anywhere close to 10 minutes. We each liked fun and games and this was something we had never tried before, but the thought of it intrigued us both. "I'm all set, but remember you can't start until she picks up the phone and we start speaking." Michelle reiterated. "You just lie down, spread your legs and get comfortable. I won't start until I hear you speaking to her." She lay down on the bed and spread her legs wide, I crawled up between them with my face inches from her naked pussy. My thought was to tease her for the first minute or two and then once I had lulled her into letting down her guard, I would go right for the prize as I sucked her clit into my mouth and ravaged it with my tongue. I knew just how much she enjoyed this and I was certain this would set her off very quickly. "I'm ready any time you are. Go ahead and make the call." Michelle had her cell phone in her hand, she pressed the key to speed-dial her sister and I was ready to begin momentarily. "Hi Haley, how are you doing today?" This statement was the beginning of the phone call, and I got to work. I slid in closer and reached my hands under her ass and up and around over her thighs until I remembered I had promised not to use my hands. I let them rest lightly on the top of her thighs, hoping she wouldn't accuse me of violating the ground rules but I didn't see any concern on her face nor did she stop speaking to her sister to chastise me for my actions. I used my tongue to slowly lick up and down each side of her labia very slowly as I wanted her to get more comfortable with what I was doing and concentrate less on my actions than she was on speaking to her sister. I gave a few gentle licks and kisses to the insides of her thighs as I moved closer to her opening, I could start to sense the odor of her arousal and I knew it would not take long before she would be dripping down onto the sheets below. "Not really too much, I was talking to mom earlier and she was telling me about a trip she and dad were thinking about taking. Can you believe they've been married 35 years?" I heard her saying, I assumed this was going to be a very general conversation. "Do you really want to? Yeah I suppose we probably ought to do something for them but I hadn't really given it any thought. Do you have anything particular in mind?" She continued speaking, I didn't notice anything in her speech that would indicate something else was going on other than a nice talk between sisters. "Yeah, I think they might enjoy something like that. We could get a bunch of their friends together and reserve something in a restaurant here and just have a nice party for them. I'm sure they would be upset with us if everyone brought gifts but we can just let people know all we want really is their company." They continued speaking, the subject light and mostly about their parents and what they might do to celebrate their parents' upcoming anniversary. I could see the clock on the nightstand as they talked, realizing it had been a little over two minutes now. She hadn't really looked at me with anything more than a casual glance so far and I assumed she was confident in her knowledge that she would be able to blunt my efforts. Now it was time for me to pick up my pace, I wasn't worried she would be able to outlast me, but I didn't want to wait too long before I started to get more serious either. I had been using the tip of my tongue and just moving lightly over her outer lips, now I started burrowing in deeper, pushing my face in between her labia and starting to work my tongue further into her pussy opening. I glanced up in time to see her looking at me more closely as she realized I was starting to increase my effort and she would have to work even harder to try to remain calm. I felt her jump a bit with the first probe of my tongue inside of her, but she managed to continue her conversation without giving her sister any sign that anything was going on other than their little talk. "Have you heard about the big sale they're having at Macy's this weekend?" They changed the subject, it appears they had finished whatever they had to say about their parent's anniversary. "If you're not doing anything Saturday, how about I meet you and we see if they have anything good? Yeah I think it will be a nice time, we can spend some money and then have lunch together. What do you think?" I was still trying to push my tongue as far into her depths as I could, and I knew she was having a more difficult time keeping her voice even. I glanced up at the clock realizing that she had been speaking for about 4 and a half minutes so far, I knew that if I intended to win this little bet I would have to heat things up, starting right now. I was finding it difficult not to use my hands, something I normally did and I almost wished I had at least objected when she said I couldn't but too late now. Realizing that she had gotten used to the feel of my tongue trying to push in between her inner lips, even though I knew she was really enjoying the feel, she was still able to speak with her sister without letting on exactly what was happening between her legs. I loved my wife dearly, but I also didn't like losing to her. She had agreed to this little contest so I assume she felt she had the ability to do what it took to win, but that wasn't going to happen. We had been together long enough for me to know what really set her off, we had been together for two years before getting married and now our seventh wedding anniversary had only recently passed. Fighting the urge to pull her lips apart with my hands, I slowly worked my way up until I got to her clit, I could see it was hard and throbbing with excitement, just waiting for me to attack it with my tongue. As soon as I ran my tongue over it, Michelle shuddered a bit and I heard the tone of her voice jump a notch but only for a word. "No, there was nothing, I just had a little scratch in my throat that's all." She explained to Haley. Haley must've heard the change in her voice just as I had, and I was thinking this might qualify to let her sister know what was going on, but they kept chatting as though nothing had changed. I inched up a bit higher so that I could get my lips fully around her clit, I then sucked it into my mouth and held it gently in my teeth as my tongue started running over and around again, I could feel it pulsing each time my tongue passed over it. Michelle could feel it too, I knew she was tensing up and I think she was having to fight hard not to squeeze her legs tight against my head. She could try if she wanted, it probably wouldn't help her, but I wouldn't use that as an excuse either. "Lee is lying down right now, you know how hard he works." The subject had changed again, now she was talking about me although I don't think her sister was thinking of me lying down in the same way my wife was. "Yeah, I know how lucky I am but I'm sure you'll find someone just as great for yourself. Sometimes it just takes a little more looking but I have no doubt." I knew her sister was lamenting the fact that she didn't have anyone special in her life right now, I didn't understand why but for whatever the reason she had