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Do you think I underperformed today?

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Like I'm not saying I should compare myself to anybody else, but I just, I constantly

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see their work updates before my eyes and on my screen and I don't feel like I'm catching

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up with them and I'm pretty sure I haven't gotten enough sleep this whole week and I'm

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already thinking about the fact that it would be late picking up my kid at kindergarten

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and I'm gonna get annoyed at him and he doesn't deserve that and I still haven't gotten anything

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done and just f**k yeah exactly I don't I don't know what I'm saying anymore everything's

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just everything's just blurred into a mess okay I'll just breathe out for a bit and collect

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my thoughts before I burst out into another rant yeah okay thank you for calming me down

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I think I might be ready to talk in a way that makes more sense and I guess what I'm

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just trying to say is that I didn't think so many things in my life would catch up with

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me at once I've always felt like I was prepared to fight them just like one at a time and

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I guess all this just caught me by surprise yeah I'll have some water good idea and you

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know everybody in my life has told me since forever that I'm all those things that a girl

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should aspire to be strong capable independent and I always I laughed that shit off because

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I felt myself was something quite different what did I feel well it's like whenever I

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enjoy success in my life there's always this little annoying voice in my head telling me

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something like yeah you fooled them again like sooner or later my whole family was gonna

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find me out and see that small weak sliver of a person that I actually am and I I don't

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know if they will accept her so I just keep pretending I keep taking on more responsibilities

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that I know is good for me and as long as I can just barely keep making it through them

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everyone around me supposes that my super powers are for granted and just expects me

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to be made of rock I know I'm hurting myself and I know none of this is good for me it's

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just not easy to break a pattern just because you started to recognize it you know as long

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as I keep getting that praise that toxic that toxic intoxicating feeling of people telling

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me how smart how stable how reliable I am I as long as I get that drug I just keep bringing

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myself closer to the edge and I know it has to stop but I just don't know how unfortunately

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it's not the worst of it though no it's it's not that either but yes I also still haven't

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been able to use my stress and anxiety to write the next ham letter direct the next

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citizen Kane like I'm sure I will someday oh no it's him none of this is fair to him

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and feels like the harder I try to be a good enough mother for him the more I just end

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up failing by meeting him in a shitty mood or forgetting his presence for his friends

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parties or I know I know that only happened once but it's like in my mind that mistake

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repeats itself again and again and just makes me forget about how all that supposed beauty

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in the world that people talk about when they have so much fucking time and money I'm sorry

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I don't mean to sound so bitter you he's gonna suffer because this I know and he already

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you know yesterday when I met him to pick him up at first he acted like he didn't notice

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me being there that much and then when he finally saw me like he always used to run

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towards me you know just just waiting and so much anticipation for me to pick him up

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and hold him and to make funny faces at him and make him laugh like crazy and now he just

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he walked up to me and didn't even smile just said hello not even calling me mom and I tried

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to smile at him but I got such a lump in my throat and all I could do is just stand there

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until people working there finally had to remind me not to block the way for other parents

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he used to cry when he missed me and now he just puts on this face like like I know so

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well for myself when I fuck me I just no please you don't you don't have to hold me I can

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feel your heartbeat look this shouldn't be your responsibility to comfort me like this

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I just thank you I don't think I knew myself how much I needed thank you for being so good

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to me I think I have to pick him up now but do you want to maybe come over to my place

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after I put him to sleep like I know I know it'll be late and we have to work tomorrow

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again so it's totally cool if you can't make it too what you want to kiss me oh god I've

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wanted that for a long time I wasn't ready for this happening now okay I'm gonna go pick

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him up and meet at my place later I'll treat you to some truly un-glorified leftovers and

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a half glass of cheap in the bag wine if you want me to seriously though thanks again I'll

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see you okay hey I was afraid you'd be too tired to make it after all I microwaved some

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food you want a bit yes it is my special lasagna containing just a whole bunch of different

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stuff we have left in the fridge shouldn't let perfectly good ingredients go to waste

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you know I'm glad we have the same mentality want a little wine I know we have work tomorrow

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but let's just share enough for a little toast at least perfect okay well here's to you for

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dealing so well with my breakdown and even making my meeting with my kid go so much better

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than it would have otherwise thank you oh my god do you know how good it feels to finally

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not have anything left to do today before going to bed yes I have been waiting for this

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all day actually thanks for asking well or no that's not entirely true yeah as as sad

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as I was about meeting my son like that yesterday when I finally got there I felt such just

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anticipation to see him and he'd been drawing such cute things that I have no idea what

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they really are but he always claims they're pigs so and he smiled at me didn't run to

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hug me but baby steps right exactly you're right it's never too late thank you for helping

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me realize that how long have you been waiting for that moment to kiss me that's so flattering

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and sexy how many times do you always go for it or even secure don't be I think you know

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I think I could feel those moments of almost making out with you just as strongly as pretty

