Hello. So I'm going to make a German apple pie today. The reason I'm not making a regular
like, double crust lattice or whatever apple pie is because I only have three apples. It
won't quite fill a regular pie, but I think with the streusel, I think that's what it's
called, the streusel on top of German apple crumble pie. It'll kind of hide that fact.
So the first thing I'm going to do is wash my hands. And I want to blind bake my crust.
I'm just using a store-bought crust from Whole Foods. It's made with vegetable fat instead of
animal fat. So I just ripped off a bit of tinfoil, put it in the crust, like the food part of the
crust, where the pie would normally go on top of it. And then I'm just going to pour over my
little balls that I use for blind baking to weigh down the base of the pie so that
it doesn't ride up too much while it's baking. And stick that in the oven while I deal with apples.
All right. Like I said, I have three apples. It's not a lot. It's really not a lot.
And I'm curious about how much of a empty, weird thing this pie is going to be. But that's okay.
I'm just going to peel the apples. It's like three apples is not enough to make anything, really.
You could just eat them. Not enough to make applesauce. Barely enough to make apple pie.
It could be enough to make apple pie bars. There we go. One's peeled. Move on to the next one.
I don't even know what kind of apples these are. They're red skinned, I believe. They've got like
the red and yellow skin look. So I think they're red skinned. I didn't even eat one of them,
so I don't even know how hard they are. Let me eat a little bit of the.
Oh yeah, they're sweet. I just ate a little bit of the peel, and it's pretty sweet. So yeah,
I think it'll be good. But it's got like the stiffness of green apples.
All right, I'm on to my third apple right now. I juggled it a little bit, but I still got it.
So if you wanted to make your own crust, you can. It's just this sort of weekday baking thing. It's
like making a crust and a pie. I'm not really into that sort of thing, but you could use a vegan
bread or you could use coconut oil and then just your usual flour and salt and water.
I've also from time to time used vodka to make apple pie. So I'm going to add a little bit of
used vodka to moisten the dough and make it a little easier to work with. But it doesn't really
provide too much moisture in the baking process because it kind of like evaporates and cooks off
easier than water does, I believe. I'm not good at chemistry. I thought I wanted to be a pharmacist
for a really long time and then I took chemistry. Yeah, all right, now I'm gonna just chop up my
little apples. I'm gonna get my sharp, sharp knife. All right, so first thing I'm going to do is I'm
going to give myself a little help and create a flat base for some of these apples that don't
have one. Just two of them are a little slanted. There we go. And then chop, chop, and chop.
All right, got one core done and then I'm just gonna cut those into small little
slices. Gosh, what is it about the size of? Like a chopstick width, about the width of a chopstick.
The big thing is you just want to make sure that they're all pretty even so that they cook fairly
evenly. But you don't want them too big, otherwise you run the risk of them not baking
thoroughly. You don't want them too thin, otherwise you run the risk of them becoming mushy.
I haven't made an apple pie in quite a while. The last pie I made was a blueberry pie.
Why did I make that? I feel like it was for the 4th of July.
Yeah, that's right. It was a blueberry pie for the 4th of July. It was very good. It was so tasty.
I brought it to my family's get-together and there was none left to bring home,
and there was none left to bring home, which is always good, especially when it is known vegan
desserts amongst a family of non-vegans. I always find that that's the one that gets on the quickest.
So, I didn't really look into this recipe too much. I could be shooting myself in the foot and
missing some ingredients. I think I might have a lemon in the fridge,
and if I don't have a lemon, we're going to have to use one of these.
If I don't have a lemon, we're going to have to use oranges or limes.
I think I'd be more comfortable. There's the oven. I stuck the
pie tin in there before it prepaked because I don't have patience,
but I think if I don't have a lemon, I'm going to be more comfortable using orange.
I definitely have an orange in there or at least a clementine.
So, I don't know. Then I have to make the streusel topping with a little bit of butter,
sugar, flour, I'm assuming, and maybe cinnamon.
And then, oh yeah, and then this, I looked at the ingredients briefly like three or three days ago
or so when I was deciding what to do with these apples, and they had an interesting ingredient
that I had never seen in a pie recipe before. They called for a cream, so they called for soy
creamer or non-dairy creamer of your choice, and I don't have any creamer, but what I'm going to
do is I'm just going to blend together some soaked cashews and water, and that'll be a really
thick sort of cream consistency, and that will act like our cream.
I'm almost done chopping the olives, and then we'll see how bad I fucked everything up
when I look at the ingredient list and look at my fridge and see if I have the lemon,
because I got to get these bad boys into some acid real fucking soon before they brown.
Then, I got to get the pie tin out of the oven very shortly, because I don't want it to kick,
I don't want it to cook. I'm just blind baking it, just trying to get it to cook, not cook,
but like bake at least a little bit down the bottom. Okay, that's what I'm going to do first.
I'm going to go to that pie tin right now. I just assume that that's good enough.
