0 comments/ 93892 views/ 11 favorites My First Ass By: Chimney Sweep Carolyn was a slut. I don’t like to use the word, but it fit her perfectly. She had a reputation in high school for giving it up to any guy who wanted it, but as far as I could tell not many guys claimed to have taken her up on it. She had an older sister who had graduated the year before, and the stories about her were even more widespread (pardon the pun) so I suspected that some of it was hand-me-down reputation. She was a pretty thing, if a bit too rooted in the fashion of the 80’s. I suppose that isn’t fair since it was 1988, but most seniors didn’t bite quite that hard on the fashion hook. She wore the leg warmers, brightly colored tights, the Madonna wannabe uniforms, etc. If you could catch her on a low-makeup day you would see that she had large, pretty eyes and an inviting, thin-lipped smile. Her nose was long and thin and gave her face a sharp look, but I always liked it. I have a thing for noses, I guess. Her body was nice, but nothing outrageous. Puberty had filled her out appropriately but her bra wasn’t bursting and she was a little long and gangly. Her hair was usually platinum blonde but I had known her long enough to remember when it was a more natural honey brown. I had known her for a few years, though we didn’t move in the same circles. I took advanced classes and she took the easy ones, but we occasionally ran into each other. One semester I made the mistake of taking a geography class after feeling a bit ashamed at not being able to locate the Azores or Lesser Antilles at the urging of my grandfather. It turns out that geography was one of the classes with the lowest expectations in the school. All the idiots took it for an easy grade since the most difficult part of the class was coloring in the lines and making sure Zimbabwe had a different color than Chad and Nigeria. Carolyn was in the class, and I think it was even a bit below what she expected. She saw me on the first day and took a seat next to me. I smiled politely at her but we didn’t chat much. The teacher was known as a hard ass so we didn’t try his patience. The subject was mind-numbingly easy. Eventually the monotony got to us and we started passing notes just to pass the time. Most were just conversational or a game of tic-tac-toe, but one day I was encouraged to write something a bit more adult. Carolyn came in that day with an extremely short skirt and no stockings. She was a long-legged girl and made a bit of a stir as the semi-intelligent animals hooted and whistled at her. Mr. Jameson came over and gave her a little warning about her inappropriate wardrobe that I overheard. We shared a look as he went back to the front and started class, and she mouthed the word “asshole.” As I tried to stay awake to Mr. Jameson’s droning my eyes kept going to my left and lingering on Carolyn’s nearly naked legs. I’m not partial to any particular part of a woman, but I appreciate a nice set of legs as much as the next guy. I also noticed that Mr. Jameson’s 50-something eyes were constantly flicking over to her exposed flesh, and I decided to have some fun. I scribbled out a little note and handed it to Carolyn when the teacher turned away. It said, “I think Mr. Jameson likes what he sees.” She shot me a disgusted look and replied in kind, “Sick old bastard. I didn’t wear this for him to stare at me.” I replied with another note, “If you wore it for me to stare at you then it’s working.” Her impish smile told me that I had not aimed too far off the mark. Her reply said, “Maybe I did.” Unfortunately, I had to find out what her reply was a little later. Mr. Jameson, shooting a glance at her legs again, noticed her trying to pass me the note. We were sent to the principal’s office in a loud and embarrassing manner as he read us the riot act and preached mightily the sins of not paying attention while he wrote out or hall passesm and still he kept stealing glances at her legs. Jackass. While walking to the Principal’s office she told me what she had written. “Well, you must have known people would stare. You can’t show off that much leg without drawing some attention.” “I know. I like the attention.” She walked a little quicker and got out in front of me, intentionally exaggerating her swinging hips, and hiked up her skirt a little more to show off for me. She was wearing a black thong which she quickly covered back up. I must admit that I was aroused at that point. I knew she had a reputation and I felt she was below me, but when the smaller brain starts talking to the bigger brain, he makes a lot of sense. She kept shooting me those sexy little glances all the way to the front office, strutting like an alley cat in heat, and I was half erect by the time we got there. She was well known to the disciplinary staff, but I think that was my first trip to the principal’s office in high school. I gave my best reasonable account of the situation and the excuse, and offered up the fact