1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,000 All right, all right, okay, fine! Jesus! You guys are assholes! And babies! 2 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:18,000 Didn't think I'd be reliving a high school party anytime soon. Or, you know, ever again. 3 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,000 Hell, even in high school this shit was stupid. 4 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:26,000 This is what happens when you try to cling on to your youth, you just end up embarrassing yourself. 5 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:31,000 Can you believe this? I mean, what do they expect to happen? 6 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:37,000 Like, we're actually gonna make out? Like, a couple of horny teenagers while they wait outside? 7 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,000 God damn it, my drink is out there. 8 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:47,000 What? I am not being a stick in the mud. 9 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:55,000 Sorry if I don't enjoy spending my night sucking face with whoever happens to pull a trinket out of a hat. 10 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:04,000 Okay, I guess I kind of walked into that one. I don't know. 11 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:14,000 I was momentarily swept up by the nostalgia of it, I guess. 12 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:21,000 I threw in my object as a sort of memoriam to the past. I didn't expect it to get drawn. 13 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:25,000 And I definitely didn't think it would be by you. 14 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:35,000 What? I doubt you were champing at the bit to get locked in a closet with me, either. 15 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:44,000 Speaking of, can you move your foot? It's cramped enough as is, but are you wedging me into the corner? 16 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,000 Thanks. 17 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,000 How many more minutes are left? Fuck! Well, I'll have my fun. 18 00:01:55,000 --> 00:02:01,000 Sarah better not be fucking with it. Oh my gosh, she gets so juvenile when she's drunk. 19 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:11,000 That's half the reason I came along tonight. She wanted me to keep an eye on her, and I owe her for getting me out of a bad date last week. 20 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:20,000 If she is drugged, naked, or pregnant by the time we get out of here, I'm dragging her dumb ass under a cold shower. That's it. I don't care about her hair. 21 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:26,000 I don't care about her hair. 22 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:36,000 Yeah, it was a doozy. If you want me to go into it, I will. I mean, it's kind of funny. 23 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:52,000 Well, all right, so to start, he was 45 minutes late. Super handsy. Kept going on and on about himself. I mean, that seems to be a given, right? 24 00:02:53,000 --> 00:03:04,000 And then, oh, he sprinkled in backhanded compliments the whole time about how real and down to earth he was for finding beauty in the unconventional. 25 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:12,000 Like, cool. Thanks, guy. God, I really appreciate it. You are just the kindness in your heart overflowing. 26 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:20,000 Anyway, so Sarah, bless her, pretended to be my sister and came to pick me up about halfway through. 27 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:26,000 And we made this whole scene about our grandmother being in the hospital. 28 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:37,000 Like, normally I would never use a dude for a free meal, right? That's so shitty. But the distress made it real easy to pack up the food and dip. 29 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:44,000 No one wants to ask a grieving person to leave the appetizers, right? He had the decency for that, at least. That I will give him. 30 00:03:44,000 --> 00:04:02,000 You know, I don't even know. I don't know what I was thinking. I knew I wasn't interested in him when we made the date, I guess. I was just hopeful. I don't know. 31 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:07,000 That was on me, so I guess I got what I deserved. 32 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:22,000 Oh, well. I... Someone who's less likely to call me ugly to my face at the start. Maybe take me somewhere more fun than some fancy schmancy pants restaurant. 33 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:37,000 Not that I'm not faulting the food, but he was obviously flashing his money and it was stupid and uncomfortable. You know, I like the idea of just like a picnic or a little hike, and I suggested that, but no. 34 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:52,000 Maybe you'll walk through the cemetery. The big historical one is really pretty, and it's right across from that bubble tea place. Yeah, you remember? That was fun. I had a good time that day. 35 00:04:52,000 --> 00:05:07,000 Well, you're usually a better time than random guys, anyway. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm usually better than random girls, right? 36 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:22,000 Of course! I'm your friend, I better be someone you enjoy spending time with. I bet I could beat all those other girls in three minutes flat. 37 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:43,000 Speaking of, why are we still in here? I don't have a watch, but I feel like we should have been out by now. 38 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:55,000 Do you think they left us in here? Assholes. What if I had claustrophobia, right? What if I had to pee? 39 00:05:55,000 --> 00:06:13,000 I mean, how do you pass the time in this situation? I guess we could. I don't know. No, never mind. That's dumb. 40 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:27,000 I was going to say moan, but I'd rather not stoop to that level if we can help it. I mean, Jesus, talk about juvenile. 41 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:52,000 What's the worst date you've ever gone on? Or just sexual, romantic experience? It can be anything. Tell me about the time you, I don't know, did you ever send a girl one of those little $2 roses for Valentine's Day and watch her throw it away or something? 42 00:06:52,000 --> 00:07:13,000 Maybe you made a chick wait for 45 minutes, took her to an obnoxiously overpriced restaurant, and then insinuated she was some product of shock and terror, that you were still kind enough to put your dick in while running your fingers across her knuckles any time she happened to rest them on the table. I didn't specify that earlier, but that happened to you. 43 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:39,000 No? Yeah, I know you wouldn't. You'd be an actually good date. I just have a feeling. I mean, while I told you we're friends, I know what it's like just hanging out with you. You're a fun guy. 44 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:56,000 You've never made me uncomfortable. Well, maybe a few times, but I don't know if I wouldn't count those. 