1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,940 It is dark where I am, but that no longer has any meaning. The simple white sheet that 2 00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:20,020 has attendance placed on me when they readied me for his skillful touch provides me with 3 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:28,300 no comfort, and in the past I would have found it unbearably coarse, but I appreciate the 4 00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:38,460 theatricality of it all. I must be very careful and keep my eyes shut. He must not see them 5 00:00:38,460 --> 00:00:46,480 flicker this way and that. It would give me away. I must remember that though we are to 6 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:56,900 become lovers, I cannot reveal myself until afterwards. Only then will he understand. 7 00:00:56,900 --> 00:01:09,860 Only then will he know that we are truly meant for one another. I've watched him work, hiding 8 00:01:09,860 --> 00:01:20,580 the shadows, too shy to approach. So I stole one of his older notebooks from his office 9 00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:30,620 while he was lost in his work, and I absorbed the cold descriptions with the rapt attention 10 00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:38,780 of a youth reading a text on reproduction for the first time. I would run the fingers 11 00:01:38,780 --> 00:01:50,420 of one hand over the scratchy outlines of bodies and wounds, and two fingers of the 12 00:01:50,420 --> 00:02:01,220 other hand buried between my legs. I never failed to climax when reading this pornography, 13 00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:09,500 meaning I was on the receiving end of his love. I grew as familiar with his sharp, neat 14 00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:21,020 handwriting as my own. Perhaps that's why I truly fell in love with him. The first notebook 15 00:02:21,020 --> 00:02:29,980 contained diagrams, simple markings indicating where various injuries were found, what his 16 00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:42,940 diagnosis were, his thoughts. But that wasn't enough. The first theft led to another, and 17 00:02:42,940 --> 00:02:54,620 the second notebook. Ah, this was different. There were sketches of tubing and wire, instruments 18 00:02:54,620 --> 00:03:03,420 of some sort connected to the simple sketches of bodies I was used to. I despaired I would 19 00:03:03,420 --> 00:03:13,420 ever understand them, but then I noticed the symbols and the margins. I sought answers 20 00:03:13,420 --> 00:03:20,300 in the old library, and I had the good fortune to find the appropriate ancient tone among 21 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:31,700 the stacks. The lettering was long gone, the cover and binding impossibly supple. With 22 00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:39,500 time and patience, I discovered their meanings, and I finally understood what my love was 23 00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:55,620 attempting. Truthfully, it allowed me to complete his work. I was afraid at first, but in time, 24 00:03:55,620 --> 00:04:04,340 I accepted that I was a being on the cusp of true metamorphosis. I completed the potion 25 00:04:04,340 --> 00:04:12,060 according to the instructions I deciphered, but I left the small vial untouched for almost 26 00:04:12,060 --> 00:04:21,580 a week. Finally, I found the courage to drink it. When the landlord found me in my rooms 27 00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:30,260 and let out a cry, they did not realize that what they were seeing was a new and beautiful 28 00:04:30,260 --> 00:04:41,620 creature, a pallid butterfly transformed by my love for this one man. It was then that 29 00:04:41,620 --> 00:04:47,500 I decided to make this blasphemous knowledge my dowry to him, a gift that he would not 30 00:04:47,500 --> 00:05:04,540 refuse and could not help but be grateful for. The sound of his footsteps, hard soles 31 00:05:04,540 --> 00:05:14,260 on the worn tiles, roused me from my memories. I take a moment to remember my goals and my 32 00:05:14,260 --> 00:05:23,380 dreams. As the harsh light flicks on with a buzz, I still my movements, even the most 33 00:05:23,380 --> 00:05:35,660 minute. In this new state, it's easier than I imagined. Slowly, as if he too feels the 34 