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Knock knock! Can I come in? Hey neighbor! Oh, well, I'm in, so is that alright? I mean,

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I could go out and knock again and wait for you to answer. Seems kind of silly though,

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so okay good. Oh gosh, I'm glad you invited me to come over. Yeah! Yeah, you invited me!

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No, you remember, while I was here playing your Xbox last week, I told you I could come

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over today and help you tidy up your house, and you said that would be great. Remember?

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Maybe sometime. No, no, you said yes! We agreed! 4 p.m. on Saturday. Well, that's not how I remember

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it. Anyways, I'm here now. What? What do you mean you're busy? What are you doing? Would you just

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relax? It's me! Look, I brought you homemade cookies I made this afternoon. Well, I just,

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I just want to thank you for, like, I don't know, being so nice to me. Here, have one. Come on,

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you're gonna hurt my feelings. They're really good. Yay! Anyway, my parents keep bugging me

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about college. Can you believe that? I just want to, I just want to take a couple of years off

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already. I mean, I know I'm not working, but that's the point. They've got money. Besides,

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look at me. I'm tiny. It's not like I'm eating them out of house and home, you know? I just,

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I just wanted to thank you for being so great to me, letting me come over and play video games

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and get away from my parents. What? What is it? What about your girlfriend? Okay, I don't,

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I don't really... No, I know, but... Well, here's my problem, all right? You've been seeing her for,

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like, what? A couple of weeks. We've been friends for, like, six months, okay? And now you've gotten

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all nervous about me coming over. Like, all of a sudden, it's not okay I'm here because you have

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a girlfriend? Come on. Besides, you told me you were a little self-conscious because your home

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is kind of like a mess and you wanted to make a better impression for your girlfriend, right?

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Well, that's why I'm here. We're friends, geez. And this room alone, I can tell you need someone

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with a strong vision to help you. It's like Bachelor City in here. I can tell we've got a

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lot of work to do, okay? Look at this clutter! No, look, it's okay. It's all right. Just sit

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down, have another cookie, and we'll talk about it. So, cookie's good, right? Good, enjoy. Okay,

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so I am an expert in the KonMari method. I can help you tidy up for your girlfriend.

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What? KonMari, gosh, what is wrong with you? You haven't heard of it? Well, it's okay. That's

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okay. It's okay. I am an expert, so I can help you. What? What? I am calm. You want me to leave?

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Yeah? But why? I just got here. I don't think that's a good idea. You need me. You need me.

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Are you feeling okay? You just look a little, you just look a little out of it.

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Maybe you should sit down. Yeah, well, I think, I think it's because of the drugs I put in the cookies.

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Yeah, sorry about that, but I needed to get through to you, okay? I can't,

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I can't let you throw your life away like this. Oh, don't worry. It's just just a little bit of

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sedative, all right? Well, actually, kind of. It's a new drug that my dad's company has been

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developing. It like keeps your mind sharp while sort of relaxing your active muscle responses and

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leaving your automatic systems normal. So it's still like way too powerful right now. So it's

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not really ready, but it's perfect for this. No, really, you need to sit down, okay? You're

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going to fall down if you don't. There we go. Watch out, sweetie. Okay. On the couch. There.

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There you go. That's better, right? Just don't try to move, okay? So just stay there and let's have,

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let's have some total truth between us right now, okay? I know you like me. Like, I know you're

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scared of me. That's okay. I forgive you because I know what it is, okay? You've got this new

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girlfriend and you realize you've made a huge mistake. You want me, right? And the problem is,

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and the problem is you don't know how to get rid of her because you're so sweet and you don't want

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to hurt anyone, but that's okay too because I can help you. All we have to do is employ the

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KonMari method to this situation, okay? No, no, sweetie. Don't try and move. You're just going to

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exhaust yourself and you won't be able to get up anyway. Don't worry. The purely automatic muscles

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will still work. You can still breathe. Your heart is fine. You can even still get heart,

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but we'll get to that in one minute, okay? Just one step at a time. Here. I'm going to grab this

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picture of your girlfriend from the end table and I want you to look at it. Go on. Look at her.

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Now ask yourself, sweetie, is it, does she spark joy?

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Does she spark joy in your heart? You know what I mean? When you look at her

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and I know you can't talk, but you don't need to, okay? I know you.

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I can read you like a book, mister, and the answer is no, she doesn't. Your eyes are telling me.

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No, no, no, don't move, baby. It's okay. I know. I know the drug is really powerful and you probably

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feel like a limp rag doll. I can see your fingers twitching. I can only imagine how hard your

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struggling, but that is not important right now. What is important is what we do about this extra

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clutter in your life, this extra girlfriend that you don't need. I mean, you already have a

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girlfriend. You have me. I'm prettier than she is, right? I'm smarter and I'm way more fun.

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I know I'm like 10 years younger than you, but that has nothing to do with it,

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sweetheart. Love is ageless, right? The point is you don't need her, so

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maybe it's time to get rid of her, right? Now, I know this can be really hard and

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maybe you're not sure yet, but that's okay. I can help you. You'll see. Okay, so I'm just going to

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take off my panties. I know. I know this seems weird, but don't worry. This is all part of the

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Konamari method. I am an expert, remember? Let me take them off. Okay, here. So look at your

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girlfriend and remember how I asked if she sparked joy? That's really the only question that's

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important, and I can't help but notice that when you look at your girlfriend's picture, you don't

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really get excited like your cock is just sitting there limp in your pants. I mean, I can check with

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my hand. It's not hard, right? See? I mean, it's barely awake. Okay, but what about this? I'm going

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to stand up on the couch. There we go. And put my feet on either side of you and get close like this

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so you can see under my skirt. Can you see my pussy? Can you smell it? It's really wet.

