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365 Days of Master

By: Rendclaws_titechatte



Training A 'tite chatte: Day One

Master came to me in January of 2007 because a friend of mine had told Him about a relationship, of mine, that had recently ended and it was not a pretty situation. Originally He came to me to be a "friend/Mentor" to guide me back to a sense of myself and to build my confidence in myself. i am a S/switch. i have been in the "lifestyle" for a little over a year and had very little real-time experience. The relationship that had just ended was completely online. i was feeling very degraded and very useless as a submissive/slave. i was also just as incapable of being dominant, effectively. Being caught in the middle like i was, in this body who desires nothing more than to be a slave to the Man she loves but keeping a sense of control with her self, drove me mad. 

Over a period of three months and conversations by phone and online, Master delved into my mind and found the "true" slave inside, who was hiding out of a desire to be protected. In March, Master sent for this girl of His. It was a "trial" visit in that He was concerned that i might not see what i need and want for myself and He did not want to damage me in any way. He was, also, still gaging my desires of Him. While i submitted immediately to Him, online, i was still hanging on to some pretty tight control issues with myself. Also, i was switching within myself and did not know it. He put great pains in pulling each aspect of "me" to the surface so He could gauge the degree of my personality to see if He could take this girl and tame her. It was this meticulous and very personal digging into my psyche that found this girl falling in love with her Master. 

The day before my trip to meet my Master was filled with anticipation and excitement. The nervousness i was feeling had me in a state of panic beyond anything i had ever experienced. Master was being so calm and had encouraged me to just "be myself" when i arrived. i had not flown much in my life and to make things more stressful, Master had required i wear a dress with no underwear. i trusted Him completely, but something deep inside of me was panicking beyond anything i had ever experienced, yet i was so wet between my legs.

i packed very lightly. Master had said i would need no clothes unless W/we went to town. i packed three outfits, two night suits and all of the "toys" He requested. i knew the airport security would see my luggage contents. This served to cause more trauma to my stress level, but i trusted my Master. So, i stoically loaded the luggage, dressed in the manner He requested, and made my way to the airport.

Airport security is the pits. Not only did i get "felt up" at the terminal because i was wearing a long dress, but my luggage got opened and searched. i think, the men at the airport got a thrill from making me feel that they "knew" what i was going to Michigan to do. i found myself sinking deep within myself to maintain some air of nonchalance. If i had allowed the "dominant" aspect out, i would have been a bitch and told them to fuck their flight, and went home. It was not for their pleasure that i had done any of this, but my Master's. So i kept my focus. my desire for my Master made me hold my tongue, bite back my embarrassment, and hold my head up proudly. All i could think about was, 'i am going to meet the Man who will be my Master and i love Him. There is no holding back for Him. The ends justify the means.'

The flight was uneventful. i read a few chapters in my book, listened to my headphones, and gave in to some deep thought. Daily, Master had fed me information on how to attend to His needs. Nothing He had said sparked any resistance from me. There were no flashing warning lights. i was completely at ease with "Him". It was my own fear of disappointing Him or not living up to the expectations i have of myself that kept me on edge. It was very liberating to stand up through submission instead of dominance. To me, dominance was always "bitch" mode. Through submission, i was finding my peace, my strength, my deep longing for mental clarity. The plane landed, and with the drop in altitude, so did my stomach as it was churning with butterflies. In less than fifteen minutes, i would be face to face with the Man i wished to have possess all of me.

As i stepped off of the plane and made my way to the pick-up area, i seen Him. Master is a tall Man, but much taller than i had anticipated. He had teased me for being a "shortie". When my eyes scanned the crowd, He stood a head taller than anyone in the crowd. His eyes caught mine and my breath stopped in my chest, my head bowed, and i rushed into His arms to hug Him. He had already gave permission to forgo the bowing in public because airports have become so meticulous with "rules". After what i had already encountered to get here, i was relieved that the "public" aspects of humiliation were completed. When my body hit His, my breath released and i nearly cried with relief as i felt all the love W/we have for O/one A/another course between us making electric sparks sizzle in the air. W/we picked up my scant luggage and went to the parking lot. 

Many times on the phone, Master had teased me about allowing/demanding me to give Him a blowjob in the car. i will not pretend to know what my Master was thinking, but He was a true gentleman with me and His only "overture" towards me was to slip His hand under the hem of my dress and lift it so my thighs were exposed. i nearly fainted at the thought of Him pushing His hand further up my dress and wrapping it around His pussy. i have learned, about myself, that i do not enjoy public displays that cause a deep sense of humiliation for me. i have no desire to be broken, humiliated, or made to feel sub-human. These discomforts have been discussed with Master. While others have the right to feel all the above and enjoy it, i simply do not enjoy it. So, feeling my pause, He settled for gently leaving His hand on my thigh. His body touching mine had me so lost in a mental place that i had no idea what was happening to me. i clearly wanted everything He offered to me, yet i was so petrified of what was to come. He sensed this of His girl and made small talk until W/we reached His house.

It was already established that i would be completely naked when i was in my Master's house. When W/we walked in the door, i waited until i heard the front door click shut and a lock slide closed, then reached up with trembling fingers and began to undress. Master laid His car keys on the table and kicked off His shoes. Completely naked, i knelt at His entryway to His house with eyes cast downward. my whole body shook with pure nerves. He had stripped Himself down to His underwear by the time i had knelt before Him.

He moved to stand in front of me and i brought my gaze up to His face. He reached His hand down and caressed my face and whispered, "Fear, uncertainty, and a wild gleam shows in your eyes like a scared kitty cat wanting to be rubbed so it can purr in contentment. What do you want, today, My scared pussy?"

i blushed and swallowed hard, speaking softly, "Master, your girl presents herself to You for Your pleasure." Master did something so unexpected, i nearly came on the spot with true desire to be His slave. He knelt in front of this girl and took her face in His hands and kissed me so deeply, my body ached in every atom of my being to be consumed by Him. With no words, He stood and pulled me up with Him to take me to His bedroom.

i lost all reserve and desired nothing more than to be made love to by my Master. The nervous energy was replaced by a burning desire deep inside of me as my soul singed its way to the surface. As His hands brushed down my chest and over my breast, i felt heat trailing long after His hand moved to other areas. Before the heat of His hand could dissipate, His mouth covered my breast and His tongue teased my nipples with slow, torturous little swirls. His teeth lightly bit into me as if testing my ability to handle them. i groaned in pleasure and arched into Him as my hands held His head gently.

Everything i had been told about how a Master will "rape" His women and treat them with such brutality, was suddenly gone from my memory. my concentration was focused on the desire burning within me as He touched every inch of the body He was claiming as His territory, His slave. All of the trauma of making this trip was gone from my mind as i melted into Him and gave, so willingly, everything i possessed to Him.

As His hands trailed down to the heat pulsing between my legs, i opened my eyes and He was staring at me with intense desire. When His fingers parted the lips that He was claiming as His, i took a sharp intake of breath and felt my first orgasm surging to the surface. With pleading in my eyes, i whispered softly, "Master, may i cum?"

The intensity in His gaze was mind altering and i felt myself slipping into a darkness beyond anything i have ever felt. 'This,' i thought somewhere in my mind, 'is power exchange.' i drunk in His gaze as if i was dying of thirst as the burning between my legs intensified and i was on the brink of insanity, awaiting His permission to cum.

He manipulated my clit between His fingers and kept His bondage with me through His eyes. my body arched against His. my pelvic muscles spasmed around His hand as i felt a wave of pleasure hit me that burned so deep it made my legs spread completely against the bed and every muscle tensed in an effort not to cum before He gave permission. i groaned hard and gritted my teeth as my gaze was held by His, the agony of waiting for His release making it all the more intense and pleasurable. He released my orgasm with one word, "Cum." His voice, the intensity of His gaze holding mine, the movement of His hand, the complete openness that i felt from my pure soul, sent me spiraling into a convulsive state as my pussy juices squirted into His hands.

He broke His gaze and looked down to His hand. Then He brought it up to my lips and i took His fingers into my mouth and softly sucked His fingers clean. He kissed me deeply and then slipped between my legs. Master folded my pussy lips apart and smiled, "This is Mine, girl."

As i was saying, "Yes, Master," i felt His lips come down to my pussy and as His tongue snaked out and touched my bare clit, i cried out as if i had been touched with hot fire. He looked up at me and chuckled, "you can come as many times as you want and you do not have to ask Me for permission for now." 

Every movement this Darling mouth made against this raging pussy had me writhing under Him. Darkness encased me as i closed my eyes and gave myself over to the complete essence of feeling Him and i gave Him all. As His tongue pushed into me and His mouth covered my clit sucking it hard between His teeth, i came in consecutive bouts each time He pulled against my clit. Master drank from His slave until He had His desire satiated.

Master raised up and i caught sight of His cock for the first time as He stripped Himself of His underwear. As my Master's cock sprang forth, i gasped. He had warned me that He was "big", but just as His height had surprised me, so did this massive organ that would come to bring me hours of pleasure and pain in O/our relationship. i wanted desperately to wrap my hands around it and take it deep into my mouth and taste my Master. His desire was on taking His slave in every way He wanted and my desire to come up off the bed and take Him was overshadowed by His desires. 

He smiled at my obvious "shock" of seeing His cock. He moved quickly between my legs and positioned Himself to enter my soaked pussy. There was no resistance, even as big as His cock was, it touched my pussy lips and gently slid in to its new home. i moaned softly as i felt Him stretch me to accommodate Himself. i relaxed completely and let the feeling of fullness engulf me. When He hit the back of my pussy with the tip of His cock, He pushed against me and ground into me. i cried out, "Oh Master!"