00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:45,580 same anticipation as I do, his hands draw the sheet back. It whispers over my feet and 35 00:05:45,580 --> 00:06:00,380 my thighs, over my sex, chest and nipples. Finally, he reveals my face and he draws a 36 00:06:00,380 --> 00:06:10,420 sharp breath. He recognizes me. He passes the back of his hands slowly and with great 37 00:06:10,420 --> 00:06:18,700 care down the side of my cheek. I desperately want to know if he has an erection, but to 38 00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:30,060 look now would be careless, foolhardy. I will not ruin this through being over eager. The 39 00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:40,780 cold air caresses my skin and I feel myself react to his imagined scrutiny. I cannot see 40 00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:52,420 him, but I slowly become aroused, imagining my lover's gaze across my body. I pray that 41 00:06:52,420 --> 00:07:00,500 my slower reactions to such stimuli will make my excitement less obvious now. He does not 42 00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:15,380 seem to notice, and I allow myself to relax. We both know how this will start, but he draws 43 00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:27,380 it out. He says a few words out loud, organizing his thoughts, but the way he describes me 44 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:44,700 so clinically, I can hear the passion in his voice, the latent hunger for what is forbidden. 45 00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:56,900 He begins his palpations. He feels for injuries all over my body. It is delicious foreplay, 46 00:07:56,900 --> 00:08:08,980 and I fantasized about it so many times. He is so careful to touch me, all over. His hands 47 00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:20,860 on me are all that exist in this world, all that I need. He inserts a thermometer into 48 00:08:20,860 --> 00:08:34,900 my rectum. After he verifies that I am, in fact, as cold as death, he pauses and I imagine 49 00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:46,380 him looking around. Then he inserts a single finger inside my pussy. Were anyone there 50 00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:53,260 to witness him? I'm sure he would claim to be ensuring that nothing was occluding the 51 00:08:53,260 --> 00:09:12,460 orifice, but I know the truth. He's testing me, tasting me, what it's like to be inside. 52 00:09:12,460 --> 00:09:23,940 I do not begrudge him this indulgence. With a reluctant sigh he removes his invasive digit. 53 00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:30,860 He rolls the cart containing his instruments closer, and I hear the rattle of a metal and 54 00:09:30,860 --> 00:09:47,620 the anticipation would be killing me if... He started the Y incision, hand steady. I 55 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:58,820 can't see it, but I feel the line of red pain drawn across my chest in sharp steel. He pauses 56 00:09:58,820 --> 00:10:11,660 for a moment, and I'm glad for it. It hurts so much, but in a new and intensely arousing 57 00:10:11,660 --> 00:10:24,180 way. I was not prepared for the warring sensations, and my mind is a storm of confusing thoughts. 58 00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:32,220 Every part of me is already begging for release when he starts the second cut. Now I'm fighting 59 00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:40,780 a battle not to open my eyes, to speak. I need to see him. I need to beg him to stop, 60 00:10:40,780 --> 00:10:49,740 to keep going, to go faster. The cut is complete. Were I still able to breathe I would have 61 00:10:49,740 --> 00:10:57,700 sobbed out loud. Without giving me time to adapt to the new sensations, he peels my flesh 62 00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:05,380 back with such unflinching care that I could weep. My body is on fire with pain and I tense 63 00:11:05,380 --> 00:11:15,780 up, ever so slightly, before I force myself once again into supple compliance. I am now 64 00:11:15,780 --> 00:11:26,180 exposed to him, vulnerable. I'm so close to the edge and he's barely penetrated me. 65 00:11:26,180 --> 00:11:36,300 I need him inside of me. He does not make me wait long. The shears come out. He opens 66 00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:45,980 them and the sharp snick they