41 comments/ 76914 views/ 44 favorites Be Mine By: Sir_Nathan "I'm glad the day is done," I say, as I sit back in the couch and sigh contentedly. I raise the remote control and turn off the television. You smile softly at me, unknowing of my intentions. "Would now be a good time to show you what I bought today?" you ask. "Sure, I'd like that," I say, pleased you remembered. "Alright. I'll be right back." "No rush, I'll make coffee." You grin back at me and wink. "I can't help it. I want to rush," you giggle. I smile back warmly, appreciating your eagerness. You walk from me, then look over your shoulder at me as you light your aromatic candle. It is our 'signal'. We decided long ago that lighting your candle meant you wanted to feel it. 'It.' Your submission to me. Looking directly into my eyes, you tip your head back a little and sniff the air. It's our private joke. You pinch your nipple looking into my green eyes and say, "Mmmmm, vanilla." I chuckle and smile at you. You smile back. "I'll be right back, Sir." "I'm looking forward to it." You giggle and shake your head. "I hope you're not disappointed," you say. I smile to myself. You would look good in a Hessian bag. I return to the sofa and place our steaming cups on the coffee table and wait. Our timing is good and in moments you turn down the lights a little before entering the space in front of me. You stop and put one hand on your hip, mimicking a runway model, then turn and stride across in front of the raging fireplace. I nod and smile in appreciation. You stop and pivot, taking your 'hand on hip' stance once again. As a mock Presenter, you pretend to hold a microphone and speak in a tone unfamiliar to me, holding back your giggle. "Cherie looks lovely in green pajama pants with a little frog motif, complimented by a tank top. Note the thinness of the tank top, and Cherie's nipples showing right through. Perfect for the relaxed evening at home." 'Cherie' walks across in front of me and pirouettes, finishing with 'hand on hip' once more. "Looking lovely," I echo. You blush and hold your pose, wondering what might happen next. I sense the end of your 'show' and stand, walking toward you and clapping lightly. "Lovely, my pet. Truly lovely." I reach you, taking your hands in mine, and I lean down and kiss your forehead. We smile at each other; me walking backwards leading you to the sofa, you realising it has begun. "Stand here." I motion to a position directly before me. I sit down and you stand where I indicate. After a moment's silence, I speak. "Take off the pants." You do not hesitate, and stand before me naked from the waist down. "Stand proudly, you are beautiful." You blush and straighten your back, smiling softly. I lean forward and hold out my hands for you to take. "Straddle my legs, sit facing me." You take my offered hands in yours and set one foot on either side of my legs, sitting down and opening yourself to me. I guide you into a comfortable position, smiling into your eyes and holding your arms slightly out, admiring your beauty. I reach up with my hands to gently cup your face in them and lean into you, kissing you tenderly, caressing your lips lightly with mine. You moan softly and close your eyes in pleasure as I passionately slide my warm moist tongue between your lips. I feel the soft touch of your fingertips about my waist and your tongue gently returning my kiss. I slide my right hand around behind your head and into your hair. "God, I've needed you. Have I been away that long?" I kiss you hard before you can answer, mumbling sweet nothings against your lips. I feel you smile and lick against my mouth, tasting me. "I'm tingling all over, head to foot." I say. I pull your hair back, gently exposing your neck, and hear you moan softly in anticipation. I hesitate then lean in sliding my tongue right down your neck to your collarbone. I kiss it and you shudder with butterflies in your stomach. My left hand drags my nails down your back across your hip and reaches up, cupping your breast and feeling your nipple press into my palm. You moan softly, pressing into my hand. I kiss my way back up your neck. A long beautiful trek back to your hot mouth. You nibble softly, teasingly, on my bottom lip before I strike my tongue deep into your mouth to swirl sensuously. Between my fingers pulling your hair back, and my mouth on yours, and now my other fingers tightening on your nipple, you gasp, breathing hard, your hands holding me at my waist. I break the hard kiss, also breathing hard, looking at you with passion in my eyes. "Feel my cock," I whisper. "Yes, Sir," you breathe. You trail your fingertips down over my chest, reach down and run your fingers over it "It's my cock... say it." "Your cock." "Mmmmmm..." I reach out for you, sliding my fingers gently between your legs, stroking softly. "This is your pussy or your cunt... say it." You shudder as your blush deepens. "It's my pussy." I grasp your nipple tightly, squeezing. "Don't move. It's wet. Tell me it's wet." "My pussy is wet." I roll your nipple softly and you moan. "Good girl." Breathing hard, I kiss you firmly again and slide my fingers back and forth over you. "Mmmmmmm... my good girl..." I can hear you breathing unevenly, trembling, trying not to move. "Move. Fuck back and forth against my fingers." I hold my fingers still and watch as you tilt your hips and move your ass back and forth, stimulating yourself on my fingers. I pull them back a little. "More?" You move your hips closer, searching for them. "You want them, don't you." "Y..yes, Sir," you stammer. I sit back a little to watch you. "Slide two fingers into yourself." You do. "Don't move." You moan softly. "Feel them." You close your eyes. "Feel how hot you are inside." You whimper softly. "This pussy is mine." You shudder. "Roll your hips at your fingers. Keep your fingers still." I flick my tongue over your lips. "God, Sir," you moan. "Fuck your fingers." You start. "Fuck them." You gasp. "Push at them." "Goddd..." "Stop." You stop and whimper softly. "Don't move." "Slide them slowly out." You do. "Good girl." You shudder. "I want you to pinch your nipple with your wet fingers." "Which one?" "This one," I grasp it tightly and twist it. I feel it harden even more. You bring your fingers to your nipple and grasp it as soon as I let go. Your mouth opens and your eyes close. Your head falls back. "So pretty," I say. I take your wrist in my hand and direct your fingers into my mouth. "Mmmmmmmm," I say as I suck them. "Look into my eyes." You do. "I am going to love eating you." You shudder, watching me with a heated smile. "Oh, you like that do you?" I smile. You laugh softly and whisper. "Yes, Sir." I grin. "Well, you'll have to be good then." You nod profusely and look at me, then giggle. I watch you blush more. "Dirty girl." You laugh softly and protest. "Not usually." I grin. "Ha! We'll see about that." Your eyes sparkle and you nod again. You know I am right. I slide my hands under your arms. Suddenly you find yourself unsteadily standing. "Look." I nod at your crotch and you look down. "I'm so wet," you whisper, astonished. Our eyes meet. "There is nothing in the world I want more right now than to feel your hot breath on my cock." You lick your lips, eyes smouldering. "So I am going to stand. And you are going to kneel." I look you up and down. Your nipples are like pebbles. Hard as rocks. Shadows from them fall across your breasts. "Please..." "Please? I am not asking you." You swallow. "Get on your knees, my dirty girl." You almost hurry. I lean down and kiss you, then stand. I look down on you and smile. "You are so beautiful." I slide my belt from my jeans and watch you watching me. I thread it loosely around your neck and slip it through its buckle. I hold the end of it in my hand. "What are you waiting for?" I wink and grin. You eagerly reach for my pants, undoing them and drawing down the fly, helping me step out of them. You smile impishly and lean forward, your hands on top of your thighs, and breathe hotly along the length of my cock. "Mmmmmmm..." You smile up at me and extend your tongue, brushing it lightly over the tip. I run the fingers of my other hand through your hair. Then tighten lightly. "Look up at me." You do. "Do you know how amazing you are?" Your eyes smile. "Bite me gently." I feel your teeth so softly. "Show me your passion." You slip your mouth over me, sucking and biting more urgently. Then, looking up at me, you suck down my length then slowly drag your teeth lightly back up again. "Oh, yesss..." I whisper. I watch as you do it again. I groan, my toes curling. "God. I'm so hard." You hold me in your mouth and I groan again when I feel your tongue stimulating the underside. I shudder. My breath hisses between clenched teeth as I feel your mouth slide further down and suck harder. "Fuck..." I hiss, "Mmmmmmmm..." I fold the belt in my hand and tighten my grip in your hair. I hold you close and limit your movement. I close my eyes and savour the feel of your tongue. Your sucking mouth. You moan softly and I feel it. I open my eyes to look down on you. Your eyes are closed in rapture. My eyes roll back into my head. I need to hold on. The sight of you. So hot. So happy. My cock thick and long. Glistening. Sliding in and out of your mouth. Your cheeks hollow. I feel myself throb. I feel you pulling against my grip. I guide you in longer strokes. My balls tingle. "Mmmmmmmm..." I look back down on you. You are looking up at me. So beautiful. You watch my eyes and slide down lower. "Oh goddd..." You start to move your mouth up and down faster. As much as I allow. You reach up to hold my thighs but I stop you. "Pinch your nipples." Your hands go straight to them. You pinch them tightly. I guide your mouth in longer strokes. "Look in my eyes." I shake. You look into my eyes intently, my cock sliding in and out of your hot tight mouth. I watch as you pinch tighter and moan again. I shudder with the vibrations. "Pull at your nipples." You pull at them and gasp around me. "Now your clit. Pinch it lightly." I hold your head firm. You shudder. I move my hips. Slowly sliding in and out. Impaling your mouth. "Soothe it." You stroke slowly between your legs. I feel you tremble. I hold your head still. My hips rock back and forth. "You have beautiful eyes." They smile up at me. I slide back and forth a little faster. Fucking your mouth. I watch your fingers move faster between your legs. You are keeping up with me. I grit my teeth. I fuck your mouth faster still. I groan. I can't stop. Friction. Heat. Tight. Wet. Like your hot cunt. "I'm gonna cum..." Faster. Faster. Holding your head tight. Eyes closed tight. Breath whistling between clenched teeth. Faster. Moaning. Shuddering. Holding you tight. Deep. Cum rushing. Pulsing. Exploding. Launching from my cock. Holding you tight. Feeling you. Sucking. Still sucking. "Oh, God..." Thighs trembling. "Oh, my God..." Still sucking. Softer now. Eyes on mine. "That was... Goddd..." Feeling you moan. Sucking still. Staring into my eyes. Watching you tilt your head and swallow. Still sucking. I slide your head back. My cock makes a popping sound as it comes free. Slick and wet. Throbbing. A strand of cum pulses and hangs a moment from the tip. You pull forward against my grip in your hair. I release. "Get it." You bring your mouth up underneath it. Capturing it on your tongue. Following it to its source. Sucking me into your mouth again. "Get it all." You suck hard again. Suck me down. Your tongue firm on the underside. Drawing any that remains to the tip. You suck the head firmly then softly. Keeping it in your mouth. You smile. I shake. I reach into your hair and gently pry you off. I stand before you. One hand in your hair. The other around the belt. The belt around your neck. The taste of my cum in your mouth. "Cum for me." You smile hotly. "Show me." Your fingers quicken on your hard little clit. Your reach down with your other hand, sliding fingers into yourself. You start to move your hips against them. "Taste me while you cum." Your mouth and eyes close. Your fingers quicken. "Fuck them." You moan softly. "Fuck your fingers harder." You grind against them. "Show me your passion." You start fucking your pussy harder. "Let it go." Your fingers across your clit are a blur. "Be mine." Your hips are bucking against them. "Show me." You moan loudly. "Faster." Rhythmic noises come from your mouth. "Pinch your clit while you fuck your pussy." "Oohhhh..." "Harder." "Oohhh... oohhhhh...." "Fuck your fingers harder." You start to tremble. "I said faster. Now fuck it." You start to moan continuously. "Faster on your clit." Your tremble gets stronger. "Hold it back, then crash into it." Your eyes are shut tight. "Be mine..." Your moan rises in pitch. "Be my dirty girl." You convulse and scream. I hold your hair in my hand. It must hurt the way you pull against it. You don't seem to notice. You just scream and shudder. Your hands slow down. You slump back. Resting your ass on your heels. Gulping breaths. Chest rising and falling. Nipples swollen. Head down. Blushing so strongly. So beautifully. "You are gorgeous." You shake softly. "You are so gorgeous," I whisper again. I scoop you up into my arms. You place your arms around my neck. Holding on. "You are still shaking," I whisper in your ear. You bury your face in my neck and mumble something. "I didn't hear that. Say it again." I smile into your eyes as you lean up and look into mine. "I'm yours." I smile and kiss you tenderly. You kiss me back. Your fingertips are light on my neck. I take you over to my chair and I sit down in it. I gently guide you onto my lap. You moan softly and curl up against me. I wrap you in my arms. You don't look up. You whisper into my chest. "It's... never been like that." I smile softly. "Thank you, Sir." I hug you and rock you. Gently back and forth. I whisper. "You are welcome." I smile. You look up at me and trace my cheek. I kiss your lips softly. I hold you gently. Cuddling with you. You trace my mouth with a fingertip. You smile and raise your eyes to mine. We melt. Authors note: Once more thank you rachel for your wonderful work editing this story. Please vote and let me know how I'm doing. Thanks. Nathan Be Mine From my bedroom window it didn't look as if it was going to snow when I woke up this morning. Lying in bed tucked under my warm blankets I spent at least four minutes attempting to motive myself to crawl out into the cold air and turn off the alarm clock that had been buzzing for the past hour or so- or at least I assume it was buzzing for the past hour, one can never be sure of these things when she tends to incorporate the sound of the alarm into some random erotic dream that inspires quite the orgasmic awakening. Not unlike my typical morning, I awoke with my hand pressed firmly between my thighs and felt lukewarm drips of moisture falling onto my fingertips. I lie there for a minute, ignoring the devious sound of the buzzer, and closed my eyes to finish the fantasy which I had drifted to sleep contemplating during the night previous. But this morning was indeed different from other mornings. Of course the pale pink paint on my wall gave off the same hue it had the day before and the IKEA furniture stood intact in its expected locations, but as I awoke and began to allow my thoughts to drift to musings of pleasing my professor and her boyfriend, I quickly remembered why I had been victim of a terrible case of insomnia the night before. "Today is Valentine's Day," I remembered with a sudden chill of resentment. Although my anti-capitalist tendencies should denote my lack of care regarding this Hallmark holiday, I can't help but- being the girl that I am- long to feel loved on a day set aside as a holiday to celebrate- not being alone. Removing my fingers from my pajama pants, I lifted up the curtain to study the Chicago weather from the safety of my dozens of blankets and pillows. After a week straight of the world being covered in grey, the sky was this amazing rich blue; one vibrant enough to even lure me from the comforts of my silken sheets and onto my tired feet. One step at a time, my bare toes gently traced themselves across the freezing tile flooring, picking up speed as the surrounding temperature became further apparent, spreading goosebumps on my flesh and, as I noticed when I arrived in the bathroom and removed my shirt, causing my nipples to become quite hard. Standing in front of the mirror, I allowed my fingertips to examine each nipple, first left- then right. My fingers must have been as cold as the tile floor, for when my hand graced my nipple, even slightly; I felt a pulsating chill rush through my body. I reached over to the shower faucet and turned it on, studying the thick steam rising from its heat tainting the pure and frigid air. Turning again to the mirror, I allowed my fingers to gently pinch my right nipple, enjoying the sensation of arousal tickling from my chest down through my stomach and aggressively down to my cunt. Squeezing harder, this sensation increased, for a moment at a rate I was unprepared for which lead me to gasp for air. By now the room was full of steam, and the shower was more than ready for my entrance. Besides, there was nothing better than a nice, long, hot shower to make one feel less alone, or at least remind one that there are certainly benefits to being alone- even on Valentines Day. The scalding hot spray of water against my stunned back took only a few moments to adjust to as I turned my naked body around slowly to allow the water to press against my sides, my stomach, my chest, my thighs- Almost too hot for me to bear, I was tempted to step out of the shower and lower the temperature, but something about the slight tinge of pain as each razor sharp bead of steaming wetness stung my flesh was oddly appealing. Wrapping my arms around my body, squeezing my back, I imagined what it would feel like to be held right then, to be held tightly- to be kissed and sucked and nibbled on- I tried to imagine how the pain of pleasure would compare with the stinging of the water against my flesh. The remaining light bulb flickered four times, and then died entirely. Only a gentle glow of natural light lit the room now, plunging my knees and calves into almost complete darkness. The lack of lighting didn't bother me at all- in fact, it aided to the mood of the morning- this Anti-Valentines Day, yet terribly aroused sort of mood. And then I thought of her. It was only a matter of time before a thought of her would cross my mind and I could think of nothing else. She walked into the room on the first day of class with a huge grin on her face, more as a cover of insecurity than a proclamation of confidence. I found this incredibly sexy. She was a last minute replacement professor for my Composition and Rhetoric course, looked not a day older than 25, although, as friends who had her in another class earlier in the week mused with a PhD she must be at least 27. But age certainly wasn't what I had in mind when she first stepped foot into the classroom. Petite, with gentle curls of shoulder length dark brown hair and huge angelic hazel eyes, my own irises traced the curvature of her face before sliding down to slip over each of the buttons of her navy blue tailored jacket, down to her tan a-line skirt and knee-high mahogany hued leather boots. Needless to say, I had a hard time paying any attention in class, as whenever I thought I was deep in concentration I actually was off daydreaming about running the tips of my fingers ever so gently up her inner thigh, feeling her warmth, pushing her down onto the table and kissing her with a force that was not unwanted, but was unexpected in the sense that she would be shocked into the immediate wetness lubricating her cunt, her desire for what she had never thought possible to desire. Her guilt, her want, her longing to escape all the social constrictions, the insecurity, the feeling of inadequacy that had sculpted her into a kind, smiling, constrained person hiding her true self, made me want her even more. And so I spent countless hours in class pondering what I would do to her if only a chance were to arise, although I knew for a fact that it never would. On the third day of class, she brought up her boyfriend amidst classroom discussion, and although my gaydar had not signaled that she was remotely queer, this quickly shattered most of my remaining hope. Still, I couldn't help but imagine her, staying late in her office, working on a syllabus for a new class next quarter, happening to run into me in the halls of the nearly desolate school, starting a conversation- inviting me into her office- and then of course, one thing would lead to another. All these thoughts- well, they seemed appropriate for this morning. Without a boyfriend or girlfriend to celebrate this day of love with, what else could I do? All of my friends were attached to someone, spending the day doing this or that, arguing over whose plans were more romantic than the others. In the end, the romance only leads to getting laid- but still, it seems that somehow on a day like today, even someone like me turns into a sappy romantic. A sappy, depressed romantic, that is. I returned to my thoughts of my professor, as thinking about how all my friends were out for early morning strolls with their significant others was making me significantly nauseous. The other day in class she informed us of how she was going to see her boyfriend on Valentine's Day, but only at night, because he had to go out of town for the weekend on business. Business. Wonder what kind of business he's in. Probably some prince charming look-alike. I wouldn't mind joining in- I mean- if he was around, I think that would be kind of hot... I hadn't really thought about it before, but suddenly I became quite aroused by the idea of meeting her boyfriend and fucking them both. Without a physical image of my professor's boyfriend in my head, it was quite hard to get a believable fantasy situation into my mind. But of course, as I am the queen of make-believe when it comes to these sorts of things, it didn't take long before I could picture myself spending Valentines Day wrapped in the arms of the loving couple. With liquid soap in my hands, I brought them down to my toes and grasped my leg, sliding up to my thigh, allowing my hand to scrub my pussy for a few seconds before reaching down the other leg and giving it an equally thorough scrubbing. Just then, there was a knock on the door. Standing in the darkness, I quickly turned off the shower in fear that my roommates had decided to bring a party of people over for some sort of impromptu Valentine's Day brunch. But she would have used her key, and a few seconds later there was a knock again. A familiar voice. "Hello? Dave? Hello?" No. It couldn't be. Then, silence. I threw my pajamas back on my sopping wet body and raced towards the door, pausing a moment before flinging it open. A bare back of smooth pink flesh and sharply defined shoulders greeted me. She turned around. "Laurie," she exclaimed. Not Dave. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, but she just smiled. She had the way of making anyone feel at ease in any situation, regardless of how awkward. She smiled and said, "I guess Dave isn't staying with you." "No," I said timidly, feeling the cold air force drips of water from my hair onto the floor. "I'm so sorry," she said in the most adorable apologetic manner, "he gave me this address—his friend lives in this building- that is- my boyfriend's friend lives in this building, he was going to be staying here tonight because they're doing some renovations on his apartment and—to make a long story short, he wasn't sure of the address and he gave me two to try- this one isn't it apparently. I'm sorry for interrupting you- I hope I didn't wake you up..." "No, you didn't..." "Oh, of course I didn't wake you up, you're, well you're soaking wet. You wouldn't have been sleeping like that. Then. I'm sorry for..." "Don't worry about it." "I'll just be going now," she said with a hint of embarrassment as she turned towards the spiral staircase and began to make her way up towards the second floor. I stood, dripping wet, noticing that my nipples were as visible as a drunken spring breakers' would be at a wet t-shirt contest, and I slowly closed the door in order to hide my amusement and shock. Instead of returning to my shower, I stood quietly and listened. Upstairs there was a similar knocking, three minutes of it to be exact, but from the sounds of it, no one was coming to the door. Then, there were footsteps. They got louder and louder. Another knock on my door. I wait, pace to the backdoor and return to grasp the handle in my hand and carefully draw it into its open position. "Laurie- I'm so sorry, again, it's just- I know this is a lot to ask, but do you have a phone I could use? I've been meaning to get a new cell after my last contract ran out, but just haven't had the time- you know how it is—" "Sure, don't worry about it. Come in." Come in? I couldn't believe that any of this was happening. I was half convinced that I was still asleep, stuck in some sort of brilliantly clear realistic dream. I listened carefully for the buzz of the alarm to have snuck its way into the soundtrack of what was occurring, but the only beeping noise I heard was the dial tone from the phone that I immediately handed her after asking if she wanted to sit down in the living room. Then I figured this had to be real- after all, if it were a dream I'd be fucking her by now- there would be no trip upstairs to see if her boyfriend was in the apartment he said he'd be in, there would be no additional plotline other than the specifics regarding an incredibly passionate fuck. This, although similar to a fantasy, was not about a fuck. It was about her boyfriend happening to be staying with a friend who lives in my apartment building. She would figure out where he was as soon as she got in touch with him and that would be that. She hung up the phone. "I got a message from Dave- he says he's running a bit late, it's snowing downstate pretty badly and his friend and him stopped off at a motel to get some rest for a few hours. But they should still be here pretty soon. Damn, I should have checked my messages before I left my house. Especially on a morning like this. Well, I guess I'll go wait out in the hallway until he gets home..." "Oh, you're welcome to stay here if you'd like. I don't really have much- just some books- a 13 inch TV- no cable. Nothing too interesting. But don't stand in the hall- you don't even know when he's going to show up." "Thanks Laurie, you're really sweet, you know that?" I blushed. I wonder if she noticed. She walked over to my bookshelf and began to study the collection of texts. "A philosophy fan, I see. Kant. Hegel. Nietzsche. Impressive." Actually, I bought a ton of philosophy books at a garage sale last year, but never got around to reading them..., "Uh, huh." "That's great. I was a philosophy minor in college. Did I tell you guys that? English major, philosophy minor. Then grad school. How time flies." "yea." "Well, I don't want to get in the way of whatever you were doing..." "No, really, it's fine. I was just- showering. I have nothing special to do today." "No Valentine?" "No." "I remember when I had no valentine on V-Day. It's kind of lonely." "You can say that again." I got up and walked into the kitchen, because I couldn't bare sitting in the same room as her for a moment longer, I wanted her so badly and due to having stimulated myself only seconds before her arrival I was more than ready to fuck her. She looked so incredible, sitting there, done up in her valentines day dress that hugged each of her curves and cut just above the knee. I wanted to take her right then and there and... But I couldn't. "Would you like a drink," I asked. "What do you have?" "Kaluha. Rum. Wine. Vodka." "Oh, I didn't mean—do you have any juice?" "Sure. Orange." "On second thought, it's valentines day, and both of us are lacking valentines for one reason or another. How about we have a drink? You are over 21 aren't you?" "Yea." "Alright, I'll take a screwdriver then. If it's not a problem of course." "One screwdriver coming up." I must admit I went a little heavy on the Vodka. Hey, it's not like I was going to have another chance like this again. I mean, I'm not much of a believer in fate- but sometimes these things that happen- for a reason or by utter coincidence- can't be hurt if nudged along- if they're meant to be and all... "Thank you," she said with a smile as she gazed up directly into my eyes. Her hand touched mine as it took hold of the cup that I was clutching in my grasp, and I swear at the moment we touched she, perhaps for the first time, felt a bit of what I was feeling—but she, of course, smiled brightly and shook it off, probably convincing herself that she was imagining things- or that even thinking such a thing was wrong. She was from Kansas after all. I returned to the kitchen and poured myself a screwdriver, less heavy on the vodka and then returned to sit in the chair across the living room from where she was sitting with her legs so elegantly crossed as to protect her warm mound from drawing attention, but even the tightest of leg crossing could not keep my thoughts away from what was hidden underneath- Maybe she noticed. Maybe she didn't. Ten minutes later, we were on our second screwdrivers. I was slightly buzzed. She was definitely further gone than I was. But only slightly. I walked towards her to take her empty cup away and place it in the kitchen, but when I came close enough to her she reached out and grabbed my hand, drunkenly requesting that I sit next to her on the couch with a delicate tug. I sat. She looked at me, but didn't say anything. I looked back at her. We must have stared into each others eyes for six minutes. I couldn't take it anymore. I allowed my hand to first fall onto her knee, in a way that could be read as accidental. When she didn't back away, I leaned slowly towards her, to see if she noticed my hand was slowly but surely applying pressure to her knee, and began to work its way up her inner thigh. She had stopped smiling that charming smile. She didn't seem to need it anymore. I could feel her body and mind fighting with itself, refusing to give in to want, but also refusing to get up and leave. Meanwhile, I had never been this aroused in my entire life. Her soft lips, round, voluptuous breasts and strong, graceful belly underneath a grey cashmere dress drew me into her eyes, and there I was lost. Yet luckily enough, my hand had a mind of its own. I leaned in, the palm of my hand still moving up her thigh. Everything else still and calm. Like the air before a storm, she sat there, I could feel her desire burning, her body quaking, her lips trembling, her eyes filled with a mix of fear and longing. And then, I found her. I found her with my hands following a magnetic force, gently spreading apart her legs as they slid up into her warmth. I cupped her cunt in my hand, and could wait no more. My body pressed against hers, my hand now reaching into her panties, my lips melting into hers. Her silence is broken by a soft moan, and I know she's mine. For this morning, for this moment, I have her at my mercy. She wants nothing more than to be pleased by me, to experience this new, exciting feeling- to- let go, and allow her self to float in rhythmic bliss against my body, now warm and nearly dry. We somehow fall to the floor, it isn't a long way down, and the cold tiles are suddenly refreshing. As carefully as possible, I remove her dress from her body. A zipper down the side is pulled with my left hand as I massage her breast with my right. Still, we are staring into each others eyes. It's impossible to look away. Using both hands, I reach under her dress and pull it above her head, feeling the warmth of her bare flesh against my skin. While I still have my tank top and pajama pants on, there she stands, nearly naked, with only a pair of beige panties on that are drenched between her legs. Her breasts dangle softly, I reach to them with my free hand and draw my mouth to her left nipple, using my tongue to outline her mauve circles and then closing in on the point, sucking vigorously and inducing tiny whimpers of pleasure caught in between gasps for air. Her hands grasped my shoulders, the rest of her remained still, frozen- afraid to move- afraid to admit that she wanted this. Afraid to admit she was standing here, drunk, or at least buzzed, with one of her students- one of her female students- and yet- I felt her arms lift me to her lips. This time, she kissed me back. She kissed me back with the force of all her pent up yearnings, holding the back of my head with her hand and pulling my torso in close with the other. Suddenly, the tables were turned. This wasn't at all like I had imagined in my countless fantasies. Well, it had begun like any of them—but now, much to my surprise, she has taken charge. But I don't want to give up control. I don't want her to have it that easy. Having control is the easy part. Having to let go- that's what's hard. We kiss with such force, if anyone had seen it they'd define it violent, and yet our heads moved together as one, our tongues made love to each other in swirls and tickles and twirls, and our arms clung to each other so tightly it felt as though we might either merge together or tear the other one apart. She threw me against the wall, pulled my shirt up over my head and kept it on my arms to keep them stuck together in the air above my head. She kissed me again, and began to repeat what I had done to her moments earlier- she lowered her head to my breasts, gently sucking each nipple, using her arms to squeeze my ass, my thighs, and hesitantly running quickly over my dripping pussy. Be Mine While my left arm was still held against the wall above my head quite tightly, I managed to free my right hand and return it to her cunt. This time, I slipped my fingers right into the waist band of her panties and found her wetness. Slowly, I allowed my fingers to feel her, she moaned, even louder now, and as one finger entered her drenched hole she let go of my other arm entirely. Dropping my right arm to her waist, I pulled her in close, which allowed me great control in finger fucking her- first very slowly- as I've been with women before who prefer a sensitive stroke, but as she began to grind her hips into the palm of my hand, I knew she was not one of these women. I allowed my finger to fuck her fiercely and relentlessly, and added another finger when I felt she was wet enough to take it. By now she was moaning louder and louder against her will, her lips quivering aggressively, her body falling again to the ground, unable to stand up anymore. I gently guide her to the floor, keeping my fingers inside her wetness, fucking her in and out and in- on top of her, my bare breasts dangle against hers, our lips meet once again for a kiss. But I pull away, now fucking her more slowly, I stare into her eyes and a smile from inside of me escapes my lips. I love watching her, lying there, her eyes wide open, knowing I'm inside her, knowing that all I want right now is to make her cum over and over and over again. Her cunt is so warm, it wraps itself around my fingers like a tiny cocoon, clinging to me, holding me inside. I lower my head, first kissing her neck, allowing my tongue to circle around its delicate skin. Lower- my lips again nibble briefly on her shoulder blades, her breasts, her stomach- My tongue traces a straight line down from her belly button, down to the top of her panties, which I now promptly remove. I stare at her, lying naked below me, her hips pressing slightly into the air, her eyes still fixated on mine. I spread her pussy lips apart with my fingers; the tip of my tongue immediately finds her swollen clit and licks it ever so slowly. She smells sweet like white chocolate and tastes even sweeter. Whimpering a moan of extraordinary pleasure I feel her legs tense up around my face. Her hands reach down to my head as she runs her fingers through my hair as an excuse to press my mouth closer to her pussy. Soon she is thrusting herself against my lips. I allow my fingers to reenter her cunt, but continue to suck her clit and massage her body with my free hand. It is obvious she is about to cum, but I'm not ready for this to be over. I pull out, remove my tongue from her cunt, and return to lie above her and gaze into her eyes. We kiss. Her wide eyes are glistening with a hint of mischief. She rolls over and pushes me onto my back, her hands ripping my pants off my body, her mouth suddenly on my clit- although it is obvious she isn't sure what she's doing, she is determined to get me to cum, and she knows very well what these things feel like to her, and just the knowing that she is here, in my apartment, on top of me naked with her mouth on my cunt is- enough. As I feel a spark rising in my pussy, I pull her face up to mine and lying there, naked against her, rub my wetness against hers, rolling over again so that I can be on top. Feeling her cunt against mine as I gaze into her eyes just feels so incredibly right for some reason. We no longer kiss, we just look at each other and rub our pussies together in erotic contentment for quite some time, both on the verge of cumming, both wanting this moment to last forever. Suddenly, her body begins to quake, her thighs clench together, she moans more loudly than she had been all evening, and she pulls me in close for a kiss, thrusting herself against my body with no control, wrapping her legs tightly around me. Feeling her cum under my body drives me to bliss- the tingle turns into a burning sensation which turns into an explosion- my entire body quakes against hers, for one instant we melt together, our eyes no longer necessary as means of sight- we enter each others souls for that moment of ecstasy, and she drifts to sleep with her head resting against my chest. Outside the kitchen window, I can now see that the blue sky has turned white and a few flurries have begun to drift gracefully to the ground. "Sweet Dreams, Valentine," I whisper to her, with a tender kiss on the cheek. There are loud footsteps in the hallway, but I don't dare wake her. Instead my eyelids becoming heavy as I study her breath and I fall asleep right next to her, wrapped up in her arms. Be Mine As always, here's my disclaimer! This story is *gasp* NOT fantasy based! Yes, it's true! No vampires and wereleopards or angels and demons in this story! For those of you who are familiar with my fantastical work, please, give this one a fighting chance! Hopefully you'll enjoy it as much as I loved writing it. This is a full fledged story, romance and love with a tiny bit of pain play tossed in. If you are looking for a piece in quick porn, please move on to a story more suited. If you're looking for a well thought out piece of fiction - step into my office! Enjoy! * Be mine The green heart shape candy made a rather satisfying crunch when crushed between Zach's teeth. My love Zach gave a little snort, and then popped the pink candy into his mouth, following it with another resounding crunch. Soul Mate "Yea right." He growled out, tossing the white heart across the room angrily. See, it hadn't been long since Zach had thought all of those things had applied to a certain some one. A certain some one, who was unable to keep his dick in his pants while Zach went away to college. Yea, Peachy. At least that's what Zach thought when he'd come home for Christmas break only to find his high-school sweetheart shacked up with the red-headed Chess Club President. Zach had to admit, the boy didn't look like any Chess Club President any more. But that was beside the point! Eric had been Zach's, and Zach's alone. They'd discovered their sexuality together, they'd made love together for the first time, they'd love each other, and they'd been inseparable, unbreakable! Or so he'd though. It had been a hard break for Zach to accept, but he'd had the good fortune to be able to return to his dorm room, and his room mate Adrian who had been rather supportive of the whole thing. Adrian wasn't gay, he dated woman, hell he flirted with anything that showed a bit of cleavage, but when it came to Zach and his sexuality, the guy just couldn't be more open and understanding. He'd done everything but go beat the hell out of Eric, and had Zach allowed it, he's certain the other young man would have given Eric a run for his money. But it hadn't been worth Zach's time. Adrian was so supportive, he'd even made efforts to get him out and about, and even trying to set him up with a gay friend of his or two, though Zach generally refused. Both he and Zach had made it into school on sports scholarships, and while Adrian was larger then most guys, he couldn't compare to Zach in size. They were often teased by other team mates about Adrian being the bitch of their relationship. Both boys took the playful banter in stride. What made it hard, for Zach at least, was that while Adrian was just trying to be the good friend his nature demanded, Zach's feelings were beginning to get a jumbled around. While he knew logically he hadn't a chance with his best friend, his heart was wishing for things he couldn't control. It was difficult, but Zach kept his feelings to himself, and just smiled at the banter of their teammates, gracefully denied the dates Adrian set up, and pretended that Adrian was as sexless as he possibly could. "Hey, Zach," Adrian's voice was deep and rich, and there was always the sound of a smile lurking here and there. It made Zach's heart trip. He tried to ignore it. "Quit throwing them damn candies at my bed before I beat you." Adrian grumbled, closing the front door with his big toe, as both his hands were full. Placing the two coffee cups down on the table, he gave Zach a stern look. "It's been over four months, Zach. I know it's hard, but you gotta get over this. Because I don't think I can sleep in a candy infested bed any more." His tone was admonishing and playful, but he seemed to be a little worried. Zach glared at his friend, then after a moment he sighed. If only Adrian was gay, then all would be right with the world. If Zack was being honest with himself he might admit his mooning over his ex was really a distraction from the unattainable love currently in his life. "Eh, fuck it." He grumbled, then picked up his coffee and sort of melted as he took his first sip. "Thanks for the coffee, Adrian." He murmured his thanks as his friend drop his athletic form into the chair opposite him. "Welcome," he said, picking up one of the candies so Zach could see it. "U R Nice." He read aloud, and Zach's scowl deepened. He threw the little heart at Zach's chest, and picked up another one. "U R # 1" he read out again, "Jeezus, these things get worse every year. Where did you even find these things? Valentine's isn't for two months." Then tossed that one at Zach's chest too, picking up the next candy. "A month and a half and a Specialty shop." Zach mumbled. He hated the candies, but he found himself morbidly fascinated with them. Zach just couldn't give them up. "Aha, your obsession strikes again." Adrian replied. "EZ 2 Love" he read allowed, batting his eyelashes playfully at his depressed friend. That was about all Zack could take, and finally he cracked a smile and shook his head, kicking Adrian under the table. "Ass." "You love it." "Hrmph." @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Zach paused at the door to his shared room, staring at the envelope tapped to his door with the name Zach scrawled out in bold letters. He juggled his books, moved his arm and ripped the envelope off the door before pushing it open and dropping all his books on the table. "Whatcha got?" Adrian asked from his place on his bed, seeing that Zach hadn't put down the letter with the rest of his daily learning equipment. "I dunno some letter or something." Pulling out a chair, Zach sat down and turned the envelope in his hands before ripping it open. Inside, was a carefully hand written letter. Zach, I've been watching you for months now, and have been considering how I should approach you, how I should let you know I care. I find myself watching you at odd moments, I'm present at all your games, and I can never keep my eyes from you. I know, this might sound strange, but I'm heart pounding, blood racing, tremble when you're close, in love with you. Love, S.A. Zach stared at the letter in his hands, then read it over and over and over again for about five minutes, until a very confused Adrian got up off his bed with a groan and snatched the letter out of Zach's hands. "What the fuck does it say? You look like some one shot your puppy!" he growled out, turning the paper so he could read it. "Whoa, fuck." Was all he said, clearing his throat. "Uh huh." Zach mumbled, "Who the hell could it be?" "Um, apparently S.A. Do you think it's a woman?" he asked suddenly, "Oh gods, I'm gonna laugh my ass off if it's a woman." Adrian's mirth was contagious, but still, Zach didn't know how to react. "I bet your right, I bet you it is a woman, but I can hope it's a boy, can't I?" Adrian chuckled at the wistfulness of his friend's words, and then dropped the letter back down to the table. "Hey, you can hope anything you want bud. It's a nice letter; maybe they'll send you more. I know if I was in you're shoes I'd be looking everywhere at our next game." "Yea, I will be." I'll be looking, but it will be at you. Zach carefully folded up his letter, trying to shove that thought out of his mind, then pulled a small box out from in his bedside table, his "special box." Setting the letter inside with his other valuables he closed the lid with a quiet sigh, and then turned to his studies while Adrian watched him covertly, a smile tugging at his lips. @@@@@@@@ It went like this for the next few weeks, every day; a new letter would show up, folded, with words of how much the person apparently cared for Zach. Zach, I saw you at practice today and my heart beat so hard I was sure you could hear it over the sounds of the game. Sometimes when you look my direction, I imagine that you are looking at me, thinking of me, but I know that it's just a fantasy. I hope my letters haven't made you uncomfortable, but I just cant keep my feelings in any longer, I love you, I wish I had the courage to tell you who I was, but I'm afraid you wont care about me like I care about you. It's that fear that keeps me away, that fear that has my stomach all tied up in knots. So I'll content myself to writing you these little notes. I love you, Zach, I dream of you. Love, S.A. "Fuck, another one." Zach flopped down on the couch beside Adrian, handing the note over to his friend without looking at him. Burying his hand into Adrian's popcorn he began to munch as his friend read the letter over with a low whistle. "Dreaming of you, oh man this person is head over heals for you." Adrian muttered, "What're you gonna do, bud?" "Well what can I do?" Zach sighed, "It's not like I can ring em up on the phone and ask him out for dinner. That's assuming he's a man. I mean, shit, what if it really is a woman?" Zach said, and then rubbed his eyes with a low groan. "Worst thing is, I'm beginning to feel a little... I don't know, I kinda want to meet this person now. The poetry in the letter yesterday, honestly it melted my heart, I want to know this person one way or another." Since I can't have you, Zach finished silently Adrian chuckled, arching an eyebrow as he handed back the letter, "You're totally into him! I mean, in all honesty it probably IS a man, you're not exactly in the closet, I'm guessing it's not a woman. Of course, if it is a woman maybe that's why she's afraid that you won't want her if she comes out directly." Zach made another soft groan, his head falling back against the couch with a mumble, "You're not helping matters, Adri!" he snapped, "I feel like I'm going nuts, half in love with this person, and what if I find I can't stand to physically touch them? Jeezus this is awful." Zach turned his head, looking at his friend for a moment, if only the mystery writer could be half the man his roommate and best friend was, but that was far too much to ask for. "Quit mooning over me, gonna make my heart go all aflutter." He said coyly, eyelashes batting in that playful way of his. Zach tried to hide a blush. "Eh, fuck you, bitch. You're not half as perfect as you think." He teased. "You know you want this perfect ass of mine." "You wish." Zach reached out to grab a lock of Adrian's curly blond hair, giving it a tug. "You're just itching to have my man-meat, I can just tell by that hungry look in your eyes." "Oh ICK! You're going to make me sick before my date tonight!" Adrian groaned, giving a tremble and making an exaggerated look of horror. "Oh, wounded, my heart! My aching wounded heart!" Zach covered his left breast with both hands, making calf-eyes at his friend, then bust up laughing with a small shake to his head. "Go get ready for your date, who's this one?" he asked with a grin. "Saaandy." Adrian drew her name out with a little grin, "Hot little number with all that beautiful red hair. Yeesh, I've been trying to get at her for months, finally caved to my devilish charm like all females do." Adrian blew on his fingernails then buffed them on his shirt, smirking. "Well, have fun." Zach grabbed a pillow and lay down on his half of the couch, eyes locked on the movie, his mind however on his strange mystery lover and Adrian. He fantasized that they were one in the same, but reality was far too unkind to him for that. "Will do!" Adrian said as he made his way towards the bathroom to get himself all prettied up. He was worse then a queen, of that Zach was absolutely certain. @@@@@@@@@ Zach woke to Adrian gripping his shoulder, "Bud, wake up." He slurred, and when Zach's head came up he got a whiff of his friend's tequila laden breath. "Zach I have to tell you something." He could barely speak. Sitting up in bed, Zach rubbed his eyes sleepily and gave a good natured grumble, "What? Need condoms? Christ man, its two o'clock in the morning." Adrian looked confused as Zach fumbled in his bedside table for the condoms he kept there. "No," he slurred, one hand coming out to bat away Zach's arm, then felt its way up to his shoulder and gave him a little shake. "I don't needa condom. She went home hours 'go." He mumbled. "Man, Adri, you better keep your breath away from open flames." Zach wheezed, his eyes watering at the burning scent of liquor. "I know who it is." Adrian muttered beneath his breath, giving a low groan, "I know who S.A is, Zach..." he stammered, "Ya wan' me ta tell you?" Zach froze, squinting at his friend, his insanely drunk friend