never been able to find someone she felt comfortable with for any long term commitment. Haley was a beautiful woman, just as Michelle was. She was fun to be with and we all three went out regularly, I always got a boost to my ego to be seen with two such attractive young women. Michelle and I had talked about this on a number of occasions but even though Michelle had tried to fix up her sister with several of her friends, nothing ever came of them. I had to stop these thoughts, even though I was still sucking and licking at her hard clit, the time was slipping away and I started to think she might actually make it the full 10 minutes. I knew I probably shouldn't but took the time anyway to check the clock. I was down to one minute left, only 60 seconds to turn her on enough that she would be unable to continue speaking with her sister normally. I hadn't expected her to make it even half this long and wondered just how she had managed to do so, I could usually bring on a quick orgasm in her with my mouth and tongue very rapidly. I had her hard clit in my teeth, running my tongue over it but I knew I would have to do something more drastic since time was quickly running out. I didn't want to hurt her, but I grasped it firmly enough and pulled, causing her to involuntarily jump. Still she managed to speak, the tone and character of her words perhaps a bit slower, but I don't think her sister would be able to notice much of a difference. I tried pulling it again with my teeth, having the same result, she jumped noticeably but was able to continue. This was getting serious, I was down to less than 30 seconds before I would lose the bet, something I swore would never happen. What to do? I had a quick thought of reaching my hands up a little higher and fondling her breasts, although I wasn't sure that would be sufficient to break her concentration. She loved the way I played with them, but it was usually something that was sufficient to get her started not push her over the top. Besides, I had already promised not to use my hands although at this moment I was pretty sure that would be my only option if I had any chance to try them. Should I do it? I could shove a couple fingers into her pussy and try to get to her G spot quickly enough, or maybe put a finger up her ass, but I didn't think either would get me any points with her. In the end I kept sucking and licking in the hope that it might be enough, but at the 10 minute mark I had to admit defeat. I'm sure she expected me to lift off and give her a break, but once I had signaled her that she had made time, I kept licking and sucking just to annoy her. "Lee just told me he's taking me to Tomasella's tonight, I want you to come with us." Michelle said with a big grin, speaking to her sister. "No, it's not a problem at all. He's right here, and he says you're not going to be imposing on us. We would love to have you join us. Actually, he lost a bet to me and this is what I get as my prize. No, not right now, but I'll tell you all about it at dinner tonight. Okay, see you about 7:30. By." She was grinning at me even as I continued to lick and suck, now that she had hung up I felt that using my hands was no longer out of bounds. I reached up and fondled her tits, the nipples had hardened as soon as my tongue had touched her pussy lips and they remained hard and firm the entire time. I tweaked them as I fondled, knowing just how much she loved me doing this to her. She knew she had won, and asking her sister to join us was almost as though she was sticking out her tongue at me but I didn't mind. I stopped licking and crawled up to lie atop her, whispering in her ear "I can't believe you actually lasted the full 10 minutes." "I had enough incentive that it was easy." She baited me, I knew she was stretching the truth quite a bit here. "How about something a little harder?" I asked, just before my hard cock slid itself in between her wet pussy lips and bottomed out inside of her. She had to have known it was coming, but grunted and opened her eyes wide in surprise. "I said you could have your way with me if you won the bet, didn't I?" She murmured softly, even as I continued stroking in and pulling back with a measured pace. "I might have heard something like that. Shall I stop?" "Don't you dare! This bet was a win-win for me, I expected you to be filling my pussy regardless of who won the bet." She giggled, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me tightly to her. We both enjoyed the time we spent together, we had long ago decided that we were soul mates. It was almost love at first sight when I originally met her, a blind date arranged by a coworker. I had never been on a blind date before but had heard the horror stories from many people and almost decided to back out at the last minute. Boy was I wrong! We had gone to dinner together and it was almost as though we were the only two people in the restaurant. She later told me she too had thoughts of not meeting me, but for whatever the reason, things had worked out between us. She had her last year of college to finish and I was just starting on my career, not yet secure enough that I thought a wife and family was appropriate. We knew we would be married, but managed to put off the formality for two full years before committing to it. Even after 9 years with her, every day felt as though it was the first. Michelle was trembling and shuddering as I continued sliding into her, she was a full 10 minutes ahead of me. My cock had been like iron as I ate her, but it had waited patiently until I was able to slide it home into her pussy, a pussy that seemed made for it. "I think your pussy must've been made for my cock, they fit together so nicely that I can't believe they weren't." I had told her very early in our relationship, something I repeated to her often. She agreed completely, and we spent many happy hours with my cock buried deep in her pussy, she knew exactly what to do with that hot pussy to drive me crazy with lust. I wasn't the only one, each time my cock bottomed out inside of her pussy, she would grunt and sigh with arousal. Like I said, we were made for each other. Michelle had been shuddering and trembling for several minutes now, I knew she was trying to prolong our love making and put off her own climax until I would reach mine at the same time. We had done this often enough that reaching orgasm together was not something that was unusual, it happened regularly. I know she was trying hard to wait for me and I hoped she would be able to, that tingling in my balls was starting to get hotter and I knew I would be erupting into her very soon, very soon indeed. "I can feel you getting there honey, I know you're waiting for me but you won't have long to wait." I let her know, even though I didn't need to say it. "Give it to me baby, I want you to fill me with your seed. I want it hot and wet and running out of me all afternoon." Her voice was tight and she barely got the last words out before she started shuddering more violently, she had reached the top and was now moaning my name. Her pussy muscles gripped my cock in orgasmic paralysis, squeezing the viscous liquid out of