that I know it was wrong but the course was just so far below my abilities that I was bored. I apologized for distracting my classmate and made sure they realized that I started it. Ms. Evans, the vice principal and disciplinarian, was involved in the academic teams of which I was a part and waved it all away as the overreaction of a teacher and an honest apology from a top student. Carolyn didn’t even have to go in to the office. “What did you tell her?” “I just said that if I was to have any chance at all of finding out what’s under the rest of that tiny skirt that I would need to get you out of there without even a warning. So she let us go.” “Bullshit! What did you tell her?” I related the true story on our way back to class, but we took the long route to kill time. When I finished she said, “That was nice of you. Thanks. Evans has been on my ass since I started here. And what makes you think I’ll let you into my panties, even for getting me out of another write-up?” “Just wishful thinking, I suppose.” We were walking next to each other, so it was an easy reach for me to bend down just a bit and touch the back of her thigh with my fingertips. I quickly brought them up and brushed them against her thigh and ass, reaching under the skirt a little. “Was I wrong?” She gave a little shudder from my touch and shot me a lecherous look. “Maybe.” The bell rang and we had to go our separate ways, so I took a shot. “Meet me at the west entrance after school. I’ll drive you home if you want.” “I’ll think about it,” she replied, walking away. I watched those long legs swing out of sight around the corner before heading to my locker, an uncomfortable bulge rising in my pants. I spent the rest of the day wondering what I was doing. She was sexy enough, and at 18 I was always ready for a fuck, but I really didn’t want to get mixed up with this girl. I admit I was a bit of a snob, but girls with reputations usually get those reputations for a reason. Then again, if I was willing to fuck her, and she was willing to fuck me, then didn’t that put us both in the same boat? I thought about leaving her high and dry, but the smaller head was very eloquent in his argument to keep my appointment after school. She was there when I showed up, leaning against the wall with no book bag, effectively expressing her disdain for class work. She smiled when she saw me and perked up a little, perhaps having been worried I wouldn’t show. We walked out to my bright red Triumph Spitfire in the warm afternoon of an early September. I put the ragtop down and then opened the door for her. As I got into the driver’s seat I asked, “Where to?” “How about your place?” “Good enough.” I pulled out of the parking lot and headed through the sparsely populated almost-farm land around our high school. The school was out in the boonies a little and it took a couple miles to reach civilization. Apparently Carolyn didn’t care that we would actually reach civilization soon, because she was ready to go already. She reached across the gearshift and started undoing my zipper. I was surprised, but not stupid enough to stop her. I lifted my ass a little to let her have easier access and she quickly had my fly open and was pulling down my pants. I had the presence of mind to take the long way home, sending us out through more farmland. In a car this low, and with the top down, we would be giving a show to the whole world. My cock was in her hand in a hurry, and she jerked on it for a few moments before she dove down to suck it into her mouth. I had never had a blowjob while driving before, so I was worried about keeping us alive. She sucked hard at my half-erect dick, working it quickly up to full mast. She was aggressive about it and it was not one of the better blowjobs I’ve had, but it is a rare blowjob, in my experience, that one can truly call “bad.” It was a bit awkward for her to really get in there and take care of business, so she was jerking me off fast and hard while sucking on the head. I reached my right hand up her shirt and got a handful of tit to play with while she worked. I got a little moaning for my attention as I fingered her hard nipple. I would have slipped a finger up her pussy but I couldn’t reach her from that position. Plus, I had to save some attention for the road. She was a little rough, but before long I started to thrust up into her face as my orgasm approached. I put both hands on the wheel, planted my left foot hard into the floorboard and made sure we were safe as the first glob of my sperm hit her mouth. The sensation was intense, doubly so because I had to pour so much attention into driving. She sucked it up quickly and increased her pace with her hand, jacking me off like it was a race. She continued to pump me and lick up my load until I finally relaxed, spent for the moment. I had to flex my white-knuckled fingers from gripping the steering wheel so hard. Carolyn sat up, leaving my wet cock dangling in my lap with my pants around my