Hey.
Are you okay if I sit?
I'm sorry I stormed out like that.
You know, I lashed out and started to raise my voice and I know that we really try to avoid that.
I got frustrated and I needed some space to cool down because I don't want to yell at you.
So I'm sorry that I did.
It was, it was not okay. Are you okay?
I mean, it's fine if you're still mad, obviously. Should we, is this a good time to talk about it or do you need more time?
Okay. Do you mind if I, if I go first?
So, the reason why I got so upset was because I, I, okay, I know we've both been working really hard lately
and so it's, it's been tough getting quality time together and I've, I mean, I've been going for that promotion obviously
and I was, I was looking forward to relaxing and going on an actual date.
I mean, I'm just generally exhausted and restless at the same time just because I feel like if I'm not moving then I'm not getting anything done.
But I'm so tired. I just wanted to chill and do something fun, like go out somewhere and get dressed up, obviously.
Because, you know, it's been a while and I just, I miss doing things with you apart from eating on the couch together after work, you know, and then we both are just exhausted and can barely manage the dishes and go to bed straight away.
And I, we had this date all set and I was just, I, I was pumped for it, you know, and, and this morning you just seemed like, you know,
you just seemed uninterested, which, look, I'm not, I, I get it because you got called in and that sucks.
No one likes that, but you ended up letting them keep you later than you said you would and I know that sometimes you just can't do anything about that.
It's your job, you have an obligation and, but it just, it, you know, it added up.
And, and I, I asked you later in the day, like, hey, this is kind of taking a while, like I, I, I would, I would like to know, you know, should, should we just do a rain check on this?
Like, I'm, I, I would, I would rather know now if, if I should just spend the day, you know, relaxing, like put on my PJs and just sprawl out and just, you know, laze about.
I didn't, I, I don't want to, like, wait around all day waiting for something and we're just wasting more and more of that time that we had previously allotted for, you know, various things.
And you
just said, no, no, no, I'll be home. So I just, I, I said, okay, well, I'll take his word for it. So I got dressed and I was just waiting.
And then you stop answering my calls. And I know, I know your phone died. I'm not blaming you for that. It just, again, it was just something that, like, was just built on all the other stuff.
And, and, you know, a lot of that stuff isn't your fault. It's just my recent overload and I,
I mean, you do need another charger, but I was, I was, I was snappy with you when you came in, which I'm obviously that made you snappy.
You know, you just walk in and I'm just nagging and pissy and, and I could tell you were tired. You were just, you had so little energy at that point. And it was obvious that you were not really wanting to do anything anymore.
You were just still dressed up. And I, I just, I could tell you were, you know, if we did anything, you would be like forcing yourself through it.
And I just got, it just has upset me because, you know, I had been waiting for three weeks for this and I was just, you know, I had my makeup on, I had done my hair and I, I already, I,
it made me feel like I was just wasting time. You know, like I was, I wasn't worth setting time aside for.
And I know, again, I know that sometimes you just have to go in, you just have to do what the boss says.
And I know that you were zapped and I completely understand that. I mean, we had planned this to be on a free day so that we could just focus on each other.
But I just, I was just pushed to the side, you know, all day. And then you came back late and exhausted and stressed. And it, it just felt like you, like you weren't putting in the effort.
That I thought that you should.
Or that you could and.
I'm sorry, baby.
What did I say?
Hey, hey, hey, it's okay. Can you, you know, just tell me what's wrong, okay?
Do you just not want to say or do you not want me to know?
Because I want to know, okay? I want to know what I just, what clearly triggered this. Hey, give me your hand, okay? It's okay.
We can work this out.
No, no, don't, don't be dumb, okay? You know, you can cry in front of me. It's okay.
Don't be embarrassed, baby. Don't apologize. You can tell me.
Baby, come here. It's okay. Let's curl up here.
Just going to rub your back, okay?
What do you mean you're afraid of that?
I don't even really remember what I, what I said. What do you mean?
Hmm.
I don't think so, honey.
Yeah, no, I know, I know. I, I said that, but I meant for today. I thought you weren't putting in the effort today. Not that you usually don't. I mean, Jesus, I know you work hard.
Okay, I know you put in a lot of effort, and I've honestly been really impressed with how on top of things you've been recently, but I don't expect that all the time.
We're for everything, and baby, if it's stressing you out this bad, then it's okay to take a breather. I don't want you running yourself into the ground. That's no good.
You don't need to feel insecure about that.
Okay, I mean, I know you're, I can't make you feel any particular way, but I, you should know that just because I am going for a promotion doesn't, it doesn't mean that you need to match me, you know?
You don't need to meet me at every milestone. Our lives are not, we're not the same person.
I'm not going to leave you behind just because I have accomplished something that you haven't or that you're currently, you know, I, I don't sit here and compare us like that.
What's important to me, what's important to me, is that we continue to grow, okay? Is that we grow alongside each other. That doesn't mean that all our check marks have to match.
I mean, fuck, otherwise we would have never gotten together in the first place, because when we met, I mean, you were doing leagues better than I was, and you took pity on me, and now we're just, we're more evened out, you know?
But that's, that's only achievement wise. I've matured since then, and I can tell that you have too.
If you were the same now as when we first met, we would not have lasted this long.
And I know you would have dumped me. We have just met each other, at the very least at every other step. We're in a three legged race here, but it's,
we're doing what we're supposed to do, you know? We're still making good progress.
