okay okay you can do this you can just just just walk out just walk out and
pretend like you haven't been hiding in the bathroom for ten minutes because he
entered your line of sight because that just it's just you just do it just go
just what is he doing here anyway why would you go to a work outing when
you're finally using your vacation days oh is this mandatory shit glad I showed
up I need to stop just skimming the emails maybe that's why he's looking
extra nice no no no mm-hmm you're not doing this don't focus on him he is just
here because he has to be okay his presence means nothing it contributes
nothing and it should take nothing away from your evening he's here
you're subconscious it's just a fact he is here that sounds underlined no just
kind of more like he's here yeah like that like that that's a good that's good
okay it's it's just it's an unimportant fact he's just a co-worker at a work
outing don't get excited don't pay attention don't get your hopes up just
behave like normal and have a good time right as good a time as you can at a
work outing which is what this is that you only went to because they said the
food would be comped maybe that's why he came to it wasn't to see me no oh my god
no of course it was get oh you are going to make chit-chat with your co-workers
and enjoy your free food and relish in the chance to finally wear this new
dress well newish has kind of been when I buy this like five months ago oh no
wait should I have washed this before does it smell like dusty no okay oh thank
god oh it has been uninhabited for a while but you know what actually even if
I did stink which I don't right no okay guess I am good okay I and I look good I
smell fine and even if I didn't he couldn't smell me anyway and I I look
nice honestly my hair is actually cooperating my lipstick is staying on so
far right oh wait duty check okay eyes don't look as tired as they feel which
is good he said he liked my makeup once but this isn't the same style I was
wearing done quit it okay is it regardless I look fucking cute and you
want to look cute just it doesn't matter who's there you just add an outing at
any kind of public place you just want to look cute you know cute with a touch
of sexy hello hip to waist ratio hello ass oh wait is this too much ass is this
like inappropriate for the occasion it doesn't feel like it I got to have been
in check assuming they'll say that I don't understand okay folding myself
over like a taco and whoa almost too short god damn it I should probably
wrap something around my waist just in case I didn't bring a sweater oh I could
borrow his and then let him get an up close glimpse that I'm gonna fucking
punch myself in the face you stop that you always do this you always fixate on
him and then when it inevitably goes nowhere you go home with your feelings
hurt and it's bullshit okay it's pathetic be an adult make your own fun
don't let a crush determine how you feel when there's so many better things to
spend your energy on like okay time to go back out people are gonna think you
are either doing drugs or using an extensive amount of toilet paper here
she's always fun and I think she said Matthew's on this so two delightful people to
spend my time with this will be good unless Matthew decided to bring his
boyfriend along oh he sucks dude and he consistently smells like he swims in a
sea of frat boys before going out I mean he's nice but he's arrogant and
patronizing and he thinks that bathing in cologne and hair product is the key
to social climbing what are you even getting out of him
Matthew musky blowjobs I'm sticking with it Matthew your boyfriend's a dick hey
sorry there was a line that's it just keep your attention on Selena I'm not
looking at you you are out of sight and mind and I don't even notice that you're
here I'll have to remind myself like oh that's right you came sorry I've been so
distracted how's your vacation going oh good good that's great sorry you had to
come to this thing once I've been a buzzkill you'd have to come back into
town for it right I mean we only got the email yesterday wait are you just
staying at home I didn't peg you for a vacation kind of guy did just pick out
that way this time I get just needing a break if you're interested I know some
really awesome spots you can get to pretty quick actually I do little day
trips all the time maybe you can join me yeah I could like totally show you
around them this week and if you're down really yeah I would honestly loved it
there's this one location actually that I've been wanting to take you to for a
few months now so I I have to get back actually hmm I have to I have to listen
to Selena tell me about her age always latest attempt to strip everyone's lawn
of any character whatsoever so it was great talking to you thanks for reminding
me of your presence fucking kidding even in my own goddamn fantasy are you fucking
serious three months ago daisies were fine look I okay I get not allowing the
giant inflatable year-round Santa Homer okay I get that but this woman is a
nightmare oh hey Matthew hi Charles and the barely hidden
grandma's no yeah of course ignore us and turn all of your attention on our
boss she and her sensitive nose love that you are just oozing with charisma
aren't you Chuck oh out loud oh my god shit I made eye contact of course I
looked at you first I'm so fucking obsessed with your opinion of me god
damn it I must look like such a bitch wait are you laughing oh thank god okay
