1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:14,440 I'm sorry, baby. You shouldn't have to see me like this. I only... I only ever wanted 2 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:25,000 to be strong for you. I wanted you to rely on me, but now you can't. I've shown you 3 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:34,080 who I really am, haven't I? And you can't unsee this. What did you dream I was like? 4 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:40,880 What did you always say you admired about me? That I'm strong? That I never let 5 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:48,920 anything get me down? What does it feel like now that you found me out? Fooled you 6 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:57,920 for a long time, didn't I? I almost made you believe some of that. I made you whole. 7 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:09,600 Well, for something you dreamed of, and now it's broken. I'm broken. And there is 8 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:23,720 nothing I can take back. You saw it happen. Why? Why are you next to me? No? Please. Please don't hold me. 9 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:30,840 You're only holding on to some idea of me that never existed, isn't it? Isn't it 10 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:35,680 better if you just leave me here? This is how it always ends. Anyways, it's 11 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:41,160 fitting, fitting that I push you away like this. I don't, I don't, I don't want 12 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:47,560 to be close to you. I'll hurt you, and none of this is fair. I wish to God 13 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:55,160 that I could just live on with you the way I almost was. Like, just an idea vague 14 00:01:55,160 --> 00:02:06,760 and tarnished by what this world has made into reality. No, I told you. Why do 15 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:13,160 you insist on this? No one, no one will ever help me out of this, don't you? 16 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:18,280 Don't think you're any different, okay? You don't know how this plays out in the 17 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:27,000 end, and I do, so just believe me. I have, I've seen this before too many times. 18 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:40,400 That, exactly that. I have felt exactly those strokes at my arm. I felt exactly 19 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:46,760 that way of you holding my hand, leaning close to me, and kissing my goddamn 20 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:53,520 forehead. I know what you think, and I know why this will end up with you 21 00:02:53,520 --> 00:03:02,920 walking out of here or holding a grudge against me until you burst. You, you start 22 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:09,360 off like this. So caring, tender, right? You believe if you just show me the love 23 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:13,720 and affection no one else has, somehow you'll turn my mood around, right? And 24 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:20,400 then what? You imagine I'll lighten up, don't you? You imagine me feeling your 25 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:24,760 pulse so close to me getting warmer inside every minute from your sweet 26 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:29,320 signs of intimacy, right? And then you think my heart rate is gonna raise and my 27 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:33,120 hands will start moving across your body and my tears will stop and my heat will 28 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:37,240 envelop you and I will grab you firmly and tell you to pin me on the wall and 29 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,800 then I'll wrap my legs around you and tell you how fucking wet you're making 30 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:50,520 me, right? And what happens when none of this ever comes? When I remain here the 31 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:57,560 same sobbing, broken fucking mess, I already know the things that you will 32 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:01,720 try to tell yourself. I know exactly how little you believe in them deep down. 33 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:13,960 Spare me. Spare us both. Just fucking, just leave me. You finally know what 34 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:19,480 you're getting yourself into. I won't satiate you by going down on you or 35 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:27,800 getting giggly with laughter with you. I'll be this. And you don't want this. You 36 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:32,960 want a girlfriend capable of giving you what you want, what you have a bodily 37 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:44,400 need for, and I can't do that. So leave me. Leave me. Don't stand here and 38 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,720 prolong the inevitable. Don't try telling yourself that you will be any 39 00:04:48,720 --> 00:05:03,520 different. What? That doesn't matter anymore. We just have to keep... We've done 40 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:09,480 that, baby. It didn't lead us anywhere. It led us right here, which is nowhere. 41 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:20,240 Square one, square none. Do you even... You love me? That sounds good. Yeah, but this 42 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:25,840 isn't some story. This is us. Do you think your love can take you through 43 00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:32,440 this? For how long? Where is the point that you just give up and leave it all 44 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:39,080 behind? I'm not that girl in your dreams. I'm not horny and cheerful. I'm not 45 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:44,320 grateful for every second of this life or at peace with myself. I'm not 46 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:52,600 your problem. Do you? Love me. Again, you said it. I can't say it. Not yet. I'm not 47 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:57,560 like you. I'm not emotionally mature or any of that other fucking impossible 48 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:06,760 shit people should be if they want to be ready for a relationship. I love you. 49 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:14,400 Fuck. I said it. Didn't... Did it make any difference to you? You said... I've said it 50 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:20,600 to myself, but it's... It's hard, okay? Look, you cannot just expect me to say 51 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:25,920 that to you every day like I know you want. And please don't lie. You want 52 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:37,400 somebody who's already dealt with all this shit. Why do you bother with me? You 53 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:44,880 try. You still stick with that. You make that sound so simple and I don't know 54 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:58,640 what I even want anymore. Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so disrespectful. Please just hold me. 55 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:22,160 I'll make it up to you somehow. Maybe I'll let you lean on me tomorrow. Maybe I'll 56 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:37,080 wake up from this and it'll all be a dream, right? You wouldn't want that. Why not? Do you 57 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:51,840 think this was a pretty sight? I just don't understand you sometimes. Really? Hearing 58 00:07:51,840 --> 00:08:13,760 me say that was important to you? Thank you. I can't say it didn't take a lot of effort, so thank you for being patient with me. Can I kiss you 59 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:29,840 again? We just have to keep trying, okay? I know... I know I just made fun of that, 60 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:38,880 but in all its simplicity, it's true. You know, it's the only thing we can do and I 61 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:46,440 want to keep doing it with you and it's okay if you get frustrated, baby, and it's 62 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:56,280 even okay if you get resentful. I want to have you with me like this, no matter 63 00:08:56,280 --> 00:09:13,080 what you happen to be. You think I, of all people, sound emotionally 64 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:32,080 mature? I love you. I said it again. Look, just don't get too used to it. Thank you, baby. 65 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:43,080 You hold me. Do you want some coffee?