Then my recipe. It's on my phone, so I'm going to get a little louder.
Okay, flour, sugar, cinnamon, vanilla, juice of half a lemon, and cloves. Okay, so
then the crumble is half a cup of vegan butter, sugar, salt, flour. Okay,
here's the sugar and flour.
I guess who has a lemon in her fridge?
Fuck, there was something else in there. Oh yeah, salt, salt.
Okay,
stick of vegan butter. Okay, so the very first thing I'm going to do is I'm going
to cut this lemon in half, and I'm going to juice it over the apples.
There we go, and then I'm just going to stir these with my hands, just get that lemon everywhere.
All right, then I'm going to soak a bit of cashews in some really hot water,
soften them up in the blender.
Okay,
that water real hot.
Oh, hot, hot, hot. Okay, there we go. Then what I have, I need the sugar and the flour
in there and along with the vanilla and the salt. I think it was three tablespoons of each,
except for the salt, obviously. Yeah, three tablespoons flour, three tablespoons sugar.
Okay, so we can do it right now while that is soaking.
One, two, three. Okay, and then the flour and the tablespoons.
One, two, three. Leave that out for the crumble. And then there's salt and cinnamon and vanilla.
It actually doesn't say salt in the filling, it's only in the crumble. Okay,
vanilla and cinnamon.
It's a teaspoon of each. Teaspoon of vanilla, teaspoon of cinnamon.
Man, a teaspoon sure is a lot, huh?
God, that's cinnamon-y. Cool. All right. I mean, whatever you say, Mr. S.P., I'm not going to judge
you. I'm the one listening to you, so no judging on this side. And that is all my vanilla.
Again, I'm just going to mix this with my hands.
Just get all the little pieces of apple. Coated it in the flour and the sugar and the cinnamon.
All right. It smells good. It smells real good. Wash my hands. Okay. I'm going to give those cashews
just a teensy-teensy little bit longer to soak while I heat up my vegan butter, just a tiny,
tiny little bit so that I can use it in the crumble. So I'm taking it out of its wrapper
and then I'm going to heat it in five-second intervals in the microwave.
I'll soak it out in my blender.
Okay.
Okay. I'm going to get these apples into their... Wait a second.
Oh. Huh. I did this wrong, but that's okay. I was supposed to mix the flour, the sugar,
the cinnamon with the soy creamer and then pour that over. You know what? I'm still going to do
it the way I'm going to do it. All right. I'm going to get these cinnamon-sugared-up apples
into the pie filling. Then I'm going to pour the cream over it because I think it's going to be
thicker than they think it's going to be. That's me just pouring the pulled slim balls back into
the container that I keep them. All right. So the apples are going in the tin.
Pie apples. There you go. Have fun. Kill it. Whatever.
And then I'm going to make the crumble in that bowl.
The crumble has a lot of flour. Then I might need to open another container of flour.
I think I had like a cup or so of flour.
A cup and a half of flour. So I got half a cup.
I've got one half, one half. Oh yeah, that'll be enough. And then roughly one half.
Okay. And then it needs a full cup of sugar. Definitely going to need to open another one of
these. I got just under half a cup. There we go.
Oh, I'm making an absolute mess.
All right. Just one more time. Five seconds on the butter and a little bit of salt in this mixture
that I'm just going to whisk it together with a fork. And then I'm going to cut in the butter.
All right. That's all whisked.
I've got half a vegan butter. I'm just going to take half of that over here. Take another bit
over there and then take the last bit over there. And then just fork push it in to cut it in and to
make like little crumbles, little pea sized crumbles. And I'm just doing that all around
in the bowl and turning the bowl as I do it. I could probably put cinnamon in this too. I'm
going to do that. Yeah. I don't remember if the recipe called for it or not, but there we go. It's in anyways.
Okay. It's a good pea sized chunk. And then I'm just going to stir it around, get the flour off
bottom. Keep going around in circles. All right. And then with my hand, I'm just going to make sure
it's all kind of pea sized, sand sized little guys go to the bottom. Make sure there's no untouched
butter flour. Perfect. Okay. Washing my hands.
Now the cashews go in the blender and then the top goes on the blender. Obviously. And the blender
turns on. All right. This cream is poured over the apples.
All right. Just move it around, try and get it in every class. And then this all gets just demolished
by the crumble. There is such a ton of this. Like I said, this, this apple only, this pie only takes
three apples because it's like all crumble, which means it's all fat and sugar, which is good.
All right. Almost done. It's got a nice little dome on it. A little dome of crumble.
Uh, yeah, I don't know when to stop. I guess I'll just use all of it. Here we go. All right.
And then I'm just going to put it on this special little
thing I have. It looks like a giant donut, but really it's for cooking pies.
It's like a metal baked in with a hole in the middle and into the oven. Goodbye, pie.
All right. Let's all wish him good luck. Bye, Mr. Pie. We'll see you in an hour.
Yeah, 50 minutes. Okay. Bye.