me, my hot semen shooting into her with every contraction of my balls. We lay together for several minutes, each of us slowly trying to regain our breath as our hearts slowed, their beats now synchronized. "I expect you to build up your strength and energy too, I want you doing this to me all night long." She announced, barely able to speak. This wouldn't be the first night we had spent giving each other pleasure, but I would gladly lose a night's sleep for what I knew was coming. I lay atop her for the next 20 minutes, kissing and nuzzling her neck gently. She was murmuring soft nothings into my ear as we enjoyed the feel of each other, the feel of our recent coupling still apparent to each of us. We had done this often over the past nine years, very often indeed. Neither of us tired of our actions and each looked forward to the next occasion. "I think we have about an hour until we'll need to start getting ready to go out. Do you have any ideas about what to do with our time until then?" Michelle giggled as I was still toying with her breast. "I have a few ideas, but only one that really works for me right now." I said softly, replacing my fingers on her nipple with my lips. "Mmmmm that feels really good." "I like it too!" I managed to say, moving from one to the other. I continued the casual teasing of her nipples with my tongue, softly licking and giving a gentle nip of my teeth every few minutes. She was sighing softly, an occasional whimper mixed in but I could feel her arousal rising by the second. Hers wasn't the only one, my hard cock was trying to tell me it was looking for someplace warm and wet. I knew exactly where that place was and wasn't about to disappoint my other head which seemed to be taking over control of my thoughts. "Shall I slide it in like this, or would you prefer it from behind?" I asked her with some sense of urgency. "You know I like it either way, but right now I'm so comfortable with you lying atop me I don't think I really want to move and turn over. How about if you just shove it in and see what happens." She answered, her breath getting ragged. "You asked for it..." I said, not needing to move more than a fraction of an inch before the head of my cock slipped between her lips and it was only another few seconds before it had pushed all the way in and was bottoming out inside her hot pussy. She was still full of my semen from our last coupling, so my cock slid in easily as it enjoyed the hot, wet sensation yet again. "I know I've told you before and I know I'll tell you many times again, but my cock fits so nicely in your pussy. Don't ever let me take this feeling for granted, promise?" I said, continuing to slide in and out at a slow leisurely pace. "Not on your life! You keep putting it in and I'll keep it hot and wet every time." She said solemnly. We stayed joined together for another 30 minutes before I felt the tingling in my loins, the sign I was ready to erupt once again. This time Michelle didn't have to wait for me, she had been right along with me the entire trip and as I felt the hot viscous liquid moving up my hard shaft, I could feel her inner walls trembling as she worked hard to maintain enough control to squeeze me with her vaginal muscles. Apparently she had more than enough muscle control, she started milking my cock just as the first shot of hot liquid spurted from the tip, coating the inside of her vagina yet again. This time felt just as good as the last time had, just as good as every time we had made love ever since the first. Michelle's eyes had closed and she was moaning and trembling, but still managed to pull me tight to her despite the convulsions that were occurring in her crotch. My Michelle We lay together for another 10 minutes, the high of the sex gradually fading but each of us knew we would be here after dinner, each enjoying the other yet again. "Come on, you can help me in the shower." Michelle said as she rolled out from under me, grabbing my hand and pulling me behind her. She didn't have to ask twice nor did she have to use much effort to get me into the shower with her. "Much as I'd like to stay here for longer, I think we really need to make this a quick one before we get ready to go out. We have to pick up Haley about 7:30 and I don't want to be late." She said, even as she was working to soap up my cock in the warm water. "We can be a little late, can't we?" I said, a big grin on my face. "It wouldn't be the first time, and I'm sure she would know exactly why we were late, but I think we should really try to be punctual." I put on my sad face, but she knew it was just an act. We did do a little casual teasing, but soon playtime was over and we got out and dried. Back in the bedroom we were dressing for dinner, Tomasella's was not the kind of place one entered wearing a T-shirt and jeans. I got out one of my better suits, even though I had to wear a suit every day at work and I really disliked wearing them on the weekend. This was not the time to express my displeasure and I really didn't mind that much, not for an occasion such as this. Michelle was wandering around the bedroom naked, pulling various dresses from the closet and holding them up in front of herself as she looked into the mirror, commenting about this or that. "What do you think about this one Lee?" She asked, holding up the classic little black dress. "You know how much I like you in that dress. I think it will be perfect." I said, looking her up and down as she held the dress in front of herself. Actually she looked good in anything she wore, and she knew it but she wasn't so conceited that she needed to belabor the point to me or anyone else. She put the hanger on the door before going to the dresser and taking out a bra and pair of panties. She pulled on the panties, a pair of black bikini cut that I knew from past experience was made of silk. I had helped her out of those same panties quite a few times and I loved the feel of them both on her and off. "Can you hook me Hon?" she asked, holding a sheer strapless black bra in front of her breasts. "No problem." I said, moving to her as she turned so that her back was to me. I took the two ends and hooked the catches, I had done this enough times that I did not have any trouble. In truth I thought I was probably better at unhooking them, but right now I did as asked. "You know, I deserve a good grope for doing that for you, right?" I said in a suggestive voice, reaching around and cupping her breasts. "Why do you think I asked you to do it?" She giggled, pressing my hands hard into her breasts. I squeezed and massaged for a minute before grudgingly letting go of the warm flesh. I knew that if I took any more time we would certainly be late to pick up her sister. "Just remember where you were, we'll pick this up once we get back from dinner." She said with a seductive smile, looking over her shoulder as she spoke. I felt a little tingle in my crotch, but knew it would have to remain a tingle at least until we got back later this evening. ***** We had finished dressing and were on our way out the door, it was a 15 minute drive to her sister's apartment and it was 10 minutes after 7 right