Hey, just drop them by to drop off these books I borrowed, I finished the last one.
No, I didn't need to drop them off right now, I was on my way to the store and I just thought
I'd stop, you know, kill two birds in the bush, so okay, bye.
I am a terrible fucking liar, will you let me in now?
Well, if you answered your texts or emails.
You know what?
Honestly, if you'd answered them, I'd still have dropped by on a flimsy excuse, but I
wouldn't have been so worried, so let's sit on the couch, okay?
Something is definitely fucking wrong, never seen you this quiet, I know you can be shy
and that's kind of adorable, but we've known each other for years.
It's not fine, it's the opposite, so what is it?
What is it really?
You got a text?
Can I read it?
Oh my god, oh my god, that is not okay, yeah, I hugged you, why are you so surprised?
It's true, I don't hug a lot, but it's you and this is just fucked, yes, yes, getting
dumped by a text is a pretty fucking shitty, and then sending a nearly nude selfie posing
with the dude she's leaving you for, that's just fucking awful, ugh.
You must be thinking of some other friend, because you know that I wouldn't let you be
alone right now, you should know at least, wait, so, so because your girlfriend, who
just dumped you in the most fucking tasteless way, would have told you to man up and deal
with it, that means I have to leave you alone with your shitty thoughts?
No.
You heard me, no.
First of all, I never approved of your decision to go exclusive with her, and she was a bougie
brat who didn't want to be involved with you beyond what you could do for her, yes, I had
veto power, but I was not consulted, and that's in the best friend constitution, I feel my
rights were ignored in your haste to get laid, it's good to hear you laugh at least, now
normally you would have made me laugh multiple times with your lame ass dad jokes, I guess,
it's my turn.
Second of all, once she said that shit about you manning up, you should have called me
to meet, yes, you should have called me so I could knock her ass out, obviously, you'd
never do it, so it's up to me, the best friend, and thirdly, she's like the worst example
of how to be a girlfriend, specifically, she was like the worst possible person to be your
girlfriend, yes, well, I know you, I know exactly what you need in this situation, a
smack upside the head, figuratively this time, yeah, see, I would have seen that look in
your eyes, you get when you get all stoic, and also the way you purse your lips, yes,
yes, that, exactly, that, tells me you're extremely sad, and what you need is hugs,
and probably sex, yes, please, sex is like the most obvious solution, it will help you
relax, it will make you feel loved, and you're, you'd be more ready to talk about this awful
shit, god damn, I wish she'd called me sooner, like when she started treating you so badly,
I know it would have pissed her off, but that would have been a nice side benefit,
I sound jealous, well, I guess I am a bit, protective about my friends,
I try not to be a creep about it, but yeah, when some fancy bitch decides that my best
friend shouldn't hang out with me, I get a little pissy, no, I'm sure she didn't say
anything like that to you, she wasn't that dumb, but you sure did have to cancel on me
a lot once you started seeing her, didn't you, yeah, she was coincidentally sick, and
all those nights we were supposed to play board games or watch nerdy shit together,
I don't blame you for missing it, you're blinded by that pussy, seriously though,
what I meant to say is that you were still in the infatuation phase, you were only with
her for like, what, three months, but you guys moved fast, I know, I'm sorry for dragging
you about this, it's just made me have, I regret, and I'm not really going to be able
to move past it unless I get it off my fucking chest, is that okay, yeah, so I realize how
she felt about me pretty early, and I was worried she would treat you badly, and she did,
so I let you down, what could I have done, well, it's true that it's hard to convince
somebody who's infatuated with their lover that it isn't good for them, but I think I
probably should have done this,
yeah, that startled expression tells me it probably would have worked,
and all that other stuff going on in your pants right now,
no, don't you ever think like that, I don't care what just happened, I'd never
ever kiss you out of pity, I don't kiss people that I don't feel for, I've thought about it
a lot, especially once I stopped seeing you around, I'm glad that it's taking your mind
off things, but I could have done so much more, like wear this, yeah, I've been working
up the courage to do that, I'm such a coward, so yeah, I like you, like a whole lot, Jesus
fucking Christ, I'm so bad at this, I love you, like actual love, yes, I'm confessing my goddamn
feelings to you, you're supposed to say some like Jane Austen shit or tell me to fuck off
or something, I just, I don't do this shit, so I don't fucking know, you know what, I'm pretty
sure bursting out laughing is not an appropriate response, dick, what do you mean that only I could
swear this much during a romantic declaration, I don't fucking swear that much,
see, this is distracting, oh no, fuck, wait, wait, wait, wait, yeah, I don't want to stop
you there, but I need, I need you to understand that even if you, you just want sex and this