knees. She leaned out over the passenger side and spat a few times, then sat back down in the seat. She flashed me a wonderful smile as she wiped off her chin. God damn this bitch knew how to make it hot and sloppy. I was looking forward to fucking her brains out now, but I wasn’t sure if that was in the cards. “Damn. That was intense. You trying to get us killed?” “Great way to die, huh?” “I guess! Holy shit that was hot.” “Nice cock. Can I get more of that at your house?” “Yes you can.” I pulled over at the side of a cornfield to pull up my pants, then spun around in a U-turn to head back to my house. Our detour had taken us far out of the way and I was eager to get home to give the nice lady more of the nice cock she wanted. She put one leg up on the dash, spreading her legs open wide and pushing the skirt out of the way. She put a hand down by her crotch and started playing with the hem of the fabric, looking at me to make sure I was watching. I put a hand on her thigh and started rubbing her through the fabric of the panties. She was very wet and the panties were soaked quickly. Every shift of the gears wiped more of her scent on the gearshift, a smell that would linger for weeks in the car. I fingered her as best I could while driving like a mad man to my house. Once there I shut the car off and we finally kissed, a passionate, needful kiss full of pushing tongues and nipping teeth. I had softened a bit after the blowjob but my 18-year old body had quickly recharged, and as I leapt from the low convertible I did so with a nearly full erection straining to get free. Carolyn followed closely and pressed herself hard against my back, reaching around to tug at my denim-encased cock as I fumbled with the keys at the door. After what seemed like a dozen attempts I finally shoved the key home and we tumbled into the house. I didn’t think I would have that much trouble getting my cock into her sopping wet hole. We went up the stairs in a tangle of clothing and tongues, grasping hands and probing fingers. And then we were in my bedroom, behind the closed door, completely naked and making out so hard it was almost like a fight. Her body was harder than I thought it would be and her flesh was cool to the touch. She continued to shove her tongue at me like a weapon, and I answered every thrust with one of my own. Her hands roamed me quickly, as if she couldn’t touch enough of me at once, while I had one hand full of ass cheek and the other full of tit. She was a firecracker! I broke our embrace and pushed her down on the bed, moving in for the kill. “Hold on,” she said, getting up and grabbing for her denim jacket which lay on the floor in a heap. She dug into a pocket and retrieved a couple of items. One was a rubber, and I was glad she had her own because mine were a little old. The other I didn’t quite see. She crawled back to me on hands and knees, then sat up in front of me and grabbed my cock with both hands, dropping her items on the floor. He repeated her frantic blowjob technique on me for a few moments while her eyes bored into mine. I was about to take a handful of her hair when she popped my cock out of her mouth and reached for the rubber. She put it on quickly and expertly, then got up off the floor and faced me for a moment. “Look, you need to know something. Don’t fuck my pussy. I’m a virgin and I want to stay that way, so keep that thing out of my pussy, got it?” I must have looked like a dumbstruck ox because she laughed at me and laid a cool hand on my chest. She held up the other item in front of our faces. It was a small tube of lubricant. She pushed it into my hand and crawled onto the bed, ass in the air and pointed at me. “Lube up that fat cock and shove it up my ass, stud.” I had never fucked a girl in the ass before and I was stunned. I thought girls hated that. I had joked around with other girls about it and they had all reacted as if it were something disgusting and degrading, but here was this hot little bitch begging for it. I was stunned, but not stupid. I popped open the tube and lubed up the already slimy condom, making sure I had the entire shaft coated. Carolyn was wiggling her ass back and forth at me, looking back over her shoulder with an anticipatory grin. “Hurry up, damn it!” I got up behind her put my slimy cock on her puckered little asshole. She pushed back against me and my dick deflected away but I quickly grabbed it and pushed it hard into her ass. It went in deep with the first push and she let out a bellow, a deep grunt as I entered her. She pushed back into me and stuck the rest of my shaft inside her. She was wonderfully tight at the entrance and intriguingly gentle beyond that. She had no time for intrigue. She was humping back and forth on me before I could grab her hips and take control. She seemed to want it hard and I was eager to oblige. I pulled out almost to the tip and rammed it back in as hard as I could, holding her ass to me for a moment as I enjoyed the sensation