now. Michelle looked amazing, she always did, but I thought to myself just how wonderfully she filled out her clothes and just how lucky I was to have her. Besides the black dress she wore, a tasteful amount of cleavage showing, she had her diamond earrings in as well as a diamond pendant that hung down several inches above the Valley of her breasts. She was also wearing her diamond engagement ring and our wedding ring, something she never took off. The sun sparkled off of her diamonds almost as much as her eyes were sparkling as she looked at me with love. It was at times like this I wondered just how much more I could love her or if that was even possible, I couldn't imagine loving her any more than I did. We got to Haley's apartment with three minutes to spare, although I don't think she expected us at exactly 7:30 on the dot. "I'll just honk the horn, I'm sure she'll here and come out." I said, busting on Michelle because I knew she hated this type of behavior. "You do and I'll break your fingers!" She stated emphatically. I knew she was kidding and I'm sure she knew that I was kidding, it was a game we liked to play with each other. "If you insist, I guess I'll have to walk up to her door and knock the old-fashioned way." I said with an exasperated look on my face. "Knock off the crap and go get her." She said solemnly, but she couldn't hide her feelings as her mouth broke into a big smile. I walked to the door of Haley's apartment and knocked knowing she would be expecting me. She opened the door and was ready to go, saying only that she needed to pick up her purse from the table where it was sitting. I thought she looked just as nice as her sister did, although she was showing a bit less cleavage, not that Michelle was showing a lot, and her dress was a couple of inches longer. Still, I could see that they were sisters, and I felt myself very lucky to be going out with these two beautiful women. "You look great Sis. I don't think I've seen you in that dress before." Michelle said as her sister slid into the back seat shortly before I closed the door for her. "I've worn it a few times, but really don't have a lot of places or occasions where I think it's appropriate. Are you sure I'm not imposing on you two tonight?" I heard as I slid into the driver's seat, ready to make the short drive to the restaurant. "I told you that you weren't, right Lee?" She said, indicating I was to offer agreement. "You're never imposing Haley, you know we love having you with us." I said, in all sincerity. "Thanks both of you, I enjoy being with the two of you but I just don't want you to think that you have to keep me amused just because I don't have anyone in my life." Haley said, her voice sounding almost sad. "Knock it off with that crap Haley, this is going to be a fun night out and I don't want to hear any of your nonsense about being the third wheel." Michelle shot back, sounding more annoyed than I would have expected. I think it surprised Haley too, she sat back deeper in the seat and just looked out the window as we drove, not saying anything else. I snuck a quick peek at Michelle and she noticed, looking at me but not saying anything. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence I think Michelle had decided her sister had suffered enough, although suffering probably wasn't the right word to use. "Did I tell you that Lee is taking us out because I won a bet from him?" She started, turning to look over the seat at her sister in the back. "I think I remember you saying something about that." Haley said hesitantly, although I think she sensed Michelle's annoyance had passed. "I told him that if I won he had to take me to dinner at Tomasella's. He didn't think I had a chance but I'm not sure he knows even now just how badly I hate to lose." She said, snickering as I looked at her for a few seconds before returning my gaze to the road and traffic in front of us. "He could have asked me, I know just how badly you hate to lose. So what was his bet anyway?" Haley asked. I turned to look at Michelle wondering if she would actually give her sister the details of our afternoon encounter, but I already knew just how much she would enjoy teasing me and at the same time titillating her sister. "I bet him that I could call you this afternoon without you knowing he was there." She started but the tone of her voice suggested there was more. "Okay, so he was there and we talked... How does that win you a bet?" Her sister asked, falling right into Michelle's plans. "Well, he wasn't just there, he was lying between my legs eating my pussy." She said with more than a hint of pride in her voice. I heard Haley suck in a breath before she started laughing. "I'm not sure I wouldn't have made that bet against you either, how did you manage to last as long as you did? Are you trying to tell me he isn't any good with his tongue?" She asked, making a gentle dig at me in the process. "He's that good, I can promise you that. But the chance to beat him in a bet and have dinner out tonight was the incentive I needed, it really wasn't that tough." Michelle was also taking a jab at me, I could see her eyes sparkle as she glanced over with the last comment. "Remind me not to make any more bets with you." I said, easing my way into the conversation. "You're going to take all the fun out of it, aren't you?" She said with a laugh, her sister joined her in her laughter. I knew they were both having some fun at my expense and I really didn't mind, I always enjoyed being out with these two women and I knew that Haley could never be an imposition on us. The conversation had changed to lighter subjects, a few brief thoughts about their parent's upcoming anniversary and then there shopping trip this weekend began to take shape. We had a wonderful dinner, just as we always did. The service was slow and unhurried and the food was great, a perfect evening for the three of us. I danced a few dances with Michelle and at her insistence although she really didn't have to insist very hard, I also danced a few with her sister. Each woman felt perfect in my arms, being together with them was a lot of fun and a great boost to my ego. It was well after midnight before we left the restaurant and dropped Haley back at her place. "Aren't you glad you lost the bet to me this afternoon?" Michelle asked with a sly smile, shortly after we entered the house. "You know I hate to lose, but in all truthfulness, being out with you and your sister was worth the humiliation of losing to you." "What a load of crap!" She said, playfully slapping my arm. "No, it's all true." I countered. "I still need to claim the rest of my prize. Come over here and help me out of this dress." "The rest of your prize?" I asked. "You're going to have your way with me all night..." She said suggestively, already kicking her shoes off. "I thought that's what I got if I won the bet." I said, remembering her words about the bet being a win-win for her. "Maybe we should just consider this part a tie, I think we're both going to get a lot out of it." She said before turning her back to me so that I could unzip her dress. She let the dress slide down to the floor, bent and