All right, sit down.
Just grab a pillow.
There's about 40 of them.
So like I said, I am not the most naturally gifted at divination, so your assistance is
very much appreciated.
Always nice to have a guinea pig or two around.
You're lucky this is tarot and not another potion.
Yeah, poor Ricky.
She had it coming, all right.
You ready?
Okay, let's set some mood lighting.
Yeah, that trick never gets old.
It is a fan favorite for sure.
Okay, all right.
Now focus on an intention and draw three cards.
I know there's a lot, just whichever ones you're most drawn to.
No, you don't get to look.
What card-based activity do you ever get to look?
Okay, ready?
Oh really, that one?
Hey, it's your draw.
My intention is to get this stupid practice to feel a little bit less like Hecate is chucking
me off the Tallahatchie ass first.
Hey, I'm talented in other areas, okay?
Isn't that why we originally met?
Yeah, you got all sorts of bashing around by that fucking axe of yours.
She was barely even a witch, just some bitch with a crystal collection she probably got
from an advent calendar.
I told you before and I'll tell you again, anyone can practice the craft, but you want
to look out for the weekenders as much as the lifelong witches.
I think the ability to lay a hex with some candles and strings means that you should
run auras.
You're lucky you found me when you did, so shit would have backfired and fucked with
more people than just herself.
You're spoiled by my presence.
Okay, you know, I doubt most people, you know, have candles floating around their bedroom,
okay?
Remember the glamour spell Lamar helped me out with last month?
Well, I'm better at it than he is now, shh, don't tell.
Oh, because once I set my mind to something, I do it.
How else could my hair always look so pristine?
Thanks, that's flattering, my mom would love to hear that.
No, it's a moon tonic.
Oh, pain in the cunt to prepare, but it saves so much time and styling, I really cannot
recommend it enough.
All right, um, that's, that's three, so let's, uh, flip this first one, ooh, okay, well,
like it, don't misinterpret necessarily, so the lovers can mean, you know, romantic pairings
in your future.
If you're going off a very shallow interpretation, yeah, it can mean that, but it also can mean
being drawn in by someone or something, you know, a new, intriguing, enticing whatever
that kind of has its grips on you, and that can be good, and it's not, it's not necessarily
indicative of, you know, matrimony, but yeah, it could, it could, a lot of times it does,
but not always, so don't get ahead of yourself, you don't even know what your cards are, okay,
okay, um, tube cups, let me see if I remembered, okay, um, so, partnership, um, attraction,
and compatibility, so again, this could be a person, um, but it could also very well
be whatever this new thing is, um, and, you know, it could just mean that you, you have
this new, I don't know, if you, if you take up some new hobby or something, you become
an equestrian, or um, you, you know, start doing base jumping or anything, um, and it
just, it just means that you are, clearly it's working out for you, there is an element
or a level of compatibility, yeah, um, where that's something that you would probably want
to continue with, um, for at least, at least some time, um, but let's see, okay, um, sorry,
like I said, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm not totally off book with these, I mean, I, I am, I am,
but like, I, it's still, there's a lot of cards, okay, they, sometimes I, it, I get
them confused, um, and I forget how to interpret, um, so, Ace of Swords, if I remember, it signifies
a fresh start, so, you're kind of rolling over on your current experiences, um, a sudden
opportunity, clarity, yeah, they do seem to go together very well, um, like, kind of in
a way where I feel like they're playing pranks on me, with, yeah, they will do that, um,
and I haven't touched this deck in a bit, so that it would, that would make sense if
it was, if that's what it was doing, um, yeah, so this is a very concise reading so far,
again, it could signify a whole bunch of different shit, um, yeah, no, sorry, I'm, I'm just,
I'm racking my brain, um, it, there, it's just that it's, it's, it's rare that readings
are this kind of, um, apparent, so I'm, I'm trying to think if, cause if, it just seems
so imminent, um, and, and life changing, let me, um, let me draw another one for clarity,
clarity, clarity, okay, same thing, just same intent, one more, okay, um, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sorry, um, no, this, this, this, this,
Uh, it's not, it, it's, it's a, it's a foreboding looking card, but the death card is not, um,
it's not usually literal, but it, I guess, in some ways, it, it is, I mean, it's, as
a general rule, it's, ah, sorry, just dropping shit, um, change, impermeability, um, so,
so, whatever, basically, this, this thing that is fast approaching is going to alter
a lot, and you'll leave, you'll leave your current, um, situation behind in favor of
death, um, yeah, mm-hmm, that, yeah, no, ah, that could be, that could be, um, let me,
let me see your hand, let me see your hand, do, do you want me to read your shit or not,
come here, just, okay.
It's okay, yeah, yeah.