who was near tumbling from the edge of his bed because he couldn't sit up straight. Adrian's hand still clung to Zach's shoulder, and it moved to the back of his neck, gripping his nape as he leaned in to press his mouth in a drunken kiss that rocked Zach's world on top of its head. He couldn't believe Adrian was kissing him, and after a moment he moaned and slid his hand up to those perfect blonde curls, clutching his hair in a loose fistful. The kiss went on for a moment, then Zach force himself to break it. "Adri?" he asked, a little breathless and more then a little stunned. His friend gave him a roguish lopsided grin, then his eyes rolled back into his skull and he pitched forward, passing out cold in Zach's lap. Zach didn't move, not for a long drawn out moment. He could hear Adrian's breathing loud in the dark silence of the room, his heart pounding in his chest, and his cock twitching beneath the sheets, but he still couldn't believe this was real. Carefully, he pulled Adrian more fully into the bed with him, drawing the covers up and watching his peacefully sleeping face for a long, long time until finally sleep crawled its way through his skull to drag him down into sweet beautiful oblivion. @@@@@@@@ When Adrian woke, the first thing he noticed was a pounding in his skull so awful he groaned. The second thing he noticed was the warm body beside him in bed, and the thought that he might have slept with that woman Sandy caused him to groan anew. The body beside him shifted some, and Adrian couldn't force himself to open his eyes to see the woman he had undoubtedly fucked into a senseless stupor the night before. Christ his eyes hurt, his head hurt, his stomach hurt, oh hell, everything hurt. "Mmm... Good morning, sleepyhead." The sound of the voice that greeted his ears was sleep-roughened and husky, and it somehow made him even sicker then the idea that Sandy had been in bed with him. Adrian's eyes opened with an almost audible snap, and when his eyes confirmed what his ears had heard, he felt the blood drain from his face and wondered what he'd done. "Did we, I mean, what the, um... why...? Why am I in your bed?!" He choked out, his stomach knotting and heaving slightly. "Oh gods... why am I in your bed?" he realized after a moment that his eyes had closed again and his hands were covering his face, so he slowly pulled his hands down and peeked over them at Zach, then wished he hadn't. "Don't worry, I didn't take advantage of your tequila soaked brain." Zach snapped, tossing the sheets and covers off of him and getting to his feet without another word. Adrian stared after him, mouth agape. The look in his friend's eyes had been horrified, it had turned from sexy sleepy to humiliated in a blink of an eye, and Adrian wished he could have taken back his words but he couldn't. Getting out of bed he realized he was still totally and completely dressed, which only made him feel worse. He should have thought before speaking, but he hadn't, and now he didn't know what to do. He walked to the bathroom door and knocked softly, "Zach?" he called out. "I didn't mean that how it sounded." "Doesn't matter," came the voice from behind the door, and when it opened again a fully dressed and put together Zach stepped out, his wavy black hair neatly combed, and he pushed past his friend. "I have to get to class." He said, not meeting Adrian's eyes, then walked out without another word, leaving Adrian confused and uncertain and absolutely distraught. He couldn't remember what happened the night before, he couldn't remember to save his life, he remembered going out to dinner, drinking wine with Sandy and then taking her to a club and getting shit faced. That's how he could stand to sleep with women. He didn't want anyone knowing he was gay, his father was a minister and that would ruin his family, absolutely ruin them. He had to keep up a good front. He absolutely had to stay in the closet even if that meant he'd never be happy. But he was in love with Zach. Heartbreakingly in love with the man who was so open about who he was in every single last aspect of his life. Adrian had been in love with him for months, but hadn't wanted to infringe on the sacred first-love relationship he and Eric had had. However, when that ended, he could only take so much of his dearest friend moping about, and soon he found himself unable to stop writing the notes, the letters. He'll admit freely that at first the secret admirer letters were just a way of making Zach feel better. Zach needed to feel good about himself, really he did, but if he was being honest with himself Adrian knew that was just an excuse to get his true feelings out. Sighing, Adrian rubbed a hand over his face, then rubbed at his aching temples with a soft groan. He couldn't do this, he couldn't be in love with a man. He needed to keep up his good name. Turning, he picked up the phone, punching in the numbers to Sandy's room. It rang three times, then she picked up. "Hello?" Came her soft voice. "Hey Sandy, it's me Adrian. I was wondering if you'd like to go out dancing tonight. There's a sweet little club downtown that is having a Salsa night, and I'd like nothing better then to take such a lovely lady with me." "Sure! That sounds great, Adrian! What time you gonna pick me up?" she asked, sounding happy and pleased. Adrian's stomach roiled. "I'll be there at six, take you to dinner and then get to the club early so we can enjoy ourselves." He told her. "Wonderful, I'll see you tonight." She said, and he could hear her slightly breathless voice. Adrian would bet money she was blushing. Saying their goodbyes, he hung up the phone and groaned inwardly once more before going to take a shower and ready himself for the day. @@@@@@@@@@ Zach experienced a moment of de-ja-vou as he fought his way out of unconsciousness as a result of some one shaking him. He opened his eyes and groaned, seeing Adrian leaning over him smelling like liquor and sex this time. Great. Just fucking great. "What do you want, Adri?" Zack groaned, then tried to roll over. Adrian wouldn't let him go, though. "I love you." He slurred his words, "I'm S.A. I can't hide it any more, I need you." He stammered out, one hand cupping Zach's cheek as he gazed down into his beloved face. Zach nearly gagged from the smell of sex and woman all over his fingers, and one hand came up to push his arm away. "I love you. Tell me you love me." Adrian looked so out of it, and clearly he didn't remember the previous evening's admittance, which would explain his reaction upon waking. Zach threw the covers off of him and got to his feet, dragging Adrian up with him without a single word. "Where are we going? Please tell me you love me, I love you so much." Tears streamed down Adrian's face, and Zach wanted to smack him for being an angsty drunk, but he didn't, instead he drew him towards the bathroom, pushed him into the shower and turned on the cold water. A shout tore free of Adrian's throat, but it had the desired effect as his eyes almost immediately cleared from the shock. "What the fuck was that for!?" he screamed up at Zach, who stood with arms folded over his bare broad chest gazing down at him. "I tell you I fucking love you and you throw me in a cold shower?" Be Mine "You told me you loved me last night too, but woke up and demanded to know why you were in my bed. I'm not interested in reliving this morning's humiliation, so anything you say to me is going to be at least partially sober." He said, voice cold. Adrian felt the blood drain from his face, and his eyes filled with tears as he sat beneath the thrumming stream of cold water. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't tell you sober. I went out to dinner with Sandy and I couldn't look at her, all I wanted was you. All I kept thinking of was you." He gave a soft groan and pressed his head against the cool tile of shower stall. "You fucked Sandy tonight." Zach replied softly, aching to reach out and comfort the man he loved as a friend, and the man he wanted as a lover. He'd really wanted Adrian for months, but hadn't allowed himself to even think about it. It was as if the fact that Adrian liked men suddenly opened a floodgate of emotion Zach hadn't realized he'd been holding back and he yearned, ached to wrap his arms around the other man and kiss away his tears. "No... I didn't." he whispered, "I tried to, but I just couldn't. I got her off and left." He whispered. Zach turned off the water slowly, then stepped into the stall and leaned down. He was wearing what he slept in every night, a pair of comfortable old boxers that felt good against his skin, and the cool air of the shower stall hit his flesh and raised goosebumps. "Okay," he whispered, reaching out to stroke Adrian's hair back away from his forehead. "Let's get you out of these clothes and into bed." He murmured, and Adrian turned his head into the gentle touch, opening his eyes to gaze up at the man he was so utterly in love with. Zach had to help Adrian up, and when he finally stood he was a little wobbly, but Zach had the feeling it wasn't because of the liquor, it was the admission that had him so out of it. His eyes were clear now, he wasn't drunk anymore which some how made this whole thing worse. "Will you kiss me?" Adrian swallowed hard, looking up into Zach's beautiful brown eyes, and when the other man stepped forward, his bare chest brushing against the freezing cold of Adrian's shirt he gave a small whimper deep in the back of his throat, tilting his head up so that his friend could easily reach his mouth. "Yes..." Zach breathed quietly, fitting his mouth over Adrian's in the slowest, tantalizing and amazing kiss he'd ever experienced. Hands suddenly couldn't get enough of each other, Adrian's sliding along the warm skin of Zach's back, and Zach's fingers trailing gentle patterns along Adrian's jaw and neck. The kiss seemed to go on forever, and by the time it was over neither man could breathe, their hearts pounded in their chests and their eyes fluttered nearly to the back of their skulls. "Oh fuck," Adrian whispered, "oh fuck, please do it again." Zach didn't even respond this time, their lips met again but this time it wasn't the slow tender and gentle thing it had been before. This time it was out of control, maddeningly frantic, needy, and Adrian moaned against it. His knees went weak all of a sudden yet somehow Zach knew and caught him just in time, pressing his back against the cool tile of the shower to help support him. "My clothes," Adrian whispered against Zach's mouth, "I need to get out of them." He moaned quietly, his hands sliding down to the small of Zach's back. The kisses had been enough to draw him to full arousal, and the tight constriction of his wet jeans over his length was driving him crazy. Pulling back, Zach's hands went to the hem of Adrian's wet shirt, peeling it up and over his head. He couldn't help but bend his head down to capture one fully erect nipple in his mouth and draw on it steadily. Most men have some form of reaction to this, but Adrian's was far more intense that Zach would have guessed. His hands immediately went to his hair, curling in the silky black strands and tugging fitfully as his breath hitched in his throat. "Oh my god." He breathed, and Zach grinned against his chest, moving to the other nipple to do the very same thing. It was a damn good thing Adrian's back was against the wall, because if it hadn't been he'd have been a melted puddle of goo on the floor and eventually slid right down the drain itself. It was as though his nipples were a direct link to his cock, and each draw and pull and nibble and bite on those sensitive nubs caused him to moan and writhe, his cock jumping for attention, begging silently for more. "It hurts, oh gods Zach it hurts..." Adrian gasped out, and Zach suddenly jerked his head back, looking into his lovers eyes with concern lighting his own. "What hurts? I thought you were enjoying it." He said, looking a little upset. "Oh gods, not that, don't stop that." Adrian said, and for a moment he looked into Zach's eyes, and suddenly began to laugh quietly at the whole situation. Zach grinned a little, his eyes lovingly tracing the lines of Adri's face until he finally calmed enough to tell him what was hurting. "My pants, they're wet and I'm too confined." He whispered, and immediately realization dawned on Zach and he gave a little grimace and a small laugh. "I'm sorry love," he said, kissing Adrian's mouth briefly as fingers worked to unbutton and unzip him to free his painfully constricted length. Despite the cold wet clothing, Adrian's cock was like molten steal in his hands, hot enough to smolder as he gripped him and eased him out of the jeans. Adrian couldn't help but buck his hips forward into Zach's hand, moaning and whimpering in response, but Zach wasn't willing to give it direct attention yet and released him almost immediately much to Adri's dismay. "Don't stop, please!" he nearly yelled, his throat closing up as Zach hooked his fingers into the waistline of his jeans and boxers, pulling them down and carefully taking the time to get his shoes off and remove his pants completely. When he stood again his hand dropped to clench gently around Adrian's hard length, giving it a slow stroke. "Let me get you warm," he said, tugging on his length playfully in an attempt to lead Adri to the bedroom. "Shit, your knees are going out on you." Zach laughed as he released his loves cock to wrap his arms around him and draw him towards the bed. Adrian was laughing breathlessly too, his hands clenching and unclenching through Zach's soft hair, and when they literally fell into bed it was with soft moans and gentle laughter as then snuggled under the covers and wrap themselves around each others bodies. They fit almost perfectly, Zach's larger form nestling Adri's right in against his chest, and tangling their legs together they found they could slowly grind against each others hips, rubbing their cocks together in the most incredibly explosive manner. Zach held Adrian's face in his hands, gazing into his eyes as they rubbed together, watching the way they dilated with pleasure, the way his breath hitched and his lips parted with soft moans. Adrian in turn never took his eyes off his lover, his hands sliding along his hips and lower back, pulling him forward with each grinding thrust. "Feels so good." Adrian whispered, and Zach nodded his head, leaning forward to capture his lips, his grinding beginning to go a little faster, his body aching with need and desire. He wanted this more then anything, he wanted to make love to Adrian, to hold him while he came, to do everything with him. "Zach, Zach..." Adrian gasped out, breaking the kiss, "Slow down, slow – oh gods, I'm so close, slow down." He whimpered, but Zach didn't slow down, instead he held him closer and gazed into his eyes. There was a split second when Adrian realized there was no turning back, and in that simple moment fear, desire, love and need crossed his features, chasing each other around and around, and then he exploded. It was amazing, his body arched, his hips ground hard into Zach's, his breath caught and he made the most beautiful music of moans and groans that Zach had ever heard. He held his own orgasm in check, so close himself, his breath coming quick, panting as he began to devour his lover's neck in gentle nips and kisses as he held him through his release. Adrian clung to Zach, pulling him closer, holding him and squirming helplessly in his arms. "Make love to me. Fuck me, please, Zach, I need it. I need you." Adrian began to babble out in the wave upon wave of pleasure that came as the aftermath of such an intense orgasm. "I've never cum so hard before, never, never, please... please, inside of me please!" He nearly cried with the emotions coursing through his body, and after a moment Zach just looked into his lover's eyes and then wordlessly rolled him onto his back, positioning himself between Adri's legs. "I don't want to hurt you, I should take days making you ready Adri." He murmured, biting his lower lip. "I don't care, I don't, I don't care if it hurts, and I have never needed anything so badly in my entire life. I *need* you. I think I'll go crazy if you don't do it now. I'm afraid I'll loose my nerve." "Shhh, I'll do whatever you want." Zach whispered, smiling a smile that lit up his face with love. It made Adrian's heart hammer in his chest, feeling so very safe with the man above him. "I love you Zach." Adrian whispered. "I love you too, Adri. I've loved you so long, I just wouldn't let myself think about it because..." "I know." He replied quietly, his eyes sparkling with emotion. This was the perfect moment. The perfect moment for a first time, and Zach wasn't about to back out now, oh no! Zach leaned down over his mate, pressing his lips to the other mans, only driving his breathing into more erratic passes. Deep soul searing, bone trembling kisses that seemed to linger and go on forever by the time that Zach finally pulled himself far enough away to go on trailing his heated mouth down Adrian's chest. Licks, nips and bites made their way down all that tawny skin. The taste of Adrian on his tongue was like ambrosia, nothing could have been better, and with each pass of his tongue over flesh Zach found himself moaning softly. He nearly came undone when his playfully lapping tongue slide down to Adrian's belly and tasted the evidence of his pleasure cooling their. Slick and salty-sweet Zach began to continue tasting with whimpered moans, and when he glanced up he noticed Adrian looking at him curiously. "You taste good." Zach growled, and a slow sexy smile spread across Adri's lips. "I do?" he whispered. "Yea, you taste like salty honey." Zach couldn't help but return the grin, knowing he was being all sickeningly poetic in his description, and his friend, his love would tease him for it. But Adrian didn't tease him. He just looked at him with this love struck absolutely emotion filled look on his face. It was that look that really hit Zach to the very core, right down to his heart, and dipping his head down he drew Adrian's flagging shaft into his mouth, sucking hard. Reaching for the bedside table, Zach fumbled till he found the lubricant and got his fingers lubed up. He rubbed those fingertips over the tight warm opening again and again. Quick little passes to see how his lover would react to the new sensation. Adrian reacted better then he'd expected, by far. He arched a bit and gasped, wanting more. The lovely eyes that had been staring into his face as if Zach would disappear if Adri closed his eyes for a split second were so hazy they were sightless, and his breathing came so fast it was one of the most adorable things Zach had ever seen. He never let up on his cock, his mouth sliding along the slick flesh of that perfect member, and all the while he glanced up the long line of his lover's body to watch his face, his expressions, taking the time to make certain that every action he did was pleasure, making certain he wasn't doing any wrong. One finger began to wriggle within that tight ring, slowly, oh so very slowly, and yet it seemed to only send Adrian panting even harder, squirming. If Zach hadn't known any better he might have thought that this was no where near his first time, he acted like an old hat at it, but Zach did know him and he knew it wasn't the case. "Tell me..." Zach whispered, finally pulling the sweet head from between his lips, looking up at Adrian with emotion filled eyes "Make love to me." Adrian whispered back, voice a bare breath of a whisper. Zach groaned. "Please." He whispered out hoarsely. "I'm nervous, I've never..." he broke off, his heart pounding hard. "Its okay," Zach whispered, leaning over to get a bottle of lubricant laying on the bed and a condom from his bedside drawer. He coated his fingers in the slippery stuff and moved slightly so he could press them against the very core of his lover. Adrian's eyes glazed, fear and anxiety clear on his face, but Zach just looked down at him with the tenderest expression. "I'm scared Zach." He whispered, and Zach nodded his head as he stroked his fingers over that tight perfect opening. "I know... if you want me to just touch you tonight, then that's okay, we have all the time in the world." Zach whispered, fingers teasing over his lovers tight opening. "I don't want to push you." Adrian's whole body was limp from the intensity of his previous orgasm, his belly still coated in the slick stuff. However, when Zach touched his ass his cock throbbed with the pleasure of it. He drew in a sharp sudden breath, and then forgot to release it, holding it as Zach slowly and gently played those fingers over him. The burning in his lungs however brought him back to the reality that one must breath to continue on living, and he let out his air in a rushing whoosh, his eyes closing and his head tilting back. "It feels so good." He gasped out in a soft whisper. The first well lubricated finger slipped past the tight ring of muscle, Zach gazed down adoringly at his love and lover, a small smile touching his lips at the way Adrian squirmed and gasped out his reaction. "Like it?" Zach whispered softly, and Adri nodded his head franticly. "Yea, sort of sore, but it feels good." He whispered, and Zach immediately began to stroke and touch more gently, sliding his finger into his tight body very carefully. "Yea... that's better." Adrian groaned, head falling back and eyes closing as he gave himself into the gentle affection of this man he'd been in love with for so very long. "Just tell me if I hurt you." Zach murmured, his excitement growing second by second as he slowly worked a second finger into the man beneath him. It took some time, but soon he had Adrian writhing beneath him as he worked him with his fingers too the point that he thought he could get inside of him with relative ease. Adorably, Adrian was begging by the time Zach felt he was ready, soft pleading words, looks, and writhing beneath him in ways that made it all the more hard to keep himself from just sliding home, but he wasn't willing to hurt his lover the first time out of the gate. "Shhh, love, shhh." Zach whispered softly, his heart thudding and hammering in his breast. It'd been so long since the last time he'd made love to anyone, since the last time he'd been touched by anyone, and he was as excited as Adrian was, especially when you calculate and factor in the amount of raw emotion both men shared for each other. Looking up, Adrian gazed into Zach's eyes, all cloudy with need and desire. "I can't stand it, I need you inside of me, please." He pleaded hoarsely, "I've never wanted anyone like I want you, Zach, please." A groan ripped free of Zach's throat and he closed his eyes, nodding very slowly with a softly indrawn breath. "Are you sure?" he whispered, then leaned down so he could cup Adrian's face and gaze into his eyes again searchingly, "It can hurt the first time, Adri. Maybe even the first few times." He admitted softly, "Whatever you want, I'll do whatever you want." Anxiety and fear rippled across Adrian's face, and after a moment one of his hands came up and slowly stroked over Zach's cheek. A small smile crept its way along his lips and his eyes shone with emotion, "I love you, Adrian. I've been in love with you since the day I met you." He smiled, "I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather be with then you." Zach smiled tenderly, turning his face in against the touch of his lover's hand. "I love you too." Is all he said, a soft whisper, an admission of his love and affection that needed no more explanation, then he leaned his head down to brush a tender kiss to his mates mouth, nibbling gently on his lower lip. The kiss lingered for a long, long moment, then Zach forced himself to draw away with a low groan, reaching for the tube of lubricant and condom again. Shaking hands spread the rubber over the head of his cock and down the shaft, and while he fumbled with the protection, Adrian watched with fascination, one hand reaching out to help with the last bit. Zach smiled, allowing his love to roll the thing down his shaft, but the touch to his throbbing shaft only made him want more, making it hard for him to hold back the need he felt boiling over his skin. Zach handed Adrian the lubricant, and with a smile he popped the cap, stroking and covering Zach's cock with as much as he possibly could. As he did he took the moment to explore the feeling of that hot turgid flesh in his hands. The sensation was exhilarating, and what made it even more so was that each time he stroked his slick lubed hands up and down the shaft Zach bucked and jerked, his cock twitching and the most delightful sounds came from the strong chest. Adri had never thought Zach might make helpless sounds, but as he fought to remain still, he did indeed make helpless sounds, feeling overwhelmed and incredibly excited. "You keep doing that, and I'm going to cum before I ever manage to get inside of you." Zach finally gasped out after one long hard stroke, his breath coming in hard pants. "But I like the sounds you make," Adrian whispered, grinning playfully as he continued to stroke his mate again and again, a little quicker. A moan broke through Zach's throat again, a shudder slithering along his spine "Oh gods, Adri, I want to make love to you." He whimpered, but couldn't force himself