Okay, testing. Okay, I think it's recording. Hi everyone, Octo here. Well, I'm just gonna
say right away that this is a non-neurotic audio. If you're expecting something to jerk
off, something like that, you're gonna have to use a lot of imagination, because that's
not the topic today. The thing is, I felt the need to record something, and I'm really
not in the mood to fuck. I'm not horny or anything. I've been missing the community
a lot, and I miss posting something. Today's Valentine's, and I wish I had something special
planned to post today, something cute, or... I don't know. I wish I had something. But
the truth is, the last months have been harsh on me. Some of you listening know that I always
respond to inbox, and that I talk regularly with some of my listeners, but I haven't been
present, I haven't said much or replied much in the last month, and that's a lot going
on in my life. I moved in back with my parents, which really makes recording a tough thing,
because they're usually at home, and my house isn't that big, so there isn't, and trust
me when I say that, there isn't a way of recording without them hearing it, and it's very frustrating
to try to record holding back and holding back and moaning, kind of like shushing myself,
doing things low key that kind of kills my vibe, and that's it. I'm almost never alone
at home, and even at night, when everybody's at bed, it is still hard to record, because
I know they might be hearing. That would affect that I got a new job, because it's like news
to everybody. This is not my job. This is something I do because I like it. It takes
time, it takes effort, but it's not my main thing. My job is really demanding, my new
job is really demanding of me, and I'm working a lot, and times that I'm not used to, I used
to wake up, I used to go to sleep at 5am, stay awake all night, and it's so good to
record at this time, because there isn't other sounds, there's no traffic nor animals doing
sounds, but now I woke up at 5am, and it's not a possibility for me to stay up at night,
so there's no way to record. Even if I tried to record earlier, the effort I have to clean
the audio takes a lot of the quality instead of adding it, and that's really frustrating.
I realize the last audios I've made are all like Ramble, like RambleFabs, and me apologizing
for not being able to record and, you know, touching myself, and I'm not happy with them.
I miss picking a script or writing a script and doing it and searching for sound effects
and adjusting it and making sound effects myself. It's so... I think you guys can't
understand for me how frustrating it is not to be able to do that. I think I get in touch
with a lot of... with a side of me, you know, with a lot of my sexuality and my expression
with these audios, and it feels like I'm being deprived because I can't do that anymore.
I don't know, this is not... I'm not justifying anything. I think the other audios I make
were kinda like that, like me justifying something, like saying, hey, that's why I'm not posting
in a while and that's why the quality of the stuff is not as great as it could be. But
right now it's just me like putting this out, like taking this out of my chest, because
I really feel bad for it. I really miss doing it. I started doing this in the middle of
the pandemic and I can't express how good it felt to devote myself to something after
so long, like learning how to edit, how to clean the audio, how to act, how to express
it. It was so, so nice. So, I was saying, um, I'm sorry. I got to cut the audio cause
someone got in the room and I needed to stop the recording, proving my point that it's
just, it's just impossible to do it here. What I was saying is that I miss the thrill
of doing something better every time. I miss the feeling of improving on my work. Something
that honestly I never had with anything else before. But I really feel with this, like
editing, I could edit an audio for hours, hours, you know, just trying to make it sound
better and learning the tools of the programs. That was really, really nice for me and I
miss having time to do that. So, as I've said, with other audios I was just trying to justify
myself, but in this one I'm just saying what I'm thinking. I don't feel comfortable posting
anything anymore cause I rather not to post anything at all than to post something I feel
is less than, than optimal. It's less than what can do, what can I, I'm sorry, it's less
than what I feel that I can do. That's it, I don't have time or space to do it. I'm planning,
I'm saving for my, I'm saving from my paychecks money to hire, to pay for an hour on a studio
and do like one or more recordings on a day. And then I can just go back home and edit
them cause editing is easier in a sense that I can do it with no one else knowing what
I'm doing. Recording is something else. So, I'm looking for a place downtown, there's
this studio where the sound technician just set things up to you and won't be there for
the recording. Cause I don't think I can do that in front of anyone actually. Beside that
I'm still trying to move out again. Maybe this will happen in July, August this year.
There's a lot of time till then but it might happen. And then, then I'll be able to post
more regularly again. But I miss it. I miss having this feeling of owning my shit. I don't
know if I ever said this here but before doing the audios, I was just a sub. And all my relationships,
not only sexually but in other aspects as well, I was mostly submissive. Very quiet,
kind of like the shy type. I'm kind of nerdy for those who know me but I was kind of like
that. And now? Well, now I know I have other side as well. I've been dating some people
and it feels so good to dominate. I didn't know I could feel like that. I feel like I
have self esteem. Like I'm worthy of something. And I feel kind of mean sometimes. Sometimes
kind of sadistic. And it feels so good. I never thought I would feel good about hurting
or mistreating someone else. But when I see in their eyes that they're enjoying the suffering,
it feels so good to be the one doing that. It feels so good because I have both these
feelings that I love. That I'm satisfying someone and that I am more than them. It's
kind of like a sick, twisted feeling. You know, I feel mean, I feel evil feeling like
that. But it feels so good. So good. It's really nice. So, I don't know. I think I have something
else to talk about, I don't know. Oh yeah. I've been thinking a lot about doing stuff
that isn't just sexual. Nothing that is kind of erotic, sensual in a sense. But not straight
sexual. I miss that. I don't know if anyone saw, took a hint of that. But I'm trying to
shape my reddit in something related to awe, related to monsters and you know, that kind
of stuff. Like satanic cults. Because this is a subject I enjoy. I love horror tales.
I love Lovecraftian horror. You know, the fear of the unknown. But I also like cheesy
stuff like succubi and vampires and shit. My biggest fat dish is with tentacles. That's
why I have all the octopus stuff going on. And I like that. I like the horror thing and
I would like to do, if not all, my audios. Maybe like just a series of audios just related
to horror. I really enjoy it. And as I said, I'm looking, I'm trying to do. I mean I'm
not trying because I don't have time for that. But I'm writing scripts and stuff about tales
of horror that kind of have this erotic subtext on them. I've been kind of at the same time
in Discover GWA and this community. I discovered an horror podcast I really enjoy. And I heard
a couple episodes and now I'm listening to, I'm doing like a marathon on all the seasons.
It's called the Magnum's Archives. It's kind of popular. It's nice because I don't know
anything about the fandom or anything. I'm not looking into it. I'm just listening to
it and then I will look up to the fandom. It seems like a big thing. They can grow fast.
I would love to do something like that. Like an ontology of horror tales. But you know,
kind of in the perspective of the monster. I would love to do something like that. And
again, put a bit of erotism, sensuality. I think it would work well. The thing is I don't
have time. I will have, eventually. But I don't have time right now. I'm not saying
that I will stop doing this. It's just that I will post whatever I can.
Yeah. With that said. Thank you.
I could cut this off with the audio but I won't.
This was my mother just getting inside my room with an announcer then interrupting me.
I think I don't have anything else to say, it's just that eventually I'll get back on
track. Eventually I will answer you all.