Yeah, it was a crazy class, one Ingmar Bergman movie a week for six weeks while we contemplated
what Bergman meant by the silence of God, which okay, fine, but I didn't realize it
was a co-class between film and religious departments, and for me that's a very simple
answer.
God is silent because he isn't, you know, real.
And man, 16 Bergman movies in four months is a lot of depression and Swedish Calvinism
to handle.
The class should have come with a prescription of Zoloft.
Yikes.
Ah, sorry, I did not know you've been on Zoloft for a while.
Huh, so that explains why you haven't been drinking.
Yeah, I know alcohol and antidepressants don't really mix.
I'm sorry, I really didn't mean anything by it.
I can tell you that if you've got anxiety and depression, I would have never known about
it.
I've been talking for hours now and I had absolutely no idea.
So yeah, whatever you're on seems to be working for you.
I've been putting my foot in it a lot lately.
Oh my God, I forgot to tell you.
So the other film class I took was on Canadian cinema, which I took because Kronberg's Videodrome
was on the list and I was like, yeah, man, watch James Wood try and have sex with the
television for credit, sign me up.
But it turns out I liked most of the movies for the course, and most of which I hadn't
really ever heard of before.
So one of them was this Quebec movie called The Decline of the American Empire.
You know it.
Of course you know it.
I forgot you've seen like every movie ever made.
Anyway, I really liked it.
And there's this tremendous scene where one of the characters, a history professor, talks
about his best sexual experience, getting a hand job from a lady mistoose while she
told him why the year 1000 AD was her favorite year from a historical perspective.
So he was being both mentally and physically stimulated at the same time.
Yeah, pretty hot.
Agreed.
Apparently we're in a minority, though, because when I went out with a bunch of the girls
after the class afterwards, they were pretty scandalized by it.
I didn't pick it up at first, though.
And one of them asked, Can you believe that story the history professor told?
I piped up and said, believe it.
I wish I was the one giving him the hand job.
So yeah, go ahead and laugh.
It's funny.
I'm an idiot.
The girls looked at me like I was an alien, and I made just some excuse to slink away.
It was so embarrassing.
You don't think I'm an idiot?
Oh, thank you.
I don't really either.
It's just a nervous reflex, you know, self-deprecating as the defense mechanism.
I know.
I'm more than a pretty face with a smoking pot.
See another joke.
What do you mean?
Why am I nervous?
Do you really not know?
Look, I'd rather not talk about this in the middle of the party.
Let's get some fresh air on the balcony.
Doesn't look like there's anybody out there.
Okay, look, I haven't seen you for a while.
At least not since high school.
And I know we were friendly.
But we were never super close, but tonight I remembered how much I really liked talking
to you.
You're smart and funny, and you clearly have ridiculous taste in movies.
And I haven't been able to really nerd out like that with somebody else at uni.
But can I ask you a question?
I promise I don't mean anything nasty bad or anything.
And I know that university is the time for people to experiment and find themselves.
So okay, spit it out.
Are you gay?
Okay, don't look shocked.
I'm fine with it if you are.
I'm fine.
I'm just really curious because I'm just curious.
You're not gay.
Okay.
No, it's nothing.
I mean, if you're not gay, then I guess you're just not into me personally.
That's okay, too.
I just feel dumb because I've been like flirting like mad for the past two hours, and I'm pretty
good at it.
But you haven't really responded, so I thought, well, maybe he's gay.
But you're not.
So I guess I'm just not your type, which is fine.
I am your type.
You think I'm hot?
Then why the fuck have you not looked at my tits?
I almost threw my back out trying to show them to you while we were talking.
I mean, I've been throwing crazy body language at you since you walked in the door.
What the hell, man?
You liked me.
Why didn't you like make a move so I didn't feel like a dumbass?
Wait, it's the anxiety, isn't it?
Shit, of course.
It all makes sense.
I remember talking with one of your ex-girlfriends in high school about how she had to make the
first move on you.
Well, okay, then.
Let me take the shirt off.
There.
I am now showing you my tits because I know you wanted to look at them.
I want you to touch them.
Really?
I want you to suck on them.
I've been wanting that for a while.
Yeah, since before tonight.
The reason I now even came to this dumb party is because I heard you'd be here.
So take my hand.
We're gonna have to find a more private place so I can show you exactly how much I want
you.
Even you'll be able to figure it out.
Don't worry.
I still live just down the street from here and I know there's just a little alcove behind
here.
Perfectly private.
If only I had somebody here that really wanted to ravage me.
Somebody who would start by grabbing the hair in the back of my head and pulling and exposing
my neck.
Yeah, just like that.
That feels really nice.
Somebody can also use his other hand to squeeze my nipples.
Yeah, that's something I would definitely want to do.
Just like that.
And this person would probably be pretty turned on by now.
They might even feel the need to grab me by the wrist and pin me against the wall.
Like I so desperately want them to.
Yeah, I might even want to struggle a bit as you.
I mean, this person kisses me.
Sorry, let me catch my breath there.
As I was saying, as they kiss me deeply.
And then they work the way down my chest, kissing the tops of my breath.
Oh yeah, like you're doing right now.
I might even stretch out to let him, them, you, suck my nipples.
Yeah, like that, please, pinch them, suck them.
Yeah, I want you.
I want you to put your hand between my legs right now, please, feel me, oh, feel that.
I am soaking fucking wet because I want you that much.
You could have me right now.
Go ahead.
Oh, oh, oh God, I want you to rub my clit, yeah, please, oh, more, yeah.
Jesus, please, let them inside me, oh, finger fuck me right now, oh my God, I feel so fucking
good.
Oh, Jesus, why the fuck are your pants still on?
Oh, let me take them off, give me your hand, the one fucking me, sliding between my lips
and clit, that one, I want to taste myself before I taste you.
They taste good, you'll find out, but I want to taste you first, lean against this wall,
good.
I like the way you stand at attention, especially with cocky yours.
Oh, yes, I'm rubbing it, and yes, I'm feeling, I'm put my mouth very close to it, close enough
to see you're getting a little wet yourself, oh, oh, I want more, oh, a lot more, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, Elisha, you feel my mouth so good, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
I don't want you to film my c**t next, if I can just stop sucking your c**t, okay Jesus
Christ, f**k me now, right this instant, I'm getting swole right now, please f**k me.
Oh my god, oh my god, holy s**t, you're filming me completely, you are so big, f**k, keep
f**king me.
Oh my god, why didn't we do this years ago, you're such a dumb a**, sorry, right, and
too.
Okay, let's go back to you f**king me so hard, oh my god, are you gonna come with me, shut
up, I said you're gonna come with me, I want you to come with me, f**k, f**k me, I'm gonna
come, so you're gonna come with me right now, yes, oh my god, f**k, I'm coming, I'm coming,
a**, oh my god, oh, that was, wow, so, I guess we both learned something here tonight.
I learned that I was right to want you to f**king rail me, and you learned that I really
do have some amazing tits. Oh, here's a movie line for you, Mr. Movie Guy. I think this
might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.