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You know why? It's because you sparked joy in my heart.

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And now let's check your cock. Okay. See? It's getting hard. I knew it. I sparked joy for you.

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You want me. You want me and you want to keep me, right? You don't have to say anything, sweetheart.

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I know the truth. And that's all there is to it. Really, your girlfriend doesn't spark joy, and I

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do. So what do we do about that? Well, first, we need to make sure you don't want to make a mistake,

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right? So I think we should pull your pants down, baby. So we can really be certain of your decision.

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Be certain of your decision. Here, I'll do it for you. Okay. There. Isn't that better? I like your cock.

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Okay. Now, obviously, looking at your girlfriend doesn't do anything for you, but what about me?

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What about my hand? I'm just going to touch you to see. Okay. Let's see if this sparks joy.

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Look at that. Your cock practically jumped to meet my fingers. It's so sweet. See? See? I told you.

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Here. Here. Just let me stroke it a little and get it a little harder, and then we'll try it in my mouth.

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Okay. We'll see if that sparks joy, too. Okay. Come on, baby. Here.

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Here. You taste good, baby.

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Sweet. See? You don't need her. You look mean. You like the taste of your pre-cum, sweetie?

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Okay. This is all for your own good, okay? You don't want to be a hoarder, do you?

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Okay.

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No. All you need is me.

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I bet your other girlfriend doesn't do this, does she?

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Oh, wow, baby. You spark so much joy in my heart.

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Oh, there you go. You don't need her.

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Oh, there you go, you don't need her.

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Oh, oh, oh, oh.

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See what I mean honey?

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Now I think it's your turn.

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I mean, I know you can't move your lips,

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but I think it's important that you taste me,

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smell me, mmm.

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That you feel my juices on your face

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so you can really feel how much joy

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I inspire in your heart, okay?

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Okay, come on, baby.

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I'll straddle your face again and lift up my skirt

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and I'll just stick my pussy right here.

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Okay, and use your lips, rub my clit.

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There you go, baby, oh, oh, oh, oh, right there.

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That's perfect, sweetheart, that's perfect.

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Breathe me in, oh, see how much better I am

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than your other girlfriend?

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Oh, okay, okay, let me, let me grab your hair

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and help you push you into my cunt.

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Oh, oh God, oh God, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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You don't need her, you don't need her.

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You should throw that bitch away, you just need me, baby.

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Only me, only me, oh, oh, oh, oh, wait, oh, wait,

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oh, wait, wait, wait, oh, oh, hold on, hold on.

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I almost got carried away there.

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See how much joy you inspire, sweetheart?

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Okay, come on, it's time for us to fuck.

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Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

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Oh, it's the only way to know for sure, baby.

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I'll just get on top of you like this.

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Don't worry, sweetie, we'll know soon, okay, okay.

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And oh, oh, oh God, oh, fuck, sweetheart, fuck, fuck, yeah.

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Oh, you perfect dog, for your perfect girl.

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Fuck me, baby, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.

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Oh God, yes, oh yes, you don't need her.

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You don't need her, we should get rid of her.

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And it's just you and me, it can just be you and me, baby.

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Come on, come on, come on, come on, darling, I need you.

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I want you to breed me, I want you to get me pregnant.

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Oh, that way, that way we can be together, forever.

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Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, fuck.

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Oh, my parents won't like it, but they'll insist,

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they'll insist that we get married.

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Oh, oh, fuck, give me a kiss, give me a kiss, baby.

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I want to, I want to taste myself, a new tongue.

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Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you're close, aren't you?

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Come on, come on, baby, come inside of me, please, please, please.

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Please, I want you to breed me, sweetheart.

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I want to, I want to have your baby, so let's come together, okay?

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Okay, okay, okay, okay, I feel you, I feel you coming, yes, yes.

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Oh, fuck, God, oh, fuck, oh, baby.

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Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, my sweetheart, oh, oh, oh.

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Oh, that's so sweet, darling.

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I told you, I told you I would spark joy.

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Oh, oh, oh, darling, that was, oh, that was perfect,

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but we're not done yet, okay?

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You still have some work to do.

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Here, look at your old girlfriend, right?

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Right here, honey, baby.

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Look at her, right?

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Now, what you need to do is thank her.

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Thank her for everything she's done for you, and then you need to get rid of her, okay?

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I know, I know you can't talk, so I'll just press the picture to your lips, okay?

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Give her a kiss and thank her, thank her for everything she's done for you.

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Whatever that was.

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Good boy, good.

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Now, I don't want you to worry about a thing.

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I'll take care of the rest.

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I'll get rid of her for you, and you just stay right here.

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Okay, okay, okay, okay.

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All right, I'll go take care of her right now, and then we can be together.

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Oh, baby, baby, don't you feel better now, honey, getting rid of all that clutter.

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Getting rid of what you don't need.

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I told you, I'm an expert, okay?

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Okay, baby, I'll be back later.

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I can't believe we're engaged.

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I'll take care of everything, and I'll be back soon, okay?

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Bye, bye, bye, bye, baby.