love thing is one sided, I am still not abandoning you, I, I'm really truly your friend, okay,
okay, that's a, I guess I didn't expect to hear I love you back,
I didn't prepare for that, no, I didn't fucking giggle, I wasn't giggling,
okay, I just, you know what, shut up, shut up dork, no, it's, it's okay,
okay, everything is better than okay, I just kind of want to prove that this is about you and
not getting your dick in me, oh yeah, I want to jump all over that cock, not tonight,
I know I can be a little bossy, again with inappropriate laughter, look, I just want to
suck your cock, I want to fucking swallow your cum, okay, I want to make you feel really good
and then fall asleep with you and hold you and if you got to cry, you can cry and then I want to
make you breakfast, you know, like the girlfriend shit or what should, should be girlfriend shit,
so let's go to the bedroom, come on, it's not like I don't know the way,
go ahead and take off your clothes and lie down, it's not a request,
it's not a request, don't worry, I'm taking mine off too, I just want to get you in a place where
you can just relax and let me take care of you, you don't have any idea how often I've thought
about your cock in my mouth, it's shameful, if I had any shame, yeah, I like you like this,
all exposed and vulnerable, so goddamn sexy, I've always loved your body, thank you, I thought I
might be a little too curvy for you but I'm glad to know you appreciate them, I'm gonna want your
hands all over them pretty soon but in the meantime, let me say about this delicious cock,
oh
oh fuck, you taste so good,
oh so right,
I kind of love doing this in general but
there's something about blowing someone you love
and I can finally say it, I love you,
oh
a romantic blowjob, yeah, that's I guess what I want this to be,
I want you to know that I'm yours, I probably shouldn't say this but I really have trouble
saying no to you, when we're drunk, I used to make a lot of jokes about blowing you,
I wanted you to say anything like you wanted me, I would have been yours without having to say
anything and if you didn't want me after, I guess I could have just pretended I didn't remember
but that are great,
oh
oh fuck, when you say you will always want me, that's why I'll always say yes to you,
oh I hope that was good enough, is there anything else you want me to do, I'm
guess I'm really yours and fuck, do I want to make you mine but that can wait,
what are you getting out of that bed stand, fuck, holy shit, is that a strap on,
did that bitch make you take that, if she pressured you into doing something you didn't
want, I swear to god I'll fucking throw her off the roof, oh it was your idea,
yeah do you want me to
fuck you with it, if I want, Jesus fucking Christ this is so hot, I'll be gentle,
I'll be gentle, I'll take care of you, you can always trust me okay,
okay, good, are you getting hard again, you must have thought about me doing this before,
did you,
oh yeah there is nothing wrong with that, roll over and get on all fours while I put this on,
all right, let me load this up,
great, are you still okay with this, I don't want to do anything you aren't comfortable with,
well okay, hearing you ask me to fuck you like that really does something to me,
right, be careful or I might not be able to be gentle,
okay, I'm putting it in now, I'm going to go really slow okay, okay,
okay, I am halfway there, you're doing great, oh fuck this is so hot,
nearly in, just relax, I won't ever hurt you,
I am so wet right now, you wouldn't believe it, God you took all of it, yeah I guess you
you are mine now, you look so beautiful right now, like this,
this, if you aren't careful you're gonna make me come after all,
I'm gonna start moving now, it's okay to tell me to stop,
no matter how excited I get, it's always okay to tell me to stop,
stop, that's it, that's my good boy,
do you like when I say that, I heard you moan,
I really got me going, you really are my good boy,
you're taking my cock so well, fuck, you are so hot like this,
oh God please, please keep pushing back like that,
you really, really love it, don't you, fuck, you are such a good boy for me,
and I love you so much right now, do you like that, do you, do you want to come again,
do you want to come again, here I'll help with my hand okay, fuck, this is so hot, oh I love you too
baby, I won't ever let you go okay, come for me, come for me, you're my good boy and I want you to
come for me, please, please, oh fuck, like that, oh my God, that was so fucking hot,
if I had known this I would have confessed years ago, I'm gonna pull out now gently and slow okay,
yeah, let me just get this off, I want to hold you now and I want you to hold me too,
sometimes I like to be the little spoon, everybody likes to be the little spoon, it's safe,
you're, you're safe, yeah I love you too, I love you so goddamn much,
I'm so happy, I don't even, oh God, just shut the fuck up and hold me okay,
you're gonna be so insufferable about this, but only you can make me feel safe enough
to giggle like that, really, the best orgasm of your life, well okay then,
all is forgiven and the girly giggles will continue,
are you okay with me spending the night, good, I love you too,
sleep well okay, tomorrow we can talk about everything, anything baby, anything you want.