to stop the strokes. It took another moment or so, but Adrian finally stopped the teasing an exploratory touches, pulling his mate down for another deep lingering kiss. "Make love to me," he murmured softly, and immediately Zach nodded his head and positioned his cock against that tight opening. "You need to relax and bear down on me. I am gonna go as slow as I can, you just tell me if your uncomfortable." He whispered softly, "Okay?" "Okay" Adrian whispered against his lover's mouth, pulling him closer by wrapping his arms around him and stroking soft trails down his spine. Zach arched up and whimpered, then began to press his firm flesh slowly against that very tight opening. There was a moment when he saw Adrian wince as the head of his cock slipped through that barrier, and panting helplessly, Zach paused to make certain he was okay. "It feels like so much." Adrian groan, goosebumps exploding over every inch of his bared skin. "Okay, I'm ready for more." He finally whispered, and Zach nodded his head mutely. His emotions were so thick he could barely breathe past them let alone form words. It was as if his tongue had become thick and swollen, and when Adrian lifted his head to begin kissing him again Zack let out a soft inarticulate sound of want so intense it was carnal. His hips slid slow, oh so slow into that tight constricted opening, and when he finally felt hilted his breath caught and Adrian broke the kiss that had been lingering in loving passes of lips against lips to gasp as his fingernails dug into Zach's rump. "FUCK." Adri whispered, more verbal than Zack felt he could even be in this moment. Be Mine He'd never been quiet before, but there was something so precious in this moment – this first time was as special and sweet and tender as the last he'd shared. Maybe even more so, he was older and wiser now. He cupped Adrian's face and gazed into his eyes, his tongue lapped out gently at those sweet lips and he stayed perfectly still, waiting for Adrian to grow accustomed to his intrusion. It didn't take long for him to grow accustomed, soon he was arching beneath Zach and whimpering. His hands fluttered over the smooth flesh of Zach's back and then ended gripping his ass once more, pulling him closer, forcing him to grind against him. "Please, please... I need you to move." He gasped, and Zach grinned down at him. He began slowly, drawing out inch by painfully slow inch before he slid home with just as much tender attention. It was driving Adrian insane, and after the first few strokes like this his breath was ragged and his eyes bright and glassy. "Fuck! Hard, do it hard." He gasped out, and Zach hesitated. He only hesitated a moment, because Adrian reached up to grip the back of his neck and looked up at him. "I like rough." He whispered, cheeks flushing deeply all of a sudden. Zach was confused for a moment, what was his lover saying? "It will hurt, you're too tight." "I know." Realization dawned on Zach, and he swallowed hard, his mouth going dry. "You like pain?" he whispered to his lover, who nodded mutely and then glanced away shyly. Without another word, Zach drew out of him slowly, causing a pleasured gasp to come from Adrian, and then he slammed home almost as hard as he could. Adrian cried out, his eyes closing as he shuddered beneath Zach as he began a series of pounding hard thrusts. Adrian writhed, screamed, begged and pleaded. Zach loved it. Drawing Adrian's hands up over his head, Zach held them pinned there as he gazed down into his face and continued to fuck him with intense stroke after stroke. He was getting close, he know he couldn't keep this up forever. Quick hard thrusts were incredible, but they made it hard to hold orgasm at bay. Zach dipped his head down as Adrian arched his head back into the pillow, baring the column of his throat. It wasn't that throat that he was aiming for, however, it was the flat little nipples that begged for attention, those nipples he had found were so incredibly sensitive. He caught one between his teeth, tugging, and he felt Adrian's fingernails biting into his wrists and writhe beneath the warmth of his body. "ZACH!" he cried aloud, his body coiled, ready, so incredibly close. "Close, close... oh gods." Zach couldn't believe he was about to cum with only limited exposure to direct cock stimulation. His belly brushed that turgid length between the two of them with each stroke, but it was hardly enough. He let go, he let go completely. He nipped and bit and tugged at each of those nipples roughly as his body slid home into Adrian's with such force it rocked the bed on its base, causing it to clamor against the wall again and again. The harder he fucked Adrian, the more he responded. The sounds were incredible, moans, cries, pleading words and begging. Adrian was completely wanton. Zach loved it. He was close, so so close, and after only a couple more of his brutal strokes he felt himself raising up and then crashing down over the edge of orgasm. He came in a rush, quick and hard as he devastated Adrian's body. His teeth left red imprints around his sensitive nipple, and then he tore his mouth away from those sensitive nubs for fear he might bite too deep. His hands released Adrian as he shuddered through his climax and his fingers slid quickly to Zach's hair, tangling in those silken locks to drag his head down for a kiss, offering into Zach's mouth the moans and whimpers as he finally toppled into the sweet oblivion of climax, joining his beloved lover in a torrential downpour of pleasure and sensation. They laid together, panting softly, shuddering weakly in each other arms, Zach still imbedded deeply within Adrian who trembled softly beneath him. It took quite some time for them to regain their heads, and when they did all they could do was look at one another and grin sleepily. "That was amazing." Adrian whispered, then laughed, "But I won't be able to sit for a weak." He groaned and rolled his eyes. "Mmm, I was willing to go gentle, you didn't want it." Zach growled gently, and Adrian turned his head to gaze back at him again, grinning. "It was the best thing I've ever experienced." He whispered gently, "Thank you, Zach." "I love you, Adrian." He whispered. "I love you too." "Stay in this bed." He murmured, "Sleep with me." "Mmhmm." Adrian mumbled, his eyes already drooping. "Sleep well, love." Zach watched him as he began to drift, his cock slowly flagging and easily slipping free. He removed the condom carefully, trying not to jostle Adrian who slept with his head pillowed against Zach's chest. Zach watched him silently for a while, enjoying the peaceful angelic look on his face. But even he couldn't stay up forever to watch his beloved, and soon, though he fought it off, his eyes began to shutter and finally fall shut as sleep rose up to consume him in sweet warmth and comfort. @@@@@@@@@@@@@ Adrian woke slowly, his body aching in the most pleasant manner imaginable. He felt sated and warm. The night rushed back to him and a slow sexy smile touched his lips as he reached out beneath the covers for Zach's warm hard body, only to find the bed empty. Opening his eyes, Adrian saw a note on the bedside table with his name printed in bold letters. He reached for it, forcing his eyes to focus on the words written on the page: Adri, I had to go to class, but I didn't want to wake you. I hope you wake up feeling good, I can't stop thinking about you, and last night. Gods, I need you. I hope you'll meet me in front of the oak tree for lunch today. I can't wait to kiss you. All my love belongs to you, Zach Adrian smiled at the note, then glanced at the clock. He didn't have classes this morning, and it was already ten o'clock. He knew Zach would get out at eleven thirty and so forcing himself out of bed he kissed the letter childishly before placing it back on the bedside table and rushing to go get ready, showering and dressing. When he was finished, he picked up the letter again, tucking it into his pocket and headed for the door, unable to keep the shit eating grin from his face. He wandered all the way out to the oak tree before he realized he had at least a half an hour to wait. Shrugging his shoulders, he dropped himself down to the grass to rest his back against the old burly trunk, wincing at the pain in his very, very tender backside. Settling more gingerly on his rump, his hand dipped into his pocket to pull out the letter. Carefully he opened it, his fingers caressing the sheet of paper as he read it again and again. He had spent so much time composing his own letters, and though this one was short and to the point, it was precious to him. He thought about the night previous, and he ached in places he never thought he'd ache before, but it was such an incredibly luscious feeling. He'd never felt like this after a tumble with the fairer sex, not this sweet seductive sated feeling that went bone deep and left him relaxed and pleasantly happy. From nowhere, fingers plucked the letter from his fingers and before he could reach out for the precious piece of paper the thief had danced out of reach. "Whatcha got here, Adrian?" Adrian felt his heart stutter and stop when his eyes met with the captain of the football team, his mouth gone dry. He was already reading. Adrian couldn't find his voice. A bark of a laugh escaped Scott's mouth, "Oh holy shit! You really ARE fucking Zach!" he cawed, just as Sandy wandered over. This can't get any worse, it can't, and Scott's father knows mine. God, no, no! He screamed internally. He forced himself to snort and laugh, "Hardly, he's got a crush on me and his fantasy world is rich." He heard himself say, his heart shattering into a million shards as he stood to try and reclaim the letter. "Yea right, lookit this Sandy." He handed the girl over the letter before Adrian could reclaim it, and the color drained from her face as she read the words and Adrian felt his whole world crumbling. He fought it, the fading of the light, he couldn't go down like this. It would ruin him. He hadn't been thinking, he could never have anything with Zach, what was he thinking, and what was he thinking? "Oh come on Sandy, you don't honestly think that holds any merit what so ever?" Adrian rolled his eyes and sidled up to her, plucking the letter from her hands and then deliberately shredding it into numerous pieces. His heart broke. He hid it well. Adrian wrapped his arms around Sandy, letting his seductive smile spread over his lips. "And who was I with last night?" he purred to her playfully, she blushed. He felt like he was going to be sick. Scott laughed, clapping him on the back as he grinned to her. "Ooh, gonna be his alibi huh?" he teased. "He took me Salsa dancing last night." He agreed, "And then he came in for a while." Her blush deepened and she stood on tip toes to press her mouth against Adrian's in what she must have considered a seductive kiss. Adrian's stomach heaved as he forced himself to draw her in flush with the rest of his body, holding her as that kiss lingered. When finally she drew away, he pretended to let her go reluctantly, his playful smile plastered to his lips like a plastic expression. He felt so sick he could barely breathe, but he grinned despite himself as she fluttered and snuggled into his arms. That was when he saw him. @@@@@@@@@@@@ Zach had heard some of the conversation, enough to have watched Adrian tear up the note he assumed was the one he'd left on the bedside table. With each tearing sound his heart had gone with it. Watched the way Adrian touched Sandy, like he would drown without her. He kissed her like he'd kissed Zach last night, needy and hungry. It looked to real not to be. Pain lanced through his heart, tightening around his chest like bands of steal, slowly cutting off his air supply as he watched that kiss unfold, and then it ended and his lungs resumed working. He drew in a shuddering breath, and Adrian looked up at him. There was a flash of something in his eyes, then he hid it and smirked. "Speak of the devil." Adrian waved. They were best friends after all, right? He could still act like best friends. Scott turned around and made a derisive noise, "God you need to get your dick screwed on straight. Let go of Adrian man, seriously." Scott snorted, "God I hate fags." Zach felt his heart shrivel a little more when Adrian shook his head. "Man, if he wasn't my best friend I'd know what you meant, but as it is, he is my best friend, watch your mouth. You weren't s'post to see that letter, leave him alone." Adrian stood up for him, but it didn't matter, Zach never cared what that little religious bigot had thought about him. "I rather like my dick screwed on the way that it is. And if you don't shut you're mouth you'll be staring at it from your knees, cock-sucker." He snarled. He didn't care about Scott, he didn't, but his heart was dead from what he'd witnessed, and all he wanted was distract himself from the pain in his heart. "You shouldn't be hanging out with a fag, Adrian, you're father would have a fucking fit. You know how he feels about 'their kind'." Zach flinched visibly, and Scott laughed sharply. "What? Don't you know that you're Adrian's little secret? That's right, Daddies in the church and a leader in the anti-gay movement in his area. What daddy doesn't know is that Adrian has a soft spot for faggots." "Do you really think that you're bigotry hides the fact you like sucking cock, Scott? Yea, that's right, I know about you and little Alan. Like the twinks huh?" Zach smiled a smile that was pure malice, and Scott let out an inarticulate scream as he lunched for him. Zach didn't even think, he simply swung out with his book bag, catching Scott flat in the face before landing a punch directly to his solar plexus. The other man went down to his knees, fighting to take a breath, and then he roared as he leaped at Zach, grabbing him around the waste to shove him off balance. Zach tumbled down, rolling to try and dislodge the other man, but it was useless, and when it was said and done Scott was on top of him, hitting him in the face. He remembered thinking, as his nose broke, that this was infinitely less painful then what Adrian had done. He tasted blood, and his eyes stung but he didn't lift a hand to protect him. He didn't even move when Scott rose to his feet and began to kick him in the ribs. He gasped for breath, groaning, but he just couldn't bring himself to fight back anymore. He didn't care. It went on for a moment, and distantly he heard Adrian screaming at Scott to stop, Sandy's voice shrill in the background, and then there was nothing but pain, blackness, and a dull roar exploding through his head. @@@@@@ Adrian had never seen Zach fight, not once in all the time he'd known his friend. He was generally even mannered, even tempered with enough patience that he could rival a saint. Which is why when he tossed his bag at Scott he thought it'd end at that, but it hadn't. Adrian stood in shocked disbelief as the two men tumbled and when Scott ended up atop Zach Adrian has though he'd fight to get the upper hand again. But he hadn't. Never in his life had Adrian seen some one take the type of blows that Scott dealt to him. His face impassive, he'd taken punches that could have killed him. He didn't even lift a hand. Adrian stood transfixed by the sight, stunned into inaction. It was when Scott stood up and began to kick the man he loved in the ribs repeatedly that he was spurned into action. "STOP IT!" he screamed, launching himself at Scott, taking him down in a tumble and landing on top of him. Scott was bigger, but he wasn't interested in fighting Aidon. "He's my friend damnit!" "He's a fucking faggot!" Scott said, trying to dislodge him. Adrian glanced up as Sandy went to check on Zach, she glanced up, looking pale and started to say something, but rage overtook Adrian the moment he realized Zach was truly hurt and he drew back and smashed his fist into Scott's stunned face as hard as he fucking could. "I love him, you son of a whore!" he snarled, then leapt up to go to Zach, who was wheezing pitifully. He glanced up, "Sandy, call 911. NOW." He snarled to her, and she fumbled for her cell phone as Scott stumbled to his feet and others began to circle around them. "Hold him there, he's going to fucking jail for hate crimes. SOME ONE HOLD HIM!" Adrian screamed, rage suffusing his face. Three men stepped forward and surrounded Scott, glaring at him, but Scott was still shaking his head, blood pouring from his mouth as he stumbled unsteadily. Adrian didn't know what was broken, but he had a good idea that one of his lungs wasn't working. He heard Sandy on the phone dimly, the police were on the way, but each breath that Zach took was growing more and shallower. "Tell them to hurry up, he's hardly breathing." Adrian said, rocking beside his lover, his fingers stroking through Adrian's hair. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Zach, oh god, keep breathing, love, keep breathing." He didn't want to move his head, not sure if anything in his neck had been broken at those brutal punches to his face. Instead, he just stroked his face, his hair, and his shoulders. "Shh, breath, open your eyes, love, open them." He pleaded, tears staining his cheeks and he didn't even care. "You really are in love with him." Sandy said, pain in her eyes. Sirens sounded in the distance. "Yes." Adrian whispered brokenly. "I'm sorry." Sandy shrugged her shoulders, falling to her knees beside him and rubbing up and down his back. "Don't worry about me, let's get your man taken care of." She said, and the shock in his face made her grin wryly. "You should never hide who you are, Adrian, no matter who doesn't like it." She wiped away his tears and then looked down at Zach, who was still unconscious. "Thanks, Sandy." He whispered brokenly, "I did this to him because I was afraid of what my family would do. I did this to him. I was going to tell you before I saw Scott and realized what coming out meant." Whispers drew his attention, and he realized the people gathered around to see what the fuss was about were staring at him in shock, some nodding, and some smiling, some shaking their heads. They all knew, by the end of the day everyone in school would know that he was gay. And he didn't give a flying fuck. His finger continued to stroke Zach's hair and he murmured words of encouragement while Sandy stroked his back and moments later the police and paramedics arrived, muscling him out of the way. "How long has he been out?" One of the men asked. Adrian was too numb to answer, his hands coated in both Scotts blood and Zach's. "About 7 minutes." Sandy spoke for him as he watched the Paramedics get oxygen over his face. "Stats are dropping." One of the men said. Adrian watched in horror as the men began to work on Zach, it was frenzy, and everyone stood by, grim faced and pale as they got him on a stretcher and began to take him to the ambulance. Adrian followed. One of the men got in front of him, a hand on his chest. "Sorry man, you can't go." Adrian shoved him, "I'm going, don't even begin to tell me that I can go!" he snarled. The paramedic shook his head, "Friends can't go." He said firmly, "You can meet him at the hospital." "He's not my friend, he's my boyfriend!" Adrian screamed at the man, and his face softened a little. "Shit, alright, come on." He said, running a hand through his hair as he led Adrian to the back of the ambulance. "Sit at the side, stay quiet and stay out of our way. There will be an officer at the hospital to take your statement." Sandy ran up as the doors were being closed, "I'm going to stay and tell the cops what happened. I'll meet you later." She shouted and he nodded mutely as the door shut and the ambulance began to roll. It was a hellish trip, and though he stayed quiet, he never took his eyes off of Zach. It was so hard for him to sit by and watch them doing everything they needed to do to keep him alive. A punctured lung, they'd told him, but they still needed X-rays to find out for certain. Surgery, they'd told him. Adrian thought he was going to be sick. He'd done this. His fear of who he was did this. The fact he was too chicken shit, to much a coward to just admit to the love of his life. He sat holding Zach's hand, fingers gently brushing over his knuckles. They'd settled him into a room after taking the x-rays, expecting to have to wheel him away to surgery any moment. "I'll never lie again. I'll never deny you again, just survive, please, please god I love you so much." He whispered hoarsely, brokenly as the tears stained his cheeks. Sandy came into the room, worry etching her features. She was followed by a police officer, but Adrian wasn't willing to take his attention off his beloved yet, so the police officer stood back and waited. Moments later, a group of people came in and as Adrian sobbed the wheeled him to be prepped for surgery, a place he couldn't follow. A doctor explained to him and Sandy that he was likely to survive the surgery, that it looked positive, but Adrian couldn't stop shaking. Truth was, he was so glad that he had Sandy there to hold him and hug him that he could have shot himself for how he'd treated her. She truly was the best woman he'd ever known. Be Mine "Son, I really need to take your statement." The officer finally said gently as Adrian's tears began to subside. "Yea... that bastard kicked the hell out of him and he wasn't even defending himself." Adrian snarled. "I hope you put him in jail. Before he attacked Zach he was calling him a fucking faggot and it's well known that he doesn't like gays." "I heard that Zach accused him of being gay himself?" the officer said quietly. "Yea, but I don't think Scott's really gay. Zach was hurt, oh god I hurt him." Adrian began to cry again and Sandy wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "He is gay." Alan walked through the door with a grim expression. He was a slip of a man with almost girlish good looks, a sweet humorous personality, gentle nature and the brightest green eyes he'd ever seen on anyone in his life. He was also one of Zach's closest friends. The officer looked up, surprised. "He is gay... are you his boyfriend?" he asked Alan gently, and Alan pursed his lips. "Fuck toy." He corrected. The officer winced, but nodded his head, writing in his little book carefully. "He's afraid of what he is, and he is very violent at times. I'm not a very good character witness for him." Alan snorted, coming up to wrap an arm around Adrian. He barely came to Adrian's chest, but he had a strong soothing presence. "Thanks, Alan." Adrian said, trying hard to get himself under control. The two of them comforted Adrian as the officer finished taking the statement, then told him that they would be holding Scott until Zach decided if he wanted to press charges. When the officer finally left, his friends ushered him over to the chair as they waited for Zach to come out of surgery. Alan went out and got him food while Sandy stayed by his side, then Sandy went and got his overnight bag from his dorm room while Alan stayed and made sure he ate. "Tell me what happened." Alan said softly, getting a warm wet washcloth as Adrian absently poked at his food with a fork. "I hurt him." Was all Adrian could force himself to say for a moment, until Alan came up and began to clean his face gently with the washcloth. The gentle caring action had Adrian sobbing again and Alan just continued, cleaning the dried blood from Adrian's hands gently. "We all hurt those we love." He whispered, his eyes flashing with a slightly haunted look before he smiled gently. "You had a lot to fear, it's not really that uncommon what you went through. A lot of guys don't want to admit that they are really gay. It's hard, you know?" he said, and Adrian nodded his head. "I know, but he saw me tear up his note, he saw me kiss Sandy." Adrian's voice shook. Alan simply stroked his hair back from his forehead. "I know Zach, he'll forgive you. Especially when he hears how you proclaimed your love of him in front of everyone." He said, smiling a little. "You love him, that's what counts. Now I want you to eat. I can't have you getting sick on me." He said softly, smiling. And Adrian did as he was told, eating methodically, but the food turned to ash in his mouth. "Adrian right? The doctor told me to let you know that the surgery was a success. He'll be brought back here after recovery." A pretty blonde nurse said, smiling. Adrian swept Alan into a huge hug and sighed a sigh of relief. @@@@@@@@@@@ Pain. Zach woke slowly to pain lancing through his chest. Every breath he took came with a price, and his head was so fogged he couldn't remember what had happened. He groaned softly, one hand coming up to his head, rubbing his eyes and when he finally managed to get his eyes open he saw an IV in his hand. Someone moved beside him, and he tried to turn his head to look. "Don't move, they said you'd be hurting, but that we needed you to wake up before they could give you any more pain killers." He picked up the hospital bed remote and pressed the call nurse button while Zach tried to gather his thoughts. "Why am I here?" Silence met the question for a moment, then Adrian sighed deeply. "You remember our night?" he whispered, and Zach nodded. "And then the afternoon when you came to meet me by the oak tree?" Sudden pain stuttered through his chest that had nothing to do with the surgery he'd had to endure as the memory