of being all the way inside. Again she gave that shouting grunt, that low yell as if she had been punched in the belly. She dropped to her face to the comforter and put her hands back to grasp and scratch at me as I pulled back for another thrust, and another. I fucked her as hard as I could, blasting away at her tender innards just like she wanted. She kept barking like a dog as I fucked her ass for all I was worth. After a while I was getting a little tired of the position, so I pulled out and slid back to get my feet on the floor. She was an animal now, and the look she shot me was one of confusion mixed with base lust and fury. I grabbed her ankle and dragged her down to the corner of the bed. I had no footboard so there was nothing in the way as I set her belly down on the corner, legs dangling down and ass bared. I squatted a bit to get into position and then swiftly invaded her ass again to the sound of her lovely voice bellowing out her lust. From this angle I could more easily access the rest of her and I grabbed two fistfuls of her false blonde hair. I pulled her head back and she snarled at me, still scratching and clawing back at me. I was able to throw all my weight down onto her asshole from here and I did so, repeatedly. I rode her like that for quite a while, but never did she give me any impression other than that she was in complete heaven. I felt like I had a tiger by the tail and dared not let go. It was hard to tell what was an orgasm with her with all that yelling and grunting, but after a while I could hold back no longer. I released her hair and grabbed her hips again, pulling her up into me. As the orgasm drew near I picked her up and twisted her on the bed so I was coming in at an angle, and from here I could penetrate even more deeply. I pushed in and held her tightly to me as the first contraction neared. I held myself still, driven fully inside her as the first spasm started filling the condom. A quick thrust and again I was pulling her onto me as hard as I could. Again and again I held her entire body up and fucked as hard as I could into it. Her sphincter gripped the base of my cock hard, making me spasm even more. The feeling was fantastic, very fulfilling and deep, unlike the sharp, almost painful orgasm she had given me in the car. I kept thrusting until the wave passed. My energy disappeared and I fell to the bed like a marionette with its strings cut. I slid out of Carolyn’s ass with an ugly sound, but I certainly didn’t care. She rolled over and cuddled up next to me. She played with the hair on my chest and I ran my fingers along her shoulder and back, her skin still cool and smooth on my fingertips. We relaxed for a while and talked a little bit in quiet voices. I asked if she really enjoyed that and she replied very strongly in the positive. She said she couldn’t imagine regular sex being better, but hoped it would be. She was of the opinion that the sex didn’t really “mean” anything until it was vaginal, so anything else was just fooling around. Despite that slightly skewed idea, she seemed like a nice girl who was holding out for Mr. Right to come along. I still did, and always would, think of her as a slut, but that was probably the first time I realized that I was a slut too. My First Assignment First Task 1. Find 3 different objects 2. Masturbate in turn with each of these objects to bring myself to the brink of orgasm, but I am not allowed to cum 3. Once the three times are complete, I will choose my favorite object and masturbate to up to three orgasms...no more... 4. I will write a detailed report about my evening 5. There must be a gap of at least 45 minutes in between each playtime (including the final round) 8:34 PM I've gathered three objects as instructed and am going to get started with the first. So you can get a better visual, Master, I will describe to you what I am wearing. Right now my long brown hair is free, spilling about my shoulders. I am wearing black short shorts and a light green tank top that has a bit of lace where it rests against my substantial cleavage. Underneath my shorts, I am wearing green boy short panties that perfectly hug the curve of my ass. I am currently bra less since I do not like to wear one unless I am out and about ;) 8:46 PM For my first object, it's one of my favorite toys, my little bullet vibrator for clitoral stimulation. It was best to start with this one since it is easier to hide since my father is still up and about. I started off with putting it at the lowest setting. I was already soaking wet from the thought of the task, so I didn't think it would take me long to bring myself to that edge. I had planned to surprise you later, Master, by revealing that I started while we were still conversing but you asked and I did not want to lie to you. I had the bullet pressing against my clit and slowly started to increase speed, keeping an ear out in case my father was to come to my room. Right when I put it on its fastest setting to bring myself to the edge, my father knocked on my door and I had to turn it off. Oh god Master it was torture, I was out of breath and had to calm myself quickly so I could talk to my father. Once he left I quickly put the setting to its highest and brought myself so close to that peak. I stopped, just as you tasked me to do, but oh Master how much I wanted to go over that edge. My panties are now soaked and now for the next forty five minutes I will have to go about finishing my chores, anticipation growing for the second object and longing for the end of my task where I could bring myself over that threshold. 