He pushed into me several times as He raised my pleasure and my cries rose in decibels until i could stand no more and i came around Him, spraying His cock with my cum. He didn't stop, He began to thrust in and out of me. Each time His cock pushed into me deeply, the pain and pleasure was so intense i screamed His name and braced myself against His assault. Each ripping thrust sent me over the edge with shuddering orgasms that had my legs shaking with lust and desire. my hands clawed at the covers and my back was arched up with muscles as tight as rubber bands about to snap.

Suddenly He pulled out of me and grabbed my hips. With one fluid motion, He flipped me over onto my stomach and with one more quick pull against my hips, He pulled my ass up into the air. He slammed His cock into my pussy and continued His assault against my swollen, wet, hot, pussy. i quivered under Him and bucked against Him wildly as i felt His cock swelling inside of me. B/both of O/our bodies were sweating and heaving in pleasure as something begin to metamorphic between U/us. No longer were W/we two L/lovers giving in to the desires of E/each O/other. Something primal began to surface. Master's thrust were deep, hard, focused, as if His cock was seeking to reach the center of my soul. my heart pounded and my body opened to suck Him deeper and deeper into me until i felt i would pass out with pleasures i had never felt before. i cried out and rammed into Him as if He was giving me life. Each movement made between U/us was bringing me closer to something i can't describe even today. Then ... it happened.

Master slammed into me hard and as i felt His cock shudder inside of me, i felt His teeth slam into my shoulder. i cried out in surprise but it wasn't painful. As His teeth sank deep into my flesh, i seen a white light flash behind my closed eyelids, my heart stopped, my chest exploded with pleasure, my pussy gushed hot lava liquid, my body relaxed and i sunk into a state that felt as close to heaven as a girl deserves to go without dying. He kept the "death" grip with His teeth as His cum shot deep into me. i felt complete, at peace, and i melted under Him. i had just been given the gift of subspace. i languished in it for as long as He allowed, as He held me like a kitten dangling from its mother's mouth. i was completely helpless, completely absorbed, and completely His. 

As Master's orgasm relaxed, so did His mouth on my shoulder. He rolled over to the side and pulled me with Him as His mouth softened and began to lick the angry red spot where He entered this girl's portal to subspace. i softly purred against Him and opened my neck for His bathing. "What do you desire, my slave?" He whispered against my ear.

"You have more than made me happy with everything You have given me, Master," i whispered back to Him as O/our arms caressed and held O/one A/another. "What more could a girl desire but to be completely consumed by her Master?"

"I am offering you a chance to do whatever you want to with Me. Tell me what you 'want' from My body."

i blushed softly against Him and gently rolled over to face Him. With eyes sparkling and a shy smile, i whispered against Master's mouth, "if You are offering me permission to quench my own desires, Master, i desire Your cock deep in my mouth. i desire sucking Your cock until You explode in my mouth and i drink Your cum. What i crave most, my Master, is to taste You."

He chuckled softly. "Permission granted."

i moved gently and seductively down between His legs as He moved to lay flat of His back. my hands moved liquidly down His body and i attempted to push all of the pleasure i had felt from His hands against my skin, into His skin, as i traveled down to that gorgeous cock i had briefly caught a glimpse of. i got myself situated comfortably and picked it up gently using delicate hands. i heard Him sigh and felt a tender shudder run through Him. i smiled inside as i took my Master's cock into the warmth of my mouth and licked the head of it with soft lips and a swirling tongue. i sucked His residual cum from the edges and savored the taste of myself on Him as well. Together, O/our juices created a blend of tangy mingled with sweet that can not be created with anyone but U/us. 

i let my mouth gently move further down His flaccid cock. When i reached the base of Him, i swallowed softly and pulled up firmly. His cock shuddered inside of my mouth and i felt the blood pouring back into it as it slowly began to harden. His hands brushed against my hair as this "lazy" teasing slowly brought His desire back to life. i cupped my hands under His balls and softly rolled them between my fingers as i continued to gently suck Him deeply into my mouth. The harder my Master's cock became, the more difficult it was to go all the way down. i wanted to take all of Him but as He grew to His full length, my ability to take all of Him was impossible. i had never had a cock this size so i had never learned to relax my throat muscles to deep throat Him. i wanted to and as i forced myself to breathe through my nose, i could go far enough down that i knew i was pleasing Him. But i made a mental note to ask for more so i could become more apt with this task. This task was my favorite of all Master had given me. To taste His cum, to bring this organ the same pleasures my Master had given me, was my one burning desire. 

Master's hands weaved them self into each side of my hair and i felt Him tugging me in a rhythm. my head began to bob up and down on His cock and i tightened my lips. Using suction, i created a vacuum. His body moved with my motions and i pulled firmly against Him. His cock began to vibrate at the base. i moved in a swirling motion up and down, never letting His cock stay in the air for very long. A burning sensation was aching between my legs as i felt Him start to quiver under my touch. i quickened my upward strokes and sucked harder. He tightened His fingers through my hair and forced me deeper onto Him. my throat constricted and i struggled to relax against His cock as i gagged softly around Him, but i didn't stop my motions. i had one goal in mind and the rest was just details. i wanted my Master's cum. i wanted to taste His cum and feel it shooting down my throat. The burning between my legs was being ignored and i ached to feel Him explode. Only then would i allow my pussy to relax and cum with my Master. This was His pleasure, not mine. my focus was to pull every drop of Him into me.

Master made a guttural cry and i felt Him shake as He snarled sexily and raised up from the bed by holding my hair between His hands. The hot liquid shot into my mouth and i held tight to Him as He released all of the cum He had left in His body. Feeling His orgasm course into me, my pussy sighed and reacted with a mind of its own as my own juices flowed between my legs and i came with my Master. 

When Master stopped moving under me, i tightened my mouth and made one long suction to the tip of Him, careful not to "pop" Him out of my mouth. At the tip, i sucked gently as i drained all of His cum. He grunted and jerked under me and then pulled me off of Himself by my hair. 

After a moment of silence, He said, "God, that was good, girl!" i smiled with a closed mouth at Him. When i did not respond in a verbal fashion, He opened one eye and squinted down to me. i sat there quietly and it dawned on Him what i was waiting for. He chuckled and said softly, "Swallow."

i twirled the delicate juices around in my mouth and swallowed sadly, letting the taste linger on my tongue. Then, i smiled at Master and said, "Thank You, Master."

He smiled back to me and said, "your welcome," and He pulled me up against Him and snuggled with me. W/we fell asleep for some while. 

i awoke to the sound of soft snoring beside me that made me smile. i slipped out of the bed and down to the floor beside Him and sat there with my arms folded, head in my arms. i thought about how scared and nervous i had been less than three hours ago. i remembered the agony of the plane trip. i smiled softly to myself and whispered in my mind, "Yes, He is worth it... this Man is my Master."


365 Days of Master Ch. 02



i awoke to the sounds of Master moving around in the house. my body was delectably stiff and sore from O/our first night together. i quietly padded to the bathroom and ran the shower. As i glanced at myself in the mirror, i was immediately drawn to the red spot on my shoulder, now turning a slight shade of blue. It wasn't going to be a big bruise. It was more psychological than physical. The soreness was a good feeling. i felt "owned" and "claimed". i felt like this "mark" was my Master's mark. i smiled at myself in the mirror as i thought of a set of teethmarks tattooed at that spot would make a nice insignia for my Master. Maybe i would bring it up to Him later.

The hot water cascaded down on my sore muscles like a massage. i stretched and let the water wash away all soreness. Smelling fresh, like soap and dripping wet, i pulled the shower curtain back and was startled to find my Master sitting on the closed toilet lid, waiting for me, with a towel in His hand. Embarrassed, i dropped my gaze and stepped out of the tub to the floor mat and knelt quickly in front of Him. "Good Morning, Master," i whispered softly.

"Good morning, My slave. Did you sleep well?" He wrapped the towel around me and gently patted it against my skin, drying me off.

"Yes, Master," a deep blush coming over my body as His touch inflamed me.

"Good," He spoke. "I have a list of things I want you to do for me, today. I will be leaving for work in an hour. I have decided to continue My own daily routine and not change anything. Either you will get used to it, or you will be conditioned for it. Either way, it is what I have planned. When you complete your task, after I am gone, you can spend the day as you wish until I get home tonight. Is there anything you need before I leave for work?"

Thinking long and hard, i searched for my mind for anything i might "need". Master had provided everything i needed. i shook my head softly in a side to side motion. "The training of My slave starts today. I will take you slowly. But I will take you with My desires of making you the slave I wish. The first lesson of the day is for you to answer me with words and not with a head shake."

Swallowing hard at making a mistake and being chastised so early, i said meekly, "Yes, Master." It was a minor mistake, i suppose, but it set heavy on my heart. i had this intense feeling that i was failing my Master already. Perfectionism sits heavy on my mind. The least little infraction of my abilities can make me feel like a complete and total failure. What i needed most, was positive enforcements that i was being a "good" slave. Or at least, those were my own thoughts of need. i wanted to do everything in my power to be the perfect slave for my Master to seek His approvals and compliments, only i was unsure what a slave was allowed to do.

Master pulled me up from the floor and wrapped His arms around me in a hug. Over the top of my head, He said, "Now, I have to get a shower. Go make some breakfast and read your task list on the table. If you have any questions or don't understand something, W/we can talk when I am done."

"Yes, Master," i said as i was being excused.