flooded him. "Please leave." Zach whispered, voice broken suddenly. Tears seared his cheeks as he turned his head away. "Please, Zach, I'm sorry. I got frightened and I hurt you and I'm so sorry." Zach felt Adrian take his hand, stroking his fingers gently, and Zach didn't know how to react. "I don't want you anymore. You killed my love." He whispered, and the sound Adrian made was like some wounded animal. "I won't leave you." He whispered through a sob. "I wish he'd killed me." Adrian groaned, and Alan got up from his seat to rest a hand on his shoulder. "He broke your ribs, one of them punctured a lung. You could have died." He said gently. "I always told you he was an asshole." Zach said, smiling a little as his eyes slid to his friend. "Yea, I know." Alan said, sighing deeply. "He is definitely an asshole, but he's an asshole I love." Zach groaned, and it wasn't for pain. "Christ, Alan, he'll just hurt you." "I know." He whispered. "You don't want me to press charges, do you?" Alan sighed, pain in his eyes. "I want you to leave him in Jail as long as you can without giving him years." He said with conviction, and Zach nodded his head. Zach could hear Adrian trying hard to smother his sobs. "Tell him to leave, Alan." He whispered softly. "I'm afraid I can't do that." Alan murmured, shaking his head slightly. "Why not?" Zach replied, as if Adrian wasn't there at all. "Because you belong with him." Alan said simply, and Zach frowned. "You do, and you know it. Once you get over your hurt you'll know I'm right." "I'm pretty sure right now that you're wrong." He coughed and then groaned as the pain of it sent him clawing at his bed sheets. Adrian was gripping his hand in a moment, giving him something to squeeze while the waves of pain coursed over him. "Damnit, Alan, go get a nurse and drag her in here by the hair if you have too." Adrian growled. Alan nodded, disappearing out of the door with a parting glance. "I told you." He said sedately, then went in search of a nurse. "Why are you doing this?" Zach whispered, wheezing a little. "Breath slowly, love. Here," he drew his hand away for a moment, coming back with a small cup and a spoon sticking out. He spooned out some ice chips and put them up to Zach's lips. "Open." Zach was stunned by how incredibly loving Adrian was being, how gentle and attentive he was. The ice chips tasted good in his hot mouth, the cool liquid sliding down his throat and he found himself opening to another spoonful, his eyes closing. "I hurt." He told Adrian, who nodded his head and touched his forehead. "Alan's getting the nurse. I'm going to make them give you morphine." He said, as if he could control what drug they gave him. It almost made Zach smile. Almost. Just then, Alan came in with a nurse trailing behind him. She had a syringe full of some liquid and smiled down at him. "You're friends here said you're in some pain. Is that right?" she asked, and when he nodded his head she patted him on the head. "You're lucky to have friends like this who look out for you." "I'm not his friend, I'm his boyfriend." Adrian said, his eyes locked on Zach's face as he said it. She depressed the plunger on the syringe, emptying the contents into the IV. Zach didn't argue with the words, but something lit in his eyes like he might want to. "Aaw, that's sweet, you two boys experiencing young love." The elderly woman said wistfully, "And I'm sure all of the girl's moon over you like dewy eyed virgins." She grinned, going on to take his blood pressure and temperature before writing everything down and taking her leave. "Boyfriend, huh? Earlier today you didn't even want to tell your friends." Zach said, unable to keep the malice from his voice. Adrian felt so horrible about his behavior he couldn't muster up any words to explain himself. "He's since learned the error of his ways." The feminine voice coming from the doorway was Sandy, Adrian's girlfriend, and the sight of her alone made him want to cry. But tears would cost too much energy and hurt far too much to be worth it, so he kept his agony inside, though it showed easily enough on his face. "Don't worry, we're not dating any more." She smiled as she came in and touched his hand, "How you feeling, Zach?" "Fine." He said warily, and she chuckled with a shake of her head. "I want Adrian happy, and that's not gonna be me in this lifetime so I am afraid it falls to you to forgive the dumb brute." She grinned, and Zach sighed, shaking his head. "I hurt, I had surgery, and you are all pleading his case before I can get up to piss on my own." Zach said gruffly, and Adrian sighed, his eyes filling with tears. Zach ignored it. "Valentines day is tomorrow, Zach. Don't you think that it's a time for new love?" Alan chuckled, and when Zach glared at him Adrian sobbed and got to his feet, shoving the cup of ice chips at Sandy before he fled the room. "He doesn't know what to tell you." She whispered to him, "He knows he fucked up. He hurt me too, I was his shield from what he was, Zach, but it's you he's in love with. You should have heard him when you passed out. He screamed to everyone that you where his love, he punched Scott, he nearly killed the paramedic who said he couldn't go with you, and when they let him in the ambulance with you he didn't leave your side until they took you to x-ray and surgery right after that. He has not gone home. Alan and I have been bringing him everything he has needed." Sandy said, and Alan stood behind her, his hands resting on her shoulders in a friendly manner. Zach was sure they hadn't known one another before this, but now they seemed like old friends, something peculiar really. He blinked back tears, thinking about Adrian admitting in front of everyone what they were together, and tears misted his eyes. "So, he was an idiot and panicked when he realized he'd have to come out as gay. You were an idiot when you let Scott break your ribs. I think the two of you are even." Alan said succinctly, arching an eyebrow and grinning. "I'm not convinced. Just... I need some space, okay? Maybe I could just sleep the night alone, okay? Can you convince him to go home for the night?" Zach asked. "I'll bring him back to my room." Alan said, nodding his head. "He needs sleep anyhow. He has been worrying about you none stop." Alan drew Sandy up, but she paused. "You sure I couldn't stay with you, Zach, I really hesitate in leaving you alone at the hospital, and I doubt that Adri would leave if he knew you wouldn't be with some one." She said, the voice of logic and reason. He hesitated, and then closed his eyed briefly. "I don't want to impose on you." He whispered, focusing on drawing in a slow breath. "No imposition, I have plenty of homework to finish, you just go on sleeping and when you wake I'll have ice chips and meds okay?" she asked, and despite himself, Zach found himself not only smiling, but genuinely liking her. "Okay." Sandy said, nodding her head and taking her seat once more. "I'll get him out of here, but just this night, Zach. Tomorrows Valentines Day, I expect you to make up tomorrow." He growled playfully, but Zach was not amused. "I'll see you tomorrow, Zach. Rest." And with that he disappeared out the door just as the medicine began to draw him into a restless sleep once more. "Rest well, Zach." He heard Sandy say before darkness closed around him once more. @@@@@@@@ The scent of flowers tickled Zach's nose, and curiosity drew him out of the comforting embrace of unconsciousness. When he opened his eyes, he blinked in utter surprise. Flowers covered every single flat surface of the room, roses, lilies, and tulips – every flower imaginable littered counters and even overflowed onto the floor. He blinked again, then noticed little boxes of valentine candies poured overflowing from between the flower vases, there must have been a hundred boxes. He glanced around him, and when his eyes landed on the figure in the chair beside his bed his heart contracted. Adrian sat there, his eyes shinning with love, an oversized card in his hand. It was a huge heart, the words "Sometimes I'm an ass." Written on the front of it. When Zach's lips twitched, Adrian wordlessly opened the card, exposing the inside, which read: "But isn't my ass your favorite part of my body? (Besides, isn't making up the best part of having ass who loves you?) Be my Valentine, being an ass is no fun alone." Then in flowing script he knew to be Adrian's the words, "I love you more then words could ever express, forgive me, and give me a chance to make it up to you. Yours always, S.A." Tears pricked at Zach's eyes, and he blinked them away as he looked up at Adrian's somber face. He looked like he was getting ready to be rejected, and the resigned sadness in his beautiful eyes plucked at Zach's heart. "You bought me all these flowers?" He asked, swallowing hard. He'd never had anyone buy him flowers before. It made a strange warm feeling spread through his chest. Adrian nodded his head silently, his Adams apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. "Can I have a box of Candies?" Zach whispered, and Adrian reached over, handing him one of the tiny boxes. He looked at it, and on the box was written: "To: Sexiest man alive. From: The Ass." Zach chuckled softly as he read it, shaking his head as he opened the box, pulling out a pink candy. "U R Cute." He tossed the candy at Adrian, whose lips twitched. Zach pulled another candy out, "My love." He murmured softly, then tossed it too at Adrian, his eyes locked on the other mans face. He took out another one, "Soul Mate." He whispered, liking his lips before tossing it at his lover, hitting him in the chest. Adrian couldn't keep the smile from his face as Zach went about pelting him with cadies. The next Candy was green, and when he pulled it out Zach smiled slowly, holding it up, "Be mine?" he said, making it a question. Adrian nodded silently, trying to hold back the tears that threatened. He put the card down and reached forward to take Zach's hand in his own, his fingers shaking as he stroked over the back of his hand. "Get into this bed with me." Zach growled roughly. "I won't fit." Adri blushed. "Yes you will, just come over on this side, it doesn't hurt as much." Zach told him, shifting his larger form just enough so that Adrian was able to slip down onto his side, one hand reaching out to adoringly touch Zach's jaw. "I love you." Adri whispered, and Zach turned his head to nip Adrian's fingertips. "I love you too, Adrian." He replied, "You're everything to me." He murmured. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?" Adrian whispered softly, tilting his head down so he could gently brush his lips against Zach's. "Mmhmm, after you make it up to me." He purred gently against those fluttering kisses Adrian kept bestowing on him. "What should I do then?" he murmured, then deepened the kiss before Zach had a chance to even respond. "Hold me." Zach whispered between the gentle kisses and the deeper ones. "Just hold me." And that's exactly what Adrian did. I Hope you all enjoyed the story! Please take a moment to vote below, and if you enjoyed it, or if you have some helpful bit of feedback, I always enjoy getting comments from my readers! Let me also take this time to thank my dear friend for Editing the piece, Love you James! Be Mine "It's not you. Honestly, Harper. It's completely me." Our waitress awkwardly hovered over us, balancing our dinners. The poor girl looked extremely uncomfortable. I wondered if Glenn thought the cliche sounded better if he slipped in "honestly" and my name. Like I wouldn't care he was dumping me on New Year's Eve. That I would have to ring in the new year utterly alone. That I wouldn't be heartbroken I would have to spend another Valentine's Day alone. "What does that even mean? If you're breaking up with me, it has to be me." The restaurant was supremely busy, and though the waitress--Christie, I think she said--didn't want to step on the minefield that was our dinner table, she had no choice. She plopped down our plates with a half-hearted "enjoy" and scurried off. Glenn sighed and pressed back against his chair, flicking his napkin across his lap. He ordered chicken parm ALL THE TIME. He calmly cut a piece of chicken which I hoped he fucking choked on. "Please. Let's not make this harder than it already is. I'm just not ready to be in a relationship right now. You have your priorities, and right now so do I." I watched him eat his chicken, closing his eyes sometimes at the taste, and realized what a total dickhead he was. "You're fucking someone else, aren't you?" Guess what? He did choke on his chicken. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO "No- you're kidding!" My best friend Anna was frozen with a piece of salad halfway up to her mouth. "Unfortunately, I'm not. He broke up with me New Year's Eve at dinner." "Why the hell didn't you call me?" Finally she moved again which made me feel better; Anna at rest is an alarming thing to behold. "You could have come to my place. Andy and I watched Ryan Seacrest and Fergie be freakish robots all night." My soup burned my tongue and I cursed, asking the universe why everything bad happened to me. "I didn't want to intrude. It was your first New Year's as a married couple!" She rolled her eyes. "It was totally boring. Andrew drank beer all night and passed out twenty minutes before the ball dropped. He's lucky I love him." I smiled and gently spooned some more soup into my mouth. "Well, all I know is I have the shittiest luck with men." Five seconds later something ice cold slammed into my back, running down to the crease of my ass. I shrieked. Slowly I turned and spotted the clumsy busboy who dropped an entire tray of drinks all over me. He apologized profusely; I just nodded. He threw some napkins at me and I tried to dry off, while simultaneously blushing under the penetrating gaze of everyone at the cafe. Anna snorted into her iced tea. "Sorry. It's just that... Sweetheart. You have the shittiest luck, period." "I'm going to the bathroom," I said, shuddering at the ice that was still swimming down my spine. I didn't always have the worst luck. I used to have amazing luck. I graduated college early and became an assistant to one of the top publishing agents in the industry. He was handsome and successful; of course we began dating right away. A year later he asked me to marry him. Everything was picturesque and lovely until the day I came home and caught him fucking Phyllis, one of his authors, who was a mega-bitch and old enough to be his mother. Naturally my self esteem took a whopping hit. I quit, letting the fucker affect not only my personal life, but my professional life as well. Two years later I was beyond damaged, working in a tiny bookshop that no one ever went into and only stayed open because Mabel, the crazy lady who owned it, was rich and refused to close the family business. Obviously, things weren't going well for me. And it was going to be Valentine's Day in a flash and I had a particular sensitivity about that date. It wasn't that I bought into the sappy consumerism or the societal pressure to "have someone"; it was my parents' wedding anniversary. They had such a perfect marriage and I wanted that, too. Every Valentine's Day I spent alone reinforced my belief that maybe I wouldn't have the chance to be happy, after all. Even when I was with George, the fabulous literary agent, he had to fly to California to work with an author on our Valentine's Day. Typical. It was probably to see Phyllis. So here I was, a few days after a traumatically unhappy New Year's, wiping ice off my back and wishing away the next few months. Stores and restaurants glued faded red and pink hearts on their walls. Valentine's Day had already soaked the city with forced romance and sad desperation. Something needed to change. I couldn't go on like this, one door after another slamming in my face. It was time to change things up. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO Two weeks later I was working, mindlessly shelving books people would probably never read. Per usual, I was feeling sorry for myself. "You should go see my therapist." I paused with my restocking of Pablo Neruda, the poet who always sold out this time of year. Even Mabel's shop was frequented by lovestruck hipsters who quoted Neruda incorrectly as they sipped on their nonfat caramel lattes. "Excuse me?" Mabel applied another ring of blue eyeliner. It caught unflatteringly in all of her wrinkles, and it really wasn't the right color for her, but I didn't dare say anything. The last time I tried to suggest Mabel change her appearance--she dyed her hair purple--she screamed at me and threatened to make me do the Sunday kiddie readings with Frank. Frank was Mabel's only other employee. He wore the same shirt every shift and perpetually had a booger hanging from his right nostril. "Well, you're always complaining about being a single mess. You should go see a shrink and talk about it to her." "Thanks, Mabel, but I don't think I've reached the level that I need professional help yet." She gave me one of her long-suffering looks. It would have been scary (considering her threats to make me work in close quarters with Frank) but her heavily made up face and the feather she wore in her hair made it too ridiculous. "Not everyone who goes to see a psychologist is a lunatic, Harper, and I would have thought you were above that stigma." Sighing, I put another collection of Pablo's work on the shelf. "Sorry, it's not that. I just don't think I want anyone in my head." "And that's why you're single." "Mabel!" She shrugged and stood, closing her makeup case. "Honey, I've been around almost 76 years and let me tell you- I've never spent one Valentine's Day alone. You know why? No, it's not my looks, though they've always been impressive. It's my attitude. I think I can do and be anything." She packed up her purse and came over to squeeze my cheek. "You need a little of that sparkle." She pressed a business card in my hand. She clicked out in her impressively high heels and I peeked at the card. "Dr. Penelope Lange, Psy. D" I put the card in my pocket, sure I wouldn't be giving her a call. Yeah, I was having problems but a therapist? No. Two giggling girls stumbled in, holding Starbucks. "Um, like, where's your Neruda? Barnes & Noble is sold out." Instead of throwing myself off the nearest tall building, I heaved in a breath and pasted on a smile. I could do this, and on my own. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO That night played around on Facebook. I was still friends with my ex-fiancé George because I liked seeing what he was up to, as much as it still tore up my heart to witness him moving on without barely a scar. :: George Cruise commented on his own photo: "Shirley, you're such a flirt :P" :: "Dick," I muttered, fisting another handful of dry Fruit Loops into my mouth. :: George Cruise liked Diane Dawson's status. :: "Asshole." I uncorked a bottle of wine and took a swig right out of the bottle. :: George Cruise is engaged to Phyllis Landry. :: "Piece of..." but I stopped, rereading the words until they became blurry and twisted. Everything stopped--my heart, my breath and I'm pretty sure the world, too. I kept reading the sentence and it grew increasingly foreign to me. The words didn't even appear to be English anymore. My breathing returned in gasping and shuddering swells. I chugged more of my wine and threw my laptop somewhere in the corner, ignoring the great smashing sound it made. "FUCK!" I screamed. I went to drink the rest of my wine and noticed the bottle was empty. "Time for vodka," I announced to no one. I took a couple of shots and began to find my situation quite funny. I put some music on and cried along with Sinead O'Connor as she wailed that nothing compares to you. I choked on my tears when Amy Winehouse and I went back to black. And I launched into full hysterics when Morrissey whined that he knew it was over. It was all over. My vodka and my sanity was dwindling right around the time Barry Manilow came up on my shuffle. "Can't Smile Without You" blared out of my iHome and I sang right along, treating my bottle like a microphone and kicking my legs to the beat. Right around that time I heard my neighbor banging on the wall, telling me to shut the fuck up. After I hobbled over to my iPod and disconnected it, I collapsed on my sofa and let the real hurt trickle in. Of all the songs I played, The Smiths hit the nail on the head: I knew it was over, and it never really began, but in my heart? It was so fucking real. And now I was so fucking lost. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO "So what brings you here today?" I stared at Dr. Penelope Lange--who didn't look much older than me, by the way--and made a helpless sound. "Um, a terrible vodka and Barry Manilow hangover." She smiled and tossed her blonde hair back, pulling it up into a ponytail. She wore a short dress and fishnet stockings. She was not your average therapist, or what I thought an average therapist was, anyway. All the books on her shelves were about self-healing and feng shui. Wind chimes and crystals were strewn about her office like it was the most usual thing in the world. I was a little uncomfortable about it all, but fought hard not to judge. "Sounds serious." Her blue eyes twinkled when she said that and I relaxed a bit, relieved she at least had a sense of humor. "Oh, it was. I don't feel like talking about it, though." "Sure." She cleared her throat. "What do you do for a living, Harper?" "I work in a shitty bookstore." "What did you do before? What did you study in school?" I groaned because this was about to lead to what I didn't want to talk about, but I figured I couldn't resist every topic. "I studied writing. I used to want to write, anyway." She wrote in a little notebook she had. "Why do you say it's something you used to want to do? What do you want to do now?" "It feels late for me. I mean, I know I'm young I just... It all feels exhausting. I have terrible luck with this shit. I used to work in publishing for my ex and then everything fell apart." I cringed. "He actually is the reason I got drunk on vodka and Manilow last night." "So let's talk about what led to that particular hangover." I tugged on a loose strand of my sweater that wouldn't just fucking let go yet. "Well, my ex got engaged. And my last boyfriend dumped me three weeks ago. On New Year's Eve, actually, a few hours before the ball dropped." Penelope didn't "aw" or say she was sorry, or do any of that other predictable bullshit. "That fucking sucks. Did he give you a reason?" "Said he wasn't ready for commitment." "That's a bullshit excuse." A corner of my mouth quirked up. "I know. So what do I do about it? Obviously at this point I have to face it's me." Penelope brought up her legs and sat on her feet. She was so unorthodox; I liked it. "Why do you say that?" "Why wouldn't I say that? If you knew my full track record, you'd understand." "Hmm." She stood and walked over to her bookcase, yanking out a particularly large volume that was called How to Feng Shui Your Way into Love. I fought an eye-roll. "I want you to take this home with you. Give it a read. You might find that some of these adjustments will help you become more positive, and to see the world around you in a more optimistic way. You need to let go of these negative men and negative energies, or thoughts, and take charge of your life." "This is your suggestion? You think my chi is bad?" Her smile was mysterious. "Humor me. You just might surprise yourself. And at the very least, it'll make a good story." XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO As soon as I got home I threw the book on my couch and left Mabel a furious voicemail. "Thanks for sending me to a lunatic who sent me home with a book on feng shui instead of actually helping me!" She didn't call back. I opened up a bottle of wine and fiddled around with my laptop. It was hopelessly broken so I accessed Facebook on my phone. :: George Cruise is so happy! :: I didn't throw my phone, though I desperately wanted to. Instead I unfriended him. "Fuck you, George." I switched on to Glenn's page, the asshole who dumped me on New Year's, to see what he was up to. I nearly vomited. :: Glenn Hopper is with Carrie Marissa at La Bella Restaurante :: :: Glenn Hopper loves Carrie Marissa "Mother. Fucker." The dick who was so afraid of commitment was in love with another woman only three weeks later. I saw red and heard the music from Kill Bill in my head. I almost turned to vodka and Barry in my time of need again, but then I spotted the huge book Penelope gave me. Could it really hurt? No. It was silly and I'd feel ridiculous, but what if it worked? Or what if it helped to take my mind off things? Relax me? It would be worth it then. I poured myself a glass of vodka and OJ because, I mean, I needed a LITTLE liquid courage, and cracked open the book. And proceeded to freak out. It seemed I was doing everything wrong, at least in Feng Shui World. First of all, my mirror definitely reflected my bed which messed up energy flow and invited additional people into the bedroom, and therefore my relationships. Well, that certainly made sense considering my track record. Second my walls in the bedroom were painted blue. Apparently that was a major no-no. Water symbols in general were not tolerated in the bedroom, so I tore off