make sings to me. With a sudden force he thrusts one of 67 00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:53,340 the blades underneath my ribcage. Now he's deeper inside of me than any man has ever 68 00:11:53,340 --> 00:12:06,180 been. He pauses and I am lost in pain, fulfillment, want. I feel the cold metal so close to my 69 00:12:06,180 --> 00:12:19,140 unbeating heart. I know his process, like I know my own cold body. I'm ready. I need 70 00:12:19,140 --> 00:12:31,620 him so much. I need him too. There's a crushing pressure for but a moment and then the shears 71 00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:40,860 pass through the bone of my sternum as if it is nothing. All my resistance and preparation 72 00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:50,860 are for naught. I climax for the first time during this procedure. I make no noise through 73 00:12:50,860 --> 00:13:07,900 the agony and the pleasure. But my eyes snap open and my entire body tenses before releasing. 74 00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:17,180 He steps back from me, shock all over his face. I am suddenly terrified. Does he find 75 00:13:17,180 --> 00:13:26,020 my pleasurable convulsion revolting? He sets the shears down and examines me again and 76 00:13:26,020 --> 00:13:36,340 I realize that he's checking to see if I'm alive. I feel such relief. The thermometer 77 00:13:36,340 --> 00:13:46,340 enters my rectum again. His fingers test for a pulse on my neck. He even lowers his ear 78 00:13:46,340 --> 00:14:00,980 close to my mouth and nose. I am cold, I have no pulse, and I do not breathe. I want to 79 00:14:00,980 --> 00:14:14,140 touch him, to put my mouth on him. But I know that would do nothing to arouse him further 80 00:14:14,140 --> 00:14:26,020 and would only reveal my dowry early. So I lie still and waiting, and I remind myself 81 00:14:26,020 --> 00:14:34,620 that I must be patient and attentive to his needs. I've learned so much from observing 82 00:14:34,620 --> 00:14:50,180 my love. I know exactly what he does in this room and in what order. I know he prefers 83 00:14:50,180 --> 00:15:04,260 bodies who look like I did. I know that he will cross the final line for me. I will earn 84 00:15:04,260 --> 00:15:17,620 the honor of calling him husband. I allow myself a very small smirk as I realize that 85 00:15:17,620 --> 00:15:27,020 despite his calm and collected exterior and his measured movements, his quickened breathing 86 00:15:27,020 --> 00:15:39,460 means that he is, in fact, quite excited. But this is different than normal. This time 87 00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:54,900 he starts low, with my liver. I feel him caressing it, lovingly, with great care. I bite my lip 88 00:15:54,900 --> 00:16:04,580 and pray he does not notice. He frees it from the surrounding flesh with a few skillful, 89 00:16:04,580 --> 00:16:15,740 searing cuts of a scalpel. He takes it tenderly and places it on the steel scale, making note 90 00:16:15,740 --> 00:16:26,100 of the weight as he says it out loud. He's not a barbarian. His tools of the trade are 91 00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:39,580 medical. He says things out loud before writing them down in his notebook with a pen. Scientific. 92 00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:44,700 Though I can't see it from where I lay, I'm sure this notebook looks exactly the same 93 00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:57,820 as the ones I stole from him. Next he removes my stomach, then my intestines. My blood flows 94 00:16:57,820 --> 00:17:09,340 freely down my flanks and into the grooves of the table. As he progresses, I can see 95 00:17:09,340 --> 00:17:20,660 his impulses warring behind his eyes. He knew me after all, and my death does, in a way, 96 00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:33,940 trouble him. He cannot find anything wrong with me. Every organ, almost, but not quite, 97 00:17:33,940 --> 00:17:48,700 alive. I'm barely decayed at all, just enough to be appealing for him. His curiosity and 98 00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:59,980 medical ethics soon fall by the wayside, his stronger impulse winning out. I know that 99 00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:09,340 he's losing control as I feel his hands move freely through my exposed cavity. He's groping 100 00:18:09,340 --> 00:18:22,460 me as a boy would for the