9:31PM My next object use to be my best friend when I was a virgin...of course now it is not quite as...fulfilling. I have a makeup brush that has a handle about 1.5 cm in diameter and about three inches in length. So time to get started.... 9:43PM For this one, I took off my shorts and just left on my panties. I started by rubbing myself a bit over my panties, they were still soaked from my use of the first object. Then I slid my panties to the side and let my bent knees fall open so I was in a bit of a butterfly position and slightly reclined back. I grabbed the makeup brush by its bristles and started to slowly put it in me. As I started to fuck myself using my left hand with the brush, I used my right hand to start circling my clit. As time went on I started fucking myself faster and fingering and sliding and circling all over my clit. Part of my excitement was that anticipation of bringing myself to that edge, the other that I knew you, Master, was there on the other end of the messenger, knowing exactly what my silence meant. My hands started moving faster and faster, I fucked myself with that oh so achingly small brush, orgasm looming ahead and right when I got there...right when I just wanted to keep on going so I could explode....I stopped and oh Master I felt so light headed. My body throbbed and craved that elusive orgasm...but I know I can not disappoint you Master so I pulled out the brush and sat back to catch my breath, hoping to stop the quivering in my legs....my panties are soaked through...why does time not move by faster so I can get to the part where I can just come apart again and again? 10:28 PM It's that time again, though this time it is the third and final object before my last waiting period. Remember that story I told you about when I fucked myself with my hairbrush in my car, everyone looking in? Well Master it is time for me to utilize that hairbrush once again ;) It is about 2 cm in diameter and about 5 inches in length. For this one I will take off my panties this time. I'm still in my green tank top though my nipples are like hard little pebbles poking through the tank. Here I go... 10:43 PM Oh wow.... For this one I used a condom, because of course I do not want to get a mess all over my hairbrush. I used my lips to slowly roll the condom down to the base, imagining it was your cock, Master. After sucking on it a bit and getting it wet, I went ahead and rammed it deep into my pussy and held it there for a bit. Ohhhhh it felt so good. I was still kind of reclined but my legs were spread wide up to give myself better access. This time, I wanted it nice and slow so I kept taking it all the way out and thrusting it back in to the tip. I took a bit of my warming lube and poured it over my clit and it felt amazing. My entire body felt feverish and so I started to go faster and faster and got so close to the edge Master I almost went over. But I just stopped all movement and had to leave the brush in until I calmed down enough because pulling it back out might just have made me cum. My skin is flushed and I am eagerly counting down the time until I can use my favorite object to just get me over the edge again and again and again. So far I've followed your directions completely and I hope you are proud of me Master. 11:28 PM This is it, the time I have been anticipating, I have stripped completely naked and without further ado will begin... 11:49 PM Bet your wondering which toy I picked? Well I decided on my little bullet vibrator because I just wanted to cum and cum hard. Before I was sitting up but this time I laid down on my back. I was planning on just putting it to the highest setting letting myself go but I started at a low setting and gradually increased it because I figured it was something you would do Master. Oh Master, when I got to the highest setting, I finally just came apart. I had to bite down on my bed sheet to muffle my moans and I felt that orgasm over every inch of my body. It was a toe curling back arching experience. I turned off the bullet and let myself calm down, my breasts heaving. A few minutes later, I put the vibe back against my clit and went quickly over the edge, not as earth shattering as the first orgasm but just as satisfying. I was not done yet. I turned over and got on my elbows and knees. Then I put my face against my pillow and with ass in