In the kitchen, i prepared a bowl of cereal for Master. He doesn't eat a hearty breakfast every morning because He feels it is so close to lunch time when He goes to work, that He only wishes a little something to ease the hunger until His lunch meal. While i am a very good mothering type woman, my desires were to make Him a meal that would satisfy a King, i squelched that idea and followed His instructions from our phone conversations and made Him cereal and juice. i wanted more so to please Him than to make Him uncomfortable with me taking initiatives i had not earned as of yet. i set the table and then knelt by His chair with the list He had made me.

i stared at the paper, quizzically. It was titled: "slave's To Do List". Under a big bold line, it read simply, "RELAX". Nothing more. i trembled inside, as i had expected a full list of things to occupy my 8 hours without my Master. Thousands of questions flew threw my mind. my heart ached as i thought to myself, 'Oh my God, what is He asking me to do today? How can i please Him if i have no idea what it is that He wants me to do?'

Master came out of the bathroom wearing a towel and sat down at the dinner table. He made no comments to me or questioned me. i sat there on the floor and kept my head bowed. He got up and went to the bedroom and came out completely dressed. When He was ready to leave, He bent down and kissed me on top of my head and left with these words, "Relax, girl."

The house was deafeningly quiet. i stayed in my kneeling position for nearly an hour after Master had left. Because of my little knowledge in how to "be" a slave, i was hesitant to take overtures and do anything that was not asked be my Master. i was unaware that my hesitance was giving a different message to Master. He isn't a mind reader. i was letting my fear push me, instead of my desire to be completely available to Him. This was surfacing as a problem. Never before had i served a Man in this manner so i was completely ignorant as to what i was suppose to do, how i was suppose to act, or even what was expected of me. It was His intentions to draw me out "naturally" and in all honesty, i wasn't sure what was natural. Things that i ached to do "naturally" were steadily being pushed aside in my mind as i focused on waiting for Him to tell me to do things. i was wound tighter than a drum. i felt i was failing miserably.

Master came home at the exact time He said He would return for His "lunch" break. He takes His lunch break an hour and a half before He returns home for the night. At the designated time, i was kneeling by the front door in wait for Him to come home. He smiled at me when He came in. Quietly, i stood and kissed Him and W/we went to sit in the living room.

"What did you do all day," He asked.

"i did some laundry, washed and put away the dishes, and listened to some music, Master." He nodded softly, and i noticed slight disappointment in His expression. Another noted failure, i felt, so i added it to my list of mental failures.

"Master, You did not say to do anything but relax and that is what i am trying to do. i do not understand Your directive."

He smiled softly at me. "In time, you will." He stood and held His hand out to me. Taking it, i stood and He led me back to the bedroom. He ordered me to lay on the bed on my back. i heard some rustling in dresser drawers and when He returned to me, He whispered in my ear with such direction and strength, "Do you trust Me?"

i swallowed dryly, wondering what i was getting myself into, but whispered obediently, "Yes, Master." i felt His hands gently take mine as He placed cuffs around both my wrist and ankles.

"Bondage," He sternly said, "is not only physical, My girl, but it is also mental. What one does to oneself, a Master cannot do unless the slave allows. I want this from you. My directive was to relax. you failed to do it. Now I will make you do it." 

Master secured the shackles to rope that He tied to the foot and head of the bed, spreading me completely in spread eagle fashion on His bed. When He was done making sure i was securely tethered to His bed, He came and sat down beside me.

"you cannot give to Me what you keep hidden from Me as you hide it from yourself. you cannot take care of Me if you do not take care of yourself. you cannot love Me if you do not love yourself," He paused and watched my face for any sign of understanding of what He was telling me. "My only objective for you is to relax. My reasons are, for you to find yourself under all of this uncertainty. I want to see you become the slave you are telling me you are. All I have seen, so far, is empty words saying you desire one thing, but your actions say you are holding something back from Me. It is simple,really, girl. But then, nothing is ever simple with you, is it?" He did not wait for my reply. A gag was securely placed into my mouth and a blindfold was thrown over my eyes. To make matters even more uncomfortable for me, i felt ear plugs stuffed into my ears.

i lay there, bound and tied in that bed, for what seemed, an eternity. my mind raced around in efforts to understand what my Master was asking of me to do. Relax? No one had ever given me permission to relax before. No one had never commanded it of me. In all honesty, i did not know how to relax. Quite the opposite was, in fact, true. i had a family at home to care for, i had obligations to attend. My last relationship was full of these ridiculous riddles and rhymes to achieve this desired state of perfection to do, act, and behave in a certain meticulous way that a slave is suppose to behave. Orders to kneel properly, speak properly, and dictations on how to be the perfect slave were all i knew. What was taught to me is to not make any decisions to behave or act outside of what i was specifically 'told' to do. So i was laying, tied to a bed, because i was too scared to 'do' anything outside of what Master said do. Giving me a command to "Relax, girl," was giving me the task of figuring out how to achieve this without step by step instructions. So, anger set in. 

Tears streamed down my face as i created a story of alleged abuse in my mind at my Master's treatment of me. i wondered what on earth possessed Him to think that ignoring me and tying me down to the bed could achieve relaxation. my mind raced like a freight train in search of the reasons behind His actions. i came up with the thought that He was just trying to exert His authority over me so i would be more subservient to Him. Then i rationalized it to knowing i had failed miserably in getting Him ready for work this morning. i should have gotten His clothes ready for Him, gotten Him showered and ready for work and breakfast made without having to be told. i beat myself up, mentally, while laying in that bed. Even with the ear plugs and the blindfold, the movie i played in my head more than kept me occupied until i felt Master's hands on me upon His arrival back home.

i cowered when He touched me. Master did not flinch when i shied away, but it did not go unnoticed by Him. i got up from the bed and went straight to the kitchen to make Him a decent supper. Not many words passed between U/us. i asked Him about His day, but mostly it was small talk. i was scared of what i had initiated myself into. The story my mind had written was so fresh and painful. Master could not have beaten me with a belt and made me feel more punished this day.

It is no secret i still loved and adored Him. Confusion was spinning haphazardly in my mind. How could i be so loved and yet feel so abused? The confusion kept me keyed up. When i was near Him, unless He was touching me sexually, it was as if i was in another dimension. So, i resolved to do what i was told and remember the things He had told me over the telephone to do that which would please Him. Everything else would have to wait. First, i had to prove to Him that i wanted to be with Him. While His objective had been to "relax"... mine had surfaced to stay on target to be the best of the best.

Master sent me to bed after i finished making His supper. i was disappointed, somewhat because the only true way i felt at peace was when He was taking me sexually. Something blinded me when He was commanding my orgasms and they only came for Him. i tried to stay awake. But His command had been, "Go to sleep."

So, as i curled into the fetal position, in the same bed i had been strapped to, earlier, i cried myself to sleep at my perceived just rewards for being such a poor slave. i thought to myself, 'Tomorrow must be a better day.'

Late into the night, Master slipped into bed beside me. i awoke to the feeling of His hand between my thighs as He pried my pussy lips apart and stroked me awake. i sighed into Him and felt all of the stress of the whole day ball into my gut. As my body tensed into an orgasmic state, He whispered sternly, "Relax, girl." 

It took no coaxing, no explaining, and no more commands to understand what He was asking of me as He pulled at my clit gently and brought the sense of relaxation to the front of my mind. There were no stories to write here. It was only Him and i. There was no confusion about what He wanted. He wanted an orgasm from me. i arched into His hand and butterflied my legs to the bed and opened myself up to my Master. Every nerve in my body was responding to His touch and nothing else mattered. As He played in His new playground, i moved into a rhythm with His hand and perfectly timed, W/we joined. my pussy burned with yearning to feel Him inside of me. He felt it and at the perfect moment, He moved His hand and replaced it with Himself.

As He entered His territory, once again, i felt at complete peace with myself and Him. Master slammed into my pussy hard and needy. i arched up to Him and took Him deep into me as if W/we had been L/lover's all of O/our lives. O/our bodies moved in perfect union and harmony. 'If there is nothing else i can do perfectly, i can love Him and give Him all of me here,' i thought to myself as i gave myself over in wild abandon to cum as many times as He desired of me.

i didn't have to ask for permission to cum. Master felt my need before i begged for it. Through the darkness, His voice cut through the silence as He boomed, "Cum!" and i did. "Again," He ground into me harder, and i did. With every command of His voice, love, pain, pleasure, and sweet agony of release swept over me as my body obeyed Him without question or pause. There was no questions running through my mind, only my burning desire to feel, hear, and see my Master explode in pleasure He was getting from my body.

He flipped me over, once again, and came from behind me. With a lot of force, He fucked me until i was breathless and spent. Still, He had not orgasmed. When i could barely hold myself up on all four of my limbs, He slowed down and gently rotated His cock deep inside me. i burned deep inside. i was filled with a sense of complete bliss. When He did not give the command to cum and i felt my orgasm building, i whimpered softly, "Master..."

His movements increased to go deeper. The need bore on me to push against Him with my muscles in orgasm but i whimpered more urgently, "Master, may i cum?"

"Cum on your Master's cock, slave," He gritted through His teeth. my body relaxed and pushed against Him as my juices flowed around Him. He slammed into me, pushing Himself to the deepest points. i screamed out as i came. When my orgasm was finished, Master slid out of me. He lay down beside me in the bed on His back. i snuggled into Him. Tentatively, i slid my hand down between U/us and found His cock while searching His face for unspoken permission to touch Him. Very lightly i brushed Him and He moaned. i raised up and asked Him, "Master, may i suck Your cock?"

He smiled behind closed eyelids and whispered, "I would be disappointed if you didn't."