45 00:07:56,000 --> 00:08:12,000 No, for one. I mean, you aren't doing anything wrong. It's weird being stuck in a closet during a hookup game with your friend, you know? But I'm not holding that against you. 46 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:33,000 Nothing. It's not relevant. Stop asking. God, I'm not about to go down the list of all the times I felt mildly uncomfortable in your presence, so drop it. Like I said, they're not useful bits of information. 47 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:45,000 It's just me feeling some sort of way for whatever reason. You don't need to concern yourself with it. 48 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:57,000 Okay, you know what? I am actually ready to put on a show, if it's what'll get us out of here. Let's do it. Let's just give in and give the people what they want. 49 00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:13,000 I'm kidding. I'm just about leaving my purse out there with that bunch of dickheads. Who knows who's going through it right now? So let's just break out the theatrics, shall we? Cool. Great. Okay. You go first. 50 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:27,000 I'm not going to laugh. I'm not going to laugh. Just do it. Just- I am a lady, okay? I don't make fun of things like that. So just fucking- 51 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:50,000 Oh no, no, sorry. No, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just- I wasn't expecting the voice crack, alright? I'm sorry. I know- I mean, you had to find that funny. I know, I know. You're going into it raw, so to speak, so I'll just- it just caught me off guard. 52 00:09:50,000 --> 00:10:03,000 There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Your body's just come through some changes. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. God, fuck, okay. 53 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:32,000 Okay. I'm rusty. I'm sorry, okay? We both know you weren't any better, okay? At least I didn't sound like my balls were doing the cha-cha. Just get- Okay, fine. Then you fuck off. I'm better at this, you should know. I- I make men weak in the knees with just my voice. 54 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:37,000 Just my voice alone. Watch, just- just- just- just listen. 55 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:59,000 Eh? See? I want to tell you, how was that? Something spectacular, right? I told you, I just needed to warm up, so now that you've got yours in, let's hear it. 56 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:28,000 Oh. Oh. No, no, no, no. Like, no, that- that was- that- that- that was, um- that's- good. Yeah, I mean, I- I'm just- it's just- I haven't- I haven't heard Minimin go at it like that. 57 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:49,000 It was- you're- do you always sound like that? No, it's just- I- no, it's just the girls in your life must feel pretty lucky, because there's- there's- there's not enough hotter, honestly, than the sounds a guy makes, and I just- that- it must- that must be- that must be gratifying for them. 58 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:59,000 Oh. Yeah? Okay, well, I'm not saying you're better than me. All right, that- that never came out of my mouth. Okay, watch this. 59 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,000 You're drowning me out! 60 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:24,000 Oh. Yeah, well, I- oh. Oh. Oh, yeah. I know you love this tight fucking- oh! Hi, Sam- oh! 61 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:45,000 Jesus, I can say the same to you! Do you know how long you've left us in here? 62 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:49,300 I thought you'd appreciate a little show since the passage of time clearly wasn't factoring 63 00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:52,000 into our escape. You're welcome. 64 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,000 Anyway, where's my bag? 65 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,000 You didn't let anyone tamper with it, right? 66 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:02,000 Oh my god! Lady, you smell like my grandpa's liquor cabinet. 67 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:06,000 Do you remember that you and your boyfriend are re-shingling your parents' roof tomorrow? 68 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:12,000 Yeah, well, that would stay fresh on your mind if you hadn't locked me in a closet for 30 minutes. 69 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:19,000 Well, I'm guesstimating. Leave my phone next time. 70 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,000 What? No, shh! That's... 71 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:28,000 I didn't want to stop saying dumb shit. I know... 72 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,000 I don't want to talk about that. 73 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,000 No, she's fine. 74 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,000 I'm actually going to get her home. Deshawn's better at playing guardian than I am. 75 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:41,000 If you hear that, you drunk bitch, your boyfriend's gonna wrap you in blankets and hold back your hair. 76 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:46,000 Provided I can get you home in time before you turn the inside of my car into a modern art exhibit. 77 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:50,000 Again. Anyway... 78 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,000 I gotta go. 79 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:57,000 It's been a delight. 80 00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:01,000 I'll see you around, obviously. 81 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:05,000 Have a great rest of your night. 82 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:14,000 It was fun. 83 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:18,000 Um, actually... 84 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:21,000 You know that cemetery idea? 85 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:27,000 Yeah, well, the weather... I mean, it's been so nice lately. I've been wanting to go back. 86 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:32,000 Would you want to make it like a date? 87 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:38,000 Or like a hangout? I mean, I don't know if that sounded awkward. 88 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:41,000 Yeah? 89 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,000 Cool, that'll be fun. 90 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:49,000 We can get bubble tea. I can finally try that one flavor. What was it? 91 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:55,000 Oh yeah, matcha and cheese. 92 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:58,000 My hair back. 93 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:05,000 On a first date. 94 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:10,000 Yeah, well, enjoy it sucker, because I already know you. 95 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:18,000 Which means that any date after can rely on more fun and less chit chat. 96 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:24,000 So I'm thinking zip lining over the gorge? They do bungee jumping too. 97 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:30,000 Don't worry, the shared anxiety, it'll bring us together. 98 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:59,000 Plus, it'll give me a nice preview of what your screams sound like.