the air put the vibe back against my clit. With my other hand, I rammed three fingers into my beautiful, tight hole, picturing that it was you ramming your cock into my cunt. I took my fingers out every once in a while to spank myself until my ass was read and throbbing, adding painful pleasure to my fight for release. When I came, I smothered my scream into the pillow and finally just collapsed. I slowly brought my hand to my mouth and tasted my juices and I tasted so good Master. I am still a bit light headed Master; I thought I was going to pass out. I have completed the task you have asked me to do, and I hope this report is to your satisfaction. Love, Your good little slut My First Assignment ***You are to tell Me what humiliation means to you. I also want specific examples. you are to also tell Me about a humiliating scenario that you would be comfortable with right now, a humiliating scenario that kind of scares you but you might be willing to try very soon and finally, a humiliating scenario that is off limits.*** When I first began to explore myself with You, it was with trepidation and an overwhelming nervousness of what I would find. Countering that, however, was an extreme eagerness, not only to please You, but an excitement of "what am I going to find? Will I find facets that I never dreamed of? Will my boundaries be pushed, disintegrated, or solidified? What is in His head when He makes me do this? Will He be surprised at what W/we find? Overjoyed? Delighted? And will I be able to transform through these exercises into a woman that He will found previously unattainable joy and release with? Will I lose myself? Or will I simply mold the unfired clay that I am into a piece of pottery with a value that cannot be defined?" You sent me to a woman who wrote [https://fetlife.com/users/13863/posts/1008316] a piece of work which stated her views on Humiliation and Degradation, as well as their subsets. I read this writing with an open mind, and found that I wholly agreed with every one of her assumptions. Her thoughts could have been my own, so clearly defined and yet always with room for later learning. Thus I find that I will take her words and use them to help me define my own explanations for You. When I mention certain terms such as shame or objectification, I am using her definitions of said words. Your first request to me was to explain to You what humiliation means to me, along with specific examples. I know not if You meant I was to give examples of what has humiliated me previously (whether sexual or non), or what I would imagine would easily humiliate me now and possibly in the very near future. To me, humiliation is a mix of both shame and embarrassment in that not only am I ashamed of myself for doing it, but it has been witnessed by other people, whom I can easily imagine are laughing at me. Thus, the people who witness my shame are not close friends who would not dare to laugh at me, but acquaintances and strangers who would have no qualm about reddening my cheeks. * *What do you fear?* I fear many things. I fear making a fool of myself, first and foremost. All others are simply an extension. I fear exposing myself -whether sexually, physically, mentally, or emotionally- to anyone, including my closest friends. I fear failure most of all. Failure to live up to expectations (both my own and others), failure to properly execute something, failure to please another. I suppose that in this respect, anything that causes me to make a fool of myself, or expose myself, would humiliate me. I fear being detested or hated, scorned, being laughed at, feeling disgust radiating towards me from someone else; I fear being passed over for another; discrimination; loneliness; a withholding of affection. I fear being used; deprivation of sensation; loss of self-worth; loss of SELF; I fear degradation. I fear rejection. * *What do you crave?* I crave many things. For this I'll quote my profile. "I need to feel craved, wanted, desired, beautiful. I don't want to feel like a living, breathing pocket pussy. I want to feel wanted, needed, and be repeatedly shown that I am worth the time it takes to arouse me, to take care of me. That I'm worth a 2 hour sex session, over and over and over again; a man who, after giving me an orgasm, and keeps trying, when I say "no, too much!", he keeps going, knowing the amount of pleasure I'll find if I just let loose to the 'pain'. I want someone who can push my sexual boundaries; I want to be able to explore, but feel safe and secure doing so; I want to be, for lack of better terminology, worshiped during sex; I want it to be about give and take; I want BOTH partners to get off not only on what's happening to them, but on what the other is feeling/doing; I want to feel like MORE than just a pussy - I want time to be spent on all parts of my body, not just the ones that interest/arouse my partner; I want a man who knows how to be firm and unyielding, but also how to be patient, reassuring, and