Wait, really? Are you serious?
Why didn't he tell me that? I was just talking to-
Oh god. That- He is so-
Oh. Sorry. Excuse me. Just a sec.
Hey. You okay?
You just look a little-
I know you don't know many people here. I'm sorry if I made you feel left out. I just hadn't talked to those guys in so long.
Are you sure?
Well, I just kind of figured because the kitchen is where I usually go when I'm feeling awkward at a party.
You know, you get to stuff your face and give off an impression of intention, right?
Like, you're not hiding out. You're here for a reason. And that reason is partaking in all of the good-
Oh, Spingy Boy has me the chips.
So you're sure you're okay?
Because I just didn't want- Oh. Oh.
Oh, hold on. I'm sorry. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no.
What the fuck is this flavor bursting inside of my mouth?
Let me see the bag.
Euro flavor? Oh my god. It tastes like vomit. It tastes like actual fucking vomit in my mouth.
It tastes like Alexander the Great puked in the flavor duster.
Oh god damn it. Oh, well that was a fucking bust.
Oh my god, have you tried these?
Ugh, okay. Anyway, so, you're sure you're fine?
You say you're great, but you look glazed over. Are you just bored?
If you want to leave, I'll join you, if that's cool. I wasn't planning on staying long.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I would just have to say goodbye to Ella and- Oh, and I have to find Drew again.
I just found out through someone else, mind you, that he got his promotion, finally.
And I- I mean, I want to congratulate him. I don't- like, how are you gonna not- I was just talking to you, dude.
How are you not gonna tell me and then I hear it through Rachel? That is just-
Ugh, he is too humble sometimes. What a sweetheart.
Ugh, he is great. He and I actually met because he told off a guy that was trying to cut in front of me at Starbucks.
It was a very real knight in shining armor moment.
Because I was already late and afraid of confrontations, so saved my ass.
Oh yeah, oh my god, I was terrified of this dude. I mean, you would be too, but Drew stepped in, so I paid for his coffee, you know?
Like, it was the least I could do. He wasn't even in the line. He just saw it and said something, like a true hero.
And then we just happened to find out that we had mutual friends a couple weeks later because we, like, a bunch of us met up.
He's kind of like a meek cute. He is so sweet. I am so glad he's gained the recognition he deserves.
I mean, he really did earn this, you know? Oh my- oh, again, why am I still letting- why are you letting me eat these?
Don't- one more. No, oh my god. Oh, that's so gross. Okay, that's enough.
Take these away from me, burn them in a fire. I'm gonna go find Drew and Ella, and then I'll be back.
Oh, it gets worse as you chew.
Hey. Hey, wait, wait, wait. Hey, what? I said I was coming back. Are you already leaving?
I'm sorry. I know it took a while. There were a lot of hugs. I just- oh.
Oh, are you sure?
I know you live close, but I was just gonna- I was gonna drive you back. My car has heated seats.
Hey, are you, like, okay? Like, are you really okay?
Did something happen?
No, is it just- I'm sorry if it felt like I was pressuring you about the car thing.
I mean, you can obviously- your time is your own, you know? You can leave whenever you want. I just-
I mean, I don't want to spend more time with you, but there's no obligation.
If you want to make your way home, then that's- that's on you, you know? You can- it's whatever. That's- it's fine.
Why? Because you're my friend? And I want to hang out with my friend? Duh.
Why do you think I begged you to come to this thing?
To- if it was to be nice, I wouldn't have tried so hard. I mean, I know I- I got distracted.
I spent a lot of time with other people tonight, but I mean, you could have come anyway.
You know Ella, you're friends, you were invited, but I bugged you about it.
Because I like having you around.
You have good arm candy.
Yeah, I guess technically Drew would make good on that too.
I mean, but you know, I'm- I'm just-
Are you serious?
Like, for real?
Is that why- are you jealous?
I- no, no, I'm sorry. I am- I am not. I am not laughing at you, I promise. I just- I-
I don't like Drew.
No, I don't.
Look, okay, I- I've known him for years, right? And in all of that time, nothing has happened.
And not because I wanted it to and just the timing was bad or like he never tossed me any scraps or whatever.
I'm just- I'm genuinely not into it.
And there have been times where we've had the opportunity to explore something or pursue whatever and nothing, you know?
Just- it's- it's not my jam.
And I can't say how he feels. I think it's pretty similar to me, but I- even if he was madly in love with me, I wouldn't say yes.
I just- I'm- I'm just not interested.
Yeah, I- look, okay, Drew is- yes, he is sweet and funny and talented and smart and- oh, yes, and handsome.
I'm not blind to that, right? I'm- but neither are you.
What I'm saying is yes, he is all of those things. Can't deny it, can't not notice it, okay?
They kinda hit you like a 16-wheeler.
But that's just the thing, like I'm picking up on it the same way as you are, right?
Okay? There are traits that he has, but they don't dictate how I have to feel about him.
I don't fall for every good-looking, hard-working humanitarian.
Do you?
Oh, thank God. Because that- that is too much competition for me.
Duh. I like you.
I've liked you since, um, remember Jessie's birthday?
Yeah. The day after that.
What do you think?
Because you're smart and funny and sweet and handsome.
Yeah, okay, well, I know I said all that about Drew, but it's different with you. You're different.
You're obviously different. Otherwise, I'd- I'd be in there.
Sucking his dick. I don't know. I wouldn't be, like, fretting over what to wear whenever I see you,
or, uh, if I am being too obvious and scaring you away every time I laugh at your jokes,
are legitimately funny most of the time, and the times on the arm. I still like you.
And I wouldn't be getting jealous over Kiara.
Why? Because she is so stinking cute and giggly, and, I mean, she was pawing at you, man.
Did you not notice, or were you just soaking in the attention? I don't blame you.
Okay, but it's just, historically, once she sinks her claws in, that's it. It's done.
They are, like, enraptured for the next four years, even if they only go out for two weeks.
That's just how it is, and I got nervous. Really, really nervous.
Um, I, maybe I should come clean.
I was trying to kind of make you jealous a little bit.
Okay, yes, it is shitty, I acknowledge that, but I wasn't really, I didn't launch into it with that intention.
It just kind of happened, I just, I, you know, not like full thrusters or anything, but just,
maybe I praised him more, and hugged him more, and talked about him more than I normally would,
and I, I don't know, it was, it was childish and desperate, and I didn't really think it was going to work,
but, I mean, did it? No, but I mean, did it, do you like me, or is your ego just bruised by the comparison?
It's two different things, and if it's the latter, it shouldn't be, you know, you're, you're not Drew,
I like it like that, you're amazing, and you've got your own shit that makes you you, and that is something that I've always, uh,
if you do like me back, do you like me back? Oh, thank God, you have no idea how happy this makes me.
Do you want to go back to your place? Um, or actually, do you want to come back in, just for a second?
I kind of want to show you off. I told you you're good-arm candy.
And then, maybe we can get some actual food?
Please help the taste of Aristotle's asshole in my mouth. Those chips are diabolical.
What? What? Oh, no. Can you taste it? Oh, no. Wait, no, no, no, let me pop them in. I might have some gum. Hold on.
Curse you, Lays. I'm writing them. I am. Okay, you know what?
Now we're definitely going back in because I have to find whoever brought those chips, and I have to shove the rest of the bag all the way up their ass.