the painting from my wall that had a big lake in it, threw out my little fountain I had in there, and took a trek to buy new paint. I picked a nice pale color because the walls were supposed to be flesh-tone and rushed back to my apartment to begin painting. I rearranged all of my heavy furniture so that the "poison arrows" weren't stabbing me anymore and draped plastic over them so I wouldn't ruin them during my frenzied painting towards a new life. I swiped my brush passionately against the wall, forgetting everything but feng shui and energy movement. Until my best friend Anna suddenly appeared, storming into my apartment. She assessed my situation and yelled, "What the fuck are you doing?!" I turned down Barry Manilow (it only felt right to blare "Ready to Take a Chance Again") and took stock of the scene around me. Shakespeare tan, the color I bought at Benjamin Moore, was now slabbed all over me and my apartment. I was sweating profusely, having pushed my furniture all over the place, and I was pretty sure my finger was bleeding everywhere. I was speechless. I pointed a finger at the feng shui book on the coffee table and Anna picked it up, eyeing me like I was about to say aliens told me to do it. She thumbed through the book and laughed. "Seriously, Harper? This is why you're acting like a crazy person? A feng shui book?" "Uh. I don't know. I have no idea what I'm doing." "Sit down and I'll make us tea, okay? Just put the paint brush down." Anna made us tea and I told her about Dr. Lange. "She sounds crazy." Anna sat next to me, careful to not get any paint on her clothes. "I know," I sighed. "But there was something about her. About the promise of trying something different for a change, if only to take my mind off things." I sucked in a breath and spilled the terrible beans. "George is engaged. And according to Facebook, Glenn is in love with someone." "Ah. I knew you weren't having a meltdown just because some quack gave you a feng shui book." "Shut up," I laughed, pushing Anna's arm. "I just want what you and Andrew have. You guys are so happy together. I hate you." "Sweetie, you'll get that one day." She kissed my cheek and gave me a small hug. "I just think you need to relax about it. So what if you spend Valentine's Day alone? It's a stupid day, anyway. Andrew is taking me to Chili's and then we're going to have sex and pass out. Really not that glamorous." "I know, I know. I just... want something else for me this year." I glanced at the feng shui book. "Couldn't hurt, right?" I said, jutting my chin at it. "Maybe there is something to it... opening up your space, and your self, and your energy. New, bright beginnings." "Maybe," Anna murmured. I could tell she wasn't sold on it, and truth be told neither was I. I didn't think shifting around my furniture and painting my walls would lead me to the love of my life, but it was fun being crazy for a change. "Want to help me paint the rest of it?" "What, your apartment?" Anna asked, gasping at the thought of me going on with this psycho behavior. "Yeah. I think Dr. Lange is right in her own crazy way. I need a change." "Okay," Anna agreed, grabbing an extra brush with gusto. "Could be therapeutic!" We painted the day away, playfully splattering paint on each other until the sun went down. It was the most fun I'd had in ages. "Maybe you should try online dating," Anna said after a bit. "Bet there is a discount on it now, too, with Valentine's Day coming up." "I'm about to ban people from uttering the name of that so-called holiday around me." I angrily threw some paint on the wall. "And I would be terrified of online dating. What if I disappointed the guy or something?" "You should be more concerned about them disappointing you. Come on, what if you meet the guy of your dreams on there?!" I paused for a second. What if I did? I was being snobby about this whole thing, and I was also being a coward. I grabbed us a bottle of wine and two glasses. We sat on the sofa and got on my laptop. I went onto a popular site, took out my credit card and signed up before really thinking it through. We went through the standard questions--do I have any pets? do I want kids? what are some of my hobbies?--and I stressed about answering each one. "Do you want kids?" I asked Anna as I typed in a stupid blurb about myself. She hesitated and I stopped writing. I glanced at her and noticed for the first time how tired she looked, and just a touch depressed. That so wasn't Anna. "Yes. But I'm not so sure Andrew does." She took a big drink of wine. "I asked him about it the other night and he got all weird." I didn't know what to say. She saw the uncomfortable expression on my face and offered me a sad smile. "See? No relationship is perfect. You need to let go of that crazy belief you have that every relationship is like the ones in Disney movies. I think your high hopes are unrealistic and they're crippling you." I bumped her shoulder. "You might have just given me better advice than the doc." "Well, I am a genius after all." She laughed and took more wine. "And I'm drunk. That's when I give my best advice." We finished filling everything out and went through my matches. I sent drunk emails and we laughed and laughed until we cried. After she went home that night, I fell into bed and went to sleep almost immediately. For the first time in a long time, I didn't need an Ambien or soft music playing. This taking charge thing was suiting me just fine. Be Mine XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO A week later (February 1st!) I had another appointment with Dr. Lange set up. I also decided after some more reading I needed to go buy incense and crystals. The book I had said they could be used as "cures" for the problems you had that couldn't be solved. Like I had a light fixture directly above my bed, which was supposed to be a big no-no, and I couldn't move all the corners of my furniture in other directions. Unfortunately my mother decided to stop by my apartment to catch up before I could head out. "I thought we could have tea," she said, not missing the new layout of my place. I rolled my eyes, waiting for her to say something about it. It wasn't long before she ran a finger against the wall and made a noise. "This is an interesting color." "Mom." "What? I'm just saying. I miss the nice blue you had before." We went out for tea and did some small talk for a while before she cut to the chase. "I heard George is engaged." I gulped a hot mouthful of tea and nodded, wincing both from the burn and from the unbearable sadness in my chest. "Want to talk about it?" "Not particularly," I muttered. A barista at the cafe was hanging up a banner of hearts over the front door. I was shocked they were doing it so late. They were definitely behind the curve. My mom spoke again, drawing my attention from the Valentine's decorating. "I wish you would open up to me about it. It must be heartbreaking for you." She looked genuinely upset and I felt guilty. "Sorry. I just don't want to rehash my romantic failures." Mom nodded and changed the topic. I should have known that wasn't the last I'd hear of it, though. As soon as we got back to my apartment, Mom began the inquisition . "What's with the new paint job? And why did you move your sofa all the way by the window? What's going on with you?" She picked at her nails, one bad habit she could never break. She went into my bedroom and I followed. She fingered my new curtains. "Red curtains? I'm worried." "I'm just trying to get a more positive outlook. Maybe draw some positivity back into my life, you know? It's nothing to be worried about, Mom, I promise." I desperately wanted to change the subject yet again because I was terrified I'd confess about the New Age philosophies I was adopting and I knew Mom would really be upset then. "What are you and Dad doing for Valentine's Day?" Even though they had been married for thirty years, Mom still blushed at the thought of Dad. A pang went through my chest and stomach when I saw her flush and grin. "He's cooking." I didn't get it. "But Mom, he's a terrible cook." "I know." "I don't understand." She put a hand on my cheek. "Oh, one day you will. I'm positive of that." She looked around my bedroom and shook her head. "Please explain the red curtains and the paint, Harper," Mom said after a while. "I'm seeing a therapist," I blurted. Mom's eyes bulged. "Why?" "Why not? I mean... she's a really sweet person and she's helping me with my obsession over finding the perfect guy. She suggested feng shui as a way of releasing all the negative obsessions while also taking a positive hold of my life. It's working so far. I haven't felt this...buoyant in a long time." Seeing my mother's expression I added, "Don't get me wrong, Mom, I don't know if I believe in all of it. But it's cool thinking about how I can focus on improvement rather than dwell on how all these men broke my heart." My mom took my hand. "I know. I'm happy you're trying to let that go. I just don't want you to think that red curtains and beige walls are going to magically change your life. You need to do a little heavy-lifting yourself. Feng shui isn't a panacea, sweetheart." "I know," I agreed. "But Mom? It's not beige. It's Shakespeare tan." Mom laughed and kissed my cheek. "Hopeless romantic. That's my Harper." XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO "You painted your entire apartment?" Dr. Penelope Lange had her hair in pigtails for this appointment, and she wore shorts with stockings underneath. She didn't seem to mind it was freezing outside. "Yep. My friend helped me, actually. It was a lot of fun." "Good," she smiled. "I just don't want you to get too carried away. It's fun to reorganize your life and see everything from a different angle, but if you get too focused on exactly which direction your chair should be facing, you'll go crazy. Know what I mean?" "Totally. I'm stopping after today." She lifted her eyebrows. "After today?" "I desperately need some incense and crystals. Some cures and such." "Ah, well I know of a little shop nearby. It's run by a friend of mine." A small grin flashed across her face but she tried to hide it (and failed). She rummaged through her bag and handed over a business card. "You'll like him." "Thanks, I appreciate it." "Before you go, I just want to ask you what your ideal is with love. What do you think it is, and what would you want with it when you got it?" I thought about it for a long moment. "I don't really know what love is. I've never been in love, I don't think." That thought made me sad. "But my ideal would be my parents. Thirty years and my mom is just happy he's cooking for Valentine's Day." Penelope smiled. "That sounds nice." "I want to have someone to come home to. Someone to tell my stories to and who will always side with me. Someone who buys me my favorite ice cream just because. Someone who understands when I just want to stay in and read a book, or watch a good movie. Someone who gives me a hard time because they love me. Someone who I don't know I ever lived without." I picked at my nails, just like my mother. "I think that's a tall order and it's why I'm hopelessly single." "I just think you need to give yourself a break. Stop saying you're not worthy. Believe in yourself more. And let love flow to you, like everything else. Sounds corny but it's true." Let love flow to me. I could try that. I got up to leave but Penelope called me back. "Harper? It feels good to let go, doesn't it?" I answered with a grin. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO The shop Penelope sent me to was certainly tiny. It was called Crystal Clear. Not very clever, but whatever. I just wanted to get my crystals and go home to see if they'd magically fix my problems. I had my fingers crossed. Naive and improbable, but desperation is rarely reasonable. Wind chimes sang out when I pushed open the door. The store smelled heavily of incense. Crystals glittered in the faint sunlight coming through the dusty windows. Small, cheap chandeliers hung from the ceilings but barely gave off enough light to see everything clearly. I was about to run out, certain Penelope had decided I was a pain in the ass and was sending me to my death, when a gravelly voice shouted "Hello!" A man materialized in front of me, super tall with short brown hair and hazel eyes. He wore a plaid shirt with the sleeves folded up and the first few buttons on top undone. His jeans had paint all over them and his fingers were stained with ink. He was rugged and serious. He didn't look like he belonged in a shop like this. In short, he looked better than me. I was wearing yoga pants and an ill-fitting blouse, covered in a bulky coat. My blah brown hair was up in a messy bun with strands falling all over the place. I was a disaster. He grinned after a few moments of me staring at him, and even in the bad lighting I could see how perfect his teeth were. I gave him a small smile, terrified my teeth were gritty from the four cups of coffee I had to drink earlier. "Need a hand?" I nearly said, "YES I NEED BOTH NOW PLEASE OH MY GOD!" but I contained myself somehow. "Um, yeah, actually. I'm here for some crystals." Jesus Christ. Such an idiot. He just smiled at me and nodded. "Well, believe it or not we have those here. Any in particular?" "Rose quartz." I blushed, hoping he wouldn't know why I was asking for that particular one. But of course he did. His pleasant grin got bigger and turned playful. "Ah, a love cure, eh?" "You could say that." He handed me a scoopful. "Make sure you put them in the southwest of your home. That's the love area of your house. Okay?" "Got it." Jesus, this was humiliating! "And you can put a bowl of them in your bedroom. Really draws the love in." Shit shit shit. Was I blushing? We passed a mirror. Fuck, yes, I was blushing. "What else are you looking for?" the guy asked. "Citrine and blue kyanite." He gathered up the rest for me. "Anything else, sweetheart?" Oh my God, I had to scream at my body to calm down. I was sweating even though he had no heat running through the place. "Nope, that's it." I tried to sound natural but I sounded like a boy going through puberty who just sucked on tons of helium. He brought everything up to the register. He rang me up with a private smile that made me want to ask him what the joke was, even though I was terrified he'd answer that it was me. "You're getting these crystals just in time for Valentine's Day." He stuck his tongue into his cheek as he took my money from me and counted out the change. It was fucking adorable. "Yeah," I said lamely. His hazel eyes fixed on me. "Are you going to try a love spell, too?" My cheeks lit on fire but I laughed in spite of myself. His expression was priceless. "Stop making fun of me! I just got this stupid feng shui book and I'm trying to make adjustments in my life." He put his hands up. "No judgement." "Yeah, right," I laughed, taking my change. "No, really. I've even done a few cures like that myself. Working here will make even the most reasonable person question the power of these crystals." "Do you believe in them?" He bit his lip and shrugged. Delicious. "Sometimes. Oh, by the way you're supposed to cleanse them before you use them. Check it out online." "Will do." The phone in the back rang and he scowled. "Well, good luck with all that." He tried to look me up and down with subtlety. Luckily he was as bad at that as I was. My cheeks turned completely red Normally I'd be a little uncomfortable, but for some reason his assessment didn't bother me. "I'm sure you don't even need it. Next time you come in for crystals, I bet you'll be in love." "Oh my God, I don't know about that." His grin was mysterious and fuckhot. "I do." He tipped his head at me and went into the back, leaving me more than a little lovestruck. I stumbled back out in the sun, dazed and blind. He was amazing. Why couldn't I get a guy like that? XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO When I got back to my apartment, I looked online for the whole cleansing process and then arranged my rose quartz the way the guy told me to. I wanted to punch myself for not asking his name, but I planned to go back in there again soon. He was too gorgeous not to try again. Maybe this time we wouldn't get disturbed by a stupid phone. I had to go to work in an hour and I was dreadfully bored after my whole crystal cleanse. I sat down at my laptop and stared at an empty word document, wondering if my grand story would ever come. Something was tickling my brain, and it whispered it could be great if I let it just be, but I was pushing and pulling it. And then suddenly something broke and the words burst out of me. I wrote an outline about a neurotic girl desperate for love who tries using feng shui to change her life. She meets an amazing journalist who is handsome and rich and they fall in love. He introduces her to journalism and she wins fifty Pulitzers. Sounded beautiful to me. Only something was flat about it. There was no real life in it. Sure, she gets all she wants but there was no fight in it. No struggle. Therefore, the pay-off wasn't as amazing as it could have been. I glanced at the time and realized I would be late for Mabel. "Shit!" I closed my laptop and decided to write more later. I didn't question where the muse was coming from; I'd just ride the creative wave for as long as I could. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO "Online dating?" Mabel applied lipstick and shook her head. "Crazy what you kids do today. Back when I was your age we met boys at dances and parties." "It's just for fun, Mabel." "Yeah, and so is poker." "They have online poker," I laughed. I glanced at the shelf I was stocking. "We're almost out of Neruda." "I never understand kids," Mabel sighed, standing up and limping over to me. "All poetry is romantic. This guy has a few good ones but Jesus. They should try something new. Every guy these days comes in here and recites the bullshit to his girlfriend, hoping to get lucky. So silly." "Love is a war of lightning," I quoted, "and two bodies ruined by a single sweetness/ Kiss by kiss I cover your tiny infinity,/ your margins, your rivers, your diminutive villages,/ and-" "Ugh, enough. I used to have a boyfriend who read that crap to me all the time. Any more outta you and I'll make you go in the back with Frank." I glanced at Mabel's only other employee who was lingering by the register and shuddered. Per usual, he was wearing the same shirt. Today there wasn't any snot hanging from his nose, but I knew it was only a matter of time. "Fine, but you probably should order Neruda if you want to make some money this month." Mabel rolled her eyes but she pinched my cheek with a little curve of her lips. "I see Dr. Lange is working for you, kid. You have a little sparkle today." "She's... okay. A little unorthodox, no?" "You need a little unorthodox in your life. You're a Virgo- so uptight! See I'm an Aquarius. That's why the boys love me." My cellphone dinged and I went over to take a peek. I had an email from the dating site, letting me know I had a message. I stepped to the side and logged in. The guy's name was Tristan and he looked a tad too preppy for me. "Hi!" he wrote, "You seem like a really cool girl! Would love to grab some drinks with you maybe next week. Let me know! ;) " Mabel must have been reading over my shoulder. She clapped her hands and scared the shit out of me. "You're going." "But-" "No buts. Always whining about how you don't have anyone, but you never take chances, Harper! You date easy guys who float into your life and they always turn out to be terrible. You need to work a little!" I shocked myself by responding, "Okay." So I replied to Tristan. "Sounds great. I'm free Wednesday." And so it began. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO "What did you think of the shop I sent you to?" Penelope dyed her hair pink since I last saw her a week earlier and yet she was wearing a very plain, conservative dress. There was something in her expression that told me she knew exactly what I thought of it. "The guy there is gorgeous," I admitted. "The shop is nice, too." She poured me a cup of coffee. "I thought you might appreciate it." "Hmm, I bet the sexy guy in there had nothing to do with it." Penelope grinned. "His name is Anthony." Anthony. My heart fluttered. Then I thought I was no better than a sixteen year old girl with a crush on a guy who'd never notice her and shifted my thoughts in another direction. "So I have something to tell you." She motioned for me to go on. "I subscribed for online dating." She clapped her hands together. "Good for you! Any matches yet?" "This preppy guy messaged me. Wants to go for drinks." Penelope flicked her purple hair. "Well, just be careful not to fall into old patterns. Have fun and keep yourself open, but remember what attracted you to those other men." She laughed. "Here's where I get all shrink-like and ask you what originally appealed to you about those past guys." Shrugging, I sipped my coffee and thought about it. "They were easy," I finally sighed, thinking back to what Mabel said earlier. "And predictable. I always knew what I was going to get out of them. It was familiar, even if it wasn't healthy." "Ding ding ding," she laughed. "I think you don't really need me. Sounds like you have it all figured out." "Maybe the crystals in my room got this Tristan guy to email me!" I got excited, thinking possibly this whole thing worked. "I wouldn't go that far," Penelope said. "You subscribed to the site." "I was reading about bamboo plants," I went on, ignoring her. "Do you think I'd be taking it too far if I got one with two stalks and put it in the southwest section of my apartment? It's supposed to promote love." She narrowed her eyes and analyzed me. For the first time, I really saw her psychologist-side. "Look, there's nothing wrong with doing something that comforts you as long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone else. I do think you're starting to put too much faith in it all, which could end up disappointing you if anything goes awry. But if you desperately want a bamboo plant, don't hold back because of what I may think. Just remember it's a plant, not a magical wand. Okay?" "Okay." "I want to get at those core issues inside, Harper. The issues that make you pick loser after loser when you have so much to offer." That was a bit of a downer. When I walked out of my appointment, I saw I had another message from Tristan confirming drinks for Wednesday, and suggesting a bar that was a little bit out of my way. Wasn't really a biggie, though. I sent him back a "I can't wait!" and a smiley. I realized after messaging him back that our date was going to be a day before Valentine's Day. This was going to be interesting. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO On February 13th, I took an extra twenty minutes applying my makeup. I even looked up stupid tutorials online just so that everything would be perfect. I rubbed the belly of the Buddha I bought and talked to my bamboo plant with two stalks (perfect for relationships), asking how it was doing. Before you think I totally lost my mind, I read in an article it was good to talk to them. Kept them healthy or something. I was desperate to do anything to keep them alive, especially considering I normally killed every plant I brought into my apartment (and one stalk was looking especially brown...). I shaved my legs, I put on my best killer heels, my prettiest blue dress, and the most genuine smile I could muster. I was ready. I marched over to the bar and saw I was early. I ordered a vodka on the rocks and tried to gear up for the date. I felt a hand on my back and turned, smiling when I saw Tristan all dressed up and looking handsome. I felt stupid dismissing him as preppy. He looked good. And I mean gooood. "Harper?" "Hi, Tristan, nice to meet you." He smiled wide and sat on the stool next to me. "Nice to meet you, too. I have to confess that I'm a little nervous. I've never done this before." "Me either." I took a drink of my vodka. "Makes me feel better to know I'm not alone." He chuckled and it sounded a bit false. His eyes veered around and I noticed he was checking out other girls. I also noticed he looked kind of like my ex-fiancé George. Dr. Lange's words--"don't fall back into old patterns"--repeated in a loop in my head. It wasn't fair, not this early in the date, but I could already tell this guy was used to looking good. He was too comfortable in his looks, in his personality. He wasn't really paying that much attention to me. "So," I said, hoping I was wrong, that he was nothing like my exes and that I was just being a judgmental bitch, "I saw on your profile that you work in IT. I'm terrible with computers." His smile was distracted. "Yeah, lots of girls say that." Strike two, dick. "Why do you say "lots of girls'?" His blue eyes finally swung over to mine. "I've just found girls aren't as good as guys when it comes to technology." "That's kind of a wild generalization... My best friend Anna is amazing when it comes to-" Be Mine "Hey, just let me order my drink." Whoa, he interrupted me. "Yo!" he called to the bartender. The bartender rolled his eyes but drifted over, anyway. "Let's do shots," Tristan muttered to me. "Can we get shots of Jameson, bro?" The bartender--who was a sturdy Irishman of about 45--didn't look too thrilled about being called "bro", but he poured out the whiskey anyway. "I hate doing shots, actually," I whispered. Tristan glanced at me with disbelief. "Seriously? Come on, live a little!" Not liking the insinuation, especially since I'd been trying so hard to be outgoing lately, I angrily slammed the shot down my throat. The whiskey burned on its way down and brought tears to my eyes. "Thatta girl!" Tristan laughed. "Yo, bro, can we get 2 more?" "I cannot do another shot," I said. We hadn't even talked and he was trying to get me drunk! "Whatever, just one then, man." The bartender kind of gave me a look like "What are you doing here?" and everything clicked into place. Tristan was an asshole and I had a penchant of drawing them to me. Draping my apartment with age-old feng shui tricks wasn't going to change the fact that I had a lot of internal shit to deal with. I didn't believe in myself. I didn't think I was worthy of a great guy--a guy like Anthony, the owner of the crystal shop. I didn't even try to flirt with him because I was too afraid! But then I didn't know what he was really like, either. I was fond of grabbing on to my superficial first impressions, instead of reading the signs. Buying crystals and talking to my bamboo plant and going out with guys I knew I wasn't going to like already was not going to change my life. I had to do the heavy-lifting, just like my mom said. Mabel meant well, and she was right when she said I had to loosen up, but I was over dating for practice. I was ready for the real thing. I just had to make adjustments inside myself now. "I'm leaving," I announced. I didn't even care what Tristan had to say, but then I figured that was rude of me. "I'm not feeling well." "Are you for real?" Tristan asked me, his beautiful but vacant blue eyes popping out of his head. "Yep. Totally for real." "I should have known you would be a major waste of time," he sighed. "I didn't like your profile. You just seemed easy." I knew what he meant, which was why I didn't get too upset. Emphasis on the "too". He didn't mean slutty/easy- at least I don't think he did. He meant effortless. The kind of relationship you didn't have to work on, or for. The kinds of relationships I always had. I got up without another word, tipped the bartender well because if Tristan was really anything like my exes, I doubted he would, and walked out into the brisk February cold. I walked bravely back to my apartment, not bothering with a taxi even though it was freezing and the walk was long. I needed the fresh air. I somberly climbed the stairs, unlocked my apartment, took one look at the Shakespeare tan smeared across my walls and promptly burst into tears. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO "It's snowing," Anna whispered, peeking out the blinds of my apartment. "It's late," I sniffled, ignoring the magical wonder in her voice. I glanced at my phone. "Nearly midnight. Andrew must be worried." Anna left the window and snuggled up next to me on the couch. "He can worry. You're my best friend. You need me." "I love you, Anna." She kissed my cheek. "You're going to be fine. Don't you see how far you've come, how stomping out of that bar was a good thing?" "Yeah," I said, fighting a sob. "It's just that I tried so hard. I see now it was all so superficial." "Not all of it. You're opening yourself up, bit by bit. And I love you because of how hard you fight. You're going to find your happy ending, babe. I swear." Anna slept over like a true friend, ignoring my protests, and brought me back a bagel in the morning. "I'm sorry you couldn't give Andrew breakfast in bed," I whined, my nose all stuffed up. "Andrew isn't awake yet," Anna snorted. "I'm going back to surprise him now. Stop worrying. He was upset for you, too, and totally understood. So what are your plans for the day, Harper? I think you should make it all about you." "I have to work." I groaned long and loudly. "It's going to be all about stupid flowery poetry and lovestruck teenagers." Anna laughed and put her coat back on. "If there's anyone who can handle it, it's you." XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO Mabel felt awful about my date. She fidgeted. "I feel terrible. Personally responsible!" "Mabel, you didn't make the man a douche." "But I forced you out there!" She dabbed at her eyes and sat down to put more powder on her face. The woman unbelievably had a date with a guy her age who owned a bakery down the street. How she had the stamina, I didn't know. "You didn't force me to do anything. I rearranged the world around me... Now it's time to rearrange the world inside. It's not your fault Mabel." She got up and squeezed my arm. "I know you didn't want to be alone this Valentine's Day, and I hope you realize you're not. Think of all of us who love you. We're your real Valentines. Okay?" "Okay," I smiled. Her date walked in right about then, dressed in a suit and carrying a rose. I sighed a bit. The romance still lingered in their hearts, no matter what age. They didn't have online dating and feng shui and all that bullshit to contend with. They kept things simple. "See you later, doll. And cheer up. Take any book you want okay?" Mabel smiled for her date, dancing over to him and disappearing into the flurrying day reserved for St. Valentine. Bored out of my mind, as most people shopping for romantic poetry were out reciting it to their dates, I looked around the shop. I wasn't bored enough to chat with Frank, who was currently blowing his nose and reading comic books, so I picked up the nearest book. It was a collection of sensual love poems. Ugh. But I read on, my eyes drifting over a poem by a late first century poet named Izumi Shikibu. "In this world/ love has no color--/ yet how deeply/ my body/ is stained by yours." My heart beat quickly with both fire and longing at those deeply visceral lines. I'd get that one day--I was sure of it now. I had the epiphany Dr. Lange was driving me towards. The rest would fall into place. The bell of the shop rang and I looked up at the man brushing off snow. When he looked up, I just about died. It was Anthony, the owner of Crystal Clear. His hazel eyes scanned the store and then stopped on me. His eyebrows went up in surprise. "Hi! Rose Quartz Girl!" My own smile deflated some. What a way to be remembered. "That's me." "Sorry," he laughed, "I just don't know your name." "It's Harper," I said, surprising myself at how calm I was being. I even put out my hand to shake his. He took it and his hand was so warm and manly I nearly melted like the snowflakes on his face. "Nice to officially meet you, Harper. I'm Anthony." He looked around again and noticed Frank, breathing loudly in the corner due to his constant congestion. Anthony gave me a look. "So this is what you're doing on the most romantic day of the year?! Don't tell me the rose quartz didn't work." "Sorry to say it didn't. Nor did the two-stalked bamboo plant or the red curtains, or the romantic pictures I put all over my walls." I giggled at myself, realizing how crazy it all sounded. "But it's okay. It was fun, regardless. So how can I help you?" "I need to buy a book for my niece," he explained. "I always get her a little something on Valentine's Day." Shit. "That's so cute. We have some Valentine's Day books for kids over here." He followed me and I swore I could feel his eyes on my ass, but that was likely wishful thinking. He picked out a book and went with me to the register. "Hey," he said once I handed him his change, "I'm not doing anything today and I'd love to hear all about your feng shui journey. Would you like to go grab a drink with me? Once you get off, I guess." Between his offer and the smile on his face, my heart didn't know whether to go into cardiac arrest or to sprout wings. "Definitely. I get off in two hours, at 7." "Perfect. I know an awesome little pub we can go to that won't be too crazy. We can have delicious wings and I'll let you know what crystals to get next." He laughed without any pretentiousness or self-consciousness. He was confident in a non-obnoxious way. So unlike all my other boyfriends who made endlessly ridiculous and over-the-top gestures to impress. "I'll come get you then," Anthony said with a big smile. I couldn't fucking wait. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO "You actually painted over your whole apartment because of a feng shui book?" Anthony asked, snorting as he tried to take a sip of his beer. I rolled my eyes playfully. "If you only knew how many people asked me that question. Yes, I really did paint over my whole apartment because feng shui told me to." Anthony knocked his shoulder into mine. "It's okay. I've done the same thing." "Really?" "Yes. I've had my heart broken more than a few times. You're willing to do the craziest shit to make the pain stop. I get it." We were quiet for a few minutes. The pub around us was busy and loud but it was such a fun place. And I loved sitting next to him. "So do you like working at that bookstore?" "Sometimes." I told him about how I used to work in publishing. "Do you want to go back into that?" His hazel eyes never left my face and I was a little dizzy from his continued attention. He didn't notice the big tits next to him or the skinnier girl to my left. "No. I didn't like it. I want to write." "Awesome," he said. "I like owning the shop. It was my mom's originally, by the way, but she and my dad moved to Florida and she felt so terrible leaving it behind I took it over. I'm really an architect, though. I love it. I actually just went on an interview to join an up and coming firm. I'm excited about that." "Wow. I don't even know anything about architecture." He laughed. "I'll teach you." He looked down at the bar and noticed the book of love poems I brought from the book store. "Do you like poetry?" "Yes. But not the everyday cheesy crap that are forever written in script in those terribly tacky cards. I like ones you don't hear that often, that really mean something." "Hmm," he nodded. "I have to go home soon and feed my dog. Would it be okay if I got your number? I want to do this again." "Of course," I breathed. I gave it to him and he texted me so I'd have his. I'm sure my cheeks were redder than any Valentine's Day heart that day. He walked me home a few hours later and stood patiently out in the cold. Eventually I located my keys and clumsily unlocked my door. "Goodnight, Harper," he said once I finally opened the door. My smile was huge and made me look every bit like the giddy teenager I felt like. "Goodnight, Anthony." XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO We became friends fast. He stopped over my apartment a lot on his way home from work just to chat with me. We went out to dinner a couple of times and he always paid, but he never tried to kiss me. Anna didn't know what to make of it. Then again, she was distracted: she found out she was pregnant! Andrew was over the moon, after all. So I was on my own with this one. I thought maybe he just wasn't that into me, like the expression always went. I even watched the movie a few times, throwing popcorn at the TV every time someone kissed. Dr. Lange was being weird about it. I thought maybe it was because she had originally referred to him as a friend, but our last session she seemed almost fed up with me. "Has he given you signs he's into you?" "Kind of. I don't know." I could tell she was trying not to roll her eyes. "Have you given him any signs you're into HIM?" "I think so." She said bye to me that day with firm lips that made her look like a serious psychologist instead of one that had dangling butterfly earrings on. He came over exactly two weeks after Valentine's Day. He wasn't his normal joking self. He was uneasy and uncomfortable, restlessly pacing around and ignoring the pepperoni pizza I ordered for him. His eyes caught on the book of love poems I brought home on Valentine's Day. He picked it up and thumbed through it. "Am I stuck in the friend zone with you, Harper?" he asked, not looking up. My heart stopped. "What?" He let his breath out slowly and moved his gaze to me. "I like you. I keep trying to give you hints but you don't notice, or pretend not to. You're crazy and yeah, you are incredibly neurotic and weird, but I like you. I come over almost every night like a dog following around his master for scraps. Just so we're clear, your laughter is my scraps, not the pizza you order for me." He smiled all too briefly. "But you don't give anything more. You're so stuck in your head." He rubbed his head. "I really didn't want to do this, to make it awkward, but I like you too much not to say anything." "Wow," I gasped. My mind couldn't catch up, but thankfully my heart did and took over the power of speech. "I like you. I just didn't think you could like me back." He smiled but then his face grew serious and he held up the book. "This sums up what I'm feeling right now. My stares and my little touches and hints aren't getting me anywhere. Hopefully me stating exactly how I feel, though I totally don't feel like a man right now, will get it through your head I want you. I know you don't like pedestrian poetry so... Here goes." He cleared his throat. "It was as if she had brought the cooling rain,/ the breeze through the curtained window,/ the taste of the bourbon,/ so that I turned to the street again,/ happy in the traffic and the rain." Anthony looked back up at me. "What do you think? Do I have a chance, even though I just read you cheesy poetry?" he asked, his eyes glowing from across the apartment. I was tired of my defeatist bullshit. I was tired of being negative and down on myself all the time. It finally happened for me--I finally found someone I could really love. And I fucking deserved it, and him, goddamnit, and I wasn't letting this gorgeous creature out of my sight. I got up shakily and hugged him, kissing his neck. "Hell to the fucking yes." He laughed. "Thanks to Harvey Shapiro, then. The poet who got you to notice me." "You got me to notice you. You and your rose quartz." Anthony moved back. His stare flickered between my eyes and lips. And then he kissed me. It was wonderful. Marvelous. Transcendent. Everything I ever wanted and more, and never had before or would again. This was it. Anthony was it. He pulled back, lips wet and eyes twinkling. "Wow." "Yeah," I laughed back. "Wow is right." "Definitely not in the friend zone," he joked. We kissed and walked together until I ran my calf into the corner of my coffee table. We laughed and ran our hands over each other's bodies. He kissed my neck. "I'm so glad my friend recommended your store. Should have known she wouldn't steer me wrong." Something began to click into place in my mind. "Your friend? What's her name?" He smiled down at me. "Penelope Lange. She's married to my best friend. She likes all that feng shui stuff, too, actually." I froze. "Penelope?" Then I erupted into giggles. Anthony watched me with a confused smile. When I calmed down, I explained what happened. He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "That Penelope. She knew I was looking for a nice girl like you." His hand skimmed down my arm. "I think this was probably unethical of her, but I won't report her. She's too good a matchmaker. I brought him to my bedroom. He smirked at the rose-colored curtains, the dead bamboo plant, the portraits of couples in love. I pushed him and his smirk thankfully transitioned into the soft smile I loved so well. We undressed slowly and silently, never taking our eyes off the other. He was as perfect beneath those clothes as I thought he would be. His cock was a perfect size and hard... because of me. It was going to take me a while to get used to that (and I was going to love every second of it). He laid me down on my bed and covered me, his body warm and strong. I hadn't felt so protected and cared for in a long, long time... If ever. Anthony kissed me again and it was as lovely as the first time. I wanted music playing because I was a cliched sixteen year old (as I've said many times) so I committed the sin of tearing my lips from his. "My iPod... it's on the night table. Can you put it on? Let's have music." He laughed in my face but did as I asked. "You are so bizarre." He pressed play blindly and fell back onto me, his lips dancing all over my collarbone. A few seconds later Barry Manilow's "Looks Like We Made It" blared through my iHome. I flushed and cursed. Humiliation rolled through my stomach and I nearly died because of Barry's happy pronouncement. Thankfully I knew Anthony was into me, and knew I was a kook. He found all that endearing. He gave me a shit-eating grin. "I never took you as a fanilow." "Shut up." "Maybe we should take a break and listen to the music, what do you--ow!" I smacked his chest. Hard. "You're the one who sells healing crystals, dick." He laughed and kissed my nose. "I don't care if you think Barry is sexy. I know you like me more." My heart really grew wings and flew away this time. "I do. I really do." His lips met mine. "I think it's cute," he whispered, kissing my nose. "And I'll confess I think he's kinda hot, too." I smacked him with a pillow. "Shut up and fuck me." He snorted. "What a mouth." His tongue licked my lips. "I like it." At this point I lost all patience. My body moved restlessly beneath him, brushing against his cock. I was so wet that he slid against me easily. The head of his cock pushed against my pussy, and it didn't take long for him to push into me. His tongue plunged into my mouth the same time he sank into me. We both moaned at the incredible sensation. Anthony's hand twisted between us, and his fingers pressed against my soaked clit. He rubbed me in delicious circles that made me shake. I writhed beneath him, pushing my hips up to bring him deeper. He shoved into me relentlessly. We groaned and begged. And cursed plenty, too. "You close?" he asked. I was, but the intensity in his eyes made me so much closer. I nodded and squeezed his back. "Yes." His speed increased. He pounded me so hard we slid across the bed. One of his hands grasped my hair, while the other clutched my ass to bring me closer. "Come for me, Harper. Come around my cock." He dipped down and took my nipple in his mouth, nipping me slightly before sucking hard. My entire body seized and melted. He took his mouth off my breast and pressed it against my ear. "Come, baby. Come!" I didn't have to be told again. I tightened around him, bringing him further inside. He punched the mattress and moved into me one last time. He shook and growled as he released inside me in rhythmic bursts. We held onto each other as our breathing slowed. Anthony kissed me and laughed into my mouth. "Thank God for crystals." XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO Four short months later he moved in. My mother calls me crazy. Anna skeptically says she is happy for me. Penelope Lange is overjoyed. And I am just in love. It isn't perfect. We fought about the neon Budweiser sign he stubbornly brought in. Anthony wants me to get rid of all my crystals. I cried when he took up half of my precious closet space. And then we got in a few real fights, ones that left him sleeping on the sofa and me alone in the bed. Still, I finally got what Anna said. Relationships are rarely perfect, but when you call your boyfriend an asshole and he can still say he loves you an hour later, you know it's something special. Be Mine And I've even been writing again. Words flow out of me like rain now. I've sent a few books to publishers and I'm eagerly awaiting responses. Mabel is near tears I'll leave the shop. I promise her I'll visit. I owe a lot of this to her. I don't know how I found my happiness. Maybe it was Dr. Lange. Maybe it was feng shui. Maybe it was even Barry Manilow! Or maybe it was just me. Be Mine, Valentine Pelaam© January 2011 "Are you ready yet?" "In a minute, Dad." Ryan groaned as he looked at his watch for what felt like the twentieth time. Samantha had gone from a young girl to a young lady in the space of a month and it was all down to Jefferson. He had arrived at her school just before Christmas and with a couple of weeks after their return, Jefferson was constantly on his daughter's lips. He was yet to formally meet Jefferson, but it seemed they liked the same books, the same music and she was now interested in sport. Jefferson played rugby and she had gone regularly to support his team. "Here I am. Plenty of time, Dad." "Not today," Ryan said, checking his car key and picking up his briefcase. "I told you I had to be in work early. I'm only just going to make it." His daughter's face went from smug to crestfallen in seconds. "I forgot. I'm sorry." "Let's just hurry now, ok?" he asked, giving Samantha a warm smile. His daughter was the most important thing in his life and he hated to see her unhappy. He would still make it...just. The pair grabbed at their respective bags and hurried out of the apartment and into the elevator, descending to the garage. They laughed as they raced to see who would reach the car first, bundled in their belongings and then drove quickly out towards Samantha's school. **** As they got out of the car and headed towards the school, Ryan could see Samantha scanning the yard for any sign of Jefferson "There he is. Thanks, Dad." "No problem. So which is Blair?" he asked, deciding he should at least know them by sight. "There." As Samantha pointed, there was a beep from his cellphone and Ryan pulled it out and checked it quickly before glancing in the direction his daughter was pointing. Blair was bottle blond, tanned and voluptuous. The woman's eyes alighting on his, a predatory smile spread across her lips as their gazed locked. She was attractive enough alright, but not to his taste. Then he was certain he was about to drool. A redhead bounced up in front of the blond. Despite the hair being restrained in a tight ponytail and the round framed glasses, the beauty was unmistakable. Deep oceanic blue eyes, high cheekbones and full lips. Beautiful. In an entirely masculine way. The young man gave a shy smile and Ryan felt his shaft stirring as he imagined those full lips on his, on his nipples, on his... "See you later, Dad." Pulled from his increasingly erotic fantasising, Ryan kissed his daughter goodbye as she raced to join Jefferson and then looked back for the object of his desire. To his disappointment, the redhead was already walking away, but it did give him a view of a tight, denim-clad ass. Ryan muted his groan. He wanted to see, to touch to taste. It had been a while since he last dated. Terry had been nice enough, but not ready for commitment and certainly not to take on a ten year old daughter. Motion dragged his attention away from the disappearing young man and he gave a quick wave to Blair. Licking his lips, Ryan wondered if the redhead would be at the school again. Moreover, he wondered how he could approach him. **** To Ryan's frustration and irritation, the redhead did not appear the rest of the week and he felt obliged to engage Blair in polite small talk when she 'accidently' bumped into him as he hurried back to his car. To make matters worse, Samantha had begun suggesting that he and Blair should meet for dinner. "You and Blair will get on really well, Dad. Trust me." "I'm not sure I'm ready for that, Sam," Ryan demurred. "I hardly know Blair. Let's wait a while. Ok?" "Ok." It was clear from Samantha's sullen look and petulant tone that she was far from impressed by her father's decision. The weekend was fast approaching and with it a sleepover with some girl friends. Ryan decided to see if Erik was available for a get together. **** Smiling Erik looked at his friend as Ryan ran his hand through sandy-brown hair. They had met as small children and their friendship had strengthened through High School and College and now they worked in the same firm. Erik had known from an early teenager he was gay and his family had been supportive. He was happily dating and was quite sure he had found his soul mate. Unfortunately for Ryan, his family was not only wealthy but strict and religious. Ryan's father and uncle were church deacons and pillars of their local community and Ryan had never been able to confess his sexual orientation. Although they had never been lovers, he and Ryan had been very close. Then Jennifer had come along. Bright, blond, beautiful and a darling as far as Ryan's parents were concerned. Erik had recognised her for the gold-digger she was, but had been powerless to do anything about it. Ryan had been swept along in his parents' tide of finding the ideal wife-to-be. It had come as no surprise to him to be told by Ryan that he had somehow got drunk and ended up in bed with her and she was claiming she was pregnant. The wedding was arranged with speed and decorum as befitted the family. However, there had been no baby. A 'false alarm' Jennifer had simply shrugged the other off. He had been suspicious of the claimed pregnancy but Ryan had been totally bemused and his parents had simply taken care of all the necessary arrangements. However she had got pregnant on their honeymoon. She had hated pregnancy, bemoaned the loss of her figure and effectively whined and complained for nine months. She had insisted on a Caesarean for the birth and had never bonded with her child. Samantha had been ill and Jennifer simply had no time for a crying infant. It had led to rows between her and Ryan as there