loving." But looking at that statement again, I realize that it needs to be revised after having met You, who challenges me. I realize now that I need to be shown that it's okay to let sex rule my emotions. I don't need to be afraid of my femininity in the sense that my feminine side craves cock, cum, sex. Animalistic and primal instincts are okay to have, and its okay to act on them. I crave pushing my boundaries, learning, exploring, being treated like a cock-whore instead of a good little catholic school girl. I want something different. I'm not a china doll and I don't want to always be treated like one. Yes, I crave intimacy. But I realize that intimacy doesn't always necessarily mean being held in your lovers arms after a slow, gentle lovemaking. Not that there's anything wrong with that, and I admit, I do love the idea. But I want to explore ALL the facets of both sex and love-making. What makes them different? The same? What are the parts of both the I crave unconditionally? I believe that I crave the one-ness that is created, the feeling of being full, the fulfillment, the pleasure I get and give to my partner. I crave the emotional and physical release of letting go, and letting my body rule for once, rather than having to think about it. A quote of Anais Nin comes to mind: *"It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That's part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel."* I do not want to lose any part of myself, oh no. My goal is more to refine who I am, what I have, who I ought to be. I don't want to be shy. I don't want to be insecure. I want to be assured, confident, prideful in who I am and in my achievements. But I also want that chance to let loose. I want to become a woman who rejoices in her sexual side, so much so that she embraces everything that comes her way, and can turn it into something to increase her sexual potence, whether it's name calling, a beating, orgasm denial.... anything. I want to learn how to be a highly sexual creature.... but out of the bedroom, I also want to be taken seriously. I don't want the world to see me as a slut. But for the right man -You- I will be anything You want me to be, whether it's Your sexy little schoolgirl, or a high-pain-tolerance cumslut who desires to be bred. In light of this information, current humiliation for me includes 'showing off' my body. Dressing in ways I'm uncomfortable with, or sharing thoughts and ideas that I would rather keep hidden. Humiliation would include showing others just how depraved my inner thoughts can be, or being beaten because I cannot perform up to Your standards. Humiliation would be calling me names that I am uncomfortable with, because in my mind, they are untrue to the image that I still hold of myself. But I must quote MrsB here..... * "I only consent to this kind of play with people I trust, because sometimes I carry the shame with me beyond the scene. This is something I do not want. For me, it's not healthy. I have no interest in emotional masochism outside of play. I view shame as a very personal thing. It is related to our own self-images, our self-esteem, how valuable we view ourselves as people. One feels ashamed of oneself. We are each our own harshest critic. We internalize it. It can warp us. There are lots of ways to prevent this from happening. I need evidence that you care about me despite my exposed flaw. If I don't get some kind of validation from my play partner either during or after a scene involving shame, I may end up hating something about myself, and/or hating the person who made me feel that way. I don't want to resent myself or my partners. The best validation for me is a hard cock. Let me touch it. Fuck me. Have an orgasm brought on by my humiliation. It proves to me that you are just as fucked up as I am, in your own perverted way. That's my aftercare. Then, check in with regularity in the days after. Continue to be my friend/lover/partner. That way I know you, the person I care about and trust, are OK with my flaws, you embrace them even, and I don't have to beat myself up about it."* ****Above all, I believe that lately I've been trying to keep this particular thought in mind: *I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, His pleasure, His desire, His life, His work, His sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, O, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, to be all that I am capable of doing. But I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at His time, His bidding.* My First Audio This is my first audio story for lit please ladies let me know how I did I can't wait to hear what you think thanks ladies. * * * * * Click Here to listen: .mp3 format or .ogg format. (6 min/mp3) * * * * * My First Audio A little something. * * * * * Click Here to listen: .mp3 format or .ogg format. (3.5 min/mp3) * * * * * My First Audio Submission! Just me moaning a little. * * * * * Click Here to listen. (1.5 min/mp3) * * * * *