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Okay, testing. Okay, I think it's recording. Hi everyone, Octo here. Well, I'm just gonna

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say right away that this is a non-neurotic audio. If you're expecting something to jerk

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off, something like that, you're gonna have to use a lot of imagination, because that's

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not the topic today. The thing is, I felt the need to record something, and I'm really

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not in the mood to fuck. I'm not horny or anything. I've been missing the community

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a lot, and I miss posting something. Today's Valentine's, and I wish I had something special

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planned to post today, something cute, or... I don't know. I wish I had something. But

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the truth is, the last months have been harsh on me. Some of you listening know that I always

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respond to inbox, and that I talk regularly with some of my listeners, but I haven't been

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present, I haven't said much or replied much in the last month, and that's a lot going

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on in my life. I moved in back with my parents, which really makes recording a tough thing,

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because they're usually at home, and my house isn't that big, so there isn't, and trust

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me when I say that, there isn't a way of recording without them hearing it, and it's very frustrating

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to try to record holding back and holding back and moaning, kind of like shushing myself,

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doing things low key that kind of kills my vibe, and that's it. I'm almost never alone

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at home, and even at night, when everybody's at bed, it is still hard to record, because

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I know they might be hearing. That would affect that I got a new job, because it's like news

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to everybody. This is not my job. This is something I do because I like it. It takes

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time, it takes effort, but it's not my main thing. My job is really demanding, my new

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job is really demanding of me, and I'm working a lot, and times that I'm not used to, I used

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to wake up, I used to go to sleep at 5am, stay awake all night, and it's so good to

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record at this time, because there isn't other sounds, there's no traffic nor animals doing

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sounds, but now I woke up at 5am, and it's not a possibility for me to stay up at night,

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so there's no way to record. Even if I tried to record earlier, the effort I have to clean

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the audio takes a lot of the quality instead of adding it, and that's really frustrating.

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I realize the last audios I've made are all like Ramble, like RambleFabs, and me apologizing

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for not being able to record and, you know, touching myself, and I'm not happy with them.

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I miss picking a script or writing a script and doing it and searching for sound effects

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and adjusting it and making sound effects myself. It's so... I think you guys can't

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understand for me how frustrating it is not to be able to do that. I think I get in touch

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with a lot of... with a side of me, you know, with a lot of my sexuality and my expression

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with these audios, and it feels like I'm being deprived because I can't do that anymore.

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I don't know, this is not... I'm not justifying anything. I think the other audios I make

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were kinda like that, like me justifying something, like saying, hey, that's why I'm not posting

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in a while and that's why the quality of the stuff is not as great as it could be. But

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right now it's just me like putting this out, like taking this out of my chest, because

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I really feel bad for it. I really miss doing it. I started doing this in the middle of

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the pandemic and I can't express how good it felt to devote myself to something after

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so long, like learning how to edit, how to clean the audio, how to act, how to express

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it. It was so, so nice. So, I was saying, um, I'm sorry. I got to cut the audio cause

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someone got in the room and I needed to stop the recording, proving my point that it's

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just, it's just impossible to do it here. What I was saying is that I miss the thrill

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of doing something better every time. I miss the feeling of improving on my work. Something

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that honestly I never had with anything else before. But I really feel with this, like

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editing, I could edit an audio for hours, hours, you know, just trying to make it sound

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better and learning the tools of the programs. That was really, really nice for me and I

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miss having time to do that. So, as I've said, with other audios I was just trying to justify

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myself, but in this one I'm just saying what I'm thinking. I don't feel comfortable posting

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anything anymore cause I rather not to post anything at all than to post something I feel

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is less than, than optimal. It's less than what can do, what can I, I'm sorry, it's less

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than what I feel that I can do. That's it, I don't have time or space to do it. I'm planning,

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I'm saving for my, I'm saving from my paychecks money to hire, to pay for an hour on a studio

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and do like one or more recordings on a day. And then I can just go back home and edit

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them cause editing is easier in a sense that I can do it with no one else knowing what

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I'm doing. Recording is something else. So, I'm looking for a place downtown, there's

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this studio where the sound technician just set things up to you and won't be there for

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the recording. Cause I don't think I can do that in front of anyone actually. Beside that

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I'm still trying to move out again. Maybe this will happen in July, August this year.

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There's a lot of time till then but it might happen. And then, then I'll be able to post

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more regularly again. But I miss it. I miss having this feeling of owning my shit. I don't

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know if I ever said this here but before doing the audios, I was just a sub. And all my relationships,

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not only sexually but in other aspects as well, I was mostly submissive. Very quiet,

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kind of like the shy type. I'm kind of nerdy for those who know me but I was kind of like

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that. And now? Well, now I know I have other side as well. I've been dating some people

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and it feels so good to dominate. I didn't know I could feel like that. I feel like I

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have self esteem. Like I'm worthy of something. And I feel kind of mean sometimes. Sometimes

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kind of sadistic. And it feels so good. I never thought I would feel good about hurting

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or mistreating someone else. But when I see in their eyes that they're enjoying the suffering,

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it feels so good to be the one doing that. It feels so good because I have both these

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feelings that I love. That I'm satisfying someone and that I am more than them. It's

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kind of like a sick, twisted feeling. You know, I feel mean, I feel evil feeling like

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that. But it feels so good. So good. It's really nice. So, I don't know. I think I have something

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else to talk about, I don't know. Oh yeah. I've been thinking a lot about doing stuff

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that isn't just sexual. Nothing that is kind of erotic, sensual in a sense. But not straight

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sexual. I miss that. I don't know if anyone saw, took a hint of that. But I'm trying to

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shape my reddit in something related to awe, related to monsters and you know, that kind

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of stuff. Like satanic cults. Because this is a subject I enjoy. I love horror tales.

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I love Lovecraftian horror. You know, the fear of the unknown. But I also like cheesy

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stuff like succubi and vampires and shit. My biggest fat dish is with tentacles. That's

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why I have all the octopus stuff going on. And I like that. I like the horror thing and

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I would like to do, if not all, my audios. Maybe like just a series of audios just related

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to horror. I really enjoy it. And as I said, I'm looking, I'm trying to do. I mean I'm

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not trying because I don't have time for that. But I'm writing scripts and stuff about tales

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of horror that kind of have this erotic subtext on them. I've been kind of at the same time

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in Discover GWA and this community. I discovered an horror podcast I really enjoy. And I heard

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a couple episodes and now I'm listening to, I'm doing like a marathon on all the seasons.

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It's called the Magnum's Archives. It's kind of popular. It's nice because I don't know

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anything about the fandom or anything. I'm not looking into it. I'm just listening to

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it and then I will look up to the fandom. It seems like a big thing. They can grow fast.

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I would love to do something like that. Like an ontology of horror tales. But you know,

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kind of in the perspective of the monster. I would love to do something like that. And

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again, put a bit of erotism, sensuality. I think it would work well. The thing is I don't

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have time. I will have, eventually. But I don't have time right now. I'm not saying

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that I will stop doing this. It's just that I will post whatever I can.

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Yeah. With that said. Thank you.

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I could cut this off with the audio but I won't.

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This was my mother just getting inside my room with an announcer then interrupting me.

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I think I don't have anything else to say, it's just that eventually I'll get back on

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track. Eventually I will answer you all.