picked it up before hanging it on the door so that it could be sent to the dry cleaners. She returned without a word and again faced away from me, indicating I was to unhook her bra. I didn't need any instructions at this point, I had done this enough times to know how and also to know it was exactly what she wanted. The elastic snapped a bit as I released the Hooks and the bra fell to the floor, Michelle not bothering to reach down and pick it up. As was my normal habit, I reached around and took each of her breasts in my hands, fondling and massaging them as she leaned back into my arms. Her nipples had started hard, and only got harder and firmer the more I massaged. I could feel her purring in her chest as she put her hands atop my own, pushing them hard into her breasts and urging me to squeeze her firm tits. We continued like this for several minutes before she reluctantly pulled my hands away, turning to face me and starting to unbutton my shirt. Other than my coat and tie, I was still fully dressed but that didn't last for very long. Soon she had me naked, standing in front of her with an impressive erection pointing directly at her face as she smiled with anticipation. "I don't think you're going to need these for a while." I suggested, reaching toward her and slipping the black bikini panties off of her ass and down her legs. Once they reached the floor, she kicked them away before wrapping her arms around me and pulling us close. We didn't get much sleep this night, but neither of us complained about that. My cock fit just as nicely into her pussy tonight as it had every other time and I knew it would continue to fit just as well. Each time we coupled was slow and intimate, even though at times we might engage in a frantic quickie just for the added excitement. Tonight there was no need, we each knew just how to please the other and spent many enjoyable hours doing just that. Morning arrived and we were tired but each very contented. We both had work to do today, me to my office and Michelle to the bank where she worked. We took a quick shower together, wishing we had time to enjoy it more fully, but each knowing that once our workday was done, we would have time. On Friday night we spent several leisurely hours making love, but Michelle was going out with her sister shopping in the morning, so felt she needed to get at least a little sleep. Much as I would've liked to spend the entire night sliding my hard cock in and out of her, I too needed some sleep so we managed to drift off together about 1 AM. The shrill buzzing of the alarm at 7:30 woke us, Michelle had her day planned but so far mine was free. We had a quick breakfast together before she gave me a lingering kiss and then left to pick up her sister. The stores opened at 10 and they wanted to be there shortly after the opening, I'm not sure but somehow they felt they might miss out if they weren't there as soon as the sale started. What can I say, women and shopping! ***** Once Michelle left I did some housekeeping chores, picking up a bit and tossing a load into the washer and just putzing around the house. I still wasn't certain exactly what I wanted to do for the day, I had thought about washing the car but then again there was also a game on TV. Let's see, I can go out in the hot sun and push some soap suds around on my car or I could sit in the air conditioned comfort of the house, beer in hand, and watch the game on the big screen TV. It was a tough choice, but in the end the beer and TV won out. The game wasn't that interesting, but I was still sitting here watching it even though my attention had drifted. The phone rang and I set the beer down on the coffee table, walking the few feet to pick it up. "Hello?" I started. "Is this Lee Vogelman?" A male voice asked. "Yes it is, who is this?" I answered, wondering who might be calling me this afternoon. "Mr. Vogelman, I am officer Martinez of the Metropolitan police. Your wife has been injured and is in Memorial Hospital right now. I think you should come down right away." My breathing quickened and a shiver went down my back. "Hurt? What happened? How is she?" I managed to ask tersely. "I'm afraid I don't know too much right now, but you should get down here soon." Came the monotone from officer Martinez. "Let me talk to her sister!" I demanded. "Her sister is unable to come to the phone right now, but she was not hurt. I'm afraid I can't say any more now." "I'll be there as soon as I can..." I said before hanging up, wondering what possibly could have happened and dreading the answer at the same time. The hospital was 20 minutes from our house and I made it in 9. I think I was out of the car almost before it stopped rolling and went toward the emergency room door at a sprint. Inside there were quite a few people milling about, some sitting others wandering as I dashed to the desk and the nurse who was sitting there. "I was told my wife has been injured. I need to see her, right now." I started. "Who is your wife?" The woman asked, her demeanor didn't convey any sense of urgency which I felt it should have. "Her name is Michelle Vogelman. I need to see her." I stated forcefully. The nurse picked up her phone and spoke a few words, I heard her mention my name before setting it back on the cradle. Shortly another nurse in scrubs came out through the swinging doors and indicated I should follow her. "Where is she? What happened? How is she?" These were all questions I asked, but the nurse did not answer, simply urging me to follow her into a small room. "I'm sorry to tell you this Mr. Vogelman, but your wife was shot this afternoon." She started before I interrupted. "What do you mean she was shot?" I demanded. "You will have to speak to the police for all of the details, but as I understand it she was caught in the crossfire between some feuding gang members." The woman said, looking at me with sadness in her eyes. "Where is she, I have to see her!" I asked, fearing what she might say. "I'm sorry Mr. Vogelman, but she didn't make it." Confirming my worst fears. "She... She didn't make it?" I could barely form the words. I slumped back against the wall and my legs gave out as I slid down to the floor. "Oh my God, no!" As we had been speaking, another man in scrubs came in to join the nurse. I was sitting on the floor not knowing what I would do. The tears started to flow and for several minutes they continued unabated, neither of the other two saying a word as I wondered how my life could have changed so dramatically and so quickly. "I'm Dr. Adams Mr. Vogelman" the man started, after giving me a few minutes to try to compose myself. "What happened?" Was all I could think to say. "I'm not certain of the circumstances, but your wife was brought in with a gunshot wound. The bullet severed the left ventricle of her heart and pierced one of her lungs. The damage was too great and there was nothing we could do, I'm sorry." "Why??" Was all I could say. "I'm sorry Sir, sometimes there just isn't any answer." The Dr. tried to console me. Right now nothing he said would be able to do that. "What about Haley?" I asked, remembering she had been out with her sister. "Is she