first time. Focused, eager to please, but without the patience 101 00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:30,340 of an experienced lover. My lesser organs are removed as well and placed on a nearby 102 00:18:30,340 --> 00:18:38,580 table next to the others. Even without knowing what I have become, he has treated these parts 103 00:18:38,580 --> 00:18:51,220 of me with reverence, knowing perhaps instinctively that I'm only mostly dead. At last, he stops 104 00:18:51,220 --> 00:19:00,340 his disemboweling and steps back. He is breathing hard and sweating. The scent of his arousal 105 00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:13,300 is strong to be now, heady. I imagine his cock is straining at his pants, forming a 106 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:24,700 slight wet spot at the tip of his tent. Yet, he hesitates. At first, I don't understand 107 00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:39,900 and I'm a little hurt. I'm open to him, vulnerable and exposed in a way that I never could have 108 00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:55,420 been while I was alive. I am ready. Does he not want me as a husband should his wife? 109 00:19:55,420 --> 00:20:06,020 It takes a moment before it occurs to me that he does love me. Perhaps he always had, but 110 00:20:06,020 --> 00:20:19,900 he wasn't truly attracted to me until now. His hesitation is another sign of his adoration, 111 00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:33,780 his reverence for me. Had I not already wanted him, I would know. I know what he needs. He 112 00:20:33,780 --> 00:20:49,620 needs something to encourage him. I relax my legs, the tiniest bit, and let a soft sigh 113 00:20:49,620 --> 00:21:07,700 escape my lips. He should be alarmed by this. Maybe run or check me again for signs of life, 114 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:22,580 but he does not. Oh no. His eyes are drawn to my cunt, my cold, dead cunt, clearly and 115 00:21:22,580 --> 00:21:36,340 impossibly swollen, wet with arousal. A delayed reaction, maybe, but a true one to the intensity 116 00:21:36,340 --> 00:21:45,740 of his sensual foreplay. He strips off his gloves and walks to the door. For a moment 117 00:21:45,740 --> 00:21:55,900 I panic, afraid that he's leaving, but he does not. I hear him snap the deadbolt into 118 00:21:55,900 --> 00:22:08,340 place. When he returns, he's not overthinking things any longer. He removes his shirt and 119 00:22:08,340 --> 00:22:20,780 his shoes, then his socks and pants, finally his underwear. He never undressed all the 120 00:22:20,780 --> 00:22:33,500 way for the others. I am special to him. Besides, I know why he removes all the organs before 121 00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:44,340 he mounts. That's the best part. He climbs on the table and it shifts under our combined 122 00:22:44,340 --> 00:22:53,300 weights, but holds steady. He pushes my thighs apart, letting my feet and calves hang from 123 00:22:53,300 --> 00:23:02,180 either side of the table. He holds himself above me on one arm, as he ever so carefully 124 00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:20,380 inserts himself deep inside me. It is so much different now. At first, I feel nothing but 125 00:23:20,380 --> 00:23:35,660 a deep pressure, and I'm so frustrated. But then, I begin to sense each thrust individually, 126 00:23:35,660 --> 00:23:46,980 and finally, agonizingly, I feel all of it. I'm driven wild by the forbidden nature of 127 00:23:46,980 --> 00:23:56,260 our consummation, and the knowledge that my true love and I are finally one. There are 128 00:23:56,260 --> 00:24:07,700 no more barriers between us. No more false moralities or paper gods. Only he and I remain. 129 00:24:07,700 --> 00:24:24,580 Life and death. Seed and rot. Husband and wife. I can look at him almost freely now, 130 00:24:24,580 --> 00:24:36,740 though I dare not move my head. Not yet. I know where his focus is, what he enjoys most. 131 00:24:36,740 --> 00:24:46,620 His left my reproductive organs intact, but removed everything around them. Only my womb 132 00:24:46,620 --> 00:24:57,900 and the passage leading to it remain. He watches me inflate and stretch with his violations, 133 00:24:57,900 --> 00:25:07,580 and then he gasps with surprise. Unlike the others, I am an active participant in this 134 00:25:07,580 --> 00:25:20,820 act. I clench and grip and squeeze him with unexpected pressure. He groans and it is not 135 00:25:20,820 --> 00:25:29,940 from pain. He is beyond scientific curiosity now and begins to thrust eagerly, long and 136 00:25:29,940 --> 00:25:39,020 forceful strokes filling me. I ache each time he leaves me and rejoice when he buries himself 137 00:25:39,020 --> 00:25:51,460 deeply inside of me again. His breaths turn to moans, then groans, then animalistic grunts. 