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eyes of yours how they listed and you restrained yourself just like I did and we don't ever

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have to do that again maybe yeah I just called you that whatever yeah do that come over here

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and kiss me again you've taken the world off my shoulders if only for one night I am so

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thankful for that you're a good kisser yeah no I'm not gonna breathe more slowly now

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mister oh shit we gotta be quiet so we don't wake him up come on let's go to my bedroom

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and we can shut the door oh your hands oh your hands they really feel good yeah but

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my glass oh yeah I love it when you grab my tits like that I take off my bra oh my nipples

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oh you know how to do that so well oh it's been so fucking long and your fingers are

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so warm and manly I am so wet wait what are you you're moving me around where okay edge

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of the bed I'll just sit down here like oh god your hands oh yes spread my legs open

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as wide as you want them to be got your things oh so warm no no don't stop don't stop don't

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ever stop I can't keep quiet I swear don't stop doing that with your time oh oh oh it

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feels so good wait wait can you lie down on your back for me yeah like that no I still

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want you to keep licking me but I've always wanted to do that like can I write your face

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oh yeah thank you oh my god oh I can't believe I actually dared to ask you that oh fuck oh

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I'm writing your face oh god I can feel your tongue deep in my pussy and it feels so liberating

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oh okay I'll keep it down I promise oh fuck oh god oh oh oh so stupid you're so sexy

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it's so sexy I just wait wait wait leave me forward I'm about to go show me off with your

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cock please your cock please don't fucking do it oh I feel your mouth in my clit like

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this oh oh wait move me to your edge of the bed let me get up my knees and just suck you

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off with all my focus on your pleasure oh oh oh oh and I love sucking your dick oh

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I can look up and see your face completely sound oh yeah just lay back and take it in

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your mouth I love making you twitch like that I love the taste oh god I've got so much saliva

93
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in my mouth oh fuck it let me be a bit messy I like it and here I was thinking you couldn't

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get possibly any harder oh your cock looks so beautiful like this covered in my spit

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I feel like when I look up at you while I suck your cock baby oh I have an idea I have

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been thinking about something like look I'm not good at deep throating but so you can't

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be harsh on me okay but what if I had my hand around the base of your cock like this and

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you can hold the back of my hand but gently that way I have a natural way of deciding

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myself with my hand how much I can take comfortably and you fuck my face yeah I just said that

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fuck yeah I trust you okay yeah push into me use my face for your pleasure just be gentle

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that's okay I can breathe just fine I love how primal and lustful you get from this yeah

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a little bit faster it's okay you're not hurting me I promise use my face more this is getting

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me so wet let me grab your balls with one hand while you do that I feel so sexy when

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it's like this you have no idea god so I was running everywhere no it's okay I can tell

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you like it sloppy oh you don't have to deny it oh god this is really sexy but I want your

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cock inside my pussy and I can't wait anymore so let me get all fours on the bed for you

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okay I was also gonna wipe off this lava with my hand god I feel so sweaty like this I think

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I even got some tears too oh it feels so good though right yeah affect me well don't worry

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baby I'm birth control please just make me take it all and just wreck my little pussy

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oh god yeah push yourself all the way in oh speed up a little faster oh I'm so wet for

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you already just don't hold back please oh fuck pounded me oh please be primal I want

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all that on edge last for me oh fuck me fuck me fuck my little pussy please harder I can

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keep it down I can keep it down stop you don't stop until we both come okay oh god how many

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times have you fantasized about pounding me like a fucking animal oh did I tempt you too

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much with my tight skirt oh don't worry baby I'm a good girl I'll take it all for you just

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please keep fucking this shit out of me fuck oh your dick feels so good it's slamming into

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me oh I can feel it I can feel your balls slapping against my clit and fuck oh god this

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is so fucking sexy please please use my little pussy now fuck me as hard as you want to oh

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fuck fuck fuck baby I'm so close I'm so close please just keep going until we both explode

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I'll be such a good such a good quiet girl for you I swear I'll just I'll be as slutty

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as you want just please don't stop oh wait what was it you said again breathe out slowly

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with long intervals let your lungs empty out completely just like your balls emptied out

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in my pussy oh I'm sorry it's just been a long time and I really needed that god you

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came so much I loved it all of it baby yes including you fucking my face oh baby I really

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should get some sleep I know that sounds boring but well you know how reality is yeah do you

126
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maybe want to like why is this harder for me to ask than writing your face I'm sorry

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I just okay okay I'll just ask you right you know what I'm gonna ask right okay yeah that's

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so so really yeah okay let's just cuddle throughout the night and tomorrow I'll make us breakfast

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so you can come with me as I drop my son off before we get to work you want to do that

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yeah come here baby you're eating a perfect little spoon that isn't fair yes I do have

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an extra toothbrush but let's just lay here a little longer before we take care of all

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that okay good mm-hmm thank you for all this for daring to take that first step thank you

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hold me don't let go