1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:19,520 Hi, I know I said I couldn't see it tonight, but I lied because I'm a coward, but I can't 2 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:20,520 do this anymore. 3 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:34,960 I need to talk to you now before I lose what little courage I have. 4 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:36,960 I think we should break up. 5 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:41,760 No, no, no, it's not that. 6 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:54,200 I do care for you, and I think I love you, but, God, no, no, I never cheat on you ever. 7 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,520 Please, please don't think that. 8 00:00:55,520 --> 00:01:02,200 I just, I can't get into it, okay? 9 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:13,280 Because I'd rather break up with you on good terms than get dumped when you find out what 10 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:17,240 I'm really like. 11 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:21,000 I'm, I'm disgusting, okay? 12 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,400 I, is that what you need to hear? 13 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,840 It really, it really isn't you at all. 14 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:28,000 It's me. 15 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,900 Can you just accept it? 16 00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:34,000 This is hard enough as it is. 17 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:39,240 There's no benefit in you knowing. 18 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:48,680 Do you really want to know? 19 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,360 Fine. 20 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:54,280 I'll tell you, and then you can kick me out. 21 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:58,240 At least it'll be a clean break. 22 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:04,400 I know I shouldn't be asking you for anything, but would you mind making me something to 23 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,400 drink? 24 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:06,400 Thank you. 25 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:07,400 Wine, please. 26 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:08,400 A lot of it. 27 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:09,400 Thank you. 28 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:32,600 Yeah, let's sit on your couch and okay, just let me finish. 29 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:41,800 I know what usually happens when I start sitting here and as lovely as this, I need to get 30 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:50,080 through this so you can get on with your life. 31 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:58,560 I was raised pretty severely, you know that I was supposed to be God's special little 32 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:06,240 virgin until I met the right man who would basically buy me from my dad and then take 33 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:12,040 me into his house and I'll make a million babies with him and never have to think for 34 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:18,480 myself again. 35 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,200 Luckily I fell in love with the wrong crowd. 36 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:26,840 As my mom would tell you, I drank, I listened to music that was angry and sexy. 37 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:30,760 I even smoked a cigarette once. 38 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:35,000 Yeah, I know my hair was dyed when you met me. 39 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:39,840 I guess I was still wild then. 40 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,760 I wasn't a virgin, you know. 41 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:46,360 You weren't my first. 42 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:52,600 You knew how. 43 00:03:52,600 --> 00:04:00,600 My jobs are too good, oh jeez, and it doesn't bother you that I lied. 44 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:06,480 Okay, well, I didn't lie. 45 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:10,280 What I mean is that I never told you I wasn't a virgin. 46 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:18,920 I let you believe I was pure. 47 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:23,680 You say that but everybody knows it matters. 48 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:29,440 No, this isn't why I'm breaking up with you. 49 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:34,720 I'm just, you know, showing you that you can't trust me. 50 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:38,480 Oh my god, fine. 51 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:39,480 I believe you. 52 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,480 I believe you. 53 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:47,080 You're just the first guy I've dated who doesn't care that I've had sex before them. 54 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:57,840 Well, yeah, I guess I did kind of have shitty boyfriends before you then. 55 00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,120 But that's the problem, isn't it? 56 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,320 You're not shitty. 57 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,320 You deserve better. 58 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:10,200 Okay, I'm getting to it. 59 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,480 Okay, I'm not trying to draw this out. 60 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,920 Believe me, I just I want you to understand. 61 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:21,720 So you know, you're not losing anything. 62 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:26,720 So you know that. 63 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,240 Okay. 64 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:35,480 So you know, sometimes how we fool around. 65 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,640 Fine, fine. 66 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:42,300 I'll use the word. 67 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:50,280 Because when we fuck, I get kind of close down. 68 00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:56,640 Yeah, most of the time, it goes like this. 69 00:05:56,640 --> 00:06:02,360 We sit on the couch, you look at me like you are now. 70 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:11,600 And you lean in and I just sort of melt into your lip. 71 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:31,320 Your hand on my breast, you take off my shirt, shit, no, stop, stop. 72 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,760 I don't want this. 73 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:38,440 I mean, I do. 74 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:45,560 Why are you making this so hard? 75 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:49,080 I guess this conversation isn't the only thing that's hard. 76 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:52,920 I'm sorry, I did not mean to work you up. 77 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:57,880 And I'm, I'm really fucking this up. 78 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,960 I don't know what to do. 79 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,200 And it's killing me. 80 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:08,360 Okay, I thought breaking up would be the best way the easiest way. 81 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,200 But I don't want to. 82 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:15,960 I want to be with you like this. 83 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:19,960 All right. 