138 00:25:51,460 --> 00:25:59,820 He is losing himself inside me, or willing to be damned for trying. The time for caution 139 00:25:59,820 --> 00:26:10,180 is over. I hook my ankles around his, and he looks up at my face in surprise, but he 140 00:26:10,180 --> 00:26:21,980 cannot stop now. He is taken by his lust for me, and besides, what he sees in my cloudy 141 00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:34,420 eyes should not concern him. There is only adoration there. I wrap my dead arms around 142 00:26:34,420 --> 00:26:48,940 him and pull him close. His chest and stomach grow wet with my blood, and he does not care. 143 00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:59,580 He kisses me, and my cold tongue sneaks into his mouth. As I hear him cry out one last 144 00:26:59,580 --> 00:27:11,540 time, I feel his scene filling me for the first time, and I find the sensation unbearably 145 00:27:11,540 --> 00:27:25,620 appealing. His warmth spreads inside me, coating my insides, seeping towards my world. Will 146 00:27:25,620 --> 00:27:37,420 I take hold there? Even I do not know. I focused on the means to this end, and left the deeper 147 00:27:37,420 --> 00:27:47,540 mysteries of this existence to be discovered through trial and error. Perhaps we can experiment 148 00:27:47,540 --> 00:28:00,140 together. I think no more as I come hard, spasming and twitching uncontrollably, holding 149 00:28:00,140 --> 00:28:09,540 him much too tightly in my corpse grip. He does not mind, and I feel his mouth upon my 150 00:28:09,540 --> 00:28:21,820 skin as pleasure makes me its victim. We fall limply back to the table together. He props 151 00:28:21,820 --> 00:28:30,060 himself up, not quite pulling out of me, and looks down at me with a longing I know is 152 00:28:30,060 --> 00:28:45,500 mirrored on my own, cold features. I see a shadow of fear go across his face, and I'm 153 00:28:45,500 --> 00:28:52,780 left alone, realizing he was willing to take the plunge into the unknown for me, just as 154 00:28:52,780 --> 00:29:06,260 I had for him. This was right all along. He takes his time, restoring me, putting each 155 00:29:06,260 --> 00:29:18,180 of my pieces back in its place, one at a time. I don't know if I strictly need them, but 156 00:29:18,180 --> 00:29:28,020 we both know that this attentiveness is his attempt at romance. I sigh as he touches each 157 00:29:28,020 --> 00:29:37,660 part of me again. He pushes my sternum back together with a small crunch, looking at me 158 00:29:37,660 --> 00:29:49,900 apologetically. He doesn't know as I do that this too will heal in a manner of speaking. 159 00:29:49,900 --> 00:29:59,500 I smile, knowing that we can do this all over again, should he want, and the fire in my 160 00:29:59,500 --> 00:30:16,940 love's eyes tells me that he does want that very much, over and over again. The gentle 161 00:30:16,940 --> 00:30:27,540 violations of the needle sewing my skin back is the final bit of aftercare that I needed. 162 00:30:27,540 --> 00:30:40,940 His soft fingers, each prick and pull, tells me that I'm right. I decide then and there 163 00:30:40,940 --> 00:30:51,860 that I shall always keep this Y-shaped scar as a token of my devotion for him. I softly 164 00:30:51,860 --> 00:31:01,100 whisper the delights I've discovered in the lore of the old ones, of the voluptuous blasphemies 165 00:31:01,100 --> 00:31:12,740 we will share together. I tell him of all the ways he can mutilate and fold and spindle 166 00:31:12,740 --> 00:31:29,660 me. I tell him I am a willing gift for his pleasure. I am the muse for his genius, the 167 00:31:29,660 --> 00:31:44,900 completion of the work he started. I am the final key to death unending. He sheds a few 168 00:31:44,900 --> 00:32:05,220 tears then, and perhaps I do as well. Emotion overwhelms me. I love you. I utter softly. 169 00:32:05,220 --> 00:32:16,700 He responds in kind, and on his face is a deeply satisfied smile as he promises to take 170 00:32:16,700 --> 00:32:36,300 me home. We are one, now, and forever more.