the woman who was with your wife?" The nurse asked. "Yes, they are sisters and had been out shopping together." I managed to say, now concerned that something might have happened to Haley as well. "Your sister was not hurt physically, but when she was brought in she was inconsolable and in shock. We had to sedate her and right now she is in a room down the hall. You can see her if you like, but she won't be very coherent." The doctor informed me. "I want to see my wife." I said haltingly, not sure what to expect. The doctor and nurse looked at each other before the Dr. announced "we understand. I'll have someone take you to the morgue." The shock of all this had been unbelievable, but hearing the word morgue just brought it that much closer to home. I couldn't believe that I would have to go down to that room to see my wife. It was as if the weight of the world had suddenly been dropped onto me. My shoulders slumped and the tears started flowing again. "Can we get you anything Mr. Vogelman?" The nurse asked in a soft voice as I continued to cry. I knew she had said something to me, but my mind just couldn't comprehend. "What was that?" "Is there anything we can get you or do for you?" She repeated. I just shook my head no. I didn't know what I was going to do. After several minutes I was able to compose myself enough that I could walk with another nurse who had come to escort me to the morgue. We went down several corridors and then down from this floor to the basement. I wasn't sure what to expect, but there were several others in the room as we entered before my companion indicated to one of the men who I was and why I was there. "Wait here for a moment please, I'll make sure that she's ready for you to see." He said softly, the nurse who had accompanied me took my arm lightly. My Michelle Shortly he signaled we could come over and I saw her lying on a table and covered with a sheet below her neck. Her face looked just as beautiful as it always had, but some of the color seemed to have drained from it. The composure I had managed to maintain to this point disappeared as I started crying yet again. The nurse gripped my one arm and the Dr. the other as they assumed I might collapse and I wasn't sure that I wouldn't have without their assistance. After standing and looking at her for several minutes, I leaned down and gave her a kiss on the lips. They were cold and unresponsive, totally different from any other time I had kissed her. The sudden realization that she would never again kiss me back almost caused me to vomit. Once again I couldn't believe this was happening. Our life had been perfect together and now it was as though it had ended. I wanted to stay as long as possible but then remembered Michelle's sister. "I need to go see her sister." I said to the nurse who had escorted me down. "I understand, I'll take you to see her." We went back upstairs passing by the emergency room where I had heard the shocking news several minutes earlier. We then went to another room where I could see Haley lying in a hospital bed, she seemed to be sleeping peacefully. She was the only one in the room and for a quick minute I was reminded of Michelle's face the first time I saw her in the morgue, looking just as still and lifeless. "How is she?" Was all I could think to say. The floor nurse had come in behind us and she answered my question. "Physically she is not hurt. She was in shock when she came in, she was babbling incoherently and had a lot of blood on her although it was not hers. We have sedated her for now but she should wake shortly." "Has anyone told her parents?" I managed to think logically long enough to ask the question. The two women looked at each other before one of them answered "I don't really know." I wished I didn't have to do this, but I knew it was my responsibility. I called Michelle's parents and her mother answered the phone. I wasn't sure exactly what to say or how to start, it was just so difficult. I couldn't think of anything that might ease the news, so I ended up telling it to her directly. Her daughter was dead! I heard her scream and the phone fell to the floor. I could hear my father come running to her aid and at the same time pick up the phone trying to see what had caused his wife's distress. I had to break the news to him as well and after several minutes of us each trying to comprehend why this had happened, he told me they would be here at the hospital as soon as possible. ***** I was sitting in Haley's room just looking at her as she rested peacefully. Michelle's parents came in and the three of us hugged and cried together. We stood there trembling and sobbing, none of us knowing exactly what to say. We didn't notice Haley starting to wake, she had moved around, blinked her eyes several times before being able to focus on the three of us. Our first indication that she was conscious came when she screamed. We separated and her mother immediately went to comfort her. She leaned over Haley in the bed and the two of them hugged together tightly, neither saying a word. "So much blood... I don't know... Why??" Haley was babbling incoherently, she was still having trouble comprehending what had happened. "Sshhhhhh. It's okay Haley, we are here." Her mother tried to console her. She started to calm, at least outwardly although I could see tears running down her cheeks. "She's gone isn't she?" She managed in a shaky voice. The three of us looked at each other without a word before her mother softly answered "yes." The two of them each broke down and cried as they held each other close. We spent the afternoon in the hospital, alternately crying and asking each other why this had to happen. After several hours like this, Haley had calmed enough she was able to get out of bed and stand and we decided however reluctantly to go home. I went with them to their house, there was nothing for me at my own. We sat mostly in silence for another hour, occasionally one of us breaking down and sobbing quietly. Finally Michelle's mother went to the kitchen and fixed something for us to eat although none of us admitted to being hungry. Being the mother she was, she insisted we all have something and we sat down to a quiet dinner of soup and sandwiches. ***** The next few days were a blur to me, there was so much to do and I didn't have a clue where to start. The thought that one or the other of us would not live well into old age had never occurred to either of us so we were not prepared for this. I had to make funeral arrangements as well as informing a number of friends and relatives. Michelle's parents were a great comfort to me and tried to help me with this task as much as possible. Haley wanted to help me as well, but she was still having trouble accepting the fact, reliving the event, both awake and in her dreams. After two days I was finally able to get myself together enough to talk to the police and find out exactly what had happened. Apparently two cars filled with gang bangers were having a dispute over their drug turf and had been chasing each other through the mall parking lot, shooting at each other as they went. Michelle and Haley had come out of one of the