oh wait are you laughing at me fucking up is that a nervous laugh because I'm
in hot water with Charles or is it because you think he acts like he smelled
how could you not you'd have to be severely lacking in brain function
uh wait I'm sorry what are you serious Chucky fucking cheese you're gonna turn
your attentions on him so he laughed so what I was the one who said it he just
had the ability to perceive what an egregious asshole you are and react
accordingly don't you do it don't you mention it do you know you sound like a
mean girl Charles go back to Disney Channel you walking cliche fuck off now
I have to say it and I spent so much time tonight not even letting myself
acknowledge hair it gives them like an edge I don't like your hair oh my god it
is too short and the barber fucked up the sides did you go to Edward scissor
hands why would you mess with it when the previous doll worked so well like
was it an accident was it all an accident I honestly can't imagine why
you would ask for this result or what you were even trying to go for and I
told you in the past how much I liked your cut what was that not good enough
incentive to keep it don't like me I'm just the chick you work with that traps
you in conversation and stares at you like a creep thinking I'm being sly and
you're the guy that still looks fucking handsome even with that stupid new
haircut because that's how much I like you oh fuck off Charles you smell like
daddy's fancy boy oh yeah please roll your eyes at me in my defense of the
pitiful man's haircut you think you're special Charlie think you're some
underappreciated artist in a circle of pedestrians you think I don't have eyes
we all have eyes we were all polite enough to keep our mouths shut or make
neutral comments I've embarrassed myself enough for the night do don't make me do
it again yeah it reminds me kind of of like an avant-garde fashion look like
like Mad Max meets sick dish you know that famous Turkish designer it's very
like on brand with her newest editorial I've actually seen a lot of guys get
that cut in the past few weeks oh Jesus please don't call me on my shit it'd be
so easy that's where the courts of Versailles I would be massacred I am not
a politician just back off and give your boyfriend some much-needed attention
ooh fuck I don't like that smirk pump the brakes fuckface oh Matthew how far
have you gotten on that huge-ass Lego set wait really tiny dude do you have
pictures okay crisis averted oh let's just get through this and go home oh my
god that is massive what is that like the entire wizarding world
oh okay yeah I'll see you on Monday bye
oh hey yeah that was fun are you are you going this way yeah yeah it looks like
we're the only ones on this side of the parking lot excellent hmm oh no hey
don't worry Charles is a pain in the ass I honestly don't know why Matthew stays
with him he's a catch yeah maybe if he got your hair I mean he sorry no I mean
that was shitty of him to say I don't know why he what no I mean I I I like
how it kind of phrase and sticks out over here shit wasted by my own
okay yeah it's not the most flattering cut but it works on you I'm serious I
honestly am and that should tell you something it's just like did you tell the
barber to do it blindfolded okay I'm sorry it's just a question I it's just
it really is pretty rough didn't I tell you time and time again how good it
looked before a trim how do you get this from a trim was he wearing big foam
hands was he roller skating at the same time I don't know I can't even stand
still in skates are you going to sue no one would blame you I bet you just sat
there didn't you he showed you the finished result and you just took it like
a coward it's okay we've all been there remember when I got bangs and I tipped
her like 30% granted that was largely my face shape and not the result of dr.
fucking Frankenstein well I'm glad you weren't going for such a big change I
was worried you found my advice untrustworthy yeah anyway I better get
going I'm waking up early tomorrow to marathon shitty zombie movies so have a
great rest of your vacation okay and walk away head held high you've got to
have a fun casual conversation with your friend slash co-worker which is just
always fun just generally fun and now you get a drive home filled with
podcasts and a room with cozy blankets and Hulu in a hot shower I have got to
wash this dress because I have definitely gotten anxiety sweats all over
it wasn't tonight fun tonight was fun see how chill things are when you don't
pain your hopes on someone else's attention hmm sorry what did what'd you
say oh yeah you you remember that well I mentioned it like two months ago yeah
yeah yes yeah I I would love to go I've been wanting to go again it's
um it's about a two-hour drive though is that okay with you yeah well yeah I'm in
it's beautiful there I can't wait to show you there's this waterfall in this
cute little town with a cafe and it has an old-timey fudge shop oh we can take
the trolley I'm sorry I'm getting a little spastic what'd you say cute oh uh yeah an
early start would be best I can I can be up whenever are we are we carpooling or
oh my god yes please all right sick um what time would you be wanting to get on
the road oh yeah oh yeah that sounds great that's totally totally good
totally good I'm I'm really looking forward to it oh I'll I yeah I'll see
you tomorrow then I'll text you my address drive safe oh my god
oh my god