As i took Him into my mouth, the mental conversation with myself returned. 'Did i not please Him in anything i did and that is why He didn't cum?' i pondered different reasons around His with holding His orgasm as long as He did. As i moved up and down on Him with my mouth, i finally resolved to stop my train of thought and settle on thinking He wished to let me suck Him so i could taste His cum because i had expressed a joy in doing so. This pacified any voices raging in my mind and i set about my task to bring Him pleasure. 

As His groans became louder and His body betrayed Him of His resolves, He shoved His hand between me and His cock and took control of His orgasm. As He pumped His cock to orgasm, i steadied my mouth around Him. When He came, He pulled free of me and shot His cum all over my face. This thrilled me. This wild, unplanned cum bath, showed me how much He loved me. Having my Master cum, whether it was on or in me, was my reward at being such a good girl after all.

With B/both of U/us now satiated and spent, i licked my Master clean and then went to the bathroom for a washcloth. i washed my face and smiled at myself in the mirror. i thought to myself, 'a girl doesn't deserve to feel this loved that is so incapable of other things. Surely i must be doing something right, somewhere, or else why would He put up with me?'

i crawled back into the bed next to Master and washed Him gently with a clean, warm washcloth. A devious thought of throwing a cold washcloth on other lover's in an effort to get them out of my bed, passed through my mind. Here i was, aching to keep my Master in bed. Ironically, something was happening to me. After i finished my Master's sponge bath, i curled back up into His arms until i heard His snores. Then i turned myself over in the bed and fell back asleep.



365 Days of Master Ch. 03



With new resolve to make today much better than yesterday, i awoke before my Master. i slipped out of bed and hurriedly completed my shower. i lay everything on the counter to be set on the table for breakfast, with the exception of the juice and milk. Then i went and lay out clean towels and a washcloth for my Master's bath. i took Him a clean suit of clothes to the bathroom. Then i sat at the computer, quietly awaiting my Master's wakening. i felt better about this day. There wasn't much meandering in my mind except pleasing my Master. 'Isn't that what He brought me here for?' i thought.

Master awakened to the sound of the alarm clock. i would have liked to shut it off and woke Him by sucking His cock. What Man doesn't like that kind of awakening? But then, my Master was not just "any" Man. Fear kept me from doing this. i had already played that scenario over in my mind and given our relationship of me being slave and Him being the Master, i just didn't think any of that was appropriate for me to initiate. Instead, i knelt by the bed at the first tweak of the alarm and waited until He reached over to turn it off. He smiled at me when He awoke. The lazy type of smile One smiles when He isn't really coherent of His surroundings. Personally, when i wake, i am quite grumpy until i get my feet on my floor and get to moving. Master, however, was like a little boy with a rumpled snuggle blanket in His hands. When i felt He was awake, enough, i gave Him a run-down of all i had done to set His morning up. He thanked me and padded off to the shower.

This morning was filled with snap-to efforts to get Him off to work. There was no time for thinking or detailing the day. Master acted as if i were a common thing at His house. It felt nice to just be there. When He left, He kissed me "goodbye" and said, "you can do whatever you like today."

Once again, i felt a sense of isolation. Another day of passing the time away with my own devices. i tidied up the house, did some vacuuming, stripped the bed, washed the sheets and scrubbed the bathroom to a shine. Cleaning His house took all of about two hours and then i had six depressing hours to fill my time. 

i am a professional woman. Back at home, my days are filled with computer time, taking care of my family, reading, and listening to everyone's problems and resolving it for them. i stayed so busy at home that i had little to no time to hear my own screaming mind. Yet, Master was not using me in any of these manners. So far, He had kept His emotions in check, He kept the drama swirling around Him a secret and He made no demands on me. i had no idea what was happening in the world because i was isolated from all social aspects. In other words, i was beginning to feel i was totally out of my element and had nothing to do to occupy my mind. It was only three days into my ten day visit. 

i wondered around the house and tried to keep my mind idle. Every time a thought would surface, i would negate it with rational thinking (well at least it was rational to me). "Why was Master so aloof?" i rationalized that He was giving me time to become acclimated with His life. "Why was He with holding personal information of Himself such as His problems at work, His problems with His other girls, or His 'mind' or way of thinking. He isn't 'talking' to me!" i rationalized that it isn't any of my business and He is trying to keep me calm. Over and over, my mind questioned my Master's motives to His treatment of me. It seemed that when He was not interested in me, sexually, i was shut out of His attention. i grew nervous and 'tight' inside. 

Over the six hour span, my mind had written the story that my Master wasn't interested in having a life with me. He was only interested in sex. He didn't want me there with Him. He was only putting up with me. i was a pest, a bother to Him. i raged inside. i gritted my teeth and told myself to be 'better'. i told myself i had pushed the visit on Him and i should have waited. i told myself i am worthless at this slave thing. i convinced myself i was making a fool of myself by trying to be something i was not. 

Like a wild, starving, caged cat, i paced His home until i could stand the voices in my head no longer. i put His cordless phone in my pocket and dressed myself. I went for a walk in the parking lot. Back and forth i walked at an exhausting pace until the only thing i heard was my heartbeat. 

Regardless of what is thought of me, i try to follow His directives. i was struggling with this relaxation He was forcing upon me. my methods of what i considered relaxation were unique and possibly warped to some. i am, what is labeled as, a pain slut. When things get so emotionally bottled in my mind and i cannot get past something, i am so used to bringing pain into the equation with masturbation. Master had forbade pain in my daily masturbation schedule. By taking away that outlet, He had bound me to find alternative means. i was so scared to even touch myself at His house without His approval. He had not said i could not, i just felt like i was stealing from Him if i masturbated. i also thought if i told Him my secret desire to be physically tortured, He would not desire me anymore. In my mind, it was all about making Him love me before i let this whole fucked up way of thinking come into the picture. 

i came back inside Master's house and went to the computer. Like a breath of fresh air, my sister came online to me and gave me a good dose of problems to focus on. Bless her for not knowing i am addicted to fixing things. As i sat there and got filled with her problems, my problems disappeared deep inside of me and i shut the door to the voices in my own head. i am considered smart, strong, and completely capable of handling everything where my family is concerned. When they dump their problems in my lap, i am like a fanatic with a jigsaw puzzle putting the pieces into place for them. It consumes me. It takes the focus off of myself.

Master is a polyamorous Man. As i am accepting of this lifestyle, myself, i have nor have i ever had a problem with Him having other girls. Two of the other girls are my friends. i would even consider them my sisters. They both came online to me and i did the same thing with them that i had done with my own sister. i listened to their problems and even inserted some of my own warped thinking into their behavior in an effort to 'help' them. i put myself into emotional overload. It was intoxicating. But as always, when a junkie overdoses, damage is done.

By the time my poor Master arrived back home that night, i was no longer submissive. i was full Domme. While i was naked, as a slave, i had cooked for Him, as a slave, and i had cleaned His house, as a slave, i was no longer mentally His. i had stood up. i had no idea that i had switched on Him. He felt it. i know He did. i have come to realize that a dominant person can sense another dominant person a mile away. Either you become friends and have things in common, or you stay the hell away from them. Unfortunately my dominant side is not one to befriend. She is cold and hard with her emotions. She is controlled and micromanaging. She is always right no matter what the facts present unless someone can prove to her she is wrong. Then and only then will she stand down. She is the one who comes out when perceived pain is too much for the weak side of herself to handle. Tonight, she was full throttle. i had no idea this was what it was. i had transformed and didn't know it.

Master was silent this night. He said, "I'm tired. I had a long day. I am going to go online and play some poker. you can read, watch t.v. or go chat online for while. I just need some alone time."

While i knelt for Him and did all of things i knew, as a slave, i should be doing, my mind was steady bitching me out for being so weak and such a failure. i went to Master's room and sat there trying to focus on reading a book. The words on the page moved around like some kind of Ouija board. It wasn't bad enough my Master leaves me home for 8 hours a day, alone and bored out of my mind. But to come home and sequester me to my room like a little girl was too much to handle. i gritted my teeth and stomped into the living room where He was peacefully playing His cards.

"Do You not want me here?" i broke into His silence.

"What?" He looked at me as if i had thrown a glass of water on Him.

"Do You not want me here? Do You not love me and want me here? Because if You are second guessing Your decisions to have me here, i can just go to a hotel for the remainder of my stay and not be a bother to You anymore." Anyone else would have said to pack my bags. i was being a complete bitch.

"you need to calm down, girl. Where did that come from? If I didn't want you here in My house, I would not have allowed you to make the trip. I also would not have kept talking to you as long as I have and I would not put up with your bullshit. I told you I had a hard night at work. I'm sorry if you didn't have a good day. But, I am going to finish relaxing and then I will have this conversation with you. Go to your room and when I am feeling better, I will come get you and W/we can talk," He ordered. The fire in His eyes was not to be ignored. Something in His demeanor and His voice said it was definitely not a battle i should tackle. In the snap of His fingers, my Domme had been pushed down and my slave took back over and pulled her to the bedroom.

Then the real battle ensued. "Have you lost your fucking mind, you stupid Bitch?" my slave screamed at my Domme.

"He is ignoring me," she spat at me indignantly.

"He had a hard day at work! You lost your freaking mind in a fit of panic. You have no right to slap at Him!" 

i cried at the injustice i had thrown at my Master. i was ashamed and heartbroken. i must admit, things were not as i had imagined them to be. i was disappointed because i expected Him to take me completely and really make me settle down inside. i wanted to be His slave and to be a slave to me, meant i was used in every way He desired. It meant He detailed my time for me. It also meant He should be teaching me something! Maybe this was my way of testing His love for me. Maybe i just felt this was all i deserved, to be fucked, used, and then dumped. At that very moment, it didn't matter, i was terrified that i had stepped over an invisible line that i had no right stepping over.

