Do you think I underperformed today?
Like I'm not saying I should compare myself to anybody else, but I just, I constantly
see their work updates before my eyes and on my screen and I don't feel like I'm catching
up with them and I'm pretty sure I haven't gotten enough sleep this whole week and I'm
already thinking about the fact that it would be late picking up my kid at kindergarten
and I'm gonna get annoyed at him and he doesn't deserve that and I still haven't gotten anything
done and just f**k yeah exactly I don't I don't know what I'm saying anymore everything's
just everything's just blurred into a mess okay I'll just breathe out for a bit and collect
my thoughts before I burst out into another rant yeah okay thank you for calming me down
I think I might be ready to talk in a way that makes more sense and I guess what I'm
just trying to say is that I didn't think so many things in my life would catch up with
me at once I've always felt like I was prepared to fight them just like one at a time and
I guess all this just caught me by surprise yeah I'll have some water good idea and you
know everybody in my life has told me since forever that I'm all those things that a girl
should aspire to be strong capable independent and I always I laughed that shit off because
I felt myself was something quite different what did I feel well it's like whenever I
enjoy success in my life there's always this little annoying voice in my head telling me
something like yeah you fooled them again like sooner or later my whole family was gonna
find me out and see that small weak sliver of a person that I actually am and I I don't
know if they will accept her so I just keep pretending I keep taking on more responsibilities
that I know is good for me and as long as I can just barely keep making it through them
everyone around me supposes that my super powers are for granted and just expects me
to be made of rock I know I'm hurting myself and I know none of this is good for me it's
just not easy to break a pattern just because you started to recognize it you know as long
as I keep getting that praise that toxic that toxic intoxicating feeling of people telling
me how smart how stable how reliable I am I as long as I get that drug I just keep bringing
myself closer to the edge and I know it has to stop but I just don't know how unfortunately
it's not the worst of it though no it's it's not that either but yes I also still haven't
been able to use my stress and anxiety to write the next ham letter direct the next
citizen Kane like I'm sure I will someday oh no it's him none of this is fair to him
and feels like the harder I try to be a good enough mother for him the more I just end
up failing by meeting him in a shitty mood or forgetting his presence for his friends
parties or I know I know that only happened once but it's like in my mind that mistake
repeats itself again and again and just makes me forget about how all that supposed beauty
in the world that people talk about when they have so much fucking time and money I'm sorry
I don't mean to sound so bitter you he's gonna suffer because this I know and he already
you know yesterday when I met him to pick him up at first he acted like he didn't notice
me being there that much and then when he finally saw me like he always used to run
towards me you know just just waiting and so much anticipation for me to pick him up
and hold him and to make funny faces at him and make him laugh like crazy and now he just
he walked up to me and didn't even smile just said hello not even calling me mom and I tried
to smile at him but I got such a lump in my throat and all I could do is just stand there
until people working there finally had to remind me not to block the way for other parents
he used to cry when he missed me and now he just puts on this face like like I know so
well for myself when I fuck me I just no please you don't you don't have to hold me I can
feel your heartbeat look this shouldn't be your responsibility to comfort me like this
I just thank you I don't think I knew myself how much I needed thank you for being so good
to me I think I have to pick him up now but do you want to maybe come over to my place
after I put him to sleep like I know I know it'll be late and we have to work tomorrow
again so it's totally cool if you can't make it too what you want to kiss me oh god I've
wanted that for a long time I wasn't ready for this happening now okay I'm gonna go pick
him up and meet at my place later I'll treat you to some truly un-glorified leftovers and
a half glass of cheap in the bag wine if you want me to seriously though thanks again I'll
see you okay hey I was afraid you'd be too tired to make it after all I microwaved some
food you want a bit yes it is my special lasagna containing just a whole bunch of different
stuff we have left in the fridge shouldn't let perfectly good ingredients go to waste
you know I'm glad we have the same mentality want a little wine I know we have work tomorrow
but let's just share enough for a little toast at least perfect okay well here's to you for
dealing so well with my breakdown and even making my meeting with my kid go so much better
than it would have otherwise thank you oh my god do you know how good it feels to finally
not have anything left to do today before going to bed yes I have been waiting for this
all day actually thanks for asking well or no that's not entirely true yeah as as sad
as I was about meeting my son like that yesterday when I finally got there I felt such just
anticipation to see him and he'd been drawing such cute things that I have no idea what
they really are but he always claims they're pigs so and he smiled at me didn't run to
hug me but baby steps right exactly you're right it's never too late thank you for helping