Oh, my aura must look so ugly right now.
Have I ever told you the story of how we met?
I know it's a weird question, you were there, um, but you don't know, well, business was
slow back then, and I had some bills to pay off ASAP, so I, um, I did a little spell,
as one does, and, well, it was kind of a big one, it took me two months to get everything
in place, and I was really in the red during that time, um, but it, it worked.
You know this, this part, um, you were the first to walk in, um, after I had cast it,
yeah, they were a gaggle of customers hot on your heels, but you were the first one
to make it in the door, this door smelled different, yeah, I couldn't place it, um,
it was, it was like some herb, some like herbal scent, and it was, it was so familiar, you
know, I knew it so well, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was or where
I had smelled it before, but it, it smelled so good, it was you, you smelled like, um,
I didn't want it to be you, I really didn't want it to be you, but I knew, I saw you,
and you looked in my eyes, and I knew instantly, no, you didn't feel it, most people don't
actually, um, contrary to popular belief, the perks of being a witch, no, see, that
first step was important, that first foot inside my door, you were the start, um, the
spell brought you, you're the kickstarter, the catalyst, once you entered, it all began
to take effect, and you can't mix business with pleasure, bad combo, everybody does that,
I knew that, when I cast this spell, I just didn't expect it to blow up so hard, so, I
know you're gonna meet someone, you're gonna meet him really, really soon, and you're gonna
be so happy, well you know, I can, I can pay my bills at least,
I shouldn't have dropped this on you, fucking asshole, that's such a dick move, are you
excited, give me a minute, I gotta compose myself, I knew this would happen, I just chose
not to look, that's probably why I'm such a terrible seer, because I, I don't wanna
see things if they're gonna be bad, it won't be bad for you, sorry, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, I'm sorry, what, question, do you want me to be more clear, are we in the same boat
here, you just can't, can't read into it, use your fucking head, that's the thing, that
is, I spent two years, just soaking in that scent, and I figured out what it was, roughly
six months after you started coming in, and it just got stronger, which, which is bullshit,
if it's going to be like this, but, have you ever looked at a photo, of a place that you've
never been, never knew it existed, probably, but you just get this sense of, you smell
like home, fuck it, fuck, you shouldn't kiss me back, don't do this, fuck, fuck, fuck,
don't do this.
You wouldn't have known.
Boy, you wouldn't have been happy.
Boy, you wouldn't have been happy.
I don't regret it.
No, it isn't.
Just some instinct.
The feelings weren't there at first.
I grew those all on my own.
When you helped.
When you drove me to that nature trail at 2 a.m.
So I could collect moss.
And when you helped me look for a familiar in the rain
because I was insecure I didn't have one yet
and my mother was coming into town and I knew that she would be.
And I remember you bought me a hot chocolate afterwards
when I still didn't have one.
I had been looking for like two hours.
I know.
It means a lot to me when you got mad at me for trying to fly.
I wouldn't have gotten hurt.
Too bad.
But it made me happy that you were afraid I would.
It's like it would hurt you too.
Can you make me laugh?
I smile because of you all the time.
Idiot.
Let me look at you.
Why did you spread out on these pillows for so long?
Let me touch your face.
It's so nice.
Should I?
Lift your arms.
Help me with it a little.
Beautiful.
You.
Can I?
We can go slow.
What do you want?
Touch me.
Good boy.
Sorry.
Anytime you prove it.
You're already so...
Is that good?
You like it?
Why don't you show me how you want me to touch you?
Move my hands.
What about this one?
Do you want to play with your balls?
You're so special.
Tighter.
Are you having fun?
That's enough.
Hands up.
Really?
Is it okay that I use magic on you?
Of course we're not done.
I've just set my mind to it.
You want me to squeeze them?
You want me to squeeze them?
What about when I circle the head like this?
I don't know how.
You taste as good as you smell.
He's struggling.
That was fine to hold.
I can feel it.
I can feel it.
I love you.
I don't know.
I don't know either.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Come here.
I love you so much more than some stupid cosmic fate has dictated.
I'm yours.
You can be mine.
Yes.
I'm shaking.
What?
I'm not wearing perfume.
Good.
It's so lovely being the only one.
Yeah, I guess I am.
I may be better at divination than I thought.
I won't let that happen.
I don't know.
I don't know what's going to come next.
But I won't let it take you.
I will not. Not from me.
I'm going to look into why you were able to break the bind, because that's weird.
That's never happened.
You know, I have a potion, just saying, that promotes longevity.
No, we don't need to use it right now.
Let me just hold you, please.
Oh yeah, the candles did come back to life.
I'm not sure when.
Those are always, they're always the first ones I light.
Whenever I come home.