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okay okay you can do this you can just just just walk out just walk out and

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pretend like you haven't been hiding in the bathroom for ten minutes because he

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entered your line of sight because that just it's just you just do it just go

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just what is he doing here anyway why would you go to a work outing when

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you're finally using your vacation days oh is this mandatory shit glad I showed

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up I need to stop just skimming the emails maybe that's why he's looking

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extra nice no no no mm-hmm you're not doing this don't focus on him he is just

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here because he has to be okay his presence means nothing it contributes

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nothing and it should take nothing away from your evening he's here

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you're subconscious it's just a fact he is here that sounds underlined no just

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kind of more like he's here yeah like that like that that's a good that's good

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okay it's it's just it's an unimportant fact he's just a co-worker at a work

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outing don't get excited don't pay attention don't get your hopes up just

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behave like normal and have a good time right as good a time as you can at a

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work outing which is what this is that you only went to because they said the

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food would be comped maybe that's why he came to it wasn't to see me no oh my god

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no of course it was get oh you are going to make chit-chat with your co-workers

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and enjoy your free food and relish in the chance to finally wear this new

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dress well newish has kind of been when I buy this like five months ago oh no

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wait should I have washed this before does it smell like dusty no okay oh thank

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god oh it has been uninhabited for a while but you know what actually even if

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I did stink which I don't right no okay guess I am good okay I and I look good I

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smell fine and even if I didn't he couldn't smell me anyway and I I look

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nice honestly my hair is actually cooperating my lipstick is staying on so

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far right oh wait duty check okay eyes don't look as tired as they feel which

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is good he said he liked my makeup once but this isn't the same style I was

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wearing done quit it okay is it regardless I look fucking cute and you

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want to look cute just it doesn't matter who's there you just add an outing at

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any kind of public place you just want to look cute you know cute with a touch

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of sexy hello hip to waist ratio hello ass oh wait is this too much ass is this

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like inappropriate for the occasion it doesn't feel like it I got to have been

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in check assuming they'll say that I don't understand okay folding myself

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over like a taco and whoa almost too short god damn it I should probably

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wrap something around my waist just in case I didn't bring a sweater oh I could

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borrow his and then let him get an up close glimpse that I'm gonna fucking

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punch myself in the face you stop that you always do this you always fixate on

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him and then when it inevitably goes nowhere you go home with your feelings

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hurt and it's bullshit okay it's pathetic be an adult make your own fun

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don't let a crush determine how you feel when there's so many better things to

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spend your energy on like okay time to go back out people are gonna think you

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are either doing drugs or using an extensive amount of toilet paper here

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she's always fun and I think she said Matthew's on this so two delightful people to

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spend my time with this will be good unless Matthew decided to bring his

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boyfriend along oh he sucks dude and he consistently smells like he swims in a

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sea of frat boys before going out I mean he's nice but he's arrogant and

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patronizing and he thinks that bathing in cologne and hair product is the key

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to social climbing what are you even getting out of him

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Matthew musky blowjobs I'm sticking with it Matthew your boyfriend's a dick hey

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sorry there was a line that's it just keep your attention on Selena I'm not

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looking at you you are out of sight and mind and I don't even notice that you're

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here I'll have to remind myself like oh that's right you came sorry I've been so

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distracted how's your vacation going oh good good that's great sorry you had to

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come to this thing once I've been a buzzkill you'd have to come back into

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town for it right I mean we only got the email yesterday wait are you just

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staying at home I didn't peg you for a vacation kind of guy did just pick out

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that way this time I get just needing a break if you're interested I know some

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really awesome spots you can get to pretty quick actually I do little day

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trips all the time maybe you can join me yeah I could like totally show you

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around them this week and if you're down really yeah I would honestly loved it

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there's this one location actually that I've been wanting to take you to for a

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few months now so I I have to get back actually hmm I have to I have to listen

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to Selena tell me about her age always latest attempt to strip everyone's lawn

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of any character whatsoever so it was great talking to you thanks for reminding

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me of your presence fucking kidding even in my own goddamn fantasy are you fucking

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serious three months ago daisies were fine look I okay I get not allowing the

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giant inflatable year-round Santa Homer okay I get that but this woman is a

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nightmare oh hey Matthew hi Charles and the barely hidden

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grandma's no yeah of course ignore us and turn all of your attention on our

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boss she and her sensitive nose love that you are just oozing with charisma

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aren't you Chuck oh out loud oh my god shit I made eye contact of course I

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looked at you first I'm so fucking obsessed with your opinion of me god

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damn it I must look like such a bitch wait are you laughing oh thank god okay

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oh wait are you laughing at me fucking up is that a nervous laugh because I'm

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in hot water with Charles or is it because you think he acts like he smelled

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how could you not you'd have to be severely lacking in brain function