me realize that how long have you been waiting for that moment to kiss me that's so flattering
and sexy how many times do you always go for it or even secure don't be I think you know
I think I could feel those moments of almost making out with you just as strongly as pretty
eyes of yours how they listed and you restrained yourself just like I did and we don't ever
have to do that again maybe yeah I just called you that whatever yeah do that come over here
and kiss me again you've taken the world off my shoulders if only for one night I am so
thankful for that you're a good kisser yeah no I'm not gonna breathe more slowly now
mister oh shit we gotta be quiet so we don't wake him up come on let's go to my bedroom
and we can shut the door oh your hands oh your hands they really feel good yeah but
my glass oh yeah I love it when you grab my tits like that I take off my bra oh my nipples
oh you know how to do that so well oh it's been so fucking long and your fingers are
so warm and manly I am so wet wait what are you you're moving me around where okay edge
of the bed I'll just sit down here like oh god your hands oh yes spread my legs open
as wide as you want them to be got your things oh so warm no no don't stop don't stop don't
ever stop I can't keep quiet I swear don't stop doing that with your time oh oh oh it
feels so good wait wait can you lie down on your back for me yeah like that no I still
want you to keep licking me but I've always wanted to do that like can I write your face
oh yeah thank you oh my god oh I can't believe I actually dared to ask you that oh fuck oh
I'm writing your face oh god I can feel your tongue deep in my pussy and it feels so liberating
oh okay I'll keep it down I promise oh fuck oh god oh oh oh so stupid you're so sexy
it's so sexy I just wait wait wait leave me forward I'm about to go show me off with your
cock please your cock please don't fucking do it oh I feel your mouth in my clit like
this oh oh wait move me to your edge of the bed let me get up my knees and just suck you
off with all my focus on your pleasure oh oh oh oh and I love sucking your dick oh
I can look up and see your face completely sound oh yeah just lay back and take it in
your mouth I love making you twitch like that I love the taste oh god I've got so much saliva
in my mouth oh fuck it let me be a bit messy I like it and here I was thinking you couldn't
get possibly any harder oh your cock looks so beautiful like this covered in my spit
I feel like when I look up at you while I suck your cock baby oh I have an idea I have
been thinking about something like look I'm not good at deep throating but so you can't
be harsh on me okay but what if I had my hand around the base of your cock like this and
you can hold the back of my hand but gently that way I have a natural way of deciding
myself with my hand how much I can take comfortably and you fuck my face yeah I just said that
fuck yeah I trust you okay yeah push into me use my face for your pleasure just be gentle
that's okay I can breathe just fine I love how primal and lustful you get from this yeah
a little bit faster it's okay you're not hurting me I promise use my face more this is getting
me so wet let me grab your balls with one hand while you do that I feel so sexy when
it's like this you have no idea god so I was running everywhere no it's okay I can tell
you like it sloppy oh you don't have to deny it oh god this is really sexy but I want your
cock inside my pussy and I can't wait anymore so let me get all fours on the bed for you
okay I was also gonna wipe off this lava with my hand god I feel so sweaty like this I think
I even got some tears too oh it feels so good though right yeah affect me well don't worry
baby I'm birth control please just make me take it all and just wreck my little pussy
oh god yeah push yourself all the way in oh speed up a little faster oh I'm so wet for
you already just don't hold back please oh fuck pounded me oh please be primal I want
all that on edge last for me oh fuck me fuck me fuck my little pussy please harder I can
keep it down I can keep it down stop you don't stop until we both come okay oh god how many
times have you fantasized about pounding me like a fucking animal oh did I tempt you too
much with my tight skirt oh don't worry baby I'm a good girl I'll take it all for you just
please keep fucking this shit out of me fuck oh your dick feels so good it's slamming into
me oh I can feel it I can feel your balls slapping against my clit and fuck oh god this
is so fucking sexy please please use my little pussy now fuck me as hard as you want to oh
fuck fuck fuck baby I'm so close I'm so close please just keep going until we both explode
I'll be such a good such a good quiet girl for you I swear I'll just I'll be as slutty
as you want just please don't stop oh wait what was it you said again breathe out slowly
with long intervals let your lungs empty out completely just like your balls emptied out
in my pussy oh I'm sorry it's just been a long time and I really needed that god you
came so much I loved it all of it baby yes including you fucking my face oh baby I really
should get some sleep I know that sounds boring but well you know how reality is yeah do you
maybe want to like why is this harder for me to ask than writing your face I'm sorry
I just okay okay I'll just ask you right you know what I'm gonna ask right okay yeah that's
so so really yeah okay let's just cuddle throughout the night and tomorrow I'll make us breakfast
so you can come with me as I drop my son off before we get to work you want to do that
yeah come here baby you're eating a perfect little spoon that isn't fair yes I do have
an extra toothbrush but let's just lay here a little longer before we take care of all
that okay good mm-hmm thank you for all this for daring to take that first step thank you
hold me don't let go