An hour passed, then two. i sat in the darkened room, silently waiting the guillotine i had set up for my Master. He called to me and i went back to the living room and sat at the kitchen table, a good distance from Him. i was shaking inside because as the slave in me was watching through the Domme's eyes, she knew she deserved to be dealt with firmly and made to pack her bags and to leave His presence for good. Maybe she even hoped He 'would' snap to attention and do something to give her retribution against herself for sabatoging things. she resigned to sit back in the darkness and let the Domme clean up the mess she had created.

Master studied my face, sternly, for a few silent moments. Then He said, "What are you thinking?"

"i am thinking that i made a mistake in thinking i could be this slave creature You desire. That maybe i might have made a mistake in thinking i could be something i clearly am not," i spoke with confidence but was dying inside. The slave in me cowered back into the darkness and squeezed my heart with strength i didn't know she possessed and caused me great pain.

"It is too late to second guess your decision, girl, you are already here. I took time out of my schedule to allow you to come to Me. I let you into my home and I trusted you to take care of Me," He spoke fluently and without pause. "What makes you think I don't want you?"

i told Master about my day inside of my head. i even confessed to going so far as to call a hotel nearby to alleviate my burden from Him because i didn't think He wanted me there. When i finished, hot tears were flowing down my face and i was ashamed, fearful and felt drained of all energy that had punished me all day.

Master moved with the speed and agility of a Panther. Before i could take a breath, He had me by my hair and was holding my head back as i stared up into His black eyes that held fire. He snatched me up to Him and wrapped His arms around me. my body came alive and betrayed me. Primal want and need filled me. my slave side came running to the surface and shoved the Domme away and screamed at her, "This is MINE!"

Master crushed my lips under His and twisted my already crushed breast with a free hand. In a dizzy, spinning daze, i parted my legs and brought one up to the chair where i had been sitting. His hand cupped my womanhood and squeezed it until i thought i would pass out from sheer friction of His touch. He broke His kiss from me and snarled at me with fire in His eyes, "I want you, dammit. I love you. But you have got to learn to be still and relax for U/us to work."

Master drug me to the bedroom by my arm and slung me on to the bed. A Man with a mission, He tore His clothes off. Panting i slid over on the bed and cowered against the wall. He jumped onto the bed and pinned me between the wall and His body as He assaulted me with brutal kisses. He did not ask me for anything. He took what He wanted. my body lit up like the fourth of July as He bit me, clawed at me, and fucked me. The slave in me was in heaven. the Domme in me was hiding.

Master wrapped His arms around me after He orgasmed and He held me against Him, B/both our bodies covered in sweat. "If I didn't want you, girl, would I waste my time on showing you how much I do want you?"

Ashamed, i said, "No, Master."

i turned my head to Him, with tears in my eyes and whispered, "i love You so much, Master. i do not know why i let my mind run away with me. i feel foreign and uncertain lately. Something is happening inside of me and i can't figure it out. i do not want to lose You because i am so fucked up."

"Then fix it," He sighed against my hair. 

"Ahh," the Domme in me sighed quietly. He had just given the Domme a directive. Now it was on.

Both Domme and slave lay with Master that night. His ferocious "taking" of His slave had rendered her utterly satisfied. The Domme inched her way to the surface and dared to kiss Him without asking. He responded by wrapping her softly in His arms and kissed her as tentatively and tenderly as she moved with Him. Her hand stroked down His stomach and cupped His manhood as He let out a 'hiss' into her ear, "Yessss, My love."

She slithered her way down His chest to His nipples and nibbled at them gently. Master's hand cupped her head and wrapped His fingers through the long blond tendrils. Confidence seeped from her as she expertly moved her hands further down on Him and held His stiffening cock between her tiny fingers. She kissed Him down to His belly button and flicked a tongue into His navel. She glanced up at Him, giggled softly and was rewarded with His smile. Then she slipped between His legs and took what He allowed her to take. When her grip became too tight, He guided her through the hair He held firmly in His hands. Several times, He whispered into the dark, "Easy, girl...." Like a hungry kitten suckling milk from its mother's tit, she sucked and pawed her Master.

It was calculated, it was methodical and it was sheer heaven as she created the friction that was meant to bring this Man to orgasm. She felt "free" to take her pleasures and so she did. Master did not have an orgasm. Instead, when He reached the pentacle of His desire, He threw her off of Him and flipped her over on her belly. Squealing with delights, the slave part of myself clapped and sing/sang to the Domme... "You're gonna get it!!"

The Domme part didn't care. i was too far gone in my own mind and as Master plunged His huge cock into my ass and fucked me until i was dripping cum onto the bed, i was "one" with myself. This time, when He sank His teeth into my shoulder, He held me firmly and with intent. He pounded into me while biting me and i caved under Him. i sank into an abyss and drug both Domme and submissive down with me in ecstasy. When His orgasm shot threw my bowels, B/both of U/us collapsed on the bed, breathless and spent. i curled into Him like the baby kitten He created. All of my mental confusion, gone. 

W/we lay snuggled in E/each O/other's arms. Quietly, W/we talked a little about things. i suppose if i had thought about it, at the time, it was my own fault, this feeling of isolation. i wasn't exactly asking Master for any task. i wasn't giving Him any idea of what to do with me. i felt it was wrong of a slave to make her needs known because i wasn't there to bring pleasures to myself. i was there for my Master's use. Months later, as i write my story, i am seeing so many things that i could just kick myself for. The mistakes i made are obvious to me in hindsight. *sighs* Hindsight is 20/20 and there is no mistaking facts as they unfold. i am a person who has to detail everything. my Master was trying to get me to be still, mentally. i had failed Him in that task. i had failed myself. It was my first time at being a slave. i was "new" and fresh. i had ideas of how things were suppose to go and things were far from my "ideas".

As i drifted off to sleep, i resolved to just accept whatever He offered me and make it through the ten day visit. Then, when i got back home, i could assess things and decide what to do about U/us. This Man was far from the micro manageable Master i had gave myself, previously, to. He was a lot like me, in that, i felt He does things with intent and purpose. Nothing i do is without intent. i am critical, hard on myself, and very much a perfectionist. i felt a 'kinship' with my Master. i just had to find 'myself' in order to understand Him.

"I am not a sadistic Man, My slave," my Master had said to me. "I don't enjoy giving a lot of pain and when I do, I have to be in the mood to do so. I warned You, that I was not into a lot of physical torture and that you might become bored with Me and my methods." His words kept ringing in my ear. It was true there was a part of me that needed to be tortured. His methods were shaping up to be mental lessons. What did "learning to be still" mean? I was about to find out.



365 Days of Master Ch. 04



The last three days had been emotionally draining on me. i had so much running around in my head that i had no more room to think about anything, really. This was a "God send" to my Master. Master was being so wonderful with this girl. He loves me, this i know. He has the patience needed to deal with the dual personality i presented to Him. Not many Men will put up with a woman who is flighty, unsure, and having difficulty finding out who "she" is. my Master has sat with me through a lot of torrential storms. 

"Not many people 'think' like you do, girl," He whispered to me late one night. "At least no one I have ever met." So this sparked in me a desire to figure out exactly 'how' i was thinking and if i was wrong in my thinking. While i can detail things out over time, getting the messages at the time they are given, is damn near impossible for me. i have often lost the relationships before i realized what i was doing wrong. i didn't want this to happen with my Master. i knew i was treading on some serious ground. So, i sucked up the desire to "fix" things at the moment and concentrated completely on Him. In other words, i put the "Domme" in me on hold, at least until i got back home to be able to do some serious "detail fucking".

Desire to be the best slave for Him was all i focused on. i woke this fourth day and made breakfast, prepared His clothes, and started my daily chores. Master did not leave a list of to do's for me anymore. It was expected, of me, typical things to do in order to make His life easier. Such as cleaning, cooking, laundry, and basic things i have always considered "womanly things" because i was raised in the heart of the south where we are raised to take care of "our" Men. i took it upon myself to do everything i did for Him. It wasn't up to Him to make me into the slave i was desiring to be. It was up to me to become what i wanted to be. Having Him accept both aspects of me, was enough to calm the storm that had started to surge. It took a couple of days, but the fears and the inhibitions had started to dissipate. i was beginning to "feel" Him inside of me. i could feel the command to "relax" become a natural instinct for me. 

Instead of messing around inside of my mind all day, during His work time, i decided to do things around the house. i scrubbed His bathroom, i scrubbed the kitchen floor, and i tentatively straightened His cabinets in the kitchen. i didn't want to change anything He had in His home, i only "tidied" it up and did things i knew He didn't have time to do as a Man living alone and working. i got all of His laundry caught up and i dusted. 

When i sat down on the floor, it was dark. i felt i had accomplished a lot. i felt happy and relaxed. When Master came home, He was met with a smiling slave. i had found that place to be at peace. This did not go unnoticed by my Master. (laughs softly... Nothing ever does!) He took me into His arms and kissed me like a long lost lover. i melted into His embrace. As i served Him dinner, He talked about His day at work and W/we laughed over Him locking His keys in His truck and having to get someone to bring Him a spare set. Well, in all honesty, i laughed softly at His perfectionism because He was not amused that He had done something as He said, "So damn stupid!"