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uh wait I'm sorry what are you serious Chucky fucking cheese you're gonna turn

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your attentions on him so he laughed so what I was the one who said it he just

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had the ability to perceive what an egregious asshole you are and react

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accordingly don't you do it don't you mention it do you know you sound like a

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mean girl Charles go back to Disney Channel you walking cliche fuck off now

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I have to say it and I spent so much time tonight not even letting myself

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acknowledge hair it gives them like an edge I don't like your hair oh my god it

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is too short and the barber fucked up the sides did you go to Edward scissor

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hands why would you mess with it when the previous doll worked so well like

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was it an accident was it all an accident I honestly can't imagine why

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you would ask for this result or what you were even trying to go for and I

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told you in the past how much I liked your cut what was that not good enough

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incentive to keep it don't like me I'm just the chick you work with that traps

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you in conversation and stares at you like a creep thinking I'm being sly and

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you're the guy that still looks fucking handsome even with that stupid new

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haircut because that's how much I like you oh fuck off Charles you smell like

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daddy's fancy boy oh yeah please roll your eyes at me in my defense of the

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pitiful man's haircut you think you're special Charlie think you're some

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underappreciated artist in a circle of pedestrians you think I don't have eyes

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we all have eyes we were all polite enough to keep our mouths shut or make

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neutral comments I've embarrassed myself enough for the night do don't make me do

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it again yeah it reminds me kind of of like an avant-garde fashion look like

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like Mad Max meets sick dish you know that famous Turkish designer it's very

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like on brand with her newest editorial I've actually seen a lot of guys get

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that cut in the past few weeks oh Jesus please don't call me on my shit it'd be

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so easy that's where the courts of Versailles I would be massacred I am not

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a politician just back off and give your boyfriend some much-needed attention

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ooh fuck I don't like that smirk pump the brakes fuckface oh Matthew how far

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have you gotten on that huge-ass Lego set wait really tiny dude do you have

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pictures okay crisis averted oh let's just get through this and go home oh my

106
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god that is massive what is that like the entire wizarding world

107
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oh okay yeah I'll see you on Monday bye

108
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oh hey yeah that was fun are you are you going this way yeah yeah it looks like

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we're the only ones on this side of the parking lot excellent hmm oh no hey

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don't worry Charles is a pain in the ass I honestly don't know why Matthew stays

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with him he's a catch yeah maybe if he got your hair I mean he sorry no I mean

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that was shitty of him to say I don't know why he what no I mean I I I like

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how it kind of phrase and sticks out over here shit wasted by my own

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okay yeah it's not the most flattering cut but it works on you I'm serious I

115
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honestly am and that should tell you something it's just like did you tell the

116
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barber to do it blindfolded okay I'm sorry it's just a question I it's just

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it really is pretty rough didn't I tell you time and time again how good it

118
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looked before a trim how do you get this from a trim was he wearing big foam

119
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hands was he roller skating at the same time I don't know I can't even stand

120
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still in skates are you going to sue no one would blame you I bet you just sat

121
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there didn't you he showed you the finished result and you just took it like

122
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a coward it's okay we've all been there remember when I got bangs and I tipped

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her like 30% granted that was largely my face shape and not the result of dr.

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fucking Frankenstein well I'm glad you weren't going for such a big change I

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was worried you found my advice untrustworthy yeah anyway I better get

126
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going I'm waking up early tomorrow to marathon shitty zombie movies so have a

127
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great rest of your vacation okay and walk away head held high you've got to

128
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have a fun casual conversation with your friend slash co-worker which is just

129
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always fun just generally fun and now you get a drive home filled with

130
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podcasts and a room with cozy blankets and Hulu in a hot shower I have got to

131
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wash this dress because I have definitely gotten anxiety sweats all over

132
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it wasn't tonight fun tonight was fun see how chill things are when you don't

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pain your hopes on someone else's attention hmm sorry what did what'd you

134
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say oh yeah you you remember that well I mentioned it like two months ago yeah

135
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yeah yes yeah I I would love to go I've been wanting to go again it's

136
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um it's about a two-hour drive though is that okay with you yeah well yeah I'm in

137
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it's beautiful there I can't wait to show you there's this waterfall in this

138
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cute little town with a cafe and it has an old-timey fudge shop oh we can take

139
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the trolley I'm sorry I'm getting a little spastic what'd you say cute oh uh yeah an

140
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early start would be best I can I can be up whenever are we are we carpooling or

141
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oh my god yes please all right sick um what time would you be wanting to get on

142
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the road oh yeah oh yeah that sounds great that's totally totally good

143
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totally good I'm I'm really looking forward to it oh I'll I yeah I'll see

144
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you tomorrow then I'll text you my address drive safe oh my god

145
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oh my god