stores, unaware of what was happening, and had been caught in the crossfire. The police said that no one else had been shot which was a good thing, but the gang bangers got away. They thought they had some leads about who they were and hoped that an investigation would lead to arrests soon. Tuesday we had the viewing in the afternoon, and the funeral would be Wednesday morning. I went through the motions although I'm not sure how I managed. I remember a lot of people coming through and offering me condolences, but if I had to I couldn't name any individual or remember what he or she had said. It was just all so inconceivable to me and my mind was trying to block out all the hurt. After the Viewing finished, Michelle's parents and sister stayed with me as the funeral director allowed us to say our final goodbyes before the coffin would be closed forever. We each wanted a moment with her alone, but Haley's father had to come support his wife as she started to collapse as she was looking at her daughter for the last time. They stood there silently for a couple of minutes before moving away to allow me and Haley to take our turns. We came up together as well, I think I was supporting her as much as she was supporting me. "Goodbye Sis." Haley said so softly I almost didn't hear. She squeezed my arm and held on even tighter as she moved aside and allowed me to get close to my wife. I couldn't say anything, there weren't really any words to express my loss. I tried but nothing would come. I leaned down and kissed her one last time, her lips just as cold and still as they had been several days earlier in the morgue. The funeral director was standing unobtrusively off to the side but as we turned to leave he again offered his condolences as he escorted us out. The next day was just as difficult, we rode in silence behind the Hearse that was carrying her coffin. This would be goodbye forever, once in the ground there would be a sense of finality but the feeling of loss would never leave me. Our parish priest did a marvelous job of eulogizing her and quite a number of our friends and acquaintances were there to say their goodbyes as well. On the one hand I thought the service was taking way too long, I just wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere but at the same time I knew that as soon as it ended so too did this part of our lives. Michelle's parents had opened their house for anyone who wanted to stop by after the funeral, I was glad many of them had come but at the same time I just wanted this to be over. I didn't know what I was going to do without her and having all these people here continued to remind me that she was gone. I tried my best to speak to all of them and offer my thanks, I really truly was grateful, but it was difficult. The afternoon stayed morose as people came and went, and finally the last had left. Michelle's mother again offered me dinner but I refused, I just needed some alone time to sort out my life. ***** I spent the next few days at home by myself, I really didn't feel like going anywhere or seeing anyone. My emotions were churning inside my body, I just didn't know what to do. No matter what I did or where I went in the house, Michelle was there. Not in person, but everything I saw reminded me of her. There were cosmetics in the bathroom when I went into that room. In the bedroom her little black dress was still hanging on the closet door waiting for its trip to the dry cleaners. Even without looking at the dress, every time I entered the room I could smell the faint odor of her perfume in the air. At night I would reach for her in bed, but no one reached back. I was going crazy here in the house, everything reminded me of her. I had to get out of the house but wasn't sure what to do once gone. I hadn't had much to eat over the past few days, I really didn't feel like taking the time to fix myself something and my sadness had crowded out hunger from my mind. I took a short drive to get something to eat and by habit went toward the mall, but at the last minute remembered what had happened at the mall a week ago and turned the wheel in a panic, almost wrecking the car as I went in the opposite direction. I drove for another half hour aimlessly, not sure why I was even out but after several minutes had calmed and remembered I wanted something to eat. I saw a restaurant up ahead and pulled into the parking lot, figuring it was as good a place as any to find something. As I walked from the parking lot toward the entrance, a group of teenagers were hanging out and I had to walk around them to get to the door. I hadn't really given people like this much notice in the past, but now looking at them with their funny colored hair, the nose rings and coarse language, their pants hanging down below their asses I had to wonder if one of them had been the shooter. The feeling of rage started to boil within me as I looked into the face of the loudest and most obnoxious looking one, deciding I would go beat the truth out of him, I was certain he knew who had done the deed. If I hadn't been so tired and distraught, I would have found the energy to do just that, but fortunately for me my inability to act had made the decision for me. I kept walking, wondering if any of them really did know anything. I went inside the restaurant and was shown to a table where I sat and bemoaned the circumstance. I would often eat alone at lunchtime when I was working, but other than that it was rare that Michelle was not with me in a restaurant. I hadn't returned to work yet and that thought brought her absence to the front of my mind again, not that it had been gone from my thoughts for long. A pleasant young girl came to take my order and I managed to read the menu and asked her for a burger and fries. Once the food arrived I sat eating it although I don't recall tasting anything. I was simply going through the motions while my mind was whirling in my head, not slowing long enough for me to grasp anything. I was just about finished with the food when I glanced over toward the door and saw a woman with blonde hair and I swore it was her. I jumped to my feet and was ready to call out to her when she turned to face me and I could see that although she resembled Michelle, she wasn't. Several people nearby had looked as I jumped to my feet but went back to their eating and I just sat back down, burying my face in my hands as I wondered how I could continue on without her. Michelle's mother called me Sunday afternoon, asking me to come over for dinner. I really didn't feel like it and tried not to insult her but told her that I wasn't in the mood. She tried for a couple of minutes to change my mind but I was insistent so she handed the phone to Haley who did her best to do what her mother had been unable to do. "I'm sorry Haley, it's... It's... It's just too soon." "It's been just as long for each of us here, we love you and we want you to be part of our family still. Please come over, it means a lot to mom and me too. I'm sure dad feels the same way although you know him, he doesn't express his feelings very well." Haley persisted with her request. "Thanks Haley, I love you too. I don't