Master is a perfectionist as much as i am. i felt "needed" as He told me how He felt a sense of hating to mess things up. W/we related to O/one A/another on a more personal level. Tonight, i curled at His feet like a content 'tite chatte (Cajun French for "little cat", French slang for "little pussy" lol take your choice!) that purred at His feet. i opened up to Him and asked Him some of His preferences, sexually and otherwise. "Master, do You enjoy massages, candles and music?"

i looked at His guitars sitting in the corner. i knew He liked to play, but i didn't know if He would grace me with some of His abilities. So i waited quietly. "Yes, I like to play the guitar." He smiled at me. "Are you wanting to hear it?"

i blushed, "Only if Master isn't too tired to play?" He uncurled Himself from me and plugged up His guitar. i sat there, quietly and watched my Master tune and pick at His guitar.

"And yes, My chatte, I am like every red blooded American Man. I enjoy romance and massages."

Again, i blushed, "Yes, Master. i noticed when You come home from work You are a little stressed. i would like to do something to ease Your stress levels. i haven't been a very dutiful slave in making sure i am caring for my Master. So, i want to do something special for You, if You will allow." i sat and watched His face change as He started to strum the strings on His guitar. His face softened and His eyes went far away from me as He whispered, "That would be nice."

'i fell in love with a Man who had a romantic soul! How lucky could a girl get?' The slave in me clapped happily. 

When Master finished His setting, i applauded to Him. He is rather good at His abilities to play the guitar. i have tried, years ago to learn to play, but i am more of a piano player, myself. my fingers never seemed to be able to reach all the way around the neck of the guitar to hit the notes precisely. Watching my Master play His guitar brought forth a longing in me. i was so 'hot' for Him but the ache was quietly abated by an even more prevalent desire. i wanted to rub His stress away and feel Him relax under my touch the way He relaxed under that guitar. Everything He did, how He moves, how He looks, smells, and just exist... had the effect of making me want to throw myself at His feet and beg Him to fuck me.

Master chuckled, "What are you thinking about?"

i blushed and admitted quietly, "That i would like to be that guitar."

With a huge smile, Master swung the guitar over His shoulder and set it down carefully. He took me by my hand and pulled me up from the floor. "That can be arranged and it's ok that you desire Me so much. If you didn't, i would wonder about the Master/slave relationship." He put His arms around me and kissed me deeply. "There is so much more inside of you, girl. Let it go and give it to Me. Don't be ashamed or scared. There is no place for fears and inhibitions with Me. I want it all."

my body melted into Him. He nuzzled my neck a little more and then twisted me around so my back was to Him. His arms wrapped protectively around me. i leaned back into Him as His hands felt their way down my body. my naked flesh crushed against His clothing, i felt the hardness between U/us. i smiled to myself. A girl's desire is to feel her Master's desire for her. Master whispered into my ear, "I have a few things to do on the computer. Why don't you go to the bedroom and set things up for me. I will be in shortly."

i could have questioned a thousand things, "what did He want me to set up?", "How did He wish it set up?", "What if i did it wrong?" But i threw the brakes on my mental spinning and decided immediately, Master was allowing me to please Him with whatever i did. So, i took the initiative and went to the room with my goal in mind. i wanted to give back to my Master what He has given me the last few days.

i put a clean sheet over the bed to soak up any dripping oils. Then i lit four candles in each of the four corners of the room. The oils were warmed in a cup of hot water and the television was on soft jazz music with relaxing instrumentals playing. i lit an incense and climbed into the center of the bed and waited for Master. 

After a few more minutes of wait, Master peeked His head around the corner of the bedroom door. "Taking a little initiative, I see," He chuckled. i smiled brightly to Him. "It has been such a busy time for B/both of U/us, Master. You have been so patient and understanding in helping me to seek relaxation, i wish to give to You some peaceful relaxation if i may?"

Master stepped into the room and snapped His fingers, summoning me to His feet. i quickly crawled over to Him and knelt at His feet, blushing. He ran His fingers through my hair and pulled my face up to look into His eyes. "Anything you do to make my life better is always pleasing to me and for the most part, needs no permissions to do. I am pretty laid back and will take whatever you offer. Just be yourself," He said quietly as He stroked my face. With trembling fingers, i slipped them into the waist-band of His jeans and undid His pants. i kept my eyes locked with His as i watched for any sign of doing anything wrong. As i slid His zipper down, my hand brushed against His hardness and He sighed through gritted teeth. i bit back a smile and worked His jeans to the floor. i had already taken off His shoes and socks when He first came home. So, He stepped right out of His pants while still maintaining eye contact. i rolled His jeans up neatly because i did not know if He had anything in His pockets to retrieve later, so taking no chances, i put them in the chair. Then i stood and slipped His t-shirt up over His head. The smell of Manliness filled my nostrils and i nearly melted on the spot with desire to fling myself on Him. my Master intoxicates me with just His mere presence. i caught His eyes as they glazed over for a moment and knew He was feeling it as well.

i saved His underclothes for last. Hunger and desire burns in my mind as restraint and control fight to keep my mind focused as i pull the last thin layer of material from His body and my Master stands before me, lean, muscled and so very sexy. i step away from Master's heat and take His hand and He pulls me to the bed with Him. i help Him get situated on the bed and then put a warm handful of oil into my palm and massage it into my hands. Then i add more and straddle His body preparing to massage His shoulders and neck. i feel His muscles in His neck begin to relax and He sighs under my hands as He melts into the bed. i move slowly down His shoulders until i feel the same release in tension. i put special care into the small of His back. A lot of unknown tensions are held there for many people. Using huge circling motions i run up and down His spine and focus on that tension breaker in His center. 

When i finished massaging all the way down to His toes, He flipped over, under me. i started up at His chest once again. my Master chuckled softly. i stopped and stared at Him in horror wondering what i might have done wrong. "I failed to mention something to you, My slave...," He paused looking at me through half closed eyelids.

"What is that, Master?" i began to rub again more softly. i had straddled Him much like i had done with His back. As my body slid down His belly and seated itself in His pelvic area, my massaging motions stopped and my eyes popped open wide. "OH, Master!"

He chuckled and placed His hands on my hips and raised me up. i almost lifted a leg to "step" over Him and move, so i was not rubbing against His hardened cock. Master's eyes darkened in a flash and i froze. His eyes softened once again and He slipped one hand between U/us and stood His erect cock, aiming it at my long forgotten pussy. i almost panicked thinking i was not ready for His entry as i had not been concentrating on my own pleasures. my body did not betray me. As He pulled me in one motion down onto Himself, He slid into me with His full length. i shuddered around Him and my body spasmed with the assaulted pleasure. "That's right, My little pussy should always be ready for her Master, now ride."

i started to move gently around on my Master. i am not kidding when i say He is very well endowed. If i sit my full weight on Him while riding, i bend my Master somewhat uncomfortably, so i have to stay focused on Him as i move and not get too carried away and forget His comforts in this position. Apparently, the determination read clearly on my face. Master raised Himself up to sitting position and wrapped His arms around me so He had more control over the depth and His thighs coming together, allowed me to take Him fully while sitting on His legs. This intimate position of Him actually embracing me while i rode Him, sent my body into a oblivion with desire. Master grabbed my mouth with His mouth and kissed me urgently. my tongue lashed out and caught His and pulled Him into my mouth as W/we joined in a complete circle of E/each O/other. As i felt Him grow to His full length inside of me, primal need and desire took over and i cried out His name, the only name i call Him, "Oh, Master!"

Through gritted teeth, He pants, "Cum!" my body needs no priming or moment to make this happen. The moment it hears my Master's command, it responds eagerly and flows around Him. "Again," He barks firmly and i obey. Each orgasm solicited from me, raises the height of the next until no further commands are needed, my body is in a perpetual orgasmic state that has my mind clouded and only feeling the pleasures my Master allows me. i arch back, pressing my breast into my Master's face as my head hangs behind me. Master takes my exposed nipples into His mouth and bites firmly against them, eliciting squeals of pleasure from me. i hang firmly onto His shoulders and His arms are wrapped protectively around me. i ride the waves of pleasure until i can stand no more. my body relaxes against Him and He nuzzles my neck softly until i am slightly restored to be able to move off of Him. 

The moment my body moves off of His, He moves like an agile panther and comes behind me. He grabs my hips and holds me and i know He is going to take what is His to take. Never a moments hesitation to deny my Master His desires of this girl. i plant myself firmly and prepare for His entry, not daring to anticipate which hole He enters, giving it up for Him to decide what He wishes to take His pleasures with. As He slams into my dripping, tender, pussy, i tighten around Him and firmly push back to Him. i cannot see His face, but i can "feel" His every emotion. i feel the tension building with every thrust, i am lost in this primal lovemaking with Him. Moaning and groaning against Him, i sink down to the bed and spread my legs wider. 

He folds Himself over me and tangles His fingers into my hair and pulls me up off the bed, i grunt under His firmness and come up without resistance. He wraps His arms around me and my head falls back against His chest with B/both of U/us up on O/our knees. As He pushes into me hard, He grinds Himself deeper until i see stars behind closed eyelids. i become O/one with Him and at the precise moment of His orgasm, He grabs my hair and pulls my head to the side with His left hand and grabs my right nipple with His right hand and bites down into my neck as He shudders with His orgasm. i think i faint against Him. my mind rushes away from me, my body becomes like a limp dish rag in His arms and once again, i drift into a mental subspace that only He can extract from me. 

