Hey guys, um, I just kind of wanted to talk to you guys about something, I feel.
So today at work, I was really fucking struggling during the second half after lunch, because
I couldn't stop thinking about creating a Google Sheet for my audios, with all the yes
no fields and the filters, and I want to create like a macro with buttons, but I don't know
how to do that in Google Sheets.
I know how to do it in Excel and access, but I don't know how to do it in Google Sheets.
But I couldn't get any work done for four hours, because my mind was so stuck on that.
And I don't know if you guys ever get like this.
I don't know if it's, I have ADHD, so I'm not sure I think it might be to do with that,
that my brain just sometimes gets stuck on things, and I can't, I can't move on from
them.
I can't do what I need to do.
I just keep, keep thinking about that one thing, I keep going back to it, and just like
thinking more and more and more and more about it, and I'm just staring at my computer for
the life of me, trying to do one thing for work, and I just fucking can't, I just can't
do it because I can't unstick my brain from the Google Sheets fucking macro and drop boxes
and it was absolutely awful.
And then I got home today, after being stuck on this for four hours, and I spent about
30 minutes realizing that I don't think I can do what I want to do, which is upsetting.
But I believe in myself, I believe there's going to be something I can do and some filters
I can set up.
I don't know if I can set up a pop-up so that you can check your own boxes and filters and
like search for keywords.
I don't think I can do that.
I really don't think I can do that with Google Sheets, but I can create a single spreadsheet
with many drop-downs and then you can exclude your rape audios, your incest audios, or whatever
cheating audios that you just don't listen to, and then you can have a nice little list
of the only things that interest you.
I do this thing when I get stuck on thoughts and ideas and I'm at work specifically.
I take my, it's so weird, I really want to know if any of you guys do this or have done
it before, but I take my mouse and I line it up on my computer screen with certain edges
of things.
I'm not explaining this very well, but like, you know, when you're in a Word document,
you have little, looks like a little eye guy, looks like a little eye, it's like a bracket
or something as your cursor, so I take that cursor, that's the eye, and I line it up with
I's in the Word document or N's in the Word document or T's, oh I love doing it with T's
because if you line it up just right with the T, capital T, okay, capital T, you can
get the middle line in the bracket and a bit of the top line of the bracket to change colors.
And then you, I don't know, I sound like a loon right now.
Please tell me anybody else does this, and I'm not alone in this weird little coping
method I have to try and clear my mind and unstick it of the things that just won't leave
me alone.
So I do that, and then when I'm sometimes in an Excel document, I'll also do that on
the edges of the boxes with like a pointer, or if I'm, if I had pasted an Excel document
into a table in a Word document, and you like highlight on the cells, it like changes the
color of the highlighted cursor, it's weird, okay, it really sounded like a loon, but the
point is sometimes my brain gets stuck on things and then I can't do work and it sucks
and I hate it, and I have fairly well managed ADHD, but not, not 100%, I used to take drugs
for it, but I liked them a lot, I thought, I liked them too much I think, they made me
feel calm and happy and just content, and it was like, this isn't a good idea, I probably
shouldn't be doing this, I'm too happy, I feel too good, something wrong, I shouldn't
feel this good, and I didn't really want to be dependent on that, and then, so I just
stopped taking them, but I went most my, what's it called, scholastic career, sure we'll call
it that, I went most my scholastic career without medication, my mother and father really
didn't want me diagnosed with ADHD, they thought it would be a black mark on my record and
nobody would hire me because of that, which wasn't fun to know as a child, so my mom would
give me different coping methods, like lists, and they didn't really believe girls could
get ADHD or girls could have ADHD, they believed that was only a male thing, my mom actually
said that her family carries the gene for ADHD for boys, for boys, just the one for
boys, not the one for girls, so had I been a boy, I would have had ADHD, no, that's not
how it works, so when I went away to college, I had to take philosophy classes, and I'm
not good at philosophy, I'm really not, but I had to take them, so I did one, I got a
C, and then I did another one, and I was like, I can't read this, I can't do it, I just can't
read it, what is wrong with me?
So I went to the school therapist, school counselor, whatever, you get a few sessions
with your tuition for free, so I went to her, and I was like, hey, I can't, I can't pay
attention to shit, I think I have ADHD, and we went through the whole questionnaire, like,
you have to also experience this, not just in the work setting, not just in a school
setting, but also in a personal setting, and I do, actually, I tend to, one of the reasons
I think I have trouble orgasming is because I just, like, dissociate a bit sometimes when
I have sex, so I chalked that up to that, I was like, I can't pay attention to sex either,
I can't pay attention to things I want to pay attention, I can't, I can't pay attention
to some TV shows, I, yeah, I also have this funny thing where I fall asleep at concerts
sometimes, only when I'm sitting down, when I'm standing up, I've never fallen asleep
at a concert standing up, I've never done that, so when that happens, I don't know what
I'm going to do, I guess just quit, but it's never happened, yeah, and then I have problems
in meetings, and then in lectures, and then when I'm trying to read shit, like philosophy,
so we did the questionnaire, and she's like, yeah, it kind of sounds like you've had it,
and I was like, yeah, and you talk about, it doesn't just appear, you've had it through
childhood, and I was often very forgetful, and just couldn't, couldn't hold things in
my mind for very long tasks, so, and then I did like the computer test, where, I don't
know, it's like you got to click on things or something, and then it judges something,
so yeah, I was like, yeah, it sounds like ADHD, computer says ADHD, sure, take this,
bye, I was like, cool, thanks, I feel better, and it's like, yeah, and always, also, you
have to come back for your prescription and then bring it to the pharmacy, because the
control met, and I was like, okay, cool, see you in 30 days, and so I took it for a little
while, and I really liked it, it was really great, it made me feel really good, I was
able to relax, less anxiety, happier, everything, it was great, but then I stopped taking it,
it is what it is, so I get stuck on thoughts sometimes, and today I got stuck on this thought,
I don't know how to end this, let me know if you guys get stuck on thoughts too, tell
me I'm not alone in this.