84 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,240 You've always been a good listener. 85 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:29,280 I'll just explain this to you and then maybe we can talk about it. 86 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:32,000 And if you want to dump me, I won't be angry. 87 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,000 Okay. 88 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,000 All right. 89 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:45,520 So when we get into it, and you've got my clothes off, and you're going down at me, 90 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:51,320 or fingering me or whatever, most of the time things go well, right? 91 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:59,680 Yeah, we fuck and I come more than once and you come to me and I love it and it's great. 92 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:08,680 But sometimes I just can't and I don't get wet and I shut down and it's just awful, especially 93 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,800 for you. 94 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:17,000 For one thing, let me let me do this. 95 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:21,800 Okay, you, you never make me feel bad. 96 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:26,920 You hold me, you kiss me, and it's the next day we pretend like everything is fine, but 97 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:27,920 it isn't. 98 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:33,480 And for one thing, I can tell that you're frustrated and you don't act mean or anything, 99 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:42,880 but it takes you a long time to relax and I don't take care of you like I should. 100 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:50,400 I'm just afraid that if I start again, I might ask you to do things and for another, you 101 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:51,400 blame yourself. 102 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,400 I know you do. 103 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,400 I know you do. 104 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:57,140 You ask me sometimes if you did something wrong, but you never do. 105 00:08:57,140 --> 00:09:03,760 And I tell you that, but you know, I'm lying or that I'm not telling you something and 106 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:09,160 well, you never did anything wrong. 107 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:10,160 Okay. 108 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:19,120 I just wasn't telling you what kind of freak I am, please, please. 109 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:28,840 I may not be religious anymore, but I know the difference between healthy and wrong and 110 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:35,400 I'm wrong, okay, and I can't get better. 111 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:43,040 My therapist tells me that I might never change and yes, I'm seeing a therapist for this and 112 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,920 I want to get over it, but they're not helping. 113 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:53,640 They listen to me, sure, and they're very supportive, but they won't do anything to, 114 00:09:53,640 --> 00:10:02,520 you know, help me change and they keep saying it's normal as you would think this is normal. 115 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:06,360 I'm sorry. 116 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,920 I know I'm not making any sense. 117 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:24,280 So like those times when I shut down, I'm still really aroused and I still really want 118 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:29,160 you. 119 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:51,520 I just, I just, okay, let me just. 120 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,200 I need you to be rough with me, okay? 121 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:57,320 What do I mean? 122 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,920 Are you going to make me say it? 123 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:05,480 I want you to put your hand on my hair and grip it and I want you to spank me when I'm 124 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:10,680 a little bratty and I want you to push me on my knees and I want, I want you to make 125 00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:12,400 me blow you. 126 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:18,760 I want you to push me on my back and pin my arms down when you fuck me like you're forcing 127 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:19,760 me. 128 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:23,440 I just, I just want it. 129 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:28,720 And sometimes I need it and I think about it all the time too. 130 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:35,120 When I'm working, sometimes you text me something sweet and loving and I wonder, oh, I wonder 131 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:41,040 what it would be like if you forced me right there at my desk. 132 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,040 What do you mean? 133 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,640 What do I mean? 134 00:11:45,640 --> 00:12:00,280 Like well, you come up behind me and you pull my chair out and you pull me out of it harshly 135 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:15,440 and then you feel me up really roughly and I love it, make me feel like I'm your property 136 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:22,680 and I, I ask you what you're doing, but you just chuckle and it's so sinister, but it 137 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:31,240 turns me on more and you spin me around and you push me back then you unbutton my blouse 138 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:36,840 and I wasn't paying attention and I feel so exposed. 139 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:43,280 Then you just get on your knees and lick me right through my jeans, you know, and you 140 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:51,040 bite my thigh and kiss me and sort of eat me out, but I'm still dressed and it's hot 141 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:58,240 for some reason, like you, like you can't even wait, but I also can't feel your lips 142 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:01,200 and tongue like I want to. 143 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:08,160 I ask you to take my jeans off, I beg you and you won't and I start to unbutton them 144 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:15,760 and you grab my wrists and you pin them with just one hand, you're so much stronger and 145 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:23,720 bigger than I am and I love it and I tell you that I love it and you look at me with 146 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:31,480 heat and you laugh at me, you laugh at how helpless I am and I don't get angry, I get 147 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:39,920 desperate, I need your cock inside me, I need you to hurt me, to choke me, I can't help 148 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:48,320 it and that's usually when I would just drag myself back to reality sweating and wet in 149 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:58,480 my office chair, wishing so badly for you. 150 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:04,920 Do you see? Do you understand? You're a good man, you would never beat me or choke me or 151 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:14,940 hurt me and it's awful for me to want those things and I know that. 152 00:14:14,940 --> 00:14:21,200 Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me just to make me feel better. I may