This time, i take a moment to relish the complete and total euphoria His bite, His hands, and His body can take me to. Time stands still for me. Everything moves in slow motion. i hear Him groan loudly against my skin and i am completely helpless to neither facilitate His orgasm or stop it. i feel every drop of cum as it hits the inside walls of my burning pussy. my body explodes around my Master and contracts to pulsate against Him. He tightens His grip against me and pushes as deep as He can as He loses a moment of sanity, Himself, in orgasm.

The moment passes all too quickly for me. i feel Him relax His hold on me and my body starts its ascension from this blissful place that is "my little heaven" with my Master. He wraps both arms around me and my arms come up to wrap around His. He holds me gently in a warm embrace. "How do You do that, Master?" i whisper softly.

"How do I do what?" He nuzzles me gently.

"How do You know at the exact moment to make everything so 'perfect' and it sends me into that place i cannot describe?"

"I just let instincts take over, My love," He whispers as He disentangles Himself from me and lays on the bed. i run my hands through His curly chest hairs and lay my head down over His heart. i feel it beating sharply against my face and i sigh as i move my body down beside His so that He is cradling me in His arms. 

"You are a romantic, You know, Master?" my voice becomes thick with need to sleep.

"I am just me," Master kisses my head tenderly.

* 

***Special Note: There is a slight element missing in this story. The element of pain, torture, and humiliation. Almost every BDSM story i have read, online, since finding my interest peaked in this lifestyle, has been about how a Master will use and abuse His slaves, treat them harshly and uncaring. Most of the Dom's i have ran across in the public chat rooms are always running their mouth about how Dominant they are and how they want to "break" a slave to make them be what They desire. i don't think i realized what was missing until i returned home and His aura began to fade from me. Reality took hold, life continued, and things became twisted and confusing to me. my Master's methods are purely His own and He desires to have the slave "come" to Him rather than having a tug of war over "W/who will be on Top. 

It has been many months since i have lain in my Master's arms. A lot of "water under the bridge" has washed away the precise details. His patience has ran thin, over the months, with this girl of His. Through it all, He still keeps one thing steady. i am here because i wish to be here, not because He has mentally brainwashed me to "must" be His. It was my full intention to continue writing daily accounts up to day ten and end it "happily ever after". However, this story is far from the fairy tale romance my mind has portrayed it to be thus far. Master encourages my writing, He feels it will open my eyes to a lot of things that i did not pay attention to when i was "knee deep" in the middle of it all. 

He is right. Master was very considerate, very gentle, and very loving with me while i stayed with Him at His home. He continued to lavish me with His attentions and take care of my every sexual desire to a complete exhaustion of my mental ability to "fight back" with anything. He put me in a euphoric state that cocooned me and drew me away from the world. To continue with the "ten day" stretch would get monotonous and repetitious with the writing. So, the next entry, i will jump ahead to the day of O/our departure and continue my story. Thank Y/you A/all for the votes and the words of encouragement. i am glad Y/you are enjoying my story. The saga continues (soft smiles).***



365 Days of Master Ch. 05



The remainder of my visit was spent in heavenly bliss. i learned to move in liquid motion with my Master's lifestyle. There was little words spoken between U/us as few words were needed. The important stuff was said, the rest was just felt. This complete sense of relaxation basically washed over me in a gradual wave. i don't know when it was actually achieved. i just know when it ended.

The last day of my visit, my Master took me to bed, the night before, and took me in every way possible. i didn't care about sleeping, myself. i live by the rule, "i will get enough sleep when i am dead." i did, however, think of Master and encouraged Him to catch a few winks before the trip to the airport. Happily, i lay beside my Master and held Him in my arms as He took a nap. Tears slipped silently from my eyes. Already, i could feel a change taking place in me. It was the first time i felt the switch come on. Over my lifetime, it just happened and i just accepted it as "me", who i am. But today, i wasn't ready for this happen and i fought it. i would not let go of this cocoon until i had to.

The feeling of doom that enveloped me was hard to keep at bay. The rational side of my brain had known this was all a temporary interlude to a rather hectic and crazy life. i just failed to make allowances for the submissive side of myself actually 'liking' the position and coming out so completely to this Man. While i had known i would let a little go for Him, the whole bait and hook theory, i had never had plans of completely letting Him see all of me as He had done. i was ashamed that i was such a fucked up girl for my Master. There was, already, so much to do when i returned home. Having this extra 'find yourself' burden lay at my feet, only added to my tension that was rising in back breaking strengths. 

Soon, life's necessity would force this little slave to return to the dank, dark, dungeon from whence she immerged so that the dominant side could "take care of business" as i had always done. It was sad for me on a multitude of levels. i enjoyed seeing this carefree side of myself. i enjoyed being stress free for a little while. i actually felt like i had a wonderful vacation! Something i had never allowed myself to do to this level of relaxation.

i had been told not to make a big deal out of leaving. One of Master's girls had said, "The less stress you put on Him throughout your leaving, the quicker He will bounce back. It helps Him to get through the 'drops' so He can fall back into a routine." 

i took this to mean i wasn't allowed to show emotions. Maybe i read the whole thing wrong. It was the first time i ever experienced this whole part of the lifestyle. i had no idea what 'drops' were or how they felt. All i knew, was an emotional hurricane was forming and i wasn't in the least bit sure what was happening to me. And i wasn't suppose to show any emotions? 

When the alarm clock chimed for Master to wake, He rose silently and got Himself ready. i sat in the middle of the bed and didn't want to move. His command to "Get ready," reverberated through me at a more primal level. i had mental arguments with myself about the necessity of returning home. A stronger part of me wanted to shuck all responsibility and stay right where i was. The more level headed part of me knew this was not a feasible solution. There were so many things that needed to be fixed, back home, before i could lay down and be this slave my Master desires. i have a baby daughter at home that needs her mother, a son who needed a bee under his bonnet to get into life, and an older daughter just weeks away from giving birth to my first grandchild. i also had living arrangements to settle. i was living in a run down trailer that was literally a money pit bleeding me dry. i had my father, who has just recently been diagnosed with a myriad of health ailments from Vietnam War that included cancer. His fear of dying and needing to make things right with his children was driving me insane because these are childhood issues that i felt i had already hashed out with him at one point. As his mind slowly slips into senility, he rehashes things out of left field sometimes and this is distressing to me because i am already so swamped with taking care of the family, that this added burden actually angers me rather than makes me feel all warm and loving to him. Then there are my Brothers and a sister, who felt because i did not have a spouse, i was the most likely candidate to give up my life to take care of dear, old, angry Dad. A lot of these things had been discussed with Master and He had said to me, "This is life, girl. you just have to take care of what you have to and know that I will be here when you get done."

Still, there was this struggle i couldn't quite put my finger on. Something was fighting me deep within. When i put on my clothes to get ready to go to the airport, i had to mentally struggle not to snatch them back off again and scream, "No, i don't wanna go!" The clothes felt heavy and stifling. 

It was, as if, one part of me was a "Mother" dealing with the other part which was a petulant child. i had thought i kept this mental battle masked from Master. Later, He would tell me, He could see the battle written on my face and wanted to take me in His arms and hold me close to not let me return home, but He does not hold anyone against their will and clearly, half of me needed to return home. O/our life would have to resume online and by telephone. There was no getting around it. 

"Return home, if for no one else, for your baby daughter. She needs her mother," He had told me when W/we had talked of the visit before i actually came to Him. i had known i would struggle with not wanting to go. i had let Him know ahead of time. Sometimes, though, i forget i tell my Master so much in my honesty. It's like another person said that to Him and this 'half' of me didn't mean it, so to make me do it, started to bring out a very petulant part of me that i didn't know existed. 

my mind screamed, "THIS is NOT YOU!!! You cannot leave! This isn't fair. i am the "TRUE" you!" In the silence of the bedroom where my Master had taken me, many times, with love and compassion, i turned inward in an emotional battle of the wills, Domme against slave. It was the very first time i was ever completely aware of the switching inside of myself. i detached myself from both entities and listened with my own sense of rational thinking. i took into account both sides of my minds argument. While i clearly needed to return home, i clearly did not want to. i made an executive decision and sent both of the arguing entities to the back of my mind and decided to deal with this when i got home. In other words, i numbed myself to the pain. For now, i needed to be 'strong' and not fall apart for my Master. The last thing i wanted to do was make my last few moments with Him, horrible memories.

At the airport terminal, i was biting my nails and didn't realize it. Master gently took my hand and put it down by my side and whispered, "There is nothing to be nervous about, girl. This is not goodbye. W/we will see each other again in a couple of months." Master kissed me tenderly and pushed me into the line where He could not join me any longer.

i smiled weakly and slipped, yet, another mask on to try to hide my ambivalence. As i continued to stuff the pain deep inside of myself, i began to feel caged. This transformation was painful to me. i watched my Master until i entered the area where i could no longer see Him. He stood stoically there, until i disappeared. That first moment that i lost sight of Him, my heart caught in my chest and the slave in me took control again and i ran back to the doorway. Master had already turned and all i caught sight of was His back as He was leaving me. Breath caught in my throat and i gasped in fear. my heart ached with a depth i had felt little in my life. my Master was gone. i was alone again. i was going home. When my little girl saw her Master was really gone, she slumped her shoulders and slid deep within me in resignation. Once again, she felt abandoned and needed to go into the darkness to let the Domme handle the emotional crisis.

The plane ride home was filled with mental arguments between my slave and Domme self. "This is not the last time we will see Him. There will be many more visits. Just relax."

"If He really loved me, He would have stood there and seen that i came back for Him!"

"He waited until you were out of sight before He left. That tells me He does care."

"But i didn't WANT to say goodbye and He made me!"

"There are things we need to attend to at home. my daughter is about to have my first grandchild, i have a job to go back to, and my youngest child needs me at home with her."