want to lose touch with any of you but right now I just need to be alone." I said with finality before hanging up. ***** I had taken the previous week off from work, but not having anything else to do at home I thought that perhaps it would take my mind off of things. My boss had told me to take as much time as I needed but I was certain that was only a formality, I didn't think my colleagues could carry on my work for very long without me. Once in the office, everyone came to my desk as they offered condolences and tried to find something to say, but most seemed uncertain of exactly what might be suitable. They all knew Michelle, she had been in the office regularly when she would come by to join me for lunch or sometimes she might pick me up after work if we wanted to go out right away. I tried to get back into the spirit of my work, but I would regularly find my mind wandering and I had to force myself back to the task at hand. Normally the office was a friendly and cheerful place, but for whatever the reason, and I knew exactly what that reason was, the mood was quiet and gloomy. I made it through the day but hadn't really accomplished anything. I knew I would be heading to an empty house and that thought only made it harder for me to concentrate on what I needed to. Some people tried to be more cheerful than others, I knew they had to force it but I did at some level appreciate the thought and the effort. Still, I did not find much comfort in their attempt. I drove home and went into the house, expecting to see her in the kitchen just as I did regularly, but as I knew I would, she wasn't there I hadn't eaten anything at lunch, I wasn't hungry. I didn't feel hungry right now either, but I knew I would need to get something to eat. I started looking through the refrigerator and the cabinets in search of something, and eventually found a can of chili. Michelle was a good cook and we never ate out of cans, but apparently this had been bought in anticipation of a power outage or perhaps a storm. While I looked through the cabinets, I also found a pint of brandy with a couple inches left in the bottom, Michelle used this occasionally as she cooked. I'm not a big drinker, particularly hard liquor. I might have a few beers on a warm summer afternoon and maybe wine with dinner, but that's about the extent of my alcohol consumption. Still, I took the brandy with me as well as the chili into the living room as I sat and started to eat right out of the can. I would take a few bites of chili and wash it down with the brandy, the alcohol burning its way into my stomach. I continued like this and by the time the chili was gone so was the brandy. I tossed both into the trash and felt a sense of warmth start to grow throughout my body. Along with the warmth came a dulling of my thoughts as the alcohol started to work on me. With my brain slowed, the emotions that had been churning within me also started to calm and I was able to sit without reliving the entire previous week. The rest of my week went about the same as Monday had gone, I tried doing work but it suffered because of my lack of concentration. I knew I had to get things under control of my mind, there were others who depended on me here but for now my own loss seemed to outweigh any concern I might have for them. On Tuesday I had gone home and eaten another cold dinner, but despite looking, had not found any more alcohol in the house. I tried reading and watching TV, neither of which helped my mind to slow down and give me any rest. The next day I stopped at the liquor store on the way home and bought a quart of Scotch. I didn't like the taste but found that it worked quickly to dull my senses and I had finished it by Friday night. Over the next few months I managed to pick up my game at work a bit, but it didn't take much thought for me to realize I wasn't anywhere near what I was capable of before. No one had said anything, but I knew they must be thinking it, although at this point I was less worried about what they might be thinking than in my own thoughts. I had started drinking more heavily, Scotch seemed to be my best friend now. I was able to control my use of it since I knew that driving under the influence or trying to do what minimal amount of work I could do would not fare well. Still, every night it helped me to forget and allowed me to sleep for at least a few hours before I would wake and find myself awash in self-pity. ***** It had been three months since that fateful day and today was Friday, I was alone in my office late in the afternoon. I was lost in my thoughts when my boss came in, clearing his throat to let me know of his presence. "Afternoon Stewart, how are you?" I said out of habit, setting aside the papers I had been trying without much success to read through. "I'm good Lee, how about you?" He answered in response. "About the same." I said without much emotion in my voice. He looked at me without speaking for a minute, I could tell he was thinking and had something on his mind that he wanted to discuss with me. "This is a little tough for me Lee, but we have to talk about something." He started. I was pretty sure I knew what he wanted to talk about, my performance over these past three months had been less than adequate and I knew it. "Go ahead." I replied. "I'm sure you know your performance recently has not been up to your usual standard. All of us here understand and we've been giving you a lot of slack. We value you here but you're going to have to get yourself together soon, we can't keep carrying you." He said, trying to look me in the eye but not succeeding very well. "I know I haven't been doing as well as I could, but I'm trying." I lied. "Look Lee, it's been three months since Michelle left us..." He started before I cut in. "Left us? You make it sound as though she got on a bus and will be back tomorrow. She's fucking dead!" I shouted as my rage began to grow. "I'm sorry Lee, I know how hard this is for you." He tried to apologize. "How the hell can you know how hard this is for me?? Has your wife been shot? Have you lost a loved one, someone you can't live without?" I was starting to rant, I knew I shouldn't but my emotions were again taking control of my actions. "Let's start over again Lee, please?" He tried to placate me. I wasn't in the mood to be placated, but some small part of my brain that was still functioning knew that dumping on him was not going to be productive for either of us. "I'm sorry Stewart, I shouldn't have said that." "Let's forget it. Now, we have to decide what's going to happen to you in the future. As I said, we value you here but you're going to have to start carrying your own weight. We've given you some time but right now I think the time that we've allowed you is just about to run out." "Are you asking me to resign Stewart, or are you planning to fire me?" I said, wondering just where this conversation was headed. "Neither right now Lee, we don't want either at this time. However, if you do offer a resignation I would be inclined to accept it. No one is going to fire you just yet, but I might not be able to say that for much longer." He said in a matter of fact way.