not be as worldly 153 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:29,960 as you but I'm still. No, I mean, of course I trust you. I love you and I believe in you. 154 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:37,600 I really, I really don't want to break up with you. I just can't think of any other 155 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:45,160 way and it isn't right that you have to be with somebody like me. 156 00:14:45,160 --> 00:15:04,640 Okay. Fine. You're right. You listen to me. So it's only fair that I listen to you. 157 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:24,280 You don't really believe that? Because you can't. No one would think that what I want 158 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:36,640 is natural. I mean, I was almost too embarrassed to talk about it, let alone even do it. No, 159 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:41,840 I know it's, I know it's wrong. I know it's wrong. I know back when we started dating 160 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:52,160 that I still had some hang ups about sex. It made me feel dirty when I wanted it and 161 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:58,520 knew you were the right guy. I felt bad about the other people but you helped me see that 162 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:04,800 it's all right to have more than one partner and I love you for it but this is different. 163 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:16,000 How? That's, it's not natural. It's, you know, it's true. It's sick. I'm sick. You can say 164 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:31,200 that all you want but I know it's just because you, no, no, that's not fair. I'm just, it's 165 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:41,200 just gonna make things harder when I, fuck. I'm having a little difficulty thinking right 166 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:52,560 now but we have to settle this. We have to settle this now that you know the kind of 167 00:16:52,560 --> 00:17:08,660 thing that I really need. So you're, you're telling me you'd be willing to do the things 168 00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:19,960 I want you to when it disgusts you? I mean, yeah, I want you to. I don't want anyone else. 169 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:33,240 I just, I never thought you'd be all right with it. You're so, so safe. I don't mean 170 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:39,560 it as an insult. I mean, you were, you're the first man that I've ever felt safe letting 171 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:50,640 my guard down around like this. That's part of what I love about you. I trust you completely. 172 00:17:50,640 --> 00:18:09,080 So does that mean we can, you know, tonight? Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh, are you gonna make 173 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:19,840 me say it? It's embarrassing. Okay, well, if you think it's hot, then I'll do it. I'll 174 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:29,600 do anything for you. Will you fuck me please? Will you be harsh with me? Will you, will 175 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:42,640 you pull my hair and maybe choke me a little? Oh god. The way you said that, it sent shivers 176 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:50,320 down my spine. I love it. When you get possessive with me, I'm back. I really, really want to 177 00:18:50,320 --> 00:19:11,200 be yours. I am yours. I guess we do need a safe word. How about vodka? I don't like it, 178 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:23,280 so I don't say it a lot. So, um, what do you want me to? Oh, you just grabbed my hair and 179 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:41,200 oh my god. Okay, I've never seen you like this. Yes. Yes. So I'll get down on my knees. 180 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:53,640 Are you, are you taking, are you taking your cock out? You want me to blow you right here 181 00:19:53,640 --> 00:20:23,400 in the living room on the hardwood floor? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So do I? Oh god. I can't 182 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:48,200 believe you're already hard. No, no, I like it. It's good. It's good. That's it. Take 183 00:20:48,200 --> 00:21:13,920 my hair and force me down. No, no, I like it when I can't breathe. I like, I like, uh, 184 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:35,320 I get down on my hands and knees. Oh, yeah. Just push my skirt up and take what's yours 185 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:43,040 to my panties off if they're in the way. I have never been this wet, baby. Please, please, 186 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:48,480 fuck me. Fuck me and use me, please. Baby, I'm begging you. Don't make me wait. You're 187 00:21:48,480 --> 00:22:18,280 so cruel. I did not know you could be like this. Baby, tell me how bad you want to use 188 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:22,280 Can I use me? Tell me how bad you want to force me. 189 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,280 Oh, fuck, baby, that's so hard. 190 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:38,280 Do you like hurting me? 191 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:46,280 I like it. Oh, I like you hurting me. 192 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:58,280 Yeah, alright, baby, please, please, please, fuck me. I'm your little slut. 193 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,280 Yeah, you like hearing that? 194 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:08,280 Oh, you're pushing my head down on the floor. 195 00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:19,280 This is good. Yeah, I can take it. I can take it. Fuck me harder, please, please. 196 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,280 Yes, baby, I love it. I love you. 197 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:33,280 Oh, you're hitting my throat. Yeah, it belongs there. 198 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:44,280 I can't. I'm having a little trouble breathing. I'm just so close, baby, please. 199 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:51,280 Oh, God. Oh, God. I feel like you're coming inside me. I can't wait anymore. I love you. 200 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:58,280 Fuck, I'm gonna go and pee. Fuck. 201 00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:27,280 You don't need to carry me off. You already had me. Oh, you're gonna give me a bath? 202 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:38,280 That does sound really nice. Are you always gonna take care of me like this after you use me so well? 203 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:48,280 Yeah, well, I do. Oh, I do feel very silly right now. I should have spoken to you earlier. 204 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:57,280 I just, I couldn't imagine that you'd ever be willing to do this for me. 205 00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:06,280 Yeah, I think we'll, we'll work it out after all. 206 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:20,280 Yes, yes, so I'll get down on my knees. Are you, are you taking, are you taking your cock out? 207 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:30,280 You, you want me to blow you right here in the living room on the hardwood floor? 208 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:59,280 Yeah, yeah, okay. So, do I? Oh, God. I can't believe you're already hard. 209 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:12,280 No, no, I like it. It's good. It's good. 210 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:24,280 That's it. That's it. Take my hair and force my head down. 211 00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:40,280 No, no, I like it when I can't breathe. I like it. I like it. 212 00:26:54,280 --> 00:27:06,280 I get down on my hands and knees. Are you gonna fuck me now?