was no love between them. In her rages, Jennifer had cruelly taunted Ryan about his skills in bed and finally, laughingly, admitted she had lied about being pregnant just to marry him. From that day Ryan had moved into the spare bedroom, taking the baby with him, caring devotedly for her and stayed there. It was a couple of months later after more increasingly furious rows that Ryan had found Jennifer in bed with one of her work colleagues when he had come home unexpectedly. He had immediately demanded a divorce. Thanks to his parents it had gone through with even greater speed than the wedding. Once divorced and settled in a new apartment close to Erik, Ryan had finally decided to accept his sexuality and begun dating. Jennifer had shown no interest in Samantha and was now happily remarried to a man twice her age and it was as though her marriage to Ryan had never happened. Samantha never got cards or gifts from her mother, but the little girl seemed not to care. She was as devoted to her father as Ryan was to her. "I explained to her, Erik. I thought Samantha understood I didn't want girlfriends." "Maybe it's all to do with Jefferson. Maybe he wants a dad and a sister," Erik replied. "Samantha certainly has her head screwed on and if you and she sat down and talked, I can't see her misunderstanding." "She keeps saying Blair would be perfect for me. It's like she has her heart set on it. I'm thinking of having another chat with her." "Not yet. Leave it a bit. You're planning on a holiday in a couple of months or so. Leave it till then, when she's away from Jefferson." Returning the smile, Erik held out his beer bottle and they clinked the glasses in a silent salute. It was a shame that Ryan remained single. Erik knew the other man deserved to find someone, but a gay, single father was not easy to find a match for. **** "You did what?" Ryan bellowed, looking at Samantha with incredulity. "I invited Blair to come for dinner here on Saturday. It can't be Monday, that's a school day. This way Jefferson and I can have a sleep over. Trust me, Dad." "Trust? Samantha you shouldn't have done it without asking me." Dinner on Saturday, February 12. Monday was Valentine's Day. He knew exactly what Blair was going to think and it was furthest from his mind. He had designs on the beautiful redhead when he could catch him at the school and muster courage enough to go and speak to him. He just hoped the glances he had received did mean what he thought. That the redhead was interested in him, too. "It'll be alright, Dad. We'll do your three cheese lasagne and a green salad. Blair likes basketball. You can watch the game together after dinner. Trust me. Please?" Ryan opened his mouth to argue and then gave up. Let Blair come and let Blair go. She could eat and then he'd throw her out with some excuse or other. Migraine maybe. "Ok, sure, fine," he said with no enthusiasm. **** Ryan retired to bed early Friday night. It had nothing to do with the lack of a date for the night and everything to do with nervousness about the following night. He had decided that Jefferson could still stay over so as not to upset his daughter too much. But after dinner he would claim onset of migraine and call a cab for Blair and send her home. He would then have a long talk with Samantha on Sunday about not making any such arrangements again without his permission as well as not lining him up with prospective girlfriends. His mind slipped to the enigmatic, redheaded young man that had so caught his fancy. He had seen him just a couple of times since and there was just something. Ryan didn't have the words to explain it. The last time he had tried to get to speak to him, he had been intercepted by Blair who had chatted away and the redhead had gone by the time he'd extradited himself. His lips curled into a smile as he visualised the attractive man. He pictured him naked, wondering whether if the body would be smooth like his or furred. He liked the idea of furred. He peeled off his sleepwear of boxers and t-shirt, leaving them on his pillow. Opening the drawer of his bedside locker he pulled out a towel and lube. Lying on the towel he poured a generous squeeze of the gel into his palm and reached for his thickening shaft. He stroked slowly, his hand tight around his length. His other hand reached for his sac, rolling his testes. Running it back up his body he circled his nipples before pinching each in turn. The hand working his dick began to increase in speed. Looking down he could see the head darkening as blood suffused the area. Moaning softly as he gave in to the pleasure his hips began to rock. He fantasised that it was the redhead's hand learning his body; pinching his nipples, tugging on them. Dropping lower, scratching through his sparse, almost ginger, pubic hair and fondling his sac once more. Ryan closed his eyes as he reached for the lube, absently coating his other hand as he stoked with growing urgency. He hips were thrusting forcefully as he imagined being buried deep in clinging heat. A finger traced his entrance and he groaned louder. He preferred to top but enjoyed light penetration and his back arched as he pushed a slick finger inside himself. He moved it shallowly as his other hand became a blur. His mind envisioned a partner begging for more, moving as if they were made for each other. He pictured the redhead looking over his shoulder as Ryan took him on his hands and knees. The pouty lips moved; 'Love you'. Biting back the cry, he came hard, his come dancing across his stomach and chest. He milked his shaft until there nothing left and he lay panting, sweating and drained. He released his length, letting it lie damp and spent on his thigh. Slowly, he reached into his drawer and removed the handy wipes, cleaning himself and throwing them in the bin at his bedside. He eased the towel from underneath himself, scrunched it into a ball and dropped it on the floor. It could go in the hamper in the morning. He pulled on the t-shirt and shorts just in case Samantha needed him in the night and lay looking at the ceiling. 'Love you.'. The words came back into his mind. If he was honest, it was what he wanted. Someone to love him, just like Erik had found his life partner, Ryan wanted the same. A part of him was happy for his dearest friend, but another knew it would mean less time for him. Samantha was growing up so fast. It didn't seem like eleven years. Soon she would have make-up, boyfriends, going to the mall and clubs. He gave a silent sigh. Was it too much to ask that there was someone out there for him? Sleep was a long time coming. **** Ryan started at the sound of the doorbell. He had only just finished showering and shaving and only wore snug, black boxers. He hurried out of the bathroom to make a dash for the bedroom just as Samantha opened the door and let in the visitors. Eyes of sky blue opened wide with shock and met those of ocean blue reflecting the same emotion. Instead of the blond woman he had expected, the redhead of his dreams stood before him, a bottle of champagne in his hand. Hope began to war with shock as the younger man seemed to be looking at his physique with appreciation. Without thinking he turned to his daughter and her guest. "I was expecting Blair, Jefferson's mother." "She's not Blair, Dad. This is Blair." "What?" Ryan turned back to the young man whose face had fallen. "But...but I asked you and you pointed out the blond. You said Samantha didn't live with his father." Part of him registered that the man before him was too young to have a son Samantha's age. "I've been talking to her," he added. "It's ok, Ryan. The kids obviously made a mistake. The blond is our aunt, mum's youngest sister, Belinda. She mentioned you and she had been talking. I listened to the kids. I'm sorry. I'll go." "No!" Three voices rang out in unison This was Blair. This was Blair. The civilised, intelligent part of Ryan's brain knew that the misunderstanding needed to be cleared. The primitive within, however, only registered that the beautiful male, the male he had being having erotic and triple-x rated fantasies about, was edging away from him. Act first, words later. "No!" he repeated. This time he took the two loping strides it needed to bring him level with the younger man. He hooked an arm around a slender waist, his hand cupping perfectly around Blair's hip. "No. I want you here. Please," he whispered, his eyes devouring the stunningly-attractive masculine visage. He hoped he had read the situation correctly as Blair's eyes widened in surprise. And then they heated. Almost immediately Ryan felt his groin tighten. He grinned receiving a smile in return. "I could stay. If it's what you want." "I want. Good, great," was Ryan's heartfelt response. Although his body relaxed knowing Blair was staying, he left his hand proprietarily at the younger hip. "I'm confused," he added, turning slightly to look at his daughter and Jefferson who were both smiling smugly. "I told you, Dad," Samantha replied with a sigh to emphasise his apparent stupidity. "I told you Jefferson's parents were divorced and you asked if he lived with his Mum and I told you he lived with Blair. Blair's his older brother." "Dad was involved in a bad car crash. It's going to take months, maybe a year or more for him to be fully back on his feet. I'm a lawyer. Between us, Dad and I ensured I got joint custody of Jefferson and arranged for him to come up here. Aunt Belinda's a gem and when I can't take Jefferson to or from school she does it for me." "She didn't correct me when I called her 'Blair'," Ryan muttered darkly, earning a blinding smile from Blair as his hand tightened its grip. "Actually, she intimated you had approached her and things were looking good. Jefferson told me she was wrong. Boy was she wrong." "Actually, I said she was barking up the wrong tree." The kids dissolving into giggles at Jefferson's confession melted any remaining ice from the mix-up. Ryan gazed proudly at his daughter. She'd been right all along. He was even more pleased to hear Blair's soft laughter. The ring at the doorbell stopped the laughter as Ryan fixed his daughter with a panicked stare. "Who...?" before he could finish the sentence, Samantha was already springing into action. "It's ok, Dad. This'll be Sophie's mum. Jefferson and I are sleeping over there. You know, to give you and Blair some privacy. It's all cool. Grab my bag, Jeff. It's right by my door." "Don't open it yet, I'm nearly naked here," Ryan said, his voice a strangled whisper. His eyes widened as Blair put the champagne down, deftly removed his leather jacket and pulled off his t-shirt. Ryan resisted the urge to moan aloud at the sight of the furred chest and peaked, cinnamon nipples with a glint of silver in the left. He accepted the shirt, but remained unmoving until the delectable sight was hidden behind leather once more. As Blair picked up the champagne, Ryan yanked the t-shirt over his chest, grunting a little at the snugness of the fit. He pulled Blair tight against him, the younger man's back to his chest as Jefferson opened the door with a wide smile. "Hi, Mrs Hillman. Samantha and I are good to go." "That's good. Hello, Ryan. And this must be Blair?" "That's right. How do you do?" "I'm well, thanks." "It's going to be so cool, Dad. Mrs Hillman's friend is going to do facials and manicures and we have DVDs, too. The boys have computer games, so they won't bother us. You and Blair can relax and enjoy the game tonight." "And the adult girls are having bubbly and chic flicks and the adult boys have beer and will also watch the game. In Mike's den. Something for everyone. I see you're having champagne, too." "Ah, yes," Ryan said, he silently cursed his brain seizing up as he wondered how to explain the expensive drink in the younger man's hand. "My firm's thank you for a job well done. Our team wins, we have a drink to celebrate, our team loses we can drown our sorrows." "And we win all round," Ryan added with a smile. Blair's hair tickled at his chin, the warm scent of Joop was in his nostrils and his lower head was very pleased at the feel of taut buttocks pressed against it. All he wanted and needed was everyone gone so he could get to know the man in his arms. "Here we are, Sam." Jefferson said handing over the small overnight bag in his right hand. "Have a good time, Blair. You're the greatest." Ryan swallowed as Jefferson hugged his older brother, the look of love still in the boy's eyes as he looked up at him. "You, too, Mr James." "Thank you. I'm sure we will." "Bye, Dad. I told Mrs Hillman she could bring Jefferson back here tomorrow as Blair was staying over." "It won't be too early. Probably around ten-ish." "Thank you," Ryan said smiling at the older woman. "That's very thoughtful of you, Samantha," he added to his daughter. He then frowned as an envelope was pushed into his hand and he was pulled down towards Samantha. As she kissed his cheek, she whispered; "That's for you to give Blair. Bye." Ryan stared after the retreating forms and slipped the envelope into the waistband of his boxers. It took a minute or two to realise everyone else had gone. Reluctantly he released the younger man. "Thirty second guided tour," he said with a grin. "Sam's bedroom is first left, then a cloakroom-cum-storage cupboard, then bathroom and toilet. On the right we have a shower-room and toilet, spare bedroom, and then my den. Straight ahead we have the through lounge, kitchen to the left, dining room to the right. Now you know the place make yourself at home." "Thanks." Ryan guided the younger man through to his living room and onto the settee. Blushing, he handed the younger man the envelope and watched as a handmade card was revealed with a drawing of a heart on the front. As Blair opened it, they both read the words; 'Be mine, Valentine.' "Yes," Blair said with a smile that Ryan returned. "Kick your shoes off and relax," he exhorted and quickly went to put the champagne on ice. Returning to the living room, he switched on the lamps and the main light off to create a more appropriate setting. He located a CD of easy listening and, as one of his favourites came on, went to stand in front of Blair. Be Mine, Valentine "Dance?" he asked, his voice low and husky. Despite the blush that even low-level lighting failed to hide, Blair slipped a hand into his and let Ryan draw him close to his body. As they gently swayed to the slow, soft music, Ryan unzipped the leather jacket that denied him the sight and feel of Blair's chest. With a quick movement, he shed the t-shirt he wore and gave a pleasured sound at the feel of Blair's warm, furred chest against his smooth flesh. Their groins slowly ground together, each man easily able to feel the evidence of the other's arousal. As they moved in synchronised motion, their lips slowly came together and Ryan was elated as Blair's mouth opened to him. His tongue darted deep, learning the taste and texture of the man in his arms. He slid a hand between their bodies and began to massage the hard flesh hidden behind the denim. The groans and erotic writhing from Blair almost had him come like a teenager. Instead he backed the smaller man towards the settee until , with a muffled yelp, Blair fell back onto the seat. Ryan instantly dropped to his knees, mouthing at tented cotton as he undid Blair's belt. The undulations of the younger man's hips made unsnapping and unzipping the jeans difficult, but not impossible. He pulled them and the dark blue briefs down to mid-thigh, licking his lips at the sight of Blair's erection; generously sized given the other man was several inches shorter than him and with a good, solid girth. It curved to Blair's left, the head red, glistening and irresistible. Holding it in his hand, Ryan licked it slowly, lapping the pre-come, his eyes watching Blair's face. The younger man was flushed and panting, his full lips swollen from their kissing. Inch-by-inch Ryan began to take it into his mouth, pausing to suck the head and pump the base. He delighted in the sounds of encouragement and pleasure from Blair and used his other hand to keep Blair seated, certain the thrusting hips would life the smaller man off the settee. He set a steady rhythm, swallowing when the organ was at the back of his throat and sucking hard, tracing the vein as he bobbed his head up and down. He shifted slightly, smiling to himself as Blair's toes literally curled with pleasure. "Gonna...gonna come...can't...hold it." "Give me all you've got," Ryan commanded as he briefly relinquished his prize. He immediately took it fully into his mouth and began to massage it with his throat. The strangled yell was all the warning he needed as Blair began to erupt. Pulse after pulse of his cream slid down Ryan's demanding maw, the older man sucking insistently when the elixir began to slow to a trickle. As Blair slumped back, his eyes closed, Ryan straddled his thighs, shoving his boxers down enough to free his rampant erection. It was only going to take a few swift strokes. His climax hit as Blair's eyes opened, gazing at him with a sultry sensuality and the younger man reached to trace desultorily over one of Ryan's peaked nipples. Giving a groan of pleasure, Ryan's cream sprayed over Blair's furred torso. It took a moment for Ryan to recover from the unusually intense release. He smiled down at the younger man, pleased at the sight of his semen glinting through the dark hair of Blair's body. "I don't normally...I mean...I'm not usually...easy." Recognising Blair's growing concern, Ryan framed the beautiful, flushed face in his long-fingered hands. "I've wanted you since the day I first saw you. I dreamed of having you beneath me. But I can promise you this; I've never had a one night stand, never wanted one. I've also never pounced on anyone's bones like I just did yours. I feel there's already something between us. That we can have something really special and I don't want to jeopardise that." "Me either." With a soft sigh, Ryan possessed the lush lips, nibbling at the full lower lip. His tongue slid past into the welcoming warmth of Blair's mouth and he groaned as the younger man's slick muscle seemed to be hunting out any residual taste of Blair it could find. They finally parted, panting breathlessly. "Dinner's on. How about we take a shower and then eat?" "Sounds wonderful." **** Ryan ensured the shower was at a comfortable temperature and then drew Blair in beside him. The cubicle wasn't huge and there was no room for anything other than kissing and cleansing. As they laughingly rubbed gel on each other's bodies, Ryan couldn't help but think just how quickly they had become comfortable with one another. Once the cleaning process was over, they towelled each other dry. Offering Blair a silken robe that complimented the younger man's azure eyes, Ryan donned an older, white cotton robe. They went into the kitchen, preparing the meal in tandem as if it was something they had done many times before. They chatted continually, each man feeling at home with the other and toasted their team's basketball win with Blair's champagne. To Ryan's delight, Blair agreed to sleep with him and they spent pleasurable time learning each other's tastes and textures and making love with hands and mouths. As Blair lay in the circle of Ryan's embrace, sleeping soundly, Ryan kissed his new lover's shoulder. He smiled tenderly as Blair murmured wordlessly and pressed back against him. Just as with everything else, he fitted perfectly. **** Moaning softly, Ryan gave into the pleasurable sensations. Still half asleep he spread his legs wide encouraging more intimate touches to accompany those to his filling cock. His eyes began to open as he registered the gentle sucking that had him hardening quickly. He opened his eyes to look at Blair, the full lips around his flesh just as he'd imagined. Only the reality was far more erotic than the dream. The younger man's tongue seemed to know exactly how to trace from root to tip to have him groaning his encouragement. He whined his disappointment as his shaft slid from the sinful lips. "Make me ready." It took a moment for Ryan to comprehend the quietly spoken command as Blair straddled his body, presenting the taut cheeks as he resumed licking and playing with Ryan tumescence. His mouth dry, Ryan grabbed his lube, smothering his fingers and slowly traced the furred declivity. The moan sounded like encouragement and he circled the furled flesh of Blair's entrance before pushing a single finger inside. It was tighter and hotter than any of his fantasies. It was obvious that Blair had been honest when saying it had been a while. Frowning, Ryan could see the strain Blair was under to take him. He knew he was well-endowed, but it was more than that. He caught hold of Blair's arms preventing to younger man pushing back any further. "This isn't just about my size. You're hurting." "Not...used...to this." The panting reply did nothing to allay Ryan's concern. "Look at me, Blair, please. When was the last time you did this?" "Including you? Once." Ryan couldn't suppress the gasp. Blair was a virgin. He pulled out as gently as he could, eliciting a hiss of pain and a whine of denial. "Shh, come here." Ryan enveloped the smaller man in his arms, kissing him tenderly. "Why didn't you say something?" he asked quietly. "I don't normally move even half as fast as we did yesterday. But, like you said, there's something between us. I've dreamed of you since I first saw you. I put my faith in an eleven year old that you were perfect for me. I've dated, I've had boyfriends, but not a serious, angels-singing, earth-moving, love-you-forever type relationship. But with you...I want that." Blair's voice had dropped so low that Ryan struggled to hear the last words and as he did his heart soared. This was what he had wanted, what he had dreamed of, too. "I'm glad, because I want that, too. But we don't need to rush this, love. This can wait." "I want this, Ryan. Please." "Then we need to do it my way," Ryan said. He was willing to wait if he had to, but the pleading tone and look in Blair's eyes crumbled his resolve instantly. However, if it was too much for his lover, he knew he had the self-control to stop. He already loved Blair too much to purposely hurt him. "On your side, babe." He urged Blair to face away from him and draw up his knees. Ryan drenched three fingers in lube and began to stroke inside Blair once more, slowly adding a fourth. Once the fingers were moving easily, he nudged his lover's stretched entrance with the head of his shaft. He slid a leg between Blair's to keep the younger man open and an arm went around him to touch his lips. "Love you." "I love you, too, Blair. Now relax, breathe out as I push forward." It took incremental movements as Ryan pressed the head of his dick past the younger man's resilient defences and he kissed and petted Blair ceaselessly. A sharp cry from the younger man and a groan from Ryan heralded Blair's guardian muscle yielding and Ryan slid inside an inch. "Suck," Ryan murmured, pushing his fingers into Blair's mouth. He thrust them in and out as the younger man obeyed and snaked his other arm around Blair's waist to begin fondling his lax length. He tugged hard at the ringed nipple as he urged his hips forward again. There was a groan from around the fingers that still thrust into Blair's mouth and Ryan stilled. It took several small moves before he was buried to the hilt. The feeling was exquisite; hotter and tighter than anything Ryan had experienced before. He gave a gentle undulation and Blair wailed around his thrusting digits. As Ryan began to masturbate his lover in earnest, he moved his fingers from Blair's mouth to tug and pinch his lover's nipples and kept up the gentle undulation to massage Blair's prostate. "So good, love. You have me. Make you feel good, too. Make you come when I'm inside you." Ryan kept up a steady stream of encouragement, appreciation and endearments, thrilling when he finally felt Blair pick up his rhythm and begin to push back against him. The cock in his hand was hard and wet and Ryan pumped it vigorously, flicking his thumb over the slit repeatedly. He heard an increase in Blair's breathing, felt the tension in the lithe body and the final swelling of the organ in his hand and pistoned his hips in short, feral snaps. As Blair cried his name, his lover's crème erupted over Ryan's hand. Ryan thrust hard and deep holding the smaller body lover tightly against him, threw back his head and bellowed. The almost brutal contractions around his already sensitised member pushed him over the edge. He flooded the quivering channel with his come, buried as deeply as possible. His hips began to thrust again as if ensuring Ryan's semen would be too deep inside his mate to ever come out. Slowly both men began to recover from the intense experience. Ryan carefully withdrew from Blair and snuggled around the smaller man. "I love you,' he whispered. "Love you. Thank you." "When we've had a few minutes to recover I'll run a bath. That'll help with the aches. Then we can have breakfast before the kids come back. "Sounds wonderful." Ryan smiled at the soft sigh. "You're mine, Valentine," he whispered into Blair's ear. The only reply Blair gave him was a shy nod, a sultry smile and he pulled Ryan into a deep, passionate kiss. "Deal's sealed, babe," Ryan grinned over his shoulder as he headed to the bathroom. "Sealed with a kiss."