"Always about YOU isn't it? You never let me do anything! i stay couped up in this hell while you run around fixing everything. When are you going to FIX me? i WANT HIM!!!" she screamed at me. Silently, i turned my eyes out of the window of the airplane and watched the clouds go by as the tears slid down my face. The injustices and unfairness screamed in my mind. i wanted my Master, simple as that.

By the time the plane landed in Georgia, i had tried to slam a mental door the arguments in my head. There did not seem to be any reprieve with music playing loudly in my headphones. The book i held in my lap only served to make me read the same line over and over as if it had been printed that way. In the course of the three hour flight, i had only managed to remain numb, inside, by just listening to the choreographed speeches swirling around in my head. i had locked both parts of myself in a dark room in the dungeon of my soul, in hopes that they would reach an agreement by the time the plane landed. Wishful thinking that all would just miraculously disappear was something i was good at. However, it is seldom the case. 

my son and son were waiting for me when i got off the plane. Hugs were empty and greetings were strained. They seemed to want to know all about my trip. i couldn't part with a single detail for fear of losing the whole memory and at this point, i didn't want to open the door to the two fighting bitches in my mind. No, it was better to take this ride home in silence. i feigned jet lag and settled back into the seat with closed eyes. Being guys, they occupied each other and talked about 'men' stuff, leaving me to my solitude.

When we pulled up to the trailer, i had called my home for nearly three long years, i let out a sigh. i was 'home'. my boys went back to my daughter's house and i was alone at last. i had already arranged, prior to leaving, this decompression time for myself. Tonight was mine to fling stuff, scream, cry, or do whatever i needed to do in order to get myself back to normal. my children had the foresight to clean the trailer up as much as could be done in the badly repaired state it was in. i found the phone, hoping to have a lengthy conversation with my Master and then crashing into the bed.

His phone rang three times before He answered, "Hello..."

"i am home Master, i just wanted to let You know i made it home safely," i smiled into the phone because i felt the fatigue in His voice as well as heard it. i knew i had woke Him. i ached to touch His face and wipe the little bit of drool from His mouth. 

"I'm glad. It will be okay, My 'tite chatte. Get some rest. W/we will talk soon." Just like that, Master had dismissed me. i would be a liar if i said i wasn't crushed. i missed Him so horribly. i needed Him even more. i still did not know how to simply 'ask' Him things. i sucked up, yet another disappointment, and said, "Yes, Master. i love You, sleep well."

He said, "I love you, too. Bye, bye." The dial tone went on forever. The dam was opened. Both Domme and slave were screaming at the top of their lungs. i hung up the phone and put my hands over my ears and screamed, "FIX IT, DAMMIT!" ... scared out of my own mind.

The battle began with both of my personalities. The slave in me, argued her case. The Domme shot her down. "That may work when you have Master beside you to protect you. But here, little lady, you have no one but yourself! There is too much to do. We cannot lay down and play all subservient. This family, these people, will eat you alive! Too many times, it has happened that i have allowed you out and been ran over, used, and manipulated. No way, no Sir, unh uhh, not gonna happen on my watch!"

Life has a way of spinning with, or without, you. The Domme was thinking, 'i had been lazy and allowed this little bitch in me to live the "good life" for awhile and a lot of things have gone undone.' The Domme in me was pissed and fed up with the whining, crying, little slave. my life had been spent trying to pacify that screaming voice. Nothing i ever did was good enough for her. If i gave her a little, she always wanted more. The very things she wanted were the very things i felt i could not give to her. my best was not good enough, so why bother at all? With the screaming slave in my mind, i threw myself into the chaos to attempt to gain some ground in sanity. The problem was, i felt nothing. i was dead again. The tears were dry, the throat was constricted, and the heart was a distant beat from my soul.

The time of caring whether my Master was fed a decent meal were done. The fifty trips to the bathroom mirror to make sure my hair was just perfect for Him when He got home, finished. The wetness between my legs, dried up. i mourned the loss. Master was mourning His own loss as well. His lack of attention to the change in me, only amplified my own castration in dealing with the pain. i resorted to the only comforts that i have known all of my life. The one thing Master has denied me, has been physical pain. i did not know His reasonings. i did not care. i needed a ventilation or my mind would explode.

Because of the distance with Master's women, He requires us to have a certain amount of orgasms daily. He calls them "Tasks". Logically, i was thinking i must do these task to regain some sense of Him. i knew i was as far from Him mentally as i was in miles, this night. Mentally, i was so exhausted from the internal arguments, that i had no idea how i would achieve this mental connection with my Master. But something in me, drove me to seek Him any way i possibly could. i ran myself a hot bath and soaked in the bathtub for over an hour, having a mental argument with myself. 

"i don't want to do tasks tonight. It isn't Him and it isn't the same." 

"We HAVE to do them. Master orders them! He said when we got home, i was to resume task."

"He won't know if we don't do them! Let's just leave them off tonight."

"No, He will know. i will tell Him." 

i sat and listened to the argument as long as i could possibly stand it. Something snapped inside of me. There became of me, a sense of purpose. i knew what i needed. i needed to "feel" again. To hell with all of this arguing, i had had enough and it was time to take some control back. i toweled myself off and went to my bedroom, completely naked. i allowed myself to kneel as i had knelt for my Master, but it was not my Master i was kneeling for tonight. my slave needed something and i had to provide it for her. As i opened the drawer that holds all of my "dirty little secrets", i pulled out my nine inch dildo, my shackles, my clothespins, and my little devil's tawse that was a gift for me when i first came into the lifestyle. Doing some ingenuity with self bondage, i bound all of my limbs except my right hand. This hand was my Domme.

i played around lightly with the clothespins and then pinned one to each nipple. Of course, at first, it is painful. i would be a liar if i said it felt 'wonderful'. However, something in my head was ticking steadily to the front and center. It was an Enforcer. my Domme was flexing her muscles. Skillfully she pulled at my clit with just the right amount of pressure. Then with no thought, that hand found the third clothespin and slipped it effortlessly over my clit. my body cringed in the pain but my pussy opened spontaneously and fluids were dripping from me. i reached down and shoved the entire nine inch dildo deep into my pussy. The pinching from the clothespin pulled my clit taught as i buried the cock inside of me. With fluid motions, i fucked in and out of myself until i was panting for desire of more pain. The orgasms came mentally and my body just responded. 

When my hand tired of the in and out motions, i tossed the soaking wet dildo to the side and grabbed the devil's tawse. A long, thick piece of leather that is split down the tip making it have devil's horns is how it gets its name, at least in my opinion. This little torture device is an intricately designed piece of equipment that will land two blows for every pop as the two ends meet on naked flesh. i started gently, at first, slapping with a calculated blow. As the friction increased and the clothespin on my clit started to burn, i intensified the spanking. As my body arched up to meet the impact of this torture, my pussy opened even wider. The tawse ripped at the clothespin until one final blow tore it from my clit and i orgasmed loudly in pain and pleasure. i screamed and tore my pussy lips apart as hot liquid jetted from my pussy. 

After the orgasms subsided, i ran my hands around in the wetness and relaxed into my gentle touch. i removed first one clamp from my nipple, screamed, rubbed it softly, and relished the delicious after effect of having something tightly clamped. Always returning to my hot pussy to amplify the effect. Then, i removed the second one. Again, with the same effects. As i calmed my jittery nerves, i undid my bindings and shackles. my legs folding down, had the same effect as removing the clamps. It was painful, but again, so cathartic. 

Laying there, in a pool of my own fluids, i pushed all the 'equipment' off of my bed and curled into a ball. i could feel the torture resolving my mind of all turmoil and i melted into the bed. Finally, i felt something. i wished it was a good feeling, a feeling of my Master, holding me gently until i fell asleep in His loving embrace. But it wasn't good. It was pain. All the emotional pain of yesterdays crept into my mind and stifled hot explosions of tears from me.

i had failed my Master. i had taken the 'law' into my own hands. i had beaten the slave in me to silence. she lay inside of me, sucking her thumb like a whipped puppy. There was no feeling of triumph as i lay there letting my mind wash over me with waves of emotional pain. Everything that has ever gone wrong in my life played before me like a bad movie at a cheap dollar theater. i didn't even bother to clean up my mess. i just curled into a ball and let the pain encase me as i wallowed in a vat of self pity for all the losses in my life. i was home, dammit. This was my life. Not that fairy tale from where i had just came from. i deserved nothing more. i was back in my element. i brought my hands up to my tear stained face to make sure i was not bleeding. The clear liquid on my fingers disgusted me. i wiped my hands on the bed linens and sought out the slave in me. i needed to make sure i did her no permanent mental damage. Mentally, i looked at myself. A ball of quivering mush, laying on the bed. i thought to myself, 'How pathetic, that i needed that and for what?' The little girl looked up at me with tears in her eyes and remained silent. i slammed the mental door closed, angrily. 

Somewhere, in the night, sleep overcame me. It was fitful. The hell my life was in, crushed me and beat me down. There was more to life. i had found it. In Master's sterile, clean, environment, i had found a peace and tranquility that made my core ache to find it again. i felt like a drug addict that had been to rehab and gotten sober, then threw back into the streets with no protection against the dealers that would soon be knocking on the door offering me smack to ease my pain. my terror was real, not perceived. i knew the chaos my life had taken. i thought i was powerless to stop it. i had come home, to resume my previous life. Only my previous life was no longer 'good enough'! i had tasted heaven and hell no longer appealed to me. How uncomfortable it is to be 'home' and not feel 'home' anymore. 



365 Days of Master



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