And you put in a lot of effort to get where you are now as a person.
And I, maybe I think about that all the time. Sometimes I'm just, I'm blown away with how much I love you.
You were just my person, and I choose you every day. I, I look at you and I go, that's, that's what I want.
That is the asshole of my choosing. And, God, I am just so proud of you. Do you know that?
Maybe I don't say it enough. I try to show it, but I should probably just outright say it more, because I am just so, so proud of you all the time.
Every day. Even when you get on my nerves, you know? You can't help it. I just, oh.
You know, you do the work to make me feel that way. Even if you aren't necessarily doing it for me or our relationship.
Just, you improve yourself. Even in little ways, you know? And that's hard. It's hard. And it's, it's very admirable.
I mean, obviously, some of it just comes naturally with age and experience, so you can't take credit for that. Actually, wait, no.
I take that back. Yes, you can. Because some people, they just stagnate. They, they hit 14 years old and they never get any older than that.
Like, my fucking step-cousin. I, ooh. No, sorry. I'm not getting started on that. She and her asshole show dogs are keeping out of those conversations. I can save that for another time. Anyway.
I am not expecting you to keep up with every goal, you know? I hope that you wouldn't expect the same from me, because there's some shit that you're on sometimes where I'm like, I can't, that's too much.
It's impressive. But like, Jesus. And what I, what I need from you, more than anything, is just to be here.
I want, you know, support. And I want to support. That's, that's what I felt was lacking earlier. And I, I know that's also hypocritical of me, because I've been practically absent lately.
So, expecting you to operate on my watch versus, you know, a shared clock, that isn't fair. And I know that that's something I have to work on. And I'm sorry.
And I understand now why you've been working those grueling hours lately. And I, I appreciate the dedication, baby. I really do. But I want you to know it's not necessary, you know?
I'm not disappointed in you as a person or us as a couple if you are not matching me every step of the way.
I want a partner, you know, not a clone. God, I could not, I could not date myself.
So, you know, it's one thing. If our situation ends up calling for it, then that's different. And we'll have that discussion if and when we get there.
I do appreciate it. And I know, I know you're doing your best. You are already doing all that I could ask. You are such a good boyfriend.
In our off days, you're just, you're ultimately so good. And I am constantly seeing that.
Can I keep holding you?
Thanks, baby.
And you can cry if you want. I know that you don't really like doing it, but it's good to just get it out. I want you to be comfortable, you know?
And it's definitely not embarrassing.
I was, I was waiting to tell you this on our date.
But oh, buddy boy, I ate shit on the escalator today.
Like, oh, it was bad. Like if some kid managed to film it and put it on TikTok, I could only applaud them. I don't know. I mean, I feel like I would have to buy them lunch, and I would want the raw file.
Okay, so well, you were gone, and I was just trying to pass the time, so I went out to go do like a couple errands.
So, okay, so I was trying to go up the down escalator, first of all, well, because the other one was out, and I was, I was too lazy to walk the distance to the stairs. It's like a full 30 feet.
So I, no, no, no, no one was on it. I'm not, I'm not an asshole. I'm just a fucking idiot. So anyway, I'm frantically dashing up the escalator, you know, because you have to, when suddenly the toe of my shoe catches on my other goddamn ankle, and I trip, right?
I fall, I land hard on the stairs, scuff up my hands, I make some horrible wheezing wail as I take the impact. And, you know, because of physics and gravity, my dress in the chaos of it all flips up and goes all the way up my back.
I am ass out, buddy. I am mooning everybody. Well, I mean, I would have if I hadn't been wearing the thong that I picked out for today.
But there I was, sprawled out like a sexy dead dog, blasting my globes. They're gleaming under the fluorescence, and I'm freaking out because I'm afraid my hair's gonna get caught in the escalator and crush me up like raspberry preserves. And at this point, I'm heading down, obviously, and someone at the bottom starts to ask if I'm okay. I cut them off by gasping like a bagpipe, and I shoot my head up, hurt my neck.
Oh, yeah, no, it was really good. So anyway, I don't I don't think tears reach nearly the same level of shame. Not that it's a competition. I know. I know. I'm so sorry. I was waiting to tell you under the stars. That's okay. I'll humiliate myself again for next time.
Or maybe you should. Right, since I did it this time.
Oh, I like that. That's good. It'll be like swapping war stories.
Will you marry me?
Sorry, that just came out.
Oh, no. No, sorry. Not that. I meant, I had. I had. Oh, God, I had planned to make it more special. It was going to be like officially romantic. I will happily do it again. And you don't even have to give an answer right now. You can absolutely you can wait for the more polished version.
But
Yeah.
I want to marry you.
The plan for a long time.
I know we've lightly discussed it. I'm, I'm fine having deeper conversations before any agreements are made. I just
I love you so deeply.
We just we mesh so well. I mean, it's like I said,
you're my you're my person. And I mean, we've been living together for.
Look,
I'm not saying this expecting much to change, you know, other than I get to call you my husband.
You're still you.
Can I kiss you?
Yes.
Thank you.
Oh, God, I feel like such a dick.
Because I had this whole thing planned. I wasn't like it was still mostly conceptual, but like some of it.
Can I still do it? Can I still hit you with it? Please.
Well, I'm not going to tell you when it's a surprise. It has to be a surprise.
Wait, I did you want to be the one proposing
because we can do both.
I am perfectly happy to give and receive.
Wait, is that why you're marrying me?
Marry me.